/lit/ - Literature

in the morning all the grass and weeds were covered in sugary hoarftost, so beautiful!
is it below zero yet for you, anon?

>>14173927

>>14173894
Floating in coarse air
As morning light fills traffic with a cold and deep hum
A hum of the broken and painted pavements
Signal this way and that way between crying windows reaching beyond
the exosphere

The Chinese Kuomintang has an internet presence. I had no idea they were still a thing

>>14173894
Day 7 of the vow to God. I’ll never visit porn sites or porn boards again. I can still fap, but it’s easier to not do so, and I’m also on 7 days without cooming. Join me, brothers.

>>14173927
no, there was brief frost for a handful of nights, several weeks ago, but nothing since. now all the days are colourless and damp, with only the occasional gorgeous burst of sunlight when the bare trees look especially beautiful against a clear blue sky. the new buds are already forming. "they die too", Larkin wrote, it's just "their yearly trick of looking new", he says, but they were alive again before they ever died. as soon as the last leaves are on the ground, the promise of Spring is already bursting from the branches. they're only asleep.
this has been an unusually warm November. the winters seem to be diminishing in intensity, warmth records are being broken all throughout the seasons, every year anew, for the past few years. but the cold will come, in January if not sooner, and for a while everything will be still and there will be death in the air, and there will be no rustling in the garden soil at night.
I'd like to know what the trees dream in their winter sleep

>>14174137
based and realistic goal pilled. i don't watch porn (never liked it) and fap about 1-3 times a week, usually in bed before sleeping. midday jerking is just bland and pointless for me

>>14174138
best post this week

>Large scale of endocrine disrupting pesticides are adopted
>Xenoestrogens from plastics, BPA
Sperm counts immediately drop and the next generation has a precipitous uptick in gender dysphoria
>Really makes you think

What if the greatest authors were given a 'one free murder' passes?

If you're innocent, then I'm a pacifist.

If i killed every woman and all the guys that are taller, more handsome than me i might one day be happy.

>>14173894
Ravaging winds clawed at them, the sun turned the few ornate plates of armour they both wore into frying pans and sweat only soured their flooding wounds. But it didn't matter. One shouldered his sword while the other let it be weighed to his right. This final violence, then peaceful rest in autumn.

>>14174273
thanks, anon

The guttural hum the boy maintained shivered his developing throat, and Doctor Bonnah saw right through the little lad's act by observation. It was a cute trick, though seen before and worn out. He released the boy's chin and arose from the chair, offering a little smile to the boy as to not declare his naive ruse a complete failure. The boy forced a cough. "Well? Is it the cholera, Doctor?" The maid had a genuine concern, but it didn't lessen the time waste.

Deep down, past what I call "me"/"myself", all I feel is longing and desire. It is a blind wish that I can never fulfill because what it wants is want itself. As I try to quiet my desire, I sometimes reach a state of what could be called peace or happiness. It is the bliss of owning myself and belonging to no other. But eventually, my flesh carries a current that channels upwards, entering in and poisoning me completely. It rapes me and threshes me apart, back down to its material level. I don't know if I will ever escape this hell.

It's Friday, tomorrow is Saturday. I'm fucking DYING.

>>14174774
I know exactly what you mean, but maybe I don't know at all.

>>14174774
> it's november fucking 2019
i, in all sincerity, am still somewhat stuck in 2012, everything seems like future and every year is only adding distance.

I'm not sure if I mentioned, but if the narrator sees despair, then the first chapter of the best writer's will will be in a place where the Lord will not be able to feed it.

Consensual sex and porn no longer turns me on. The only sex I get off to is almost exclusively hentai depicting some kind of rape. It didn't always used to be like this. I feel like something went wrong but at the same time I don't really care, and that's also probably wrong.

>>14175011
If this were 2012, our crit threads would actually be useful.

what's god explanation about making some men 6'4 with a strong jaw and natural charisma who rave in pussy and some men complete manelts with skins issues in their early twenties and a receding hairline who has no chance in procreation outside of rape?

>>14175048
You should join this anon: >>14174137
There's still hope!

>>14175253
God is an alien kid playing the Sims. Ze has a sadistic sense of humour

>>14175253
>who has no chance in procreation outside of rape?
that's literally the only reason why that phenotype is still in the gene pool

>>14175287
to rape ?

>>14174137
All sexual acts and pleasures not grounded on procreational love is against the sixth commandment. It profanes what is sacred, dishonoring yourself, the woman, all your ancestors, and most of all God. Go and be baptised, repenting of your sin. With true contrition, confess to God, hate these evil works you have wrought, and desire never again to offend God, who is deserving of all praise and love. If you open any door to Satan, he will certainly come like a thief in the night and steal all that you have stored up in yourself. God loves you and wishes for you to do good works. You are capable of righteousness, and God will aid you in all your endeavors. But first you must leave behind all your sinful desires, without exception or excuse.

>>14174093
Comfy

Rape.

>>14173894
I haven’t watched the joker, I hope when I do see it it sucks balls, so that I can justify me not watching it while everybody keeps telling me to watch it. I also don’t believe in god, I hope that when we die he does exist, and since god is all powerful I will still be in heaven laughing at people that told me I needed to find religion in order to be saved and enter heaven.
Fuck the Mormons they are too religious. Fuck the idiots that are born in western society and want to live in a communist society, why not fucking go to China to live there if they really love communism that much.
I love cats, uhm I’m getting hungry. I was listening to hardcore history the other day and fell asleep, it’s strange because I had just gotten up an hour before. I didn’t find it boring but I did let my imagination fly as he talked about wwi, Sarajevo. Sarajevo in flames. Sarajevo under the cross. Blade runner androids, replicas crying to god. Before I slip into unconsciousness I’ll like to have. Someone, did I hear a knock, na na na, ah did I hear a knock, na na na. The Germans are wild starting two wars in about 30 years, we need to fucking nuke them. I want to rape someone, or maybe I want to see someone get raped. I gotta tell someone about my girls diary, she fucking wrote about that, rape fantasy, I gotta find some stranger, at least someone who doesn’t know her huh but what if they meet her. Why do I waste time on here, I should fucking keep reading what I’m supposed to read. Ah supposed, I guess there is no such thing. I should move to China away from these capitalist pigs.

I'm autistic and it's difficult.

>>14175361
What is autism actually like?

Like fleas on a dog. Fuck. FUUUUUUCK.

>>14175381
Difficult.

the universe is advanced server storage for the earth, expanding as the number of data-heavy minds multiply by the day

>>14174766
No man can, for no man has made himself. Turn then to God, your creator. He alone can you trust as a good master, a good shepherd. None can stand on their own without him. Be glad that you are weak, for in your weakness you are more able to see the strength of God. Where a strong man might go his whole life not knowing how the devil has owned him, you know simply and easily that your body is not yours to own. If you do not give yourself to God, the devil will take you. Rest in God and be blessed.

>>14175395
How so? Not that I doubt it, but I am curious about the experience. What is the most difficult thing?

I had off today. It only took me five and a half hours to get out of the house after waking up. Four hard-boiled eggs and four strips of bacon and coffee for breakfast. Went to the gym where I treaded water with my lifts. Wasn't so disappointing since I'd been there last night, so hadn't had full rest. I also went to the barber. I think he made a negative comment about my appearance again, but I couldn't understand the dumb Russian fuck. Cruised the book store even though I never find anything there. The girl with the hanging udder tits was working there today. She always wears leggings and a loose shirt and no bra. Her big tits just hang down around her waist level somehow, despite her probably being 20 or 21. I'd love to approach them from below with my mouth open. This store did not have Hunger in stock. I'll have to download it.

>>14175421
shut the fuck up, friend

>>14175430
For me it's social situations. I wear a metaphorical mask of what I think people want me to be and it's mentally exhausting. It's difficult when I have to work multiple days in a row in my job which is retail. I don't have to do it often due to what I do but I will have to start doing it soon because of December and the holidays. I am not looking forward to it.

When not working I've been more accepting of acting how I normally do which people I know also accept (I hang out on Saturdays where I work since it's a hobby store, by the way) it. I'm going to try being myself more when I'm off work but when I'm at work I have to.

As a secondary difficult for me I would say breaking established routine. I'm not someone that does things at a specific minute or anything but I do like consistency in what I do and when it's done. A few things have changed because of circumstances and it has been affecting me.

This is my personal experience, though. I do not speak for everyone on the spectrum.

