/lit/ - Literature

first for zyzz

I cut some onions hours ago and my fingers still smell like onion

>>15676294
Quiero un mundo de caramelo
Donde todo sepa mejor
Y esa niña que llevo dentro
Se me escape del corazon
Pa' que juegue con sus amigos
Y se ría con todo el mundo.
Que la risa de todos los niños es la musica del amor.
Hazme un mundo de caramelo
Llena el aire con algodon
Que los dulces caigan del cielo
Las estrellas piñatas son
De repente las alegrías
Se me antojan de corazón
Si me como a besos la vida
Chocolates los sueños son

I've been dabbling in Afro-American musical poetry lately.

EY!

Fuck her in the whole that I made last week (OKAY!)
Fucked her so hard her perineum rip (YAYUH!)
Got me a cloaca bitch
Shit when she piss (WHOOP!)
You fuck a bird motherfucker if you fuck her after this!

>>15676364
>Charli y la fabrica de chocolate

Matate

I saw a guy who was a douchebag to me 9 years ago at a grocery store the other day. He was fatter and balder than he had been but he was driving the same pickup that he had when I first met him and I heard his voice and new it was him. I thought for a while in my car remembering what he did and wondering if I still cared about the incident and I found that I really did. The more I thought about it the angrier I got and I ended up slashing all of his tires and driving home. For a year's ive been trying to forgive and forget things that happened in the past and move on but presented with the opportunity to get even I took it immediately. Now it's been on my mind that ive just been fooling myself this whole time and I would hurt every single person who ever hurt me if I was presented with the opportunity and it feels like this new "good guy" personality ive had for years has been false.

Black folk Black folk Black folk Black folk Black folk Black folk Black folk Black folk Black folk Black folk Black folk Black folk Black folk Black folk Black folk Black folk Black folk Black folk

I'm growing more concerned by the day that the death of the modern world will come from people never wishing to take personal responsibility. As civilization grows and develops, humans must to but I fear we're stuck underdeveloped. Reason is a crime, people forsake truth for convenient lies, and everybody seems to want oblivion rather than to build the world. Is it because it's easier and the advent of convenience has middle their minds? Or have we truly regressed and will continue to do so until civilization falls upon the weight it's responsibility places on the shoulders of it's citizens?

As a Catholic in the United States I have this weird schizophrenic feeling that the state of the country is getting worse but the state of the Church is, actually, getting better.

>>15676455
As a Mormon I feel the same. Refiner's fire.

How radical is your opinion when the cops and the National Guard are kneeling and doing the Macarena, dancing with protesters, and every major corporation has put out a message and donated money to this cause?

>>15676403
So you deserved to get bullied

Jeremy Mardis was killed by a police officer claiming ‘self defense’ and was released after serving only 21 months in jail. On the night of November 3, 2015, officers Derrick Stafford and Norris Greenhouse of the Marksville Marshal's Office attempted to stop a vehicle driven by Christopher Few. He had his son Jeremy Mardis with him in the front seat. After he and his fiancée Megan Dixon had an argument at a bar that evening, they had driven away in separate vehicles. She said that she saw him pass her, followed by a marked police car with two officers. Greenhouse and Stafford allegedly fired eighteen rounds of ammunition into Few's vehicle at approximately 9:30 p.m. Few was struck twice, in the head and chest, despite having his hands in the air, according to police body-camera footage. Mardis was hit by five bullets, also struck in the head and chest. He was initially thought to have died instantly, according to the coroner for Avoyelles Parish. However, it is now known that six-year-old Mardis was alive for an additional seven minutes while lying in his father's truck.

This would have been a great movement if leftists were not running it. It was overloaded with riff raff. They brought in all the homeless vagrants and ghetto black people thinking that they would help them fight the system that they thought was responsible for their woes. Turns out many of the people they brought in were fuck ups and not the people that were disenfranchised by the system. In addition, there were a bunch of LARPers who only showed up to get drunk all day. A right wing group would have weeded people out, they would not have given a shit about who was marginalized or who was the victim; they simply would have taken whoever was there to actually protest, and if need be, fight.

>>15676294
I wish I had some kind of ambition/aspiration/motivation/a single fucking goal in my life. Right now I'm sat at home waiting to get my A-Levels back, which I've probably fucked up pretty badly, I left my first job about a month ago and I'm not going to uni, and I've got absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with myself, just in the next year, never mind the next ten or twenty. I don't think I've ever wanted to be anything, not even like an astronaut when I was 10 or summat, all I've wanted is just some peace and quiet to just potter around I suppose. Been looking for a new job for about a week now, everything seems like so much hassle, especially anything that includes phonecalls, I'm fuckin allergic to talking over the phone, I usually don't even pick up when my mum or dad call, just message them back. Honestly, I think I'd be fairly happy just doing like some incredibly menial and boring job, as long as I was left alone to just go at my own pace and without stress and that I'd be alright I reckon. Also since I'm not going to university, been looking at apprenticeships and that, there's fuck all going on where I live right now, I think there was one for an estate agent or summat, but fuckin the first bullet point there was talking well over the phone so I just left it. Might apply to an apprenticeship as a Morrisons manager (which for the Americans out there is a sort of posh supermarket) if its still around, you have to work over Christmas which is why I left it before but I might at least apply if its still around, nothing better out there unless I want to work in a care home or a nursery. I fucking hate old people and small children, get on me nerves and that. Thought about it before a bit, honestly all I want is like a small one bedroom flat, maybe like a nice stove or oven in the kitchen, earn enough money to buy good food, go to gym and have enough left over to buy some nice booky wookies to read. Idk maybe it's just that I'm too young to really know what I want, but for now I really don't see myself wanting more, like I'm most definitely not getting married or having kids, that's something I've known for years now. So much hassle, and like I said before I can't fooking stand little kids, even if it was my own. Tbh though I don't know why I'm even thinking about marriage or kids at all, I don't fucking speak to almost anyone, let alone women.

Are there any jobs that you'd think would suit me well; or, are there any books that /lit/ knows of that help one to find ambition and goals in life so I can sort myself out with something decent?

>>15676671
why don't you move to alaska or some woods/country and try to just live off the land?

I have to quit drinking or my life will be demolished. I don't even enjoy drinking that much anymore, but I still do it out of habit.

I'm so fucking sick of being bored all the time.

>>15676705
Because I live in England so a plane ticket and just getting initially sorted out would probably cost more than I have. Also I've got almost no practical/agricultural skills at all. Would be nice tho, knocking around with like bears and moose and that.

How do I come out as a poet to my friends and family?

I retweet scientific findings on twitter. I post artistic photos on Instagram. And I interact with smart people. People who have philosophical and scientific discussions. Heck, even their jokes are smart. But you see, that’s the thing. I’m not smart. These friends, they expect me to be on their level (most probably because of the idea of me that I painted for them). And it’s tiring. That’s not who I am, I think. I have a hard time holding my attention long enough to get through a book. I get bored, even if I think it’s really, really good and I never follow through with anything. I procrastinate with the smallest of tasks and tell myself that the reason I do it is because of my fear of failure to carry out the task perfectly. Honestly, I don’t know what I am. I feel dumb and I beat myself constantly for it. I try to enlighten myself. Read. Gather information. Most of the time I’ll either forget everything or not follow through.

>>15676824
What are you actually interested in?

>>15676843
I like science and science fiction, a bit of philosophy, psychology. I do like art too. But I can’t seem to get a real grip on any of that. So alas, I spend hours scrolling on 4chan or somewhere else, wasting my time. Time, I realize quite consciously, that could be utilized to actually do something. Learn something. But I don’t.

I just cried for the first time in a couple years imagining the birth of my first child that never happened with a girl who doesn't love me back.

>>15676875
I doubt your dumb, just unmotivated. Want to change that? Exit out of the browser after reading this comment and read. This is the easy step, doing it everyday is the problem. I can't really help you with that, but best of luck.

Here is some of my own writing. I already know it's going to be critiqued to Hell so at least offer something constructive.

