/lit/ - Literature

the ass was fat and hard as steel. As I knelt, he started to fuck me from behind. I was terrified that he was going to cum, but I was already so wet that he couldn't come anywhere near me. So, I just kept fucking him. His penis was so long and stiff that he really just was fucking me while thrusting and moaning, and I didn't even have the strength to tell him to stop. Finally, he grabbed my head and said, "Let me go." I was stunned. I thought that perhaps he'd said to let me stop, and that we were going to have sex and then he was going to let me go. Instead, he just lifted me off the bed and dragged me out of my room. I was in such pain that I cried and whimpered. When I walked to the bathroom, I saw him kneeling over me, his cock hanging almost to his feet. "What are you going to do to me? You'll kill me, won't you?"

"Please, fuck me."

>>13999421
the motives of the characters here are not entirely clear, who is forcing who

>>13999419
unending love and the pain that goes with it

I realized how alone I am today. I have nobody to talk to. Everyone else I know has someone they can confide in, a very good friend or a lover. And I'm just here alone.

>>13999419
I'm really appreciating my clean ass back now

>>13999419
cool back op

>>13999419
He was a man who's visage betrayed any ounce of virtue he might have harbored beneath it's disgusting surface.
Black pustules encompassed the area of his skin, and between bleeding and seeping, they would scab over as if to cover the disfigured form of their host somehow.
Greater men would find pity where most would find condemnation, and rage that something such would have the audacity to affront nature with it's existence.
Only the Son of God could have had the grace to love it, as He did the lepers.

"the ass was fat".

"That's all I need," he said.

"All I need is one of your fat ass," I said, "one of that old fat ass!"

I pulled my jeans on. He pulled his own jeans on. They were both in very bad shape. I pulled it over my head.

Then, as we were going out to dinner, I put on my socks. I said, "Let's go out, you're a few minutes late with our dinner. And you want to see my ass, too?"

"Sure," he said, "I think I'll give you a ride." He took my hand and led me into the garage to a door at the side of the building. He led me into the house.

I had no idea how to drive. I drove it up and down the driveway. I parked the car in front of the front door, and stepped out.

>>13999419
I'm using a friend as an emotional crutch for my depression, and love her, but fear that I'm a bad person for using her like that. She feels too distant to discuss it with.

Lying in my bed
Looking forward to my book
Lurk 4Chan instead

The idea of a girl coming up to a guy and saying, "Look at my tits!" has been used as a punchline since at least the 1960s. The joke goes something like this: "You know that girl from the dance?" But what if I said, "Look at the balls, and the nipples?" What could go wrong? Well, let's imagine I was a 14-year-old boy. I'm sitting in my bedroom, my mother is in the bathroom, and I'm just playing some video games. Suddenly, some girl yells out, "You know that girl from the dance?" I stop playing the game, and I look in the camera and I see a beautiful girl standing in the shower. "You know that girl from the video game?" The little girl says, "Yeah, I'm here. Is he still in the shower?" "Yes, he is," my mom replies. When the girl got out his shower curtain, I realized he had no idea he was in the bathroom. "No kidding, little girl,"

I just had my Composition midterm
Professor said "read the primer and all the handouts I've given you and you'll be fine"
Half the test had absolutely nothing to do with what he told us to study and was obnoxiously difficult
All my classes are jokes and nothing gets learned because my professors aren't good at communicating the material to the students.
I wish I didn't wait until turning 25 to start college because I'm so bitter about everything and this school especially is a fucking joke.
>i wanna fuckin die

"Cute fucking name, innit." he said.


"Oh, so you must be the one," I said.


He was a bit stunned, but nodded his head in agreement. I looked at him for a few moments, and when the boy finally caught up, he let out a rather amused "ohhhh".


I leaned back in a chair and began to play with my little cactus, with a grin on my face. Before I knew it, we were laughing our cactus off, I was still trying on the girl's name, and he was starting to get used to the name.


