/lit/ - Literature

The Count of Monte Cristo??

otherwise wtf

>>1464467
Lolita

And they lived happily ever after.

>>1464489
Oh I stopped reading Lolita 70 pages in. One of the only books I've ever had to put down. Terrible book.

They were one person the whole time.

>>1464498

Fight Club

It was all a dream.

>>1464495
You got bored when it stopped being written like an erotic novel.

He is actually not the son of Jesus, and she is actually not a doctor

He gets shot through the neck by a sniper but survives somehow.

>>1464467
Woody Allen's Biography?

>>1464518
No I got bored because there's way too many adjectives and the writing is way too purple for any human being with taste to enjoy.

Realizing that "real people" lead shitty unfulfilling lives and roaming around to have "real experiences" probably has been a huge waste of time, the author retreats back to his upper-class life.

This book is considered his masterpiece.

>>1464530

Cormac McCarthy - Suttree

>>1464530
A masterpiece eh? I didn't know Stephanie Meyers had male protagonists. Lol is this like a sequel to Twilight from Edward's perspective or like <spoiler> Catcher in the Rye </spoiler>.

>>1464515

Nah bro, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde.

>>1464528
>the writing is way too purple for any human being with taste to enjoy
It's funny then you worked so hard and stopped at the point it stops being like that. A lot of people stop there, because they're only reading it for the erotic build up.

>>1464543
I'll read it again then once I finish all of my other good books.

Fuck bitches, acquire work-acquaintances daughter.

Also: all relationships consist of a imbalanced amount of attraction.

I'd be surprised if any of you "hip" readers would be able to get this. All you read is fashionable crap in place of real literature.

it was the wizard who wanted both heirs dead

One of the characters is gay.

>>1464560
i want to read that

Character one goes crazy, then character two gets freed by the author

You actually can walk there. Also fly.

They destroy the ring.

>>1464592

Lord of the Rings.

>>1464519

Palahniuk - Choke

Gatsby dies.

God dies.

The main leader of the defending army is killed by the most bad-ass fighter of the assaulting army. Everyone mourns.

He's sentenced to death, but doesn't really care.

>>1464489
Wait a minute, he never married Dolores. He married her mother.

Anyway,
MC dies of a fever after being robbed, but due to the spread of urban legend he becomes more known in death than he ever was in life.

I'm not a bad guy, really, I have legitimate reasons to hate them, they're fucking rats, they'll crawl trough every hole and plunder your supplies. I tried though, I tried to reason with them, but they weren't open to reason and debate, they'll take your golds and enslave you.

hitler started it, but it worked out in the end

He likes green-eggs and ham after all.

>>1464632
Animal Farm!

>>1464628

:D

The doctor has been the narrator the whole time. Everyone gets better, but he dies.

>>1464632

Mein Kampf?

>>1464622
nietzsche's biography

they go to a new planet and the fag is made straight, also the protagonist gets the girl eventually

>>1464642
yep

The protagonist survives, his romantic interest is fine and the prior war is concluded in a peaceful manner; ‘turns out it was just a bit of trouble communicating with each other.

Easy Mode, addition:

They later meet, a, god.

>>1464634
GREEN EGGS AND MOTHERFUCKING HAM

She dies

his drill instructor gos for the win and for some reason his dad shows up

black guy in a harvard sweatshirt is telepathic, the cartoonist's son is an invalid

You are the lord, to whom the author is giving advice to how to rule a kingdom.

the south wins and house a rather substantial technological edge over the rest of the world, also the north attacks canada

He has sex with his mother.

It's not really her father.

the house is alive!

She's in love with his dad.

>>1464669
The Prince?

>>1464668
>black guy in a harvard sweatshirt is telepathic
Sounds like that stupid Stephen King book about cell phones, not sure if that fits with the other half though.

>>1464683

these are two separate ones

Okay, here goes:
tl;dr

>>1464716
Yeah, it's Cell. One of King's better books, I think. Or I thought that when I read it. That was a few years ago, and I haven't reread it since then.

