/lit/ - Literature

I can't stand being around people
I can't stand being lonely

I'm glad books and alcohol exist

>>15606076
o god i wish that was me

I’m unable to distinguish between delusional thinking and creative inspiration. I don’t think I’m actually creative, I think I’m just insane. Enya is great. I haven’t been able to sleep well for the last few days. Bags under my eyes and the pressure in my head are both building. I need more wide tip Sharpies. I’m going to start writing a fictional story based around my life

>>15606076
I wish I knew what to live for.

>>15606076
I cant wait for death and still I am afraid of doing something wrong

>>15606076
The lack of money and generally being poor.

The increased tendency towards centralization in religion and politics

Near term human extinction. Biosphere collapse. The insect apocalypse and the windshield phenomenon. The world will be unrecognizable in 50 years, we may be among the last generation of humans. This seems like it should be more important to people than it is.


The world is ending anon. all these people protesting because a nig got shot just make me laugh

I keep forgetting to make time for reading during the week, and even when I do I often end up reading a different book then the one I want to commit my efforts to right now.
>>15606340
Unfortunately there's only so much we can do to prevent the collapse of the world without striking at the pollutive hornet nests of China and India, but no countries want to do this.

>>15606076
Astronomical laziness and utter lack of ambition. Also sad and lonely. Reading Sophocles' Antigone and I'm enjoying that so far, so at least I've got that for now.

>>15606076
People who read ONLY genre fiction. I mean that's fine for getting in to literature but that's the thing- in. You genuinely have no interest in expanding into other more rigorous and academic areas? Same thing with movies. I'm not sure how many times a pie to the face can be groundbreaking, knee slapping humor.

>>15606076
The whole world losing its mind over a drug addicted porn star felon dying.

>>15606114
Wrong nope keep trying
Old people suck

>>15606076
>Whats troubling you, /lit/?

That I find some sense of calmness from OPs picture. That ugly brit looking guy just chilling in a pond and enjoying himself. Almost blends into the scenery like a garden gnome - so natural. Am I the only one that feels this way?

>>15606148
The difference between delusional thinking and creativity is proofreading and editing anon. Quit making excuses and put the pen to paper :-)

>>15606626
Nah old fuckoos are gross, old people are the worst yuck, young looking people only
>>15606639
This sounds like a good one

If you have nothing to say about Socrates or Euthyphro that is fine but why even post in a thread about them? May as well spam unrelated nonsense like Jaime or whoever.

>>15606232
Just make something up lol

>>15606691
At least post something with muscle anon, you just posted some fat corrupted sumo wrestler that could be beautiful but is wrapped around in a prison they can’t shake off. Muscle is also an inescapable weight, you know, makes fitting in seats and clothing harder

>>15606076
>Whats troubling you, /lit/?

Incredibly cringe, but whenever I post on /mu/, I'm berated by indie pop listeners for liking Free Jazz, classic rock, and about four albums touted by Scaruffi. I explain that I don't like modern pop because it's self-congratulatory and neither bold nor original, and some dude always responds with the same trite response of, "Actually, there's a lot of revolutionary shit happening in Rock music." These people think they are obligated to like modern music, but it all seems like Stockholm Syndrome to me.

And dude, no one cares that your dad wrote some 10,000 page history of the fire station book that only 3 people have read. I'm sorry but they don't. Quit droning on about that. To me, that's about as interesting as the history of shoelace manufacturing or the dietary nutrition of iguanas.

>>15606806
>the history of shoelace manufacturing

I'd read it

>>15606581
Nothing wrong with reading fiction for entertainment. What bothers me is people like you who expect everyone who read to eventually get into philosophy.

>>15606800
Also, I'm constantly called some derivation of "pleb" or "cringe" for my favorite album being Rubber Soul.

>>15606076
I just spent 42 € for a Mishima novel

>>15606340
>The world is ending anon
Hate to burst your bubble, but
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events

>>15606899
Rightfully so.

>>15606928
Sun and Steel?

>>15606076
Is that image a perfect representation of contentment. A man relaxed in a facsimile of nature he has mastery over without care, allowing it to flow over and around him.

>>15606800
It’s stockholm syndrome on both ends to be honest, learn from the end you like best and then correct that as you wish
>>15606899
I have a soul that bounces like rubber, better firm than flab though, feels better that way

>>15606076
The knowledge that everyone I care about will die, and that it is even possible that I should go on living in this world without them.

>>15606965
No, Sun and Steel I just read on my computer. It's Runaway Horses, but in German, didn't really want to read it in English.

>>15606076
I feel I am the late man who gets asked by the straight man where I have been. What's troubling about it is that I literally have little more to answer than
>I've been here and
>I've been there and
>I've been inbetween
A sort of emptiness

>>15607012
Thats a troubling thought for real. I think its one of the reasons kids are worth it, you have your own family then instead of your old one.

>>15606076
Jews, man

I've spent years getting degrees and building a career that I don't think I really care about. I've made lots of sacrifices in other areas of my life to be where I am today but I just don't think I want to be here.

To be fair, I did have a quiet nagging feeling I was heading this way back in the day, proceeded to suppress it, and therefore have nobody but myself to blame at this point.

Maybe it's just a midlife crisis and eventually I'll just become numb and drone on until I drop dead because I'm too much of a pussy to make a change.

>>15606076
I will turn 21 in three months. My youth is slipping through my fingers. I haven’t left my shitty apartment since October because the outside world has nothing to offer me in my current state, and vice versa. I am holding out for a miracle; the crypto I’m holding will supposedly be worth a significant amount at some point in the future. Who’s to say for certain though? I can’t stay holed up in my apartment forever. My parents are eventually going to die. I don’t want them to pass with the thought that everything they invested into me was a waste hanging over their heads

cant stop jacking off

>>15607043
What the fuck have we done to you. I was born to a single mother in a shithole town in Israel, I migrated to the UK where I am a functional and contributing citizen, voting conservative and being generally apathetic to politics, all I want is to live a comfy meaningful life, and you want to pin the collapse of society driven by forces beyond comprehension on me for some reason, when I'm more like you than the average statue-defacing, old lady robbing hoodnigger

>>15607165
Fuck off, kike

>>15607165
It's alright jewboi. He doesn't mean you but those that are of the synagogue of satan. Or maybe he does mean you idk

>>15607165
Are you cut?

>>15607112
Read “The Dream of a Ridiculous Man” and please visit a minister or therapist.

>>15606076
My sunburn

>>15606076
I have dreams every night about killing journalists with my bare hands. Every time I train in mma I imagine I'm killing journalists. It's taking my sanity

>>15607263
Yes, the covenant of Abraham is on me

>>15606076
My arms are sore and I'm worried that the universe might be fundamentally evil.

>>15607397
But how come? Did your mother make a decision like that for you? That's messed up, even more messed than just circumcision alone.

If you ever have children, boys, are you going to have them cut?

probably bout to be deported because I can't find a job

>>15606826
You have time to read the fire station history or whatever nonsense but not read a Platonic dialogue and actually learn something? Actually use your brain.

