/lit/ - Literature

>>13635230
I want to fuck a female dog in public so bad

Music for my radio, one theme

>>13635230
Right, Watson! Your mind!

I just want some succ

>>13635230
Is it even possible to have genuine friendships in the modern world?

It just seems like everyone wants to keep you at arms length and only talk about circle jerk pop culture bullshit. People I've been friends with for years and who I'm really socially enmeshed with, will just ignore the fact that I periodally drop off the map for months with zero contact, without ever reaching out to see if things are alright.

It's impossible to get anyone to meet up unless there's at least two or three other people there, no one ever wants to just hang out. It's impossible to actually get enough people together that people actually want to do anything.

I'm surrounded by fucking autists and it makes me feel like the autistic one.

I know there are probably people here who are much more socially isolated and I'm genuinely sorry for that. But it's fucking insane that these kinds of schizoid pseudo-relationships are the norm.

Why are zoomers like this?

my hopeless struggle to escape the use of pornography

>>13635230
I don't understand what I've done wrong. I was literally dumped by someone who was my "friend" as I assumed. I think I've misunderstood his intentions and he didn't really care, was just kind to me.

a woman is bragging to me over text about having slept with 5 guys, one of them a black man and she's not black. I know it's wrong but I can't help but think less of her with every text she sends. at first I was excited about the possibility of banging this thirsty hoe but now I see that the same thing which makes her easy to fuck also makes her too disgusting to be near. such is the tragedy of the thot.

>>13635230
Are there any spaces online where you can actually discuss books? /lit/ is a bunch of stupid shitposting and /r/books is unbelievably horribly and redditty

how bad is the GRE gonna be bros? gotta take it in november, haven't really started studying at all. I got a 35 ACT and 1480 SAT, I need a 155 verbal/quant and 4.0 writing minimum. is this doable? I know i should be studying but honestly i feel like it won't be bad. am I gonna get fucked?

Want to become a psychotherapist and someone pointed me in the direction of getting a PsyD. To my knowledge a psyd costs 200k and are primarily at for profit schools. Is this a scam?

>>13635518
Let me guess, university? Service or retail work?
there is still the true man’s world out there, it’s wonderful when you escape the urbane clown cage and find it

>>13635566
Honestly, what worked best for me was when I stopped thinking of it in relation to just myself and started seeing it as an ethical issue

Whatever your political beliefs, pornography consumption is an ethically shameful thing. Most of the girls involved are dumb or even borderline intellectually disabled. That's why there was such a push by the "industry" to promote the idea of "philosopher-pornstars", who were like smart empowered women who were rationally deciding to do porn. In reality, the women who go into porn are generally dumb, taken advantage of, paid unbelievably little unless they do dangerous stuff. They are constantly pressured to emphasise that they "chose" this career path, and there's a whole PR effort by the pornoghouls who produce pornography to sell it as a hip feminist empowerment thing, because literally nobody in their right mind would degrade themselves in such a public way for such a low price, and they have to distract you from that fact to make it more palatable.

But every time you watch that shit, you're watching someone, without the mental capacity to do otherwise, throwing their youth away in the most degrading ways for shockingly small amounts of money

>>13635630
Yeah I'm a student

>escape the urbane clown cage and find it
Tell me more man, what do you mean?

I hurt, but have no good reason to hurt

Weary of this constant battle of trying to find strength in staying single and truly developing my creative passions vs culture constantly whispering in my ear to do so is pathetic and I ought to engage in a fucking narcissistic performance-- also struggling because I feel like love is only real when kept out of display and secret and nobody wants that.

>>13635230
Big action movies all have overly drawn out final fights scenes against the villain made worse by the character stopping to talk and have character development which kills tension. I can't understand why the format is so prevalent in movies.

>>13635654
I had the exact same social problems as you, solved them when I got some physically demanding work. When you’re eating, sleeping and doing the hard yards with other men all day and every day it changes your perspective

>>13635518
People want Good Meat Feels in their big fuck tight pussy meat dopamine brains. You do not give the Big Fuck their cummy holes crave b/c you are not a friend. Friends do not exist to most people. You are a fuck doll and unless you're being a useful hole they aren't interested in you. This is just how people are. I'm sorry.

You can try and hollow yourself out and be like them but it hasn't worked for me so I don't think it will work for you.

I'm very, very, very, very, very, very sorry.

>>13635595
That is disgusting. Stay away from whores, you don't even want to fuck them.

>>13635230
sitting alone in the quietest part of a club that I went to with two friends and I just realised that, despite me being alone and not hanging out with them/strangers trying to hit on me, I'm just fine an dfor the last 2 hours I've been thinking about whether or not one can actualy be miserable, if he doesn't actively for whatever reason wants to be, since the body will just adapt to the raised/lowered dopamine levels anyway and everything will just be conceived as normal no matter the circumstances

>>13635646
I've definitely thought about this before. It doesn't help that porn makes me less sympathetic to women, its a vicious cycle for sure. But I'll really try and internalize it more

>>13635704
Fuck this shit I just want someone to message me more than once every couple of months and with something other than a meme they saw

I genuinely think this is generational. You talk to older millenials and they're kind of narcissistic but still form some kind of support network for each other. Gen z are so dopamine fried that they're incapable of even the most basic social support for each other

>>13635703
That sounds like paradise but I don't know if it's feasible for me. Maybe I should've learned a trade rather than studying some bullshit degree. I'd probably be happier

>>13635230

It feels like my back is in excruciating pain some of the time. I can only describe it as if some sick bastard replaced the discus fluid with tacks and every time I move a sharp and sudden pain fills my brain with such an intensity that I can hardly draw a breath. Some days I can barely walk, grasping the furniture and walls until I can make it over to my Tramadol and Metaxolone. Luckily most of those days have passed and I'm able to get back into the gym. It's therapeutic for me. Between the callouses and the soft piano jazz when I'm in between sets, it makes me happy, guys.

Don't get a spinal injury. Shit sucks.

>>13635736
It’s achievable for you if you have a working body. Just get laboring or join your country’s armed forces

>>13635724
>It doesn't help that porn makes me less sympathetic to women
Yeah that's by design for sure. The empathy which would wake you up to how horrible the pornographic industry really is is the very thing that watching pornography chips away at.

I think the main thing is never to view yourself as a hopeless case. That kind of view of yourself will only make the problem worse. Even if you can only keep yourself away from porn for a short while that's still immensely better than immersing yourself in it shamelessly. You should never let your failure wipe away even the smallest victory that preceded it. We're all gonna make it someday man.

>>13635244
lol

>saw Charlotte at the country ball
>she’s more beautiful than ever
>I will never have her again
call me Werther and lend me your pistols, I’m ready to go on a journey

It's interesting how certain vital functions track your overall health. I've been laid up with an illness for the past couple days, and my libido, my desire for anything really has disappeared. My body has become an tightly packed, immobile igloo against the blizzard of sickness with only the merest embers of life still stirring within it, on the retreat, withdrawn, holed up inside its little domain of safety. I find it fascinating how easy--how biologically necessary-- it is to not care about frivolities which used to occupy my mind with a unrelenting tenacity. In one sense being sick like this is a refuge, a solace from the withering onslaught of desires that thrash the healthy body.

I missed out on teenage love. I'm sitting here, watching anime music videos (pathetic, I know) featuring young couples who are in Love with each other, and I can't help but weep as I feel the emotions run through me.
I hate this feeling so much.

I don't have an artsy art hoe gf and it fucking kills me. I want a girl that embodies the aesthetic and the interest in art history

I can't decide if i stay in my career where I'm apparently excelling or I choose another career that will be easier to work when I'm older and nicer in my home town but require another however many years more schooling.

>I hope i get sent to war
>I kinda hope I get to kill someone

I dont really know how to feel about this

>>13635958
Choose the one where youll be happy

>>13635230
Writing is hard as fuck. You mean to tell me someone will pay me to do this bullshit? I can make a living from writing a story? What the fuck? I'm kind of a hero of my time I could make a sick story and blow minds and shit.

>>13635619
pls respond i need advice. any grad school losers take the GRE?