"I just hope that you can make a move on her, and you won't fuck anyone else," I said, looking at him, I could see his cock throb against my thigh.


"Why wouldn't I?" he said, looking me over, then grinned. "Oh wow, he's so cute."


I smiled back at him and laughed at himself, then turned away and picked up the dress off the floor, I started to untuck it

Yes, MON VIEUX, they took my job !" he said."I don't remember the incident very well, but, after the accident the driver, with an open chest wound, fell dead."

Davies said she tried to stop the driver, an Arab in his 20s, from leaving the vehicle, to no avail.

"He just walked with his right arm towards the door of my vehicle," she said.

"It was completely out of control — you had the airbags deploying, the doors were starting to close, it was just a hell of a ride. It's an accident but it could have ended in great tragedy."

Davies said she could not recall her last conversation with the driver because he had vanished.

"I don't think I have ever spoken to him in over 30 years," she said.

"I'm a mother, I have a young granddaughter and I thought, he must have known, because I had never felt like this before — that someone had to save me from an oncoming car.

the ass was fat

Giant cock

Pussy licker

Ass buster

Dirty talk

Ass-to-mouth

Bitch mouth

Cum splatter

Bitch cum

Naked ass

Ass lickin-spatter

Slap ass

Slap ass

Slap ass with your big dong

Stripping a bitch

Riding the dickhole

Riding the cowgirl

Riding the fat cock

Bitch riding the cock

Bitch riding the cock

Ass and pussy suckin

Ass face fisting

Gag-swapping

Pussy licking as the cowgirl

Fisting the cow

Anal fuck

Pussy sucking and anal sex

Sucking the fat cock

Fucking the cow

Ass eating

Pussy eating

Ass in mouth and asshole

Pussy licking and pussy fingering

Jizz eating

Fucking cowgirl

I'm slowly becoming Hal Incandenza... I form what I'm going to say but can't really speak out because of self esteem

>>13999500
Started cute, became debauched :/

a bit spotty, innit?

the ass was fat

and she had no balls

and she had the ass

But the worst was that she had no balls. She looked at me with those dirty yellow eyes of hers and said,

"I can't fucking take no bullshit. I'll do whatever you want."

And I smiled and I thought, "Well if you can't take no bullshit, then you're a damn fool."

So I put up my left leg and the fucking thing broke. It was like an old pair of socks falling apart. It was horrible, and I tried to pick it up, but it was too heavy, and the weight left me. I looked around at the other guys, because all the ones I'd played with before were still walking around, and they were all pissed off, and they were pissed off because they couldn't even fucking get what they wanted. They just had no balls. Fuck them. I knew I'd lost them, though, the week after that. I didn't think about it.

When he got it right

There would be nothing like it

When it was perfect he would have

A full tummy

With a man in the sky he would be

The best in all of creation


He could always make it happen

When he got it right

And all the ladies would be

Glorious but

He had no one to keep him down


But he would get it all wrong

And it would be one hell of a mess

He would become

One man in a world of trouble

A man who would

Take a wrong turn and crash and burn

He could always turn when he got it correct

He never got it right

Just in the nick of time he would have

A full tummy

With a man in the sky he would be

The best in all of creation


He could always make it happen

When he got it right

And all the ladies would be

Something I'd like to post for my facebook friends became a scary sisyphussy work I'm obligated to do on weekends. And they appreciate it only because it's so expectable and easy to respond. The only reason I amuse them is because I'm the easy one to bear with.

Ricky: What's the next point on the chart

Steve: Right

Ricky: 'I wanna bang a bitch with a tumbler full of ice'

Steve: Yeah, I can tell

Ricky: What's happening?

Steve: What's going on?

Jonny: And there was also this song

Ricky and Steve: 'Fuck, that is what you would say in a pub that's in fucking Leeds'?

Steve: Right

Jonny: That was like a pub for people to listen to what the fuck out of, you know…

Steve: Yeah, the whole point is that I don't wanna fuck your fucking home

Ricky: Right.