It turns out that nobody knows who the assassin was. Not even himself.

>>1464725
almost everything

He goes into this room numbered [BLANK] and learns to love [BLANK BLANK]

God pulls his people back and a bunch of Christfags have to wait it out until Jesus comes back.

An old man rubs a little boy to give him memories.

>>1464741

The Giver

>>1464625
does anyone read the illiad anymore?

He kills two teachers. Tells the class his life story for hours. They ain't even mad. One guy mad though. Students of said class beat shit out of said mad guy. Mad guy goes mental. Protagonist gets shot and gets sent to mental hospital.

>>1464741
the giver

>>1464738
left below series

>>1464683
is the first one oedipus?

>>1464683
oedipus rex?

He gets her pregnant and quits the poet's life.

>>1464679
>>1464749
I cannot think of what these are, but I am interested.

it's people!

>>1464650
Forever War

The insect dies from an apple to the back and starvation.

>>1464749
rage
i liked the bachman books more than kings normal works

Main character and a bunch of bad asses of them go on a quest. Succeed in quest because of king's daughter. Promises to marry her. Doesn't.

>>1464467
The Qur'an?

>>1464762

For some reason they are better written. He probably has a shit ton of pen names considering he writes for six hours a day. What if Stephen King was really Dean Koontz??

>>1464762
*clap clap clap* I've never known anyone other than from /lit/ that has read Rage. And I also enjoyed Bachman more than his regular stuff.

A cripple girl and a female ex-con join up with an Alien who can talk to dogs to stop the evil Utilitarian Bioethicist and the FBI from routinizing said child and save the world (by teaching them how to talk to dogs).

>>1464766
MIND=BLOWN

The dog dies!

>>1464763
Sounds like the story of Jason and the Argonauts, except I'm pretty sure Jason married Medea. I could be wrong though.

>>1464766
>What if Stephen King was really Dean Koontz??
Then Dean Koontz could actually write.

We sail around the world, and finally we set where we eat pizza.

>>1464776
>>1464776

yeah my bad. I'm just at the ending, but I only heard about the play Medea.

guy rapes his wifes sister.

Wife gives me a handjob. I hit somebody. Old man curses me. I start losing weight. Have problems with my wife. I confront the old man. Gives me a pie. Wife eats it, daughter eats it, I eat it. Happy Ending

>>1464628

The Stranger?

She kills herself.

>>1464778

Aeneis

>>1464783
I stopped at "handjob" and am going to guess Ulysses.

>>1464786
Night, Mother?

>>1464792
Nope.

>>1464790

no, I might want to add. "My wife gives me a handjob while I drive.

this guy has a hard time making a decision, and everyone dies.

>>1464783
Thinner

>>1464799
Yeah, I read it before I realized that Stephen King was Richard Bachman.

>>1464778

Plus lesbian and disabled.

Blacks can't write, except for Ralph Ellison. It is what it is.

kid gets overworked, has meltdown, tries something new, seems to like it, but then he's found floating in the river.

It can be read backwards and is the same story

is the only one that made me cry btw

>>1464810
Flowers for Algernon?

>>1464812
I thought it was going to be harder, you're correct

>>1464817
I just read it over break. It made me cry to.

They don't get to be together.
It was dark matter.
The Fall.

He does what would seem like the obvious thing to do from the beginning of the story

>>1464641

The Plague.

>>1464785

yes.

>>1464831
Hint: British author, last book of a trilogy.

Mother isn't dead- Father lied about this. Mother gets a flat by herself a few roads away, and the walls are yellow. Oh, and he passes his A Level Maths exam and Sandy wasn't an ironic image.

Oh, no. Not at all.

We don't exist really. We need not worry though... we have a cat to save the day.

her father didn't have his way with her. shes tripping on her ritalin.

