/lit/ - Literature

The Japanese are one of the lost tribes of Israel.

The only things I've had to eat/drink today are a few Breton crackers and bottle of wine. My ex told me she had pedophillic tendencies. I cheated on her. She started dating one of my low self-esteem friends, and now the whole group of them hates me. It's powerful what you can do when you're a small, cute woman.
My life is a strange mess, and I'm not sure if I should feel as bad as I do.
Fucking shit. Fuck this stupid life. I never wanted this. I wanted a nice social life with decent friends.

The rooftop of my apartment building is pretty spoopy at night but its the only place where I can "walk" my dog so she can piss and shit

Everything about me is based on running away from something (usually from myself). That given i wanted to have shapeshifting powers when i was young and even indulged in a bit of crossdressing which i dropped almost completely once i realized that all it was an act of being someone other than myself. Why would i want to be the actual me which is cowardly, boring, non-sexual, confused, sad and ugly sack of shit? Even now im running away from taking responsibility for control of my life and life in general. It makes me extremely tired and apathetic to distance myself from internal and external worlds.

>>15284818
Uzumaki was the horror book to actually give me nightmares.

It buzzes, hiding out of sight, distracting my work, it's attracted to the light.
I will find it, its struggles guiding me to this fight, once found therein, to the bin.

I had to move downstairs like about weeks ago and I cannot fucking sleep now because the walls are so thin I can hear my dog breathing in the hallway. Fuckin livid

>tfw done no reading towards my exams as they are online ones and i can always cheat

>>15284905
I'm mad at myself for not finding it sooner then I had. It really is quite the spectacle of horror that lives up to it's name.

>>15284939
*two weeks ago

>>15284818
tfw i will never have this

Greater Consumption Theory

In order to live a happy life, it's important to remove discomfort but equally important is to be entertained. We need to maximize the time we have to consume media in the most efficient way possible. To do, this we have to identify the types of media we consume:
-Books
-Movies
-Anime
-Manga
-Videogames and Visual Novels

Each type has to be consumed differently:

-Books are lengthy. They require days to complete and the ability to focus.

-Movies are typically 2 hours long, so they require the ability to focus and the guarantee of not being interrupted.

-Anime are tv shows, multiple days are needed to complete them. Each episode averages ~25 mins, meaning 3 episodes can be watched in ~1 hour.

-Manga are long affairs. Multiple days are required to complete them. Fortunately, one can read them as fast or as slow as one pleases.

-Videogames and vns are of variable length, but most of them require multiple days to complete.

Since the types of media aren't equal, priority should be given to the shortest works from each category.
Additionally, a key element that will lead to better, more efficient consumption is to actually enjoy the media you are consuming instead of seeing it as a chore to be done. Fortunately, we have all the tools we need in the 21th century to easily access and consume media at our fingertips. There is no reason to ever be bored again.

i applied for a couple of university jobs this week. the applications for both had a few sections on teaching philosophy (as in the philosophy of teaching) and im worried i sounded way too up my own ass retarded. one of them had a section that was something like "what are so practical careers that you can see yourself in?" and i had fuckin nothing. i literally had to google "jobs you can get with a {my major} degree" and copy pasted
the whole thing made me feel a whole lot less self confident, not a good feeling

>>15285096
I'm well-aware that this is an insincere post, but this is actually how M*dernists think.

I just finished pic related, and I am feeling a dolorousness and a hollowness that I haven’t felt in a long time. What do I do after this?

>>15285537
read berserk and vagabond. if youve already read them then off yourself because there is no other manga worth reading

>>15285555
normie take
>>15285537
You can end the cycle of shallow consumption and use your time productively or you could keep searching for longer and more powerful oriental mind control fantasies. I recommend Ashita no Joe, Hokuto no Ken, Shigurui, Prison School, Boku no Pico

>>15285555
its incredible to me that people exist with taste this bad

>>15285537
welcome to the nhk

>>15285654
based pururin poster

My heart skips beats and my chest hurts constantly
Doctors say it’s anxiety but I keep passing out and they refuse to do any testing.

They gave me anti anxiety meds and I still had heart pains and skipped beats.

Sometimes I get so weak that I fall over or can’t even talk correctly

I live alone. No friends, no family.

I’m not scared of dying, but I’m scared of dying without having some fun first

I just want to breathe air outside and smell several different trees at once, to feel the sun waft over me and let me know where I came from

The infinite possibilities of the after life are an excruciating and unending nightmare of thoughts.

>>15285555
I didn’t like Berserk. I dropped it 15 chapters. I think I’m just going to read Jojolion

where is damn anime?

>>15285537
Part 8 is crazy right now, catch up while it’s still on hiatus

Naughty limericks

>>15285472
>what are so practical careers that you can see yourself in?
Fucking sucks, huh? Have a graphic design major and it sucks to see 14 year olds do better art.

>>15284818
How do I hide my power level?

Is it wrong to find this attractive? I think I may have gotten my wires crossed.

>>15286494
No, it just means you've conquered your fears and made them your little bitch. Now if you extend this mentality into all facets of life, and not just the desire to coom more, you will surely become unstoppable.

>>15286533
I don't to coom, I want to love it. It's oddly cute.

The world is dying at rapid speed, and it's looking like we're fucked.

>>15286547
You're wrong but I wish you were right

Yuri really is the purest form of love. Only the 2D version though.

>>15286586
2d loli yuri

>>15286586
watch yourself, you might become a victim of the AGP pitfall

>>15286586
What is the psychological reason behind people having an outsiders's interest in same-sex relationships? I.e. Fujo, and whatever the guy-who-likes-yuri equivalent is.

Just chilling right now, trying to understand why I've been doomed to resign myself to lurking this shitty board for so long. But I don't want to get ahead of myself and turn this into a meta-post. When it comes down to it, I find I have nothing to say unless it's reactionary in nature. And I'm not really talking about the political meaning of "reactionary," I more just mean that I find I can only write or speak my mind when I'm talking about something that's happened or that's happened to me. When I have a good dream, I find I can react to that and write about it, or if some big event comes up that I find interesting I can react to that and write about it. I think this makes me a more lowly sort of thinker (and I don't mean this in a pretentious way, we're all thinking after all). Some people seem more able to write about something which comes out of the blue, I believe this makes for good writers of genre fiction; some people are reactionary like me, but they're able to synthesize multiple events and create something truly great.
I think I was meant to be a journalist, but the fact of the matter is that journalism is a fucking void of neo-liberal decadence right now, and besides, most short-form journalism will be able to be done by computers in the near future.
I wish I could stop thinking about identity when it comes down to it. More time in each day is spent thinking about the future than actually doing something. I lurk on here, daydream some more, until the next violent dopamine rush seizes me and takes me by force, and that'll allow me to persist for some time. A change needs to be made, really. But I'm not a person who can just get something done unless it interests me intensely.

i've realized my passion for literature, partially due to this sub. friends and these boards have left me feeling emotionally unfulfilled for years. but learning more about the world and others is something i dont mind devoting all my time to and it leaves me feeling like i might not be wasting all of my life away.

>>15286611
i made it about 30 words into your post before i gave up

>>15286604
It is a risk, I try to remain vigilant to avoid the anime->transgender pipeline. I watched it happen to a guy and it was no pleasant.

>>15286605
For me I think it’s partially because I can remove myself entirely from the fictional situation, my own desires and insecurities cannot be projected easily onto the characters (without going trans, but even that’s just delusional). BUT at the same time the characters are ones that would appeal to you, were they were in a hetero relationship, so you still like them.

>>15286611
You should read the weekend novelist. When I was exploring different writing methods I came across that book's explanation on how to develop characters. He talked of going to a coffee shop and looking at individuals and asking questions about who you think they are and what motivates them, what their history was. Fundamentally, the process was reactionary, but the end result was so different from reality that it seems unique. I think this is partly what the subconscious is doing when you discuss difficulty in creation vs reactionary. I also thought about the duality of doing art as well. One part of art is recreating what is seen in reality and reacting to it exactly. The other part is seeing what is in the minds eye and developing it based on real world experiences and exaggerating and manipulating those elements to understand what the mind's eye sees. Many great writers simply see themselves as an observer, even if it is of a fantasy world in their mind.

I've always been attracted to women but I can't look at breasts/vaginas without feeling anxiety, and watching porn or penetration is enough to give me panic attacks. I mostly pleasure myself to cheerleaders. I only fantasize about kissing/touching/hugging them.

>>15286767
what about buttholes

Had a paradigm shift recently.

Watched a documentary on YouTube from one of my trusted youtubers, Suspicious0bservers. He's an ex-NASA scientist, an astronomer, he does daily space weather news and comments on recent scientific developments in his field, the Sun. He believes the Sun has a huge effect on our weather, which sounds simple enough. I mean, it's the source of all temperature on Earth, of course it has an effect on our weather but it's mostly constant right? Well no. He talks more about how plasma flow, densities, coronal mass ejections (CME's) and other Sun produced space "weather" affects our planet. Going down a tangent I am, alright I'll try to keep it short.

