/lit/ - Literature

One day more to revolution
We will nip it in the bud.
I will join these little schoolboys
They will wet themselves with blood.

>>15611426
back to /pol/ (or /lgbt/)

A is B, therefore B is A.

Is our going about on the world all just a battle of ways in thinking? It seems like people are determined to take a choice between one particular way of thought (scientific, poetic or philosophical, etc.) then act contra to the others, a mental team battle royale.

>>15611681
It is now. The people that combine science with philosophy are galaxy chads basically. Leonardo was an incredibly robust example of a polymath as it was in the past.

You probably did LITERALLY actually do that too. Fuck, anyone who does that shit should be in prison.

>>15611689
Nah. I’m just a philosophy tard

>>15611404
today i think i lost a friend, or an enemy, i don't know but i've certainly lost some part of myself. i feel like the apostles after jesus died and before they learned of his resurrection. also a little jealous because it was always my plan to leave him and thus inflict the same wound, i would've been jesus, but he did it before i could. anyway that part of my life that's been shrouded in a very surreal sense of the supernatural may very well be coming to a close or just beginning again, i don't know. really don't know much of anything right now. what were the odds of us meeting in the first place? i don't believe in miracles but sometimes they happen anyway, even if you're against it. but in the end it was a total defeat, it was a miracle that had no rhyme or reason, just some gay divine fart forever to be a shrine in my memories. i wish life were either miraculous or devoid of miracles, but least of all should it be punctuated with these mysterious and confusing encounters with the divine that are both incommunicable and leave you in a state of perpetual grief as you wonder why and as you know with certainty that it won't happen again.

>>15611710
"Uh uhhh it's the soul on the inside"

The reason I dislike you is because you people are totally insufferable. That's literally the kind of thing you would do as well. Dude, I dislike you and your family plaon and simple. I don't even know what you said to get my dad upset but don't take it out on him. If you want to talk and converse with him then by all means go ahead.

I'm a disgusting person, always been

>>15611732
Why do you say so anon?

>>15611718
It’s just a language of explanatory power that cuts a lot corners. A lot of people believe in souls even if in a non-serious way. I kind of liked your family desu but yes I’m also a shit. I ain’t no messiah or messenger of God either, I don’t care what I read. Christians just try to put a lid on everything like most parents try at least. Easterners are better, at least they have angel squads. Antioch thought Jesus was simply a man.

I dunno what I’d even say to him. Sounds terrifying desu.

>>15611732
Fanny's number is 7337. Call her up and ask HER to spemd the day with you. She would love that, honest she would.

/lit/ is incredibly boring this morning
there aren't even funny shitposts

it's all trash

Sitting in bed. Fucking my head. Trapped again in the same old same old. In my dreams I am scared of swimming. Scared of drowning, scared of dying. But is it really the part about falling, drinking water, and drowning, that scares me? Or is it rather the being-pulled-out-of-the-lake-like-a-bloody-whimpy-pussyboy-that-wants-his-mommy-stuff that freezes me? Clinging on my ego with all force. Scared of living, scared of feeling, scared of loving. Always looking in the back mirror - until I crash through the windshield (inevitably).

I probably have to go back to college in the fall. I don't want to, but I'm not sure what else to do. I'm secretly hoping that the U.S. collapses into civil war before then so I'll have something else to do. I'd do anything to avoid living a normal life (college, work, bills, getting a driver's license, and so on).

>>15611768
cringe

>>15611712
>it won’t happen again
Eh. You never know desu. Wasn’t a big reveal to me it’s just whatever at this point

Ben really thinks he’s going to pee himself. The urge to piss has gotten ten times worse than before. When he and his girl reach the front door, Ben very quickly tries to find his key in his backpack. What happens next isn’t his fault. The key gets stuck in the door and his body gives up. “Fuck fuck fuck!!!” Ben shouts. He tries to push the key in but it doesn’t work. Kate pushes him out of the way and unlocks the door but it’s too late. Ben manages to waddle to the bottom of the states but by then the pee is flowing down his legs. Ben lets out a sigh as he wets his pants. Kate is extremely turned on by the sight. Ben looks so hot as his pants turn dark.

There’s soon a puddle of pee on the floor and Kate almost slips over when she runs to him. She kisses him deeply and he lifts her up. Kate wraps her legs around his waist and she loves the feel of his wet jeans. Kate grinds up and down before she pulls his fat cock from his pants, pushing it into her soaked pussy.

“Fuck yes Ben you’re so big” Kate yells. “Harder harder harder!!” He does fuck her harder. “Anything for you. do I feel so good?!” Ben yells back.

“I’m going to cum!”

“Cum for me Kate!!!!”

When Kate finally cums on his cock, she squirts all of her liquid onto his jeans, making them more wet. Ben cums inside her.

“Yes I’m cumming Kate!!” as he cums. “Fuck your seed deep into me.” Kate shouts at him. When they’re both finished, Ben pulls out and puts Kate down.

“I want you to piss on my face.” She pleads and he delivers. Ben jerks his fat, juicy cock and makes it hard. He then pushes himself to piss on his girlfriends face. She opens her mouth and rubs her clit until Ben is peeing on her. Kate cums quickly and Ben pees and cums into her mouth.

When they are finished they clean up the floor and take a shower.

>>15611752
The fact that this place is appealing to me, it is just my way to cope. I'm always running away from everything. It wasn't always the case, I'm wrong on the always been part. I think I need to do therapy or something, my father broke my personality, I dunno how to fix it.

My father passed away a few years ago. He left some property in his will, which I want to sell. I would use the money to get an education. Instead my mother is forcing me to rent it so we can make some petty cash every month. She thinks investing is like playing poker or something. My entire future, my ambitions, my plans... all on pause because of fucking boomer economics.

>>15611891
You know the phrase "fall through the cracks"? That's what 4chan is. Its the last bastion for the chronic romanticizing of male frailty. That is why they spin this narrative that they are the last sensible men on earth; that we live in a day and age where they are the good guys and everyone who criticizes them is the enemy. When men need mental health intervention and/or professional help, 4chan is where they fall through the cracks. The most dangerous thing you can do for a mentally ill person is put them in a place where their illness is validated and normalized. This is that place.

Seek therapy, even at the expense of your own pride if you're like me, and do your best to leave this place - or at least maintain a healthy dose between real life and certain segments of 4chan so your perception of reality is not too heavily distorted. I only try to visit /lit/ and /his/ while browsing /tv/ when I'm looking for something to watch in my spare time, but everyone's different so you'll have to use your own best judgement. The more specific and personal my advice gets, the less useful it is to you. (Oh, and everything's a cope, but some ways to hope are healthier than others.)

>>15612028
>tfw no barbarian brothers
May as well fuckin join the Air Force after college or something

Mornin' o' mourn, son, my miseráble braking heart. It a creaking 'n' a crapp'd crappie crap-a umm...yeah, man. Crap, man o' war, man, oh man. Rattle-ing rattle a ling, a changeling, on 'n on and on 'n. Sat on a freaking freaky frick blood-filled filled chest cavity. Cavity=cracked. Check it ta ta ta. Cracked, Yemen. Demonical monocle, Ronald McDonaldo. Ass. Ass. In curdling fat lipid in pants. Hat worn like a cap. Capital C colon dot, C:.

Can anyone who is into psychology point me to a book about the Madonna-whore Complex?

>>15612028
Came here mainly because I thought people in here would know how to enjoy privacy, but it is mainly for stupid reasons. And I was also planning on quit using social media, so this seemed a good place to quit. Very easy to get mad at people here and just leave.

I'm so fucking stupid IRL but I keep finding myself saying that perhaps ehm perhaps I might be a genius.

>>15611953
Do your education abroad, like europe for example, much cheaper tho you must learn a new language.

