/lit/ - Literature

>>15118676
I hope this text file I made is a good substitute for shitposting on 4chan

this is it guys

I'm making a vow with this post to abstain from masturbating to anything visual for as long as possible, ideally a year, and abstain in general for at least three days. I feel porn has clouded my mind and my motivation. Nofap may give me peace and clarity and allow me to feel less ashamed of partaking in such bestial actions

>>15118676
I want to thank those people who gave me relationship advice in the last thread. I felt like I had to vent, because I really only have one friend I would've told but I just can't tell him for some reason. It's also pretty specific so it wasn't easy to Google.

Guys, I'd sleep with Molly. I should have been nicer to that girl. lol

>>15118711
are you jealous of your friend? or are you afraid he will say something you don't like?

Everyone shames people who are aggressive and hurt others but people who are cowardly or anxious or hysterical are coddled their entire lives. Why is that? I dont think you should be oppressive towards others but being passively corrupt seems just as immoral to me, arent agression and cowardice both expressions of weakness? Why laud one and condemn the other?

I learnt french, just to marry with one.

>>15118723
Not that guy, my gf is posting pictures on twitter and guys post "hot" and she says "thanks <3".

I'm not a crazy. I really actually DO know a tranny though I wish I didn't.

And yes, I know most of you don't know what I am talking about. This is only to vent.

Why do I get angry so easily and act like a crazy? Molly would totally be sleeping with me right now if I just was nicer.

>>15118741
oh yeah, I know but you said you would've told to your only friend but you did not. Why?

In Pasolini's Canterbury Tales, a character named Molly sings "da da da da da- he's got his dick in his hand." I wish I could find the name of that ballad/ tune. It was really catchy. Thdre should be a search engine where you search for songs by singing the tune.

>>15118756
Who are you and who is Molly
Your posts make me feel like I'm in a goddam lemony snicket novel

>>15118757
Oh sorry, it's getting late here and I wasn't all that awake to begin with. It's basically all on me, I'm embarrassed that this is even a problem in my life and I want to keep it quiet. I totally trust him, I know he wouldn't tell anyone or make fun of me. He is a great friend and would probably help me but I just don't feel comfortable telling him this.

>>15118791
She was a girl I worked (work?) with. The tranny does not know her and I am not sure if any of the girls do. If they do, they should get her to sleep with me. She's like 17 or 18, I believe.

>>15118802
oh hmm I know you feel comfortable asking advices here and some of them are really good, but just don't get used to it, also if it is your friend, he will get it and you could also talk about it in the future if you still feeling quite weird with your girlfriend. Friends are the best, and they honestly want to be with you in any moment. I've been bringing really stupid and kind of obsessive topics to my friends and they help me a lot with it.

>>15118791
But really, she is nice. I shouldn't be so mean. I fully admit it.

Is pornography evil, immoral, and exploitative of women, or merely a casual release? I wonder

I wish I could drop everything and travel and write perennially. I hunger for masterpieces. I exist in defiance. I strive for an impossible omniscience. No wonder it strikes me as crude that cheap facts stand in my way, clinging to me like a suit of dust. Release me, give me unlimited potential to pursue my powers rather than to claw through the arid styrofoam of normalcy to reach some hypothetical notion of freedom and I will make it known.

How I wish to see the Lie burn in sparks of stars and hellfire glory. How I wish to see it gargle torrents of blood before giving way to a pure sea. Instead I am surrounded by the inexorable power of falsehood, an empire of the false. The false is tremendously effectual.

--All is naught.

THERE IS NO MEANING TO LIFE
THERE IS NO MEANING TO LIFE
WE ARE ALONE
THERE IS NOTHING GREATER
NOTHING MORE
WE ARE ALONE
WE WILL DIE
IT WILL END
TEHRE IS NO MEANING
THERE
IS
NO
MEANING


THERE IS NOTHING
NOTHING
NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING

but i want there to be something

I saw one of your posts "he's crazy and it's an anon messing around." I do know an actual tranny. Why the fuck would someone make up knowing a tranny? Who would WANT to know a tranny?

The plastic and innocuous asphyxiates with a hidden poison.

I've been thinking about reviewing books that I read on IG but I'm quite paralized by thinking some people will laugh at what I just wrote about it.

>>15118825
Yeah you're right. He is always there for me and I try to always be there for him. Getting kinda emotional now lol.

>>15118873
He sounds like a very compatible friend. You should be thankful for what you have in life.

I wish I had a girlfriend. I genuinely dislike most people but I should have a girlfriend.

I'M DRUNK
>putting effort in, paid money for fucking online courses, want to get myself a better job
>probably all in vain
>will probably live and die in utter poverty despite any effort because i dont watch the same TV shows as normie karens in HR
hopefully china nukes us all.

Actual literature discussion- the Ion dialogue makes zero sense to me. "If you excel at one area it means God and divine inspiration are real." I fail to see how that follows. Makes zero sense.

>>15118870
I just laughed at your post, did that make you feel paralyzed?

>>15118961
:( no

>>15118873
Remember, if he's a true friend you can always let your guard down around him without being self conscious or wary of judgement. Don't worry about seeming weak, chances are he only wants to support you.

>>15118926
wear the mediocrity cloak, refusing adaptation is being really masochist on the long term.

I don't understand people who can enjoy doing something badly. What's fun about experiencing failure

>>15119056
whatchu mean? i dont want to be mediocre i want to be able to afford healthcare and a vacation

how long will it be until my generation stops being rather fagged up.

>>15118698
It’s not going to work

The real problem lies within you, not the porn

>>15118729
Morality is a construct invented by the weak to yoke the strong

>>15119120
Why wouldn't it? Porn has left a mental blight on my thoughts and removing it will stimulate growth

I don't experience things as potently as I did when I was younger. This is an irreparable loss.

It's going to be very interesting seeing the sociological data from this year. The lockdown and social distancing is going to have some major effects on mental health, drug abuse, suicides, domestic violence, birth rates, divorce rates, criminal activity, etc. - the list goes on. It'll be like results from a study on how humans operate under totally unprecedented living conditions.

>>15119129
Based and Thrasymachus-pilled

In a drunken cross-eyed moment everything reveals itself for what it is: an inchoate and primitive masses of divided and mutually ignorant pieces scattering away from each other.

I spent all my $1200 on video games and a KFC dinner. I know I should've spent it on literature. I feel bad.

I do not want to see life as meaningless thing but i feel like theres nothing what could prove it otherwise.

>>15118698
i think getting rid of visual porn is the smartest thing and something everyone should do. It's fine to masturbate every once in a while, but online porn is bad for your brain and everything else in your body. You gotta use your imagination and masturbate to the women you see on the train, that's much more healthy.

>>15119141
I've recently started NoPorn after trying NoFap for years. So far it is going muck better focus on not consuming porn rather than just focusing on the masturbation. I've tried fapping without porn a couple of times but I can't stay hard, this motivates me and proves that porn has been an issue. I've also been able to keep a more reasonable schedule which helps with my depression. So far so good I'd say.

>>15119985
You're right. Ecclesiastes will tell you this. I'm sure you've seen verses from it, like the very first verse. Most people don't realize but Song of Songs is the answer to Ecclesiastes. Both are good reads and are ascribed to Solomon.

>>15118676
I do not posses the sight that good authors or poem writers do, that they see the world a tad differently. I do not believe I "got it". I'll never be good.

>>15118698
Listen to me bro, in order to be succesful on nofap you need to change your life. You can't just keep living this sad PMO life you lived when you were still doing PMO. You need to get after it and be strict with yourself. I feel like a kid again man, my imagination is back to how it was when I was a little kid. When I read a book I see these elaborate scenes in my head, it's effortless. And the focus, I can actually focus on stuff. I read a book in a day and that's unheard of for me. I'm happier, not hungup about my appearance anymore, not thinking negative thoughts anymore. I don't wanna be anyone else but me anymore, I'm just so curious how my story will go. Nofap is the foundation to a long, fulfilling and happy life. Trust me and just do it. Dude. Bro.

>>15120008
>You gotta use your imagination and masturbate to the women you see on the train, that's much more healthy

Absolutely based

>>15119985
Read the Bible anon; otherwise, it's either cope or rope.

