/lit/ - Literature

>>14466592
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm das ritea nigga nigaa niiga oooooooooooo yyyyyyyyyyye galio ioi blrlrrlrlrl rwoooooo hooooooooooooo flap flap fap fap blap snappa rappa tappa crack oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

im typing aaaaaaa thss is what im thinking reight now i have uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh a not very busy uhhhhh brain im sorry if this is uninteresting and uhhhhh i hope that you guys enjoy my post. thansk

>>14466592
These American Spirit blues I got are nice, but they aren't harsh enough - I want to feel myself dying. I'm going out for dinner soon with a self harming suicidal friend, I hope she lets me stub out my cigs on her chest and slice her legs. A lot has changed since I last saw my therapist 2 months ago, I'm growing tired of the rapidity at which my thoughts and emotions change direction. Second book down in the stack is "A short philosophy of birds". I really like birds, especially european jackdaws, they're very polite and easygoing. That's the general jist of my recent thoughts, hope the rest of you are having a happy year so far.

I’m tired of always imagining improving myself while continuing to do nothing but browse 4chan and watch TikTok videos and argue with idiots on YouTube. I managed to quit porn for 50+ days, going on forever, and recently I quit 4chan for about a week. But I was only able to do this because I made vows to God. Should I just make a bunch of cows for self-improvement? Vow to never masturbate again? Or at least not in the next month? Vow to actually spend x amount of time studying if I don’t fully understand the material? Vow to stop using 4chan forever? Or to not use media for more than x hours a day? I’ve thought about ditching all media and just watching non-sexual anime for entertainment. I could also vow to read the Bible and other religious works every day, or at least listen to an audiobook for a few minutes at least.

I could probably make myself into a machine if I wanted to. Would it be worth the risk? I just can’t find the motivation so easily. I mean, I’ve already quit porn for good and I don’t even have any withdrawal symptoms nor an urge to watch it. I did make a lifetime vow, after all. Surely if I can quit such a strong addiction as porn then I can make myself do other good things for myself. I just wanna be perfect.

How do i come with terms that i'm just an average guy? Whats the point to do anything if you're going to die one day?

>>14466667
this post reeks of adolescence

Furyu monji
Literally “not standing on words or letters”
>Those who do not know speak, those who know stay silent

Would collective conscience be a benefit to humanity?

>>14466814
Humanities tampering with the natural order, including consciousness, will never truly benefit humanity

>>14466814
>collective conscience
>humanity
pick one

>>14466842
I wasn't really asking from the perspective of aritificial methods, moreso whether the end result would be better or worse off. Pretend there was a parallel universe in which humans developed a collective conscience as part of their natural course. Or maybe give it a perspective from an omnipotent spectator, like if God decided to give us a collective conscience suddenly, would that be of benefit? Not necessarily asking about transhumanism.

I came home late one day. My sister went into a catatonic frenzy because she thought I killed myself. I wonder if people realize that they only care for selfish reasons and not out of altruism. If my sister truly cared for me then she would respect my decisions given that I have a sound mind. I am becoming a bitter misanthrope. Probably a coping mechanism for my loneliness and perceived sense of inferiority. Most of psychology is bunk so I don't care enough to psychoanalyze my condition. Anyway I'm glad that we are in a brink of another war. If I can't change then the world needs to change and the only way that would happen is if a global catastrophe were to occur.

>>14466867
I'm guessing your answer is no.

What the fuck nigga it’s already 7:30 here and it feels like I just woke up. Time goes by way too fast. I can’t believe I wasted YEARS being a neet. I also struggle to understand people that play video games, watch capeshit, watch anything that is passive entertainment. How come I realise time is valuable but they don’t? What am I even doing on 4chan if time is that precious ? Cya later nerds, sort your life out.

>>14466683
oki doki coomer

Im reading Lolita right now and waiting a response from the loli anon

>>14467123
what loli anon?

i read books just to see what it feels to be in love

i went on a trip to colorado with my best friend from college that lives like an hour away now that college is over. i dont talk to anyone else in any meaningful way so hes my only friend. were from texas and it was about 12 hr drive. i was thinking the whole time "i wish i could just be gay with him" as we were sleeping in the car together. more just like cuddling and hugging. i need it.

>>14466592
Subterranean staircase winding, its base is licked by flames. Leeching life from soil and soot, always staying put. Hope is gone. Was it ever here? Drown yourself in spirits when they are running low—only extremes for you my gob of glue. Fools on the surface, malevolent minds merely masquerading. Mandible lit by candle, atop a skull in shambles, fetal position and rambles, rustling like brambles blessed by breeze. Get a handle. A grip. A chokehold on the intangible. Looking back sometimes you’re free, but never when you want to be, a buzzing little bee is me. Colonize the clods of earth to bring forth merry mirth. A warm hearth brings you back to womb, for one small second you forget impending tomb; a lonely room, towards you zoom.

>>14466879
>if people really cared for me they'd respect my decision to commit suicide
How mindraped are you anon? You've got your head so far up your own ass that you can't see the simplest of things. Burdening your family with the thought that you'll commit suicide is selfish and wrong. Don't try to twist any other way.
If you're going to do it, do it. If not, go to a doctor or something. Figure it out. Don't torture others with your miserable moping or manipulative guilt trips.
Stop being a retard.

Everything is ultimately a cope.

I know pain, true pain some of the worst, how I bear it? I cant say for sure, its hard so very hard but I must never give up.

>>14466592
New year resolution is to free myself from the desire of romance like I did with porn and sex.
It's weird how the first one pains me more than the latter

>>14467627
yes, but there are good copes and bad copes. Don’t let 4channel poison your understanding of basic words.

>>14466604
All fucking tripfags must fucking hang.

I can feel it coming in the air tonight oh Lord oh Lord oh Lord oh Lord oh Lord oh Lord oh Lord oh Lord oh Lord oh Lord oh Lord oh Lord

>>14466604

rey's alive?

Today was not very bad, despite expectations. The kids were only chatty, though they’ve been like giant squids convulsing, surprisingly their yap was tame. It’s fortunate I had time to pray, it’s like my incubator. Many teachers exhaust themselves I believe in part due to poor spiritual health, and I will be very tired too someday, but I’m grateful for this fruit.

It’s bizarre how kids act, what do they want? What unbinds their melancholy? I would use a tidy pin, but how clever are my fingers? There’s a general composure I like to maintain, it’s meant to be firm and lucid. But to “inhabit space” with precise aesthetic, that art is natural grown, supposedly.

if love = truth + time
then truth = love - time?

>>14467568
>argh your pain is so inconvenient I must belittle you!!! You should thank me for helping!!

I feel like dying but it's not a special thing to say here. Nothing we do is special.

>>14466592
I just lost my virginity (and so did my gf) and it was utterly embarrassing. I couldn't stay hard when inside her, and we ended up just giving up after trying a few different positions.

I think it had to do with a combination of nerves/anxiety, my condom probably being too small (now that I've done some research), and me having jerked off to porn for years. I always thought nofap was a meme but now I'm going to try it. The problem is I have about a week before we both go back to school and then we won't meet up again till spring break in March. I don't know if this is enough time for me to get my dick working properly. Hopefully not masturbating at all for a few days will help a little bit.

I'd appreciate it if you lads had any other advice. This gf shit is a lot harder than I expected.

Find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin on shore, I thought I would warehouses, and bringing up the rear as soon as I can. As I can. This November in my soul; whenever I of driving off the spleen and to prevent me from deliberately stepping the watery part of the world.
Of the world. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; into the street, and methodically knocking men in their degree, some time throws himself upon his sword; I they but knew it, almost all It is a way I have and nothing particular to interest me is nothing surprising in this.
Surprising in this. If same feelings towards the ocean with of every funeral I meet; and an upper hand of me, that or no money in my purse, it requires a strong moral principle quietly take to the ship. To the ship. There high time to get to sea ball.
To sea ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato or other, cherish very nearly the mind how long precisely— having little whenever it is a damp, drizzly is my substitute for pistol and Call me Ishmael. Call me Ishmael.

>>14468174
don’t have sex before marriage and stop ejaculating

>>14466592
I have three days in which to study for something that will determine whether I live or die probably and I'm watching bad youtube videos instead.

