/lit/ - Literature

>>15886033
I think I’ve only ever made bad decisions. It’s just human nature, unfortunately. Hope you can overcome it, bro.

> computer programmer
> wageslave
> in fucking Singapore of all places

not even believable, someone with your fictitious qualifications would be at 300k starting any job I want tier

>>15886116
Made 92k last year, that is Singapore dollars too.

>>15886116
Fuck all in Singapore.

>>15886137
That's about 60k per year. That's well above average income, not wageslaving

>>15886033
How do you willingly wageslave for years?

I'm 20 and the thought of doing the same routine for a few weeks gets me restless.

>>15886146
Wageslaving isn't about how much money you make

How do you make enough to live comfortably without wageslaving? I did it for three years and I hate it, currently trying to find another way to work.

>>15886146
60k USD is absolutely wageslaving

>>15886033
regret is here to stay anon-kun
>pic related

>>15886033
i would have thought that the number one regret of the dying would be i wish i wasn't dying

>>15886143
singapore is a pretty fun place. very high quality of life despite all their famous laws
it's also a gateway to the rest of asia

>>15886033
writers are also "wage slaves". except for a lucky few, most writers don't make enough money just from writing. even in your story one of the writers also works at a university. this is common. writers don't generally do it out of the goodness of their hearts.

>>15886303
well he sounds like a fun person

>>15886181
If you can work a few years and save enough to live for more years (or move in your shithole and live without working for decades), then it's the opposite of slaving.

>>15886347
>an honest man has no friends
sort of applicable here

>>15886033
What do you plan to do next, OP?

>>15886341
>>15886210
My salary was enough for not luxurious but comfortable life. However, I didn't enjoy my work, hence felt like slaving. I would be much happier making living by writing, even if it was shittier life.

STOP READING WHITE MEN
START READING WOMEN AND BLACK MEN

THANK ME LATER!

>>15886320
Singapore is not as fun as it might seem at first. It's a tiny place and gets old very quickly. Yeah, quality of life on paper is good, but I would say SEA has much better places to live and enjoy life.

>>15886376
I have little bit of savings, so I think I will spend a year or so writing and see where it goes. If it doesn't go anywhere I can find a coding job in Singapore, Malaysia or here.

O now, as any other spot in time,
Its victims has: the blindly bold, the tame,
The aged – all are ticked off on the list.
The wheel was spun, and these our years have lost;
So we, convicted by the sundial’s ban
Of the connived-at sin of being born,
Must by this order pack to travel light
Without the map that always comes too late.

>>15886435
nice poem, who is author?

>>15886486
Philip Larkin

>>15886210
Where do you draw the line? 60k is enough for a very nice life

>>15886033
What if this was meant to happen? What would be your course of action then? What would you take from this experience to transfigure it into something meaningful?

I mean, if your post is true, yes you do.
why would you spurn the gifts of such a generous group of people who clearly loved you very much? I feel like there is either a lot more to the story or you’re just terribly ungrateful...
sorry anon. hope you can hang your circumstance based on what you’ve learned

>>15886350
Indeed, and if you earn in Singapore and earn a lot of money you can easily move to Malaysia or Thailand after a few years and live very cheap and maybe buy a few apartments and rent the out on airbnb.

>>15886538
i guess i think of it more as a tradeoff of quality of word vs. compensation.
If you're working a shit job and many hours and getting paid 60k, I'd absolutely say that's wageslaving. In the same circumstances but at, say, 100k, it's slightly more bearable. Of course, this is all location and individual-specific. I just know for me, I would consider it slavery to work a shit job for 40 or more hours a week at 60k to be wageslavery. I would feel slightly less so at 100k, as I would eventually be in a better position to buy my freedom, as it were. Again, specific to location and individual.
On the other hand, working for 40k a year doing something you enjoy, no matter the hours, wouldn't be wage slavery. Even 30k, 20k if you can sustain yourself and be happy with that.

>>15886033
>>I reject everything and go to Singapore study CS

one thing i will never understand about anglos is their asian fetish, truly disgusting

>>15887037
I'm not anglo.

>>15886033
You had a better shot at creative fulfillment than almost anyone on the planet. What, at the time, led you to throw it away?

