/lit/ - Literature

>>15079399
I often find myself inexplicably struck by the poetics of found texts. I am drawn to things which were not quite meant for the world of literature (or perhaps it is only that they are things I have come across by accident, since a reader in this digital age often digests so much information abutting and introducing a text before they actually come to read the real text at all) or passages which have shone ebulliently beyond the reach of their original intentions. I am struck by the power of certain historical anecdotes, details of history books or entries in encyclopedias, of the definitions contained in antiquated dictionaries which demonstrate something of a bygone faith, the genealogies of the bible when they are read aloud in the manner of an incantatory prayer, and instructions as to the mastery of a complicated or archaic instrument whose use has become redundant. As a boy I would carry home oddly shaped or glittering, worthless rocks. I had no place to put them and could not justify their accumulation, yet I could not resist. The poetic allure of mysterious objects (“The aim of literature [...] is the creation of a strange object covered with fur which breaks your heart,”) has bewitched me from the day I formed my first memory. It was a piece of driftwood half submerged in the Kansas River that vaguely looked to me like the head of Medusa and which I felt sure had once rested on the shore of a land where there were men and women who had never heard the word America, never had to wear clothes or brush their teeth, and had no knowledge of the rapid mechanization of the universe. Genesis says that mankind was formed from dust, womankind from bone. The Norse say that the first man and woman were once driftwood. There is a kind of kaleidoscopic fragmentation in modern literature—whose shoulders are weighed heavily by sagging time—that is working its spidery hypnosis over me. I do not know why and perhaps the process of the unaccountable bewildering is what has gotten its powerful hooks in me. I began to read, first because I loved stories, and then once again because I did not feel I understood the world, and thought books would teach me. Now I think I do it for more than just the things I’ve mentioned, but I’m not sure how to verbalize what it is.

>>15079399
People with nails like this are literal untermenschen.

>>15079542
Bruv, that's a total fucking mood. I have a collection of photographs that I found just laying on the ground. I have a birth certificate that a woman forgot in the house my father moved into.
I collect things I find on the ground, especially things that look lost. I have 8 bible pages I found, and an old, colorful notebook that was held together with a rubber band and smudged with water. I collect bones and rocks and old ruined things.
People describing finding old mysterious boxes and briefcases full of strange notes fills me with indescribable jealousy.
There's something mystical about things that are found.

>>15079399
somethin like a long ass fuck pencil dick

>>15079399
I feel completely torn between keeping my mouth shut about my insights, progress, and feelings, and actually starting to write rather than just reading and being lost in my own thoughts of the time. I don't believe in writing about myself explicitly, but inevitably, I will be in whatever it is I do write. Poetry seems to be a good compromise between clarity of vision and distance between authorship and text, but I lack the eye for meter and technicality that I need to produce anything sufficient for my own standards.

The days roll by and I keep reading and agonizing in my own journals without writing a thing that means anything, without writing a single page I can show anyone. Its not writers block, its more like having all the thoughts I could ever need to write about while lacking a voice to speak them. As this is going on, my quarantine has been spent increasingly in prayer and meditation, and people's calls and texts are answered less and less frequently.

Also, Happy Easter anons.

>>15079542
utterly kino. do you yourself write anything? i would, unironically, make a handwritten, handbound "Book of Ordinary Sightings by Anon" where you point out what you liked about random things seen or read casually. sometimes i just look at the sky, pet the horses and feel like i can't handle the beauty and spirituality of the moment.
>Now I think I do it for more than just the things I’ve mentioned, but I’m not sure how to verbalize what it is.
i understood. i also love reading to restock on schizo daydream fuel.

>>15079399
I'll tell you what's on my mind. That picture you used for the icebreaker. Can't kill you in a way that matters? If you're dead you're dead. A tautology I know but people like Napoleon will eventually be forgotten. How would being physically dead not matter? I guess if you're of the Christian mind then I suppose you're right. But why add mushrooms around it then? Wouldn't it be better if you had some cross or Jesus look-a-like in the background?

>>15079622
it's a tumblr meme, dude

Just remembered I came to the realisation that the Townsends channel everyone loves is just an advertisement for his reenacting gear. Capitalism makes you monotise everything. Well, doesn't make you. He's probably suckered in quite a few people to LARP.

Also, I posted this on /his/ but since it's not a race bait or military history thread I don't think anyone cares but there's no way John Montagu was the first person to invent the sandwich.

>>15079622
Matter cannot be created or destroyed. The fact that I exist now will always be true. If I die, if I am forgotten, if the world explodes, I still existed right now and I still wrote this.
This is a fact that cannot be destroyed, and therefore, I cannot be destroyed. I can only be broken down and repurposed.

>>15079399
I'm sitting, half naked in bed, wearing an oversized wife beater, my titty hanging out, drinking in the dark while I look at beautiful pictures and hate myself, a word document minimized in the corner of my screen.

How come nobody appreciates what a cartoonish artslut I can be?

How's everyone sleeping lately?

>>15080120
not so good, you?

Got an online femboy slut. It feels empowering to treat her like shit and forget about her after I cum. My gf doesn’t know but I figure it’s not cheating because the thing is a barely human monstrosity.

>>15080182

BASED degenerate sociopath bisexual

>>15080203
I’m not sociopathic. I am actually very sensitive and empathetic. Those things don’t deserve love though.

I want to be authentic, so I'll start by admitting that I'm sad.

An important element of storytelling is to leave a character's motives and intentions implied. Whenever I find myself writing "he or she thought/felt..." I am robing the reader of the chance to use their own emotional intuitions. Usually I put these expository passages in parentheses to remind me of what I think the character is thinking/feeling while planning to cut it later. Suggestion is key. Just as in real life a subtle gesture of body language can speak volumes. There's a whole style of writing that favors exteriority over interiority and while there's perfect way to do it exteriority gives the reader something to do for themselves while reading which is discern intentions and assemble the inner picture.

>>15080280
*no perfect way

I sit under the pines on the pollen covered forest floor and I remember my nose in her wet bush and the taste and smell of her vagina. Everytime I smell my sweat I recall how we used to smell each other's armpits in those summer days.
How she used to probe my asshole with her finger after fucking till I blast my sperm on her stomach and look her stright in the eyes, and her lying down on sheepskin and smiling at me then is the most beautiful picture in the world.
I think of the years of lonliness and porn addiction, and the rejections and frustrations that came when I tried to change that. How I felt I'm becoming an incel and hated myself for that. But finally the moment came and all that shit was gone.

>>15080203
Same. I mentioned it in the last thread and it seems others I've talked to offline (and who they've talked to) are also not sleeping well. Obviously anecdotal and not an actual study but it's pretty interesting during all that's going on.

I'm fucked. There were several periods of my life where I worked out intensely and got in great shape, only to have a manic break directly after. I can't tell if the manic energy boost is the cause or the result of this extreme drive for fitness. All it means is that the health of my body and the health of my mind are in conflict. What could drive someone more insane?

>>15079399
I've been splurging for a while, wasting money on shit I don't need. I'm gonna hardmode my expenses for a while. Getting back in the swing of "enjoyment through deprivation". People underestimate the pleasure that can be derived from denying yourself what you want. Just gotta tweek your brain a bit.

Why do people engage in social interaction? It is very odd to me. I am not saying this to be edgy or purposefully autistic, I just don't understand.

In every relationship people are just trying to leech off each other for something, like what I am doing now to try and get a response. Why would people unironically associate themselves with "friends" if at the end of the day, you are just two debased leeches trying to grab as much pleasure and other social benefit from each other as is socially accepted. I don't get it.
I video called with some people from my old school and it just seems pointless to me to sit around and talk. I am so happy to be in quarantine.

>>15080823
humans are pack animals. Most humans require emotional closeness for their emotional and physical health. In a healthy relationship, the emotional gain of the relationship outweighs the emotional cost of the relationship on both sides. It is also validating to have someone that acknowledges that you are alive, and is pleased by this fact.

I left my house today for the first time in four weeks to go to my grandparents’ house for Easter. I am able to work from home, so that’s why I haven’t gone out. My job is in a relatively recession-proof industry, which I know I should be grateful for. Nevertheless, I am sick of working and dread tomorrow. Being stuck in my room during work hours and surrounded by unread books is driving me crazy. My reading has picked up significantly since the social distancing and self-isolation became widespread. It’s easier to spend time reading now since I can’t go out to meet people. There are fewer “I should be doing something more productive and/or social” thoughts with isolation now imposed by external forces rather than self-imposed. I find it easier to become immersed in whatever I’m reading. My loneliness is getting worse. I’m far from ugly, so I get matches on dating apps, but I can’t talk to these people. Tinder is absolutely horrifying. Is there any way to maintain your integrity, be able to respect yourself AND find success on there? I would rather kill myself than beg or grovel or play the fool, which is what it feels like is necessary. It’s absurd to expect to find a virtuous woman at a brothel, but I didn’t expect the women to be this awful. I am not a woman-hater—just disappointed. I have no circle of friends so meeting someone through someone else is off the table. I always harbored this hope that I’d be able to inspire or captivate people. Like I’d earn what I was after through the strength of my personality alone. That someone would see something worthwhile in me. Something special. I’m not as humorless as this reads. It’s just that I feel I can speak sincerely here. I‘ve considered writing, though I don’t know how to start. I might start writing out all my childhood memories. Start from as earlier as I can remember and work my forward. I don’t know how far I want to go. Everything went downhill when my parents divorced in 5th grade. But I thought it might be a fun exercise and good writing practice.