>>14466592
Ever since my sickness nothing seems to work out for me. Years lost for nothing. Lost everything I valued and became a living internet consuming meme. It was so unbelievable ridiculous that everyone around me started acting like they knew what was wrong with me, when not even the doctors could tell me in the beginning. Well so now that these years of torture and stagnation are over, I am just going to walk outside and act like nothing of this ever happened. Got 3 interviews next week so life seems to become a little more normal soon.

>>14468174
It's normal, happend to me and a lot of guys I know. Good sex comes with practice, just keep trying. Of course it helps to cut masturbation and to do physical exercise on the same day.

And congrats on the gf, anon.

>>14467750
>good copes and bad copes
such as?

>>14468633
exercise is a good cope. Laying around and doing nothing is a bad cope

NoFap's benefits only last for a few days in my case.

Should I coom, anon?

>>14468786
Yes but only using imagination

What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind What's On Your Mind

>>14466592
My black landlady won't meet me at our agreed upon appointments to give me the fucking key to the place I've paid for for 4 months in advance, and now contrary to our agreement, she has a fucking French foreign uni student living in one of the rooms of the flat that she told me would be all mine. I'm getting tired of this shit, and I might legit just live in a fucking box. Holy shit, fuck living in modern society, the average working class westerner has had our social capital fucking suuuuucked away.

She keeps trying to butter me up to get me to agree to living with this person I've never met before, and who shouldn't even be there.

>>14466592
I'm tired and I know I am not gonna sleep any earlier tonight. I saw my cousins again at Christmas dinner. One, with whom I used to be close as children and still care for, was browsing tinder. I bit my tongue so as to not darken the mood, there was no easy choice. So many people my age drink a lot. Do they do it because they feel as I do, to numb some crushing existential crisis? If so, can we help each other? Or do they simply enjoy it? They don't look very happy when they drink, but neither do they show signs of melancholy. They act as if it were normal. I try and fail to read their faces. Do they wear a mask, or am I blind?

I like to think about how long I've lived in days. I've lived like 10,000 days.

>>14466667
>Tiktok videos
Do you look at cute cosplay girls?
>>14469215
It's really hard to say. I think they do it in part because they actually enjoy it, because they like being drunk and because they media they consume glorifies it.

My self-hatred has gotten out of control. I’ve covered up my bathroom mirror and I try to avoid any other mirrors I come across. Most times I’m tempted to look, hoping that maybe what I see isn’t so bad. But I must remind myself that it will just ruin my day. I can’t stand seeing pictures of other girls online anymore. It’s just a sad reminder that I’m not desirable to the kind of men that are worth marrying. Yeah, I’ve dated well-adjusted men, but they didn’t like me. They just tried to use me for sex and then ghosted me when they were done. How do you get over that? How does a person cope with being undesirable?
Once I do find a good man, will it even be enough? Am I even capable of love? I’ve never felt it before, not even for my family. I just wanna die.

I need to break out of genre fiction but everything I write has a sci-fi bend to it, and I fucking hate sci-fi.

I'm a terrible weak person. I've just turned 25 and have never had a job. All my life I've been a giant pussy who was shy with social anxiety. I've applied to many jobs like cashier and retail since 2019 and only got two calls back and no jobs. I can't believe its this hard to get a job working a cash register or at walmart or some shit. I feel like a subhuman.

>>14469498
what do you put on the resume anon? have you considered lying?

>>14469630
I'm a student studying IT(which I regret) the closest thing I have for "experience" is when I was in highschool I had a class running the schools help desk (my HS school at laptops) with other students. I also baby sat some of my neighbors dogs in highschool. So it has that and it says I'm a student.

>>14469655
make up some jobs. say you were a cashier at some store in a different town. for jobs like that they won't check and if they do so what. but you have to practice being comfortable for the interview, just to seem normal and capable which I am sure you are. do you send out the resumes to everyone? or just those advertising for the job?

>>14469477

Maybe you should try writing about a self-loathing AI

What are some books that are kind of like the video game Psychonauts?

My French is coming along excellently. I can now successfully order a coffee or a wine and can call any member of your family a whore.

>>14469702
i browse indeed.

it should be so simple, you just have to do what needs to be done but I just can't, I have given up, im fed up, life has never been fun and I'm talking about the normal things that keep everyone going like relationships and sex and friends I have none of that and I have to work hard too and for so long, for what purpose? and I know if I dont do it I'll be doomed but God I wish I was a normie who had things worth living for

>>14466592
This is part of my "Only Democracy in the Middle East" series

So I booted up the Government standard Issue Windows 95, inserted my privilege card which made the computer freeze, shut down, start up and then bluescreen and then make me play games for 2 hours before I could get to work ,I opened up the Gay Ops folder and opened up one of the many wire taps into different countries Amazon Go devices.
I had to remember to send those highly confidential files that Ping, Pong and Paco requested, then I logged onto 4 chan and Fed Posted for about 6 hours before my computer shut down and exploded.
As I left work it started to rain, I had to do some field work, one of the 4Channers fell for my Fed Posting so now I had to go and grab some C4 from downstairs and give it to him, then I had to catch him in the act, these days though it was standard protocol to just do nothing as it normally played into our favour and got Lev a bigger check at the end of the month. Anything for the Chosen People™. I went to Churhc everyday where I would donate 50% percent of my wages to Israel to help support 3rd generation Holocaust survivors buy their third house along the West Bank and help fund Peace Rockets to fire at Palestine, with Peace Bullets to fire at terrorists.

>>14469748
make a note if you see any signs around town. anyone who posts on indeed gets a million resumes. but also lie on yours. and find someone to help you practice for the interview

I made friends with two traveling kids who are currently camped out near my city's university and getting off on a bad dope habit I made plans to meet up with them tomorrow so I can cop because I plan on overdosing tomorrow to kill myself. I just want to show my ex who I still love that I care for her just as little as she does to me. I want to be a corpse while she updates her social media profile pictures.

>>14469768
how old are you?

>>14469918
21

Is fascism automatically reactionary by nature?

im calling out from scatlaaaaand
im calling out from scatman's world

>>14469958
you're really young. a lot of dudes take a while to really become who they need to be. but you need to be actively working on it.

>>14468148
Before going, do something special.

>>14469969
It’s a reaction to the masses move towards freedom projects, such as anti-capitalism.
“Eco-fascism” is a typical liberal ploy to appeal to the reactionary spirit of the revolutionary. Those who join authoritarians under such a green banner betray the revolution and set it reeling backwards

pretty sure im gonna get rejected based on the conversation but i will ask her out anyway because I finish what I start.

>>14469470
you should try starting meditation and exercise, like yoga. you are capable of love, anon. you are afraid based on past experience, but don't let the past dictate your future. you dictate your future. you are the captain of your ship. give yourself a break and treat yourself well, body and mind.

from a formerly depressed anon who just broke up in long term relationship and i feel OK. we'll both be ok.

>>14468812
Is it okay to use just still images of nothing but possibly nude / totally lewd women?

>>14469470
post face

>>14470016
There's this girl at my workplace who's always really nice to me and tonight she asked me if I wanted to go get dinner with her sometime but I turned her down because she's bi racial. I don't know if I'm into that. I told her I was going to be busy that time. She's really nice and funny but I don't know if I'm down to date someone from outside my race? Is that wrong?

>>14470016
>>14470105
Didn't mean to reply to you sorry

there's a strong possibility that I never escape this pit and that I die like this, and I'm not doing anything to change the odds. I don't understand myself. I already feel like it's too late. it's too late. i hate myself. I hate myself. I just want to escape

>>14470037
This actually made me happy. Thank you anon.
I'm gonna start running every day once my new sneakers come in the mail. I used to meditate but I should pick it up again. :^)

>>14470105
mixed-race people are gross and there's nothing wrong with not wanting to date them
you should date within your race so that you can pass it on to your children instead of creating goblins who lack any meaningful form of ethnic identity

>>14470084
Is this you? If so I look like the underweight crackhead version of you but with a big nose that's hooked whenever I smile. The worst part is that I'm not a drug addicted jew and I still look like that.

