/lit/ - Literature

Offing myself tomorrow. Wish me luck. Hope the afterlife looks like a Berserk illustration.

>>14811188
It would be better if you didn't probably

You might as well flood the earth

>>14811188
>offing yourself because of the present
>permanent solution for a temporal problem

If you ever want to peer into a pitch black abyss, study accounting. It is perhaps the most intellectually nullifying, brain-cell shredding load of absolute dreck I have ever given thought to. I can't justify thinking about it for the next hour, let alone the next two years, and especially not the rest of my pitiful existence.

Just came off a 30 break from 4chan. 100 days+ no porn sites/red boards going strong. I read 72 pages of moby dick, but most of the time I wasted on TikTok and youtube.

I’m thinking about becoming a high school teacher. It’s the only career I can see myself enjoying. But everyone around me thinks that I should be doing something much more prestigious. For years I’ve been told that I’ll “make the big bucks,” buy my mom a beach house, cure cancer, etc. Just the other day my aunt said “think of how much potential you have!” at dinner with family. Her words crushed me.

I saw a cute girl on campus. I don’t have the nerve or foresight to do anything with her, but at least she’s distracting me from HER. But I know that when I see HER again, I’ll be thrown back again into endless, incurable fantasies.

bump

What I find particularly vexatious about social media is its powers of entrapment. It has inserted itself as the axis through which social credibility is conveyed in the attentional economy. To succeed in social media is to succeed in the artificial conditions it has constructed, to play its lame game. Most of all it is to sink your attention into its nexus of apps and to self-consciously monitor one's every behavior in comparison to the whims of whatever ephemeral crowd one has attracted at the given moment. It then drives you headlong into its game, forcing you to sacrifice for its sake, all while preying on the basic human desire for attention and affirmation.
A lesson about capitalism is that it seeks to expand and conjure ever more markets. As more demands are satisfied capitalism is not content to flatten out into self-stable equilibrium. It must find more to exploit under the guise of satisfying demand. As capitalism has continued to expand it has to seek out more abstracted and distant aspects of human psychology to appeal to. Thus attention itself has become marketized. Every reflex action of your extraocular muscles, every dart of your eyeballs, is money to this insatiable engine of profit. We must ask, at risk of being labeled commies, if it is really making anyone happy.

>>14811188
How are you doing it?

>>14811156
CONDITION

The leaves were dancing in the morning sun.

A creature, too disheveled to even be called human, was half crouching half running through the thick shrubbery. Age could not be determined, but it was an adult for sure. It`s right hand was held like that of a child by an even older specimen, with a thick white beard running down his face covered in a beaming smile.

Both the faces of the shaman and his novice bore uncanny resemblance to those of a human but their eyes carried the unmistakable look of a life lived at the constant edge of death.

Suddenly they stopped at a gap in the trees. A vast plain unfolded before them. The eyes of the novice began watering, his fur-covered vision blurry.

"Bahaa, chopra, kadalaka!"(Behold the image of god!)

The novice noticed the reason for why he felt so dizzy. His vision accustomed to trees, shrubs and garbage was suddenly challenged by a giant structure up in the air in the middle of the plain. It was like woven bone, towering above the horizon. It`s yellow color might have confused him to think it was made of gold but he did not know the concept of gold, or metal for that part.

"Baha, kanta dadrika, siiidri dod kad! Tetis mahadra buhuris bifd."(Behold the hands of the god! One is longer because he carries the burden of man`s pain.)

The novice could see that one of the hands was indeed longer. He did not have the concept of a rope to help him recognize the one that was suspended from the tip of the longer arm carrying at its bottom a gigantic cube of something grey.

"Buda bibita chopka dross gdina."(But from that pain on this cross is born life.)

From the top of the cube a shrub was growing, brilliantly green against the blue sky...

A sudden wind arose.

As the two creatures hid their faces with their hairy hands a gigantic creak was heard. Like the heaving of a ship on stormy waves, the air rippled with the deep sound of something twisting.

cont.

yes, it is a shithole. a shithole i call Home.
anyone else unable to resist the sentiments of ugly places and can't help finding it homely, deeply accepting of you?

Oh no no, not "horses"; "whore's ass".

>>14813445
you got the whole barn laughing

Anyone here been to law school? Has your experience/career been rewarding and would you recommend it to others? I really enjoy studying judicial history and philosophy, along with abstract legal concepts in general. At the same time, I know most lawyers who want to pay off debt and achieve financial stability ditch this passion and accept more lucrative opportunities even if it means accepting a soul-sucking job. Then there's the scary prospect I'll have to work a job that is neither lucrative nor personally fulfilling. Won't write a blog post but I'm deeply conflicted and looking for any advice, thanks.

> anime edition
No. Fuck off.

>>14813485
Just graduated last year. Currently undertaking the legal practitioner certificate (UK requirement). I went to a pretty good uni so I’m not too fussed about jobs when the time comes to look.

>>14813450

ding dong
mothers day
stay away
mommas clay
you say hi
apple pie
noodle doodle daddies poodle
do will dont a want to will ye
thou wont do what does fullfil thee
hither pray alas be still we
hang o'leary bold and weary ...
sang ...
oh song ... of mistle twees ...
parfume me ... but two can bees ...
could though be ... oh could though be eeee...
for tea ... oh woe woe woweeeeeee

>>14811791
>accounting
try programming

>>14813337
As they fell on all fours to the ground, the novice thought that would be the "voice of god".

Thankfully it stopped as the wind stopped. They both stood up.

Everything was all right. But the cube was swaying slowly. The glory of god revealed, no doubt.

Just as the shaman was about to continue his explanations, the novice squinted. For a dark shadow flew past the arm of god.

Had the unfortunate raven perched closer to the balance center of god, maybe the structure would not have collapsed.

A loud crack was heard, some creaking and then a thunderous whiplash like that of tearing metal pierced through the skies.

The novice dropped the shaman`s hand and both ran for the bushes disappearing out of sight of each other and of the world.

When the dust settled they came out - two scared animals. The novice stared at a tree nearby as if he had seen something but chose to not share. They gazed across the plane looking for their dear god but not finding him, without a word, they just ran in two different directions far, far away.

The air misted for a second close to that nearby tree and three figures materialized next to the trunk.

"Wow, he almost saw us."
"They have abilities you know. Especially after the fall..."
"Well why don't they use them?"
"Why did that crane over there fall? They never use them, not when they are strongest after Armageddon, not when they are most needed - before it."
"They have it within their minds, but they shut it off in early childhood. Across generations it dies out in almost all."
"They even have a name for it - the human condition."

The older one stirred. "Fear. It is fear that inhibits them, then it becomes comfort and a thousand substitutes for what they chose to not use, to forget out of fear. They cannot bear it all, not in the beginning, not in the end."

The younger one looked in the distance and whispered:
"End of the night...
some are born in sweet delight,
some are born in endless night."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMcNTedWJew

Why? Everytime. Procrastination. Every time. Is it like a self-hate thing? I give myself enough time to do the thing. I use that time to not do that thing. I give myself MORE time than I usually give myself. I still fill up that time with literally fucking writing this. Why? And I made myself coffee! I should be in the shower or something, but noooo. Noone knows anon, noone knows. They don't care. They have their own shit, they're self-absorbed too. Noone cares. I almost replied to that guy asking about weed. Why why why why why? It is a self-hate thing, isn't it? Anyhow gotta holler now. Or maybe I'll lurk these threads waiting on youse, waiting until the time is tight again. Who knows. I do, and I hate it.

Pursuing money is akin to the snake eating himself, only unfortunately for us, the snake never chokes. I'm trying to find satisfaction in gains I've made but it's never enough.

>>14811188

>>14811188
:( have a checked. I hope it is whatever you want it to be

>>14813416
kino photo anon. ideal location for kino photography.
i would suggest you to embrace to melancholy landscape, lurk around the town with a camera and pursue prose and photography. express yourself through pen and camera.

>>14811156
Decreasing the dosage of my antidepressents to get off them, and already having withdrawal symptoms which are a pain in the ass. Time perception being wacky, brain jolts, no fun. Old friend is visiting next week, we'll probably go clubbing and complain to each other about how much we want to die. Hoping I die from an accidental fentanyl overdose, that's what amsterdam is all about after all. Also some nigger stole my €1k watch and the police refuse to do jack shit because that's too small an amount to care about apparently.

>>14811188
Dubs of luck. Tell us if the afterlife is nice.

>>14811837
>everyone around me thinks that I should be doing something much more prestigious
iktf. Most people think me a smaht guy that really has something to bring to this world, and maybe I could, but I don't want to bring anything to this world (except ecoterrorism maybe).