>>15120094
I tried reading bible and anything philosophical but it just didnt click with me on a deeper level besides "it sounds good on a paper". I know that i have a small amount of hope left in me because i'd be dead. Unfortunately, it diminishes with each year.

>>15118676
I've been chilling since the beginning of the lockdown. I couldn't get into work for the past month, which I was strangely calm about, as I usually stress out about any financial crisis that might possibly hit me and that I have to be prepared for. These last two semesters I couldn't attend that many classes at college either. Anyway, now that they're starting up again, I am eager to turn my life around. I'm stressed about time too but I feel I'm actually gonna feel better about it if I spend less of it at home. I'll apply for a new part-time job today, which will most likely result in more weekly work hours than I want, but I'm finding the experiment intriguing and also kinda like the idea of leading a different, almost strange lifestyle during this crisis.

>>15120147
Did you try eccesseliades? Idk how to spell it.

>>15120244
Yes, i read it couple of times but it didnt reach me beyond "i wish i could do that".

>>15118676
I've been thinking about why I don't like my life, or what it is about my life that is making me upset. Every time I set myself to thinking about this topic, I inevitably spiral down to the idea that something happened early in my life that fucked me up but I never actually figure out what the thing is that fucked me up. I don't even know if I'm either more fucked or less fucked than I think I am. One thing I thought about today though, was that throughout my whole life I have acted as though everything was a performance, even when I am by myself, even with the thoughts inside my own head. Every aspect of my personality and of my conception of reality (and the implementation of the conception) has to be perfect, or at least as good as it can be to maximize its cinematic quality as though it were all a movie or something. Although I do it less now, when I was in my early teen years I would imagine elaborate scenarios where I describe my ideas and life events (before I even had any remotely significant experiences outside of organizing my thoughts) to someone, like a faceless interviewer, for really no reason at all, just because of the fact that I was/am me. Now with me being slightly more mature in my early 20s, I look back and laugh with embarrassment and I cringe at myself, at how dishonest I am, at how little personality I have, at my feigned character, at how I picked the most mundane stuff to be my character assets - but isn't rumination still perpetuating the self obsession? how do I let go of it? I've thought about deleting all the garbage that came out of the act and I've found some stuff, drawings, writings or photographs that were made in earnest which is nice, but I also think its a weak and irrational action to take.

dreams of drowning, dreams of a dead wild boar laid at my doorstep, dreams of a black dog hunting fish in stormy ocean, black crow in the rain, awake seeing your face, with new eyes, so far under water there is no light any more

>>15118676
same energy

"I should get you a copy of Goodbye Horses for your birthday"- I crack myself up. I was laughing for like an hour because of that one.

Ya know, I can't even post naughty pics or anything for girls because of you chimpanzees. Get bent and get lost. This isn't children's bazings hour. Go away.

>>15118676
I've spent a considerable amount of time writing a piece of quarantine lit that I hope to release at some point in the next few months, and intend on donating all the money I make to the NHS. The problem is, I'm a little worried that no one will be interested in reading something which actively describes much of what people are experiencing and suffering through in the present. My idea was to flirt with the idea that, because our connection to the outside world has been irrevocably severed, our dependency on its mediation through screens/the internet has completely blurred the boundary between fact and fiction, and I want my work to achieve similar things, IE. a satirical portrayal of the present crisis, one that explores both very real issues, and complete fabrications that expose the many problems with how society has dealt with the pandemic. I'm trying to make it as funny and absurd as possible in order to make it less of a miserable reminder of how fucked things are atm, but I'm not so sure there will be a lot of interest, outside of people who are happy to buy it in order to support a charitable cause. Either way, it has been an incredibly stimulating process, I haven't felt so motivated to write in such a long time.

>>15118676
When I came back to faith I was lead by a friend into a church affiliated with the Pentecostal movement. Since that time I have been skeptical of their claims but have never had the proper knowledge base to refute their claims, and so I simply kept my mouth shut and observed for a long time. I have learned more, and that time has passed.

I can no longer support Pentecostal claims about spiritual gifts. I can no longer ignore the preponderance of scriptural and historical evidence against such things as unique prayer languages, modern day prophecy, and tongues being blabbering "heavenly" languages. The Pentecostal church has many people who are well meaning and perhaps more devout than I am, but a large majority of Pentecostal Christians ascribe to word of faith and prosperity gospels. The only reason it is the largest growing sect of Christianity is because of heretics like Kenneth Copeland and Benny Hinn cheating those who don't know any better, pulling in hundreds of thousands of vulnerable people into their lies so they can make money off the sick and ignorant.

I am afraid that I will lose the friends I have made since I came back to my faith, but I cannot sacrifice my convictions, even if it means I will be alone.

Guys, I really like Molly. I should have treated her better.

Und das heimat kleines blumelein
Und das heist - ERIKA

BOOM BOOM BOOM

>tfw even moot make it out of this shithole years ago but i am still here

I'll be honest, I don't even hate you guys or wish you violence. I just want you to go and live your lives somewhere else please. Have a good life all of you but please, leave me alone.

>>15121595
I thought this about Maggie recently. We were really happy together, to the point where most days, at work, I'd feel ok being a hopeless wage slave. Because every hour I sat at my desk was an hour closer to seeing her again. It was nice having someone to look forward to seeing at the end of the day. I did the thing I do in every happy relationship I've ever been (of which, there have been precisely 2), where I get uncomfortable in the "settling down" and commitment and start to resent her for reasons that I can't remember. It was stupid shit, and I realized it was happening, but I didn't know what to do.

Anyway, I miss her now. If I didn't live half way across the country I might even try to reach out to her again. If she wasn't dating some faggot tennis player, that is.

I cannot get myself to do my college work while staying at home. Leaving the house to go to the college and being forced to do the work was a big part of why I was doing well but now I'm tanking hard. I've always had next to no will power so putting anything up to myself is always a bad idea. I'm 26 year old still living at home and I know I have to do this to get out and not be a worthless piece of shit but I just can't get myself to focus on the work anymore and its piling up non-stop. Please bully me into doing the work and stop watching YouTube videos and browsing here.

>>15118847
you sound like a fucking dumbass

When I was 14 I thought I could do anything. I was passionate, I lifted weights, I had an incredibly disciplined albeit antisocial routine, I had a plan for my life in its totality. I'm 18 now. I'm just as antisocial and misanthropic. I feel like the ship of my ambitions has sailed. Though I achieved nothing that others during that time that others would consider insignificant, the knowledge that I could have achieved so much more if I had used my time more wisely and without procrastination dawned. However will I cope with this feeling. I'm not old, but I feel that I have experienced all that life has to offer. My youth is slipping away, but I don't feel the energy of my earlier youth to catch it. I have never felt more powerless in my life. I have felt this way for a year and a half and it seems like nothing will get any better.

>>15121975
You're still a child, don't kid yourself. You think life sucks now, just give it another 6 or 7 years, you'll regret ever thinking your younger years were depressing. You've got all the time in the world for self-improvement and to change your outlook for the better before its too late.

>>15121975
>I'm 18
>My youth is slipping away
wait till you hit your 20s. years will start to fly by like months. don't waste any more time and most importantly, stop coming to this website.

Have any of you guys been collecting the schizo posts? Both the bone marrow and molly posters

Slightly drunk. Kinda want a gf. Reread Harassment Architecture. thats all lads.

>>15121975
this anon was rejected from his first and second choice colleges

>>15122053
I'm not sure what bone marrow you're referring to but Molly was a real girl at my work that probably wanted me to sleep with her. There is a 99% chance you will not know what I am referring to so I do not blame you for being confused. If you are Dougherty you might know what I am speaking of but if that is not your name you won't know.

>>15122242
Post a picture of yourself with time stamp

>>15122041
>most importantly, stop coming to this website
unironically this. Now that i'm stuck at home i've started to waste so much time here again. And i know it sounds stupid but i can feel how it slowly affects my views and mood.
I can really see why some people here are so fucked in the head, no wonder if you spend your entire life here.
Why is this hellhole so addictive?

>>15122266
Only if Cait or Gia or one of her friends post a pic first. ONLY

>>15122277
It's instant free communication with no rules and repurcussions
You can say whatever you want here and will always have someone to talk to

>>15122283
Those people don't exist anon, they never did

>>15122277
Mental illness runs in my mom's family and I would probably be a but messed up even if I never visited here.

