/lit/ - Literature

>yes we're lovers
>and that is that

Women. Illusions plaguing my mind. I’m grasping at mist then face planting. How they haunt me. As soon as they begin to materialize they’re taken by wind. I’m tempted to turn from their games in resignation. To dwell with other dejected men. I know the comfort in that to be a false panacea. So I am to fail repeatedly in the wood of love. To fail and fail yet again. I will not deny life! This red-purple madness will be the tumult that keeps me in motion!

I'm dissatisfied with content, if any medium, lately. I want to read the perfect novel, or watch the perfect movie, and learn from it. But such a thing doesn't exist.

I have a headache, the sort that precedes a bout of creativity. But then I write things on paper and I reread it and its all terrible.

There's a lot of creeps in Montreal. A person without the right intuition could easily get themselves killed.

>>15375553
"Hey anon, tribe leader just have big idea, he say we should make wolf work for us! Clever right? You go find wolf now. Bring back before sundown."

I had a dream moments ago.
I was back working in schools, getting along much better. I was more proactive, I got along with the other staff and the kids liked and respected me. Then, for some reaso, I was sharing a bed with my fictional boss who looked like a mixed race Sarah Silverman, we flirted and messed around and it felt really good. Then I dreamed we were in a appraisal meeting together with another football coach. Then I was back in school giving a presentation in my school hall. All my friends and acquaintances were there, both present and long gone from my life from school, uni and all the various clubs and workplaces I've been in and we were just messing around, having fun. I was worried, watching the other presentations that I hadn't made mine funny enough like the others and started imagining how I could have done it. I walk to the back and one of my best friends from school, who I haven't seen in years, turned around and saw me. He gave me a bear hug, so hard he blocked my ears. I told him this and we laughed and joked about
I woke up. My ear was blocked and arm numb and bent over. My skuld felt all light and airy, and for the first time in months I could hear my internal monologue again. I can think clearer and more quickly than I have in ages.
What does this all mean?

The only interesting thread today (made by a bragging 168 IQ person) was quickly deleted by mods even though I asked them not to. I fucking hate this place.

>>15375553
I just farted in my brother's face.

Struggling to write a story based around the psychological changes in a character is forcing me to, in effect, relearn all the models and terminology of psychological motivation. Like Maslow Self-Actualization crap, I can't work out if this is procrastination/aversion and the answers (i.e. solutions to the aesthetic problems of writing a story) are easily reachable and I simply haven't asked myself the right questions and attacked the problem in the right way or if really there's this kind of meta-journey I personally need to go on to gain a deeper understanding of myself and mankind.
Probably the not attacking the problem the right way thing.

My fuckin quads are achy as shit

I WISH YOU WOULD HAVE DIED IN HIGH SCHOOL
SO YOU COULD BE SOMEBODY'S IDOL

>>15376538
Oh nooooo, you even asked them not to!

I struggle to write anymore. I know I want to and ought to, but the single screaming thought "who would ever want to read this" paralyzes me. I start indulging in this creative process just to give it up again.

>>15376840
Yes and they deleted it! Fucking faggot mods.

>>15377096
Seek help

>>15377143
What for?

>You will never again be a preteenager and travel across the country with your parents, imagining yourself riding Suicune along the side of the road, and amidst forest trees, at fifty miles per hour.

Suicune is my third favourite pokemon, preceded by Mewtwo, and Mew, in that order.

Mew - metacreature of Love; Mewtwo - metacreature of Fury.

>>15377149
Continue the conversation on warosu

>>15377417
>he is proud of having fetal cat and its chinese ripoff as his favorite pokemon
laughs in seviper

I gotta be unique

But who is unique? What is rare?

A king? No, there are and have been thousands. A billionaire? Just the same. An artist? Hah, to join a million failed wannabe in their chase for meaning and recognition?

Human lives are disposable and quickly forgotten. People remember names and legends but not the human. Ash to ash, dust to dust. Who do you want to become? How long do you desire to be remembered?

Found a state, a company, a religion, a dynasty? Your intentions will be forgotten over the decades, centuries or millenia, should the instutions which carry them even survive last that long.

Humanity will go on, but all constructs are temporary, language, honor, property, all conventions and memories will be lost in the sands of time and so will you.

Memento mori, my friend, but memento vivere just as well. You are a wise man, just enjoy it.

>>15375553
I want to read ; but I’m also afraid of what I will discover . much prefer the safer route of writing , imposing myself upon someone , rather than being imposed upon.

how in the world do I slough this arrogance ??

I’m really not stressed at all by all the happenings in the world, I’m doing great. If anything it’s nice to have an excuse for not socializing. The idiocy of the burger presidential election has finally scrubbed the last hint of liberalism from my brain as well, so I can completely check out from politics. I feel a bit guilty because I know, some personally, retail wagies and what not are getting fucked, but what am I to do about it? There’s nothing I can do.

In other words I now have enough cash in hand to pay off all my student loans, but I’m nervous to pull the trigger since it’s not totally impossible there’ll be some forgiveness program at the end of this, and they definitely aren’t going to refund me if I pay now.

>>15375553
Not gonna lie here, I just want to be loved.

I met this girl during a ski-holiday in Switzerland. We were both from the same country. We were skiing, eating and drinking together. One night, we were sitting on top of the mountain, overlooking a Swiss village. We spoke about our lives, past and futute. In my heart I felt that I had to admit that I felt attracted to her, so I did. Luckily, she felt the same.

We didn't kiss. It was okay.

Holidays come to an end. I had to catch my plane, she was leaving four days later.

Back in our home country, we spoke for two weeks straight. Talking, texting, sending voice memos, calling. Whenever I hear her voice I just melt. What she talks about, I don't know. Honestly, I don't even care. If she were to describe how she was pulling out a tampon out of her bloody vagina, or popping a pimple where the pus flies onto the mirror, it would still sound to me as if she were singing. Fuck, I love hearing her voice.

We decided to meet in real life. Luckily, we have similar interests, so we planned on walking the woods, sunning on the beach, watch obscure documentaries, read obscure books. She got excited to cook me her favorite dinner. I could imagine it all. How her words would fall on my skin again, how the smell of her breath would travel in my nose.

Our country decided to go in total lockdown because of the chink virus at this exact moment. It's been two months now. I'm glad that we're still talking to each other every day, and talking what we would do together when the government allows us to go outside again and live a normal life.

Still, it wrecks me. The voice messages she sent me, I keep repeating them. I would close my eyes and just listen to her talk, while imagining she's laying right next to me, softly talking into my ear.

Next month, the lockdown will be less strict. I will be seeing her, but I'm kind of afraid to do so. Afraid that I fell in love with the thought of her, not with her actual being.

The quarantine and the thought of her are driving me insane. I want to take my eyeball out of my eyesocket. I want to put it in my mouth, and chew on it. Fuck.

>>15375553

Not my kind of place. I'm out.

Fiction and Poetry are bullshit.

Philosophy is bullshit.

Mathematics for life.

>>15378371
not sure you’re giving yourself enough credit

>>15375553
War, violence, and death is our only hope. Only under such conditions can the masculine restore its dominion. The feminine does not take risks, does not innovate, and excessively congregates. The result is famine from its dearth of innovation, disease it from emphasis on social connection, and pestilence from its aversion to death. Thus pestilence, famine, and disease will hearken the ascent of masculinity; these plagues are the bane of a matriarchy. The necessary end has already begun.

>>15378371
But mathematics is fiction

>>15378483
What dearth of innovation are you talking about? The smartphone in your pocket smokes laptops from 10 years ago, and its camera is better than best one you could get your hands on just a few years ago. Your laptop beats the most powerful supercomputer from the 70s. The cars we drive today are jet fighters compared to what people drove in the 70s and 80s, even early 00s. A KIA today offers you more luxury than a Mercedes 30 years ago. As far as famines go, I'm not seeing any. As for diseases, they have existed all throughout history, in all sorts of societies, and have absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with femininity. You reactionary incels are mentally ill, and I don't mean that as an insult. You truly sound mentally ill. Read an actual book anon. Read about history, about how people actually lived. Injecting your neurosis into your view of politics only makes you look stupid.

I bought lunch for my family and I’m so stoked about it. I love them so much. FUCKING FEELING GOOD.

>>15378388

Probably not. But why say that?

>>15378492

Only in the most innate sense.

But then again, Mathematics is too pure to be called fiction. Unlike the other empiricalized fields, such as physical/natural sciences and social sciences, it doesn't attempt to assume itself too much.

>>15375553
It never gets better does it?

this is how my panic attacks work:
>I could get nervous now
>Fuck, I'm starting to panic
>Noooo, I can't focus on anything and feel dizzy
>Noooo, I don't wanna throw up!
>God, the people around me will surely notice how freaked out I am, this is fucking embarrasing.
>I wish it stopped already
>My heart is beating so fucking fast

after-attack depression:
>Normal people don't have this.
>It's like I've been in war, but that's not true, I'm just such a fucking pussy.
>I will never be able to live a normal life.

