/lit/ - Literature

>>14958741
The Ninth Gate (1999) dir. Roman Polanski

how to accept the suffering of lust? I have tried avoiding and copeing for 10 years. looking for a christian perspective of surrender to suffering.

I have a lot of work to do!

I just cut my own hair and I totally fucked my shit up

>>14958777
same here, that's why i'm not doing any of it

>>14958741
just got off zoom with my thesis supervisor and they said what i've written is "too philosophical, needs to be more empirical" i wanna die

>>14958741
I want a cool deck of tarot cards that has art that reflects me. I have a friend with a santa muerte deck and another friend with a art nouveau and those really reflect them well.

>>14958741
I just finished Ishiguro’s Never Let Me Go, and say what you want about it, it is emotionally effective. Felt myself welling up near the end, though honestly the parts that were most difficult were the ‘happier’ times at Hailsham because you could only helplessly witness and feel their impermanence. I suppose the isolation of this quarantine doesn’t help much either, and I find myself being sentimental with Kathy over times with close friends, though for me it feels more fantasy in all honesty. I also thought it was quite interesting thematically, but that’s something for another time. Call me a pleb, but I thought Never Let Me Go was rather good and I want to read more Ishiguro in the future.

Marx was right, the point of philosophy ought to be to change to world, but changing the world now is impossible. That shit is on fucking rails now, to a degree none of the old historical materialists could have ever comprehended. The ideological systems no longer need intervention to perpetuate themselves, this insane loop of spectacle has made even the idea of change impossible. None of the stages where people try to change thing are even fucking real, they don’t exit. It’s madness out there, and it’ll swallow you whole if you have the audacity to try to tinker with it, let alone overhaul it entirely.

So don’t fucking bother, go and buy a comfy little house in the country and keep to yourself until you die. Restrict your world to a little bubble you’re able to curate to your liking. It’s the only sane things you can do.

I just stretched before bed and i am feeling way too invigorated. I should do it in the morning instead

>>14959074
U ever read mark fisher

>>14959053
That’s fucked.
What field are you majoring in?

One who has never felt pain, sadness and alienation shouldn't write anything. Books by young geniuses and women are vacuous.

After 8 years of not speaking with him, I sent my dad an email briefly detailing why I stopped speaking with him and generally despise him.

I've been working from home for the past two weeks. The district manager really wants us to go into the office, but he can't legally do shit so I'm not going anywhere. I refuse to risk my mother's life simply to make him look good.

Wake up, my friend, and leave childish things behind!’

what does the hanged man mean

I wish I could be the person I larp as on lit

>>14958766
better to marry than to burn, beyond that, there isn't a lot more but the argument is that the chaste will do better if they are 'like Paul'.

I work for a tech startup and there’s a not insignificant chance we’re gonna be bought out, hopefully netting me some sick stock options in the process. It would be swell if I could become wealthy before age 30.

I try not to think about it too much though, don’t want to get my hopes up.

>>14958741
I hate God. I hate this role He assigned me to play. There is no Heaven or Hell. We exist as ideas and creative expressions to show God's greatness and we all are dissolved once our act finishes. My hopes never mattered. My dreams never mattered. They existed within my mind only to torment me with their lack of actuality and from that create the outcomes and consciousness I was pre-assigned. But there is another version of me somewhere in time who has been assigned the same exact life but he gets what I want and I don't. I just want to stop thinking

>>14958749
Been meaning to see this for a while now, looks like a great time

Is there any kind of philosophy/source of meaning that isn't ultimately a cope? From a secular perspective

>>14960381
define cope, NPC

I never thought I would live to see the day when the love of hatred was stronger than the hatred of love.

>>14960390
An easy answer/escape to avoid the harsh truth or reality one subconsciously realizes but doesn't want to actually face

>>14960416
Then what’s wrong with coping? Read Will to Believe

>>14960419
So it's okay to just force myself to believe something, simply because it will allow me to feel better and avoid existential dread/a lack of purpose?

>>14960441
yes. The purpose of belief is to benefit you, not for some grand ideal of acquiring the truth for that purpose only. When one cannot know the truth, then he must believe what is best for him.

I've realised I go too fast. Everything I try to do is done with, what I consider, speed. I really need to slow down. With everything. I feel like I may be happier if I do things slowly. I've got time. No one rushes me except for me, but I can't get out of it. I know what I need to do but I feel that everything is fast paced or I'm being timed. I don't completely understand why I hurry because I recognise all this stuff yet I don't do it.

Help.

...Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

>>14958766
you adapt. why call it suffering? it's natural to lust, and you can fool around once in a while. are you abstaining from sex as a result of your avoidance? use lust to make connections with people, to flirt, and to motivate you to do things you wouldn't do rationally. live a little.

>>14959074
change does not happen instantly, it happens over years. change is most definitely occurring, likely for worse but the future is full of uncertainties. what do you refer to as change? because you easily see the direction the world is heading by just going back 5 or 10 years

>>14960672
t. LITERALLY satan

>>14959074
Based and blindpilled, brother.

>>14959074
>Poor old man, still believing in god.
>Does he not know that god is dead?
>And thus spoke Zarathustra


Your surrender is Madness. Constricting your spirit into a field that wont be interfered with by others wont make you free. It makes you more locked up.
The salvation comes from diving into the madness of our time and hope to emerge from it as saviours.

I plan on taking part in the permaculture movement to counter the stupid shit thats boasted about covid and climate catastrophe. Most of the civilisational croses we have are due to our own flawed intervention into nature itself. We think we have to change nature to make her work again. But we have neglected her wisdom and are repulsed by her comfort so we suffer.
Should we not know the true source of our suffering before claiming nature is at fault?

>>14959294
retard.
make peace not love. and dont buy into the foolish fear mongering propaganda. there is no new virus.

>>14960728
?

>>14960637
probably old learnd patterns.

have you tried asking yourself when this "going fast" first occured and what purpose it served back than? Maybe it was usefull once or twice but now it has become a burden. Try being greatful for the service of this part of you, recognizing its wisdom but also gently asking it to change or leave now because you dont need that Speed anymore.

godspeed anon

>>14960813
not him but yes there is, just cause you don't know a lot of people and have a few people you talk to doesn't mean there aren't cases out there. you've got to be a whole level of stupid to think that institutes around the world are lying about the presence of a new virus. with the resources, you can do the test yourself as an amateur undergrad molecular biologist to prove shit.

>>14959083
Can you rec any of his articles?

>>14958741
My work in support has me dealing with a thousand applications, subapplications, all independent and all with shit that breaks (there have been times where I've had to troubleshoot my VPN so that I can troubleshoot the remote server so that I can troubleshoot someone's Outlook). It's symptomatic of the greater problem of our atomized society: everything must be defined- categorized - as little independent bits and sub-bits and if any of the bits breaks down the whole system comes to a halt. Something tells me the future belongs to the generalists.

>>14959076
Try masturbating next time

>>14960368
It's a nice flick.

Why the fuck is Randy Raimbow being interviewed on CNN right now? How is this nodoby Drummpf hating YouTuber who covers broadway shit relevant enough for CNN? What the fuck?

>>14959054
I recently bought the HR Geiger deck and im very content with my purchase. Do your research and find a deck that resonates with you.

>>14959037

>>14959037
Buzz it, easy restart

>>14962000
Everybody else is dead or dying

>>14958741
How many people write and publish books any nobody ever knows about them? I'm not under any illusion that I'm going to write anything world changing, or the next "classic", but to publish a book and nobody reads it? That it vanishes without a single person enjoying it? That's fucking dark, man.

>>14959054
Yeah, me too. I've been looking at the mucha, ukiyo-e and tattoo deck, but I have the rider deck and the Crowley deck and I don't have the money to blow on another one.

Finding the perfect deck is kind of exhausting.

>>14962030
Oh thats dope as fuck. Giger's stuff is beautifully horrifying. Really cool to see all the different kinds. I went through a blog of like 40 different decks and saw the hermetic tarot, which seemed pretty neat. Overly detailed, but still aesthetic. Most of the ones out there look like covers to pulp fantasy novels or trying to hard to be slick.

My one pet peeve is that fortitude turned into strength at some point in history when it comes to the virtues.

>>14962246
The vast majority of art is doomed to obscurity. The greatest novel ever written was likely never read by more than 100 people, 60, 70, 80 or more years ago. Think of how many great works that we recognize now were ignored in their time.