>>15119202
>normies experience isolated life for a couple of weeks/months and go into full meltdown

>>15122297
Gia Dougherty is a real person. Molly is a real person. Stop messing with my head.

>>15118722
i know the feel

>>15122307
Anon, please take your medicine

>>15119202
>quit smoking cigarettes
>quite smoking weed
>have written 40 pages of my novel since lockdown began
>haven't had sex in almost two months, fap once or twice a week at most
>have read innumerable books, both fiction and non-fiction
This lockdown has been nothing if not a massive improvement to my mental health, physical health and productivity. Nothing like a deadly viral pandemic to kick you into action.

>>15122340
I just want to make it up to Molly. She wants to sleep with me, I can tell.

>>15122340
I don't even know why I get so angry sometimes. I swear there are times where if I had a gun I would have shot her head off and I am genuinely not even sure why.

>>15120323
try advaita vedanta
or listen on yb to a swami

St. Robert Bellarmine was right in saying that the world is full of idiots who fail to recognize the gravity of their sins and the reality of hell. God is like a teacher to us, harsh but loving, who kicks us in the head and tramples over our "clay toys" when we misbehave. If we only paid more attention to the teachings instead of focusing on futile, childish, abhorrent things, we would be prepared to inherit the holiness itself. Instead, we choose the abhorrent which gets trampled and thrown into the furnace, time and time again. If we only knew what we forsake!

>>15122386
Thanks anon but i dont think that hinduism is for me.

I got a new job. I thought to celebrate it by getting myself something nice, only to come to the realisation that all the bigger purchases I was interested in, I already made. I guess I could get myself a cozy lounging chair for reading. Or eating out somewhere. Think all I really want to do is travel or better yet, finding a way to enjoy my own city again.

>>15122340
I shouldn't be mean to that mick family and the tranny either. I genuinely can't stand them and wish they all left me alone but that isn't an excuse to act like a violent schizo towards them either.

>>15122180
it's me, your astral plane gf giving you a warm hug and tender kiss through my thoughts <3

>>15122435
nigga I know ur a man

>>15119202
I've been writing about this. About how the virus destroys human time by obliterating the demarcations by which we distinguish different moments and shrinks human space by thrusting people into quarantine. The massive frantic machine of modern life has been plunged into a viral winter that has stilled its manic energies and deflected them inward. The virus's greatest psychological violence has been how it reveals how intolerable to ourselves we are no longer able to refract and decenter the mind through an exteriority (being-in-the-world) the tainted viral exteriority has sharpened consciousness by cleaving it out of its surroundings into which it can blur and hammered it into an irritated, inflamed nucleus of solitude.

Stream of consciousness is the literary equivalent of cooming

>>15122456
oh you would be surprised about who i am

>>15122473
Wow another hot take over here, please tell us your thoughts Mr. Jonson?

>>15122461
>About how the virus destroys human time by obliterating the demarcations by which we distinguish different moments and shrinks human space by thrusting people into quarantine
Are you literally me

I reckon there's going to be so many theoretical analysis being published about what the lockdown "means" for chronometry, for notions of simultaneity, for the concept of an open society... perhaps even the idea of space itself as being continuous is being called into question, insofar as the granularity of space is becoming so imperceptibly fine that its discontinuity becomes impossible to measure, like a solid form disintegrating into microbial sludge that proceeds to evaporate before we are even aware what is happening. But shit, I've gotta stop giving you my ideas and start working on my own writing. The race is on, buddy.

>>15122473
No shit. Or piss. Or blood. Or vomit. It's all just flows of desire, ultimately.

>>15122461
"The initial response to isolation is a natural anxiety plus introspection, a concern with the past and a direct engagement with the immediate environment followed by bursts of restlessness, pacing up and down, yelling and banging followed by sleep disturbance, difficultly in maintaining attention, daydreaming, a tendency to withdrawal, dissociation from the situation and a physical and psychological regression. This period of anxiety and adjustment to the isolation routine lasts from 1 to 3 weeks. Further isolation of 4–6 weeks leads to a feeling of dejection and increasing dependency, loss of initiative and spontaneous activity, lack of interest in personal appearance, immobility and vacant gaze."
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4890253/

What this situation has revealed to me was that most of the people I interact with are fools who are incapable of forming an opinion about current events without relying entirely on what the mainstream media is saying.

I'm thinking about studying french and getting a book from the "Que Sais-Je?" series, I've narrowed it down to 10 different books, any suggestions of which to pick?
Les figures de style
La guerre de Cent Ans
L'urbanisme
La Peste noire
L'impressionnisme
Les théories de l'art
Historie de l'art
Histoire du Japon
Histoire des États-Unis
Histoire de la Provence

I smoke weed all day and I can't finish a book more serious than some short story collection or memoir. Isolation has got me thinking about my life and the way I interact with people and my mood flips to being very happy with myself to being discontent and depressed.

>>15122490
Okay amigo, well what's on your mind?

Lockdown is comfy and it needs to stay this way for a lot longer.

I always read one religious book, one philosophical book and one fiction book at a time, not sure if this is a good system but it works for me

Not sure what religious book to read next though, any input is welcome else I'll just go by the rolls

1-5 City of God by Augustine
6-0 Talmud: Selections

>>15122793
The Book of Mormon

>>15122822
Dont have it but I just saw that it exists in my library so could go and get it next week

Seems like a nice read

>>15122896
It's fanfiction

That guy is objectively repulsive to look at and it makes me feel bad they think we're friends. If his actual friends had any respect for him, they would want him to look decent when going in to society. If he ever net Sophie, he would here shit 50X worse than anything he has heard before.

>>15118757
She's ready to leave you, mate. Brace for impact. Also, Thank God you're about to get a real depression so you can now legitimately wonder about the things that matter in life, like suicide or na?

It's never going to be OK. Never ever. So relax and keep chugging your own intellectual juices.

Realized that eating my own cums make it much easier to clean up after masturbating. Very helpful.

Realized that eating my own cum makes it much easier to clean up after masturbating. Very helpful.

If you want that guy to live in fantasy world where he's a beautiful woman you're going to have to censor the entire internet and put in earplugs whenever you go anywhere. You should never meet Madchen. Ask her what she thinks of trannies and hons if you think I am joking.

Not everyone in the world has to he as handsome or liked as I am but please, please invest in a mirror or a paper bag.

OH GOD PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY CHEERING IT ON

https://marker.medium.com/7-predictions-for-a-post-coronavirus-world-aaac052c8514

THESE MIDDLE-CLASS PRICKS ARE USING THIS, THE WHITTLING-DOWN OF HUMAN EXPERIENCE TO A SERIES OF APPS, WAREHOUSES AND OFFICES... AS ANGST-WANK FUEL FOR THEIR LATEST MENTAL SOAP OPERA!!!

WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ACCEPTING THIS??? WHAT HAS LIFE BECOME?????

>>15122500
What interests me is a certain equivalence that the virus has drawn across everyone. Even the wealthiest billionaire sequestered on their private Caribbean island or snugly ensconced in their superyacht in the Mediterranean must come to terms with a poverty of stimulus and rotting stagnation. The most glittering of socialites must come to terms with the regular empty fate of the loner. The result is a kind of psychosocial accounting in which the true measure of a persons resilience is tested. A blistered phenomenology of agitation, restlessness, boredom and impatience has taken flower. Social and cultural capital stand for nothing, having been revoked by the cessation of normal circulations. The inverse of social distancing is subjective shrinking

>>15122958
Well the thing is she did this before and during the beginning of our relationship and I only found out about it when I went to her Twitter for the first time. Did she not take it seriously from the start?

I've been writing some essays on politics, some music reviews and a lot of poetry. This week I made two posts on Medium and barely anyone read what I wrote. How do I market my stuff better? Would be cool to have at least 100 readers.

>>15122617
everything feels surreal and unimportant, i should really be working on my paper but i can't focus on anything, cant finish a book, cant listen to a song more than 5 seconds etc. I should probably get slightly drunk too

>>15123050
you forgot surgery

>>15122277
Same here. i'm practically a coin toss away from extending isolation in perpetuity and just living in a cabin in the woods forever.

>>15123345
Keep at it, a lot more. reach out to people directly.

I feel that having one thing to which my efforts are dedicated is the only way. It takes so long to do anything of substance, to achieve mastery. But there are too many things that thrill me and inspire me. I can't bear to choose.

