/lit/ - Literature

>>15695814
weather too hot, ymo too good, dick not work, thank god - never liked sex anyway.

>>15695814
I need garlic, I need garlic. Is it in that fridge, or that fridge? No, it's in the corner on the floor next to the dead cockroach.

I feel life is incredibly pointless. Even my beliefs and dreams have dissappeared, I don't know what to believe, I'm too deeply ignorant of everything, even if I'm "well-read", I don't know shit about anything, and I will never know more than a small, very small part of human knowledge. I pretty much renounced to normal life, renounced to having friends, to forming a family, renounces to all of that in order to focus on knowledge, just to realize that it all is pointless. I've lost all of my beliefs and now I have nothing to hang to, everything seems meaningless and I'm so empty now.

>glorified HA IQ test put me in the 99th percentile for verbal IQ
>almost never sit down and write
Am I wasting a gift or is this just normal

>>15697076
>IQ
pseudoscience

>stare at the screen for 15 minutes trying to think of a good message to write
>send nothing and close it
Happened too many times.

I don't believe nihilism is inherently an anti-life philosophy; however, when considering the many failures of my life, particularly the absence of any sexual relationship (age 25) and poor career options, I find myself idealising suicide more and more.

Perhaps suicide is a cope? Perhaps my ego is too big/fragile to handle my failures and instead wishes to hand waive them away but declaring that "all is meaningless"

I want a GF but at the same time I don't want to deal with the constant, overbearing, complaints of women. I want a better job/career but at the same time I don't want to put in the hard work or suck up to my superiors. I want a family but then I also don't want to do deal with the enormity of problems that raising a child may create.

Any advice on overcoming this?

>>15697214
you must become the master of your domain by submitting to the world around you

>>15695814
Seeing the trainwreck of CHAZ makes me want to create a white ethno-commune, but do it correctly to dunk on them.

>>15697202
>write a message for 15 minutes thinking you have something important to say
>delete it before posting and close thread
Happened too many times.

>>15697214
You don't overcome this, you overcoom it.

>>15697234
that's a good way to get Emerald Ledge'd

>>15697267
Took me a minute but I got it. Well meme'd.
Anyway, just because we'll be fought against doesn't mean we shouldn't try.

At what point does loneliness start to change and slowly eat away at a person? I'am a 24 year old kissless virgin and i still don't really feel that different from say when i was 20. Will i always be like this, or will i one day just decide to turn to drinking so i can start killing myself slowly? When will the bitterness and hate start to guide my actions, when will i fully lose hope?

>>15696131
Imagine you learned a job and a few years later the competency that you have is no longer needed, you lose your job and are clueless what to do. You still liked what you did and can do it as a hobby, but you know beyond that there is no merit to it. Now what you have to is to find something which keeps you alive again. With other words, get a job. Or embrace the NEET life as long as you can.

>>15697390
do not write yourself a prophecy of gloom ano

>>15697390
I've already turned to using substances. I don't recommend doing this because in all likelihood you will become dependent and that's the ugly part. Especially not something like alcohol, fuck.

test

Nothing ever works out for me, and when something finally good seems to be on the horizon it's snatched from my hands just when I begin to have hope. I'm not religious nor do I believe in any kind of karma, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm some kind of bad person and deserve all of this.

The greatest moment of my life was when I was in the same room as a 10 year old girl. It was just one year ago, or maybe two, I don’t remember. I’ve been thinking about her every day since. It was as if I had never known love before until I experienced seeing her. My heart and whole inner chest became warm, light, golden, blissful. I do believe that if my inner organs had eyes, they would have seen light on that day.

I wasn’t expecting this to happen, and I can’t say that I’m glad it did. I can’t get rid of my positive emotions towards such an experience, but I still view the day as being cursed because of the suffering it brings to this day. It’s not only her now, but other girls I see that charm me, though never as much as she did. As the joy passes all things, so too is the suffering great. I’m lost in fantasies and hopeless dreams, worrying about the future always.

Now I’m only sexually attracted to girls who’ve passed puberty, but even then, the younger they are, the more “romantic” is the attraction, rather than sexual. The first girl was a sort of anomaly I guess, because all the other girls that interest me are at least 12, usually in the range of 14. Both at the rational and emotional level, I seem convinced that these girls are the most attractive, and that a relationship with them would be most natural. They don’t even need makeup! And why shouldn’t I be nervous around girls that are my age? I figure they are taken anyway. It makes sense that I would assume I have no business with them, being years past initial fertility, and what not. But the younger girls, they aren’t taken, and they are virgins (virgin marriages are most successful). So instead of blaming myself or trying to change myself, I spend a lot of time regretting the state of society that conditioned us to shun these types of relationships. I’m not normal, but that doesn’t mean that I’m wrong. I have a pretty good understanding that it’s not so easy to follow through on these desires without causing trouble, and that’s why I suffer. I’ve already imagined the court hearings, the angry parents, and the girl who enticed me with all the consent in the world. Let’s appease the parents, Judge! Let them decide! Give me 100 years and take me away! I’m too dangerous. We’re all victims here.

>>15695814
The aesthetic in that photo is horribly outdated.

>>15695814
I am convinced the Kali Yuga is a viral Semitic ideology that seeped in through Pakistan

They're all whores. And they'll never love you. And remember, if you do find one, she isn't yours. It's just your turn.

niggers

>>15699123
There are good women out there anon, but it's generally only the younger ones who have a chance. Most young teens and college girls are turbosluts, but the ones that aren't are keepers. Women usually can't pair bond after their fourth or fifth sexual partner so if you're looking for women in the mid-20's or older you're not gonna have luck.

>>15699241
careful! >>15698796

Why is the anime community so filled with weird perverts? I like anime because it’s cute and I enjoy the saccharinity (what an awkward sounding word, sacchariness would sound better imo). I’m always put off though when I look at online discussions and it’s just horny shit, and often pedo shit at that. Why has this happened? I get that it’s a weird interest but not every weirdo also has to be a pervert ri-right?

>>15699514
>I like anime because it’s cute
little girls are cute too. you’re not far away

Wrote a lawyer-speak version of a fuck you letter to my gym informing them they were committing a UCC infraction. My insides are a cold simmering rage. They thought they could fuck me over and I wouldn't say anything.

Depending on their response, I'm going to turn the information over to a competitor and see if I can get sponsorship for a lawsuit. All they had to do was what they promised they would, that's it, just hold to your word. But no, they wanted to try to fuck people over. Probably policy decided by some blue haired diversity hire who never had a legal course in her miserable fucking life and would have failed out if she did. Sloppy job, so sloppy. You hire incompetents, you get lawsuits. You dumb motherfuckers, you baboons.

Kinda want to go to law school but can't be assed to get into 200k of debt for it. I really enjoyed the 2 semesters of business law I had. There's a lot of people who deserve a lot of suing in this country. These stupid cunts. Everyone thinks lawyers are scum and sharks and such, but they're wrong. A lawyer is an eloquent middle finger.

>>15699540
Yeah kids are cute. They’re also never an object of sexual desire for me because I’m not a pedo. Is my grandmother also close to being a pedophile? I imagine she finds children cute as well.

>>15699566
true, that’s an important distinction. Reflects your point about excessive horniness. It is a strange phenomenon

Cultivating myself into what I believe I want to be.
I must overthink situations too much sometimes, but I feel it's part of my character to do so, so, here goes it.
What I want to be is strong, both in mental fortitude and what most people think of as strong immedately, musclar.
Not only that but I want to be able to fufill my resentless desires that I can't, as hard or not as hard I try, to fufill them.
A girlfriend to love, a method of income that doesn't make me feel lowsy, a form of spirtual rest, friends that I can speak to in person.
Fairly common goals.
It's not as if I'm unattractive, it's not as if I can't speak to women, but the pieces haven't fallen in place.
If I continue to cultivate my character, and not give up hope, I will achieve my ideals, even if they are only fufilled in the kingdom of heaven.
Let us hope our desires can be fufilled in the mortal realm if it is our only realm.
Still, I treasure the moments where I can flirt, even if it turns out they have boyfriends.
"Can I have one of your numbers?"
[speaking to a group of three girls I met the other day whilst swimming in the river]
They all replied that they had boyfriends.
"Can't say I'm too surprised." in a playtone.
Then I walked away with a soft smile upon my face and I could hear them giggling.

I wish you all the best in your endevaours, and I mean this sincerely.

>>15699664
But what are my endeavors?

Satanism has done a lot for me. I've found it incredibly personally enriching and has done a lot for my mental health, having pulled me back from the brink of a personal crises I've been undergoing the past few months. It really is a shame so few actually understand it. Some people, typically followers of the big three, think it's evil and terrible and is just another bad thing for bad people to do for no reason. They see us as one dimensional cartoon villains out to sacrifice virgins and end the world. Other people, your typical normie athiests, however, just think Satanism is nothing but kindling to fire up edgy kids who hate their parents and want to crank their contrarianism into overdrive. It's a real fucking shame. I feel more centered than I ever have. My personality is becoming integrated, my philosophy and sense of life are shifting in line with one another. My feelings of self doubt, internal conflict, cognitive dissonance, all fading rapidly. I'm closing in on contentedness, and soon I'll be beating down happiness's door. This upward trend is just too fucking palpable for me not to be overcome with gratitude and want to share it with others.

>>15699664
Good luck, man. With an attitude like that, fulfillment is an inevitability.

>>15697390
if you start examining your life you will see that already many things you do are in a way due to this loneliness

>>15700039
I don't know, but you best find some or else you'll get used by those with desire. Those who are mean spirited anyway.
>>15700073
Is the picture in question what you used to study satanism?

>>15700115
>Is the picture in question what you used to study satanism?
It's what I started with.

YOU ARE FIT TO LEARN THE PROPER MEANING OF A BEATDOWN
MADNESS
CHAOS IN THE BRAIN
LET MY BLOOD FLOW
LET MY BLOOD FLOW THROUGH YOU MANE
YOU GOT NO BUSINESS QUESTIONING A THING


>>15700073
read Stirner

>>15700137
>read Stirner
The Ego and His Own is arriving later today, according to amazon. Anything else of his I should look into?

>>15700132
Well, what would you recommend as someone who's knowledgable on the subject?