>>14811188
protip: there’s none

>>14811837
You don't really have potential - that's just something well meaning family members say when they want you to get up off your ass. If you're somewhat educated but you choose to spend your free time on TikTok, high school teacher isn't a bad bet. The girl doesn't even know who you are and probably never will.

>>14811374
things are only going to get worse though, we're nearing the twilight of the human race

niggers tongue my anus

>>14813586
anon... that's my second ffavorite niche religious painting theme. based

>>14813967
photography is too faggy for me as a full blown hobby, but i like taking an ocasional comfy pic

>>14814095
photography is faggy for you because you're uneducated about the art medium but whatever your choice.

>Chaos is order yet undeciphered
Order is chaos yet undeciphered. Good movie though.

>>14814112
i'm a schizo with complicated relationships with cameras. i'd also hate to resemble pic related. fuckers made me stand still for over an hour in near-freezing temps (warm if you move, horrible tobe idle, plus wind) while they snapped a sure fucking thousand pics of their child striking the same 3 poses (aint much positions you can take in a saddle) on a very uncooperative horse that starts biting if you pull shit like that on him

for me, a faggot with camera always ruins a comfy event

>>14814188
pic
also, "bloggers" that come just to take pics and always have to disrupt the work

>>14814112
not like i'm free of that sin, unusual landscapes are my weak spot

>>14814188
>>14814192
so you are uneducated about the medium but i don't blame you. these fucking subhuman consoomer gearfaggots ruined photography, they are the scum of the medium. this isn't the artistic side of photography.

for a starting point checkout the work of "Todd Hido"

>>14811156
hate your god I hate my job hate hypocrites and common slob hate people who aren't more than what they seem more than anything else the american dream
I have a crush on a stranger for the first time in a decade and it drives me insane because it's absurd. It's also driving me to hurry up and get a car so I can go on a few other dates and find someone else because how the hell do you ask a contractor at a job on a date without it devolving into a firing?
The irrationality says "but I want her!"
No, dummy, you're just fixated because you have a bucket of issues. No, you're not a sewer mutant, but come on now mate, you think she's smiling at you? She might be, and it's just driving me insane.
Why would anyone see this goatish vulture in the wild and find him attractive?
Why the hell am I putting this on virgin.com?

>>14814293
holy cringe people like this subhuman exist

I want a kigu gf
And I want it now

>>14814252
i'm fully aware of how hipsters and the like ruined photography for me. it can be pure kino, but i'm able to enjoy pretty much exclusively old pics, pre-mass-faggotry, there's also some grainyness and unbearable divinity of tones (in color photos) that no 4k full hd camera could capture

I went to my first party a few days ago. It was loud and my feet hurt but it was okay. I would have rather been doing anything else. The important thing, though, is that I survived the experience. Can I call myself a normalfag now?

God I wish these moderate democrats (status quo corporatists who will change precisely nothing but continue the republican oligarchic agenda in slow motion) would fall into a bottomless pit. No matter your political affiliation you can't deny that Sanders is the most interesting candidate, in that he serves as an antithetical corrective to Trump. The internal mechanism of the US government is calibrating, and jumping from one extreme to another would elicit the most jarring reconfiguration. The nation must undergo this synthesis, must experience the most shock, if it is to remain viable long term. To switch between hardcore plutocracy to democratic socialism, rather than to soft plutocracy, is a massive shock stimulus. The entire system must be disoriented in order for it to settle on a more well-adjusted set point.

I was staying in the capital city for two days, trying to find a job. I felt immense depression walking among other cheerful and hopeful people. All i wanted is to return to my small town and never set a foot outside.

>>14811156
i'm okay

>>14813981
no, it’s literally because I made a perfect score on a standardized test, putting me at 99.95% percentile, and that’s with my lazy work ethic.

Is a handjob from Glover a handjob or a bodyjob?

>>14814001
And you don't wish to experience that?

Unbidden undidden unthinken undone. Bin the din and drink the sun. Bollying boxengotten got the old sox and brontecedent. Built the billowing bails of blood. Thank the thun thus thitherly took the bread from the yeast and sank the soot. Blackened eyeballs, he drank from the crisp. Latht time thomeone did that they came out with a lithp. The well seeks divers, its moistness divine, it beckons wide the windowless lies listless lives letting lead loose the dread from the oncoming of thine. Breaking, taking, all that's unmaking. Endless endlessness lest ending yet, but on the onsen the orthogonal octagon ought osteophilic skeletons boned with boners built like bison.

>>14814001
Sounds based.

>>14811156
The NPC meme is old now but I was thinking about it just now and I cannot understand how such a phenomena can be possible. Unless I'm misunderstanding it, such a person would be unable to even think and produce his/her own thoughts, right? How would they be able to remember things without seeing them or hearing them in their head? How would they know how to form sentences without putting them together mentally? I don't get it and if it's true, perhaps they are a different kind of human. Maybe nature just designed their bodies and minds differently, that's why we can't fathom the idea, just like how NPC's cannot imagine what it's like to be someone who can visualize things in their head.


Imagination is supposed to be one of the building blocks of being human, how can someone not have this nessecary feature and be able to survive? I guess people come in different shapes and sizes, with varying levels of complexity and maybe that's another reason for my confusion. Humanity can sometimes appear so multilayered that it's difficult to make sense of it all.

>finally go through and unsubscribe from all the promotional emails I get
>stop receiving emails entirely

A fool! A fool! Who will bargain his foolishness with me against my reason? - Ha, I am Alexander the Great. How the sun shines a golden crown in my hair, how my uniform flashes. Generalissimo Hay Horse, order the troops to advance. Mr. Finance Minister Cross Spider, I need money! Dear Lady Dragonfly, how is my dear wife Beanpole doing? Oh, my dearest Mr. Leibmedicus Kantharide, I am at a loss for an heir to the throne. And to these delicious fantasies one gets good soup, good meat, good bread, a good bed, and one's hair shorn for free - in the fool's house, that is...Alas...That the clouds have been moving from west to east for three weeks now. It makes me melancholic. The bees sit so lazily on the flowers, and the sunshine lies so lazily on the ground. There is a terrible sense of idleness. - Idleness is the root of all evil. - The things people do out of boredom! They study out of boredom, they pray out of boredom, they fall in love, they marry and multiply out of boredom and finally die out of boredom, and - and this is the humour of it - everything with the most important faces, without realising why, and thinking God knows what about it. All these heroes, these geniuses, these fools, these saints, these sinners, these family men are basically nothing but refined idlers. - Why do I have to know? Why can't I become important to myself and put a tuxedo on the poor doll and put an umbrella in its hand so that it would be very legitimate and very useful and very moral? - Oh, who could ever be anyone else! Just for a minute. -

I can't get the lyrics from a Steve Martin song out of my head. I think that's the subtle beauty of his comedy. With some jokes from other comedians, I would laugh and forget them in a few minutes/hours. With this one, I didn't really laugh, I appreciated it, but I can't get it out of my head.

"Went to Whole Foods,
bought some goat cheese,
girl in shorts gives me a smile,
she advances, I'm responsive,
what the heck it's been a while."

I'm learning how to do this style of comedy for the last couple of months. Sometimes I nail it, but when I fail it's fucking glorious.

>>14811156
pretty cool berserk picture, i was genuinely just thinking about some philosophy from berserk earlier, particularly pic related and the "anger is a place man goes to when he can't stand suffering" speech from godo.
it's crazy how many times i refute my mental acceptance of giving up the struggle of life by just thinking about guts' struggle throughout his problems which are way worse than mine.

Right now I am looking at myself in a mirror and I absolutely love what I see. I am all that I am and all that I should be. I am neither the best nor the worst, but I am myself completely.

There is a lack of self-fulfillment in the world. It seems most are living at something less than their full capacity and these people have not embraced themselves and taken ownership of their lives. This does not mean filling your day with activities nor does it mean tireless self-help. It means understanding and appreciating who you are, limits and all, and knowing that the ideal is not what you are fed on social media but this realization, that you exist for a purpose and you are good, assuming you are, in fact, good.

Evil people exist in this world and it is the duty of the good to prevent these types from influencing those who they intend to harm. This is not well understood. Modernity requires that we give the benefit of the doubt to all, in perpetuity. What better setup could the evil have than this?

Smile, force that laugh, your eyes know and the eyes looking back at you know that you know, but you are silent and you go on your way.

This is who you do not want to be.