Though I wonder how the Internet changes this. There doesn't seem to be an undercurrent anymore. Every obscure book, album, art piece, has an audience here. It's hard to find something that's genuinely underrated, or unappreciated. It's already been dissected countless times, analyzed under thousands of anonymous lights, and left to shine on it's own personal pedestal. Can anything really go unnoticed anymore? Will we, 50 years from now (God willing), look back on today and find countless novels and works of art that we collectively ignored in their time? Or, are these works already called masterpieces, hailed as being ahead of their time? And when, that same 50 years, we collectively look and find it, the massive community which already surrounds it will go "Yeah, no shit.".

I wonder what obscurity means anymore, or where anything can truly be undiscovered, in the information age.

>>14962284
>ukiyo-e and tattoo deck
>Crowley
Wow those are really beautiful too. Stupid weeb question, but did they ever do a printing of the tarot cards in persona 5? Or maybe a set with big ol' anime tiddies?

Pic related is my friends deck, he's that catholic/latino/punk/hardcore type so it works for him.

>>14962284
And the mucha deck is the one my other friend has. She paints in that art style. Its beautiful.

>>14962324
>a set with big ol' anime tiddies?
but anon, of course.

I just found the chinese deck, it's even better than the ukiyo-e one.

>>14962369
That's pretty cool too! I'm leaning to the Hermetic deck because of all the arbitrary symbology. I think it's a nice reflection of my constant over complicating of things for intellectual fun when there's absolutely no need to do so.


But where da anime tiddies at? If they can make a card game of nazi anime tiddies, there has to be a tarot deck.

>>14962369
Also, just for fun, found this chart.

>>14962393

>>14962408
That's a cool set. But I just realized not only would it be embarrassing that I have a tarot deck, but that I also have a deck with anime girls on it. I'd be cock-blocking myself at that point with girls that actually like tarot.

>>14960381
Your idiocy makes me angry because you think that the so called "secular" world point is the obvious and truthful view of the world. You've never seriously tackled anything, taken time to commit to the fleeting thoughts and doubts which arose in your consciousness so you have presumptuously taken on the general wisdom of so called secularism. Truth is that secular truth was built on many schools of thought, philosophies and writing that you renounced as being just a "cope". The only cope is you my friend.

>downloading quite large album from slsk
>internet connection is third world tier
>hours pass
>download complete, finally put songs into itunes
>one track is a fraction of the runtime it's supposed to be
>mfw

Am i the way i am because of Gods plan?

>>14959054
I've been using and studying the Rider-Waite deck for a while and I do love it quite a bit, though I like your idea of getting a deck that really suits yourself. I'd like to find a more Christian deck myself.

>>14958741
I spent over 100 euro on the best vpn to hopefully get rid of these little bastards who've been pestering me for over 4 months, only to find out nothing has changed as soon as i open up the site i was most afraid of. Thx for ruining every form of online entertainment i had left and slapping me in the face as soon as i set one foot through the door. I'm back in the bog, get it haha funny meme what a simp

>>14962605
And you little shits should know this is not just about me, you're indirectly causing harm to my parents as well because i get so worked up over this bullshit. Everyone is indoors because of the same reason and you choose to go make sure someone else doesn't get to enjoy even a single day of that time knowing they're part of a community that accepts them and respects their humanity and privacy. Something to be proud of, truly. Think about that when you go to sleep at night.

>>14962530
From my searches, I think the Golden Tarot Deck would probably be the most... christian? Pretty bangin' art if I was into that kinda stuff.

>>14962300
>>14962030
where does one start with Tarot? what's the goal / idea behind it? assume I know absolutely nothing, and assume I'm a bugman

>>14962662

Why did it have to happen now?

>>14962696
Go fuck yourself, you know exactly what i take away from you posting that image, you've been watching my computer screen silently commenting about things to your little friends on discord or whatever the fuck because you have nothing else to do and no emotions other than pleasure seeking by harming others on the internet while you set there smugly proud of your anonimity

>>14962720

>>14962683
I’m not too into it in depth but I can relate what I know. It’s basically a fun game of searching for meaning and thinking through sign/signifier/signifies type symbology. Based on an old deck of playing cards, each card has something on it. There are historical meanings to each of the cards, but the art of the card, and your interpretation of the card also have effects on the meaning. Just like anything else, it’s what you put in that you get out. It’s random images with symbols you draw after asking a question about yourself or the world. Every deck tends to come with a booklet on how to do a reading and what that decks art/suits represent. I don’t see it as reading the future or anything, but it’s a great way to broach the subjects of emotional and mental stability or capabilities regarding your feelings of certain topics. Also just like with astrology, chicks eat this shit up, it’s a good look if you’re lookin to get laid by the mystical hipster hippy goth alt girls.

>>14962720
>>14962662
>>14962605
Can you explain what this is about?

>>14962730
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5npGDUGmGYk

>>14959198
Railroad engineering

>>14962736
Me being a frustrated idiot online and losing my privacy 4 months ago. I don't wanna be here, i feel shit, i've lost all hope.

>>14962751
I'm sorry this happened to you. Can you tell me more?

>>14962747
how did you make that overly philosophical and not empirical enough? your STEM son, do STEM stuff and save the phil for after work ;)

>>14962730
I've taken everything. Meds don't change reality unfortunately

>>14962760
Sorry, I'm not him, I just couldn't resist the obvious joke.

>>14962771
hehehe, I get it now.

>>14962753
You probably know everything otherwise you wouldn't show interest in someone else's problems on 4chan, but wth. Spent too much time on a streaming site, said some bad things, got too personal for anyone's comfort and got myself in trouble that way. That's basically it, people are prob watching rn but i honestly don't wanna care anymore

>>14962785
I have no idea what you're talking about but I'm sorry you're going through this. It wont last forever. People on the internet get bored pretty fast.

>>14958766
You have been memed by centuries old copes, love and sex are Natural and healty for humans

>>14962663
Wow, these are very beautiful

>>14962791
Yeah that's true but for some reason not this time. I really don't think i'm all that special so there has to be something more to it. Mental health isn't a meme, fkn dickheads

>>14963064
I really wanna reach through this damn screen and shake some sense into people on here. I just can't understand how you're still getting a laugh out of someone who's stated multiple times that whatever you're doing to him makes him feel fucking awful. If that's not harrassment i don't know what is.

>>14960637
smoke some weed dude you will be slows as a turtle

>>14963114
Just a neverending stream of anxiety, yiu have no idea what you've done by posting in the hs stream. Something switched in my brain i can tell.

>>14963185
This fkn vpn was the last thing i held as some kind of hope. I wanna cry FFS why

>>14958749
this is what I meant btw

>>14962762
They might make you less of a cringey colossal faggot though.

I can’t find anything that I really feel like I need to write about. I’m not nearly well versed enough in topics that interest me and everything else seems so utterly worthless.

>>14962823

love is, lust is not however by definition, as it desires to use and thus is disordered

>>14960672

I believe sex should only be in a productive permanent sacramental union between man and woman, reflecting the divine nature of the love of the Trinity. lust and "mere fun" is deeply disordered, and trust me im neither a prude nor puritan. but the sexual drive is not to be toyed with

>>14962823

Read Theology of the Body or Love and Responsibility

>>14959074
I’m not a Marxist but I do agree with you that things seem to be set on autopilot and philosophy seems to be less effective and lower quality overall. I think action is the only possible revolutionary act but at the same time this society is plagued by feeling of inertia and tiredness. I’d like to be politically active in some way to be honest but it all seems like such a worthless joke that I wouldn’t even know where direct what energy I could muster. What little avenues seem perhaps valuable to me are rather inaccessible. I feel like I’ve spent my whole twenties in this state, just kind of on rails while desperately hoping for another direction and lacking the impetus to create my own action.

>>14963313
I should add that I think a contributing factor is being American, something I’ve actually really come to hate. I feel like I was basically groomed to be an ignorant corporate hustler and by the time I woke up it was either too late or hopeless because American necessarily doesn’t have a cohesive and unified worldview or culture.

>>14959074
it is not man's job to change the world - god will suffice

Recently I have discovered that I have a superpower. Every time I go into thinly veiled anti-women threads and post an opinion, i get an enormous amount of seething replies, people virulently attacking me for no other reason than being right. They are entirely incapable of dismantling any of my points, all they do is spit bile and tell me to show tits. It's an incredibly empowering feeling. I'm not even a woman, and yet these delicate retards fall for the bait time and time again. I wish I had some way of hanging some of their replies on my wall.