I struggle with daily life chores. Have you ever felt some kind of 'revelation' where you just don't know why you should stay alive? I feel like the only reason I keep going is to become more sensitive to things, to be more moved by the delicate mechanism of things.

>>15697263
Astoundingly based

>>15700174
I started with the Satanic Bible, followed by reading post-modern magical works like Condensed Chaos, followed by Objectivist works, followed by officially CoS sanctioned secondary works. I don't think this is the best way to go about understanding Satanism as it's just what I happened to meander through as time went on and I still have much left to study, but give it a shot if you're interested.

>>15697214
I don't think you actually want those things, I just think you want to be the kind of guy that has those things. You want to be the guy that has a hot wife, a good job, and a nice family, but you don't actually want those things in particular. You daydream about who you could be, and those are all just details in the self portrait. Your ideal haircut and ideal wife are serving the same function in your mind, illustrating what it says about the man they're attached to. The only difference is when you use other people as accessories, you have an audience.

I would say, with my fat ass firmly entrenched in this armchair, focus on yourself. Life may be meaningless, but there's nothing wrong with doing something for it's own sake. Abandon your need for validation from others and find what fulfills you even when you're alone, then chase it as hard as your programming dictates.

>>15700282
Alright thanks. I'll give it a shot.

Absurdism is retarded

>tfw born after the agricultural revolution

being pulled in too many directions, on top of being rather lazy, which fucks every attempt. it's time to pull the trigger on something and give it up. i can't seriously be an expert in 5 different fields at once.

the modern workplace is utter cancer. just to earn a gainful wage i'm expected to be a field expert out of the gate and maintain 40+ hours plus 20+ personal study hours a week, apparently? well fuck it, i don't even have anything i want money for other than basic ascetic tier living arrangements and medical costs. there's nothing i want to consoom so badly to deal with that. everyone else can have it, the animals. fuck the whole bother of it. what good is money anyway? travel? fuck it, lot of bother to go sit at a pool in some OTHER country, oh la la. fancy meals? i dont even enjoy food. fancy apartment? why? my shitbox is comfy enough. retirement? what for, so i can experience the joy of going to a different doctor every fucking month like all the geriatrics deal with to hold their rotting meatsuit together another decade? to hell with it all. take the asceticpill. money is a disease.

i thought of you... during the most intimate moment i shared with another person, you invaded my mind... and i thought to myself of how sweet it would be to hear the sway of your voice during that instance; how i felt when you called on me and gave me praise. you spoke words and sentences in your own beautiful manner. articulating like a poet; in rhythm, in metaphors, in loosely-formed assonance speaking directly to the soul.

it's been a long time since we last spoke. and when we have, it's within fragments in time. you leave, i await you, i welcome you, we test each other's patience..... then you leave again and return. (you know this). what you may not know is that this time was different, as i decided not to wait. I moved on.

i moved onto someone more beautiful than yourself, but not as well-spoken. and during our most intimate moment, my new love and i insisted we understood each other - without having need for words or bodily communication. the silence was enough for us (or for her at least) in feeling understood. but i lied, nonetheless.

perhaps i lied to myself too

because

during my most intimate moment with another, i thought of you.

>Among the German-speaking authors whose books student leaders burned that night were Vicki Baum, Walter Benjamin, Ernst Bloch, Franz Boas, Bertolt Brecht, Max Brod, Otto Dix, Alfred Döblin, Albert Einstein, Friedrich Engels, Lion Feuchtwanger, Marieluise Fleißer, Leonhard Frank, Sigmund Freud, Iwan Goll, George Grosz, Jaroslav Hašek, Werner Hegemann, Heinrich Heine, Hermann Hesse, Magnus Hirschfeld, Ödön von Horvath, Heinrich Eduard Jacob, Franz Kafka, Georg Kaiser, Erich Kästner, Alfred Kerr, Egon Kisch, Siegfried Kracauer, Karl Kraus, Theodor Lessing, Alexander Lernet-Holenia, Karl Liebknecht, Georg Lukács, Rosa Luxemburg, Heinrich Mann, Klaus Mann, Ludwig Marcuse, Karl Marx, Robert Musil, Carl von Ossietzky, Erwin Piscator, Alfred Polgar, Gertrud von Puttkamer, Erich Maria Remarque, Ludwig Renn, Joachim Ringelnatz, Joseph Roth, Nelly Sachs, Felix Salten, Anna Seghers, Arthur Schnitzler, Carl Sternheim, Bertha von Suttner, Ernst Toller, Kurt Tucholsky, Jakob Wassermann, Frank Wedekind, Franz Werfel, Grete Weiskopf, Arnold Zweig and Stefan Zweig.

>Not only German-speaking authors were burned, but also French authors like Henri Barbusse, André Gide, Victor Hugo and Romain Rolland; American writers such as John Dos Passos, Theodore Dreiser, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, Helen Keller, Jack London and Upton Sinclair; as well as English authors Joseph Conrad, Radclyffe Hall, Aldous Huxley, D. H. Lawrence and H. G. Wells; Irish writers James Joyce and Oscar Wilde; and Russian authors including Isaac Babel, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Ilya Ehrenburg, Maxim Gorki, Vladimir Lenin, Vladimir Mayakovsky, Vladimir Nabokov, Leo Tolstoy, and Leon Trotsky.

today i’m going to do some math with a gentile, and i’m really looking forward to it

I stopped writing here when I started going to therapy. Now therapy is over. Now this graduate student is walking around with all of my pathetic little thoughts in her mind, at least until she forgets it all in a week. And I once again have no one to talk to. I’ll get a new one in the fall when the semester starts and she’ll also get credit for talking to me. She’ll move on too once the semester is done. Then there’ll be two of them who know all about my boring life.

Life is good but I'm stressed as fuck that my girlfriend might be pregnant. She took plan b, but her period was super fucked up and maybe wasn't her period at all. It's probably fine but this type of thing gets to me. Anyway, I'm gonna go out and buy a kayak tomorrow. I've had a newfound respect for nature since rona hit. I really, really recommend all of you to go for a hike or bike if you're feeling like shit. I went out cycling with a group of friends the other day and it was the most pure happiness I've felt in years. It is entirely guilt-free. Cheers guys

>>15701098
I’ve been slowly realizing this. I want nothing to do with the current wageslave life. But I understand some part of it is necessary without hand me downs. I’ve decided to pay off my student debts as fast as I can in order to be truly my own person, at which point I’ll be free actually make decisions. I fantasize about moving from this suburb to a small apartment, needing to get rid of 80% that which I own but don’t need, spending my days reading, working on my fitness, spirituality, and overall just enjoying life. Maybe I find a part time job somewhere or do some studying to make a small passive income online. Either way a frugal way of living will be method. The idea of doing this for the next 30 years absolutely terrifies me, and I refuse to let it come to pass, or kill myself trying.

Generally speaking if you have a posting block, it expires, and you can post again, the mods are just gonna hit you with a warning, right?

Holy hell, that really sets me off more than any of you will ever realize. If you have nothing to say about a philosopher then say NOTHING. If I wanted stand up jokes I would say "post crappy stand up jokes." I am sorry but philosophy is probably not for you. Imagine if a teacher asked you about Socrates and you answered with some stupid off topic joke. They would punch your teeth down your throat.


And here is another thing, he gets angry that people here mock Conan Doyle. Well I'm sorry but that is clearly not what most here care about. This is clearly a more philosophy centered board. If you want to discuss Socrates then you can talk about him with us but most aren't going to really care about Doyle. Maybe you should try Reddit. They like him more.

If YOU want to take it as me insulting your intelligence and calling you a moron then by all means take it that way. I do not care.

You know what really ticks me off? People who think the Republic was an allegory. "Duhhhh duhhhh Plato wasnt serious wif dat eugenics and planned economy and anti-democracy stuff. Actually he would have loved liberalism." Stfu dumbass

>>15695814
for a while i maintained the delusion that i was a writer, despite the only real stories i'd written (other than some cringey RP, also during high-school) were class assignments. left to my own devices, the only thing i write is long, rambling imageboard posts.
at some point that delusion started to fade and now i'm realizing i'm not actually a writer, or any kind of creative type at all. i am a void, a void who told themselves that despite presenting nothing publicly they were secretly at heart a creative writer.
no, i am a maladaptive daydreamer.

Plato would have cracked your fucking skulls open with a hammer and left you in the side of the road.

I recently finished and published a book. I hope people read it.

>GOOD FUCKING MORNING, GODAMNIT
you sleep quite late buttercunt
>WAKE UP AT 4 AM
is butterkant a better nickname
i still quite like buttercunt desoo
its a cute name
>我愛妳~

I'm seeing my mother tomorrow, I've not seen her in 7 years and I don't know quite what to expect.

>>15705150
i havent spoken to my mother in 10ish years
i cannot even begin to imagine what seeing her again would be like
it must feel daunting, to say the least
best of luck, i guess? it will all be daijoubu anon
godspeed

>>15705161
thank you, I just hope she's not combative :(

I wish I had the guts right now to kill myself instead of putting it off to September.

Kind of wish I had studied law. I had to do a group writing project with law students once and they were very impressed of my autistic writing style which I ape from philologists. A greater breadth of reading is probably a hidden superpower to white collar workers

Thanks to Venus in fur I got a new fetish

>>15705121
post the link and I will

Russian - Chinese - Indian - Persian - Arabic
I don't know which literature and language to learn.

>>15705646
https://www.lulu.com/en/gb/shop/charlie-borchard-and-taurus-necrus/off-world/paperback/product-585vgn.html

>>15697390
I'm 30 and while i'd like to say im past loneliness im not but im also not deeply bitter or angry either.
I am less "thirsty" but i get bouts of really deep longing for human contact. I dont even fantasise about sex anymore, i just want to be hugged.

>>15702587
Oooh yes the sense of adventure and thrill of cycling is exhilarating! Does your gf track her period and is it usually regular for her? Get a piss stick for her so you can both get peace of mind, and remember that women can only conceive for a short timeframe (right before and during ovulation) each menstrual cycle. Taking Levonorgestrel definitely messes up the hormones and it may have induced an early mini period in her but it personally made my cycles more regular. Is there a reason why you didn’t use birth control or was there a mishap? Asking out of curiosity

>>15705121
What’s your book about? Self published? I’d love to read it!

>>15706153
>>15705688
I’ve read your synopsis and I’m really intrigued, can offer an ePub/mobi format, I really want to buy it!