The worst is when it comes while I'm trying to fall asleep, fuck.
I'm a pretty sanguin and optimistic person otherwise, but this is fucking up my life so much.

>>15379003
How often do you exercise?

>>15376233
>What does this all mean?
no idea, but it sounds very comfy.
'better life' dreams are my favorite

>>15379021
Almost never now with the lockdown, but I also don't get the attacks without people around.
Used to train twice a week.

>>15375553
I want to know things but I don't
Wish

>>15379047
>I also don't get the attacks without people around.
May sound weird as I said it comes when I'm falling asleep, but I have a room-mate.

>>15375553
>https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Male_rope_bondage_mmlswl.jpg

>>15378778
It assumes all its axioms

All actions lead to failure, so it's never about choosing a winning side but about choosing which failure we can handle the best.

>>15379063
bruh

>>15379081

That's only when its statements are taken to be true, whereas in other fields in the social or physical/natural sciences, an axiom would be meant to be taken as a hyperbole.

>>15378340
You got this anon. Keep a level head

>>15379446
She's getting rammed in all holes while he slowly "courts" her, lol
Fuck this bullshit and fuck chumps

>>15379131
>That's only when its statements are taken to be true, whereas in other fields in the social or physical/natural sciences, an axiom would be meant to be taken as a hyperbole.

B-Based?

Doing nofap, had a dream that an ex was giving me a blowjob. Wish I didn't feel these contemptuous urges

>>15378663
making faster, smaller, and cheaper versions of old inventions is not innovation.

Wish I had a cute stalker autistic gf, but I realize I'm actually a huge sperg in real life and would get disgusted by her clinginess a week in. I can't myself with anyone normal/idealized either; every time I try to it immediately fizzles out. Haruka is cute and charming but she's too perfect for me.

>>15375553
numbed my mind drawing from a bottomless well of sight and sound, any higher thoughts are quickly discarded in further animalistic pleasure-seeking.

I've been robbed of my masculinity. I will never be able to express my sexual energy. I can never act like a man around women. I have no mouth, and I must scream.

>>15379918
a nuclear reactor creates steam to generate electricity from a turbine. the basics are thousands of years old but you wouldn't call that an innovation?

>>15380218

But you got arms and can make yourself a mouth.

After my first day of workout I realized that I have no condition at all. But I won't quit this time, body and soul must be one, I won't stop until I have reached the perfect state for my body.
I'm also reading Sun and Steel as my personal bible for this task. We can do it bros.

>>15380381
I lost my dick you fucking retard

>>15380402
Where did you last see it?

>>15376233
Are you in therapy right now. That sounds like a life the dreams that occur during intensive therapy, or I guess maybe you’ve been thinking about your life frequently and in broad strokes?

>>15380402
Storytime.

>>15375553
I don't know if I want to move across the country to be stuck in a house with no income with a girl I've been seeing for 2 or 3 months. I want to stay at my parent's house where I won't have to worry about my next meal and I have my library and my weights and much nicer weather for at least the remainder of this crisis. There are things I want to do and work on that are much easier to do here. A long distance relationship would be unbearable because I don't really like talking to her on the phone that much, so I would probably break up if I chose the latter. But I do like the girl and I worry it's the last chance I'll have to meet anybody I like and can tolerate even that much before my body decays even more and I possibly descend back into NEETdom. I don't know what to do. The fact that I think about any of it in these terms disgusts me through and through--makes me think a breakup is the right thing to do. But on the other hand, I can't trust any of my own views on anything and I could just be sliding in a self-destructive direction as I'm wont to do.

Is there a non-meme explanation for why my mood drastically decreases after I COOM? I’ll go from cheerful to depressed almost instantly Am I unironically expending my vital essence?

>>15381301
Do you think masturbation is bad for you? That’s why most men feel depressed when they do it.

Jannies deleted a thread about capitalism while I was writing this post so rather than wasting the effort it took to type it I'm just going to dump it here.

>>15381217
The problem is not with capitalism per se but with perverse incentives and too much financialization. The only way to make people whose decisions impact society accountable is for there to be consequences for their actions. Taleb calls this "skin in the game." This is an economy where some actors have no risk and all reward. The daylight robbery of upward transfer of wealth in the 2008 economic crisis' and the idea of "too big to fail" is a strong example of this irresponsible incentives structure. The benefit of wheeling and dealing with these subprime mortgage backed securities far outweighed the penalties for the fallout for the public, of which there were none.

A superfluous (economically unproductive) and highly profitable finance capitalism has created a system where profits can be divorced from the real economy. It used to be if you made a lot of money it meant you did something people valued, but increasingly, it's about which magic tricks you are able to perform pumping and dumping stocks, manipulating and devising elaborate contacts, trading debt and bonds, etc.

Is there a word for depression that only hits at night when you're finished with distractions and you realize that this is your life from now on, alone and forgotten, no friends, family that doesn't understand your mental struggles, and no hope of anything changing for the better?

Is there a word for the only girl to ever show interest in you constantly asking why you don't have a girlfriend and saying how easy it is to pick one up?

Is there a word for the feeling that you're in stasis, a "stimulus-response" lifestyle that is centered around brief respites from just being so tired of everything and that you're not going to get any better and the only thing stopping you from killing yourself is that you don't want your parents to find you?

If so, let me know. I could use them.

I was just thinking about making a thread soon listing the books I've read recently, each accompanied by a short opinion, followed by what's in my queue, and ask for recommendations on some novels that may be up my alley as I'm not a big reader by any measure.

I'm reading Nabokov's DESPAIR right now, about sixty percent through it. It's an odd one but I'm really liking it. Vladimir's flow-of-conciousness back-and-forth as the main character creates the narrative is really intriguing in the seeds planted, like [spoilers]Lydia very probably sleeping with Ardalion[/spoilers] and those beginning to bear fruit, like [spoilers]Hermann speaking to Felix of there being no situations which cannot only be exploited but can be done so very effectively and for a long time in his sales pitch, only for his very next correspondence with Felix beginning with Felix clearly of the mind to blackmail Hermann.[/spoilers]. And then there's the scarce few hints by Hermann that [spoilers]his perceptions of distinguishing visual likenesses may be compromised in some way[/spoilers] which is really interesting given how much of his plans depend on it. I was slow to be sold but am very much hooked now.

Thanks for reading my thoughts. Have a good one!

>>15380223
No. Steam power itself was innovative. Swapping out the materials to leverage it was not.

I think I'm just not the right shape for a relationship. I've run into similar problems in all my relationships, and in my current relationship I think I've finally pinpointed it.
I just don't have the energy for it. It's the same thing
>Wake up
>Already have a text from her
>Have to continue an all day text conversation for the entirety of the day
>The only reprieve I get is when she takes a nap or when I lie and say I'm gonna take a nap
She always has such enthusiasm too. She is beyond energetic, constantly happy which is super juxtaposed to my more timid and calm demeanor. And when she gets sad she gets similarly enthusiastically sad, something I also have to deal with that I'm usually not up for

I just can't keep up with anyone, I can't sustain these dull, boring, fucking monotone day-long conversations that are about nothing
>What're you doing <3 <3 <3
>Eating
>:0 Oh what're you eating
>Just a sandwich that I made
>Omg that sounds so good, i want a sandwich, I'm jealous I'll trade you haha yum yum
>Haha yeah

This has been the basic foundation for every single relationship I've had. I had the best connection with a girl who I met online that lived in a different country, the timezone difference allowed for only a short period for conversing making our discussions much more meaningful and interesting
Irl gfs are too tiring for me

>>15375553
just thinking about how hard it was to find someone to cut my hair after the barber i had been going to for a long time (literally taken by my grandfather before he died) died who didn't fuck up my hair or who i didn't hate immediately. every barber seems to make it their personality that they cut hair. they get tattoos with hair cutting implements and shit like that. and they talk. they always fucking talk. they never shut the fuck up. a few words here and there are fine but when i'm getting my hair cut i want silence except for the sound of the scissors. then, they come in with the electric clippers and that's fucking annoying. i had to suffer through that for a good amount of time before my mom told me about a woman who does her hair out of her house and she told me she wouldn't talk to me and would just cut my hair. i was a little hesitant at first since she was a "cosmetologist" but i've been going there for longer than a decade now and it's great. a hair cut with scissors so that's all i hear. sometimes a few words and that's fine. no electric. she'll wash my hair and massage my stuff into my beard and it's very relaxing. i think that is the extent that i "treat" myself but i also told myself after all this covid stuff is over i'm going to get a massage.

man, all this because i think i need a hair cut.