He's bored, B-O-R-E-D, everything is the same, everything is predictable, everything is just meh or obnoxious, existence is a burden that he can't scape, maybe if he writes a book...just maybe

>>1464915
shut up phony

>>1464920
No, is not Catcher in the Rye

He does shrug.

>>1464928
Ehm. Either/Or?

>>1464862
HAHAHAEASY

>>1464937
Ayn Rand's shit.

He blows the bridge but dies soon after.

>>1464951
For whom the bell tolls

>>1464797
Hamlet

Brilliant but aspie scientist never cared about his kids. It led to apocalypse.

>>1464963

Cat's Cradle

Everybody act like lions.
Most of them dies by being stabbed in the ass.

A wild party is thrown for him, he runs around swinging a table leg looking for a fight, and falls off a forty foot cliff.

A young man grows to appreciate military dictatorship as he battles with inhuman communists.

He is empty inside and kills a man. In the end, justice is done.

"Reader, I married him." (but only after his crazy first wife set his mansion on fire and it collapsed on him and he went blind and lost the use of a hand)

>>1465035
Camus - The Outsider.

A fat Dominican-American nerd finally loses his virginity to an old prostitute, then dies.

Suddenly, the headmaster of Hogwarts dies by the Potions Master.

The young black haired boy then gets butthurt and murders the man who is told not to be named.

It's actually about the absurdity of humanity, not the air force specifically.

He wanders around, gets punched in the face by a pimp, wanders around some more.

He's stupid, but not so stupid, it's more like he's too kind, too pure for this society.

>>1465704
is this a steinbeck book

>>1465704
Catch-22?

the main character gets kinda not-killed by his bastard child and then takes a nap for eternity.

>>1465731
Catcher in thre Rye?

He was penitent; for in his heart he had always despised him a little.

>>1464652

The Forever War.

ALSO Forever Free.

You legend

>>1465739
Is this Zeus overthrowing Cronus?

>>1465750
>>1465750
>Zeus
>bastard child

>>1465738

Correct. You are the winner.

>>1465734

You lose sir! Good day!

Father is killed by his illegitimate, epileptic son, two of his other sons have motives. One is found guilty of the murder but escapes, one goes crazy. Poor little kid dies in epilogue.

Young loser wanders around the city, complains at great length about everyone and everything. They are all phonies, according to him.

The video cassette was in his dead father's skull all along.

>>1465763
holy shit are you even trying

>>1465720
>>1465763
Catcher in the Rye?

>>1465772

and here:

>>1465731

a boy's father dies and he tags along with another family

>>1465696
brief wondrous life of oscar wao

>>1465744
>>1465814
No.

i put on my favorite underwere and new shoes , get shot in the foot, and then kidnapped by yakuza

catcher in the rye?

>>1465761
solvable by googling

the dad gets shot by a twin but both twins do community service for the crime. she marries the ginger, and the vets' wives can go into the bar.

no one will get this.

>>1465862

Catcher in the Rye?

His dad dies and he lives with a family that had been following them for a very long time.

THEY DON'T GET TO GO TO MADRID

>>1465628
Catcher in the Rye?

Nip goes place to place being a total badass fighting other badasses while he becomes even more of a badass. While all this is going on some mad pussy is trailing after him.

>>1464495
Are you kidding me? Beautifully written.

>>1465890 yes, didnt think anyone would get it

the savior of humanity is two years old and destoryed by a laser by a man in a wheel chair

One of the followers of a spiritual leader goes on a crazy acid trip and recounts his journey

>>1465628
FUCK! I totally remember that line, but I can't think from what book it was. Shhhhhit.

>>1464622

The last book in The Golden Compass trilogy. Forget the name.

>>1465761

The Brothers Karamazov. One of my favorite books.

>>1465731

The Idiot

>>1464786

Anna Karenina.

>>1464753

Ask the Dust?


OKAY GUYS OKAY MY TURN OKAY:

Ahem....

