/lit/ - Literature

>>15220442
Try BBC and KYS

>>15220442
None of those labels are actually real, if your mind fixates on rationalizing things in a pattern that isn't ideal with the world around you then theres nothing you can do about it. You can delude yourself, for a period of time. People in the midst of these delusions will enter the thread telling you they know the way. They don't. You'lll never make it, none of us will, you just have the unfortunate situation of noticing it.

>>15220449
interesting how quick you are to think of black cock
>>15220471
You sound like a defeatist who advocates ignorance. I have a lot of problems in my head, I want to achieve a greater understanding of how those problems connect and work in the minds of people. If there is anything that I am able to connect to myself, then I may be able to use it to help deal with my issues.
The labels exist to efficiently communicate to people what the issues I experience are.

bump, i'd really appreciate a rec. philosophical, psychoanalytical, even fiction

>>15220442
The lumberjack doesn't cut the crooked tree

>>15221109
I don't want to iron out all my wrinkles nor do I have any hope of these traits disappearing (and I think paranoia and less severe neuroticism is healthy to an extent), just to understand them so that I can better control and be more in touch with myself.
My mind has ruined all my romantic relationships. Extreme highs, extreme lows, dating me is a fucking nightmare, and while I'm aware of it, when I'm in the thick of it I cannot make heads or tales of what is legitimate and what is a product of my mind. More than anything else I believe understanding my neurosis will help me manage it, which will hopefully lead to a happy relationship with the next girl that comes along.

>>15220535
Ive seen the other side, im no defeatist

>>15220442
the way to understand these things is clinical literature and workbooks, not literature which glamorizes or abstracts them.

have you experienced trauma, OP? a lot of people think borderline is actually an incredibly complex trauma response (which makes it stand out from the traditional understanding of cluster b personality disorders), and i'm inclined to believe that, having rerouted a couple of maladaptive coping mechanisms i had from a sour relationship with a parent/sexual assault in my youth. i recommended this in another thread, but the body keeps the score is a really good book on understanding how the effects of trauma manifest themselves later in life, and it helped me explore the roots of my own anxieties and neuroses. linehan's DBT manual is also a great jumping-off point to understanding BPD. although i do not have BPD, i have an intense fear of abandonment and PTSD so i can relate on some axes. best of luck in figuring some things out about your brain, anon.

>>15221194
So you're a normalfag in denial. Don't worry, you aren't mentally ill, you only need another hole obviously.

>>15220442
i used to have myself convicned i had X Y Z mental illness and personality disorders including BPD because of my shifting sense of self, frequent lying, and short relationships

well i can tell you READING ABOUT IT doesnt do you any good, it just leads you to build yourself a better case for all the ways you hav the illness. and people have convinced themselves of far crazier things than that

the fix for me was forcing myself to socialize, learning to pick up social cues, learning to recognize the thoughts and desires of other people etc.

Turns out I probably didn't have BPD I was just a normal antisocial prick who never put the time in to figuring these things out

>>15220442
Do you have diagnoses for all this stuff?

>>15220535
Who said anything about cock? You need to relax with the degeneracy this is a board dedicated to literature. You can go to /lgbt/ for your community needs

>>15221258
yes, I had a very turbulent and troubled childhood, turbulent life in general outside of my own internal issues.
Thanks for the recs anon, I appreciate it
>>15221299
do you sincerely believe you can only be mentally ill if you're a virgin?
>>15221341
I have no interest in defining myself by my mental illnesses, nor using the labels to justify anything. Just to try and get a greater understanding of how these things operate.
>>15221362
All except for BPD. I never knew what BPD was until looking it up and realizing it fits me like a glove. Then I remembered how a psychiatrist I saw years ago in high school said I was borderline, which at the time I didn't know what that was, so I thought she meant that I'm on the edge of something. I don't think I ever got an official diagnosis for it.

>>15220442
Read "Complex PTSD - From Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker.

>>15221478
I thought this said STD lmao

>>15221443
and what I'm saying is the best way to get a sense of how you operate is observing yourself in daily life and making practical adjustments to your behaviour so that it better fits good or ideal behaviour.

looking for some systematic order, some pre packaged disorder, some single equation that explains everything is surrendering yourself to the Church of psychology. it's a leap of faith, a lot of self indictment, a lot of prayer.

>>15220442

The DSM 5 obviously

>>15221443
>yes, I had a very turbulent and troubled childhood, turbulent life in general outside of my own internal issues
storytime?

>>15221478
And listen to Richard Grannon's YouTube channel. You are stuck in emotional flashbacks.

>>15221443
>do you sincerely believe you can only be mentally ill if you're a virgin?

No, but males who have had several girlfriends can fuck off if they say they know anything about anxiety, depression or paranoia.

>>15221908
This kind of self pity is precisely why you are a virgin.