>>14173894
I'm accumulating too many books to read all at once. I'm not sure my perspective is growing fast enough to justify all of the reading, and I'm not sure I'll ever get anywhere as a mystic.

>>14173894
People divulge stuff to other anons on this site they wouldn't to their closest friend or family. We're all anonymous, we don't know each other and can't hold each other to account. Perhaps a mask really does bring out the truest face.

>>14173894
that's a big neck

>>14175381
Then>>14175395
Fucking kek. He is fucking autistic.
Difficult, hahahababbaaaa.
Thank you anons, I needed that.

Man, I just really love reading

>>14175481
That still seems a little vague? I would say most people, even extroverts, do find social interaction to require effort. And most people really do prefer routine. Those who like lots of novelty and change generally only like it relatively more than others. To really crave novelty above and beyond consistency causes pretty significant problems in life, preventing the holding of jobs, the maintenance of relationships, and so on. Could you be more specific at all?

>>14175713
No.

>>14175472
You are literally talking about discovering your will and the incompleteness of your soul. The feelings you are discussing have been described by Catholic theology for millenia. It is not unique to you, but is in fact the common human experience. All of us feel this unanswerable desire, and all of us seek to scratch this itch by all manner of worldly pursuits. Consider how there are those Christians who seem very boring, but not preachy; how do you think they are able to be that way? They are boring because they have found satisfaction. Consider the economic truth of diminishing marginal returns. We are all familiar with the unavoidable fact that the second time we experience something, it is less satisfying than the first. So why then do you think you will find satisfaction in any created thing? You seek the answer to your dissatisfaction in yourself. But how can you provide this satisfaction. Does not God say he will make all things new? When you rest in God, when you thank him for all he has given, even the air is like new. And so while those who seek solace in themselves search for satisfaction in all manner of unholy acts, the one who rests in God finds satisfaction in work and in quiet rest and in simple companionship. Whatever you believe to be yourself that causes dissension in your soul, cast it off, you need have no part of it. Rest in the Lord, and not only will he make the world new for you, you will be made new also, and you will not want for anything.

>>14175742
What is difficult about social situations?

Will I ever find anyone who understands me?

>>14175768
Everything.

>>14175780
Such as? What does it feel like?

>>14175785
Difficult.

>>14175775
Will you ever bother to understand anyone else?

>>14175787
What does that mean?

>>14175796
I'm beginning to think I'm not the only autistic person in this conversation.

>>14175760
I haven't said anything other than told you to stfu, which I would like to reiterate, in vain I'm sure

>>14175802
I'm beginning to think you don't actually have autism.

>>14175790
I try but either fail or don't have it lead to mutual understanding ;_;
not having any real friend since elementary school has broken me I think

>>14175821
And, what, to you, is a real friend?

>>14175820
Okay.

>>14174137
Yeah repression has never steered anyone wrong, that's definitely the best way to deal with an addiction

>>14175832
What were the signs of autism that other people noticed which caused them to have you seen by a psychologist?

I drink the beer. I crave for music. There was something else I had to do... what is procrastination? Why do I decend to this, why do people can't just get on with it? What's so uncomfortable in taking action forwards? What's so unappealing in the process of forging your future?

>>14175831
A companion you spend enjoyable time with and with whom you have shared compassion and understanding.

Im always arguing with mom. She says that i'm irresponsible person and i agree but i feel like i cant do anything about it. I just dont find meaning in anything.

>>14175864
I imagine there are people with you you enjoyed spending time, so my guess is you felt that there was not shared compassion or understanding. You've mentioned understanding before, so I also guess that's really your big hang-up, since I'd also venture that you don't think compassion is possible without understanding. What is it then, in your mind, to understand someone?

>>14175873
She probably hates you because you don't know what an apostrophe is.

>>14175873
Do something meaningless that looks fun also

>>14175903
That too
>>14175904
I dont find anything fun.

>>14175873
the modern world has lied to you. feelings are not a substitute for thought. If you follow your feelings, you will never accomplish anything. Meaning and satisfaction come from self-sacrifice towards a goal. This means pursuing something, especially when you don't feel like it. Never let your emotions guide your life. Rather, understand that your emotions are the medium of your senses. Use your emotions to determine your stance in the world. Take them under your control and recognize that you do not belong to them, but rather they belong to you. If you find yourself doing something you do not want to do, create a negative emotional response to that thing. If you do not like arguing with your mother, cultivate a sense of sadness and disgust towards this behavior. You are a rational being. Take charge of your life.

>>14175918
>Use your emotions to determine your stance in the world.
I never had a luxury of knowing my stance.

>>14175940
Fool. Your will is your own. And your stance is clear--apathy, sloth, and self-pity.

>>14175918
How very 2013 of you.

>>14175955
Universal truth will never be fashionable.

>>14175890
>I imagine there are people with you you enjoyed spending time
I don't even have this at the moment

>What is it then, in your mind, to understand someone?
To know their whole self, or at least attempt to.

>>14175760
>>14175421
I'm the original guy you responded to. Some other anon responded "stfu". I was a Christian, but I've found God, if He exists, has grown tired out me. I don't deny the existence of the metaphysical, but I doubt that at the end of everything is a personal/living God. I'd suppose my experiences line up more with the Hermeticists or Neoplatonists. I hope your post is wrong for my own sake, but I appreciate your response.

>>14175952
Its a will without energy. I want to want something.

>>14175969
It seems like you've intentionally defined friendship as something unattainable. By requiring other people to do what is impossible before you recognize their friendship, you allow yourself to wallow in unmerited self-pity. Friendship exists not in the completion of intimacy, but in the mere openness with which intimacy begins. You have set as a pre-requisite what is the unreachable end. Therefore, the thing you desire can never begin. If you do not even know yourself in full, how can someone else?

does anyone know of any forums more specifically centered on spirituality and sacred texts/practices without the housewife yoga crowd? I like to discuss such things on here but it always feels a bit off topic- plus, the general sadness of this place is starting to feel harmful and I'd like to get away

>>14175959
How are we gonna decide what the universal truth is though?

>>14176037
/r/streamentry

Why did society end up like this?

>>14176054
>as if anyone has ever taken women seriously

>>14175988
It is wrong to consider that God is merely the creator of all things. Being itself is from God. That anything exists means it was personally willed by God (even if it was mediated in execution). Further, as the creator of all things and the source of being, God cannot make any mistakes--after all, everything corresponds to his will. Further, as the source of all being, God then must also sustain all things; that is, nothing can exist which God does not permit to exist. So, that anything exists means that God willed it to exist, understood all possibilities for that thing when bringing it into existence, and continues to preserve its existence. Further, how could God not have a personal love for all things if he personally wills all things? A sculptor knows his sculpture intimately, even though he did not make the clay. God, however, had made all--he made not only you, but also the clay out of which you are made. If he would ever grow tired of you, he would not have made you. We know this, because if God is the creator of all things, God is subject to nothing; therefore, God cannot be changed. His feelings towards something will never and can never be changed. God has never, will never, and can never tire of you. That you still live means he has hope and purpose for you. If God did not create life, how could life have come about? If God did not give you life, how could you have received it? God has not grown tired of you, it is only that you have given up on him. He reaches out to you not, daily, but in every second of every day. All you need do is ask pardon and ask for the faith to believe again.

>>14175990
You lie. Your action reveals your desires. You desire to be helpless. You desire to wallow in self-pity. You want to escape responsibility.

>>14175840
ok coomer

>>14176054
Atheism. It's true, most people will not kill other people. But most everyone would let the world die for only a few minutes' comfort.

>>14173894
Girl

I need more sleep, but I feel resentful that this extra energy will simply be expended when I go to wageslave, whereas the extra time I spend awake is used for leisure.

>>14176093
So you cant know about yourself intuitively?

I wish I was not breathing.

>>14176248
just don't breathe then lol

>>14173894
I bet there are a lot of women posting here secretly.

>>14176248
use the wim hof method, you'll start enjoying breathing

>>14176253
Will try this, thx anon

>>14176261
that's fucking obvious, and I wouldn't say it's a secret

>>14173894
'Man her neck really is just stupidly long' thought Chad. 'I'm so glad that Brad taught me to love gargling balls. Now I can just avoid these dense long-necked bitches forever.' He took another drag on his cigarette, trying to remember the distinct fleshy flavour of scrote.

