/lit/ - Literature

IN LOVE WITH THE SCULLERYMAID
Petunia, my handmaid, came in with my slippers,
I said "Petty, love, spin around, flash your knickers,"
she said, "EXCUSE ME, MY LORD, that's intensely debased
and if you say it again, sir, I'll backhand your face(!)"
and I laughed at this expression of spirit in she
and I reached over and pulled her towards, tenderly,
I said, "Petty, my love, you're the most wonderful lady
and the thought of marrying you is just driving me crazy,
to wake in the morning and find you beside me-"
"scrubbing your bedpan, aye, and all else that's grimy(!)"
"I mean," so I said, "to actually wed you,
to grant you a title, not merely to bed you,
to spare you from mindless and miserable drudgery-"
"while you bugger the next maid in my pristine scullery?"
"Petty," I said, "I'm being sincere,
I'd be faithful to you for at least the first year,"
and her eyes flashed with malice or some sort of hate
and she pulled herself free and went stomping away,
she said, "Excuse me, My Lord, but you're obviously hammered
so I'll return to my work," dear Petty she stammered,
I leapt up o'er fireplace, and struck a fine pose,
"Petty," I cried, then I fell on my nose(!)

The nextest thing, aye, that I seemed to recall
was Pettys great bosom in my face right and full,
with one hand she caressed, with sponge, my sore head,
"Petty," I whispered, "won't you join me?" I said.

And she gave a gasp, and said, "My Lord, if I may-"
"No no," said I, "save rejection for another day,
for it doesn't matter to you not one bit
that I love you and lust you, like this, to a fit,"
And Petty said little but she did say, "My Lord,"
and then I said, "go now, before I become bored,"
then I turned my head on the pillow and found myself, aye,
looking up at my Wife who was starting to cry
and her hand, I did notice, was becoming a fist
and she hit me, quite sudden, right where I'd been split.