The remaining problem that has to be solved after solving every problem is boredom.

I've always been a coward.
Many things scare me and I'm unable to fight it. Plenty of time I just avoid the scary activity.
I develop new phobias biyearly.
All of the phobias are social. I'm quite courageous at other stuff that people get scared of (heights, animals, illegal activities).
If there were ways to improve on that, I could commit a lot, since it fucks up my life big time.
(I noticed the phobias have an obsessive character - there is no instinct to the fear, it's induced mentally; the fears are based on one capital fear which is the fear of other people seeing my fear).
Any advice would be much appreciated.

>>15123116
>A blistered phenomenology of agitation, restlessness, boredom and impatience has taken flower.
Now that is a flower even Baudelaire would be proud of! For me personally, there are two potential outcomes of this situation, one positive and one negative. The positive is that, in being subjected to this experience on a global scale, in become in tune with everyone else on the planet, is the universal experience of enclosure not its own form of "class consciousness"? Or, to go beyond even marx, is this not the self-realisation of what it means to be, collectively, "human" at a magnitude we have never experienced before?

The negative potential from this is that our capacity for collective action is entirely blunted. We cannot organise, we cannot enact do anything that is not performed from the comfort of our quarantines (coming out only to shop or exercise or, in the case of my country, to applaud the NHS in a futile gesture that will not amount to anything). There is no telling what kind of world will be left when we finally step out of our caves, and whether we will have the means and understanding to adequately deal with it.

>>15124328
Meditate for at least six hours in one sitting. Begin with at least an hour of resting your attention only on the physical sensation of breathing and then move your attention to questions of why your phobias develop, what would happen if your imaginary worst case scenario were to come to being, that sort of thing. If you become uncertain as to your line of reasoning in this later stage, return to the breath for an extended period. Be sure to set aside a generous amount of time with no expectations of yourself or of this endeavour except to experience breathing and reflect on yourself.

i'm so tired of being a fucking brainlet that is bad at putting things into words. That shit's getting old.

>>15118855
the meaning of your life is whatever makes you not want to kill yourself

>>15124476
6 hours? damn i can't even do 10 minutes

>>15120890
What's wrong with you?

>>15124476
I just meditated for 10 minutes and had one of the longest personal Socratic dialogues that cut to the true nature of my current anxieties. I didn't realize just how fast my brain could speak with itself. It felt like I covered so much, but when I opened my eyes it was only 10 minutes. It felt like a flow state. That was uncomfortable. Thank you anon. Time to get some work done.

>>15124476
First of, thanks for the answer.
>>15124779 isn't me.
I've done meditation before, my longest sittings were about 4 ours long.
I kind of found out it might not be the way for me though, or I'm doing it wrong. Two principal problems are:
>It promotes trying to fight fear by getting calm. For me, that might actually strengthen the anxiety and I found that I actually need to cheer up instead of calming down to lower my fears (MDMA was a major help, pls no bully for hedonism - it picked me up from serious shit of long term depression). The opposite of fear isn't calmness, but happiness I think
>Thinking what the worst case scenario is doesn't work for this: I'm not afraid of any specific things or consequences, I'm more afraid of the fear itself - as I said, it might be more of a panic obsession rather than typical phobia
(as an example, I always panic like crazy when I get my blood pressure checked, because that reveals my fear; at the same time there is absolutely nothing scary about it if I think of it.. still can't stop it)

I understand meditation is more about the introspection rather than getting calm, I practiced it for years and think I'm happier now that I don't (although sometimes I do for short 20 minutes to figure some things out)

>>15125006
Also, every time I intentionally pull out of something to avoid the fear, it gets much worse for the later times.. that's the very worst practice.

My work team does a virtual happy hour at 5. I'm dreading it. There's only 5 or so of us so it's obvious when someone isn't "participating", and I cant just get drunk and fade into their peripherals like in real life. I hate this fucking shit.

>>15125065
What are the other 4 like? Do they just want to vaguely complain about work without getting in trouble and talk about tiger king? Is there nothing you can talk with them about that would be fun and nice and comforting?

>>15125108
I'm relatively new to the group (~1 month) so they're all close friends. It's hard to really bullshit or make friends with what are basically strangers via video chat. I just pound beer and clench my teeth until the meeting auto-kicks everyone after we hit the time limit.

>>15125125
>triple dubs
There has to be hope anon. I believe you can make something of it that isn't just pure torture. Tell stories. Ask people questions. etc. If this is going to be your life, you best make something bearable out of it.

CONSCIOUSNESS REFERENCE-POINTS...SELF-REFERENCES...

proteinshakes, going to bed, watching frasier late at night, fucking hot spring weather and sunny good times

>>15125144
I think I'm gonna be fired soon anyway (downsizing in progress) so it's hard to care, but you're right anon. I'll have a drink to loosen up before hand.

>>15124870
what's wrong with YOU?

i honestly feel like /lit/ is the board with the most amount of normal people that lead normal lives and aren't complete bat shit crazy shut ins.

>>15125211
lol you haven't been here long have you

>>15125065
You are always on camera. You never know when someone is looking at you. In screens across the world every member of the group can check what you are doing, how your posture is, if you are paying attention. You can constantly do the same to them. It is anxious he'll.
I had a Passover dinner with zoom and had major anxiety from that until Ianaged to deal with the fear. I only have mild social awkwardness, no anxiety. Video chat is cyberhell

>>15125240
actually no lmao

>>15125211
Tried thinking of a board that would disprove it.
Couldn't find any (out of those that actually have some traffic).
/lit/ is still pretty gay though

>>15125211
The hobby subs are the best for real life people. /Diy/ and such.

>>15125261
/ck/

>>15125211
Well, in quarantine we are all batshit crazy shut ins. But to your actual point, I think it's the board with the most good faith posting. Even people posting in bad faith, are simply trying out different intellectual masks in good faith. It gives the board a genuine sense of sincerity. I love you faggots. Also the subject matter of literature covers the entirety of the human experience, so I think we probably seem a little more real that people posting about whatever other hobbies they shitpost about.

What are some books with this feel?

>>15125300
Redwall?

>>15125300
The Magic Mountain

>>15125240
He's right.
I wouldn't use the words bat shit crazy though. /g/ are fat nerds, /sci/ outside of /mg/ and /med/ is mostly dumb people making even dumber threads, /k/.. , /out/ are solitaires. That's to name a few. /lit/ is sort of neutral good

>>15125317
And /lit/ has incessant underage Wiki reading philosophy spammers. It's all the same.

>>15125317
Oh, and /an/ has people that lewd animals.

>>15125144
>>15125166
>>15125211
>>15125255
>>15125277
>>15125300
>>15125333
where are all these digits coming from recently?

>>15125006

>>15124476 Here:
If it's worth anything to you, I recently did mushrooms for the first time after already having had a decade long meditation practice, and I've found that the experience of high level meditation and carefully managed trips is quite similar, at least at low levels.

It's not a clear and linear A to B kind of path. You go in with the honest intention of experiencing genuine curiousity at the infinite possibilities of the single breath and have the capacity to come out with anything at all.

You aren't going in with the purpose of fighting your fears or overcoming yourself or anything like that, but only the breath, and if anything else occurs along the way, well you can let it come and go as it pleases.

If I knew of anything better that has helped me come to terms with life and myself I would have recommended it first. Detaching (just a little bit) from it all is really quite helpful in the long run, even if you don't see it today or tomorrow.

For the other anon who has managed 10 mins: 10 mins a day for a month makes 6 hours once quite manageable. Mystic Buddhist types would be out of a job if they let you in on how easy all this stuff really is.

>>15125241
Anyone feels the same anxiety from video chats with people who aren't close friends?

>>15125397
Thanks for the reply. You are reminding me of how comfy meditation can be. But what I wrote still holds. I've observed that meditating makes me more suppressed in the long run, being active and outgoing is my more comfortable pose.
For the psychedelics thing, I've heard good things about it removing obsessions. Might try with a mild fear of a bad trip.

>>15125445
Yes, I think it's pretty common.

>>15125490
My mother is a shrink, and she says the young generations (up to 30ish) will not do sessions on camera no matter what, complete refusal. They'd rather have no sessions at all than do one online, even patients that normally would go far for a session. The old generation doesn't care .
I hope it means there is a future culture of real life interaction coming.

