/lit/ - Literature

ok

Fuck off slide thread

wageslaving helps take my mind off things

I wonder about the future of humanity and what lies ahead for us collectively as a species. We are far too divided to progress very far as a collective, conflict of interest is too large. A move that is beneficial for humanity as a whole will be looked at as only beneficial for some and harmful to others because we are not united as one.
In order to solve this we must unite as a species. But how do go about doing this? The species is far too different to ever be united under a political banner, especially because of cultural and racial differences. So the only option I can see involves the unification of the human race and the Earth under a single banner and race. We must first unify before we can work efficiently at expanding outwards.

Had to go back on steroids for my allergy condition. Having difficulty reading and writing now, as the drug leaves me tired and unfocused throughout the day. I might try audiobooks until I can get off it. Any recommendations?

>>15215535
I feel so sad when I imagine what we are truly capable of. If we could unite, I could be shitposting from Europa, and making fun of Martian colonists as if they were Australians. We have the technology to sleep soundly among the stars, but instead we lay in our own terrestrial afterbirth, rotting.

>>15215179
I'm about to turn 24 and I'm still a virgin.

>22
>no money
>no car
>no joke
>live with three women
>useless college degree
>one friend, never see him
>no girls in my life
>spend all day in my room
>read and waste time online all day
>anxious, depressed, lonely
yeah, not good

>>15215751
*no job, ffs

>>15215751
try Hinge, friendo

Tinder didn't do shit for me but on there I talk to so many cute girls idk what to do lol. Too bad I started this shit during quarantine.

I was there at that age too, 25 now. It's really tough that after-college time.

>>15215179
Life is misery there's no escaping it no matter what you do

>>15215751
>no girls in my life
>live with 3 women

I'm 22. I'm going to grad school in the fall. I hate my father. I can't stop spending money on prostitutes. I hate myself. I'm boiling with rage and resentment every single day. I'm reading a string of bad books. I have no friends. I'm consumed with nostalgia. I can't stop obsessing over morbid tragedies I have no connection to. No matter how hard I try I just can't see a future for myself. It's like there's a great big bell jar over my head.

>>15215535
We'll continue as we always have. History is a trend of centralizing and decentralizing forces. Town becomes princedom, princedom becomes metropole, empire burns down due to unforeseen economic pressures, or whatever. History doesn't have a destination, it's free form jazz baby. Enjoy the music while you can.

>>15215712
stop the roids?

Today is my 30th Birthday.

It's 6 15 am.

Gonna hold out til the day Mother passes away and then chuck myself off a bridge.

>>15215872
Audiobook recommendations. If I don't take the steroids for a time, it would be difficult for me to eat.

>>15215820
>I'm going to grad school in the fall.
what for?

I wish I could be a different person. I wish I was someone else better capable of taking advantage of the advantages I have. I wish I wasn't such a miserable wreck too enamoured with his own misery to be different. I am 25 years old. I wish I wasn't.

>>15215930
international relations

>>15215885
I might have felt like that at 30, feeling better now at 40. Just wait 10 years bro.

>>15215885
I feel like this but I'm 18

>>15215179
>21
>Living in London
>Finished college early because of corona virus
btw, college here is kinda like a highschool for kids who didn't do well in their GCSEs. Google what GCSEs is because I'm not telling you
>Going uni this september so I have something to look foreward too
>Have constant mood swings
>Haunted by memorises of my past and how people have mistreated me
>have no friends
>People only hang out with me out of pity
>At work people hate me
>At college people and teachers hated me
>Not good at my job at mcdonalds and always told to just stay on the burgers
>kinda suicidal but my religious belief stop me from doing it
>Reading the bible more and studying it so that's good
>Even at church I think people only tolerate me
>Did I mention emotional issues
>Just confused about life but have big dreams about the future which are not likely to happen.

I think I've put a little too much detail in this that if someone I knew in real life saw this then they'd know it's me. Oh well.

>>15215959
Sounds depressing. Is there at least a decent career at the end of it?

>>15215885
Start taking on more responsibility, not less.

>>15216091
Could work in a government department, could be a diplomat, could be a hill staffer, a campaign advisor, etc etc. Options aren't so much the problem as the simple fact that I hate my entire life

>>15216065
What do you talk about when around other people? Try focusing on others- ask them how they're doing, see if any of them have interesting hobbies, etc.

>>15215796
He means romantic partners.

>>15215820
Where do you even find prostitutes? If I found some, I would kill them. I would take out all my rage on them and slash them ear to ear.

this thread is so depressing, but at least it makes me feel better that I’m not the only one who feels like shit. I’m 21 and I feel that everything goes downhill in my life. I lost my love, lost my highschool friends and have never made new ones at universtity, I also lost my job due to corona. Eh, last time I felt seriously suicidal was two years ago, but these thougts and feelings are coming back to me.

>>15215777
>finally reveal my powerlevel as a Jew on hinge
>every overweight curly-haired nasally-voiced khazar heifer named Dana, Shayna, and Ariella within a ten mile radius floods my DMs

I don't know what I expected.

>>15216110
That's terrible fucking advice for someone with severe problems.

>>15215179
Out in the countryside with my parents and sister, working remotely from my childhood home, where I get out into the beaches and woods of the surrounding land every single day, with nothing but my elderly dog, instruments, and books for company. Pandemic quarantine is so fucking comfy. I never want it to end.

Thank you China.

>>15216225
Based and non-essential pilled

Rose, I wish you were here. I'd slice off your clit and put it on a sandwich for your husband. Lardass would probably eat it without suspecting anything too. Lord knows, that shithead can't put down the fork.

I finally published my first book on amazon and a plague makes it impossible for me to go to the places I'd planned on trying to sell paperbacks.
Why's it gotta be this way lads

>tfw cry thinking of the prodigal son story

fuck it hurts, I only cope because I am in pain, what am I?

'And pray to God to have mercy upon us
And pray that I may forget
These matters that with myself I too much discuss
Too much explain
Because I do not hope to turn again
Let these words answer
For what is done, not to be done again
May the judgement not be too heavy upon us'

Im feeling lost. Everyone around me says 'just try something new' when im not intuitively drawn to anything.

>>15216317
same

>>15215535
>So the only option I can see involves the unification of the human race and the Earth under a single banner and race.
You realise how naive you're being, right?
Even if you turned humanity into just one guy and his clones they would still find ways to divide and loathe themselves. Humanity is a lost cause, give up.

>>15216142
He's just in a rut then. He lives with 3 female friends and because he is in a depressive state, they aren't trying to hook him up with their friends.
>>15215751
cmon man, those women you live with are your key

>sleep deprived
>in a bout of existential dread
>terrified by it but more terrified of falling back into npc mode

>>15215751
>>15215820
>>15215932
I wish I had some of the opportunities you guys had in life

it's beyond over for me lmaoo

Aside from fears of potential coming economic hardship (or the cyclical fear-and-apathy that constitutes my life in relation to conspiracy theories), things are very good. I've gotten a decently well paying enough job to allow for me to keep buying books and ammo after the bills are done.
Over the course of the last 12 months or so I've lost the majority of fat off of my body and made it back in muscle.
I've hit a decent enough point in my study of Hermeticism to begin actually taking full notes/beginning the climb on Bloom's taxonomy. It's so bizarre, but I look back and realize where I am now must be what, if not outright vanquishing, conquering your demons feels like.
But, I still have a fear that I'm becoming content enough with myself to only draw inward and become a recluse. I think I'm going to put my money where my application of Hermetic self-development principles are when the pandemic lockdowns ease enough for public social events to become a thing again/

>>15216436
whats your story

>>15215712
start lifting anon

>>15216120
I've started doing this and it has built better relationships with people but ultimately it does come off as annoying and childish sometimes. People have said some pretty devastating things to me and embarrassed me and I always live it over in my head to the point that I'm afraid of meeting new people because all it is is new people to hate me. It's a cycle. It affects my reading since sometimes I can't carry in reading since I'm just pondering the fact that someone embarrassed me in public a week or month ago and all I can do is blame myself since I honestly do believe that people treat you the way you let them treat you.

