/lit/ - Literature

What's On Your Mind

how do i stop?

>>15807491
Don't try to go cold turkey, it'll just make it worse because you are still addicted. You are going to have to rewire. Slowly work your way down. If you watch extreme shit, then work your way to normal porn, then softcore, then erotic photos, then clothed pics of girls, then your imagination, finally fap without any stimulus. You don't have to go all the way down, just stop where you want to be.

>tfw no qt intellectual Jewish gf to make hybrid Aryan super babies with
Why live bros

>>15807554
I'm not even watching porn in that sense, this is just physically debilitating

>>15807682
>>15807562
>>15807554
>>15807491
>>15807459
>>15807430

Fucking JEW

>>15807715
I still think she's cute

>>15807715
10/10 would breed and start loving family with

I don’t know what kind of mood I’m in. It may be loneliness, but I’m also antsy to have something exciting happen to me. I’m not sure what kind of thing it needs to be, it could be boldly joining a conversation with strangers downtown, or having some profound mystical insight come over me like a saint. Or simpler, a good film, or a musician that plays something which is exactly descriptive of my current mood. As I type this out I’m realizing that it is a loneliness, but not really for social connections so much as a creative landscape that I can dwell in like a home. I think I’ve gotten past wanting people to understand me, and I do know a good amount of art that I relate to as well, but I think I want to be transported someplace where the world itself gets me. Kind of like an expressionist painting if that makes sense. If I’m grey so are the chairs and birds, but I don’t know if grey would be ideal. Actually I don’t know if I want any of that at all.

I want to go to the Orthodox Church to learn about it, but I’m worried about being seen as an outsider.
furthermore I don’t know if I believe 100%.

>>15807724
>>15807715

bad taste it is then !

>>15807430
how to life?

i have 16k liquid cash. what should i spend it on? also, recommend me a solitary hobby.

Man, I spend my days being in my room and wondering how I can waste my time without feeling too miserable. Hasn't worked that well yet.
I open a book, force myself to read 20 pages, then put it down again.I actually kind of like the story, but reading feels like such a chore. It's so tiresome. I feel stupid for not reading any more than 1 (one) chapter a day. Then I watch anime and play braindead multiplayer vidya. Even though I do so little, time seems to go by extremely fast. So fast to the point where it feels like I don't have time to do anything even though I do.
I want to be productive but I always end up wondering if being productive just for the sake of it is actually meaningless. That lifestyle coach on yt sure did have some good advice. I bet he fucks all the Staceys. The lemons life gives you when you're not born with the face of an orc from lord of the rings...
I just don't know what real productivity feels like, you know? I know that someday I want to do something creative professionally - whether it's making movies, music, writing or whatever, but I just can't bring myself to actually do anything. Every time I start something it begins to feel pointless and I fall back to this endless consumer lifestyle again.
I feel like I need some kind of institution that gives me goals to achieve so I can be satisfied with myself... COLLEGE - yes, that's it, I need to go to college! But for what? What should I study? Well I am interested in philosophy and literature, but that doesn't pay. But what about studying filmmaking, arts or music? Nah, too expensive and only a fraction of people will ever make it. STEM? Too boring (and not enough pussy hahaha kek).
Hmm I wonder then what else I can stu- oh what is this? Holy moly, is that... another video essay about the effects of late stage capitalism on mental health?! NEED WATCH NOW! CLICK! CLICK!

>>15808421
Buy some nice leather boots
Good clothes
Nice bedding
A good bike
Running shoes
Well made sunglasses
A good lamp
A nice rug
Some fine cutlery
A night out in some new city
>solitary hobby
Bee yourself (:

>>15807430
i want to have sex.

>>15808515
and I want a gf

I'm way too hyper conscious of my body and appearance. I'll hopefully be able to reduce the things that make me dysphoric
>Facial hair
>Hairline
>Too big nose
>Cleft chin
>Brow ridge
It won't be cheap, but I hate looking like a subhuman maleoid.

Testosterone is literally poison that kills cuteness

>>15808507
very cozy advice anon. do you know where i could find some well-made, basic, respectable clothes?

I work as a rode operator at an amusement park, so I get to do a lot of people-watching. You get a lot of average and ugly people, but I also get to see more cute girls than I think I ever would if I wasn't working here. Sometimes I think about complimenting them, saying something like "Hey cool backpack" or "nice glasses frames" or "that's a good shirt." Actually just today I came in for the PM shift to relieve the person working the ride for the AM shift and it was a cute short girl with freckles and dirty brown blonde hair tied into a pony tale and she was wearing round frame wire glasses that really complimented her face. She had some accent that was unplaceable, european? Maybe germanic? There's so many people employed at this place that it isn't uncommon that you'll only see a coworker once. Anyways while I was trading shifts with her I didn't really say anything, but I kept thinking of telling her I liked her glasses but I ultimately didn't. I feel like me complimenting someone might seem like an insult, I'm worried they'll feel disgusted that I had any passing interest in them. It's depressing how much I dwell on this stuff.

>>15808568
kys

>>15807430
I hate niggers

>>15808568
Why would you want to be cute, are you a fucking child?

>>15808786
>>15808798
Imagine not wanting to be cute. What type of person would turn out like that? Wanting to be an adult is actually an extremely immature thing to do

>>15808772
I feel the same desu.
working at an amusement park sounds like a lot of fun though. /out/ jobs in general are really nice.
idk why but that painting reminded me of this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Y35_3fR4BM

>current year
>a job that requires a bachelors degree and 2+ years of experience may or may not even pay enough to live
>>15807715
hivemind, its' the first thing i saw

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>15807430
the cereals im eating right now are soo fucking good, oh my god!

>>15809310
Why do people think 'a bachelors degree and 2+ years of experience' is a significant amount of time? that's like nothing.

>>15809500
>6 years of your life and 60k in expenses is nothing
My parents' generation could afford to support a family on one income and buy a house with just a high school diploma.

>>15808421
gold and silver

>>15809548
Your parents' generation lived during a unprecedented boom period, no political or social change will ever bring that level of prosperity back.

>>15807430
I read an article about the experience of having an identical twin written by a millennial woman. This made me think about the cliche where two siblings grow up under completely different environments but find one another and share certain characteristics. I started pondering how one could write an interesting story about a pair of twins. I pictured the opening scene a funeral, one twin mourning the lost of their other half. I think a theme that could be thoroughly explored with this plot is the ideation of the self versus one's place in a community. The relationship between the twins would be an allegory to the relationship an individual has with a community. or something like that it just poped in my head idk.

>>15807430
how long will it be until i am forced to give up all my freedom of control to the government, and will the proles ever rise?

>>15809548
And your grandparents worked down the mines to afford a one-room house.

>>15808568
you can either be a chad or a tranny, right now your leaning toward tranny.

>>15809601
not much different then this day and age

>>15809620
If you ignore how ridiculously affordable furnishing, clothing and food is today, sure.

I hate my life as it is now, but I'm very hesitant to just drop it and go do something else because I don't want to deface my resume. I've spent so many years doing stupid stuff just so I can have a credible, normal-person-looking resume; I don't want to waste all that work on impulse.

I hate all the politics on this board. Bros, we could be at each other’s throats in some dumb politics thread, which Is all a larp no matter what side we are on, and then best of friends having a great discussion about Moby Dick in another thread. Which one of those is more valuable? Shouldn’t we, as a minority of people who care about literature, band together in our common interest instead of go at each other about topics that are ostensibly for normies?

>>15809661
I agree.

I wish there were more atmospheric shooters like s.t.a.l.k.e.r. I know this isn’t really lit related but I can’t stop wishing that I had the talent to remedy this. Maybe I could write a story though.

>>15809611
That's not true, you could be neither and live solely for yourself in stark opposition to the forced performance of gender and the metaphorical castration of self expected of you. You could have the will to abide by only what you choose and not to appease the other who will never ultimately give you that critical actualization that only you yourself can achieve.

To the one who posted about being cute, ask yourself whether you should be cute for the sake of others or whether it is central to the fulfillment of your desires and your ego, for it is the ego of oneself that must come before all else if one is to truly be a chad.

>>15809601
My grandpas shuffled papers in army bases during WWII and used the GI Bill to dab their way effortlessly through life.

I never asked to be born. What a bunch of fucking bother. I have to do all this work to stay alive and I don't even enjoy being alive. Meanwhile my meatsuit slowly ages and decays over the years and then I'll be ugly and in pain all the time and get health problems I somehow have to pay to get fixed. And either I don't have money and can't pay my bills, or I have enough money and don't know what to do with it. There's nothing I want.

