/lit/ - Literature

You wanna read it then you buy it

WHORE

Women cannot stop me from reading shitty graphic novels.

>e-excuse me m-miss, b-but you're blocking the path to my p-pokemon book

>>14396106
>nervously laugh at each other as we tangle legs as I attempt to pass by
My life is a romcom.

wet dairy fart while i step over her legs

>female skin

>>14396127
Based and ignatiuspilled

>>14396134
>Excuse me madam. Do you perchance know where I can find the tomes of Bœthius?

>>14396106
what is she reading

>>14396106
> stomp her knee with my steel shank boot
> go to the christian theology aisle
> grab a copy of Meditations in Gaelic

>>14396106
>intentionally trip over and land face first in her cunt

>>14396141
I unironically think that would be a greater opener

>>14396147
Based

>>14396106
unironically better than any guenon or whitehead thread

>ayyy biichh u good?????

Stand next to her and shit myself so she has to move.

>>14396192
nice

I never go to the young adult fiction section.

*fondels her legs*
oops sorry

*licks the back of her knees*
a mistake a mistake I assure you

*demolishes her abdomen with brutal straight 1 2's making her infertile*
oh my word excusez moi

*kicks over her overpriced coffee*
A MESS I'M AFRAID

*rapes her (orally)*

>>14396131
ikr, hot af I wanna bite

>>14396212
u just posted cringe

>blocks your colon

>>14396106
I wouldn't be in a Barnes and Noble much less that section. No sir, it's straight to the classics section at my local bookstore.

>>14396106
Breaks her fucking kneecap

*inhales*
MOM ASKED ME TO GET THE ALCHEMIST GET THE FUCK OUT THE WAY ROASTIE *screeches until she moves*

>>14396106
>sitting directly where she can block the path to the type of books that nerds uncomfortable around women want to read
Why does she do this, bros?

>>14396106
>Uhhhm e-excuse me ma'am you're in my way...

>>14396254
bruh

My loinsssss

>>14396381
Bruh what

>>14396254
Excrement-Elephant!
Just your neighbour-hood elephant!

>talking to the girl
Wtf? Just walk past her.

stomp her head in and spit in her coffee

>>14396106
She probably just sat there for 10 seconds to take a retarded library photo before putting remembering she's too much of a midwit to understand what's inside the book and putting it back

>>14396106
"seriously bitch?! you vapid fucking egocentric airhead little shit, you're blocking an aisle and stopping people from viewing what is on the bottom shelf just so you can pose for a some vacuous, pretentious fucking picture with your gay little coffee pretending you are 25 pages from the end of some bullshit YA book maintaining good posture like that's supposed to impress anyone? you put on make-up just to go and not pay for shit while being in everyone's goddamn way fucking little cow, move your pasty fucking legs so I can get that book about Tetris I'm trying to prepare for a national speedrun championship I don't have time for some poser in her brothers hoody, fuck sake mate"

>>14396106
>So what'cha reading? Oh, I see, that's pretty cool, huh
>Walk past her

>>14396106
>your book sounds pretty deep anon, I like big boys who are not afraid to dive into traditional studies and sacred sciences in public.
>y...you wanna hang in the neoplatonist section later...with me ?
>why yes of course, I ve alway wanted to have a more solid understanding of both western and eastern roots of the gnostic intellectual landscape, if such a distinction exists in the first place...
>...I have the introduction to the study of hindu doctrines at home...wanna...
>(blushes) thats super based anon ! lets go to your place !

>>14396106
>*blocks my path*
>I say: "How do you like my writing?"
>"Excuse me?"
>"That book was written by me. I'm a ghost writer."
>"You're a ghost?!"
>"Ehm... yeah, totes... And once a decade I can come back to find the love I never had."
>"Cool."
>"You want sum ghost dick?"
>"Like, only always!!!"
See you later, virgins.

>>14396106
>fucks out of my path

*walk towards her*
*she sees that I'm coming and moves her legs so I can pass*
*walk past her*

>>14396106
Does everyone on this board have autism? You just step over her legs, she'll probably pull anyway when she senses she's in the way of someone. Maybe you exchange a smile in passing.

>>14396563
But her legs are visible Anon. I can't handle a situation like that.

>>14396106
>Excuse me is that Queen of Air and Darkness? I love Cassandra Clare! She is my favorite YA author now! That is after those horrible things J.K. Rowling said anyway, truly horrible. I can't believe the author of my favorite fantasy series could say such things. I'm very progressive you know. Could I lick your asshole?