It had already been a week since I dismembered the corpse. The blood, no longer fresh, had lost its characteristic iron-like scent. The heme, as well as portions of her body, were somewhere in-between the bloat and active decay stages of decomposition. A process that is not unfamiliar to most Millenials with their ravenous appetite for True Crime novels. The obsession with hyper-masculine serial killers must be difficult to reconcile for a generation that is equally fixated on castrating men. Women could never really appreciate the messy and abstract nature of man's many mediums by which he lifts the sabre and rattles the skull. This is why women fail so often in their suicide attempts, there's no dedication to the artform of dying whatsoever. They continue to rely upon poison as they have for millennia despite knowing that the bullet is in fact a messier, albeit, expedient exit. No doubt that the twelfth-wave, interdimensional feminists will ascribe this reality to being nothing more than another case of "mansplaining," a consequence of the prevailing tyranny that is the cosmic patriarchy. You can already perceive their sneering and jeering! "How dare you explain to us how we should go about killing ourselves!" Fair play. However, if you were to pick up a scalpel and scrape just beneath the surface of one of these moralist crusaders you would find a seething hatred that developed as a strange metamorphosis of penis envy. It wasn't the mansplaining that offended their sensibilities, it was the reality that men actually are more successful in killing themselves. This is what rouses the rabble the most, the unwelcome intrusion of truth in the age of the spectacle. For instance, stop reading, and take a look at the people around you. Totally devoid of life...the eyes reveal all if the eyes are even distinguishable as they gaze down at their handheld daily programming devices. Another development of the Military-Industrial Complex's banal sounding "enhanced neural-conforming techniques." Their graves may as well have been prepared for them at the moment of their birth. Something tells me that this is true for all of us though. Speaking of graves, I can't help but think of playing "The Outer Worlds" and brutally extorting people for grave fees at the behest of some soulless private enterprise. "Death on the Installment Plan" as it were, Céline would be proud! The man was a rabid antisemite and thus a failed abortion, that is according to Nietzsche's philosophy anyway. When you stop and think about it though, doesn't all of life qualify as being a failed abortion? God knows I've encountered thousands myself. I'm reminded every morning while brushing my teeth...this is no coincidence dear reader.

>>15676922
I fully expected to be dragged down the dirt here. Thank you so much for being kind

>>15676948
Cringe
Kys

I cauterized a knife and I've been picking at some scars and scabs on my knees and forearms for half an hour now. I should call the job center, or somewhere. Mother was laid off, I guess she is suing. Been crying an awful lot lately, when I visited everything was tense. Father hasn't been too happy lately, wisdom teeth had to be pulled out, they fucked up the stitching and now it's infected. Don't really have money, the "Employment and Economic Development Office", a bureaucratic entity for middle-aged, mean, sociology major women to mock working class men for not having a job, still haven't responded for my application for welfare. I don't have enough money to pay the electricity bills, other one is already due. Have to call parents again.
I returned some bottles and beer cans to buy cigarettes, but the pack is emptying at a rapid pace. Should have some nicotine gum stashed away.
It's nice outside, but I don't feel like going out.
I saw the paperboy bring the news again, it's never the same person doing the rounds. This one looked at me weird, I was smoking in the park, I can't really blame him though.
Don't want to sleep, I'd rather stay awake for another 24 hours.
Thought again about that 6-pronged predator missile Americans developed, no payload, no collateral damage, just plain kinetic force.
I can't keep it out of my head.

So this is the short story version of a novel I’d like to write. This is the premise; basically I tell you about the story I want to write about a character I have in mind but I find writing difficult for many reasons so I tell you about the story as I’m explaining to you why it’s difficult to write and possibly impossible for me to publish

I was planning to kill myself last night, and cowardly took a bunch of pills in order to ease me into getting my gun and shooting myself. I carelessly posted as such on Twitter and woke up to notifications of people retweeting my post as if that was going to help me in anyway. Well, I've been awake in a daze and have settled more and more into the pointlessness of a life clouded in loneliness and without meaning.
Posting this on here because I'm anonymous and it's a pathetically humorous.

I'm actually really excited about this big novel-length work I'm writing right now. I think it might be quite extraordinary when it's done.

>>15677264
Remember to always write for yourself. There will always be the critics, but fuck those people, all they know how to do is deconstruct. There are plenty of those nihilists in this world, don't let anyone snuff out your creative potential.

>>15676294
I’m going to succeed even if I fucking die trying. I cannot life and die as a shell of wasted potential. I’ve had enough.

>>15677197
I've been there myself, man. The struggle for meaning seems endless but you'll get there at your own pace. I wasted a lot of time comparing my idleness to the achievements of my peers. It served no purpose. It just further entrenched me in my despair. I hope you find a sense of meaning, anon. Nihilism is a malignant force that has tainted everything good and just.

>>15677297
I know to write for myself. But I'm also writing for God, to glorify Him.

I understand noy being with it sometimes but you can't wear animal ears in public or you will look like a spazz. Not a single girl here would be caught dead dressed the way your niece is. Disliking pop culture trends is one thing but you can't go outside looking like a fucking short bus retard.

There ARE definitely tons of evil things I shoild not have said or done but telling you people to grow up and act like normal folks is certainly not one of them.

I wish i'd be talented at something so i could dedicate my life into mastering that thing.

>>15676671
You'll figure it out. I was where you are now, six years ago- also in the UK. After a lot of pain, trial and error and growth, I'm on the right track. It sounds patronising but you really do change an incredible amount between the ages of 18 and 21, and then from 21 to 24 (where I am now). 18 year olds are still just children really, I don't know how we can expect you to know your vocation at that age, and it's normal not to.

God you're all so soft minded and malleable. It would be a tragedy but the west is filled with ugly brutes who would rather destroy than create. Maybe you deserve to get lost in your maze of madness, created by your semitic masters.

Have fun, losers!

Don't forget to tip!

So anyways buddy, little guy in the shadows who thinks he's in good company. Notice the strange neurotic hateful patterns of expression here in these threads. They want to dehumanize and hurt you. If you're a obnoxious buffoon hiding in plausible deniable post-ironic rhetoric, they know you and they will crush you.

Oh who am I kidding? This is all reactionary EXPRESSION AND FUN.

Mired in that pretension to omniscience I often get when suicide seems preferable to continuing to live. This idiotic sense that I have considered everything there is to consider, or that I'll ever be capable of considering--but so quickly and so fleetingly that maybe I never considered anything at all. I'm so weary of the world, of its impoverishment and of its impoverished, spontaneous expression in "my" words. I'm nauseated by the prospect of the future, of being trapped in a hamster wheel between good weeks and bad seasons, stuck with bad habits and even worse, with the stupidity of thinking that habits are the problem (or the solution), of endless failure; I feel as if I embody a universal frustration, a pathetic and always thwarted striving to live authentically or meaningfully in a time well past the death of God, and past even the ideals and experiments that took his place up to a century ago--the expression of an impossibility. There is no life to be lived in the United States today. There is no life in an Americanized world. Maybe if I was born to a well-bred European family, I wouldn't be stuck with this Prot-infested mind, that doesn't have the capacity either to enjoy the pleasures of life without guilt, or to speak well. Politics is a cesspool, temperatures are rising, I come from a defeated people, and the only reason I'm not planning to die right now--though I've tried and failed countless times, sometimes by a hair's breadth, is knowing that my parents would be greatly saddened. I stay around for them. But if they die knowing I never amounted to anything, and watching me stagnate as they got closer to leaving me on this earth alone, that wouldn't be much of a solution either. So I'm forced to live. God help me.

>>15677606
Suck my dick, keep writing poetry.

>>15676824
Mr. newborn nihilistic teenager tell us more of your critical analysis of life. Don't forget to begrudgingly sign your post!

This is a plausible deniable gecko dance. Also watch the new pixar movie about black people/spiritual scripts and metanarrative human manipulation. Suck my dick! The dancing gecko doesn't exist!

*giggles*

>>15677524
Yeh I know that I should still have quite a lot of time on my hands, provided I don't have a brain aneurysm in my sleep or get heemed by a car tomorrow, to change how I am, but right now it's like I'm just so fuckin passive about my life and future.
I know this isn't really the case, but in college it really does seem like everyone has managed to get on with it, all you hear is how they're going to this uni, or this special school, or they've been offered this job or that internship or what have you, and then there's just me slowly floating through life doing fuck all, spending my days just thinking up the most inane and worthless twaddle imaginable. Again I know this isn't actually the case, but school, and especially college, makes it seem like if your not deadset and working towards your career by 18 then it's fucking over for you lad, best you can hope for now is a night shift in McDonald's. Once again I already know that only I can change for the better, nobody's going to do it for me, that only I can begin to achieve and strive for goals and what have you, but once again its like well what do you want to achieve, what are your goals? I'm stuck on the fact that there aren't any and there's not much I fancy doing other than reading and like watching old episodes of Columbo and Kojak. Anyways, I feel that I really do is get by for now, until hopefully I do find some vocation or something or other that I do feel passionate about and try that out I suppose. Idk.

Ok guys ok *giggles* I hate white people but like... want tradition and stuff... lol ok cool check out my retro monitor it can play cool new things This is all post-irony or whatever subversive tool we're using these days so it's all cool haha, ok haha check this out please click the image to expand it.

>>15677626
Not a mister. Not a nihilist and definitely not a teenager lmao

>>15677700
teehee

>>15677669
Well I felt passionless about everything but my relationship at the time. I messed up A levels and got a low paid job in a factory in my town working with immigrants who couldn't speak English. I did that for two years, did the first year of a Maths and Physics degree with the Open Uni, dropped that too. Fell into bad depression, anxiety. Read a lot and widely, and I found myself growing as a person.

Broke up with my girlfriend, went traveling around Europe for 6 weeks by myself, visited USA, Russia, South Africa; worked in a bank for a year, worked in a sales position, worked as a police officer for 18 months. Found I had a real Faith in God. Volunteered in the community. Read and wrote my ass off, discovered my vocation was in literature, began an English Lit degree through the Open University.