On Friday I was sent my Job contract. This will be my first proper job. I opened it up and quickly closed it as soon as I saw it. It's not a job contract, it's a slave contract.

I've been worried about this day for 6 years since started Medical school. I knew that eventually I must enter the "real world", whatever that is. To me it seems the "real world" is owning only 28 days for myself a year and belonging to an institution/person for the rest.

I'm worried about what may become of me. Will I, after night shifts for 2 weeks on end in the ED, have enough energy to love and appreciate my lady as I have done up until now? Will my priorities change? I don't want to become a man who begins to gain a sense of pride from a title, possessions and rank.

I can't look at the contract, it makes me sick. It is the bridge to slavery.

I think I've written at least 500k words over the last two years.
I feel happy.

Ive been single for such a long while that I’m at a point where I don’t know if I am capable of feeling alone.

>>15612437
How did you do it? What's your writing schedule?

>>15612538
You're not the only one who goes through that.

>>15612147
then pride yourself in your character and experiences. I've worked a couple of years already, and people actually appreciate if you keep a mind on your own and don't degenerate into the typical "yes-man".

>>15612538
You probably are, I'm a bit scared of it desu. I hate f relationships. Why people have to be so f complicated? What is wrong with just telling things?

I don't feel like I feel anymore like I used to

>>15611681
It's tribalism. I'm in the science team, you're in the hippie team. I'm in the divinity team, you're in beep boop robot team.

I often catch myself making up tribes. Recently, ive been distancing myself from people in the beep boop science category, not letting myself realize that there is beauty in science and comprehension of the universe.

>>15611769
Name a thing you like or find interesting

>>15612118
Freud, Sigmund (1957). "A Special Type of Choice of Object Made by Men, pages 165–175". The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud. XI. London: Hogarth Press. pp. 179–190. ISBN 978-0-7012-0067-1. On the Universal Tendency of Debasement in the Sphere of Love
I literally took this from Wikipedia. Read the OG Freud then seek other articles.

I'm not sure how to turn my sporadic bursts of flowery word vomit into something useful. I am struggling with the cognitive dissonance of aspiring to become a highly respected subject matter expert whilst simultaneously loathing the created image I have of people like Noam Chomsky, Jordan Peterson, etc. wherein their popularity forces a disconnect from the applicable and considering repositioning is damaging at best.

>>15612578
Ow fucking politics and relations of power. How could I ever forget that everything is a fucking struggle even fucking.

>>15612578
We’re unconscious of what we need to be telling to others because we’ve a goal to do something else

>>15612604
Flowery word vomit perfectly describes your writing. Stop that shit, you are trying way too hard
>whilst
Absolutely fucking embarrassing anon

>>15612147
There are no contracts between slave and master

>>15612543
I used to find it very hard to write but now I just wake up and do it every day when it's the weekday. It should take you about an hour to write 2k-3k words. What I'd suggest is thinking about what you're going to write before you sit down and do it. If you're going in blind you're going to spend most of that time staring at the screen.

I am trying to improve my prose and I don't know how to do it.
I used to think my writing lacked detail because I'm a bad writer. Then I tried writing about places I knew, and I suddenly realized my prose is fine, I just happen to know those places intimately so the details come to me naturally.
But if I'm writing about a character going to a hotel, for example, it's very difficult for me to describe it. In my head, "hotel" is just a concept without any physical location grounding it.
I'm not sure what the solution to this is except going to a lot of places IRL. But even then, what am I going to do about locations if I don't have access to them in real life? The "close your eyes and imagine it" meme doesn't work for me. I can imagine it just fine, but that doesn't make it feel natural.

>>15612604
Well, if the problem is vomiting word count, read your paragraph and rephrase it with the least amount of words and thesaurus references. Like code golf, but with words.

Contrast the minimalist version with the first one. Which one is better? Which elements should you take from each? Combine and practice again.

>>15612604
>/r/iamverysmart: the post
yikes

Honestly, I wish I had read Strindberg sooner. Would probably saved me a bunch of problems.

>>15612933
Good question anon. I think you're basically asking how to imagine with more details. I wish I could do that as well.

>>15612604
https://youtu.be/84HJWRjuHkw

>>15612933
You can use google "something" for that. I don't know the name, but I'm sure there is an option where you can walk inside some buildings. Maybe there are some hotels with it.

You can watch movies too and imagine the smells.

>>15612933
How the fuck have you never been to a hotel?

>>15611681
>A human being possessed by a belief and not eager to pass it on to others is a phenomenon alien to the earth, where our mania for salvation makes life unbreathable. Look around you: everywhere, specters preaching; each institution translates a mission; city halls have their absolute, even as the temples -officIaldom, with its rules -a metaphysics designed for monkeys ... Everyone trying to remedy everyone's life: even beggars, even the incurable aspire to it: the sidewalks and hospitals of the world over-flow with reformers. The longing to become a source of events affects each man like a mental disorder or a desired malediction. Society -an inferno of saviors! What Diogenes was looking for with his lantern was an indifferent man ...
https://aphelis.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/CIORAN_1949_Genealogy_of_fanaticism.pdf

>>15611953
isn't it better to keep the property as investments?

>>15611953
Kill your mother.

I remember when I was a kid, having to sleep home alone was scary. Like actually pretty damn scary.
Now, I don't care about it. Being home alone is comfy and there's really no sign of it returning, although I never did anything to remove that fear.
I like to think that somehow over time, my severe social and performance fears will pass the same way.

>>15613028
The fear to sleep alone passed because you are accustomed to it, and with adulthood you grew less dependent on your parents.

If you expose yourself to social stress you will grow stronger in that aspect as well.

So few things stir my heart anymore. I don't want read literature or listen to music, just to feel superior to others. I just want to hold onto that feeling. The one that makes my chest tremble. Does anyone else feel this way? Please, I feel so alone. Where can I find those fleeting moments?

>>15613121
Yes, you need to rest.

I had this dream where I was watching fox nees and they (tucker carlson) had this dramatization of what they thought happened in laboratories but it was actually half-life and there are these two goons taking some generator up a ramp but a head goon catches them and instructs one to "punish him as you would your son" i.e. shoot the other with this raygun thing--naturally, it kills him--and then I think a pipe breaks off the generator or the raygun or something and they all explode, but I'm still watching this all on a television screen in a bowling alley where of course I'm getting strikes but it's because I'm on this double date I don't want to be on with these team-based bowling rules that let me roll a third and fourth ball after my partner's that makes it kinda easy, but it's also kinda stressful because while my partner's knocking down most the pins I'm still the one who's expected to get the strike and I only ever got here on accident anyways walking home from some debate I was watching where this woman on stage got the strokes and arctic monkeys mixed up (forgiveable) while also wearing this off-brand MF doom mask she thought one of the drummers wore, after which I laughed and left to start walking home of course, where I found my friend's car parked in front of a bowling alley and I wanted to inform him of this supreme blunder so I tore some paper out and left a note on the windshield but he was in the car and so he woke up and said "hey, let's go bowling, I know these ladies you're gonna love to meet" and of course the chick with the mask is now on my team and I have to roll strikes and I'm tripping out on fox news videogames having a really bad time, and the stupid fatty at the top of the stairs manning the concession stand is just looking down at me sipping some kind of big gulp, the kind where you can see the entire volume of ice and soda. Fucker.

I’m baffled that there are multiple people on this board that don’t like Enya. It’s troubling.

>>15613184
Yes, she is great. Going to put some to play in here and chill a bit.

>>15613184
It's just mom music dude

>>15613172
nice dream

>>15613230
Filtered

Going to visit hypnotist. Maybe that will help to unblock my subconscious energy. I know that i shouldnt expect anything major from only one visit but i'm still going to try. I guess i'm just a naive fool in the end.

>>15613184
Okay, I've never looked closely at Enya before, but holy shit she is hot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jl8iYAo90pE
She looks SO nice here, my god.