Steve: I'm from Leeds, I'm a Leeds lad, but I'm still a Leeds lad. I have to tell you

Ricky: What's that?

Steve: I just mean I've come into Leeds and it's got a fuck

>>13999419
Sitting on your ass is not my idea of fun

My ass sucks

I want a more ass

You're a little bit fat

That's not what I was looking for

I wish I had a big ass

You don't need an ass

But that's what I thought about, too

But if you're nice to me

I'll give you an ass

Yeah... yeah...

(Cars start chugging)

I'm sure you're just as good as you think you are

(Cars continue to chug)

But I just want to feel your cock inside me

(Cars continue to chug)

I'm going to give you good time

(Cars continue to chug)

You're gonna give me just as much

(Cars continue to chug)

I'm sorry, but I just want to feel your cock inside of me

I have about 60k words written up but I'm trying really hard to decide what to even do a lot of it is rambles and other junk. With a good edit it will be down to 40k words probably and then I will write a bit more. But it seems like it will come out like a bad Tao Lin or Megan Boyle book or one of those other memesters that just writes random garbage down and tries to publish it as though it was coherent. I don't know if anyone would find value in my expressions or if I even find value in them. I've written quite a few things that I never published, took creative writing classes, and got poems published in poetry journals before. But I still don't know if I'm ready to put out a whole book of what most people will consider nonsensical trash. I just feel dumb, I wish I didn't want to write in this style. It is almost like Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller except if he was a shitty writer with shitty stories to tell instead of cool shit. I just feel bad about my creative output in general RIP.

>>13999588
Kekked at the chugging cars

>>13999527
Wake up and know that your soul is on the line

I just passed a horrible moment which I recall I would have been raped if I was a woman or he's gay. Me and my superior was at the office's tiny booth together and he suddenly charged into me without any and/or further explanation at the moment and later. Then he suddenly grabbed my book. Twice. This time he actually took it away from my willfully tugging hands. He suddenly babbled irrelevant personal questions to prevent the explanation of his behavior. Then he tried to laugh. As if we are having a nice small-talk. But what he really did was screeching. It happend so sudden like a spasm.

>>13999618
The ass was fat

It was fat and she was hot too I thought.

She had the ass of a horse.

I couldn't believe someone would do that to me

My pussy was begging for me

I wasn't going to let the world know

I fucked her so hard

With my big dick up her ass

And I fucked her so good,

I don't know how I ended it all,

In bed with my slutty little bitch!

And now, she was screaming,

I fucked my whore, the girl,

I fucked our whore, my slut,

I fucked a whore and now she's screaming

I beat a whore so good!

For the good of mankind, I must say

To all of the world,

We'll put you back where you belong

For I am God and my word is law!

>>13999443
Same here. I feel like people in real life are too shitty to confide in. The only people I've met that aren't shitty are from a local church group, but I can't believe their beliefs in God, and I feel at my core that separates me from the group.

>>13999479
I read this, and for some reason I imagined it in the form of a loss comic

>>13999626
Sexual thoughts destroy the brain.

the ass was fat

Mister Jones: You like that ass look?

John Deere: I wanna fuck you right now

Mister Jones: I'm sorry I didn't see you standing there

Mister Jones: Fuck you

Mister Jones and John Deere entered Mr. Jones's office which was a in a large storage room. He told Mr. Jones that John was no longer in school and they needed a new janitor. Mr. Jones told John that he wasn't a good janitor and that people would be calling ahead of time to discuss which janitor they should hire. Mr. Jones told Mr. Jones that he knew an excellent janitor. John asked who that would be. Mr. Jones pointed to a group of young black school kids sitting in the corner of the room. Several of the young boys looked up and stared at Mr. Jones.

Mr. Jones: These kids aren't going to be here in five minutes. I can't have them here. They're going to get in trouble.