Now I'm 24, hoping to get a first for my degree, had a couple of short stories published and working on my first novel. I managed to get a research paper published as an undergraduate and intend to pursue a Master's at a red-brick uni, and then a PhD focusing on the Romantics, with a view to either trying to teach at university level or in a good private school. I have a big chunk of savings and a new girlfriend of 2.5 years who adores me.

Blog post over, but my point is, it works out in the end if you push yourself and give yourself time.

>>15677711

Fuck's sakes, I'm having to write this out for the second time as I accidentally deleted the first fucking novella I wrote in response. I'll try shorten it a bit this time:

Well done on sorting it out lad, looks like you managed to get it all together in the end. Would be nice to walk around Europe for a bit, although with the plague we've got knocking about, that's obviously impossible for now. I do also write a bit myself, bit of poetry and that, although I've never got any ideas for what to write, so a poem of mine is almost always just a weak observation poorly made, with maybe a weird metaphor in there to catch you out. Still, I enjoy it, and it's a good way to pass the time especially now that I've not got anything on at all.

Really need to start talking to people again, I've got one mate who I talk to somewhat regularly, and a couple others who I'll see like two, three times a year. Didn't talk to anyone in college for the two years, well, year and a half with the virus and that, probably a mistake but oh well. Doubt I'd liked to have been knocking around with anyone from there much anyways, all the people there were terribly Americanised, so I'd just give them a short answer back if someone asked me summat. Didn't talk much to anyone at my old job either, although they were all like 30-60 years old so not much to chat about anyways. I never start conversations with someone I don't know, but if someone says something to me then I'm alright to have a chat and that, just have never liked being the person who starts the conversation. So yeh definitely going to start applying to jobs properly, like I said before I'll do pretty much anything as long as there's not too many pensioners, toddlers or phone calls involved.

Would also be good to get in a relationship with one of a female persuasion, as I can honestly say that in all my life I've never even bothered trying to get a girlfriend. Seems like it's given you, and countless other people, a great deal of happiness; does seem like a lot of hassle tho. Pretty clapped, but I'm like 6'4 and was going gym before the plague hit, so I may be in with a chance with the ladies yet. And who wouldn't be utterly charmed by me reciting some Keats or Shelley for them. Obviously joking, and getting with a girl should probably be the least of my worries, but it'd be nice and that I suppose.

Fuckin hell, even this shortened version is ramble as fuck, I suppose not talking to people for ages will do that though, anyway I'm off to catch up on my Gogol now as I've spent far long writing this twaddle out for a second time.

>>15676294
I want to talk to real people about lit but I live in a part of the south where most people haven't read any since high school. My wife thinks it's cool that I read but she doesn't really care for it so I can't get very deep with her. Unironically the only person I know who reads is my mom (English major) and I'd rather not talk to her about her latest erotica. I don't even read that much anymore because of how discouraging it is.

PLAUSIBLE

DENIABLE

CONFORMITY

TRUE HUMAN GENIUS INTELLIGENCE AT WORK GUYS

WHERES MY HALF-ASSED UGLY MSPAINT ARTIFACT LACED JPGS?!?

GENIUSSSSSSSSS

DISPLAY OF THE DESTRUCTION OF MODERN THOUGHT AND REASON!

>>15678005
Can't talk much now but shoot me an email on Reddit, MattyC738

Can you develop schizophrenia from living a double life?

>>15678268
yes and no

Absolute geniuses.

WHAT A TERRIFIC ORCHESTRA OF DELUDED MINDS AND THOUGHT CONTAGIONS.

A BEDAZZLING DISPLAY IF CORRUPT AND DEFILED NATURE, INDEED GOOD SIR.

INDEED.

hold on, I can almost hear a newly created mind utter a disturbing post-sense commentary about nature and life.

Wait for it...!

>>15678268
maybe and i dont know

i hate coomers. i hate coomers so fucking much. i hate coomers and i hate jezebels and i hate having to see posts and threads of instagram mutant whores day in and day out. you are all under the spell of facetune, STOP SIMPING! STOP JEZEBEL POSTING! there’s no hope for women and no hope for men if we do not declare a moratorium on cooming.

something about people thinking irrationally they must be crazy... but like, in a cool way. Still crazy though.

I LOOOVE the smell of the sweat under my foreskin. It's probably the best smell ever.

>>15676294
I've got a cut right on the left side of my lips, right where the top and bottom lip meet, from some burnt toast I ate yesterday. Really wishing I hadn't eat that burnt toast now, both because it was like eating a rusty cheesegrater, and now I can barely open my mouth without it hurting. Really regret eating that burnt toast.

>>15678458
*ate not eat. I'm a dumb fuck.

Is there anything that you guys could be cancelled for, if you got famous enough?
>definitely a bunch of old MySpace/Facebook posts of mine featuring the words "faggot" and "retarded." Probably a fair bit of casual racism
>spent the bulk of my second year at uni pathetically stalking a few girls (never interacted with them - bar one time when one walked up and started a convo with me - just followed them into the library, sat a mile away and occasionally glanced at them).
>flirted with a bunch of students when I worked in a school (nothing sexual though).

I've had a lot of major life changes in the last month and now I have time to sit down and reflect.

Some food things:
>I haven't had a drink in a week
>I'm getting better sleep
>I'm more comfortable with my body, and have set a path that will nullify the things I dislike about it even more (laser hair removal of androgenic facial hair and estrogen pills)
>I've started reading a big Kierkegaard anthology
>Moved to the block next door to F. Scott Fitzgerald's birthplace, so I bought an 800 page compendium of his short stories (picrel, a building on my block)

Things are opening up again in my city and I'm ready to start meeting new people. I hardly know anyone after leaving my home church. It's still very sore for me and I try to not think about it too much. I know the conservatory is opening up soon and I hope to go there and give my newly augmented sense of smell a workout

I'm also looking for some art posters to hang on my walls, anyone have any recommendations?

>>15676671
move into the woods

When I have company, I want to be alone. When I'm alone, I want company.
I don't know what to do about this. Maybe I have the wrong company?

If you wish to kill yourself, why do you not wish to kill yourself?
Ah, show your approval! that I, loving death and life so dearly,
If I dared to kill myself, I would also kill myself . . .
Ah, if you will dare, dare!
What is the successive frame of external images worth to you
That we call the world?
The cinematography of the hours represented
By actors of determined conventions and poses,
The polychrome circus of our dynamism without end?
What is your internal world that you ignore worth to you?
Maybe, killing yourself, you may finally come to understand it . . .
Maybe, ending it all, you may begin . . .
And in any way, if you grow tired of being,
Ah, grow tired nobly,
And don't sing, like I do, the life of drunkenness,
Don't greet like I do death in literature!

>>15676294
I don't think I've ever really suffered in my life. If any semblance of real suffering comes along, I'm not sure if I'll be able to deal with it. I think it would crush me.

Nothing is on my thought, nothing abstract or noteworthy of any findings, nothing is and nothing will be, yet all is for us to find. My thoughts are diminished by the light and yet are to be revealed by the darkness hidings, my thoughts lay in silence, waiting for its creation to take its place. A pattern whos word makes no sense, non relative thoughts takes for mistakes as words that create ones sentence. Im writing, but unknow of what kind.

Power inequalities are functions of physical distance.

i reverted back to my 14 year old self as soon as i got back to my parents' house.
they live out in the country and i don't drive, so I'm mostly stuck here, and my adulthood vanishes. i occasionally spend some time drinking at the local bar with the few old friends I'm still in contact with, trying to find common ground between the completely different people we've turned into, but at this point i forgot who i was pretending to be and when i get home drunk i just feel emptier.
back in my new home i don't have many friends and i often miss the ones i had when i was younger, but when i come back here and get stuck in my younger self, i realise that maybe the problem is me, maybe i need drastic change if i want to feel anything other than disappointment..

I wish I didn't have to pay rent so I could buy more books

Heeeey, how can you be a police officer if you can't even see your dick?

>uhh uhhh stop asking questions!

>>15676294
Me back's doin me head in today. It does this every time the weather's a bit grim. Ever since I tried to kick me height.

>You can make them stop!!!

>Sorry missy, it can't be done. I never liked killing but some things you gotta do- don't mean you have to like it!

>>15676496
Wasn't really a bullying thing

I preferred the state of absolute loneliness. It's been that way for many years. Now, I have (had?) a so-called friend and acquaintances and it's been mostly negative on my psyche.
I have been thinking a lot about suicide lately, but that's related to the first point only in part.