>>15118676
>Stayimg mentally active
You're apparently a shining example.

>>15125523
In texas shrink sessions have no privilege in the criminal law context, and very little in the civil side. It's absurd to have a profession that is based on sharing one's deepest thoughts and experiences without knowing there's security in what you disclose. Within the confines of evidentiary pursuits, I'm better off talking to a priest than someone with an actual background in psychological assistance. I can only imagine the extra layer of everything you say being recorded would add to this fear.

>>15125317
yeah i guess your right, from what i can tell /x/, /pol/ and /b/ seem to actually be batshit crazy though. Other than /lit/ i also like /mu/. For some reason /tv/ is a lot more hateful then i would've thought lol.
>>15125277
yes, you put it into words a lot better then i could. I also noticed that straight up hateful stuff like extreme misogyny or stuff like excusing pedophilia (and not just trolling to be edgy but people being serious about this shit) actually gets backlash here, which wouldn't be the case on many other boards i guess.

>>15125480
We must be reacting to these things in a fundamentally different way; I've generally been a little too introverted and have found stuff like mediating helpful in overcoming some of those excesses in introspection. Nonetheless, I hope you find some peace with all this you're dealing with.

As for the bad trips, don't worry so much about it. A few hours go by and you can laugh about it. There's nothing to take so seriously there. Some of the most horrifying things I've seen mid-trip I now recall as if it were all a joke, although it certainly didn't seem that way in the moment. Just read up a bit on some of the best practices about pre-trip prepping and you'll save yourself a bit of hassle.

>>15125535
kek

>may i use your computer, anon?
>sure one second let me just delete the racism and misogyny
>forget that i have 10 different embarrassingly titled ass workout guides bookmarked because i am a fag
>he comments on them
>time to die

yep, i’m thinking this is cringe bros.

Why is the intellectual wing of fascism so apparently conductive to schizoid behavior? All philosophical pursuits rooted in fascism start from classical philosophy, diverge into esotericism, and end up as conspiracy theories. Is it because, by their very nature, they're forced to take a different path from left-dominated academia?

>>15125654
You're so mad about people disagreeing with you in another thread that you're coming to this one to fucking passive aggressively whine about it. Are you the same chapofag who has been skimming the board for epic showdowns with right wingers for the past couple days, alternating between mass-replying "incel" to people and demanding that everyone become a gay transqueer communist? It's okay if you are, just chill about it.

>>15125599
Yeah I think my panics have yet to be a major puzzle.
..if I can learn something from a trip, it might be worth a bad trip. Often I give myself sober bad trips anyway.
Thanks, your posts gave some useful impulses.

>>15122564
l'urbanisme

I am undateable because of my severe scoliosis. Girls look at me like a monster once my shirt comes off. It doesn’t even impact my general health, I don’t have chronic pain, I am fit, I do physical activities, but none of that matters because I *look* like a freak.

feels bad man

>>15125668

I have literally never posted on this board before, I just came here from /x/ because I was curious about how neotrads and cryptofascists seem to be so intimately linked to conspiracy/Ancient Aliens theories and boomer-esque instinctive distrust or all current events. Please calm down

>>15125691
That's tough, mate, F.
Anyway, maybe - just maybe - you are too conscious about it and overthinking it. If it's really that bad, that might not be the case.
You might also try to turn it into a style thing. Look at rappers who literally cripple themselves to fortify the image of look how chad I am being the boss looking like an absolute wreck.

>>15125706
It funnels down to who to blame. Corporate interests spend trillions on global propaganda for consumption and profits, including the media and the narrative as a whole. Fascists take pride in their immutable characteristics for arbitrary reasons, mostly because they have nothing else to be prideful of, so they determine that the "other" are people who are not like their immutable characteristics eg. (((them))) or illegals or whatever. Their basic premises of globalization harming the individual and local communities is correct, but the (final) solution they conclude on is based on their inability to think critically about their own emotional standards and shifting blame upon those that evoke negative emotions, subsequently finding and researching justifications for these things and pointing to them saying "look! look! Here are the reasons why jews are evil and why immigrants are disgusting!" Your conclusion about educational institutions is the same jump in logic as they take. You find a specific targeted group you find disdain for and make conclusions based off an emotional standard you have created for yourself.

>>15125691
Scoliosis bro here. I slouch weird, have a hump when I bend over, and am also a little overweight. If the girl is already at your house, they will not care when you take the shirt off. They are just as self conscious and have already determined they want to sleep with you. Women don't really care about the nitpicks of looks when they have already determined it's in their interest to sleep with you.

>>15125654
>Is it because, by their very nature, they're forced to take a different path from left-dominated academia?
There is something to this yes. It is a pretty much unbounded field of inquiry since there are no institutions to set standards or decide what is acceptable.

This has the benefit of allowing more freedom, but the drawback of allowing all sorts of insanity, quackery, pseudery, etc.

>>15125751
Pic related
Also this >>15125771
Women are only visual in the sense of style. If you can manage to seem alpha, they will get wet regardless your anatomy (indispositions simply make this harder to achieve)

>>15125760

So it's just a 21st-century revival of fascist mysticism? Academia is a weapon of the "other" and the true knowledge is to be found in prelapsarian legends, hidden history, etc? I guess the aesthetic import of a liberated/naturalistic existence versus an indoctrinated/urbanized one is also relevant.

>>15125594
>For some reason /tv/ is a lot more hateful then i would've thought lol.
Hate seems to be the connection between all boards. It just manifests on different subjects.
/sci/ has computer science, /an/ pitbulls, /g/ has Rust and certain GNU+Linux distros, /lit/ has women..

>>15125858
Every board hates women. Everybody hates women. Even women hate women.

>>15125863
>Even women hate women
lmao it's true...

>>15125549
I'm in a country with full legalities. The young are starting to detest technology.

Is the West worth saving?

>>15126396
>people like that get to own the old school VW campervans while I'm stuck with the standard transporters
Fuck this ungrateful piece of shit.

So excited to go back to school next week. Think it's the meaning I've been lacking in my life. Been in an extraordinary mood all day about it.

>>15123622
I guess thats it. Being creative and productive feels good anyways and I would do it for that reason alone. It also feels nice to notice the progression on my writing.

I'm sorry you had to find out this way but I utterly loathe you and your family. I would suck it up if it was like once a decade or something but this stalking is too much. Also if that guy can look himself in the mirror and go outside he must be literally insane. Not everyone has to have movie star good looks but he looks like a homeless schizo guy who found a mumu in the Walmart garbage bin. How the fuck could you even post a pic in front of Caitland or Jinting or Francesca or Klaudia dressed up like that? Do you have no clue what they would think or say or do you just not care?

In this lockdown I feel somewhat good when I think about the things I'm doing now, like the book I'm reading, movies, my studies. Actually I'm having decent times. But when I think instead about the exterior of my life right now, past and future included I feel pretty anxious, expecially about the economic damage of this lockdown

If he just dressed and acted like a normal person, he wouldn't get so much laughter and insults. Letting him dress like that is just letting him embarass himself in front of the world.

>>15119120
>the problem lies within you
>i'm going to make a change
>

If your friends actually care about you or respect you they would want you to look good (or if they even had half a brain cell that is). You look really really bad and I do not mean the "oh Frau Vege is a bit chubby" bad I say when I get into my venting rants but you look god awful. Like shit tier "I want to avert my eyes" bad. If you have any respect for a friend, you would try to make them look good not bad.

Is it bad to break up with someone if they're being clingy during this pandemic? I don't want to have 2 hour calls every night about tedious crap. It's tiresome.

>>15126950
have you not learned how to put it on speaker and shitpost the whole time?
>"bllah blahblah blah"
>"uhuhh"
>"bllah blahblah blah"
>"Yeah that sucks"

what's the best to find out if a girl is virgin or not?

I do not want anyone to experience suicide or death, I just want people to not embarass themselves every day of their existence. Your family, friends, coworkers aren't going to say anything because they think it is better to be inoffensive and I do not blame them for not wanting to rock the boat but they have to realize, buried deep down, that you do not look good. You would look better just as a male. I don't even care who you date or marry but you would objectively look better as a male.