Plato? Bergman? No, I want to watch Bazinga. That's a great use of my time!

>>15606076
I think I want to hire like an it specialist or a cybersecurity professional but idk how or if they do those things outside of businesses

Still being alive

>>15607013
fair enough

>>15607165
>YES I'M THE GOOD JEW GOY
FUCK OFF

>>15607112
>I will turn 21 in three months. My youth is slipping through my fingers
lmao stopped reading there. Wtf are you talking about? Your youth is basically just starting now.You have your entire life ahead of you dipshit

>>15607552
I do. I have read countless textbooks and learned things from them, but I also like to read fiction for entertainment purposes. While I agree that Platonic dialogues have value, reading them feels like work to me and I'd rather not work during my free time. Now if I didn't have my day job and had tons of free time and money then I'd probably read them.

>>15606076
this picture speaks to me on a spiritual level

>>15607165
Bruh

>>15607112
Dude, you're 21. You have your entire life ahead of you. If you were like 28 or 30, I would understand. But you are way to young to be feeling this way.

>>15607165
Are you aware of the difference between American and British Jews, even other Jews hate American Jews.

>>15607165
Sorry kikebro. Anyone who shitposts is my brother, and close in spirit to the Lord God of Hosts.

>>15607532
My father was still in the picture when I was circumcised, it was probably his decision.

But I don't think its fucked up. It doesn't harm the penis, gets rid of smegma and makes it much more aesthetic. And if you care about your religion its an important tradition- the first ritual to our ancestor Abraham and its at least 5000 year old. I'd cut my sons, if only to make their penises gorgeous & their girls lucky :^)

>>15607738
Eh, the nice American Jews kinda keep to themselves. It's the obnoxious new york democrat jews that are unbearable. But they're all twerps compared to Israelis.

The lack of metaphysical justification most people including myself have for their worldview

Aarvoll made a thought provoking video on how if you rely upon presupposed metaphysical outlooks you are by definition an npc, and I realized ( even tho npc is kinda old as a meme) that I’m little better than a rick and morty redditor when it comes to real justification of my worldview.

I think the only way forward is to ignore twitter and 4chan and news media and start from the bottom to develop a coherent metaphysical framework, so that you can actually understand every link in the chain that gets you to your current purview.

>>15607804
>at least 5000 years old
Sure it is

>>15607804
The modern circumcision, where the entire foreskin is removed, was invented by talmudic kikes of the 4th century that wanted jews to stop hiding their scars while playing sport nude with the romans.

Abraham, Isaac, Moses, all of the kings and prophets of the law, and even our Lord Jesus Christ were only had a thin line of foreskin removed to mark them as part of the tribes of Israel.

Now that the special relationship the jews had with God is over circumcision is unnecessary, and removing the ENTIRE foreskin was never part of the law in the first place.

>>15607804
>But I don't think its fucked up. It doesn't harm the penis, gets rid of smegma and makes it much more aesthetic. And if you care about your religion its an important tradition- the first ritual to our ancestor Abraham and its at least 5000 year old. I'd cut my sons, if only to make their penises gorgeous & their girls lucky :^

This pretty much answers your original question. This is why (at least one of the reasons) people hate you and your kind.

>>15607962
Cause girls love cut penises? Sorry bro

>>15607905
I mean, I generally trust talmudic authority to have interpreted the Torah correctly - if they find a flaw in how circumcision was being carried out, they found a flaw. If the covenant of Abraham is meant to be unhideable, then it should be unhideable. They dedicate their whole life to Torah study and all of their recommendations are fully backed by scripture, logically compiled and debated vigorously against opposition, like modern scientific papers are peer-reviewed. That being said, there are Jews that do not follow the Talmud- the Karaites, and their circumcision is as you described, so you might be right.

https://www.karaites.org/uploads/7/4/1/3/7413835/mikdash_meat_section_19_circumcision__conversion.pdf

>>15606232
live to live
we all die anyway

>>15608077
Do you really believe judaism is 5000 years old?

>>15606948
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events
alot of them will actually happen though (pic related)
science wins again

>>15608141
Yeah, why wouldn't it be?

>>15608158
It hasn't even begun lol

should i get a masters in engineering? i have a business degree but my work is boring and not challenging.

>>15608163
Show bomes then

>>15606148
Look up Transformation Mastery

>>15608209
What’s the general premise with this?

The fact that there may or may not be a communist revolution happening in the USA right now

>>15608232
You can't get further removed from a 'communist revolution' than what's currently happening, we're heading straight into An-capism.

I'm having a hard time coping with the fact that all my desires and values are arbitrary evolutionary adaptions.

>>15608387
Read Prometheus Rising by Robert Anton Wilson.

>>15607700
My dad is drunk and is really going off against you. lol. I think it is funny to humiliate you and your loser family in front of my friends (I could see Abordo and Madchen on the floor in tears over that tranny) but I wonder what his deal is.

God, I wish Madchen knew him. You don't know the things she would say. She would kill herself laughing so hard.

>>15608158
None of these events pose a definite ending scenario. In 300 years humans will be to manipulate space-time geometry and transcend thermodynamic irreversibility, then being able to create their own system of infinite universes.

My dad's a famous writer you know. His book sold 3 copies and rumor is another guy plans on buying one. That will raise it to FOUR books sold!

>>15608596
Hey my dad's a writer too. I think he sold like 20 copies.

>>15608601
Next Vladimir Nabokov?

>>15608614
It was a journalistic piece on corruption in politics and the justice system, so no I don't think so.

>>15606104
>
rt

The more I read and get older the more I realise that capitalism is a complete lie and is not sustainable but it's depressing because it's like being in an endless cycle that will never change.

>>15606899
>Anonymous 06/14/20(Sun)15:40:33 No.15606899▶>>15606952 >>15607007
well yea why wouldnt it be revolver fag

>>15608668
>is not sustainable
>endless cycle that will never change
sensing a slight conflict

>>15606148
do you want someone to ask about what you use wide tip sharpies for?

>>15607112
I'm 2 years and 1 month older than you and I've only just realized that I have an ok amount of youth left, but not enough to actually be satisfying

>>15608692
lmao just why

>>15608714
Just rambling anon

>>15608703
endless cycle in the sense that I will personally be stuck with it until I die, sorry for not clarifying.

>>15608077
Permanently mutilating infants to stop the potential sin of hiding circumcision is ridiculous. If Moses didnt feel the need to do it neither should any of us

>>15607112
Anon I have $300 of bitcoin last I was able to check, if I don’t waste it on mail services maybe it would be nice
>holed up in apartment
You should go out and do something somewhere. There are rivers and places to walk where you live, right?

>>15608830
It's not a harmful 'mutilation', and its outweighed by the benefit of continuing such an important tradition

>>15606076
A whole lot of things are on my mind. I reverted to Catholicism 3 years ago and viewed myself as trad. I then learned I have OCD last year so now I am trying to be more what I would call a mainline Catholic because I realized my OCD was fueling a lot of false piety.