Even eating, sleeping, showering, etc every day is such a fucking bother. And expenses. Holy fuck life is so expenses. I have at least $60 a day in expenses including rent etc. and for what? Do I get $60 of value out of a day of life? I'm not even having a good time.

Books are the only thing I enjoy, and I only barely enjoy them more than, say, laying in bed staring at the wall.

>>15809854
woman post

>>15809854
lift. retain semen. learn scriabin. grow up.

I've never been in a relationship with a girl who I thought I could actually speak my mind to. I'm starting to think it's impossible.

>>15809646
What is there even to do right now? At least if you go off and want to come back you can blame the gap in your resume on coronavirus.

i love my bf so much

>>15810263
I really want to go do some volunteering in a horrible Third-World country or something along those lines. Or maybe go live in a monastery.

My life is really fucking boring. Wake up, work, sleep, and repeat. I'm so sick of it, every day is worse than the last. Everyone else I know is always happy and living an amazing life whilst mine is literally horrible.

I really want to get away from society and away from the endless void of modern life. I'm seriously thinking of either going north, buying a shack, and living out my life there; only going to society for supplies. Or becoming a monk in some third world country like Nepal or Bhutan. I know the language so it shouldn't be too fucking hard right?

>>15808530

>>15810296
I would just do it - but it's not like you are even going to have the chance to do so for at least another year. Those types of places are going to be slow to open their borders. Gives you time to mull it over I guess.

It's the same time of year as that time six years ago I was in a treehouse with a girl at seventeen. I only held her for the length of a Sufjan Stevens song on a shitty tinny phone speaker but the sheer force of adolescence meant I felt more than then I've felt with most of the women I've slept with. I miss the breeze outside and the uncertainty and the excited silence.

The local thrift shops are not taking any books and the idea of trashing them makes me feel funny. Looks like I'm a justified hoarder now.

>>15810335
Perhaps I should. But, on the other hand, at the end of it I'll inevitably be back where I was a few years ago, low on money and desperately looking for a job. I guess the sunk-cost fallacy is also operating; I spent so much time, effort and money accruing qualifications and awards and other junk that it seems a shame to undercut all of that by voluntarily putting a big hole in my resume.

>>15810331
Have you considered applying to the Peace Corps? Obviously they're not operating right now, but, you know.

>>15807430
I'm thinking of creating flyers titled 'Return to Sanity. End SJW' around my town. I feel like the conservative Boomers would eat that up. Thoughts?

>>15810377
What would be the point?

>>15810357
I'm not American so no. I live in Canada, so that's why I'm thinking of just living some place in the rural north.

>>15810391
Ah, that's too bad.

>>15807430
Everything is so fucking tedious

>>15808643
Yeah, just look up small and/or local brands esoecially if handmade or bespoke

>>15807430
I want to kill myself so much but it would upset my parents too much.

>>15810041
>learn scriabin
based

>>15807430
I'm pretty content, if I'm being honest. I got into a really good college that's giving me a lot of money in scholarships (to the point where my single mom will be able to pay for all of it upfront), and even though I'm deferring my acceptance by a year because of covid, I'll just spend my gap year taking community college classes and online courses about stuff I'm genuinely interested in, working on my book, hanging out with my friends who are going to colleges close to home, and trying to get past third base with a girl for another year. I've actually been pretty productive over the quarantine: I've started reading again and it's really gratifying because I'd forgotten how much more superior literature is to all other mediums of petty entertainment. I've been getting into the stock market too and it's actually surprisingly interesting. I've also been talking to this cute Asian chick, life's pretty chill right now, which is nice after four years of just worrying about school and college and not being able to pay for college and inconsequential little shit you worry about in high school. Just wish I could go outside more and see my friends but I have hope that this shit's going to be resolved (and I hope it is because my mom has really bad asthma and I can't risk her getting it). Thanks for reading my faggy introspection

i just want to read. or leaern. or do something else weith my spare time.i cant believe i let myself become a SCROOOOOOOOOOOOOOLer. i was rid of this curse at one point but i wasted the opportunity and got sucked back in. i just want to stop scrolling already. make it stop.

Trash trash trash, fucking trash all around. Throw me in the can and let the sea wash me away.
Fuck, what’s the point of hating so much? Impotent rage is worthless at the end of the day. I don’t even have anything to channel it towards.

>>15810621
love and support brother we can kick this together

>>15809854
>have at least $60 a day in expenses including rent etc.
Wtf are you spending shit on? Is this Australian or Canadian or some other retarded dollar? I chainsmoke and my daily expenses don't match that shit.

>>15810881
probably has some absurd SUV on lease

Just wrote this short story please review:
"Orlando, dear, come to bed."
The tan man sitting at the workbench in the next room over didn't look up from his room.
"I'll be in in a bit."
Another turn of the screw here, sliding the shaft through the slot there.
"Honey, please. I've got a surprise for you."
He lowered the stigma core and sighed. "Can it wait."
She sat at the edge of the bed in her pink, tight lingerie, and through up her hands. "Nevermind. There is no surprise." She got up and shut the door.
"Finally." Orlando said. He cradled over the stigma core a little longer, knowing that he'd move out to the garage shortly. If he got up too quick, and left, it might seem like he was mad at her, as if it would acknowledge that he was just waiting to get away from her, rather than him being in the middle of something important.
The stigma capacitor was a chrome, oil-dappled gizmo. A cube, pregnant with a sphere of glass and surrounded by a cage of metal pylons. The contraption was topped with a tesla coil, it stood cylindrically like the top of a bobber. He placed a small taser to the tip of the coil and the glass orb pulsed to life, humming quietly, then groaned dead when he removed the current.
"Perfect." he said, and transfered to the garage.
Outside his garage, a burglar struck at the door with a crowbar. Orlando was like "Shiet" and grabbed his gun and just blasted the fucker. After he cleaned up the body, he got back to work on the space ship. The best way to go about doing the spaceship, Orlando thought, was to work on one thing until you got bored, then switch. That was the beautiful thing about a spaceship. There were so many moving parts, so many little boxes to check off his list, that it never bored him.
It was always in his mind that building a rocket, a small, comfortable rocket, with a small dome for the head to peak through and the thick aerodynamic body to lift him off, would be the greatest feat a man could achieve. Idling cozily along above the town, talking into the ham radio that he'd have mounted to the dashboard, telling his friends how insignificant they looked down below. Not knowing how to properly build a rocket is what drew Orlando the most, nor having any knowledge of rocket science, made it all the greater.
Also Orlando had a dog that always followed him around, a small Jack Russell Terrier named Eddie. Like the Frasier dog. Hell it is the Frasier dog, he robbed the grave then reanimated it through a seance or some shit.

>>15810912
pt. 2
But the thing that was best about not exacty knowing how to build a rocket, nor not knowing anything else about rocketry, was the total autonomy of it all. He figured that all the fins should probably be the same size and weight, otherwise it would veer of course, so he used a band saw to carve out some wood. It required three 4x4 posts, and he drew a rough sketch of how he thought a rocket fin should look; it was a rounded shape like a curling wave. He drew lines vertically on the paper four inches apart and cut three of the posts to match each segment. Then he glued them together and let them dry overnight.
In the bedroom, Orlando's wife climaxed to a video of copulation she had streaming on the television, then shut off the tv and the lights and turned over to sleep. The cat hopped up in bed and curled around at her feet.
He took some three vats, sawed off the bottoms, and welded them together. That was his silo. In here he'd pour some concrete for stability, let it sit for a few days. Then he used a screw drill to bolt the fins on. Then he placed the stigma core (okay he did look up how to make a stigma core. A stigma core can bring you into hyperspace). He tried to launch the next day but blew up his house and everyone died.


People still talk about Orlando around these parts, saying he was probably the biggest faggot ever to live.

>>15810907
I forgot people were idiots for a minute.

It was all quiet that night, you could almost hear a pin drop. Some might call our party a bore, however we enjoy the company of fellow aristocrats.

We sat still; quietly sipping our whiskeys and staring intently into the burning fireplace; lost in thought by the sound of crackling wood. Just then, the grandfather clock chimed 12, the witching hour. From the distant corners of our carpeted floors and wooden furniture, we could hear faint fireworks and the screaming of proletariat.

At that instant, my buddy George arose from his seat and announced, almost in a whisper "Happy New year fellow bretherin!"

The lot of us were astounded by his outburst. However, we all kept our cool and nodded patronisingly and tipped our whiskey glasses in his direction. I guess that silly drunk little nitwit won't be joining us next year

>>15807430
Is having to pretend certain things harmful for our mental health?

>>15811111
Nice digits

What do you mean anon? Some examples?

