/lit/ - Literature

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Anonymous Tue Feb 22 02:22:37 2011 No.1575449 [Reply] [Original]

/lit/.

I wrote this poem. Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you.

"Ode To Attempted Lemmings"

Crippled like dead canaries
preciously plucked feathers and
torn apart for food.

Dormant volcanoes; lava spilling over
very very carefully.
Wanted ads for superman.

Feeling like tuskless elephants.
Ivory chairs taken apart.
Burnt remains of houses

Looking through broken rose-colored glasses
One day I will take them off
And blind myself in a beautiful void

>>	Anonymous Tue Feb 22 02:23:37 2011 No.1575454 Don't quit your job at McDonald's

>>	Anonymous Tue Feb 22 02:26:37 2011 No.1575459 >Dormant volcanoes; lava spilling over >very very carefully. >Wanted ads for superman. >wtfamilookingatihavenoideaiwantmyeyestobleedoutthroughtheirlenses

>>	Anonymous Tue Feb 22 02:26:37 2011 No.1575460 >>1575454 Wasn't planning on it, but thanks

>>	Anonymous Tue Feb 22 02:29:37 2011 No.1575464 Makes no sense, brah. And don't go telling yourself that all the greats weren't appreciated in their time.

>>	Anonymous Tue Feb 22 02:36:37 2011 No.1575475 >>1575464 Okay, I understand that. The poem is basically about suicidal people. If you're actually interested, I could explain each stanza for you.

>>	Anonymous Tue Feb 22 02:42:37 2011 No.1575483 >>1575475 Not interested, but for the sake of your ego go ahead.

>>	Anonymous Tue Feb 22 02:44:37 2011 No.1575486 File: 1 KB, 150x100, i can't take it.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>1575483 Well nevermind then.

>>	Anonymous Tue Feb 22 02:46:37 2011 No.1575488 >>1575486 Geez... If you're gonna cry about it...

>>	Anonymous Tue Feb 22 02:48:37 2011 No.1575491 >>1575488 Well is it too much to ask for a little constructive criticism?

>>	Anonymous Tue Feb 22 02:49:37 2011 No.1575497 >>1575491 Well what are you trying to build, and how do you want me to berate it?

>>	Anonymous Tue Feb 22 02:52:37 2011 No.1575502 >>1575497 I was trying to illustrate a suicidal person's frustrated feelings and deluded perceptions with the people and the world around them. I'd prefer it if you berated it in a way that is helpful somehow.

>>	Anonymous Tue Feb 22 03:22:37 2011 No.1575533 File: 3 KB, 126x121, 1297991666336.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Yeah, just leave when I need you the most. Dick.

>>	Tofu !s7vSX9lhAI Tue Feb 22 03:33:37 2011 No.1575538 >>1575449 God, whoever wrote that in the chalk has beautiful handwriting.T

>>	Anonymous Tue Feb 22 03:36:37 2011 No.1575539 >>1575538 yes, I agree

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