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/lit/ - Literature

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13802235 No.13802235 [Reply] [Original]

how does one escape the cringe, existential, (slightly nihilistic), meta-analysis of life and one’s thoughts?
a few months ago i started a sort of "stream of consciousness" style writing. i was pretty dedicated to it for several weeks; it got to the point where i would take a break about every 1-2hrs or so to write in it. practically routine. the piece is essentially me simply writing about myself in the third person about what i'm doing; his thoughts, the literal actions he's performing (which is usually typing), his surroundings, what he has done the last hour or so and what he plans to do once he took a break.
i slowed down a few weeks ago because it was giving me a sort of existential dread. it's 100+ pages by now i think. i couldn't tell if it was disgustingly self indulgent (it's probably this one) or making me have a sort of "ego death"; by which, i mean that i have even started thinking thoughts about myself in the third person.
it's still having an effect on me now, even though i only write in it once a week or so and it's usually about how "he's trying to figure out how to cope with his new found existential, slightly nihilistic dread." even the next update in it will be about how he tried asking /lit/ for help and he'll go over how they responded.

i'm not really even a depressed person anymore. i'm very healthy now, moderately active, i'm in college and doing well etc etc. i even enjoy most of this stuff. but i've run into this problem of completely overanalysing everything i do and then beating myself up for it. it feels like i'm trying to sound intellectual by "closely examining myself", even though i know it's just edgy 21y/o faggot. i'm not really sure what to think because i know how cringe it sounds:
>"OP wrote a story about himself and now he's retarded"
>"as if he ever wasn't"
etc etc. idk, books for this feel, maybe?

>> No.13802261

>>13802235
Bruh don't use stream of consciousness in your thread seeking to help

>> No.13802306

>>13802235
You, the thinking agent, are nothing, look up at the sky. That is an ego death. Stare at the sun and be blinded by its glory.

Read the suttas:

https://suttacentral.net/mn36/en/sujato

>> No.13802834
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13802834

>>13802306
>literally advocating for blindness
suits you knockoff eastern obscurantists well

>> No.13803290

>>13802235
>it's still having an effect on me now, even though i only write in it once a week or so and it's usually about how "he's trying to figure out how to cope with his new found existential, slightly nihilistic dread." even the next update in it will be about how he tried asking /lit/ for help and he'll go over how they responded.
Ok, this made me laugh. I'm not sure why I find this so funny but it is.
Even reading your words made me shift my own thinking to 3rd person, which immediately started tripping me out, not unlike like the feeling I got when I took shrooms.
What I would recommend is to shift back to 1st person in your writing. Have the 1st person mind ask the 3rd person questions, and then respond. Have a discussion. In this way you balance out the focus on the inner and outer self. In time, you may find the two selves depend on each other, and neither is greater. We are the Ouroboros.