>>15811134
As in I try to influence the environment I'm in to suit my needs. But this environment a lot of times involves other people, and I'm never honest with them, at least doesn't feel like I am. Sometimes I am with my mom, but that is it. But most of the time I'm just trying to manipulate her too. I can even count on my fingers the meaningful conversations I had this year, as in I being honest.

When I was in college, it was mainly acting. I just acted in a way that people would probably leave me alone most of the time. Sometimes I couldn't really control it, and it was not like I was never spontaneous. But most of it was thought. I ended up dropping out because of my own limitations, I wouldn't suit the career I was studying for. I think, it was because I don't trust myself to do a lot of things. So I tend to create an environment I can run away from them. This is bad, isn't it?

How do I let go and just create? I feel tired down and stopped. I feel like I have to conform to whatever it is in order to move forward. I can never fully make something without clawing it back and going a safer, more established route.

I want to create but my own walls are hampering me. I don't know how to tear them down.

This girl on the picture has a big but beautiful nose.

God dammit, life is so unyielding. It is so upsetting.

I want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to dieI want to die. I want to die

The funniest thing is that the older I get the less I enjoy everything. The world is becoming more lackluster every day and I totally get understand what DFW means when he says it feels like you're being pushed toward an edge with a fire burning before you.

Despite all this, I still try. And I try with everything I have, every time. And every time, I fall and fail. But I still try. Why?

>>15811472
That is the point of it, anon. Life is always hard. See if you can find something new to do.

>>15811472
Because you’d rather live than die. Because you have it better than a lot of other people and should be grateful...

>>15811483
A lot has become unenjoyable.

>>15811486
I don't want to live so much as I am afraid of the plausible or possible consequences of dying.

I keep getting drunk and texting a female friend of mine really absurd and obnoxious things. The more I do it, the more I hate myself and wish to reconcile the matter, and the more reconciling I attempt to do, the worse it makes me feel. I know talking to her is a lost cause, but I every time I get drunk, I reach out to her anyway. I don’t even know what I want from her— not anymore than she does. The only solution is to stay sober long enough to get over it, and I already know that’s a lot harder than it sounds.

Fuck. Why the fuck can’t I just be fucking sober?

>>15811603
Dunno, anon. That might feel like shit but ultimately is a good thing. Recognizing a problem is a good first step. Seek professional help or something.

Just had a dream where I was back in my secondary school and was just having a chat and a laugh with my mates. Made me realise I haven't had a chat like that, or of any kind, for about two or three years now. Pretty sad and that.

>>15811472
One either tries or gives up. I have the same problem that I fail at everything I undertake, which has made me reluctant to reach out and do something that requires an actual force of will on my part; usually my life is ruled by what the "universe" deigns should happen to me. This is an extremely unsatisfying way to live, so I keep trying to enforce my Will on my life. I'm applying for a university abroad that is too good for me so I won't get in, but I will try anyway.

Giving up is always an alluring option but then you realise no-one cares or pities you. Giving up only punishes you and no-one else, only you pity yourself and no-one else.

>>15811704
I feel you, anon. In my dreams I am usually experiencing the types of thrilling engagements I used to have back when I was younger and constantly surrounded by people. School really is one of the few places where I can feel like I actually exist.

The only time I felt in love was with a girl in a dream. The residual feelings stayed for a while after I woke up. The dream happened maybe 6 years ago and I haven't had a similar dream since.

>>15811749
It’s happened to me many times before, with both women I have imagined and women I know in real life. The residual feelings are always bittersweet, but god— nothing beats having a dream like that.

>>15811603
You need to honour your desire to stay sober, you have made the first step on the long road of sobriety, every time you consider taking a drink just remember that you have already made the decision to stay sober and out of respect for yourself you have to honour that decision.
t. Three years sober

>>15811731
Ya, I've given up before and realized that nothing was going to come of it, so now I try, because I'm not ready to die I guess. What's tough is that you constantly build up this life for yourself, but the wear of life always tears it down.

I'm so tired though, and at the end of the day I am so very tired, and when I sleep and wake up, I'm still tired but I have the whole day ahead of me.

I just want it to stop.

>>15811764
I really have only just now realized and accepted this, anon. I really don’t want to have to join any AA groups or anything but if I can’t find the strength within myself to do it alone then I guess I’ll bite the bullet and see what organized efforts can offer me.

adhd ruined my life
i cant tell if im retarded or not, adhd may be gatekeeping me from my true intelligence
ruined my social life, cant hold up conversations. I cant pick up social skills because ofi t

I think things will work out in the next few days. I hope they will. All signs point to a light at the end of the tunnel but I don't want to jinx myself.

I hope y'all are doing well.

>>15808446
Go outside, it does help. Don't do shit in your room, if you want to read go to a coffee shop or something to read

>>15809664
Try Metro and Underrail

This is my attempt to describe the multicultural American spirit. The American mentality is characterized by the covert shy tendencies of the British, but obfuscated by African ebullience and noise, all to create mazes of German esoteric misdirection. The German in the American craves to create an occult of personality, he has a love of psychological and emotional obscurity, of creating and uncovering these mysteries of expression.

Whereas the Asian mentality is Confucian. He obscures his will to power in obligatory humility. In the Confucian model, humility is the precedent for power, they are one and the same: you are humble because you are powerful. Power earns one the right to be humble. In the American model, humility is also implicit to power, but never expressed aloud. Instead, self-congratuatory extroversion exist to confirm the underlying humility. Humility by itself, in the American model, looks insincere. Self-love without underlying humility is visible to the German mystical eye, and equally unlikeable. Only the combination of the three characteristics is typical and admirable.

Americans are fucking nuts. But I really think there’s something there, and if it had a thousand years to ferment alone in the sun, something really new would come out of it: something with faustian spirit and true human ebullience and communalism.

I wish I could explain it better. But I’m just an American.

>>15809342
I love you still

>>15812499
>faustian spirit
what do you mean exactly?

>>15812569
The Faustian spirit is a will to power so strong that one will trade his humanity (his soul) to attain it. It's the urge towards a transcendence that becomes synonymous with doom. Some people say it's very German.

>>15812613
So a modern version of the Faustian spirit would be akin to transhumanism then? In that case wouldn't it dissolve all human values that you speak of and create something inhuman instead?

>>15812738
Transhumanism is one of many forms of a fundamentally lost and confused modern Faustian spirit. True Faustian desire aims for transcendence through your own essence. You want to be so great that you become more than any human has been before. Transhumanism fundamentally aims at becoming whatever "human" is not. The line of thinking is that machines are so great that in order to become greater than any human being has been before, you (actually, "we", the other essential factor in transhumanism) must become a machine. Unlike original faustianism, it's an insecure, self-loathing line of reasoning.

But I think they both seem to dissolve "human values" - the irrational moral, the metaphysical. So they've got that in common. And yeah, I think the point is that the achievement of the Faustian bargain and transhumanist 'ascendence' alike is inhumanity. But that makes them eschatological, not really fulfillable. It is the working-toward-the-end, not the end itself, that is the characteristic

At times I wonder if I'm mentally ill. I've never cared much about interacting with other people in real life. I like it online since I can multi-task, but even then I tend to feel like, "Fuck, I wasted all my time talking to these people."
But these feelings I see people talk about like feeling like wanting to die because they're alone in bed or whatever I just can't understand. I feel bad after break-ups, sure, but it's not exactly because I miss people being there.
If I'm alone I always have thoughts coming to me about what I want to do, stories I live in my head, etc. I work about 1-2h a day for my job and even so I feel like I barely have time to do all the things I want to do. Then I have my friend that comes home after TEN HOURS at his job and goes like, "Fuck, man, I'm so bored, I don't know what to do."
Likewise, I never feel suicidal, but I don't enjoy life either. I would rather not die right now for no reason, but if I was in a really tough spot or was sick I'd definitely want to die. I don't think very much of it.
Is this autism?

>>15808530
Same

>>15810434
Me too anon. I'm also too much of a coward. Probably won't be able to pull the trigger and if I did I'd make myself a vegetable rather than offing myself.

I have a problem of self-poisoning myself. Sometimes it's medication, sometimes supplements, sometimes a large quantity of one type of food. I don't mean to, I take one pill and think it's not doing anything or that it is having a nice effect, so I take another and end up consuming a whole pack. Supplements seem to be the worst at the moment. I don't know why I do it. I try to keep stuff out of reach, like I'm parenting a child. I suppose at least I'm not consuming bleach. I hope I don't end up in hospital again, it's really embarrassing. The doctors and nurses act annoyed at me and treatment me like an idiot, which I don't blame them for, I kind of am.