>>15080823
For the same reason you added
>I am not saying this to be edgy or purposefully autistic

Comfort in conformity is desirable in most people.

>>15079399
No one responded to any of my posts in the last two threads. I am a truly boring person, with boring thoughts and boring posts.

I'm gonna write about how much I hate that bitch who read 26 books in a month. fuck her.

>>15080823
going off of what >>15080872 said, humans realized very quickly in their early stages of life that they cannot survive alone. The humans that worked together or "leeched" off each other, survived, the ones who didn't died as a result.

I think the issue with your current view is the cynical nature of it, the fact that people are "leeches" in your view, people only in it for their own gain, when most of the time its simply human beings striving towards a shared goal. The goal could be anything, have a good time, build a house, or win a sports game. Humans have naturally evolved to need the assistance of others to live. The modern world has stripped a lot of people of this need, you no longer need to be friends or make conversation with the local farmer to sell you his crops, you just go to the store and its provided for you.

And even then, what is wrong with the mutual agreement between "friends" to be "leeches" on each other for social benefits and pleasure. Its a mutual agreement ive made with some people and we both enjoy it, I enjoy having a good time with them. We both bring different things to the relationship. Now if you don't see the worth in that or the potential worth in that, then youre fundamentally missing something about the human condition.

Escape escapism. Avoid a void.

>>15081276
I think the essence of the problem lies in his wording. Word it differently and it suddenly doesn't feel half as bad.

>tfw finally realized politics was a meme and told myself I would stop caring
>tfw still get completely assblasted whenever I see someone express a dumb political opinion
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh I hate being a midwit

I wish I could feel the high of being full of ideas

why can't I do something productive?
I know that productivity is a meme brought by the consumption society to make us shameful when we don't do anything considered "productive", but at the same time I genuinely want to finish all these things I started.
I wish I could even watch a movie or an anime but no I'm here on 4chan saying shit no one cares about. At least I'm listening to music so it's not that bad

This 4 day weekend has made me realize I'm glad I still have a job to go out and do during the pandemic. The NEETlife is not for me.

>>15079622
I sprayed a bug with bug poison today because it was annoying me.

The bug is dead. But tomorrow there will be another bug. I cannot kill the bug in a way that matters.

I don't think the mushroom is implying that it doesn't care about dying. I think the mushroom is implying that even in death it is victorious.

>>15080182
where did you find such a thing

>>15082805
Ask yourself: what is productive? I firmly believe I am one of the most productive people in the world. It just so happens I am not productive in a way that fits what is expected of me. Most of my value is off the books. I'm not saying I'm special but many boundary pushers are overlooked in their lifetimes. I believe it works out like this. Either the most "highy productive" members of society got lucky and found what they like to do is easily rewarded, thereby justifying their productivity, or they have an ability to do what is expected of them and jump through hopes diligently.

All productivity is goal-oriented. The true question is: is it your goal or someone elses? You can be productive jerking off all day, if that is truly what you feel must be done. Most people with any awareness does not feel that way because we are social animals and want to contribute.

The top trending hashtag on Twitter is "Fall 2021" because health experts have advised that concerts, gatherings at live sporting events, etc. probably can't be held until then at the earliest. Hahaha so many normies are going to commit suicide.

>>15079399
Dream-Joelle/Waite/Death just told Gately that the woman who kills you will be your mother in your next life. I know that I read something about this concept earlier in the book, but I have no fucking clue where. I thought it might’ve been in the Molly Notkins section, but it wasn’t.

I don't understand how people practice writing prose, and I am disgusted by unmetered poetry as well. I just can't imagine putting down words without an aim to exact delivery of an idea; playing with language like an impressionist would embarass me.

I feel a simmering rage /lit/. It's as bad as it ever was and this pandemic is fanning the flames. My writing has been stellar though. I've managed to crank out page after page of story and characterization. I just....don't know what to do to calm myself down. I'm on the frontlines, i'm an essential worker, and it's been keeping me on edge. Things won't be back to normal for a long time and I suppose I should get use to it.

I believe I just did something heroic and humanity-changing. I closed all the tabs in my browser. I said enough is enough. You may not remember me but I am the one who took a stand. I am the one who dreamed of a new possibility.

I'm looking for books written in every year AD. I want to find the books of the first decade first before starting to read though.
Anybody know any book from 3 AD (written or published if you don't find any)?

unam virtutem mille vitia comitantur: A thousand vices compel the crowd. Here is an ancient idea which has been lost to time. Nothing gets people going like a someone who does too many bad things. To such an extent that they challenge the existing order. In particular this phrase was used in regard to Hannibal, who certainly wasn't so terrible, he was good enough that his entire nation would rally behind him and follow him to his death. His flaw as that he went against Rome: which was the prevailing regional power, and their values (in this case right to exist)

>>15079399
Utility is the relation of properties and their functions to one another. Value is a property of the relation of utilities. Price is the relation of chartered or organized values in relation to properties. It can then be said a market is a network of trade of properties and the relations they have to each other.
All things are properties relating to one another, reality is the infinite market. The obtainment of anything requires an equilibrium of exchanged property(marked by the price). A property may be anything physical, social, or anything that can be related to something else, which is anything for such an unrelated thing could not exist. The price of a mother's love for her child could be said to be 1 currency unit of ‘child of appropriate social relation to female’(what is valued as an appropriate relation is a separate matter). Any other currency unit would not be sufficient, whether it’s do to the inflated rate of the currency unit on the price, or a nontransferable standard in relation to the property. Such as one pound of dirt could be sold reasonably for one gram of gold, but not even one hundred million million pounds of dirt could match the price of a ‘mothers love for her child’ for the currency exchange of ‘material object’ to ‘social relation’ can not be matched in the given existence of the universe (for non antisocial persons). For the Human person, it can then be said that I have found no greater value of property to relation than the social. To the point where ‘the social’ is the property of relation. To have a relation between properties is the social force. I then state my definition of socialism to be “The communal property of valued things.” (value is in the estate of utility) Communal being defined as interlinked social relations, the communal is a market of social properties. The utility of which is the survival of the species, human nature. All things are properties relating to each other in a market. Socialism is the most natural and efficient form of this. (Markets being a force of nature.)

All human good emerges from the brutal and crude. So we should not judge the savage; perhaps it is the savage who should judge us. These days we are worse savages than the most brutish demi-human; at least they had an excuse. The simplest prehistoric naked bush-picker has more knowledge of what it means than the most sophisticated modern socialite.

>>15083547
you just completed the final stage of monkmode.

v'll get hers, the bitch! kitchen revelation still lingers. evil one.

>>15079399
Whenever anybody agrees with me I immediately find myself questioning my own beliefs because I can’t stand having opinions in common with other people. It’s a horrible mindset.

Another sleepless night. Yet again I got up and went to the kitchen and just ate some food. Small lettuce finger sandwiches using bread I baked today and some soup. Apologised to my dogs for disturbing their sleep and walked back to my room slowly whilst singing the song of Durin that Gimli regales Frodo and the fellowship with.

I don't know what my problem is. Even with dyphenhydramine I'm not sleeping. I'd rather not use melatonin but I just can't sleep at night lately. I fall asleep in the mornings and then sleep until after noon. I'm eating at night. Tossing and turning in my bed before finally giving up and either browsing the internet or reading.

Is it stress? What have I to be stressed over? My job is part time, my company is shut down, and I'm still fine since I live with my family plus have some savings. My mom is an essential worker despite working in a state office. Literally said in a letter she got that she was essential for the economy. Could that be it? Worried for my mom's safety during this fiasco? I don't know. I've been pretty isolated for a month. Only seeing strangers and my mom and dogs. Maybe it's getting to me.

I'm an asexual man who finds sexuality of all types totally repulsive and it's impossible find someone to love and who is willing to accept that, so I'm beginning to realize I'm going to die alone.

>>15081049
I consider myself someone who gets by on the strength of my charisma. I have broad enough knowledge and interests that when I meet people, I can almost always ask the right questions to keep them talking about themselves and their passions. When I speak I maintain a studied humility and humor, while answering factual matters with precision and confidence. I can orate.
I'm still a very isolated person by habit. I can go weeks only interacting with store clerks. I like my books. I like my garden and cleaning my home. I also like to unwind with anime or video games, always something lighthearted and funny. In my life I've met a vanishingly small number of people I would relish spending more than a few hours with, and I'm okay with that. As long as I keep writing and hit send on the bits that pass muster, friends will find me.