I just failed nofap again, I'm seriously addicted to porn and whenever I reach out for help among my friends I am just laughed at. Not too well, I guess.

I legitimately may kill myself tonight.

But i cant comprehend death and it worries me.

I'm feeling horrible.
Very lonely, wish I had boyfriend who was close to my age but it's impossible because i'm revolting.
Also struggling to keep up with my Guenon studies, only halfway through the introduction to the study of the hindu doctrine and it's really hard to understand and now I want to read books on historiography.

>>15215179
>just turned 26
>wagecuck
>no car
>live with parents
>father forcing me to go to grad school
>moved halfway around the world, irl friends are now internet friends
>fell for the /g/ thonkpad + ganoo/leenux meme
>alternate between crippling existential dread and determination for a better life
>weed makes me paranoid
>last book i finished was the brothers karamazov and have no motivation to read anything else
>currently forcing myself to read The Sun Also Rises
it's gonna get better. at least that's what i lie to myself

I'm doing okay. On the positive side I've got a steady job, loving wife, and healthy church life. On the negative side I'm struggling with porn addiction and depression. I'm drowning in entertainment media (streaming, games, books, music) but I haven't read the Bible in months. Sadly, lifelong trust issues prevent me from really reaching out to anyone to talk about any of this.

>>15216363
Thing is that they're not wrong but doing nothing than putting effort into something you're not passionate about and ending up regretting, seems like the bigger evil out of two.

>>15216151
Pretty much the same. Corona really fucked shit for me.
>Never made friends in uni to lean on during this time
>My love and I broke off in January
>Internship that I tried to hard to get despite depression cancelled
>10 phone interviews, then 5 in-person interviews with 1 call back.
>Applied to 200+
>Resume and grades are shit and no family or friends connections
>Addicted to nicotine vaping like a retard
>Just got a 2 week ban on league of legends for saying the N word, was plat 2
>Lost interest in reading due to demotivation of depression

Read each letter of the greentext; doesn't make sense does it? Yeah neither does my life.

>>15215786
I know this feel. All ups and downs are all for nothing.

>>15215179
Burning bridges with most people, disappointed, almost finished the part with the killings in 2666.

I just saw an awful video that another anon posted of a guinea pig getting shot at and I feel really bad about laughing at it. I firmly believe that animal cruelty is wrong but I couldn't help laughing because the way it was staged was hilarious. The guinea pig flying through the air was too funny.

>>15216849
There's nothing wrong with killing guineas and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

>>15215535
This is some spooky shit, property. I will never now to a State, unless it was in my self interest to pretend to care about "humanity"

i want to kill myself but i don't want to put the burden of my suffering on the shoulders of my family.
right now i am looking forward to the possibility of coronachan ending my pathetic existence.

>>15215979
time is on your side bro, you have no idea how good you can make it
you have to act now

>>15215535
>But how do go about doing this?
Eugenics and socialism.
The upper class must accept that their excess wealth should go to causes beneficial for all.
The lower class must accept that their genes are not worthy of carrying on and creating a new generation of dependents.
It is a give and take. Both must sacrifice so that we all have a better future.

>>15216065
I feel for you, GL friend

My son is going to be born in september, and the state is paying me a ton of money to not work apparently until august. I have a little over a half ounce of pot, I had quit before the quarantine and probably won't buy more. I play banjo and mandolin, but neither for the last week. That's okay because generally after a short break I find new things to do with them and move between the instruments. I watched about a dozen sci-fi movies last week. It's 5am and I'm drunk and stoned and don't want to go to sleep because what's the point. I'm listening to this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huFYl8-Omws and I'm 18 minutes in

>>15215885
mine too, 'happy' birthday to us.
while I can't necessarily say things get /better/, I do wonder if it's not premature to hang on for so long just to throw away the potential for a genuine personal weltanschauung that these traumatic events are creating.

>>15216926
>My son is going to be born in september
you selfish braindead subhuman, you cloud have saved him from the harm of coming into existence

>>15216926
>My son is going to be born in september, and the state is paying me a ton of money to not work
>It's 5am and I'm drunk and stoned and don't want to go to sleep because what's the point.
I don't want to blame you because it's not your fault, but this is why the world is fucked up
I would suggest either getting your shit together or investigating adoption

>>15216956
You know several years ago I used to put quite a bit of effort into debating you anti-natalists. I would even tell me wife about it. We've been dating since liveleaks was called ogrish, we used to look at it together. She's a normie now, but she was a /b/tard when that meant something :)

>>15216964
My shit is together. I had quit smoking weed, it's not a drain on my finances. We have nothing to do for apparently months now. I am also self employed and my job will be in high demand very soon. I'm just being honest. This quarantine shit is blurring together. We've just been grilling and playing with the dog, it's been kino.

>>15216926
>>15216965
>>15216973
fuck off normie scum

>>15215885
based and birthdaypilled

>>15216965
you lack self-reflection asshole. any parents who use 4chan are failed parents.

>28
>Schizophrenic, been in the mental health system since 17
>Get a monthly injection of antipsychotics, oral antipsychotics, and a mood stabiliser for 10 years ongoing
>Diabetic (Type 1) since age 19 (predisposed but maybe from the antipsychotics)
>Didn't finish high school but got a CS degree somehow
>Illnesses got worse but managed to get a pension and a government funded support worker

I'd have to say I'm doing relatively well despite my deficits. I should be happy?

>>15216888
>i don't want to put the burden of my suffering on the shoulders of my family
they put the burden of life on your shoulders without your consent, fuck them

25 years old and still a virgin. not as horny as i used to be. trouble with trust and intimacy. low self esteem. employed but stuck in entry level jobs, no sense of development or progress. graduated with an english major. want to make a career in art, but don't know how. think sometimes i should go back to school and pursue teaching but i really hate academia. i have friends but i feel like my social skills are so poor they are not real give and take relationships. tend to annoy and alienate people easily. i get combative with people without wanting to. always feel like the group outsider. rely on drugs and alcohol for socializing. still love art and literature but also don't have the same obsessive passion for it i did as a teenager. feel like i can see how someone gets into a "rut" they never get out of. i'm drinking more, gaining weight, and getting "behind" with each year i remain a virgin with no credentials. people may take a chance on a 25 year old. less on a 30 year old.

>>15215228
What is the game?
>>15216989
This. If you are going to be a parent, please PLEASE leave this place and never return.

26. Quit my comfy tech job in the wake of the quarantine like a moron, but I genuinely hated it and it was exacerbating nearly every aspect of my life.
Girlfriend is a flight attendant who is basically out of work. We are both living in my dad's house right now. It could be worse, but my back up jobs fell through once everything shut down. Once I get cash flow I'll move out and probably in with the girlfriend, but that is a daunting move.
What's killing me is I cheated on her despite being madly in love with her. I have issues.