>>14811156
I can't wait for the semester to be over! in a good way

i absolutely cannot believe i am growing older, 23 years old now, i wake up every day and think of this and it shakes me to my core, where did all the time go? i did enjoy the years before this one, but it terrifies me to think that in 7 years i'll be 30 and i've not yet done anything with my life

i can feel my family tiring of me living with them, i am studying something that i hate, my looks are fading (whatever looks i had anyway), and as much as i need to do something with my life, the sad thing is that i don't want these times to end, i don't want to have to get a job or move out, i am at a crossroads and i don't know what to do

>>14816661
>i am studying something that i hate,
Why?

>>14816234
i always enjoyed godo and his talks with guts. he was such a simple character with simple qualities and habits, yet he derived such importance out of them. he was very expressive for and to guts and i think that is definitely one of the biggest influences for guts so far

>>14816661
why dwell on your position, go out and do something about it. you make a cage in your mind and you hold the key yet you want to cry out that you are imprisoned. stop being silly

Going to start another round of queries. All I want is to get published and I'll be able to die happy. Made a new alias and email that's more catchy. Next step is to re-read the query now that I'm a little distanced from it, shine that up, and it begins.

I'm so busy I barely have time to sleep, but I want to dedicate 30 minutes every evening to this until I get one of these agents to greenlight me. If I have to send 100 queries then so be it.

Last Tuesday and Friday a girl who rejected me last year and I talked very deeply about philosophy, mental health, and romance, for seemingly no reason, and now she's saying she wants to talk about our feelings because she feels close to me now and isn't sure if it's love or not.

working on a deadline and pulling 12 hour days in the library—cannot wait for this project to be behind me, fellas

I'm thinking of painting my toe nails tonight, but I can't decide between purple and green.

>>14817233
You can paint your nails with my cum.

>>14817233
Paint the ceiling with your brains, Buttershit.

Always the same question, isn't it? Always. Why not? Why the fuck not! Watch your netflix. Your /x/, your /lit/, your /his/. Scroll through the catalog, read the opinions of the well and the less well meaning. Argue with them! State your opinion, be cocky but not too cocky. Make anon engage. (you)s, this addictive tragedy. Give, but not too much. Take, but don't overreach. Never overreach. For my sake. For your sake. No spooks here, just anon.

There it is again. Is it a need to 'show off' some form of weakness, in this case paranoia? Is that a word too strong? I don't get 'gangstalked', not that I 'noticed'. But am I on lists? Official possibly secret lists? Probably. But there it is again! Right fucking there! It's not paranoia. It's anxiety in part, sure. Is it fear of letting go of habits? Is that the wrong way to put it? What do I have? What am I doing? Why am I this lazy, or is it really depression? I tried this a year ago on paper. Is it going to work this time? Will I stick to the regime? I better. Better. I want to get better. I will get better. The fear, the troubles, the malign patterns, they're temporary. I can work on them. I do work on them. I teach myself to enjoy working on them. I have to teach myself to be diligent. Punctual. Confident. After all, that's the key right? Confidence, the neuro-technology of success. Sheer willpower. I think I potentially have a lot more of that, than I grew up thinking. Trust yourself anon. Roots in hell and branches in heaven. That's how it works. The feet tingle. A good sign. I have to work. Become more systematic. Learn, study the ideas. I know which ones. (all of them)
So much to do. So so much.

>>14815775
Very nice anon. Your own work?

I would like to partake in the conjugal act with simulated thoughts unto which way to much attention has been pained in creating the fantasy
luckily by simply not eating this desire goes away
thank hunger and then thank sleep for curing even the discomfort left in the absence of food

I died back in New Zealand.
I was 20 at the time, 4 years ago. I was about to start my life over when my mother called me right after I had set up a bank account, she told me that my brother was dying. I got rid of everything and left, once more.
I came back home and shortly after my brother died, mom and sister tried to kill themselves, dad didn't care. It dragged me down but I still had the girl I met back in New Zealand at least, or so I thought, after a few months I never heard from her again, didn't answer my messages, didn't pick up my calls.
I used to have emotions and urges. These last year's have been hell, constant anxiety, intensive therapy, experimental drug use, in and out of employment, trying to get a grip.

>>14811188
Don’t listen to normalfags, do what you gotta do bro

well adjusted adult here AMA

>>14817416
where do babies come from?

>>14817430
extramarital relations, typically.

Believe it!

Daily reminder that the same people shilling books of artistocratic elitism, telling your to kill yourself, or mocking you with wojak images are the same ones that will literally max out a talk therapy thread until bump limit.

This board is the most pitiful of contradictions. It is nothing but a machine for pain. It rewards provocation without resolution and criticism without synthesis. You will simply be broken down until you are a computer. Yet instead of 0s and 1s you will think solely with "Based" or "Cringe."

I am convinced no one believes in anything. It is all a convenient facade, a masquerade for an inconvenient fault. What is modern man at the core but this? To have been tainted by the internet is worse than having died. You return a shell of a man, stripped to the core from anger, at times concealed under "values" and at times brought unto the light from some unconvenient fault line in life. How tiring.

Reading a self help book for recent graduates my aunt gave me, first part was all about work and what to do in that regard. It was interesting but I wasn't really relevant considering I had signed for a position at a place I was pretty excited to be before I even started my last semester.

But the next part was about love, and that hit me. I'm convinced I'm going to end up not marrying anyone. Physical intimacy and commitment terrify me. The idea of someone loving me outside my parents doesn't make any sense to me. Granted I havn't tried, also because I have a crippling fear of rejection. I'm a shut in besides work. I go to work, the gym, read at home, play mtg or hang out with friends on the weekends, nothing I would ever meet a women at. The idea of dating apps seems so ungenuine and fake that I can't bring myself to do so. This idea of being alone doesn't necessarily me by any means, just something I have to accept. It doesn't make me mad or happy, or anything for that matter. Like accepting that I owe rent this month. Just something that is, and only an extremely uncommon situation could change that.

Feel like I've finally taken off the mask.

I went to the library today. There's an impractically large study room on the top floor that only contains eight small square tables. Today all eight tables were occupied. Since I didn't want to intrude upon someone else's privacy and the idea of sitting on the floor seemed uncomfortable, I borrowed a chair from one of the tables and moved it over to the wall and read there for about half an hour. After half an hour, a security guard approached me and said that patrons weren't allowed to move the furniture. I tried to argue with him, but he reminded me that he didn't make the rules so I put the chair back. A woman sitting at one of the tables noticed this, and invited me to sit across from her. I read there for another half hour, during which time neither of us spoke. The woman finished her studying around the same time I finished the chapter I was reading, and on my way out I noticed a man who had taken a chair away from one of the eight tables. He was sitting against the study room's far wall and reading a newspaper. Before leaving the building, I decided to check out a volume of short stories I had partially read as an ebook. As far back as I can remember, the circulation desk of the library has been on the second floor, but today I discovered that it had been moved to the lobby. I asked the clerk (there's only one clerk now, since they've added a self-checkout system) how long the circulation desk has been on the ground floor, and she told me it's been like this for over five years now. I had no recollection of this. The first thing I did after getting home was to read the first story in the book I had checked out, and after finishing it I turned on my computer and opened up /lit/. The first thread I saw contained a post referencing the exact story I had just read.

What do you think this means?

>>14817636
>a self help book for recent graduates
What's the title?
I'm surprised a book like that talks about love.

good morning, brothers. mayy this day be fulfilling. i watched this gay cowboy movie the other day and it was pretty sad, i liked the sceneries over the plot though

>>14817636
Do the self-help books actually work?

>>14811188
WHY OFF YOURSELF WHEN THE CORONAVIRUS CAN DO IT FOR YOU?!?!??
>>14813976
DONT SAY THAT AHJHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHAHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH PLEASE!!!!1
>>14814025
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


WERE FUCKING DONE THE CORONAVIRUS WILL KILL US FUCK UCKF UFCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HAVEN;T EVEN FINISHED MY EPIC POEMS!!!1! I'LL DIE WITH NOTHIGN TO MY NAME FUCK FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Why is femininity associated with unconsciousness?

>>14819221
Dick thinks about Pussy. Pipe-smoking Balls. Tights pants.

>>14817906
>your blood tastes so sweet, like sugar baaabyyyy

>>14817322
Seems you got the worst part over. Try to go to church.

>>14811188
so are you still among us?
i really do hope you are anon.

>>14817572
based

>at last judgement
>can't look anyone in the eye
>have nothing to say for myself
>be judged and depart
>fall down a deep pit
>can't see
>can't hear
>no light
>be rejected
>regret for eternity
>wail and gnash teeth

>>14818752
If you actually put in the work, yes.

>>14811188
why would someone off themselves after getting such glorious digits?

Don't do it, brother...