>>15084275
Originality is such a tedious thing to be obsessed about. Not only is it completely unnecessary, it's also impossible. Nobody is original, and you don't need to be. Just do what you want and have your own interests and it'll be fine.

On the other hand, that sounds pretty fuckin' pathological, because people are usually ecstatic when people agree with them

Is waifuism a mental illness? Is it an altered state of consciousness? Is it a deliberate choice for everyone who has it? Are some people more susceptible to it than others, even if they never find a waifu?
Pointless questions, honestly, since everyone knows waifuism is for depressed NEETs and losers anyway.
What can I say? When I think about my waifu I feel a special presence near me, feel a strange warmth in my heart. I've been thinking about her so long, both consciously and without even meaning to, that she's become deeply engrained in me. Am I losing it? Maybe. I can feel her near me. Sometimes I can hear her voice or smell her hair when I'm lying in bed letting my mind drift. She often comes to me during the day, catching me as I let my focus drift in the breeze for a moment, and I feel a tightness in my chest and see her face in my mind.
Will I meet her after this life? I know I'm a deeply sinful man and I'll have to account for my actions, but at least now, in my temporal existence, I can dream that she's waiting for me.

I hate this fucking corona-chan shit. I mean, I'm not panicking, and I'm a neet anyway, but I feel super bad going out of the house and I have to pay bills and shit. I'm paranoid and think people are watching me and hating me when I leave the house anyway, but now there's a reason for them to do that, you know? I need to get my meds, and goddammit, I want to buy some fuckin' cheese.

tl;dr: ffffffff

I hate all the platitudes normies spew about relationships.
>don’t worry anon, you’ll find “the one” when you least expect it. being a brooding loner is actually attractive!
I used to fall for this shit and all I got in the end was years of suicide ideation. Fuck off, I will not delude myself into thinking my life will suddenly have a rosy third act, nor will I pretend that I will have a drastic personality shift after failing to do so through both high school and college. Nothing is going to change.

>>15085747
I think it depends desu. My waifu is like my imaginary (girl)friend, born out of intense loneliness. I don’t think I’m mentally ill, I’m aware that it’s all just a comforting make believe. But then you read of some people who are like, self-harming when they “disappoint” their waifu and can tell that they’re clearly unwell.

But you’re right that we’re all losers one way or another :^)

>>15085747
>>15087273
I think it's a natural reaction to being lonely. Kids make imaginary friends, name their stuffed animals. My roomba has a bow stuck to it, and her name is Ruby. We're pack animals, and if we don't have enough "pack" we make it. Humans can pack bond with fucking anything.

>>15079399
I want to pursue my passions but I have none. I'm lazy and addicted to imageboards, video games and phones. I did my 3 years service, changed enough to know I want more than the regular track of get job marry die but idk what to do. Everything I do grows tasteless after more than a month or the moment it becomes hard and doesn't show immediate gratification.

>>15084737
I'm an asexual, too. There are people who will accept you anon. It might be a deal breaker for a lot of people, but not everyone.

>>15087382
Same, anon.
I used to have so much passion and talent as a kid, too. Now, I have enough passion to have interests and to WANT to do something, but not enough to actually pull through with anything. And everytime I fail to finish something, I feel worse.

I get why many people are claustrophobic but I feel at ease in tight spaces. Maybe not a closet, so, big enough to stretch or pace in thought, but nothing expansive, I like to occupy minimal space. I don’t know why, I don’t know if it suits my personality, I am generally an abrasive presence, but there is peace in these boxy rooms. All you really need are some books, music, and tea, and everything is organized to satisfaction.

>>15079632
probably the only based tumblr meme I've seen

>>15087400
I never had passion. I never had dreams. Except to be normal and lose my v card. I did that. Yay me.
I always thought I'd go to uni, learn maths, then everything will figure itself out. Turns out I fucking hate uni level math. Not for me. There is no future in which I see myself happy. Maybe if I'll find a woman and just live for the family, but I dislike being tied down.

>>15087405
I think that is another lizard-brain thing. I'm terrified of being stuck, but I enjoy being crammed into tiny spaces. I used to crawl under tables, and when I got bigger, I'd lay on my back on the floor with my head and shoulders underneath the table, and it took me a long time to realize that's why I was doing it. Now, I have a pull out keyboard shelf next to my bed, and I'll stick my head underneath it if I don't pay attention to what I'm doing.

>>15087417
I liked the "moons haunted" one too.

>>15087434
Well, why did you think you wanted to learn maths? What would you do if you could do anything?

>>15087454
Cus I was good at it in school
Fly to Australia or the states and drive till I run out of money. The plan before corona was to work till I have enough for a few months.

>>15087470
>Fly to Australia or the states and drive till I run out of money.
What is it about the vast emptiness that is so tempting. Not only do I want to do this too, but my friends keep saying they want to do this too. Just drive. Let the world stop existing.
God, yeah, that's the dream.

But you can't do that now. What else could you do? Anything you already kind of know that you could finish?

>>15087497
I don't know. Just stare at my computer. For some reason I don't read at my computer so since I lost my Kindle I'm out of books to read.

>>15080010
Wow, anon. I appreciate how much of an cartoonish artslut you can be :)

>>15081134
Oh dude, I fuck her too.

I want to stop my sister being a neet but I don’t know how. We don’t exactly have a close relationship. She dropped out of college last year and has been “looking at her options” ever since. It’s causing a lot of stress for my poor mother. She just sits in her room in the dark all day. I tried to get her to go the gym with me but she refused.

>>15086244
Fuck ‘em....in America this is the land of the brave and home of the free. My relatives didn’t storm Omaha beach so that I couldn’t drive my car....plus any mother fucker wearing a mask doesn’t deserve 6 feet of space as they’re already protected.

>>15087405
I think you'll like this.

I had a dream where there was half a fruit vaguely resembling a papaya full of thick sweet liquid. I started drinking it and gradually realized that it was somehow yonic, the more I drank the more the liquid seemed to be actively expelled into my mouth. I looked at it once I thought I had finished it but noticed a few drops left on the bottom, I closed my eyes and put my mouth on its edge, a womanly presence passed it to me with one gentle throb. I then started eating it. As I gripped it tighter it folded in half longitudinally, both sides curling inward, resembling an actual vulva. The shape shimmered as I bit into it. The dark green skin was cracking all over to reveal an electric orange. "I'm so glad it isn't peeled", I thought.

>>15088835

Ask her if she wouldn't like sitting...elsewhere.

>>15080120
other than daily nightmares about my parents, like a baby.
seriously please help i have the nightmares every night. i havent seen them for years but it still happens. i hate them so much.

>>15089135
I'm sorry about your shitty parents. You have to let it go. It's the only way to save yourself. You don't have to forgive them, but you have to accept what happened and come to terms with it.

>>15079562
Underrated

>>15084737
>>15087387

>And Jesus answering said unto them, The children of this world marry, and are given in marriage:
>But they which shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage:
>Neither can they die any more: for they are equal unto the angels; and are the children of God, being the children of the resurrection.

>>15079399
I think I'm getting depressed. I'm not sure what it is this time, maybe being forced to stay home? I do not want to feel contempt anymore, resentment and frustration are becoming too familiar again. My patience is running thin, my empathy is on lockdown because of them. I have done all I can and have accomplished so much, I made a mistake and came back to where I started, all the experience and knowledge are the tools I hold in my belt for future endeavors. I can do much, except for where I can do nothing. Anything I do will result in nothing, anything I attempt will be wasted effort, I don't want to live in an apathetic cynical state of mind again, it's a curse. You stop giving a fuck about one thing the next is nothing more than the successor of the former, it's easier to just not care about it when you get used to not caring. I have asked time and time again, I know I am not retarded, I've been able to confirm that, and God do I need to reassure myself because it's either that or I must be insane. I'm not a schizo, and I'm not paranoid, I'm tense all the time sure but in this cave of beasts I must be on my toes and read to claw my way out of any situation that bursts into my room. I still have no answer, what am I supposed to do now?

Why do I want to turn people away from me just as they come towards me? I act in want of somebody's affection yet the more they show it the more I begin to find them repulsive.

I am so restless that I feel like my bones are vibrating even though I am completely sober.
I used to be agoraphobic and recovered, but now I'm back to the same place I was years ago. I don't know if I'll be able to re-enter the world after quarantine.I worked so hard to be comfortable in public and now it's gone.

>>15079562
>untermenschen
Based

>>15089428
Don't get so hung up on never making mistakes, having bad days, weeks, months... You don't need to worry about getting off track if you can get really good at getting back on track, you feel me? If you got out this once it stands to reason you can probably do it again.