I have more fun in those threads than in any other threads on /lit/. It's a fantastic distraction, especially since COVID-19 has a high chance of killing me due to my autoimmune condition. You guys are the best! Please, never stop being yourselves, it is endlessly entertaining. Love and kisses to you all xoxoxoxox

>>14963219
I seriously wanna destroy my router so we have to get a new one and i will be safe in the knowledge nothing is connected to the internet in our house, you pos.

>>14963327
The hardest thing to come to terms with is that we have all been taught the great man theory from a time before technology. None of the union strikes or revolutions are shown in a good light to detract attention to the power of solidarity. We live in a time where communication for organizing is easier than ever, but the rhetoric has to be dumbed down, not only because the population isn’t versed in literature, but because to organize you must fight the vast network of corporate propaganda injected from the day you’re born. There’s a reason why old people won’t vote for Bernie, and it’s because they were exposed to 50 years of radiation in the form of anti-ussr media.

>>14963371

sarcasm is the shield of the weak.

>>14963447
I don’t think we’re on the same page for most of what you said but I do agree that there’s a sort of mono-cultural backdrop of Americanism which has its roots in deep.

>>14963484
I'm being completely sincere, anon. I mean every word. I will always cherish these times we spent together, no matter what happens.

Fuck this, im tired. Just watch what im doing for the next 5 years then, i guess. Hope its at least somewhat interesting /s

I have 'writer's block'. Or, more accurately, I feel like everything I'm writing is so disappointing and pointless. Constant descriptions of scenery, action, exposition. Rinse repeat. God. The writing process is boring to me, and because it is boring I feel like I have nothing to say. And this is the thing I fear most in this fucking life. I fear I will die without ever having said anything of value to anyone. Alone, locked within the narrow confines of my midwit cranium, too insignificant to have created an impression on anyone.
There is a lingering fear that comes when I experience this form of writer's block. What if it is not a phase? What if I never improve? And then it progresses, progresses, progresses, until I am brought to the underlying question: What if I am nothing, like the rest of the human race: a creature born to reproduce and die?

I swear I'm just going to get fucking drunk tonight and take my own life. I swear it /lit/. I SAID I FUCKING SWEAR IT YOU CUNTS. I SWEAR. Trust me you fucking 4chan faggots. I'm going to do it. I hate myself beyond fucking belief. God. God. God. God. Jesus Christ help me.

>>14963592
Have you read the exegesis of PKD?

>>14963436
You haven’t got the guts faggot

drew corona and ebola, life's pretty good

>>14963666
No because i care about my relationships with people more than my current impulses. Maybe you should try that as well sometime.

i think i have a fucked up infantile sexuality. all i want to do is suck titties.

>>14963592
I understand this feeling. I want to write but at the same time I feel like I have nothing worth saying.

>>14963592
godspeed anon. hope you find peace.

>>14958749
what a great flick

>>14963592
i think you're being a little dramatic anon...

>>14958741
The SJW ideas of gender-fluidity, pronouns, and all their other bullshit are actually valid. However, only in an ideal post-singularity world, where the human form can be safely and easily changed for body-identity experimentation.

However, if a comprehensive full-five VR network can be created, that ideal future could be simulated

>>14963592
Make yourself something hot to drink and drink it slowly.
Read this book:
https://archive.org/details/raexpeditions00heyerich

I'm 25, I haven't written anything cohesive in three years, and now I might die from yellow fever.
I can only hope that my notebooks are discovered posthumously, and that future academics take some passing interest in my half-finished ideas.

What is with all the psychosis creeping up in threads such as this one? Is it all larp, or are people ill and need help?

>>14964333
ill
it's a lot easier to be fucked up than we want it to be

>>14964333
I'm deeply depressed and isolated and I have bouts of paranoid psychosis during which I fear I myself or others might become violent.

I am averse of getting help because I believe:
1) meds will eradicate my identity
2) doctors may consider me a threat to myself and others and take away my freedom, which ranges from inconvenience to nightmare scenario
3) at bottom I believe I am essentially correct in my paranoid beliefs, and that my 'episodes' are only moments of weakness wherein I'm unable to keep myself together in the face of things... that if I let them convince me otherwise... I am letting myself be lead to something essentially wrong

>>14958741

I regret disingenious postings and trolls, at first it was fun but it sprang from neurosis frustration and self hate, now i understand everyone is a child of god, i apologize to the trans people i trolled i felt incommodated by what i saw of them in me (being an autist) but really i wished for the friendship and love of those weirdoes who were alike me. Whatever i was doing i was in my own way in this strange world trying to elevate myself to love and the contemplation of the good i have nothing but the highest sympathy for everyone that has done their best to do the same, regardless of how superficially strange they may seem. I aspire to modesty simplicity and reconciliation and to be free of all ressentment

>>14964391
>1) meds will eradicate my identity
which part, exactly? The depression or the paranoia?
>2) doctors may consider me a threat to myself and others and take away my freedom, which ranges from inconvenience to nightmare scenario
unless you're actively threatening suicide or threatening to attack someone else, this is probably not going to happen. It's extremely hard to get someone "locked up" against their will.
>3) at bottom I believe I am essentially correct in my paranoid beliefs, and that my 'episodes' are only moments of weakness wherein I'm unable to keep myself together in the face of things... that if I let them convince me otherwise... I am letting myself be lead to something essentially wrong
Yes. That's the illness, convincing you. That's exactly why you should seek help.

>>14963283
It's weird dealing with one's sexed natureas an asocial autist it is definitely weird. I have never had sex but i have experienced eros as sublimated and spiritual force tgat points towards the good, to make your particular perversion point towards the good somehow sublimation from plato to zizek. The libido is to an extent redeemed

>>14964333
I smoked too much weed and read too much theory-fiction, and now your digits are freaking me out because they are very potent hyperstitional numbers. Be careful anon, you may just have summoned a demon.

>>14964391
Im almost in tears just reading this. Thats exactly how i feel but i still dont believe you because if there wasnt any problem you wouldn't post this here.

>>14964429
>time-circuit hyperreality looks like a karman vortex
uh-oh

>>14964434
Wtf do i do, im taking antipsychotics every day i dont want this anymore

>>14964434
I'm sorry, I don't understand your post.

>>14964422
>Yes. That's the illness, convincing you. That's exactly why you should seek help.
Why does this sound like the Devil?

>>14964467
>Why does this sound like the Devil?
because that's what it does.
I had this same thing with depression. Every single day I thought "I'm not depressed. I'm just having a bad day. It's just a bad day. I'm just being a pussy. I'm not depressed, I've seen what depressed people look like. I'm just having a bad day."
Mental illness is in our heads, anon. It knows all our weaknesses.

>>14964440
I warned you man
I TOLD you about vortex shredding

God only knows how many times the timeline has been reset, have you forgotten the last dozen times we've had this conversation?

>>14964552
Oh no. no, no. WHO HAVE I FORGOTTEN!?

>>14964467
This afternoon i was screaming at my dad for no reason other than him telling me it's all in my head. I know it's not, and i can try everything to distract myself from that lingering thought, it doesnt help, eventually i end up back here. Somewhere behind that mental block is the shock that comes with it all being in my own head. It would mean all this time just goes into the bin, that none of it meant anything. I know it did, and that's all i need to know apart from people not watching my computer screen anymore. And maybe it's not even that maybe it's just people seeing what urls i go to and then coming in to let me know they're still following me, but that doesn't seem likely cause no one just stares at a bunch of urls and text all day waiting to find something they can inject their venom into. At least, i cant imagine someone who would be like that.

>>14964588
>him telling me it's all in my head
I deal with a number of people who have borderline personality disorders, and have to talk them through attacks, sometimes.

Anon, your feelings are something you are experiencing. Your emotions are real. Whether it's rational, or irrational doesn't matter, because it's something you have to live with. If you should be feeling like that or not, doesn't matter, because it's something you have to live with. If you feel overwhelmed, and hopeless, or just sad, you're feeling that.

If I'm understanding right, you suffer from paranoia, yeah? You recognize that it's irrational, that it's just "in your head", but it's still something you suffer under.

You still seem to have enough control to recognize that this isn't good, and I think you should go and see a medical professional. Do you have a doctor? If you already do, then you should get in contact with them.