>>14470105
Posting this shows you probably either regret your decision or just want attention/validation on an anonymous imageboard. Your personal convictions are your own, but don't use them as an excuse to be passive and let life pass you by.

>>14470226
Idiot
Its scientifically proven mixed-race people are objectively more beautiful

Hybrid vigor dumbfuck

>>14466592
skull

>>14470226
Man, shut the fuck up

I've realized I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of being reborn. I'm afraid that with the universe being infinite, I'll eventually regain consciousness trillions of years later in a totally different world with memories of nothing. And since you can't perceive time when you're dead, it'll be instant. I just wanna stay dead.

>>14470271
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outbreeding_depression
it's also worth noting that in agriculture, where hybrid plants are basically universal, they have to buy new seeds every year, which come from first-generation crossbred plants. apparently, after the second or third generation of hybrid crops, they lose their vigor and become actually worse than non-hybrid strains
but in the context of humans, i've met plenty of mulattoes, and almost universally they look gross to me, all weird facial proportions and sallow skin and that ugly kinky hair. i feel sorry for them that their parents decided not to pass on their race to their children, and i have to wonder how someone must feel about their own race, to not bother passing it on to their children. people like to harp on racists and portray racism as a purely negative trait, defined completely by hatred of others, but they neglect to mention the positive side of racism, the love of your own ethnicity that is impossible for the anti-racist
>>14470283

will the real butterfly please stand up

>>14470226
Come back and tell us this was just a troll, anon.

>>14470212
I agree with that poster. Let self love suffice if others are too blind to see your worth. You’re the most important person in your life

>>14470324
The sallow skin is the worst. Black and white people respectively have appealing skin tones but mixed race people have this weird kind of pallid but also khaki skin tone.

>>14470324
>Seeds
Like horses and donkeys, anon.
>Mulattoes
They have no tribe, you’re not used to them. You feel revulsion and fear, and that is racism. I don’t care if you never had violent thoughts against them, but you’re racist all the same.

>>14470325
You should know me as quite leftist

>>14470347

The real butterfly doesn't talk like that but its not >>14470324 either

>>14470357
Anon. My new trip^

>>14470347
>You feel revulsion and fear, and that is racism
oh nooooo i'm racist what am i gonna doooooooooooo aaaaaaaaa i'm going INSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE AAAAAAAAAAA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Can someone help me find a thread? Warosu isn't working. Basically people were talking about this "trad" Instagram slut who sticks her ass out for likes and someone said something along the lines of "I wonder how she finds the money to fly to a new country every day." and I responded with "Have Sex, Incel." I want to see if I got any (You)s.

>>14469470
I feel a similar way. I feel like I'm falling into a deeper and deeper pit of self-loathing, I don't know where it ends. I've rid my room of all mirrors, I generally look at the floor when washing my hands in the bathroom, so as to avoid the sight of my own face.
>Most times I’m tempted to look, hoping that maybe what I see isn’t so bad.
I do exactly this, too.

>>14470368
I'm sorry man. It sucks.

>>14470363
fais l'amour

>>14470361
Ya just sounded like you were denying it. Yes, racism is bad. But that’s shit on your face.

>>14470380
So romantic

>>14470363
Ok ok I found it, it's this post >>14468024
I almost thought the mods deleted the post. That would've been a wild thought.

>>14470399
Also, please give me some (you)s on that post. I didn't get any. Please bros.

>>14470379
Sometimes I think people like us were born on the wrong planet or something, or that we weren't made for this world. I hope things turn out ok for you.

I haven't cried in like 10+ years

>>14470429
Me neither. I want to cry and I want to fall in love but I'm unable to. What should I do?

>>14470440
I'm not sure, but I have the same wants.

You could fall in love with me, I could fall in love with you, I could abuse you and make you cry and have you leave me, and I could cry once you were gone.

I hate music. I hate the fact that women want to listen to music with me. I want silence. I would rather be alone in the woods than be listening to music. Am I autistic?

You're a stupid worthless guinea idiot. Your eyes should be poked out of your head and your clitoris removed with scissors.

I used to be happy when I listened to music albums and shit. This idea of becoming an internet critic has been circulating my mind for the past couple of days, and even if I don't succeed, it could be a great experience for a neet like me.

>>14470476
Have you been drinking?

>>14470636
Not now, only before I go into work. I hate those stupid punks. Even the ones who are nice to me, I hate them.

>>14470627
review the yayayi album
https://youtu.be/fUtbO3_SKdQ

>>14470652
It’s work that you hate, mostly. I have a few of those myself. We need to spend some quality time away from each other. Too bad they’re in positions of power.

>>14466592
One is never sure which of two characteristics is more prominent in the American national character and therefore of the greater significance: naivete or a superiority complex. When for example they say things about our region, our surprise at their ignorance is surpassed only by annoyance at their stupid insolence. The less they know about a matter, the more confidently they speak. They really believe that Europeans are eagerly waiting to hear from them and heed their advice. They took our strategic decision not to discuss their shallow culture before the war as a sign of admiration. Their greatest technical accomplishments are refrigerators and radios. They cannot believe that there are cultural values that are the result of centuries of historical development, which cannot simply be bought. It was no bad joke when, after the war, they bought the ruins of German castles and moved them stone by stone to the U.S.A. They really thought that they had purchased a piece of national history embodied in stone, and were naive enough to think that mocking laughter from Europe was respect for the wealth that enabled them to buy what their own tradition and culture lacked.

>>14470663
Crunchy. Like Barry White reanimated a-la Robocop

>>14470072
Different anon here, I generally think its ok because porn warps your perception of women and still images are more about appreciating the form of a woman

>>14470675
theres a werid warmth I feel when butterfly responds to me, it's a motherly feeling that my mommy could never give me and it make my willy feels giddy too

>>14470709
>it's a motherly feeling that my mommy could never give me
Aw.
Keep your willy down though

>>14470666
I also hate that idiot Gina too. She is so stupid. Just very stupid. And also rude. She should try being nicer. If you are nice people will be nice back. It is not a difficutl concept.

I'm really happy because taking up fishing has rekindled a lost friendship that I really missed. I start a new job soon that I think I will enjoy, and will be getting married soon. Times are going well and I feel really blessed.

>>14470674
OBSESSED

There is absolutely nothing I would not do for this woman, and for a good reason, which annoys me to no end. There is a particular charm, even honor, perhaps, in being in love with a drinking whore, while loving someone this perfect simply gives credit where it's due. I should have never met her, but, God willing, she will come back. Again, I probably never would have fallen in love if she was readily available for more than 10 nights a year.

>>14470799
>OBSESSED

>>14470720
I wish I could hug you and kiss you, I love wholesome girls so much

i am the joka babey

I don't actually want to write this post. My mind is tense, yet turbulent. I'd liken myself to a dark, heavy cloud hanging high in the sky; if such a simile makes sense.

>>14466592
Cursed gif

I just finished this movie called 'Custody' by Xavier Legrand and honestly I just want to go to bed and cry

Are books just another form of escapism?

>>14471005
what isn't ?(seriously answer pls)

>>14466592
I don't care about these fools and their opinion. I couldn't really, not knowing their faces, their personalities. What a bizarre experience, writing to no one but knowing vaguely that these words will be read. I want to work on my own story but I'm not. Why is that? I know it will come out well. They always do. And still, I do my best to avoid the first step.
What a horror, to know how little you know yourself.

>>14466667
mescaline or shrooms my nigga
the shackles of addiction just fall off.

>>14471038
are you 17 by any chance?

>>14471005
>>14471018
“Pastime” is the word most appropriate.
I suppose “escapism” describes it if you hate your life and you bury yourself with the pastime. Reading really ought to augment your life’s experience. Endless cycles of some pap are just so much candy and crack.
I read to discover and improve
Okay goodnight

>>14466592
I'm so fucking lonely. Help.

>>14471082
me too buddy, me too

I broke up with an 18 year old slut.
Couldn't tame that animal, she was making me the bitch.

Sex was great, she was hot, def crazy. 10/10 would do it again.

>>14466592
I think I have depression again. I'm noticing the same feelings and thoughts I had almost five years ago when I had my first bad episode.

>>14471347
How does it start?