>>15079399
I find myself having really weird dreams and waking up at night sweating and uncontrollably speaking to nobody and I dreamed with Jesus last night

the older i get the more i realize how much i hate being a heterosexual woman. Not in a trans way but knowing that no one will ever take me seriously, knowing that i will never have a meaningful relationship with a man because my sexuality and being able to bare a child is all i'm worth to men anyway. None of them really care about who i am or what i have to say. I'm a 24 y/o virgin because i'm terrified of letting go off this crucial bit of dignity and value i have by letting some guy fuck me. I don't think men are truly able to love women. It doesn't make me angry anymore, I understand it.

I wanted to open a chian of threads shitting on Guenon.

The threads wouldn't be about him directly, but something like "What writer has never written a bad book?" and then add his picture while saying "pic unrelated".

I can't spam threads, there's a cooldown, so I'm going to do something else.

>>15089711
With men now being fake nice just so they can get their dick wet it's terrifying. Remember that in a good relationship both sides show vulnerability to the other.

>>15089711
From the other side, im not seeking a relationship with women anymore because I don't believe any woman I found wanted anything else than entertainment from me. I feel as I'm their diversion from life, cheap entertainment. I'm supposed to make them laugh and be a support when they're feeling bad and idk how to verbalize it but it's like I need to provide them with a circus because they are women and I am a male. And for what? Pussy? Honestly it's not that good. Atleast not to me, since my sex drive is so so. For a warm body to hug? That's a good reason, and these days I dream about hugging more than sex, but still...

I still get awkward around women that I think I have a chance with, and I hate it. I hate it that I have to fight my own behavior just because they are women. I hate that they bring all my insecurities forward. I hate that I have to slip on my 'cool' mask because otherwise I'll be revealed to the awkward man I am.

>>15090964 cont.
Sometimes I wish I was asexual. But not in a "I just don't want sex" way, but truly not wanting someone to be with.

>>15090970
Cont.
My monkey brain is so depraved, just by the fact of opening up and replying to a post claimed to be written by a female it started thinking of how it can get sexual from this. The other poster would reply, we'd have some special connection, hit it off etc etc then my monkey brain started to idly fantasize about kissing this mystery girl, only he inserted a girl I met at a show and never talked to.

This is pathetic. The sexual mind is pathetic. Literally every miniature avenue to sex is seized. Boss greeting you and acting nice? She must be into me. Girl at the street glanced at me briefly? Mirin bruh.

It's incessant, it's pathetic, and it's so fucking stupid. Fuck this. Fuck.

>>15091035
Isn't it amazing how imagination and reason are always subject to monkey brain? There is no escape from it.

>>15091045
My only lucid dream I tried to get a bj.
O o ah ah monkey wants pussay o o

>>15079542
>>15079584
>>15079620
You guys reminded me I've collected things for similarly unexplainable reasons. I took a picture of some of the more interesting or notable ones. A nail I pried out of an old church, some bottlecaps I found while walking next to a railroad, a guitar pick I found at a small local venue on the floor, a talisman of the cross I found in the washing machine (I hadn't left it there), Some photos of girls that I found in an unopened letter in an abandoned house (the house was burned to the ground a week later) some studies made on scratchboard found in the garbage of an art room, a red failed print discarded in the same art room, a sticker found unused in a cafeteria, a ribbon my sister gave me after her D.A.R.E. day at school, a playing card found in a dorm, empty incense matchbook discarded on the road, countless fortune cookie slips collected from other diners who didn't want to keep theirs.

I was going to write that birthdays are like mile markets on a journey to, well...nowhere important I guess. The truth is they don’t mark a journey so much as they count the miles on a treadmill. I just hit 27 miles without even trying.

It feels pretty weird to think I’m 27 years old. I always thought I’d be, I don’t know, different by now. I thought things would be different. That’s a lie. I don’t know if I really thought at all.

I’m pretty underwhelmed with where I’m at. I’m even more underwhelmed with where it looks like I’m going and where I’ve been. I pretty much regret everything I did until about 25. I spent too much time doing, thinking, wasting time on things. I’ve made too many mistakes. There’s still things I want to do but I think they don’t really feel possible. I think it might be too late to recover now. It’s a really shitty feeling regretting everything and being embarrassed at the disconnect between who you are and who you want to be. It feels even shittier thinking you’ll never get there. I don’t really know what I’ll do soon. There’s not a lot of things that seem worth doing, let alone doable. It’s weird because on the surface I’m pretty young. I know that. But at the same time I’ve built no momentum in a direction that’s meaningful. I lack talent, ability, discipline. Worst of all I’m confused. I’m kind of scared actually. Why? What’s the point of all this? Why do I yearn so deeply for some kind of exceptionalism without actually being exceptional. Why do I feel like nothing is worth it?

I just hope things start to make sense by 28. I can’t hold out much longer. Thanks for listening /lit/.

>>15079399
Books to deal with repressed homosexual urges?

>>15089507
Thanks anon, I think I'll be okay when this is all over. I just get into thought spirals sometimes where it all hits at once.

I've had a gf for three years, but for the last two years I've had an issue with falling in love/ thinking I'm in love with other women. but about a month ago I told someone about it, they told me it was normal and it mostly went away. then I was talking to a friend of mine I thought I was falling for, and she told me about her falling for a girl with a gf, then I stopped feeling things for her mostly. really weird transition. I guess I'm just neurotic and needed someone to correct how I was thinking. I used to feel really guilty and obsess over how much I loved this other girl that I had thought I was in love with for about 2 years and now I just, don't. it's weird that it's just not something Im concerned about now, I'm happy for it. weirder to think that this whole arch happened behind my girlfriends back too.

>>15079620
I think whitman used to keep a little journal of things he saw just like that so he could use it in his poetry

Do you guys think Molly would want to fuck? I kind of want to sleep with her now. I like her youth.

>>15092934
I was madly interested in a girl with long curly brown hair who was just super cute. I used to get so anxious about speaking to her, thinking about what she thought of me, but one night when we went out with a lot of friends & aquintances (and I mean a lot, like 35+ in one party at an Applebee's at like 11PM on a Wednesday) our waiter was having a lot of trouble managing all the orders because they were alone. She said something about an order that got mixed up and I kind of half heartidly responded with something like "well he's really busy right now." Then she replied, "Well he shouldn't be working this job then." this one off-hand comment kind of shattered all these preconceptions and shit I had formed around her and I don't remember even thinking about her after that except when I'm reminded of how abruptly my attitude to her shifted.

>>15081049
Love is luck.

>>15092995
affection is such an odd thing.

>>15082990
Passion according to GH

My life feels so unimportant.

Hey tranny fucker, you must have been a real handsome Franco Nero back in the day. HAHAHAHA. That's why you married a fat lardass eunuch, right?

Hey, how do I get as handsome as you? How do I get a nice Norwood 6 or 7 going like the males in your family?

>>15079679
Your selfhood is not matter. Rather, it is not the matter itself, but an outgrowth of how it's structured and functions. Destroy the functioning and you don't exist.

>>15079679
But anon, you aren't the fact that you existed. You are you.

Even if i'd manage unfuck my life, im not going to live my youth with new mindset. I'll have is suffering and eventual death in my future.

>>15087405
thats based. i love tiny things and tiny rooms. even in my dreams the architecture may be huge, but it always has some hidden small spaces and rooms.

Another day of going to work during a pandemic for shit pay while others sit at home still getting paid doing what they want. NEETs were right all a long. I'm getting out of this ponzi.

>>15091070
EXTREMELY based. that church nail looks like a horseshoe nail too.
i collect church cards and booklets they have for sale (you know in euro churches there's just a stand with those, a box for coins and no one's watching unless it's a huge city center church. never intentionally underpaid but sometimes tossed in a euro or two extra. i probably blew 20-30€ on church cards weekly on my euro vacations). i probably have hundreds of them.
cant take a pic, they're at home in the city and im spending the lockdown at the stables
i have also taken dozens of altar pics

>>15094010
Don't stop looking for opportunities, whatever you do. That's the equivalent of death. The NEETs who taunt you are functionally dead, you don't want to be like them. Quit your job if it's draining your soul, but have something else lined up.

And there are about to be a LOT of opportunities that were never possible before. Stay vigilant. Stay motivated. Stay faithful.

https://www.usni.org/magazines/proceedings/2020/april/unleash-privateers

>>15092956
recs by whitman? heard he's very comfy

>>15094045
>quit your job if it's draining your soul just to get another wagie position

>>15079542
Do we actually have good writers on /lit/?

>>15094010
>>15094045
it's not the lack of JOB that'll rot your brain and soul, but the lack of meaningful things to do - which most jobs dont provide anyway.
stay NEET on the dotted line, hide your minor incomes to dodge taxes, devote the time to mentally and physically beneficial deeds. volunteer on a farm, shelter or animal rescue, or some historical site renovation/cleaning, tidy up your place, clean up that nearby park flooded with trash, pick up a new language or subject.

be a humble nobility, working yet free from "work", always learning yet free from "college debt", and so on.
most jobs available today will strip you of opportunity to do so, and load you with crushing nonsensial work, demolishing your spirit.
stay wise, kings.