>>14964680
But there's nothing they can tell me that would stop me seeing that people are messing with my youtube algorithm in front of my eyes, backed up by all the stuff appearing here and everywhere else i try to hide. It doesnt stop, unless i just put on a spotify playlist i made myself on shuffle and convince myself this isnt happening.

How do I start writing?
I have no interest in publish my writings. I simply noticed by reading other authors that they indeed put their thoughts in written forms a lot through through notes and journals.
I want to do the same to increase my mental acuity, my clarity, my ability to explain my thoughts to others and my memory.
How do you guys write?

>>14964849
And i know you can ask me how i'm this convinced, to show you one piece of evidence, there isn't any. That's the thing that drives me up the wall. It's subtle enough to where other people can't notice it, but for someone who's typed every single comment himself it's clear there's something wrong. I'm getting worked up again just thinking about it. I'll talk to someone, no worries, but i think ill feel better just talking to some friends i know irl.

>>14964849
There are medication they can prescribe you and there are coping skills they can teach you. The symptoms can be mitigated.

Therapy can help you find out why or where it comes from. It can help your father maybe understand better what you're dealing with.

>>14964924
I understand, and it's good that you feel comfortable talking to people at all, but please think about it. I think it would be a good idea to seek out a medical professional.

>>14964867
Pick a topic and start.
Or don't pick a topic and start.
Imagine a character and write down descriptions about him, how he looks, his experiences, how he thinks. And then just put him in an environment.
Or start with a conclusion and write out your argument from ground point 1 as to why its correct.

If these don't help, try this. Reply to this post but don't hit submit, instead use it as the beginning of you writing something. I pose the question to you: How do you FEEL today? Detail. Why do you feel that way? Articulate the feeling with excruciating detail.

What are you supposed to do when you can tell that your gf wants to fight with you?

>>14965486
ask her what's wrong. keep your calm, even if she tries to antagonize you. Clearly she's upset about something, but is having trouble communicating.

>>14965486
wrestle with her.

>>14965486
listen
then think about it

>>14965486

Step 1:
>>14965501
Step 3:
>>14965504
Step 2:
>>14965517

Whats the point in doing anything once you realize that death is inevitable?

>>14965737
Think about it this way, what were you expecting from life? Did you really believe you were going to live forever? When great men like Caesar, Socrates, Jesus, Alexander, Napoleon, etc. all died? How full of hubris you must be

I spend my time mindlessly. I catch myself time to time conscious while listening some music in a deep night.

I lost my soul

>>14965751
I didnt expect to live forever but rather live out my potential. I do realize that im not a person who'll change the shape of the world but rather an ordinary leaf falling down in the cold day of autumn. I do not know myself and time is running out.

>>14965486
Knuckle up and take her to pound town.

>>14958741
My life sucks and I don't know how to fix it, but it's a lot better than it was five years ago, so at least there's that.

How do people become obsessed with something?
I can't find myself fully immersed in anything.
Is it even possible to develop this

how do you even begin to look for love from another person in today's time, everytime i think about it i always come to the conclusion that unless you marry your first love from school you're cursed to live a life without a true beloved?

>>14966010
That's because you don't leave your house

>>14958741
Whats with /pol/ taking tarot cards seriously lately. I swear every month its something new

>>14965973
Its a cycle sparked by a cursory interest, turning into a skill that brings joy as you develop it. You must push through the plateau.

>>14959054
>>14962030
>>14962300
>>14962324
>>14962663
C-could you please recommend me something if I'm into modern hellenism?

The whole day is torture. Some escapism. Sleep. More torture next day. Skip the escapism part. Sleep. Torture. Sleep. Torture. This is what it's been for years. I am a self aware hollow.

>>14966067
The new mythic tarot looks alright.

>>14966063
Thank you

I hate Money and all it represents and yet I’m obsessed with it. I lost 30k in the stock market on a bet and felt like trash, and when another bet made as much I felt like a god. I’m an egodystonic narcissist. Will I ever have non pathological feelings and thoughts?

Little seems more ridiculous than people who think that in 2020 moral promiscuity is something remarkable, interesting or eccentric, rather than a boring bourgeoisie.

>>14958741
Dear God,

I wonder why you make me suffer. My life is a pathetic joke and I don't deserve this.

Thank you.

The event that made me start drifting away from “wokeness” was when I had several people furious at me for saying prostitution exploited women and denied that “sex work is real work”. One of them alleged that sex trafficking wasn’t real and was a myth made up to keep sex workers down.

>>14966010
I think you’re right barring getting insanely lucky and meeting someone by chance. Zizek talks about this, saying that the beauty in love is its randomness, something that is completely gone due to commodification by things like tinder. If you talk to women they’ll literally say that it’s “creepy” to be asked out outside of a dating app (and they’re not just talking about pickup artist shit).

>>14966301

>>14962683
You can play games with your friends, they're really just like regular cards. At the same time the cards says something about reality, archetypes and so on crammed into a game of cards. So some occultist got the idea the cards were an obscured form of the book of thoth and thus made their own variants for more esoteric purposes.

>>14966334
Making references to Zizek when talking about eros is like using Harry Potter to map out politics.
>>14966309
Wokeology is really just an auxiliary ideology of the neoliberal corporate sector, of course sexuality is to be a commodity, you have sold everything else out, your people, your culture and your dignity so why not then also your body? Even if you aren't willing, because since when did that matter?

>>14958741
Dear Glorious President Putin,

I am an American soldier and a very important person in my organization. Unfortunately the US Army does not issue girlfriends to their single soldiers, which I think is a shame because our budget is so big but most of it is being spent for new furniture at the family readiness group. How many fucking chairs do really need? Anyway, please send a cute honeypot my way, I am getting pretty frisky over here.

Dear Glorious President Putin,

I am an American soldier and a very important person in my organization. Unfortunately the US Army does not issue girlfriends to their single soldiers, which I think is a shame because our budget is so big but most of it is being spent for new furniture at the family readiness group. How many fucking chairs do we really need? Anyway, please send a cute honeypot my way, I am getting pretty frisky over here.

Pvt Frisky

https://discord.gg/FFwRXKq

>>14964297
ascended

>>14958741
I am super horny. Somebody please help. O nova devinas aqriuim Des toviaum. God bless all.

>>14962300
>>14962733
I love the aesthetic of Hermeticism but I don't know much about it and it sort of frightens me. Is Tarot linked to Hermeticism or is Tarot something different?

>>14964284
>>14961052
>flick
shut the fuck up you little philistine faggot I'll love you real good. like i'll come on to you and your instinctual reaction will be "ew faggot" and I'll tell you (truthfully) that I'm not gay and have never been with another man but then I'll work my way into your brain and then I'll splay you out on your bed our skin becoming one as I creep my meat into your boipussi funsocket. you'll cry and moan and beg and I'll give you what you need. a few years down the road you'll be my little fairy princess. every day you'll dress in satin dresses and bake me a pot roast or lasagna for dinner and then you'll get on your knees and wait for me to come home and when i come home it'll be the happiest point in you day you'll say "thank you daddy for coming home again" and then you'll service me with you cock holster mouth and i'll feel you tiny little junk and tell you "not today" before I got to town on your delicious boipussi, which by now is like a worn in catchers mitt. got it?

>>14967631
>Is Tarot linked to Hermeticism
Yes, very much so.

>>14958741
I feel destined for a life of failure that I'll look back on with mostly regret. I feel gimped by what life has made me. Most of what I used to like about myself - and what other people liked about me - has been washed away by depression and neurosis. I'm weak, I have the least will out of everyone I've ever know. There's almost nothing I enjoy except reading but between ADHD and maladaptive daydreaming it takes me hours to read a few pages nowadays, and for the most part I can't break my mindless habits of drinking, smoking, and playing video games. I desperately need better human connections but I can hardly hold a conversation anymore and everything that comes out of my mouth is stupid bullshit. I look inside myself and just feel like I'm unconsciously crying all the time, like I feel like I'm always crying in some dull dream in the background of my thoughts. Mourning the virtues I've lost, the good things squandered and left behind, the death of my hopes, the moving on from the "best years of my life" spent mostly in humiliation, anxiety, and sadness, and yet feeling responsible for all of it. I can trace my problems to things that have happened to me but I still feel sort of helpless to myself, like no one can help me because this is who I am and it must be what I ultimately believe in if I keep being this way. I can't even enjoy food anymore. I eat raw pasta and shit because it makes no difference to me. And I can't handle anyone seeing how much of a mess I am inside and I'm falling apart at the seams trying to hide it. I'm thinking of just doing Ayahuasca again but over and over until I'm destroyed and hopefully reconstructed as something that can at least fucking relax at some point in the day without being shitfaced and crossfaded.