I have also been struggling with some pretty unorthodox thoughts. I am about 99% certain there is a God and the moral system you find in, say, St. Thomas' works is THE manual for living a virtuous life. However sometimes when I think about the Biblical narrative it tests my belief because that really is the part that is becoming more and more difficult for me to believe in light of my mental illness. This is sort of a stereotypical atheist thing saying this, but it does seem strange to me that beings with original sin are damned despite their ignorance and shortcomings. I submit to this teaching with the will, but I am not sure that my heart is there anymore. My struggle with mental illness is probably influencing this perspective because I now feel a lot more empathy for sinners. I can't help but wonder if we're not all suffering more from ignorance and insanity than actual sin.

>>15608579
look bud, im just going by the science in this universe that we understand.

I can’t find any brothers or sisters to help me raise the city of Atlantis with the power of funk.

The Conspiracy Against the Human Race

>>15606076
the dwarfs are returning

>>15606076
MISSED OUT ON TEENAGE PUSSY

>>15606076
1. blm
2. commies
3. the media
4. my lack of friends
5. my brother is suicidal
6. I can't concentrate to read
7. I don't like vidya
8. I don't like TV or movies
9. I want to live in my own apartment
10. I want more money

>>15607112

Crypto lol. Just an hero. With a can-do attitude you can be a literal waste hanging over their heads.

>>15609310
That's a trap

>>15609541
You sound like my brother writing about me or me writing about my brother.

>>15608914
What are the benefits of totally eviscerating the foreskin? Hygene doesnt matter because people can bathe every day.

We stand at the precipice of our era, I fear I will have no part in it.

>>15609930
Why?

>>15610001
I’m not quite sure, it’s had to explain. If anything happens though I want to be a part of it. Maybe it’s since I’ve done nothing most my life.

>>15608914
This is your brain on tradcuckery

>>15608158
I plan on surviving all these events

I lack inspiration, imagination, and am horridly constrained by self-aware midwittery. I know all of this and can do nothing about it. I'm also hideous and a recluse. I read a lot of books, but what's the point?

>>15610264
I feel the opposite way. I can imagine things, but have no talent for bringing them about.

>>15606076
I'm have a major disassosciative deconstruction of who I am, and trying to figure out what is the real me.

I'm past giving a shit about these tribal conflicts in politics, social games and being prey to global manipulation through technology to get me to dumb myself down and not recognize who I am as an individual, collectivist society (at least in the online space) is trying to break down our humanity to a simple one word answer.

But humans are complicated, infinitely so, and its arrogant to even think I know how anyone else works, much less myself. It's so hard to explain, but delving deeply into the ideas of Freud, Jung, Nietzsche, Kant, Descartes etc. and the perennial nature of ancient civilizations and religions have helped me make sense of what I should be doing, which is figuring out the depths of my own psyche, even if it means dissolving everything about who I am that doesn't matter and knowing that may give an understanding as to why humans are attracted to specific behaviours, and where thats evolving and how to tell what the global conciousness is heading toward by searching within your own conciousness.

It's a journey within that defies words to even adequately explain it, it comes across as a raving lunatic, but thats because the inarticulated self that I am KNOWS these things, but the articulated self doesn't have enough structural information in order to explain these things to the outside world.

So yeah, EVERYTHING is troubling me, but I kinda enjoy it.

>>15609541
What’s your brother’s deal anon?

>>15610412
Do you think there is a “real” you? Or a real anybody?

I want to learn math so I can learn physics but I suck cock at math and physics.

>>15610488
If you’re hanging on the belief that everybody who’s “good” at math is someone who gets a visceral aspergers boner from working out a formula, you’re mistaken. A lot of it comes down to having enough discipline to put the work in and learn the fundamentals, with time you get more competent and more of it becomes easy(er) for you. Not unlike learning the constructions of a new language.

If you’re genuinely passionate about physics, that’s what it will come down to for you.

I have been trying to wean myself off of looking at erotic material and masturbating for years now. I have made some progress, and actually do a much better job avoiding and resisting temptation than I used to do. But I still have a long ways to go.

One huge complication to this plan is that I am actually a fairly good writer and have a highly active imagination. And, on top of that, I've always been more turned on by writing than by images or videos. I can look at pictures and videos of my fetishes all day long and not feel a temptation to jerk off, but get me reading a good erotic story that pushes all my buttons and I'll be cumming in no time. These two facts combine to mean that I also have to struggle with my ability to generate my own wank material. I can easily fap to my own imagined stories and scenarios. Sometimes the urge to write them down is overwhelming, and I get it into my head that if I actually do write them down (usually as Pastebins), they'll leave my mind. But the trouble is that this makes them permanent, and I can always return to them in the future when I get a jonesing for them.

I realize that I just shouldn't be having impure thoughts and writing my own erotica in the first place. But I've done it so many times over the years that the temptation to do it again can often be overwhelming.

>>15606076
i was counting on a general collapse of the housing market so i could buy property that wasn't insanely overpriced and now the prospect of another decade of QE means homes will cost $2 million on the low side in just a few years

>>15610474
Not in any true sense of the word, no. Nothing is ultimately real, it's very likely this is all some insane dream, or simulation or an experiment that's played itself out an infinite number of times before like an algorithm finding perfection.

'Real' is only what we make of ourselves, our surroundings, and our deepest conscience to develop essentially a story to make sense of what makes up 'real'. So we come up with our own answers, but we feel as if our own answers aren't enough, that somehow someone else is answering it for us, like a God or spirit or collective communication of ideas.

So realising what the 'real' me is, is like the Ubermensch or fulfilling potential, the highest possible result of who I COULD be, is the 'real' me because its taking the human condition down to its final conclusion.

>>15609655
You’re not good at this

>>15607112
Realised you’re not a child anymore?
being a man isn’t so bad

I don’t feel confident in anything in engage in. For example I’m going back to school in September and I’m already thinking how I’m going to fail and how people are better than me. I can’t get rid of this mindset which in my opinion is why I can’t be at my best. F

>>15612165
I hope you find a way to thrive Anon

>>15612182

Thanks man, god bless you

>>15608387
>I'm having a hard time coping with the fact that all my desires and values are arbitrary evolutionary adaptions
>>15608395
anon hit it on the head. read this desu

>>15606076
i am lonely

>>15607165
>and you want to pin the collapse of society driven by forces beyond comprehension on me
yeah lol

>>15609893
Totally removing it is actually safer than doing the pre-talmudic cut, but either ways, the benefit is the tradition

>>15612182
>>15612190
>>15612201
I do as well

>>15608158
>doesn't include precession or the possibility of massive true polar wander

>>15606076
worried about the direction of my career. cant find an internship in college and im afraid it will make it harder to get a job after college

>>15610228
Based

I'm lazy. I have bursts of autistic drive, but I can't really control when it kicks in.

I want to learn math again but my family is so annoying and noisy.