>>15381345
I don’t think so, but maybe it’s subconscious

>>15375553
I pettifog and argue randomly with the people I love because I waste my days on tech that stresses me out and political theory(I'm probably wrong about) that makes me jaded. Even the education I'm pursuing is only fulfilling in an abstract way and I'm fearful that I'm sublimating my goals in fruitless trees. I also resent 90% of my daily life to the point where I don't even know if the resentment I hoard is warranted, or self-fulfilling and plastic.

if only you retards knew what these degenerate women really think of you

>>15381969
lol idc, I fuck em and chuck em

>>15381969
Evolutionary detritus that's sadistic due to trauma, or "daddy issues"? I don't even care, this shit goes much deeper than what women think about "incels". The world's getting worse and our ability to maintain it will probably meet diminishing returns and it won't matter who's socially just and what genetic material is hanging around when birthrates are artificially pruned and the underclass are committing mass-suicides in their self-built dungeons. It's fucking ridiculous that the media still frames these mass shootings as hate crimes, like racism, or homophobia is the root of the issue, no it's the fact that we're psychologically scarring ourselves with these digital toys and media strategies that have drastic implications and the disenfranchised are feeling it first.

>>15375553
Can't shake feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, and constant distrust when around unknown people or in social situations. When I walk past a group of people I feel keyed, on edge as though at any moment they might jump me or whisper some mean comment. Every time time I find myself looking down and giving a wide berth. Even writing I have to be totally alone because the thought of others even potentially watching what I write paralyzes me. I want to break out of this cycle, these recurring ways of thinking about myself that I've been stuck in since adolescence, but I don't know how anymore because they've become so ingrained.

>>15381566
I haven't hit the point your at, but I can definitely relate to that moment at the end of the day when all the daily duties have been done, or furloughed, and suddenly you realize that this day, like all the rest before them has only been a continuous series of pleasant and unpleasant distractions ways of ignoring the reality, the people, and your self, of burying your head deeper and deeper into the meaningless minutia of constant unending chores to avoid this basic realization Then the moment arrives without these diversions, and you don't even know what to do with yourself. There is nothing else, my life has been a series of pointless distractions. At least that's the feeling at such points, of course it quickly passes once I sight the newest striptease, the newest bright-lit festive meaningless milieu to engorge and lose myself into.

>>15382035
They're all faking it

>>15375553
Been slacking on writing. I know it's because there's this one scene in the book that requires a passionate view on it. I rewrote it two times by now in my drafts and I feel kind of worn out of it. Going to have to try tonight to get some pages written and get over this stupor and fatigue. If I don't, then i'll make myself stay off here entirely tomorrow until I fucking do get to it.

Oh if only I had the time and money for my hobbies and passions. Oh and antidepressants.

I wish there were a more mature incel community I could join.

>>15382722
Taking antidepressants over a long period of time is like swigging cough syrup every day because you have a smoker's cough. You're treating the symptom instead of the underlying issue, I also wouldn't recommend taking those if your brain's still developing.

In my friend group the only trans man (formerly female) detransitioned (she hadn't undergone any surgery, just the way she dressed, talked and pronouns). God it sucks to be man.

>been a neet since finishing last degree a few months ago, partly because of corona
>was planning to start a phd after finishing that one but haven't been able to yet
>I might be able to actually start since the virus stuff is slowing down, but enjoying being a lazy neet for once
>realise that my degree (sociology) and if I do a phd that it'll ultimately be useless considering my areas of interest (stuff surrounding wartime, fairly history-based)
>makes it hard to find a supervisor since there aren't really any people in my area that are knowledgeable/specialists and I don't want to move interstate
>alternative to all of this is to find a job, but I don't want to start full time work just yet either as I'm 21 and don't want to get locked into a shit job and lose all my free time
fuck

fuck modernity

>even my dreams are boring and static
Not even escapism works

>>15382848
fuck postmodernity

>>15378340
That sounds really sweet anon, I hope that you're just being a worry-wort

Faggots! Faggots!
I'm surrounded by faggots.
Faggots above and faggots below.

hi anon :^)

Why do you think it is that people respect people who are good at certain things, for example drawing or other hobbies. Why is it that more people respect you if youre good at drawing or musical instruments but not if youre good at playing games?

>>15383188
The same reason rarer goods in high demand cost more than common goods in low demand

>>15377456
I sometimes forget you can post on warsou

>>15383218
>>15377456
The person who made the thread probably hasn't even heard of warosu. I checked and he hasn't posted anything since. For this solution to work all parties need to be aware that this is an option, so in most situations it doesn't work (and the person probably got banned so there's no way to notify him afterwards that warosu is an option).

>>15383204
Is it something about the perception that it takes more to be good at art or sports or music?

Or something about those mediums being able to affect other people whilst being good at games is "selfish"?

Is anyone else a compulsive penis toucher? I don't masturbate but when I'm alone I feel the need to touch my penis.

>>15378483
Have sex

I feel like I'm turning into gold and I hate it. Despise it. Dread it. This body of mine will soon be used as a vessel for rich and greedy. I'm losing control over myself day by day, soon I will be a remote controlled robot that only obey and never question. I will lose my sense of self soon. Goodbye everyone. Soon enough you are all going to meet mr robot. I will disappear. I hope that none of you will suffer the same fate as I.

>>15383249
I like to fold my ballsack skin over my dick. At my softest, I can push it in like a bellybutton, so it seems I only have balls.
I also generally touch myself a lot, like when I read your post. They're just so interesting to touch, my balls and penis, that I never grow sick of it. Touch my pubes, my frenulum, and glans, and it feels nice to gently grab and release the shaft. I wish I wasn't cut so I could jerk without getting oil out. Fuck I'm getting hard.

>>15383325
I'm not cut so it's really fun to experiment with the forskin. Sometimes I make a baloon out of it and when the air comes out it makes a lot of funny noises. Other times I just simply put my finger under the forskin: it's like it enters a cave; the feeling is mildly amusing.

>>15383249
>>15383291
>>15383236
You're more of a consumer than a creator with vidya. Someone else's imagery, someone else's mechanics. With a pack of cards you still have to work to entertain yourself. Vidya is immersive, passive consumption. There should be a touch of shame lest you forget.

ylonel lylone elylon
lylone elylon nelylo
elylon nelylo onelyl
nelylo onelyl lonely
onelyl lonely ylonel
lonely ylonel lylone

>>15383388
Yeah i posted in another thread about this, it feels wrong to play games when i do but its the most fun out of all the activities ive tried. Is this what they mean about being an addict to dopamine?

reading through critique threads and the board folios makes me want to give up
reading in general makes me want to give up
why is everyone so good at writing and why can't I do it too?

>>15383400
I wouldn't really fault you for wanting to escape 2020.

I'm feeling so bad today. I'm suffering one of those moods in which i wish i could just lay down on the ground and sink into the earth. I feel like sleeping on the hard floorboards tonight, just to feel closer to the ground. I want to melt away. I want to decompose or be pressed beneath a heavy weight. I would like to whinge, but I have resolved myself against it. I don't want to feel self-pity any longer. And yet, I wish I yearn for some sort of relief. So I will just post one of my favourite passages:

>The sunlight breaking suddenly on his sight turned the sky and clouds into a fantastic world of sombre masses with lakelike spaces of dark rosy light. His very brain was sick and powerless. He could scarcely interpret the letters of the signboards of the shops. By his monstrous way of life he seemed to have put himself beyond the limits of reality. Nothing moved him or spoke to him from the real world unless he heard in it an echo of the infuriated cries within him. He could respond to no earthly or human appeal, dumb and insensible to the call of summer and gladness and companionship, wearied and dejected by his father’s voice. He could scarcely recognise as his own thoughts, and repeated slowly to himself:

>—I am Stephen Dedalus. I am walking beside my father whose name is Simon Dedalus. We are in Cork, in Ireland. Cork is a city. Our room is in the Victoria Hotel. Victoria and Stephen and Simon. Simon and Stephen and Victoria. Names.

>>15383395
Why do you feel lonely?

>>15375553
A diagram drawn by Richard Wagner for a friend in a letter.

Though it may be misleading in what it is suggesting, he is not saying artistic-word ends with the rational, but the reorganisation and concretization of it is rational--; and in Wagner's eyes ends in a unification of what one can in this context, descriptively call feeling and reason in the human, "the noblest truths of our own inner being, yet lifted high above conceivable experience." The direction of the arrows, chief above all a representation of history in his own Operatic theories. One example of this, would be "In the oldest Lyric [...] the words and verse proceeded from the tones and melody." Or his belief in the substitution and redirecting of the choral energies into, or by way of music the acting of the whole: "whilst Antique Tragedy had to confine its dramatic dialogue to separate sections strewn between the choruses delivered in the Orchestra--those chants in which Music gave to the drama its higher meaning--in the Modern Orchestra, the greatest artistic achievement of our age, this archetypal element goes hand in hand with the action itself, unsevered from the dialogue, and in a profounder sense may be said to embrace all the action's motives in its mother-womb." A question of arrogance could be asked if we were to assume Wagner is simply ignoring the unique cultural-artistic value of the chorus, but it is not this simple, after all he says himself that a whole book could be written on the properties of the chorus; a thing of constant intrigue. And although his theories in this particular, though casual, diagram and furthermore of his entire life, are not completely right, it nonetheless presents a truth relevant to the development of Wagner's Operas and the nature of art on a whole, even if much of the terming behind it is wrong.

>>15379047
>>15379062
You should know that you are better than them, social insecurity though should be respected, is ephemeral. Look up to the forms anon, enjoy your life.