So what caused the shift? Basically he goes in depth about how we live in cycles with the sun and the galactic sheet. We're in a geomagnetic excursion, pole shift, the poles are racing towards one another. As they do this our magnetosphere is weakening, plus we're overdue for a micronova or a Charlemagne class event. Solar activity speeds up this excursion. When the poles finally meet and the sphere is collapsed, our Earth will be fully exposed to Solar activity. He showed with great surplus of information on how this will decouple the crust of the Earth from the magma sheet (the plastic layer liquefying), and cause our crust to stop spinning with the rotation of the earth. In-fact, it seems it will orient itself to it's namesake, the orient, the East, like it used to 12000 years ago. I'm nowhere near as convincing on this because I'm just a voice on the internet parroting his ideas and ideas of many in the scientific community over the last few decades.

So what am I going to do about this? I'm already waiting on getting into the army. I'm going to save up 100 grand, buy a plot of farm land in rural Eastern NSW near the blue mountains. A great wave is coming to wash the Western coasts of all land, back wash too. I'm going to build a bunker mound home, the entrance facing East so winds don't blast the doors. On earthquake roller bearings and dampened springs on the East side so the house isn't shook apart and the inertia can be controlled. The house will be one big faraday cage in-case of a Carrington like event happens in the next couple of decades. The farm will have a 50-100m firebreak all around, mounds around the edges too, yes, the fires are going to be big from this. Going to try to become good mates with all my neighbours, catalogue and store as much information as possible from the world wide web, collect books, and use a tradie type job to slowly build up my self sufficiency on my farm.

I hope you all are safe when this happens, we've pulled through it before, we'll pull through again.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_zfMyzXqfI

>>15286835
>He's an ex-NASA scientist
No he fucking isn't, he lied.

>>15286747
Thanks for the rec. I never considered myself a novelist, of course, because I can't write a short story, much less a book. Ideas spring forth for a page or two, and then quickly peter out. I like that dichotomy of creation v reactionary you bring up though. A lot of the time I get stuck in one end of the dichotomy, like I have to appease that somehow. I guess it's about falling somewhere in the middle with it. Besides, I never really gave much thought to them as opposing poles before. It's good food for thought. I'm kind of of the belief that you have to know a dichotomy before you can overcome it. Anyway, I'll check out the book.

>>15284905
The part where mosquito ladies killed people at the hospital and gave birth to mushroom fetus demons was the best part.

>>15286563
It is, friend. Things haven't changed for 12,000 years, and in fact the damage is speeding up.

Midnight, I enter the last train home. There's a puddle on the floor. I notice it's form, surely unique from all else. It's not round nor synchrone but disshapen into limbs bound by the big torso. Suddenly it begins to move, ripple's shatter the singular form and it's limbs begin stretching as water from a woman's raincoat slowy begins to drop into the puddle. I didn't notice the woman beforehand at all nor did I see the two men sitting behind me until now. It doesn't matter anyhow they are everyday people with everyday faces that I have to see every other day. I turn my head back to the puddle which was now la lot larger, thanks to beeing nourished by the plentiful rainwater of the coat. It it is not still anymore, now, having amassed enough water to be swayed by the vibrations of the moving train, streching and retracting it's limbs as the movement of the vehicle willed it. Fascinated I continue to observe this strange dance, as the train comes to an halt. As the halting-bells ring the woman stands up to leave the traincar and with her first step destroys the graceful puddle with the hindleg of a black highheel. She leaves and tas the train rides on I'm overcome with sadness at the sight of the broken bodies of water now seperated from the uniting torso. I take seat at the bench where the woman was sitting until now and realize that my lips are dry my throat parched, probably from the emotional rollercoaster that the fate of the poor puddle set off within me. I take out the waterbottle from inside my bag and as I made the move to proceed drinking I stop the movement in it's motion with one absurd thought. I could heal it. Of course not perfectly, for the once assumed form was unique in it's beauty and will never be reached again, but I still could make it whole again in some form, reattching limbs to the body filling the holes that were ripped in. With this thought in mind I opened the bottle and slowly let some water droplets hit the floor. Then some more. Then some more. Finally it was my turn to leave the train and as it came to an halt a good portion of the enormous puddle which had doubled in size through my aid was swept away in one big motion parting from the other. Istand upe and between the two walk straight to the door without looking back. I did not know if I could have stood up without destroying all my effort, for had the puddle not divided itself my boot would have stepped right on it together with the sound of the train's halting-bells.

>>15286835
This dude sounds like a fucking nerd who can't manage his audio levels and round out his voice with the huge swaths of audio editing software out there. I find your summary interesting, but why didn't this dude just write a fuckin' blog? My algorithm is gonna be fucked up for days with conspiracy shit now.
>>15286874
Yeah, once the process for things is revealed I think the magic kinda disappears, but the tools become helpful for finding the true beauty behind it. Like jazz. I fuckin' hated jazz until I started learning some of it's chords and changes.

>>15286925
>My algorithm is gonna be fucked up for days with conspiracy shit now
Eh, just sit back and enjoy the ride.

It seems like Im in something else's dream sometime. Floating along. Like Im actually in cavernous black catacombs. Slimy walls. Tightening into clastrophibc sewer tunnels. Cobblestone, rats. Mind in two places at onece. Deep in the miserable bowels, and in a prairie with grey skies and fierce wind. Crows cawwing. Creeping crawling things, slithering, beneath my own skin. Echoeing bellowing winds from the tunnels, creaking metal, thunder. Vile trick. Cruel existence. Its like falling into someone elses madness. It cant be my own. I see my own hands but they are somewhere else. A cement cell in the vicious ocean, rapids and torrential rain. I want to claw my retinas, deceiving bastards. Something vast, the dreamer, it feels like its above me, above the labrynth, observing the rats. Eating dist off the floor, hard to swwallow. Food tastes like shit. Vulgar thoughts beckon. Ghostly memories of snowy forest roads and being alone. Walking, wandering forward, I can barely squeeze through the hall: one side hard against my chest, the other against my back, I try to shoulder through. Loneliness I miss. in the great landscapes, where the distant winds and firmament are so far and im small without companion and the powerlines swing gently. But this place, this besement, this celler beneath the illusion, where I m drunk and angry and restlless, ghoulish and malnourished, this place isnt like the old dreams. Its anothers dream. Its full of hate. Great slow turning machinery crushing my skull, demons and imps feeding my parts into its gears. Ghasts and wisps a blizzard of dust, skin flakes and rat shit, hell is a black chamber, a razor pressed to tthe retina of afaggot in a coffin, sealed tight, sinking into wet cement. The next passage I cant see the walls through the black dark. Just the dense twisted metal, sharp beams of fence and razor wire, tangled rebar. Ah! Fucking pushed into the mess to my ribs are plucked from their home and entwined int the rust. Cant breathe in this kind of sulpher. A kid I was before. Big grey eyes in dream land, fuck him nobody knows whate hes up too. Adventures into lonely lands, stories for me with no one else. Vice corrupted, genitals with chains, in this torture prism. Demiurge, leviathon, beast, killer of innocence, wretched hand, I by your aggreagate of hate lost in your maze. Suicide, angel, self-killer, reap the mind, spread its ashes, sereity is the last moment. Eternity of eating dust, dusk magnificent, banish ye, allow my departure, where breathing gored bubbles miserable last huff, and off the toilet into nothing, sharp pain, cold nurturous nothing, let no life be after death I pray Jesus remember, annihilate me, show me this mercy.

I sometimes wonder if my sexual preferences have not bled into my wider tastes in art and aesthetics. In fact, maybe this is entirely expected and totally inevitable.

I have a pretty serious fat fetish. Nothing gets me erect like a big girl. If I were to list the physical qualities I most prefer in a woman, they'd probably be a big fat belly, big heavy breasts, a great big bottom, and a plump double chin.

And, when I think about it, it might almost be accurate to use the word "big" to describe my sense of aesthetics, as well. I tend to be a heavy maximalist in multiple elements of art. I'm a writer and a poet myself, and in both what I write and what I read I tend to gravitate towards heavy, lush prose and meter. Moby-Dick, The Book of the New Sun, The Sound and the Fury, these are some of my favorite novels, and it's easy to describe them as maximalist in style, deliberately lush and 'pretty' in the way they're written and structured. Big and over the top. In poetry I love the gigantic, the immense, and the heavily beautiful. Milton, Dante, that sort of thing. Lush, overwhelming imagery and sonic qualities.

In the visual arts I love the Baroque. I love the intensity, the overwhelming heavy emotion, of baroque sculpture and painting. In music, I love two periods of classical music the best: the Baroque and the Romantic. I actually have found myself liking the Neoclassical period less and less over time, with its balance, its restraint, and its delibrate striving after harmony. I tend to love the heaviness and the warmth of the Baroque period, and the intense emotion and passion of the Romantic period. Bach, Vivaldi, and Rameau, on the one hand, and Dvorak, Mendelssohn, and Brahms, on the other hand, are what I like.