Lovingly crafted biblical incest scene

>>15676455
Well, there is hope on the horizon for the Church. A lot of the younger people in the Church are generally more conservative (if not outright Trad (not rad trad, thank God)). I've seen a lot of younger seminarians on a trip to St. John Vianney and it was refreshing to see that everyone there is orthodox and knows how to give good catechisis. Also, like a quarter of newly ordained priests in France are SSPX or some other Traditional.

my father's funeral is in two days. i want to write about his legacy, how he was as a person, what he taught me, how much he was loved and needed by everyone around him, but i know i'll start to cry the moment i start.

we used to talk about politics a lot. i'm more left-leaning, he was more right-wing, but we'd never fight about it. i was always a curious child and our conversations were always very nice and constructive. there's no one else i can talk politics with anymore.

i'd probably be talking to him right now about it if he was still here with us. the more i become aware of how rotten politics is, the more i can't stop thinking about it. the answers i give myself aren't enough. my mental health has been spiraling down since, even more after he went.

i feel so fucking weak and naive. the only thing the internet's been good for has been music, art, writing, and a few other dumb things. everything else feels like an attack on the senses. i know it's all done on purpose, and i can think for myself, i can handle it for the most part, it's stupid, but fuck man.

i don't know if there's an afterlife. the thought of my dad burning in hell terrifies the fuck out of me, but at the same time, the thought of my dad somewhere else, all alone, looking down at us, hurts just as much.

our family was always his one priority. he had to stay in the hospital for a week last year for a treatment, and that was the first time i heard him cry, 'cause he couldn't bear spending that much time alone without me, my mom and our dog. his life revolved around us, and ours around him.

many people i looked up to have died in the last few years. one of my favorite singers killed herself last year. her best friend killed herself a month later. my favorite wrestler killed herself a month ago, and before them many others had passed too.

i didn't know them personally but it still hurt like a motherfucker and i hoped i'd never feel that heart-broken that hard, that close.

it hurts and hurts and hurts. so fucking much.

months ago when he was still stable he told me he wanted to read one of the stories i wrote, but i told him "nahh they suck" also 'cause i write in english, which isn't my native language, and he only knew just a handful of words so he wouldn't have been able to read or understand anything anyways. i regret it now. i deeply regret it.

/lit/ has been fun for a while, but i feel like if i keep hanging around any longer i'm just gonna sink even further into mental illness, and it's not just /lit/. all the discourse has just been making me second guess my values at every turn now to the point it's just become unhealthy.

i've been wasting far too much time now reading and ruminating about stupid bullshit. i'm tired of debates and arguing. i'm sick of always feeling like crap. i want to write about happier things. i want to get out of my shell and live real life and go out in the world and grow as a person.

i want to, for him.

3D has no hold over me

Be honest with me, /lit/, is it okay to be just a little bit elitist about what you read?

>>15681285

You and I may not have much in common, but I also lost my father. More than ten years ago, I saw him wither away. Cherish your memories, honour his legacy.

>>15681437
>chloe
absolutely based

>>15682433
>caring about what others say
very unbased

>>15682551
thanks for the catharsis, anon.

I feel like my world is slowly coming apart due to the quarantine. I've always had social problems, never had a girlfriend. I'm in my mid 30s and live with my father. When I first started working at my current job I didn't really socialize with anyone there for the first few years. Then I was promoted and started talking more. Eventually I was made a manager and became more comfortable. While my personal life is still non-existent, my work life was almost normal. I still experienced anxiety there, as I do in all situations, but I had also achieved something and would socialize with coworkers at the office. Since the quarantine I've been working remotely. And once the quarantine is over, the company has decided we will all continue to work remotely. So now I'll be stuck at home and all the progress I've made at work socially is out the window. I've just never had success socializing with people outside of the work setting, where people are forced to be with me.

>>15682612
I’m thinking of you anon
What are some things you think you might be able to try doing to meet people?

>>15676432

The latter, we made no progress whatsoever towards the betterment of our kin and our minds, we only been able to sort simple problems like disieses and such, and even in that we fail, since only the rich gets the full advantages of medical treatment.
Mankind has become lazy and deprived of spirit and this plus the technological progress we made in the last couple of years is a dangerous combination, for our technology is currently far superior than our own morals can handle, fuck, we almost blew the whole planet not 3 decades ago because of different points of view, we only did not because some dude noticed that It was a false alarm and no an attack seconds before the russians could push that button. That makes me both happy and worried.
Only god knows what we can do given enough time and resources, that makes me both faithful and even more worried....

Someone tell Mr E that he's a fat sack of shit and he has a tiny dick. Do it. I want to make him cry and commit suicide. Say that I said it and you all read it here and you agreed with me that he's an ugly fucking fatass with a chode.

And say that Rose is fat too. "He said she's fat like a fucking hippo. Does the hippo need more junk food? Is that what she needs?"

>>15676294
According to his passport, at age 33, Ezra Pound was 5'10.5". Given that he was born in 1885, such a height would have properly been labelled as tall. Given this and his jawline and hairline, he was an eminently attractive man in his youth and perhaps even after. So everyone needs to shut the fuck up about Camus being hot because he's chin-mogged, hair-mogged, height-mogged, and writing-mogged by Pound. Literally beaten on every front. Also what Dostoevsky book is that from

Literally any time I say anything ALL of your friends see it and they laugh at you. They know I am right that you and your wife are fat worthless pieces of trash.

>>15683011
Young Pound's chiseled jawline

I wish I could them alone, I would destroy that whole family. I swear I would fashion their skulls and bones into trophies.

I just saw the most beautiful woman that I've ever seen today. She was fucking gorgeous and out of anyone's league, fuck my life. She was so beautiful that this is the first time I ever simped in a post.

>>15682731
I don’t know. It just seems not to matter what I do. I’m always a fish out of water.

I think I have a life long learning disability and the more I become aware of it the more I stop doing anything. What is the use in even reading if you can not talk a straight sentence towards other people about the book you read?

FART FART FART FART FART BIG TOOTBUTT

>>15676671

i dont mean to patronise u lad but seriously the next 3 or 4 years of your life will be momentous for you (and hopefully relatively painless). dont sweat too much rn just be young

>>15683326
talk to God about it.

>>15676294
I am on the cusp of redefining and reestablishing the avant-garde

>>15684645
>avant-garde
It was never established in the first place.

>>15676812
commit suicide

>>15676824
what's your twidder, you'll have to stop retweeting scientific findings if I follow you though, I'm not interested in mitosis or mice or whatever

Imagine how kafkaesque the world must seem to a child. Especially in recent times, where the technology and culture is, for the first time in human history, not the same as their parents'.

>>15676948
ok so you missed a chance to say
>had loost its ironic scent
people know blood smells like iron, maybe say "ferric" or whatever to sound smart.
The cold-open is cliche and leaves a bad impression.
I don't know what a "heme" is.
>A process that is not unfamiliar to most
should maybe
>A process not unfamiliar to most
I don't think millennials have a ravenous appetite for true crime novels
>despite knowing that the bullet is in fact a messier, albeit, expedient exit.
should be
>despite knowing that the bullet is in fact a more expedient, albeit messy, exit.
should swap "perceive" for "hear" or maybe not hear but anything other than perceive
I stopped reading but I'm alone in my room there's no one around to look at, you've got to think ahead.
OVERALL I think what you've got here has a lot of potential, could use some finesse and polish but the underlying idea is very good. I recommend that you read Gass' The Tunnel, in fact, please read it.

>>15684803
A child doesn't even perceive the difference between them so the effect is barely even noticeable.

>>15684803
Nothing seems strange to children, they internalize all of it.

>>15684466
yeh I mean, I fuckin hope so because right now it doesn't seem to me like I'll have much going on. I suppose that only time will tell.

God gave me the gift to write well, and to write good poetry and good prose. So it seems appropriate to me that I write things that specifically glorify God. God gave me these gifts, and I've always been told that the best way to give glory to God is to give His own gifts back to Him. So I am writing things that are specifically intended to glorify God.

>>15685210
That's retarded. Plus, there's nothing you can say that hasn't already been said for thousands of years. I bet you won't even define "God"

stumbled across this channel looking up latro in the mist . started reading his discussion tab and was not ready for these feels

Who was your fatass friend who was teaching me to drive years back? I should kill him too. I'll fashion trophies from your bones.

>>15685435
I wrote Gene Wolfe a letter five years ago. Then I wrote him another letter. Then I wrote him an email. He never responded to any of them. And then he died, and I'll never get to speak to him ever. I'll never get to tell him how much I adored The Book of the New Sun, how much that book meant to me, how I wouldn't be the writer and the poet I am today without reading it at a very important moment of my life.

I'll never get to tell Gene Wolfe about how much he meant to me, unless I meet him in Heaven. And it seriously bums me out.

>>15685210
yes

>>15685497
sorry bro

it seems like he was in poor health the last bit of his life

>>15676671
i feel like just going /innawoods/ is the best option for you

>>15685435
this guy is a true reader. you can tell he's read and reread the gene wolf books many times

I wish I had someone to help me commit crimes. I want to destroy more people than Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka.

I want to use Twitter to make friends but I only have single-digit followers, am unaware of how to acquire more, and I'm unsure that I'll ever find My People on that site. E-friends seem wonderful, but they seem to be for people who aren't me.

>>15685889
I’m in this boat but I find it cozy. Like that guy watching the party and giving a nod every now and then

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfEb8ZcagdU

>>15685947
I get that. I just feel like I've been that guy for my whole life and finally want to start exerting some agency on the world.