>>15126950
Man, thanks for reminding me why I broke up with my gf. I've been missing her a lot in this quarantine in my hornier moments, but I think her clinginess would have driven me up the wall. She had so many deal-breaking problems with her that I completely forget about when I'm awake and alone at 2 in the morning.

>>15118698
You'll relapse but do not watch videos or GIF files ever again. Stick to playboy or sports illustrated pictures and don't spend hours looking at them.

>>15126950
my gf doesn't like to play
she doesn't want to sext
she doesn't want to send me any pics
when i try to cheer her up she tells me to stop
it sucks

The more I read and learn about authors, the less I admire their work. I like keeping the author mysterious.

>>15118806
I also know a Molly who is 17 or 18, I dated her for 5 months. How is your Molly doing.

>>15127172
I don't know her that well and kind of tripped and offended her by browsing my phone while I was supposed to do some boring work thing (our boss is a woman who likes me so she lets me just do stuff like that while at work). I do not particularly care for Molly either way but do think I would like to sleep with her or her friend E who also no longer works there. It's really pointless to speculate as they're probably not coming back.

I worry I'm too autistic to be a first-rate novelist. It is not that I am incapable of understanding emotions but more that they don't interest me enough to flavor my writings. I view people essentially as elaborate machines and this chafes against the humanistic thrust of most fiction. Most fatally of all I simply don't experience strong emotions myself and haven't for quite some time possibly because of a medication or otherwise some indeterminate calcification of my mood state and as such I no longer feel the incendiary passions which motivate great literature.

The creation of great literature is motivated by a desire to penetrate existence and to experience more of human possibility than what is perhaps allotted to us in our own lives. But I am bored with human nature, stupid romantic relationships or family troubles or job angst. Perhaps the cruel monotony and uninspired character of modern life has contaminated the instinct for literary beauty, you must see it out there to see it in here. What interests me are massive, cosmic, philosophical, scientific and technological prophecies and eruptions, not the small details of boring life.

Of course any artist who thinks they must fit into a mould is bound to decay. If I do not create my own standards and ideals to shoot for I'm as good as nothing.

Anyone in academia have experience with publishing through those "other" presses, the presses that seem like they'll publish anything? Not total fringe vanity presses, I'm talking those ones that get purchased by uni libraries but are clearly not top rung publishers.

I can't find consistent information on these. Some people say they're fine though obviously not ideal, some people say it's basically an outright scam.

I don't view writing fiction to merely be the act of telling a story. I view it more as a derivation of proof, the working out of a concept or an embodiment of an idea. Kafka or Borges are good examples of this style, their literature are vehicles for ideas and aren't as "juicy" with human import.

Coomback

>>15126989
probably by raping her and see if her hymen is still intact

>>15127409
Wow ur a real artist lmao

>>15122227
I got my first choice at a very good university, but that isn't my major concern.

Anyone else /infantile/ when it comes to romance? The last girl I tried to date got mad and left after I said I didn’t want to have sex after after only
seeing her for a week. She asked what we should be doing after seeing each other for a week to which I replied “holding hands and cuddling”, at which point she stormed out and stopped replying to my texts.

I was very sad that she wanted nothing to do with me if my penis was not involved. She was cute too. I’ve never told anyone about this because I assume they’ll laugh at me. I don’t think I will ever get a gf if this is what it is like.

>>15128345
You're a good and compassionate person anon. If she didn't want that she can go fuck herself quite literally. This isn't me giving some bullshit reddit "you dodged a bullet" shit. The world is simply not built for men who outwardly display this aspect of themselves. And when roasties say they do it is on their terms and it will ultimately be used against you anyway as an attack on your masculinity. More abstractly, you should never indicate emotional vulnerability to a woman you want be with. Ask me how I know.

My only advice is to suppress that aspect of yourself if you want things to progress further with someone you desire.

>>15128345
This might come off as incel-ish, but girls want to be fucked. It's a form of validation, more so for those who don't have personalities to offer. In that way, apart from sex drive, perhaps they want to have sex even more than men. Anyways, she probably felt offended in that way, or might have seen you as unconfident. Just move on, she seems like a shallow whore.

Whatever happened to Whatever Happened to Robot Jones?

>>15127143
Would strictly written erotica be okay?

>>15126950
They probably just want to talk about themselves if they've holed up all day. Do >>15126976

>>15118676
I lost my summer internship i.e getting a job after graduation. Thinking of going to grad school and join academia. Recession or else academia seems to last. Also, capitalism is dead, it's a matter of time before America becomes full-on socialist.

everything is a fake plastic version of itself, including me. I suspect the rich get to experience true reality, do they also get to experience their true selves?

I wish I wasn't so easily convinced by my own excuses

One of my professors reached out to me and asked if I wanted to work with him on some research during the summer. Feels good.

>>15128345
I wish I had a girl that wanted to cuddle and hold hands. If I were a girl, I would definitely want someone like that. The only relationship I've had lasted a year and ended slightly miserably for both of us. I wanted to see past her flaws, but she had wild mood swings where she seemed to go from an abusive cunt to being forgiving and loving within an hour, fucked me up a fair bit but I won't stop hoping for a nice romance with a cute. I know there are still people out there who believe in romance.

Every night I convince myself that tommorow will be different but the greed of time in the morning throws away all my promises and creed's.

>>15128759
If anything the rich probably get more plastic, tho perhaps of a better quality.

>>15128665
Why do people assume that America is a country of capitalists?

The majority of it's people work for jobs that are owned by the government, a large subsection exist off of hand outs and corporations and the government are near one and the same.

Modern day America is one and the same as communist Russia albeit with more black people and less social cohesion.

>>15128858
The US has much more crime and violence than the USSR

>>15128823
>but I won't stop hoping for a nice romance with a cute. I know there are still people out there who believe in romance.
For your sake, don't. See >>15128387

>>15128858
Because it is. The government does that because the private sector made it that way.

>>15128895
I dunno about that, I think you have to live in Russia just to know what little safety you have as opposed to in America.

My dad lived through the 80s and 90s of USSR and that was essentially "Forever war" crime tier.

The positive about oppressive police is that they can essentially get rid of people who are too much of a nuisance, as opposed to even modern day Russia where if you have a gopnick on your street who's bothering you, that's a problem you're going to have with no one who will help you

>>15128916
Yeah, the 80s and 90s was certainly as far from communist as the USSR ever got. If you want something to blame that Africa tier war in the streets and chaos blame it on Gorbachev and his opening of the socialist industries to free market influence which drowned them and increased the Soviet's national debt by 6000%, drowning the economy and led to the wonderful political and economic state Russia and other prosperous ex-Soviet nations are in today.

I miss the sauna at my gymnasium. It was a great tool for dealing with my general anxiety disorder. The government has shut down everything non essential but we should all know that is subjective. Telling others what is essential and what is not is arrogant.

i just smoked some weed and all i got was a big fucking headache

>>15129106
are you hydrated anon? its never good to smoke anything if you are dehydrated.

??? days of nofap and felt no sexual attraction to anything whatsoever. this is cool.

burrito burrowed
bunghole bugle-blasts
bellowed below
brown brass break bricks

I can be proud of the man I was in this relationship and I can say with certainty that I stood by her through all her hardships and troubles, she always had someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on or just a plain old hug. She was the first person to make me feel that I had a genuine companion and I am not ashamed of how hard I fought to try and stop her doubting herself and us. I need to take the words of my friends and family for more than face value and stop doubting myself and move on. Now is the time to strengthen myself, I understand the kind of person I strive to be and with time and hard work I will attract those who have the same values.

>>15129165
good looks big dog but yes i was for once. perhaps screen killing my head

>write first draft
>some of the scenes and ideas are there but nearly all the actual writing is unusable

>>15118676
I would actually go further than Hobbes and say that elements of a state have always existed wherever there are groups of individuals; this is to say, there were rudimentary “states” among the hunter-gatherers of the paleolithic era which comprises 99% of human history. While there is often no formal hierarchical or state structure within the gatherers’ groups, there is nonetheless an unofficial balance of power between energetic leading individuals, usually “alphas males”. The homo sapiens y-chromosome is evidence for this patriarchal domination of paleolithic society; men had to lead and hunt and provide for the group as the physically and mentally stronger individuals.