>>15886583
>>15887195

There is not much to do add. I could add how they shared great stories from their lives, how they read long quotes, poems, favorites from passages. They encouraged me to write daily, call me and insist that I join their dinner every day. I could go on forever and you are right, I was terribly ungrateful. I was 19, in Central Asia, got scholarship at NTU and was excited to go to Singapore and see the world, but that doesn't change much. Once in Singapore I got drawn in a student life. I have so many bitter regrets. I should have replied to their emails and kept in touch with them. I should have continued writing, they told me so many times to not stop... Should have taken writing and literature classes at my university. Heck, one of my girlfriends had English literature as minor, she even asked me once if I want to take it as minor... Fuck, I could spend summers with them, instead of traveling in Europe and SEA... Last 3 years in Singapore I contemplated returning back for a long time, but was too embarrassed to face them. Finally I made it but once back here I quickly realized nothing can be as before and I will need to live with this forever.

>>15887159
you act like one

>>15887037
Why the anglo obsession?

>>15887436
why the anglo submission?

>wish that I'd let myself be happier
Such inane psychobabble. Do these people even know what they mean when they say such things?

>>15887318
well, I think that you've really made a big mistake, but at least you have the depth to realize this. regretting your childhood ingratitude is actually a pretty adult problem to have (many who could experience what you have might not even realize the errors of their ways, for example) and you will likely be a better person for all of this, but it's hard to say how much you can make up for it irl without actually knowing you...
still: I imagine this group of people is much more mature than you are, and probably understand more than you think they do. things will never be the same, but this has always been true. it's painful to face it all, but it would be even more painful to hide and let your regrets build. this is all a lot of platitudinous shit, but I think you get my point...

>>15886033
The top five regrets shit is biased because she only asked successful bourgeois ppl on their death bed. I bet if she asked stoner dropouts on their deathbed they'd say they wished they worked harder, majored in something better, or didn't waste years smoking weed, etc.

>>15886116
The idea that every programmer in the world is making top tier SV wages is retarded. The average salary for programmers ranges between 70 and 125. Just because some goofy recruiter tried to get you on their spamlist with some fake 250k job doesn't have anything to do with the actual salaries people earn.

>>15886566
>What would you take from this experience to transfigure it into something meaningful?

not every episode in life can be "transfigured into something meaningful" in an uplifting sense. sometimes the meaning is that you royally fucked up and can never go back or fix it. maybe you can be wise and look at your failures with equanimity but that doesn't change the brutal fact of what happened.

You could've equally ended up regretting sticking with writing and not doing CS but you didn't choose that route so now the path not taken is able to be imagined and idealized. Imagine your alternate reality self writing this same thing about not following through with CS.

>>15887669
Not exactly equivalent; OP wasn't getting correspondence from CS professors proclaiming his aptitude for the field. OP, if you're not bullshitting, you very clearly have a degree of talent. Find some way to write, and try to contact one of the people in Europe or America, it doesn't matter, they probably know someone where you live still, or will emplore you to publish in English.

“I wish I weren’t dying” didn’t even crack the top five?

>>15887722
Unironically the best post ITT.

>>15887722
jesus, fuck off, for once in your damn life

>>15887508
They mean that happiness is internal, not external. You can control (to a certain degree) how happy you are.

>>15887742
But she's right. Imagine having cancer and thinking not "i don't want to be permanently annihilated" or "i don't want to go to hell" or not even "my tummy hurts", but the stuff from the oppic.

>>15887779
She right? She making a dumb joke to derail the only interesting thread on /lit/, you must be one of those new fags

>>15887840
It's a nonlit blogposting.

>>15887858
>Buh its the ONLY interesting thread!
Maybe he’s OP

>>15887858
I think you need to read OP again, he’s forlorn from wasting his chances at a literary lifestyle. are aspiring musicians not allowed to post on /mu/?

>>15887869
maybe you're just a fucking tired attention whore and many anons on this mongolian basket weaving imageboard have the pics to confirm this?

>I should have worn a mask like Dr. Fauci said

How is that not top three?

>>15887886
OP is an attention whore too.
Life regrets. We all have them. Move on, try to do better. Get back to writing or whatever else brings you pleasure. Epicureanism etc.
You are not allowed to post or keep my pictures. Please delete them.

And it’s gone; sorry OP I genuinely hope you overcome your struggles and start writing again.

Also
>>15887886
Definitely a hint of areola in bottom left. nice fat titties butterbitch, when’s the last time they had a squeeze?