You know she had no legs so she had an ass too
They had no clothes, it was a big ass room
And they were pretty hot so everybody loved that ass
And she was pretty, and it did not take long for
Eddie to have an affair with that woman

her asshole was all smooth and soft and round
and her ass hole was huge and juicy
She had a nice big hole, and she said it was better
Now, it was hard to know what to do
She had no panties between her legs,
and she needed to fuck, but he could not
It was hard to tell what to do
She did not like the looks of it,
she knew she should fuck him,
even though it was bad, and she did not want to,
but even so, he could not
It had been so long, she thought
But Eddie could not get hard

>>13999648
Completion
the ass was fat

a woman's voice

a man's penis

and I was still pretty fucking hung

I was so fucking hung

and her voice was like

"Hey, come here"

a loud voice

"come here, you little dickhead"

a guy with a big cock

"Come right in and fuck my big ass"

and he fucking busted inside

but not too deep

he just started pounding right in

"Oh my god, that's so good"

I got so fucking hot

"Fuck, that's amazing"

he took my little pussy

and fucked me

and she was saying

"you're so fucking hot"

and my dick got so fucking hard

"I can taste myself, it's fucking awesome"

"That's so hot, I've never seen anything like it"

and he fucking took me again

I came so hard

"Oh my god, that's fucking amazing

>>13999648
the ass was fat

but still, the asshole is always big

but still, the asshole is always big

but still, the asshole is always so damn loud

and still, the asshole is always so damn loud

and still, the asshole is always so damn loud

and still, the asshole is always so fucking loud!

And the ass just keeps rolling around

the fucking asshole, just keeps rolling around!

And my dick is hanging out

in the ass of the ass of an asshole!

All the while and all the while, the ass is rolling around

there's this little pussy inside the ass of an asshole!

so fucking loud, when the ass is big,

you're gonna be screaming for the fuck of it!

and the ass rolls around again and again

>>13999419
A bit drunk.

>>13999477
I was in that position a few months ago. She had no one else, just like me. We were both in shitty times, but we didn't fit together. She was wonderful, and I wasn't shitty. Our mutual vulnerability and need for each other was the only thing holding us together in the long run. She since stopped talking to me, and I'm much better now. I still remember how she would hold me when she said she was leaving us.

i wandered around looking.
and there was a dead baby
and a little man
and it was all right.
i knew he hadn't died
because i didn't see any blood.
i went over to the bed and took off one of its arms.
and i started poking.
the thing squishy flesh.
and i didn't understand.
not only the dead baby didn't bleed at all.
it didn't even squirm (it wasn't like a snake or anything).
then the man's arm opened as it did.
it moved like a man.
and it was warm.
in the air, it moved like a butterfly.
then when i put my hand on him.
he was dead.
but for all i knew.
i could see the inside of his body.
the tiny man was all human.

>>13999419
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VagES3pxttQ

And I just knew that one thing could happen that would make this movie even worse! I think I heard a guy yell "Oi oi, mate, it's not fair, it's not fair!" And the actor that did that had to be laughing at himself, didn't he? Anyway!


But anyway, you know, to answer all your questions there isn't so much as a single hint of nudity, although there might be a few shots of bare feet. It's much more playful, and I think that's what I was trying to do. And I think the nudity was just that - nudity - nothing too offensive in it. All the way from my head to my feet to even my fingernails.


One thing that stood out was that we were in an empty theatre. No one saw us because we were in the toilet. It was raining on us from a hole in the ceiling and we were just standing there for a big chunk of time, waiting to start laughing.

I'm high on nutmeg. I love my nuts!

The average patriarch with a flowy beard could not afford his own cigarette. "You could buy him one," he said to me.

What, then, of their own tobacco? One man is working with me, I learned, which suggests that, indeed, the idea of smoking "free" was a pipe dream.

Still, tobacco was a way of life in the villages. On the evening we were there, I had a smoke with the village doctor, one Anak, a tall, broad-shouldered man, from the Niyamban (a group of villages around Mokhoy) who told me the story of the tobacco farmers — the first to grow in the Khoisan Highlands of West Bengal. For years, he told me, they had lived in fear of raids by the British government and the forest rangers they hired to protect their crops.