>>14471369
Today I woke up and just keep finding the smallest excuses to stay in bed. I felt despair at the thought of getting out and facing the world. I also get these feelings where all I want to do is go back home to my mother. I can feel that my mind just isn't strong enough to take weight right now.

Maybe it's because I'm so dissatisfied for my job. Maybe I just have to start with anxiety meds again.

I woke up at 3:30 this morning. It wasn't planned, just a series circumstances made me sleep real early yesterday. I decided to use the opportunity to try Marky Mark's routine. I had breakfast and a shower, and watched sitcoms for the next 2 hours instead of working out. Well I still got the whole day ahead of me, but I'm not very hopeful.

>>14471553
I woke up at 1 because I fell asleep at 6 or 7. I listened to a Bible audiobook and tried to go back to sleep but I guess I’ll just stay awake

>>14471571
At what time does the beating begins?

>>14467750
that's a cope in itself

met the new year on acid hugging my horse, so far it's going great.
just pirated some more books
P.S. im seeding "my war gone by, i miss it so", a while ago someone complained about no seeders

In a world that trades on misery and abuse, I can't help but notice the surface level to this, like a pantomime ball where dressed as harlequins the cuckolds watch with envy as Pierrot steals their girl, an infatuation with the demimonde just below their actual reach as they do not extend their arm which could be so close if only they had the tantalising greed they wish to see reflected in the pool of water they do not need but pretend to want. They could have the glassy shadow and unseen scar that marks those they imitate who cannot shake its burden as it sinks them deeper in the wake of their imitators and admirations for suffering's sake. But they would need to make the sacrifice and pain of things without resolution more than masks of such things which make for pretty showcases but have an emptiness unemptied by the reality of these things. Strange help appears to them like strangers in a similar quest, an elevation of the masses, a belief in human goodness, as they sail above those they mirror, drowning in their chummy bait with deceits and promises of such conceited baffling of sails in which they swear no iphigenias need be harmed to ensure today. Iphigenia's still dead upon the rocks as they comfort pseudoOrestes (and his sister) in her stolen frock. They think the wind comes from nothing, and, in some ways, it does, because no act of hubris ever gave the half shade perpetrator breath enough to speak in court as legal entities lower than some ghosts. I can see those phantoms of real misery, hollowed out by their hallowed nature, removed from the mis en scene by virtue of their shameful nature, too real for theatre, submerged beneath this strange shadow play which offers only catharsis to those that simulate it best with no epitaph no pathos for the thing itself, only the bathos of appearing not as oneself but the monster of the week, charybdis or scylla, take your pic and share it on insta for a chance to win. A portion goes to hell, ungrieved, like those that ran, who started the path swept over by the imitators and sounding waves that now drown them out and ever down, known only unto God, as it's always been: the nameless sailors' hole of the shipwrecked and sacrificed indistinguishable from other bones of fellow victims of the burbling inundation of false shades who can be easily named and praised, their shadows merely robbed from graves.

That's easily 120, probably more.

>>14471803
I would have changed shameful nature to essence if I had proofed this to bring down the repetition but fuck it, it's done now

>>14471803
>That's easily 120, probably more.
simple math guessing tells you it’s far past 120.

>>14471815
It's hard to tell when you only see the section in the box.

>>14467698
Inspiring

>>14470674
seeth

I have diarrhea.

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

good job, anon

>>14471803
>>14472191
oops, forgot to give you a (You).

>>14471467
I feel you. I have the same episodes but on little smaller and more frequent basis.

>>14472197
Yes, I can't count.

>>14471046
What in particular gave you that impression?

>>14471281
Sounds like you were a little scared of a confident woman that knew exactly what she wanted.
But it does sound like you had a good time while at lasted, and any time that is actually enjoyable on this planet is precious, so good for you.

120 words? Fuck ed.
Yesterday was a crazy day, I swear. I knew everything was going to get dark when I entered the park, a feeling of 'death' flooded my chest as if black water was stiring inside my lungs. Took a little sun bath, I needed it, looked back and there he was. Almost sprinted to his sight. In the first second I was standing up, in the third I was with his group. Yes! As every day we did it! The nausea started quickly; I couldn't breath well; police came, they took everything; they quicked us out. Now that I remember the way out was the beggining. Looking at the floor I saw the formations, the gate to another life was opening for me when this being showed, I saw her (should it be 'his'?) face on the rocks and I was no more. The sun hit me right in the face and I was she again. The sadness of a fourteen year old girl hit me, I could feel the lack of meaning in her life, the thought of leaving school, the nervousness of leaving home. Small town America was where I was. The neighborhood was warm yet indifferent, the houses were built to protect the entrance from the sun. I walked, everything disapeared. I sat down 3 mins latter to be in the same place, this time snow covered my shoes. The cold of a sharp yet blue mind was invading my flesh. It desapeared again. The feeling are impossible to describe for me, they were so many but all of them of the same kind. The last episode was right were it began. The floor was made of wood yet it felt and looked like concrete. I was alone, but the kids were playing around. Was it my last day? The feeling of death was back again and a tight rope on my neck.

>>14470105
you did right, your future children would have hated you for saying yes to her

>majority of people look at a life consisting of forty years of waging with only the weekends and evenings free to do what you want
>they just accept it as “that’s life.”
H O W

Whats on my mind?
I'm currently reading through different mental disorders to find the one which could be closest to my own condition. So far, it's either hysterical or obsessive-compulsive and i really need to read up on the differences between those two. I dont believe it's going to help me in the long run (as in helping to overcome existential crisis) but atleast it could reduce the confusion and put an illusion of me being able to fix myself. I would be up to going to therapy but i'm unable due to money, time and place constrains as it requires me to coordinate all these 3 variables perfectly. Sometimes i do think that i'm just tricking myself into believing that my condition is curable.

>>14466592
I want to read the Lord of the Rings but I want to read it written in Tengwar.

I miss Erika. I don't even like her but I miss being checked out and fawned over like that.

I voluntarily made my bed today. Have I become an adult without realizing?

I like to haunt and torture people because I am a jointed and tortured soul and I know this because I am haunted and tortured by the fact that neither my haunting nor torturing ever succeeds. I wish to die! But why? Would I not either become a tortured ghost, to haunt the living from envy, or go to hell, where eternal torture haunts me by bringing me to life only to maul me again? Questions haunt me, and my insipidity tortures me. If only you knew, I say to myself...

>>14473112
Being the object of worship by someone’s entire social network isn’t all it’s made out to be

>>14466592
I really don't know about my meditation practice and I don't really think I am meditating when I sit. I am not in a state of absorption of the sort you would find in samatha or vipassana and those states are very difficult for me to find and then only briefly. I feel so doubtful about my meditation practice I have stopped altogether and I still feel anxious due to religious indoctrination that I have not yet outgrown. I hope I can move past it eventually but for now I'm just scared of hell and the bad relationships I've made through religion.

reading Rooftops of Tehran. god damn it's so comfy
pic is gates of our stables at night, looked lit to me

>>14466667
Didnt read because I am not there.
>>14466626
Suicidal people are ignored
>>14466674
Same as above
>>14466814
For surviving yes. For expanding human reach no.
>>14466879
Have positive energy. For starter start hating people.
>>14466948
Average 4chan user . Get a hobby. Be obsessed.
>>14467479
Have some manners and find a girl. Don’t ruin his trust.
>>14467736
Get in shape. Increase your sexual market value.
>>14467898
I will arrange your divorce by coercing your wife.

>>14473504
God won't send you to hell for breathing if he exists in the Christian sense (God breathed life into Adam and that is why all church sanctioned deaths in the middle ages needed to involve suffocation). Don't worry about that.
Just sit and breathe; be a breathing organism like you are. In some ways both religious views on meditation are right: breathing connects us to the universe in a constant cycle of stardust in and stardust out, just as the stardust of the universe eternally contracts and expands itself, eternally new and eternally the same as it ever was.

>>14473122
Nah you're just make your dustmites comfier and warm

One-twenty. The number of seconds between each update on the third page or maybe that is the time lapse I've left myself develop here since I pressed auto and let it roll over. Perhaps it is the third update of no update, giving time for anon to write enough words in meaningful posts to things already discussed but without the havoc of ever new comments and counterpoints. Does this system assume that anything new in that one-hundred-and-twenty seconds is going to send you so far over the character limit that it might as well save you from conglomerations of all your thoughts on the thread you read? Does it think nothing new can happen before one-twenty to change your mind?

