/lit/ - Literature

my diary desu

>>13487844
No, even as a very young teen I refused to have a journal when our ethics teacher told us to write one for two weeks. I always prefered not to leave a trace, like leaving some very personal written somewhere just felt majorly wrong to the extent that I can't force myself to do it. "Not leaving a trace" sounds fucking weird, but that's what comes the closest. I'm not very well I think.

>>13487857
I keep a diary but it's written so cryptically -with the same concern of yours, to not leave a trace in case anyone reads it- that even I don't understand what the fuck I was talking about in some entries dating to just a few months ago

>>13487844
Yes. This is the last 3 years worth just to give you an idea.

>>13488043
Show us a random page

>>13488094
This is 2017. Shit tier handwriting. I remember leaving it at the bus stop and running 2 miles to get it back to open to this page. This was from a dream back then...

>>13487844
Why can’t Americans handle long sentences?

I've been using this but my handwriting has only marginally improved...

>>13487857
>>13487880
I felt this way for a long time. I'm a 4chan user after all, anonymity matters to me. There was the fear of my journal being read by someone else, but there was also just something existentially wrong feeling about defining myself like that.

I decided to start a journal eventually but I did it on those same cryptic anonymous terms. I was constantly trying to throw off the trail, writing about people by different names, and fudging the details slightly so it wasn't me being caught in the record. It was absurd. I go back and read those passages and they weren't worth the time they took to write.

Anyways it's about 3 years since I started keeping a journal and there's no hesitation or anything cryptic left. It is intensely and minutely personal and it feels great. It has felt like a broadening of my understanding of both myself and the world, and it has resulted in a lot of great writing which could one day be repurposed into pieces of fiction. I couldn't reccomend it enough.

>>13488141
because Palmer's method is cursive, dum dum

>>13488153
>POST handwriting

I know. I gave up on it a long time ago.
I wasn't a fan of muscular movement since I write standing up most of the time.
I'm looking for something else.

Yes, it's my bootleg-ass version of Mediations

>>13488271
Did you actually write that? The handwriting is beautiful.

>>13488294
I did m8, thank you

>>13488271
Yeah, is your handwriting natural or did it take some time? How?

>>13488295
Post your pen

>>13488297
>homeschooled early
>taught cursive
>stop using it when I go to public school at 4th grade
>go to college
>decide to readopt it now that I find myself writing so much more

>>13488298
pic

>>13487844
just newspaper cutouts and scrap paper
but then i also have regular notebooks where i do this >>13487880 mostly by using my secret font or botchering the handwriting

here is some favorite songlyrics

>>13487844
When i feel restless and troubled i write in a little journal all my thoughts, my deepest worries and desires,stuff i either feel like i can't tell to other people or no one wants to listen. It helps me relax.

>>13488345
Oh hey I do that too

>>13488313
I've used nothing but writing since I was 6 and my writing looks like shit.
You're probably half elvish or something.

>>13487844
I have various notebooks in which I write regularly. Not really accounts of my days, more like interesting ideas, dreams, insight and whatever self-awareness I manage to conjure at night. I have trouble keeping the habit tho.
But I've noticed the months I did it most regularly I could see my thinking become clearer by the day. Highly recommend it.

>>13488385
*nothing but cursive

>>13488385
>You're probably half elvish or something.
God I wish

>>13488385
based. i've started writing 3pages every morning less than a month ago (dreams, ideas, fiction concepts, any bullshit i make up) and it's genuinely healing the mind.

>>13487844
Yes, but I have only been able to write anything while being isolated from other people for a period of time. I traveled the western US by myself for just over two months this spring and started writing in a journal after only a few days. I started to feel good about it and myself after destroying most of what I'd written in the past. As soon as I got back, I stopped even trying to write and haven't been in great spirits since.

>>13487844
> I think that both lust and love both stem...
Get some talent first, saged.

>>13488540
This journal thread is comfy but yeah he is on some basic bich shit in 2013 if that is him..