>>14396106
Who is this roastie and why is she treating the bookshop like a fucking library.

>>14396495
>move your pasty fucking legs so I can get that book about Tetris I'm trying to prepare for a national speedrun championship

>>14396407
Turd burglar

>>14396563
>Maybe you exchange a smile in passing.
Actually cringe. The only thing that would happen is that she'd see you coming and retreat her legs while you go past her without any real interaction

«Pardonnez-moi, mademoiselle.»

>>14396575
Based

>>14396254
>Fifa 2019.webm

>>14396106
>sitting on dirty carpet with bareskin

>going in to barnes and noble
the only time i ever did this was when i had a woman to buy me shit there anyway, so i'd just let her deal with the thotgoyles.
then she left me and i stopped going to barnes and noble because i'm not a nitwit willing to spend fifteen bucks on a book that is in the public domain.
seriously, last time i stepped foot in a B&N, i was looking for a pynchon, V., i saw a large display of it on one of the walls, those posters of classics like moby dick and lolita and whatever, but they didn't even have the fucking book for sale! how can you have it prominently displayed as if it were some pillar of literature on which they had founded their establishment, and they don't even bother to house the book itself? it boggles my mind. fuck B&N and fuck that chick. unless she's led me there to buy shit for me, and then later have sex with me. that's the type of bribery i require to even be willing to go into that god damn shithole. i'd rather wander round a BO reeking gamestop for an hour during a halo riot than go into one of those farcical excuses for a fucking bookstore.

>>14396617
I honestly dont get why people still buy Fifa games, when every one is just the same as last year but with different players. They also make like a billion dollar in DLC and microtransactions, it's fucking disgusting.

>>14396735
It's a comfy store. I like going to it a few times a month on breaks from work during lunch. There aren't any other bookstores around where I work so I don't have any other options.

>>14396738
>b-but muh new animations!! the ball is more round than last year! and ronaldos ass looks better than ever!

>>14396735
Based oblivious anon

>>14396745
comfy, huh? you mean to sit next to the fatass guy with the fifteen volumes of love hina or the homosexual elderly gentlemen in the magazine section, or the commercial wasteland of filthy, sticky tables in the intolerably loud and busy starbucks lodged in every barnes and noble's innards? fuck you mean comfy? do yourself a favor and go to the mall and flop down in one of the nice display rooms of restoration hardware instead.

>>14396798
You must have a shitty barnes and noble anon. The one I sometimes frequent is always clean and there are no fat people there and they don't have a cafe attached.

>>14396791
oblivious in what way?

>>14396735
Based. B&N is terrible. They are able to stock hundreds of copies of housewife novels which go unsold but canonical works are scarce.

>>14396604
Are you an incel? Do people not smile at you when you're out in public, do you not smile back? Genuinely puzzled at this response.

>>14396745
>comfy
The funko pops and childrens toys and housewife novels are eyesores. The college students who aren't even interested in books but block the aisle while doing homework on their laptop are annoying but tolerable I guess.

>>14396804
i don't believe you. i've been dragged to every hot topic and barnes and noble in a tristate radius (just in case this one's different honey, tee hee) and they're all the exact fucking same trash heap. rural, urban, mall, self established. quit fuckin playin.

yell out
>MOMMY MOMMY MINECRAFT

>>14396825
>going out in public

No sir it's just me and my bottle of vodka and a quiet night in

>>14397036
Replace vodka with brandy and I am right there with you anon.

>>14397045
>>14397036
>not gin
you don't know how to go blind properly, gents.

>>14397071
I drink all kinds, anon. I just don't care for vodka.

>"accidentally" drop pic related book next to her
>'oh sorry bout dat. u okay?'

>>14396106
this thread was pretty good the first time it was posted three years ago

>>14396254
>>14396407
guys what the fuck

>>14396106
*Jaw drops to the floor. Eyes pop out. Sound effect of "AWOOOGA AWOOOOGA!!!" Places eyes and jaw back in place. Regains composure.*

Eh hem, you look quite lovely.

>>14396106
This thread smells of sadness. Jesus help us all.

>>14397982
Stop it with your trunk envy.

>>14396106
>no, miss, you cannot; however, I will continue admiring those two atavistic sausage casings you insist are legs

>>14396106
protip kick the coffee into the roastie

>>14396254
Blatant turd-burglary like this should be banned.

>>14396106
I work at a bookstore and tell women (it's only ever women) that they're not allowed to do this because it obstructs the aisle. Brings me great pleasure.

>steps over her and lets out a fart

"This isn't a library, sweetie."