>>13635778
thanks for the words. I actually had some great success, earlier this year I made it about 140 days without using it. But the past two months or so I just haven't given a shit. I haven't really given up though, I am trying to resume the struggle

Take the top girl, and she competes with the top 10% of men. Take the top guy, no one competes. A top woman is rare, but a top man is almost impossible. Especially because women are so willing to fuck pawns, the game starts to look really stupid, you have guys who take themselves to be kings just because women hand out pussy. A queen may be able to do anything, but a king? The game revolves around him. Why? Because it’s much harder to be him. It’s much more difficult to find a king these days. Trump is president, drake and 69 are top rappers, box office is superhero movies, everyone is tattooed. A man has to learn to deny himself the world so he can develop himself. Can you imagine finding a king? A man who has developed himself kept himself apart from the easy way out or just acting what he thinks of as a king. The true king, moves every piece around him and takes pieces for himself, he has no rival. His struggle is against his own vices, not against other men. He sees no one coming

>>13636008
that is very doable with your act/sat scores. the gre is a breeze, not much different from the act/sat although the writing part is a little more strenuous.

why am I so fucking stupid to fall for a female in another country have I not learned my lesson

>>13635518
hold on bro, my best friend left me in the dust just because i was going through a depression and was overall fed up with the system(in hs), and I didn't like his friends, he would also get mad when I hung out with a dude he didn't like, and that guy has become almost like a brother to me, ive had to see him totally distraught after getting choked by his father, he really helped me boost my confidence and made me get out the house to be more social, otherwise I would be a shut in that plays dota 2 all day and gets high. Genuine friendship is there, not all of gen z is retarded. IM doing great lately, reading lot, quit weed and am a 10 days on no fap. Lifes good fellas, dont take it to seriously you guys are doing fine.

>>13635518
Zoomer here and I can relate to every single one of your points here and I’m not even American. It really does seem bleak...

>>13635230
I want terrible, depraved things for myself and I worry that they are actually possible.

>>13636090
do something life affirming you little faggot

The dissemination of pornography would be a capital crime in any long lasting society. I believe we ought to emulate that. Sincerely

I scroll through my collection of saved pictures: attractive women of all races and types, femboys, anime cosplays. I finally notice how feminine my collection is. Perhaps a subconscious longing for a partner? It seems to occupy a lot of my attention. Man was not meant to live alone

Thick thighs

>>13636193
You're going to have slay modernity and Globohomo first

>>13636214
I don't disagree

>>13635518
>>13635566
>>13635595
>>13635646
>>13635926
>>13635935
>>13635966
>>13636126
>>13636176
>>13636214
You're all just the wise men examining different parts of the elephant. All of these issues are related

>>13636225
Hopefully it all ends very, very badly. Anything less than nukes flying overhead will not be enough to kill this evil. I used to fantasize about being born thousands of years ago but then I realized what is about to happen is going to be fucking epic. No doubt I'll prolly die instantly but that's an upgrade to my current situation. Even if I "make" it under current circumstance I will still know there are millions who wont and for them the nukes will need to be mag dumped

>find an excellent book of poetry
>look up the author
>he was a socialist culpable for the slow subversion of my country
FUCK

>>13636243
To add, sometime in the next 100 years we will approach the Great Filter of advanced civilizations. I hope to live long enough to wear a shit eating grin through it

[Blue Sky Fences.]

Perception is merely a play of machines. A dancing of fascinating beings. We are slave to them and master.

There is more to be seen and understood at the top of the mountain than the bottom.

Sometimes we just have to let go. Sometimes we just have to surrender. And other times fight. But the balance is how we operate at our fullest potential.

There is infinite things to be afraid of. And infinite things to be overjoyed by. Which ones will you look at?

I AM THE DRAGON OF REVELATIONS

>>13636139
I desperately am trying to. I really am.

>>13636339
I recommend outdoors clubs, they're surrogate activities full of posers but it's a start on the high road
SCUBA is excellent if you have the cash and mountaineering is a way of life in itself

I took pills was I was younger than made me fundamentally impotent in my early twenties. There's a solution for this kind of impotence that requires running electric currents into my dick. Expensive, but I won't be able to have sex without it. And while this fixes the ability to functionally have sex, it doesn't fix the no libido, so to cure that, the doctors prescribed me testosterone, which will take away my ability to have kids in a few years but hey, if I can't have sex, I'm not having kids. My balls didn't shrink though, so that's nice. I honestly don't know how I haven't killed myself.

Wondering if I can write something so brilliant that some body will throat both my shaft and balls in reverence of my creative artifice no cap

>>13636339
it wont happen

>>13636034
this is almost cool-ish
good job

>>13636042
story?

I should be allowed to just stay at home and paint all day with no problems.
But for some reason, that's practically impossible and I have to get a job
Fuck off that is bullshit
Why is life fucking designed around work and getting up at stupidly early hours to work all day and be too tired to do what you want by the time you're done and the only creatively fulfilling occupations are 1 in a million

>>13636767
life is a shit

Here's a model of early Rome when just the Servian walls were built

The Servian walls are named because they are supposed to go back to Servius Tullius, one of the legendary kings, in the 6th century, but the tufa used to build the extant wall dates to probably after Rome's conquest of Veii, which was probably in the early 4th century. It's hard to find good artist's renderings of Rome prior to the imperial period, when it's too cluttered to get a good sense of the layout. Most maps aren't even prior to the Neronian fire.

just want to die lads

I came in your mothers ass and then I came in your sisters ass and then I came in your girlfriends ass and you watched and loved every fucking seconds of it

I am kept under constant surveillance by love, that pokes out of the deepest sea of death. Diamonds scattered about overhead as gusts of August heat accompany my gaze over a long stretch of road. Hereafter in the cool heavy linen pressed against my naked body I was remember everything and thank God, thank you

I constantly struggle with my identity and who I want to be. Or who I present to the world, I guess? What I want to wear. What colours. How J speak to people. My hobbies. Me. I just don't know. Others seem so confident in themselves but I can't be. I used to be, oddly enough. I don't know how to go back to that.

>>13635646
I agree with everything you say other than that they earn a "shockingly small amount of money", they earn enough to live comfortably in LA in many cases
That's real money, maybe not early on but any "brand name" is doing fine financially speaking

>>13635230
I went into the wrong field when going to university. Now I have only one year of studies left and I do not want to finish it. This is not what I want to do, and I realised that a long time ago. But I did not change anything, I just went with it. And now here I am, on track to go into a carreer which I hate. I know what I want to do now, but it is too late. It is breaking my heart to know that it is too late. Everytime I so much as even hint at being dissatisfied with my choices my familiy does not take me seriously, mostly because they chose this for me. Nobody ever takes me seriously no matter what. My grades started failing a while ago. This past year I worked so incredibly hard to keep up with uni that passing all the courses was barely worth it. I got burnt out, I am burnt out. I do not like this at all. I fear that my girlfriend will leave me if fail uni, or I will get so depressed from working my ass off to keep my grades up that she will leave me anyway. Nothing makes me happy right now.

>>13636925
I'm struggling with this as well, I work in CS and I recently noticed that I'm basically just a dumber version of Ted Kaczynski. Part of me wants to be a handsome successful entrepreneur, another part wants to live in the woods and have nothing to do with humanity ever again.

>>13636949
Sure but I'd say two things to that. Firstly, "brand names" represent a very small portion of the women that are in the porn industry. Most of the women in porn never make it to that kind of success.

Secondly, even those "brand names" don't make nearly as much as you think they would. With very few exceptions, even the famous ones are "kept" for as long as they're willing to do what producers say, but dropped entirely when they want to leave the industry. When they do leave they leave with barely any money. You can chalk that up to bad financial decisions on their part, but going into porn in the first place is a bad financial decision so I don't think that precludes feeling they've been essentially chewed up and spat out with nothing to show for it, while people behind the scenes have become far richer for doing far less.

>>13636090
I'm not even American either. The weirdest thing for me is the refusing to meet up unless there are a bunch of other people there. It's like they have a phobia of having a non-group conversation

I sound like such a boomer when I say this but I honestly think something has gone severely wrong with our generation in terms of emotional development.

And then there are kids right now whose parents just sit them in front of an iPad watching indian YouTube vids and more sinister stuff with zero social interaction even from their parents. Considering how fucked we are just from normal social media at a young age I honestly dread what the next generation is gonna be like

Whatever I try to relate to other humans seems to fail. I am completely incapable of holding the role of a normal person towards other people. I'm done for. I gave my best and there is nothing to show for it. It still feels like a chore. It's still exhausting and devastating. The conflict never ends it's all a struggle. All I want is lay in my bed and do nothing or sit at the pc. And I'm not even depressed. I just want peace. The Others are hell.

>>13635518

It's not even possible to have genuine friendships AT ALL.

>Every substance is as a world apart, independent of everything else except God.

>>13637100

I just woke up from a very long dream, it ended like this:
>be in a large hostel that has been reserved for an event that I attended earlier
>room for four people, two bunk beds, two other guys and a girl there
>try to talk to them during the day, but its awkward, so I go to sleep, they keep talking
>wake up, feel someone hugging me
>go to sleep again
>wake up again, see girl approaching my bed
>she wants to talk me into joining communism
>as she gets closer, i pretend to consider it, just so i can get more affection
>eventually hugs me again
And that's where I wake up. Pretty comfy dream. 8/10

>>13637070
Psilocybin is your answer

Please love me. I've worked so hard to be loved. I deserve it, but not from someone as capable as you. The love that I can sustain will never complete me. More work to be done, but psychedelics have prepared me for the inevitable. Death was always meant to be an act of solitude.