>>15216982
I've been on 4chan since like 2006 and six. You take your forced 2012-era /r9k/ horseshit and shove it up your ass. That board should have stayed deleted. Hold on one second and I'm going to post my oldfag story from 4plebs because the sun is coming up and I have to shoot the stupid fucking faggot ass starlings that are living in my roof/raingutter anyway. I've been at war with these fucking birds for a good portion of this lockdown and have only killed 1/3. They know I want to shoot them but they won't fuck off from my house even if I scare them off for days at a time. They ripped the metal siding off my integrated roof/gutter, and ripped it back open after nailing it back shut. Starlings are the most destructive of songbirds. So I'm brewing coffee. I don't think they're in my roof now, but they keep trying to build a nest there all day throughout the day. This is lie a schizophrenic battle except it's real, and my air rifle wasn't sighted in pefectly. But I fine tuned it more last night and shot the plastic bottle right off the string. Today is the day. The one I did shoot out of the tree was a good 100+ yards away. Hopefully I will be able to replicate that twice today. If so I'll post proof here on /lit/. Okay so I'll find my story from when I got shown /b/ now

>>15217008
Someone will appreciate that you didn't fuck around and bring home a ton of STDs. Notches on the bedpost aren't valued by everyone, typically just those who have tons of notches themselves. That said, 25 is nothing. You're still young, just don't give up, and quit drinking.

>>15217027
kek no I was underage b& but the guy who introduced me to /b/ was that kind of dude. His name is Jack Morgan and I'll link his and his tranny lover's arrest and the rescue of his ex-gf chained in a van and his life sentencing at the end of this post. I was a mall goth kind of kid and he was significantly (probably like 6 or 7 years) older than us when we all met him. He told us to call him wolf. He linked me to /b/ in like 2004/5 but I didn't start using it until maybe a year later. He crashed some of our high school dances later on, and at one point when we were smoking weed (he didn't smoke) he showed us this little lean to shack thing. Really it was more like a mummy sleeping back made of wood, in the forest next to the mall. He skipped town when I was maybe 20 years old after he knocked some girl older than me whole sold weed up, and fucked another kid who independantly discovered 4chan I had known since middle school up the ass with crisco oil. He would occasionally text me from then which must have been maybe 2010 or 11 until his arrest. He was rumored to have had a child model hard drive and another one of our friends confirmed that at some point he'd seen images on it.
He also told me a joke I still tell to this day when I have time. You have to tell it really slow and consistently and guage the reaction:
>so this guy is walking through the woods
>and he comes across a 10 foot long weiner dog
>he can't believe it yadda yadda etc etc
>you've got to be the biggest weiner dog dachsund in the world
>weiner dog sighs and says nope, keep walking through the woods you'll find a wiener dog even bigger than me
>he keeps walking and sure enough finds a 20 foot long wiener dog
>dude.... you have GOT to be, the biggest wiener dog dachsund in the world!
etc. Keep this going up to 100 foot long wiener dog
>dude you have got to be the biggest oscar meyer wiener dog in the world!
>wiener dog says..... YUP
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Z88CS8DRso
https://www.reviewjournal.com/crime/courts/texas-man-gets-life-in-prison-for-kidnapping-las-vegas-woman/

A true OG /b/tard. Lucky none of us got raped and killed. He's not really the reason I'm stuck on this shithole website, but he is a character I'll remember until I die or succumb to dimentia.

Mentally I have regressed a great deal these past few years. Due to having made moral / ethical mistakes my conscience hounds me night and day, and at this point I simply don't care about myself or feel that I deserve anything in life. Haven't taken a week off work since January 2019, deny myself any pleasure, just hiding away hoping life hurries past. There is NOTHING in life more valuable than a clean conscience, take it from me.

I don't want the quarantine to end, I might quit my job before I go back, I can't stand the thought of going back so some stupid retail clothing store.
I'm reading more, writing more, focusing better on my studies, enjoying nature, spending time with my family
This shit rocks

>>15217047
And you're not going to tell us what these mistakes were? You really are a monster.

This pandemic has uprooted a lot of my life and I'm finally starting to get back into some sort of rhythm. I feel bad for reading only a handful of books in the past two months but look forward to returning to full reading power.

>>15217027
Here's the one bird and the bottle. My wife came down to tell me she doesn't care what I do as long as the dog goes out because the house is immaculate. I cut up for trees with a chainsaw this week because the sucked to mow around and my dog kept getting caught on one when we put him out to piss on his leash at night because the faggot deer wanted the crab apples. It's been an okay quarantine, but it's a blur. Okay so that's how I'm doing /lit/

>>15216615
I've been there. You've probably heard this before but have to stop being self-centered, which is easier said than done. You probably habitualized it as a coping mechanism so it isn't an easy thing to break. Have you tried free-form writing when you're stuck pitying yourself? Just take all the shit and make something creative you know? Making something you own and no one else does. Even when my writing is trash it still feels satisfying, and helps me center myself.

>>15216999
No one asked to be here. There wouldn't be anyone if we needed permission. It's either a gift or a curse, and which one is entirely decided by you. Blaming your parents for your own failings is incredibly juvenile

>>15217042
You're a funny character, stay based

I'm like a twink version of Ryan Gosling, women are attracted by my MUSK until they realise I'm actually just aspergic
this is a constant, I have no one

>>15215179
I've recently taken to learning the basics of investing. I've become bored with everything else and it's the only thing that doesn't feel like a waste of time and make me depressed. Other than that things are peachy keen.

Fucking bad. I was disconnected with people before but this quarantine just makes it worse. How people are protesting to get a haircut, how the survival of the environment destroying consumer industry is directly tied to the financial and real survival of people.

I was disconnected before but seeing this now, this being a relatively small crisis on historical level, I am filled with hate and disgust more than before. How does one love people, I only feel hate for most of them. At this point there is this big need to just get a way from it all, to just quit this stupid nonsense.

>>15215885
happy birthday man.

>>15215885
>Gonna hold out til the day Mother passes away
Could be a very long wait. Why not try living in the mean time? What do you have to lose?

>>15216197
Not really. Not being responsible for anything or anyone is a huge cause of depression. You feel disconnected because no one needs or depends on you. You feel purposeless. I'm not saying go out there and make babies, obviously not. But join a cause and fill a need. It's not difficult, there are plenty of positions you can fill that may not pay anything, but they will be grateful. That's being responsible, at the core of the word.

>>15215179
Shit as usual.

Had a fun dream the other day though. I was fighting in the 2nd SS Panzergrenadier Division "Das Reich" during Operation Barbarossa. I was manning an MG34 laying down covering fire for mein kameraden.

It was strange to have this dream, I'm not a /pol/fag. Must have been the Ostfront videos I've been watching recently about the changing salients during 1941.

I used to be a hopeless loser before the virus hit my country, but ironically due to my involuntary celibacy and social autism it turns out i became the most carefree man in my neighborhood as the pandemic barely influenced my secluded lifestyle.

>>15217148
>this being a relatively small crisis on historical level
Historically, we have never been more connected and densely packed as we are right now. So while this may have passed as a non-event in the past, it is critically damaging today especially when we weren't prepared for it and have grown so used to slipping by on the skin of our teeth. People live paycheck to paycheck, stores only stock inventory for a couple days overage, fractional reserve banking, etc etc etc. It's all been rigged to be "just what's needed to get by" and thus is completely unaccommodating for any small hiccup

Recognizing problems is easy, the hard part is proposing and implementing practical solutions. Just complaining about everyone else makes you just as bad as they are, for complaining is the half measure of solving problems

>>15217104
Hi, I'm glad you phrased it the way you did. I am really self centred and it was hard to realise at first. Like, I used to think that I was the victim but it turns out I'm not really. Another mistake I realised I was doing was being public about it, telling everyone about how depressed and sad and victimized I was. It's all a fools game. And I will take your advice actually, even writing about it now helped a bit and I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me.