So maybe it's all of a piece. Maybe my sensual tastes are just all united around a love of things that overwhelm and overflow. Maybe loving overwhelming passion in art and loving big fat girls go together.

Or maybe it doesn't. I don't know. Fetishes are weird.

>>15284818
Didn't really touch the board whilst I was at grad school. First time back on this board in months, and I've already argued with anons in, like, 3 poetry threads. Covid crisis means it's rough work finding a job this year. Is this what my degree has amounted to?

shaaaaaa

>>15284818

I feels as though over time I've become dumber and dumber, my memory weaker, less in touch with the world of constant flux around me, and my imagination, my capacity to not only think abstractly but to notice and take enjoyment from the environment around me has been shot to shit. I have trouble remembering specifics of my day.
Soon I will be a complete NPC, an automaton with no relation to anyone or anything outside myself and no capacity to understand my place or role within the complex, almost unintelligible events which surround and entrap me. Even just a year ago I was a different person and now I wish I could go back to that surreal hellish state. Back then I'd overthink everything sitting vegetatively in my dorm going crazy with isolation and despair, yet taking a strange pleasure in a feeling of total disconnection and in the freedom of solitude to pursue and play with any novel thought. Then I took enjoyment in my studies, in voluntarily shutting myself in a tiny library cage and reading and reading madly to stifle and punish myself, and I would look out the small window of my cage and see a beautiful campus full of beautiful people but take a perverse happiness in the thought that I was denying myself that happiness, denying all human connection, only to in the next moment to mock myself for my juvenile sense of superiority coming from an emotionally immature child. Now I care so little and am thoughtless in my daily life unable to place what is wrong. I am constantly procrastinating, distracting myself with stuff I don't even care about and I have become flat thoughtless, an unemotional husk. With each passing day any originality or character fades. All that I am is a passive recipient of an endless stream of entertainment and information that leaves nothing to be discussed, and every second is portioned away into an infinite network senselessly devouring any sense of self. I also have this overriding fear that this sudden shift in my character is due to the things I've consumed. That somehow they've caused some minute undetectable yet permanent long term change in my brain. There's nothing I loathe more than the unsettling thought that who I fundamentally am, and my cognitive capabilities, could change so suddenly outside my control.

>>15286910
What sort of damage are you referring to? People have been preaching the closeness of the end since we stopped swinging from trees. Perhaps I might agree that environmental degradation is edging us closer. However, the collapse of institutions won't end us. Institutions have fallen a thousand times before. But goodness me if the latter would not make me smile - seeing the false idols we have put our collective faith in disappear before us. Seeing their smugness evaporate and thus reminding us of the condemnable and pathetic creatures we are.

>>15286913
Kino, very nice

I'm less scared than I was yesterday.

>>15284818
The black-haired guy in the OP looks like a young Shostakovich

>>15287059
The damage is indeed environmental. It's easy in the West to ignore it, but it will catch up to us. Some areas will be worse than others, but I think no one will be fully immune.

>>15284818
I've finally decided to do it. I finally worked up the nerve, jesus I'm trembling as I write this! I'm going to kill everyone at work tomorrow!

i want interesting and complex plot heavy fiction with queer characters that doesn't place importance on characters' physical beauty and i feel like that doesnt exist which makes me very fucking angry and sad

>>15287166
Write what you want to see, bud.

I want out.

>>15287177
thats the plan. ty, + nice dubs

>>15287182
same man. same.

>>15287144
Fair enough anon. Nevertheless, I look forward to it.

>>15287182
Me too. Pushing on is a cope.

why the FUCK do people like anime so much

>>15287318
Because I think it's good.

So I have like 3 mental illnesses probably but atleast im not a shizo or something similar. I dont want to take anti depressants but I can barely go a month without wanting to kill myself seriously. I wonder why other people always give advice when they suffer from the same problems. It must be the dissonance that give perspective? no, if the advice worked then it would be widely used wouldnt it though most advice people give each other seem like a canned response. Why cant emotional problems be as easily solved as logical ones where there a clear end goal and wants. Is it that emotions have either become extremely undermined or misunderstood? Psychology seems to be considered a meme for this exact reason though that as well as what exactly psychology today is seems to be what popular opinion wants it to be.

I cant do situps without my tailbone hurting ;_;
its bleeds by 200th one or so

>>15287438
why are you so retarded, there are plenty of other core exercises.

>>15284818
I dare not to cement any thoughts into words. Whether it be on this board, in a text message, or in my journal. It all becomes gibberish once I've written it. A rare exception breeds great resentment. So why bother? A trial. Before I force myself to erase it all, I'll force myself to click Post.

>>15286605
Uh... I like girls? Why wouldn't I enjoy reading/watching cute girls fall in love, get flustered and sweaty? Are you gay or just that much of a self inserter

>>15287318
Arrested development

>>15287494
Lesbians wouldn't ever act that way around any man, probably not even themselves. That's why yuri is so offputting

>>15287471
sit ups are the easiest to add weight too

>reading through the draft again
>only thing found to be changed is some nitpicking on word choice
>already feel the hype train coming on
It's a really strange feeling to be the only one in the entire world to have read a given book.

>>15286612
viva literature! /lit/ renewed my love of reading. I've read hundreds of books since coming here and have written several.

>>15287517
I had a phase in highschool where I read a bunch of yuri manga one summer and usually in enjoyment is from the coming together than the relationship. It's a lot more pure than real life lesbians because it's less "I'm gay" and more about the almost forbiddenness of their preference, the progression from friendship to romance, or some kind of power dynamic(e.g. popular girl x loser girl). Also, I don't get your complaint: girls in yuri act pretty similar to girl other genres -- maybe read more manga?

>>15287318
90% of it is shit but the other 10% is more HYPE and obsession inducing than literature can be. You just have to find something you like. I have a handful of series that are complete 10/10s for me, and just thinking of them puts me in a good mood.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y-WwDUaWUg
You're walking through a park when suddenly clouds part and ninjas on electric guitars descend from heaven and begin waging battle. What do you do?

>>15286612
>this sub
It's called a general, newfag redditor.

>>15287494
>Are you gay or just that much of a self inserter
Why, do you want a boyfriend?

>>15286605
I think it something to do with me being some turbo cuck who cant stand the idea of competing with another man and not having the option to immediately murder them

>>15287573
No, I watch yuri -- I want a girlfriend, perhaps even two.

>>15287600
Dang.

YOUR ACTIONS HAVE DIVINE AND ETERNAL CONSEQUENCES!!!! REEPENT!!!!

>>15286612
>sub

go back

I'm nearly 30, have had sex with multiple attractive partners, had a serious long-term romantic relationship but I still find myself thinking of this girl I drunkenly made out with at a party when I was 23

>>15287688
Damn that's a fucking mood

>>15287697
fuck you

>>15287688
ok chink. go back to your office job where you bow to your manager and jack off to drawings of women on that waste of water you call a toilette

>>15287721
Why all the hate anon?

>>15287721

I'm not chinese

>>15287707
Fuck you too <3
I'm expressing sympathy, not making fun of you. I know the feeling

>>15287721
What the fuck does that have to do with what he just said? Are you autistic? Am I autistic?

Guys stop fighting you’re gonna make me unironically cry.

>>15287753
I think its a joke or I just laughing for some reason
>>15287760
if you cry ill cry

>>15287760
Gonna cry? Maybe piss and shit yourself too? Do it. Shit right now you fucking crybaby

>>15287769
I took a second and recomposed myself, but I’m still gonna get another beer and maybe put on Scott pilgrim and blackout and cry like I do when I drink alone. Gib me strength anon.

>>15287760
Once in high school I was crying for whatever reason and my friend started licking the tears off my face.

>>15287777
Maybe I’ll cum from those quads anon.
>>15287779
Did you get a weird boner? I’d probably get a weird boner and hug them.

>>15287787
God damn I never thought my first quads would be so fucking RANCID.

>>15287790
First quads? You’ll get used to it anon. One of the greatest GETS of all time was furry porn. Good times. I’m so fucking old.

>>15287787
>Did you get a weird boner?
I mean, how could you not?

>>15287797
Oh I've been here for like ten years I just mostly lurk and I don't think I've even gotten trips before

>>15287809
I didn’t cry much in high school around friends. I think the one time I landed on my knee after jumping down a flight of stairs for a friends video maybe. But I would hold my nostalgia of the dead for right before bed. I hadn’t much fallen in love then either, that’s for these days before bed.

Maybe I'll just give in and become a full blown weaboo. As it stands I am a weaboo in denial. I don't watch anime particularly much, but I love Japanese movies, and food, and culture. I love visiting the country and every little detail: of the architecture, the designs of their cars, the conveniences stores, the jingles on the subway. I feel like my life is worth nothing as it is and I have nothing to lose. I know the country is not perfect, I know if I lived there these exoticism would become mundane through repetition. Nonetheless, I wish to live in willful delusion. And weaboos seem so happy.

i dont read books. i dont like black or Chinese people. my main problem with reading books is i skim hard as fuck. i cant not skim.

