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/lit/ - Literature

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File: 15 KB, 321x428, mirror-reflection-in-sphere2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1602306 No.1602306 [Reply] [Original]

In the temple of judgment, stands a mirror in dejection,
Its tainted glass, said runes, to echo only perfection.
Few would dare to muse upon their reflection,
And eons since, it birthed only hate and rejection

Many so wise and courageous, accomplished men,
Stood in front boldly but all in vain,
Not a single wisp of an image,not even a grain,
The mirror drove men with jealousy insane.

So then came a day the wise all said,
"'tis is proper that the mirror doth fade,
For without blemish naught here is made"
Thus ended their quest and the mirror lay dead.

>> No.1602316

If this is OC, it's good. Not pro, but good concept. Enjoyed reading.

>> No.1602323
File: 28 KB, 266x400, Self Made Man.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1602323

He stood, upright and silent,
He faced the glass that was dark.
For the bleakness now faded of its screen...
And the mirror shimmered and bade him hark.

"Know you not, that perfection is myth?
Of intangible thought made living blithe?
Why await what does not exist?
Why waste youth for an unmade tryst?"

"True," he quoth, "It is verity you quote.
For, the perfect eludes the lowliest palpable mote.
But the pursuit of it, without import is not,
For I am set to change for what I sought."

"For the perfection methinks is apropos change,
To be in accord with what I range,
Perfect is the best of what I own,
And the strife to evolve from what was sown"

And the mirror satisfied, declared in gravest of tone,
"Behold O' mortal the vision of perfection unknown."

And the image now clear,conjured out of air,
He saw his imitation perfect, not less, not more fair.

>> No.1602325

>>1602316
Its OC. Thanks.

>> No.1602354

pretty cute

>> No.1602359
File: 17 KB, 400x343, 1299023737600.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1602359

>>1602354
>cute

Hnnnnnngghh

>> No.1602368

>>1602359
onionring is a uptight bitch, ignore her.

>> No.1602371

>>1602368
Between you and me, I don't think she meant any harm. Its just that I dislike the word 'cute'.

>> No.1602378

>>1602371
just between /lit/ and I, was trolling you. she's a freaky lesbian doing philosophy. probably the same reason the other older student on this board is a transvestite. and d&e used to be a angsty fuck or so he said. philosophy majors lol.

>> No.1602379

>>1602368
The two of you are the worst tripfags on 4chan. Stop continuing a petty arguement that no one cares about into unrelated threads.

OP: pretty good, I'm just not a fan of the quadruple rhyme scheme.

>> No.1602383

>>1602379

>he didn't notice OP is JamesBond

although I agree on both points.

>> No.1602415

Hmm I think it's significantly better than most poems posted here. The idea behind it is quite nice. But putting old-fashioned words like 'quoth' is not being poetic. It's a word I hate, but I would call that pretentiousness. I also get the impression that the rhyme scheme is dictating the content a little too much. I can't really feel much meter or rhythm in your poem but that's a technical aspect which I don't know much about. I would say keep your idea, but rewrite it in more modern language with more focus on flow and use a less restricting rhyme scheme. Keep it up Mr Bond.

>> No.1602433

>>1602415
I will. Any further suggestions are welcome.

>> No.1602470

You should post this shit in karmacritic man. It's good.

>> No.1602496
File: 123 KB, 1068x600, okay.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1602496

>>1602371
>I dislike the word 'cute'.
typical sciduck

>> No.1602506

>>1602496
>typical girl.

>> No.1602510

>>1602378
you are the most broken person here so you shouldn't be talking hsit

>> No.1602598

Bumping for relevance to the board.

>> No.1602611

>>1602598
>implying the diary-entry ravings of maladjusted tripfriends are relevant to this board

>> No.1602613

>>1602598
>>1602470
second

>> No.1602848

>>1602613
Thirded.

>> No.1602871

thanks OP, now I have a submission for a poetry competition

leave your mail here so I can inform you how well it did in about a month

>> No.1602885

I think you're rhyme scheme is letting you down.

>> No.1602887

>>1602871
lol'd

>> No.1602889
File: 4 KB, 126x95, 1292177644682.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1602889

you're that faggot with with three phds...right?

>> No.1603798

>>1602871
Stop that fucking shit you moron. Hey, OP. Put this thing into your blog or something so they can trace it to you.

>> No.1603844

I don't understand it. I can't comprehend

>> No.1603846

>>1603844
Perfection is not a state. Its a process.

>> No.1603859

this is shit

>> No.1603858

>>1603846

How can one compare two processes, until they have finished and a state of being can be seen?

>> No.1603864

>>1603859

that's what the doctor said when you were born

>> No.1603940

>>1603859
Unwarranted criticism.

>> No.1604006

Should I feel bad for liking this?

>> No.1604100

>>1604006
Yes. OP is a tripfiend. Atleast he's not Tybrax, Stagolee, Brownbutthole or that obnoxious Fabulous.

>> No.1604107

This is pretty bad dude. I'm sorry.

Lot's of awkward archaic language. Little imagery.

Unless you were trolling:

In which case: good on ya.

>> No.1604111

Doesn't really have any flow to it. Feels clumsy.

>> No.1604121

Here's a tip if you're not trolling.

Modern poets/critics/etc will trash your "perfection" idea. It's incredibly vague. What kind of perfection? Is there even such a thing as perfection? I don't think you'd get away with using the word "perfect" at all . . . unless you did something amazing with it.

Also: you'll also get trashed for writing didactic poetry.

That said, I'm happy you're writing in form.

>> No.1604128

>tis is

wat