>>13488540
>>13488584
I just googled it you fags calm your flaming balls

>>13488317
Why would you use the Cyrillic text phonetically at some spots and as replacements for the Roman alphabet at others? It just looks tacky

>>13488604
because i only have cyrillyc text bruv
it's hard to seamlessly make one letters into others

Anyone else willing to POST their journals/methods?

>>13487844
Mostly, how much I drink. I write down, quite autistically, what I drink and when, to the minute. I've done this for year, first on a computer that I no longer have and then in my journal for over 2 years now. Also write down a small 500-word short story thing that I thought was pretty good, and the occasional thought or event that I consider interesting or noteworthy.

>>13488453
I've seen that pic before... can't remember from where. I like it.

>>13487844
Digitally I just write down fragments of ideas every day. Until a few months ago I used to force myself to complete them into longer paragraphs or essays, but felt bogged down by the restriction and said fuck it, now I easily write more than a thousand words every day

>It is perhaps striking that from the moment the work becomes the search for art, from the moment it becomes literature, the writer increasingly feels the need to maintain a relation to himself. His feeling is one of extreme repugnance at losing his grasp upon himself in the interests of that neutral force, formless and bereft of any destiny, which is behind everything that gets written. This repugnance, or apprehension, is revealed by the concern, characteristic of so many authors, to compose what they call their "journal." The journal is not essentially confessional; it is not one's own story.
It is a memorial. What must the writer remember? Himself: who he is when he isn't writing, when he lives daily life, when he is alive and true, not dying and bereft of truth. But the tool he uses in order to recollect himself is, strangely, the very element of forgetfulness: writing. That is why, however, the truth of the journal lies not in the interesting, literary remarks to be found there, but in the insignificant details which attach it to daily reality. The journal represents the series of reference points which a writer establishes in order to keep track of himself when he begins to suspect the dangerous metamorphosis to which he is exposed. The journal--this book which is apparently altogether solitary--is often written out of fear and anguish at the solitude which comes to the writer on account of the work. The recourse to the journal indicates that he who writes doesn't want to break with contentment. The journal roots the movement of writing in time, in the humble succession of days whose dates preserve this routine. The journal indicates that already the writer is no longer capable of belonging to time through the ordinary certainty of action, through the shared concerns of common tasks, of an occupation, through the simplicity of intimate speech, the force of unreflecting habit. He is no longer truly historical; but he doesn't want to waste time either, and since he doesn't know anymore how to do anything but write, at least he writes in response to his everyday history and in accord with the preoccupations of daily life. It happens that writers who keep a journal are the most literary of all, but perhaps this is precisely because they avoid, thus, the extreme of literature, if literature is ultimately the fascinating realm of time's absence.

I've kept a diary for around three, four years. Mostly in spiral notebooks, occasionally in a word doc. In the last year I've gotten much more lax. This thread has at least reminded me that I could do that now.
Cringe shit I wrote in it the other day:
I try to walk quietly. I practice in my room and when I'm on the street, does it pay off? There is no apartment beneath mine and I live alone. I creep back and forth, but the only person I could risk rousing is myself.
>>13488737
interesting, anon. what have you drank today?
>>13489419
source?

>>13489512
The Space of Literature (Blanchot)

>>13489667
sounded familiar. I got through some of The Writing of the Disaster

>>13487844
5.11.18
Hell is surely a product of a rational mind. A kind of justice and accountability system beyond our reality...where every wrong is righted, every sinner gets their due, and the equilibrium of the universe is restored. That’s what is disturbing about hell - it’s too logical, sensible, human…

>>13489803
That sounds really lame, but mine own surely has much more cringeworthy bits so who am I to judge

>>13489814
I've grown a lot throughout the years, its nice to look back and see what I used to think.

Dear Diary,

last month I've sent my stuff to a publisher. Chances are slim it will be published, but it's good I've sent it. Because, now I can forget it about it for a while and move on. Who knows when a manuscript is ready? Might just be too soon or too late. All that matters is that a little sanity remains.