>>14396106
>go to big chain bookstore
>pick up Mein Kampf, Lolita, and The God Delusion
>waiting in line for ages
>light up a stogie
>start loudly chatting up old ladies and families in line next to me
>thumb through the expensive knick-knacks next to the checkout, knocking several onto the floor, and repeatedly tell my fellow line-goers to “look at all this horseshit”
>complain that there are too few cashiers per customer, allege that this is the fault of “kikes”
>finally reach the checkout
>array the books so their covers are all facing up
>toss them onto the counter in a radial formation, all facing directly at the cashier, a slightly overweight girl in her early 20s
>she looks down at them and pauses, her jaw dropping in disbelief as the fuhrer himself stares back up at her
>blow smoke into her face and ask “some kind of problem, toots?”
>she coughs and nervously stutters the name of the book, as if to verify that someone could ever purchase it intentionally
>“yeah” I reply, before placing my index finger on the cover of Lolita, and leaning across to her side of the counter
>“and this one’s about a pedophile”
>her face is now wan with shock and horror
>“oh my god,” she mutters
>“God’s dead, honey”
>everyone around us goes dead silent
>pick up the books and leave without paying
>no one even calls security

>>14398485
based

>>14398485
This wasn't half bad. You just forgot to reference The God Delusion when you say "God's dead"

>>14398627
>being this new

>>14396118
calm down and go fuck a goat, Muhammad

>>14396106
My oh my. What nice legs you have m'lady. Please could I have your phone number?

>>14398693
>criticizing a copypasta makes you new
Holy shit. Stop spewing buzzwords and think you retarded NPC.

>>14397071
Gin is a whore's drink.

>>14399816
Is that why it is in your mother's liquor cabinet ha ha ha?

>>14399829

>>14396254
>The young of elephants, giant pandas, koalas and hippos eat the feces of their mothers or other animals in the herd, in order to obtain the bacteria required to properly digest vegetation found in their ecosystems.[21] When such animals are born, their intestines are sterile and do not contain these bacteria. Without doing this they would be unable to obtain any nutritional value from plants.
it's ok, it's normal

>>14396798
>you mean to sit next to the fatass guy with the fifteen volumes of love hina
Fuck you I'm not fat

>>14396106
>starbucks
big no for me

>>14396106

girls
I want to fuck every fucking one of them
(it's those damn bifurcated genitalia)
I'm a guy btw

>>14396254
what did they mean by this

>>14396555
basedest post

>>14396106
My chad friend kicked the leg of some homosexual that was blocking his path, kek

>>14400174
your life must be very boring and you must feel very alone.
You've never really fit in your group of friends. You were always there, but they never really talk to you and you have to try hard to get in their conversations. They don't dislike you, but they wouldn't mind if you were gone. Even though you look up on your Chad friend, he actually dislikes you as he only sees the incel in you. He's the one who always trashtalk behind your back, but is too kind to directly hurt you. He already made a joke about you being one of the "school shooter type".
your must feel very alone, anon

>>14396106
"Why are you more defensive of your purse than your genitals?"

>chase enlightenment for a decade
>practice asceticism
>grow as a person and as a soul
>genuinely catch glimpses of truth, and have near-religious epiphanies about the platonic unity of the True, the Good, the Beautiful
>jot down hundreds of notes for a lifelong spiritual quest after the seat of my own soul and the key to the logos
>one day, be browsing 4chan absent-mindendly, contemplating dianoia on the back of my mind
>see one pretty girl
>unconscious mind: "I SHOULD WOULD LIKE TO SMELL AND LICK HER ASS HOLE AFTER IT'S KIND OF SWEATY NOT TOO SWEATY BUT YOU KNOW LIKE A NORMAL DAY'S WORTH OF WALKING AROUND, PRETTY SURE I'D CUT OFF 2, MAYBE 3 OF MY FINGERS JUST TO LICK HER BREASTS FOR 30 SECONDS I WONDER IF SHE'D SIT ON MY PENIS IF I LITERALLY BEGGED HER??"

>>14400217
you must be full of yourself feeling pity for some incel like me lmao

>>14399920
Wow very interesting. It's funny what gets past evolution.

>>14396172
>then "accidentally" sniff and lick her to completion

>>14396106
She's obviously not blocking my path. Maybe if I were on a wheelchair

>>14400254
me

>>14400161
>what did they mean by this
what did he mean by this

>>14399948
i borrowed a guy's volume of love hina once, he freaked out within about two hours and asked me to bring it back to him before the night fell on the same day. not my fault you guys are turboautists and have a tendency to be rotund.