The antipill:
>polygamy is only a problem because we don't dare to ask women out, so they have no choice

I wish to deepthroat a gorgeous girl then go to sleep and never wake up.

>>13637327
>to deepthroat a girl
???

Nice, just opted out of society.

>>13637381
Never got in.

>>13637257
Yeah, psychosis for sure will help with the problem. No thanks. I like life as it is and have no intention to change this accidentally. Drugs at best dusguise the conflict at worst will make it multiple times worse. After all I'm just a hikki type of guy I guess and that's okay as long as I can afford it. Which I can right now.

I could have a happy and healthy relationship but I just can't have sex.
I have difficulty maintaining an erection even with porn after a couple of weeks of nofap.
I have a girl who could love me and I could love her but I'm Incapable of reaching that goalpost of intimacy and consequently solidifying a relationship.
Maybe I'm really damaged beyond repair. I just want to fucking die.

>>13637277
Us anons will always love you, anon.

>>13637526
Do you take any medication/ drugs/ substances? Any nutrients deficiencies? Also you can go do to a doctor in case of erectile dysfunction. It's a common issue and doctors are well known with it as well as discreet. There is effective treatment even beyond pills. It also might be a psychological issue so you would have to meet a therapist.

>>13637328
yes, shove my cock dow a nice girl's throat and grab her head until she almost passes out

>>13637526
just hug her, kiss her, stick her in a stew

If nothing helps, Viagra® is there for you

>slaving for greater Israel under the ZOG 50+ hours a week
>women think i'm beneath them

I have basically no goals in life beyond not dying and not being bored. Is there anything I can read to fix this?

>>13635230
Two men sit on an orange, its fucking huge.

My framework for existing in this would begins with logic and reason as a foundation, upon which I place certain virtues I determined to be of moral and ethical good, and are fulfilling and meaningful for me personally. I had existed joyfully in this state for quiet some time, recently however, I have met a woman who I have fallen completely and utterly in love with. For a time this love was reciprocated and was a source of great clarity, motivation, and life altering adventure. I have come to place this love above the virtues I lived my life by. I see this love as the most purest and awakening thing. It embodies me to be greater than I could have ever realized within myself. Now today, I still hold this love very closely, it is a source of great creativity and thought, even though the woman I share this bond with has become distant and almost cold. I am slowly loosing my mind and ability to function as I once did. I wish death was upon me to give me the convince and clarity to exist in my pure state for one day more. Alas, I'm doomed to continue on, I must pursue, with even greater conviction, to rectify the situation lest I be cast to damnation.

I love you.

I entered 1st jhana and it's all I can think of most of the time. I literally cried with happiness, for the first time in my adult life. Everything totally pales in comparison.

In june I finally got the sweet PhD funding I was working for the past few months. I was happy because I love doing research and also being paid for it, but now I realize I'll have to teach a few hours a week. I'm basically a 26 yo boomer, I dont like young people. And they gave me such a boring subject to teach. I'll try to not be a completely boring and bad teacher, but man oh man I don't like this

>>13637526
Just do kegels senpai

>>13637799
You'll be okay anon. Maybe some of them will like research too.

>>13637725
Meditation is a huge fraud. Buddha was bored of the rich life and selled his new state of mind as wisdom to feel better about himself.

>>13636337
No you're not.

>>13636791
It's incredible to think that for a long time Rome was just another city on the Italian peninsula.
I wish I could live in a city like that, one that's designed for people and not cars. Urban planning in the United States is completely fucked. Even the most aesthetically pleasing skyscrapers and suburbs are still inherently anti-human in design.

My life is shitty. Hate it. I know it could be worse, but I don't care anymore if it could be worse. I want it to be better. But you know, I'm not entitled to anything. Maybe this is just my lot. Idk.
.

>>13637885
REVELATIONS

>>13636767
world is a fuck

Imagine tasting some young girl lips

I know one guy who fits the NPC meme. He unquestioningly accepts every liberal tenet without thinking through the consequences critically at all. And worse, he presumes this doctrine to be beyond criticism, equating any suspicion of it with the great Liberal Evils of racism, sexism, or bigotry. It makes debating politics with him a futile and exasperating endeavor because the only way to keep him from blowing a gasket is to show total fealty to the liberal doctrine.
The goal is not to mock people who hold these views, but to ridicule those who don't have a basis for their beliefs other than that they are the accepted, evolved positions that are held in a sanctuary that's exclusive and beyond critique.

>>13637065
>I sound like such a boomer when I say this but I honestly think something has gone severely wrong with our generation in terms of emotional development.
It's the digitization of social relations. We've become accustomed to transacting socially through technological intermediaries, and have therefore lost the direct contact and body language processing which has defined the species interactions since the beginning.
I've noticed this with many zoomers I have been in contact with. The lack of eye contact, the reluctance to initiate conversations, the rigid suspicion of strangers who have not yet been vetted by the their digital social networks, the blockage and inhibition of normal channels of social intercourse. Millennials have been subjected to it too, but the technologies of social appropriation which used millennials for the test run have been perfected on zoomers. The result is loneliness, depression, and in many instances, the turn toward political radicalism.
I have no doubt that the internet has fed extremism of various kinds in more ways than one. More than just helping extremists to facilitate and compare notes, it feeds on their isolation and alienation, harnessing it as fuel for radically anti-social positions and a nihilistic outlook on society.

>>13638672
I should add that boys tend to be more socially inept/autistic than girls and that it then comes as no surprise that most of the problems are with them. They are simply more vulnerable to these forces.

>>13638690
I've thought about this before, and I have guessed that this is the reason why incels have become more drastically common than femcels according to recent graphs. Are we onto something?

>>13638071
410,757,864,530 dead cops

>>13638918
Well there's more to it than that. It certainly isn't "the reason" but it is a reason. In terms of differential sexual access among men, it has always followed a Pareto distribution (the fortunate few have the most, as with wealth). This is further exacerbated by shifting sexual norms.

It's not true that feminism has dumpstered less desirable men's sexual access, as in more patriarchal times it was other men who blocked their access and kept women for themselves, such as "jus primae noctis" the lord's right to have sex with a man's wife on their wedding night and other forms of sexual injustice.

So the whole incel narrative that blames feminism on their inability to get laid is patently and historically false. It has to do with both their physical and material undesirability but also an incredible and offputting lack of self-awareness and social ineptitude.

These later failures are no doubt made worse by the internet and its dulling effects on the social senses, particularly for young men who are more prone to being absorbed into it and to be isolated.

zooming past all y’all

I've done it again. why do we hurt the people we love? why couldn't i just fucking be kind for once. I'm a self centered, selfish piece of shit who dont deserve my boyfriend's love. he was so close on leaving me today and i went hysteria, completely broke down in front of him, begging for him to stay like the pathetic shit i am.

I've done it again. why do we hurt the people we love the most? why couldn't i just fucking be kind for once. I'm a self centered, selfish piece of shit who dont deserve my boyfriend's love. he was so close on leaving me today and i went hysterical, completely broke down in front of him, begging for him to stay like the pathetic shit i am. i can only hope he wasn't staying out of guilt. i hate myself so fucking much. but i love him too much to leave this world. dont fall in love yall. shit hurts

>>13636767
Even though I hate the Idea of contemporary capitalism, everyone has to earn their keep you goof. How else do you sustain the roof over your head?

>>13639079
You're just human trash.

>>13639246
Yes, we need to work, but definetely not 9-5 and six days at week. The only reason we do this it's to make greedy bastards more rich than they already are.

>>13639246
Why is it so hard to do what I find is my true calling to sustain a roof over my head?

I understand the basic principle that markets dictate demand, that success in the market is the ability to meet that demand, and you can't make money doing something nobody will pay for. But some people manage to make money doing the the most incredulous bullshit and it all seems to come down to chance, luck and connections.

There seems to be some secret method to conjure demand from nothing, but I don't have an elaborate marketing and publicity infrastructure to do that.

>>13639538
Also capitalism, obviously, favors capitalists over labor, even though most people are by necessity laborers. Ownership is the cheat codes of capitalism and the reason having money begets more money, ownership begets more ownership. But if you are locked out of that game, how do you break in?

>>13638966
By ”shifting the sexual norms”, are you suggesting we are reversing to primitivism in terms of sexuality?