>>15217137
wrong lego island faggot

>>15217182
Very cool gif. Where is it from?

>>15215720
I'm 27, still virgin. my gf of 6 years is really badgering me to have sex. feels bad man

>>15217212
What is wrong with you

>>15217208
From the Outlaw Star anime but I got it from a vaporwave mobile app.

>20 years old
>Absolute retard writer
>all day mind fog, can't even focus on something simple as cooking an egg
>life feels like Oblomov one
>all the above since 18 yrs old
>trying to write a schizo-novella about politics recently
>hope to publish it and trigger liberals
>hopefully some antifa will punch me so I can ride the 'media tiger' and become famous

>>15217255
Liberals don't read anything unless it's certified trigger-free though.

>>15217282
Right wing radio isn't popular because it's right wingers listening. Stop sniffing glue, you don't have many brain cells to spare

>>15217315
Who the fuck listens to stuff they don't like so they can seethe about it all day? Are these guys that deranged?

Feeling like shit desu. Left my shithole country at the beginning of March to dodge conscription, now I am stuck in another shithole country due to this corona shit. Can't move out, can't go out, can't do anything. Feeling extremely depressed. Want to go home to my shithole country, lock up inside my room and die. Can't see any hope for myself. Meanwhile, my parents want me to become le successful member of society, when I haven't had a girl once for 22 years of my life, barely had any job(only once for a month after graduation, that I failed miserably). I am sick and tired of everything. The only thought that warms me is if I had a cabin in the woods. That would be great. I love daydreaming about living in the woods, having my own food, reading and meditating the whole day, contemplating while looking at the starry sky. Alas, it's impossible. No money for a cabin, no skills to get a job to get the money, stuck in another country for God knows how long, conscription waiting at home untill I am 27. Just end it all.

Maybe what the Calvinists say about the predestination of souls really is true. I'm trying to be a better Christian but for every time I fight off a temptation through prayer and faith, I am attacked by twice the temptation later and inevitably give in. I've started to think that maybe, my place really is in Hell after I die, because I can't think of any other logical consequence for someone who stopped going to church in favor of beating off to hentai three times a day.

>>15217359
>my place really is in Hell because i touch my penis
My god you guys are fucking mentally ill. Have you tried administering a dose of Spinozism to get rid of your superstitious mind parasite?

>be me
>perfectly fine and functional for a week
>the next week i have zero motivation and don't know anything
>repeat
i can't be having this

>>15217030
Being virgin that age is basically saying that theres something fundamentaly wrong with you.

>>15216901
>Eugenics and socialism
But this is neither

It's all a giant grey machine
an endless two-lane highway
that loops around a dead man's dream
and feeds into your driveway

It doesn't matter where you go
you'll wind up where you left
so pick a lane and start the show
our grey machine can't rest

>>15217197
That's good. I hope things work out for you man.

>>15216117
Why not aim for becoming a fascist dictator?

>>15217552
Pic related.

>>15215820
powerful unironically

>20
>studying an enjoyable useful medical uni degree
>going travelling around Australia in my car with a friend who works as an OT at the end of the year
>loving family who will always love me no matter who I am
>genuine online friends who love me
>have a beautiful river that leads to a beach out my back yard
>live in the best part of Australia
>an easy balance of work and full time uni
>comfy house with plenty of noise, distractions and a variety of joyful things to do
Life is full of excitement you just need to create it yourself. However, I can understand how that isn't possible in some people's lifes. But you can make it possible if you try. I know this might not mean nothing to any of you, and it's very easy for me to say. But I hope it makes someone happy.

This thread is really upsetting I honestly wish the best for all of you. Love isn't anything, sex isn't anything, your appearance or what people think of you isn't anything, and being bored is a normal part of life.

>>15215179
Have an essay due in two weeks. Dont know how to write it. I want to get a 1st. Its actually making me sad. I keep avoiding it

>>15217756
just dive into it bro.

>>15217759
Scared. Gonna make music instead for a bit

>>15217787
Do what I do and leave it until the last few hours so the panic is so intense that you force the very best out of yourself. I always get the best marks when I do it at the last minute. It doesn't work for everyone though.

>>15217798
Ive done this . Useed to do essays super early but now I wait and dont know what im doing until its time to submit it

>>15216807
The LoL ban is a good thing, find another hobby that puts you into contact with people irl

>>15217756
Create a mind map. Always finish an essay a week before submission after I learned how to properly utilise this tactic

>>15215535
Vomit worthy perspective

>>15216250
Tell us about Rose, anon. I want to name my daughter Rose if I ever have one.

Eternal life of play with the ones I want to play with, various modes of being that serve the creation of my joy and development. To escape from all slavery and coercion, Sovereignty in my own realm.

>>15218003
Rose slit her wrists because she thought the government was going to come for her an question her as the plumber came and took the piece of paper that had all of the terrible things she had done in her life. The paper blocked the toilet which then meant the plumber would have see all of her deepest secrets and he would report it to the government. Because she was having a psychotic episode she slit her wrists. The police and ambulance were called. When they tried to restrain her from hurting herself anymore she threw herself off the balcony because she thought the police were going to question all the terrible things she had done that she wrote down on that piece of paper

>>15217833
>find another hobby that puts you into contact with people irl
Good fucking luck with that with the lockdown you dumb n word

>>15216225
same here. being brought up in a rural area was hell during my teenage years and I couldn't wait to leave my country. now I'm so glad I have this place to come back to and the more time passes the more I feel connected to it. I would not have survived lockdown in my flat. I feel so lucky

>>15218032
Why did she write all of her life's mistakes on a piece of paper? This might sound insensitive, but why did she leave such a thing in a place where people would see it when she didn't want them to?

>friend's parents who are academics make fun of me because I go to a uni thats not as popular
>the uni itself is really good and I chose to go there instead of a more popular one because I liked the faculty a lot

Who's in the wrong

>friend's parents who are academics make fun of me because I go to a uni thats not as popular
>the uni itself is really good and I chose to go there instead of a more popular one because I like the lecterurs there

Who's in the wrong

>>15215820
this is aestetic

>>15216065
>btw, college here is kinda like a highschool for kids who didn't do well in their GCSEs

Eevryone goes to college to do A levels lad. Its not "highschool"

I just want her back, man.

Not well

>>15218119
kill your friend's parents obv

>>15218119
You probably. You could fuck with them and assert that whatever universities they work for have bad reputations for the quality of their lecturers, even if its not true they'd prob be the type to overthink that.

>>15218165
Is it even possible? things will probably never be the same.

>>15218185
How can i be wrong when the course lineups are almost identical to the uni i was going to go to. The only difference are the people teaching

>>15218165
No you don't

>>15218204
You in the UK? What are the unis in question? There is still a perceived hierarchy for the UK ones even if it is outdated.

>>15218221
Im in UK. Not saying what unis just putting the situation out there. It's been in the back of my mind everytime they bring it up. Im not sure if my decision was valiantor not, despite my friends Russell group academic parents. I want to blow them the fuck out

Suffering from lack of meaning in general due to existential depression. I dont know what to do.

>>15218249
Alright I just wanted to know if it was a non-Russell Group uni versus Russell Group unis. I've been to both and the non-Russell Group uni was the far more interactive and engaging.

>>15218221
Im in the uk

>>15218271
Deleted post incase someone knows its me.
I'm hoping to maybe go to a RG after my undergrad but for now, where im currently at is fine. It's just the fact that they point fingers at me for chosing to go to a uni based on its quality of teaching than its hierarchy makes me second think

>>15215751
Get those women to help set you up

A good gf can really improve your life

Do you lift?