>>14176271
any time

>>14176277
imagine if your mom knew you wrote this

>>14176273
fuck women

>>14176231
Intuition and emotion are not the same thing. A fighter pilot must react intuitively, but unemotionally. An athlete cannot allow themselves to be overcome with angst or sadness, but they must react to their environment without having time to formally analyze it. Intuition is implicit reasoning. Most things you know about yourself are known intuitively. You cannot, however know yourself emotionally, because emotion is not a process of knowing. Emotion is an abstract sensation. It is an input and output, not a process. Your emotional despair is likely an emotional response to your failure to follow your intuition and logic.

>>14176297
jeez anon, i'm trying

>>14176297
I do sometimes, yeah. How did you know?

>>14175775
Not until you realise there isn't anything to understand.

>tfw no qt gf to support you in all your endeavors
I'd settle for a bf too at this point

>>14176299
Yes i do feel despair at not making something out of myself (yet i dont know what it could be exactly) and not being able to see any meaning.

I have a friend who's a musician. I feel really bad for him because while he's very technically talented his songwriting is abysmal. He has that thing were he writes genuine, heartfelt lyrics that are just too fucking on the nose and end up just being cringey. (This isn't just me being an asshole, my other friends and even his gf have said similar things). He's having a hard time getting gigs and growing an online following and seems down about it. I want to help him but I don't know, being a talentless autist myself.

I just want my musicbro to make it.

>>14176375
You're a good friend, man. Are you any good at poetry? Maybe you can help him with lyrics or buy him a helpful book. Does he know that his lyrics are the big problem?

I've been given exactly what I wanted, exactly what I thought I would never have after she left me. I have a future. I have plans. I have someone who loves me. Still each day I find myself fingering the scars that monstrous woman left on me, and each night I'm tangled up in dreams dealing with a loss that I know rationally was inevitable. I have everything, yet still I'm unhappy, and in a way that feels even worse than the struggle I dealt with before.

>>14176372
Do not measure yourself against the future. Do not measure yourself against the past. Measure yourself against what you know to be right. While you might not have any goal for yourself yet, and you might not have any belief in anything, there are certain things of which you can be sure. Where ever you might want to go later, you can be certain that you will get there day by day. Whatever you find meaningful and whatever you later decide to pursue, you will only be able to achieve it by taking care of ordinary tasks and staying disciplined. Certainly, you can also understand some ethical positions, even if you don't know where you stand morally. If you live in your parents' house, is it ethical that you would do so insolently and without helping them? Lastly, despair is a feeling. Despair is a choice. So long as you are alive, there is no reason to despair. If there is no reason to despair, do not allow yourself to despair. Make your bed in the morning. Cook food. Be wise with your money. Do not indulge in recreation. If you say you will do some kind of work, do it. If you want friends, go to events and places where you would expect to find someone with similar interests. Find a club that seems interesting. You do not even have to know if you will like it. That you find it interesting is implicitly a demonstration of interest. Know too, that it will be uncomfortable at first, because it is always uncomfortable to meet strangers. Also know that the discomfort is an emotion. It does not tell you what is or what will be; it only tells you the experience as it happens. If you dwell on the emotion and submit to the emotion, it will rule you. If you recognize that negative emotions are a necessary part of achieving positive emotions then you can persist through the discomfort. You will only begin to find meaning once you have withstood suffering. The more you pursue comfort, the less you will find meaning. Meaning is a recognition of value. The value of something is known by how much you would give up for it. Why do you expect to find meaning anywhere if you refuse to suffer for anything?

I am a closet bisexual and whenever gayness is mentioned or implied I clam up. My repression didn’t used to be this bad. What gives?

>>14176592
Groupthink from 4chin?

why do i have fucking brainfog all the time
when i'm "awake" i'm brilliant, but it's harder and harder to hit that note
maybe i'm just exhausted of hardship and struggle
they enforce a 40 hour workweek to keep us too tired to do anything else. it's a slave system obfuscated enough for them to rhetorically argue you out of thinking so. the moneyed class is the only class with time for self-care and leisure. you're competing against people with resources you can never obtain and freetime you can never afford to take off. the end result is always to keep themselves in power and you out of it.

>>14176737
We only accept homo-fascists

I have a persistent desire to cross dress

>>14176785
ban fakeup now

>>14173894
Death will come and it erodes any sense of fear or anxiety. It is either the end or just the beginning.

>>14176303
Oh my!

Yesterday, I happened to be eating dinner at the same time as him. I didn't actually do anything because I felt like I would suffocate if I did.

I want to have have cool long hair but mine is so fine and limp it just looks terrible. feels real bad man

IM SO GODDAMN ANGERY RIGHT NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

now is the time

Thinking about the future makes me so anxious. I don't think any informed person felt differently throughout history, but still I can't shake off this feeling.

>>14177277
>>14177266

>>14176785
>tfw no qt /lit/ bf to crossdress and read books with.

I am walking around to cultivate my loathing
I’ve set my mind to leaving here and now I roam with the purpose of reinforcing my beliefs
I wade through a sea of shameless hedonism, but with a lighter air than before
Without the permanence, it almost entertains while it so frustrates
The disappointment in one’s fellow man came with cushioned impacts this time around
Almost joyous in my reaction to my anger, I am pleased to feel these negative emotions as today I am without my imagined chains

>>14173894
I really wish Abordo was here. I would give anything to tie her up and hack her to bits with a hacksaw. I want to keep her head on my table, to have.

>>14177277
Courage, anon.

Another friday night down the drain, nothing will be accomplished except posting on this hellsite and maybe crying a bit. Then I'll go to bed hugging a pillow and pretending it's my waifu.

>>14177412
I wish that I could give you a cuddle, anon.

>>14173894
I went to a function yesterday. I enjoyed it, but for more than half the day, I convinced myself that I wasn't enjoying it and told my friend so after I returned home. I was being a tsundere, in other words. One issue I didn't know I had.
I enjoyed the meet: I enjoyed meeting my acquaintances and bonding with them and meeting the strangers there. I recognized so many flaws in myself! It was a satisfying and learning experience. After being a shut-in NEET for over a year, trying to make things change and trying to socialize and making terrible memories and developing trust issues among other things, it felt good when I was accepted without shame and without question. It was beautiful. I loved it. It gives me hope. I hope you meet such nice people out there out of the blue, litbros. It helps. It feels good.

I wish I had cyanide

>>14176785
just do it anon
women have much nicer clothes than we do
sometimes when i'm home alone i wear lingerie. something like pic related
it feels fucking awesome

>>14177438
post pics pls

I miss this nigga like you couldn't believe

>>14177536
would have been his 85th birthday last week

“Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there-on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known.”
ind ourselves a worthy goal.”

>>14173894
why is her neck so long?

>>14177557
women had longer necks in those days anon

>>14177549
>“The significance of our lives and our fragile planet is then determined only by our own wisdom and courage. We are the custodians of life's meaning. We long for a Parent to care for us, to forgive us our errors, to save us from our childish mistakes. But knowledge is preferable to ignorance. Better by far to embrace the hard truth than a reassuring fable. If we crave some cosmic purpose, then let us find ourselves a worthy goal.”

I know I need to grow up and be serious about my life, and the future of humanity in general. Sagan is what I crave, someone who is honest about our place in the universe and doesn't pull punches, but isn't more critical than he needs to be. If any human who has ever lived is my inspiration, it is him

It's so annoying not being handsome. It's all I really want. I don't think I am ugly but I see the reactions people have to to those head turning beautiful people that I will never get. It's a power and a luxury that I will never have the potential to really even taste. Maybe I could get to a 7 if I tried really hard, but could you imagine what it must be like walking around as a supermodel. I'd take that over anything probably.

>>14177584
>If any human who has ever lived is my inspiration, it is him
Cute. I still rewatch Cosmos every couple of years.

>>14175287
The only reason ugly people are still around is because so many chose personality over looks :)
more like forced marriages for the entire history of humanity and ugly people choosing each other, but fuck i want to say something nice

>>14176054
based on this description on her, you know this "one guy" is the one she's interested in (he's not) that she annoys a lot to get attention, and her "depression" is some minor sadness from being alone for ten minutes.
he he wasn't watching the walking dead, he was thinking how to tell he won't listen to her shit even for a chance of pussy.