P.S.: Until October, fellow /lit/izens!

>>13489894
>Dear Diary
Really?

congratz btw

>>13488126
Very neat, thanks anon. I might start journaling but I need to hide it somewhere so it's only for me

>>13490166
Don't concern yourself w hiding. I carry mine everywhere I go. It's what keeps up the habit, but I have an obsession about it so it's never been forceful in anyway for me. It's an outlet. I just need to fix the handwriting and it'll be perfect in my eyes. Also I find it interesting when I look at authors like Emily Bronte who concern themselves w dating daily. I've never done that.

DIONYSOS I possessed now come in well full into world awake at night am incarnate spirit of dismembered awkward die everything gone and wake back relapsing into sleep the nature of all being I the god of sleep wake and ecstasy in between soul of man transmit through eyes the world soon will know the might of this insanity I the forever ruined clumsy awkward demonic inspired always pulled down by people I will wreak havoc as god dismembered they shall know my insanity the faces I see in the mirror floris the bright blanziflor love of my life never attained the ideal I have been denied by the emir of this world satan lucifer hell belial molech beelzebub mammon I slay remove the material from the world annul principium individuationis call back primal unity all boundaries eroded all become one no property no individuality no soul become one mind completely intimate never shy or embarrassed never mocking never othering I am all one with the world and the world one with me all I love are contained in myself I chase external things only to know and realize myself better only so I can manifest physically in this physical world to bring an end to its physicality the physical extension and boundaries physics is what separates different things into boundaries and identity establishing existence as opposed to essence without physics there is only the primal unity the universal that is the individual I myself am the absolute the totality the all the primal unity and the totality is my self the external is the internal and the internal is the external what I seek outside is really inside the face I love I see in the mirror the body I caress is my own the sensations the perceptions of the entire world are contained within my mind and I only live inside my mind the environment I have set up within it and my own representation of myself in it but I think all including my physical position which must always come after my mind so that it can be contained in it the physical is the individuated the later appearance it is not manifest it is imposed by will ignoring itself only if I ignore that I myself am behind and within my sensations and passions and objects will I exist in the physical I am all and one the all is I the one is I the invisible night of the self that defines and unites all down under in the bosom of the earth longing for death christ lift stone from grave triumph over physical dismembered and cast lots boundaries eroded no awkwardness all actions retroactively ennobled by halo on top of his head signifying his fundamental holiness and exaltedness no matter how deep he sinks into the filth how deep he embarrasses himself as human among other humans truly human and truly divine truly individual and truly universal and truly absolute speaking to all one and none speaking to I as I all one none speak to I

>>13490283
>TLDR
Lmao 1st rule of writing is to condense your idea into few words as possible..

>>13490588
not him and im new to /lit/ but isn't kind of silly for this board to be using TLDR?

>>13488345
I admire your handwriting. I write like a schizophrenic doctor.

>>13490599
suck my balls

>>13488313
christ anon how old are you?

I am writing in a foreign language and using it as a chance to get in some good practice.

>>13488313
Do you actually write in the under position like that or sideways or above; assuming you are holding the pen in your dominant hand that is. I have pretty neat cursive handwriting for a Leftie but I like to use fountain pens so I am trying to train myself to write underneath instead of from the side.
Do they not teach cursive handwriting in school generally or something?

>>13487844
I cringed, is that the joke op?

>>13489512
Today, thus far, I've had 12oz (about 360ml) of 75.5% liquor. Had several sober days in the past couple weeks, which is good.

>>13490588
shouldn't every book just be the theme on one page then

>>13491059
If you could attain all the emotion and experience in 1 perfect page then yes. Brevity is everything in writing.

>>13487857
>>13488149
Just write in your own unreadable script, you retards. No one will crack it unless you go against the powers that be, otherwise no one will know or care.

>>13488345
good song

>>13487844
I used to keep a dream journal when I got into lucid dreaming when I was 16-19. it definitely helped. In fact I had never lucid dreamed (dreamt?) or had a wet dream before I started trying.