>>15215885
happy birthday my man

>>15218299
It's a common issue, you have to remember that when people are doing that they are really just trying to validate their own decision. You clearly thought it through, don't let it bother you.

>>15218190
It’s impossible
>>15218211
How many times have people told me that? How many times have I said it to myself?

Turns out of you repress your emotions for ~15 years they eventually reach a limit and erupt. I've literally woken up angry and swearing before my eyes are even open lmao

>>15218465
>I've literally woken up angry and swearing before my eyes are even open lmao

Know this feel

>>15217182
Outlaw Star is fucking mint

I had a dream I was stalking a kid amd he ran to his mother to tell him someone was following him and masturbating on the playground.

I lost my virginity in a dream again.

>>15217255
Based Yukari poster

>>15216615
Look into treatments for CPTSD.

>>15215179
>Passed German B2 test
>Accepted into one of my countries best colleges
>Started reading philosophy and its been kino
>Friends love me
>Family loves me
>Coronavirus shit doesnt affect me because I study most of the day anyways
>Getting /fit/er

Yup, lifes good

I've come to the realization that I'm no longer sexually attracted to my gf of 6 years. I feel horrible because she's very much in love with me and stuck by me even when I lost my job and had to move back in with my parents. I'm currently in pharmacy school and we moved in together last summer, which has been great until now. I've blamed my lack of "enthusiasm" on the stress of transitioning to online class, rotations and labs being disrupted, and finals looming, but I don't know if I can keep this charade up until the quarantine lifts.

>>15218601
Tell the bitch to lose weight

>>15218601
is she fat or ugly

>>15218061
Oh absolutely. Beautiful ridgeline valley. I’m in east central Massachusetts near Sudbury, where are you? This land is as much a part of my home as the bed I sleep in, and it is a part of my soul. As awful as the pandemic has been, I agree with you. As we get older, we learn to appreciate the subtleties of the places we grew up in. I come to this spot almost every day just to think and unwind. It lends itself to writing quite well.

>>15218582
Based /fitlit/ poster.

>>15218601
>I'm no longer sexually attracted to my gf of 6 years.

Why does this happen

>>15218582
happy for you bro

>>15218582
hey bud. fuck you for being happier than me

>>15215535
bugman rationale

>>15216625
What are your friends supposed to do? Physically stop you from touching your penis? I've had a really hard time too. So far the best luck I've had is by filling my time with as much stuff to do. I can usually go 1-2 weeks now

>>15215535
You an insect? I plan on leaving humanity behind, I'm Herakles, I'm Rich Piana

>>15218582
This post gave me some motivation. Way to go, bro.

>>15218582
very based keep going man

Feel just like everybody in this thread so yesterday I dusted off my old bike and went riding. Don't know what possessed me, plus I'm in America which is not bike friendly but I just went down the roads, and found myself in the country. Was out 4 hours total and felt fantastic afterward. Maybe this will be my new thing.

>>15217227
what's the app

>>15219054
Bruh

>>15215179
not good, thanks for asking. Been unable to stop thinking about a person and the meaningless of life. I have never been closer to giving it up. Thank god my parents are alive, or else it would be an easy way out.

>>15215885
happy birthday anon

>>15218601
If you had kids or were married I'd tell you to just pull through and try to make the relationship work with non-sexual shit but if she's only your gf go talk to people outside of 4chan about it and then talk to her about it and break up.

>>15218582
basiert

>>15216897
this

anyone have a chronic illness? i have ulcerative colitis. part of why i started reading was to learn how to cope. but im still going to off myself when my symptoms start up again

>>15218582

22, Starting my second year of law school which I only went to for status. I want to be an actor one day but that dream seems further and further. Still listening to Jesus is King daily.

Some women have been showing some interest but I really don't have the extra energy to chase them. Been living without them till now, don't see the point of getting into that anymore.

I will probably hang myself when Im a 40-year old upper middle class tax clerk and cant take it anymore.

At least i finally snatched 3pl8

>>15218364
I'm in the same position. Despite knowing it would never work I still crave to be with her more than anything even though we haven't been in contact for 2 full years. We've both changed a lot. She's moved on with her life from where we met and loved each other and is living a successful, fulfilling life, following her plan for life and doing exactly what she always talked to me about. Meanwhile I'm stuck in the same place with absolutely no development both academically and personally/socially and still shackled by the same problems. I don't even want to work at a high-paying academic job anymore. I just miss the structure and social aspect of school. I also desire the status and I want prove myself to my fully academic family and my school friends who I'm not in contact with anymore of being capable of getting the grades I never could before I got my ADD diagnosed.
While she is following her plan for life and doing exactly what she always talked to me about, I
Ever since I've met her no relationship feels meaningful and fulfilling. Sometimes I fantasize about how if I turned my life around and improved myself I could get back with her but then I start getting realistic and just end up feeling empty and disconnected from society.

>>15219434

try eating raw meat, specifically ground beef

i had colitis and hemorrhoids. it would take too many medical exams to figure out why my gi system is wasted, but ground beef (tartare) is the only meal that didn't hurt coming out. you dont have to exclusively eat raw meat, either. one raw meat meal a day is enough, the rest can be mostly whatever

also, you probably have terrible skin. try drinking half a stick of melted butter a day. rub salt on your tongue every sip so you dont gag

as in water face answereth to face, so the heart of man to man

Jesus Christ is the truth. read the bible

Started my second year of law school. Its boring as fuck and im only here for status. I kind of want be an actor but that dream seems further and further every day.

Still listen to Jesus is King every day.

I will probably hang myself when Im a 40-year old mediocre tax clerk who can't take it anymore.

Currently reading On Killing by Grossman, its interesting

Some women have shown interest despite me being a turbo manlet but I don't really have the energy to pursue them. Don't really see how a girlfriend would improve my life.

At least I finally snatched 3pl8s

>>15218582

Good for you man!

>>15219587
uh no. appreciate the (You) though

>>15219018
Exercise and being outside is truly transformative. I’d even say it’s critical to being a happy and healthy person.

>>15219434
I have some kind of autoimmune disease. I have stay out of the sun and eat a restrictive diet. It used to bother me but now I've come to terms with it.

>24
>English major so fucked in life anyway
>studying in a non-English speaking country though so maybe not quite as fucked
>started internship in February but can't work there atm thanks to Carolla
>can't work at regular job until August thanks to Carolla
>fucking supermarket rejected my application
>granted it was a very fancy supermarket
>unfamiliar number called me today which might have been the other supermarket I applied to
>been in therapy since September where I got diagnosed with depression and social anxiety, which I was aware of, but am perhaps also a schizoid

>really enjoying digital classes
>been reading a lot this year
>quarantine made it possible to stick to a French studying routine
>working on my language skillz to hopefully give me an edge once I apply for real jobs
>upgrading my bike so I can ride around the city now that the weather's looking up
>journaling regularly but hardly producing fiction at the moment

Could be better, could be worse.

>>15219434
I have it too man. I'm 32 and I have it since I was 15. After shitting blood 10/15 times a day for 8 years straight and after trying every possible medication in vain they removed my colon and rectum and now I'm kinda ok. I know how you feel man, I started to read for the same reason. Just don't kill yourself, I'm the living proof that things can get better.

>>15219970
>they removed my colon and rectum

That sounds rough. I've dealt with rectal issues -- one requiring surgery -- but I couldn't imagine that.

Godspeed.