>>14176261
and you won't know because only mindless attentionwhores ever mention it if not outright asked. do you say you're a poorfag in an unrelated thread just to cause some pity? same thing

>>14176277
I gotta admit, it's pretty funny and made me chuckle, now im glad i chose this op pic, hahaha

simulacra

. . .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00Bvzrx90Cw

I want to become the hero archetype and achieve maximal glory but I also want rid myself of my desires and chains. This problem returns to the paradoxical union of the opposites again. So, is the middle way and the Golden mean the answer? Or is it the paradoxical embodiment of both opposites or both extreme “goods” (albeit both are extreme evils in the opposites eye) Here’s something I thought of to better illustrate and explain this process of thinking I call the metasphere.

Imagine the line of a spectrum bent so the two ends almost touch to form a circle but what occupies that space between the ends is smaller infinite metasphere untangled into one line and connected with the original two ends. The metasphere inside this circle is essentially a smaller infinity. This smaller infinity represents all other spectrums (which also represent hierarchies, yes paradoxical but that is one of the points) that was necessary to determine and create the spectrum that this smaller infinity or metasphere, occupies. This infinity is smaller because the set of this infinity is smaller than other sets of infinities. (In sets of infinity: Realnumbers>integers>natural numbers)

So what? The metasphere inside the spectrum represents all wisdom used to create the spectrum.

So this line of spectrums, or circles, are again, infinite but also an infinite quantity of them. So imagine these lines placed next to each other as infinitely close as possible. They are also infinitely small they occupy no space, similar to a point in a graph. But the infinitely small and arguably non-exist mass of these plus the infinite number of them paradoxically make the appearance of a sphere. So these lines that are infinitely small with an infinite number of them with infinite depths and different degrees of infinity appears visually to be a regular sphere. However, these circles that make up the sphere are also spinning to represent further the viciousness of this cycle. Here it’s a good reminder that the circles are spectrums and within the spectrum lies “goods” and “evils” to their utmost extremes (yes but what makes something good and evil? That returns to the
metasphere in that circle because the metasphere represents how that spectrum was also determined and created and the metasphere in that spectrum also represents that infinite cyclical nature of the balancing of the extremes on the spectrum.) Imagine the Mandelbrot zoom.

Due to the very paradoxical nature of this sphere. It is extremely difficult for me to explain what’s in the metasphere because there are metaspheres inside it. The definition of a definition is in its definition. Imagine trying to define a word where in its definition is the word itself. It is almost cyclical or another way to visualize it is an infinite regress. The essence of it is almost that it’s impossible to singularly define. Because as soon as you try to define it you need to define the definition, etc.

>>14177816
Additionally, in accordance with its paradoxical and infinite (both infinitely small and big in different degrees because of different sizes of sets of infinities) nature it may be possible to represent it as entirely infinitely small so non existent or entirely infinitely big so omnipresent. But for easy visualization purposes, imagine a wireframe sphere with so many wires that it looks like a regular sphere. It is infinitely dense, yet also infinitely expanding. It’s paradoxical nature means it shouldn’t exist or be non-existent.

I think this is the meta symbol
In a teleological sense, I think this is the furthest idea I’ve ever thought of so far. Idk atm what could possibly be more meta or have more finality than this. Or what other idea has occupancy outside the meta-spheres. Or what would be considered the opposite of the metaspheres. Perhaps it is the tautology of God or pure mathematical reason or a return to humanity or maybe the curator of the goods of the metaspheres. Or perhaps those still lie within it due to the paradoxical all encompassing nature of the infinites of the metaspheres. Idk, I just needed to document this and I thought this is very important and worth sharing.


Upon re-reading the flaw in my logic is in the the initial description of the lines. They have an “untangled” metasphere that contributes to the line. Does that mean that the metasphere consisting of spectrums and metaspheres are all literally connected???????????? Or am I just retarded

Perhaps the meta-meta sphere is not universal and encompasses all knowledge. And the opposites or telos’ I previously mentioned have their own meta spheres. With their own knowledge.


Pareto distribution extremes loop back to normal distribution averages

It’s the paradoxical union of the opposites that is the Golden mean?

One line of metasphere drawing

Why did I have to ruin a good time for myself by looking at her? She was right there and I played it cool until I started to see her out of the corner of my eye, and then would see her around someone else, and then I could swear she and I looked at each other once or twice but I know I'm fucking projecting. I don't want this silly shit feeling anymore, I've met other women and other girls but I keep thinking about this one and I've already tried but it didn't work out then why would it change if anything it'd be worse now because I gained weight but that's not my fault entirely I fucked my leg up and can't cycle or exercise anymore and I kind of stopped caring. I can't get her out of my head and I wanted to stare but I held back and focused on the friends I have and the people I speak to but no that's a fucking lie I was thinking about her the whole time and trying to look at her even though you know damn well it's just my being retarded but I'm not retarded but you have feelings but that's just human.
>deep breath
Fuck. I need a smoke.

>>14173894
My mind:
"HELP" "HELP" "AHHHHHHHHHH"

>>14173894

i struggle to understand why should i participate in any positive way in a society that gives me zero representation ( the vote is a joke with this much population, only people with representation are those that fund candidates ) and at the same live in a culture so alien to me, where obvious consumerism is used to dry people from their health and time, their most important assets

i such i currently live as a hermit, in one of the cheapest parts of the country. with my investments i can pretty much do it till the end of my life

i just don t understand how can they take the grind. and how little they value freedom vs trinkets

even family and friends at best overlook this choice and at worse keep saying to me i'l l regret it

what motivate those people? is it the need for a more social environment?

>>14177816
>>14177822
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaLOSCCtzC8
the union of the opposites is not paradoxical

>>14177837
what happened, man?

he eatin

>>14177861
he sleepin

Sometimes I wonder how much those presumed bitch niggas I see on the street might actually be interesting people. Maybe they are well educated in the classics. Perhaps they are well versed in podiatry and can explain the complex balancing act of muscles and bone that allows the biomechatronic miracle of bipedal locomotion. Perhaps they do porn, that's interesting. Maybe they run a bank. Maybe they run a bar. Maybe they sell hardcore drugs. That's kinda cool. Except the lionshare of the times I just see obstacles in my way, Or some sucker who buys into all the bullshit I militate against. I'm not anti-social in the particular but I am in the general. All I see is dirt and stink when I think about humanity in the broadest cast. When I see individuals, one or the other, put a name to it, suddenly that all comes crashing down and a whole child birth and upbringing and tears and joy and a whole life flashes before my eyes.

When I was younger a classmate of mine told me she always looked forward to winter until she felt the cold for the first time. It made her seem interesting, as if her life changed with the seasons. Ever since then, at this time of year, I use the changing seasons as an opportunity to lie to the people who I'm afraid are becoming bored of me, to remind them that I'm kind of interesting. I secretly love the cold, mostly for the smell of it.

The internet is fucking my shit up. If I pulled away right now I would be on the moon, but here I am staring like a junky at all the delicious tabs I have open. It al looks so good. Why do I need the outside world? Indeed, this is perhaps what explains the revolutionary power of the internet, the way it ingests the greater world, subserves it, provides lightspeed interconnections with it, serves it up to you on a sterile, impersonal platter.

Back in the day if you wanted to go find out about something you had to go to a distinct location. Sensations were more separated, bounded to more distinct, terretorialized cases. Consider that you could have, for instance, a tab open about something dignified and noble, such as some distant religion or philosophy that carried generations of people through life. On another tab you could have porn, something about food, cats, something unrelated, anything: the point is that it would violate--disrupt the integrity of the more meaningful target of your attention.

Now an undeniable concentration of capital is tied up with the internet, in this bizarre compaction and crossing of categories it has brought to bear. It might seem normal, it might seem ordinary, but there is no historical precedent to the internet. That means every time you rely on common sense it is inapplicable. Because common sense is founded on a sense of history. Of continuity. And that is what internet culture, and the greater mechanical phenomenon of the internet, interferes with.

i need weed
i am out of weed
im shivering
cold sweats
anxiety swelling up inside me
vision tunneling

>>14176447
>Why do you expect to find meaning anywhere if you refuse to suffer for anything?
Thats a good question. I dont mind suffering for something worthwhile but the problem is that i dont find anything. Suffering for sufferings sake is just pointless for me.

>>14178101
Most humans are different in the most mundane ways, in other words.
The human experience is universal and mostly bland. If I had the memory of every person who has existed, I probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between billions of lives.
The blessing in disguise is that we are born into ignorance of the collective human experience and are given one chance to experience novelty.
You wonder of lives others lead, and they as well, but remember your own life and you know the lives of most other humans.

