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/lit/ - Literature


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12813016 No.12813016 [Reply] [Original]

The only thing I fear is you,

In the bathroom I’ll piss standing up,
And for once.

By the water I’ll feel you.
By the moon grazed shadow,
I’ll feel you.

A cough will leave my throat,
And the wallpaper will ripple on the drywood-
Like the script of lost time as it splashes,
Splashes upon me.

It splashes and spills upon me.

Waves upon a tropical shore.
And in black and white we sit,
Upon the beach chairs,
in a kingdom of flowing palm.

The oranges will fall on us,
While we drink in eye of the star.

Florida is the escape.
Florida is home.
Florida is all and ever.
Like the script of lost time:

We will kiss.

Smooth lips upon sandy beaches.
In sandy beaches; smooth lips touch.
Water beaches.

The only thing I love is you.

!

>> No.12813715

>>12813016
Too derivative, get a style of your own, kid.

>> No.12813763

>>12813715
Derivative of what

>> No.12813769

>>12813715
I knew i shouldn t have posted my stuff on lit, you guys always hate on everything you cant do yourselves

>> No.12813787
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12813787

>>12813769

>> No.12813864

>>12813769
Dat clone though

>> No.12813970

>>12813016
>Sandy beaches
>Tropical shore
>Water beaches

2/10 being generous

>> No.12813987

dont talk about women or relationships

>> No.12815156

I think it’s quite nice personally. Thanks for the feedback. Drugs always help my writing. I was curious what one of you meant by derivative. Of what exactly?

>> No.12815227

>>12813016
I like the vibe, but it needs a solid revision. I, too am from florida and know that we are the most powerful race on earth.