>>15613756
I'm not really attracted to her sexually, but her music is great

>>15613765
How would you feel if I told you I prefer Loreena McKennitt?

>>15613773
That's fine. Not as well produced though.

>>15611578
Based brainlet

the summer seeds, carried by their white fluff, float gently past my window....reminding me of the snowflakes, so large and light, tumbling in all directions, only some months ago

fuck i hate cis women

>>15614216
why?

I want to know if anon got approved for the rental he wanted

>>15611404
Once I almost fucked a pilot dude addicted to cocaine that liked to crossdress as anime characters. (Hatsune Miku to be exact)
But he cancelled at last minute.
Everyday I wonder how my life would had been if I fucked him.
I adore the idea of having sex with a dude in a brightly colored wig and ill fitting female costume, trying to act girly but his masculine frame just showing the reality.
I don't lust after regular men, just after anime crossdressers

>>15611404
this quote is what made me read the book in the first place. great book with some great ideas. his comparison of bhudhism and Catholicism was on point. also the idea that hippy/hedonistic love taken to its extreme end point results in satanic torture and cruelty is also spot on.

>>15614367
where do you live desu

I wish you would brighten my day
bi sucking on my weener
u can b the peener policer
sucking on that willy like a hoodrat
niggas gettin popped like they do dat
strolling down main st lookin like a pimp nigga
swagged out hunneds out playas lookin fine out
got my money swindle niggas who b lookin for that shit
knockin down your door like a po po do
fuckin witchu bitches like u sposed ta do
i drop dope rhymes for all times an all ages
nigga u be selling shit on your facebook marketplaces
i run the city run the town and there aint no stoppin
tha greatest hustle ever nigga gratest hustle evar!!!1111
scrollin through the world wide web takin jpegs of dis town
suckin on my pee pee more for me me pass tha dope around
suckas getting doled out
po po gettin played out
out skooled bi tha new skool gang
thats elementary my dear nigga
pass the trigga holmes
warning warning warning
pass that global warming
thats that good shit homie like the weather
hotta than ever
hotta than a bitch givin my heada
etc. etc.
mothafuckin sweater got me cosy like a brother oughta
snuggle wit my imageboard niggas daily
get back in my shell got me feelin kinda snaily
u be spittin weak bars
i drive the fancy kinda cars
wasted on a dummy nigga
fancy like a top hat nigga
betchu smell like poopy fuck cunt
shit hole sucker fucker stunt
lick my dick slint til u choke
ima get u hoes in check
postin on that innernet like
whoa bitch chill the f out now
gotta slow my posse down
get my boys in back we rolling
flashin cash like fishes swimmin in the lake
flakey bakey make me stakey
ima hungry kinda gangsta so bitch u betta cook it betta
im a vet an i take carea piggies an the doggies and the kitties
fuckin wit u is an endangered spieces
not
ha ha sike u thought bitch

>>15614504
>anon, passively considering the option to masturbate, comes across the first facebook marketplace ad he's seen in years and immediately gangster rap starts playing in his head

>>15614504
Walking down the street I see a hoe
Can't take my eyes away from her butt
She carries on her backside
a couple of big soft warm buns
That i'd give anything to bite
It makes me so sad and angry
when i think that I can't stick my dick
in every bitch I see
All I can do is go back home
roll a blunt
and beat my dick 'til it hurts.

>>15614439
mexico city

>>15614216
quiet, tranny

>>15614598
unfortunate

>>15614598
Which part?

There was a Zettlekasten thread yesterday. I couldn't post at the time, but I wanted to share a note taking system I've developed:

While reading the book, on a separate piece of paper, or on your phone simply do the following steps liberally:
>markdown pg number or copy a partial phrase from the book or even snap a pic of the page
>write down what you think about it

Then once the book is finished:
>find an epub
>search by phrases
>copy into ev*rnote with any needed context
>copy your own notes in there as well
>add additional notes as needed

All the text is now searchable. so now when i search something like "useless" it'll pull up a bunch of stuff (17 notes in total, in my case) from other books and articles I've read, or things I've written myself, or even tweets, quotes, aphorisms, and pictures and shitposts I've saved. all without having to think about using a proper tag for each note. And I find it helps me (re)formulate my thoughts and sort of develop a bigger picture of whatever it is I'm thinking of. Like Luhmann, I can effortless draft new stuff (for school, or for journal entries) from my own notes which use a bunch of different sources.

>>15614649
Yeah I know
>>15614691
Coyoacan, why you ask?

>>15614843
I'm from Mexico city myself. Currently looking for some putito boipussy to fuck and strangle to death.
Interested? ;)

>>15611404
Every time I come here I feel either desperation from the stupidity of some posters, or just as often I find myself feeling like an intellectual midget because of how out of my league many posters here are. When /lit/ is actually smart I feel like a complete uncultured dumbass who doesn't understand anything and isn't worthy of even lurking here. I try to do some reading every day, but regardless I still think that my worth as a person is incredibly low as a result of my ignorance. This year alone in college I've gotten nothing lower of 8,4, with 4 outstanding grades, and I still consider myself intellectually inept.

>>15613068
Thanks for the response.
What about the performance anxiety?
And do you think it's good to jump right into it? My fear is very panicky, I have random triggers and sometimes an attack in a bad environment makes things worse.

>>15615007
>going to college instead of rising through the ranks at a banking firm through sheer nepotism
Yeah, you're definitely a failure.

>>15615432
Fuck, man, don't tell me that.

>>15613142
thank you

I both write and read completely sincere transhumanist sci-fantasy filled to the brim with gonzo bullshit and larger than life icons crammed into the shapes of mortal men.
¨
I take this completely seriously, and I view pseudo-intellectuals who cannot enjoy wholehearted escapist fiction as subhuman.

Do you feel gratitude toward your country for giving you education and a safe place to live, work, and thrive? That might have supported you with welfare? Do you feel obliged to give something back?

>>15615772
no, fuck this shitass country
I wouldn't be fucked in the head and plagued with a dozen different acquired ailments if I were born in a proper western country instead of a post-soviet shithole

there is a girl on the other side of the country, who I email sometimes for work, and today she flirts with me in her messages and it is nice except I think she confuses me for someone else

>>15615734
Recommend me some.

>>15615772
No. I joined the Army, I did my time, what the fuck ever. I don't care about anything. I hate the world around me. Everyone is evil. Every country is corrupt. Everything is a trick, except Enya

>>15615788
Don't be so sure about that lol

I have an idea to write a novel, but I'm afraid that my inexperience in the craft will keep it from being fully realized. Should I go ahead and put it into words, or maybe I should keep it in the vault and write other lesser works to build up my expertise until I feel myself ready to develop that idea?

Can't think because my brain is bad

>>15615972
bad in what way?

>>15615772
I feel no gratitude to the state and I am obliged only to people

>>15611404


Life feels like a constant battle against my brain's ability to remember my identity for long enough to stay on a single path. Every 3 days or so, I felt whoever I was when I began a project, is not me.

>>15616012
don't believe his lies

Can't quite figure out yet how to coalesce my "take" on Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance other than "not comfy". It also reminds me of /lit/ shitposting but in a bad way. Also, makes me want to continue with the Greeks, where that's literally the most comfy part, when Phaedrus takes a graduate level ancient philosophy course on rhetoric and BTFOs the professors. Probably solid midwit-core, I guess.

The weather outside was nice enough to read in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YssYiNRNnHk

>>15615969
Pretty much everyone who practies writing ends up writing enough for ideas to be what's in shortage. Eat it now or save it for dessert: you will mow through it either way before reaching a level of talent you like.