>>14819583
>I have no god and I must repent

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO READ HOLY SHIT
I HAVE A WHOLE LIST OF NONFICTION AND I LIKE ALL OF THEM
BUT EVERY FICTION BOOK I TRY OUT TURNS OUT TO BE TOTAL DOGSHIT
EVERY TIME I LOOK THROUGH RECOMMENDATIONS I GET THE SAME FUCKING AUTHORS I GOT 15 YEARS AGO WHEN I STARTED READING
IS THIS IT?????????????????????????????
DO I HAVE TO LEARN ANOTHER FUCKING LANGUAGE TO FIND GOOD BOOKS AGAIN HOLY MOTHER OF GOD
CAN NOBODY ON THIS FUCKING WEBSITE JUST RECOMMEND ME SOME RANDOM BOOK THAT ISN'T TOTAL GARBAGE
IT DOESN'T EVEN NEED TO BE LITERATURE
I AM ONLY ASKING FOR ONE (1) ENTERTAINING FICTION READ

>>14819751
Anything by Brandon Sanderson.

>>14819758
I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF THIS ISN'T A JOKE YOU QUADROON
YOU ARE MESSING WITH THE FRAYING ENDS OF MY SANITY

>>14819751
I like Tolkien, not memeing. And he has entry-level stuff to go on from. Read it as mythology and enjoy.

>>14819751
>>14812313

>>14815716
>I showed them the Fire of the Mind

>>14815174
>a standardized test
Which one?

puffy, sloppy, chubby, pink.

>>14819799
You seriously think I haven't read Tolkien yet? This is what I mean. These are not good recommendations. I wouldn't be asking if I didn't take 5 minutes to google. I want some niche reads.
>>14819819
I've read/tried most of those too.

>>14819751
Rabies by Borislav Pekić

>>14819931
If you dont like reading fiction, why force yourself? You really dont need to. If you are good at lifting weights and bad at running, why run instead of lifting weights?

>>14817906
Brokeback Mountain?

>>14820113
yes. i'd rate 7/10, not really into the western aesthetic (only starting to feel something for it) and romance as the main arch, but damn me if those nature shots and sincerity arent worth it

Honestly, what’s the fucking point? Everything is so mundane and sedentary now. I’m just running out the clock til I die as is.

I'm tired, but most of all i'm tired of being tired. I'm changing everything today, this minute, this second.

>>14819837
act

When will people admit he was right?

>>14811156
WE’VE GOT FIVE YEARS (STUCK ON MY EYES)
FIVE YEARS (WHAT A SURPRISE)
WE’VE GOT FIVE YEARS (MY BRAIN HURTS A LOT)
FIVE YEARS (THAT’S ALL WE’VE GOT)

bump

fuck mondays

>>14820853
Right-winged? Only conservatives deny that.

>>14811156
I’m new to this board, wish I could write as smart as /lit/ does. I’m also reading for the first time in years, Frankenstein, some murder mystery for my book club, and The book of the new sun. I hope to start with Pulp and move onto more serious stuff, like philosophy. I want to read some stuff from Camus and Aristotle soon

>>14822266
Camus is pretty easy, imo basically anyone can read The Stranger or The Fall and understand and enjoy them

my 1400 word English paper that I haven’t started yet and can’t for the life of me conjure up the will to do it

>>14815627
Did you write that? Pretty neat.

>>14817572
Based

>>14822297
"The Fall" is one of my favorite books. Yeah I've read the fucking classics, but there are parts of The Fall that sell it for me over and over again. It's been almost 10 years since I've read it.

For example, the part where he says that when I talk about "us", then I'm not talking about myself. Or the damn ending where he says "imagine if they would take us by our word, then we would have to jump!" Or the part where he gets in the conflict with a guy and thinks about it for the next few months. Something rings in my head every time I remember that book.

It's a feeling like, remember in Catch-22, when that one guy says to Yossarian "come fly with us", Yassrian refuses because he thought it was dangerous, but later we find out why the guy called him. To not spoil it for people who haven't read it. There are things that do that to me probably constantly, but I disregard them and set them aside, but they keep telling me "come, there's something for you here." "The Fall" is definitely one of those things.

>>14811156
Core-coded invites
Stubbly
Managerial in nature
Habitual regenerative properties
However, palsy

How does one stop "simping" (as the children say) on women

>>14823595
Become misogynist. Misogyny is good

I realize coomerposting is last year but I’ve drastically reduced how often I jerk off ever since I started doing more during the day than sitting at my computer shitposting. It’s like I was doing it out of boredom more than anything. It’s not like I’m purposely holding myself back or anything either I just don’t think about it at all.

Starting to realize that my writing is irreversibly influenced by all the anime I've watched over the years. There was a thread a little while ago about the influence of anime on literature, and it makes me think about how when I look over my short stories and novels, there's a definite influence from anime. Personality traits, scenarios, even the "mood" some of my stories create often, when I reread them, carries the feeling of influence from anime. It's hard to describe what an "anime feeling" seems like in a written work, I just can't shake the feeling that my own stuff has it.

Hearing what I have to say is a waste of time. I am unloveable. No woman could possibly ever feel attracted to me. I will never have sex. I will never feel her warm blood under her skin as we hold each other in bed sheets. I will never kiss a woman in a moment of passion. I am a miserable loser. I lack even the plain initiative to even approach a woman. I am a sad sickly excuse for a male. I'm aroused by my own shame. I develop romantic passions for women I know I have no chances with. I feed these passions with grand delusions but I fear to act on what I think of. I will never feel a woman's skin with my hand. I will die sick and alone. I fear rejection almost as much as I enjoy being ashamed at myself. I often dream about being in a loving relationship with every woman I've ever fallen for. It doesn't take much, really. Just a smile and some general interest in my well being and I become obsessed, but too afraid to ever move. I think if I ever had a woman holding my penis in her hands I wouldn't move a muscle. I would mentally squirm and cry. I am a loser. I am unloveable. I have nothing to say. My brain is empty. When I think about asking a woman out, I quickly correct myself, and am reminded of how pitiful I am. How could any woman love a chronic masturbator? How could any woman love a man who cries himself to sleep listening to girlfriend experience ASMR? I am a trainwreck, a manchild, a stupid depressed clown. I still think about women from my days of elementary school. Sometimes I like to fantasize that if I had been kissed back then, I would be a more confident man. I realize often that there's no point in lusting after a woman because I already hate myself so much. I would simply be inconveniencing her. I don't deserve love. I bury my head in my own sadness and depression to cope with my inadequacies and general inexperience with life, and struggle to accept praise from anyone.

4chan used to be fun. no it's just women this, niggers that. b is nothing but porn. even lit has those incel threads with whore op pics daily by dozens.
has the site gone bad? or is it me that grew up?

Finished a novel, edited it, then read online that flashbacks are a no no. Scraped it and started a new one. Finished the outline today. Chapter 1 should be done shortly.

It hurt so bad. I edited for so long.

>pic adlibbed
"I will never struggle to pinch your loaf Guts."

>>14824067
>read online that flashbacks are a no no. Scraped
that's your problem. dont let some online experts cuck your creativity.

>>14811156
His once-favorite band failed to impress the adult as much as it once enamored the child; yet another post-adolescent disappointment in an ever-disappointing life.
He generously wondered if it were him who had failed by ignoring their subsequent output in the intervening years since they released the album that a fourteen year old boy might consider life changing.
No - it was not HIS failure! After all, old friends drift apart and change on their own, if they reconnected they may not understand the places the other had gone that could fundamentally morph childhood heroes into workaday rock-stars bound by contractual obligation to shit out more albums than necessary.
Sometimes you wish your miserable friends would quit their job and do what makes them happy even if it meant you'd never hear from them again.
Sometimes you wished they'd get hit by a bus because that's what it would take to make them shut the fuck up.
He reaches for the cheap samsung phone, disgusted. He's given them so many chances, attempting to listen to what he might have missed, trying so hard to find echoes of what made him love them in the first place in their work since he last heard them...but it just wasn't working!
He paused the ongoing song (some cheap, overwrought ditty) and paused himself.
The great thing about music was that if you hated the new stuff, you could still enjoy the old. So what if everything they'd released in the past 15 years or so was hot garbage? He still had their old stuff on the playlist, it still elicited similar feelings as they had when he was a kid. He grinned to himself a little guiltily.
He set the phone down, closed his eyes, and found his old friend just the way he'd left them.

how can i contribute to ""society"" if i dont even understand them

>>14824509
Minimize your detriment.

>>14824509
try to abstain from mailbombing.

