/lit/ - Literature

>>16073489
>trying to write a novel
>keep using stretching his legs instead of going for a walk
how the fuck do I stop?

If you do it with confidence, you can claim it‘s your style and makes your Writing distinguishable.

>>16073535
i doubt it desu

>>16073633
Post example

>>16073639
The van stopped and the two men jumped out guns in hand.A cold morning in a deserted inner city suburb.Wind blew violently from the east which made him painfully aware how sweaty he was.Cars parked in rows.Shitty apartment complexes with broken windows.And in front of them a kebab place with kitch red neon lights and a sign translated into Arabic,broken English,broken German and Mandarin.

>>16073650
>The van stopped, two men jumping out, guns in hand.
>Violent winds blowing westwards made him painfully aware of [...]
And if the windows are broken, and the English is broken, why not break those neon lights too? You just know they flicker obnoxiously.

>>16073650
>Shitty apartment complexes
using HE and THE should be your last concern.

>>16073650
>The van stopped and the two men jumped out guns in hand.
the van stopped, two men jumped
>Wind blew violently from the east
East wind blew
there you go just got rid of two "the"
>translated into Arabic,broken English,broken German and Mandarin.
Mandarin isn't broken? Also kebab is usually of Turkish origin, why is the main language Arabic?

>>16073714
>Also kebab is usually of Turkish origin
no it's not.

>>16073714
>Also kebab is usually of Turkish origin, why is the main language Arabic?
G*rmanic spotted. Kebab is a universal in Middle Eastern culture.

>>16073700
i'm trying

>>16073745
can you please tell me the plot so i can understand what i'm critiquing.

>>16073730
>>16073733
Döner kebap, literally "rotating kebab" in Turkish, is sliced lamb, beef, or chicken, slowly roasted on a vertical rotating spit. The Middle Eastern shawarma, Mexican tacos al pastor, and Greek gyros are all derived from the Turkish döner kebab, which was invented in Bursa in the 19th century.[52] The German-style döner kebab sandwich, sometimes called simply "a kebab" in English, was introduced by Turkish immigrants in Berlin in the 1970s, and has become one of the most popular take-away foods in Germany and much of Europe. It is commonly sold by Turks, and considered a Turkish-German specialty, in Germany.[53]
When someone says kebab I usually think of doner kebab which was invented in Turkey, but I guess that called shawarma in the Middle East

>>16073769
near future cyberpunk shit set in germany, immigrant guy who does shady shit for corporation goes insane due to constant violence and drug abuse and turns on his employers

>>16073785
kebab and shawarma are different dishes.
also this is a critique thread not a food history lesson.

>>16073843
>kebab and shawarma are different dishes.
I literally said in the last sentence that it can be confusing due to the name. Also, since OP just said his shit was set in Germany I think it's more relevant than ever what type of kebab it is

>>16073836
in that case the neon lights make sense, also if i were you i'd change the broken broken broken with other thing like "a sign translated into Arabic,broken German and a glimpse of english" something like that.
also i did'nt see alot of HE or THE but if you feel like it take a couple of days improving the text a little.
overall it's decent but require a bit more work.

>>16073868
>t's more relevant than ever what type of kebab it is
you do have a point.

>>16073939
i can get creative sometimes but it falls apart a lot of the time

i think the themes are intresting at least

>>16073489
Learn to use punctuation, comma, semi colon and em dash.

>>16073939
i forgot to tell you to make him schizo if you can (not just insane if you understand what i mean)

>>16073650
>Wind blew violently from the east which made him painfully aware how sweaty he was
what exactly are you writing anon

>>16073868
Fuck off, the kebab store looks just like any other! Even if you've never set foot in that exact shop, you'll immediately feel intensely familiar from the dirty, plain, white surroundings like you've seen a hundred times before, the only color provided by the clearly unsanitary and nondescript red and yellow sauce bottles. The owner could be Turkish or Kurdish or Syrian, but what do you care? You'll bark your order, he'll understand intuitively (but not linguistically), the money, the questionable bottles, maybe the cologne, and back out. It's always the same, fuck you.