>>15676294
I’m debating making a move on my married coworker who is into me.im unsure how to broach the topic without making things awkward after regardless of what happens...I know it’s a bit of a scumbag move so I might just let feelings simmer

>>15686012
Twitter is not that buddy lol

How does LISK do it? How did he get so good at what he does? How do you hone a skill?

I have a curious talent for killing threads. If I post in it, its hours are numbered.

>>15686088
>I’m debating making a move on my married coworker
Supremely stupid. And you could be reported for harrassment, seeing that she is married. Wait until either you or she is leaving the company, so if she rejects you, you don't have to see each other ever again. This is the only way.

I just finished a high fantasy novel, and I am having imposter syndrome like you wouldn't believe. I am afraid to query it to agents, because I fear no one will even want to read it. I may kill myself.

>>15686439
It’s a je, his name is Greg and he’s the love of my life

>>15686447
Makes no difference. And the harassment thing applies even more so. Also, fuck off faggot.

>>15686456
But he gives me this look, shivers down my spine

The German government is an insidious parasitic force on Europe and needs to be fought against in every country, including in Germany by its people.
It is trying to enslave all of Europe and control it with the euro (arguably it has done so already). It imports cheap slave labor and braindrain from poor countries (and its neighbors, who they are actively impoverishing) while presenting it as a self-sacrifice.
You cannot criticize Germany, because every time you do they go with the old haven't-we-suffered-enough for what the Nazis have done, when they remain an authoritarian state that hides its dealings behind antidemocratic maneuvers that are impenetrable to the average citizen of Europe. People barely know what their president does, let alone what the different branches of the EU does, and that's how it was intended.
How many people on the continent genuinely know exactly how the EU and its member states all function together? I doubt that number is over ten thousand AT BEST.
They've finally managed to take control of Europe, and it's like it never happened. Every fucking European I know is out there talking about Trump and what happens in America and ignores what takes place right in front of them. Countries like France that used to be respected on the world scale have been cucked by both the US and Germany into being nearly as insignificant as recently-formed eastern European states.
By the way, I don't mean this as an anti-German thing. Germans are most definitely brainwashed, but most people are and I have nothing against them as people. However, the German government is evil, and imperialist powers don't serve their citizenry either - just look at America.
Do you seriously want to live in an antidemocratic Europe that's under the heel of a few people in Berlin? Wake up. WAKE THE FUCK UP AND DO SOMETHING.

If it were up to old man Dougherty that mongrel would have been aborted. He's not going to admit but I guaran-fucking-tee you he thinks about it every day.

>>15686670
like what

cocaine is a hell of a drug

>>15686670
haha suffer eurofaggot

>>15686714
Spread awareness, at least.
>>15686733
Not sure what this is supposed to mean, because if you're American or any other type of Anglo your life is way worse. You've literally never experienced living in a free society, and probably never will.

>>15686743
>Spread awareness
Oh is that what your doing. Copy Paste for President

Slant eyed fucktard, help me lure people alone. Get them alone. I want to kill and gut Roses brat like a fucking deer.

I want to piss in her severed skull and use her face for a lampshade.

Listen, just teach me to fucking drive. Teach me to drive and you don't have to date me. Just teach me to fucking drive.

>>15686784
drive=anal sex????

>>15686796
No, actual driving. Like a car. If I could drive I would have a higher score than Edmund Kemper by now.

>>15686893
U need to learn to stop being such a moron

>>15686894
I want rose and her stupid brat to fucking die. It makes me furious that they are allowed to be so fucking stupid. Any time I see that idiot post anything so stupid and dimwitted it makes me furious that she isn't being beaten. She should be beaten for being so slow and so fucking stupid and clueless. I would poke her eyes out with one of my dad's screwdrivers in the garage if I could get away with it.

>>15686923
Who is rose?

>>15686936
And that fucking crossdresser and Fanny. I want them all to suffer and die. I wish it was like in the "House Jack Built" where he has them all locked in his freezer side by side and he is going to shoot them in the head with one bullet.

>>15686941
K

>>15686947
And J too. Of all of you she was the only one I even wanted but fuck all of you. I want her to die too. I want everyone to just fucking die.

>>15686951
I don’t know these people goodluck

>>15686947
I asked that RETARD to leave me alone 1,000s of times and still she harasses me. How fucking STUPID are you???? DO YOU THINK I WANT YOU TO POST STUPID BULLSHIT ON A PHILOSOPHY FORUM YOU UTTER ILLITERATE SHIT COLORED MONGREL???

>>15686958
I hope she cries. I hope she cries and kills herself. That is the ONLY thing that would maker me happy.

>>15676432
My esteemed king, destruction and creation are intertwined. We build up stuff, and then it falls. It is painful, but that's how it is.

>>15686961
Get a grip weirdo

>>15687021
Tell her that her father is a fat lardass and has a small dick. Tell her to say that to her father in front of his faggot friends and record it so I can laugh at him. *I* am in charge. None of you are shit to me.

>>15687021
It infuriates me that I insult and make fun of that idiot and she thinks it's a fucking joke and that we're friends. That irritates the shit out of me.

>>15687023
Go to bed

>>15687015
Oops, forgot to mention that I agree with the thing about responsibility. Decline or not, we should still strive to be humans rather than overgrown children living inside our feels

>>15687029
At least you realize when I am talking shit about you, you stupid fucking imbecile. That idiot STILL doesn't get it.

>>15687034
Are white? White people are super teaspoon in person, but away from you they talk a racket ain’t gonna do shit about it

>>15687043
Can you just her to be alone with me so I can kill her? I want to slice her ear to ear. That is the one thing that would actually make me happy.

>>15687043
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9bMsfEMKqs

>>15687050
Who are you talking about retard?

>>15687056
I’m not gonna dignify him by watching that

I think I have a cool poem idea but I'm an awful poet so perhaps someone else would like to write the poem for me.
The idea is as follows. You know those black poets in those poetry jams or whatever they're called. The consistent theme in those poems are the self-perceived inferiority of blacks. A fine example is
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuqU5XSo-1U
although there are a lot more.
The idea is to write a similar poem from an incel's perspective. The title could be "allow me to rape you", implying that it's impossible to consent to sex with an ugly person so the best he can hope for is a permission to rape someone.

I absolutely adore the way that Mandarin Chinese sounds when spoken by Chinese women, but I despise the way it sounds when spoken by Chinese men. Mandarin when spoken by women sounds lilting and ethereal. When spoken by men it sounds brutish and coarse. You might think this has to do with sexual preference, but I like the way certain languages like Japanese sound when spoken by both men and women. Chinese men are a disgrace to their own language.

>>15676403
Enjoy living in the past your whole life, it's going to suck, but try to enjoy it.

>>15678268
No, but i've known pathological liars for decades, in one case a family with a couple in each generation and it seems to be tied to senile dementia somehow. To lie convincingly you really have to believe that your bullshit is true, while keeping reality in your head at the same time. I'm not qualified but it really looks like this wastes something in your mind somehow, wears something important away.

You can compartmentalize your life, which is fine, but when the different parts of your life contradict or interfere on a values level, there's something corrosive to you that you're making happen.

>>15687185
>implying consensual rape isn't just sex

>>15687244
>consensual rape

>>15687247
my knight and shining rapist

>>15687244
It's a Hegelian synthesis. How can you not understand?

>>15687260
It’s a crime and balls are in her vagina court

>>15687260
Hegel macked on his ladies for a good 10 minutes before undressing, necking ribbing squeezing kissing all that. You can’t do that when she’s pretending to be asleep

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dr._No_(serial_killer)

>>15687197
While I have no strong negative opinion on it as a language, I'm dwelling on it as well right now as it becomes rapidly apparent that I cannot interpret spoken tonal languages at all.

Is there a dialect of it that is as harsh, crude, coarse and straightforward with only minor nuance in pitch as Japanese is, or would attempting to learn the spoken part of it be futile endeavour?

>>15687446
Does this stuff make you feel better about shitty of a person you are
>at least I’m not THAT bad
Are these collectibles for you to get a measure of how pathetic your are capable of being?

>>15687475
No, you do not get it at all still. I am not your friend and I talk down to you because you're a clueless retard who doesn't belong on a philosophy board. I would kill you too if I could get away with it. I would kill the lot of you and use your corpses as furniture like in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HY1EvwGLbes

>>15687480
This is my board. I invented this place for you. It’s time for you to leave baby girl

>>15687486
I want to use my dad's power tools to remove your jaw bone.

>>15687495
I’d love to see someone with nigger nails handle power tools

>>15687496
Why can't you people just help me get a good job and then leave me alone? Why all the harassment? I clearly do NOT want your friendship at all. Someone who pretends to not know you does not want your fucking company. I am sorry but in life you will meet people who want to be left alone. Acting like an illiterate moron will not make them like you.

>>15687496
I can put on as many fake smiles as you would like but deep down I think Rose and her daughter are complete fucking idiots and barely more sentient than apes.

I promise you all if you didn't harass me all the time I would never even say a word about you here. I wouldn't even fucking know about most of your names if you didn't constantly post.