Yeah, the ocean is pretty big, and we're all pretty much destined to be just tiny drops in that ocean... but HEY. What's anyone ocean but a multitde of drops? Amirite?

>>1465628
>>1465964
It's Jane Eyre. I love that line.

He admitted to the crime even though the cops couldn't hear anything.

There will not be any rabbit farm

He builds a community on the high, dry hill and dies of old age.

>>1467960
Mice and Men :(

>>1467957
Tell Tale Heart

the engineer fucked his own daughter.
yeah, he fucking did. Destiny, bro... better make sure bitches really have had an abortion...

>Rich kid gets lost, becomes a mommy's boy, hangs out with the wrong crowd, collects bugs, loses his virginity and proclaims himself Emperor of all mankind.

Leaves his home, travels across three continents to get to America to give his love the treasure so she doesn't have to marry his cousin. He gets there moments after she promises to marry his cousin.

If anyone get this I'll love you forever

His father is actually an African God.

Her father is actually a God

He is actually God.

he dies

He realizes that the final horcrux is himself, so he lets the dark wizard "kill him" and then somehow comes back from the dead to kill the dark wizard

amidoinitrite?

>>1468075
Isn't this basically what happened in The Key To Time?

Escape a prison, only to fins out that his fiance had gotten married to one of the guys who threw him there, and that all the other guys are rich and mighty. Destroys them all, then finally realize that revenge is not the solution

>>1468187
>Revenge
OH SHIT I THINK THIS IS A BOOK I WANTED TO READ BUT DIDN'T YET OH FUCK NIGGA
>I anxious

>>1468187
That's easy, Monte Cristo.

>>1468075
Goddamnit.

She marries him, then becomes one of the top saleswomen at his store

>>1468220
Jane Eyre.

He kills the leader cow and get the hot cow bitch.

>>1468234

Animal Farm.

He is the sole survivor of mankind, and he lives in a lab with the mutant humanoids his maniacal friend created.
Also, the underage love of his life was shot dead by the friend who then killed himself which led to the downfall of mankind.


You're never gonna get this.

>>1464679

Timeline-191?

>>1464684
House of leaves?

He kills his old best friend with a knife made from his fibula.

>>1464517
Alice in Wonderland (and a bunch of other books)

>>1464519
Choke

>>1464679
I know this is Harry Turtledove, but can't remember exact name.. Guns of the South? something like that

>>1465739
The Once & Future King (or just about any other King Arthur story)

>>1464664
Starship Troopers

It's a fake. The girl gets put on trial.

>>1464467
She's left in the dark pondering the existence of a conspiracy and nothing really happens.

>>1468249

I so want to read that!

>>1468289

I'll say what it is if no one gets it.

He gets fired from the academy but the uncle of his girlfriend hires him as a secretary.

His constant face-making is likely the side-effect of mild tourette's.

>>1464679
The Guns of The South

>>1468295
I want to say I am Legend, but I don't think the girlfriend's underaged

>>1468300
Lucky Jim.
Great book.

1. The ones left alive in the house resist being rescued, because they think that the longer they're trapped there, the more famous they'll be when they get out.

2. In his final exam, he just says "fuck it" and destroys the planet itself. Afterwards, he finds out it was all real, and that they willingly gave their lives under his command.

3. The villain takes over the abbey, but the hero soon returns and crushed him under a bell.

4. The book ends with, "This is my face when I'm fucking you in the ass!!"

>>1468303

Yeah, it's not I am legend, I was thinking some people would say that.

When I say underage, I mean pre-teen to early teen years.
It's a hard one, even though it is by a fairly well-known writer, not many people I talk to seem to have heard of it.

>>1468249

Oryx & Crake by Margaret Atwood! :D

haha, I read that last month, it was such a good read.
Not a masterpiece but definitely a must-read if you like great stories.

>>1468367

Correct! I'm impressed someone got it.

>>1468249
Damn, i want to read this book now >.>
Common, someone please know this book!