>>14396106
>Hook my left foot under her knee and """accidentally""" trip over her on the way to the GAMING/GRAPHIC NOVELS section
>splay out as I fall, kicking her Barnes & Noble coffee cup over and pawing at her sweatshirt
>yell loudly
>flail 90 degrees to my left positioning myself directly over her
I'M SO SORRY ARE YOU OK? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF HOSEKI NO KUNI?
>her kicking and writhing only makes my penis harder. her shorts are pulled up far enough to expose her pale, untoned buttocks
>dry hump to climax (~5 sec), then grunting and copping a whiff of her hair as I get up.
>stand up awkwardly. She's speechless and the jizz is visibly making a spot on my jeans at her eye level.
UH, IT'S ALSO KNOWN AS "GEM GIRLS", THEY RELEASED AN ANIME IN 2017
>run out of the store

>>14396183
autist

>>14400552
Don't fuck with a man's harem.

>>14396495
> fucks sake mate
i'm fucking crying, give this shit the nobel prize in literature

>>14400217
muh barnum statements

>>14396106
>dont move
Runs toward her, jump over unfsthimably beautiful legs
Try and grab my ankles like a tony hawk move
>YES
Lean down, hi five her
Look at book
>oh, *name of book/author*
Try to make comment on it, fail miserably
>haha
Turn around, stare intently at stupid comics like I'm *really* looking for something
Eventually walk away, miserable

>>14396106
Is it just me or has my sexual drive completely gone ever since reading the bible?

>>14396106
The manga aisle is kind of like this but it's a half-dozen or more gooks lounging around.

>stops suddenly as I notice her
>scratch my head like I forgot something
>she notices me
>start to ask if she knows where the first book I could think of is
>"do you know where they keep the copies of 50 shades of grey?"
>UH OH
>"Uhhh, 50 shades?
>"Yeah" I said, on the verge of running away
>"Sorry I think I grabbed the last copy, we can read it together if you want? I'm too afraid to talk to the librarian so I just read everything I get right here in this spot, and never take the books home, what about you?"
>"Uh...well, I was just getting it for my mom, she's actually waiting outside for me, I should probably get going if you got the only copy"
>"Well if you really want it you ca-"
>I run away
>my mom didn't show up for four hours
>I had to wait outside the whole time because I didn't know if she was still there

Jokes on you missy, all my books are eBooks now.

>>14396825
He's probably just fat or ugly, people don't realize how huge of a difference that makes for fat ugly people

>>14396212
I laughed.
>>14396244
Speak for yourself.

>>14397646
Uh I'm going to call based on this one

>>14396106
'Scuse me, gotta get past you.

You know, you're really pretty, you don't need to put yourself there for guys to notice you. How about you come let me buy you a coffee and we can sit somewhere a bit better?

>>14396407
>Fifa 2018.gif

>>14399920
didn't know they'd shoot their trunks up each other's asses to get the feces though

>>14396536
a perfect world

>>14396106
>"Sorry to bother you miss but I'm wondering if I could read next to you. What are you reading anyways? Pride and Prejudice? You have pretty good taste. What am I reading? Flashman. It's about a man who goes around drinking, gambling, and screwing his way through the British empire. What do you mean toxic masculinity? Hey, where are you going!?"

>>14398738
>Stop spewing buzzwords
>NPC

>Oh hi is that Harry Potter? OMG! I lover Harry Potter! Which house are you in? Ravenclaw? What a coincidence I'm a Ravenclaw too!

>>14396106
Hey toots. What, are you here in the kiddy section to get attention from prepubescent boys by flaunting those gangly stilts you call legs? I mean I've seen better legs on a wheelchair-- the kind of wheelchair that has no legs! I'll bet you could eat a king size Snickers bar in one bite without getting any on your lips. You look like a Rebecca, is your name Rebecca? Anyway, keep it down, I'm trying to think!

>>14396106
You little fucking bitch. You think you can just block the good people’s paths? You think you can just get away with it because you’re a little cute? No this is fucking ridiculous. You won’t get away with this I swear on my moms fucking life I WILL END YOU!