I want to do all these things but am scared or something and and end up doing nothing. I need to study but I keep putting it off. I just do nothing every day other than try to escape my vague anxiety. I'm fucking alone and I have nothing.

Have you guys ever felt that you were reading something dangerous, and that it might be better not talk about it even though it is amazing knowledge, because people might use it to harm other people?

>>15613030
I can imagine what type of thing people are capable of doing with it nowadays. And I think some even used something similar to try blackmail me or some shit. Little they know is that I don't give a shit KEK

>>15613030
Not really no.

>>15607804
Guys. It's bait.

>>15613030
Yes.
I also think there's too much information out there that was never intended to be in the hands of the lemmings and the morons who didn't already come to similar conclusions. Since they lack context and real understanding it can be dangerous in their hands.

Heavy suicidal thoughts

>>15606076
my dream last nite
>in my old highschool
>talk to girl
>she's like what ever
>a little bit later
>me and girl get a group project together
>she get super flirty and is basically groping me
>my mom is the teacher
>we finish the thing
>go to another room that's private
>she doesn't want to fuk
>wake up
:(

I haven't felt real emotions for years now. I'm considering enlisting, or something. Maybe getting dropped in some third world shit hole and killing a man will finally make me feel real. Alternatively I'll get blown to bits by IED and all my troubles would be solved, permanently

>>15612896
Hey man I'm right there with you. I just feel like I'm totally incompetent with all the performative shit that is involved in landing an internship. When I talk about my experiences or skills my professors always ask as to why they're not on my resume, but I always feel like they're not good enough to warrant it.

>>15613665
You need to get back to the world. It isn't that hard. Write about it what you did outside the internet everyday. if you did nothing, write that you did nothing. Eventually you get back and start feeling things again.

>>15613665
It's pretty unlikely you'll get close to action. We use drones this type of stuff now. You'll probably be stationed in South Korea or somewhere in the US. I got stationed in South Korea and spent most of my time in the gym and reading. Some of my buddies even got stationed in Hawaii and it was like a paid vacation.

>>15607112
>I will turn 21 in three months. My youth is slipping through my fingers
>I am holding out for a miracle; the crypto I’m holding
cringe cringe cringe CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE
fucking cringe

Breaking up with my gf of a few years today. she was a really nice trad girl but I think it's gone too long. I didn't respond to any of her texts for a few days straight but told her this morning we got to meet to talk.

>>15615247
poor girl:(

>>15615266
Yeah, she was the best girl I've dated so far and I was her first. I'm guessing she's gonna do whatever she can to save it, but I got to be strong. She also helped me get through the death of my best friend, which is largely why we stuck around so long.

>>15606582
Shut the fuck up

If any anon here is willing to have a direct conversation about something that's bothering him, i'm here to listen!

Steam: https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198167233413

>>15610228
Absolutely BASED

>>15606076
It is too hot in my room. Will have trouble falling asleep

>>15607892
>Aarvoll
which video of his?

>>15613030
>reads Dark Psychology once

I just want to have sex.
The competition for decent looking girls in Flanders it just too fierce.
You see one blond skinny girl with a a top walking around my city, THEY'RE IMMEDIATELY SURROUNDED BY AT LEAST 5 GUYS.

>>15606076
thinking about my life and trying to see it objectively

>NEET, 18
>took med entrance exam last year and failed
>might fail again this year, despite studying to the point of losing sanity for it
>depressed, anxious, hermit with severe OCD
>chronic insomnia, perpetually in a stressed state, losing hair, no friends, get insane highs and lowest lows that are shallow
>feel like i'm disappointing my parents yet again

i'm waiting for my exam results before i kill myself, i get my exam results on Friday

I'm surrounded by people that measure success by which Magic Circle firm they have a trainee contract with. Even though I know my interpretation of success is equal (or most likely superior) to their's, I know that it won't get me hoes. Whatever path I choose in life, whether that be academia, writing, filmmaking (yes this is the selection now) I know I won't be as respected and vilified as I would have had I sold out my soul to Goldman Sachs or Linklaters like all my friends. What use will it be to reflect positively upon my life on my deathbed when people not only will people not respect me, I will never have had the opportunities in life my friends have had. And after all that thought I look at myself, realising I'm twenty fucking years old, and should be having the time of my life.

I’m unsure if I’ll be happier if I accept I am never going to experience mutual romantic love.

>>15616246
You are 18 bro calm down

>>15613030
Oh god second act, would I have never seen the first sentence.....

>>15613030
Actually yes
Hypothetical terrorism is a rococos basilisk
Also I worry some of my close to home ideas inspired from events will hurt the feelings of people I care about

>>15616246
I’ve it the same thing except with cancer testing

>>15606800
>classic rock
You deserve to be made fun of.

>>15607112
Based bro. I am in similiar position except year older. What crypto are you holding? For me its STA

>>15606076
The worldwide degeneration of human society into a prison planet.

People have become so numb and complicit to a point where they worship the entity they call 'government' like a god. There already is no restaurant, no grocery shop, no public place you can go without being recorded. Centralized AI will soon track your every move, everything you you post online and everything you buy. Cash and crypto will be banned. Sorry >>15607112
>the crypto I’m holding will supposedly be worth a significant amount at some point in the future
It's certain that humanity will degenerate into a homogeneous mass and things like philosophy, art, music and critical thought will disappear. Life will be like an ant farm for every human being. Maybe not within our lifetime, but humans will eventually merge with machine AI.

I'm glad I didn't have children yet because nobody could protect them from this life without dignity.

>>15617886
Honestly, it is the opposite, if we don't reinvent ourselves we will probably degenerate. I understand that you might be unhappy with the direction the world is turning but it is definitely something necessary.

>>15617923
>it is definitely something necessary
How so? Maybe you're misunderstanding. I'm not a technology abolitionist but I strongly oppose the progress of expansion of surveillance and the erosion of freedom and individuality, because they are what makes us human, what creates culture, beauty, things worth living for. We could live in a peaceful and free society without governance, based on a common law of science, rational and empathy. But instead we're on the fast track towards a dystopian hell that turns us all into sterile grey faces.

>>15606076
My best mate left me nearly entirely because I hold an extremely nasty grudge towards his gf and it eventually spills over in conversation. I feel empty without him, but the idea of reconciling things with him makes me furious.

>>15606340
Nah, the world itself will be fine. It may take a few hundred years to adapt to higher temperatures and there'll likely be mass extinctions, but the planet isn't waiting on any individuals to keep it going.
Humans are probably fucked though

>>15606076
An unending headache.
I've got this pain in my forehead right behind my eyes and in my forehead. I normally get sinus headaches this time of year but there are no other obvious symptoms of a sinus infection. I'm running a fever and I can't focus my mind on anything, it's horrible.

I got kicked out of Ranger Selection because my IQ score flagged me for follow-up interview because it was such an outlier. The psychologist somehow decided I wasn’t a fit and now I am sitting here waiting for my orders. I am not bummed but it is on my mind.

I am unable to acquire pleasure anymore. Specially through fiction. I just don't see the point.