>>15700149
He only wrote one book. When you read it you'll understand why

>>15705681
Yes twinsies omg!! I can loosely communicate in mandarin because of my cultural background, but I will never be able to read my dads diaries. Chinese characters are so difficult to learn and remember. The Russian language is also so beautiful, I’ve grown up listening to my cousins and the babushkas at church purr in their language so mesmerisingly but I never learnt more beyond my grandma trying to teach me the Cryllic alphabet. I would absolutely love to be able to read Pushkin and Akhmatova without it getting lost in translation. And from listening to a lot of Persian and Arabic music and translating the lyrics, there is so much richness that captivates me I wish they were my first languages sometimes. Although I am slowly building Arabic dance vocabulary I get so much fomo and anxiety thinking of all the literature of the above languages that will get lost as older generations die and English becomes the dominating language.

>>15705514
What are the things that are making you put it off suicide? If there are things to live for now, then surely you can take it day by day. Have faith in yourself, I want you to live, anon <3

>>15706142
Her period does have a tendency to be irregular, so the pill probably exacerbated that a bit. She is getting a test though so let's hope for the best. I'm usually the one who keeps cool in the relationship but this just always breaks me. I've gone through it twice before. Also yeah, I was using a shitty free uni condom and it broke on me and we didn't notice until I finished.

After all this time, I still don't understand why this happened and I can't get over how hurt I feel, how I put all of my trust into her and she destroyed everything in an inconceivable way (inconceivable for me, it did not cross my mind for a single second that it could happen before it did, but there it was). She did the most damage she could have, and this all happened in the moment that was going to be the happiest, the moment we've anticipated for so long.

The day that was supposed to be the best ended up becoming the worst and ruining everything we've built that was so good and honest and felt so real and made my heart so happy. All I wanted was to fall asleep next to her and to hold her, feel her love and make her feel my love, sit there relaxed with a smile on my face and tell myself that everything is good, quarantine passed, and all of the good things promised during this period will come. I wanted to be happy with her for what we were, and it was all taken away in the worst possible moment. How do I trust someone to this level again after this. Do I just not? It hurts so much when I think about it, I was so happy up until that point and all of that happiness was taken away and trashed.

Then I was supposed to forget everything and move on, act like it never happened, like nothing ever at all happened between us and we are back on track normally. This is so cruel, a horrible joke and prank that was played onto me. At the start of everything sometimes I did ask myself if I am being pranked and toyed with, just a sort of question to keep me in check if things ever went south. But as we progressed and continued, I stopped telling myself that, I instead started trusting her and I trust her more than anyone else in my life before. I let her go through all of my defenses and she took a huge dump on me.

>>15706253
Best to buy a copy for now. It's pretty cheap. I'll be releasing an ebook version sometime though.

>>15706513
Aww no it’s definitely a really stressful thing to go through and I know how you feel! Definitely invest in better condoms, and if this has occurred twice before then maybe you should measure yourself and double check what condom size you are. Too much friction/not enough lubrication can also cause the latex to snap. How did your kayak buying go? I often see people kayak recreationally along local rivers and waters and it seems so peaceful, I really want to try.

>>15706608
Could you please offer a sample page or two? :)

>>15706270
Okay cool thanks

>>15706662
Appreciate the words :) All the affordable kayaks in my area were sold out so I ended up just getting an inflatable one on Amazon. It's cheap and it'll be easy to travel with so I can't complain. Reviews say it gets the job done. If there's any rentals in your area, you absolutely have to go this summer. Rented with gf the other day and an hour was enough to convince me. Was really nice time together, but I think it'll be equally enriching solo. Bonus points for being a real workout

>>15695814
been thinking about my motorcycle. riding sort of tricks you into meditating. you have to be so aware of your surroundings and present because of the risk, you end up being entirely in the moment for long periods of time. i come home after a ride and feel incredibly invigorated and happy to be alive. most days(during covid) i ride to somewhere secluded and enjoy my books in the company of nature. i almost hit a hawk one time though that felt pretty bad.

probably going to kill me one day but there's truly nothing like it.

Nihilism, or any thoughts about whether life is meaningful or meaningless is inherently neurotic and un-meaningful. A healthy individual doesn't need to ponder about these made up questions. You probably are living in your head way too much, especially if you think about these things a lot including suicide. So, figure out for yourself and by yourself how to stop living in your head and start "living in your body".

>>15695814
The more I read of modern history the more convinced I am that almost everything is the fault of banks. these fuckers are like an international government that have been strongarming states for centuries, lurking half-seen.

Tell me again why I should care about ducks?

>>15706521
Sucks to suck, huh

I haven't loved living this much before after reading The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged. I had doomer tendencies before but now I feel completely cured. My life is in my hands and it belongs to no one else.

>>15707330
Indeed it does, yes

>>15707308
the fish wishes to walk, the dog wishes to fly, and the sparrow wishes to swim. but the duck only laughs

1/2

God gave us free will
And the boy made his choices
This way or that
Yes or no
Paralysed by infinity
Was his excuse
But deluded to the core
And so it went
He twisted himself
into something hideous
Spent his days pushing
pain onto others
I'll feel it this time
thank you
This monkey's gone to heaven
I'll see everybody there
Sam
X

2/2

vile boy
Do we live in a deterministic machine
Everything written in stone
Since the dawn of time
... Or do we have free will..
Etching our consciousness into the
Fabric of the universe
From one moment to the next
That is the question
But I am too weak
And too fearful
To believe in such majesty
I choose the easy way
foul boy
soulless and evil
leaves a bad taste on your tongue
This is my nature
This was my destiny from the
Beginning of everything
This is what I tell myself
Everything unfolding from a single point
We cannot perceive time as it truly is
Everything has already happened
Repeating again and again
This is what I tell myself
I have to
Because I have chosen fear over faith
We all have stories we must tell ourselves
And this is mine
Please think of the good times if you can
There were so many
Thank you
I love you all

Sam
X

Psychosis. Paranoia. They are plotting against me. My manager has infiltrated the poker whatsapp group. I can't even trust my therapist. Vodka. Valium. Smoking crack with a homeless rastafarian. Attempting sex with a crack addicted prostitute. Failing. Full blown psychosis. I am the chosen one. Time travel. Spies. An international crisis. I am the consciousness of a nuclear deterrent machine. Handing myself into the police for viewing child porn. All my family know. Arrest. 200 mile journey curled up in a ball in the back of a police van. 24 hours in a cell. No sleep. The psychosis ramps up. The devil is here. The prophecy. Sectioned in hospital. Surrounded by crazies was the first time I felt normal. Leave hospital move back in with parents. Create instagram account and add colleagues, school friends, old uni friends and basically anyone I know. I am manic. Post pure cringe on a daily basis. Mania goes. I have publicly traumatised myself in a very deep way. Alienation. Suicidal thoughts. Boredom. No focus. Can't even read book. Am I in hell srs question

>>15708344
>Am I in hell srs question
You describe the process of one foot in hell and one foot in heaven which is something not unique to yourself, and you sound particularly torn. You keep touching yourself the more you try not to, go rent a cabin for a week and obsessively draw sketches of everything you see, waste half of the day for sleep intentionally. For food bring only bare sustenance, bring enough that you won’t risk starving. At the end of the week on your way back home, go to a roller skating rink, and then stop at a McDonalds and buy a salad and nothing else. Then you can come home and work on something.

>>15708422
Thanks for your reply anon. I really appreciate it. You are kind person with good advice. I will find the roller skating rink. I will eat the salad. They will have never seen such a roller skater as I. I will blow them away. Check out my moves. Pure fire. I have been to hell and back. That's my secret. Shh. Quiet now. There is peace in the cabin but there is chaos in nature. I will find balance. Heaven and hell. Good and evil. Don't fall off the the tightrope. It's a long way down. But now I must drink. I'm sorry Mum & Dad. You don't deserve this. Peace and love

wondering if i should just give up on trying to get traditionally published and just write whatever the fuck i want to write and post it on wattpad or something. no more trying to pander, trying to limit myself to their wordcount targets, no need to ask permission from blue haired agents.
>>15696131
iktf

I think about the days of old when I was young
A youngling, innocent and curious
Nothing was of worry
And I knew it

I would enjoy hot days
And despise wet ones

Alas, if I could go back I wouldn't
For my life is only progressing
And to go back would be counterproductive

>>15697390
>>15705708
Why not just read this book, develop a hobby or two and meet people at the park, the gym, meetup groups, community college class of your choice, etc?

If you have some sort of chronic illness or disability then I apologize, but I don't see how people let this be a problem so long.

>>>15705308

I feel an aimless anxiety that makes me feel sick to my stomach. It comes without warning and it just sinks me into a very bad mood. I get this persistent feeling of foreboding and impending doom and I'm not really sure what triggers it. Even if I'm having a good day and I feel confident at one moment, at the next I just feel like something terrible is happening somewhere.

>>15708170
>>15708176
Spoke to my soul.

>>15705322
are you seeing her tomorrow or today? im unsure because time difference.
if today, i hope it went well

She only texts me in between the breaks of her drunken escapades. She’s Russian so I understand.

i feel directionless. All i want is a better career and no matter what I look into all I find are impossibilities and dead ends. I can't even figure out what my priorities in life are. I dont want kids or a family, I dont want objects or a house, and I swear there is more to life than growing your bank account. I dont care about retirement savings, I dont plan to live past 60.

But God, everything is so over-competitive, priced out, and gatekeeped. What the hell am I supposed to do?

My waifu is Sophia (wisdom). I want to literally marry her and have children with her. Can I?

>"The book which you sent me, Kant's Critique, I read for about a month but it is too deep for me to understand. The most of it went over my head. Finally I got so disgusted and discouraged that I went into a tantrum. In a mad rage, I tore it up into 10,000 pieces and fired it out of my door"

>>15709948
Just spend time doing what you enjoy. Like you could read a book.

>>15710251
it should be that simple. instead i spend 10+ hours a day on 4chan and i despise this place and never enjoy being here. why do i do this?

Humans aren’t exactly meant to care about 8 billion people at once.