>Be in my private library
>Hundreds, nay, thousands of books on dozens of book cases
>Currently attempting to find the records I have stored on the Second Crusade
>Archaeology dig, gotta get there before the Nazis
>This lady is just before my wall dedicated to Medieval Europe, between the cases on WW1 planes and WW2 small arms
"Excuse me, but this is a private library, who are you?"
>She looks up, closing the very book I'm looking for
>She carefully places it in her purse-thing
>No idea what these clothes even are
>She stands up
"I, Dr. Jones, am Frau Hilda- your death."
>It all comes together
>The Nazis man
>I should've known as soon as I saw someone with black clothes

>>14396212
Based
>>14396244
Reddit

>>14400254
>>14400412
why does a females shithole always smell so fucking good bros? honestly wonder the reason for this all the time.

>>14401598
Holy based

>>14396254
>>14396407

We can learn much from nature.

Not only do I wonder what food they feed these animals but what type of water they give these animals.
+
Are they giving these animals tap water? Is the water even close to spring water? Does tap water strip all animals bodies of their electrolytes? If this is the only way for an animal, in a zoo, to keep their electrolyte levels up high then is this normal for high IQ animals?

If these animals were put on the Snake Juice Diet would they stop this after their body has gone up 5-10% water weight over the course of two months?

Of course there will NEVER be studies like these done. Try "waking" someone up who has 10% less body water weight than you, someones who hooked on glucose and has never known anything else. Just BRUH moments while humanity crawls into the mud.

>>14396537
kys faggot

>>14396106
>stomps on her legs as i act in a rush to secure THE book only to stop and walk away while smirking, exiting to the salespen with not a cent spent

>>14396106
hey bitch pass Magic: the Gathering or else

>>14396106

>>14396147
holy fucking based
just when you thought 4chinz had gone full onions

>>14401687
>>14396536
But this is not a perfect world.
Something like this will never happen to any of us.

>>14396106
>plop myself down across from Her, naked
>She grabs the leash attached to the collar around my neck
>i take off Her shoes
>no socks
>begin to lick the sweat from Her perfect Feet
>She leers at me as i clean them with my tongue
>"I saw you looking at the checkout girl on the way in. You're not eating for the rest of the week."
>wimper with sadness
>"Th-thank You, Goddess"

>>14396536
>>(blushes)
It brings me immense pleasure knowing that you will not reproduce.

>>14402537
based negacoomer, immune to shame and judgement

>>14396106
I step over her either in silence or with a curt "excuse me"

>>14396106
continues to walk forward walking on her legs as i pass... dumb cunt shouldnt have her legs in the way

>>14402548
indeed i thrive upon and crave it

>>14396147
>>14396184
>>14402511

>>14402534
I have experienced shit like this many times anon, it really isn't that unusual

>>14396106
just step over her legs and hope she kicks you in the balls lmao how hard is that

>>14396537
christ

Bump.

>>14396106
i wish to give her cunnilingus until she has experienced multiple orgams all the while sh recites poetry

>>14402537
More

>>14396188
big fax. I'd rather fantasize about this then see his disgusting elongated face again

Anyone else want to fuck a girl while she is reading and she acts completely uninterested or affected by what you are doing and then when you are finished she sighs and says "are you done yet?"

>>14396106
WHY?! WHY MUST YOU TORMENT ME SO WITH THESE JEZEBELS? All I want to do is come here for an asexual experience that will exercise my brain but I am constantly titillated by these vixens with their prodigious hips and provocative figures. Can I never satiate this thirst, will I ever know the touch of a woman and enter between her loins? Will my seed ever drip from her moistened hole?

>>14403960
I don't know why I feel like Butterfly wants me to be like this with her, but it's the first obstacle she has to overcome: I will never be like this.

Certainly not the last. You've been raised in a bubble. I will save you :3

>>14396212
made me laugh
>>14396537
This broke me. I can't stop laughing. the second reply is what did me in.>>14402715
>>14397646
elicited a slight chuckle
>>14398183
big facts. Still makes me feel a bit better.
>>14398485
6.5/10 pretty good
>>14400637
not sure what to say about that.

>>14403956
no. it would be funny if she was trying to read but couldn't focus though

>>14396106

>>14398485
based

>>14396254
German elephants

>>14403904
unironically read this
ignore the horrid website layout
https://www.bdsmlibrary.com/stories/story.php?storyid=5183

>>14396106
unzip dick and face fucker that will teach her

>>14396244
>u just poseted cringe
that sentence is way more cringe

>>14396555
she only moves her legs if your chad tho

>>14404410
Or fat.

>>14396611
>oh I didn't know you were an African male excuse me

>blocks your car
female driver btw

>>14401685
lost

>>14396106
Why do these cups always have a piece of carton around them? Is it that hot? (I never drink that shit way too expensive)

>>14404618
It can be that hot. A black Americano is mostly very hot water.

>>14396183
I agree