>>15606340
you self-entitled fuck. every generation thinks their's is the one in which the world will end. you wish you were so fucking lucky, maybe it would excuse your apathy and baby's first nihilism. fuck youuuuuuuuu

I fantasize about being homeless

>>15618665
It's not good. Been there.

>>15618672
Tell me about it. I think about quitting everything and living out of my car or something far too often

>>15618692
Sneaking into gyms to take a shower
Work starts to feel like your home
You dread getting off of work, sitting in your car again, and either shivering or sweating all night
Can't sleep well because you have to look out for parking security and police
Get paranoid in the middle of the night and switch locations
Can't go back to sleep because you're scared of getting kicked out of the parking lot
Doing your laundry at the laundrymat costs a lot of money and time
Having to lie about where you live to everyone you meet
Going to bars and having to drive drunk to a parking lot to crash
Wake up hungover in your car like a bad dream, have to find another gym to sneak into and shower
Eating peanut butter of the jar because it's cost effective and filling
Everything feels useless, at least when you had a place you had privacy and security
All around just a horrible existence. Stay in a motel if you wanna do that, but being homeless is horrible.

chronic pain

>>15618783
the problem seems to be dependence on a job and urban anxiety, city living really does suck
Do homeless people ever go traveling and sleep in mountains or woods? Much preferable than car parks and abandoned garages, very easy if you have a car as well

>>15607700
I'm being serious. 7337- call her up. She would LOVE to spemd the day with you and your family. In fact, she herself even said "watching Bazinga with a crossdresser and a fat dude sounds like the greatest and most entertaining day I could possibly have."

>>15609893
There is no benefits of circumcision because it was never for benefits its a desert cult practice that goes back in reference to sacrificing babies to moloch in which that desert cult was derived from Saturn worshippers that was common in the middle east which also sacrificed babies often the first born and why islam a cult derived from Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism and local Middle eastern cults also practices circumcision.

I just graduated into the worst job market since 2008 and I can't get a freaking job

girl left me for an e-boy with a bunch of rings on his hands

and I am going to have to get surgery on my heart for a syndrome i was recently diagnosed with

>>15606114
>*were

vehement leftists

If you want to post here just try to read big boy grown up books. Genre fic is more of a Reddit thing. The majority of the board agrees on this too.

But really are you autistic? Just because you like something doesn't mean everyone else will. I clearly do not give the slightest fuck about bazinga, fire stations or chodehouse and this should be obvious.

>>15606800
Pop (especially modern pop) listeners are usually hopeless plebeians by definition. Same could be said about most /mu/ inhabitants, so kys.

I feel bad, my girlfriend is too goddamn energetic. She's either super happy or super sad. She talks and talks, she'll talk at me for like 15 minutes and then say "He's looking at me like I'm crazy," it's fucking annoying. Then she'll tell me that I should talk but I have nothing to say.
I just can't keep up with her, she's so outgoing and bubbly and loud, I'm introverted and reserved and quiet. It's sometimes incredibly draining to be with her, even just texting, she's sending me huge texts full of exclamation marks and emojis, I get tired of texting after typing five words
The only reprieve I get is when she goes to sleep or is at work

In fact, I will say watching bazinga with a crossdresser may literally be the least entertaining thing I can even think of.

>>15606449
Who the f do you think is buying from them?

>>15606076
I can't land a literary agent even though I know for sure the writing and illustrations in my picture book are better than many best-selling ones. Most literary agents just ask for leftist bullshit.

>>15620321
Women are mentally taxing, best keep them at a distance so you could interact with them when you have the energy to do so.

>>15606076
You know that feeling when you’re told by uneducated people that you’re talented but you feel like these compliments are worthless precisely because those people never read or watch truly good movies? That’s the kind of shit I have to deal with. Not much but I do feel like an overrated clown. I feel like an ugly boy who’s told he’s handsome by his mother. I feel lost. I feel like I don’t have any talent. Back in highschool, people thought I’d be the most likely to succeed because I was a pedant cunt who could debate on the same level as our teachers. Also, I’d get good grades without any effort. Those people who thought I could succeed actually reached their goals while I’m stuck in a fucked up loop. I can’t finish anything, I’ve abandoned countless works and the works I’ve finished are lost in oblivion because I’m too much of a pussy to send them. Time flies. I’ll be 24 in less than four months. I’ve done nothing. I’ve accomplished nothing. My first love got married, she has a kid now. I used to fantasize about our future family, about our mariage, about our sons.

>>15620584
>our sons
Most kids born today will probably be sacrificed for some kind of evil scheme. We're unaware of the great tragedies which were unintentionally avoided. I'm not an antinatalist, but you'd have to be a fool to believe this modern age is good for kids. A black man could get away with murdering a white child with a slap on the wrist at this point.

>>15620413
Yeah, I've come to find that's the best
Sex with her is really good though, and she's got a nice body, but it feels like everything outside of me touching her is a goddamn drag

>>15613672
Honestly, Im just gonna apply to army officer school after i graduate. I was lazy my first two years of college and im really paying for it now. I believe if i do army ocs (im studying engineering so unlikely i'll be put into combat) it will give me a great start to my career and instill me with greater discipline and honor throughout my life. We're all gonna make it

>>15621939
Are you me? I was thinking about applying to navy ocs if I don't pass the foreign service exam or can't get a decent job. I'm studying history though.

I bet that guy bought like 20 copies and gave them to his friends as "gifts." That is the type of bullshit he would pull. Dude, no one wants your dad's crappy book as a "present." They don't want shit that only you like as a present. Become a better gifter.

>>15621939
>im studying engineering so unlikely i'll be put into combat
You don't get to dictate your orders or what unit you are placed with as an officer.

About the only thing that kept me sane in my day to day life pre-Covid were daydreams about future travels. Travelling doesn't solve your problems of course, and anyone who thinks they can run away from their problems is delusional but at least travel offers you something new. I live in a shitty small room in a flat that's falling apart. I just want to go somewhere else.

>>15617886
>worship the entity they call 'government' like a god

Really? I feel like public distrust of the government has been steadily increasing for years and is boiling over rn.

I understand nostalgia is an unproductive emotion but late at night I find myself often longing for a time when I was just beginning to use the internet to discover that world outside my own. I remember how foreign and exciting everything felt, staying up late at night delving into rabbit holes, finding music and shit that provoked feelings in me that I had never felt before. I miss the early days when I was just becoming a weeb... there was just something about the total foreign-ness of Japanese media that is so entrancing as a teenager. It sounds gay and it definitely is but I imagine most people here can relate, otherwise why would they be here?

>>15620584
It's a well know trap, the one you're in. You have above-average taste, which means you have artistic potential, but that taste does not translate into producing above-average art. Producing is a different skill from critiquing. So you come to regard your productions as worthless because you're better at critiquing than at producing.