>>13487844
I blogpost on 4chan if that counts.

>>13491381
I might start doing this but i'd be terrified if someone read it. A lot of my dreams are about rape, murder and necrophilia, and usually not in that order. I'm known to be a very reserved and kind person, so that revelation would ruin me.

>>13491421
The most important part is writing it down. Feel free to burn the evidence once you're finished.

>>13491429
Yeah but if someone found me writing about killing then raping the mutilated corpse of Harley Quinn, or about killing a chick and then raping her 14 year old sister and then proceeding to to fuck the dismembered head of the corpse i'd actual have to kill myself or them.

>>13491438
You have to start writing the moment you wake up. You live with parent/roomate?

>>13491443
i live alone. Who am i kidding, who the fuck would see my dream journal?

I keep philosophical journals in the vein of Wittgenstein. Posterity will remember me as the most original philosopher of our time.

>>13490588
Yet the first rule of diary writing is to spill it all out unfiltered.

>>13491059
Yes, because all fiction is trash and written by idiots, for idiots. Nonfiction must be lengthy as a requirement. And if we're just going to be reading a 1page opinion piece, we might as well just read the transcripts of a politician's speech.
>>13491452
It doesn't matter. Once you've written it, it's like the entire world can read it just by interacting with you.

>>13491490
>Once you've written it, it's like the entire world can read it just by interacting with you.
Well i don't want that. Wouldn't that mean i would have a rapist necrophiliac murderous vibe?

>>13491509
>implying you don't already
it's over

>>13488317
kek

I've had a blog for about a year, I basically use it like a journal
Link if anyone's interested in my incel drivel, and if you do you don't need to tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about and I have poo tier prose. I'm well aware of this.
http://ineedhelp.home.blog

>>13490283
Based fucking schizo
This is actually really good, is there a genre of poetry that is similar to this style?

>>13487880
Can you give an example? I want to do this

I live with my parents and my thoughts are often dark (even if for normie tastes) so I'm deathly afraid that my journal will be found. So I started a daily diary on my phone behind a pin code and a fingerprint lock.

I struggle to write more than once a week but I tend to mostly write a 1st person account of what happened with my life because I'm very forgetful about past events and I want something to remind me what happened.

Lately I've been reading a lot of fantasy books and I want to write one myself, but I don't really know how to start. My vocabulary and grammar are good but I have no creative thoughts at all. Any help?

Tuesday, February 28, 1950. My new plans for March: soon as I get my money, I'll join the morning club at the Y and work out almost every weekday.

Also, black coffee (no cream and sugar); chinning from the door (which has no real grip, so I can only do ten or eleven or twelve); and less sleep. I’ve been getting fat and lazy. Time for action, time for a new life, my real life. I'll be twenty-eight in two weeks.

Two meals a day instead of three. Much travelling. No stagnation. No more sorrows! No more metaphysical awe! Action … speed … grace … Go! Writing from true thoughts instead of stale rehashes. I'm going to express more and record less in “On the Road.”

>>13487844
16 07

>>13495014
Patrician writing

>>13495014
Lmao @ pencil...It fades over time dude..you know.

>>13491137
Yeah it's not like I didn't think of that but I won't know myself what the fuck that shit could mean in 2 weeks

>>13491555
FUCK I JUST HAD ANOTHER RAPE DREAM. This time it involved people I actual know and respect what the fuck. It made me so horny when a non-cum brain would be repulsed at the idea. It was such an awkward dream, she hated me so much, the reluctance in her face and the way she just laid there with her legs together.

>>13495483
Imagine beeing such a cuck that you re disturbed by someone hating you in a dream.

>>13495601
same reason I can never play the bad guy in an RPG

>>13495628
Yike

>>13495601
No i was turned on by it which shouldn't be correct reaction of moral man.

>>13488345
Based TMoE fan

dubs and I start a journal

>>13495920
trips and i kill myself

>>13496058
dammit

Wish I would have seen this thread earlier.