>>14823865
See a prostitute dude, I can’t think of another way to fix this. Or go outside more, preferably with friends if you have any

Vaporwave felt like a cool mist on the skin, like a gentle breeze through wet hair, like a thin t-shirt after a shower. I don’t know why I’m feeling nostalgic over it right now, it was just an alluring aesthetic to escape into I guess.

>>14823865
I'll let you hit if you quit sulking

>>14814777
divine trips confirm

>>14825162
LONDON

>>14823865
Infp experience

>>14823595
Take antidepressants they will fuck up your libido and make you an asexual free man.

>>14825159
based. i love vaporwave unironically, both music and aesthetic, it's the perfect background tune

>>14825243
How did you know?

An indifferent hazy coldness pervades the soul. Otherness upon acknowledging the familiar. Ineptitude. Pointless point. Being an outsider fucking sucks.

>>14823595
been struggling with simping myself, and unironically the best way to fight it is trying to get to know the person youre simping over, this will either show you why your admiration was misplaced or will stop you from feeling like a simp if it turns out it was deserved

>>14824067
Flashbacks are based you baka. Epic poems always start in the middle, and Berserk has a whole flashback arc. Nothing like recontextualizing scenes from the start of the book once you know the backstory.

The dawn before day lay bare like a rough hewn rock half burried in desert sand.

I don't like religion and think it needs to go away. I would compromise and at least settle for televangelists being banned from television (and everything) and those who practise prosperity gospel or uphold it taken out to a field and shot. They're a blight upon this already blighted world.

I work with a really cute girl who is both kind of crazy and maybe slightly autistic. I think she wants to fuck (others have also suggested as much). She also has a feller who seems completely (unsurprisingly) psychotic.

i walked back from my creative writing class with this really cute girl and got her number. she seems to like me, which is scary. I am never ready for the things I long for, I'm too autistic for who I've made of myself outside.

>>14827301
>got her number
gtfo Chad

>25yo virgin
>live in a small shitty flat with a lesbian couple
>they are the only females that don't hate me
>in fact they're always joke-flirting with me
>the feminine one loves and is always complimenting and smoothing my long ginger hair
>the butch one is half-seriously half-jokingly jealous of my muscles and is always touching me
>they're doing IVF and want me to move out soon so they can raise a kid
>they're getting a red haired Irish donor (apparently they're really in demand amongst dykes)
>we got into a serious argument because I got some weird vibes from them like they were taunting me about it and I told them if the kid turns out to be a ginger boy to just abort it instead of letting it suffer existence
>have nowhere to go because both my parents are dead already and I have literally only one friend and I can't sleep on his couch because he's a faggot and I fear he's developed feelings for me
>I don't think I'm just paranoid that he's attracted to me, he made it pretty obvious one time when he recited a fag poem to me (this one https://www.poemtree.com/poems/Because-I-Liked-You.htm)) and incredulously asked me what I thought it meant cause he didn't get it
>I just awkwardly and sheepishly said oh uh I dunno it's about a guy who told a woman he loved her but she doesn't reciprocate so they can't be friends anymore

The only women who find me attractive won't have me. The only person who would have me is a fucking man. My only friend secretly wants my dick.
I'm thinking I could either use my travesty of a life as the basis for a black comedy memoir and make money off of it or I should just an hero.

>>14823865
I bet you're not even that bad. Probably a cute but nerdy and shy twink. Your first order of business should be to cut out this self-critical inner voice leading to these self-attacking words. You're just pouring salt into the wounds.

>>14811188
you should realize that if you're free to kill yourself, you're free to do anything

>>14811156
Maybe I'm just fundamentally headfucked

>>14827858
Stop being mean about your fag friend's feelings you fucking faggot. Just because it inconveniences you or even if he's retarded about it, he's still vulnerable. I'm not even a queer and I'm mad. I hope those dykes scissor your head off.

Thinking about translating all my documents to binary code so they can be relatively secure. It's actually an interesting language to learn even if you don't work with programming. I don't but for some reason did. Same with Morse code, but I think that's pretty useful.

I hope that this spring weather stays.

The uber driver who picked me up today had what seemed to be a speech impediment. That speech impediment seemed to be a result of some sort of mental retardation. He would mutter about things in a nearly unintelligble manner.

Some people are just not intelligent enough to hold jobs that are required by today's society. Disregarding intelligence; there are many other things that cause people to be unproductive. One thing that I observe often is people who deal with a language barrier. For these people in particular, why don't they just learn the language of the nation that they reside in?

Just like how the mentally retarded uber driver exists far beneath you on the pareto distribution, you are just as far as some other people in the distribution. In the case of the driver and you; he has a physiological ailment that ruin his chances. But what about you? What makes a person ahead of you equally far ahead of you as you are to the uber driver?

A thought; the uber driver is not aware of the reasons behind his placement on the distribution, and he's also probably not fully aware of his placement itself. In the same way, I am not aware of my own placement on the distribution. I am also unaware of what is holding me back from going further beyond where I currently am. In a way, I'm just as retarded as he is. What could the uber driver do to lift his perception outside of himself so that he can see the steps that he can take to improve his situation? Well that's exactly it, he needs to lift his perception outside of himself. He needs to transcend beyond his narrow, subjective view of the options. Realizing this is easy to do for people that aren't you. This is mostly because thse are things that you have already figured out. However, for yourself it is much more difficult, basically because you haven't figured it out yet.

Expand your options. Think about different options when approaching a problem.

It's amazing to see how a few phonecalls from Obama could get the DNC's base to coalesce around a guy that can't string together a full sentence in under 72 hours.
I used to shit on Bernie or bust people or people that called Bernie supporters reactionaries, but I'm too mad to care anymore. If the DNC once again uses their corrupt system to fuck Bernie over in this pathetically transparent way, I'm voting for Trump. Fuck the DNC and FUCK OBAMA.
There is just no hope left for this country. Burn it to the fucking ground.

>>14829935
American politics are a joke and it proves that Americans are retarded. Especially if you vote for Trump just to somehow stick it to your other right wing party.

>>14811156
I'm really nervous about the coming day. A girl I've known for several months says she wants to meetup and talk about our feelings because she says (and I agree with her) that things feel "different" between us because we had an emotionally very intimate moment. If it goes well, I might have a relationship, if it goes poorly, I'm not sure she and I will be able to stay friends.

I'm thinking about what makes a genius. I believe the evidence supports that they are born and not made. And I think the fundamental property of genius is quantitative and not qualitative. It's efficiency of processing. Geniuses just have better performing neural resources. Faster and more accurate recall, sharper and more lasting attention , more reliable memory consolidation, faster and more densely connected information sharing across functional network subregions. They just have more and better stuff to work with.
A more efficient brain is the cause rather than the effect of the greater amounts of studying, appetite for learning, enhanced curiosity and intellectual drive that geniuses wield. I speculate that a more efficient brain creates deficients of stimulation very rapidly, as more and more stimuli are processed quickly and simplified. And thus more complex and sophisticated stimuli are sought out to satisfy this deficit, thus creating a virtuous cycle as more interesting things happen inside an already interesting brain.

I went to school with a certified genius. (I felt flattered that he was drawn to me and liked what I had to say.) But one couldn't help noticing he was performing at a level that others were constitutionally incapable of. A certain "quickness" could be noticed in how his mind worked, and his supreme motivation and efforts were clearly fueled by this higher requirement for stimulation I have proposed here. What was in play for him was just better raw functionality. Apparently Bill Gates behaves in a very similar way.

In a way I feel like such a bug for embracing IT the way I am; not sexy computer science with $150k salaries, no - IT with it's unsexy acronyms and lack of glamour. Helpdesk no less! This is actually a result of a lot of integration on my part. I've accepted my station as it is currently. I'm mediocre because I haven't put in the effort to be better. It's nice to not have that weight placed on me. Still, there's a part of me that lurks like a tiger in it's cage. I'm hungry for more. But I will use this time wisely to build my skills. Ive forced myself to love computers and will eventually conquer them the way I've conquered art. And by the time I have reached a station in my life that I find acceptable (at least $100k by the time I'm 35) I will be as refined as refined as a katana, removing impurities with each turning in of myself until something pure remains, something antifragile, something that will transcend this bug existence that civilization has become. Man is something to be surpassed!

>>14811156
I've got to keep reminding myself not to get too excitable in case my hypomania flares up. I'm running an experiment in which I can cure my manic-depressive disorder through self regulation. I feel like it's at least worth a shot, especially since the alternative is a permanent label of Defective. So far it's been good, but to be fair I've only been not depressed for about a month, and the hypomania doesn't usually flare up until late spring. Two things that have really helped are becoming more comfortable with myself - knowing my capabilities and desires and accepting them - and also avoiding magical thinking. Another thing is to treat my thoughts with a bit of healthy skepticism.