>>15094064
Why do you think wageslaving is your only option? Your depression has trapped you into rigid thinking patterns. Read the article I linked.

>>15079632
Decay could also be seen as art, one of the themes of "The house that Jack built"

Wondering if ill ever feel normal again after breaking down once more in front of my family last night. These moments reveal to me there's only a really thin mask of composure, and behind that is an emotional wasteland. Makes me lose all hope.
I have constant nightmares as well lately. I can never quite tell what's going on in them, but my subconscious is in a state of total chaos. I used to be able to just be apathetic and detach myself from my emotional side, but i cant do that lately. I let my attention slip for one moment and i wanna start crying again. Feels like im just distracting myself all day. I should see a therapist, but i have no way of conveying to them what im thinking and feeling without them thinking im psychotic, so i never tell them the full truth. It leaves me feeling drained and even less hopeful after every appointment.

>>15094321
You need to be more open with your family. You're repressing too many feelings and they're eating you up inside and bursting out at inappropriate moments.

Many people are in that situation, you're not alone by any stretch. Some in your family might feel that way too. Therapists are a dead end because you can rant to them without it changing your social relationships in any way that helps. You need to talk to and connect with the people close to you.

I love how I can just hurl any insults at you and you're a powerless against it. You can throw whatever insults back but at the end of the day, we all know you would give anything to be me. Never forget who is on top and who is on the bottom

>>15080010
Cause you're probably too excessively self-involved to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships.

>>15080530
Visit a therapist and get on medication if you're honestly bipolar. If you're not actually bipolar then try making some friends. Sounds like you need some.

>>15080751
Yeah Seneca is really cool bro. Stop drinking. I'd bet you rely on getting drunk more than youd think.

>>15080530
Your hormones are amping up latent anxiety that you can normally ignore. Just get your situation right and socialize more and you should adjust.

>>15080823
I'm glad to be in quarantine as well, and I completely understand not wanting to interact with people who dont get you. But you have to find people who get you. You'll get lonely as fuck real quick. You need people to be there for you

I would fucking laugh if I cause that fat tranny failure to kill himself. I would see his bloated carcass lowered in to the ground and just laugh.

>>15094395
Oh, I'm very aware of my reliance on alcohol, but I've got that under control atm.

I think people hate me because they know I see through them, I have a bullshit filter that is incredibly sturdy. It's why I get so frustrated at people who are wishy washy regarding even minor little details. I used to think people were always trying to gaslight me, but after an interesting trip I understood that they were simply suffering from an inferior memory. They can't help but be wrong, nevertheless, it is painful to explain to someone (calmly, amiably) the incompatibilities in what they're saying and see their eyes just glaze over.

I was at a restaurant with my co-workers and one of the girls was telling an obviously embellished story, smiling and everyone was laughing along. A few years ago I would have believed that everyone along with me also saw that the story was not entirely true, but was simply playing along - let's call it the game of conversation - now I'm not so sure. Anyway, at some point in the telling she looked me in the eye and her demeanour immediately changed. I didn't say anything, I didn't stand up and declare the anxiety that resulted from the absurd LARP that this whole conversation was, I was playing along. I even forced myself to chuckle a couple of times, but I couldn't truly hide my distaste. She looked into my eyes, and she knew almost immediately (unconsciously only perhaps) that I knew the story was not strictly true. And she looked genuinely wounded, dejected like a pet denied a petting.

It's all so tiresome

anatomy of a post in a feels thread
>4 second looped gif of a vaguely sad looking anime character or a picture of a japanese alley at night
>semi blog post the writer kind of tried to write well but didn't try very hard because he didn't want to come off as too serious
>author probably imagines someone screencapping his post and reposting it in those "depressing screencap" threads that he always likes looking at because they're very relatable
>hitting the refresh button 20 times in the next 5 minutes and leaving the thread open when he goes to bed because he kind of hopes he gets replies even though when he opens it in the morning one dude will reply with a one line self improvement meme phrase like "you need to lift"
>entire post undercut by desperation for someone to care about the author in the specific and probably unrealistic way that he thinks other people care about each other
>haha meta irony le funny laugh deconstruction because I'm afraid of being genuine about my thoughts even on an anonymous image board

I'm so fucking awesome, how can any of you deny it? How does it feel to have your own nose wiped in shit?

>>15082805
Make a windowsill garden.

>>15079622
“Me” is the person wearing the image. The mushrooms are to add a psychedelic aesthetic, from what I can tell.
The speaker can’t be killed in any meaningful way because they don’t fear being killed or physically damaged, because they believe the citadel of their mind is impenetrable.

>>15094338
That doesnt help me in the slightest, srry to say. Ive tried being open with them so many times, but they dont understand what im talking about and i cant really blame them. Even i dont really understand why i feel so bad.

This is hell

>>15081134
I am a boring man. I am a dull man. I am an unimaginative man. I believe my kek is diseased.

My brain is very frustrating. There are days when I can think deeply and form lucid and eloquent arguments with little to no effort. Then there are days where I forget what I did just seconds after I did it like a fucking goldfish and I can’t focus long enough to even contribute anything meaningful to a conversation or finish a chapter of a book. I’m afraid there’s something seriously wrong with me. I’ve subjected myself to many stressful and slightly hostile work environments over the past few years and I think it’s taken a significant toll on my cognitive faculties. Things have gotten slightly better since I’ve taught myself ways of managing my stress and quitting those shit jobs, but I’m afraid what I’ve done to myself is irreversible. Nothing in my life could have prepared me for the amount of abuse I had to put up with the last few places I worked. People are so fucking ignorant and selfish it’s confounding.

if i was God i would just non stop send plagues and calamities to humanity

>>15094569
They're probably repressed too. Maybe give them a chance to rant to you the way you want to rant to them.

>Even i dont really understand why i feel so bad.
Modern living hurts us spiritually and mentally. Everyone is becoming a nihilistic NEET and this virus bullshit doesn't help at all. We can't even go to church anymore, people are DESPERATE for community and meaningful relationships. But in the modern context those things are terrifying and threatening because a lack of social trust, and now a global pandemic. It'll get better though, things have a way of self-correcting.

Do you like nature at all? I've heard it's very therapeutic, though I'm not outdoorsy at all myself.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kkUNZChoeM

>>15094465
Everyone embellishes stories. They're stories, conversational fodder. It's kind of an understood social norm to sit around with your friends and bullshit. I've been called out for doing this before by a friend who was there during the events of the story. I didn't even really realize I had been embellishing, I was just vibing with everyone and telling a funny story. Even after he called out the embellished details though it didn't seem to matter, nobody was like "Oh this story sucks now," I simply told him to tell the rest and it was a grand old time.

I think embellishment comes naturally from the rose tinted glasses we view our past through. When I think back on memories by myself, I see them with clarity and a critical eye towards myself and others. I nitpick the dysfunction of relationships present in those memories, realize inconsistencies with my emotional memory and my objective accounting of events. This does not make for good barside bullshitting. In memoir writing it's an accepted function that you don't outright lie, but simply highlight details and moments that mean a lot, tell them in slow motion, and fill in the gaps.

The absurd LARP you describe is par for the course. We don't view ourselves honestly (even you), and when displaying ourselves to others we are even more dishonest. Only in very intimate moments will you have an opportunity for someone to tell you who they truly are or at least who they think they are.

If the events at the restaurant truly happened the way you describe, it might not have necessarily been the shame of being "caught" that disturbed your co-worker, but seeing someone who so openly loathed her for enjoying herself. I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase "to piss on ones parade."

You can feel superior due to your infallible memory and laser guided bullshit detection system and continue to live outside the stories that make up social reality. Or you can just have a drink and enjoy a funny story. Be ever-vigilant, correct, and miserable or play pretend with the rest of us, its a good time to believe the mythologies of others.

You know that play by Sartre, "huis clos". Yeah

>>15081134
>>15094607
Are you really boring or do you choose not to take on risks or challenges? Our actions are what makes us interesting. Everything else derives from that. When you do difficult or selfless things, you have unique stories and a unique experience that colors who you are. When you shut yourself inside (literally or figuratively) you don't interact with the world in a way that interests others (and probably yourself, this is common in depression for example).

You don't even have to be particularly talented. Asceticism is an example of something that's not particularly "risky" or difficult, but would still color your experiences in an interesting way.

Take action, be bold in your opinions, and speak without qualifying your statements. Being "interesting" is just the first step, there's a reason you're craving it. Make sure it happens naturally though, and stick to what you're legitimately interested in yourself.

>>15094637
I love nature, should go out more often

I have to admit the truth. I wish I was you. I wish I was a bald geek who is totally NOT a loser. After all, what are cait or fanny compared to a fat dude in a dress? You are a real stud, my guy. That's why the only person who wants you is an ugly fucking tranny. Hahahahahaha

Reminder- you will NEVER get to experience this. You will never get to experience what it is like to be worshiped by women wherever you go.