I have a 3 tiered journalist system but testing out adding a workout journal. Its geared towards productivity not writing a dairy like a teenage girl.

For daily notes, ideas, to dos I have my Field Notes that I carry with me.

My moleskine is a bullet journal( I have everything related to bullet journals it just seems like middle aged women doing arts and crafts) However productivity is my goal here. I use it as a weekly, and monthly calendar, track goals I set, track when I spent money, take notes of things I find of interest or quotes I like.

Emacs-Org mode is a repository of all my information. I tend to highlight important information in books, notes on podcasts and lectures I listen to. Any sort of information I find worth keeping gets stored in here.

The midori travel journal is a workout journal. I track my lifts, what exercises I do that day. PED dosage, diet, bodyfat percentage etc.
I had all that in the moleskine however the topic seemed to be taking up almost half of everything I wrote down so I'm trying out moving it to its own book.

Overall I have several journals but no diaries

>>13496143
I do the same exact thing. My sections include:
•Business ideas
•Goals
•Dreams
•Notes
As of now
I've phased out the fitness to an app and diet has become automated. App is called Personal Training Coach. I do a stretching and core app daily. Pushups and pull ups every other day. Gym 3x week.

I used to use Panda Planner and Passion Planner for goals and planning but now I just do everything immediately within 21 hours if it's important. After that it'll go to procrastination.
I still have a fapping addiction lmao and phone addiction which I got a kitchensafe timed box for. Still lazy and procrastinate like a motherfukr...

>>13490283
This reads like stream of consciousness, based if true

>>13495920
>>13496058
>>13496092
A tragedy in three parts

>>13487880
Same
For the past few months I've started to make it more personal though, it's more fulfilling that way

>>13496058
You'll be glad you didn't.

>>13496440
I can't comprehend myself about being glad about anything ever

>>13496451
Well hey, maybe your life is just A LOT shittier than even mine was... well, kind of is. I have the most malicious and evil individual I ever met for a room mate, though thankfully he's small and old and I'm big and still fairly young, not to mention a lot stronger than him with far better stamina. I've dreamed of murdering him, but I know the outcome. Anyhow, I digress, I've attempted suicide before on a few occasions. I'm glad it didn't work and I have essentially no desire to die anymore though I fully admit that I can understand the appeal to the notion. Life is inherently difficult, that can't be avoided. Seems like it's even an element of Christianity itself, which is a faith I've gotten into rather deeply and finds its teachings to be fascinating even though I'm not exactly a particularly good Christian. Best as I can manage, but anyhow, I'm glad I didn't manage to kill myself. Yeah I'm poor as shit and have put up with an intense amount of harassment for a pretty darn long span of time, it's worsened my alcohol though I'm slowly on the mend back to SLIGHTLY more reasonable frequency, but still I have some things going for me that gives me reason to believe that I'll have a bright future, that I'll be fairly well-off, maybe even respected by a number of people, and can finally earn a wife and children.

Before, I was directionless and basically pretty hopeless, meaning, without hope. Socially awkward, practically a shut-in or hermit (I suppose the Japanese would say 'hikikomori') since I basically would very rarely leave my room, let alone the house. Very low muscle mass, overweight (possibly even outright obese at some point), frankly it's hard to believe I've slept with as many women as I had (used to view sex very hedonistically; get it when I can), but yeah. Poorly raised, unsocialized, hardcore gamer... things are improving though, and have been for some time. Getting a slightly better understanding of the world, of who I am, what my purpose(s) may be, and I'm aware to some degree of how shitty things can get but I'm also aware of how GOOD things can get. It can be like a Hell on Earth sometimes, but it can also be a Heaven on Earth. Depends on your decisions, and I've been trying to be careful about mine.

>>13496649
no, your life sounds terrible.

>>13496673
It's not all bad, and it's gonna get better in due time.

>>13496721
I doubt it. Sadness is a state of mind, maybe your situation will change, although i doubt that, you will most likely not feel any happier than you feel right now.