>>15221638
i don't think it would be too interesting but I'm also on amphetamine so I'll indulge a bit.
I grew up with a large family, and my oldest sister was/is mentally ill. She was prone to extremely violent outbursts, and would destroy the house regularly. She would also hurt people, specifically my parents (my mom is small and my dad would not ever use violence against her) and me. This is because I would fight back against her. She was larger than me at the time and also completely untethered by blind rage, and one day she put me in the hospital and got arrested for it, which was obviously quite traumatic for me. And she was a liar and the most cruel and mean person you could ever meet. I've realized what has probably fucked me up the most is that during this time (about 6 or so years of my life) I felt responsible for taking care of everyone in my family, parents included. My mom didn't help this, constantly turning to me for support which she knew was wrong at the time, but I also insisted (she did need support and I needed to save everyone), and my dad didn't help because he would never do anything. So I was essentially my entire family's parent from middle school to high school. I would avoid going out with friends during this time because I'd be too scared my sister would do something while I was gone and I wouldn't be able to stop it. When I would go out I would constantly be texting my mom to make sure everything was okay. I lived in a state of non-stop, constant, and overwhelming fear, a fear that was very valid. I was convinced she would kill one of us one day, and there were days where I'm ashamed to admit I almost decided to beat her to it. Most days I would just pray that she would die somehow.
Then sometime in high school my dad took up drinking. And he became an alcoholic to the fullest extent, just as his father was. I mean drinking constantly, and getting completely wasted before dark every day. And he endangered the lives of me and my family countless times. So this was another burden that I took on, to fix his alcoholism (when it first became apparent my mom was in complete denial of it). So for a long time I spent every day trying to find wherever he was hiding the alcohol, so I could destroy it or whatever, which was obviously completely futile. This situation, the constant lies and betrayal from my father, the hopelessness, brought me to a suicide attempt for which I was hospitalized. And it took me a while until I finally understood that it was not my cross to bare, and that fighting against him would only harm me and the people around me. Still, the horribleness of it all felt inescapable, until I went away to college, which made dealing with it a lot easier as I wasn't constantly confronted with it.
It was 4 years ago that I had attempted to hang myself and only a month ago my dad got out of rehab. Second time, seems like it might have worked but I try never to be hopeful.
i can keep going if you want, feels good

>>15221908

>Only my problems are real problems

And you wonder why you're a virgin lmao

>>15221908
holy fuck you are a subhuman of the highest degree. neck today

>>15220442

>>15221908
Have sex you weirdo incel

>>15222090
sure, anon
by all means go on if you like

>>15222090
I've got some borderline thing going on as well due to getting fucked by my brother. What helped me most was forgiving him and getting /out/doors. I feel a bit better if I'm out in the wild doing a job or hiking over a mountain pass.

>>15221908
i'd love to hear you justify this
>>15222192
:) thanks homie
But yeah basically those two major things have fucked me up pretty bad, among many smaller things not worth getting into. I 100% do not trust people. I have such extreme paranoia when it comes to people, and other things.. I am terrified of uncertainty. Whenever I don't know something or I start to worry, my mind goes to the worst possibility every time. So when it comes to relationships I'm a fucking nightmare of worry and fear and neediness. I try to keep it in but it becomes overwhelming and I need reassurance.
I've noticed that I'm always most depressed when in a relationship. I don't know why, but apparently it's linked to BPD. I have a much harder time containing my emotions, and while I pride myself on being a rational and logical person, my paranoia causes logic to get all fucked up. So when I think about something that I'm worried about it seems logical, the dots connect and point A leads to B and it all adds up to my fears seeming valid, even if they're irrational. This is coupled with rapid and extreme mood swings. Also extreme insecurity develops when I'm in a relationship, whereas generally I'm pretty confident (which obviously fucks things up cause the girls are into me as a confident person, not a miserable paranoiac).
Things just tend to always go wrong in my life. I expect everything to go wrong. I have hopes, but I try to never truly believe in them. My hopes are just goals. I fantasize a lot, but I make sure to remind myself that those fantasies will realistically never happen. I aim high but keep my expectations reasonable, or at least try to.
Thanks for reading my blog, i know I come off as a woe is me faggot but I never talk about this stuff.
>>15222200
I've forgiven my sister and my father. I definitely think there is much value in what you've said (shame I live in the city). It's just a strange thing because when I'm doing badly it's not usually those past traumas on my mind, but my mental state is clearly a product of them. I do wish to spend more time alone and get to know myself better. I am unfortunately someone who is very dependent on the energies of people (probably from growing up in a large household).

>>15222589
>shame I live in the city
When this whole quarantine thing blows over look get into short day hikes to build your confidence. Eventually the goal will be to do some overnight trips close by, and to build off that to the point where you can use some of your over-rationalizing energy to plan thru-hikes in the West.