>>15807430
She vaguely looks like a girl I had feelings for

>>15807715
The eyebrows and forehead give it away actually, the Elaine phenotype

imagine thinking you can court a non-vestal woman believing she will love and look out for you.

>>15810334
This montage is short but hurts.

The energy & rhythm of the sonics in the track linked below are akin to those of an enthusiastically beating heart.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWH9qTCwgXs

Hearthrob is reflected/slowed vibration of Spirit.

>>15813449
Indeed, this is the saddest irony of men today. There are two vestal women who are attracted to me (one of which is my cousin overseas), but I am terrified of marrying either of them.

The idea of marriage sounds terrifying.

I cant freaking decide if I should continue on montaignes essays or begin with kants critique of pure reason

1-5 montaigne
6-0 kant

want mommy gf (male)

And ya gotta bitch too. "phiwosophy is too hawd for me. I wike genre fic." Then don't browse a fucking academia centered board maybe. Go back to fucking r/books.

>exam tomorrow at 8 in the morning
>woke up at 3pm today
>haven't studied yet
JDIMSA

Anyone good with Latin in here?
What'd 'mea culpa' be in second person plural? Just 'tuarum culpa'?

>>15808844
I can only understand wanting to be cute if you're gay or a tranny. Most women prefer masculine men.

>>15807430
I was spiralling bad. Had the worst luck. Grades in the dump. No interest in the only thing i was ever kinda good at. Gaining weight. No social.
Now I'm feeling kinda good. I have picked myself up, i feel. I have found religion too. Everything is slowly going back to the way it was 5 years ago. It's serene. It's familiar and I'm content. I love my mom

i think we need a 26+ WWOYM thread...

>>15807430
I have great ideas for a novel but I can't actually execute these ideas because me no word good and I quite honestly don't read often although I'd like to

>>15808568
>cuteness is being Girly™
Peak cute comes with gap. There biggest gap possible is a gruff bear of a man being sweet, especially if he's being timid while doing it.

>>15814468
Mea culpa is in the ablative case and adjectives need to match their nouns in case and number, so it would "tuis culpis".

>>15814614
Also need to match in gender of course (in this case fem.) -- but it's tuis in all three genders.

How do i stop politicoping? I subject myself to shit that makes me seethe and there is no point to it.

>>15814658
'Ablative,' Jesus. Don't even know that one. Thanks
Ngl I thought the culpa in mea culpa was a noun

>>15814696
It is a noun, in the ablative case.

>>15814750
Oh I didn't realize you meant the tuis
What would it be with the culpa in singular, if that even works?

>>15814694
get off social media and don't watch or read the news

>>15814764
I'll break it down.
Culpa is a noun. Nouns have three aspects -- gender, number, and case. Culpa is feminine in gender. For number it can be singular or plural. And for case it can be nominative, genitive, dative, accusative, ablative, or vocative. The ablative form of culpa is culpa (technically culpā as the "a" becomes a long vowel).
Tuus/tua/tuum is an adjective. Adjectives need to be declined to match their noun in gender, number, and case. So it needs to become feminine, plural, and ablative -- it would thus become tuis.
It's in the ablative case because the ablative can be used to show instrumentality (among other things) and "mea culpa" means something like "through my fault," i.e. that the fault is the instrument through which something is done.
So for what you were asking earlier, in the second person plural, "tuis culpis" would mean "through your (pl.) faults."
If you wanted to say "though your fault" in the singular, it would be "tua culpa."

>>15809696
what a load of shit
you'll just end up looking like chris chan like the lot of em

Why are women so much less lonely than men? I get there's more backstabbing and drama, but they seem to nurture friendships more than men do.

>>15808772
Nobody wants a compliment from a fucking Carney lol

>>15809661
Isn't that exactly what the fuck we are doing here?

Now Ford workers want to cancel the cops by refusing to make cop cars. Cops should all switch to Tesla. Ford can cancel itself.

>>15814877

You're not old enough to have any cat ladies in your age cohort yet I guess.

>>15814853
>>15814853
Oh I think I see the confusion now
With my original post I meant to ask what would mea culpa be if I wanted it to say "through your fault," with the your being plural

>>15814877

>>15815021
That would be "vestra culpa"

>>15815021
Also I explained something wrong earlier. Tuis culpis is "through your (sing.) faults (pl.)." Tuus/tua/tuum is always singular "your". To get plural "your" you have to go to vester/vestra/vestrum.

>>15815050
>>15815133
Cool, cheers dude

>>15807430
I want to draw like that

I feel like I have had so much less to say for the last two months

My penis is small and I have erectile dysfunction.

>>15815355
go ahead

>>15807430
Ahhhhahahahaha, this shit is so tiresome

>>15815375
Read some poetry

>>15815015
The image of the cat lady may be more vivid, but it's hardly more common than its male counterpart. Even in old age women are considerably less lonely than men.

>>15815036
Just looking at this image physically hurts.

>LAPD Detectives have arrested three adult males & two juvenile males related to the Feb 19th murder of Bashar Jackson, a New York based rapper known as Pop Smoke. We will provide further details as they become
available.
>a New York based rapper known as Pop Smoke
>based rapper known as Pop Smoke

Pop Smoke certified BASED by LAPD.

how do i tell the difference between love and really good friendship

>>15816931
I mean, technically they can be interchangeable. Unless what you mean by “love” involves sex and romance, in which case the difference is... well, sex and romance.

>>15816964
there hasnt been any romance, at least i havent noticed it
maybe it is both, that would be nice

I think it's safe to say I'm a pathological liar. I enjoy lying, there is something thrilling about it. And I lie because i am obsessed with truth paradoxically enough. And I lie not just when it suits me. I like to lie to test the limits of believability and therefore obtain some data on the boundaries of reality. As soon as you lie, the conversation you have becomes an exercise of deductive logic. Statements must correlate internally. You must have a good appraisal of what the other person thinks. There is an intricate complexity to it. It tests your smarts. And indeed cognitive scientists acknowledge that lying is actually a very evolved and sophisticated trait. It doesn't take brains to be honest, you simply gush. Man evolved above the lesser ape the moment he told a lie.

>>15810351
Try Mercari.

I read somewhere that puberty for boys is miserable and disorienting, but that girls look forward to it with anticipation of the privileges of being a woman. But when I first got my period, all I felt was a dread that has only abated through numbness as I've aged. I could see the days of bleeding stretched out ahead of me, interminable and unstoppable. Menstruation has the reek of death. In childhood, boys and girls are equals in aptitude and in the little societies they build for themselves. Then during female puberty, one experiences for the first time the restraints of aptitude and purpose. One learns what she is for. All my life has been clawing against this inevitability, trying fruitlessly not to become what I am reminded each month that I already am.

>>15815375
there's nothing wrong with that, very well could be a good thing

Day 9. I think I regained my horniness. I have started masturbating again this month.

So, majority of my time was spent on reading and playing video games. I stopped playing video games and picked up work around the house (gardening, helping my mama for example).

And it just dawned on me that my friends and me don't speak as much and I actually don't miss it.

>>15807430
Oh god why does she have to had that humongous beak, it's a painting, even in photography you photoshop that kinda shit out

>>15814877
Yes. but the friendships that men nurture have the potential to be the strongest bonds in existence. The highest male friendship is so much more noble than the highest female friendship.

>>15817858
And how often is that actually the case? Women simply seem better at the whole friendship thing if you just look at the statistics over how comparatively lonely men are.

>>15807715
u guys do realize that there's probably 10x more people with a nose like that that aren't jewish

>>15818312
All Jews have big noses, but not all big noses are Jews.

>>15818269
I agree anon, what I am describing is exceedingly rare. Does not mean it doesn’t occur. Though, I will concede that there is a conditionality in all relationships. Everyone seeks some personal utility from them. That’s why I’m sceptical of unconditional friendships. At the end of the day what is it? It’s two parties being able to confide in each other because the inability to do so would drive them mad. Ask me how I know.

>>15818435
I will also add that men also feel lonely because the world frankly does not give a fuck about male suffering.

>>15818445
Sure, but how much of that loneliness is a result of men not putting in the effort to maintain friendships? Toxic masculinity etc.

>>15818445
This is definitely true, but it’s an unfortunate matter because nobody can respect a man who can’t pull himself together. The concept of a functional adult male entirely revolves around confidence and competence. If a male cannot learn how to exhibit these traits and derive pleasure from being able to exhibit these traits, then he will almost certainly be shunned by everyone besides immediate family members.

>>15807430
Don't do drugs, boys. A friend of mine got hooked on hard drugs a few years ago and the last he got crazy and started speweing incomprehensible sentences to his parents and then, to me. What a weird experience

>>15818850
*Last evening

I think I am transgender.