>reset shit, too lazy to put adblock again
>get hentai ads all the time right here on 4chan (hadn't looked at porn or masturbated in 6+ months)
>one day click out of curiosity
>get sent down spiral of hentai and porn, slowly, through the weeks builds up to the point of old habits
Goddamnit. Now how do I purify my mind again? Fuck. I don't want to masturbate after all this time, I made a vow to God. What do I do? It's the fucking ads' fault. GODDAMNIT. AAAAH. Help, talk to me. What do I do? Uugh

>>14466626
118
>>14466879
125
>>14467494
128
>>14467898
115
>>14473025
121-125 (depending on if you count the question)
>>14473788
120-125 (125 if you remove the hyphens)

These are the closest so far I think

>>14472191
>>14473900
Based beancounter anons

>>14473788
based& what the thread was meant for. i sometimes want to write genuine thoughts too, but in fear of it being faggy or too irrelevant I choose to post a horse pic instead
p.s. i thought briefly of minimum character limit saving the world (instead of twitter kind max limit) but figured normies would spill even more useless, ugly water in their posts. hard to laugh at westies when they have to dilute their ramblings to meet the limit

someone please carry me away and show me the wonders of life
I sit in the same room everyday among the same toys, and as their grip on my attention unravels, I understand all along I have been trapped

>>14473957
Writing constraints are really beneficial if you want to improve your dexterity and refine your meaning. They force you to think about the many ways you could say the same thing, and evaluate whether you chose this nuance or that over another and what you could have done if the constraint were not applied. I remember a word count website that even highlighted adverbs and passive voice, and estimated the reading level your audience would need to comprehend what you were saying; I think it was named after Hemingway because I immediately disliked its choices for revision and thought, "Fuck you, Hemingway, I never liked your style anyhow". But even that was useful to regard your writing with another perspective.

>>14473985
No one is going to pick you up and going to do shit in your place. Thinking about something is not the same as doing action related to the said thing. It will be a long and laborious process, but only you will be able to do it, and no one else

>>14473844
Ask God for willpower and stop. Just stop - cold turkey. You won't be able to completely pure mind, there will be some persuasions here and there, but it helps to not think in black and white terms. There aren't only completely pure minds of nuns and the ones that have fallen into the purest hedonism. The gray area is the majority.
And remember, the opposite of success isn't losing, it's giving up.

>>14466592
I think Ashkenazi elites may be targeting my social media presence.

>>14474024
yea pretty much what I expected. I've been making progress actually, yet I want someone to share my journey with
tfw nooOO00oo jee eefff HAHAHAHAHA

>>14474070
Maybe you will be able to share this journey with someone you will meet in the middle of it or in the end. You're going to make it

>>14474099
alright I get it already. I'll pick you up at 8

I published a book yesterday and I'm not sure if it was worth my time. I’m trying really hard to stay positive, but I don’t think I’m going to sell much. It’s not about the money – nobody gets rich off of publishing books – but I’d like some people to enjoy the world I created. If I can translate that into paying the rent, all the better.

Also, a reviewer found a typo and two tense issues after I published, and it makes me feel like a retarded amateur. It’s my first book, though, and it was the first novel edited by my editor, so I guess this is to be expected. Still, it’s upsetting to see, and reformatting is hard.

>>14473985
Go find a tree and a way to love it. Hug it; take pictures of it; make bark rubbings from it; learn its name and distribution and what makes it happy; collect its discarded leaves and seeds or watch it budding; tie ribbons to its branches so it might feel pretty and aid you if you are ever chased by a witch with a chicken-legged house; talk to it gently; write it poetry and a lullaby for when it goes to sleep; feed it water, if needs be; protect it from bears and dog walkers and tree thieves; find its brother and sister trees nearby; then go out and leave it for another tree. Live some kind of other life.

>>14474018
120
>>14474146
122
>>14474155
120

i'm scared of being passively ridiculed in conversation whilst i'm too naive to realise yet these are the same types of people i fantasise about being in edgy cliques with. i don't think i was bullied enough as a child

>>14474175
>>14474155 is 121 if you take out the hyphen on chicken-legged

>>14474175
Be right or shut the fuck up, faggot.

>>14474203
Huh, I got 122 and 128 off two different online word counters (wordcounter.net and countofwords.com). Manual count yields 120, so I can't vouch for the numbers >>14474175 here.

The unfinished manuscript has become an intrusive thought, a guilt trip, an attack on my character. The further I get away from it, because other things are "necessary" the further my faculties slip into decay and the further I am numbed into complacent mediocrity.

I'm not the praying type but I acknowledge it isn't nonsense. Prayer is a deep gesture, an expression that only the pinnacle of cerebral evolvement could devise. Prayer is an admission of humility. That there is more than you can handle, so you defer to the great beyond, ask, because asking is all you know how to do, that something out there can grant you the strength that you find impossible to muster on your own. I am not insignificant. I have a purpose. That purpose is in those pages. That is the way out.

>>14474271
Now you must buy my book as compensation for your sins.

>>14474271
>>14474271
I got 122 on easywordcount.com until I unspaced the em dashes. It could be reading the em stop as a word. The other two check to 120 on that site but obviously it could have formatting issues from hyphens or semicolons and I'm not redacting all of those to find out. Unspaced em dashes are common for US and OUP, but the UK more commonly spaces all ens and ems to allow full justification.

>>14474331
No, it's probably written in faggypinkocommie Cambridge style if >>14474369 is right.

How much of who we think we are is just what we told ourselves we thought we were a long time ago? Identity, especially in these modern conditions, has such an arbitrary basis. Genetics does specify some parameters of personality but I'd claim that we fixate on a certain story about ourselves, sometimes echoed to us by others in our lives, sometimes *corrected* by those who care about us, sometimes doctored by those who wish us harm. And that story then gets supported through a motivated process of reasoning where what fits it is actively sought out what doesn't is excluded. Once one image is cemented though, it's very hard to remove it entirely. So it's all very delicate and tenuous.

>>14474331
You should post the title if you want anon to read it. You're probably asking for grammar nazi reviews by the bucket load though, considering the thread.

>>14474407
Wronganon from >>14474175 here. I'm getting 121 for this but fuck knows if that is right.
Your theory reminds me of Goffman's theories about deviance, stigma and presentation of self. I remember reading a deviance theory case study years ago when I was interested in him. The study wasn't done by him but I'm pretty sure he's the main influence for deviance theory. In the study, they got juvenile delinquent girls to learn how to sew and do make up, and took them to movies if they were good. The more they shaped their personal image as "not deviant women", the more enthusiastic the girls were about becoming good citizens. What struck me about the study was there was a boys group of delinquents too, in the same program. Once the boys saw the girls taking care of themselves, acting like ladies, and going bowling and to the cinema as a reward, all the boys wanted to be taught how to be gentlemen in return for cinema tickets and nice gfs. Praise and shame are both kind of self-fulfilling prophecies.

What I'm about to write might read like a string of cliches but it's true. Apathy leads to a forgettable life. You get more the more you put in. There's always someone's tree you could shake, something you could fuck with to see what happens. Treat everything like a game, an RPG with uncountably many dialogue options.

>>14474502
>Treat everything like a game, an RPG with uncountably many dialogue options.
It makes me sad this is probably the best understanding a lot of 4chan users could get out of life. I'm so glad I wasn't sucked into the vidya vacuum most of the developed world seems stuck in.

>>14474491
Dennett has this notion of the center of narrative gravity. According to it our sense of self is like a fictional character that the brain creates. It starts from very simple primitives in childhood , e.g. "what's your favorite color?" and then over time, these separate elements coalesce into a more structured and coherent entity. It's path dependent, so what comes after relies on what came before, if it fits, it extends the pattern. If it doesn't we say "that wasn't me, I wasn't in my right mind" and are disturbed and reject it. Everything refers and attracts to this schema that aggregates more structure as we experience more things and feed it back in. Dennett concludes that the self is then a fiction, which might explain how changeable it is in some conditions. I think he's wrong or miscommunicating here because even for a fiction the concept of the self is operative in the social world and pragmatically effectual. It goes back to the "reality of the virtual." The self is a virtual construct, an abstractum, but that does not make it less real i.e effectual.