His account, the details of which remained blurry, ended in the days of the Second World War: the Niyamban had bought, shipped off, then grown tobacco there, growing it on the same plots for a decade.

The Indian Emperour chugged down his glass of wine and took a sip from his cocktail.

"You are such a weirdo," he said to Pichai, his wife.

The Chinese exec had been the head of one of Google's early internet divisions. In 2012, when Pichai arrived in San Francisco as one of the company's first hires, he was hired for $1.5 million and given the title 'VP of Google's India operations.'

And now she was an empress.

>>13999419
I really really need to shit
But I’m afraid it may be loud
Since I am with this girl met
Trying to console her fathers death

And so if I shit and shit gets loud
She may not want me more around
But if I don’t and shit my pants
I might just jump in with her dad.

>>13999826
All those people gathered to see the festival could not have been more excited. They were holding umbrellas to catch any rain water that dripped onto their faces. They were waving flags and singing the popular 'Maha Ghoda Hai'. There was a song titled 'Sukriti Deewali' written by Sangeet Som, the same singer who had penned the songs of the previous festival.

Cabinet Secretary of Gujarat, Ahmed Patel, was in the driver's seat and was in the middle of the crowd shouting, "Sleeping and dreaming don't belong together!"

I really really need to shit on somebody this evening." She paused, trying to get her voice away from those words. "Yeah, of course. And I feel really bad. I want to get that off my chest but I really need you two to know it."

"I know," I smiled.

I'd seen that reaction before, the way she would make the face of someone who'd lost their virginity and make it seem like she'd cried.

"And do you have to tell me about it?"

"No," I said, with a little shrug of my shoulders. "I'd just want to tell you both that if it gets bad I'll fucking fucking kill myself. I wouldn't want it to happen to you, but I know it would to me. Don't want it to happen to anyone, you know. I'm not doing this, you know?"

She shook her head, looking like she needed a hug. "No, it's better that you say this. It'll explain things a lot better."

I felt like shaking.

They kissed each other passionately, before he pulled away with a "what a nice day," and quickly resumed his normal duties as a doctor. "What do we do with the rest of our day? It's Sunday!" asked the girl, giggling and taking a swig of coffee.

"If our friends are having their night off, we can take our day off too." replied the doctor.

The girl shook her head with a smile. "Well, don't hold me to that. I want to do something more interesting with our day, it seems." she said with a giggle. She took off her shirt showing her firm, perky tits that hung down from her thin, flat, white, stomach.

With her hair covering her face, she gave her best angelic grin. "You've got good shape, baby." As he spoke, her hips were moving up and down in rhythm, like the rhythm of a beat she had to listened to. She was feeling that rhythm right now. The doctor laughed and took another drink.

>>13999872
She shook her head, looking like she needed a hug. "No, it's better that you say this. It'll explain things a lot better."

I felt like shaking, shaking like a dog I got on all fours. She looked at me weird, I punched her on the pussy, and she sang an opera of delibes.

Between the four of us, we had taken an ounce of shrooms, each a tab of acid, and an adderall. Plus the weed n alcohol.
I found myself eating my own vomit mixed with Helens. Pieces of candy she was eating earlier. And back again to the geometric pattern of her dress, it was a sheet of paper being drawn with dripping ink.

>>13999915
There was something strange about the paper, it seemed to have a peculiar "whip" motion in it. In the paper there was a number which was written in Roman characters, which the penman had made a mark upon. And lots of text. It was written in Latin, very well.

"We got this one at the library," I said, looking at the dress.

"I can read Latin very well," Helen said as she read.

She was wearing thick glasses, glasses with red frames that hung from the edge of her mouth. "Hi!" she said, as if having no intention of opening her mouth.