I should not say such rude things to Dougherty but I clearly CLEARLY do not have the slightest interest in having anything to even do with her and harassing me for years on end only makes me seethe and rage against her.

>>15687507
>>15687542
No disguise could cover that wretched thing of a personality you have, but you could try harder to be more incognito. But no, look at these serial killers bing bang- what? Mom? Yea can I get some mashed potatoes

>>15687507
>I clearly don’t want to be talking to whoever I’m not talking to

>>15687630
I *HAVE* to because I want a better job and more money. My dad suffers from alcoholism and will mist likely die this decade and I admit I do not have many skills to earn a good job. My best bet is to suck up to one of you and hope for maybe a job at wherever you work. I am being completely honest.

>>15676294
I'm gay
- OP

>>15687630
You clearly see how little I think of Edstrom amd most of them. They are not exactly Diomita of Mantinea.

>>15687643
Go fuck yourself you fucking capitalist parasite. Oh your like serial killers, big suprise. Dads an alcoholic, you don’t say. Your worried about your future, yea me too. I can’t imagine the kind of person who pulls the shit you do, honestly it’s like wow, that’s ducking crazy stupid

>>15687663
electric shock therapy. 6 month treatment
Have it taped and sent to me

>>15687663
You need a good spanking

>>15687683
I am sorry but the philosophy board is really REALLY not for you and if you didn't shit it up I would not hate you as much.

>>15687643
Indeed.com
Wikipedia.org

Now get the fuck off my board psycho

>>15687693
Bitch I am the philosophy board. Remember whose dick your trying to suck faggot

I just laid there, like a rag doll

I'm so greatful for life and everything and I see joy in everything but I hate getting into a flat mood. It's the only thing I dread in life.
The only reason I get in this mood is because I have no friends and it's the only thing I'm missing. Making friends is the last piece of the puzzle in being content with life. But I just don't know how I go about it. Every friend I've had, I've eventually gotten sick of but it feels like the last thing I need.
I don't even know, maybe friends aren't the thing I need. I just love being happy but my emotions just flat line at night and I I'm unsure as to why that happens.

I love all you guys. You are all so special.

>>15687742
Your a fucking psycho bitch

I do not hate all of you but just most of you. I just don't see what you get out of harassing someone who clearly dislikes you is all. It is a bit stupid.

>>15687748
Why do you say that? You don't even know me. Why be so judgemental?

>>15687761
It’s an anonymous board u fucking retard. Imagine being this self centered. You need someone take take a good swipe at you every morning

>>15687768
My bad that was meant for buttersworth

>>15687777
What? Nice quads

>>15687770
If you didn't want to then you wouldn't harass me here every day.

>>15687742
Maybe you're too clingy when it comes to other people

>>15687791
Maybe you're a fucking retard who has never opened a book.

>>15687789
Who are you bitch? No one
Delusional

>>15687799
Also Dougherty shouldn't be mad at me that her own grampa wishes she was never born. I didn't tell him to think that. Maybe both her and her mother should have died during childbirth and literally everyone here would be for the better.

>>15687807
Truly psycho. But honestly I know also there’s a really really genuinely innocent kind sweet loving person there that just reacting. You know what your doing, it’s obviously from fear. This isn’t a safe place, you gotta a think skin but it’s not worth exhaustion. It should feel good to come here or not and you gotta take care of yourself out there

Jesus Christ you guys are cancer.

What a load of pretentious kids, calm down and go read some goosebumps or something. This isn't the place for you.

>>15687791
No they cling to me which is why I get sick of them. Plus my IRL friends have always been females. I don't know how to talk to men

>>15687831

>>15687826
I think the world would truly just be a better place if she was never born. Everyone would be better off.

There is some drunk same-fagging faggot in this thread being a spastic cunt to everyone.
Fuck off you dip shit.
And just ignore him.

>>15676294
I do not seem to be able to find anyone that will critique Ted Kaczynski's ideology without trivialising or misunderstanding it. Help.

>>15687860
Pretty sure it has a cute vagina, possibly
Maybe it’s Arby’s

>>15687855
Who are you talking about queerbag?

>>15687845
Don't touch my penis faggot

>>15678460
*eaten

>>15687883

>>15678268
You have a full time job as an adult integrating the past and the future, and to add on top of that another life in order to manage, do you not see what wicked web we weave ?

>>15676294
Mind if I have some of that milk?

>>15686961
Yes.

>>15685889
I'm in the same situation. There's one person who interacts with me on there and they might deactivate their account. I'm afraid of losing that one person.

>>15687643
Start sucking

>>15685889
>>15688290
>tfw 30 followers, with 5 who sometimes likes my tweets

>>15688382
>tfw just 1 follower who likes my tweets and replies to DMs
I don't want to lose this person. I need to get in their IG, but I'm afraid to ask.

>>15688458
Jesus Christ man, what a loser you are. It seems like an internet "friend" gives you more security, that's like, the epitome of human trash. But aside mocking you because you deserve it, I'll give an advice: you need to detoxify from social networks. If you use them the way you do, you're deliberately deteriorating your brain.

>>15676294
I wonder if thinking I’m a shit worker and expecting to get fired is causing my work quality to go down, which will cause me to get actually fired.

Writing it out it seems obvious, and attempting to do better is the only option. I don’t want to, but I refuse to be in debt any longer then I have to. As soon as that happens I can get a new job.

>>15688632
I know my place in society and you're not wrong.
Exactly how am I supposed to detoxify? Twitter is the only social network I use anyway, unless 4channel counts as one too. I barely open Instagram, there's nothing interesting there.

>>15676294
I'm kind of a writefag and had a concept for a trap harem series and posted in /a/. No one but a couple of people seemed interested.

Everything keeps getting delayed, just one false flag after another
maybe if we cuck some more and roll on the floor like caged dogs for a few more months the panopticon will let me go to the gym or visit interstate to see my dying parents

>>15688458
just ask them, anon! people never get the flowers while they can still smell them....tell them you like to talk with them and if they are going to deactivate you want to keep in touch

>>15679299
I feel this. I've been trying to pick up some new and more productive hobbies to make myself feel more independent while living with my parents. I take care of the lawn, do my own grocery shopping, and a few other things that make me feel less like a child again. To some degree I think you just have to accept that feeling while living at home though. Just remind yourself of your actual age and what you're capable of.

>>15681285
You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders, I'm sure your dad was proud of you. You're right about 4chan, if you feel like it's detrimental than it is and you should get off.

>>15682909
I also feel like my best relationships are built slowly as people are forced to be around me, but I'm slowly learning that almost everyone is really awkward at first around acquaintances, just do your best to remember that it's normal and to push through it with a new person until you hit it off.

24 hours in a day
Yet, why does it feel like I'm only living 6 hours a day?

What if instead of writing down what actually happened, we give an account of what we wished our day would have been like in our diary?

>>15690151
Sounds like a fun idea. Or alternate the entries, one of the real events and one of the ideal events, so that the difference between your real and fantasy life is indistinguishable to any reader but yourself.

>>15690151
Writing how you wish your day will go would probably be more effective.

Not mine
>>>/pol/264644406

>>15689971
Between work, sleep, and other obligations most people end up with 6 hours or less to really do what they want. Add a shitposting addiction and you're left with even less.

>>15689059
Stop using twitter or at least stop attaching so much significance to what one person on twitter thinks of you

>>15690151
Positive fantasizing is dangerous. It's worse than dwelling on your fears, honestly, because at least the threat of your fears motivate you to act. This idea might make you a little happier, but you'll learn to seek happiness in musing over what could've been or what you'd like to be instead of actually working for it in the real world. Some people might be fine with this, but I'm horrified by it.

>>15690175
>Or alternate the entries, one of the real events and one of the ideal events
I thought of this too, would be especially cool if someone else actually got to read the journal.

>>15690272
Perhaps so, personally I think it might frustrate me. I make a lot of plans I don't keep. If I jotted them down like that, I'd feel even more ashamed of myself. Also, those days would have to be closer to lived reality, wouldn't they?

>>15690394
Well, working for it in the real world should be part of it. It's more of a reflection of how much of the good there already is in life, how to achieve the rest of it, to clarify what your best life actually is. Sure at first you might write, I found the perfect girl at the park, my masterwork was published, but then what comes after? If it's a daily entry thing you might very much enjoy going for a drink with a mate, and that's something much more doable.

>>15687865
Think for yourself
>>15685889
I had a Twitter account in BAP circles with ~2k followers before deactivating a year ago. Post physique, regurgitate pol/Twitter/lit memes, lifting videos, Catholic/pagan shit, book quotes, etc. Pretty easy desu but I realize there were hundreds of people doing the same thing and doing it better. Had very little to add outside some job-related knowledge. Tbh it gave me a bit of an identity crisis.

The other way to go is to be an elusive literary type like w_guppy posting cryptic tweets and so on

>be me
>8-9 hours sleep, cooked clean diet, daily exercise, no vitamin deficiencies
>too tired to do anything after work
>took testosterone for better energy levels
>feel great, more muscle
>everything finally coming together
>later, feel worse than I started (still on it)
>bad habits and depression coming back
>can't get off testosterone
>spent thousands of dollars consulting with different docs for advice
>still worse than before
>it's been 2 years
>fucking hell.