>>15887913
>you are not allowed
I’ve got the one of you stretching in your pink panties on my comp back home. If you ever get drunk and want to send some to me personally lmk, I’ll probably be lurking /lit/

>>15887926
Is not

>>15887946
I’ve also got the one of you in your gray T-shirt with your nipples visible. srsly, just shout out, I see mos today your posts anyway

>>15886033
Just reading this post enrages me. Please be a troll.

>>15887913
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE

>>15886033
I am unironically going to kill myself in the first week of august. I can get hold of medical morphine and will go out into the countryside and take a large overdose. It's a long way down to the very bottom, don't become like me bros.

>>15886399
I followed your advice and now I'm violent and ungrateful and hyper emotional! Help! Help while I still have my self-awareness cos I can feel that slipping away too!

>>15888504
START READING FORTUNE COOKIES

THANK ME LATER

OP here. I changed my name midway in the thread. I was just feeling down and wanted to share my feelings somewhere. This thread unironically helped me to sort out my feeling. I realized that I feel so bad partly because I lost mentors, partly because I ruined my relationship with great people, but mostly of nostalgia of that summer. Nevertheless, I will try to do what I can in current situation. I will try to contact writers in US and Europe, not because I expect anything from them, but because I owe it. When I was 19 I didn't think of writing seriously, I didn't think of it as a career, as a living. Now, I decided that i want to be a writer, with them or without them, and I will start writing today and do what I can to improve my writing. I have some ideas, some plots, it's not like I'm completely helpless. So thanks all anons, even those who tried to derail it.

>>15886116
ELON!

GOING TO MARS!

BASED TRUMP SPACE PROGRAM!

MOAR SCIENCE!

>>15888740
Glad to hear it, OP.

>>15888487
hope you change your mind friend. What went wrong if you don't mind saying?

>>15888937
It took me a long time to work out exactly what was wrong with me but I have basically spent about 12 years lashing out at having had a very stressful childhood and so then making terrible decisions and self-sabotaging and destroying all of my family/intimate relationships and so on. I fully squandered all of my potential, deliberately so, and there are certain things you can never come back from. I'm basically going to be giving myself the abortion my mother should have done. I'm sorry to bring your thread down, you don't need to reply. Cheers.

>>15889407
You can still come back from any of that. Find a little place to live and try to relax and be a different person.

A book with autobiographic elements could work in your favour anon. In my opinion, great works need life experience and suffering to be beautiful. I'm sick of 20-something year olds writing novels anyway, around 30 seems to be the right age for peak literature

>>15888781
>starts having sex with men
>immediately hits the wall

How can you still worship her, knowing she lets a slippery veiny penis slide in and out of her yoni? Imagine if she said you can lick her pussy, but only after he pumps her full of his masculine seed. Would you dive into that creampie to taste vag again Butterfly?

>>15889487
>try to relax and be a different person

Lmao thanks for the great advice!

>>15889407
I'm replying as your thoughts are similar to the one's I've had much of my life. What has helped is unironically getting away from the world for a week or so straight. I just picked a spot on a map, drove to the location with my dog, then biked deep into the woods with only a backpack of basic supplies. Not sure why but this made me forget every problem of the world besides survival. Small accomplishments made me happy and I loved spending time beside my dog. After the time was up, I made up my mind to aspire to something I found meaningful.

I can't say this will work for you, but maybe try one last adventure and if you want to end it afterwards then so be it. That said, I don't mean to dismiss the suffering you've experienced. This is just what worked for me and I had a lot of suffering through my life and childhood as well.

>>15889882
Thank you for your reply. My suicide plan involves biking out into the (English) wilderness so maybe I could do six days of camping beforehand lol. Genuinely thank you for replying to me.

>>15887722
It must be a regret, not a wish. If they pranced around in Chernobyl then maybe you'd be making sense.

>>15890021
You should absolutely have a large dose of clean MDMA. I believe it is the best medicine against depression, it will help you forgive yourself.

>>15890396
I have done this several times (but not for a couple of years). I do know how useful it can be. What I really would have needed to do was to take it with my parents but I don't think that ever would have happened haha.

>>15886033

>>15886033
number 1:
dying

I generally find regret to be a waste of thought. It doesn't change the past and the future cannot be changed -- it is whatever it's going to be.

That's not to say be a zombie, but regret just seems to me as something not worthwhile.

>>15886033
reincarnate and repeat
reincarnate and repeat
reincarnate and repeat
soul iseternal