>>15611404
thinking about my life and trying to see it objectively

>NEET, 18
>took med entrance exam last year and failed
>might fail again this year, despite studying to the point of losing sanity for it
>depressed, anxious, hermit with severe OCD
>chronic insomnia, perpetually in a stressed state, losing hair, no friends, get insane highs and lowest lows that are shallow
>feel like i'm disappointing my parents yet again

i'm waiting for my exam results before i kill myself, i get my exam results on Friday

>>15616213
That's actually encouraging; thanks.

well umm ahh uhh wha yeah umm well yes but uhh no haha i dunno err oh and uhh... that maybe umm well hmm i i... guess maybe huh ahh well think probably or umm i dunno well ok but i dunno umm well hmph uhh i umm hmph did uhh umm i they umm maybe umm well i guess well umm ahh uhh wha yes well err probably or umm i dunno well ehh could be mmm a haha uhh no haha i dunno maybe umm well it i think but i dunno umm well uhh i umm that that guess maybe if hmm ahh well oh is... umm i dunno well could be if mmm a haha uhh no haha and uhh... i dunno oh err and uhh... that well uhh mmm hmph guess maybe hmm ahh well oh umm i dunno

what's the best way to start writing? short stories? i'm attracted to this genre

>>15616399
Kinda. It's the easiest way to pick up the habit. I don't know if it's the most rewarding; some people can do the X words a day method and just stitch a book out of it, but personally I feel like I never want to write more than X many words. It almost seems condescending to.

Mmm.

>>15611404
Been trying to put my life back together using the writings of Carl Jung. I've made more progress than I expected, so I can only be grateful.

Here's a quote I pulled from The Archetypes of the Collective Unconscious concerning the scientific view of the world "magnifying" consciousness to the point where the symbols commonly represented by our traditions and religions have decayed. We can grasp the nature of the cosmos, but for all our grasping at great wealth of knowledge that surrounds us our craving for meaning is never satisfied.

The cure for this is a "descent into the depths", which is, honestly, the hardest and scariest shit I've ever attempted.

>>15611404
Trying to salvage the idea of my actions in response to my fear of falling through a life of silence at the result of pointlessly debating what/the extent to my accomplishments or the integrity of the goals to begin with.

Especially entertaining the possibility that everything I've ever done has just been one large cope.

Though this could all just be the modernity in me acting - this subconscious fetishism of vulgarity that I attempted to reject trying to use my ego in a way I can't understand - or just my deficiency expressing itself through credulity.

I've been applying to 5-10 job postings a day for months. nothing.

>>15616254
would like to make the suicide pact with me anon?

>>15616646
are the jobs you apply to above your level?

>>15616254
>>NEET, 18
>>took med entrance exam last year and failed
Huh? Don't you do premed after highschool?

>>15616254
This is me except with my cancer test
There are some things I’m told I can do to make it a better outcome though

>>15611578
A = thumb
B = fingers
debunked

>>15616898
the thumb is not a finger

>>15611404
I didn't interact with girls growing up because I was homeschooled and now I'm permanently scarred and must to simp for the rest of my life.

>>15611578
is could mean equivalence or equality or even set belonging depending on how it's interpreted... the assertion A=B therefore B=A holds up, but the assertion A has property B (A is an element in the set of all things with property B) therefore B has property A (B is an element in the set of all things with property A) does not hold up.

>>15616840
they're all entry level positions. So yes.

>>15617180
for you, my best advice is to lie anon....make up jobs you kept or anything to make you look better....there is nothing to lose except the job you do not have

Serious question, what do you expect to get out of antagonizing my dad? He's not going to make me like any of your dipshit family.

>>15611578
>>15617164
1. A=B
2. A=A (reflexivity of identity)
3. from 1. and 2., B=A (indiscernibility of identicals)

>>15617320
is =/= equals in some cases
car is red does not always mean red is car

>>15617320
did you even read my post

>>15617372
of course not, because you're diddling with ambiguous natural language just like you diddle children. this is a matter for formal logic.

>>15611404
Actually it does matter how brave you are, how reserved and how much you've developed your sense of humor. It all matters a great deal. It makes the difference between looking at the truth and seeing that all life is pointless or seeing that everything you could ever conceive of is possible. Where do I go from here? A humorous man has answers, a serious man can only fight the question. From these two men a songbird is born.

And when my grandma was young and popular, she would have hated your family's guts. I genuinely believe if you went back to 1940 and showed her a pic of you and your family and said "these are who you will die alongside" she would have broken down and cried.

>>15617416
a brave man must have fears, or else they have no chance to be brave

>>15617365
When you say "the car is red," you aren't saying "all cars are all red." You're saying "A car is B red." B red is necessary for A car and vice versa, otherwise they wouldn't be A car or B red.

>>15617415
actually your post only contained mathematical logic while my post contained formal logic or descriptions of formal logic. the fact that you think the word 'is' unambiguously means 'equals (=)' yet criticize my post for using 'ambiguous natural language' when the descriptions themselves weren't that ambiguous tells me that u have no idea what ambiguity means in reference to language and the underlying logical structures of language and that you just want to flex some crass formalism because youre a pseud

The tranny from my job got the hell beaten out of them today. It made me smile.

I think I just ripped a mole off my hand, there is an open wound there now, but truthfully I do not remember if there was a mole there before

>>15617509
>them
yet you still respect their pronouns

>>15612593
books, maybe

>>15617447
tomato is car, got it

>>15617889
B red is not tomato. We can say tomato is C red but not B red when we establish B red is A car. A car is B red when we say "car is red," because we are naming a specific car and a specific red. We aren't referring to a universal red.

>>15617889
quantifier shift fallacy

>>15616190
I wish I could push a button that would kill everyone who has a tattoo.

>>15617932
be more specific with your red and car then

What does it mean to have a right? How do you decide who has what rights? Does anybody have the right to take another's life?

I miss the 2007 Honda Accord LX,
Entangled with the sticky odor of many drunken joy rides' cigarettes
Burn holes in the cloth headliner, and a 16 oz Coors containing ashes
It's gone to the line, my memories dead in the silver casket

I wish we could make fanfiction threads on /lit/.

My struggles with anxiety, stress and burn-out has been at the forefront the past few years, but lately it seems like it really is taking a control of my life. So much so patches of hair were falling out in February.

I can’t stop thinking of my life, the missed opportunities and my indecisiveness of what I want to become.

I know this will pass, but damn I wish I can just peak into the future to see what I become and how I got there.

>>15617416
>It makes the difference between looking at the truth and seeing that all life is pointless

Then you won't need to use irony as a buffer to cope. You can also have a good sense of humor without turning to irony if you can't come to terms with how much your personal reality sucks.

Purging class traitors is justified for Marxists, and might even be a necessary precursor to revolution.

They always open by asking if you are thinking of suicide. And I always answer no which sets the rot. Nothing will lift the current of dishonesty from the conversation. The fact I will not tell the truth, the fact they masquerade as a caring, invested supporter.

Of course I think of suicide. Nearly daily. But only in so much as it is just another option even if it is a bad one that I won’t pursue. And that in itself is terrifying and disempowering. At least if it was viable I’d have some kind of agency in lifting this... fog? Weight? Suicide would at least give me a sense of control as life twists and contorts and unfurls all around me.

>>15619160
I mean I get where you're coming from, but I've told a therapist this after I felt like I had nothing to lose and was actually seeking help. Didn't bat an eye, just continued talking to me. After that I told my psychiatrist the same thing. He reacted similarly. I think that's a pretty common dilemma that some manifest.

>>15612945
what problems did Strindberg solves for you?

In a thread about good magazines to subscribe to, I remember someone mentioning a religious one, or at least partly religious. I don't remember name or specifics. What are some good Christian magazines? I want to pitch a story that's not denomination-dependent, but if they cater to a specific denomination, that's fine too. I just want it to be reasonably respectable.