>>15690951
Take estrogens and become female

im about to go full goatee

I have to write summaries and feedback reports and other bullshit but somehow im not able to write anything coherent and im just wasting time in front of my laptop.

>decide I want to be more social and stop being a shut-in recluse
>pandemic hits
I deserved this desu, I didn’t appreciate the opportunities I had.

>>15691412
Same. I came back from travel a day before the restrictions started settling in. I had written down a list of things I learned, of things to implement into my day to day life to make it better. Anyways, pandemic hit.

]3 /? |_| |-|

looking for pessimist lit

>>15689971
4HL
take a lindy walk

Okay listen up /lit/, it's my birthday soon and I've been reading some pretty awe-inspiring biographies and I really want to get my foot in the door. Pls gimme tips. I was supposed to be doing an internship at a magazine but The Rona killed it. What's the best way to score any type of literary work?

>>15691931
Use this time at home to write some shit. Dog helps those who help themselves

I want to cry but I can't. How can I let it out? I want relief.
Keep the onions advice or jokes.

It's My party and I'll cry if I want to cry if I want to cry if I want to. You would cry too if it happened to you

Last night I was browsing dating apps, looking for someone to sext with. Despite never doing it before, I managed to find a girl and after some inane chatting we both talked each other into an orgasm. Right after, she told me about how much she had needed something like this, and agreed we should do it again.
Today she blocked me, and although I had expected something like this to happen, the loss of what could have been still stings.
The whole situation also showed me how neurotic I’m, since after cooming I could only think about how despicable the whole thing was, or how I was a bad person for gearing our conversation towards sex in the first place, or how she was just some stranger catfishing me, or how she would expose me on facebook or twitter and accuse me of something. It’s like every time something mildly nice happens I automatically wait for the other shoe to drop.
Anyways, if you could say anything to me, I would appreciate it. I’m just some confused anon who until recently wasn’t even sexually active.

>>15692432
Women you meet online are literally insane. Sounds like she was probably drunk or suffers from bipolar.
I added someone on /out/ one time and this person I added was very strange.
We had a nice chat and I was just my nice old self. Turned out she was a girl and said she was gonna kill herself that night. Then I woke up and she had blocked me without even saying anything. Maybe she was embarrassed that she spoke to a stranger or maybe she's just insane (she did browse /cgl/ so I'm gonna stick with her being insane).
Women are very turbulent with their emotions. Don't think much of it. Your mind is probably just bored of porn. Same thing happens to people that have sex too much, which is why odd fetishes develop.
I once met a guy who couldn't cum until you pissed on him, was embarassing that I knew him in the first place but just saddening that he let himself sexually degenerate himself so much to the point he'd only cum if he got pissed on.

People on 4chan will call you a virgin and tell you to have sex but you seriously aren't missing anything. Your behaviour is normal. And a girl will come when the time is right, and when you are mentally strong enough for it.

>>15687466
Are you asking if you can learn a specific Chinese dialect? Like Fujinese or something? Why would you want to learn some obscure version rather than the standard version? That'd be like learning Scots instead of English.

>>15692432
>Today she blocked me, and although I had expected something like this to happen, the loss of what could have been still stings.

Online communication with strangers is weird and you should not take anything personally at all. She probably just felt awkward and embarrassed, and blocked you because it is quick and easy and makes the feeling go away. Online is super non-committal, and people flake and ghost on each other all the time without much thought. It's never personal. I would honestly forget about online dating personally, it only depresses you.

>>15692432
Women are flighty little rats who don't know what they want. 98% of why they use dating apps isn't for actual dating, it's to jump feet first into an ocean of "possibilities" and allow themselves to be buffeted to and fro by the "possibility" that they're going to get fucked by Dangerous Steven or Spicy Ethnic Chad, or the "possibility" that they could snare a rich banker, and so on and so on. Sometimes when the exciting, interesting, Sex and the City-tier possibilities they're expecting (and which they obviously deserve, as a random 5.5/10 woman with no upward mobility, a bad family life, and painted-on eyebrows) are not forthcoming, they will allow themselves the bargain bin last resort "possibility" of permitting an average joe like you (anything under 8/10 facial genetics) to entertain them.

They will allow a few dozen of guys like you to talk to them, since they can play the numbers indefinitely. If a superior man still doesn't show up in the interim, they will select the least duddy of the duds, someone with a sense of humor and high verbal intelligence most likely, and give him the brief illusion of their genuine interest. This might last a few hours, or a few days. Then their emotions will fly off in new directions again as their infinite field of infinite possibilities renews itself, with new dicks, new men, a new influx of Dangerous Spicy Chads to send them reeling with new "possibilities" of what could happen if they swiped right just one more time, spent just one more year on Tinder being a hip adventurous sex-lovin' gal, while their forehead starts to look like wojak's forehead, and their uterus continues puking up their finite eggs as an unheeded warning to turn back before it's too late. When the new dicks arrive you will be cast aside like nothing, you will be nothing more than a momentary embarrassment when she sees your Tinder picture with your five "You there?" "Hey I had a really good time the other night" messages and she remembers what she did in a moment of weakness, how low she sank, when she had to descend from her heavenly throne as a 5.5/10 clown prostitute and flatter you with the illusion that you could ever deserve her stinky pussy.

>>15676294
Guys, I have a very serious question. Burroughs uses the phrase "Yen Pox" in Naked Lunch, where Yen Pox is defined as the ash of smoked opium. My question is, does anyone know the origin of this word? What do its individual parts refer to? Is it a special, Chinese word, or is it merely a conjugation of "Yen" (currency) and "Pox" (a disease)? Thanks in advance, for anyone who knows. Google is mute when it comes to this issue

>>15692831
what a ride

i feel like im wasting my youth. i have a couple of friends, actually only one true, others kinda use me when they need me - or so i think. my dads an alcoholic - my mom is emotionaly unstable and my sister is depressed. i think im bipolar but have to go to have it confirmed. i never had any romantic involvement of any sort. its not that im ugly - im just really plain looking. i dont know if anyone deserves to be with me - not because im so cool, au contraire actually. i feel like i hid to much behind humor and self-deprication that it has become second nature to me. thats one of the signs of depression too. i have decided, if i am diagnosed with bipolar or depression (bipolar 2 being the most likely candidate) i wont be having children. i wont be ruining someones life. all i want to do now is to read and write and yet i cant do that neither. sorry for the rant. be safe all

>>15678958
Not only do I know the people who live in that particular house, but I’ve taken a fat shit in their toilets. Nice neighborhood though MN anon, so props on that

Pic related about a block away

Unironically want to meet the drunk, Mn anon now

>>15676432
humans are not underdeveloped. we just are, as god and his nature made us. technology is overdeveloped.

>>15692831
This is all completely true, but men who use dating apps are doing the exact same thing (yes, including you).

>>15692432
anon, i have a similar twisted relationship to my sexuality, though my neuroses manifest themselves through just…not having sex because it gives me anxiety and terrifies me. you're not a bad person for feeling a sexual impulse, and women on dating apps are generally extremely flighty and are spiritually and mentally vacant and as such can only acquire stimulation from messaging "Haha heyy" to seventeen different chads at a time. her blocking you says nothing about you and if she participated as well she's very likely not going to expose you—she probably just felt ashamed or some shit (because women tend to overvalue themselves) or is off to chase some other man, which is no loss to you in any case. expecting anything from broads on tinder is a mistake. i'm sorry you've been left in such a state. that woman is likely supremely unhappy and will spend the next years hopping from one-night-stand to one-night-stand hoping that her pussy will lock in "the one" until she realizes that asset is time-limited and since spent no time cultivating anything else of value, once the timer goes off she has nothing left. if she wasn't decent conversation or remotely interesting, she's not worth fretting over. there are a million girls like her and none of them are worth your time. i hope your week looks up from here.

>>15676552
it is your duty as a godly man to disobey law enforcement.

>>15692883
This is going to sound like a cope, but take it with a grain of truth. This is coming from a fellow anon with a fun family mental health history and an all access pass to the wayward home for the mentally disturbed.

Truth is, I’ve had a few relationships and while great, they’re all unhealthy simply because _I’m_ unhealthy and thus weren’t the sort of get married and settle down type. I guess that makes it harder when they inevitably blow up due to the aforementioned, which in turn feeds into your own issues.

I guess what I’m saying is that while I can’t lie and say relationships aren’t amazing— the ones _we_ usually find ourselves in don’t work out well. So take that as some comfort I guess.

Basically I’m just as miserable as you are post relationships :^) so I guess every cloud and so on..

/lit/ make me cry, have at me

>>15676824
you really are dumb. there's literally no detriment to just stopping the act.