>>15287825
Sorry for calling you new bud. I’ve been trapped here since 05, but I think Stockholm syndrome kicked in at some point. I’ve gone through so many phases and boards. It’s nice to have landed on the one that reminds me I should read more.

>>15287760
I haven't cried since I was 12 years old when my mother told me I was too old to cry.

>>15287836
>racist can't read

sounds about right

>>15287836
>i dont read books. i dont like black or Chinese people.
/lit/ in a nutshell

>>15287833
You aren’t a weeaboo, it’s not the otaku culture you are obsessing over. It’s the actual culture. For a while my only expsure was the anime I watched a decade ago. I played persona 5 and yakuza 5 after a friend gave me his ps3. It was beautiful to see the architecture and culture so different but so similar to us. City pop and it’s subsequent jap rock. Watching wandering twitch streamers. It’s so cool to see what seems like a different time line of the capitalist state. What could have been. It’s neat. Chase your goals until they become boring. I believe in you anon. Live our dream.
>>15287836
Do you ask yourself questions while you read? If not, start you nazi fuck.

>>15287851
I am extremely racist and I read a lot. Please don't be offensive.

>>15287851
i don't fit the definition of a racist. its ironic that your assuming me to be of low intelligence because of a lack of desire to read, but you, are in fact ignorant of the definition of a word you use so freely.

>>15287840
You should let yourself feel emotions, anon. It’s kinda beautiful. I don’t want to cry all the time, but sometimes it feels like the best release from such constant pent up emotions.

feeling like I can't sleep which is wrong because I can not sleep like at what point does something cease to be a thought and become concrete when does someone become sure that they are unable of doing something isthere must be barrier between our thoughts and physicality like everything begins in our head and then becomes physical there is always that barrier im writing this because I crave attention im writing this because I crave attention because I crave attention why are you writing this. do you think you matter? Why?Why do you matter. I matter because im the main character of my own story you are not main characters you are all side characters repeating meaningless dialogue, you are not conscious. Prove it. seriousl. You can't ever be sure of another being's conscious because what if they are just using learned behaviors? I do not know. I am regurgitating this some book called sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari its a really great book until you realize he is a faggot. Then it is simply a good book. Why do I hate gay? No reason, they probably make me feel insecure because they have their shit figured out. I know my shit I love big boobies big boobies big boobies isn't it weird how sexual fantasies areas easily accessible? Porn is destroying humanity we are becoming mindless drones that need sexual pleasure and can't go a month without jacking off. You aren't gonna get any super powers or any of that gay ass shiiiiit but you will be human. you won't be a mindless automaton that has already had its desires met. Not only are your desires met the morph. you think anyone is born into cuckolding. You think anyones that kind of fucking degenerate?Barring the unlikely childhood trauma of watching the girl you like get ass fucked 64 niggers, it doesn't make sense that your pasty mayo white cracker ass wants to watch blacked. It cause they start off basic. Watching girls with big boobies or lesbians and then when that isn't enough they need something more ddpreaved something more disgusting something more vile. You don't start with weird shit you get to it. speaking of race wars there won't be one. You think that minorities are creeping up on America and are subverting your culture and everything it meant to you. your customs and traditions that were once sacred now a doormat for shitskins. You're right. But there won't be a white uprising. there won be a war between the left and the right or between whites and blacks. its already happened. The media has already chosen there side, and the pen is mightier than the sword in 60% of the time. "ill just shoot those dirty immigrants with y ar 15" Yeah, and become the villain pasted on the New York Times. Remember, you're here forever Here being the internet. This vapid tar pit sucks in everybody who gets too close. Its become necessary for us to survive. Our society as it is wouldn't exist without it. Try not to think about how none of you're opinions are your own. click images of parking meters to continue

>>15287876
are you a woman or just ghey

>>15287878
tl;dr

I think I have manic depression, but I can't afford medication. It doesn't harm my ability to work. It has been affecting my health though.

>>15287888
Nice trips.

No, I’m just drunk and lonely.

I had a sex dream about zizek last night and now I can't stop thinking about it

>>15287918
Describe it

>>15287918
those are the worst

>>15287878
Fag

>>15287922
Does it count as a nightmare if it’s a sensual dream about an ex girlfriend and when you wake up you’re really sad?

>>15287920
>"I would prefer not too"
>>15287930
I dont know what makes a nightmare anymore. Fear? Disgust that your mind thought of something? Sadness comes after most dreams when you realize reality wont be as pleasant

>>15287876
There's something kind of nice about crying in the company of somebody comforting.

>>15287938
I think an interesting definition of nightmare would be unpleasantness upon waking. I’ve had weird murderous or zombie dreams and woken up unaffected. But there have been some dreams I’ve woken in the middle of the night with a racing heart or a horrifying sense of dread. And the dreams about ex girlfriends wake me to a deep sadness and longing.

It can be seen that in humans, personality and intelligence are both 50% a result of genetics. Many pro-nigger activists dispute these numbers for obvious reasons, and many anti-nigger academics vehemently defend said findings.
My question though: Why bother? Such studies were conducted on humans, not niggers. If it is found that intelligence is 50% genetic in humans, this has no bearing on how much nigger intelligence is due to genetics.
Genetic factors on intelligence in humans have no bearing on niggers or nigger "rights". One might argue that we should begin studying nigger psychology, but once again, why bother? Why would you want to learn about niggers? There is no benefit. They do not serve the ecosystem, they do not serve the purposes of human society. They are a parasite, and an easy to eradicate one at that.
Rather than learning useless information about our devolved "cousins", we ought to simply remove them from our civilization and get it over with.

>>15287920
We were in an office, he was sitting in front of his desk and I was his student wandering around the office. He was explaining his philosophical thoughts on bottle fucking (similar to his real life thoughts on fist fucking) and he said that he personally finds it arousing. I wanted to make a move but I thought to myself: "he will reject you. You're way too young and his student". But then i just went up to him anyway, hugging him from behind and whispering "what about me? Do you think that way about me too?" He turned around and looked at me in shock but then he kissed me and I sat down on his lap while we kept making out. Next thing I know we're fucking on a couch.
It all felt very real, the excitement, the relief when he reciprocated, the kiss, the...

I'm straight though

>>15288062
>I'm straight though

Not anymore!

I read 56 pages today.

>>15287894
What makes you think so? I was diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder, but I think the diagnosis was a little premature, so I have stopped taking my medication and I have never been happier.

>>15287876
one time a male friend cried in front of me and it made me sick to my stomach

>>15284865
That's fuckin' tough, but you really should've broken up with her before cheating, even if she's a pedo

> freshness after rains, sun heating all again
> grass green and cheerful, sweet to graze
> the swarms of flies can be ignored; too blissful of a day
> birds chirping while unseen, as if the clouds sing
> another day ahead to work, and shill on lit what i find right

>>15288062
That’s like the porn I read on exhentai
>>15288187
Good job anon! What was it about?
>>15288307
Hope your nonmedical opinion works, unironically anon, but please remember you did this if your disposition changes.
>>15288312
Thanks Bateman.

>>15288312
>>15288341
>Thanks Bateman.

What's worse is that he was crying over a dead friend of ours. I had to physically remove myself from the booth we were both sitting in.

>>15288363
Can you blame him for crying? I'd be pretty upset if my friend died.

>>15284905
junji ito works are the only manga i truly, unironically love. he's not just a great artist, he's a schizo genius.
now check out my 2$ phone case

In your opinion: How long is normal to stay on a toilet going "number 2"? How long is appropriate at work? How long in a shared washroom living space?

t. been on the toilet for around an hour now. One of my roommates has been knocking at intervals of about 10 minutes and I am ignoring him, pretending I'm not in here.

>>15288375
He wasn't a close friend of ours. He was someone we had both known when we were younger but only intermittently. It had been about 4 years since we had last seen him, and 1 year since his death. If it had been a close friend I would like to think I would have been more understanding.

>>15288363
So the part of you that took ahold of the situation was the socially right thing to do, but the part to feel disgust when a mutual friend died and you didn't feel as intensely as they did is pretty fuckin.... psychopathic brah. Like, every person I've known that has died elicits some kind of response.

I haven't cried since I was probably 13 and my mom had a heart attack. The embarrassment of my dad, brother, and the ambulance guys seeing me cry hit me worse than the fear of my mother dying.

More recently I have decided this is unhealthy and have tried for the past few years to cry, never being able.

>>15284831
Sounds interesting, could you elborate?

>>15288341
>Good job anon! What was it about?
44 pages of Jung's Memories Dreams Reflections and 12 pages of Nietzsche's The Will to Power

>>15288384
I unno, I guess I've just been exposed to familiar or loved ones death since a young age, but I have a friend I played tf2 with and hung out with, we started a clan, throughout highschool. He wasn't really a best bud, or in the group, but he was a token of that social sphere of highschool through video games. He was a grade below us. We graduated and moved on. He graduated and we soon learned he died in a car wreck his first year of college. He was super sweet, funny, knew ironic timing, a general all around good dude, but he wasn't in our click. When our gang found out, we were all across the US, we all mourned in our own ways, but since, when we mourn together, we all tip our beers to that dude, because it was just such a random casualty to the cosmos. We all liked and respected that dude. I miss travis. I'm getting a little teary thinking about it. It's been almost a decade since he died and it's still a tragedy. Maybe I'm just an emotional sap, I unno anon. I'm glad you were there to console your friend even if you hated every minute of it.