>>14967546
>Somebody please help.
I'm going to astrally project into your dreams tonight and steal your essence if you know what I mean.

t. Femanon

jojo reference

>>14962232
He's some random fucking YouTuber shithead. It's like bringing in Mister Metokur or Jason Unruhe.

>>14967666
>666
Welp, officially spooked now and will not pursue it any further. Thanks for your help.

>>14958741
AAAAHHHHH OH FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. I sure do wish I was dead

>>14958766

Sexuality is scary

>>14963592
Then what the fuck do you think you're doing right now? Just writing something with meaning for a change, no biggie?

>>14958741

>>14959065
I've tried to get through it twice. Stopped in like the middle. Might check it out again. I have buried giant by him. Haven't read it yet.

>>14964946
Im seeing a medical professional frequently, nothing has changed. My parents don't understand even the slightest bit of what i think is going on and it's impossible to communicate what i'm feeling to them. That creates so much tension and frustration they think the only solution is to get angry at me when they see me on my phone. This usually has the opposite effect and creates even more distance between us causing me to crawl into my shell even more. It's always been like this but it really got out of hand the past weeks. They've been saying "if it goes on like this you can't stay here" and stuff like that. I don't know if they're serious but it feels awful hearing them say stuff like that and not being able to say or do anything. I dont know why im posting this here, but you seem open minded so im gonna trust you.

>>14958741
Suicide

>>14968632
I bought that vpn partly out of guilt for having caused harm to my family in some way, but that feeling also hasn't disappeared cause it doesn't even seem to work. I can get my money back thats not even the problem, its just that what seemed like the only option i had left turned out to be false hope as well. And now they're wondering why my mood has changed so much but instead of showing sympathy they just become angry cause they don't understand what's going on. I don't blame them, but it's so frustrating.

>>14959294
I'll assume you have good reasons for despising him (I hope it's not just some childish resentment). At least you emailed him and made your case, I think that speaks well of your character anon.

>>14959074

t. born after 911

>>14968632
>>14968681
Not having the understanding of loved ones is devastating, and I'm sorry you have to experience that. Something that might help is if you insist on having a therapy session where they're in the room with you and the doctor, where the doctor can explain to them, what's going on. There are help and guide books for people who live with mentally ill people that might help.

I don't know much about you, your situation or your parents, so I can only offer basic advice. I'm sorry I can't help you more.

>>14958741
I want a human skull so fuckin' bad. They're not even that expensive.
Kinda scared of accidentally cursing myself tho.
Also, I should clean my fucking apartment, but I want to do literally anything other than that.

>>14958741

My dad died before I could reconcile with him. I'd decided to attempt it, but I kept putting it off because I was ashamed of the state of my life and didn't feel like I had anything to offer but disappointment. But that wasn't true, because even in the worst case I still could have offered an apology... I don't think we ever could have been close, and he was flawed as a father, but I treated him unfairly in the grand scheme of things.

I'll always reget not talking to him man to man — if not son to father — before his end.

>>14968840
Sorry to hear that anon.

>>14968935
Thank you anon.

I feel an emptiness inside me I never have before in my life. I thought I understood what the feeling of loneliness was but that past 2 months have shown me how I really don't understand the feelings inside me. I long for someone I can hold and to be held by. I sleep with a second pillow held close to my chest, even if the feeling only subsides enough to let me sleep its enough. With the quarantine the my only social interaction with my mates is through a blue screen with at 2 am. I picked up drawing, learning a language, and at this point attempting to write romance. No matter how cringe it is, I persist with it cause even if only for a moment I get a warm feeling in my chest. I watch the sun set every day hoping tomorrow the emptiness will just die and I can get on with my shitty life. But tomorrow the sun sets again. God fucking damn it I just want this to end. If I died and this is hell then the devil is great at his job.

>>14968786
Thanks for reaching out, ill try what i can to fix the situation, but i dont think theyll ever know whats really going on, and i dont think the doctor knows either so its still gonna be a me trying to explain things and them looking at me weirdly kinda thing. To them its just that label 'psychotic' or 'anxious' but no further nuance as to what that actually entails. But i don't feel like i'm psychotic right now, so it doesn't feel right to think that i am. I already wanna delete the previous thing i typed but there you go, thats what's on my mind

>>14968840
I can relate to those feels anon having had a flawed father myself. If it brings you any comfort, I would say you didn't owe him reconciliation, and that you likely didn't treat him as unfairly as you lead yourself to think (I understand the compulsion to believe so). In any case all you can do now is honor his memory.

yeah yeah
Ficken in der DDR

>>14966017
and what would i find outside that is going to change my oppinion?

A few years ago, I had a friend I was somewhat romantically involved with. She is extremely attractive and we have so much chemistry it's unbelievable. She had a very difficult life since then, She had been being molested by her stepfather, and has been kicked out now because she came forward. I've been giving her general life advice for dealing with her mental illnesses and helping her get out of abusive situations because her perception of what is and isn't normal is so fucked up. Like 4 months ago she got a job in construction with manual labor that pays well and finally got back on her feet financially while I've started graduate school.

A couple weeks ago she called me up and asked if I could meet somewhere. We did yesterday, and to my shock, she proposed to me. I was completely taken aback. She said she had wanted to do it for a long time because I'm "the only person who has cared enough" to help her out and she told me she can't imagine spending her life with anyone else. I told her it was so sudden and that I would need time to put my thoughts together on it. I don't know what to do. I love her, but I don't know if her feelings are genuine or if she's just convinced herself that they are.

Should I work on a farm for the Spring? Thanks to corolla I'll be out of work for at least late April, chances are even longer. There isn't many options around in terms of work at the moment obviously, but I kinda like the idea of doing something outside with my body, perhaps snatching some of the fresh produce too. The alternative would probably be to work at a grocery store. Never done it, but it seems doable too, and getting their products for cheaper would definitely also be nice.

>>14958741
I don't want to get murdered and raped to death bruvs

>>14970970
In that order?

>>14971090
in a non specific order

>>14968792
Start with some lesser skulls and work your way up. I have skulls from a dog, a raccoon, a possum, a few from squirrels and groundhogs, a couple from cats, and one from a boar. Next I'm hoping to get one from a fox

I do not like yogurt

It tastes like sweet cum
and it's disgusting.

>>14971133
How do you know what cum tastes like, anon? Do you have a lot of experience sampling it?

>>14971133
Have you tried greek yogurt instead?

>>14971122
Oh you dick. I have a feral goat, an 5 point deer, a mouse, a badger. I have the tooth and a vertebrae from a cave bear, and the skin of an anaconda. I also have two stuffed kingfishers and a weasel.
I need a boar, horse, cat, dog. Fox is easy to get. Easier than the other ones. Want a crocodile skull too. Need a bull and a mufflon, they're the easiest, but I just don't have any cash.

I fucked up my goat skull though and it pissed me off, and I had to stay away from it for a while. I'll never forgive myself for it.

>>14971158
i tasted my own splooge from earlier more primitive eras, i am not delighted from the taste nor am I entertained.
fuck yogurt.

>>14958766
This would be much like a person depriving themselves of food and wondering how to cope with starvation. Perhaps you can gain understanding through that, but indulging in suffering is a dumb idea.
As for the Christian perspective, don't surrender to suffering. Grow from it, and pray for the strength and wisdom you may be lacking to do so. If you do without? Good for you. Either way you'll be a better person for it.

>>14971133
I hate yogurt too.
one time I got high and could taste my own mouth and it tasted like yogurt.

>>14971238
FUCK YEAH

>>14971251
No, it wasn't fun. My tongue was all spongy.