>>15380468
I'm not in therapy, no, though my inner monologue often consists of me talking things through with an imaginary therapist.

>>15377149
For caring about retarded irrelevant things.

>>15383581
Why are you responding to me? Why do you care so much that some anon cares about things you consider to be retarded and irrelevant? You sound like a low IQ mong.

>>15383592
Because I'm concerned for your poor mental health and general lack of perspective.

>>15383605
The absolute levels of projection lmao

>>15381784
Please just go do something you like, spending more time with her chatting would only lead to quick downfall of the relationship, nobody likes an easy free to talk guy. Show her that your time is important, by making it important. Don't waste your time like this king.

>>15383745
>no u

>>15383819
>this fucking guy

>>15380449
Probably by your mom's nightstand

>>15381784
Past and future tensify your actions
E.g. in your conversation, just finished sandwich, about to do Xyz
Then you have free time to not mirror the banalities

>>15381784
I have had the exact same experience. I'm female, but I've had relationships with women and men, and all of them required me to sit and have these asinine conversations all day just to keep contact

I don't like small talk. I don't want someone to ask me how I am every day because the answer is always the same: I'm alright. Don't ask me what I'm doing for the hell of it, don't force conversation for the sake of it. It bores me so much and it makes me iritated with them.

I once had a girlfriend of mine sit and talk to me on the phone for an HOUR about how she went to go get the bus and she missed the bus and had to get another bus. She just wanted to talk to me, but the more she talked the more I felt my interest in her slipping away. I had a boyfriend who would open a conversation the exact same way every day:

>Hi
>How are you
>Good thanks
>What are you up to?
>I am watching tv/eating/cleaning

and then be mad at me because I didn't 'reply' after that. Reply to what? You didn't say anything.

Meanwhile I have good friends that talk to me by immediately striking up a conversation about something. No hellos, no how are yous, just straight in with some conversation. We talk for hours sometimes. They don't care if I don't reply straight away, or if I leave half way through and come back, and they don't need to end a conversation they just let it die whenever it's done. It's great, it's easy, and that's how I love to communicate. But I never get that with my romantic partners. I just get empty nonsense.

I've been called cold and uncommunicative, which couldnt be further from the truth. I'm just not interesting in talking about nothing.

And cutesy emotes and hehes and hahas and babys and goodnights!! <3 <3 make me cringe. They seem so fake. If I wish you goodnight it's because we've spent a real night together talking, and I want to end it strong. I don't want to robotically do it every night.

I don't think I'm right for relationships either, but maybe we're just not cut out for relationships with most peole

>>15381784
I have had the exact same experience. I've had relationships with women and men, and all of them required me to sit and have these asinine conversations all day just to keep contact. I've been called cold and uncommunicative, which couldnt be further from the truth. I'm just not interesting in talking about nothing.

I don't like small talk or omeone to ask me how I am every day because the answer is always the same: I'm alright. i dont understand why we have to force conversation

I once had a girlfriend of mine sit and talk to me on the phone for an hourabout how she went to go get the bus and she missed the bus and had to get another bus. I had a boyfriend who would open a conversation the exact same way every day:

>Hi
>How are you
>Good thanks
>What are you up to?
>I am watching tv/eating/cleaning

and then be mad at me because I didn't 'reply' after that. reply to what dude

I have good friends that talk to me by immediately striking up a conversation about something. no hellos, no how are yous, just straight in with some conversation. they don't care if I don't reply straight away, or if I leave half way through and come back, and they don't need to end a conversation they just let it die whenever it's done. its cool and it's easy and that's how I love to communicate.I never get that with my romantic partners, I just get empty nonsense.

And cutesy emotes and hehes and hahas and babys and goodnights!! <3 <3 make me cringe. it's fake

I don't think I'm right for relationships either, but maybe we're just not cut out for relationships with most peole

>>15381784
>>15381784
^ that said, wanna date?

>>15383279
I do and I don't ask for permission.

Fall

Dost thou recall our final day in heaven?
A heaven on earth, that has faded since then
Solace subsumed to sin, the passing of time
Wasted every fern, berry bushel, and lime
Once bloomed sempiternally, upon them we fed
Their forsooth sweet nectar, through our fingers bled
As we cruelly crushed the pulp, snatched away the skines
And my wanton hand traced the breadth of your spine
Exhaling untouched air, through goosepimpling flesh
Tasting Gaia's sweetness on your every breath
While our red tongues wrangled, when our mouths did meet
Like scaled adders mating about our bare feet
As one on those grounds, to that mud we returned
Whenever, for each other's flesh, we did yearn
A bed of the grasses, your head on my thigh
I gazed into your eyes, you gazed at the sky
Then stole your stare, unmarred by mortal scruple
Was the baby blue haloing your pupil
Our days were not dirtied by lesser man's law
Nor the slander leaping from the liar's maw
We spoke in hushed tongues not, ushered only truths
Spake by the hermit, whose sandpaper voice soothes
Emanating clear, from the depths of the grove
Whipping his great hares which, his chariots, drove
Of his tonsured head, we'd catch wondrous sight
Huddled 'neath the poplars, in shade of the night
Among his artful words, three reigned "thou shalt not"

feeling a tad devotional today

When something is free you are the product

>>15384762
>take an apple from a tree
>now I'm a product

>>15384769

Nothing actually comes free

i'm an old man can someone explain what the kids mean when they say "vibing" now?

>>15384769
You are spreading the seed of the tree when you spit it / shit it.

>>15384842
Who cares.

someone bought my book today, bringing my total sales up to one

>>15384842
As in, good vibes. Metaphysical irony of a previous generations words.

>>15375553
What type of painting would that be considered

Brother hasn’t worked in 6 years and I’m trying to convince my family he has mental issues/needs help but refuse it.

>>15384908
>Brother hasn’t worked in 6 years

sounds based fuck waging

>>15384879
based what book is it bro

I saw both my family and girlfriend back in January. I saw my grandparents and baby cousin in November.

I essentially haven't been around the people that matter to me in five months, and I don't even know when I'll get to meet them next. This realization has brought upon a sudden bout of unplumbed sadness.

>>15385271
pussy, I've been disowned by my family, and my life is still fulfilling
write some poetry or start a novel and /lift/ anon, things that don't require other folks

>>15384908
It's French Symbolism or Romanticism

>>15385288
this isn't about an unfulfilling life, anon. my life is fulfilling enough. i'm just said I haven't been able to see my mother.

The world as we know it has come to an end.

[Autistic blogpost inbound]
I had sex for the first time yesterday. I had never even been on a date before.

I met the guy on bumble, he's a cute small guy from Mexico with nice long wavy hair. We arranged the date just the morning of, and I drove an hour and a half into the city to meet him. I got to his place and he had made an amazing fruit salad with mint, and soft feta, it was delicious. We talked for awhile, then he went to shower and get ready. After that, we took the skytrain out to the waterfront, and walked through the city and along the seawall for about three hours. I felt very comfortable with him and the conversation flowed very naturally. He talked about his life and growing up in Mexico. I talked about my love for the mountains and this province, it just flowed well and time went by without me noticing.

After walking maybe 12-15k, we went back to his place and I helped him make dinner. A sort of mexican meatball soup recipe his nana taught him. After dinner was made, we ate, then walked a little while out to a small park behind the basement suite he was renting. We sat on a bench by the lake in the rain, and he asked if he could kiss me. I said that I had never done any of this before and didn't really know what I was doing, which suprised him. We talked a bit, then he kissed me, for the first couple seconds i didn't really know what to do, then it came very naturally. Kissing someone is so much nicer than I thought it would be, just playing with their lips and toungue and putting your hands on their body is an incredible, tracelike experience. We made out for awhile, then I put my arm around him and we walked back to his place.

We went to his room, and he put a movie on his laptop, but we were both just paying attention to eachother not the movie, so it was shut off fiarly quickly. After maybe 20 minutes of making out, we got undressed and ended up having sex. It was much difference than I expected, very intimate and natural feeling. I liked feeling how small his body was compared to mine and I liked playing with his long hair, and I kept laughing to myself at just the absurdity of the situation. It was a very nice first time and I learned a lot about how intimacy and romance works. I hope I can see him again soon, I'd just like to hold him again and feel his body entagled in mine.

no homo though

>>15385311
>I had sex for the first time yesterday
Get the fuck out of here!

If a fedora man in front of a bookshelf with a visible prop skull and copy of The Bell Curve was an image board it would be /lit/

>>15385394
no there would be a skinny crying guy yelling at him too

>>15385311
Was there penetration?

What's the opposite of stoicism? I think I got too stoic lately. Nothing really upsets me and I want nothing more than I have. Sounds good but what I have is objectively scarce. I have to work to get out of here. It's my last chance but I still think it'd be ok if I stayed in such a corrupt place. All the unfortunate events in my life that turned me into a stoic person aren't coming back to help me snap out of it.