>>15288396
So toxic masculinity is a real thing

>>15284818
I don't think any possible conclusion for humanity will be a good one. Humans cannot be happy.

>>15284818
god damn it.
i used to think girls with shaved heads look weird but now i can't get them out of my mind.
they're so cute.

>>15288396
I highly doubt that's embarrassment, and even if it is that's bullshit. My dad died of a heart attack when i was six. My mom and I had gone for an errand and when we came back we found him on the floor trying to put his tie on for the fourth of july fireworks. Your family putting that pressure on you is bullshit.

>>15288453
I want to agree but I don't think that there are many girls who can pull it off successfully.

>>15284953
I got away with with doing this for a more basic exam, but use your head anon.
if you get a very specific question within a very specific subject, you probably won't find the answer instantly.
if there's a time constraint like there was with mine you'll be fucked.
use your head anon, do some revision.

>>15288462
oh yeah, you still have to have a certain look to pull it off and theres a big difference between shaved bald and actual no hair follicles bald.
whenever I've seen the latter it always looks weird even on guys, the head always looks greasy and reflective.
i think it's still great when a girl can pull it off though, or pixie cuts (which for some reason look best with black girls).

I can’t fucking sleep. I’m on the process of applying for physician assistant programs and I can’t help but preemptively feel like a failure.

>>15288392
Of course I think it's OK to feel sad about death. It was the crying that made me intensely uncomfortable and resentful. If we had been at the funeral that is one thing, but in a public place long after... I don't know, maybe I'm more fucked up than I realise.

>>15288565
>whenever I've seen the latter it always looks weird even on guys, the head always looks greasy and reflective
Learn from my mistake; it looks terrible if you have very blonde roots (mine are snow white).

>>15287983
Exceedingly based

>>15287568
>You're walking through a park when suddenly clouds part and ninjas on electric guitars descend from heaven and begin waging battle. What do you do?
I take off the VR headset and go do something else that isn't as cringeworthy and ridiculous.

>>15286767
Wht thoughts go through your mind when you feel the anxiety? Is it performance pressure?

>>15288609
i learnt it the hard way and ended up looking like a veiny foetus person for a week.
its weird with mine, when shaved completely to the skin using a razor i still have a light grey stubble, but the second it grows to around 0.5 cm the tips turn super blonde and it makes it look a lot shorter than it is before it darkens again.

>>15286605
i don't like cock and balls, simple as that. if i want to indulge in some silly hentai fantasy i'd prefer no men and no actual male genitalia in it
plus women being dominant and cruel to other women is hot

>>15286767
> mfw same but with men
i call myself bisexual, but my sexual fantasies are female-only. i'm repulsed and turned off by real life dicks.
but i often fantasize about kissing and maybe some light petting with qt guys
homoeroticism >>>>>> actual homosex

>>15288670
Cute. I'd like to cuddle you while you read a book.

>>15286948
holy based. i'm aesthetically omnivorous and like many types of women, but a particular part of me found this extremely relatable. you got a discord bruv?
pic is my drawing, 1.5 years ago. i want to draw more phat stuff but no one's there to discuss it

>>15288705
Noice. I like the goat eyes. Very cute.

>>15288676
y-you too

Why is lit so gay today?

>>15288710
these are my fictional goatpeople, basically lowly demons responsible for pushing people into petty sins. bit if the victim takes the bait misdeeds become heavier

>>15288801
Because you're here.

>>15288806
They're really good, anon.
> bit if the victim takes the bait misdeeds become heavier
You mean, she gets thiccer?

>>15288849
kekd sneedly
i mean if it's a succbus-kind entity, mainly inducing lust, it can definitely go from plain sexual unrestraint to vile kinks and deeds, lead to more deprivity
the whole race is rather tongue-in-cheek, just an excuse to draw fat tits and bodyhorror

>>15288801
it's wednesday in Europe

is there a term for voice 'physiognomy'

>>15288868
>just an excuse to draw fat tits and bodyhorror
Certainty nothing wrong with that. Keep up the lovely work!

>>15288340
thank you horseposting anon

>>15288926
always welcome, brother

>>15288837
True :-*

>>15287721
oddly specific.

Chet Baker is a good artist

Why mind is so empty? It feels like a fog descended on it.

i don't know what topic my bachelors thesis should be on... gotta be something in the field of film semiotics pls help i made it so far being a brainlet that fakes being smart

i feel like going in every single /lit thread and saying "shut the fuck up nigger"

>>15289789
i wanted to write something vague as usual, but this is what's actually on my mind.
dear lord, i want people who came from pol or the like quarantined in some kind of subboard before we let them in.

Tried adding 200mg caffeine pill to my daily nootropic stack and people were saying that they couldn't get what I'm saying for the past few hours. Feeling like a genius and stupid at the same time. Gonna stay silent for a while.

>>15284818
>>15284905
>>15284960
>>15286909
>>15288378
I don't get it. Uzumaki was so badly written. The protagonist is simply stupid, and the whole plot is so formulaic
>weird person does something creepy
>neither the girl nor the village is really concerned
>guy says it's the spiral, nobody believes him
>turns out it is actually the spiral
>whole village goes nuts but doesn't actually do anything, like seeking refuge or something
>protagonist gets away with her stupidity
The drawings are fantastic I'll give you that. But what is it worth when the author can't write a proper story? I dropped it after volume 2 because it just wouldn't progress at all. I expected /a/ to like this but not this board

>>15290043
the artistic value outweights the somewhat manga-typical plot for me (im a not a fan of anime).
i just learned to accept the inherent weirdness of the jap and everything he produces - and not be turned off by it. if you apply enough levels of irony and reprocess everything you read, the autistic aspect only enhances the experience

bumping while im taking a shit, who else?

>>15284890
same anon, I've got issues i have to take care of if I ever want to be close to another human being and if I want to lead a successful life, but I'm just running away from myself. I don't even recognise the man in the mirror anymore, he's just a sad and ugly sucker staring at me and judging me for my inaction. The clock is ticking and yet all I do is waste time on the internet instead of taking responsibility for once in my fucking life.

>>15288336
Yeah, I realize that. It was such a shock that one little slip-up of conversation basically crumbled my whole world in a matter of seconds. I drank heavily and was in a comatose daze for a while after that. The cheating happened in a seriously bad state of mind. I just wanted to feel something.
It's been well over a year now, and I'm still reeling from the whole thing. I should try therapy again after all this, or I'll probably implode.

>>15290043
I've read it 6 years ago and I was pretty stupid back then, and my memory is probably a bit hazy concerning the plot, but from what I recall it felt like being trapped there, as if the curse of the spiral predestined the people of the village to end up like they did, and the protag's bf being the only one to act the way a normal human being would just kinda made it all creepier, as if I was watching a world where everything appears to devolve from normal to crazy but was actually crazy from the get go.
That being said, I don't remember what I had for breakfast so you may be right and it could be the most stupid shit my teen ass overlooked.

I’m convinced my closet gay doppelgänger from the past that kind of has the same name as mine browses this board, if you see this hit me up.
I’m basically Stencil from V.

>>15284818
What on earth has to go wrong in a man's brain to be attracted to pic related? Why would the drive meant to make one reproduce with women misfire so badly to identify a male as breeding material?

I’m convinced a closeted bisexual doppelgänger of mine from the past that kind of has the same name as mine browses this board, if you see this hit me up

i honestly think nothing of value would be lost if all incels were just euthanized

>>15291725
Seethe harder, roastie.

>>15286767
I was the same, except I didn't have full blown panic attacks over it. I'll say one thing
>self enforced exposure therapy

>>15284818
I'm just so fucking depressed the last week. I've been gradually self isolating during the quarantine and I think I've finally reached a bottom. I had a failed fling with a beautiful girl because I'm a pussy and an idiot and now I just miss her. Also I won't be graduating uni this year, because I lack any discipline doing shit I'm not 100% interested in on my own.

Haven't been this sad in ages.

I know this will pass. Everything does. I've had great friends and I don't even miss them, because I'm not like that. But right now it still feels like she was the only one I could be comfortable and honest with. I don't get that almost ever.

>>15291757
>implying there are women on 4chan
time to take your meds anon

does anyone else feel like they live in the wrong place? i've moved to 3 very different climates but still can't help but think of the climate of my ancestral homeland and how appealing it is for me. economically it isn't the best place to try and have a career in, and i was going to go there only in retirement. where i live now is the best of what's possible for me, but it still feels distinctly wrong somehow. is it possible genetic memories are giving me hard nostalgia for a place i've never been to? i feel lonely and heartbroken being here, it's like banishment from paradise.

I enjoy listening to the same song for hours straight, looped over and over again, and this TERRIFIES normies.