Human beings are kino

>>15619021
Stop trying to imagine some future fixed state of life. To the extent that it can happen, it's its own kind of boring. You should always be working toward an upward trajectory day-by-day (on average, and which can include some sideways moves). Think of some ideal, productive days. If you are uncertain, you might imagine several ideals. Try living each to the fullest you can right now for a day or a week if possible. See what you like and don't like. Combine and revise ideals as needed until you get a good flow going. Don't beat yourself up for failing to reach the ideal. You're just LARPing, until you're not.

>>15619734
The reason why I like Bergman. He solved that for me in some sense. I always liked his movies but I never understood what made them effective, what made them any different from others great movies.

There were other things too, but this was the main reason why I started reading him.

When I first came to this site, so many years ago. I only came for the LULZ afterwards shit turned political people wanted to "change the world" or some shit. They posted threads about some cult called Scientology and ordered people to troll the shit out of them. All fun and games but looking back at it now. We are the cult now. Pretty strange world isn't it?

>>15619906
There is no we. Each anon is its own. No lump mass of consciousness called /lit/.

Why do I bother with writing? I'll have days where I can't write a fucking word, others where I can't stop. Then I read a book with actual good writing and tell myself I'll never be that good. Unfortunately for me, it's true.

>>15620053
My writing is mainly for therapeutic reasons. I would probably get crazy if I stopped. I used to be a really disturbed person before picking up the habit of doing it.

>>15620053
>tell myself I'll never be that good. Unfortunately for me, it's true.
Have you ever worked really hard at writing something to completion, worked further to brutally edit it, and worked further still with a serious editor to bring it to even higher standards over multiple successive drafts? If not, you have no idea what even your debut might look like, much less your fifth work after years of regular activity in this fashion.

And also, not just the one editor, really. Appeal to friends, or seek to actively engage some literary circle. Critique threads on here can start. Take those books you consider to have "actual good writing" and check out the absolute wall of text that is likely to be the "thank you" page. Typically, most of that isn't a generic "thanks for believing in me, mom!" but people who read drafts or parts of drafts, people who talked over ideas, people who helped research a topic or find a key word, etc.

You may never live up to your idealized view of the solitary genius, but that doesn't mean that you cannot write well.

>>15617509
I don't know how a woman like my grandma could create such trash. She would be appalled. If you could go back to 1940 and show her the kids and the ugly trash they married and that cross dressing monstrosity she would fucking puke.

And mick, you are trash plain and simple. Your brother has to get some from some fat fuck in a mumu. Edstrom isn't that bad. Yes, he is literally uglier and worse off than the handsome Mr Edstrom. Imagine it.

Been reading Tolstoy lately and i feel bad about myself unable to be non judgemental and feeling love towards other people.

If you make Edstrom and Rose look good in comparison you have really REALLY fucked up somewhere in life.

>>15615940
holy based

Haven't seen horse poster in a while

How could people turn the mundanest experience they had into an interesting story? It's the opposite for me.

The shower is running. I feel the warm humidity in my breath. I woke up shivering. It’s a beautiful moment. I smell the soap sudding, I see the mirror fogging. It’s time to undress. It’s time to be warm again.

>>15616870
i'm so sorry man, life is shit and brutal

i hope everything will be alright with you

>>15616831
no, that scares me, it's like making a real commitment to it. i don't know. maybe.

>>15616845
not in europe

>>15615772
I pay taxes.
That is me giving back and that is enough.
If my family demanded a fee for membership, I wouldn't feel any additional obligation to them either.

>>15620979
Hopefully his horses ate him

>>15622313
well we will only do it when we are both ready, of course....no doing it alone

>>15622313
>not in europe
Well, you're saving some years compared to americans. Premed curriculum here is a subset of just what a bio major takes.

>>15622370
>well we will only do it when we are both ready, of course....no doing it alone
why do you want to die?

>>15622396
you're right, but i just feel like such a loser if i fail this for the second time, not getting in after the second time when a lot of people get in the first, disappointing not only myself but others who were rooting for me
since it's held only once a year, i studied my sanity away for it and still underperformed on the day despite getting good practice test results, couldn't get proper sleep the night before and was stressed as fuck
i just want to move on with life but this test just feels like an insurmountable hurdle, why can't i do it when so many others have?

i guess only the results are gonna tell how well i did but going by how i feel, i'm starting to doubt myself

>>15611404
played a few old RNB albums to get the blood flowing today. lost a lot of sleep last night thinking about where the last time I left my pen was because i hadn't thought about writing for some time. Had a "news flash" at about 5am of a memory of an old girlfriend from junior high. she was the first panties I stole. used to have a collection. stole them but never wore them. I ended up throwing them all away. did I regret it now? i just think about the little things like that to pass away the time. in the 2nd grade I remember thinking about a pornographic magazine my friend DAVId brought into class an showed us on the soccer field. can't say that we ever recoved from those events. imagine for 5 minutes you never sniffed panties or saw porn. what would you think about your cock?

We played a lot of basketball in those days, mostly on and off the court kind of boyish rough housing. Lots of little shorts in the wind - dunk! - there was the swooshing sound that we all cheered for. A lot of times you'd mention the way the ball rolled off your fingers, or the dribble wasn't quite right. Imagine shitting yourself in class and it's running down your leg and you're thinking, "My god I'm wearing long pants" thats what it felt like to score a basket in those days. a lot of relief, but a lot of nerves.

I had a razor flip phone, sophmore year, and used it to take pictures of every girl walking to class. I'd take them and categorize them at home, it was a supplement for me because at the time I was learning Microsoft Excel. so I had them arranged, hair color for example was my first category. i had a small map of about 50 girls and their houses in my town with a collection of assorted picture sof them walking to class. life was a lot better when you're younger, you get to play around a lot more, push and shove kind of thing. now you just settle on down to snuff thoughts.

I really wanted to kil my first 2 girlfriends. I made out with Kaylee and thought only about caving her skull in with my fists. It was weird. She had a big hips which formed an apple ass, a really sweet peach. I thought we'd hang for awhile but she faked head aches. I wasn't much for conversation with her, she was a musician and played bass guitar. Bass girls think they're all waves and melodies but they're usually insecure. I really wanted to break her neck. The 2nd girl was a little fling I had towards the end of my 1st month in College, a real doll who had not 1 or 2 but 3 sisters all of them over 5 years older than she was. Had a lot of fun at family parties when we'd go swimming in their pool, used to mix their clothes up in the bathroom and drink a beer or two with the other guys and watch the little kabuki show

I can't even remember my first blow job. I know I've had at least two but for my first one I just don't remember it. I was in High School at the time with a serious bed wetting problem, I also had been taking some prescription medication to help with some "bacne" problems that had sprouted up due to a surge of unstable hormones. I went to a party where some kids had a small bonfire in the back yard, they were okay but it wasn't anything special. We had Bud Light and some Amstel's, I think there was Rolling Rocks too.

I remember drinking a "Jack and Coke" and thinking how bad it tasted. I wanted to go home about an hour into the gathering but decided to stick around. There was a girl there who I had a couple of classes with, we made jokes about the teachers and home work. I told her she looked nice and she said thanks, we talked for about an hour and she was drunk. You can tell a girl is drunk because she starts becoming more physically animated with light flushing around the cheeks and glossy eyes. I knew I'd scored a winner, the problem was it was late and I knew I needed to sleep.

We went inside and started making out. I remember running my tongue along the front of her teeth to see what it felt like. She was so drunk she didn't even care. Sometime after that I fell asleep, but I woke up with my pants undone and my dick was lightly wet. She had vomited at some point, because her breath smelt bad and she had some stains on her shirt. We didn't talk much after that night, I think she is studying in a community college but hasn't declared any real major yet. I can understand that, life is a challenge.