>>15678266
go back

>>15692990
I love you anon

>>15681285
post tits

>>15686402
iktf anon

>>15693017
Everybody loves me, I’m tired of everyone being so happy for me all the time, I need to release. I’ve never been in a fist fight or yelled something at someone that I truly feel, I just need to bawl because that always means something

We’re standing on the precipice, I can’t shake the feeling that the world will be nearly unrecognizable within the next 10 years.

>>15693180
https://www.bitchute.com/video/vcyVBE6KuCa7/

>>15693163
when I wish to cry I will listen to the song my father sang to me when I was still the child whose father had not killed himself

I struck headlong into the darkness
Beautiful sinister symphony, sing me to sleep.
A temptress of sanctity,
almost had me sane.
Let me be shackled selflessly.
Glowing embers glow keenly,
fire burns too quick.
And why would I risk it all,
when I could burn out.

>>15693206
Tell the story of your father anon

>>15693304
truthfully I do not know much of him....I know he was an engineer....I'm told he was kind, I'm told he looked like me, but I can not agree....I know he is dead because he inhaled something toxic but I do not know what it was....I know what his body looked like from 10 m away....I did not know what his face looked like for some years, I had forgotten, until I studied the picture of us that had been on my dresser since he had died....I remember small memories with him....boat rides....searching for coins....playing games in the driveway....singing songs....only things like these

>>15692621
>>15692694
>>15692831
>>15692938
First of all, thanks for the replies, I really appreciate it.
Yeah, I think it was probably a bit of shame and insecurity on her part, from what I glimpsed of her personality she may think a stranger just used her for sex and nothing else.
She may have blocked me only on whatsapp, and forgot to block my phone number. I was thinking of sending her a text latter tonight saying I enjoyed our talk, but honestly don’t know if it’s a good idea.
I can post what I was planning to say, if you guys want.

>>15693478
I know when my best friend’s father died suddenly he kind of secluded himself, but then he kind of bounced back suddenly only just 3 weeks later, we’d bring it up every now and again to be respectful and he genuinely seemed like he blocked out part of his father’s memory. How old were you when he died?

>>15693489
if it will make you feel better, please do post it. i don’t think you should text her, anon. i do not see it making anything better—it opens you up to new attacks. just let it be and post the text as catharsis.

>>15693495
eight....I am not sure if I block some, or how much the eight year old remembers....I have two siblings, one older, one younger. I am not sure whether it is worse to keep more memories or to know him not at all. but my family does not talk of it at all, his name is said only in quiet voices when it can not be avoided....I think I have told maybe seven people of it, half drunk and despondent....of course more on here and other places, but it is much easier to do anonymous

>>15693513
“Hi, I just wanna say I liked talking about life, books and movies yesterday with you. I hope you like the ones I told you about. Anyways, I wont send anything besides this, just didn’t want to disappear and leave you with the wrong impression. I meant what I said when I told you were not only pretty, but also interesting.“

The whole thing sounds better in my language, I’m always too formal with english. Writing it was cathartic, though.
Anyway, what about you, anon? How’s life been treating you?

>>15693654
that’s an incredibly sweet and considerate letter. i’m glad that writing it helped you. i’ve been alright for the most part, the whole online-everything made me depressed as hell but now i have time to read and research so i’m feeling a bit more like myself, though still a little down. i took up gardening recently, and the sense of responsibility for care of my plants has also brightened my mood.

>>15693654
I think if you do message her this is the best thing you could send. Right level of considerate without being forceful in any way.

>>15693654
That's so cute but don't send it after she's blocked you. If anything she will make you feel worse by either ignoring you - and then have you worrying if she ever received it. Or she will say something not nice which will make you want to lash out.

My friend invited me to road trip to Boston for the 4th of July. What should I learn about the city before I go? I'd like to stop at Salem, MA

I took the pinkpill and it ruined my life. After 5 years of throwing away everything to change genders, I've crashed back into the ugly world of reality bearing a weight of regrets I'm not sure how much longer I can hold. 23, emaciated male with bound breasts, a mind withered from hormones that never belonged in my brain, not to mention a laundry list of other chemicals I stuffed in there to make my near-homeless adventure of bastardized 'becoming' more bearable. I have no skills I've cultivated, no friends, no future prospects. Even my memories are mostly lost, tied to a soul two bodies away, a youth of innocence that my brain won't allow itself to soil through association. Are there any books or treatments that could ever help a damned soul such as mine?

>>15693989
Dude write a story about your day for thirty days put it into a pdf and send it to us. This is super unique and you have an opportunity to write something that’s very based/cringe

>>15693654
U wanna sooke peepee
10/10 she replies

>>15693989
anon, i’m so sorry. i know a lot of detransitioners (mainly detrans ftms) but i don’t know of any literature on detransition as it is a fairly new subject. as far as treatments, i’d shill for talk therapy because so much is bound up in gender dysphoria that needs exploration and a good therapist can help you work through that. (make sure your therapist isn’t one who would tell you that you have internalized transphobia or some such thing) you’re not damned nor hopeless and you’re not alone, a number of people go through this very same thing. if you want to vent i’ll talk to you on here.

I wrote a highly marketable Humour title that you guys would love, but I can’t post it here ‘cause a brigade would kill its momentum. I honestly can’t wait to show you faggots.

I rather like fashionable/stylish fat girls. I am a pretty serious fatfag, so just for fetish reasons a fat girl is always going to catch my eye. But it's fun to see them dress fashionably. It makes their extra weight seem less like a personality weakness or moral failing and more like an aesthetic choice. I'm actually pretty /fit/ and /fa/ myself; I try hard to keep in at least decent shape, and I like to dress well. So I suppose /fa/ big girls are fun because they manage to arouse me and also satisfy me on other levels. They give me a boner and they satisfy my sense of taste, too.

>>15693989
it will not make you feel better, but it was always going to end this way anon

>>15693989
There's Venture Bros's character Hunter Gathers

>>15694049
I have a lot of trouble convincing myself that talk therapy is the right solution. My greatest regret is the time I wasted on selfish aspirations. Spending more time (not to mention money) on another avenue of self-exploration scares me.

>>15693694
I’m glad you are feeling better lately. Gardening is amazing! Coming to think of it, most anons would enjoy it if given the chance.
>>15693712
Thanks for the input.
>>15693734
That may be so, but I’ll feel worse by not sending it.
>>15694035
:DDDDD

Anyways, I just sent it. Thanks for all the anons who helped me, and I hope things are looking up for you guys.

A lot of unresolved sexual tension between my girlfriend's twin sister and me and, oh god it wil gloriously be resolved someday. I just need to work on my rhetorics for a bit

>>15690630
How'd you get out of the doldrums of <50 followers? Lots of replying and QTs? I imagine that once you reach a critical mass, you don't have to put in much effort; the machine runs itself.

>>15694200

Yes, it will be gloriously resolved. But not in the way that you think it will, or would like it to be.

>>15694226
Cue to a slapstick scene where anon, after failing in his advances, keeps getting hit in increasingly ridiculous ways by both girls.

>>15694152
yeah, therapy is a big expense. i used to work as a talk therapist so i’m biased on effectivity but i absolutely recognize that it is not for everyone. this sounds incredibly silly, but sometimes taking on a new hobby can be therapeutic, and journaling can really help with self-reflection. i’m not sure if any pill or psychiatric treatment can help this (because treatments are a crapshoot due to how diverse human neurotypes are and how little we know about them) but i wish you all the best and i hope you find peace. take my suggestions with a grain of salt because i don’t know you, but developing some new rituals certainly helps one to feel reborn and in control.

>>15694239
Thanks, anon. I appreciate it.

>>15694236

He'd like that though, so that's not what's going to happen, as I said.

>>15694363
He's right. I'd like that too.
We'd had our moments before, and we've kisseda couple times but never got to fuck

>>15694162
Keep us updated. Hoping this leads so something good.

>>15694632
Her reply said she hates when someone is just after her body and that at first she thought I was different but was wrong. In my opinion it's a bit of projection of past experiences and me coming off too strong during the sexting, coupled with some residual shame.
My reply was that I thought she was feeling like this, and that I get if she doesn't want to talk anymore, but I at least wanted to set the record straight about what I saw in her.
No replies after and I think that’s that, anon. Can’t say it’s the nicest ending, but it’s an ending and sometimes that on itself suffices.

>>15694221
Just follow a bunch of people and many feel bound to follow you back. Don't go crazy because then you seen like a bot.. But you can usually tell by looking at their following follower radio

༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽

>>15691954
I've been writing a bunch, though most of it is journaling. Got a few prosaic texts that I actually ended up liking. Our country has been opening up anyways, many aspects of public life are somewhat back to normal.

>tfw feeling super productive today but gotta work later which is going to drain all my energy

>>15685889
Iktf, wish I would still make friends on the internet. Used to have so many when I was a teen. Now I have the means to travel, and it'd be so fun to visit people around the world; or stay online of course if that's more comfortable for them. I don't really use twitter but I follow a bunch of normal people on IG that all seem so cool. They're kinda from the same scene, in that we're into the same weird bands or bookshops, but I have no idea how to make friends with them. Besides my account might possibly look a bit like a bot's also.

>>15676294
I think my friend is schizopilling me