>>15286998
Allow yourself to be changed. I know this feel all too well. There is something cooking in your subconscious. And another part of you is stifling it. The old story of the man chased by a tiger off a cliff. He grabs a hold of a branch, unable to climb up and just hangs. Days go by and he's still hanging on to the branch too afraid to let go and fall. Finally, he makes his peace and let's go. And drops an inch onto the floor right beneath him, a changed man.

Life is fucking easy I figured out. Whenever there comes a thought saying something along the lines of - what are you doing here, I don't want to continue doing this now, why is everything so shit, what is this, what is that, did I do good? did I do wrong? etc. etc. - just put away that thought and KEEP DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING, like thought isn't even real, and when you do thought then it's what you are doing, but don't ask what it is what you are doing when you are doing it, really, at somepoint you will just be tired and go to bed and that's it, man life can be so easy, shit got damm, why doesn't anybody tell you this, I could go on and on about this but you know that's all there is to say, I also rather want to keep on doing this other thing I am doing right now, which is listening to music, which I will do now, so fuck all of ya all, also Iove ya and hope youre gonna make it, man if I was on drugs right now Id feel ashamed but I am not I am just high on life for like the first time ever, whatever, have a good rest everyone

>>15287482
Can relate. Sometimes I wonder if it's a form of stupidness or intelligence.

>>15287389
Psychology invented emotions to make profit from them. Prove me wrong.

I have a headache behind my eyes. There are other fears and worries I wish were more forward in my mind. They're important, time-sensitive, things I need to take care of. At the moment though, I only real wish I could get rid of this headache.

>>15286998
>Back then I'd overthink everything sitting vegetatively in my dorm going crazy with isolation and despair, yet taking a strange pleasure in a feeling of total disconnection and in the freedom of solitude to pursue and play with any novel thought.

Man, as much as I hated those times, at least it felt genuine right? Something was at stake. Things mattered, maybe only insofar as everything was horror and existential dread, but the dread was something too, at least. Now everything is just boring. I remember that I wanted boredom but never had any because of the constant overthinking, now I have boredom too much and my mind is just empty most of the day, I don't know what is better really. I think this is 'easier' and there is no stress, could do this without much hassle for years, however if this is how it ends, I don't know if I like this endgame and I fear it will get worse, I mean my biggest fear is to keep my brain active, what is this?

>>15285555
Quads of truth. No other manga are worth your time if you like books.

I can't get over the harshness of nature. That's not really true though, because nature isn't harsh, nature has no feelings, which in some ways makes it seem even harsher. I've been watching videos of cuckoos pushing other birds out of the nest or of chicks getting snatched up and eaten in half a second. These chicks were alive for a few hours, lived just long enough to experience being alive and nothing else, and then died. Died so something else could eat at their expense. I found three kittens in my house several months ago and the same thing happened. They were too young to survive without the mother and despite trying to feed them they all died. One died in my lap. The desperately writhing and mewling body became hard and silent as stone. I buried them in my yard, and some months later I saw grass growing on that spot. They returned to the Earth and probably fed some of those plants growing now, which another animal might eat and then get eaten in turn. I understand that this is the cycle of life, that there is nothing to be done about it, and that death is inevitable. Even humans, more removed from this process, still experience or inflict it. I think of the mass chicken factories where chickens are bred for the sole purpose of being killed. They never once step foot outside the warehouse that stores the thousands of them. I understand that the world is unfair and the wild is eat or be eaten. But it's still unfair, and I don't want to be a part of the cycle. I don't want to be an animal constantly eating other animals until I die and am eaten by other animals. I do not want to exist.

>>15290043
This is something that a lot of people can't get past. What you just described isn't the story, it's the plot. Uzumaki plays loose with the plot. It focuses on using fierce imagery and disturbing scenarios to paint the story of a completely inescapable descent into chaos. If Uzumaki were one long, continuous painting on a really big wall you might call it brilliant, but because it's been cut up into panels you're now approaching it with presuppositions that are probably best left at the door. If Ito was a better writer to supplement his stuff then that'd be ideal, but it's not exactly necessary. There's a reason people who make comics are making a comic and not a novel.

>>15285096
Where the fuck is music nigger? The greatest art form, and I mean real music, not pop or nigger shit

>>15284818
i should be outside painting because it's a beautiful day, yet i'm online sitting crosslegged on the floor again. my hand still hurts from yesterday. i'm getting tan now. there are no good threads and i don't know why i spend my days looking for them.

I have ulcerative colitis. It causes constant stomach pain and bloody diarrheah, with somehow constipation at the same time. My medication barely helps. I've shit my pants more times than I can count. Sometimes I shit my pants when I'm out of the house, and since it's all liquidy, I can feel it slide down my legs and I have liquid shit on my legs until I can get to a restroom. I've even shit my pants in my own house, in the time between getting up and reaching the bathroom door. I wish I was dead.

>>15291598
Atleast you know what you want. Thats a good thing. Maybe i ought to turn inward but i cant.

>>15292320
I've been there. The only reason you have these feelings is because once you were tricked into thinking that the world was, is, or should be fair. The fact is that this concept is something that has never existed and is not possible in the first place. Fairness is imaginary. The world isn't wrong, you're wrong. You already know this, but eventually it'll stop hurting. Not because you grew callus or had your spirit broken. It'll be because the pain of losing the lie wore off. It is not a moral failure in accepting reality. You aren't a monster and the world is not evil. It just is what it is. Everything is fine, anon. It's a growing pain. In the meantime, remove cruelty from your life. Buy pasture-raised eggs and chicken (cage-free is a lie, it's just chickens literally crammed together in a steel warehouse). Consider hunting for as much of your meat as possible. You'll find a lot of peace stuff like in that. This world is truly beautiful and you're a beautiful piece of it. Don't waste anymore time hung up on your adolescence.

>>15292558
>This world is truly beautiful
No it isn't. To paraphrase Maistre, the world is a giant altar of sacrifice for whom all the blood of all the living creatures will not be enough.
>you're a beautiful piece of it.
No I'm not. I am a wretched vermin, a worthless cretin, the lowest of the low. I don't deserve the life I have. There are babies who died of cancer while I continue to live. It should have been me. I am a terrible person.

i cant decide what haircut to go for.

>>15292635
Again, that kind of cynicism arises from the assumption that the world can be morally scrutinized according to man's standards. It can't. Your attempts to pass judgment on nature are futile and misplaced.

>>15292464
You deserve it

>>15292704
And why is that?

>>15286469
hang in there, artist-bro. we're all gonna make it

I've been listening to alot of Rush and music that makes me remember better times. I remember when I had a passion for music and compassion that people often complimented and praised. I didn't care about getting attention, but I cared about being kind and well and showing others what they can do with hard work, that's who I was. That shits far away from me now. It takes real effort for me to understand and listen to others, and it hardly seems important to me anymore. I pissed my guitar skills away. I'm too much of a dreamer now

I want to fuck azula in the leg locked missionary position holding hands after marriage

>>15292833
>hardly seems important to me anymore
what happened?

>>15291922
What climate are you longing for? If it's an objectively good climate, it may be just that.

>>15292833
JR?

>>15292860
Nothing in particular. Numerous things have occurred for me, but that really isn't an excuse. I've been through alot and always had zeal whenever adversities had occurred, I guess just over time, I lost it.

>>15288997
your mom is a good artist

>>15292920
No. Friend of yours?

>>15286998
>yet taking a strange pleasure in a feeling of total disconnection and in the freedom of solitude to pursue and play with any novel thought
>I took enjoyment in my studies, in voluntarily shutting myself in a tiny library cage and reading and reading madly to stifle and punish myself
>I would look out the small window of my cage and see a beautiful campus full of beautiful people but take a perverse happiness in the thought that I was denying myself that happiness, denying all human connection
Truly the epitome of the christian monkish aesthetic.

I know what you feel.

Occasionally I turn into an easy going semi-active extrovert, but I'll always come to miss the misery state of depression where my body is crushed by the pressures and burdens of surroundings and yet my mind flourishes that much brighter. It is always at my most disconnected state that I gain an almost divine inspiration. Currently as well, during this quarantine and the personal social isolation I've undertaken, I've reached another low and yet gained an immeasurable new insight as to who I really am. I feel less compelled to torture myself into conformity and instead gain both an understanding of what it is that I truly want and the balls to pursue it.

I may be miserable but at those moments I would never trade it for anything. Every time I catch a glimpse of myself becoming a social NPC I shudder, for I know that even if content, that is not what my true calling is. And I can never abandon what was molded inside me during the greatest of my sufferings.

Can't stop overeating. Can't stop overdrinking. I miss the feelings of friendship, where the hand of night slips over you as you drink into oblivion.