The only way out is to dial back your critiquing faculty. But that's the bind, you do need to apply that faculty to your productions, so you need mastery over it, to turn it down, and turn it back up at will, tear down your work, then turn off critiquing mode, and produce again, in the hope you will eventually learn to produce something that can withstand your scrutiny, the hope that your producing skill will eventually outpace your critiquing skill. And this process requires hope (for non-egotists/megalomaniacs, who run on hubris and never back down because of that fact), that means, requires a faculty reason, the calculating, appraising faculty, cannot provide.

So cultivate disdain for reason, disdain for the intellect. It's your only chance to believe in something as irrational as hope, because you're clearly not in the egotist camp if you feel like you're overrated.

I've come to realize recently that I have spent the last couple of years completely overdosed, and soaked to the gills, in one ideology or another.

I need help, /lit/.

How do I deprogram myself from latching on to the next bit of hot garbage that provides me with some basic theory and a hitlist of things to be endlessly outraged about.

>>15622258
spend less time consuming media, spend less time in politicized environments (hard but not impossible), spend time in the quote unquote real world, and soon your mind will be free from such concerns.

My passport is expired and I am stuck in a foreign country without much work and no clear, actionable plan for my future. I have a gf though.

>>15622274
>I have a gf though.

tfw no gf

>>15622272
Good advice, absent the request to spend more time in the real world. I think there are more ideologues in my social circles then there aren't, some of them family. I don't quite know how to avoid talking politics and the oughts of society, since I've usually been the person sparking those conversations for 13+ years now., and I also feel there is social pressure.

What media in particular do you think is best avoided? Is say, reading Camus harmful?

Once again, thanks for the feedback anon.

>>15622305
Social media man, including 4chan. All this stuff rots your brain and I get the irony of posting about it here. I think it's fine to discuss politics and society with your friends, and I really think that's where those types of conversations should ideally take place - that is, face to face and with other people. I consider that the 'real world'. I think it depends on the crowd you hang out with but I don't know your friends of course, maybe they're not the best for your mental health. Camus is probably fine, books are probably fine, so long as you spend time doing other things and not just stewing in introspection.

>>15606076
When you find a quest giver irl.

>>15606076
I completely drained my balls today after havning not fapped for 3 straight months. i completely drained them. i masturbated 5 times today.

I feel chronically tired. Idk if its my fault (food, exercise) or that I have a bunch of exams. I hope its the exams making me tired and a sign I am doing enough work rather than me being a lazy pos

>>15607165
Inside you is a bad seed.

>>15622609
Curious, what did you fap over?
If you don't wish to share then can we atleast know if it was legal or not?

>>15622368
>>15622272
>>15622368
This points to the real problem of polarization in our society. It is a bit of a meme word but it is apt. People are both oversocialized and overpoliticized. This comes at the expense of civility and mental health, as well as souring the actual political discourse with dire policy consequences. When you talk online about politics (or society in general) you are not thinking about people. In a way this sounds fine as it might imply you are getting to the core issues in a more rational way. In actuality most of the time it means you warp your mind by wrapping it ever in ideology and bend yourself to pointless point scoring. I think people should be civil and tolerant to those with whom they disagree. Obviously there are some people who are so "wrong" that they can't be tolerated, but in a more civil society this number is tiny. Today, for a great many people, that includes most others with whom they have political differences. Talk to the person. Politics ought be something you engage with people about, not a hegemonic, defining thing you adopt which other people exist to validate or contradict.

>>15622644
There is something about animated dogs and women having sex that ruins my streak. The real thing disgusts me, I can't watch zoophilia but if it's animated it's fine for me. I also don't like real porn either, I find it stupid.

starting kant's first critique after finishing prolegomena a week or two ago
would appreciate any supportive material such as notes/lectures/etc

>>15622660
It is very difficult to see people online as people which lends itself to uncivil discourse. Why bother with a reasoned argument and thoughtful wording when the other person can just call you a faggot and exit the interaction with no consequence when backed into a logical corner? So you start calling people faggots instead of putting in the work too (I might be projecting here).

The most civil places on the internet are probably Linkedin and Quora because they are inexorably linked to your public persona.
They solicit your opinions and leave you open to retribution if you voice them in an inconsiderate manner.

Use them if you need social media but you're probably better off trying to meet new people "in real life" where there are consequences for being an asshole.

>>15622660
But how do you handle the ideologically afflicted? They outnumber you, and have a rhetorical toolkit that exists to polarize. If pulled towards them they create another ideologue, if pushed against the result is either human disconnection, or the creation of an ideological foe, which isn't good either.

>>15622258
Look up books on critical thinking, how to analyze and deconstruct arguments and how to detect logical fallacies. The aim is to first become aware of the language game of discourse in order to develope an intellectual defense system against ideological delusions.

>>15622742
I don't engage with them too much. Actually, that isn't really true; I visit /pol/ and browse lefty facebook discussions with some regularity. But I engage with them only as an observer. I try to buoy myself with confidence, assuring myself internally that my outdated (liberal) humanist viewpoint is correct. Not necessarily my perspective on politics itself, but my approach to political discussion. I don't get into political discussions online. I read what others write and smugly think about how my take is better without putting it out there. In person I will speak my piece and can normally do so and retain civility and produce constructive, engaging debate which is founded on rhetoric, logic and respect for others.

>>15622230
Not him, but thanks

>>15615332
>>15613096
>>15610200
>>15608755
>>15606697
>>15606586

VERY low quality posts

my ass is bleeding again

>>15623092
That's why the bible says not to do sodomy. Ancient wisdom, bro.

>>15623095
whats the bible say about colitis

The soul of time embraces me but the people of this earth do not. I must be doomed to a particular destiny, pushing me down a contrived path that will only end in tears...

>>15623114
the bible says to avoid roughage, stay away from sugar, and eat lots of healthy fats and soluble fibers. it also says to take your meds if you must.

>>15623114
Can't remember the exact passage, think it was in Kings or some other history book, where God strikes down the enemies of the Israelites with terrible hemorrhoids

>>15623127
thank you biblical scholar

>>15622230
Thank you. That’s the answer I needed.

>>15622230
Tips on productively being a philistine?
>you're clearly not in the egotist camp if you feel like you're overrated
You have an entirely well made point and then this part shoots that

>>15623092
Stick in your finger and turn it around

I want to be a Buddhist monk

>>15622305
What >>15622368 said but also I think it’s important to understand that thought and action don’t always have to be in lockstep with another.

>>15615311
Why are you breaking up with her?

>>15613030
Yes Mein Kampf and History and Doctrine of Fascism. That knowledge must never activate the "charismatic politician" part of my brain, or we'll get a ww2 2

>>15619581
Not him but I'm sorry you're this naive, I'd suggest you experiment it though, seems like nothing will change your mind.
All the best and please take care, if you make a thread about it title it homelessness so I can search it on the archives later on.

>>15610358
Same here. I thought verbosity would aid to conceal my weak spot: that I cannot write.
I am still not sure whether or not I should post my literature here, just a fraction.

>>15624648
I just know we aren't the most compatible for each other. We don't share many hobbies/interests and I don't plan on getting married while I know she really wants to. After a few years together, we both knew it had to end.