>>13635230
"NIGGERS could be here," he thought

>>13639589
"With a car, you can go anywhere you want" he said to himself, out loud.

>>13639079
here's the attention you crave you BPD roastie

>>13639571
I'm referring to the breakdown of monogamy. Some believe monogamy was an evolved social response meant to enforce sexual parity. Sexual deprivation tends to drive men insane and creates social tension, so one man to one woman and religious prohibitions about promiscuity and sex outside of marriage are attempts to enforce social order and correct the imbalanced sexual distribution.

>>13638966
Not remotely true that sexual access has "always followed a Pareto distribution." Your example of the droit du seigneur or prima noctis is a literal historical fiction invented by enlightenment writers to pretend their era was more liberated than the preceding medieval one.

The incel narrative is wrong in many ways, but thinking "things have always been this way" is an insane belief.

>>13640028
Wrong. As if emperors , kings, and sultans and such didn't have harems. It's always been the case, unless there were religious constraints set in place to deliberately mitigate it.

>>13635230
I've finally finished a project.
Now which one of my other dozen half baked ideas will I fulfill to it's flaccid end?

how do you grow up?
I think I have been asleep for the past 20 years, floating through life.
I love reading books, learning new stuff and attending classes
but I can't think of myself being independent person, being an adult, as they say.
I wish I am stay as a child in eternity, learning all I can about this world
I recently realized this dream-like existence will end, and I am scared....

>>13640044
>It's always been the case, unless there were religious constraints set in place to deliberately mitigate it.
Not him, but there are geographical and mechanical constraints to this idea. That's why even hegemony dissipates rights as you move away from the power centre. There are plenty of isolated populations where founder problems are evident and they keep inbreeding even though aeroplanes have been invented. It's just not how it works.

>>13640190
just get into postgraduate school and you can be a parasite forever

>>13635646
even camwhores in LA make enough to afford a decent apartment. i wish it were an option for me as an officecuck.

going to see my doctor who gave me antidepressants which don't help for the first time in two months. I did AA for about two months and made sober friends and then worked 5 shitty days in a row and caved in and bought a six pack. I'm a lightweight but I abuse alcohol and marijuana. I haven't been able to stop drinking and smoking. Prozac actually makes me crave alcohol and marijuana more, and prevents me from getting too stoned, so I'm more "functional". Lately, I have been on kind of a reading and writing kick, and feeling more creative. I would like to stop taking prozac and welbutrin. I am afraid to stop. Also, sometimes I think I'm an alcoholic, and sometimes just a hard drinker. Anyone here ever read the Big Book? The funny thing, if I am an alcoholic, then I know exactly what will make me feel better. And it works every time. When I stopped drinking for two months, perhaps i should have given it more time, I was still antisocial and depressed. If I have to keep living in clown world, I might as well drink and smoke.

Feel like killing myself

>>13635566
What worked for me was changing the default dns servers I use on my computer, so if I happen to try and get in it's blocked, and I hope I never unblock it again. I hope this helps

>>13640460
Try coffee instead.

>>13640340
AA is unironically a group purpose built for recruiting vulnerable people into its controlling church, I would be very careful about diving into it headfirst

I got invited to go paintballing this weekend but my knees are killing me even though I'm excited about going. Might just chug a handful of Motrin down before the match for the authentic military experience

I've been drinking heavily for the past 2 years. Never drank before that first drink 2 years ago. I lost my girlfriend. I lost my job. I can't sleep properly, practically an exhausted zombie. My friends only want to hang out if booze is involved. I feel myself going mad. Suicide appears more romantic as time goes on. I've had chronic depression for as long as I can remember. That vitality for life that I once had, is now missing. I don't know what the future will be like. I dropped out of college because a friend told me that we would go run his families business in Boston, now I have to grind away in meaningless jobs to scrape by. I have no one to talk to, so I just write it all down. The hope is that I will write a masterpiece that I can feel good about. It's the only thing I care about anymore.

I went to the bar today but I didn't drink. Let's see what tomorrow has in store. I miss her soo much.

>>13635230

Sometimes I really wish I was stupider, perhaps possessing the intelligence of someone who is borderline retarded. There seems to be some truth to ignorant bliss. Staring into the vapid face of a mentally retarded adolescent, I can't help but wonder, pardon me for being presumptuous, if he realizes how much of a burden he is unto others, if he realizes how precarious his existence is in a postmodern world where his survival depends on the whims of someone whom has decided that it's morally distasteful to abandon him. Yet despite all of this, he wakes up with a shit-eating grin stretching from ear to ear, impervious to all manner of conversation revolving around worldly affairs, self-actualization, anything that might concern someone with even average cognition. There could be a tradeoff in which the elation of less cognitively well-endowed can't match that of an average person's, much less a genius', but imagine riding on a stable baseline that perpetually allows you to feel a warm, drunken contentment with life. It's only when my mental health really sinks that I start considering what it'd be like to be retarded.

>>13641041
>>13641051

>>13640261
My plan :)

Can't stop thinking about human to fleshlight transformations and what if they were real

>>13641058
Made me chuckle, thanks

>>13641051
Just think about all of the extremely intelligent people who wish they could be a midwit like you or I. If you know that others are ignorant, you shouldn't be so quick to assume that you aren't either

>>13635230
Some hours ago I got stopped by the police and they shouted and made fun of me. Seems like third world but it's europe.

>>13641218
Ennui...

>>13635518
I couldn't relate more anon.. My personality test told me I was an extrovert but the fact that I have no true genuine friends I feel like an introvert. I've became fond of depression to the point where I expect it and just try to keep walking. My only copping method is Lifting everyday at the gym, best thing you can do besides running.

[Am I doing it right yet? I am so new to this. Am I cute enough yet, boss?]

Like bug-eaten wood, my gut rots dark pits. These dark pits turn my innards to a sponge which cleanses wrong, beating my veins, repulsing in drums all escape but only from my own bestial orders. Eyes pathing the ways of impatient leopards encroached.

>>13641565
Eh...
Maybe "Eyes pathing ways of encroached leopards" is better after all.

>>13641574
>>13641565
I mean, what I wrote is kind of shit anyway.
Whatever.

>>13641565
>>13641580
>>13641574
Also should be "encroaching" for dramatic effect...

If you're too meta you literally short out your own brain, it's like trying to observe your own thoughts about your own thoughts as you're having them.

To know the truth and turn the page
I count these as blessings

Goodness will always prevail
That’s what gives me courage
This is my strength
What is knowledge?
Who I am and God

>>13641638
>What is knowledge?
The growth of consciousness

>>13641643
Fuck off pinker

>>13641565

Like bug-eaten wood, my gut rots dark pits. These dark pits turn my innards to a sponge which cleanses wrong, beating my veins, repulsing in drums all escape but only from my own bestial orders. Eyes pathing ways of encroaching leopards impatient.

Then begins sickness. A fly-drenched honeycomb slowly spit-roasts inside, raking flesh by flesh churned to tickled acid, staggering the throat speaking dog-water's tongue
Glot. Glot. Glot.
In a pool of gaudy poor riches, lies the face's side streaming shit and piss from mouth and eye.

>>13637799
>PhD
>Teacher
>Worried about teaching "young people"
>26 fucking years old
>Worried about young people
>TWENTY-SIX YEARS OLD
You don't seem to oo bright for someone with a PhD.

I want to join the Coast Guard, but I don't know that I would be useful to them. I am bad with authority and weak, and I never got along with the military types in high school. But I like the idea of working on a boat and the idea of being a responsible person.

A few months ago I bought a few books on the Holy Roman Empire. Good books too so like, if I wanted to really know all about the Holy Roman Empire, I just gotta read these books. I like the idea of knowing a lot about the Holy Roman Empire.

I got the idea because before that, I was really into the Constitutional Convention. And like, the historiography of it all. I dunno how much I trust what I know, I need more knowledge to compare it all against each other.

This was early 2019, of course it is August now. It was last summer I was truly lucid last. Truly reading. That was when I finished Edmund Morris' Roosevelt trilogy.

When I finish books I feel smart, but I rarely finish books. And I doubt I'm of any use to the military unless I wanna die. I'm still getting ready to live.

>>13636997
>I went into the wrong field when going to university. Now I have only one year of studies left and I do not want to finish it. This is not what I want to do, and I realised that a long time ago. But I did not change anything, I just went with it
thats what I did too, now I am a 27 year old office fuck, seriously, you cant be more than 22 right now judging by your post, its not too late, drop out, find some job that earns just enough to go back into education into whatever field you want.
Do not end up like me, you will only get ever-increasing self-loathing and discontent if you dont change your life right now

>>13635230
>/r9k/ dump thread

You need to go back

>>13641405
What am I looking at?

>>13641733
dilate.