>if you time travel to the past, and change one little thing, everything will be different via the butterfly effect
>the real red pill is that this very thing is happening at every moment of our lives
>that doomed timeline? you're living in it
>everything you do, echoes into infinity
>every decision is infinitely multiplied - if you kill somebody, you will be killing their children, and their children's children and so on
>no sin is therefore ever small, they are all impossibly enlarged

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I've never really kept a journal or truly tried to write stories, essays, poetry, anything of the sort outside of the usual high school stuff. However, recently I decided to see if I could make sense of a faint memory of a feeling of mine by expressing it in words. So I sat down on my computer at 10.30 pm in front of a blank page absolutely clueless about where to begin. I sat there for 15 minutes or so feeling first defeated and then terrified realizing that maybe I'm not smart enough to express myself in writing. My mind was blank and for the first time in a while the rush of thoughts constantly racing in my head went silent.

Then I started thinking how the hell do people do this and I could almost see my pragmatic self look at the screen over my shoulder and say something like "Well, what do you think, you sorry idiot? How do you walk? You put one feet in front of the other and then repeat. Easy as." I nearly said "Oh really, wanna see how that would go?" out loud and started typing words just to spite him, beginning with what I was thinking now: I wasn't really all that sure of what I remember.

And just like that, it all came pouring out. I didn't struggle to find any words, my mind was not racing or trying to tell me how to do it, my pragmatic self faded with a grin on his face. I put into words what I had been carrying around for years. I went back to the beginning, read it over and over, did some minor changes to words and sentences and the like here and there, and added an apology to myself in the end.

So there I was, past midnight, sitting in front of the couple of sorry pages of rambling that I had typed out. Even I can tell it's not "good" in any sense of the word but that doesn't matter. It's mine and I made it, I could see myself in it like in a tiny piece of a mirror. Looking at what I had made was like electricity running through my body, trying to break through my skin, and I felt really, really glad for the first time in a while. I had no idea it would be such joy to type something (anything) out that truly came out of me.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about that feeling, how content I was to go to bed that night, and that's why I'm going to do it again. Wish me luck, anons!

>>15293304
Good luck but don't go into it expecting to feel the same every time.

>>15284818
I had the most beautiful dream, I've been thinking about it all day. pic rel

>>15284818
just had my last attic greek class for this semester, my last semester
those two days of class were the best of my week, even before this whole quarantine shit, and now it's done. now I go to work, to pay my rent, to satisfy my wife, so we can take care of the kids. one day I'll forget probably everything about Greek, and then I'll just be boring and bored forever.

>>15293514
google "maladaptive daydreaming"

>>15293588
> maladaptive daydreaming
faggot normie term to belittle the schizo masterrace. npcs are terrified by our ability to run whole new simulations, by the sheer brainpower it takes to zone out for no reason and dive fully into a world you have created in an instant.
imagine thinking adamant and flaming imagination is a disorder.

>>15284818
I want to write a book, about intensities, about hte absolute lows of the human experience, and about the absolute peaks, beauty and absolute degeneracy combined. Too bad i am so bad at writing.

>>15293588
Thankfully my memory of the dream isn't as vivid enough to be totally absorbed by it (and to consider it maladaptive daydreaming), I just found myself thinking about one specific moment that stuck with me - Does it count if I'm just appreciating the feeling/memory?

>>15293640
It's a term made up by jews, there is nothing wrong with day dreaming.

>>15293668

Why is it always..

>Maladaptive daydreaming is currently studied by a consortium of researchers from diverse countries including the USA, Poland, Switzerland and Israel.[25][12][26]

>>15293736
Worse:
>Maladaptive daydreaming is a psychiatric condition. It was identified by Professor Eliezer Somer of the University of Haifa in Israel.

>>15293751
Everything outside of the modern paradigm is always a condition

>>15290043
I really like that it could make people like you seethe. It's not always about a spoonfed explanation, just like certain things in life. That's what makes it so appealing and endearing. It's like the characters and the story take a life of their own and what happens, is by their own actions, not scripted or logical. That would be so fucking bland and done to death if it was like so many other medias.Can't wait until adult swim finishes filming the mini series.

Is Life is Feudal /lit/?

>>15284818

The merciful man doeth good to his own soul: but he that is cruel troubleth his own flesh.

>>15284818

till a dart strike through his liver;

>>15286835
>s0
Kind of obsessed at the moment. I suppose indirectly because of the c19 panic, but in general: interested in plasma cosmology, as well as a morbid curiosity in catastrophism.
I am torn between living my best life and preparing for shit hits the fan. Because of this internal conflict, I will instead shit post on /lit/ until the internet/power goes out

>>15286853
I don't think the guy has ever said he's ex-nasa. It's possible there are other ex-nasa that are part of the observers community.

>>15294318
>I will instead shit post on /lit/ until the internet/power goes out
So indefinitely? Nothing is going to happen except for you wasting your time because you were tricked by a snakeoil salesman.

>>15293991
>spoonfed explanation
I never suggested that the manga should explain anything to me, in fact it's so superficial that there's no need for an explanation. Having a cohesive story does not mean spoonfeading an audience. Monster is probably the most brilliantly written story out there and it certainly does not spoonfeed at all, quite the opposite. you sound like a 16 y/o who stopped watching shounen 2 months ago, please stop acting so high and mighty.
>it's like the characters and the story take a life of their own
you can interprete all types of stupid shit you want, poor writing is poor writing and doesn't excuse how blatantly stupid these characters are.
>not scripted
a new character gets introduced in almost every new chapter and OH SURPRISE SURPRISE EVERYBODY they die by the spiral. crazy huh? not scripted at all btw.
There's pretty much zero suspense in uzumaki. it's too formulaic to achieve that

>>15294470
>Having a cohesive story does not mean spoonfeading an audience
It most certainly does, otherwise it wouldn't be so "cohesive" would it?

>Muh ad hominems
Not an argument, nigger faggot.

>a new character gets introduced in almost every new chapter
And? It keeps the pace fresh.

>it's too formulaic to achieve that
Pure cope. Plain and simple

A story that lives up to it's name always introduces a unique style of story telling and characterization that alienates the average reader, but to the perceptive reader, it's as though it were a painting that expressed beauty and passion with every stroke of the story.

>>15292920
Horatio?

I got my swear word t shirt on
I got my swear word t shirt on
I got my swear word t shirt on

>>15284876
you're living under a roof covered in shit and piss and it's your fault

>>15294365
isn't the first time, and won't be the last
back to shitposting

>>15294594
Stan?

I told myself I would do well this semester. I did absolutely worse.

I have a big enough dick, but when I screw I prefer shallow penetration, feeling the labia cling to the corona of my glans. it helps if she's dry when we start, I can use my precum as lube, but not if I go too deep.

>>15284890
I've got similar feelings to anon, felt very escapist for quite a while. always wanted to dissociate from my current identity, fantasized of vagabonding and trainhopping to get away from my current state and grow as a person. never had the real guts to do any of those things..

It affects my creative interests as well. working on a music project where I'll go by a fake name and created persona - I've always adored artists in the mystery of anonymity and stage names. hope that'll somehow affect my own self. Altogether music is mostly a cheesy attempt for personal significance, but oh well, it's fun to create!

I say find and define yourself in a new hobby / work, if possible. Write, grow some plants, etc. I still feel uncertain starting out, but its a start.

computers and the modern world have fucked my attention. On the computer I always have two screens up. Even watching a show I have the urge to browse on my phone

I read philosophy but I find my mind wandering and not truly taking in the meaning. I often have to go back a few sentences to understand what's going on rather than mindlessly subvocalize constructed groupings of words

Can a story not have any message in it at all, and just be an enjoyable read?

>>15294897
Yes, it's what they call "dimestore trash"

>>15294897
a text, no matter how apolitical, will always be imparting some sort of a message simply through the values it implicitly endorses. An adventure novel where the hero saves the day still imparts the message that "courage is a good, desirable trait". The story of a fisherman that catches a big fish still imparts the message that "perseverance reaps rewards". So it is not possible for a story - presuming that story has at bare minimum some sort of a conflict - to have absolutely no message at all.

I am starting to think that I am an autogynephile.

>>15294575
looks like this is a bait. should've known earlier

all I want from this life is pic related

>>15286998
Based Schopenhauerian

I regret not moving to the city during and after college. 27 and I’ve never had a proper taste of city life.

I have this sort of sexual fetish towards big women, like BBW types. Everytime I see a chubby milf walking down the streets it makes me want to put my penis inside her ass.

>>15295181

Never read him. Just how I felt atm. Looking at my comment now it feels entirely alien, as though it were written by a different person. I think I was just sleep deprived .... (or is that just a cope (?))

>>15286547
the earth will be fine numbnuts, 10k years and itll be like we were never here.

its 2am in my country, and im lying on the couch while my girlfriend is asleep in her bed, in her house. its my 19th birthday, and i said to her that i wanted to sleep at my house to wake up with my family on my birthday. she picked me up at 7 and we ate dinner, and then she went straigt to bed cause she wanted to lie down and started showing me tiktok videos. shes really insecure so she makes fun of people to make herself feel better, like she found some cringy trend of dumbasses whinging about shit and looked through it just to find people to make fun of. this went on for a solid hour and i started to feel really shitty, and i realized that its because before she came i was listening to an audiobook and wanted to talk to someone about, but as soon as she came she just started talking how about her friends hate her and she feels like shes not good enough. i never got the chance to say anything and eventually i just didnt want to say anything. i felt empty. then we watched an episode of mad men and had sex and then she fell asleep, and now im stuck here.