One time we had a Nature walk for a biology class. It was pretty nice, an autumn day that's just in the early "golden hour" of its peak. There's a real great time to go for a walk. I remember I was stuck with a partner (the assignment involved cataloging) who could barely speak English. She was from Moldova and at least 30 years old. She had a funny name I can't recall even if I tried now. I remember her breasts and flat face, she had brown hair that was put up in a tight bun. Her breasts were the perfect size and had a good firm grip to them. I touched them "on accident" when I feigned tying my shoe lace. I recall apologizing to her but she laughed, I think she was just confused. I notice most people are confused when they get sexually assaulted for the first time, I can understand that because it's not something they assume automatically.

Later on in the walk our group got a bit lost. There were a series of paths around the campus and our professor was one of those "hippie" types that never leaves their mansion. A real grassfed burger if you ask me. The Moldovan girl got sexually assaulted twice that day, because I gently rubbed my hand across her ass when she bent over to pick a rock up. She didn't know this was me because I hid behind several other students. I masturbated to this when I got home (It was around the time I was masturbating heavily and reading Vonnegut and James Joyce). It was an okay feeling.

I tried asking her out on a date the next class but her English was simply too poor. I realized I could tell her anything and she would barely understand. Sometimes I used to speak "pig latin" to her and tell her that I wanted to see her naked and urinate on her stomach. She used to laugh then. I wonder if she's laughing now.

The "Big Transition" for girls at this age isn't so much about moving out or even being away from old friends and family - it's about being around unfamiliar women. I used to stalk several girls on my campus during my Freshmen year of college. It wasn't anything too creepy or even strange and most of the time it was fairly accidental. For example, one girl simply had a similar route to class that I did. I'd just go a bit more out of my way to follow her. I liked to listen to their gossip and always tried to find out their favorite places on campus or nearby to catch up on their lives.

Girls pressure each other into strange scenario's, particularly when it comes to showing off their bodies. I think most women are slightly Lesbian and enjoy looking at each other's breasts. I used to masturbate to this a lot when I was younger and thinking about it now is still a great pleasure, but I think that this is only partly true in the end. A Cock for a woman is a kind of violent insertion into their body, you know? That's why I think for women with new women it's a kind of "fight or flight" mechanic where they can try each others breasts without repercussion. A lot of guys think in terms of their own Cocks and this is probably because they like to look at mine, but really girls are really only thinking about themselves and the bodies of their girl friends. Guys have nice cocks if they can make them forget their friends breasts. I know this because I masturbated near the window of one of the girls I used to stalk. She lived in a small apartment on the ground floor. I pressed my cock against the window. It was cold as the season was settling into winter. Steam could be seen from the ejaculation I put onto her window. She must have saw my shadow in the window through the folded curtains because she screamed. I ran as fast as I could and escaped without any penalty.

Later on I heard her talking to her friends about my Cock. I knew I had a nice one because she was talking about it the next day and not thinking about her friends breasts so much. Being with new women is always an exciting prospect.

I hear the wind rustling now, i think the old wagon is out of the box and trying to find alittle pasture to graze around in. I lurk for a bit to see the sun settle down over the last page of this old Travel Magazine I dug up to think about my next big move

>>15622772
Where could the last page be if it was torn out of the contents. why they try ill never know but thats another question for another session thanks for the rite

Bazinger is genuinely an atrocious god awful show. Every single ""joke"" is like the "Salt? No, this is Sodium Chloride" scene from Jimmy Neutron. Imagine that as a full TV show and you've got Bazinger.

>>15622786
yeah thats a thought

>>15622610
do I need a reason?

>>15622824
If you asked me to answer a survey of what is the least entertaining thing int he whole world I would probably answer watching Bazinger with a transvestite. I can't even think of anything worse. Watching paint dry is legitimateoy better.

>>15622850
i'm just curious about what's bothering you anon

I've had an epiphany recently, I feel at peace with inner and mental turmoils after consulting history, the natural teacher of humanity, and philosophy. Its actually really weird how coming to understand the human condition and applying it to yourself in introspection can help calm them down and seeing how it evolved through the ages and relation to human nature, but I think its just me that's like that and not generally everyone because of different personality types and how they perceive the lifeworld through their lenses. So really what you have to do if reflect on yourself. even though its sounds cliche because most people don't know how to approach it and fail in it, because people are afraid of hearing their inner self and distract themselves with escapism and meaningless static, but like Nietsczhe said the inner beast comes out in solitude which can be dangerous for everybody. So tl;dr I feel my motavation revitalized again and thankfully I actually have the fortiutde to keep off this site so I don't get sucked in again

The only woman who has ever approached me was a prostitute in Bangkok. I spoke to her for only a minute, maybe less. Her English was so bad I could barely understand what she was saying and I waved her away when I got frustrated trying to parse her strange pidgin. I was quite drunk. On my walk home I realized she was the first girl to ever approach me and I contemplated throwing myself off a bridge. I wish I could find the courage to kill myself.

I'm eating spicy microwavable noodles. I'm searching the internet for a book to read after Still Life with Woodpecker. I got prescribed Humira today. It's expensive, but I got free samples. I'm decreasing my prednisone. He still won't prescribe painkillers. Unfortunate. The noodles taste great.

>>15623036
do you have UC or RA or something? i have UC and i take remicade which beats pred, but everything beats pred. biologics are so fucking expensive. i hate it!

>>15623047
I have RA. I haven't taken Remicade, but I'm still taking methotrexate.

>>15623056
bleh, i was on mtx briefly and it made me vomit all the time. i’m sorry both about the pain and the stupid expensive meds. the pharmaceutical industry is the worst.

>>15623036
Jitterbug Perfume. Tom Robbins best book, IMO.

>>15623104
It's luckily never had that effect on me. But yeah I hate these drugs. I've considering going the retard route and moving to a medical state so I can smoke my problems away instead of taking all of these immunosuppressants and steroids that make me feel weird. I feel like I'm way too young for this shit to be happening.

>>15623121
Of course I've read Jitterbug Perfume, anon. I agree.

>>15623130
god, same. i was a teenager when i was diagnosed and now i’m newly 25 with grandmother-tier problems and horse pills and infusions and all sorts of other iatrogenic nonsense because my meds are wrecking my body! weed is so tempting but it doesn’t really work for me—it makes me super paranoid. it’s a lot to have to deal with at a young age and experiencing chronic pain in the springtime of one’s life is fucking retarded. i hope humira provides you with pain relief but i also hope for some autoimmune cure in general so nobody has to put up with this bullshit anymore. it’s exhausting.

CROWBAR
open my bum sides
BROWN MASS
tumbles forth, YOUR MAJESTY

>>15623159
>weed is so tempting but it doesn’t really work for me—it makes me super paranoid.
CBD oil in a vaper? Or edible CBD?
CBD doesn't get you stoned or have psychoactive effects, but it's one of the components of weed and legal to put in drinks and stuff.

>>15623159
26 here. I wish you the best anon. Weed doesn't make me paranoid necessarily, but it does make it feel noticeably more dull yet happy.
>>15623174
Guy with the arthritis here. I've tried every form of CBD, even the flower. It has no effect on me whatsoever. We have a ton of CBD shops in my town. I don't see how they're still open.