Honestly I keep feel that I'm scratching at the same thing over and over and almost getting there but not quite. I keep returning to this central problem, but the more I examine the more it subdivides and splits into a spiral of arguments and counterarguments, all sides of the equation. This impossible dilemma leads you to either one of three conclusions: insanity, sedation, or the catastrophic impact of having a fundamental belief destroyed and superseded. Some call it ego death, and associate it with psychedelics. But psychedelics are more of a cheat code, a shortcut to what can be elaborated by philosophical contemplation. Then of course if your only ability to grasp the concept is through substance use, you don't truly grasp the concept. To fully understand something we must "think it through" that is, essentially, reproduce the steps which derived it. You don't reproduce steps when you pop a pill, or consume a substance, of any variety. It's a true of alcohol and confidence (terrible comparison; alcohol decreases your inhibitions but confidence isn't about lack of inhibitions, it's about belief in yourself and what you stand for.) It's also true of any other "magic trick", any attempt to stamp something onto a mind which should otherwise effloresce it from within. If they ever get around to beaming data through a (digital, analog, quantum or otherwise) signal, that whatever it puts in will somehow be corrupt, or to not put such a loaded word to it, inauthentic or incomplete attribute.
What happens when human experience is computerized? When we are really able to understand what our thoughts are, because we have computers that can represent it? I'm sure that civilization doesn't end before then, we will have an entire way of life built around simulating experiences and more importantly, skills, on a level that ever more approximates natural phenomenology.

This might not even become a mainstream thing, but some people who have the means and chance to do so, especially militaries seeking a special edge, will eventually pursue it. You can't keep people away from anything.

>>14178213
>If they ever get around to beaming data through a (digital, analog, quantum or otherwise) signal of informaion *into the brain*, whatever it puts in will somehow be corrupt, or to not put such a loaded word to it, inauthentic or incomplete attribute.

Wew, I'm not even going to try to salvage this post.

My birthday is approaching and I become melancholic knowing that my friends will see some notification on Facebook and either ignore it because I am irrelevant to them or send me a simple “happy birthday” message on Facebook messenger and forget about it a minute thereafter.
No one will truly celebrate my birthday.

>>14178213
>atastrophic impact of having a fundamental belief destroyed and superseded.
And this is a good thing. There are different words for it, satori, a really cool one from gnosticism that I can't remember, etc. That catalytic moment when the mind, as if thunderstruck, has a sudden realization and turns over, renewed. You might trivialize it as a sort of operating system update that requires rebooting, and in some sense it is exactly like that. But on a human level, it is where a former self and a future self diverge, and more importantly where a former world (idea of a world) and a world diverge.

>>14178235
Do you celebrate other people birthdays?

There has to be a way out of here, this place is a huge time sink that is ruining my lifeI'm thinking of installing parental controls that block my access to 4chan and throwing the key (making mommy put in the password and not giving it to me no matter how much I beg for a year)

bump

>>14178561
hahahaha how the fuck is 4chan addiction real hahaha like nigga close the fucking tab like nigga step away from the screen hahahaha

>>14175775
Nope
On the bright side
You will never understand yourself either

chronic pain
I have no life
in 2020 I'll find a wife

>>14173894
I feel as if there is a thin layer of slime around my teeth. I forgot to brush my teeth last night after coming home late from the party - oh, what a party!

>>14175048
Stop looking at pron m8, I was in your exact situation, even worse maybe because I was searching for some real fucked up shit, I went no porn for about 4 months and now I can get off to soft core stuff if I want porn. I felt cured but then curiosity got the best of me and I relapsed looking for the same fucked up shit from before cause "I wanted to see if anything new appeared" you should just block porn websites all together with a password made of you smashing your keyboard and just forget about them

>>14178066
just chillin'

Depressing to think about how much life, especially for normies, ultimately boils down to trying to convince a woman to let you put your penis in her vagina for ten minutes. The "blackpilled" incels especially bum me out, taking it to the extent of asserting that life is completely pointless and you should kys if you're unable to put your penis inside of a vagina. What a bleak outlook.

>>14179982
>asserting that life is completely pointless and you should kys if you're unable to put your penis inside of a vagina
But they're in biological way - unable to have sex means you wont be able to procreate.

>>14180013
This is literally just admitting you're a beast not a man

>>14173894
Mostly pain now. It’s a good day because I had only 3 suicidal thoughts

I think Invisible Man was totally right about the gap between people. I can relate a lot to that story, how he always felt judged and shoved around by the world. I wish I could disconnect from my ego.

>>14180031
It's not wise to either ignore or indulge in your beast side.

>>14177557
Why is your neck so short?

>>14173894
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FBEKJASHFIYUAEG MVAIEUYRO FUCK IT

>>14173894
I hate that I'm growing more conservative the more I see and hear.

By no means am I politically motivated and I really would like to live in peace with any culture. Different cultures have introduced me to some of the most kindhearted and compassionate people I know of but the current state of my city is just plain depressing. The slumps here were once supposed to be proud and fun neighborhoods. The Turks etc. don't even greet or look you in the eye when you try to bring a bit of humanity in this cold place. Polish neighbors dealing stolen laptops, my mom getting death treats by some extremist in the park. People getting stabbed on their way to work at the station. Stores being blown up, a friend getting a pistol shoved in his face for absolutely nothing. Immigrants abusing the welfare system while the elderly not getting the care they need because of a lack of funds. Hooded up aggressive Moroccans spitting at your feet while you come home from a night of drinking. A group of six Africans trying to kill you with a taser. Huge pro-ISIS demonstrations.
And that's just my city.
Over in Amsterdam your living room will get shot up by some 17 year old kids emptying their ak'47 on some other drug gang member and their lawyers.
I'm not letting it me turn as cold yet, but it gets me hopeless the more I think about it.

>>14180031
always saddens me when people use instincts as an argument. especially christians when it comes to having children.
the very purpose of your belief is to overcome the carnal and beastly...

>>14173935
Nice. Is that yarrow?

>>14180329
idk what it is, but looked very pretty

>>14176054
because we don't teach our kids the difference between casual and deep friendships

>>14174125
They govern Taiwan
hilariously the CCP actually supports them in Taiwanese elections because the opposition is a "Taiwan isn't China!" party, while the Kuomintang agree they are Chinese but that Mao-man bad.

Hey /lit/ do you have a diary?

>>14180644
Yes but i dont write it regularly.

>>14180647
im thinking of starting one but i have a lot of privacy concerns

>>14180667
Are you afraid that someone might read it? Just write it on computer.

I gotta stop coming here. I used to find comfort and even some sort of twisted kinship here, but now I no longer relate to any of the posters nor do I care about retreading the same discussion topics over and over again. It's basically just a form of self-harm at this point.

>>14180680
computers aren't secure though, i may set it up as a seperate encrypted flash drive or something. Is it worth the effort though?

>>14173894
A woman just harassed me for "browsing Facebook on the job." First of all, do not tell a great man like me what to do. Napoleon or Hitler did not take orders from imbeciles beneath them. Secondly a philosophy forum is much higher than an idiot like that could understand. I wish I was alone with her and her children- I would have shot all of them and skinned them. That is the Max Stirner way. The way of the intelligent and superior. Old lady- NEVER tell a man who is handsomer and smarter than you what to do.

>>14180712

Effort being 10 minutes of downloading, installing, and using software?

Go grab Veracrypt and encrypt your flash drive you paranoid fuck. No one is going to bother reading a nobody's diary unless you're some random Russian faggot living in the 19th century or if you contract a computer virus the equivalent of HIV that which enables your entire hard drive somehow accessible from a remote machine and then and only then, someone might care to spend the 10 minutes to skim through your diary to assuage your thinly veiled vanity. But see the first point, you're not Russian and you're not living in the 19th century.

>>14180795
veracrypt is crap and you have no idea what a threat model is, don't talk about stuff you don't understand.
t./g/entooman

>>14180828

I'm absolutely floored by the knowledgeable /g/ent that made the career change, compelled by a mildlife crisis, from accountant to infosys.

>>14180851
it often seems to me like some fields have this continuous cycle of learning (like tech) while others (banking, accounting, business, etc) basically have static kbowledge and just live their lives so care free

In my mind there is my loving girlfriend who cooked cleaned, woke up with the urgency to check if i'm always ok and on february i learned that she 'sexted' another guy. She told me she didn't physically did anything but i think that's made up.