Ive wanted to kill myself every day for the last 15 years, not a single day has gone by where I didnt want to kill myself. Each night I go to bed and die a thousand different ways before I go to sleep.

I asked my father, he told me he constantly wants to kill himself too.

I asked him why he had 4 kids, all of which are mentally defunct. I asked him why he multiplied the suffering in the world by 4 when he was in such a low position. He told me to stop bullying him.

Can somebody ITT please give me the balls to finally blow my face off

Please

>>15219957
try online teaching japanese people english over the internet

yes, I know what I wrote, I'll leave it like it is

>>15220053
>he told me to stop bullying him

this is legit funny

>>15217009
AoE2 Definitive Edition

>>15215820
I used to have the same problem until I was your age. I spent most of my disposable income on prostitutes from 18 until 22. I thought the root of my depression was lack of intimacy and that paying for sex could act as a gauze for this. In actuality paying for it will only ever exacerbate your loneliness no matter how comfortable you feel with the girl in question as it's an inherently disparate relationship. What you crave fundamentally is not physical pleasure but recognition of yourself as being worthy of someone else's desire. You will never get this from a prostitute and that's why it's one of the most depersonalizing experiences you can have. It might sound even more pathetic and it wasn't intentional but the way I kicked the habit was by becoming a massive stoner. I smoked weed every day for about 8 or 9 months straight. It diminished my libido and motivation to a point where the thought of paying for sex was so nonsensical and uninteresting to me that I would have always just spent the money on an ounce instead. Marijuana has its pitfalls too and after a while I had to reconcile that it was causing me far more grief than enjoyment so I gave it up as well and realised that depending on a vice to cope with your depressing life is just pathetic, self-loathing behaviour. Getting back on ADD medication was helpful in my case as it enabled me to focus on the non degenerate activities I enjoy be it reading, music, being in nature, playing with my dog, which are far more pleasurable in the long run. I couldn't really say I'm a happy person overall but I'm a far cry from the lowest I've been and I'm able to take a more balanced view on life. I am materially comfortable and have enough disposable income to pursue the hobbies I want. I got over "tfw no gf" when I realised that it was really just an abstract desire for validation. The reality of actually being in a relationship is horrifying for me when I think about it. It would send my neurosis into freefall and probably destroy my sense of privacy and autonomy which is what I value the most. I'm probably borderline schizoid but w/e. The only alternative is suicide and even that is hardly worth the effort if you look at it objectively.

>>15220168

Fuck i thought i was the only one. When i was 19 i had fucked at least 10 prostitutes but never even held hands or kissed a girl. Still kissless at 22 but I managed to kick the habit

>>15220248
The hookers didn't kiss you?

>>15220070
Thats legit what he said

>>15219970
you never had a remission of symptoms? thats brutal. honestly dont think i could live with having the surgery done.

>>15219970
Hey asshole those things have got only a partial connection with your brain health, there are in fact dysfunctions where the perceptive of "its getting better" simply doesnt happen

>>15220322
>Hey asshole
he's like the least appropriate person to use that insult for

>>15220333
Thats actually why I used it

>>15220290

>>15219434
Try nicotine

>>15218620

I couldn’t agree more. I left my shitty apartment in New York to stay at my parents home in Central MA and it has been wonderful. I get paid more from unemployment than I ever did working and spend my days reading, fishing at the reservoir and reconnecting with my family.

>>15217212
I know how you feel

>>15220466
>Central MA
Waylandfag here posting from the comfy shores of Lake Cochituate. Where in Central MA are you? I used to go to school out in Fitchburg.

>>15220295
In spring and autumn when the weather changes I have a light remission but it isn't nearly as bad as it was before. I'm not in pain anymore. Before surgery when I was taking a dump it felt like I was shitting knives. And that happened up to 15 times a day.
>>15220322
Are you retarded? I know very well that this kind of disease is tied with your mental health. When you are sick you can have a distorted perception of your life and what will your future be like. That's why I said to him that things can get better, because I was in his situation and I know vey well how he's feeling.
Next time go teach Messi how to play football.
>>15220333
eheheheh never heard that one lol

>>15220587
I said partial, it certainly plays a part. You must not be able to read.

Probably going to drop out of college and become a monk, so pretty good.

>>15220062
Do you want me to start off with you?

>>15220649
Oh yeah, for some reason i skipped the word partial while I was reading your post. You are double retarded then. The influence of your mental health in this kind of diseases is substantial, not partail. You don't know what the fuck you are talking about but you feel compelled to teach someone who had that disease how that disease works. How the fuck can someone be this stupid?

>>15216652
>>fell for the /g/ thonkpad + ganoo/leenux meme
kek

>>15220679
Based

>>15220831
Partial could literally mean up to 99.9% you fucking nigger

How can YOU be this stupid

Now, there ARE things that are ENTIRELY based in dysfunction of the mind, not PARTIAL. Please die.

Failed the bar exam a second time. Gonna have to go at it a third time. I feel dead inside.

>>15220831
>>15220854
please stop

>>15220866
you can do this anon. third time is the charm.

>>15220854
>Partial could literally mean up to 99.9%
what a cope lol

>>15215179
Not well. I think about suicide every day. If I had access to a plane, I'd go out the way Skyking did. All I have near me are projects.

>>15217584
there is no natural constituency for a theoretically rigorous fascism in the United States, which is the only fascism I'm interested in. Perhaps you can get away with a corporatist restructuring of the economy along "fascist" lines, but even that is alien to the American experiment. The natural reluctance to use the defense production act is a natural outgrowth of this mentality.

>>15218601
honestly, tons of relationships have issues and especially sexual issues, if you've been together 6 years and she has been good to you, stick with her through this and be good to her. if it becomes a bigger issue and isn't resolved over time, seek counseling. don't throw away a good thing unless you have tried every option of fixing it

>>15221001
>theoretically rigorous fascism
do elaborate. What i thought was the case was that fascism was the ultimate manifestation of aesthetics, realpolitik and practicality.

>>15220062
how do I get a gig like this? I'm decent in japanese

>>15220935
>cope

No, you just failed to understand me, probably because your butthole hurts

The more i desire the power to be, the more i find this existence unlikeable. The more i desire my own insane ideals, the more i feel my nihilism expanding. Life can be an adventure, but I want to be the rule maker of my own reality. My only hope is to destroy myself and exist as i wish. Life has become a burden that is in the way of what i feel are my eternal desires.

>>15221083
I think there is a sense in which fascism is actually a substantive ideology beyond mere aesthetics or even the "primacy of politics" - which following Timothy Mason I would say is more characteristic of National Socialism. Not to say those aren't important influences, but it is a fact that Italian fascism was the product of a synthesis between revolutionary syndicalism and integral nationalism, which combined to produce a worldview informed by proletarian nationalism, by a producerist ethos, by cross-class collaboration and mediation, by a transition from a syndical order to a corporatist one. One might call this a merely "practical" merging of disparate ideas, but the national syndicalists who brought Mussolini to power saw themselves as fulfilling an ideological mission and regenerating the country. There was a mechanistic, materialist basis to fascist ideology.

>>15221329
>by cross-class collaboration and mediation
No such thing. There is only submission.

>>15221357
That is the problem fascism seeks to evade. We can go back and forth on whether it succeded in doing so to any meaningful degree, but I don't doubt the sincerity of those who tried.

>>15221291
bruh

>>15217424
Unless you are religious, conservative, wealthy,

>>15216652
This is me rn

>>15221397
Facism destroys the ability to make choices and maintain one's personal freedom, and it's perpetrators rely on the idealism of children with no structure in their lives who assume that they will enjoy it.