>>15622902
Everything good becomes weight when nothing is good enough and all work just returns to ouroboros and no dots can connect and my mobility is fucked

>>15622902
humm....well each year I feel more miserable than the year before....I live in the city where I know no one except for those I work with and one uncle....my job makes me miserable, but if I quit I must take the job which pays much less or the job which makes me more miserable than this one....it has been so long since I have been with a girl, and I do not imagine this changes...even to fantasize of getting married is ruined to remember I have few friends to invite, even from far....my back aches and my body disgusts me....I am always anxious, I am always in despair....I know I am not nearly so smart as I think I am....I am the hypocrite, I am the coward....I bury everything in so much irony to hide my misery that no one knows when I am sincere, even myself often....even with the most serious girlfriend I had, I do not speak of it, even though she speaks of hers....I can only discuss such misery anonymous....the state of the world also brings me great despair, in almost all ways....the potential lost does not destroy me, but it does wound me to remember how I was when young and what might have been if I take a different path or if I was not so shy with girls....but even when I had many friends and girls liked me and I was good at the things I did, I was still miserable when alone....which is why I think this misery does not go away....so I see maybe three ways that I go....one, to live as I do, safe with money but more and more miserable....two, to quit for the simpler job, and live poorer and hope I will be less miserable....three, to end it all...but I am so much the coward, even the second way does not seem possible, I think I find the courage for three before I find the courage for two....sorry to type so much....

>>15616254
>18
Totally enough time to retrain in absolutely any profession or direction.

Every time it happens, I get the shivers, as if the universe gets colder, the air gets colder, all the cars move slower and the birds deepen their song. Then it, just as suddenly, stops for a while, as if snapping out of a daydream. Just so it can yet again creep up on you when you least expect it. You take a shower and the water freezes around you, or when you take a bite out of the breakfast sandwich that starts choking you, or as you step out the door feeling you're missing something, something important, it's on the edge of your tongue, it's familiar yet inconievable, and on the cusp of this epiphany, just when you would finally put it together... something snaps you out of it.

Yesterday it happened again as I was driving my daughter to school. 'Did you feel it too?' she asked when we arrived, as she cheerfully jumped out of her seat. 'No' I said, and armed the car bomb, then headed towards the Old Bailey courthouse.

>Azula had just been shipped out from the Boiling Rock prison, where following the defeat of Fire Lord Ozai at the hands of the Avatar, she was detained and repeatedly raped in preparation for her new master. But even on the boat, Azula had no idea who this man would be. It was not until she passed through the front doors of his domacile, that she saw him: uncle Iroh.
>The guards who had once served her, she complied with, under threat of harm to her father, but to service the very man who had overturned her nation was unthinkable. Iroh.
>She waited for her escorts to leave. Iroh claped her wrist, and planted an open mouth kiss on her lips. The door closed and with all her might, Azula bent fire into her uncle's mouth—only for him to turn to the side, and snort it out.
>"You thought you could breathe fire into the dragons mouth?" said Iroh. "It seems the guards fucked everything into you but some sense!"

>Azula had just been shipped out from the Boiling Rock prison, where following the defeat of Fire Lord Ozai at the hands of the Avatar, she was detained and repeatedly raped in preparation for her new master. But even on the boat, Azula had no idea who this man would be. It was not until she passed through the front doors of his domacile, that she saw him: uncle Iroh.
>The guards who had once served her she complied with, under threat of harm to her father, but to service the very man who had overturned her nation was unthinkable. Iroh.
>She waited for her escorts to leave. Iroh clasped her wrist, and planted an open mouth kiss on her lips. The door closed and with all her might, Azula bent fire into her uncle's mouth—only for him to turn to the side, and snort it out.
>"You thought you could breathe fire into the dragon's mouth?" said Iroh. "It seems the guards fucked everything into you but some sense!"

My fantasies are stupid and I don't know if it's because I lack self-esteem.
In my day to day life, I'm incredibly confrontational but not in an overtly macho kind of way. I have a girlfriend and we've been steady for four years. I won't go through every detail, but the point is that I don't feel ashamed or bad about myself. Good sex life, very comfortable conditions, great relationship with both my parents, etc. I have literally made my hobby into my job.
My fantasies always revolve around being an outcast, and I don't mean just sexual ones. The nossies in WoD probably come closest to what I mean. I dream of being a deformed creature of the shadows. My favorite games are stealth games for this very reason, though I clearly roleplay a bit when playing them too.
In terms of sex, in real life I'm always playing a dominant role, but what I want most is to be cucked and humiliated. Again, this doesn't work with my real life scenario, so I self-insert as other people. I like to imagine I'm super skinny and weak, or have a tiny penis, or that there's some reason why nobody wants to even touch me. Basically, my main sexual fantasy is being a beta.
I just don't know why this is. I would unironically like some help to better understand what might be wrong with me.

>>15623897
Do you watch a lot of porn?

>>15623921
No. I barely watch any porn.

>>15623964
Growing up did you have a crush that denied you?

>>15623977
Nope. Like I said, I haven't had any traumatic experiences or unhappy ones of any kind. Closest I can think of is my dog dying. I am incredibly fucked up if even the dog of someone I know dies. I didn't feel anything when my grandparents died.

>>15623897
The answer is conditionality. Do you only want to be cucked and humiliated, or do you want to be cucked and humiliated and loved nonetheless? You fear the love you've received is dependant on the success you've won, and fantasize about having lost. It is a healthy step towards worldly detachment, which you should not be ashamed of. Why do you think I wrote >>15623863? It it because I know no selection of words or clever use of tone can truly make something Iroh would not say come out in his voice; what he says, is his voice.

>>15623983
Then I dunno, sounds like you might want to be able to lose what you have without preoccupations to truly feel bliss.

>>15623897
>nossies in WoD
what is this?

>>15611404
soon i'm going to block a girl i've been talking to for almost two years. i don't know if she'll even message me, but blocking is the best i feel because i could move on from her fully
i caught romantic feelings for her and i just dig myself deeper into the hole i've dug myself in
every time i talk to her

she doesn't feel the same way about me and doesn't even value me a fraction as much as i do her

hopefully i move on quick. time heals, as they say. it heals all wounds except for the passage of time i guess, so i hope it to be quick.

>>15624106
Nosferatu in World of Darkness. They're deformed-looking vampires that often travel by sewer and can't blend in the real world like other vamps.
>>15624045
That's true to a certain extent. My idea of a good life is living free and dying without regrets.
>>15624005
>or do you want to be cucked and humiliated and loved nonetheless?
Probably this. Although what the other anon said is also true. One of the main reasons I hate so many things around me is that they've just taken over my life. I can't remember the last time I've had a day to myself.

>instead of working, spend the day to write
>2 500 words only
o-only 39 more days until my novel is finished, r-right anons?

>>15624775
That's incredibly little. I write that much in an hour. Not trying to make you feel bad but the problem is not your lack of time in this case, it's your inability to write at a good pace.

>>15624789
>Not trying to make you feel bad
>makes me feel bad

>>15624775
How much of that time was really just spent proofreading? Writing a book in 40 days would be fast. I don't think anyone can really spend more than a few hours writing per day, the rest is re-writing or just bad. Imagine instead of writing, someone told you they could speak 10k words. They're probably annoying, moreso if you assume this is 10k straight as is with writing.

>keep going back to the start of a book for clues

>>15612941
>Reddit
Face the wall

>>15613184
I prefer Enigma, Delerium, and Dead Can Dance, but im biased because my late grandma used to listen to that and it gives me nostalgia.

>tfw want to write some of my political thoughts down because they keep swirling around in my brain
>Every time i actually sit down to do so i just go completley blank
>Whenever im doing something else i can conjure them up with extreme clarity
What the fuck do i do.

>>15625560
>political thoughts

>>15625624
You dont have political thoughts, anon?

>>15625627
Not a single one. It's the last thing on my mind.

I’ve fully accepted, at least intellectually, the Buddhist mindset. It feels so obvious in retrospect, you can only have consistent contentment when you exist in the present. I’m sure everyone has experienced anticipating a future pleasure only to be let down when it actually comes, or lost after it’s gone. The now is all that we have for certain.

>>15626208
It's a great place to be at anon. I was once there myself. Fell back to my old self.

>>15626208
how did you get there?

>>15626208
How long have you maintained this mindset?