Anyway I loved her a lot although she told me last year i was a different person she said i resented her and made her feel like garbage because she gained some weight and that i didn't give her my wonderful smile like i did in the first years (we were together 5)

Now im stuck here with no friends and family thinking about the past and all those wonderful moments i had with her and i realized i can't have meaningless sex with thots and by now i could have had 3 kids with that female but i was overconfident and I lost her to other males.

Rough night i might kms by 30 if something doesn't change because i wasted all my primes years for her. 22 to 27.

Can you reccomend some books for this feel? No stoicism she bought me all the books of it and i will be reminded of her if i read them. Sorry for this depressing rant

>>14180898

The latter domains you've listed do have continuous cycles of learning, albeit extended. Their innovation resembles more distinctly a punctuated equilibrium model of advancement with long periods of seemingly stagnant development until a change in property relations causes a large enough disruption to warrant people scrambling to make sense of the changes. Think government experiments with economics throughout the late 20th and 21st centuries and how that has lead to eventual changes in domestic policy, then trickling down to how business is done, how accounting and banking regulations have tightened, etc.

Same thing occurs in tech, although the rate of experimentation is much quicker and conducted by ground floor laborers (developers). The rapid change isn't necessarily productive (mostly specific to the field of web development and others with low barriers to entry) with constant churning of new tools that don't provide much fundamental value. A clear example of punctuated equilibrium in technology would be the AI winter and resumption/explosion of AI innovation following hardware advancements.

I dont know where to start.

>>14181070
While the rising popularity of AI in relation to data science is relatively in low demand it did also coincide with a boom in devops and serverless architectures. In cybersecurity the field's shifted to focus on hardware issues in recent years too (mainly Intel's products)

idk anon, sometimes i feel like i've just learned how to dance but the party's over. i can't enjoy a good book, movie or videogame without feeling guilty at having wasted time on something nonproductive. there is this drive to keep learning and i'm probably just blaming the industry when i'm the one with the problem

>>14181088
start from the beginning

>>14181088
>"Begin at the beginning" the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you cometo the end: then stop."

>>14181155
>cometo
come to*

i had one job

>>14181155
>>14181166
i got 2 dubs in a row, heh

>>14173894
I wish I had a girlfriend to go to the library with

>>14173894
I saw two thots in full latex raincoats in the way back from the chippy. I am very drunk and am alone in my apart. I am happy, even though I'm a hideous 5'8 gremlin. I really need to get back on accutane seeing as I was able to attract a moderately attractive female when my face was clear. I'm glad I didn't kill myself seeing as I figured out we're all just the godhead running through all the possible computations of this reality. I'm really sad about what happened to this board. I'm 19 currently but when I was a lurking 16/17 year old I really looked up to the people on this board. Idk if its the twitter trannies or I just got older but even /v/ is better than this shithole now. I wish all anons the best It's better to have loved and lost etc

>>14173894
I had this Tinder girl over after 5 months of nofap and no porn, and I couldn't get rock hard and fuck her properly because of performance anxiety. Feels pretty bad

>>14181356
I shouldn't have posted at the end of the thread. Now nobody will respond to me and I think i'm about to throw up. This was very stupid.

>>14181366
kys

>>14181408
Yeah maybe I could've phrased it better anime poster. But ultimately you're on this heaving corpse of a board so you're ultimately no better than me

>>14181408
Yeah maybe I could've phrased it better anime poster. But ultimately you're on this heaving corpse of a board so you're really no better than me.

>>14181258
treat her well one day

after listening to her drone on for hours, it seems i have finally slipped past her self-erected walls. i nod and agree as she yaps on and on about Marx. the bar scene from Goodwill Hunting flashes through my mind.

"show me your book collection" i tell her. my eyes linger too long on her open-toe sandals. she foolishly invites me back to her lair.
"I actually have a third edition of the Communist Manifesto somewhere. I picked it up at-"
i cut her off before she begins vomiting forth more uninteresting little anecdotes and ask her to find it for me. she gets on her little tippy toes, trying to fish for a dusty book withering away on the top shelf of her paperback trophy cabinet.

i cant wait any longer. i pretend to reach for the book, and push her in the process. "Oh anon!" my arm shoots out and grabs her by the wrist.
>i am become Clark Gable
>i remove my imaginary fedora
i pull back and she recoils into my embrace. without a word, i force my lips upon hers. she cannot escape the lingering day old mouth breath of Papa John's Garlic Parmesan Crust Pizza.
>im an Italian lover and an Italian diner

she tries to escape but it only fortifies my strong hold on her. slowly, but surely, she relents. a silent consent. only then do i let her lips escape mine. "Anon, this is -"
i throw her onto the bed. her futile pleas for me to stop reach my ears, but my brain cannot register what she is saying. i am overcome with selfish lust. pants quickly fall to the wayside. a hastily removed shirt lands on her night stand. "Anon! No! STOP!" i rip off her crusty granny panties and shove them into her yapping trap.

her flailing arms compel me to hold her down tightly. my grip around her wrist tightens as i align myself. without warning, i press forward, only stopping when the opening of her cervix tickles my penor. each thrust brings us closer. her legs involuntarily wrap around me as we synchronize our sexual waltz.
my muscles stiffen. my speed picks up. occasional grunts break free between my heavy panting. her eyes light up and she frantically removes the moist panties from her mouth. "Anon, wait, you can't -"
but it is too late. my toes curl as a wave of ecstasy washes over me. the unrelenting liberation drains the power from my arms. i collapse on top of her.

she pushes me off and turns to face away from me. my arms drape over her as my fingers twirl over her poorly maintained skin. gentle kisses trail down her shoulder. "You're an asshole anon..."

i whisper in her ear.
"dont worry buttercunt, trannies cant get pregnant"

Okay. I usually just lurk this board but I've decided to come out of my shell and post. I'm going through a medicine change and it blows. I have a burning anger against no one, yet I still kind of want vengeance on society. Make no mistake however, because I decided way back in high school to never actually hurt anyone physically. No, I'm afraid what I want is to backhandedly sabotage intellectual movements, eventually removing all meaning from life for everyone and creating a general ignorance of facts. I know that this isn't the politics board, but my president is doing just this. He a destroyer, and I don't know how to really feel about that.

You might be wondering how I would go about doing this, especially considering the damage that the post-modernists and post-structuralists have done on mainstream society. Well, as it turns out, there is at least one last weapon available for the people left who don't like where things are going, and that is Ars Magna. In trying to nail all of reality to a nonogram, Llull was effectively an anti-postmodernist. Now, I am thinking that I can use his system, along with my own ideas to nail everything down to a system, and I will start with art proper, where it partially began with Foucault. Afterwards with some success there, me and my followers will move on to annihilating the world-riddles, skipping science to the incest between science and philosophy. (I say incest because science is descendant from philosophy, whereas cybernetics has been described as miscegenation because it is a combination of science and art.)

This is horrifying to me for a few reasons, and I hope that it terrifies you, too! The most obvious reason is that this plan of sorts, if I am successful with it, will provide a means to reduce the unknown to the known, thereby removing all mystery from everything. The second reason is because I'm sure that I am setting a precedent for more degeneracy than what anyone could have ever anticipated. I would be taking this last, obscure resource that interested parties could potentially use to overthrow the postmodern paradigm, and driving it so far in the opposite direction that it would have a similar demeaning effect on everyone.

Disengage rant. In before >autist

things have never looked so grim, yet there is a mysterious and gentle calm that occasionally washes over me.
i dont know where it comes from, but i'm grateful that it pays a visit, no matter how brief.

life feels very surreal and boring, but I continue my trudge through college. I don't know what career I want to pursue; who am I?

>>14181769
>I don't know what career I want to pursue
Is there something you like even a little bit?

>>14174138
based

>>14175820
when diagnosing autism the evaluator literally looks for someone who has trouble verbalizing his emotions and experiences. His responses are t. autistic

>>14176261
yep

>>14176896
he had work done too

>>14181135

I'm ambivalent about learning tech in a vacuum. I don't find it particularly interesting learning the specifics of a tool built by someone else with the sole purpose of making myself more employable. It's a meme in the industry to confer upon yourself the label of "continuous learner", "passionate about coding", etc. My view on commercial software development is that it's a soul sucking clusterfuck of trying to manage the chaotic mess that results from hoards of commoditized workers. The dream is to get away from all of this same shit different chapter type work and find something in the field that's truly stimulating enough to use as an escape from the meaningless toil that's work.