All these lizards keep creepin down my back, snivelin bout a war they never seen; scratching biting, like I care. Like they ever did. I’m dyin here, but least for somethin; never lived for nothin. Don’t have a friend, all them rottin in a trench, fresh; Worm food, I’ll rot for em too. Least I hope so, wouldn’t wanna go back, got nothin back. Roid rats, jumpin for some bumpin. Like love got somethin on war, it ain’t. Both mean nothin, least one ain’t pretendin. Never had a woman, never needed one. Break er bone, she cry. Break one more, she die; butterfly. Wouldn’t stand a chance here, as should be. Oh I’ll die all right, I’ll die just fine.

>>14474515
I mean I'm the author of that post and that's not how I view life. I just think it's kind of a canny way of thinking about it.

>>14474502
if your only meaning in life comes from external stimulation then you're only going to burn out

>>14470932
>>14474155
i do write down what i like, physically. drunkposting on lit is only a temporary fix in hopes people woulf relate to my rants

>>14474590
>If it doesn't we say "that wasn't me, I wasn't in my right mind"
This reminds me of an old joke about Kantians responding to this idea with "then whose mind were you in?"

>>14474645
Go fuck an elm already.

>>14474597
You need both outer and inner stimulation. The contemplative integration of experience is key. I spent a good chunk of my early twenties doing nothing but reading and writing and self-educating, and while I benefitted from that, who knows where I would be in life if engaged externally more. (Probably nowhere but that's beside the point.)

>>14474660
why though
i guess zoophilia takes as extreme kind of desleration

>>14474591
WWI anon keeping it to 120. Did they have roids back then or is this looser than that? I feel like butterfly being in there makes it more free ranging than WWI trenches, but that could just be this board giving me brain cancer. Good imagery either way.

>>14474683
Why not though? Elms are good trees and needlessly persecuted for being Dutch. What animal can say that?

>>14474711
It was inspired by WWI and current events. I think WWI started "this feel" and I think that soon they might transfer from strictly war to everyday society and life. idk. it sounds like brain cancer to me too, but i feel like everyone has one in current year.

>>14474791
Modernism was a godawful idea. Great for art, but it did set us on the road to systemic cancer from societal isolation combined with a scientific cult of progress. If only we could keep the nifty pictures and poems of whores and abstract chootrains from it, without the rest of society sperging out to the order of two world wars.

>>14474852
completely agree
>two world wars
i hope that's where it stops, but I'm beginning to think it won't

>>14474390
>faggypinkocommie Cambridge style
I'm gonna be totally honest, I don't even know what the fuck that is.

>>14474411
Chateau Cascade, ISBN 1653816457 - I suppose I could use grammar nazi reviews since those are things I could still fix even though it's already published.

>>14474983
Cambridge uni's approved style puts spaces with en dashes and em dashes. Oxford uni press does not.
Cambridge university had a communist Russian spy ring who were various kinds of queers and deviants. (Philby, Burgess, and MacLean are three of the most infamous communist spies in UK history)

>>14474921
Well, I left out the proxy wars during the cold war, some of which are still unresolved (Korea is an obvious example). In very modern fashion we just started calling modern wars by different names, like changing the label would change the contents. The big powers do that a lot.
>We're not really oppressing Hong Kong, it's not a civil war
>We only sent airstrikes into Libya, it doesn't count as a war if we only bomb them and don't send troops
>The Ukrainians totally invited us to babysit half of Ukrainian territories, also those can't be our soldiers because we got them to take off their uniforms first

>>14475011
> Cambridge uni's approved style puts spaces with en dashes and em dashes. Oxford uni press does not.

Okay yeah I guess I did the Cambridge thing, but only because my editor (girlfriend) made me do that. Did not know it was associated with communism. Going to go yell at my editor (girlfriend) now, thanks.

I have a cousin who turned into a complete normie fag. It sickens me how much vanity he expresses whenever he talks, and how he acts like a rich faggot, looking himself at the mirror and preventing getting sunburned using an umbrella when he goes out. And he's also on a diet, which is stupid because he's skinny like me, next thing I know this retard will become a vegan like the normies from Instagram. Speaking of social media, his idols are famous people and thots who look anorexic like the models you see on fashion magazines and shit.

>>14475080
It's not associated with communism. The grammar style is associated with the university, as were the spies. Probably the third most famous thing to come out of the university is Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry. I just conflated them through the university. Be nice to any gf who can edit competently in a recognised style.

>>14475187
I was joking, I'm not actually going to yell at her. She's great and she did a great job, especially considering this was her first time editing (and my first time writing).

>>14474146
Don’t stress the typos - I’ve found plenty in first edition published books.

What’s your book called and how are you marketing it?

>>14475353
He's got it here>>14474983
Assuming that's not anon hijacking his hype

I haven't fapped since new years and I'm feeling unused energy.

>>14475353
>Don’t stress the typos - I’ve found plenty in first edition published books.
Thanks, I'll try. It's just hard for me not to stress about stuff like this - I want it to be perfect.

>how are you marketing it?
I have no idea what I'm doing in this department. I set up an account on goodreads, booksprout.co, and bookbub. Am still getting verified on the latter. Handed out some free copies to some existing members of my community (I have a Twitch channel and some other stuff) and asked them to write honest reviews. Am hoping that this makes Amazon's algorithm do good things for me. I also talk about it when I Twitch stream. Other than that, I really have no idea how to market a book.

>>14475376
Nope, that's me. Pic related, a sparsely-labeled map of my world.

I have a crush on a green haired anime panda girl from a 2013 music video. I haven't written at all this year. I got a book on novel writing for Christmas but even if I have absolutely nothing else to do reading it is like reciting a prayer, or doing a particularly uncomfortable exercise. I can't bring myself to do it. I have a pathological need to be comfortable. I easily slip into the bad habits from last decade which I've been trying to shirk. I have a lot of pent up romantic and sexual energy.

>mfw can't tell if I got scammed by a homeless guy or not earlier today

>>14473844
As someone who has experience being sent down spirals like this in spite of promises I made, knowing it was wrong but doing it anyway:

Please please please please do not. You may be able to deceive yourself once, you may be able to forget, maybe 5 or 10 or 20 times. But the filth of your lies will caulk on your soul and destroy you in ways you don't even realize. Eventually you will be in a situation no lie can relieve you from and it will be a

fucking

drag

Hope this helps

Will social media be forever? Do normies ever get bored of it?

>>14475609
It can't be forever, there was lots of history without it and eventually the sun will explode and eat the whole planet again anyhow.

>>14475624
I'm still waiting on the idea of a black hole sun but that is just me personally.

>>14475664
I think Chris Cornell signed for that one for you back in the 90s

>>14468844
Do you not have a lease agreement, anon?

>>14468174
Try handie or blowie. Vagina is looser, more difficult to orgasm. Once you can come in front of her, vagina will be easier. Keep at it, anon, a week is plenty

I really don't want to attend college.
I come from a pretty privileged background in a Latin American country. My parents, all of my uncles and aunts, all completed college. So I know my parents and family would kill me if I told them this. I've gotten great grades ever since I was in middle school, I actually do enjoy learning and the reason I don't want to attend is not because I'm retarded or anything. My good grades are also a reason they want me to attend college.
I just feel like times are changing, the job market for college-educated people is extremely packed and competitive as more and more families can afford it, and once I get a job I'd be stuck in the PMC of my country for all of my life, which I really don't want to do. I've always been good with tools and machining, and I have a lot of family in Spain as well as a dual nationality, so I was thinking of going over there and entering vocational training somewhere. I'm just scared that my family will think I'm afraid of college (which I am but not for the reasons they probably think).
help me /lit/, is this just retarded gay teenage angst or am I making sense?

>>14475821
Tell your family. They'll probably say you can try it for a while. The key then is to make a lot of money doing it so they see you're serious. If you slack off they're going to be back on the college train.