>>15217160
based advice anon for real

>>15221476
The freedom of the individual must always be subjected to the freedom and well-being of the group. It's like saying that the differentiation of a liver cell robs it of its freedom and incorporates it into an oppressive whole, when it cannot truly exist without that whole in the first place.

>>15221554
based 18 year old from 2009

>>15220931
Thanks bud.

>>15221561
>Fedora type individualist calling others teenagers
hmmh

>>15221476
Fascism is concerned with the nation and community. Their overriding objective was always to harmonize destabilizing elements within the national community and bring them together using the power of the state. This may well be an infringement of individual liberty, but so what? There was never any insistence otherwise.

Personally? I'm on a serious decline. Finished a novel, but it got plagiarized.

Brehs you have no idea how close i am to losing it

>>15221588
i did mean to reply to the other guy but like you're a pretty big faggot too

>>15215179
Been dating this 9/10 but she's really dumb and she pretends she doesn't want a relationship and I do too but really I know we're both just pussies but in the end it's okay because she's an intimacy whore and so am I so we get to cuddle long nights.

Struggling not to fail my courses, final year of uni and all. Canceled reading books meanwhile.

A crazy guy attacked my neighbor's house, knocking out windows and hitting her car with a sledgehammer. I went out to fight him but he pulled a gun on me. That was interesting. The local news picked up on it but they barely even mention me, the damn headline was about how the cops found marijuana in his house.

>>15221652
post pics of her, wanna see if she's really 9/10

>>15221652
>>15221667
seconding this

>>15215179
Just finished reading one of the best books i've ever read. Took me 3 months even if it is only 500 pages long. Really intense read, absolutely love it, but I am sad that I can't read it anymore.

>>15215179
I'm at a stage where I come to these threads and laugh heartily. Not because I'm edgy or I hate you. Simply because of the absurdity.

>>15221554
>>15221593
You isolate freedom and duty as if the two cannot coexist. These structures are not and never have been exclusive. Tell me anon, what have you done for your community today?

>>15221667
She has a 10/10 personality too. Very timid, modest and shy. Too bad she's really dumb.

I dont think ill survive tonight

>>15221702
She looks like an Arabian thoroughbred, 9/10 indeed

>>15221677
What book?

>>15221702
Holy shit thats some fuckin Alison Brie shit there. You hold onto that. Smarten her up. Find smart people to talk to. Don't lose something that kind and pretty.

>>15221702
Anon, you gotta play the eugenics game. Put about 4 kids in her and hope at least one gets your brains and her looks. You can ditch the rest

>>15221702
pic of you?
She's gorgeous and I am jealous.

>27 years old
>addicted to drugs
>living at mother's house
>burnt a lot of bridges talk to one other person aside my parents
>havent worked in the last seven years
>no qualifications
>haven't recorded any music in five years
>dealing with trauma and living in the wake of two fatal overdoses that I was brought back from

I'm reading a lot and going to start meditating. I don't feel bad anymore I don't feel much if I think about my life but I found God in some weird way and it helps and gives me the impression things will work out

>>15221731
Tomb for 500.000 Soldiers.

>>15221763
Hey man, I've ruined my life too, but things are looking up now for me too, sometimes you gotta be responsible for your own happiness.

>>15221762
Im the horse

>>15221702
based chadposter

>>15221702
>one shot at life
>not white
its over bros.
i envy you OP, and genuinely wish you the best.

>>15221850
Just kill yourself until you reincarnate as someone white. It's a bug explot that God hasnt fixed yet

>>15215179
Not good. Antibiotic resistant ghonorrhea from fucking 13 thai whores raw. Acid reflux and stomach pain from abusing alcohol and cocaine for years. Still addicted to lorazepam and alprazolam. Have to take a betablocker and any sort of benzo anywhere i go with me because of paranoia, anxiety and heart palpilations, which might aswell be in my head. Every time my stomach hurt i think its my heart and i go paranoid. Sleep is shit because of it. Have ghosted over 40 friends. Used to be the most popular kid in school until i just snapped and went into full isolation. I love being alone. Im my best friend and worst enemy. There is only me and my mind, in constant battle. Sometimes i win, sometimes i lose. Lifting weights and hiking for hours is relief. Splitting a whore apart is top but i feel better on semen retention. Gonna retain my semen for 7 months now, inject grams of testosterone and then go to thailand again to fuck everything moving on 3 cialis pills and 2 litres of gin hendrix.

>>15221684
just wrote a big post and it got deleted so I'm not going to bother retyping everything. All I'll say is that Fascist Italy was the creation of compounding political, social and economic stresses induced by a crumbling bourgeoisie order and that the rest of Europe also experienced a "corporatist moment" that did not extend to the full blown totalitarian models of either Nazi Germany or the USSR. Certain totalizing tendencies aside, fascism calls for vertical syndicates, a certain degree of nationalization, and public-private collaboration. I would call it authoritarian in the vein of falangist Spain, corporatist Portugal, and national populism in Romania and Hungary. Duty obviously wins out in these countries, but they were concerned with cultivating a stable space in which the nation could thrive, not collapsing the public-private distinction.

>>15221857
you jest, but it is a seriously more difficult existence

>>15221879
What, being white?

>>15221702

>>15221885
the opposite.

>>15221899
ah, that's true

>>15221702
She has a fat face

>>15217212
You're a Chad

>>15215179
having th etime of my life

>>15221762
I am attractive I can tell you that. Bad skin, good chin, school shooter personality.

>>15221730
Mental health won't allow anything too grown up-y. I'll see where it goes. But iq is pretty existential for me.

>>15222129
>I am attractive I can tell you that. Bad skin, good chin, school shooter personality.
post pic

>>15221871
Lol

>>15222193
glad my misery could make somebody smile

>>15221871
>13 thai whores
I dont wanna say you deserve it but you kinda deserve it

>>15221877
You and the other patrons of your beliefs are weaklings who need someone else to run your lives for you, because fundamentally, you do not believe in your own strength of will, and mankind's ability to collaborate willfully with his fellow men. Be it modern day Israel, Nazi Germany, or Facist Italy, any system that relies on forced submission is destined to crumble. Get out of my sunlight you coward.

Listening to Brian Eno albums. Moved back in with my unofficial foster parents and realized, after counting the stuff I'd left in storage here, that the number of books I read last year was in the lower 90s, not the 70s. I had been compulsively reading to distract myself from a minor psychotic episode brought about by petty interpersonal betrayal - grist for the mill. Without these people's goodwill I would be homeless. I do not see myself as an asset; I was best friends with their children when we were young, and I think they see my present abject state as something that might have happened to their son, if our roles had been switched.

My drugs should arrive in three days and I'll be able to sleep. My cat is ecstatic to see me again. The girl I like is quarantined with her lover thousands of miles away from me; I'm glad I didn't allow myself to expect anything.

>>15222235
>Ugghgg im like, totally an individual. I can do everything on my own, im totally, like, the Overman that Nietzsche was talking about.

>>15222251
>The girl I like is quarantined with her lover
how does that make you feel? for me, i have no crush but i'd imagine that would be painful during all this

>>15222235
>Be it modern day Israel, Nazi Germany, or Facist Italy, any system that relies on forced submission is destined to crumble
It's the other way around. Any system that depends on voluntarism or a lack of any hierarchy is destined to die. Just look at any attempts at anarchism that get annihilated when the first (hierarchical) army sets foot on their territory.

>>15222235
>mankind's ability to collaborate willfully with his fellow men.