>>15625560
Dictate into your phone and transcribe it later

I am not the loneliest on this earth, or this board

>>15625732
Every man finds some way to cope. If it's not politics or philosophy, it's something else. At least that's a more noble pursuit than others. Just because you have another outlet doesn't make you superior.

>>15626965
unless the outlet is god, in which case he is superior

>>15627048
Religion is a cope like another other. Read about Terror Management Theory on wikipedia, or check out this short read an anon linked: https://aphelis.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/CIORAN_1949_Genealogy_of_fanaticism.pdf

I don't have anything against religion but it's still another cope so it's ironic to be smug about it.

I wish I knew how I could make a positive impact in the world, or help people in general. I feel useless and evil

>>15627060
What isn't a cope?

I want to look down on those rebels, I want to believe that their causes and their clues are misguided, that the rationale behind all my sins is at least defendable where theirs is ill-considered and reckless
That history will remember my rebellion fondly and critique theirs harshly
And I have this feeling that somewhere in my mind, some part of me is completely convinced of this as truth
But my mind is not my soul and in my soul I feel a doubt, a part of me that can only empathize with them, can only see the similarities in our base desires and disregard the leagues of difference between the methods and the madness
In my soul I ask myself why shouldn't I doubt that truth, what makes this truth so fundamentally different from all the others I disregarded and flaunted, why I shouldn't be flaunting those other truths with these other kindred spirits, these fellow rebels
The rest of our world is perfectly happy to call us both sinners, and I am just as happy as my raucous (apparent) kindred to wear the word in my heart like a badge of honor
So why can't I be happy to accept that they are sinners just as I am? Why can't I be happy to share this hell I asked for with them?
Why do I have this urge to dissent against the other would-be devils and demons, to find out for certain which is in the wrong, their mind or my soul
Until I know I don't see how my world can ever be at peace

lay into me lit do ur worst

>>15627155
This is like that scene in dark souls where the pointy hat guys keep killing each other over and over

>>15627060
it is only a cope to the uninitiated

>uncovered repressed memory
is there a version of this gif that's just frowning?

>>15611404
I have accepted that there are things which I cannot change

>>15628244
Such as?

>>15625560
maybe you just dont have political thoughts that make sense or are intelligible when you actually focus on it and instead just have this flurry of incoherency that you interpret as you having 'political thoughts' even though there's little of substance.

>>15627095
Baby steps anon. A smile or a good word does wonders.

PLEASE god

I don’t understand everyone’s fixation on politics. The whole racial slurs thing and us vs them is disgusting and childish. I feel out of touch with 4chan. I feel out of touch with the world around me in general

>>15629718
ok Chaim

>>15629718
in the real world, it is mostly a cope. here, maybe half use it as such, and the other half only bait for the reaction

There is no self. There is no I. I think the I obtains for one while one is in the sentence. When the sentence has come to its conclusion, the I vanishes. I feel no continuity with any kind of self. I feel no ego in me. I feel poses. I feel the pressure of poses. I feel the pressure of poses largely issuing to me out of fear. I'm afraid of people. I'm afraid of events. I'm afraid of anything exterior to myself. And so I manifest a host of poses in order to keep people at bay. It is the same with sentences. For me they are simply disctractions. They are ways of distracting the reader from who I am.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being punished or tested. I've been struggling with chronic arthritis since my early twenties, I have genital herpes that has stopped me from having sex for 3 years, I have bipolar disorder that isn't responding to medicine, I'm too young and composed to qualify for disability, and it feels like people's perception is I'm always crying wolf because of that. I want everything to stop. I want to know what it's like to not struggle through every moment of the day. I don't know what I did to deserve this. Everyday is misery.

>>15630242
>Sometimes I feel like I'm being punished or tested
this is because you are being both punished and tested

>>15630242
its a test of will

Why do mods delete every single thread that's about literature but tangentially related to incels? Annoying as FUCK faggot mods.

>>15612648
Depends if you consider a bill of sale a contract

>>15631642
a sale is a undeniably a contract, but it is between buyer and seller. traditional slaves do not typically sell themselves into it. the question of whether a wage slave is a proper slave is of course a separate question

>>15613028
>>15613068
I'm an orphan, never slept with someone if you exclude the people in the maternity and sleeping alone was the single most scary experience of my childhood.

I really fucking dislike Muslims, especially Saudis

My father has a terrible relationship with my mom and sister and even though I hate his behaviour and despise him I have this strong pity for him and an urge to somehow maintain a relationship with him and help him? I just wish he disappeared and stopped making everyone around him miserable. I feel sorry when I look at him and see his absolute confusion about important things.
How to I get rid of this need to help him? It's just constantly on my mind and I don't want to act on it because I hate him really.

>>15631997
A father is not an unusual thing to want. You aren't really giving a lot of information though. Are your goals even within your capabilities?

>>15632097
I don't know man, I just feel like I owe him something. I know that when I was born he dreamed that we would go on motorcycle trips, play music together and I've turned out with a completely different character. I overheard him say many times that kids are overrated. I know for certain that kids don't own their parents ANYTHING and still I feel guilty. But I know that I can't change him cause he is an old stubborn alcoholic fool. I'm just looking for a method to get this stupid idea that I'm responsible for him out of my head. /rant

>>15632173
If you just want to be around him, by all means do. Even if he remains an idiot even in his own skull, you can still meet the person he could have been if you look deep enough in the text. But if you don't need that and it's just that he needs you in some way, wait for him to step up himself. If someone needs the whole universe served to then before they learn, they should be the one to afford you faith first rather than the reverse. I don't think of it differently from hiw assigning a burden of proof works.

>>15631997
on this, alice munro writes: forgiveness in families is a mystery to me, how it comes or how it lasts

your father has wronged you and your family, one part of you pities and wishes to forgive, the other part does not. there is no magic word /lit/ can say which will remove one part or the other. you can live divided or you can take your side and fight the other. if you know you want to cut him off, cut him off. write a list of his wrongs if it helps, every chance you have given that he has wasted. but there is nothing which will make it so easy as you hope.

>guy I know randomly sent me a video on WhatsApp "How To Stop Being Shy" and asked "how's it going"
What do I respond? He's a slightly weird/autistic guy but extroverse

>>15632487
more details

>>15632530
>>15632530
What do you want to know? We've never talked over text anymore. He just randomly sent the tiktok video (3 Tricks To Stop Being Shy is the exact title) to me at 9:30 PM asking "how's it going?"

>>15632642
>anymore
Meant to type "before"
It's over WhatsApp as I said

>>15632642
are you shy? a boy? is the video funny or serious?

>>15632642
He wants to chat. Tell him how it's going. Autistic guys are good, they never hide or lie. Keep him as a friend. He thinks you're shy and wants to help you

>>15632487
Well, I laughed. Were I in your shoes, I'd consider that a start.

>>15632657
I (>>15632682) saw it as the sender being shy and using the vid's advice for themself. Like a citation.

>>15632656
Yes I'm male and shy. The video is serious, but light-hearted
>>15632657
Yeah I agree.
>>15632687
Nah he's not shy himself just wants to help me out

I've been feeling increasingly anxious, I've noticed at night I've been lusting for death, I've also had weird dreams about floods since I can remember

Anyone else reading the possessed/demons?

What are your impressions so far?
Not far enough in to make any

>>15632978
well tell him how it's going then

>>15633040
Well, it's not like you'll miss it

Eight days of no masturbation and it's getting really uncomfortable. I'm not lusting and I don't care about the pleasure, but I feel a great pressure on my whole body to empty myself. As if I've gotten more energized but I don't know how to handle the extra energy. Hopefully it will get better.

>>15633361
how often did you do it before? it must have been a lot if you are not over the hump at 8 days

>>15633466
About 3-5 times per week. Was it too much?

>>15633597
nah thats fine, preferably the 3 than the 5, but not worth suffering over

>>15633597
that is not so much, but I am surprised you still feel that way after the week away