>>15385300
my mother wanted to (falsely) accuse me of rape out of revenge for being mean, pussy, I won't be speaking to her again for as long as I fucking live if I can help it, and you don't see me complaining

>>15385456
desire

>>15385456
Just do things that feel good and work your way into feeling stuff, drugs, sex, good food

>>15385408
yes, it felt strange being inside him, I think the condom was too tight on me, but the intimacy was wonderful. I'm glad he knew what he was doing, because I was a bit clueless on that part of it

I need to go back to school in the fall for my Masters degree. I currently have a job with a great boss who is very fair and always there to help me when I have problems. I feel he is genuinely invested in my success. I am worried he will feel betrayed if I bail on him to go back to school full time. Compounded with this is the fact that my coworker who works along side me at the same level is pregnant and will be taking leave in August for several months. I don’t know what to do. Tell im him I’m going back to school now? Drop the news on him two weeks before I leave? My worry is that If I tell him now they’ll just let me go immediately

It should be normal to casually lie on the grass and rest between, approximately, ten, and twenty, minutes whenever convenient, instead of acting like one is not perpetually exhausted.

I fucked up. My whole life will be a series of fuck-ups that completely rattle my core. I'm better off dead. I'd hurt people by killing myself... but god, they'd have the whole world, support groups, to help them through. I'm alone. I'm in a nightmare every day. Every person I see, every car, strikes a paranoia in me that this whole world is nothing more than a solipsistic program, designed to inflict as much torment unto me as possible.

>>15375553
>Have to finish writing this business plan
>all i want is to coom

People keep telling me studying the humanities is useless, and that I should just kill myself if I'm not doing stem.

I sort of feel bad for the Chads, Stacies, and Karens of the world whose name has become a term of derision. Imagine still a Chad who is a Chad, a Stacy who is a Stacy, or a Karen a Karen.

It's hard to tell but I think I just saw my boss watching a Sargon of Akkad video in his office.

ya'll really don't have very interesting or particularly philosophical minds do you
you niggas need to read more and watch less TV and memes on Twitter
you're all capable of so much more, c'mon lads

im 27 and my penis has never seen the inside of a vagina. i should end myself

>>15385885
>He says while posting frogs

I've been taking notes since forever, where I remind myself to be less of a cunt and to treat people around me better.

Now looking at them, they read like my subconsciousness is telling me to treat myself with more respect.

Is society just a spook, and the only thing that matters is how we treat ourselves. Meaning, if I start treating myself better, it'll eventually spill over.

>>15383795
>only lead to quick downfall of the relationship
I can only dream
>>15383942
Doesn't matter, she'll continue the convo no matter what
>>15384105
It's bizarre to me. I don't understand this modern day fascination to always be in conversation with people all fucking day. Pretty much everyone I know is like this

>>15385894
frogposting is the ultimate destination

>>15385938
Stop replying pussy

>>15385893
>thinking getting laid is even vaguely important
nigga, you live in a prison of your own making. Your highest end in life should not be to HAVE SEX. Sure, it's your highest end at an animal level - procreationally speaking, but that's it
if you only ever have sex once, and have a child from it you have fulfilled the HIGHEST END of your sex drive, you've fulfilled your biological function
And, even then, humans are not wholly animal. We have higher consciences, and thus can determine for ourselves our own functions, the arts, the continuance of our values, business, etcetera.
Pick up more books, lad, stop browsing porn lusting after something you may never had claim what is RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU
pick up writing, an instrument, a paint palette
you can make your life even more fulfilling than that of your average chad banging 9s every weekend in the club
you don't need to rely on being attractive to other people in order to have worth - you can have INFINITE WORTH to YOURSELF and can accomplish this BY YOURSELF
fulfil your potential, anon, I believe in you

I told a guy that he's a retard and a coward 7 years ago over some topic that I don't give a shit about, but where he's heavily invested.

Long story short, he wanted to beat me up. He never got the chance. I even would have let him do it. I'm not an aggressive type physically, but I do have a toxic tongue.

We are not in contact anymore, but I got his dad on my friend list. His dad shared his FB status this March, about the same damn topic, and the status reads like he's prepared that someone will call him a retard or a coward. His position is built around that. I bet he even got his counter arguments figured out for the case I (or someone like me) will show up.

I've been living in that poor soul's head for 7 years.

Back then he was acting like he's telling me something I don't already know, lecturing me. I told him, since he doesn't understand my post, that I can only be more concise if I paint it for him. Then he snapped.

>>15386069
this is a good post, not because it says "sex is overrated blah blah blah", but because it gives you the perfect advice how to get some pussy,

pick up hobbies, know how to talk about them, get a nice job (doesn't have to bee spaceship engineer), lower your standards if you look like ass or go to the gym and you'll stop caring about how other people look (happened with me), and you'll only have to be around women to get some,

at best, you won't even treat it as a pick-up game, it'll be a standard in your life, nothing unusual or out of the ordinary, and I think that's the position one should aim at when it comes to sex, because if you don't do it that way, you'll end up in an infinite loop of having to prove yourself manhood, especially in relation to other men, until the inevitable impotence hits you like a brick

>>15385311
Very cute.

It makes me furious beyond comparison that I am broke. I have to deal with you idiots harassing me everyday so I may as well get money from it. If you think I genuinely like gia, fanny or the twins for anything else then I got a nice bridge out in Brooklyn to sell you.

https://youtu.be/5ODDHpmqyWE

I should have married Edscrotum's idiot daughter. I would have signed his entire home and inheritance away to myself in his will and then killed them all with insulin. Like fucking hell I wouldn't.

I've seen my mom flailing around on the ground after those "insulin overdoses." It would have been the exact same fucking thing and I would have an entire house to myself.

I wasted my life.

>>15387203
There's someone out there whose calling in life was to be the CEO of spanx. Waste is all relative.

I'm going to host a girl who has admitted she has feelings for me over at my house for three days. I'm extremely nervous, partly because I'm asexual (which she's mentioned to me as a reason she wouldn't want to date), partly because she's moving far away for grad school and I don't think she'd be interested in a relationship if anything did happen because of that, but I would feel horrible if I was just a casual fling or something.

I think I like Celine now

>>15387226
I cant say it leads anywhere therefore its a waste in my eyes.

>>15387256
asexuality in people is a result of an over-stressed society. Don't let people tell you that asexuality is something that normally occurs in nature.

I want to dedicate myself towards something/die for something but I am not sure what for

>>15387278
is it a waste because it's finite, or because you didn't do much? Those two cancel eachother out btw.

>>15385456
epicurianism

>>15387285
I'm pretty sure mine is a result of my OCD, which I've had since I was a kid with no luck in treating. I would say I'm actively disgusted by sex, but I fall in love with women very easily, and this one in particular is kind of special to me, but I feel gross knowing that any kind of relationship would be contingent on sex.

>>15387309
Maybe seek therapy, hormone supplements, or try some deep introspection. People are meant to have sex and it's integral to many of the value systems we share. I feel similar to you, but I think it's from my depression and anxiety issues. I used to go out and seek medication for my issues, but I've come to realize that that's like an obese person getting treatment in order to keep eating. You end up prolonging what's hurting you, like putting a bandaid over a splinter.

Best of luck anon

>>15387301
Its because i didnt do anything but i dont know what exactly. Maybe my life leads to the point when ill be shot like a dog in the street or kill myself.

>>15387349
It's not an issue with hormones, I have plenty of testosterone, it's just that I feel disgusted by sex, and I can't view the women I desire in a sexual light, only in a purely romantic way.

>>15387358
Harness that depression and aim it at something, use it like anger. What do you enjoy doing? Are you using drugs to self-medicate?

>>15387361
Maybe try therapy

Is it the fact that it reminds you you're an animal with biological needs? Well, all that romantic stuff is in the same vein and those fuzzy feelings are a response to your culture's mating patterns.

>>15387361
Anon have you ever had sex? If you haven't then I'm not sure you can be confident that this disgust isn't just a self-defense mechanism.

>>15385456
Libertinism is the opposite of stoicism. You can start with de Sade.

>>15386087
Living rent free in someones head is the greatest feeling.

>>15385456
Stoicism is like those pits in the bible where people with leprosy go to dies, except the stoic doesn't have leprosy and is entering it because his/her life sucks.

>>15387396
I've looked for sex therapists, but insurance doesn't cover it and my therapist won't attempt to treat it, as he's not qualified.

>>15387403
I've not, but I've been in a sexual situation before in which I was disgusted when she got naked, despite having been infatuated with her.

>>15387368
Sadly, its not a creative depression but rather one with makes you dull and apathetic. I dont actually enjoy doing anything in passionate way. Sometimes i do watch something or read but thats about it and no i dont use any drugs.

>>15387439
It's trite, but exercise, spend time in nature and cut out superfluous internet usage. I'd suggest writing down your thoughts every day and maybe you'll find what you really want to say. Don't take SSRIs, you'll start taking them by rationalizing that they'll help you to start making healthy changes, but you won't and then you'll be stuck on those mind-numbing pills. If you're in a country that doesn't have insane university costs I'd suggest school if you're just coasting, maybe learning about something you enjoy would spark an idea.

>>15387429
>I've not, but I've been in a sexual situation before in which I was disgusted when she got naked, despite having been infatuated with her.