Why is there not a hardcore punk-rap band called Superpredator?

I tried to kill myself today but chickened out.

>>14181971
Have you told anyone else about this?

>>14182000
No, and I don't think I will. I have a very hard time opening up to people even about small things. Even writing anonymous posts feels like forcing something out of myself.

>>14182095
have you tried again? dont give up hope. its less about failing and more about picking ourselves up so we can can giving it all our best.

i have faith you can an hero successfully

>>14182095
Some poisons must be forced out of wounds. Forcing them out of yourself, just enduring a little longer, can prove to be the solution even when all else seems hopeless and gray.
Do you feel like talking about it?

I have an opportunity to engage in my ideal form of social interaction but I decided to stay home and drink and shitpost instead.
I prefer this but dislike that i prefer it.

Humans this and the spirit that. Too much thinking, no action. These men paralyze themselves with planning, gaining no experience, growing only fear, and changing when they hit rock bottom which will never come.

I do it so I believe someone else does it. I hate that I have to think about how you guys are conceiving my posts, so that I don't get someone annoyed who then takes away nothing from what I say. I feel like if someone makes fun of me it will make other people to make fun of me because we're all lonely and we all like to fit in, because we aren't secure. Are we even supposed to be secure? Doesn't security eventually make you lazy?

>>14182143
There's not much to talk about. I'm a loser with a laundry list of mental problems. I hope that when I die I go to Hell because it's what I deserve. That's all.

i need to die

All I want is for one hundred people to reply to my every post, proving how much power I have.

he ended rolling his blunt and offered it to me,as i refused she sat down next to me and rested her feet on my chair,she then took a puff of the blunt and exhaled it on my face.I stood there for some time as they talked to each other and when i finished i packed my stuff and contorted myself to get up without displacing her feet.I stood up and said goodbye,to which no one replied, only her, this was when i looked at her face for the first time.

I alternate between feeling man was made for happiness and that man was made to have his heart broken. When I think about women sometimes I feel both simultaneously.

My fantasy is to be raped by a woman. I want to have a mommy. Why am I like this?

Puss puss i want some pussy.

I want to join my country's military, but I'm a little concerned about my age and a mild health issue.

>>14174125

>>14180667
just create a secret font, memorize it and destroy or hide the key. pic related

>>14173935
i saw this as a crowd of people reaching toward something at the centre

>>14182883
based pareidolia, here's another

>>14182447
Pretty sure there are dominatrixes who will do that for you.
Donno why there’s people like this. You just want to feel helpless and cared for, she just wants to lash out. Like people who like horror movies. They want a catharsis? It never appealed to me. But they’re not all bad people.

>>14182399
Humans just happened. It’s the better way of looking at the world

>>14183072
Yeah you like to be dominated. We know.

Now bend over and let me see your pussy :3

This is my ass and my pussy. Tell someone that in real life. Tell them its my ass and my pussy. Do it now if you're doing what I think you are

>>14174137
Good luck idiot

>>14183072
Is it wrong to want to feel helpless to a woman? How many women are actually comfortable dominating a man?

>>14174137
I just deleted 2GB of porn on had on my computer. It's time for all of it to stop in the name of Christ.

>>14183276
Sure there are masculine women but its a very small number when in comparison with sheer number of submissive men.

>>14182841
i think you're on the right track here, i'll research ciphers and make one to encode everything after i write it.

Bio associates then bio degree then med school serve military 10 years and then we can talk about leaving the country. Just fix that probationary status we can do this just ask them try to get some clinical experience we can work with those fucked kids at some point just help them as much as you can you can work this out that's it. You can find a wife on the way there are a lot of women who will give themselves up for a doctor military man, just don't sweat it you have a lot to get done in the next couple of months just don't look at her anymore she will bring the end of You.

>>14183436
based, now use the freed space to download variuos manuals and start looking for an autistically specific hobby

I ask God to send me some clues about life through dreams but i cant make sense of them.

>>14183569
i'd recommend light carpentry or lockpicking

>>14183587
because god isnt real lol

>>14183589
very based. i myself am into bookbinding and carving small stamps out of erasers, thinking about soap carving as well

>>14183587
Look to your waking dreams. The unconscious mind is a blender of your old thoughts, not a goldmine of wisdom

>>14183601
The ones which i remember?

>>14183587
> be me, enter a lucid-dreaming-like state
> instead of nude girls or some shit, start constructing a massive cathedral
> impossible arches, otherwordly materials, huge stained glass windows, beauty unknown to man
it's hard to maintain what you've made, but i'm buikding up strength to run really detailed "simulations"

>>14183639
Lucid dreaming is out of reach for me. I cant get sleep paralysis.

>>14183670
honestly drug-induced states are better for constructing. while dreaming, even if i'm aware it's a dream, it's hard to create things out of air, almost impossible, but at least i"m free to act

>>14174138
nice job anon

she bullies horses thrice her size

>>14183587
>I ask God to send me some clues about life through dreams but i cant make sense of them.
In revelatory dreams, God directly reveals to one's imaginal self/Spirit images of one's preplanned Future, and of Future in general, which, afterward, unless immediately remembered upon waking up, remain latent in one's unconsciousness, and may be recalled to memory, and/or clarified, by researching regarding the main imaginal impressions that were left from the relevant dream/s, thus, synchronistically weaving together the carpet of one's Destiny. Do not listen to anyone that denies the impressed significance of dreams, because, whether it is God, or your imaginal self reminding your conscious self of your task, if they subtly seem important, it is because they are.

>>14182447
men have an eternal yearning to return to the womb. we fantasize about going back to our carefree childhood - an unconditional love and support from our mothers, the strong guiding hands of our fathers.

the problem is men try to find in whamen all the things they want in life. they want their whamen to be their lover, best friend, wife and mother all rolled into one. whamen are not looking to coddle you like your mother. whamen are not looking for weak men.
>we are being attacked by a bear. my useless hunter-gatherer partner is cowering in fear, crying for mommy.
>me and my offspring are dead. my partner has ran away.

a man's conception of love and a whamen's conception of love are two very different things. understanding that and accepting it is the only realistic way to move forward. no whamen will ever bestow upon you unconditional love like your mother.
>times have been tough. still cant get a job. my already eroding sense of self-control is gradually slipping away. i find myself hitting the bottle more often.
>but it's okay. till death do us part. i know my whamen will always be there for me, our marriage stands testament to that.
>"Anon? We have to talk. Lately I just feel like I'm not flourishing in this relationship anymore. I love you but I'm no longer in love with you. It's hard to expla -"
>"Wait, I just got a text from Chad"

>>14183625
how come i have dreams of giving buttercunt a home pedi, massaging her feet, planting kisses on her stomach, and then flogging her butt until its bright red

>>14183598
really nice, ive made my last two notebooks, but i dont write or draw as much as i would like to, so i havent made anymore

>>14183851
Based. Is she yours? I'd share some of my horse pics, but I lost my phone.

>>14173894
FOCUS: LEAVE THIS SHITHOLE AND STAR WRINTING

>>14184034
I wish i'd be smart to decipher them.

>>14184424
If you continue learning, and following the straight path, you will notice everything gradually becoming clearer.

>>14184479
I read psychology books but as they say the more you read the less answers you get.

lmao @ christfags

>>14184484
Psychology is subordinate to Philosophy, which in turn is subordinate to Theology. I recommend moving from the latter to the former, and starting with authentic Christian/Gnostical texts listed below, which, particularly the last one, comprehend all of the aforementioned categories::

- The Nag Hammadi texts.
- "Pistis Sophia".
- The Manichaean texts.
- The Cathar treatises.
- "Mundus Millennialis".

>>14184361
what's wrinting, how do I star it and where do I even begin

>>14180120
there are certain truths about the last 100 years or so of history, that once you fully recognize them, you will want to blow your head off. one of these truths is that multiculturalism, as we know it in the west, and the slogan "diversity is our strength", is a weapon in the war on European peoples. do not hate that you are getting conservative, because that is just a necessary step on the road to understanding the real world. the liberal minded acceptance that whites have toward nonwhites, will not be reciprocated once whites are a minority. if you do decide to search for the truth, remember that no question is off limits, and pay extra close attention to the ones that people try to make off limits, because that is a sign of a wall of lies that is protecting a hidden well of truth. i really hope you consider my words with an open mind. Godspeed anon.