Illiterate foreign undergrad students are simply too much to handle. Read this for your entertainment:

Satellite some distance flung sensing information have grown to be had in meteorology, agriculture, forestry, geology, regional planning, hydrology or herbal surroundings sciences for the motive that several a long time within the beyond, due to the fact satellites provide routinely excessive pleasant photos with particular temporal and spatial resolutions. Joining, combining or smoothing the ones images for a higher terrific of statistics is an undertaking no longer constantly properly solved. In this regard, geostatistics, as the Spatio-temporal stochastic strategies of geo-referenced records, is a completely useful and effective tool, not enough explored in this area yet. Here, the modern use of some of the geostatistical equipment in satellite television for pc picture evaluation and offer creation to this situation for potential researchers.

95% sure of going to Hell when I die, can't change or control myself, have personally witnessed the spirit of God multiple times but can'g give up my habits, not good enough, I know no one is good enough and that's the point but irrationally keep thinking that I should give up because I don't deserve any better and kill myself so that I go where I deserve to be anyway, I'm gonna do it eventually when I can't distract myself from my guily anymore, has some external force like a demon caused things to be like this or am I solely at fault? Don't know but in Hell I'll be alone and freezing cold where no light shines

2 years anniversary of being on testosterone illegally (ftm tranner in a shithole country) in a couple of days
i want to thank bodybuilder supply stores for eliminating my desire to an hero

>>14830840
Do you have one of those flesh balloon graft penises?

Why do I even try anymore

>>14830857
no surgeries yet, probably getting a mastectomy later this year if i manage to move to yurop. not planning to have a bottom surgery, all types of it currently available are shit and not worth it (although metoidoplasty, the kind that gives you a micropeen much like a greek statue's, looks neat sometimes), better to have a functioning cunt than a frankenfuck of nightmares "dick"
not that obsessed with genitals and sex anyway, having "nothing" in my pants somehow feels pure and sexless

>>14831048
You wish to be a sexless Greek statue? That is at least nobler than mtf perverts but consider anavar bodybuilding instead... I don’t know you but I do not wish the horror of “transitioning” to something you can never really become on anyone
mastectomy makes me cry

>>14831093
i wish to be further away from the flesh, not a christian larper i just dont resonate with this common obsession with sex.
mastectomy is fine, i might even get a regular gyno removal surgery since my size is very small and muscle is building up, no need to bind with loose clothing or more than one layer.

i'm fine with being an in-between freak in reality if i can live in peace, dont care about muh real men and women, i think in this era the fleshly definitions are of no value before the Individual, not to sound like a stirnerfag

>>14811188
You're not going to heaven anyway, might as well stick around for the collapse and all the sin that awaits it.

https://clyp.it/frqe0pjz?token=222f08434c564ce77f6bfb942751f367
Why does the idea of being dominated by a woman turn me on so much?

My girlfriend is a camgirl and I'm currently catfishing her on a different account as some rich decent looking dude who wants to meet her to prove to myself that she is disloyal. Even though the fact that she's a camgirl and has a million other huge red flags and I should have broken up with her, or not dated her at all in the first place. This is the surreal relationship dynamic of the 2020s. I have no clue what I'm doing with my life. After this ends I'll probably just commit suicide because there isn't coming back from a autismo situation like this.

The best part about growing up is the development of self-awareness and independence. Only after learning more and more about the “way of the world” and how people’s behaviors and personalities come to be can you truly take control of yourself and undo the programming and indoctrination you’ve been subjected to (and are still subjected to) your entire life. Knowledge truly is power. The unread man is no different than a head of cattle, born and bred to feed or serve it’s masters.

>>14811156
Barnyard, heh.

The environment influences behavior to an alarming degree. The extent to which behaviorism was discredited was over-exaggerated significantly.
I can only speak from an intuitive anecdotal standpoint but in myself I notice how a change in surroundings and situation relative to other stuff drastically rearranges how I behave. And not in a conscious, deliberative manner. To such a degree that I can confidently predict what I will do when I go to one familiar place or another. You might say a prediction directed at one's own behavior affects that behavior, rendering the prediction invalid as a stand alone inference "rigging" as it were the outcome it anticipates. Still, it is undeniable that spending enough time in one place or another fundamentally alters your behavior uncontrollably.

>>14832520
I think you’re referring to self-fulfilling prophecy. If you’re nervous or think something is going to go badly you’re unconsciously sabotaging yourself.

>>14832584
Subconsiously*

>>14832584
Yes I'm aware. I wanted to describe the phenomenon rather than just put a name to it.

Sometimes I think Jeffrey Epstein really had life all figured
Just get away with whatever you can live the high life for a while then when they catch you just kill yourself and hopefully you're middle aged by that point like he was so you're life was all downhill from there anyway
Same thing with Hitler and a lot of other bad guys
Everybody hates these people in retrospect but you gotta figure most of them actually loved their lives most of the time and would do it all again
It's really a galaxy brain kind of move when you think about it you get pretty much all the good with little of the bad
I also think this is probably the real practical reason why the concept of hell was created

>>14823865
Take ayahuasca or psilocybin and confront the self-hatred that's destroying you. There is a way out of yourself into the self you forgot you are.

went through 1 of 4 shelves of books i own and made note of author, location, pages, genre, etc. and found that ive read roughly 20% of that shelf. about 200 books, short stories, etc.

>>14832412
Break up, the sooner the better, it will take some time for you to heal.

How hard is America going to be hit by COVID-19? In my state we already have it spreading. I keep a watch on the "prepper" market to see what other paranoid people do. Mountain House (dehydrated food) is completely sold out as confirmed by the company. Same with N95 masks. The former being sold out is a bit more telling than the latter for me as food is, as we all know, extremely important. Going to see if my mom (not underage) wants to go with me to a warehouse store and check stuff out and get her and I some fresh supplies if necessary. According to her during her last Saturday shopping trip a lot of stuff was gone. Not entirely abnormal but more so than usual.

>>14811156
I don't remember the last time I felt happy, really smiling and excited about life and in the moment. I don't think I really have any friends that enjoy spending their time with me. I neglect and avoid my relationships until everyone gives up on me because it is easier to be a disappointment than to actually inspire others. I'm not proud of anything I have ever done, I'm an overwhelming failure. I'm not even really a failure, because to fail you have to try, and I'm not even doing that. When I try to do something I quit before I even get going out of embarrassment from my ineptitude. I've upset my parents for years, nothing I do is helpful for them and I'm jut a burden on their lives. They would be better off if I was never born. I can't make enough money to go to college and I don't want to just wageslave until I die alone. Nothing about me is special, I'm just another rock in a bucket. When I was kid I dreamed of going to so many places and all the things I wanted to be and to make. Now I just want this nightmare to end. I think I should just kill myself.

>>14827715
she basically just asked me out, holy shit how does this work ?

>>14832885
Like always with these "pandemics" people are flipping shit but nothing is gonna happen.

>>14811188
Dont, there is a light.

>>14813416
I don't know how it is for other people but for me as an Eastern European, places like these look so much fun.

>>14811188
Sucks to be you. All joking aside, stick around, anon.
>tfw replying to a post from Saturday on Wednesday
Do you think he did it, anons? ;_;

>>14815627
Nicely done, anon.

Can I get better at writing stuff if I don't read anything? I'm kinda afraid of subconciously stealing stuff or finding out that my idea has been done much better already

>>14833127
Some of this stuff is actually serious.

>>14833215
you can strengthen your writing "muscles" by writing all the time, but it doesn't hurt to read a wide variety of stuff. Helps to see what's been done before. You can also see what you would like to do, or what you think you can do better.

I have so much regret. What is the point of continuing?

>>14833368
Not him but I want to write but I don't know how. Writing isn't like an instrument where an instructor can teach you how to play it, so how do I learn to write? Whenever I try writing a story its just garbage

>>14833608
What I do is write a bit, then leave it for a while, then come back to improve it granted that's probably why I've never gone past the first two pages of chapter one

Love, sex, and relationships are so much better than everything else. Why do we do anything else?

You'll never know what it's like to be like me. You'll never know how hard it is and you'll never know how rewarding it is.

I'm nothing like my family. I'm nothing like the people around me. It's not materialism or ego. It's the truth and i'm so happy I was born to become the person, the man, I am today.

I am my ideals come to fruition.
I am greater then what I suffer.
I am the brilliant stroke of inspiration and light in the darkness around me.

>>14833687

>>14833687
Whats makes you so good

>>14833687
What are these ideals? What do you suffer?