Ended it yesterday and it actually turned out a pretty great last day together. Took her to a park we spent our first date at, and we briefly voiced reasons to break up and after that a few hours recalling memory and telling stories, then thanked each other for the meaningful time we shared and parted ways.

I've had numerous breakups but this one ended up really mature and had me respect her even more as a person.

>>15618023
"Everybody is so happy nowadays"
This isn't a joke anymore. Huxley was right. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

>>15624713
bump

>>15622619

Check calcium levels in blood and subsequently parathyroid.

>>15622619
vitamin d deficency (lack of sunlight on skin)?

>>15606104
Same but I can stand being lonely.

>>15618783
>homeless
>shower more often than neets

>>15624958
I had to maintain a job in order to continue eating and getting gas in my vehicle

>>15606076
As of now, not much

>>15606076
I feel like the Americans did during WWII. Just totally jolly that they are finally doing something real, fighting for freedom against something tangible, not wrapped up in their own psyches trying to figure out what's wrong with them. I'm still concerned for my own actual safety, but I'm concerned for a reason more sobering than ever. And it's reached the nuclear phase. I'd love it if everyone could just Stop Worrying and Learn to Love the Bomb but I don't know what's happening. I don't know my own security or how any of it works. Maybe I should take some classes, fuck.

>>15606076
nothing

>>15622619
get checked for sleep apnea or any sleep disorder. if u re a burger that might be expensive though. blood test. urine test as well. thats cheaper.

>>15607023
>King Crimson
>ITCOTCK
listen to more music

>>15621939
>I want honour and discipline
>sure hope I don’t get a combat role

>>15621939
Navy, Coast Guard or Air Force are your best bets.

What some call pathetic turns to comedy for me. It's all standard absurdity.

I've got to get a grip. A strong hold on myself. I'm so far out, and I'm not coming down, oh no oh no oh no.

I'm strong though and I'll see it through to the other side.

What is on the other side? Libertinism or strict regimen?
Are they compatible? No, and i don't want to be disgusting to others, but i want to let in the disgusting things and be comfortable with myself, or maybe I could visualize those disgusting things as monsters and keep them out. Or view everything as grey. So much psychological chaos inside of me. Grey grey grey
Grey grey grey
Grey grey grey
Grey grey grey

I've just got to figure it out.

Alone or with someone else. Someone else's monsters aren't my own. This world is chaotic and weird.
Grey grey grey

>>15607112
>I will turn 21 in three months. My youth is slipping through my fingers
Don't you dare say that to 24 year old me ever again.

>>15626128
What did that accomplish

>>15626128
Just awful.

>>15624713
it’s different when you have a few hundred dollars and no responsibility, the best times of my life were when I travelled on foot with a sleeping bag

>>15606076
I'm tired of fucking working

right now im trying to think of essays and literature i have enjoyed in the past but im mostly just coming up short. i cant even think of /lit/ threads i enjoyed years ago. why is everything so ephemeral. why is the human brain so flimsy and malleable and forgetful.

Don’t know if I want to finish my anthropology degree or start learning coding.

I feel like a fucking idiot. I'm reading some Plato because
>Start with the Greeks
but Euthyphro was a bitch to read. The general theme I got, but it was like pulling teeth. Apology is not doing me any favors either. Is it because the translation is by Benjamin Jowett or am I just a fucking retard who should stick to fiction

>>15626250
read Carlyle

>>15607165
Do you feel a deep yearning to fill a void within yourself? More specifically, inside of the spiritual cavern where your soul should be, do you have a bottomless pit of greed? Do you look out upon the masses of human faces of your daily life, or do you look upon God's green earth, the seas, the sky... and feel nothing? Do those things only trigger in your mind... a plan of some sort? A business deal, a financial opportunity, dollar signs in the eyeballs sort of thing? Some possible destruction that you could never bother to do yourself, but could manipulate someone else into doing for you, all for the sake of more coin in the palm in your hand? Are you pic related?

don't bother responding we both know the truth

>tfw you looked inside yourself and you didn't actually see anything good, just a desire to simply exist and take in escapism

>>15626690
Anything good there is I’d just want to escape to even when the good thing is in my face

>>15606076
I have been constantly anxious for the past four months

>>15627004
Why?

Thinking about the fact that the only reason the government is becoming a massive surveillance state to snitch on white proles that say no no words is because they can no longer promise the boomer lifestyle to all of its citizens and are hoping that selling the illusion of power to midwits will keep them legitimate for a few more years.

>>15626749
I thought looking inside yourself was supposed to help you self-actualize and be a better person but all I learned is that I'm a bad person and I like being one.

Neoliberalism has poisoned both the dissident Left and the dissident Right, even when both claim to oppose it.
Even my girlfriend, who I love very much and is respectable and Christian, has completely bought into Social and Entertainment Media gaslighting and narrative control and I don't know just how angry I should be at this and what I should do with this anger.

>>15618491
wouldn’t post about that here desu you could always go again later

>>15618491
You had too high of an IQ for Ranger School?

Haven't worked in 16 years and don't know what to do

>>15609541
whats up with your brother?

>>15627783
distance your sense of well being from the political state of affairs. Things might be shit on a larger scale but there's plenty of beauty worth recognizing in your own life.
Don't ruin your relationships by attempting to force your understandings of very complicated things on people who don't share your experiences.

>>15619946
broken heart syndrome?

>>15627859
I never lie about my politics and phrase what I believe in a context of love for my fellow man that I truly do hold.
I should step back into Stoicism that I came out of, but it still grates on me as someone that really does enjoy knowing about wider social and political phenomenons what I observe. I want to scream at people but I know I'd look like a nut or worse be only considered one of their dictated enemies.
I appreciate your reminder.

I'm 33 and I just figure out that I have schizophrenia since 6 years old. My parents refuse to admit it, seems like I have this from my father side and my mom is a fucking witch that want to kill me.

About how I might break up with my gf because, among other reasons, the sex has never been great and I shudder at the constant thought that I will never have great sex again and despise myself for being so fixated on sex.

>>15606076
I am a coomer and wish I could focus on doing nice things like reading and learning, but I'm too stupid to do it. Every time I browse this board I feel like everyone is too smart to even keep a discussion with, I shouldn't embarrass myself and maybe spend time learning, same reason I don't talk to people too much, I feel like they can see right through me and I'm not worth the time of their day.

>>15628633
Anon, I'll be real honest with you. Quit porn, quit this place. Find somewhere else to find people worth discussing those kind of things. This place is mainly memes and retards. Don't go to /sci/ either, it isn't much different.

>>15618783
Thank you for this

>>15606340
Actually hysterical

Being poor honestly. Richfags are generally retarded and so ignorant that they give you the impression of being happy all the time.

>>15626271
The Platonic Dialogues are like stories. Not so different from fiction and based Socrates is always a great character.

>>15620321
Find a way to talk about it, it doesn't have to be a conversation that takes the relationship to an edge.