>>14175775
why would you want that?

>>14177741
most ugly women will reproduce, and attractive parents do not guarantee attractive children

>>14175760
>have been described by Catholic theology

Do you mean forced onto people by killing people they disagree with?

>>14175381
imagine suddenly giving a fuck about things you never dreamed you could give a single fuck about

furthermore...

imagine being bothered by something you never have dreamed you could have been bothered by

sometimes (more often than not), I feel like a big ball of solidified cum

>>14185607
noice

Am I missing something?
- be a pacifist
- be vegan
- be benevolent
- try to further everyone's understanding of the world

>>14185858
>be dead

>>14173894
The Half-dead Dogs.

I pull the levers and turn the screws,
I race the sunshine through the interstate,
All gray mesh of concrete, arrows and odd
Cubes built with a chameleonic purpose.
And,
As the clouds decapitate the mountains
I see an entity forgotten
The ones below our legs of rubber,
At the adjacent roads, standing up.

At unison they hardly breathing said,
We are the insects ridden
Barely living, half-dead dogs
We demand no mocking and no poking,
From the never stopping children with sticks,
Abolish now the rubber and make your tires softer,
Since we refrain from biting listen to our uprising.

We scratched our heads and eyes
Confused by the mumbling of that crowd
The fear to the sudden "uprising"
Quiclky spread a wildfire of laughter.
Then,
A parade of flying eyes and speeding flies

I turn them, pull them still after long years
I still can't catch the sunshine at the highway
And still I think of dogs with laughter.

>>14186145

How

Can

I

Get

A

Woman

To

Love

Me?

>>14186812
love yourself without a woman first

>>14176785
moldbug university?

>>14186828
Impossible

The more naked she became the more the image of the proud, caustic and beautiful woman she cultivated had melted. Her delicate collarbone was now coupled with ribs like a starving mare's and breasts that were small and sharp, her wide hips and long legs gave her an awkward gait that is now only accentuated by her emotions and inexperience, the few steps she made towards her object of desire were enough to make her knees wobble and her hands shake, "lead the way." She said, in a deep monotone.

>>14186962
Hot
more please?

>>14183436
proud of you

>>14176285
kek man

>>14180734
>stirner
ok tran

>>14173894
I drank some tea, and my pits smell like the flower of the cannabis plant. I find that when I have energy and am simply sweating lightly at my computer as a true internet creep is wont to do, my sweat smells like cannabis. This is strange. I don't know why it occurs, but it's been happening for a few years now. My life has also fallen to pieces in this time. I doubt they're completely unrelated as my life has fallen out of the scope of my hitherto acceptable future outcomes mainly as a result of my own rising apathy for all future outcomes.

I rarely find the need to express myself. In fact, right now, I feel mild surprise as my apparent ability to form sentences and cohere my sick mishmash of thoughts into something resembling rambling (((postmodern))) prose. In my time, I've found myself to be ingesting "thought toxins", i.e. enjoying and ingesting propaganda in the form of /pol/ or youtube or perhaps anything without any filter or analysis, leading to a subtle programming of my subconscious to begin labeling the world in an alien way to my conscious attention, which I try to suppress at all costs with ironically the aforementioned toxins. It's jarring to hear my internal dialogue whisper "Chad" or "Black Nigger" or "Faggot" or "haha tiddy giiiiiiibb I gotta coooooooooooom". I find this disconcerting.

I recently finished Confessions of a Mask in the stupor after waking and during insomniac hours. I tried to read No Longer Human, but I found it wanting. Probably bc of repressed homolust, but that might be those toxins again. I lust after purpose, but a well-nestled complex in my brain has somehow taken and negated the very meaning of purpose, as if saying in my ear in between giggles, "all is unknowable. To figure out any single thing to a sufficient degree if things were indeed knowable would take infinite time, if it didn't take infinite time, the cognitive costs would be too high." Like DOMS but for my prefrontal cortex.

I try to be less hard on myself, but I'm not sure that it's not just merely shunting my issues onto a subconscious level in an effort to slowly poison myself retarded.

>>14182236
Same desu

I want to quit masturbating but I'm weak and have the willpower of a kitten. I spend hours praying alone, listening to hymns, or simply immersed in guilt, but it seems like my efforts are useless when I wake up from a strange dream already aroused or when I am filled with desire while in private and simply act on it without thinking. I read Augustine's Confessions recently, and his conversion brought me to tears when he wrote about stepping into the arms of Lady Continence, and thinking of it helped me to resist for a little while, but soon I gave in again. I feel incredibly disgusted and disappointed in myself each time I finish masturbating and yet I continue because, though it shames me to admit it, it feels good and I enjoy it. I wish I could stop feeling pleasure so I would not be tempted but that is a useless, vain wish and I need to strengthen myself to resist rather than search for an easy way out.
Yesterday after going at it for almost two hours I felt intense pain in my heart as if I was dying, which lasted for a minute or two. It likely wasn't anything supernatural but to me it was a very real reminder that I am killing myself spiritually by continuing my ways.

I'd had a pretty good week but then today my sadness or depression, I don't know what to call it, returned. What do you call it if you feel like you are grieving but no one has died? I dread having days off from work now, because that's when the feeling returns. Staying in the house isn't any good. But going out isn't any better. I keep having the sensation, when I go into a store or restaurant, that I am being stared it, like something is visibly wrong with me. I wish I could go back to a month ago when I was just sleepwalking through life. Something happened since then that made me snap awake but feel miserable. I think it was really the confluence of circumstances, my upcoming birthday, the infatuation with the woman at work, and reading those depressing books. A week ago when I tried to call the therapist, and no one answered, I was relieved. A somewhat normal week followed and I felt even more assured that the call hadn't connected. I was fine. But then the weekend came and the miserable day off.

tired all the time. why am i so fucking tired. i sleep 8+ hours very well and then spend my waking hours in a brainfog of drudgery where i can't be effective at anything. right now feel like i have a migraine from staying up until 2 AM working on something, but it's 6:30 pm. how is this even possible. i exercised for 40 minutes today and usually walk over an hour a day, and i still feel like this all the time. even my fingers are clumsy and my vision is lagging. my hands are cold and i have a fever.

i just want to wake up

>>14188291
Hey man I'm no expert but I based on your description of perpetual fatigue I'd be willing to bet you're getting too little of some vitamin or mineral. Take a look at your diet and order some supplements if you need to.

Well the fever could be the main reason, even if you don't sleep, laying in bed and watching tv or just reading + medicine would help your body recover. However if you have felt this way even before getting sick, you might be extremely stressed out and/or depressed. Try to speak to a doctor about it.

>>14188312
This too

>>14175775
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-ZTksDoH6w

>>14174125
>>14180415
I'm pretty sure Taiwan's government still claims Mongolia and some other lands as theirs. Not to mention the whole of mainland China.

>>14188312
I mean, given that my diet is utterly abysmal on par with subsisting on hard tack, that's possible, but I sometimes take a multi-vitamin. Guess I can try doing it actually every day.

How can a fucking vitamin deficiency cause this. I feel like I'm stumbling blindly, I can't even think straight. I only have access to a superficial stream of thought rather than the ability to analyze anything in any depth. 8PM has become 2AM for what my physicality feels.
>>14188313
>you might be extremely stressed out and/or depressed.
Yes.

Even a worm will turn.

>>14173894
The niggering nigger niggified the niggered niggerhood N I G g g er ardly in niggardly fashion. “An intolerable display of niggatry,” said the nigger. The audacity of that nigger. Nigger, niggering, niggable, nigglet, niggress, niggation, niggsanity, niggably, niggatude, niggopolis, niggistan, NIGGER, n i g g e r N N N I I I G G G E E E R R R (Plesters 5). The Nigerian nigger (nigericus niggicus) niggered niggardly (Nichols 45-47). Unniggered the nigger, niggnog gonggin reggin eht deregginnu Ginger nigger’d m’ nigga.
[Place: The National Gallery, London, Bought: 1895. Retrieved from libraryartstor(.)org/theniggerinblackandwhite

Just broke up with my gf of 2 years and feel very numb.
It wasn't going to work out, but she was begging me not to go

I couldn't do a 5 year ldr, and I think I'll be able to focus on my studies more, but that still was hard to hear.

It's only cold
when you sleep alone

>>14184193
belongs to the club i sometimes work at, but she likes me more than any other worker
horse in pic related is actually ours

New thread:

>>14189728