>>14833687

>>14811156
How in the world of fuck do I stop seeking validation in every single thing that I do ? Why do I crave respect from everyone I know ?
It is just paralyzing and I don't know how to get over this weakness.

>>14833687
Same tbqh

I feel like fifth wheel among friends.

Do you guys realize we spent hundreds of millions of years living as little shrew like retards while there were enormous fucking spiders and centipedes and stuff hunting us? Imagine not only having to deal with spiders like 10 times as big as you but you're a shrew thing so youre a fucking barely sentient idiot whose awareness is defined by nothing but primal fear and hunger and whatnot

This must have impacted the mammalian mind, this is why the world appears to be so inherently horrific to us

>>14833969
My ancestors were big men unafraid of animals, heights and bodies of water and so am I. You might be the son of a shrew but I am descended from Odin himself

>>14819758
Brando Sando is really comfy, just dont read the rithmatist

>>14833155
eastern euro core is the most patrician aesthetic possible. Sorokin knows it.

>>14833176
Anon is most definitely gone

>>14833637
Three things I’ve never had and have less than zero interest in having. Is that normal.

>>14835460
Ofcourse its not normal to have zero interest in those things.

My only friend told me today that she only cares about me in terms of a sexual fantasy that she can masturbate to and that she doesn't have any real emotions tied to me.

I'm asexual, so this is devastating to me.

>>14835648
>I’m asexual
hahahaha ever question your right to existence?

>>14835657
I have, yes. I feel like I'm defective, but I don't think I've ever felt more defective than I do now.

>>14835662
seriously bro, simply grow as a man and have sex or commit to priesthood/artistic celibacy
this way you will at least get something out of it

>>14835670
I don't experience any kind of sex drive, and I find genitals (including my own) completely disgusting to the point that I can't touch them except in hygiene routines. But I still fall in love extremely easily and want to hold hands, kiss, cuddle, and have an emotional connection with someone.

>>14811188
I wonder if he did it, either way he gave it his all. A man I'll never meet, who bears no weight on my everyday life. Someone I'll never consider after I send this post. A true spec in the wind.

>>14835674
Go to sex therapist

What do you guys think about reading books that teach you how to write better or taking writing classes?
I feel like writing from the gut provides a more authentic, original story and am worried that turning writing into a science will make the stuff I write washed-out of any character

I've literally been desentisized to social awkwardness

>>14835847
tl;dr: Learning the fundamentals of conventional writing will benefit you, even if you choose to write abstract pomo stuff.

The few natural talents sit down and right masterpieces. What do they do? They instinctively follow the "rules" of writing. They know what works and what doesnt and act accordingly. These rules can be studied and understood. They are the basic framework of every story. Like based Lessing said "What are the rules? Whatever the master of the art do."

These rules have been studied and understood. Story structure, for example, has been the same for thousands of years. Three act structure, hero's journey and so on. 90% of all the stories ever told and remembered rely on the same basic tools to create emotion, suspension, redemption and what have you. Be it novels, plays, narrative poems, movies, video games, probably music even. What Im saying is: these techniques work. They have worked for thousands of years. And they make the backbone of all popular fiction. A story has to be (to a certain extent) formulaic to work.

Maybe you want to write something post-modern. You want to be one of the 5% of writers who dont write conventional stories. If that is what you enjoy, do it. But: before you break the rules that have worked since forever, you should first learn and know these rules by heart.

The bones of each story are the same, interchangeable. Where you come into play is in putting the meat on those bones.

contacted my ex not too long ago after a long time of no contact and still filled with mixed feelings. The reason I did this in the first place is that I wasn't really sure why the breakup happened in the first place so I had some unresolved conflicting feelings.

>>14835460
not normal, but who cares? it's also not normal to have extremely vivid unusual daydreams, weird taste for foods or 6 toes on each foot. if it doesn't interfere with life, it's a perk, not an ailment.

>>14835674
absolutely based. literal divine tier devation. i'm a ftm from a couple posts above that strives to escape the flesh, not genitals-repulsed but sickly indifferent to it and love altogether
i think it's a much healthier perversion than the opposite, but for some reason provokes a sure shitstorm from coomers that think it's a banishment

>>14836029
I've come to terms with embracing my schizo identity. better to be the insane one that does funny stuff than a regular awkward loser

>>14836355
u might be “based” but u still a bearded lady

>>14836355
guro chan

I dont think that anything can help me anymore.

>>14811188
Stop watching anime and things will improve

how do people not just kill themselves from waging? I did it for like 5 months and the thought of me having to do it again just makes me not want to exist.

>>14836857
People usually work towards something.

>>14835674
I wish I had your malfunction. My sex drive is an endless source of torment to me.

>>14836887
there's nothing i want that money can buy

>>14836903
I really doubt that

>>14836857
I don't no man. I've been doing it for 5 years but i've had enough. I thought after enough time i'd just adapt and cope, but it only gets worse. Going to quit and just live off my savings. When it runs out, who knows? But i'm not going back to the grind.

>>14836500
my favorite imageboard. much comfier than 4channel

>>14836380
clean-shaven & cuter than u

Torment subsides on ocre boughs
Welcome calm, however brief
Left bare, the trees, by wintry throes
The wind is but a thief

>>14835836
I don't even know what a sex therapist would do.

I literally do not know how to navigate through life and neither does my 46 year old father

>>14836828
same. after a certain point, nothing can fix a broken man. probably got another 50 or so years of this shit

>>14833979
Damn pretty fucking based

My transcendental idealist game is taking form as I progress with my rendering/collision pipeline with GPU ray tracing.

>>14811156
I want to attempt to write a novel but I got too many setting issues and plot holes the size of mt Everest to take care of

Would you date a girl who had the same name as your mom?

>>14838859
...yes?

>>14837871
Shut up Robert

>>14838859
Uh, yeah

>>14811156
I wanna just round up all the working class people and destroy them.

>>14838024
Oh yeah, I had that. Alter the ending, themes, characters, etc. bit by bit. You don't need happy endings or good outcomes for characters all the time.

Deke's girls were probably grown in a vat in a capacious basement. I imagine one of his shriveled silent mama-sans hunched in the green glow of a wombtank, watching swollen blatocysts cannibalize each other. Maybe she snaps on gloves and hauls a particularly vicious mutant from the cloying murk, inspects its twitching form for defects, and deposits it in the next tank along. In my dream the line of tanks stretches on into the damp darkness. I glimpse smooth forms drifting behind distant glass, the kink of an elbow in a swirl of pallid unflesh. I think of shark embryos pickled in formaldehye.

Deke does, in fact, keep shark embryos preserved in glass jars in his office. Dusty computer parts, too. He keeps sunbleached National Geograhics stacked on top of an antique workstation. He's cultivating an aesthetic, and the girls are part of it. One of them wanders in as we talk, taking no notice of us.

>>14839967
>happy endings or good outcomes
I got a pretty clear ending in mind for every character, the problem is with the setting (how do I fit faeries in bronze age Anatolia?) and with the motivation of the main villain

>>14811156
Cunny

>>14839995
>faeries in bronze age Anatolia?
W... what? What the fuck?
I mean, it's original...
>the motivation of the main villain
The best villain is either out of necessity or out of chaos. Either those where you'd be the same in their situation or those where they have no reason you can see, either because they're that incomprehensible to you (more cosmic horror) or they're simply impossible to reason with (more mundane horror/crime horror)

Why is it only the middling 30s female associate professors that make obstacles for me?

>>14840014
>What the fuck?
Yep, main plot is evil fairy switches the newborn heir to the throne with a changeling, the real prince *somehow* (i.e. I have no idea how) ends up to another human family. 20 or so years later the real prince wants to get back on the throne, except the changeling is the main character while the real prince is the bad guy. Now, I want iron to be the faeries only weakness; that means that iron has to be somewhat scarce for the evil fairy to not be obliterated by a horseshoe or something. Wait, I know! Bronze Age! What were the most advanced societies of the bronze age? Egypt is too far away, guess I'll go with Hittites!
And that's how I'm wracking my brain trying to fit fucking faeries and changelings in the Hittite Empire

I idle so much and worry about things but never do anything about it, I literally try to avoid the things I need to do. I don't feel comfortable resting because I constantly feel that I need to "catch up" or do things, all my energy is wasted thinking and worrying.

I’m trying to come up with a pseudonym to start publishing my web novel under. It’s hard desu, it’s hard to come up with a good girls name.

>>14836898
No you don't, women refuse to date you at all. You can put in all your emotions and shit, but it doesn't matter because they're all shallow and just want me to fuck them like a living dildo.

When will my femboy text me back?

>>14838859
Mom? Yes.
My younger sister? Idk, it would be a lot tougher.