>>13635230
>write what's on your mind
>not having a journal dedicated for this purpose

>>13635230
Why can’t I get a fucking job anymore. I fucked up my last one, but I’ve been in a slump for 6 months now

>>13641766
Is this image supposed to remind me of that giga chad

>>13639079
tits or gtfo

>>13636193
margaret qualley is too fine, damn

>>13641588
The best medicine to this is Hegel. He will show you the appropriate method to spectate yourself thinking and what can be gained from that. However only read him if this actually bothers you.

I want to die

Women from are the happiest creatures that ever lived. They live on an rollercoaster of emotions, receiving constant attention and positive stimulus from all members of society. They don't really need to work, since the pressure for them to get a job is minimal, if any, and they can choose between the top 10% of chads, and enjoy their wealth as a side effect of being their girlfriends/one night stands. They also have sex on a daily basis, with both genders. They have it all, basically. Imagine a life with a constant, infinite sense of dopamine rush in your brain. That's the female life in 2019.

>>13639079
Shouldn't have whored on him then.

>>13640340
yeah xanax is the only thing that keeps me doing desu, i wish i was born into a world where i had something to believe in

>>13641897
Being born a Western woman is on par with being a pharaoh in ancient Egypt.

>>13641897
>>13641909
Buh fucking hu. Cry harder faggots.

Am I an asshole for refusing to go to our cottage with my parents? They'd like to spend some quality family time together but I'm really bored there. I also love them and feel guilty.

>>13642007
Tell that to the economy as more and more men drop out of society

>>13635230
Shall one raise to the morning of that one itself? Will it be the brightest light for soul? For existance of beeing as it is? What is it, if what Is, exists in the smallest way possible, every step to the morning gives only a phantom of sould, a shadow of pure beeing that is no other than what it makes, what one considers The World?

I decided to give up on my laptop and go full minimalist, so I am now in the process of figuring out how to make e-books analog for the cheapest possible price. Either get a printer, or go to a copy shop to get it all in physical form. Cannot use e-book readers, I flip through pages faster. Cannot afford binded books since most of them are older ones which are no longer to be found except in few libraries which are countries away from where I am. The eyes have been hurting from the screen. Not to mention this site is not a good pastime and the energy I spend here is not really productive.
Once I figure out the most optimal way, I am leaving. Grateful for the memories, but like most journeys, mine must continue as well.

>>13639589
>>13639804
>tfw you will never write something so honest and excellent
I don't know why I even try.

I am in my bed, and my bed is the belly of sadness. It is warm here, but terribly dark and terribly warm. A hollow suffocating warm darkness. So much so I can feel my heart melting with sadness, pooling and dripping from my inner sternum, as if called by some unknown magnetism. The feeling makes my stomach ill. It makes my head unwell along with my heart. I feel like I am floating alone in the dark. I am ashamed to feel this way.

>>13642088
yeah you should go
nobody loves you like your parents do, anon
now go pack your clothes and dildoes.

considering the futility of casual sex and hookups, is it no different from getting an escort?

>>13642198
You pay for one and not the other. So sort of different.
Why not read a book instead?

>>13642200
because I am a young man and everything inside me is telling me to fuck

Jay Dyer used to be a member of the Dimond Brothers cult and he carried that cult mindset into his Orthodoxy. He isn't interested in conversing with people and having a dialectic, but rather he wants to dominate people and gain assent and this leads him to be a very dishonest debater.

You generally want to be very skeptical of anyone who claims small errors will collapse entire systems of thought. An example of what I'm talking about is his talk about ABS or absolute divine simplicity. This is a strawman of the Thomist position but the more important point is that it's not asserted dogmatically by the Catholic church, yet Jay will regularly claim that ABS disproves Catholicism. Just like that. He doesn't even need to interact with the best reasons to believe Catholicism is true and that is how a cultish mind works.

>>13642218
Everything? Surely not.

>>13642200
not true, most men pay for dates. so in a sense you are trading some form of commodity for sex in casual dating. so yes all women are prositutes, jus depends on their price.

The shit my normie gf makes us watch together on netflix is such degenerate shit. being in a relationship makes me hate normie culture even more.

>>13635230
This thread could be a decent idea if it was just a "write something" thread, but instead people take it to mean "sterile and boring complaint thread almost exactly equivalent to GIOYC on /adv/".

>>13637231
had a new dream tonight

>>13638941
This but unironically

Fuck cops

>be dream me
>meeting people in a skyscraper for business reasons
>walk up some stairs to the tenth floor
>enter apartment, a few people inside of what looks like a barely used apartment
>two older, serious guys, one flirty girl
>conversation ensues, they think i want to borrow money from them
>girl gets more intimate
>see an old schoolmate sitting on a piano (the only object in the room, I'm sitting on a window sill)
>say I just want to check if i could borrow money in the future
>want to purchase something but don't need the money right now
>they ask if I'm an experienced trader
>say no, but i know someone, and really they shouldn't have brought the money at this time
>they are a bit pissed and close the briefcase with $1MM in cash, girl backs off
>verbal altercation, fight ensues, i leave

>transition to next scene

>birds eye view of a city, looks like Paris
>exceptionally modern, clean, white marble sidewalks, beautifully glazed buildings
>all of a sudden, firy explosions everywhere, scattered around the city
>debris flying around, glass shattering, buildings crumbling

>retrospective scene

>sitting in a corner café, facing a woman
>about 15 people are here, all facing her
>have a strong impression that we are kidnapped
>she carries a handgun and has an esoteric looking device beside her
>fiddles with two wires that are stuck to her ears
>sense that this is a dead man's switch in case she is killed, setting off the device

>look around, law enforcement seems to have backed off, people continue to sit quietly
>turns out that all other people are also agents and have bombs themselves

>back to the future, birds eye view
>can see the agents running to various buildings in the city
>many buildings explode

>follow one man until he enters building
>a short time later, he's autopsied by some nurses in a nearby maternity ward
>blood and babies everywhere
>they find a battery embedded in his innards
>leave

>>13642682

>follow a female agent as she enters a secure tech facility
>easily passes through security measures in entrance area
>plastic gate, metal detector
>hops over the last metal gate, security guard doesn't seem to care
>she enters the basement
>then opens a safe, which looks like a bouncy castle from the outside
>within that, a concrete safe with a steel door
>then a steel safe with a black door within that and so on
>she gets deeper and deeper into the bunker/safe, all doors are apparently unlocked
>she arrives in the innermost bunker, maybe 200sqft with concrete walls and a few spartan tables with short benches
>see two men scrounging over some documents, in deep thought and discussion
>she moves past them and places her device onto the next table

>outside view of the building
>it explodes

>flashback

>all these agents have been trained in russia
>be inside wooden house in a deep forest, surrounded by bears
>see bear cub almost pulling out agent through a window, others pull him back in
>have to fight them with guns
>some of them died during training

>flash forward

>last sequence is me being in this kind of frat house where last talk before mission is held
>have to take a shit but my roommate is in the shower
>kick down a separating wall in the room
>there's a computer with a code sequence running
>team leader mad, just takes tiles out of the ground, exposing holes, and tells me i should shit there
>"the timing of our mission is more important"

>wake up

After reading things that weren't written by their enemies, I've started to become very sympathetic to catholicism

transcendental argument for God and presuppositions critique are really good. And are great at exposing the samenes of deferent ideologies.

It's been ten long years since I left my home in the hollow where I was bornnnn

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBJ0coP2Yik

>>13642915
Religion is general is dying. We saw that in the 20th century which included the gut instinct to completely reject everything that was considered even connected to religion. Now the pendulum is starting to shift back, but not in that everyone is becoming religious again. The traditional aspects of religion and Catholicism are dead, but there is so much rich theology and philosophical thought to them that cannot be ignored. I always suggest to re-read the New Testament/Gospel of Thomas and think of Jesus as a Cynic philosopher instead of the Son of God. It makes his teachings more relevant to our lives.

?
??

???

I'm having a hard time coping with the fact that I might be a psychopath, whatever ASPD is the calculating one, not the "I just stabbed this random stranger 57 times because he looked at me a second too long" kind.

Sure, my parents did everything to fuck me up emotionally, but I kept pretending that I could have empathy and guilt if I spent enough time away from them and went to therapies. I put too much energy and effort figuring out their motivations and emotionally torturing them by "confessing" things that are close and personal to them instead of seeking help. I was bawling in one session, she looked at her phone, so I just stopped and looked at her to ask what she thought of me. She told me it wasn't normal to be able to go from "just found out my daughter died" crying to borderline stoic, especially in the span of 2 seconds. I felt guilt for the first time in a near-decade and told her that she had some understanding of me, much more than anyone else before in my life.