>>1464467

In reality, he was free a long time ago and his stupid childish friends were just putting him into a game and making him suffer, they give him 40 bucks.

>>1468320
What was the 2nd book?

>>1468382
see
>>1468376
:p

Try this one.

They all get married. lol

>>1468432
Midsummer's night dream?

>>1468390

Ender's Game

>>1468320

#3 is Redwall. Love that series.

She writes a check, overdoses on sedatives, forgets the word she was looking for, and dies.

>>1468220
Au Bonheur des Dames?

>>1468544
House of Mirth
>>1468536
Yes, it is!

>>1468432
I'll take a wild guess. Is it The Game?

>>1464495
Jesus, Fagolee's 'tarded.

>>1468558
Reversed your links, but yeah.

>>1468558
Epic fail, change answers

He reamlizes that everyone around him as hgotten old and think that he should write a novel

The knight is really the lord, and cross-dressing only made things worse.

>>1468616
The Canterbury Tales?

>>1468633
Not what I had in mind, but you're in the right period of time.

main character goes through a long struggle...all the while developing into a better person for it in the end...some friends become enemies, enemies become friends

she was raped and decides to keep the baby.

he gets to the top of the mezzanine

One AI becomes bros with this other AI. Ninja girl and hacker fuck.

>>1464915
:r what is the correct answer?

>>1468693
The Mezzanine, duh.
>>1468695
Neuromancer.

Disappointed no-one answered mine's:
>>1468058
>>1468000

he gets shot in the throat.

They die, then come back to life, then die again, etc etc.

They cut open her stomach, pull out her intestines and burn them.

They lobotomize him, the native kills him, and they lived happily ever after

>>1468818

Easy one. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

He gets crucified. Then he comes back to life.

He gets the fish
but then sharks

>>1468709
if no one gets this one, will you tell me what it is?
>>1468000
it sounds really interesting.

>>1468903
It's Dune.

2 billion years pass, humanity changes drastically.

Both parents die and the sister finally lets the brother sleep with her.

>>1468864

Holy Bible 3: The Search for Spock

The dad dies and the child lives on.

>>1468970

The Road.

>>1468914
you are a good person.

They all rape each other ad infinitum

>>1468869

old man and the sea

>>1468984
120 Days of Sodom

The good guy wins and gets the girl.

The judge is his father, and his boss dies.

He leaves the graveyard.

>>1469011
All the King's Men

She finds her mother. She gets hanged.

After beating his used-to-be true love and himself with a whip, he takes a shitton of drugs and has an orgy with the crowd, and then hangs himself.

>>1469111
Brave New World

The old fuck dies while the hero watches in silence.

>>1469093
Yep.


He reaches shore and the tiger runs off.

>>1469125
life of pi

He leaves the icy planes, and returns to the more clement lands a better man.

it turns out his father killed the snake, he was blindfolded only to trick the other clan, and his mother dies because the other clan curses her.

>>1469138
The Hobbit.

Tentacle-san never truly loved Sailor-chan

>>1469143
I don't recall there being ice in The hobbit. Regardless, no.

I used 'Planes' for a reason, rather than 'Plains'

Depths would also work in place of Planes.

>>1469150
Then it's Lord of the Rings. Plenty of ice and humans.

Stand around and pick paper out of a box until somebody wins the prize.

>>1468244

No.

>>1469153
Nope.

Hint 2: Written far far far earlier than any of Tolkien's works.

>>1464725
the stand

>>1469166
20,000 leagues under the sea ?

>>1469138
Frankenstein

an alien race is hunted to extinction and a human genius with cybernetic eyes reawakens the things that killed them millions of years ago.

>>1465770
Uh, that's technically the beginning of the book.

>>1469150


>>1469138

dante's inferno

plain-ass bitch gets money and hooks up with an ugly blind guy who eventually gets his sight back

>>1469214
jane eyre?

There is no ego - only the roll of a die.

>>1469233
>>1469233

the dice man

>>1469236

Yep! Deleted the post, since it didn't really spoil anything lol.