Brenton Tarrant did nothing wrong

>>13999419
very little

>>13999991
It was entrusted to “decus et tutanem”
She read, as we drank coffee. Her mouth closed, sealed by red wax. “Fugit” she shouted the noise seemed to come out of her eyes.
“I’m a Protestant” I said, I want to fuck you up the arse, now bend over the steps.
The librarian looked at us uncaring, demand time!

>>14000053
"I'm a Lutheran and I think God is a big cock" she said, bending over the steps.

"And God wants my ass, God has a good looking cock, And God likes my ass fucking him.", she remarked.

"This is all right," the owner of the building, a woman with hair that looked like it came straight from an American Apparel ad said to the librarian.

As Helen tried to open her mouth, my hand started making circles on the back of her head.

She started to whimper. Her head had gone numb. Her face had an angry look on it. "Mom, please stop!" she said.

I tried to calm her down as much as I could, but somehow could not. I started grabbing her by the hair in a desperate effort to stop feeling her hurting. But even when I pulled her head from her hair and got her closer to me, the agony was still on her face. I could feel her neck begin to hurt.

We need a weight or something, a big rock maybe. There just isn't anything to stop it from floating away. It feels so light. Are we sure it's working right? I can never trust these books, what it the books wrong?! Oh I don't know, I guess I'm just lonley. That's not strong enough, isolated. Like I'm in a cell. But who isn't right, raise your hand hands up. Yes you in the back. In the red yeah. Oh yeah...humm... Well, fuck you too jackass. Kick him out, get out of my brain, fuck off cunt. Die.

>>14000147
With her her tilted up wards she looked up towards the window of a plane.
“Ah Gaaad” she she crooned
The her neck bruising from the force of my arm pulling on her hair. The librarian walked by us nonchalant with Rebelais book Gargantua, and placed it on her forehead.
“Aah Gaaa-aad” she murmured
Then with a ruler the librarian spanked her.

I don't really have any solid moral opinion. I'd surely would like to lose my virginity but I am afraid of it, since it might not be moral, maybe god exists after all and sex would be bad. I find it hard to say why I like things because I have no real standards, thus can't really say what is good or bad. I can't make a new moral framework because I am too dumb and the world is way too big, how can one man know enough of the world to make a moral framework in this day and age?

And since todays theme seems to be big asses, here is one.

>>14000288
Dubs who dat?

>>14000288
horny horny horny

I have a sore throat. I wish I didn't. The tea is warm but so is my ass from farting. I want to go home but I'm already at home. Oh god, I have to shit.

what the fuck are you retards smoking?
this whole thread is a fucking trainwreck

Why do you keep going, /lit/? Why do you bother? There's no point to reading. It's just pointless escapism. Whether I read Homer or watch garbage TV, the net effect is the same. After I'm done, I have accomplished nothing.

The days go by and nothing changes. I create nothing, I accomplish nothing of value. Stories help pass the time, but nothing can get rid of the nagging feeling that I'm wasting my time. But everything is a waste.

this flannel is itchy
my sister is bitchy
my prose is alarming
my poetry's kitschy

OPEN AND IN LOVE WITH THE WORLD AGAIN
AS A CHILD
IN DIRECT KNOWLEDGE OF THE PERFECTION OF GOD
A BLESSING GIVEN
AN IRRETRACTIBLE GIFT
I SEE YOUR EYES AND I KNOW MY SOUL
THERE IS NO GOING BACK

>>13999419
Closing thread

Things could be better, but they could be a lot worse, too.

I dont know how to write, I get frustrated everytime I try to express my feeling in a artistic way. I always end up giving up, fearing ill get stuck like this forever. I also fear my life will be devoid of any meaning if I don't create something i'm proud of. I just wanna prove to myself that I exist.

>>14001179
Disgusting tranny

>>14001272
The worst thing you can do is give up. I have the same fear as you and it gnaws at me, every minute of every day. But we are all capable of creating beauty anon. pige

>>13999419
How is that possible? What does the front look like?