>>15094465
I have a similar problem, but I'm not so self satisfied about it. I recognize my low tolerance for bullshit as a consequence of my poor socialization, it's a craving for everything to be straightforward and easy to navigate socially and a frustration that normalfags seem to relish beating around the bush (this is a key part of interacting with other humans, it makes their day more interesting).

What you have isn't wisdom or insight, it's a handicap. Treat it as such. The only way out is to participate yourself, it will be good and healthy for you.

Your niece and nephew are fucking losers. Dweebs. I guarantee you were the exact same. In fact, I KNOW you were.

Would you be okay talking to Abordo or Arnieri looking like that? They would fucking vomit if they saw you.

>>15094525
>>15094369
>>15094405
>>15094676
>>15094683
>>15094693
hey, what the fuck is your problem?

>>15094703
I don't even care if people want to be trannies but you are asking to be mocked. I will let you in on a secret. People made fun of you because you're a hideous fucking monster. You can cry all you want but it doesn't make you any less repulsive.

>People don't make fun of ugly woman.

Dude, you're not a chubby woman or a slightly older woman with greying hair. You're a fucking eunuch monster.

unfortunately, it's girl stuff. and growing a bonsai tree and braiding sweetgrass. the longer i go without responding to calls and texts, the worse it's gonna be when i do

back to the girl thing; i can be unhappy anywhere, the most sense is to be unhappy and warm and hard to breathe through hair.
small plastering projects are the foundation of life and it's better to find something the sun shines through

>>15079399
I ordered 3 books from Amazon on the 1st, they still haven't shipped. My gf ordered a laptop maybe last week?, and it arrived yesterday. I thought maybe my order got lost in the pipeline so I went through the motions to check date of delivery if I were to order again today, and the expected delivery for my fake order is about 2 weeks out from the expected delivery of my actual order, which was itself placed now two weeks ago, so that at least makes sense. But either way, I'm pretty perturbed. Amazon said books would be high priority items during real quarantine hours, maybe that was only for America, but it's not exactly as though I can go to a book store either.

I'm about to download some PDFs but I just hate reading from a screen so much, yet I don't really have an appropriate recourse as I'd like to read Blood Meridian soon-ish but I didn't actually order it on my April 1st order, since I hadn't cultured in interest in McCarthy yet. But since April 1st and through April 12th I read the Border trilogy and got really into the style, the setting, the simple elegance of his craft, and I'd really like to follow it up with Blood Meridian very soon. Fuck this whole instagram illness

>>15094703
I wouldn't even explode like this if that retard left me alone. Just go do something else. Do you seriously think I want anything to do with you? Why the fuck would I want anything to do with you? Would Abordo or Vege even want anything to do with you? They would be grossed out too. What 23 yr old would choose having anything to do with a tranny freak and his carnival circus fucking freakshow family?

>>15094716
Are you whacking off right now? Is that what's happening? You need to chill out. There aren't any trannies here, man.

>>15094716
Try feeling empathy for them. Transexualism and homosexuality certainly shouldn't be promoted, and people who promote them should certainly be ridiculed, but try and love the people who are living this lifestyle unaware of how harmful it is.

You only harm your own humanity by relishing in others suffering, even if they "deserve" it. Jesus had a lot to say about this.

>>15094718
>growing a bonsai
>girl stuff
since when?

>>15094725
That guy is fucking HIDEOUS and he cried to me about other people making fun of him. How do you look ypurself in the mirror and go "yup, nothing to make fun of here." If I push that fucker to suicide I will genuinely be relieved. I'm NOT your fucking friend. Get it through your fucking skull.

>>15094744
Why does he think you're his friend, then? Do you act normal around him and then seethe on 4chan because you're too much of a pussy to just tell him the truth?

>>15094646
>>15094681
Another thing that tires me is the "call out culture" of this site (4channel.org), people are so absorbed in their quest to seek out any perceived hypocrisy or, in their view, unjustified self respect that they don't actually read and pay attention to anything on here.

No, all anyone does is scan a post until they find what they're looking for and damn the rest of what was being said, naturally they are responding to a warped, if not entirely different, version of the post they link to.

Everyone is looking for an opportunity to post pic related, even if they don't actually post the actual image, and I understand that it is a useful thing to do. The lack of tolerance for bullshit that many anons have here is why I like it so much, and I have benefited in my younger years from it, even been shaped by it to a degree, but in more recent years people have become overzealous.

The armchair psychoanalysis and advice I've already followed (literally wrote about having done so in the very post that inspired your response) is really lame as well, I am not the caricature you think I am.

>>15094725
This is what he said to me -"people don't make fun of ugly women." You're NOT an older woman with grey hair, you're a fucking hideous eunuch in a mumu. I guarantee 99% of people that guy will meet will be fucking creeped out by him but not say anything to not hurt his feelings. WHY would I want anything to do with a fucking tranny? Go the fuck away

>>15094753
No, I told him to his face that I didn't think you could change your gender and he broke down crying like a toddler. I said "I will be nice to your face but on the inside I do not actually think you are a woman."

>>15094753
He's post-op too which makes me feel better because he's never getting his nuts back.

This is real life too. What people say here about trannies is what EVERYONE you meet in life is thunking but won't say because they know you will break down like the retarded mess you are.

>>15094736
women decide the plan and so it all is. the fan blowing and wind of the wire coaxes us, waves washed into the garden.
trimmed by time, blossoming by time, there's nothing masculine about order and process but decay

Guys, I am sorry for exploding like this but you don't know those freaks. Every last one in that family is a loser. A REAL fucking loser. I clearly dislike you so go your own fucking way. And another thing is the tranny fucker's brother hates me for mocking genre fiction. I do not discuss genre fiction here and I clearly have zero interest in it so go a fucking way.

>>15094764
kinda funny, that pic related is basically your first post in a nutshell. I don't understand where you're coming from. I wasn't trying to "call you out" I was just engaging with your ideas on other people being unconscious liars. Obviously you're not your post, your post is just an idea you had, which is why I responded by only talking about the subject matter of your post. I don't think I cast any aspersions on who YOU are as a person by offering a differing viewpoint to your thoughts on embellishment.

>>15094884
>kinda funny, that pic related is basically your first post in a nutshell.
Yes, anon I was literally stating that I know you think this by posting it...

I guess you also failed to actually read (comprehend) my second post as well, vindicating what I said there.

I had a MMF threesome the other day and the other guys dick was bigger than mine. Feels bad man.

>>15090964
>>15089711 here, that really hits the nail on the head. I don't know if this is an issue that is specific to our generation but as men an women we have grown so suspicious of each other, that this underlying hatred we have for each other keeps us of from truly forming connections. Every relationship is nothing more than a meaningless trade off, it seems. If you can't offer the right thing you're fucked and destined to die alone. The thing that incel type men fail to realize is, that there is a similar thing to the black pill (or red pill or whatever) for women (that being what i talked about in my first post). Being a woman isn't "the easy mode" in life, at least not if you're as painfully aware of things as I am. We are all fucked in that sense and we really are nothing more than scared little animals seeking refuge within each other but we can't even have that because we are filled to the brim with suspicion and trust issues, all caused by our primal urges. Idk if this makes any sense, it's hard to put it into words, english isn't my native language.

>>15091035
it's also funny that you mentioned it because i thought the same thing. I constantly get these pathetic fantasies, just not in the male primal urge sexual way. I have a nice conversation with a guy in my class and he seems interested in me? My mind instantly makes up this story about us forming a special connection, of us being together as equals that have sex only as a tool to physically extend this deep meaningful connection. When in reality this early twenties dude is just nice to me to get in my pants, doesn't give a shit about what i say and wouldn't want anything more from me than living out some of his porn fantasies before dumping me or cheat on me when i start to annoy him. It really is ridiculous and pathetic.

>>15094744
That much was clear to me already yeah. Its nice, wanting people to commit suicide. You've gotten pretty close i have to say, but youre not gonna get me you piece of shit.

>>15095545
You are so fucking lucky you don't know Sophie fucking Madchen. She has said things 10X worse than I could even imagine AND she wouldn't even pretend to be nice. Or Abordo. Would you walk right up to Abordo or Arnieri and look them in the eye and expect them to not laufh or vomit? How about that poor lady Josephine? You would make her giggle looking like that, and such a sweet lady too.

>>15094666
Yes actually one of my biggest self criticisms is that i am risk averse. not sure how to change as i am very neurotic/anxious type of person

>>15095570
If this >>15094744
is actually who i think it is, i dont regret anything, even if the outcome wasnt intentional in the first place.