Especially if they’re white or brown or tan or yellow or black or green or blue or have small squinty eyes or big trembling butts or huge hands or coarse hair or brown eyes or blue eyes or leave their untimely babies out to die or paint their faces with ash or don’t eat beef or chickens or carrots or drink wine or eat bread or yeast for a few weeks a year or don’t look at or kiss their wives or have dozens of wives or hunt tiger for their bones or whales for their meat or kiss snakes for money or die for honor or sleep in igloos or believe in god or gods or the son of god or wipe with their left hand and eat with their right with no fork or chopstick or spoon or knife and don’t use tweezers or gauze or neosporin on their wounds and can’t sing a twelve tone scale or write in cursive or speak English or Chinese or Russian or in tongues and don’t dance or sing or spin around very fast at all or play sports or climb mountains and don’t pay taxes or keep up with the Joneses or worry about the economy and don’t romanticize tribalism or sell full ducks from a tuk tuk or read or write or comprehend or examine life at all. It’s confusing to be different — it’s hard to understand context.

>>15709866
I'm seeing her in a few hours from now. I'm leaving now to get some fresh fruit from a local farmers market to share with her.

>>15710441
If you were serious about finding a better career you wouldn't be spending 10+ hours on 4chan.

>>15710457
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ITS FACE?

>>15709769
That’s an inevitable outcome of any distraction for myself. But how are your distractions? I’m sorry to hear this is eating at you anon.

>>15710457
>dead society cow
Everything else to be said aside that’s actually really saddening

>>15710766
>>15710457
One of the most haunting images I've ever seen. This image makes me think that if man could see the places where his things come from then he could rid himself of the needless cruelty that we have today.

>>15709478
Good for you, anon. I hope it works out

>>15710826
Right. That cow could've cured cancer for all we know.

>>15710441
Then what do you want to hear?

>>15710457
woah this is a deep

>>15709769
I get that when I drink coffee.

>>15711253
Thank you anon

for the longest time i thought i should get a job that uses max brain power, like a white collar desk job you know. but what waste of thinking i just want to comteplate not work for some faggot crunching numbers and filling in spread sheets. working a technically interesting but soulless job helping some faceless corporate entity make more profits. I had the best experience working when it was a field job, being a surveyor, walking the land, nothing complex but even the worst day well couldnt feel too bad. I was outside. If i am on a computer I want it to be for my own leisure. not for some 9 to 5. fuck me for thinking about money the way i did. It should be so secondary. If i make a lot of money should be some consequence of a side hustle not be some rich wageslave

Your gifts suck and they have always sucked. I even thought so as a dumbfuck kid. Whenever I said "I would prefer nothing at all" I was dead serious. I would prefer no gifts and nothing at all to the sitcom and chodehouse trash you give me. You always give people things that YOU want and not stuff that they want. I wouldn't even be so angry at chodehouse or gilligan if you didn't try to pawn that shit off on me. Someone reading Schopenhauer is really REALLY not going to appreciate those as gifts. It would be excusable if you didn't even know me but you stalk me literally everyday and KNOW what kind of philosophers I discuss here. Hint: I certainly don't discuss Chodehouse

>>15712323
Someone who is supposedly reading Schopenhauer should be more sympathetic and understanding. What went wrong here? With gifts it is hardly a matter of the gift itself; rather it's the act of kindness. Someone cared enough about you to try to make you feel better. What does it matter if the material thing doesn't suit your liking?

>old asian grandmom next door seems to have sold her house or is at least renting it out
>obnoxious zoomers moved in, they blast shitty music all day and night
>the shittiest top 40 tier popular music shit you could imagine
imagine all the music discovery pathways we have in 2020, for FREE, and choosing to listen to tasteless soulless radioshit. people who play music the loudest ALWAYS have the worst taste. I had to get my noise canceling headphones out instead of using my shitty laptop speakers (I move around a lot so headphones are a pain in the ass).

Fuck zoomers

>>15712580
What can be done about this?

>>15695814
Well reading your line reminded me of a conversation I had with a priest where we discussed the apocalypse being an event that occurs on an individual level rather than a global one.
People all the time get hit by trucks, starve to death, die of old age, or become conquered into some form of slavery.

So that's what was on my mind.

>>15709866

cont >>15710479 I've just been and gone. It went well but I found out that she's not had any social contact other than very rarely ordering McDonald's which she stores in the fridge. She's lost a remarkable amount of weight and is clearly malnourished. Her skin is covered in sores and appears to just about be falling off. She's been wearing the same clothes and shoes for the last 7 years and are now literally rags. She's also smashed holes in the walls of her very nice house, I asked and she said she made them while having a break down.

What I find hardest is that I still remember her from my childhood. She was a truly delightful, loving and caring mother before her psychosis detonated.

>>15712488
Because it's about making others read what YOU want. It's about pushing your interests on others when they specifically asked you to just leave them alone.

why are there so many lesbians in the army

>>15712999
do you think she made a sudden switch from normal to crazy?
or is it possible she was crazy all along and young you just didnt pick up on it?
or perhaps she had crazy in her, it just slowly trickled out until one day it became evident

>>15713358
Only in hindsight was there a slow buildup, although the actual psychotic break was very sudden. She has forever described it her self as an epiphany "the light had been turned on, there was no turning it off".

The day before the event was much like any other, things had seemingly been going quite well actually. It came as an incredible shock to everyone.

The book "What Is Madness" by Darien Leader perfectly describes everything I've seen and experienced.

>>15714019
this mirrors my own experience with my birth mother. only in hindsight did i see the signs. but in my youthful days, it all seemed so normal, until suddenly it wasnt.
my birth mother never gave me an explanation. on rare occasions she would allude to it through some sort of euphemism, always contextualized with some sort of passing of time
>back then. it was a different time. yadda yadda.
i dont think she wanted to truly face the monster she was and had become. i dont think she wanted to admit that much of her behavior and actions were motivated by her own selfish intentions, despite her efforts to masquerade it as an illness or whatever.
>"in your household, even motherhood is up for debate"

do you plan on seeing your mother again?

>meet some greek chick
>tells me she's a leftist
>i notice she keeps talking about turks being bad
>her twitter is literally full of /pol/-type images about turks being roaches
>her entire life seems to come down to TURKEY BAD
It's funny, Turks are supposed to be the crazy ones, but the only Turks I've met have been total bros. Greeks are such fucking self-absorbed cunts. You stopped being relevant 2000 years ago, dipshits, stop being so cringe.

I'm half way through Mrs. Dalloway and I can't bring myself to continue. Is Woolf shit or am I being filtered?

Doherty, you are a dumbass sack of shit. Never forget that your own father wishes your mongrel brats were never born. I wouldn't even be surprised if he beat you. Hell, that's what you deserve. A beating.

>>15697390
25

I spoke to a lady on the radio, it was the weirdest thing. She asked me if I had checked on my mother (she had been sick lately, something lung related) and I told her that I had. She didn't seem to believe me and the most sickening laugh came through the speaker. It chilled me and made me feel like a scared child. The next day we spoke again, and she seemed kinder or at least more understanding. She said she liked me and saw a lot of potential in me, which made me feel good for a while. But when I woke up this morning, I felt a sudden and inexplicable dread, and I knew in my heart that everything she had ever told me, ever since I was a child, had been a lie.

>>15714311
Most old books are shit. Academia is a circlejerk that remains stuck on the same old shit. 2666 is probably better than anything you're told is one of the "great novels" of the Western tradition, but you're going to be told to go read Charles Dickens or some shit.

At the very end of the street, past all the empty bars tucked into open garage spaces, is the XXX bar which stays open until sunrise. At this bar you can sit by a bar and drink a disgustingly cheap cocktail mixture of juice and blinding (literally) local grain alcohol and you can have a prostitute sit on your lap and touch your face as she tries to induce you into paying her for sex. The TV probably shows some Premier League game you don't give a shit about. The prostitutes will hang out for some time especially if the rest of the bar is empty which it usually is, but they eventually leave if you ignore them for long enough. They're dead serious about closing at sunrise, so when you, spying from your position on the rooftop, begin to see the warm glow appearing you should know that you are about be moved on. So at that point, you can either pick up some more grog from the supermarket, or collapse into bed and dissolve into cockroach shit.

>>15714311
Mrs Dalloway is probably my favourite book ever written.

>>15714069
do you feel you've resolved your feelings of abandonment? And do you expect to ever see your birth mother again?


to answer your question I will see her again but I don't know if I should continue seeing her regularly and attempt build a relationship.

On one hand, she's open to and is encouraging me to be in her life. It's up to me to negotiate how the relationship will work. I know a functioning relationship can only work if there's very clear boundaries and I'm able to compartmentalize the chaos to not allow it to affect my life. it may be possible to build a relationship.

On the one hard she's far too huge of a burden for me to accept responsibility for. The reason I stopped seeing her originally is the relationship had become focused purely on her delusion and there were no clear boundaries between us.
The purpose of meeting her was to face my own problems. I'm a reasonably well rounded member of society but I've not dealt with these problems in my past. I've developed a mild phobia of anyone that physically resembles or shares her name. I've spent an inordinate amount of time diligently avoiding any pattern of thought that might lead me to dwelling on her. I mostly just want to work on and get past my own problems, I'm not looking to accrue more.

why is nearly every nofap scholar has a written eloquence of a 9-year-old

>tfw woke up to a text from boss asking to come into work tonight
>tfw want to say no but I was dumb enough to let slip I'm trying to find another job yesterday so I'm afraid they'll fire me for not coming in
Fuck working retail. I barely make above minimum wage. I shouldn't worry about having to come in or not on my days off. I just worked several days in a row last week and I'll be working six if I say yes to coming in tonight.

I lost a game of chess to a girl. It was strange, I did not think it was going to bother me, but it does. It actually stings a little. I can not recall ever feeling like this before and I think that it might be because I have never lost to a girl properly before. I feel humiliated, like my pride has taken a huge blow as well as my ego. What suprises me is the fact that I am bothered by it. I have lost plenty of times before to fellows such as myself, I did not think that losing to a girl would feel any different. I was wrong, and shocked by the difference. I do not consider myself good at chess and it was not even a competetive match, yet I feel so frustrated and disheartened to lose to a girl that is 3 or 4 years younger than me. I wonder why? Why do I feel this way? It is just a game! So why? Maybe it is because my nephew was watching and went "wow anon is so cool" mere seconds before I lost. It is almost as if I let him down, he seemed to have a high opinion of me or atleast thought of me as "the cool uncle" and now that image of me might be shattered. What's more is that I feel like having a rematch would be difficult for me. Because if I lose I will humiliate myself even more, but if I win I will just be back on zero again, I would just have evened it out and it would not bring me any satisfaction. Speaking of satisfaction, she probably does not feel much from or got anything out of winning. She has most likely forgotten about it while I am here still tasting the bitterness of defeat! The funny thing is I would probably be in her shoes if I won, not thinking much of it, yet she would not think much of it either if she lost. I do not know why I feel like this, but this feeling will probably fade soon. Perhaps I'm being a little overdramatic about this. Although, I wonder I'm a sexist or something for not being able to stand the feeling of losing to a girl?

