/lit/ - Literature

There’s a kind of man called a nigger
They claim that their dicks are much bigger
But they are low in IQ
And no accomplishments too
Though their women have a nice figure

okay here's a limerick about a highly influential arthouse film (austin powers: the spy who shagged me)

a spy had his mojo purloined
by a man seeking large bags of coin
he wrongfully trusted
his wife, who combusted
newly single he flashed us his loins

a randy young man from Aberystwyth
found a sadist to tryst with
he'll always remember
when she cut off his member
coz now he's got nuthin to piss with

>>14852199
Kek’ed and checked

>>14852014
You're missing a syllable in the last line
>>14852183
nice
>>14852199
really good but how do you pronounce Aberystwyth?

>>14851972
You read my mind when I saw that shitty weeb thread. Here, I will write you some OC on the spot.

I married a sweet little lass,
who had a very nice ass,
but after we married,
she ate lots of cherries,
Now i want to see her get glassed.

>>14852503
I love writing these so here's another one, to even it up. I base most of them on my real life.

I am a fat fucking bastard,
Routinely you will find me plastered,
Then I lost my job,
Punched my boss in the gob,
Now I'm free to drink up like master.

>>14852014
Terrible.

>>14852524
One more, for the hell of it

My family is really a shitshow,
My mum is really a bitch though,
She tossed me out of the house,
And then called me a louse,
Nicked her car and then smashed it in Lithgow

>>14852554
I truly love sunflower seeds
I'm allergic and they make me sneeze
I swell up like a balloon
But I'm such a buffoon
Could you fetch me my Epi-Pen please?

Well it looks like OP was a faggot
He just Bailed on his thread like a maggot
After I took my time
And I wrote him some rhymes
That poor old fucking sod couldn't hack it

>>14852635
I'm in Ireland it gets very late here
But I'm reading your rhymes I've a good ear
Don't be so impetuous
It really don't suit youse
I've gotten quite sleepy so goodnight dear

There once was a man with one shoe
Who lived in a rusty canoe
Whenever it rained
His lungs were in pain
And nobody knew what to do

>>14852652
Thanks for the you, I capped them for your next thread. Burger out.

There once was a randy old bloke
Who couldn’t lay off the coke
A lass was his dealer
So he planned to steal her
But she did not want to be his honey
So she spiked his next batch and ran off with all his money

the world is too full of shit
our future seems down in the pit
I'm hungry , depress
my life is a mess
maybe it's time that i end it

one lonely night I sought the company
of a lass (her ma still called her Barry)
her equipment prodigious
alas also contagious
it was worth antiviral therapy

I wish a girl with a fat arse
By the way my name is Lars
Back to the girl
Made my toes curl
By gassing like fossil fuel cars

there once was a man from bel-air
who was fucking his wife on the stairs
the banister broke
so he doubled his stroke
and finished her off in mid air

im shitposting on a saturday
instead of trying to get laid
ill soon be a wizard
'cause i've not wet my lizard
and my whole family thinks im gay

but im not a fag i like foids
and im not lacking vigor in loins
but my social anxiety
makes me very frighty
and i get outgamed by the 'groids

being sex-starved is soul-crushing
at this point a tushy's a tushy
that guy looks pretty frail
he barely looks male
might as well settle for bussy

iv been cooming for days to traps
nothins stopping these glorious faps
too bad im fat and broke
theyd see me as a joke
and push me off with a laugh

even fags see me as a disgrace
to the entire human race
might as well just die
see whats on the other side
let someone else take my place