>>15295349
Quite an unfulfilling birthday mate.

I have so many things I regret not doing and so many things I regret doing.

>>15287688
because you didnt seal the deal maybe--just a drunken moment of excitement. the same thing happens to me

>>15292988
Yes this perfectly describes how I felt. Didn't know there was anyone else like me. Back then I would oscillate between total despair and strange insights and sometimes even a godlike feeling coming from total disconnection. At one moment a god and in the next a loathsome bug. Reality felt at times unreal. At that period my writing and studies flourished, even as I was wasting away. Often I'd wake up late at night overtaken with some strange energy, inspiration, and would write and write (disturbing my roommate who I'm positive hated me). There's a strange kind of self-satisfaction, perhaps even pride, and a different way of seeing the world around you that accompanies this state of extreme alienation and self-loathing. And you are also overtaken with constantly contradicting emotions; hope and despair, an intense sense of wonder to the world and in the next total disconnection, resignation and in the next an aggressive obstinate attitude against everyone and everything, constantly shifting philosophical attitudes. Idk it's hard to explain, & looking back now the feelings/thought seem strange, though they made sense at the time, and even had a kind of logic to them, suddenly there comes another time and your frame shifts and you look back at your past thoughts with confusion (Why did I think these things?)
>Truly the epitome of the christian monkish aesthetic.
It's funny that you say that I was a Catholic and a big reader of Dostoevsky back in high school (still am). The Christian ascetic mindset, with the constant emphasis on self-denial, can definitely exacerbate or accommodate a self-destructive attitude (not saying that's necessarily bad). I was also at the time (a college freshmen) reading Kafka, and there is probably no other author worse to fuel a sense of total alienation.

>>15295154
Idiot

>>15285555
Don't forget to drop Berserk immediately after the eclipse ends. It's not worth it after that

I've fallen in love with an e-girl who posts about history and philosophy. I've actually spoken to her a bit about the ideas of ted Kaczynski and that short convo was enough to make me flip for her. If I knew her in person I'm sure I could land her but I'm never gonna be able to be with this girl. fuck man this quarantine is turning my brain to mush how did I let this happen?

>Mood takes a dip
Can't wait for next week when I am happy again.

>>15291823
I want to share my story with you anon because I can relate to you
>I had crush on a girl in college since october
>early January
>send her a 200 word essay spilling my spaghetti but not really
>she was cool with it but I get cold feet
>tell myself I am ok with just finding out that I have enough courage to message her in the first place
>I still want to talk to her
>can't see her as there is no college atm
>self isolation is horrible as just before it I started indulging on my extroversion
>stopped talking to my friends
>can't find a reason to get out bed
>missing assignments and online classes
>the deeper I try to dig for any will power inside of me the deeper I sink into despair

>>15295678
>>send her a 200 word essay spilling my spaghetti but not really
really cringe not doing this in person

>>15295707
I acknowledged that in my essay. I wish I did but I couldn't back then I had moments trying to muster the courage and talk to her but nothing came out.

>>15295810
post the essay nigga

>>15295534
will it ever be finished?

I don't understand anything that's posted on this board.

What is tautology? I am wondering what tautology is.

>>15284831
based

>>15288381
Dude fuck you unironically
>Tfw roommate living with 4 other dudes who really needs to shit

>>15288453
I get a feeling of primal lust when I see a pretty girl with a shaved head. It's like "Oh you want to look like a man now? I'll fucking show you!" and then in my fantasies I pin her down and physically dominate her

Whenever I post in a thread, either it dies out or at best it goes on but I get no replies. It's frustrating because I put effort to contribute but no one seems to care.

>>15296902
you've been shadow-banned. you're probably being gangstalked as we speak

>>15288381
kek im looking forward to the, "What's a good book to help me cope with being evicted?" post

>>15296913
I wish that were true, but I have posted enough baits to know where the cause of the problem lies.

>>15296913
This. You've actually been placed in an isolation board so that all the posts you're seeing and communicating with are either AI or administrators (like me) who know they can fuck with you and hint at the truth to no real ill consequence.

Meanwhile we're working on getting keys cut for your place. It's taking a while because the lock is an older model.

>>15295030
maybe take a break from porn for a bit anon. thats a risky kink to have. and a lot of times it abates when you take a prolonged break from porn

>>15295030
>>15296941
through a lens of nietzschean analysis women embody the reactive as we need them to, but being born a man with the capacity for active force who desires to be a woman is slave morality and a libidinal will to nihilism.

>>15284818
I've realised I have a writing style. All my sentences are short. I refuse to use ever use passive verbs. Scrawling through my writing, I remove every possibility of originality. I abuse semicolons and commas. Dashes leave me deeply afraid of looking like a fool.

I hate the way I write. Worse, I ruin every topic I try to write about. The last thing I wrote for a competition was a short story about bug chasing that turned into gay snuff erotica.

Help me

>>15296963
Immerse yourself in some 18-19th century prose.

>>15296963
Also, I make loads of typos and errors. It's disgusting.

'I've realised I have a writing style'

What the fuck is that? It's awful.

I see two options before me: South and North. Perhaps this is indicative of my manic-depression, and perhaps my manic depression is a symptom of my Russian-Spanish heritage. Mexico calls to me like a siren song. The vibrance, the creative entropy! The blood.

Above me is Montana, and eventually Alaska. Where there are no niceties besides potatoes and raspberries, where life is hard fought. Great empires will eventually arise in Latin America but those that go to space will be from Alaska

>>15296963
If I may add, >>15296975
18-19th century GERMAN prose, translated into English, or maybe even try learning German.
They use commas like you wouldn't believe, and once you start getting into the habit of recognizing sentences in English that were translated from German - sentences full of commas and things like that, yet also come to see that they're not utterly terrible, then maybe you can take some of that for yourself.
Still, I'd recommend learning German as a remedy. It's an easy-enough language for English-speakers.

>>15296975
He said he abuses commas. The last thing he needs is multiple commas, followed by some preposition; these two being inside some nested clause first proposed at the beginning of the sentence, the ultimate effect being that while the prose is arduous and complex, Mr. Dickens makes two shillings a word, and so one will simply have to deal with such.

>>15284818
Why do living things cling to life? We are made of matter. Atoms, particles, and energy. We take up space, and are subject to the wearing of time. We are no different than anything else in this world, yet destruction is perhaps the greatest shared fear among all sentient things. The stone doesn’t fear breaking, and the tree doesn’t fear withering; and yet, the idea that we may cease to be inspires such dread in things like us. Even animal life that likely can’t comprehend a thing like death will instinctually run from life-threatening danger. Why is it that life came to be in such a way what it clings to itself, knowing that one day it will inevitably end? Our cells may die and our mind cease to be, but in reality we are unchanged: still made of the matter and atoms, present in space and time. Like a paradox, we life and we die, but we are unchanged. So why do we fear death so?

I’ve been feeling an unusually high amount of existential dread lately, I think the quarantine is starting to get to me. Though in some ways, I’m kinda glad I’m having this kind of monologue, in the sense that I’m actually using my brain for something other than just gaming or whatever.

>>15297059
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

That is why I live.

>>15297059
I live because I want to kill God and take his throne

>>15297130
based JRPG protagonist

>>15297139
>>15297059

>>15284818
financial trouble the likes of which Ive never experience before. Its my fault I let it get to this point because Im extremely lazy and tend to depend on others to help me or get me out of trouble. I usually try and avoid my problems with books drugs and video games. Its been like this since I was a teenager, every big moment in my life has been a struggle to get through.

>>15297226
Got to start somewhere!

>>15295678
I'm the guy you responded to. I'm pretty much in the same spot, minus the essay. Even the bed thing. After my morning run I don't want do have anything to do with anything.

But honestly that's just because I still haven't accepted that I won't be graduating uni, so I'm stuck in a limbo between "I need to study, shouldn't do other things" and "can't be assed to study" which just results in me not doing anything.

I'll do it today. I'll write an email saying I'll finish some courses but fuck the rest, also my thesis and final exams. I'll push that shit into next year. Once I've shoved that shit where it belongs, I can finally focus on other things. What has really helped me is reading up on psychology, especially personality disorders. During the quarantine I've learned a lot about myself. I'm gonna read up on psychoanalysis, Jung, Freud and I'll sprinkle some philosophy on top, probably some stoicism or something.

>send her a 200 word essay spilling my spaghetti but not really
You know, that's not the way to flirt with anyone, but that's absolutely missing the point. Normally, if you want to fuck someone, you do not send them an essay or spill your spaghetti in any shape or form. But when you stumble upon someone you genuinely like and want, all bets are off. Nothing is off the limits. I may be naive but when you spill your spaghetti, you're just being honest. And if honesty pushes them away, any lasting happiness with them was out of the question beforehand anyway. Sure, maybe you could've gotten a fuck out of it, maybe even a fling. But if it was a genuine connection you wanted, you did nothing wrong.