>>1469221
cor-fucking-rect

He ends up in a wheelchair, and the bad guy more or less wins.

man is an optimist, shenanigans ensue

[Spoiler]John Dies At The End[/spoiler]

He actually doesn't.

>>1468959
The Cement Garden.

>>1467999
Homo Faber.

>>1469269
Candide?

He has a miserable childhood

>>1469213
Ding ding ding, we have a winner!

Exiled, he creates a force to rival his exiler.

Physics is made out of love. Also, they live happily ever after but only for a year.

>>1469282
yeah

He lives alone in the mountains, with his dog and rifles. He leaves his home grudingly, being mislead into doing so under the guise of product testing for a comapny, but they have ulterior motives. Soon he finds himself on the run, framed for murder, his dog killed, and fucking everyone after him. He teams up with an FBI agent, has a fling with a dead friends wife, and avenges his dog. Then he moves to the desert with his dead friends wife who's pregnant, and they get a new dog and live hapily ever after.
Until the next book that is...

>>1469136
Yep.


He visits the 3D world.

>>1469321
FLATLAND???

>>1469325
Or maybe that one episode of The Simpsons.

TV is like a book, right?

>>1469325
Wow, yes.

Biblically-titled book, set in Florida, in which the US gets nuked by the Soviet Union.

7) a young boy lives inside of a hollow tree in the Catskills.

19) a NASA hoax and a corrupt senator's bid for the presidency.

4b) A human castaway, born on Mars, adjusts to reintegration into Earth's human society.

3.6 GHz) Dense, stream of consciousness prose full of German V-2 rockets and commentary on Western society.

√2) A book whose name is drawn from Hamlet, and whose plot revolves around a lobotomizing film tape.

>>1469553
7) a young boy lives inside of a hollow tree in the Catskills.
My Side of the Mountain
4b) A human castaway, born on Mars, adjusts to reintegration into Earth's human society.
Stranger in a Strange Land

He begs for the man to make him young.

he ends up fucking horses

>>1469553
I can identify My Side of the Mountain, Infinite Jest, Stranger in a Strange Land and Gravity's Rainbow but I don't know the last one.

>>1469573

Gulliver's Travels slash fic.

Man's brain is transplanted into secretary's body. Genderfuck ensues.

(I will admit, I've only read about fifty pages of this book because it is brain-meltingly awful.)

>>1469553
>19) a NASA hoax and a corrupt senator's bid for the presidency.

That Dan fucking Brown book?

>>1469588

Uh...Lullaby?

>>1469591

Correct. Deception fucking Point.

>>1469596
So does that mean none of the other guesses are correct?

>>1469592
Not the one I was thinking of. Not terribly surprised there's more than one.

If you're >>1469576, then yes, all of yours are correct. Good job. You get a cookie.

The woman who mentally broadcasts static to the telepath kills drifters, hangs them in the meatlocker, and eats them with razor-blade dentures.

>>1469311
Point of Impact by Stephen Hunter. Do we like Stephen Hunter here? I dunno I'm a /lit/ new fag.

Aliens come to earth during WWII. Jews side with aliens, the US, nazis and Russia fight the aliens and work to get nukes.

>>1469621
wait, never read the series, did turtledove actually have the jews side with the aliens

jesus fucking christ

>>1469633
Yep. They figured it was better than the nazis. This of course didn't help the opinions of jews worldwide, let alone in Germany.

In 1780, a 17 year old guy fucks his stepsister, who lies and said it was rape. His father then sends him to join the navy. It turns out the father hatched the idea, and agreed to half the inheritance with his daughter that they would get from the guys grandmother now that he's out at sea, all the better if he gets killed in battle or dies of yellow jack. However as the series goes on this doesn't workout, the guy figures out his dads plot, becomes a heroic sea captain and eventually years later they reconcile and hang out at a londons gentlemans club a lot when he's not at sea.