What would you choose between accounting and cs? I can't choose. I don't see why one is better than the other.

>>15716644
I would choose CS. At least it is intellectually stimulating, and has a much higher potential of return depending on how good at it you are. Though a certain degree of autistic hyperrationality is required. Accounting on the other hand seems like a safe choice if you aren't bothered by a life of mediocrity.

>>15716644
Accounting is much easier. If you suck at math stick to accounting.

Im starting to realize that im not capable of saving myself.

I feel more life in my dreams than I do when I'm awake. Whenever I awake, I try to sleep again and again to recover those sensations.

>>15716906
Is your life that dull or dreams that vivid?

>>15717278
Both

>>15716906
Same. Disappointment is the first thing I feel every morning. And when you're sleep deprived it makes your dreams more intense but it's bad for you.

>all modern psychotherapy techniques are just repackaged snippets of eastern religion
What did they mean by this?

>>15717707
lol no

>>15717300
When I was depressed I had a wonderful dream. I barely remember it anymore. I was on the most wonderful date and everything was going splendid. For a week I just tried to sleep to dream it again.

>>15717795
lol yes

Finally quit all social media last night and feeling so much better. I checked Twitter everyday all the time for years - followed self improvement, Maga bros, money making accounts, and 4chan dudes. Also, had Instagram and would get too much dopamine looking at girls with edited photos and makeup. Finally came to realize it's over stimulation and deleted it all. Today feeling so focused, even during my workout it felt great not checking my phone between sets.

It's odd to me that incels who tend to be ugly and cringe, mostly hate trannies for being ugly and cringe.

>>15719035
the saddest thing about incels to me is that almost all of them could get a girl if they lowered their standards and had something interesting(to women) about them. very few people on this earth are genuinely repulsive

>>15719056
Maybe, I wouldn't know since I'm a permavirgin. It's certainly easy to feel hopeless and inadequate when you lack any real life experience, and there is a fair point to be made about men having to live up to higher standards than women in order to get any attention.

>>15719056
>very few people on this earth are genuinely repulsive
You just haven't got to know them well enough.

How old where you when you realized you were in control of your life and can chart your own course? For me it was 23.

>>15719339
6

I preserved all the censored media, and now even the act of watching it takes some sort of despicable act. I detest the control that society has over us, a control that turns ideas upside down with the absolute will of a mob. I loathe the limitations of humans to explore singular narratives, to only have the capacity for one truth and the irony of it always changing.

>>15719227
being socially inept and unconfident is the biggest obstacle in the way of men who want to get laid, because they're expected to do the courting. there are a lot of men walking around convinced they're repulsive because the women who are interested in them won't make the first move.
you aren't doomed to be hopeless anon, but improving yourself is the only way out. and improving yourself is a gruelling fucking process that will take ages. but it's possible. my 5'7 friend that has such a severe glasses prescription that he genuinely looks similar to pic related, and he's conservative too. he's has had two girlfriends since he started working out and drawing

women are typically raised to be far more socially adept, so the chances of them being permavirgins is far lower. you'd be surprised how many girls are virgins though. my one of my exes had a couple club slut looking friends who only went out and partied, they were both virgins. and another of mine was a virgin herself. it happens to women too

>>15719325
true that, i mean physically though

So milking money out of depressed people is ok?

>>15719665
Capitalism commodifies every single thing, just look at all the people making $$$ from virtue signaling by selling merchandise related to BLM.

Why is it moral to take financial advantage of depressed people?

>>15719702
Hm you are probably right. People still sell cigarettes and advertise them where they can. I tend to forget that money is what matters.

But it is not frowned upon like the tobacco industry. Why?

>>15719703
Why is anything moral?

>hear inhuman scream of rage outside
>probably a methed out hobo looking for trouble, heard them a few times and am familiar with the tone of it
>last time it was the middle of the night, i woke up and tracked the hobo
>they passed right in front of my window after a few minutes of shambling towards my position, then slowly disappeared to the south, screaming and cursing the way tweakers do the whole time
>unnerving as fuck
>grab gun and station in front of window, gun held below the windowsil out of sight
>listening
>few minutes pass, see normalfags just walking around with their guard completely down
>watch one walk past the street in front of my apartment
>i'm holding a gun staring at this person and they don't even know i'm there
how is everyone so relaxed all the time? how do you hear something like that and just walk around looking at your smartphone? fucking NPCs. this situation is god damned inhuman and everyone ignores it and pretends it's normal, or even worse, they act like the tweakers are a zoo attraction and walk up to them to try to "help" or to get a look or take video, no concept of the danger at hand. several people in the city have already been attacked while they were doing that. one cunt who tried to hold a conversation with a hobo while he was tweaking out got her orbital bone shattered. they have no concept of danger at all, like a kid who walks up to a wild bear and tries to pet it.
>inb4 scared
I'm obviously not scared enough to move out of here, only to take reasonable precaution and keep aware.

>>15719818
As in people wouldn't feel resentful or harmed. Moral things don't generate this kind of feeling.

But screw this. 4chan is a shitty place for this kind of conversation.

>>15719841
then why not simply use the word “helpful” instead of “moral”, and “harmful” instead of “immoral” ?

>>15719889
Because you can resent people who help you out? Look, forget it.

>>15719707
Cigarettes are drugs that have been legal since their inception, banning them would be like banning alcohol - which has always done more harm than good. What's really twisted is how the tobacco industry spent decades successfully paying for slanted research to deny the connection between smoking and cancer, among other things. If people knew earlier, countless lives could have been saved.

>>15719854
4chan is one of the few places speak their minds unfiltered. I can't think of any good sites to take its place, which is why I can't leave.

Quiero enamorarme de algo y amarlo tanto hasta el punto que literalmente me muera y deje de existir; hasta el punto que me disuelva completamente en Amor y Belleza.

Quiero enamorarme de la vida, quiero enamorarme de algo, sentir tanta hermosura que no me quepa en el cuerpo. Quiero que mi corazón se desintegre en un millón de pedazos!

Que la barrera entre el yo y el otro se vuelva tan absurda, como un ciego enpalmando las páginas de un libro.

Anhelo el día en que el Amor y el Odio se den la mano, se vean en atravez de una ventana que se transfigura en un espejo.

Qué tajante el sentido del humor de la Creación, haciendo arder cuanto ser le cruze!

Contando los segundos, minutos y horas, hasta que fulminemos en el infinito sin dejar atrás ni una sola palabra y mucho menos un suspiro.

Qué filosa es la daga bendita de la impermanencia, lacerando sin discriminación alguna.

>>15695814
People have stopped giving a shit about George Floyb (pbuh) it seems. Both 4chan and Reddit are back to their passive aggressive bitching about nothing important. The respite is nice, to be honest.

The quality of both places continues to downgrade as both are more normified, 4chan at least being a bit slower due to being less mainstream and naturally abrasive.

I think it's much too early in general to see how the next for or so years will play out.

>>15719056
>bro just lower your standards
>just force to feel attraction towards her even if you dont in the first place
shit advice

>>15695814
The ideas that came out of American slavery were so fucking retarded. It's why Americans are stupid as fuck to this day. It was centuries of cognitive dissonance, conflicting views, pseudoscience and white guilt.

A lot of this "black people aren't human" shit came from the fact that white people felt really shitty about slavery, since chattel slavery was pretty unique to the Americas as well as uniquely fucked up. They had to come up with these justifications for why it was actually ok to treat humans like cattle and doom an entire race and all of their offspring to a lifetime of slave labor.

But then they turn around and fuck these animals, allow these animals to literally raise their children, and feel like these animals need to be saved by Jesus.

And also, don't teach these animals to read. If you're caught teaching the livestock to read, you will be punished and the livestock will be beaten for trying to learn. Sure, we don't really care about you trying to teach cows and pigs and chickens to read, but we don't want you teaching the negroes for some odd reason because it may start giving them ideas... hmm...

>>15714763
Hi, I'm a different person from the one you were responding to, but I've also had a similar experience with my own mum. It's been 6 years since I've seen her. I think about her often, but I don't know if I have the courage to go through with organizing seeing her again and then dealing with the future of having her in my life again, like you say it's an enormous responsibility. I think I'm afraid of her.

What was it that made you meet her again? I wonder how common this is.

>>15709478
Dale Carnegie's book fixed my relationship with my relatives, but I still have no friends.

>>15721041
>since chattel slavery was pretty unique to the Americas
No it isnt, Africa and the Muslim world where far more into slave trade and where more severe.

>>15721041
Wasnt serfdom in eastern europe basically a slavery?

Inhabit, Inhibition

tells me to go to bed on these, cut of from the source maybe. No histories

Anger, the desire to be right, dont want to say I am being denied that fact wrongly. why did my education fail me? Phantom sweat drop feeling when you are lied to be people who you see as allies, reading only headlines, but why? (write it, dont pick back up when you remember the keyboard)I feel this intellectually now. Its bad.

Where is righteousness, why do I go to bed when the sun rises. I slip out of the flow. COmmunication.

Leaving the windows open and feeling a cold on my ankles perfectly matching the grayblue of the rising sun. I love the sight of black trees that reach out to you.
Everytime I swim, when I dive under I forget that I wanted to turn around and look at the refraction on the water surface.

Writng (hate the second i in it) words for their shapes not their definition, the letters and the font are how they are defined.

Line crescent linecrescent,different on a and i but return to b, linecircle, i linedot, t cross, the first has ended, the second leaves ion

Maybe it was reflection on the water, i wrote this but i cut a part I called pseudointellectual,

Anger to bad. I wont cut it, its contained, ain is a creaking door, but ive heard subvocalization slows one down. ive forgot what else writes. rising morn. deleted a to instead of an s

>>15721103
Anon I think you should try to meet with your mother again. And like >>15714763 says, it’s something that can be figured out with clear ideas that you can both set up, and it’s even possible your mother has some of these kinds of phobias as well.