I'm not going to claim to understand you because of course I don't and can not, but I have been in this situation before. I feel a strong repulsion toward almost every woman I sleep with, and it doesn't matter how attractive they or how much I liked them prior to the act. I don't think it is asexuality though, not in my case. Rather it is a kind of neurosis.
If you wanted to get Lacanian, I would say it has more to do with confronting the traumatic 'real' of the sex act - confronting that the physical act does not fulfil that lack that you had perhaps anticipated it might in your romantic fantasies. If you wanted to get simple, in my case I think it is simply commitment issues mixed with insecurity. I have had a lot of casual sex, but I haven't been able to hold down a girlfriend for more than a month or two. The moment a woman professes some sort of genuine seeming interest in me, I am immediately turned off. I think I need some sort of psychoanalysis myself, but I do not intend to project my own issues onto you... perhaps none of this applies, but I thought I would share my perspective nonetheless.

>>15380397
visit scoobysworkshop
this is the most important act of your life, don't fuck it up

>>15387460
>that the physical act does not fulfill that lack that you had perhaps anticipated it might in your romantic fantasies
That's the thing, my fantasies do not involve sex at all. The situation I found myself in was simply an attempt to oblige a woman I was in love with.

>>15381784
Sounds like a manic psycho or a teenager. Try to find a doomer gf to match yourself.

>>15387458
I try to take a walk every day. I took ssri for about 3 months but it didnt help so i quit. I finished uni 4 years ago but i realized that i didnt like it in 1st year so i went through motions. Im trying to write i a diary for time to time but it feels like whining and rambling about the same things over and over again. I just wish i could solve my existential depression.

>>15383523
>social insecurity though should be respected, is ephemeral
thanks, I hope you're right

>>15384929
He’s a 25 coomer who literally Reee’d at my mom last Christmas for not waking him up a fifth time in a row and told her she ruined Christmas because she allowed us to open our presents before him.

>wake up
>open laptop
>eat
>coom
>play video games
>browse 4chan
>try to win arguments in your head until you sleep

>>15387493
imo the people that say "life is meaningless" are missing the fact that life isn't purposeless. There are goals and drives that lead to joy. Figure out what makes you happy, is it prestige, intellectual pursuits, creative output, physical gymnastics? I think some serious inward reflection and then thinking over how you could manifest these goals in a realistic way would be helpful. Don't fall for artificial avenues to joy, and I think you can guess at what those are.

>>15375553
Thinking about all these shitty authors on amazon while berating myself for being too lazy to write some crap and publish it on there for ez mone.
https://www.amazon.com/Summoner-Eric-Vall-ebook/dp/B07HPD2WD1/
Look at this shit. 70% of people who reviewed it gave it 5 stars. Every time I see a book like this, I think about Neil Gaiman. I think it was in The View from the Cheap Seats, he talks about how he realized that the shopping and fucking books written in Britain in the 80s were basically just fairy tales, and he cynically planned out his own modern version of sleeping beauty, but never actually wrote it because he didn't have the heart to write something he didn't believe in. I wonder if these people believe in these books.

>>15387515
kek, is he 12? Nobody halfway intelligent even cares about the presents at Christmas anyway. The entire point of it is to spend time with your family.

>>15387534
It's my perfectionism that makes me give up and throw out everything I write. I think there's something to be said about idolizing great authors too much.

>>15382035
Just stop.

I've been working from home since the start of the pandemic and I am reaching the point where I just can't take it anymore. I want to lie down and ignore it all and not answer any of my calls and let them fire me. But I won't because I am a wage cuck bitch and I am lucky not to be unemployed in the first place.

>>15387530
>some serious inward reflection
Im unable to do this but thanks to talking to me. Im going to sleep (its 3 am here) and going to read the answer first thing in the morning.

>>15387300
anyone have any suggestions?

>>15387555
Mine cripples me to not even writing. It's probably gone beyond perfectionism at this point. I don't even touch anything. I have a few ideas bouncing around in my head, and one that I'm sure of. I've actually written a goodly portion of the introduction, back in late 2016 (lol). It totals 24,072 words but I know that I want to rework the setup and change around some details now. I also have a file for notes. It's 24,094 words (KILL ME). Sometimes I get a thoughts, like oh man, this would be a good addition to the plot, and I write it down, but now I have no idea how I'm going to go through all of the notes. I guess just one at a time. Some have probably not stood the test of time.
This is really the first time I've given voice to this in any form. Maybe I'll rectify the situation this time.

>>15387300
>>15387617
You could always go to some poor country and help people there or if that is too extreme, just do the same in your country.

>>15387618
I've come to realize that finishing something that's possibly shit is more valuable than 1000 unfinished "good ideas". Because ideas will always be there, but being practiced at finishing work is harder to come by.

>>15375553
I'm falling in love with a girl who I never personally met. I have reason to believe she feels strongly about me as well.

Since we don't know each other personally, I could kill myself tomorrow and she would be devastated, thinking I abandoned her. Someone would actually care that I'm gone. At least one fucking person.

>>15387618
I think this is why you see a lot of journalists and commissioned writers go on to be great because they're skilled at consistently producing completed work.

>>15375553
Is it possible I've coomed myself into a being a faggot?

I don't get the same arousal out of women that I used to and now I feel at times not even bi, but perhaps even gay; I lay this squarely at my many years of porn watching which i've paused for even months at a time but not necessarily have been able to kick completely as a habit (and unsurprisingly, during my pauses, my attraction is exclusively women again). I want to be done with this before I do something regrettable in chasing the dragon.

Is the "Your Brain on Porn" book really legit? And is there other good stuff out there worth reading?

I'm behind about 10 papers and am feeling the burn

>>15387774
I am behind 1 semester because I couldn't be bothered to go to the classes. Now I finally go to them just to see that they are boring as fuck.

>>15387673
what an unfortunate face
I'd still cum on it, after the thighs

>>15387717
>>15387675
Definitely. 90% of success is just showing up.

I think deep down I want others to recognize me accomplishing things and not just the simple things I do.

Showing up to work and being on hand shouldn't be my defining trait.

Then again, I may not have done anything worth recognizing yet.

>>15387545
Nigger, I spend time with my family all the time, give me some fucking presents

has buttercunt deaded?
i miss buttercunt :(

I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE

>>15388216
*ahem* testing... testing is this thing on...

i love you anon

>>15385799
You can study the humanities and home by reading. If your spending money on it then those people are right

I feel like I'm missing something from the horror genre. I want to get into the genre (Poe, Lovecraft, Ligotti, etc.), but I find none of it scary. Same with horror films, not one has ever scared me. Did I desensitize myself too much looking at real gore on /gif/ and shock sites?

>>15388334
Based. The only thing profs are good for is giving you relevant info instantly instead of digging through a scholar's book.

>>15388216
same desu. but mine is an all lowercase, i wish i were dead but i'm too lazy to actually do it because i'm a coward kind

>>15388216
I was watching Naruto just now when this subtitle came up. No one in the show was speaking. Not surprise when they're fansubbing Naruto.

i really dislike the idea of potentially monetising my hobby but i can't get it out of the back of my mind goddamn it

>>15375658
I feel the same. Instead, I simply re-watch or re-read my favorite content from the past, often things from my late teens and early 20s. I ultimately absorb nothing new but the familiarity is comforting when most of what's new just seems so alien/unappealing to me. Besides, I think the idea of finding a new perfect movie or novel is near impossible when you're desperately trying to find it in the first place. When you finally discover something you love, it'll probably have to happen organically.

>>15388346
If you want to find art house horror, look up "giallo." It's a popular niche genre of Italian horror films from the 70s-80s. It's got blood and shock material but that's not the main focus.

There are plenty of guides to giallo films online but Dario Argento is pretty much the quintessential director of the genre so anything made by him is worth a watch. Suspiria is probably a good film to start out with to test the waters on whether you'll like that kind of film. Also, I don't think lovecraftian-tier horror is supposed to scare you the way actual gore would. There's blood/gore and jump scares like slasher films or the Saw franchise, but it sounds like you want something deeper than that.

I get these really violent fantasies all the time and quarantine is making them worse. I'm always filled with hatred and anger and it drives me crazy. I don't enjoy the fantasies, they make me feel sick and deranged. I feel the need to talk about them with people because they fill my mind and I can't get rid of them and it makes me feel insane, but anyone I could tell would think I was a psycho. But I'm not at all, I would never act on any of this, and otherwise I am a very normal person.

Naming books or worse posting pictures of them has somehow replaced discussing their contents. No-one can explain why they like or dislike anything anymore. Titus Andronicus sucks.

How often do you have sex? I mean when you're not in a relationship, could you please explain the process?