>>15121508
i'd just like to say I would never read a thing you would ever write

Have the phrase “being happy is selfish” stuck in my head and I’m wondering whether this is a my fundamental assumption about the world that I project onto other people, deriding them when they mimic the appearance of happiness, try to attain it, or attain it. And I’m reading Aristotle’s Metaphysics where he says that purpose of all being is to perfectly fulfill potential by creating perfect happiness, perfect love of God or what is Godly. And I’m wondering whether this fundamental assumption that happiness is selfish has origin in my assumption that happiness is not for one but for God, or whether the origin is in my broken nature, which wants to see myself and others creep away from Godliness by making happiness not a good but an evil. I suspect that it’s the latter and not the former. And I also suspect this position is inherited. Maybe even genetic.

It’s almost like I am incapable of detecting my own thoughts as they pass by, unless I write them down. After they’re gone I see them written there and think “was this really mine?”

What was his tax policy?

I had the chance to be happy with her. I convinced myself I couldn't be. That I shouldn't be. I can't get over it but I won't let myself go back.

4:31am, considering dropping acid instead of going to sleep tonight. stay up and reset the clock.

>>15120080
absolutely based inspirational poster

>>15118676
We are living in strange times.
The distribution of the Earth's mass has changed.
Human activity has undergone a sort of reverse-osmosis.
The Values Markets have not lost any value.
Nothing is at it seems, to the trained eye.
From the Cartesian Perspective, we can never truly "know" our bodies.
The Body of the Planet.
The Body of the Organism.
The Body of the Moon.
The Direction of the Tides.
Can we know our Bodies any more than we can our Minds?

>>15118676
I'm just tired of seeing both political extremes taken so seriously online by many people, as onions as it sounds, I wish the New Type psychic powers from Mobile Suit Gundam existed, as I feel as if people tried to understand one another all of this shit would end

>>15118676
why is op a faggot?

>>15130193
naive and cringepilled

>>15130202
Maybe so, I was born not too long ago (2001) and seeing all these major conflicts in life still happening long before I was even born saddens and frightens me. I don't want to see my fellow man being blown to pieces in a middle of a desert because of a long tiring war.

>>15130193
continuing onto my post, why is it that people must be so hateful towards one another, seeing all this hate and destruction towards a fellow man, kills me inside

>>15130193
The left accuses edgy teens online of being nazis for saying nigger a lot, those teens grow up under immense criticism and end up larping as nazis in order to fit the frame; they accuse the left of degeneracy and justifying it with unscientific theories, and so the left also end up moulding themselves to this perception by going further into non-traditional ideas of sexuality and fully embracing social constructivism. There's nothing you can do, both sides are intent on only inflaming their differences.

>>15130194
Once you taste the d you cannot go back to the v

>>15130242
Unfortunately, I'm part of those generations of young kids, I'm a 18 year old gen z kid and seeing my fellow gen z becoming radical extremists by both sides is tiring.

Was talking and drinking with a close friend over Zoom the other night. The topic drifts to the uptick in dreams we’ve been having in quarantine. I let slip I recently dreamt of a girl that he knew I previously liked (about 2 months ago) but it was unrequited. Now I think he less of me because it seems like I’m a little bitch for not getting over her properly. The frustrating thing is I hardly think of her during the day but it seems like she’s just embedded in my subconscious. Why am I such a fuckwit?

>>15130625
i sort of know that feel. i still dream about the people i went to middle school with 9 years ago. there's literally nothing you can do about it when you're so lonely, but i would recommend not telling anyone if you dream about girls specifically because it does make you seem like a pussy. if he really is a close friend though, i doubt he thinks any less of you.

>>15129909

I'm receiving more money on this bullshit stimulus shit + unemployment than I did when I was working. I refuse to be a part of the worthless suckling the teat of mommy gubmint with all the gibs, but I can absolutely see how people with a weaker will can be a part of this system applying for every gibs ever and never having to work. I will accept the money for now, but when things open up again and I feel more comfortable being out and dealing with the public for 8 hours a day, I will be back to work.

Also, gardening is fucking amazing and every person should do it, be it veggies or flowers. It's raining here and it's a beautiful spring rain. I'm enjoying my coffee with my kitty and listening to some chill instrumental music absolutely content. Now if I can just somehow abstain from drinking today, I will be even happier.

>>15130662
Thanks for the reply anon.

The guy is my closest friend I'm one of his. I'd like to think there's a sense of brotherhood between us as cringe as that sounds. But I'm also not so naive that people's impression of me do not change, at least subconsciously. I mean I've even caught myself criticising him in my own internal monologues sometimes. Moreover, despite best intentions he might let it slip in other conversations he has.

That's why I'm frustrated with myself that I said it. I'm usually hyper-sceptical of people to the extent that I don't assume the best of a large majority of people. That's served me well in the past. But now it feels that I've almost betrayed myself.

>>15130701
i think you're more upset that you may have broken the illusion of who you present yourself to be.

>>15130778
Perhaps you're right. I'm trying to be something I'm not. I still maintain the thing I'm not is better than what I am. Now I look like a liar. What should I do from here?

I don't usually support bullying but you should genuinely be ashamed of the way you look. Literally 1/10 monstrosity. Fucking Quasimodo in a dress.

>>15130804
everyone will always have an idea of themselves that is better than they naturally are, but thats okay. just try to continue faking it until you make it, but also you could ghost all your friends and go into cocoon mode. this is what i did and its very painful and lonely, but you will grow/mature exponentially. its not for everyone but its definitely an archetypal thing. even Jesus went into the desert for 40 days before he started His ministry. Naruto went and trained with the pervy sage for 2 years.

I've put in so much effort to be as handsome and loved as I am today and you think you can just cut your nuts off and go around looking like a worthless piece of trash and then thinking you deserve respect. Insanity.

>>15130625
Read Jung.

>trannyfag is still sperging up the thread 5 days later

you need to fuck off already mate

>>15118676
A while ago, I asked a girl I knew for a while out for lunch--however, midway through I realised we were in the middle of a pandemic, so I apologised and hung up (that's not entirely true actually--we just discussed it and decided it wasn't the safest thing to do. However, whether or not she was actually excited to go out somewhere with me was inconclusive).

I tried to text her occasionally just to keep in touch in general, but I've been ghosted for a month now. It's a frustrating L, but I'm content with the fact I mustered up the balls to ask someone out for the first time in my life. Felt good.

>>15130862
So to distill your point, the harm that has been is not to what my friend thinks of me because that is unlikely, but what I think of myself. My sceptical, quiet outward persona can perhaps be generally maintained but it has been revealed that is not the true self. The alternative is to insulate myself from the rest of the world for as long as necessary to embrace my true self.

>>15130873
Appreciate the suggestion. Why should I read him and what should I specifically read?

When you stop being repulsive then people will stop treating you like you're repulsive. It's not hard to understand.

>>15130862
Thanks for speaking to me btw. It might not mean much to you but it means a lot to me.

>>15130880
Fat sack of shit. I am the handsome one. I give the orders, you obey.

>>15130903
Proud of you anon, at least now you don't have to waste any more time on her and can move on to someone who will reciprocate your feels.

>>15130948
post pics w timestamp and shoe on head, I can tell you're a greasy faced dyel

>>15118676
I can't sleep cuz of OCD and my arms are aching. Been repeating the same ritual for hours now. Gonna grab a poptart

>>15130924
yes, that sums up what i'm saying. its not only about embracing your true self though, thats just the first step. you also have to discern and envision your highest self then work to become that in a real way. this is a very difficult path, but if you feel like a fraud or if you feel unrealized, then i think you will always feel that way for the rest of your life if you don't figure it out early. it will always nag at you. i don't know for sure because i'm not a boomer, but i think my father feels that way. i think some people just have an innate desire to reach their highest potential and that its a bad idea to not go for it.
in general, people think that trying to become your highest self makes you "fake," and that "being yourself" really means never improving or growing. this can be true if you're trying to become something that you don't have the potential to be, but not if you truly discern what you're supposed to become and aim for that.
>>15130947
no problem, bro.

>>15128415
No it's worse because reading and other activities will be associated with sexual arousal and will inadvertently cue it when reading even textbooks triggering hypofrontality and undoing any intellectual betterment that otherwise may have been born from a usually innocent and fruitful pastime.

>>15130937
To better understand your dreams and see how sometimes your unconscious is trying to tell something by constantly putting the same person on your dream. Read the "Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious" with a open mind and you may find some answers or at least it will make dreaming more exciting.