She told me I'm the kind that was genetically ASPD and the abuse just made me "develop" it, not the kind that ever had the ability to be a fully normal person, whatever that even means. I feel like I should die, but I can't bring myself to do it myself, and I haven't found the right person to be so traumatized by accepting that burden for me to off themselves soon after. It's weird, fantasizing about being killed and torturing someone beyond recovery because of my death. There's no help for me. I want to pretend I want to do good, but I just care about learning about people. Figuring them out like a puzzle thousands of times more complicated than a 5d rubics cube. It gives me pleasure, but it's always fleeting. Most people are too easy, so basic. I wish I could be a therapist without all the paperwork, just line them up, let them talk to me, let me figure out how to get them to rely on me, next in line. Paid just enough to live comfortably, no schedule. Idk, I'm pointlessly musing at this point. It must be fun to kill someone, to hold that divine power over someone like you. I might enjoy it too much, get sloppy, chase that high like a speed junkie, get caught up, I don't care for that noise.

>>13635230
For years i've been stuck in a cycle of apathy. I can't escape, and its getting worse every day. I can't even feel emotions anymore, i'm just constantly the same kind of tired. I'm currently in Hamburg, a city famed for its nightlife, visiting my parents who might as well be strangers and tomorrow i have the house all to myself, and i'm still gonna just be sitting here playing video games. I have no friends. I feel like i desperately want to do something, anything, but the only thing i can think of is sitting here and do nothing, the same thing i've done for about a decade now. No one knows this, and i've thought about getting help, but i don't know anyone, and everytime i think about going to a therapist or so for example, at least just to open up, i'm filled with utter disgust, paralysis and dread. Even then i've wasted so much already.
I feel so disconnected from everything, like life itself is just a colorful mural growing ever so silently in front of my eyes, and the paint is running out.

I'm literally the smartest person on this board.

I've tried to and succeeded to remove delusional thoughts from my life. It worked and now i dont feel so good

>>13644798
Not anymore, for behold, I have arrived

this thread

>>13642152
good luck anon.
>>13642488
you should respect your woman or dump her.
>>13642527
agreed. we should at least pour out our thoughts with good prose.
>>13644619
being cooped up does you no good. it's a cycle just like addiction. offer to run some errands for your parents or something to get you out.

The Walton family, who owns Walmart, makes $100 million dollars a day. Tax them.

>>13645005
No they don't. A hundred million revenue is not a take home pay because their operating cost is over a hundred billion every year.

Do you think a high school teacher could have a very positive impact on their students? I at first wanted to become a mental health therapist to help young men but the more and more I think of the job I think that it wouldn't be a great family job and I also am worried for selfish reasons so that has led me to think of teaching at a high school level instead.

Any responses appreciated

>>13645109
probably depends on the subject. most kids don't care about literature and most english teachers dont care enough to encourage them to.

>>13645026
.t paid Walton lawyer shill

>>13645117
I would be more interested in making a difference outside of the subject. Talking to them about home life or helping them get through school even though they might not like it, etc.

>>13645137
you might want to consider being involved in sports programs, often times they end up being mentors.

>>13645148
Thanks anon, I'm about to go decide between being a psych or English major. Any last words of advice?

>>13645153
whichever you decide, if you want to teach, get a minor in education. good luck anon.

>>13645164
Thanks my friend
Hope you have a great week

>>13635646
i know, that's why the only stuff i like to watch is videos of kinky shit couples deciding to record themselves and share with the world. I can't stand any of those industry standard fake moaning fests.

Do what's more emotionally difficult

At every decision, do what's more emotionally difficult

>>13645531
Ok, I will

>>13645531
based hysteric woman

>>13644872
This website isn't for happy people anon

Self mutilation is a divine act as it is an act of self negation. A microcosm of the Supreme self negation.

I wanna sleep but I stay up til 4 am every single night without even really knowing why. I'm retarded and intelligent at the same time. I don't know what to think of myself anymore. I understand but can't execute. I get lost in the process and lose the overview.
But most of all, I hate myself, and my dad for putting me on this world being fully aware of his own problems.

>>13645688
join the coast guard

I keep humming "I got chinks n' niggers on speed dial" to a kitschy beat.

I wanted to be part of something greater. Write important books and be recognized for my work. Now, after Epstein's murder, I see how putrid is the State we find ourselves in. I can't really tell if it's worse for us to be dominated by Muslims or rotten from inside by the parasites in power. Some threads ago an anon said that anything less than atomic missiles flying over our heads wouldn't be enough. Now I see what he meant. I just don't want to participate anymore, I'll just sit down and enjoy the poorly written comedy society has become. And my biggest fear is that things stay the same, in a never ending propagation of this vile status quo, and that future children aren't able to experience what I never had, a healthy and sane world.

>>13645704
>a healthy and sane world
that has never, ever been even close to the general state of affairs, and never will be.

>>13641405
God I want to clap those cheeks. Source?

>>13645688
executive dysfunction is the worst, I can relate. Everything just fucking sucks, and it will never go away, it's there for life. god damnit why why why why why why I just wanna cry for 3 days straight

>>13635230
mind is not physical, so there can't be anything placed on it.

>>13645737
I thought you meant erectile dysfunction kek
In all seriousness you can fix yourself surprisingly easily. You just don’t want to. Get a physically intensive job that will force you to wake up with the sunrise and you will be a new man in a week

>>13642276
>Pay a venue so she can participate with you == pay her money so she can have an uncaring one night stand with you which she does as her primary source of income
Even though I don't like this type of dating scenario and prefer to use us each paying for our own shit as a screening method because I'm stubborn like that and choose to go through the, in my experience meticulous, effort of working around that situation, this is not the case. In the case of a date, a man is sharing something with someone else.

Its like, if I ordered a pizza for a group of friends:
a) they are not there for the pizza (and in the case of a date, this is something a man might actually be more aware of with even some of the less-wise-more-cynical ones trying actually waaaay too hard to look for such a scenario where they ARE only there for the pizza) and b) I would feel weird if they didn't try the pizza and it would make for a lonely day to finish it on my own or, if not on a date, to only order something for myself. It isn't an unequal transaction where one person receives money and sex and the other losses money but gets sex. I would feel flattered if a prostitute did it for free, but if a woman I was dating didn't order anything off the menu, I would feel like ordering something so we can share the experience rather than just sitting and eating in front of her.
Or if I pay for a zoo ticket, she has to do it with me. It doesn't offer the freedom that money does. It isn't the same thing.
And again, this is said by someone who tries to insist that we each work out what we can budget for a date and pay separately or at least in a pool without worrying about how much we "owe" if its small.

>>13645748
i don't think you understand. be glad you don't. it's a cognitive impairment, a developmental delay. they call it ADD where I live but it's much more than that. I literally can't organize myself or my thoughts. I don't have any sort of routine, I can't concentrate, I can't do flexible thinking in a work environment, I have social issues, I'm never quite "with it" enough to actually enjoy myself throughout the day. I can go on and on, but just be glad you don't have this. It feels like locked in syndrome, it really does. I understand all that's happening around me, I can see complex social patterns, but I can't even have a normal conversation with my parents about how my day went because as soon as I have to execute my brain just goes "hurdurbleee"

>>13645776
If you’ve been correctly diagnosed, sorry man. But you can improve even if you are dysfunctional. Many diagnoses of these disorders are complete bullshit and can be corrected, don’t give up!

>>13645795
nah man, a processing speed index of 83 and verbal IQ of 134 was what came out of the assessment. That should tell you enough. i can find the words, understand complex issues, but severely struggle just going out and getting food/having fluent conversations

I'm going to kill my mother one day, that frigid parasite. I spent all my life trying to get away from her and my body is scared from all of my attempts: my knees are blown from the years of running long distances so I could tire myself out when I got home, my shoulders are tight from hunching over the computer and pretending I was somewhere else from a few hours, my neck is still damaged from the time I couldn't stand her and hit my head against the floor repeatedly, my face is always tense because I know she'll be around. I literally can't run away because of an injury now and can't get away because of all of the wing clipping she's done over the course of my life: don't need to go to college or be able to live independently because the world is ending, don't make friends because all you need is Jesus (who she has made clear on multiple occasions that she's loves more than she does me). Don't get a job because Jesus will provide. Don't develop skills, or have any sort of self respect et cetera.

And then she has the gall to ask her NEET son when her grandkids are arriving. The fucking arrogance. I'm 23 and haven't emotionally developed past the age of 12 because of her emotional abuse and codependence. I hate her more than I hate anyone. She's just a moist hole my dad cummed in, nothing more.

