/lit/ - Literature

>just as an effective weapon as bullets and steel.

lol this idiot thinks speech acts can inflict serious trauma on the human body

>>1335720
Op here.
I hope you're kidding.
Captcha - satisfied macties

Purply.

But that's not necessarily a bad thing. I mean I like Wilde and Nabokov.

Depends what you do with it, I guess. I thought it was cute.

>>1335720
hahahahahahahahahahahahah

where u come up wih this stuff if you dont even leave the house at weekends lool xD

Holy shit guys Thomas Paine was like a 15th level Sorceror and knew power word: kill

>>1335720

lol

captcha: Fishes express :D

Original:


Throughout pre-revolutionary and the revolutionary era, speech had proven to be just as an effective weapon as bullets and steel. Two outstanding orators had been Thomas Paine, who was the author of "Common Sense", a forty-eight page pamphlet, which presented a powerful argument for independence in a time when it was still undecided. Patrick Henry, whose famous "Speech in the Virginia Convention", had also inspired many to make the final decision at a break with their tyrannical mother country.

>Edited

Throughout THE pre-revolutionary and () revolutionary era, speech had proven to be just as an effective weapon as bullets and steel. Two outstanding [[consider placing an effect of their outstanding skill here instead of simply saying that; perhaps mentioning that they changed the course of history with their words alone]] orators WERE [[to be is an overused verb]] Thomas Paine, () the author of "Common Sense", a forty-eight page pamphlet() which presented a powerful argument for independence in a time when it was still undecided [[terrible word there, undecided]], AND Patrick Henry, whose famous speech AT the Virginia Convention had also inspired many to make the final decision TO break with their tyrannical mother country.

Tip for the entire essay: Don't just call something 'outstanding' or 'tyrannical.' Instead of using adjectives, or perhaps even in conjunction with them, describe why you would call them that way. You'll have to restructure your essay, but it will show your instructor that you know a lot about your topic -- that's the point, isn't it? Teachers, especially high school teachers, don't just want you to be able to repeat that something was a certain way; they want you to show them that you know WHY.

Not bad for a... what are you, a Junior?

>>1335743
Op here.
yes, a junior actually.
I was intending to edit it. I put this together in roughly three minutes.
Thank you very much,

Suggested changes for this segment:
>> One of the era's most outstanding orators was Thomas Paine, who was the author of "Common Sense", a forty-eight page pamphlet THAT presented a powerful argument for independence from Britain. Another influential speaker of the period was Patrick Henry, whose famous "Speech in the Virginia Convention," had also inspired the founding father's final decision to break from America's tyrannical mother country.

OR SOMETHING. I don't have time to go over this in more detail.
The main problems are:
1) use of "which" - look up the use of "that" and "which" and you'll see what I mean
2) The fact you start a sentence saying "two outstanding speakers" but only talk about one of them in that sentence
3) >>inspired many to make the final decision at a break
- vague and awkward wording - who is "many" and what do you mean by "at a break?" I'm assuming you mean "to break from" but if not, I would be more specific here.

Thomas Paine gave speeches?

>>1335759
I would, also as a previous anon stated, not use the word "outstanding" and utilize either a more effective adjective in conjunction with specifics.

Further, the introduction is in desperate need of expansion, but I'm sure you're aware of that.

>>1335762
I wasn't aware of that either.
I hope OP knows what he/she is talking about.

>>1335759
>that/which
LISTEN TO THIS MAN.
But I disapprove of his method of dealing with your awful 'two orators' sentence. I would have hooked it up in a better way than I did, with more effective punctuation, but my main goal was to help where I could while still having the essay retain your voice/level of skill.

>>1335753
No problem, bro. I wish that I had been asked to write such an essay when we covered this topic. But no, we just moved on to Romanticism. (I'm a Junior too.)

>>1335759
*founding fathers'

I wish you'd use more active verbs.

"Two outstanding orators had been Thomas Paine and Patrick Henry. Paine authored of "Common Sense", a forty-eight page pamphlet THAT presented a powerful argument for independence in a time when"
[ it was still undecided.] I do not like this. Perhaps say "many failed to grasp it," or something like that.

You definitely need to fix the first quoted sentence since you say "Two ...orators had been", and then only mention Paine.

>>1335762
>>1335770
Agreed. Perhaps he did, but OP might want to look into the possibility that Paine was more revered for his pamphlets than for any speeches he may have given. If that is the case, he ought not to look on it as a problem -- it will give him just one more way to contrast them. Attacking at all fronts discussion, even.

Op here,
any suggestions to replace "orators"
I do know that Thomas Paine didn't give speeches,
it was the only word I could think of at the time.
Thanks for all the help

>>1335801
Seriously? Jesus Christ. Don't use a single noun for them, then. Just describe them as men who had a heavy hand in determining the future of our country.

"...speech had proven to be just as an effective weapon as bullets and steel."

just as an effective weapon is incredibly awkward. I am not sure about the metaphor either but I will leave that up to you it's your paper. if you do decide to keep it please change it to something like:

"...speech had proven to be just as effective a weapon as bullets or steel."

The bit about Paine writing Common Sense is a run on sentence. How important is it to specify the number of pages in a pamphlet?