Occasionally there will be multiple coincidences in a short span of time, usually a single day, that will lead me to a new aspect of my life.
Recently, that turned out to be introspective philosophy which I do believe in my current mental state can be extremely beneficial. I started reading Meditations today and a lot of this seems like conclusions I came to already through years of suffering, bullshit, and this that and the other through life. But I felt this strange feeling at the end of the first book. When he thanks the Gods for all his blessings and in my own life many of these turned out to be the opposite, such as having very uncaring parents, cruel family, horrid life encounters and what not with only one or two actually happy memories that are tarnished with death and what not. Not sure if that strange feeling is jealously, or just a bitter happiness for another.
Point is, I think I'm missing something. Could it be that he simply has a different outlook on life than I do? That it might not truly be the opposite but that I might be looking at things through a different lens?
Also he actually thanks the Gods that he didn't become the big gay and I had a hearty chuckle.

I'm sick enough now that I can wake up tomorrow with pneumonia. If I do I'm probably fucked, although God only knows.

I kinda wrote a song that's ok but needs some work. It's supposed to be about love and the things people do to push away the pain for a moment at a time and how what they should be doing is look for God.

My friend who's in another religious tradition seems to be celebrating the possible end of the world scenario economic disaster we could be facing which leads me to believe (judging by the fruits as Jesus taught us) that his tradition is fucked in the head. The level of suffering he is here happily embracing is just staggering.

I'm reinstalling TF2 to ride this shit out and I hope people are shit like they used to be so I can just jump around doing shit and I don't have to tryhard because I don't have the energy.

>>14971254
I'd rather eat something more substantial like sausages for a nice buttered toast.
mmmm toast.

>>14971283
you're scaring me

>>14970758
farm sounds better. if you're very social then maybe the store but to me it just sounds like better work, and as a business it's not going to be hit by corona chan nearly as badly as a department store

I have no idea what i feel rn but nothing has really changed since this morning. Ive been thinking about a friend i was close with and how he makes me happy just being around. He reminds me a lot of my best friend from high school and i really wish i could visit him more often, but unfortunately thats not possible because of my mental state and the quarantine. Im just doing what i can to stay sane and get along with people around me.

Now that I think about it, "One must imagine Sisyphus happy" is obviously bullshit. Isn't "stuck in a dead-end job" one of the biggest sources of discontent in our modern society?
>b-but he feels like he's making progress!
He's cursed, not retarded. Of course he knows that his efforts are futile.

>>14971778
I think "Sisyphus happy" is about finding accomplishment in the small things. Like just completing your daily wage-slave bullshit for the day and having a smile just for that would be Sisyphus happy from what I understand.

>>14969052
>I long for someone I can hold and to be held by.
Is love really that important to you?

>>14972780
not him but yes

>>14972834
Important in what way?

>>14970366
If you already know that you love her, then it's obvious you should say yes.

I'm thinking I should probably read The Betrothed before I say anything about the plague that's fucked my life up.

>>14972944
Not him either, but I long for a female of close enough age and ethnic type to have hold me, and of course, make me coom. I would really like such a female to make me coom right about now.

>>14971951
this is completely wrong. man is condemned to look for meaning in a meaningless existence. Just as sisyphus must always roll the boulder back up the hill. So rather than despairing about our condition, we can be happy that we can endless make our values in life without end.

Being content as a wage-cuck would be a philosophical suicide as you're pursuing and creating your own meaning. Working as a wage-cuck while studying and pursuing other self-defined goals (art,music, activism, whatever) would make you a happy sisyphus.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.

tfw no matter what you do you will NEVER have a romance as sweet and pure as those in the anime you’ve watched. seriously, why live?

How do I unironically get into waifuism I think it’s the only release from this pain

feel depressed. maybe my novels aren't any good. i can't sit down and write anything else. i just want one positive response, one, and i could write. i'm not strong, and i am too sensitive, and i do doubt myself. isn't that natural?

It is weird that this self-quarantine phase is making me better at socializing.

>dream of buying various food in different shops
I dont get it

>>14972780
I guess, its at a point where the hand holding meme isn't a meme anymore.

>>14973612
Ur novels r gud anun

Right now I'm trying to ascertain as to whether or not certain strains of Enlightenment-Era Reformed Christianity/Pantheism are mainly a worldview/philosophy and not meant to actually be viewed as a religion or some kind of esoteric satanism.

I think I might be retarded and I need book recommendations that will make me not retarded

>>14971308
The grocery stores are in need right now as everyone is going crazy due to the crisis. Both have their up and downsides I guess, supermarket pays better, is closer and indoors, whereas work at the farm just sounds nicer and being out in nature I expect will feel cleansing, slowing down my thoughts.

>>14973116
I really want to, but she has borderline personality disorder and a history of abuse, and I just worry I'd be setting myself up to get hurt.

What are people realizing about this Corona thing that I am not? Everyone seems to be overreacting if you ask me.

anyone on a horrible sleeping schedule? it's almost 7am and I can't decide whether to sleep and fail to wake up at a decent time, or stay up til night

>>14975309
very few people realize anything about it. they're just letting their fantasies run wild.

Living in a celibate relationship with a BDP chick with one kid and another (mine) every other week. Bored out of my mind, going ferocious from the lack of fucking (my bde is off the charts) and sleeping is the best part of the day.

Now here's the little secret. Incel fuels the creativity and I've vowed to stay in this shithole existence until the novel is finished, I'll put up with this shit for two more years because I know that it can't be done with the distractions of cunt, cock or bumhole. I don't care how much this emotionally fucks up my kids living with a distanced dad and deranged mother/stepmother, that books'a cummin

Do you like my photo? I love to it every day...;)

are there any other boards worth posting on, I'm so sick of /lit/

>>14975292
Say no, bdp is never worth it if you can choose. Trust me, above poster

>>14975339
I would feel awful rejecting her on those grounds though because she seems to really have put a lot of emotions into it, and when I told her I’d have to think about it, she looked crushed.

>>14975348
Once you've said yes and tied the knot she'll be equally crushed every time you don't live up to her standards of omnipotence, you are just her dad, she will hate you when you don't show that you invest 200% of yourself into her issues and be all irrational, scarring you with mental abuse til you don't know what's up or down. But hey, if you're gonna go for it, write a book while doing it! Only thing keeps me sane

>>14975353
Fad* haha, not dad

>>14975353
Idk, she says she’s been planning this for a couple years ever since she briefly lived with me and I helped her get off drugs and alcohol. She’s always been more in the fearful side of the disorder than the aggressive side.

Still no idea whats going on, feel vulnerable and kinda gross for posting personal stuff on this board. Getting some hope out of the prospect of talking to friends.

>>14975363

All roads to bdp relations leads to self-abuse, you'll be the side character in your little romance, heed my words. Good luck Anon, yeh fekkin need it

Skipped the last 100 pages of Sloterdjiks critique of cynical reason because Jesus Christ I really can't muster up the effort to give a shit about the Weimar Republik anymore.
This topic has been discussed to absolute death a billion times over.
Now I'll wait until my first volume of Spheres arrives despite the shutdown.

Last 6 weeks
>stop using computer completely for anything except downloading books to Kindle
>only use internet on phone for information (text format only) and e-mail
>porn made impossible by above points
>stop smoking (both cigarettes and weed)
>started learning guitar and piano
>work out 3 times a week
>5-mile walk every morning
>get healthier eating habits
>lose 35 lbs
>be in the best shape of my life
>started learning German
>read a lot more books
>halfway through a 9000 piece jigsaw
>started studying economics
>started studying history
>try to be more social (Coronamania made it impossible lately)
>started playing chess
>Life still feels unfulfilling and not worth living
I don't understand. I exchanged all my bad habits for good ones. I'm partaking in loads of challenging physical and mental stimuli. I've been socializing a lot more. Why do I still feel like this? Why must my life consist of nothing but bad or neutral feelings? Why are there never any good days for me? Why? I will still continue for another 6 weeks to finish my planned period of 3 months, but if nothing changes in that time, those weeks will be my last.

>>14975392
Get a purpose

>>14958741
Her.

>>14975392
You need God.

>>14975424
Faith is irrational. You either believe or not.

This feeling of having no privacy is the worst thing ive felt in my life, especially on a site like this one where anyone can just post whatever. I dont wanna come here, but at the same time its the only semi source of information i have about this thing. The uncertainty is what makes it so unbearable, my mind just goes in every which way trying to find something to tie the ends together, but there is nothing, just some strange messages and patterns. I was an anxious person before, but it has increased 10 fold since this all started. Im not looking for sympathy or pity, i just want this to stop. Its not gonna happen, i already know. Why am i here, this makes no sense

How do you know the difference between deep and dumb; obvious and profound? Is it all just just a matter of perspective?