>>16074009
The violent eastern wind raped his face

>>16074034
>The owner could be Turkish or Kurdish or Syrian, but what do you care?
Not even a Turk, but to call them unsanitary is factually incorrect. Have fun with feces in your Yuro restaurants

>>16073489
don't bother stopping, just write a shit draft, edit out later

>>16073988
you will get better once you figure out a style you like also check >>16073990 if english isn't your first language.
the theme is intresting but require alot of work to nail it.
i truly hope you write a bestseller, and don't forget about us when you make it.

>>16074083
>Turks in Turkey washing their hands more often than Europeans in Europe means the average kebab shop is sanitary
PLEASE take a course in statistical inference

>>16074103
>PLEASE take a course in statistical inference
I have actually. I'm calling your bluff. State your claim, or walk forever in shame for being a pseudo-intellectual.

>>16074103
doesn't the heat kill all the germs.

>>16074093
>if english isn't your first language.
So navtive speakers do not need to learn to punctuate properly? OPs writing lacks punctuation and punctuation is one way to solve his issues with reliance on HE and THE. What does ESL have to do with anything? I can not figure out your logic.

>>16074123
>or walk forever in shame for being a pseudo-intellectual.
my sides, holy based.

>>16074093
>and don't forget about us when you make it.
I wonder how many anons were here before they made it, but are too embarassed to even mention this place

>>16074141
english isn't my first and i used to rely a lot on commas and semi colons but it got too scuffed

>>16074141
>So navtive speakers do not need to learn to punctuate properly
i meant if he wants to improve his Writing his punctuation should be on point, english isn't my first language so i sufer from that and i thought maybe he does as well.

>>16074211
I thought i could just write it all out and edit it later but the writting feels too stiff

i posted my writting once here too and everyone called me a Thomas Pynchon rip off

>>16074234
>I thought i could just write it all out and edit it later but the writting feels too stiff
That is what you are supposed to do, write and then rewrite and revise until you get it. It is a lot of work and sometimes you may spend weeks on a single paragraph, but that is what it takes.

>>16074234
>I thought i could just write it all out and edit it later
i think you should write and edit at the same time then do a quick review when you are finished to see if you misspelled a word or want to change a thing or two.

there is literally nothing wrong with using he and they

>>16074346
>i think you should write and edit at the same time
Never, ever do this. This is based on both studies I've read and my own experience, brain is good at doing one thing at a time, don't switch tasks. When you're writing, keep writing while the juice flows. Once you're done, preferably after taking a break, maybe even tomorrow glance at your writing with a fresh perspective and then only edit.

>>16074372
i'm speaking from my own experience.

>>16074343
>>16074346
i tried that but i just get stuck and then i re-read my writting and it all feels so fucking stiff and lifeless

>>16074421
i haven't checked out this chart but here maybe it will help you a bit.

>>16074438
>there's billions of books on writing
Just write, anon, how hard could it be? You don't need an instruction manual.

>>16073650
Why do ESLs never put a space after periods?

>>16074465
>an instruction manual
not a manual but to see different takes on writting thats all.

>>16074421
That is the point of the rewriting and revision, identify what you like and dislike, build on the good and rework the bad. The first draft is just a elaboration on the outline, it is not meant to be good, just fills in the bits and pieces which the outline lacks. Next drafts refines the language and structure. Final draft polishes everything off. It may take a dozen drafts, it may take one, but if you are unwilling to suffer through your first draft and do what it takes to take it to a final draft you will never get anywhere with writing.

>>16074438
Struck and White is mostly garbage, it can be useful but only if you have a good grasp on language already. Best to repalce it with Oxford's Modern English Grammar.

Also, do not rely on a single dictionary, they can be had cheap used or many programs like StarDict can load and display the results from many dictionaries. Use a thesaurus as an extention of the dictionary, as a way to better understand a word, not as a way to find words.

>>16074546
im gonna do that,thanks anon