>>15818863
You're either a girl going through puberty, an autist, or a victim of sexual abuse.

>>15818812
Expand on what you mean by toxic masculinity.

>>15807430
I have this weird, almost autistic tendency towards completionism. I think it stems from my enjoyment in things like jeopardy! and the crossword. But I want to know literally every allusion anyone would ever reasonably make. To this end I’ve compiled huge lists of movies considered to be in the “canon” of great movies and also a list of books in the western canon that I want to have read and understood so that my knowledge can be “complete.” I think it’s been detrimental because instead of selecting things I want to read or watch, I only try to select from the pool of things within the “canon” that I’ve created based on other people’s perceptions (usually aggregated from things like /lit/s top 100 books or stuff like that.

>>15818843
I agree to some extent. A man’s standing is contingent upon his utility. Nevertheless, what of those men who seemingly do have the material checkboxes marked out but still have their own vulnerabilities that do not see the light of day?

>>15818874
And how have you come to this?

>>15818863
get a grip

>>15814694
>>15814769
what he said. was in your shoes and just filled my time with other shit. It's not really even "burying your head in the sand" because most news is propaganda and social media is a sliver of retards in our society spouting off what they think positions them morally above everyone. Good faith has been dead for a while now

>The Domo said: "What someone does in his bed, or even in his stable, is only his own business; it does not conern us. Bien manger, bien boire, bien foutre – – – if we allow these things we will relieve the police and the courts of most of their work. Except for violent criminals and the insane we'll only have to deal with the do-gooders, who are significantly more dangerous.
Is this a reasonable way of policing society in the modern world? Allow any kind of "degeneracy" but crack down on real political opposition?

Kierkegaard>Nietzsche

Im 23 yo and idk how to become or what does it mean to be a man. Feel emasculated and a useless loser, even tho Im studying a high performing career in the best university of my country. I wanna be self sufficient but it seems i have a need for external recognition that I cant overcome or achieve. Also I still have engrained the concept of trascendance while I know ill prolly die without having done anything remarkable and ill soon be forgotten. Cant seem to find a way to navigate this world while overcoming the dycothomic view of narcissist-psycho winner/ loser and subjugated empath. I might be lowkey mysoginistic, even tho Ive had remarkable relationships with women I cant help the feeling they try to dominate me and bend me to their will. Im tired of looking at life and ppl through this lens. I know that while its impossible to have a true or full grasp on reality Im missing on some essential things. Is there something wrong with me?

I started seeing a therapist in January. She is a doctoral student in a psychology department at a local school, so I knew we would be done when the semester was over. Even so, when we got near the end of the semester I kept hoping somehow it wouldn't end or that at worst, she could take me back when the fall semester started. After our last session ended I tried to get work done but stopped and cried for a while. They say it is important to have a good relationship with the therapist. But when it's all over it makes it that much more difficult. I was sad for a while. Then eventually I was angry with myself. I felt like a fool for being honest and feeling emotionally invested in therapy. I did learn a lot about myself in the process but my life didn't outwardly change. I still have all of the problems I had before, many of which are now exacerbated by the quarantine. And now that I feel like such a fool after my first experience, I feel reluctant to start again in the fall with some other doctoral student.

>>15818875
In this case ideas about self-reliance and stoicism, which in and of itself is not a bad thing, but can cause detriment to men's well-being when it makes them unable to admit to and deal with suffering from a social deficit. In contrast, women seem more socially conscious and better equipped to deal with relationships in this post-industrial society. There's a reason it's mostly men and not women crying about how lonely they are on fijian scrapbooking forums, and it's not just because it's much easier to get laid as a woman.

>>15818918
A mix of personal observation and reading the literature on this subject. So which is it?

>>15810340
anon I... I know that feel bro

>>15819086
>Is there something wrong with me?
Nah, I'd say your experience is shared by most people here.

>>15819224
Also, read this book.

>>15819233
Thanks, anon.
Im embarking on a lit search for meaning. I hope I will find some answers or at least a new perspective

>>15808882
nice song anon

>>15819086
Like the other anon said, it’s a much more common feeling than you might think. I commiserate personally. In short, I have all the things or am working towards the things normies considering to be conducive to fulfilment. What the vast majority of people fail to realise is that there is no fulfilment and even if there was, there is no period of stasis or sustained contentment afterwards. Perhaps they do realise it, but for some reason they continue to speak within those parameters and in such language anyway. That makes for another interesting discussion.

Nevertheless, the Will is striving, dynamic and ultimately aimless. What you have identified is that something is deeply wrong with existence. It carries a disquiet that no one can shake off.

>>15819269
He's much like Strindberg in that the main reason he's infrequently discussed here is because he was never picked up by the anglosphere. Otherwise I think his writings would be quite palatable to the depressionfags here, there's greentext material in there which would guarantee a lot of (you)'s.

>>15819213
Bland answer. None, obviously. I am fundamentally unfulfilled by my body and its representation. I can't escape the thought, it just never leaves. So much easier if I was just gay

>>15819203
I don’t disagree that being stoic and self-sufficient are attributes commonly associated with being a man. I do think you are making the assumption that it is all socially conditioned. If you’re not, tell me otherwise. Since we’re talking men and women, would you also say that a woman’s respect of a man would not diminish should she find out about his deepest fears and anxieties. I find that, there is an instinctual aversion to these qualities and it does not necessarily have to manifest instantaneously. I’m not shitting on women here and calling them inferior or whatever bullshit because they do this.

Men will do this too to other men but not within the frame of sexual selection. Doesn’t the physically imposing man garner more automatic respect than the small one? There’s ultimately an aversion across the sexes to outward expressions of weakness. This isn’t a phenomenon that has only occurred post-Industrial Revolution.

The reason why I originally said that male friendship has the potential to be stronger than the strongest female friendships is because they have the capacity to be built upon a mutual overcoming of struggle. This overcoming is what is ultimately expected for the man to do, hence finding its manifestation in almost purely male friendships.

Good chat by the way.

>almost 21
>never had a job
>no college
>no connections
>no experience
>no car or license
>no money
>only charity from family, living with a parent
>might start having to pay rent
>still antisocial and look like a mess
How do I get a job and continue living? All I want to do is write.

Ultimak fucked up my order. I ordered an olive drab green polymer buttstock for my WASR-10. OD-Green. I paid for OD-Green. I got an email confirming my order for OD-Green. I got an email alerting me that my OD-Green stock was shipped. I got an email thanking me for my business and assuring me I would be satisfied with my stock which, if you could believe, was confirmed yet again to be OD-Green. Then a package arrives on my door, and what the fuck is in it? Fucking black. Half a dozen fucking times did they show me they received my specification for OD-Green, and they fuck it up. This wasn't complicated, this isn't a difficult task. Here's the name of a color, green, now out of these items, which one is that color? Congratulations, you fucking toddler, even you are more qualified to do this damn job than whoever is actually doing it. Imagine how stupid you'd have to be to find out that someone is capable of failing at so basic a level, and then still paying them to do something for you. Now, that's how stupid I've been made to feel, and fuck I'm unhappy about it.

It's apparently miracle levels of competence for an adult to put the square peg in the square hole. Everywhere I fucking go, I ask someone who's supposed to be a paid professional to put a square peg in a square hole for me, they say "Certainly sir, no problem", they take my fucking money, go into the backroom, and come back out 10 minutes later with it lodged firmly up their fat fucking ass and ask me "Will there be anything else for you today?" People tie their fucking shoes together before going for a jog then have the fucking balls to ask me why I support eugenics. If you have an IQ below 100, I'm allowed to slap the shit out of you whenever I see fit, because you won't stop eating my glue and shoving your dicks in my electrical sockets otherwise.

>>15808284
Very careful full abandonment.

>>15819455
Then write.

i feel so lonely. everything makes me sad. even when i try to help myself by going outside it doesn't leave me. only for a bit and then it goes again. i wish i had friends. i wish i had a girlfriend.

i saw a tweet where someone basically made fun of the concept of not killing yourself because you might miss out on your favourite music or shows or whatever by basically deeming it all as just being a consoomer or whatever. lots of discussion in the replies, some critical of the meme, some making some points for it. it's all so depressing to me. there's no escaping dread no matter what you decide to do. there has to be.

i don't trust anyone or anything. i am now wary of everybody i come across. i'm so scared. i need help.