>>14975458

You don't, assume that everything is dumb at it's core and approach it as a dialectic study when forced to speak on it.

>>14975435
Faith is neither rational nor irrational, it is beyond reason.

>>14975454
Feel like im drifting in and out of sanity throughout the day. One moment im just talking to someone, then something happens and i shut down and stare at a wall for so long i completely forget about everything but some small detail of whatever it is i happen to be thinking about. Its horrible, like im just wasting time thinking about nothing. When i become too aware of these feelings i dont wanna do anything, im just paralyzed with fear. Talking to people helps for a bit, but as soon as im on my own it starts again. I feel like i can meditate pretty well when i can find the right state of mind, but it feels more like deluding myself with escapsim than enjoying the present moment.

>>14975406
Basically this.
(You) >>14975392
need to make the meaning for yourself. Sounds like anon is off to a good start -- assuming it isn't larp, keep it up

>>14958741
This whole site is almost nothing but a bunch of hostile bullshit and i want nothing to do with it anymore. I think its the only way for me to feel better. Im just gonna use the vpn and hope it's not too bad. Fuck it, theres nothing i can type to decrease the stress of emotion, so ill just have to stay away and pretend its not real.

The Corona crisis is making me lose my fucking mind. Being a young and healthy individual in 'forced' isolation who has to watch his government throw the entire economy into the trash to extend a couple of lives by some months or years, is infuriating to the nth degree. It's beyond ironic that the people who will be 'saved' by the measures implemented are also the people who will live to see the least of the repercussions. Media induced hysteria has led to too many politically based decisions, which in turn gives the media more ammo, which turns this into an extremely depressive spiral of over exaggeration.

>>14975424
God has never given me comfort. I see no reason why He would start now.
>>14975406
>>14975535
I've spent half my life looking for a purpose. Something I can find meaning in. I have found nothing. No passion, nor hobby, not even a single real interest. There is nothing I want to do, only things which I should do. I've spent time doing the first; nothing, now I'm spending my time doing the latter; things I should do. So far I fail to see the difference. The fact that I turned my entire life around in a single day is proof how little I value the things I do or don't.

>>14975728
Based. So much fucking posturing lately but I'm sure this is what everybody's thinking.

I've always believed that I could climb the ladder through scholarship. Study hard, go to good university, gain admittance into elite groups. Turns out I'm just a fucking peasant and no intellectual recognition will make me any better. I didn't go to private school - I was born into a working class family of alcoholics and unemployed morons, and have all their qualities. I'm from their cloth and no achievement will make me any better.

>>14975424
>Believing in big ol' skydaddy
L O L
I don't understand how someone could seriously believe in an omnipotent being whom you could easily compare to a cancerous teenage Youtuber. "Guys, love and pray to me please. Love and pray to enter heaven, guys." The main difference lies in that a Youtuber won't punish you if you don't subscribe, while God will let your burn in eternal hellfire if you don't. Absolutely hilarious shit if you ask me.

I keep trying to play video games despite also feeling totally bored to death of them, but have a feeling that I should care about them as they're the "modern art form."

>>14963198
are you crazy?

>>14964400
cool dubs

>>14958741
I'm reading Inherent Vice by Pynchon. First chapter or so it was hard to get into but I'm enjoying the noir-style dialogue. It's a very creative piece of work.

How do I write poems?

>>14975994
I would spend some time concentrating on what kind of experience or emotion you want to convey. Start free writing some stuff down whenever you think of it, or set 5-7 minutes to free write several times per day. Put it all away. As you go about your days, the effect you want will start to emerge and you will gather the appropriate words, form the syntax you desire. Take note. Some time later, look at all that you've written on this topic and start putting together what you want. Keep editing. Then, you'll have a poem.

>>14975797

You seem a tad narcissistic, so perhaps you've been looking for purpose in the wrong places. Start doing things for others, not yourself. You'll find what you're looking for when you're not looking for it.

>>14975964
i don't think i am, i think everything is true, proven yet again. i dont feel normal lately though, either it's intense fear, joy or sadness, but it's always extreme to the point of interfering with the rest of my life. i dunno what to do with myself anymore, i've just sat here all day in some kind of mental haze i can't describe

I’ve started wearing an apron whenever I cook, it’s fun. I find these little rituals very comforting.

>>14975931
Have you tried playing the dumb shit? 2-3 hour RPG maker trash, surreal freeware, obscure pet projects, fangames, that sort of thing. Might not be very quality but they're entertaining and "unique" enough without being much of an investment due to typically short length

>>14976519
That's the thing. I don't really want to play them at all, but I feel as though I should want to.

>>14976134
Assumptions rarely hits the mark, and across the internet, even less so. Comparatively, I would rank myself among one of the most selfless people in my life. I find very little enjoyment in existing, so I have lived by a creed of having positive, or at the very least a neutral effect on those who do enjoy it. I'm extremely empathetic to negative emotions, so I try to keep people happy and smiling.

>>14976619
Sounds like something a narcissist would say
t. Narcissistic philanthropist

>>14976565
I can't imagine what you're trying to get out of playing them exactly if you don't see anything worthwhile there. Is there something you're trying to understand about the medium?

>>14976966
Just a feeling that by not being engaged to some degree I am being left behind, that they're the "new artistic medium" that is taking the place of older mediums. Like it's almost Luddism to be totally disengaged from them.

>>14976619
Projection or not, at least I’m honest about my assumptions. The impression I get is based on the list of things you think you should be doing. All of which is self-improvement cope shit that may be necessary but surely isn’t sufficient for fulfillment. Have you tried volunteering on a regular basis for example? Participated at church or some other local community? You used reverential capitalization so maybe you were religious at some point. Have you taken on a project that helps other people? Committed to it and seen it through? Involvement is usually what fuels passion, so lack of it is no excuse. You say
>try to be social
like it’s just another pill you’re swallowing to feel better. The goal isn’t mere socializing where you kiss ass and keep people happy and smiling. It’s friendship. It’s lasting relationships that exhibit mutual dependence. Your life takes on meaning when others depend on you and what you do. Maybe you’ve already tried all this shit to no avail, in which case get yourself to a therapist. You might have BPD or some other mood disorder given your feelings of emptiness and issues relating to others. But this
>Comparatively, I would rank myself among one of the most selfless people in my life.
indicates that my impression wasn’t too far off. Fucking listen to yourself dude

I had one of the weirdest dreams of my life today. What happened is that for some strange reason I stoled from a library two books. The first being Murakami's Norwegian Wood and the latter Nietzsche's Genealogy of Morals. Of the pair, I have only read the philosopher with hammer. Maybe this means something, I don't know.

My support of trans people is inversely correlated to how much I interact with trans advocates. I was totally onboard at first because hey you do you doesn’t hurt me, but some of these people are actually nuts. I got told the other day it was transphobic to not want to have sex with PREOP trans women. Seriously what the fuck. Starting to believe a lot of this shit is just weird fetish stuff.
>bang the trap or you’re a fascist

Guy who was wanting to buy a deck to suit my character here. Talked to friends about it and apparently it’s bad luck to buy your first deck yourself. So a friend just bought one she thinks suits me. Pretty cool I think. Not the exact one I was looking at, but pretty dope.

>>14977826
Are you supposed to colour that? Without colours a lot of the symbolism is removed.

>>14975931 >>14976565 >>14977037
I know what you mean but that's what I'm starting to get like with the internet and technology entirely. My computer now no longer has speakers (besides the internal speaker which is about as good as a laptop's) and I've started writing in Gedit, the standard text editor rather than a word processor like LibreOffice or MS-Office. I think I'm slowly turning into some weird digital recluse or something, different than a normal recluse since I still go outside.

>>14977826
>it’s bad luck to buy your first deck yourself
fug

>>14977849
No, it's supposed to imitate wood carvings. She said that I tend to have a very all-or-nothing mind set, so the black and white reflects that notion. Youre right that a certain layer of interpretation is lost, but I think that any set is going to have different symbols or representations that others don't. It's going to be arbitrary, abstract, and ambiguous no matter what you do. You'll never have the perfect set because having a set at all removes the possibility of the set itself being a different set. Possibility is endless, and thats part of the point of tarot.

>>14977824
>My support of trans people is inversely correlated to how much I interact with trans advocates.
The same is true of 'diversity'. But from their position of biological denial they have to take that position you know, if you are whatever you want to be then what's the difference between refusing to use your pronouns and have sex with you? If men without wombs can be 'women' so then can men with dicks. They're being perfectly consistent, you're not.