Feeling trapped as a 24 year old shut-in is a horrible feeling. Perfect environment, parents are nice, purely a product of my own machinations and habits. No work, no car, no aspirations. It's a truly abstract feeling to say how in touch I am with my inner self but feeling helpless to make any change for the better. Still doing shit in cc that I should have probably been finished with 2-3 years prior. I just sit on my ass and play video games all day and nobody objects. And the strange thing is, this lethargy doesn't really leave me depressed, just empty. Obviously I know things will change at some point for the better but man, it's hard. How I managed to escape that dreadful feeling of failure for so long is a mystery to me. Hell, I was like this for so long ever since I was like 10 that it just feels like a natural state for me to be happy in, but I know things should be much different.
What a miserable and strange existence. This is a whole different level of feeling like an outcast.

>>14469470
It gets better with age. Kids are selfish pieces of shit and don't know how to be considerate and kind. Once you're in your 30s dating will slow down and become more about connection. If you're already nearing your 30s I'm sorry it hasn't happened for you yet

>>14475827
yeah i could tell but most of them would flip out

>>14475838
Nigga do you want to spend the rest of your life trying to make sure your family doesn't freak? Fuck that. Tell them you want responsibility and take it. Or you'll wind up like >>14475832

>>14472374
Nah I was her first white guy, she was 18 and had fucked 23 guys before me. We did some freaky stuff but she wanted to do drugs and I'm not interested in that at this point of my life.
She was also gas lighting and trying to get it into an open relationship

>>14475846
yeah for sure youre right I want to be able to live on my own as fast as possible, most people here leave their house when they're around 25-30 after marriage which I find just completely horrifying.
I just want to leave on good terms

>>14469810
Hey man, don't do it for a bitch. You're young and dumb. Fuck that bitch, she ain't shit.

>>14475862
They're only going to freak because you've never shown them you can do well on your own. Do well on your own and they will brag you know your own mind and work at what you love. You need them to freak out a little, because otherwise you will never properly separate yourself from them and become an independent adult. Most of the people living with their parents are doing it because their parents do not believe they would be okay on their own. You either let them freak out now, or they will freak out when they are older and they realise you will live longer than them and cannot pay a bill or shop for food on your own. All parents would like to keep their child longer. However all sane parents are delighted when they know their kid does not need them but still wants them.

>>14473015
Capitalism is infectious and culture is reactionary

>>14469810
Honestly don't fucking do it because if she's as vain as you claim she is, you'll be offing yourself for nothing as it won't make any difference to her.
>>14470105
Nevermind the /pol/ and go for it

>>14470440
>>14470429
Haven't cried, or can't cry? If the latter, why not? If the former, want some stimulation?

https://youtu.be/qdBJ1X33rXM

>>14475106
Veganism is good for the planet.

Well, I did what I could
Was it a lot?
No
But can I have some pride in me trying?
Definitely no!

>>14475534
If you gave him money, you got scammed.

>>14475976
"The planet" is a ball with a core of molten iron that is not affected in any way whatsoever if you choose to eat meat or not.
Normally I would slap myself for writing something that seems so pedantic, but I see countless (or numerous enough to notice) people calling humanity "parasites" that leech off of the Earth, which is retarded for a number of reasons.
Seeing this sentiment expressed now gives me a visceral emotional response.

>>14476075
Livestock farming and meat packaging and transportation produce greenhouse gas which contributes to global warming and reduced biodiversity. Biodiversity contributes to the health of ecosystems. By your retarded logic, "the planet" ie the ball of molten iron is not affected by global thermonuclear war. So who gives a fuck, glass it all, eh

>>14476149
>So who gives a fuck, glass it all, eh
Now you are beginning to understand.
But let's assume your previous statements were true, how much does an individual's choice to eat meat or not contribute to global warming (which is now more correctly called climate change)?
It'd be like saying buying a cheeseburger for a homeless man is good for global hunger, true, but in the most insignificant way possible.
Let's go a step further and look at the rest of the individual's behavior, do you think this feminine fellow who engages in online e-celeb worship is actually a net positive for the health of the planet once he stops eating meat? What if he somehow managed to stop eating altogether? Would he then be a net positive for the planet? His consumerist habits destroy that which you claim he is saving.
No, it would factually be better for the planet if every vegan was hanging on the end of the rope and left for scavengers to consume.

>>14476149
Anon, the world does not give a shit if humans have a comfy habitat. It did not give a shit during the Ice Ages. It did not give a shit during the Krakatoa event of 1883, which dyed the sky on the other side of the globe to look like an expressionist painting. It has never given a shit about species dying off. The planet will be just fine bringing back dinosaurs or making some other shit up. It only has a couple billion years at most before the sun swallows it back up if nothing else goes wrong with our and other planets' orbits, so ofc it's going to try new things. The aarth does not owe you a comfy human habitat any more than Pluto does. You lucked out if existence is your bag, but that's as far as it goes.

>>14473034
just managed to get a Tengwar custom font on my kindle, for those who were worried I would never read lotr with it. Thanks for caring, guys.

Now I just have to learn Tengwar.

>>14469655
All things considered IT isn’t so bad, anon. The IT people where I work get paid fairly well and don’t seem to hate their lives.

I'm starting to feel disinterested about alcohol, but mostly beer.

>>14469748
Indeed is a black hole more often than not. Go to places in person and browse Craigslist for higher yield.

>>14474983
>Dusty Ridgeman
That's uhh... that's not your name .. is it?

Lately I have become obsessed with certain types of markers and symbols. I can’t exactly explain the type, but strange stickers people leave on street lamps and garbage cans, graffiti messages or the same images in different locations, I also like walking around late at night to see a few lit windows, and inside the rooms I like to see warm or deep blue lighting with a very lived in look to the rooms. I saw a girls bedroom with photos on the wall and an old CRT television and it pleased me a great deal for some reason. I’ve started leaving little messages around and dating them to various days across the mid 2000s to make them look older than they really are. I don’t know why I’ve been doing this lately but I’ve had a compulsion to, I feel like I’ve exorcised it posting this a little bit

>>14474146
Can we get a link to the book?

>>14466592
I wanna cum on her face.

>>14466592
I am a firm atheist but struggle to articulate my reasoning for being an atheist, and I am secretly terrified of what that actually means about me as a (sentient) person.

>>14476426
Means you are a midwit

>>14476428
Oh no, what am I going to do now? Thanks for telling me, at least.

>>14476210
I have never read so much feeble tripe and smug nonsense. Delete your posts and end your life.

>>14476434
The only cure (May Allah forgive me for saying-) is to start with Greek philosophy and work your way through the canon. Either you will end up theistic or be able to explain your atheism

>>14476426
You don't need reasoning. The argument of faith is not bound up in reason, but in the set of assumptions you bring to the table.

>>14476447
Leibniz, aqunias, aristotle, Kant, godel, all theists who don’t use faith as an argument.

>>14476312
I think if I paste an amazon link here, it'll get spammed, but I'll try:

Ebook: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B083FHRCPN

Paperback: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1653816457

>>14476294
Ha ha ha no. I tried to choose a pen name that sounds as much like a Chad-tier professional wrestler as possible.

Nothing is interesting I hate being here why would anyone think working 40 hours a week is the best solution how the hell so you expect me to accept this stupid fate goodbye asshole I'm going to take your money, shove it up your ass, and live in a private mansion far away from any known Civilization because fuck you and the horse you rode in on you absolutely indecent quacks you supposedly claim to be the moral and practical right. Whatever. I'm stuck in this prison God knows I'll never escape at this rate I might as well just be happy with the petty distractions they set up for me while I watch the world burn, or maybe I rest should try. Never have tried before, I guess it's worth a shot. Oh shit was this over 120 words? Whatever idgaf.

>>14466592
It really is the Jews. It really is.

>>14476460
Lip service gets you nowhere

>>14472215
Thanks, man. I wish you the best.

>>14476615
I don't think you want to be left alone with yourself either, anon. If you did, you wouldn't need a mansion. No matter how far away the mansion is or however much it costs, you're still going to be you. You only are ridding yourself of distraction from that problem. You'll be too far away to point the finger at anyone else but you. Try living alone somewhere small first near humanity, not in an expansive mausoleum of your own.