>>15819437
>If you’re not, tell me otherwise.
I don't mean to say that men and women are interchangeable and that it's all just a matter of social constructs. I'm not a gender abolitionist, I think male spaces by necessity will be designed differently from women's spaces. But it seems to me some gendered traits could end up being maladaptive when circumstances change.
>would you also say that a woman’s respect of a man would not diminish should she find out about his deepest fears and anxieties
Yes, and some of this would be the reptilian brain saying that weak men are unfit to plant their seed in you, but I also think it stands in proportion to the value we ascribe these traits in our society. Feminists will be the first to admit that women reproduce harmful attitudes towards men as well.

>Doesn’t the physically imposing man garner more automatic respect than the small one?
Sure, if we're just talking about physically mogging someone, broad shoulders/hip-to-waist ratio, some of these things are pretty consistent across different time periods and cultures. But I think you may be underestimating the extent to which other conceptions of masculinity are culturally conditioned. Male fraternal tenderness is an obvious example. You don't need to go back very far to when physical displays of affection between men wasn't labeled as faggy or effeminate. Look at old pics of uni teams or soldiers where men hold hands and sit on each others laps. This is something that shows up in literature as well, there's bros kissing each other on the cheek or forehead and they're just buddies, there's normally no gay subtext at all. The gay noia and idea that real men don't show their feelings that way came later. I'm sure you're aware that this differs between cultural regions as well, French men kiss each other, and while India is not very gay friendly Norway is, but it's in India you may expect to see male friends holding hands in public. I could make a point about crying as well, just read the Illiad or lotr or something. I'm phoneposting, otherwise I'd make a more detailed post.

>This overcoming is what is ultimately expected for the man to do, hence finding its manifestation in almost purely male friendships
I was expecting you to say something about the military instead, the bonds forged in the heat of battle or whatever. "overcoming struggle" is more vague, though I actually agree with the larger point and it's something that should distinguish male spaces from female ones. I'm not sure to which extent these male bonds can be said to be stronger though unless the circumstances are truly special, like in times of war or some other crisis.

>>15819339
>So much easier if I was just gay
You saying this speaks against the idea that you're actually trans, and I think you know this as well.

>>15819725
Well then I find your points reasonable and will adjust my own accordingly. I initially thought you were sceptical of the biological influences but yes, as you’ve pointed it, it’s a much more subtle interplay with different periods of history.

>>15819523
Bro, read philosophy. If the only things that cross your mind when searching for meaning are friends, a gf, or media to consoom then obviously you're gonna feel like fucking killing yourself. Take a deep breath, stop rationalizing defeatist horseshit to vindicate your negative emotions, and develop a sense of self. Integrate your personality. Exist independent of external validation. Find something to live for. Faggot.

>>15807430
I have a problem with writing in commanding prose. I constantly write not only with authority on the most banal shit, but act as if each of my opinions was decreed by god himself. Its in my posts every time I argue with someone online. I am quite certain as I begin writing my novel that almost all characters, especially the main, will suffer from this. This need to be absolutely correct. Anyone else suffer with this? Anyone know how to add humility to my writing in a way that isn't weak but simply neutral? Its only recently that I've even noticed how pretentious I am in my arguments online.

>>15819728
Please peddle your narrative elsewhere.

>>15819813
Unironically go outside. Lose arguments.

I really hope something good gets released on Apple Music tonight, everything has sucked for the last couple weeks.

>>15807430
Why is there a "U.S. Army Equity & Inclusion Agency"?
https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2020/07/09/army-inclusion-email-claims-saying-make-america-great-again-evidence-white-supremacy/

>>15819840
If you were actually trans and knew it you wouldn't be wishing you were gay, it's clear this is some sort of cope and there's something else at the bottom of it.

Read 4 chapters of the Iliad and wrote 459 words to my story. Proud of myself

>>15819948
thats a beautiful picture anon and congrats

>>15819954
thanks

how does anyone stand to create anything
whenever I make something I instantly want to destroy it

>>15819773
>find something to live for
i am passionate about writing and reading, and i am writing something, and since it's something that means a lot to me, i've been pouring so much time and effort into it that now i'm just wasting time researching stuff for it when i probably have more than enough resources needed for my story to be at least decent anyways, yet i still can't seem to stop this process, but i know i probably need to just fuck off and write once and for all. apart from that i also wanna get more fit, but doing that by yourself feels like a battle on its own. there are other things i care about too, but i feel too much like an ignorant midwit whenever i try to look stuff up to get informed or even just when i try and formulate my own thoughts and opinions on things, but maybe my defeatist horseshit acting up, right?
>stop rationalizing defeatist horseshit, exist independent of external validation
i want to learn this too. how does one go about doing or achieving this? philosophy is one thing, then what? gym? exploring concepts? studying?

>>15819854
Aaaaand... Nope. This new Earth Boys album will have to do for now.

I think parallel stories are underused, and I really dislike 1:1 remakes. If you're going to do a remake of a story, you should change things up.

I'd like to write a children's book series that's exciting and explorative- one where the protagonist is a squire for a heroic knight. In the first book of the series there's a glaring plothole where the mentor character should have died in all rational sense, but didn't, resulting in the character being raised as morally good and becoming a hero. Then 10 years after the release of the first book, when all those kids who read it are now adults, release a second book series where the plothole in the 1st book isn't ignored, and the protagonist ends up squiring under a corrupt knight who ended up being evil in the original series, and the repercussions this has on the kingdom in the story. I think it'd be something fun to do.

>>15807430
she looks jewish lol

This morning I went out for a jog and midway I got an irresistible urge to shit. Mind you, I was on a sidewalk next to a busy avenue so basically in plain sight. Luckily I found a nook between a high wall and an electric box installation where I was out of view if I squatted. So I pulled down my shorts and took a big steamy shit there. I pulled up my shorts again and waddled out just in time for a lady to spot me. I just continued jogging with a slightly poopy butt. By the time I got home it was already a bit raw down there because of the sweat and the remaining poo rubbing between my cheeks so I took a shower right away. It still hurts a bit but things went better than expected.

I hate people who think that the sun rises on its own. I hate people who think that water boils by itself. I hate them I hate them I hate them

>>15819996
>i feel too much like an ignorant midwit whenever i try to look stuff up to get informed or even just when i try and formulate my own thoughts and opinions on things, but maybe my defeatist horseshit acting up, right?
Yeah. It's illogical to think your own judgment can't be trusted using that very sense of judgment. Your brain is rationalizing, ignore it. If something makes sense to you, pursue it further, follow it to the logical end, see how it holds up on it's own.
>i want to learn this too. how does one go about doing or achieving this? philosophy is one thing, then what? gym? exploring concepts? studying?
Find what you want to do independent of whether anyone sees you doing it. Find something that fascinates you and you are willing to tackle even if you are never recognized for it. Something that, when you daydream about it, you don't think about people liking you for it, or paying attention to you, or interviewing you, you just think about IT, the thing itself. That's what gets you out of bed even when you're the last man on earth.

I'm lonely but I hate people. And when I do feel good around someone I feel that it's not because I like them, but because I'm lonely.
What do.

Is Coriolanus a good play to read after Julius Caesar?

>>15815418
I said I want to, not that I'm capable of

>>15820809
Get into drawing, anon. Have you read that drawing with the right side of the brain? Give it a try.

>>15820793
Yup

>>15820723
You sound annoying as fuck.

I am really afraid of old age, considering I will probably not have any children, if I ever reach the age of 70 I cannot live with myself knowing that I'll be living on the sympathy of others, just imagining the look of pity young people would give me is unbearable.
I'll probably end it all once I reach 40 or 50, if I ever make it that far.

>>15820553
Animalistic

>>15822670
What makes you say you won't have children?

Just broke a promise to a friend because it would inconvenience me too greatly, feel like quite a dickhead.

>>15823114
I lack the sense of responsibility to raise a family, I know for sure that I'll make a terrible father

>Girlfriend says she's only been with three guys before me
>Have confirmed that she's lying
Can't get that divorce rate vs sexual partners graph out of my mind smfh.

>>15823295
Drop abused pussy, it won't treat you right.

>>15813041
>Elaine phenotype
what elaine

>>15823355
I thought this was a cultured and 18+ site

>>15823393
not everyone is american/immersed in american shitcoms. i did watch seinfeld tho.

>>15823405
sometimes I forget about Europeans on boards without flags if I'm being honest

>>15823184
>I know for sure that I'll make a terrible father
Having a kid changes you as any parent will tell you. Only the lowest of the low couldn't be bothered to feed a puppy that was left with them, and a baby is like that.

>>15823420
southern hemisphere exists too

>>15823421
Taking care of a child requires far more commitment than a damn puppy.

>>15823445
By the time he's 8 the education system is gonna ruin him/her anyways, so who cares.

>>15823465
you sound like you'd make a far worst parent than me.