The fundaments of happiness and contentment are quite simple. It is the great deception of the modern world, of modern psychiatry, consumerism, and technology, that it depicts it as anything but. For every simple facet of contentment, regular physical activity, a balanced healthy diet, exposure to natural beauty, meaningful relationships and work, realistic, well-defined goals, freedom from financial stress and poor health, modernity poses a stupefying array of fad diets, trendy exercise regimens, technological mediations, health products, vacation packages, therapies and pharmaceuticals, in short, surrogate activities. It succeeds only at complicating and obfuscating, and in the act, mystifying what it claims to solve so that many find it inconceivable to even name what would bring them peace.

I can't tell how sick I am. I'm almost certain I'm getting better. been sick for about a week. probably covid, been a little short of breath today. I had pneumonia once before and based on that experience it could still kick in, it was sneaky last time, I felt better for a couple of days and then horrible. I think most likely I will be 100% again on wednesday-ish insh'allah. I'm sad that I missed out on so much schoolwork. I was very passionate about it when I got sick. I worry about my future a lot, more than is warranted I think. I worry about who I'm going to be. I'm haunted by old sins. I pray as much as I have energy for. I'm reading a good book about central asia.

>>14975323

got stuck in this thread (same poster) and looks like I jinxed the deal. She just broke up for reallys over the fact that she can't feel positive feelings towards my daughter and the only out she sees is to leave. She's broken up a million times before and this time I know it's for real, I've fallen in love, yeah, God knows, God knows I've fallen in love desu what a cunt

>>14977824
seriously. if it was like, "hey guys i was born a man but i want to be a woman, please don't bully me," and they were a normal person, sure, okay. but they start with this "cis-scum" pantyfa "trap" faggotry and all the pronouns, harassment of normal people, shoving their fetishes into my face. same with niggers. like, "black people have a right to live, please don't lynch us," okay sure. but they want to break laws and get away with it, constantly hate on white people and even assault them and get away with it. if they all actually wanted equality then sure. but they don't, they want special privileges is the reality, and they won't ever be satisifed. they just don't ever shut the fucking hell up. get a fucking job and go to work you stupid tranny niggers, holy fucking shit. they could have had my sympathy if they weren't actually retarded hypocritical assholes full of hatred with insane victim complexes.

just shut the fuck up.

>>14977875
>It's going to be arbitrary, abstract, and ambiguous no matter what you do.
I wouldn't really say so, it's certainly not arbitrary. If you ever get another one I'd suggest the centennial edition of the Rider-Waite one. Or if you're into kabbalism Crowley's deck is decent.

And do read up on the meaning of the cards, the symbolism.

>>14973385
Create a tulpa. Also, the high-IQ move is to create your waifu as an OC rather than just snatching her from some pre-existing work. It'd vastly strengthen the bond between you two.

I've been putting off writing two important e-mails for four days now. What is up with my brain fog and why can't I lift it. As soon as I think of writing them, it's as if my entire system clenches in on itself, everything turns grey and horrid, I turn paralysed. I've been having some pretty good days so it can't be my general mood this time around that is stopping me from doing the things I want to do.

>>14958793
pic pls

>>14960869
not same poster, but Capitalist Realism

>>14978180
For sure! I’m excited for it and will be reading up on it. First card I drew after shuffling was the fool. Lmao.

Do you guys ever read your favorite authors and get depressed because they had so many profound experiences and insights at a very young age, like mid twenties at the latest? I’m about to be 27 and I feel like my life has just basically been nothing to this point.

>>14973385
>He thinks he can 'get into' waifuism so easily
I can attest to the veracity of pic related. That said, this anon's idea >>14978199 isn't bad either, though I'd be cautious about the tulpa suggestion. They have a book on it somewhere.

>>14978312
iktf. it's almost like people were simply more intelligent and live was more social and stimulating back then. now it's like, you go to work, go home, and nothing. our cities are not built to be able to just walk around in, and cost of living is just so expensive we dont have money for shit anymore. there's so much more pressure to be perfect. like if you don't have a six figure job by 28 you may as well commit suicide, and by 30 you need to have at least 300k in the bank. people were more chill back then, being broke was okay, you didn't have to run like a rat just to keep your head above water. society just sucks now. no one wants to go out and have fun, they want to sit at home and watch netflix. can't blame them, you walk out your door and BAM it costs you $50.

>>14958741
Everyone in this thread is a beginner. The only thing that's on my mind is this high pitched voice.

https://soundcloud.com/sos645ar/in-love-with-a-stripper

>>14978423
I pretty much agree. I do think they were more intelligent, if not by nature, then by way of better education or the ability to engage with things more. I actually launched into what others would call a high end career I suppose, but I just found it so painfully meaningless, even negative maybe so I abandoned it. I’ve pretty much abandoned all notions of career and whatnot now though.

>>14978423
Are you a burger? I don't disagree with what you're saying, but I think things are much more chill in Western Europe where I've lived and possibly in parts of Eastern Europe too.

>>14978693
I’m not that guy. I’m the one he’s responding to. I am an American and I agree. I do think it’s more severe over here. I desperately want to leave in all honesty.

>>14978423
I mean it sounds like your suffering under late stage capitalism.

>>14978744
I know it's easier said than done, but why aren't you?

>>14978884
It does seem like getting a visa/citizenship would be pretty difficult and I’m not even quite certain where I would go. I’m a bit of a mutt so I don’t have just one place that I’d go for sure. If I’m being honest though the biggest reason is there’s still a few things I’d like to do and I’m not sure if I can do them overseas.

Does anyone have a recommendation for a book/books that are similar to the films of jacques rivette? Specifically gang of four and out 1

ALso is History of Thirteen worth a read?

Need help with Latin. What's the word for ejaculating semen?

>>14978480
even educated people with good jobs are retarded here. they just aren't fun to talk to, they have no interesting ideas or unique views. they jsut talk about sportsball and capeshit movies. and i read about authors having /lit/ friends who they could talk to and bounce ideas off of. i can't imagine it. i've engaged with normalfags about literature and they say the cringiest shit imaginable, so stupid i just look at them for a moment wondering wtf is wrong with them. a literally retarded 12 year old would be more intelligent and creative than most normalfags i know.
>>14978693
i don't know how it could just magically be better in europe.
i think it's something like a lack of "diversity of ideas" or "diversity of personalities." everyone is a consoomer and more or less identical, they don't think about anything or want to talk about anything except consooming. the last time i hung out with normalfags they just talked about what shit they had bought and what shit they had collected. it's intellectually like being punched in the face repeatedly. one guy, i sat him down and asked him what he wanted to do with his life, if he wanted to retire and what would he do then, where he would live if he didn't need to work, he couldn't give me an answer. other than consooming he had no other interests or hobbies. and when you try to engage anyone in anything deeper than their recent amazon purchases they either disconnect and give you a blank stare or they get angry and aggressively defensive. and it's not like i'm asking "what's the meaning of life". just basic shit like what they would do if they didn't need to go to work every day, their plans for the future, something they wish they could change about the city. like say, 'if you could change something about [city] what would it be?' they just blank out, it's like they have zero imagination. they can only talk about concrete physical things. any sort of abstraction, it's like trying to teach calculus to a dog.

>>14979455
>>14979455
I’ve always held little hope for that masses to be honest so I know what you mean, but I’m over that. I’m also over this idea of just wanting to be chill or relaxed even though I hate the whole corporate rat race thing you mentioned. I just feel worse knowing that I wasted my own development on shit that never mattered and waking up from that trance just to find that there’s no other directions left to move in anyway. I don’t know about you, but I pretty much wasted the first 25 years of my life feeling like something was missing, not fitting in, not “getting it”, hating the norm but wanting desperately to “get it”, wanting to find something of value in this trivial materialist clown world or at least a means of escape, and just letting my life be put on tracks that I never decided for myself but were just expected of me because “that’s life”. I regret letting my development be wasted but I’m in my twenties, there’s still time. Or, there would be. If only there were anything deserving of focusing energy and activity on. Sadly, there isn’t. At least, not that I’ve seen. It just feels like my life has been wasted not just by my own volition but also the fact that there seems to be no identifiable alternative. I feel like an arrow without the bow and a target to aim at.

I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost. I feel very lost.

I'd quite like to bump this thread from page 11.