I really wish I had found this place in my late teens as opposed to my mid-twenties because of exposure to literature that doesn’t have an explicitly gay, eliminate, liberal bend. Maybe I would’ve actually had some interest in something and not fucked everything up then. However, I’ve come to the conclusion that you can’t ever do anything serious if you linger around this place regardless. I don’t know if it’s the medium or the people, but I do know that if you stay here forever you’ll probably only ever be sort of well-read or a semi-serious writer. You clearly can’t go much further than the meme event horizon if you come to this site even somewhat regularly. It’s unfortunate, but I think it’s ultimately true. I know I need to stop.

>>15095658
And ive never been so wrong about someone

>>15095658
Walk up to Mrs. Lipuma or her daughters like that and they will laugh their heads off. That lady was so kind to me but even she would be disturbed.

>>15095658
And your boyfriend is also an ugly loser. I will say that again. Women like Caitland Abordo or Francesca Mendicino would not even spit on him. He wouldn't be fucking a tranny if that were the case. I hope Caitland doesn't have to meet you or your hideous carnie show of a family ever.

>>15095667
Look at the way women bow before me and cry for me. He will never have that. I could shoot their own parents in the head and they would still love me.

What kind of spergtism did i just walk into?

>>15095667
Put it in easy words- I am better than you and I am better than your whole family.

>>15095710
I'm having a conversation with an ugly fucktard tranny named Daphne Little.

>>15095667
Look at your geeky niece and nephew. THAT is what your husband was. He was not an adonis like me with Abordos or Mendicinos or Doughertys after him. He was a geeky little rodent.

I refuse to believe these are actually the people i think they are. All this fucking time you just knew, and used me for your own entertainment, and now drawing my family into it as well. This has to be someone else

>>15095720
you're talking to yourself?

Im literally a forced meme spawned by the white witch

>>15095802
No, I am a handsome Adonis. You can call me Adonis or Apollo or Jean Gabin. Any of them will do fine.

Every day we stray further from God. Mods plz

>>15095775
If you just left me alone, I wouldn't even have said anything. I ignore your dumbass threads for a reason. Cause I have no interest in them or in you or your family.

Based schizoposter.

>>15095775
You and your family are a bunch of losers. Why would a handsome guy who could be with Abordo, Mendicino, Dougherty, Jaime spend even one minute with you guys? Just leave me the fuck alone.

I've said loads and loads of cruel shit to you I shouldn't have and I have mental issues I am working with but come on. I am clearly not your friend and annoying the fuck out of me on a philosophy forum doesn't make me like you anymore. If you juat left me alone to talk to people I actually want to, I wouldn't even think of you for one second.

>>15095775
If your bf's brother wants the suits or anything back, he absolutely can- just ask. I will send them back in a package. I do not want anything to do with you or him and I guarantee you any of the girls reading right now do not either. If you want anything back, just ask. I will give it.

>>15095839
Why are you here if you wanna be left alone?

>>15095932
If you want to discuss Plato, Buddha and Guenon that's fine I guess but I don't really think it will interest you much. Either way, post if you want. Idc. It won't make me any less irritated by you. If you want anything back, just ask. I'm not joking. I will send it back.

>>15095839
And thats likewise, if i never noticed certain things anymore i wouldnt be here

I shouldn't be so cruel to people or to Mr. Vege either. He said a cruel thing about my tied tongue but I should not be rude because of that. He is a good man and I would still raher sleep with his daughters than spend even a minute with you.

>>15095974
If you want anything back, literally just ask. I really don't want your friendship or to be around you man. I appreciate you taking care of grandma Arlene as I genuinely loved her but she is gone now and it is really time to sever ties.

Anyone who’s done a Philosophy MA/PhD in the US that can tell me about their experience?

>>15095992
If this was you>>15094744
Fuck off and don't even think about it

>>15095974
A bit off topic but I found the Lipuma's card from years ago that I had forgotten about and was thinking of calling them because they were extremely kind people but decided against it because I didn't want to freak them out. They were so kind though. She and her husband was such kind people.

>>15096009
Your brother or whoever doesn't want the suits? He can have them. I'm not going wear a gaudy silk suit in public.

>>15095992
Youre also lucky i dont go make a big fuss about any of this in other places. No one would believe any of it, but youve kind of ruined my life, whether it was intentional or not.

Any tips for writing a letter of motivation? It's difficult to make it stand out when you still haven't done much in life.

>>15096038
My dad's not going to fucking care. He makes fun of his sister and her husband all the time. I call her hook nose and heeb nose and we just laugh.

But if any of you are reading this, I do genuinely hope Mrs. L and her husband are doing alright. Genuinely lovely people.

What in the fuck is going on in here

>>15096101
If you have to ask, you won't know.

I mean, what kind of a response do you expect after admitting youve been invading my privacy and spying on my family for all this time? There is no way to make it up with me, but thats not what you want probably. And if they knew, they'd also be fucking mad. "Genuinely lovely people" go fuck off with your false niceness.

>>15096101
I hope it's a schizophrenic talking to his voices.

If it's not, it's pretty cringe.

>>15096120
What? I'm not sure if you're the tranny or a shitposter but you're certainly not Mrs. L or her daughter.

>>15096131
Im just gonna go outside or id smash my phone against the wall

>>15079632
Didn't expect to agree with a Tumblr post

>>15096101
It's a guy who Im concerned is genuinely developing paranoia, and some anons fucking with him.

>>15096149
Is this actually the tranny or one of you guys? There is an actual tranmy and I am certain he was here at least once in this thread.

>>15096149
Dude, I'm not making up the tranny. I literally said his name. You can check it yourself if you don't believe me.

what has been will be again, what's been done will be done. there's nothing new under the sun.

>>15096149
He also tried to call the house a few times. He lives in Skokie Park or whatever it is called.

Only a few posts were you guys, right? I swear the tranny had to have been here.

>>15096209
I just came into this thread.

>>15096149
Some anons i thought i could trust, that is. Thats why im so fucking upset. Just tell me what is going on so i dont have to be paranoid. Who can see what, who is involved, am i in danger, will this impact the rest of my life.

These conspiracies that "the elites are faking the virus to take over the world!!!" are beyond retarded. They have already taken over. They own everything. It makes no sense for them to manufacture a crisis that destroys the normal functioning of their economy and dries up revenue streams. Even the to be expected bailout has to go into just maintaining a stasis rather than a profit windfall. The danger of the internet is that stupidity travels faster and wider and reaches more than intelligence.

>>15096219
I fucking swear to you that Ken and Daphne Little are real people. They're hideous freaks I want nothing to do with but they are 100% real and I know them.

>>15096237
Are there people from my village/university in on this? Does my therapist/doctor know about this? Was it in the media at one point? Does my mom know? I still have no answers to any of those questions. Im 100% serious, my mind is completely fucked from this

>>15096245

Elites have tremendous class solidarity when it comes to dealing with the poors, but they aren't a monolith. It could easily be some sort of conflict between factions.

Isolation is officially fucking my head.

>>15096245
i believe virus is not faked (just exagerrated) and not deliberately created.
they just neatly use it to practice surveillance, control, and to do a test drive on how well the populance will obey.

>>15096258
I saw finnegans wake at the recommended section in the public library. Like why in the hell would that be there at that exact time. All the sirens that i heard, the police cars etc. all before this corona crisis even happened.

>>15096279
I'd burn down the police station if they told me to stay at home for anything that isn't a public health crisis

>>15096219
You believe that I know a real life buffalo bill tranny, right? I am crazy but I did not imagine that up. I swear it.

War and Peace at 83%.

It's still great, but please, end the book or end my life.

>>15096282
Even some remarks from irl friends made it seem like they knew, but no one ever told me anything if i asked. I cant act like nothing is going on, every morning i wake up and come here immediately to see if there's anything more i can find out.

>>15096289
I believe you Anon.

any recommendations on what i should write my bachelors thesis in film studies and media semiotics to get a good grade from my leftist prof? He's obsessed with the DDR it seems

>>15096288
based, but still my schizoparanoia is convulsing at the thought that they're now openly admitting to how well the surveillance network functions.
you can be tracked down and spied at any given second. they already know everything. they can go full tyranny mode on a whim.

and when the virus passes, you can be damn sure they won't JUST ditch all of this.

>>15096312
Thomas Brasch

>>15096301
The tranny is a real "it rubs the lotion on its skin" type. I tried to explain that even if people irl act kind, people on the internet will be hurtful and he just fucking broke down. I thought that was just common sense.