>>14841496
Vivian Darkbloom

Can you describe sex purely in mechanical / machine terms (no biological) and have it be arousing?

>>14838859
Nah, couldn’t do it

>>14841973
I think so. Don’t accuse me of being a coomer, but whenever I read the word “naked” applied to a female character (as long as she's previously been described attractively) or even “she took off her clothes” I get titillated.

>>14842041
ya but to avoid charged yet simple phrases like "she took of her clothes" one might lean towards less common expressions like "she withheld cloth from limb..." or something but that sound cliche so mechanical words are simpler like eject. Yet "she ejected her clothes.." is very odd but this can be avoided lacking pronouns like "ejecting the ..." thought the entire passage but at a certain point things become so obscured in avoiding bluntness or flowering sentences one cannot even tell what is being discussed or can they?

>>14842095
Write, like, a paragraph of what you mean and I'll tell you if I get an erection

>>14842154
Just mulling over it . Some post modernist writer has probably done this but too far

>>14811188
Later.

Thane smiled at the woman. How could a creature that infuriated him so much also make him feel so happy? So alive with sudden purpose? But, he knew that's what he needed now. Some sort of momentum to propel him forward and do the things he hated doing. Before, in the early days when madness and sanity held no barrier between one another in his mind, he was was only motivated by contempt, rage, and a desire to see his enemies fall face down in the mud.

I've started selling erotica on fiverr and haven't had a good night's sleep since. I lie in bed, waiting for an email to come in with a new request so I can respond to it quickly. Then I spend all day writing smut. When I return to bed, all I can think about is sex and what kind of scenarios I'm going to have to write the next day.
That being said, I've earned some money and everyone seems to be enjoying my work, so I guess I'll continue for a while. I've also been thinking of making a website to post some of the stories too and connecting a patreon to it. I'm going to be a coomer I want to at least be compensated for the brain damage.

>>14842542
>some money
how much money are we talking about

I hate materialism so much.
I believe in complete solipsism.
When God revealed himself to Moses on Mount Sinai it was actually a demon that appeared to Moses and gave him the 'Torah'.
When Jesus was on the cross and died, it was actually the demons who stole Jesus's body from the tomb. Thus the empty tomb was found by Mary.
When Jesus was 'resurrected' it was merely a trick of sorcerer's to summon a spirit in the form of Jesus.
Actually I can't be certain if anything is real because there are many reasons why something would want to convince me that reality is a certain way when it is not.
When they say that universal laws of physics apply everywhere, actually there is a demon that just makes it look so. There are no laws.
I hate it when people tell me I'm wrong.

>>14835697
>A true spec in the wind.

As we all are, regardless of when and how we die

>>14843010
So what do you actually believe in then?

>>14843057
The ontological argument

>>14842956
So far, about $50, but I only started a few days ago and I've been pretty generous with the discounts because getting good reviews is more important to me than money at the moment.

>>14843080
good luck to you then

>>14843085
Thank you. I'd really rather have the website idea up and running though. At first I thought there was no way I could make money doing that but I've been surprised how many people actually want to commission stories. Maybe there's a few who'd contribute to a patreon too, as long as regular content is produced.

I want to be a real writer some day, and yet I find myself doing this. I feel like a girl who wanted to be an actress when she was a kid only to grow up to do porn because she needs the money. Except I'm anonymous and can deny it all, even if that means not being able to build up a following that translates to my "real" work. Such is life, I suppose.

>>14843116
At least you're doing something that you like, plus it's all practice.
What type of smut are you writing?

>>14843132
All kinds. My only limits right now are nothing involving kids or animals. So far I've written about a Malaysian guy's wedding night, a space trader getting butt-fucked by an engineer during a one-night stand on a space station, and some Asian guy watching his wife get seduced by a literal Chad Thundercock. Currently negotiating with an Israeli guy about some lesbian secretaries.

>>14843351
nice

directed by hideo kojima

When I was in my 20s and unhappy I sometimes daydreamed that I would work hard and save money so that I could eventually stop working and move away from my parents. Then, I thought, I would be free to act how I'd like, my behavior wouldn't be constricted. I did not understand then that you can escape people, physically, but not your own personality. Even if you leave people behind, their enduring influence on your personality can make it feel like you have no will of your own at all. If you change location, leave everything behind, you'll still be a timid, anxious people-pleaser.

>>14843561
>When I was in my 20s
how old are you?

>>14843601
36

>>14843605
does life get any better after 30?

I don't know if I'm just getting older (33) but I feel like I suck at everything. I tried playing counter-strike after a year of not playing and I was just amazing by how slow I was to react to everything.

So I decided to play chess and every other game some guy marches his knight to my side and forks my rook/queen, or king/rook, or my king/queen.

And then I was trying to open my garbage can lid and it got stuck on something due to its stupid design so I snapped the thing off and threw the lid like a frizbee down the street.

I keep pressing the wrong keys when I type and the dev console pops up in my browser.

Just seems like I can't do anything right. I just want to smash everything to pieces.

>>14843688
Happens to everyone

If everything is in flux, then the fact that everything is in flux must be in flux. As soon as something is not in flux, then not everything is in flux. How would Heraclitus or Whitehead respond?

>>14843612
I’m not a good person to ask. I have some social issues that keep me from living a full life.

>>14844157
Dance with Death every day, let the chips fall where they may

>>14843688
you make 33 sound like 88

>>14843688
Knight b3/E3/e6/b6 when you see the knight moving up
Or pawn to those squares is ok if you plan to castle on the other side

>>14843688
Sounds to me like you're just not looking at what you have to do in this situation. Obviously the answer is to pay closer attention to the other guy's knight.

>>14844555
>Getting trips on a post where I messed up
Pawn to B3/6/G3/6 usually stops the knight getting to C4/5/F4/5
Your knight can block the deadly move to C2/7/F2/7 at A3/H3/A6/H6

>>14832883
I was unable to prove her infedelity. In fact it seems that I've managed to work through most of her flaws down to a few.

All I have left is camgirl, smoker / druggie, cancer

Depending who you ask, smoker druggie ain't bad

Also cancer can be OK too. Can commit hard to her because she's probably just gonna die soon anyway.

It's a different kind of surreal. But I'm slightly more positive now. I'm not keen to dump her because it's just a lot of effort finding a girl, no other real reason

>>14844579
>>14844555
what are your elo ranks and how did you get good/better?

>>14844780
Not very high lel, I can beat lvl 5 on chess.com most of the time, Antonio Radic has some interesting(Ivanchuk) vids, never bothered with actual theory

Do you listen to anything while writing stuff?

>>14845027
Phill Collins exclusively

Does it matter what one paid to get a famous published writer?

Strangely enough, two nights in a row I had a dream about this girl I used to hang out with occasionally with a friend and my brother when I was 11. Literal girl next door 3 years older than me.
I didn't feel overwhelming despair/disappointment when waking up like some people do but instead was pleased that I had a nice dream about a person I remember being all around nice. Sure is a change of pace from dreams about being bullied.

>>14845250
sounds sweet. thanks for reminding me about hitting puberty and girls next door

>>14845268
It was. And no problem. Wish I could connect more often with the more carefree and innocent part of my childhood.

>>14814777
imagine thinking that this nonsense in any way signals the US can remain viable rather than the opposite.

>>14817736
it means you have a bad memory, limited awareness of surrounding, and pleb taste.

>>14845316
every country has its infernal trappings anon

>>14823865
your first mistake is believing women "love" in the way men can. stop obsessing over gash.

>>14831048
show us your pussy, dude

>>14836887
they don't though

>>14845374
u first

>>14843612
worse

I don’t think I’m your midwit bugman normie, but I spent a lot of time and effort in my youth trying to be one. I think it’s because I was desperate to fit in, but I worry that it’s all true. I focused some significant life decisions on that and I’m extremely ashamed and regretful of my past.

>>14845407
no u

>>14845412
great

>>14845435
not gonna lie, if someone ever actually sends a nude after "u first", i'm blackmailing him. the wise must rob the cumbrained

ANIMAL CROSSING NEW HORIZONS

>>14845465
people who would do that do not care if you or others see their ghoulish form

>>14845467
would they care if their mother, employer and whole friend list saw it though? assuming i can get a hold of his fb account, people with this little brain always put in the real info

>>14845474
nigger you probably wouldn't get all that from a picture of their cock that they were willing to post on a literature board. and mommy has probably seen them nude before.

No matter how many books you read, you will never find anyone ever to discuss it with..... :(

Give me your comfiest reads anons, I want to fall asleep reading of crackling fireplaces and rain tapped windows