>>15606340
>windshield phenomenon.
>the ancecdotale evidence that as time has progressed, drivers have noticed fewer insects splattered on their windsheild after long drives.
Oh ffs
>insects that congregate near hot tarmac get removed from the genepool
>over time there exists less bugs who congregate over hot tarmac
>liberals see this and think its the apocolypse.

>>15608158
>science wins again
Science is the practice of measuring the enviorment, recording it, then comparing it with a hypothesis. Scientific "predictions" will always be in flux as precision and understanding progresses.
Fuck you faggots who treat science like a religion that should be "believed".

I’ve been working for a year now in the legal field and the more I work the less hope I have that I will ever develop better social skills.

I legitimately act like a stuttering idiot around my colleagues and can barely talk to people on the phone unless I semi rehearse/prepare for the call ahead of time. I enjoy banter and the jokes people tell me but I can’t give it back or say something funny in return. Because I can’t no one really wants to chat with me aside from generic small talk.

Every time I talk to a partner I can see a half smile on their face because I act like a complete sperg and they can tell I’m anxious. At least they like me and think my work is good.

I’m convinced I have some form of undiagnosed mild autism.

>>15624740
Youll probably regret that

I am a weak loser. The feeling is constant and sharp. I am filled with conceit. I think I'm better than everyone, but simultaneously despise myself. I am lazy. I am surrounded by beauty and love, but these things wash off me. I am ugly, but judge others harshly for their own appearances. I slouch. When I go outside the bugs and sunlight and sounds assault me like an exposed nerve. I live in a series of dim crypts and blue lights.

I ruin everything I touch. It's always a matter of time. No responsibility is too petty; I eventually ruin it. I am a toxic pit of false-joviality and facades within facades. All my opinions are hidden behind silly humor and witty little remarks. I act above-it-all and grumpy to escape having to actually interact with my environment. I am a coward. I am filled with hatred and bigotry, but hide these sentiments behind an unconcerned countenance. I hide everything. I am too stupid and inarticulate to ever explain why I'm such a spiteful man, but within my mind I pretend I have come to all kinds of learned justifications for my bigotry.

I am on potent antidepressants. They literally sicken me when I ingest them.The alternative is hell on earth. If a few days pass without taking the pills, I start to feel like I'm missing every fifth second. The room wobbles. Before I started taking meds, I could barely function at all. I couldn't function at all. The world was an onslaught of sensations that I could not shut out. I could not stop thinking. I lied with pillows over my face.

I am unsuccessful with women. I have never had a long-term relationship. I lost my virginity to a sex worker while drunk. I resent women but can't blame them for being uninterested. I shoot outside my league. I need alcohol to function in parties and open up. The buzzed relief always gives way to the blurry whirlwind and eventual blackout and vomiting. I hate the person I become when I'm drunk, but I love getting drunk. The nice girls I've met, I feel like I'm damaging them just by associating with them. I hate myself and I love myself.

I constantly live within the fantasy that I am actually, deep down, a victim and sensitive soul and an artist. Oh yes, look and you'll see. It's never been my fault. It's X and Y and Z. It's a tragedy, I am the hero. It's like that show, it's like that movie, it's like that book. It has a stirring soundtrack, the audience will relate to me. Me. Me. Me. Me. I listen to the same few songs over and over for years and years.

My youth is fading. I am outwardly semi-accomplished, but inwardly I'm a spoiled child. I eat like shit. I have no sleep hygiene. I am a series of appetites I barely retrain. When I fap, I barely last long at all. I do not work out. I do not practice good hygiene.

I have shut out multiple close family members forever. I am unable to commit to lifestyles of any kind. Everything fails because I think I'm above all systems and exempt from all rules. I feel like I deserve the world.

Which grammar is decent to teach me how to write proper English? I'm ESL, but my English used to be better. It turned into shit because I spend too much time on the internet on shit forums.

I understand that life is nothing over and above the presence of (embodied) suffering. Lately my cope has been to have things to 'look forward' to. But I'm conscious of the ever-presence of my life, the future, ahead of now, beyond my current experience is literally just a conjuring in my mind. And it is this idea of an 'ahead of now' in which my welfare state is improved is the very thing that drives the striving-towards that characterizes the deprivational nature of my experience.

As in, I am like a rat, running on a wheel, imagining a future in which the running is worth it, in which I don't have to run, in which all this sprinting and suffering has a pay off. But yet I have insight into my existence - there is *just* running. Running and the idea of the future in which the running is worth it (which drives the running).

And to live like this is beyond fucking retarded. And I just want to stop running. I recognize that it is my grasping and clinging to myself and the world that perpetuates my own suffering. And it is this very grasping that must be cast off. all else is cope, all things done within life is some sort of patch-up job that ultimately does nothing more than to perpetuate my own deprivation and striving.

I want to let go, and dissipate. and yet I don't want to lethally harm my body, and so I continue on living this facade, working, maintaining my bodily existence, eating cleaning, etc. it's like I eat today to starve again tomorrow. cast it off. be done with it. I don't want bodily death, I don't want to have be born in the first place. deprivation nation. no hope then cope, no cope then rope, no rope then go on knowing you ought end it but perpetuate your own fucking misery like the cowardly indecisive prick you are? fuck this shit

>>15628821
Read authors who were ESL as well. Conrad and Nabokov are good options.

>>15628947
I want a grammar, I'm not interested in writing fiction.

>>15628955
Avoid grammar seriously. But if you insist on it, plenty of books are available at libgen.
t. ESL

>>15608182
Im thinking about starting studying business, give me some pros and cons brother. Also why dont you do something more challenging like hedgefund management then?

Bernie Sanders not only doesn't support abolishing the police, he doesn't even support defunding the police? What the fuck! All this right-wing memes about "no refunds" are hittin' different right now. Damn, Bernie was just an establishment shill trying to rope the left into voting for more Democrat crooks wasn't he?

>>15629508
Maybe all those back guys in the South who refused to vote for Sanders could sense his innate racism in a way millennials just couldn't

>>15622274
Lockdown is ending in most countries now, find out where the nearest embassy of your home country is and get your passport renewed

>>15606076
Summer breaks make me go nuts. I work out every other day, but still whenever I don't have a routine and something to do my OCD and overall mental health go south.

>>15628818
I’m a little like you but perhaps with stronger morals. I can never shake off the feeling that perhaps I’m some genius with no outlet, but the evidence always proves the contrary. The dynamic is constantly eating at me.

I think I have talent as a writer, and something original to say. However, I'm terrified I'll never be able to due to today's political climate.

I also don't know whether to do an MFA, an MA in English Lit, or an MA in Literature and Philosophy.

>>15629840
Me too, I hate breaks when they are longer than a week or something.

>>15606076
I wrote several paragraphs then deleted them because there's no point in complaining about problems I create and sustain for myself.

>>15606697
Genuinely good advice. If anyone disagrees, why do you think anything matters at all?

>>15606697
Unironically this

>>15606800
/mu/ goes through cycles of being shit just wait till the waves over.