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/lit/ - Literature

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1419036 No.1419036 [Reply] [Original]

here's a poem i wrote. can somebody critique?

"relaxation of the asshole"

the most salient feature
of drinking too much the night before
is having a hangover
because of two reasons

listen...

the first reason is that
one is always parched and
hungry
the second is that
one feels a natural urge
to shit
all
day
long
and at regular intervals

>> No.1419037
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1419037

little turdlings drop
right
out
soft and creamy
molded into shape by the
large intestines into
a kind of a tapered log

they slide out
real easy-like
when I press the muscles
of my asshole
my relaxed asshole

a turd grows from my little
corporeal aperture
like an limb stretching down to touch
the toilet water
(unnatural blue from 10,00 flushes cleaning product)

>> No.1419039
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1419039

I don’t like feeling thirsty
After a night of drinking
Nor do I like
being hungry
(But)
Shitting is not so bad
So long as my asshole
And the protracted
coffee
russet
brunette
brown dung lumps
are in good relation with one another
with no sturm and drang
or needless histrionics
please

a good shit should feel
effortless
with parts that glide like
a well-maintained apparatus

it should leave and lingering
perfume
like flowers that bloom
fragrant and sweet
in the basin of the
toilet
a ceramic bulb atop a stem of
lead piping
extending down down
where those soft creamy lumps
vanish
like memory or time
from consciousness
and reality
into a vast and sacred network
of human invention
and sanitation

>> No.1419040

>>1419036
this poem is so terrible i fucking loved it.

>> No.1419042

bravo

>> No.1419045
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1419045

>> No.1419050

all /lit/ poetry threads should be on this subject alone

>> No.1419061
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1419061

>into a vast and sacred network
>of human invention
>and sanitation

alright i lol'd

>> No.1419082

sounds like Bukowski

this is NOT a compliment

>> No.1419096

>>1419082

i think you're taking it too seriously

>> No.1419103

But I LIKE the sturm and drang!

*Pfffrrrrttttlllleeeebbbbaaaaarrrrrrrfffff -poot-*

Bjork should release a track based on this poem.

>> No.1420027

at least this is funny