>>13645737
>>13645776
I was diagnosed with ADHD since I was a young child. Yes, there are things that you will have difficulty with when you have ADD/ADHD, yes not everything is fucking easy just as a general rule.
Yes, we have been fed outright lies about ADD/ADHD for years that it has some kind of vague positive effect.

But no, its not something to fucking cry about and its not the end of the goddamn world. You can still get places with ADHD/ADD. There has been a lot of study about it over the years, probably because of its politicization and the resulting interest from people who have loads of cash for this kind of bullshit. Its of great interest to psychologists and mental since for a number of reasons.

Perhaps partly because of this, ADHD/ADD can be managed. Get into the habit of using a planner, take medicine if you can, use keychain wallets and get into the habit of putting things back into your pocket. Write things down so you can remember them easier; even if you lose the note you will remember it better. Ask people to repeat things in conversations if necessary.

Over time, you will be able to manage things well. Some people actually become ""symptomless"" with ADD/ADHD, but you shouldn't really rely on that.

I've met a lot of ADHD/ADD people who have done great things with their lives.
You can get a STEM degree with ADD/ADHD.
Just quit bitching about it.

There's a lot we don't know about the brain. The label you have is meant to give a general idea on how you may receive, not become the primary hindrance.

>>13645858
Wow sucks to be you. Nothing is more damaging to the male psyche than being cucked by your own mom. I'd put you on a watchlist.

>>13645863
k might give me some motivation to go on til I struggle to think about how shitty my life is and prepare a sandwich at the same time during lunch again.

>>13645863
*may receive help,

>>13645891
>struggle to think about how shitty my life is and prepare a sandwich at the same time during lunch again.
I'm hoping you're not thinking this is an ADHD symptom, anon. Because it isn't.
But yeah, sometimes people feel shitty. You gotta work through that, but if you're in an appropriate situation like at home, don't fight your emotions.
You sound very negative and I think you could benefit from counseling.

>>13645906
At least, as far as I know, its not a symptom.
Either way, you need to think if these thoughts you are having are helpful. Don't try to CONTROL them, but acknowledge whether or not they have done anything helpful. If they don't do anything helpful, then disregard it.

>>13645906
i've had counseling in college. they didn't really care, didn't even believe it was a real thing. just talked to me about my thoughts, said some shit about keeping a planner, and that was it.
I hated all of it, but I hated the people there most of all. I got my degree just barely scraping by, and I'm gonna apply for another college cause I just can't go working in this state. I feel like a little kid when I talk about this stuff, i hate it. then I go into another thread to discuss schopenhauer's metaphysics, it's just not right.

>>13635518
My nigga. Small talk has never been my forte, but i’m great at talking about all the shit that i actually think about, the world and what goes around me. I’ve always felt like an autist because i’ve never wanted to entertain other people’s cumbrain bullshit, but if someone tolerates me for long enough for me to get going they usually really like what i talk about. The problem is nobody wants to get close enough to me for that to happen, and the few who do want to get romantically involved ( I am either not attracted to them or they will do something that breaks my trust in them)...It’s incredibly isolating I know that myself, but at least there are other people like you and i out there

>wake up to nerve pain in my knee
>Eat a few loathes of bread, two cups of coffee
>8 hours of data entry
>A bowl of instant ramen for lunch
>4 more cups of coffee
>Get home, lie down in bed, grab a beer and read the news
>Take a shower, jerk off to a video of a pretty young blonde trap getting her organs rearranged, knees hurt from touching the sides of the tub
>Grab a whiskey, turn on a SWANS album, write out several political rants, larp as tradCath on /pol/
>Take an indeterminate amount of sleeping pills
Yup this is the life

Learning Old Nubian could surely give me an edge in academia, right? The wikipedia entry makes it look like there's one or two guys that know it while there's a bunch of material.

>>13645858
Hey, Kill-Our-Mothers-Club! /)(\

I haven't felt anything other than tired or vaguely sad in like 6 months. I occasionally feel like a robot or husk or something. I'm getting worried, and I haven't gotten any better at finding philosophy or finding answers

Is self harm really that bad? I do not mean doing it for attention but does it actually help you not make the mistakes again? I'm asking seriously. I have a difficult time dealing with perceived failures.

>>13646023
All it does is moves whatever pain you are feeling into your control. (But not really, it's more of an illusion of control than anything). If you don't impulsively do it, I wouldn't worry about it

so i just read lolita and the first time the man had sex with Dolly is when she's 15
...which is a legal age in many western countries
so why was this infamous again?

>>13646023
i saw a girl who have razor scars all over her left arm
its a good way to get attention i guess.

>>13646033
I am thinking of doing it methodically as a sort of flagellation for what I think are my fuck ups. I started a new job today and I feel like I'm over my head. It's literally only training and apparently I didn't do anything wrong but that isn't how I feel. I was given constructive criticism which is fine but I'm also taking it hard because that's just me, you know? I'm meant to be in a sort of leadership position but I am doubting myself a lot which I was told needs to stop. Obviously that's right and I appreciate the bluntness instead of it being passive aggressively said but I see it as a failure on my part. It's okay to mess up. My brain doesn't see it that way for me. It's tough. Tomorrow will be different though, and I will take initiative and attempt to stop the doubt. I wasn't always like this. I don't know what happened.

Now I think I'm ranting but my dogs have already heard it so yeah. The self flagellation seems okay if it's controlled.

>>13646053
You are literally mentally ill, unironically go see a psychiatrist. Fucking trust me on this

I can't stop obsessing over banal burger-punkisms that I see in real life and almost crying over them. It's fucking fucked m8.

>>13646071
I can't just go see a psychiatrist because I'm a burger and it's not financially feasible right now. Why do you think I'm mentally I'll? Not disagreeing just wondering how you came to this conclusion.

>>13646097
Mentally healthy people don't self harm at all, much less plan it out in advance. If you can't pay for it, go see a priest at the very least

>>13645926
>counseling in college
Ah, yes. Counseling in college.
This is my experience as well; Counseling from college is bullshit.
Believe it or not there IS a kinda tier system at play with therapists/counselors/whatever.
My experience is that a good psychologist is much, much more helpful than those counselors.
You might need to shop a little, but once you find a good one and are willing to work with them, they can help you out a lot in a VERY practical manner.

My experience has also been that its good to keep some bullet points mentioning issues you've had that you could speak with them about. It takes a little while and it gets hard before it gets better (but still use your instincts in actually selecting a therapist), but "outside" counselling is worth it.

And yeah
> they didn't really care, didn't even believe it was a real thing.
Does not at all sound to me like something a therapist/counselor/shrink/psychologist/whatever worth their salt would be saying.
Don't worry so much about degrees; its more a matter of their instinct and perhaps experience. You will know when you've found a good one.

>>13635244
based

>>13646103
What's the difference between self harm and other, not good for you, coping mechanisms that people do but aren't told they're mentally ill for?

>>13646168
It's just a matter of intensity, most people have at least some low level of self harm going on, but intervention can actually help with more acute cases.

If only the right side won the war, we'd have been on Mars for more than half a century by now

>>13646168
There's no "difference"
>Eating disorders and binge eating
>Drug addiction
>Alcoholism
>Sex addiction
>Hoarding (inanimate or living things, like cats)
>Dating someone you don't really care for
None of these, even the last one, are considered things that people do if they are well.
These are all concerned the behavior of an unwell person.

>>13646232
And yes, video game/computer "addiction" or whatever you want to call it is also up there.

And of course you'd be fooling yourself if you think an agoraphobic or a hikikomori are considered mentally healthy.
OCD utilizes bad coping mechanisms too.

>>13646232
>concerned
*considered
Fuck my ass. I must be tired.
>I'm not even on a phone

>>13646204
>book written after the war while Von Braun was working at White Sands
The Germans would have canceled their rocket program as soon as it stopped being politically useful, just like the US and USSR eventually did. Space exploration is honestly a complete meme, and counterfactuals or alternate histories can't change that.

How the fuck does seizing the means of production account for the entrepreneurial forces required to establish them in the first place?

>>13635230
nightly check to see if i wa sbanned for posting shit while drunk

Dick

>>13646360
good stuff. How are you lads tonight or day or whatever

>>13646366
>>13646366
>>13646360
You are both my niggers

>>13646519
high school teachers are immensely important in the formation of young people and it is an honourable thing to do. I probably wouldn't even care about /lit/ much if not for a highschool teacher I had who showed me there was so much more to it than the shitty modern memes about 'everyone has an interpretation'.

Just get to a school that doesn't make you teach bullshit codified by bureaucrats, and if you do end up there subvert the shit out their curriculum anyway.

>>13646510
both me lol. things going alright anon?

>>13646531
Thanks anon for the reply. I deleted the post because I didn't realize my rat picture implied I was sad.