I do not see what would lead you to believe in this when the post-Great War revolutions obliterated the old order and replaced it with the kind of spineless liberalism you're talking about. Class conflict is a reality, fascism is one of many solutions.

>you do not believe in your own strength of will

Any honest assessment of the problem will conclude that people do not always make the right decisions for themselves or for the betterment of the larger social space in which they subsist.

>>15215179
Went cold turkey on the bad habits I had - namely gaming and weed. I barely smoke tobacco anymore. Been doing a lot of work around the house and a lot of gardening. Almost went through with a divorce but my country's under quarantine and we decided to delay that shit and now I don't want to at all(she never did).

I drink more often than I used to, but I got that pretty well under control, I avoid that shit during work hours and I finish a bottle of wine every 2 days or so.

Surprisingly this shit put things into perspective. My house never looked better and I'm finding real joy in tending to vegetables and fruit trees.

>>15222272
You'd be the serf shovelling shit if fascists ever gained power, maggot.

>>15222325
>anarchokiddo thinking he'd be anything but yet another faceless corpse in a mass grave
It's how you always end up

>>15222272
If might is truly right, how come the world is so shitty? We got here by following that doctrine

>>15222206
I always thought that I lived pretty fast and loose, but your post is like a parody of the idea. Like, where do you get money for all this shit?

>>15222370
I didnt say that might truly makes right, i just said that utopian attemtps at anarchism are destined to fail.
Also, simply identifying that the world is shitty, doesnt automatically mean that there is a solution to making it not shitty. It's like saying that entropy and the ultimate heat death of the universe is damaging to human civilization. While that is true, there is also nothing we can do about it.

The dog got ran over yesterday
my grandfather is on suicide watch
i'm out of boxing practice

reading some basho and teaching hamlet at school

>>15222411
Why is your grandpa suicidal senpai

>>15222411
>The dog got ran over yesterday
Somehow this is the most depressing thing in this thread.

>inb4 NOOOO NOT MUH HECKIN DOGERINOOOOS

>>15222219
autistic trading/gambling

>>15222417
The dog was for my little sister. She played with him for a while and left him in the yard.
For the last two years my grandfather cared for him. My grandmother said this was the first time she saw him cry.
I think thats a hyperbole, but still.

>>15222264
It's not as painful as it could have been. I have learned not to have any hope, so I wasn't very disappointed. It just felt like forgetting a good dream moments after waking up.

I am a 23 neet. I spend years doing nothing at all but i recently got into reading again. I feel like it's the only activity that brings me any kind of joy. I've also been considering finally going to university for either philosophy or English literature, i haven't decided which yet.

>>15215885
Happy birthday anon

>>15215179
Pretty lethargic and disassociated so my fast paced reading from January-March has been crippled. Home is so much more distracting than the school cafe.

>>15215535
Shalom!

>>15215179
Finally started with the greeks this year. During this pandemic I'm going through Plato (almost finished with his essential works), after which I'll start with Aristotle. I'm feeling alright even though I had a panic attack a few days ago (which started for no apparant reason). I didn't have a panic attack for years so it was a bit scary, but I managed to calm myself down (I don't take any meds).

>>15221611
Why do you think this?

>>15223017
Nice

>>15215885
Happy birthday anon

>>15220511
Suburbs of Worcester County. Not as comfy as the lake but I enjoy trolling through the forests and railroads that border the resevior.

One thing I love about this part of MA is the way the man-planted forests mesh with the somewhat forgotten train tracks and farmland. A beautiful dynamic of man and nature.

My parents met at Fitchburg State, which is where I assume you mean. Nice to know there’s some /lit/ folks nearby.

>>15215535
level 2 insight rookie, division is a constant of the universe

>>15215179
In spite of everything, life is going great rn
>spectacular grades
>finally getting into shape
>relationship with family is improving bc of quarantine
>schoolwork is easy so I can get it done quick and then write/make films/do photography
Things get better, anons, if you keep working. Giving up is the only way to guarantee things get worse.

>>15215535
>we
shut the fuck up

>>15215820
dont go to grad school

>>15221747
kek
this

>>15221969
HAHAHAHA
cope

>>15215179
Alright at the moment, but only because I'm living in lala land just ignoring all my responsibilities until they reach a breaking point

>>15215179
>27
>Epic union forklift job where I mostly yell at the elderly
>Waste a lot of time here
>Same time wish I could read more than right before bed
>Married, 1 kid
>Buying a house for a little more than I wanted to pay
>Illinois
It could be worse

>>15216674
You reached out to us. What do you think the hang up is here? Why do you think you’re spending so much time watching porn and consuming media?

>>15216926
Are you spending a lot of time getting drunk and stoned and watching sci-fi movies? I hope not with a son on the way.

>>15216990
What does it even mean to be happy? I think you should feel bother accomplished and grateful since it sounds like you’ve managed to overcome a good bit and are relatively well off. I suppose we’re happy for each other since it’s so difficult to be happy for ourselves. I’m happy for you.

>>15217008
Get a hold on that drinking habit, take care of your weight, eat healthy, and don’t worry so much about being a virgin because there’s really no shame in it.

>>15221702
now post nude and widout makeup

>>15217008
>>15224632
Also, start making art. Making a bunch of art is the first requirement to be an artist.

>>15215885
Happy birthday.

> 27
> complete loner these days
> pretty unhappy with who I am and who I’ve been
> really confused about my place in the world and reason for living
> have a couple of things I might want to do but feel like won’t
> having some age anxiety
> things could definitely be worse and I’m grateful for what I do have

>>15221871
I hope you get off the benzos. Those things really messed me up and getting off was difficult but doable. I’ve been completely drug free for a couple of years now and better than I was on the drugs.

>>15216888
checked
>>15216999
and checked

>>15224229
Awesome, another filmmaker. I’ve been doing freelance shooting and editing work on the side to make a little extra money during quarantine, and I’m also working on a stop-motion animation. What kinda of films do you make anon?

i don't even know anymore. can't say my life would be any better or worse outside of quarantine.

>>15221603
Damn how does that happen?

>>15224480
only based poster besides me itt

>>15225230
He's schizophrenic and saw a minor resemblance to his novel in a movie. He will probably be hit by a train next month.

>>15224638
>>15224632
thanks for the encouragement anon. I do take pride in my art. I write almost every day but still don't feel I've produced anything worth publishing, so nobody really reads it.

>>15222294
>Surprisingly this shit put things into perspective. My house never looked better and I'm finding real joy in tending to vegetables and fruit trees.
Same. I've done so much introspection, self-analysis, meditation and reading on psychology. Funny, I always wanted to run off into a cave for a year to practice ascetisim and now I get to do it in the comfort of my home.

I think the key nowadays is an iron will to block out the bullshit. Facebook feed, Youtube feed and other social media. To only practice these things knowingly. Log in only when you have something specific to do. Use adblock. Mute/delete any app that tries to intrude on your plans with pop ups. Same goes for people in your life. Upon meditating enough you will know what your path is and your job will become to minimize outside forces.

It may seem occasionally that you're left behind by others but really you're just clearing yourself of the senseless tumult. You'll start seeing things clearly and funnily enough, you'll start getting openings to rain your enlightenment back on people. They'll never see it coming and you'll get to be the antichrist, motivating people and capturing them in the world you've been freely able to build up. Essentially by that point you'll be competing with cookie cutter motivational videos off facebook so everyone will willingly submit.

Poorly

>>15215885
i feel like this but i'm 22.

also, happy birthday anon.

>>15216436
ypu had some oportuniyies like I and everyone does. but we wasted them, and can not ever recover the time