>>15718299
>he says this while posting on 4chan
There is nothing of value here and it is more of the same you describe.

>>15721041
Cows, pigs, and chickens are arguably far less than 3/5ths human, it's not that unreasonable.

>>15721041
>since chattel slavery was pretty unique to the Americas as well as uniquely fucked up
Are you American yourself? You seem to have zero knowledge of history or other countries. If so question how much your views on the matter are influenced by your education and upbringing, easily half of American history as taught in schools is heavily embellished.

>>15721131
>Wasnt serfdom in eastern europe basically a slavery?
No, serfdom was basically a mortgage arrangement; i.e., not so far from modern wagecuckery.

Though of course when you're a subsistence farmer and you live in the middle of nowhere bracketed by feral savager tribes the power dynamic is vastly incomparable to anything the modern world knows.

>>15721242
Yeah Tolstoy went around raping his serfs because it was just a mortgage arrangement.

>>15721131
slav...slave
hmmm

>>15721227
American slavery is unique in that respect that it was created and perpetrated by venture capitalists looking to make a quick buck on the colonization business venture.

Never before was slavery so impersonal, so large in scope and so stupidly blind to future repercussions.

And yes, they should have picked their own sugarcane.

>>15721252
he wasn't raping nobody, he had arrangements with local village pimps

>>15721271
>impersonal
black people have the last name Jefferson because of some very personal relationships

>>15721271
What a laughable attempt at rewriting history. Before the Europeans ever arrived to America the Aztecs ritualistically ate and killed slaves left and right. Was that not more impersonal? The Middle East had more European slaves alone (they also has African and Asian slaves) than were ever in America, is that not greater in scope? Maybe one could argue the blindness to the future, but this ignores the fact that it was very popular in America that the slaves should be sent back to Africa, this is what lead to the formation of Liberia as we know it today. People knew what a fool's errand it was to try and assimilate Africans in the US after slavery, but they did it anyway precisely because of those venture capitalists you credit as being the perpetrators of slavery in the first place! You're comically wrong and propagandized about everything.
https://youtu.be/tk8vUP1yewg
Educate yourself.

all of my life i’ve been supremely aware that i am often...unwanted. i was an accidental pregnancy and so my mother abused me and i grew up to be a mentally ill, maladjusted adult. i used to be fat and so my romantic life played out accordingly—i was cheated on repeatedly and then for a long time i was single. i lost the weight through low-carb eating and exercise but have gained some of it back, although i am since down 10 pounds and the rest will likely fall off soon. what makes me so sick is how well i am treated now that i am more fit. people who didn’t want to give me the time of day suddenly think i am an incredibly interesting conversational partner. i ran today until i was sick because i’m trying to get back into exercise. all of the fake new interest does not matter, though, because the normies who do this make me ill and i’m also so weird and isolated that any attempt to get to know me results in that same feeling of unwantedness. i’m still spiritually the same fat NEET that i used to be. a bunch of people smiled at me on my run and i thought of how they’d either ignore me or gawk at my spherical body were this only 2 years ago. why is everything so fake? i cannot even tell who really likes me anymore and it’s driving me into a panic. how do you know when someone really wants you around?

>>15716906
my dream has always beens strange

>>15714763
i think you need closure. start there first. then you can entertain thoughts (but not necessarily commit) of rebuilding a relationship later.
i kinda understand how you feel. for a while, there were certain things that reminded me of my birth mother which i actively avoided.
it sounds selfish, because it is, but you are your own top priority. sort your shit out, and then you can sort your family out. but you cant sort your family out until youve sorted yourself out.
baby steps that tease the line between comfortable and uncomfortable. go too quick, and itll all fall apart before you know it.
seek closure, and then go from there.

oh no t-there it is again. Depression, my old friend. I've already given you a week worth of self loathing last month man fuck off . I can't lose this week too.

>>15721211
If there's nothing of value why are YOU here?

I been thinking on that my life is so insignificant and has no value whatsoever.

>>15722382
You do what you have to do for yourself and your mother herself, find the space you need to sort things out, closeness is like a beautiful warmth in the cold that you could vividly love but there’s no denying that it can easily become hot enough that you need to step away for a second. You mention baby steps and that rings true. But hopefully you really can be there for your mother and be able to meet with her and maybe that could give her some new strategies for bearing with her pain. It could maybe helpful to you as well, closure sounds to be one of the big factors here among the many other things. Pain is of course just a part of things, but maybe there’s more things too.
>seek closure, and then go from there
Do know when you might be seeing your mother again?

>>15709478
Dale Carnegie's book is a knowledgeable and well-written manual for navigating an America that no longer exists.

Once i went to a camp for kids to see animals in the wild at night. I was there with a few guy and girls and i think i was 9 at the time. Two guys (one was my friend) were a bit older (10-11?) and they were obsessing about one girl the whole time.
I also like her a bit but i was too young to properly understand. On the last day everyone had to write down what they like the most about the trip. The guys had written down the girls name and i did as well. our attendants read everyones list aloud to talk a bit about our experiences. The guys went first and the girl started to cry when it turned out i was the third guy to have filled in her name.
Thinking about the event doesnt generate strong feelings so idk how much it affected me.

>>15724030
What in the book no longer applies? It's mostly common sense stuff

I finally have the spearpoint I needed.

>>15724158
In the desert, the breaststroke is still considered good swimming advice.

I read one cuckold story and now I am disgusted with myself and wish for death for all.

>>15723611
you replied to me, but i am not the anon that went to see a mother he hadnt seen in 7 years

>>15723318
I am worthless

>>15714763

>>15723611

>>15695814
Don't look for happiness in others, but in yourself then share it with others. And if they don't share their happiness with you, don't give them your time. Be happy.

-The Happy Monk

>>15725327
Hope the nihilism faze passes for you man

>>15724608
I'll bite, show us what you read.

>>15726624
https://archiveofourown.org/works/24773695?view_adult=true

This one. It's sad, actually.

I've been reading Les Enchanteurs and it's the first time I felt so thoroughly scammed over a book. It's been rated 9.4/10 where I live and my grandmother thinks it's a masterpiece but going through it is a hassle. There's no anchor, it's just some guy talking about his family, hemorrhoids and sex in poetic ways and I didn't feel any craving to turn to the next pages.

I'm thinking I may be at fault because my opinion seems unpopular as fuck but it would mean that I am a dumbass unable to comprehend art which is not something I'm ready to admit yet.

>>15695814
>one must imagine Sisyphus happy
is this the cope of all copes or what

Wondering if I should try to get in contact with my old friend again. We haven’t talked in a while, but we used to be pretty close. I don’t know if it would be weird though, but I suppose I don’t really have much to lose especially since he doesn’t even live in my town anymore. I’m a bit worried though since we mostly bonded over being fellow depressive neurotics. I’ve been trying hard lately to get away from that mindset and fear both a relapse on my part and no longer being able to relate to him if he hasn’t changed.

Trudging along in this cold grey world still hung up on the same old girl

>>15727564
How were you both depressive neurotics and what do you mean by relapse?

>>15726790
Life is all a cope. If you disagree with that kill yourself already.

>>15699514
I love how poetic and flowery the Japanese language is.

>>15699664
I wish I had the courage to flirt

>>15727669
I mean relapse into being a depressive neurotic. We were both just general gloomy, pessimistic people.

My attorney’s dog and my my gardener’s dog were rescued from the same dog fighting ring, and they are very sweet and loving but both very clingy with their owners and afraid of anyone outside their circle. My two hired friends (who know each other from their yoga class) want to introduce the dogs to each other so that they may become more comfortable with each other and other animals. Does anyone here know anything about dogs and how to Introduce them to each other best? I don’t think these guys would snap at each other or anything but it’s more likely they would just try to run away or go somewhere else.
I don’t want to bother with /an/, I need an academic and literature educated take for this.

Jünger was the return of pre-modern man in modern times

>>15695814
I want people to stop treating others as just means to ends.
I love humanity but when people are ruled by their own inhuman creations it causes me to despair.

The woman is an illusion. How charming, how alluring, yet only an illusion. The illusion is strong to be sure, so much so that it ever draws us upwards. Eternally elusive, all efforts you put for her is never compensated. Only further illusions are provided if you are lucky. If you wish to see her raw, stripped of her charms, with her veil unveiled, you would only need to look at a middle aged woman. How little she is compared to her former self now that she has lost her veil. But cruel as she is, we should not blame her. She is another actor on the stage, another servant of Nature like all of us mortals.

Let us now look at this very Nature. Everything I said of the woman also applies to nature. How charming she looks from the distance, how she makes you run after her. Will you ever arrive? Show me a mortal that has ever arrived at his final goal, satisfied. As soon as you think you have gotten close, she runs faster and further, giving you more glamorous illusions. And her biggest one is, of course, the woman: the illusion of all illusions. The cruel Nature, the goddess Maya, the master of illusions, the ever chased beloved, the mother of all.

But if we are sons of Nature, who is the father? That we know, our invisible friend. But why does he, grand as he is, hide behind the goddess' veil? At times we might wish to lose ourselves in his warm embrace, bask in his eternal glory. A consoling feeling to be sure. Other times, we ask why has he separated us from himself? Why has he beget us by his goddess when we could have remained in him for all eternity? At times I wish to be their servant and bring about their will, no matter the cost. Other times I defy them violently, the neglectful parents. If only I could know what to do.

>>15728132
The sad truth is that abused dogs are generally going to be permanently fucked up and may never be able to constructively interact with other dogs.
I used to have a mutt who was genuinely the sweetest and most docile dog I'd ever seen in my life, but the minute she saw another dog she'd lose her shit. She eventually got to the point where she wouldn't freak out on sight, but was still very uncomfortable and unpredictable around other dogs. Even after several years of carefully letting her meet well-behaved dogs in controlled environments she never even approached "normal".
The question to ask is whether your dog will react violently to strange dogs. If it's just two of them you can always introduce them at a local dog park, but I'd be prepared for the worst if they're former fighters. Depending on their past they very well may have to live out their lives 1-on-1 with you an no one else, depending on how their "socialization" period was (probably not good).