>>15096312
Bertolt Brecht and Kurt Weill

>>15094730
homosexuality is based
transexualism also is but much less as it spawns a lot of disturbed people

>>15096315
it always did, you don't even need the internet, old mobile phones are enough to track you entering/leaving areas, google pinning you down with gps when you open google maps is just a bonus

>>15096359
> ftm
> nodick stops me from being a cumbrain
> look like an eternally young androgynous guy
divine feel

>>15096315
Thats what scares me the most, being tracked at every given second, they can see the hesitation in the way you say or type things, see you at your weakest moments, listen to all the conversations to use them against you. But what kind of police team would do a 4 month investigation of some guy on the internet? It doesnt make any sense, so the only answer i have is its some hacker or a hired agent passing information on to use against me later on. Sounds like pure paranoia but

>>15095282
So you're saying both genders has this stupid monkey brain. It's so much worse now that I'm out of relationships for a while. But for me it's more of a I don't have energy to pursue her/I don't want the uncertainty of dating.
Idk. My perfect view of a relationship is two people vs the world. Like if the world ended and I'd have to survive with some chick and it doesn't matter how shitty she or I am because we're one unit and we're against the world and the shittiness is always directed outside the unit.

>>15096389
And how is this behaviour not picked up by my isp in the first place? Like dont they need to give permission if any of this was legal? And why on earth would they do that

If they find out ive been doing this for six hours they might think the dosage on my meds has to be increased, but it wont stop me from seeing these threads

>>15096416
maybe it's even worse if they don't give a shit about your posts

like, GUYS AM I NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO BE TRACKED

>>15079399
What boards do the crossboarders here go on the most?
For me:
1. /lit/
2. /fit/
3. /sci/
4. /a/
5. /diy/

>>15096447
the only thing you're to them is a tax payer

>>15096458
/lit/, /mu/ and /fa/

>>15096447
Why do people keep posting things like this if theres nothing going on and they dont care? Cause again, then i wouldnt be here. Really, if anyone just told me "look you're being hacked by some guy in the US, they can see this and that, i can see it as well but i dont abuse that power, theres nothing you can do but this wont affect your life over there in europe, no one you know irl knows about this and theres no real danger" then id quit this site today and not even look back

>>15096297
Pussy

>>15096273
oath anon, i thought i was doing well, but i can't sleep anymore and i'm starting to get really lonely

>>15096524
you know what anon, you are right

I'm going to change my attitude

>>15096530
It's been 37 days for me. The only thing that's helping is my romanticism. I think it's one thing I'm going to heavily focus on once all of this is over.

>>15096458
/lit
/pol/
/x/
/mu/

I am genuinely sorry if people have gender mental issues in their head but guys, come on. How can you go outside like that and be okay with it? I said "Most people dislike trannies. If Mr. Dougherty met you he would probably laugh at you." "NO. NO. You're a transphobe. This is who I am. Most people are pro-trans."

Spring is majestic

>>15096635
google "horse fucks man"

>>15096510
But that isnt happening, and ill try to forget about it for a few days, until i inevitably notice something again thatll start the whole spiral over again.

>>15096649
>guy takes penis of the horse
>directs it to his ass

>>15096669
look you're being hacked by some guy in the US, they can see your monitor and phone screen, i can see it as well but i dont abuse that power, theres nothing you can do but this wont affect your life over there in europe, no one you know irl knows about this and theres no real danger

>>15096705
Wow thx i can go now

Feels comfy having a class where I just have to read a bunch of shit and then write essays on it. I don't even have to attend classes in the morning.

Guys, I apologize for venting like this but you think that guy is a weirdo too, right?

>>15096734
the tranny guy or the surveillance guy?

>>15096813
I thought they were the same guy

>>15079592
I believe it's better to speak and be made of a fool of than to never speak and have your ideas, insights, or feelings be untested and remain in a vacuum. Conflict and friction from a lost debate or getting trashed only serves to show you were the holes or gaps in what you believe or think are so you can do further research and come back better next time.
In your case, perhaps there is an untapped need to be met with confines so as to bred creativity. And good on you for spending time in prayer and meditation while you have the opportunity.
I wish more people used this time of incredible slowdown to find a revival in spirituality, but I know if we're not living in Depression 2 we'll likely get a half-assed, diluted, commercialized version of any genuine spiritual movement that only 30% actually glean to.

>>15096458
/lit/, /k/, /fit/

>>15096510
Where would you be then?

>>15096951
Oh i dont know, just anonymously enjoying some streams or working toward an achievable goal with my hobbies, making music, doing photography and whatnot without feeling like theres someone looking over my shoulder all the time. Sounds good

>>15096649
i've probably seen it already as a younger teen
i used to "collect" weird porn i've seen, didnt save it anywhere, just noted mentally. never jerked off to it either. just sat their meticulously searching for the foulest stuff internet can offer with a scientific vigor
no wonder im a weird schizo now

>>15097036
Yeah but we've decided thats something you're not gonna experience anymore, srry. Haha hacked router go brr

>>15097114
I hope the tranny will stop looking over your shoulder

>>15097036
And remember dude, if you go to a weird site, we've got everything recorded and we will use it against you. So don't even think about going on any adult site, cause your little private moment will be online forever. And what's more, it's your responsibility not to go on there cause when you know there's someone else watching even though you don't want it, it's essentially sexual assault and we will spam every available media outlet until you're here again.

>>15097345
Why would you ever do that to someone you don't absolutely despise?

>>15097363
Just because we can, thats why. Now go back to your life, but don't worry about anything alright?

>>15096458
/d/, /mlp/, /lit/.

>>15096458
/lit/
/x/
/mu/
/tv/ occasionally
I really like /gd/ but it's a graveyard over there unfortunately

>>15097036
And on top of that, we will let you know you're being watched in every game and social media platform we can find a way to slip in a message. But hey, nothing personal, your parents are nice.

>>15097345
That seems like a pretty horrible idea to have stuck in your head how did that get there?

>>15079399
Already got a switch and haven’t drank since st paddy’s day. Animal crossing is boring now, I’m playing deadly premonition. It’s pretty funny

>>15097633
Some way or another, ive been losing enough time and sleep over it, is what i do know

>>15082823
i'm the opposite. i can't imagine going back to uni and not killing myself very soon after.

i would like to create smth, but i dont know what and i feel empty for not creating

>>15097679
You're just a stubborn asshole, stop thinking about thinking about not being able to get on with your life and just do it. Ignore everything until it stops, don't post here, just read and play games without chat on.

>>15098103
But ive ignored it for over a week in the past and nothing really changed. Ill just ignore it some more then, cause this only draws more unwanted attention

>>15096888
Thank you very much for your response, I'll see if I can't get something written by the end of the week just to break the stagnation. And I completely agree about the sad excuse for spirituality that gets passed around like it means anything.

>>15098171
But that's like ghosting 10 people at once, and makes you a bad and abusive person irl.

>>15098298
Well then i dont see any way out srry

I've read the sentence "“I’ll only be back for a short time but while I’m here you’ve got to take care of me, understand? --- you’ve got to see I don’t get lonely." and swore that I'll never be alone and that people won't be alone if I can change it.

Shortly after, corona hits. Welcome isolation.

I swear, all of my life is like this.

I reached my absolute nadir in what I fapped to today and I'm forever ruined.

>>15079399
I didn't get a single (you) yesterday...

>>15098484
here have one

>>15098511
>>15098511
>>15098511
>>15098511
>>15098511
bump limit soon anyway

>>15098213
No problem, anon. As much as it's weird or could make you hate your own writing temporarily, sit down and try to work through it in reason. Setting routine goals for yourself is easy with writing, but keeping them, and especially sitting down and putting finger to keyboard or pen to paper and being productive with it is hard. But, like anything else it gets easier the longer you have an unbroken streak. Good luck with breaking away from stagnation.

>>15096120
As I mentioned in the other thread, L meant Lipuma not Little. I don't give a damn how any of your family is doing. They can starve themsepves to death too for all I care. Sorry for the misconception.

My new Mishima book arrived today. "The Sailor Who Fell From Grace with the Sea." Looks good.

>>15097666
ah, lucky. My switch just got here. Been playing AC the last six hours. Stopped playing so I can download demos. Bravely Default II demo just dropped hhhhhh

>>15094053
he literally only has one book. if you get a reprint of the original version though it's a pretty slim read but it's mostly long poems. if you get the latest edition its packed full of short poems inbetween those long ones. Whitman is really comfy though. Transcendentalism at its most tempting probably

>>15079542
>I am struck by the power of certain historical anecdotes, details of history books or entries in encyclopedias, of the definitions contained in antiquated dictionaries which demonstrate something of a bygone faith, the genealogies of the bible when they are read aloud in the manner of an incantatory prayer, and instructions as to the mastery of a complicated or archaic instrument whose use has become redundant.

>It was a piece of driftwood half submerged in the Kansas River that vaguely looked to me like the head of Medusa and which I felt sure had once rested on the shore of a land where there were men and women who had never heard the word America, never had to wear clothes or brush their teeth, and had no knowledge of the rapid mechanization of the universe.

>There is a kind of kaleidoscopic fragmentation in modern literature—whose shoulders are weighed heavily by sagging time—that is working its spidery hypnosis over me.
Your prose is kinda good bro ngl, hope you keep writing and make some good shit someday

>>15096458
/lit/ /int/ /his/ /mu/ /tg/

Why is this board so full of christcucks?