>>13999595
Write another 60 000 words and then edit. Then write again. Of course no one wants to publish your first draft.

>>14001543
Probably "just" some allergy or really bad acne.

>>14001543
>>14002369

It's a relatively bad case of acne

t. the op who is also a doctor

>>13999419
I feel...tired. I'm tired because I barely slept and I barely slept because I had nothing to dream about. I hate. Don't know if I hate the truth, the world, myself. The lines are blurred for me. I hate lying, I hate telling the truth, I hate staying silent. I hate working on myself, I hate masturbation. I find solace in coffee and cigarettes and watching the sky, the trees and the birds, and yesterday I felt alright.

wen Diomedes challenges the king of slaughter, Ares himself to fight and wins. The mad god expplodes in fire of wrath and scorn, laid low by godlike hero Diomedes. that is true power. that is true glory. that is why I live

>>13999419
tfw no bf

>>13999419
>Adequate was he for his deed when he did it, but the idea of it, he could not endure when it was done
>There is no salvation for him who thus suffereth from himself, unless it be speedy death
I am the pale criminal and I'm afraid Nietzsche was right all along. Not very Nietszchen of myself to end up suicided, but oh well

>>13999419
Christ. That picture is triggering my trypophobia, thanks OP.

memes are dreams upon the screen, the reek of Hell and make me scream

>>14002425
tfw when too many sub par chicks chomping at the bits to be with you but you still miss your ex.

>>14003123
Meme phobia. It’s not real.

>>13999419
i have this

>>13999833
I appreciate your posts. You've got some great lines in there

>>13999419
I'm feeling kind of tired, but I know that can't be the case since I slept until 2pm! Right now I'm debating wheter I'm going to eat some ice cream or not. Thats all I wanted to say right now.

The floor fan's unfluctuating hum fills the room, its mechanical consistency giving me something to attach my ear to when I'm not half focused on the luminous multicolored screen I hold in front of me. I have been in this bed for what seems like weeks; behind on rent, behind in school, and behind the eight ball. I have no control over my own destiny due to my giving up my control to others. I let these others prescribe medication I fundamentally despise, I let these others tell me what activities are good or bad for my brain and mood, I let these others into my life because I cannot seem to handle the daily humiliations of monotonous repetition (a repetition consisting of seeing the same things, the same people, the same buildings, being confined to the same six quick meals between classes, rehearsals, and chores) that is nearly as unfluctuating as the sound piping into my ears at this very second.

For all of my vitriol that is emanating outwardly from my body towards the others, my anger and resentment towards myself brings my soul under the weight of an ocean; I am incapable of holding it up. I have crumpled, and this room I am currently in is my personal mausoleum of my aspirations because I haven't the will to get up and save them. As I write this I realize how much I hate myself, how weak I find myself, and how pathetic my situation is.

The truth is I have no courage left. I have no energy left. If I were to take my medicines again maybe I would find those, but my mind would not be my own anymore. I will be trudging through these gridded streets and cobblestone alleyways aligned in accordance to the will of the almighty deities we call civil engineers, never free and never sober. My erections will go limp, my throat will seize and become dry, and my gut will rebel and I will feel nauseous every morning before I sit in that lecture hall full of half asleep conglomeration of hoodie racks and Levi models.

(Again the vitriol, but I know I'm just jealous that they can get through it without all of this, that life is not so perverse to them, that they seem well enough attuned to the average human developmental expectations that they can just go through the menial shit without effort.)

So will this self pity result in anything? Well maybe if I bring this in and show the doctors at my school they may recognize that something is wrong with me and break out some psychological duct tape to patch the neurons in my head. Either that OR they may attempt to take me and lock me away in another mental hospital, of which I will resist and threaten to harm myself if they so much as pick up the phone, which will only result in them becoming more determined in taking me and strapping me in a room with some fucking meth addict with as many teeth as months left to live and I will have to suffer the humiliation of a dog that bit someone next to a mongrel that likely enjoys biting people.