>>15823431
I feel like if they are speaking English on 4chan in the first place they're usually already under American cultural influence. While Europeans who come here may be totally detached from it. Asia is a mixed bag.

Fuckin Jews, man

>>15823393
>Seinfeld
>Cultured

>>15823532

Sis was just boiling her menstrual cup in the kitchen. Why are women so disgusting, bros?

>>15824590
It is just blood, anon. The meat you eat is full of it.

>>15824606
Tell me that after you've tried drinking your sister's period.

a hat

Chaos is fun, for some reason i enjoy watching stupid people behaving like retards and winning stupid prizes

In making this post my life begins anew. If you reply to this post the same goes for you. This is the sign you've been waiting for.

>>15824615
KEK just clean the pot, anon. Seriously. Or leave one exclusively for that purpose and ask her to use solely that one.

The only thing that disgusts me more than my own romantic inexperience is the idea of 'practicing' on someone that I wouldn't want to date seriously

>>15826110
That's not the issue, just the thought is gross.

>>15824590
is she hot tho

Xcode fucking SUCKS

>>15826773
Doesn't matter you incel weirdo.

>>15807430
I'm dehydrated and I'm about to watch my eleventh Sopranos episode in a row.

>>15826846
u think ur sister is hot lmao

>>15826963
Objectively, yes. Women are still gross.

>>15827009
sex sex sex

>>15808421
>recommed me a solitary hobby, board about a solitary hobby

Basket weaving. Put your money on public debt titles from El Salvador

>>15808421
>recommend me a solitary hobby
Reading.

>>15819455
You are 20 years old go to college take a loan do drugs do something jesus christ wtf

I want to fucking cry and I don't know why.

>>15827223
Sometimes you just have to cry. Doesn't always come out rationally when you have some pain or angst pent up.

>>15826083
Finally

i just read through my old medical records detailing when i was first diagnosed with major depressive disorder. the exact terminology varies from record to record. sometimes it's notated as major depressive disorder, other times it's major depression, and sometimes major depression - severe. its interesting to note the initial visits tend to characterize it as "depression" or "acute depression" with later visits almost always utilizing the word "major."
my diagnosis and initial forays into the world of depression seems recent. ive gotten much better, and perhaps thats why it doesnt feel like just yesterday. but perhaps because it was just a life-changing experience, it also doesnt feel distant. it wasnt until i started paying attention to the dates did i realize its been 5, almost 6 years. half a decade.
flipping through the records and doctor notes, i was reminded about how i was "voluntarily" hospitalized in the psychiatric unit. it was voluntary in the sense that i signed some form indicating that this hospitalization was of my own accord. it was involuntary in the sense that the doctor that was treating me basically said that she deemed my risk level high enough that if i decline, there would still be some way to get my hospitalized, and if i did it f my own volition it would be much easier to get out.
spending time in the looney bin was quite an experience. jarring to say the least. among the normies, i was def crazy. but in the mental ward, i was comparatively sane. it almost felt like the movies. there was on patient who, despite possessing stereotypical Jewish features (thus making me think he was probably Jewish), proclaimed to have talked to Jesus, and would constantly warn people of the reckoning and His Kingdom come. there were people who never showered. there were people who would stare at nothing all day. and there was me. most people wore the basic patient clothing given to them by the hospital. perhaps, in attempt to find some semblance of normality, i insisted on showering every day, combing my hair, and getting dressed in the same outfit i checked in with - minus the shoe laces and belt. it was a unique experience, and i would hardly characterize it as regretful; but it was quite eye opening.
i am much better now, although i think the truth is that i will never return to who i was before. my depression served as a clear demarcation of a before and an after. as the days go by, as the cycle continues on and on, as i play the same rodeo again and again, i fear that one day a major episode will hit me again, and i will once again sink to depths i hadnt hit in a long, long time - or worse, even lower.

I bought a thick journal today and am going to put my stupid life into it (think Blood Meridian but passive).

>>15827009
fucken hook line n sinker

>>15827223
Tell me how to cry right now

>>15823513
I knew a weird incel type once that entered at a small party I was at and made a bunch of comments that took everyone off guard but were so unexpected that no one knew how to react and just kind of ignored it. I stepped outside to smoke with him and he and this other lackey of his started talking about how much they hate Jews, I asked them about it and sure enough this guy was raised Jewish himself, it was a humoring feeling. He talked to me about Silver Jews and when I told him I’d heard of them he acted like this was a big deal and he got this grin on his face and didn’t know what to say for a second but acted like he thought I was the most amazing person ever. Then back inside with everyone else later he came walking by on his way out, and he said something really loudly Jews to the whole room before leaving that everyone immediately forgot happened in 10 seconds.

>>15826083
LETS GOOOO

>>15807430
I lived my youth marred by obesity. I was denied by my own hand one of the basic pillar of life, my physicality. As an adult I’ve struggled and by pure chance succeeded in building up a working constitution from which to engage in the ulterior existence from high I had been denied. By finding sport and activity in which to invest my time I have realized an ulterior purpose from which I had been unfamiliar. To have it at this point has granted me not only the basic level of engagement with which others take for granted, but also the apprehension not to. I am from henceforth eternally grateful to have been given a new form of expression. Had I known I would have sought it sooner, but alas I am still more than content to be able to know what I have. From here I beseech my fellows to engage in transiting the gulf of their own physical ability not only for its own sake, but to garner the fruits of activity. I plead with you to not squander the opportunity you’ve been given to find something you like outside of the confines of hour on home. Please venture forth. You can ease these feelings we both know too well and find purpose if you try.

did you ever get a heart transplant by accident

>>15808421
>electronics
>American Primitive guitar
>hiking/camping
>fishing
>paludariums
I like doing this stuff and they can all be solitary, and could be used to solve your first question

Just deleted 700 ebooks AMA

>>15826083
Kill me, Pete

>>15822184
why

Can any rich anon buy the whole set of ebooks on Joyce's Finnegans Wake by John P. Anderson and put them up on gen.lib? It would put my mind at ease.

>>15827980
How do you take your tea?

>>15807430
I read up on the Dirlewanger Brigade today and I have never felt so close to throwing up before by simply reading. Yet by far the worst part is that while my body found their acts repulsive, all my mind, my reason, could bring itself to say was "how stupid and inefficient" and uncontrollably I began to map out in my mind, my own command of the brigade and whats more I began to attempt to understand the evil that drove demons like Dirlewanger, a futile attempt I assured myself at first, but soon I began to understand the noxious mix of sexuality, violence and the killing pleasure that whipped these men ever onward to greater deeds of depravity. I found the same genius, in the classical sense, that animated Mishima and Caravaggio working it magic in far lesser men and to what horrid results.

what scares me the most is that I fear that not only I but million of my brothers in Adam, of this generation, are enamoured by the same blood soaked muse and that if the firm walls of societal discipline, already so undermined, break down further if would release a wave of Cain that will never be exorcised from America.

Montaigne & Hobbes said in the past that kings waged war for much of time for the culling of ardourious youth that these repressed energies, which could find no outlet in the society of women, would instead be channeled into deeds in outermer or ultramontain. Or that those who could find no future in the settled society of England and France may find it over there or returning home may come loaded down with loot and medals and find themselves with new esteem in the eyes of their country fellows. the Romans use to set up colonies in conquered countries to erase from the census tablets a small morsel of the vast horde of proletarians which crowed the city. In America we had the frontier serve this same purpose but now the frontier is closed, wars are small and unsuited for culling( and I suspect that the majority of youths who need to be culled would not pass military entrench examinations, I barley did) we dont establish overseas colonies and space travel and colonization might as well be impossible for all the good it does problem that is exceedingly current and growing exponentially by the millisecond. the sword of Damocles hangs over our heads with an ever weakening thread and I better get back to Boswell |I have spent too long out of the company of the good doctor Johnson.

>>15808421
Bank most of it and spend 6000 commissioning a self portrait or a favorite scene in your favorite style of art.

>>15828130
if you wanna know Finnegan's Wake get that book by Joseph Campbell (yes, the Power Of Myth guy) he even got a shoutout for it in Thomas Mann's papers saying it helped him understand what the fuck was going on.

>>15828290
Mostly any herb I take out of my garden like any educated person would do.

>>15828399
I know this doesn’t contribute much but I mentioned it to my English professor who specializes in Joyce and Irish modernism and he said it was shit

>The Iranian regime reportedly forces gay men to choose between sexual reassignment surgery (thus declaring them female) or being put to death.

How can a country be so based and so woke at the same time?

Peoria! Destroyia!
Infinity! Divinity!
For Lydia! Octavia!
And Jack-of-Trades!
The Cubs! Hooray!