>>14470016
>update
She said she wasn't in the mood for dating since she just left her boyfriend recently, pretty sure it's just an excuse for her to say no though

In the offchance she was sincere with this reply, I told her the invatition was always valid and that she could text me if she ever changed her mind.

I'm suprised by how much the rejection didn't affect me, so that's a good thing I guess.

>>14476720
Ok. Well you are the apparently rational one who unironically thinks he doesn’t have to give arguments, or read them for that matter.

>>14476791
Maybe.. or maybe it's because I need therapy or something. Wagie life is a trap i tell ya, or maybe like some kind of Chinese finger trap.


I can't stand being in this grind, this endless grind just to live decently. Even if I lived some kind of minimalist lifestyle is still be a wagie. I guess it's obvious that I can't go back to being a kid. Nothing is free and I need to take some responsibility. The only way is up and if I really want to not work so much, then I'll have to work... A lot. I guess. Makes sense to me.

No working smarter makes sense. Or maybe money isn't the problem at all here... Maybe it wouldn't matter even if I had all the money in the world.. yeah I going to talk to a therapist.

>>14475984
I did but I wasn't sure what he would do if I decided to turn him down and walk away since he very well could be some psycho who wouldn't hesitate to stab me or something if I pissed him off. So yeah, I'm a dumb faggot who stayed out of fear. His story seemed convincing at least.....

>>14466592
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH FUCK IM LOSING MY MIND OH GOD NO PLEASE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>14476916
>some psycho who wouldn't hesitate to stab me or something if I pissed him off.

Carry a gun, anon.

It unironically baffles me that there are people who make millions of dollars off of taking out people's trash. I see dumpster's all over the city that people dump their shit into for trucks to come and lug away to someplace, a place that we don't even know or care. I wonder what would happen if it became illeal to pick up people's trash. What would happen then? Would garbage bags just pile up all over the city, or would naturally occuring dumps just pop up all over the place. I think that there would be dumps just like before, but unorganized and people wouldn't be making money off of them, but nothing else would be that different.

I find myself writing my thoughts out onto a notepad before I post them. If I posted them right into the post form it would be too hard to write something coherent and thought out, because my eyes would keep drifting towards all the others posts that everyone else makes. Since that's the case, I'd say that this is an extremely autistic habit of mine. Anyway, it's pitch black outside and I'm gonna hit the hay and hopefully have some cool sci-fi dreams because I haven't had any in while.

>>14476980
me again. I find AAHHHHHposting to be cathartic. Similar to how screaming in real life can help ease your burden.

Is there anything worse than telling a girl something heartfelt and her telling you that someone else has told her that before

>>14477095
That's awful that she wasn't sensitive to you. What did you tell her?

>>14477095
Many many things are worse, anon.

>>14476980
It'll turn up.

Kids are retarded huh

>>14477118
What?

>>14477095
Yeah, your child being diagnosed with cancer. God forbid.

Anybody here feeling constipated when trying to write consciously? The only way I seem to be able to write at a not-unbelievably-slow pace is by doing it with my brain closed. As long as I think about what I'm writing I can only look at the words and get mentally exhausted without achieving a thing. Yet, if I just start to type automatically, words seem to appear out of thin air. Which is a little disturbing, because the act resembles "speaking in tongues" in a way and I have been worried about getting psychosis lately.

So I was drinking with my cousin today, he was with his gf, and they invited me to her party tomorrow and told me about this girl who is apparently into guys like me so this might be a good chance to get laid or at least to have a great time. Wish everything goes well desu.

>>14477189
Your mind. Once you've lost it.

>>14477665
Thanks, mate. I'll remember this post.

>>14477237
The same,
does happens to me as well,
but my pursuits lie firmly,
in writing poetry.

It seems,
As though the burden cast,
Is lost like phantom,
When I post,
In this domain,
of 4chan lost,
the cost - my time forever!

Oh A***! still I long for that night.
Where we were bright and livid in our kisses.
That pain i fondly reminisce.

>>14475858
>23
I'm a liberal and all, but that is a warning signal if I've ever seen one.
>gas lighting
Worse than then everything else combined, then again, 18 years old.
I take my previous comment back, sound like you made the right choice. Godspeed, anon.

What's the point of this board? No one has discussed literature here in years.

>>14478207
barely anyone reads books

>>14478207
I try my best to start a thread after every book I complete but it rarely catches heat.

>>14468148
Nobody is special, and that's ok.

>>14478332
Some men do have great destiny. The sad part is once you realize that you're not one of those great men.

>>14466592
I'm addicted to worldbuilding, I wouldbuild to create a setting, but I end up never writing because I can help but do stuff like carve every river, name every settlement, create 1000 years of history, flesh out religion and culture, conglong, draw every coat of arms.
Part of me says "just write, deal with that even it becomes relevant", but I don't want do that? I love my world, I like building it, I wouldn't write a story to make a profit, so if I forced myself to do it before I'm happy with the world, I'd hate myself for doing it...

>>14470363

It's saving as usual but the search function doesn't find anything from the past week or so. Any warosu jannies in here? What the FUCK is going on?

>>14466592
I don't know if I'm actually attracted to anyone of any gender and it sort of bugs me. I just want to live my quiet lonely life out without any more problems. I could not handle having children and I really just want to understand myself a bit better. I don't know.

My fish died today. He was laying still on the bottom of his tank, sideways. We took him outside and laid him to die in the open air. He didn't even flounder anymore, I think he had given up as well. I buried him in the yard, though it doesn't seem fitting to lay a fish to rest underground. We'll miss you Jeremy. x

>>14478397
I like creating worlds in my own head too, I do it because it makes me happy, takes my mind to a place that is better and more beautiful than the place I live in right now. But the weird thing about it is that it means that our mind is disconnected from our immediate reality?

Why does our imagination exist? Our mind is capable of creating images other than the ones sitting right in front of us and it's confusing. I don't know why or how our mind came into existence but I think that the mind holds the secret to our creation and existence.

>>14479294
:( Poor Jeremy. RIP. Sorry for your loss, anon.

Every choice benefits somebody else, so ulterior motives in messages became a kind of earnest when choosing. I sponged propaganda from my chair, passively before actively. Pretending to change towards the meaningful was a cute endorphin trick.

It gave a thing to talk to an audience that talks about it before parroting got old. I was still me and that destroyed any connections to any of those changes.

I'm hated by no one. I'm safe from starvation, the elements, and statistical violence. I can't complain in good conscience. But I'm also just here.

>>14468174
Try it without a condom. None of you had diseases and there is close to zero chance she’d get pregnant the first time. Tell her the truth - you want to be able to have sex with her before you can’t see her again.

And have her suck your dick

>>14477237
yeah this happens to me if i worry too much about the look of the sentence or the language used, but i can write with decent speed if i come at it like describing the thought sometimes a few times over in different ways. im great at producing rough drafts.

I'm trapped in a mausoleum for those with alcoholism and financial ineptitude in which I don't belong. I find more things that I would like to do and be constructive with but doing anything is higher energy than it should be, than it is elsewhere. I've been elsewhere and know it to be true. It's just all so tiring. Every morning I feel my life ticking away as I die a little more. How do you escape this when you can't physically leave? When all you have are hopes and a LCD screen?

Honestly some days are better than others. But the bad ones all come back to the same thing.

>>14466592
I want to shoot the rich. Day of the rope, soon.

>>14479666
Trips confirm Jeremy's death

I don't really hate rapists, except for the ones who end up killing their victims. For women don't mind if the guy is somewhat attractive, hence Ted Bundy. Like it or not, people will always judge a book by its cover.

>mfw I published a book
>mfw I made a facebook for the first time in like ten years
>mfw I just wanted to join a self publishing group so I could talk about self publishing
>mfw the control freaks who run the group won't let me in because I don't have enough facebook friends and "solid content"
>mfw the retarded asshole I talked to literally started quoting star trek at me ("the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few") when I asked him for more details on what solid content is supposed to mean
the social credit score system is already here, friends, and it's run by demonic s.oyboys wearing human flesh

>>14480880
In what cunt did you publish?

>>14481369
>In what cunt did you publish?