What's the point of living if not for pleasure? Just suffer? I'd rather kill myself painlessly.

>>15727894
What!? Guess I have buy a rope then.

>>15728171
How so?

The nigger stared at the fried chicken in a niggardly fashion. It’s slick tongue darting over its bulbous, nigger lips, providing moisture to their cracked and ashen exterior. The nigger had no thought for the harsh reality beyond the restaurant’s decal covered windows. The sounds of inner city Detroit fell deaf upon its nigger ears. The nigger grasped the drumstick in his basketball-less claws and raised it to it’s nigger hole, the same nigger hole it used to decry the White Man as an oppressive force to it and it’s nigger comrades. The nigger’s eyes crossed in pleasure as the grease ridden flesh entered his nigger hole. It gazed up, still revelling in sensation, at the portrait of Colonel Sanders fixed on the wall. "Thank you White Man”, the nigger spoke, grease running from his nigger chin and tears flowing from it’s eyes, as it prostrated before the portrait. “Thank you so much..” And all was right and good in the kingdom of nigroes that night.

MY ZIONIST KINGERGARTEN TEACHER SAID TO HURT AND DESTROY ALL OTHER HUMAN BEINGS

THIS MEANS IM SMART AND SPECIAL

IT'S FUR THE GREATER GOOD

ALSO IT'S LIKE WE'RE ALL BECOMMING ONE AND STUFF, THINK ABOUT THE BLACK BABIES. WE NEED MORE MONEY FOR THE BLACK BABIES!

I'LL SOOTH YOUR MIND WITH MY CINEMATIC DREAM SEQUENCE. THINK ABOUT THE BLACK PEOPLE THEY'RE HURTIN' REEEL BAAAADDDD

LISTEN I WUNA CONTROL AND EXPLOIT THE HUMAN RACE LIKE A WEIRD GROSS TYRANT.

THAT MEANS

STICK TO MY RULES MORAN.

OBEY THE RULES, MORAN.

GET YUR BRAIN CHECKED OUT. MORAN!!

There's Lhiterally NOTIN' WRONG WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP OF EXISTENCE MORAN

I think I'm a midwit borderline retarded. Should I just shut up forever and never give my opinion on things?

I NEVER EVEN LIKED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!

>>15729577
A very intelligent friend told me that he rarely shares his opinions because people mostly misunderstand him. What's the point anyway?

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

No other human tribe existed purely to be a literal oppressive parasitic hateful contagion of evil and destruction of a cryptic hyper-supremacist agenda.

And you fulfilled it. And now everything is rotten and hostile. Maybe one of you losers will find this relationship of existence to be abhorrently wrong and betray the rest, and create a slightly (more or less) awful version of our collective fate. No idea, I'm kinda tired of your hateful and semitic garbage reality. I can't wait for a demon to spawn from your horrid collective to really drive the fear and "wrongness" into your stupid little skulls. Yeah maybe someday. I don't want you faggots to go to sleep before you pay for your silly sins.

AND I MEAN THAT DEEPLY. I don't want ONE little kike in the shadows to relieve themselves from duty BEFORE YOU PAY FOR YOUR SINS.

>>15729405
His attitude towards life (towards death) is pre-Christian, mode of being in Storm of Steel is beyond understanding to those with modern beliefs... this is why you have people who have read him calling him a psychopath, misunderstanding his political actions etc.
They can simply not understand him because they are creatures of the times whereas he is an “untimely man”

>>15729686
Where to start with him?

>>15729615
You deserved it.

>>15728171
>>15729686
lmao

>>15729803
I will fight you

>>15729739
In Stahlgewittern original translation

>>15697101
yes anon, its pure contrived pseudoscience that there are some people who are more intelligent than others and dare i say it, yourself. how convenient!

Was Piraetus from the Republic /our guy/? He was aroused at seeing dead, mutilated bodies and had to avert his eyes in shame.

>>15695814
GODS WORK IN ACTION CHILDREN

WEIRD HATEFUL COMMENTARY IN SOME ZIONIST MOSSAD DEPARTMENT.

FUCKING AMAZING

GODS WORK

THE HEROS HUMANITY NEEDS.

happiness seems increasingly impossible

Sometimes the yearning for life is so strong that it makes me choke up a little. I don't know if it's a real life that I dream of or something fake that can only exist in my head. Probably something somewhere in-between.

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyoIAb79_ug

God dammit, I wrote a semi-effort post in that Lil Pump thread and it got deleted by the time I hit "Post". Anywhere I was writing commentary on this hilarious song/video by a member of Public Enemy. I think it was unironic at the time, but now it's like a minstrel show sketch.

>>15731417
Thank god my parents were too cheap to get cable and therefor had no access to MTV in the 90s cuz I probably would have been influenced by this shit.

>>15712488
My mom does the same shit so I can kind of relate to how he feels. Whether she is getting me something for my birthday, getting my dad something for father's day, getting my grandparents something for Christmas, she never considers what any of us would like, she just gets things that she wants or tries to make us do things that only she is interested in and nobody else really wants to do. It feels insincere and the fact that it is done under the guise of kindness and appreciation instead of her being honest about her desires makes it insulting.

It seems like the only way to live a pleasant life is to be a remorseless asshole.

I am slowly turning into Jay Gatsby. I am still close friends with a girl I had a thing with years ago but she's been in a long term relationship for a while and now has a fiance. All these years I've been improving myself and pursuing goals and achieving but I realize it's always partly been to live up to her, to impress her, to turn into someone she would be proud of being with. I love our friendship and we enjoy spending time together but I realize it will never happen. Will I end up dead in a swimming pool? I don't know if I should cut it off cold turkey or just turn it onto a normal distant friendship and move on from her.

>>15697101
It's pretty consistent within 5%, unless you can provide some reasoning backing up this claim. People have rigorously examined IQ tests to verify their accuracy. If it was pseudoscience then how come I can take two different IQ tests and get close to the same score? It's not knowledge based

Back and forth like playing tag
Passing on the pain I've had
Limits blown lost brain gone mad
Guess death row time ain't so bad
Pressure flows in veins I had
Life was nothing but a fad
I'll take the blame
But with no shame
Damn it all only a game
Heaven hell it's all the same
Both just want to claim my name
Keep me tame keep me lame
Forgetting from which where we came
My empty shell needs release
Desperation on a leash
End of the line maybe see peace
Across all time into the sea
Of me and me and only me
Sweet relief you don't agree
My creed my seed my one belief
We bear the burden but I know
This cross I hold is all I own
Cannot unsee what you're shown
What I reap is what I sew
Till devil dies and begs for mo
Cripple pride so you can't deny
There's only one real right to ride
Beneath the surface of the lie
Beneath the limits of my mind
My pretend end out of my sight
I cry I fly into the light
I've learned to not put up a fight
When heat waves dim into the night
No matter which way I see
Joke always seems to be on me
Funny concept of suffering
Cannot handle what I need
Time is money what I bleed
Killing time until I'm free
Don't spend too long in her nest
You might just end up like the rest
Look to the night moon with a crest
Disturbing feeling in my chest
Am I a leech am I a pest
Or is this game only a test
Demon demon end in semen
Temporary death I'm feelin
Catch a breathe slowly to reel in
Jesus fish and get to peelin
I'm only stealing I'm only healing
My ego up above the ceiling
When it dies I might see hope
Still a crime still up in smoke
Had it all but now I'm broke
I'd take it back if I wouldn't choke
So hard while hanging from the rope
Missed this Christmas chance to fist bliss
Dismissed wish list rinse down with piss
Check my style I'm just a file
You're in denial light bringer's trial
Been on last mile for a while
Empty vial contains my smile
Crash my head with white stained red
Flesh to bread gold into lead
Enter truth already dead
Inside outside cage we shed
Nothing to fear already here
Already here rotating years
Constant cycle in between
Circles of reality
Simple symptom of nothing
Paradox loops into me

I'm the wisest person to have ever lived, and if there ever comes somebody wiser than me it'll be my son, who I shall name after myself.

I want to say so much more but I’m a soft tortoise and busy eating plastic being shoved in my face by ABC Family, but before anything else at all I’m intending to work up to a way of making contact and hopefully keep it and then the best arrangement for whatever thing can figured out later on

It's my birthday Thursday. As I never treat myself to anything, I have considered doing so for the week. Now is today truly the best day for an energy drink and a fancy pizza?

>>15733512
Not tryna be that guy but maybe treat yourself a little better healthwise with some coffee and plate of shrimp or something? You will feel better than you would after pizza and an energy drink. And you deserve to feel well. Treat your body too. It's your birthday!

>>15732783
Just tell her and move on with the friendship

>>15733512
happy early birthday anon! treat yourself as you wish

>>15733573
>You will feel better than you would after pizza and an energy drink.
doubt.jpg
Nah I appreciate the advice. I eat a healthy diet otherwise that's why I'm thinking of doing something different. I'd be making my own pizza at least.

>And you deserve to feel well.
Y-you too

>>15733747
Thanks anon!

We are living in a fallen world, aren't we? On the surface everything is working out, but at the bottom it's hell for everyone.

>>15721681
Just find the 1% of people who can see through the bullshit

I wish I could have a cowboy showdown

>>15719400
Nice

>>15719325
Got you beat at 20ish

>>15712590
Genetic engineering so their offspring has an higher iq than them

>>15733934
It's not that bad, I'm having a good time.

Here's the plan. Kick other substances, become a functioning alcoholic and maybe a cigarette smoker as well. Thoughts?

I'm reading a book on Adorno and decided to share this bit with you anons.

> Complaint against systematic philosophy: Both suffer an avoidance of
the purpoted object of inquiry by the very constraints that allow them
to have a goal or isolate a phenomenon in the first place. Systematic
philosophy and methodological thinking share a predilection for
reaching conclusions that too often cannot help but confirm whatever
presuppositions are embedded in their premises.