I've learned myself into a hell. Elements from 4chan, philosophy books, manosphere shit, my own personality, etc. Have all made my life a living hell. Nothing I experience is ever fulfilling or vibrant anymore and every day i am severely depressed. I am completely emotionally unreactive, I no longer get angry, sad, or happy. Imposter syndrome runs rampant, even when i accomplish something a normie would be happy about, the elation is blocked for me. I still maintain healthy habits like exercising but they seem more and more futile by the day, everything seems futile. I feel powerless and completely oppressed by every dimension of everyday modern life. I no longer can do self improvement because it operates on the assumption that you believe specific changes are worthwhile and produce a real result, they seem only placebo to me. I struggle to pick my own meaning and follow it because i endlessly contemplate if it is the correct and truest meaning, or if it is sub optimal.

>>15828638
>manosphere shit

gross

>>15827380
sad songs.

oh shit soimob on the march in seattle what do they want now?

I'm actually less neurotic these days. Daily meditation and jogging really did the trick.

>>15828707
I need to start jogging again. I do kettlebell shit a couple times a week, but it's not the same as sustained cardio.

>>15828649
Lots of it makes sense, though it is extremely antisocial. Be glad your opinions protect you from exposing yourself to it.

>>15808421
put it all in VTI
metal detecting

Falling apart since the quarantine/working from home. I've been showering at most once per week. Wearing the same clothes since Sunday. Didn't brush my teeth for a few weeks. I wake up and work from my bed. I've been drinking more than usual at night, but have been trying to cut down.

>>15828774
>not putting it all in CATH

Gonna bust inside and if she dares get pregnant I'll beat her ass

>>15828788
yeah, quarantine is finally starting to fuck me up. instead of getting more productive, i've been doing less and less. i'm pretty sure i'll be able to go back to work in the fall remotely, but i wouldn't surprised if they pull some last minute layoffs. any i'm def getting more autistic by the day.

I want to reach out to other people in real life and speak to them about philosophy and different ways of thinking, but it seems like people are too set in their ways to ever consider alternatives to their ingrained lines of thought.

For example, during a minor political discussion, I noticed the man I was speaking to regarded "the other side" as something between either outright stupid or immoral and evil. It seemed that never once did he consider that the people he has dehumanized might've come to the conclusions they did legitimately; for the underclass, it was always that they had been tricked into fighting against their own benefit through propaganda or structures like the church. For those in power, it was that that these men were deceivers and flatterers, that they in truth held only themselves in regard at the end of the day. It was only after weeks of carefully shaped and framed discussion that I was able to tie many previous topics that he found himself in agreement with me on to also be held by those he considered his adversary. His initial reaction to it was, of course, to reject outright that such a thing could be possible, but after reiterating our previous discussions and the positive reactions he had, he had to acknowledge that perhaps some people held very good reasons for doing what they do, and I think in a way, he perhaps started to humanize the people he considered the opposition. While he still disliked them, they were no longer blind sheep or slave drivers exploiting their underlings, but people who had developed a different set of morals and came to different conclusions than him. And by the way they developed, he could not fault them for believing what they did.

Unfortunately, with most people, taking the same steps to change their mind, be they on any side of the political spectrum, has met with failure. It seems like man always seeks to dehumanize his enemies and refuses to ever consider why they do what they do beyond assuming evil.

that thread about the reddit hq was a troll/larp right? i didn't click the link, what was it anyways?

Tucker Carlon's monologue writer just got fired after being doxxed for posting right-wing comments on a message board. I thought it would at least be something I've heard of. What the fuck is "XOXOhth"?

>>15807430
Ye, anons. Got my moon runes repetitions on anki. 200 due cards, 80% correct after a lot of time neglecting it. Feels good to be back on track. Going to make a schedule and learn German too. 2020 is going to be my year.

butterfly is probably just a bunch of people pretending to be butterfly but still they never say anything that offensive and people are really mean to "her" for like no reason other than "her." Makes me really want o get off /lit/ but /lit/ is the only place I can find thats such a solid mix of highbrow and low brow discussion.

>>15829117
This may be true but your not taking into consideration that the people who talk about him are also him. It his desperate attempt at being in the center of attention. What I’m saying is, hi butters

I'm a little scared for when I turn 21 because for like a week or a month I am going to be a drunk and I am going to start smoking again

>>15828638
I think I've gone through something similar. How I see it is similar to the process of mastering a skill. At first you copy and execute steps in the exact order taught. Then you modify those steps but still apply then in the same context as tsught. Finally you question its usage and try to understand the context more than steps and so on. The point is that after going through all these styles of thought you reach their assumptions and find them contractionary and impossible to generalize to fit all cases. You see their limits so you look beyond. Personally I've stepped away from 'knowledge acquisition' generally and just focus on building things.

Officer fatty and the MICROPENIS OF DOOM!


I know one of you are here. TELL HIM that fat dudes have tiny dicks and you KNOW rose hasnt seen his tiny dick in years. Tell him that. Tell him I fucking said it and you agree with it necuse its the truth. TELL HIM

Unrequited love is on my mind. I fell for a girl I met at an academic club and she just doesn't share my feelings. The worst part is she stayed at my place alone with me for a week and I fell really hard then, and made the mistake of telling her how I felt in-depth and now she is upset at me, but not upset enough that she doesn't want to be my friend.

>>15829320
Wahhhh why dont she feel da same way GROW THE FUCK UP AND STOP WHINING. SHE HAS NO FUCKING OBLIGATION TO LIKE YOU, YOU STUOID FUCKING INCEL LOSER. WHINE A HUNDRED TIMES AND IT WONT CHANGE ANYTHING. SHE ISNT YOUR FRIEND. SHE THINKS YOU ARE A MORON WHICH IS WHY SHE INSULTS YOU CINSTANTLY. IF YOU INSULT PEOPLE IT MEANS YOU DISLIKE THEM AND DO NOT SEEK THEIR COMPANT.

>>15829320
YEAH I JUST CALLED YOU A LOSRR. KNOW WHY?? CAUSE YOU <<<ARE>>> A LOSER!

>>15829326
>>15829331
You dropped this, schizo.

>>15829349
PWEASE I WIV YOU SO MUCH!! YA GOTTA GO ON A DATE WIF ME. WE CAN PWAY BOJANGA OR WHATEGER PEABRAIN DIMWITS LIKE ME DO. I WUV YOU SO MUCH.

>Ew. What a loser dork. That guy should kill himself for being such a pathetuc spineless loser and being nothing at all. I am better. Than him. I am better then you allll

>>15829349
It hurts so muuuch when love is unrequited. You know what you do? YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! I AM THE ONE WHO MATTERS HERE CLEARLY. SO WHEN *I* SAY SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!

I wish edscrotum were my gf so I could put out cigarettes in her for fun and cut her skin off with a knife.

>>15829388
No.

>>15829326
>>15829331
>>15829370

>>15810402
true

>>15829320
its a better outcome than holding it in then letting the friendship dissolve over time
yule fall for someone else soon

I wish I could explain the of the infertility of inability. But how can I? If I succeeded, I would not wholly understand inability. And if I am unable, I will never be able to describe the experience. Explaining the qualities of inability is the same as explaining the qualities of nothing.

The incompetent man is always underwater, aware of his state, conscious, ever-conscious, of the complete but incalculable world above the ocean. He lives under water, how can he even know there's something up there? But he understands the idea of up and down, he's seen fish go up to the surface and come back down again. But he doesn't understand the water that he's swimming in, because he's never felt the air. And if he made it up to the surface, he would be indifferent to the qualities of the substance that held him under, with a world illuminated by sun to discover.

Nothing I say touches it. And everyone who sees my inability will know I have no dignity. Everyone who lives above the water will be confused by the smeared impressions of the monster who lives below. By nature of my inability, I'll never be able to show the truth.

One who does not master his tasks is fallow soil, a barren planet, darkness before the dawn of godly love. Walking around us every day are these human specimens of the greatest mystery of existence: the negative, the unknown, the inexistent. If one could climb inside his own inability and explain it, bring it outside of itself, then maybe he could explain the darkness out of which life itself was formed.

He never can. He is unable, in darkness, underwater.

How do you deal with people who are excessively stubborn and expect too much out of people?

Wallflowering is my favorite position, so I can catch ideas. Inside thought is cozy, so I sit in my territory resposed. Conversation always has some kind of cohesion, but by itself, without observation, has no coherence. Books, good ones, need patience a little. Oceans--spent sweat of nature's machinery. That's what it is, that's the holy ghost. Trees and mountains, power and glory. The mist is just there, undisturbed. Mon ame. It's all connected, dammit. A composition, a feast for eyes.