>>15375553
>>15375553
I am a conflicted science man. I don’t know how to project my psychosis. I seem incapable of goodthink. I cannot cheer for this clown world totalitarian police state machine. I don’t get institutions. I don’t think they exist for the good of the people. I don’t get people who defend them. I don’t get those who back-wagon on whatever the current trend is, and just rationalize “Oh yeah that? It was just a prank bro, this time is for real!” but unfortunately science works like that, but we don’t really know. We think we know but we don’t. We like to believe our own bullshit. And people put their hopes on this bullshit. Oh boy they really trust us. I don’t wish to be an academic nor do research for a paycheck. Why? It seems inanimate, void of ambition. It was another era when Darwin threw himself into the sea, he also was a fortunate fellow with lots of money to spare. But what is my own era, who is this armada? History is a Roswell crash at the highest speed, everyone is part of this phenomenon, and nobody has enough time to react. We face death at every moment, we contemplate the wreckage, unable to grasp what goes on.

People on /lit/ do this meme where they shit on Emily Wilson’s translation of The Odyssey for not being “poetic” and having simple language, even though that was the entire point of the translation. Wilson wanted the odyssey to be presented more like something an actual Greek rhapsode would recite to his audience, and not something largely complex or “poetic”. I’m my opinion, I think her translation is the most most comfy, something you can imagine grandma telling as a bedtime story.

>>15388859
I’d also like to know

>>15389512
Just read Lattimore.

>>15389595
No

>>15388859
>>15389578

I manage to get laid about once every three to four months. Assuming you're not in college, you've just got to spend enough time in the types of places where people will be keen to hook up, which is usually some sort of party whether at a bar or house. I don't go out that much compared to some people who go out every weekend, so maybe if I did I'd score more frequently. But in any case a lot of things have to go right for it to happen:

1) you have of course be moderately attractive and have decent social skills
2) you have to have somewhere to go back to, or find the type of girl willing to fuck in a park or something like that (not unheard of)
3) neither of you can have other commitments that might prevent a one night stand (early rise the next day, friends that need to be accompanied home etc.)

If you're in college I'm not sure because I've never been, but I assume people just fuck everywhere there. It gets more complicated in the 'real world' but not impossible. If you go to every party expecting to hook up you will always leave disappointed because that's not how the world works, even if you're massively attractive. I tell you this because if you try this out you'll probably fail a few times and it might well be due to forces beyond anyone's control.

I'm not a 10/10 so I've never had any luck in a club or any interest in going to club anyway, but I have the most success in a friendly atmosphere like a party where you know *some* people but not everyone. Then you get talking to someone and as the night goes on, you both agree to fuck off somewhere and do the deed. Of course, you have to be invited to such parties in the first place, which I assume is the main barrier for most of the people on this website. In which case, not sure how to help.

I'm motionless and I have no desire except to eat. I don't even want to masturbate any more. External energy is the only thing that will break the plates. Anons, where do you find energy?

>>15383395
>ylonel lylone elylon
kmusk muskm uskmu
>lylone elylon nelylo
skmus kmusk muskm
>elylon nelylo onelyl
uskmu skmus kmusk
>nelylo onelyl lonely
muskm uskmu skmus
>onelyl lonely ylonel
kmusk muskm uskmu
>lonely ylonel lylone
skmus kmusk muskm

I’m so sorry. I love you.

>>15389905
I blasted a shart in my pants

GODDAMN WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME

I miss you more than you'll ever know. Maybe I'm just wasting my time waiting for you to come back. If you don't want to be friends any more at least tell me.

The thought of me becoming someone else is frightening. But, it seems more and more likely with each day that goes by. I look into the mirror and what do I see? A stranger almost. It is as if I can not recognize myself anymore. Each day a stranger appears, each day I disappear.

>>15389955
>I look into the mirror and what do I see?
Somebody cute.

This guy is a mastermind genius who's singlehandedly defeating China by replacing its ideology with a Whiteheadian Protestant theology

I'm responsible for $12 million in sensitive government property and I spend most of my day screwing around with it because nobody really supervises me. Eventually someone is gonna walk in on me with $100k of crap duct taped to my head because I'm bored and then I'll be boned.

>>15390113
>Mystery Flesh Pit

do you think it's friendly?

I choose to get angry over the stupidest things in people, sometimes I just want somebody to emerge from their self imposing over certain state and see how fucking pathetic and boring they really are, how they really just want to be patted on the back for smallest things, narcissistic self hating fucks too, ugh

I dont feel/have any inner sense of purpose in my life. Everyone around me suggests doing random things for its sake which is the complete opposite. The older i get the more it weights me.

>>15390113
what thing cost 100k and can be ducttaped to the head ?

>>15390184
expensive glownigger night vision thingies

Social media is pure fiction, it worries me that people become so invested in the unreal. How will this current generation fare in the future, we have completely fucked our sense of self and reality. It's time to switch off.

Plumbing the soul’s depths shall be the work. Coming up short? Not achieving what masters before you have? How are you to measure this? How are you to compare journeys? It’s of no matter. Produce a corpus to bequeath humanity. Let it take whatever form most suited (variety is good). And if standard measurement of fathoms plunged were possible, drowning before others is a cause worthy of death.

>>15390446
just letting you know that you write like a fag and your shit's all retarded

>>15375553
alex you're a fagggggggggggggg

>>15389657
>>15389657
at more natural sugar (apples, grapes, etcetera) in place of processed sugars (any junk food) and stop spending ALL of your time on the internet. Read, instead, or write by hand, just keep your eyes off of screens for as long as you possibly can per day, whatever it takes to do that, do it

>>15390451
I’m 18 so I’m allowed to write like this

>>15390499
That's fair enough

I haven't cried in a long time. I'm glad that this made me. I have nobody else to tell except for anons who probably think that's dumb. And you're right, it is.

>>15389512
>the point of the translation was to misrepresent the work
lolok

Are there no legitimate shortcuts to being well-versed in the subject enougu to have an in-depth discussion about philosophical and political ideologies? Life is brief and busy; despite this, is the only answer to fling oneself into hours upon hours of esoteric, shoddily-translated, lengthy texts?

My country is filled with so many good people, plentiful natural resources, and a rich culture and history and yet because of incessant corruption and the lack of well-made infrastructure, I want to get away from it as far as I could and never look back. Sad to see our government and the oligarchs cucking up for China; may this land be buried by the sea as quickly as not to make a sound.

>>15391197
Australia?

>>15391136
it's called wikipedia

>>15391197
Russia?

>>15391197
Africa?

>>15391210
>>15391346
>>15391352
Nope. Philippines.

It’s no wonder I’m still alone at this age. Even I hate myself.

Skull, hair, the usual things

>>15391706
Small wrists made this post

You could make a reasonable argument that the coronavirus was indeed planned or at least urged along by the Chinese Communist Party, or even outright weaponized. Overlooking the glaring observation that the outbreak originated near a research facility specializing in this class of virus there are several outcomes about it that benefit the CCP.

The infectivity of the virus makes participation in the dense crowds of the Hong Kong protests, a huge thorn in China's side, unhealthy. It discourages mass congregation and predictably the protests have dwindled to silence. The outbreak completely blindsided the US, sending China's chief rival reeling into economic ruin and political chaos. While you might say nobody could've predicted how the US would respond to the virus, China probably knows more about the US than it does about itself through a an aggressive cyber-espionage campaign and could have calculated that its public health infrastructure and political leadership was vulnerable. The CCP could also have known about the virus before it responded, giving it time to spread, and certainly would have no compunction about sacrificing one of its own cities and 80,000 Chinese lives as the cost of the plot. The timeline is also such that China nominally would have recovered by the time the rest of the world was still in disarray allowing it to approach the post-virus world with an advantage.

I'm not saying this is conspiracy is a deadringer or that I 100% believe it, but you can make the case. It's easy to look back on what was a string of chance events and read a pattern of intentions into it.

I want to break up with my boyfriend but the reason for it is that he is suffering huge psychological problems wherein he concluded that he wants to kill himself and uses me as a emotional punching bag.
I feel I failed him as his partner.

I also started drinking because of that

>>15392028
You failed more than him if you're also a man.

>>15375869
expand on this, i may be moving there

>>15393247
There's a ton of Muslims and Chinese up there. So sex trafficking and organ trafficking is rampant.
>inb4 that's racist!
Okay, don't listen to me and get pimped out by a Paki gang before they sell your liver to a rich Saudi.

>>15378092
bro wanna cuddle on discord ?

>>15393583
Yeah, it sure takes a lot of intuition to avoid gangs. You guys act like you're tough and worldly but you're really just pussies who get the fits when you see an old chinese guy kill a chicken at the bus stop or whatever

>>15393670
>avoid gangs
Yes, but specifically the Muslim and Chinese gangs. They are the ones who brought the international sex trade and organ trade to that region of the world.

Do you guys ever get burnt out on all the philosophy, religion, politics, and critical theory? I feel like my brain hasn’t wanted to function in 3 weeks and I haven’t been able to finish a single book in that time.

>>15375553
I'm a bit of an odd figure in that I am a convert to islam, but I have studied and am studying the religion largely on my own. Definitley not completely, before corona I used to visit the mosque with some frequency.