>>15735521
What "other substances" and why? The line between functional alcoholic and just an alcoholic is thinner than you might imagine

>>15726697
>boy can't ask out girls
>new black guy at school
>white boy becomes friends with black guy
>black guy fucking openly jacks off to his friend and white boy even cleans his cum off of the wall
>black guy makes white boy invite them to him when parents are away with weed and alc
>they play truth and dare
>girls reveal that they aren't virgins, that they already were on other parties before
>dare makes white boy and black guy pull their cocks out, black guy is, of course, bigger
>girl goes with the black guy, the others follow to mastrubate
>they get called in after a while, other girl eats his ass, white guy jacks off
>black guy tells him to eat his cum out of them, he does
>black guy throws him out, he sleeps on the couch
>his mom comes back the next day and fucks the black guy too

Christ, that's sad. Jude the Obscure wasn't that sad and enraging.

>>15729559
>Come on everyone, let's do the wagie!

Late stage capitalism's indoctrination is repulsive

I want to die

>>15735521
Have you tried breathing instead

>>15695814
I don't get why people like the main character from worm as I listen and read about her she just seems horrible and her father is useless.

>>15695814
I am regularly pissed off at reality and human nature.

I'm so fucking angry... I have to get to page 200 in my math book this week or I might kill myself. My back's sore and I have to work tomorrow morning at 8:30 I wonder if the Court letter will come this week. My subscription runs out soon I need to level cap on wow this week

>>15695814
I hate my stepfather so much. I really despise him for the way he treat me when I was a child. In the end it seems there is not a true place for me, so I will need to stick here. Quite hypocrite, he criticizes violence and yet he uses when it is in his favor. Also, don't forget that he pretended to die in transit accident and to have his arm cut off just so my mom felt bad for leaving him. Also, he cheated on my mom with my cousin, very loyal indeed. He is a really interesting being. My violent nature was probably unleshead by him. Maybe I was evil since I was born, but he released my true nature. My real father probably doesn't even care way too much about me. Beatings are the only way. I think I fear him, and feel so powerless and like I cannot do anything. I am probably meant to be a weak beta cuck, that may get a leftover roastie, but whatever. I prefer to die alone that with other people.

>>15736213
Apologies for any grammar errors, I rushed when I wrote this, plus I am quite angry.

>>15736212
godspeed anon....may you find peace and relief and page 200 and the level cap

I'm tired of taking a shit. Been over an hour.

I’ve been trying to be more social and outgoing and reconnect with old friends. In some senses it’s going well, but I do have this feeling of distance from anyone. Like today I was with some people who started talking at length about their preference in beer. I barely drink at all and don’t know anything about beer, so I just kind of stood there and nodded awkwardly. It’s like this with many topics and I don’t know how I should deal with it.

>>15736718
Whenever I feel like that I just rapping. Like if their talking I’ll just start rapping over their conversation and they will stop eventually

>>15736774
Based

>>15736774
Hero

I imagine that I am afloat in a sea of ink.

I have a blue waterwing on my left arm, called Intuition. I have an red rescue buoy under my right arm, called Reason.

A voice under the water comes to me, saying, throw away the waterwing and the buoy; a great Turtle is under you, the Ancient of Days, who will carry you to land on its shell.

I said, who are you?

He said, I am a friend of the Turtle; I am a man like you. Throw away the wing and buoy.

I said, come up here, let me see if you are a man, so I shall see if I must follow you.

He said, I may not, I am too deep. If I leave the Turtle, on the way to you I may drown.

I said, if you are so deep, how do you breathe?

He said, the Turtle's shell is magic; anyone who stands on it can breathe and see in ink.

I said, then let the turtle come up to me.

He said, He will not. He is the Turtle; who are you to demand He come up? But you come down; He shall wait for you. He is patient, but not forever.

I thought I could unwind the rope of the buoy, to descend into the ink attached to it, so i need not lose it. I also thought to puff the waterwing with air, so that I can breathe in it a little in the descent. It turns out that I cannot: the rope to my Reason was not long enough for me to reach the turtle, and the air of my Intuition did not sustain me, but rather resisted me the deeper I go.

The voice said, we can see you; you are almost here. Only let go of Reason and Intuition, and you shall reach the Turtle, who will save you.

The little gap between myself and the Turtle at that final depth is called Faith.

I am so tantalized.

I am so much a coward.

I have it not.

>>15735810
This post was going upon the white fragility thread. I think it is less about white people. The root of the problem is imperialism, big corporation – globo-homo preying upon the individual. The empire has been conflated upon the fault of an ethnic group. The joos and whites both serve as a scapegoat of not a lineal problem, but a polynomial one. Reductionism per excelence. The notion of progress is at fault, we are going too fast, outwards, rather than inwards. An abundance of solutionism. As in Moby Dick, there is this mania of control, the Roman Empire needs blood, the machine requires sacrifices, or else its gears won’t turn on. Many of us are dependent upon the money market to survive. We are machines. Society needs machines. Machines don’t introspect, they give their credentials, and they fill a gap. Imperialism is the religion of martyrs. Media has giving blacks their own bible: all that matters is their race. There is no soul, no culture, everything is colors, good and bad, privileged and unprivileged, no individual, only collective. We can help you, we can give you equality, but only in our terms. Race decides upon your happiness, your life is your ID, if you fight you are illuminated. So the Empire calls the stakes, Empire gives birth to Empire, evil offspringing evil. Introspection cannot reveal anything, so thinking doesn’t matter, so they curse the darkness, so they despise the silence, and their own war footing, nobody lights a candle. What everyone needs is products, evidence, boot-licking, fornication, your thoughts are of importance, not your thinking, thoughts are grasped, and thinking is too abstract. We don’t believe in ghosts, there is no history, the empire doesn’t exist, no imagination either. Freedom has too many gaps, though thoughts do fill gaps, and God omnipresent can be complete, for the sake of equanimity, greater good, etc.

I finished IJ last week and it left me kind of sad.
Also rly wanted to ask this gril from church out but her family isn't showing up because of pandemic. But at the same time there's a tiny twisted part of me that is thankful for the pandemic because I might not have done it if I had the chance and the pandemic gives me an excuse other than my own cowardice.
It's been 22 years and I'm still circumcised.

>>15695814
I want redditors to leave and newfags to lurk.

>>15695814
Reading is shit, YouTube videos only. Free collage lectures and audio books. I let some undergrad tell me the end point of the philosophy then reverse engineer from the conclusion.

>>15708344
Yeah man. Been there in many ways. Trying not to go back.

I don't think you realize how annoying it is for you and your brothers to whine and bitch because this board is a bit too academic for you. If you just didn't say anything and went your own way or at least read and discussed what we did, I wouldn't even have been so irritated. You're lashing out at a board for reading academic texts that you do not like. Really think about that. I do think it is funny though you made that thread to epically pwn me but the other users basically replied that genre fic isn't actual literature and doesn't belong here.

Some girl said "oh it's u" to me as I approached her. What does she mean by "u" in this context?

>>15738486
You're not her type. Move on.

>>15695814
Can't keep a friend
Stuck in my head I forget to let em in
Too busy to nurture a friendship I act
They wither and die

I panic, I'm trapped

Asking myself when will this isolation come to an end?
Yet I remain distant, disconnected, and discontent

Can't be that hard to try
Give it a shot
Sun beams off my eye
With that, I'm off

Reach out a hand, suffer a slap
Failure again, drive me off the map.

Of all the species that existed on earth, 99.9% of them went extinct. So why should humanity expect itself to last forever?

>>15697390

Probably when your parents die and you don't have any relationships to fill the gap of your immediate family being gone.

However this can be fixed with work relationships and ordinary socialization to a degree, and maintaining healthy relationships with cousins/siblings. If it really bothers you then you should make it a major priority to socialize more and get into dating people.

>>15704922
it's ok to be smallbrain anon

I am addicted to tobacco like a monkey, the red man has taken his revenge

I want to kill myself. I'm not much of a Jew, or a Mormon for that matter, but I carry with me at all times, upon my person, present time not excluded, a marriage of sorts, of Jews and Mormons in a manner of speaking, though perhaps less literally than semantic, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints coming of course into frequent conflict with the Jews, being natural enemies, though lacking sufficient stridence to divorce themselves from the naming of one man, John Moses Browning, whose weapons designs of which I own a derivative, the aforementioned derivative being the marriage of Mormons to Jews, and which rests upon my hip in its leather escarpment, a living thing of steel and deadwood, hammer cocked and digging into flesh, forcing me to abandon fantasies of holeless undershirts, no, I've long since stopped buying them… suffice it to say that the stark utility of the damn thing casts a heavy shadow across me at the moment. My hands entangle of their own accord, mistrustful maybe of what might be asked of them. I begin to lose myself momentarily in a basic appreciation for the sensation of autonomy, these hands of mine, my intrepid manipulators, my interface to the world, acting of their own accord, attempting to save me from myself. Gratitude fills me warmly from a radiant spigot.

>>15739027
This isn't the first time I've been here. The lure of the great beyond is a clifftop I've spent many years sidling up against, often tiptoed, but not always. I don't mean to be grandiose about it. I do my best to speak frankly and without obfuscation, to great effect I'm sometimes told, but someone in my position tends to learn quickly to modulate the amount of unobfuscated frankness disbursed. So when I say that death and I are well acquainted with one another, I do so not to provoke the clucking of tongues, pensive sighs, looks of concern, tight lipped grimaces, or any manner of emotional reaction. A keen mind for empathy -- unwanted, intrusive empathy -- I've less developed than had thrusted upon me. My preference is to avoid collisions and remain my own self, to feel only my own emotions.
The dead have no such dynamism. Stolid inanimacy presents itself as nothing but. To lock living eyes with dead is to look upon rather than into. There's a beauty to it. Before rot takes hold and sets about reclaiming things only borrowed, the body sits quietly in its extinguished eristics and finality, sealed up and compartmentalized, a lighthouse gone dark, torch illuminating no longer the route to elysium, its keeper himself bearing out the last passage. Those who come after will have to linger themselves in the place to spark and foster gently its tender nascence, else they muddle about in the dark and find themselves ashore too soon or late. I'm one of the muddlers. I think I left a long time ago, lost to Charon, lost to myself but merrily so, and rambling, corpses friend and foe my constant companions, material and locked safely away, gauze and formaldehyde imprinted within my own brightly burning neural passageways for ever, or at least a slice of which, until they too melt away in a heaving cosmic shrug of indifference to the arbitrations of infinitesimals.

>>15739027
>>15739030
your writing brings to mind the words "turgid" and "decadent"

consumerproduct.win is hilarious

>>15738720
It's ok to be schizobrain anon.