Anyways, I really appreciate what you wrote my friend.

>>13641880
Thanks man, I'll definitely look into that, I hear he's great. It's hard to describe looking at your own mind, like putting into words the idea that there is a spout in this reality that flows consciousness into this reality. As it falls it goes from the now further and further into the past. When you try to observe yourself thinking, at exact point that the water leaves the tap, the thing you are attempting to observe in that moment, is you observing yourself, but it's not quite possible, because we are too far down the stream of water, to see where we are in the now, or the moment the water leaves the tap. What we are trying to accomplish, is to be the water at the moment it's leaving the tap (this is the now), and to also observe ourself leaving the tap. We can't ever get to that moment though, we are stuck endless fighting upstream trying to see where the water comes from. It's very difficult to explain, but I hope you understand.

The death of butterfly would imply in a net increase of both utility, virtue and duty in the world.

>>13646547
Oh true, and yeah the pic is what made me think that, though also that you said 'i never thought it would happen' or whatever. In any case m8 best of luck with however it turns out.

>>13646573
Likewise my friend

I want you so bad but I can’t help but feel like I’m falling into a trap. I am walled off and I’ve already jumped the border like a criminal one too many times.

I’m haunted and healing from hell. I come from such a bottom that I really feel heaven by simple things, doing good things and keeping people happy. I just want a small space to cultivate, to thrive, to grow. I want you and you want me. It’s obvious how I feel for you but you have to understand I’m being watched.

I’ve spent countless days and nights kept awake by chemistry I’ve never felt before. Everyone can read it on my face. If only I could have a space to myself where these flowers can see light.

We wouldn’t even have to say anything, that you’re reading this means it’s all been said before. I like you and you like me and that’s what it is and it won’t change. Like you I thought this would be enough, just at a distance but it’s not. It hurts, when the distance becomes real it’s painful. I don’t want to die but I can’t live like this. My path is made dangerous, can’t you see? Give me a hand, a real one. I am here. I want to be there

Anxiety about ice cream showed up in my dreams last night. I was worried they'd melt, and they did in my dreams. All's well, though, as I got to snuggle with some cute girl afterward. How come my anxiety about ice cream became negative in my dream, but my anxiety about girls became positive in my dream?

My eyes open once again. The night before already being forgotten, with its memories being mixed with the dreams that flooded me all morning long. The time is unsure and the location is a barely familiar one.

There is a lingering silence.

Of many options on what action follows next, I struggle to analyse the scene without calling any attention. Two bodies asleep. My actions now limited to silence. To fake asleep until slumber or to begin my day at once? A recurrent struggle.

>>13635230
/lit/ is sooooo bad lmao you fags fucked up big time inviting retards from twitter and reddit here

I just wanna ERP my favorite scenarios but /trash/ is shit and f-list is too autistic with their profile-making and prepwork

>>13645863
>take medicine if you can
fuck off, fuck you, fuck yourself

Fucking fuck fucking fuck fuck I sink and sink and go so far and yet here I am and I sink ever more but I see no shore to cling to since all is one and all is sea and I am sea and sink and sink and am surrounded by more sea yet still sink and float and drift and am pushed and pulled and push and pull and still I drift and swim and drink and I am drunk and drank by others but still we all are sea and all is sea and we are sea

This hopeless avenue
Down which I stray
Dark and black
Flowing with night
I step
And step
And look again
But in this place I stay

Sorry i stopped to think too many times while typing this. It remains truly impossible to write what the mind is creating one to one with no difference as to what really is there. Rambling like a schizo feels good tho nothing quite like expression like this but you guys caused it. Reading this thread inspired me to think this, to write it.

>>13646716
ice cream > girls?

Interestingly interested interns intended in tending intent.

I gotta cut and run. Get out of this city before it finally drives me mad. Go someplace beautiful where people aren't as smug. Go somewhere I can hear birds chirp and leaves sway. Somewhere in this country or in another one. Somewhere far away.

>>13635646
But have do I quit porn if I don't give a fuck about dumb roasties?

>>13636256
Sorry to break it to you, but the great filter is abiogenesis. Read koonin

>go to club
>drink with visibly depressed and alone girl because I feel bad for her
>she’s having boyfriend problems
>wut
>her boyfriend suddenly shows up and assumes she’s with me now
>o fug
>he leaves immediately and now they’re both depressed and alone

Gregory Sadler is a bit of a cunt. His political views are cringe too.

>>13646680
cringe

I feel like I'm living in the "bad end" of my life.
Every mistake, every bad choice I made has put me in this place.
It all feels so hopeless now. I'm living in a situation I wanted to avoid, I'm going to be forever unhappy, I will wish for things to be different until the day I fucking die.
If death is the end of things, then I wasted my only shot at life. I lived and live as a blind fool, I can feel so microscopic now, so insignificant, such a waste.
If there's some bullshit like eternal recurrence, I feel a deep fear and sadness thinking about how this will happen, I will find myself here again, over and over and over again.
Sometimes, I really don't want to live anymore. I don't want to wake up, I don't want anyone to suffer for me, I don't deserve it. I just don't know.

>>13648654
same anon
wherever u are just think of me hugging a fellow bros
no homo

Did you know that smoking marijuana teaches you how to suck cock? Did you know that the act of inhaling cannabis smoke is called "swallowing" a hit? The very muscle movements needed to inhale weed smoke and keep it in your lungs are the same ones exercised when swallowing semen. Think on the obvious phallic symbol in the pipe; the white stuff you suck out of it impregnates the womb of your mind. Think on the feminizing, softening effect of being stoned. The potent part of the plant, the one used as a drug, is the flower of the female plant. Cannabis is a daemon, a bad fairy in service of the cannibal mother and it will turn us all into faggots.

>>13636713
The only way to find out is to try.
Go kill em anon

I'm tired, in my bones tired. I keep thinking it's my situation and that when the situation changes I'll finally not be tired, but then the situation changes and I'm still so goddamn tired. I want the world to stop, I want to go somewhere with just a rifle and a sketchbook and be alone for half a year. I want to be left the fuck alone

>>13641776
don't give up hope anon. when in doubt, try something else. i applied to jobs and interviewed about 10 times in the course of a year and didnt get a single one, so i stopped sending out CVs and cover letters and shit, and just waited until something else happened. I realized i should send another message to the temp office and check in with them, and now I make 20 quid an hour. Try emailing people you already know to ask about people you could meet...provided you're free of the 'tism

>>13637491
if you won't open your mind to psychedelics, they won't open your mind for you, bro

I only recently at 25 years old and 9 years of driving started to get into cars. My commute has been a pleasant time the last couple of weeks figuring out what the different brands and models look like. All this time and I never noticed.

>>13637526
its your uncle joey here and reminding you, aging sucks, so every now and then, go to forhims dot com slash joey

>>13638672
YES or NO, you would rather be on this message board right now than with a stranger. for me it's a hard YES and an easy decision.

>>13650490
Depends what sort of stranger. I like the comfy removal and dissociation that an anonymous message board brings.

>>13639246
The good news about new capitalist libtard zogdom is that we only have to support ourselves, as opposed to being a giblet serf in feudalist Russia and literally cuckolded to some /comfylord who gets 90% of your nutterbutters and sips

>>13641904
how do you get it? i guess my problem is that i am p honest with docs about drinking and smoking and depression. i am in my 30s now so they'll treat me more like a man and less like a collegefag but still how?

>>13641897
>actually thinking that plainface women don't exist
>with acne and fucked up teeth
>who get to work themselves to death just like men, thanks feminism, why couldn't our mothers just stay in the kitchen a little longer, i don't want to wipe down tables for $12.50 an hour in fucking Midwest Muttville. KMS

I want to start getting more involved in my local music scene, but I’m terrified that all the other local artists are going to be shit heads and blackball me from playing any decent venues. I’m so tired from having to navigate the politics and drama that seems to pervade almost every single aspect of my life. I have these idealistic convictions that I try to adhere to, but I’m starting to wonder whether I should stray from the straight and narrow and play the game, or if I should trust in my hope that keeping to my morals will eventually pay off and get me what it is I want out of life. Maybe I need to do a serious re-evaluation of my priorities and totally change my perspective. Idk.

>>13642152
get a raspberry pi man, run linux, get off the zognet

>>13648654
i'm sorry anon. what would make your life worth living? can you learn to code at least?

>>13646812
lmao srsly next step is to take it over to krautchan at the rate these sites get zogged

Drunk and laughing at how funny it is that "Donald Trump" is literally the president of the United States. Funniest thing I've heard. Imagine President Kanye. Literally the same thing to people in 2014

I just want to be a girl... that's all, the only ambition I have in life

Judaism is a mental illness