/lit/ - Literature

I am my favorite author. I am on the path to martyrdom

>>13379499
I think I'm going to have non-consensual sex with John Green.

Yes, in fact right this moment I have resolved to rape this man. All of my faculties and resources are now going to be put into achieving this end. The way this man controls the contortions of his face elicits a deep, ape-ish urge within me to do extremely violent and sexual damage to him.

If you think about it, how is John Green different from a woman? They are equally timid. Equally frivolous. Equally acquiescent. Equally narcissistic. Equally upset by a combination of words or ideas that do not conform to the status-quo. And no doubt Mr. Green has sucked a penis too--maybe just a silicon one (for now), but nevertheless he has tried it. He has been struck with the same sort of 'oh-i'm-so-so-naughty' inclination that seizes all women at some point in their life and with the frenzied tom-tom of feminine sexuality blaring in their head which is only ever empty and only ever filled when the image or implication of a Penis can be grasped in external reality, and just like such a woman has John Green greedily taken hold of the dildo that he secretly keeps in his top drawer (why disguise it further? why, wouldn't he be happy if someone were to discover his little perversion? oh think of how oh so so naughty that would be!) and after taking the full 7.5" of rubber down his throat he has been filled with a thrill such that no expression of his "masculine" sexuality would ever come close to comparing.

Hmm, indeed, the lines between Woman and John Green continue to blur, and my dick continues to rise. Raping him could be ethically and epistemologically justified, both through Utilitarian ethics and Platonic Teleology, but I will not get into that here. Suffice to say that raping John Green would be a net benefit for the world as such, as material entity and conceptual ideal. It would be a rape that would satisfy so many hearts, so many minds, and most importantly my own penis. Will Mr. Green give an impishly whorish moan when penetrated while easing into the fullness of my thrust's girth--or will he shrilly squeal and squirm as if to escape, though really only inviting me to thrust all the more forcefully? We shall see, and soon.

I am decided: John Green will be raped within the month. I will devote myself to finding out his residency, his routines, and I will plot and plan my moment of violation meticulously. This is a very real goal I have set, and I shall know neither rest nor mortal satisfaction until it has been attained.

John Green. Cum in his cheerios and he'll happily have breakfast!

>>13379499
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0MzFgsIByv0

>wears an undershirt (man-bra)
>shady red blushed face (means he is thinking terrible things)
YIKES

John “defiantly not gay” Green

Can Green write anything that isnt the same YA trite?

>>13379499
If I met John Green IRL I'd kick his pussy liberal ass.

>>13379499

>What if a girl met a boy and they were young, but it was like, sad.

BOOK OF THE YEAR 5 MOVIES 25 OSCARS HOLY FUCK HOW CAN A WRITER BE SO BLESSED.

>>13379565
>>13379798
>>13379819
>>13380978
>>13380986
Laughing my ass off at you seething assblasted pussies. How does it feel knowing this man is happier, richer, more successful and more fulfilled than you could ever hope to be in your bitter, envious rage?

>>13381012

Justin Bieber makes orders of magnitude more money and success and I still would give no fucks. Hell, even Rowling is more successful than he is.
I don't envy other people, especially writers, for how rich or famous they are, as that is a complete lottery, depends on how many handjobs they wanna give publishers and whatnot.
What I might envy are people who write really well, who write things that changed my life upon reading. This man is definitely not one of those people.
I'm not sure why mods ban half the threads in this board for being bait, but this one that is clearly bait stays there.

>>13379536
Same. I'll see you in Valhalla, brother.

>>13381012
I doubt that. John seems very self conscious about his work
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRRJNL2D7Nc

I give it 18 months at most before he's outed as a pedo

>He has been an advocate for refugees, stating that "for those of you who share my faith, Jesus is awfully unambiguous about the poor, shelterless, and imprisoned".[90]

>>13381085
I doubt the guy's a pedo, my money's on his relationship with his wife falling apart because he's abusive or some shit, but that I'm also a bit hmm.