>>15130969
I was only joking. You're a real handsome guy and I am "weak chined" after all. The question is how do I get as sexy as you? Should I shave my head? I could shave and get a nice Norwood 7 just like you, handsome.

Post a pic for Caitland and Sophie. I want them to see you and laugh at you like the hulideous loser you are.

Is this quarantine making anybody else incredibly reminiscent of the past? My mind is bringing up old memories with a new sort of vividness that almost makes me want to cry, and I haven't cried since I was 12 years old.

I need to stop fucking consuming nicotine.

>>15118734
Maybe you could try learning English next.

>>15121587
Solitude is pretty kino. You shouldn't let the idea of being alone stop you from doing what you believe is right.

I'm 29 and entering what feels like a new phase of my life, where my many long term efforts are beginning to pay off handsomely.
I'm fit, I have great professional prospects, I'm well connected and well liked, I am financially sound, I enjoy my hobbies.
This feels quite good. I feel in control, optimistic, competent, confident in a manner like I've never felt before.

>>15121859
I can relate. It doesn't help that with the shift to online courses, all exams are now open note. What motivation I had to synthesize information is now, more or less, moot. I'll still graduate, but without the information I paid to be taught. Fortunately, I'm majoring in what is arguably a pseudoscience, and have no intention on using it after (nor could I without further schooling)

As an aside, I've found that it helps to remember that suicide is always an option, and preferable to perpetual stagnation.

>>15131408
yes, i've been feeling like that too. Constantly going back and forth between the past and how the future will turn out.

I'm about to start my last university semester. Definitely didn't imagine spending it stuck at home and moving back in with my parents. I'm a nostalgic fag so there were a lot of small things that bring me joy, that i wanted to experience one last time. Hanging out with my friends, soaking up the sun on campus lawns, talking about everything and smoking joints behind the library. Even just stupid mundane shit like riding the bus to campus one last time... i'm constantly wondering if that was "it", if my youth is over now that i'm not going to be a student anymore and probably getting a full time job. Did i savor these moments enough? I certainly don't feel like i'm "done" yet. I'm 23 and i really don't want to grow up. But now i feel like my time has been cut short and like i've been robbed of an actual ending to this period of my life.

>>15131648
Thank you brother.

God bless you.

Where the FUCK do I begin with writing when I can barely put my own thoughts into words?

>inb4 just write lol

>>15124486
The bridge between thought and spoken word (language in general) is larger than most people assume. Learning to bridge said gap takes time, and, more importantly, practice. Keep at it, anon.

I'm clinically diagnosed with depression. It's pretty shit feeling.

i love you lit, with all your shitty memes and fucked in the head schizos

>>15132071
Get a word randomizer and mix strings of words until ideas start flowing

How can someone possibly reconcile philosophy with being born American and maybe even Amerimutt? This is the most anti-cultural, anti-philosophical, anti-traditional civilization that’s ever existed on the planet. I can’t help but have disdain for the vast majority of my contemporaries and countrymen and wonder what the fuck my ancestors who came here were thinking. It makes me ashamed of my birth both by blood and nationality desu.

Do you guys every feel like maybe there’s no point? Like you just don’t have the natural inclination or that the ship already sailed?

>>15130217
thats all fine. the cringe part is referencing anime to make your point and thinking it's as simple as 'understanding one another'

I finally applied for a job at the supermarket today. I can't work at my normal job thanks to Carolla, and as the supermarkets are one of the few places still open I was gonna try my luck there. At first I have no doubts I was gonna get the job - if people I went to Highschool with could land one, with no prior job experience at all, why shouldn't I, who's worked with customers before? But now that I looked through how professionally done everything is the doubts are crawling in. Furk man. I was fantasising about what to spend the money on already.

>>15133798
Yes. What is the point of life?, I ponder.

>>15133798
Maybe there's a point but it's too obvious.

>>15133798
>Do you guys every feel like maybe there’s no point?
I never felt that there was no point. I didn't however knew what the point was. I then stopped having this kind of feeling when I realized the whole concept of there being a point is senseless, and that being alive is enough.

>>15134483
Are some lives worth more than others?

>Get back to work wagie!
Republicans worship death. Their inculcation of false consciousness in the working class by fomenting protests to "reopen America" is criminally insane.

>>15133798
The lack of an obvious point gives you something to strive for. Whoever is in heaven must be going crazy for the lack of variety. Schopenhauer and Dostoevsky's Underground Man has something to say about this.

>>15134518
Definitely not. Lives are incommensurable between each other as each life is unique and necessary (as in the ancient greek "necessity", ananke) to itself.

>>15134744
What if someone is unhappy with their life? Wouldn't that make their life less unique, less necessary to themselves?

>>15118676
im so fuckd up

I'm here trying to motivate my personal statement. But, can't fully commit. The nervous part of me that doesn't believe I can make it is urging me to write and the arrogant half i content with just lazing about because it believes that everything will be ok. I'm almost glad that arrogance exists, its comforting.

I'm flyin'- flyin' -flyin' over yooou

Haha

>>15134845
I do not think so. The uniqueness of one's life is inherent, not a value that can go up or down. If anything, it's when we're at our worst than we tend to analyze our condition and therefore to realize the unique character of our life to ourselves. It's when we contemplate fully the possibility of death that we realize that we realize to the fullest that our life is THIS, not anything but this this-ness, and it's the only one we can have, and that the concept of having another one is not impossible, but nonsensical. Anything else is confusing the map with the territory.
But if you're asking me if it's normal to wish you were dead once in a while, yeah, I do believe it's perfectly normal.

>>15135088

I realized a couple days ago that it's been 7 years since my gran's funeral. I was dealing fine with it in the years to follow, the last time I saw her she looked so sick I wasn't surprised when I heard about her death. But the more I'm contemplating my life and the relationship to my family that I hardly had, the sadder I get about it. I was 17 when she died. I've seen so much since then and am much more myself now. I wonder what she'd think of me now. If she'd be happy, if she had an encouraging word for me. I realized, too, that she spoke a bit of Russian to me as a kid. I wonder how well she actually spoke it. For some reason her learning a strange language opens up a fascination I didn't know about her when she was still alive.
I journaled about a completely unrelated topic today, but she ended up popping her way in. I vividly remember the t-shirts she would wear when we were staying at her summer house. I've been having so many dreams about being back there, but every time before I could make it to her place, something would prevent me from doing so. I saw no other way but to go back irl. I damn near choked when I saw that giant stone glazed in blue that the two of us had painted so many years ago. The new owner was strolling into the garden and I couldn't believe he had that memoir of my youth on his property. The audacity, when he didn't know the last thing about my grandma, when I could walk right by him and he wouldn't bat an eye at me. I haven't dreamed of the place since. I like to imagine that my gran's spirit is sitting out on that bench overlooking the beach, one of her favourite places, that we would visit on warm nightly strolls. Now that Spring's blooming my apartment gets very warm in the morning which inevitably conjures up images of eating breakfast in her garden. I thought I was so tough and independent, and yeah I make do, but these days I'm so worried about my mom and whether I will sit here bawling my eyes out when her time's come. Now that everything is weird and I have to work digitally I'm sincerely thinking of moving in with her for a while. I left to a faraway city. In a couple years time, I don't want to regret that I went out to live a different life, leaving my poor mom and many joyous hours behind, only to lament that I didn't take enough of them.

>>15118685
>shitposting in a txt file when the internet goes out
Better than nothing i guess

>>15122041
>40s
ftfy, anon

>>15122277
>Why is this hellhole so addictive?
Because you have nice digits. That's why I keep coming back.

>>15133424
You can solve this by killing yourself

My life is becoming the shining.
ALL WORK AND NO PLAY

I sent an email to somebody asking him to comment on a discussion on a certain matter(on which he is a somewhat authoritative figure) . A few days ago he replied apologising for the late reaction and saying that he lost his father some weeks ago and there's some unexpected stuff happening due to COVID, and that he's going to comment soon. I'm not sure what if anything I should respond to RIP his loss?
>inb4 autist
Yes, doesn't matter

>>15123378
Try a dopamine fast or meditation anon, I hope all with your paper goes well.

>>15130954
Thanks man, that means a lot. Of course, it's hard to be social during times like these, but I'll be occupying myself with other things for now.