Anyway, the situation is this: my best friend is not a muslim and he has fallen for a muslim girl, and he has asked me for advice. I find myself in a bit of a dilemma. Because, strictly speaking, as he is a non-believer she is off limits to him. For them to be together she would have to go against her religion, which I happen to believe very strongly in. On the other hand he is by far my best mate and I want all the best for him. Perhaps lucky for me he asked another friend first, a person with knowledge of the woman in question and who is also a muslim, and he, this third (fourth?) party basically laid out the orthodox position: it's gonna have to be secret, you're gonna turn her family against her and so on. Now to him that is largely lunacy. To me it is not.

Generally speaking I think I understimated just how far from the majority culture this islam would tak me. I am perfectly fine with her familial patriarch laying down sharia and saying no for his daughter. Men and women are different, I believe men are tasked with protecting the law. I don't know if that's lucky or not, but I at least did not have to say this outrigh to my friend. But it is where I stand in the matter.

That's basically it. That's what's on my mind.

It's depressing to see the stock market behave exactly how I thought it would. If I had money I'd be rich right now.

I’ve had basically no discretionary spending since the rona, feels weird man. I don’t spend much money to begin with but now I can’t even go out to eat or traveling. It’s just piling up in my savings. The only thing on my credit card statement from last month was a gift I bought my mom for mothers day

>>15394551
I only say this because we're anonymous, because it can definitely be a pretty obnoxious thing to say, but it's a good time for sharing. a lot peope going throug hard times.

>>15394566
I mean I don’t disagree but I also don’t know what to do other than donating to the local food bank, which I do. There isn’t a rent assistance organization or anything like that that I know of I’m my area.

>>15393247
Went there with my GF a year ago. Beautiful city but had some strange experiences with the locals. You'll probably be fine, just stay on your toes.

I’m 27 years old and I’ve never even really watched anime in my life but for the last 3 weeks I’ve read zero books and instead, holed up in my apartment marathoning anime. What the fuck is happening to me?

there’s nothing more captivating than a cute 12 year old girl staring into my soul. I almost got in trouble this weekend—her parents were watching me closely!

>>15391074
Never seen this but don’t think it’s that dumb, anon. I do stuff like this in private.

>>15394766
Nothing wrong with that

>>15394766
What are you watching?

>>15394876
Saga of Tanya the Evil, Evangelion, Akira, and a bunch of random stuff, honestly. I just watched Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Senpai and I thought it was genuinely great. Why? What should I be watching?

>>15394876
Also Kaguya-sama Love is War I genuinely liked. I forgot the name of that one and had to look it up.

>>15394938
>Why? What should I be watching?
Watch whatever you think looks interesting! I was just curious.

>>15375553
Gut

Why the FUCK can't I have this girl? I can have basically any other girl I want. Last night I got hit up by 2 different female friends that developed feelings for me that I had rejected in the past. Rejected for her. I have multiple ex's that never moved on from me, years later, and would marry me in a second if I asked. I've turned down some genuinely quality girls since I met her, just waiting for her to like me back. And she just won't. My life is going amazing and yet I'm in constant agony over this one single aspect, this one person. I want to claw my eyes out. It is infinitely melodramatic and juvenile to be this torn up about a girl, and yet I can't stop it.

I think it's my fate to suffer so completely and ceaselessly over something so banal. There's no romanticizing it, no stoic acceptance of real hardship. Just the complete dissolution of all the great things I've cultivated into my life over something so cliche and boring that even a suicide note begat by her wouldn't be worth reading.

>>15376699
I checked your dubs,
I read your post.
I thought on it,
I want that most.

>>15375553
shit shit fart diahread fuck you who care

>>15394445
That's normal I think, and especially understandable at a time like this. You need to give your brain a break - if you're going to read something, read something easy and pulpy. Even during normal periods I will alternate between a 'serious' book and a 'light' book, otherwise my brain revolts against me.

Yeah I watch vtubers but ONLY FOR PRACTICING JAPANESE. Practice only. No other reason.

>>15391999
i'm very into conspiracy theories but i don't buy this one. coronavirus has only been bad for china and can only slow things down for them. they are doing some things to take advantage of current global instability, but things still would have been better off for them without the virus. i suppose they could have intended to release it somewhere else and accidentally let it off in their own country, but i would be surprised..

nice digits btw

>>15376538
Wow, you even asked them not to?

>>15378092
Yes we're all the products of our environment. 'All the world's a stage' and all that.

The best we can hope for is that we do well enough to change the situation for our progeny, or at least those around us.

>>15376538
But did you even ask them not to?

>>15376543
Please be a girl and look like pic related

>>15395245
The irony is if you fucked those two other girls and she heard about it you'd probably have a shot

Have a joke essay I wrote drunk the other night

SpongeBob Squarepants - S2E26a - Grandma's Kisses:
SpongeBob is driven to work by his grandmother, who kisses him goodbye. This is met with savage bullying by his coworker and complete strangers. They jeer him for not "being an adult" which creates two desires within him, the desire for familial love and the desire for social acceptance. He understands that these things are socially irreconcilable and as he attempts to adopt the sterile identity needed to avoid ridicule, his grandmother begins emotionally manipulating him. As the episode progresses and the grandmother uses Patrick as a proxy SpongeBob, admonishing him with gifts and care while rejecting the "adult" SpongeBob, it becomes clear that his grandmother needs an infantilized person to care for, a person devoid of the autonomy of adulthood, but more importantly she needs that person to be SpongeBob and his change of identity is unacceptable. SpongeBob's need for affection eats at his need for acceptance until he breaks down in tears, at which point his grandmother consoles him by stating: "You can still kiss your grandmother and be an adult," which is then shown to still be untrue as the crowd of SpongeBob's workplace gaze through a window at them, chortling.
The implication of this Twilight Zone scenario is quite horrifying; the ideal citizens became robotic hedonist consumers (the patrons of the Krusty Krab) and joyless, postmodern homosexuals (Squidward) who in their behavior within their social system, brought about the death of love itself, and narcissistic control masquerades in it's place. Perhaps this was a glimpse into our own future.

>>15394473
You just gotta convert him bro, then he can get that Muslim puss

>>15394800
It's just that I cried so much. It tore my heart in two. What made you cry, anon?

I've begun to wonder if some structure necessary for experiencing love has been burnt out of me. When I was young, I loved effortlessly and deeply and I wanted nothing more from life than to love and be loved. I found love, lost it, found it again, and nearly died from it. The suffering love inflicted on me was commensurate with the joy it had given me and when, after many long years, I was ready to love again, I found that love no longer came to me as freely and easily as it once did.

The girl I'm with now is far, far better than anyone I've been with before. She loves me, truly loves me, in a way that no one else ever has. She is sweet and kind and caring and beautiful and far too young for me and I can't tell if I love her. I tell her I do and I do, sometimes. I love her the most when we're having sex, especially afterwards. When we've just finished and we're laying there, still inside her, staring into each other's eyes. When I tell her then, I mean it. It feels like I love her when I'm turned on, or when we've had that kind of romantic sex earlier in the day.

On the days when we haven't had sex or I don't want her then I struggle to find something that feels like love. If I masturbate, especially to porn, it gets even harder to love her. Is it even love, then? Is it just lust? I find myself questioning our relationship at every turn in the same way that I used to consider suicide at every minor setback. If she seems cold, or is having a stressful day and is taking it out on me, or when she goes a few days not in the mood to fuck, then I start to wonder if it's worth it. Maybe I'd be better off alone. I never used to think like that. I would stay up all night with that one girl who made me so miserable, holding her while she cried, and never once did I think of anything but how I could make her happy again.

I want to love this one like the ones before. She deserves it more than they ever did but I don't know if that kind of love is possible for me anymore. Perhaps it requires the sort of hope and idealism that fades with age. Perhaps romance is like heroin and no matter how hard you try, it will never feel as good as it does your first time. Maybe it just hurt too much and I've set up too many subconscious barriers to let myself open up the way I once could. This is the first and only regret I've had, now that I'm older: I wish I was younger so that I could have met this one first.

>>15390405
I agree. Was tripping shrooms the other day and watching political news on YouTube immediately sent me into a bad trip.

I don't know if you believe in the metaphysical, but it legitimately felt like I was looking into some sort of reality distortion machine

>>15396701
Beginning was weak but you finished strong

>>15389376
Come with me to Mexico

>>15387673
Eww, that's what passes for camgirl these days? The market is saturated

>>15381531
How do we fight it? It seems that the robbers are now the barons as well.

>>15375553
I had a dream that my friend who's a drug addict was my brother. He's actually a lot like my real brother in a lot of ways (similar personality, etc.). I wonder what it means.

>>15375553
I want my money back.

>>15396728
Stop being such a faggot and love you little bitch.

>>15393670
t. beta white male

>>15396719
Maybe it’s lame but an anime that hit particularly close to home

>>15396728
maybe talk to her about this?

I'll never get anything done if I continue living like this. Even after moving out, I'm still under their thumb.
They might love me and wish the best for me, but they have no idea what I want from life and, quite frankly, they aren't interested in it.
I need to get away.

>>15396701
pretty good

>>15391103
Nice strawman, bro. I hope she sees this.

>>15376068
POV: You are robot AI monky.