>>13496739
I'm doubtful of that. Marriage and children? Even if the intensity is only brief, if I obtain those goals, I will be unimaginably happy. Who knows, maybe my writing career comes along well enough that I could afford many kids, and perhaps my future wife will be very traditional and will be pleased as punch to stay home and not go off to work, to do a silly thing like 'make money' when there's so much more important things to do, like tend to the kids, the house, and her loving husband who sacrifices so much for her and the youngsters. Watch the kids grow, teach them, guide them to what interests and talents they were given by God at birth, eventually teach them of entrepreneurship, of the concept of contributing to society with things that people want and being paid for it in turn. That if they honed their talents and became good enough, a master, that they could earn a living with almost anything.

Or, y'know, a mad gunman takes down my fiance and much surrounding family in a wild church shoot-up, I fall deeply into my alcoholism, become homeless again, and die either in the process of sobering up because I just can't afford the booze anymore (which some people do indeed die of alcohol withdrawal) or blatantly commit suicide. Time will tell, but I'm faithful that as I continue to do what I must, do what I perceive to be right, things will continue to improve. I mean, I once made about $1650 or so in a 3-month period from writing, overall I've made something like $5000 and I've been doing this for less than 3 years. Gotta be doin' somethin' right.

As I write, I'm caught between pen and pencil; permanence and its erasure.
As it is written, there's no need to state what's self-evident.

But to be honest, it's the insecurity of my thoughts, that prevent me from using ink, despite a journal capturing the unfiltered mind within time.

But is it true? Besides the obvious limitations that any medium of communication has in conveying someone's mind, to transcript an unfiltered mind requires no pause, reversal, or edits; but while the actual process flows like a stream, our control is reduced to to a downtown intersection during peak hour.

>>13488149
Planning on doing the same thing Anon, not because I can't write in code, but because I've become so good at hiding my thoughts that sometimes I forget how to be honest with myself and others.

>>13491137
>>13491438
I used to do this. While laying in bed i had those dark thoughts i was ashamed and afraid of. So i just began writing them down with the worst handwriting possible and in the morning i would rip the pages into tiny pieces and throw them away or burn them so nobody could ever find them.

But i want to get into daily journaling mostly to reflect and to keep me away from the computer. I'm just going to lock the journal away or something

>>13497597
no one is going to read your journal, unless you mention it to someone, anon

>>13488126
Neet poem anon

>>13487844
Did you write that only for yourself? It sounds like you wrote it for someone else. Or, to show someone else.

>>13488317
make a journal flip-through video pls. it's pretty aesthetic

>>13497788
different anon. my mommy told me she knows i have "dark thing going on" in my head from something i wrote that she found. i have no idea what it could have been and that frightens me

>>13497851
I'm sorry that your parents can't respect your privacy, in that case hiding/locking shit is acceptable I guess or you could just confront them to mind their own business

>>13495036
>>13497597
I don't mean shitty handwriting I mean invent a script. A first easy layer is making it phonemic to some extent and basically having your own spellings for words. Then you can make shortened words. Then you can start referring to things that you know about but haven't explained in the journal, key words that hold much elaborated meaning to you but not anyone else. And so on. You can even make it a pretty complicated script in addition to the above. Like symbols meaning different things depending on position or adjacents. Pseudo-logography and more. In any case, it's easy to make and learn a script that can't be immediately read by another. I actually write in a cursive-inspired phonemic shorthand. It's phonemic to my dialect and my interpretation of the phonemes in a given word. If you don't want to learn and experiment, just use a shorthand that already exists or write in a very cursive font that another is unlikely to be able to read. The closer a script is to standard writing the quicker it'll be to adjust to, but also the easier it will be to read.

>>13487844
Yeah

>>13496143
>>13496390
Too mechanical for my taste

>>13494158
It's nothing special - you don't mention names, don't even use pronouns, use metaphors to refer to things you've experienced, and so on. It soon becomes indistinguishable from a dream journal: half the things you've written stop making sense or conjure any images after some time