/lit/ - Literature

>>12724049
Wasted my entire first 17 years playing video games. Realized I wanted to get a STEM degree. Found out video games made me retarded. Suicidal because I will never achieve childhood dream of being a scientist.
Give me something good, bros.

>>12724100
A razor.

>wagecuck.
>working hard to buy an apartment and leave mom's basement.
>not all bad, though. have good frens.
>also like cats.

>>12724100
The Kingdom of God Is Within You.
Very few achieve their dreams, much less childhood dreams. This book may help you find new meaning in your life.

>>12724100
sending you love <3 you can still be a scientist if you work for it, plus there're so many scientist positions out there today

>>12724185
Never heard of it. Can't seem to find it either. Who's the author?

>>12724049
everyone is retarted at least till their mid twenties. you might think its too late to start something new, and in 5 years you will feel the same, with the added regret of another 5 years. Just do it, if you are young like you are go at it full time, if you are older.. do it on the side.. make it a habit.

>>12724100

I got a STEM PhD, the abusive culture melted my brains. I left academia for four years doing menial jobs and now I'm back in a lab tech position like some kind of pipetting gremlin.

Do something, or don't do it. You will regret both. etc. etc. etc.

Quit video games and start behaving like you're an actor playing the role of an interesting successful person in a massive immersive improvisational play.

>>12724100
Arrowsmith - Sinclair Lewis
Stoner - John Williams
Of Human Bondage - W. Somerset Maugham

Raised on a Christian commune, don't believe in God anymore, if I leave, my family and friends will shun me. I also developed OCD about my gender identity at one point too. No future for me

>>12724049
Last time I participated in this thread I gave a dozen or more recommendations and got a couple kudoses for my life style, but unfortunately, no recommendations. So, in short, I work as a psych provider in a detox (in which I regularly speak with people who are suicidal or in psychosis and am responsible for getting them to a higher level of care) and lately I've been most interested in America in the 1800's, particularly New England Transcendentalism and the Western/Southwest expansion precipitated by the Mexican-American War. Last read Walden, now reading Blood Meridian, thinking of buying Desert Solitaire. I am also Jamesfag.

>>12724049
I live in Paris and work for the government there. I wake up round 7 am to read and drink coffee beside my fair Parisian girlfriend. Smoke a cigarette, hop in my bicycle, then work at the office from about 10:00 to 15:00. Bike to the cafe, finish a few outstanding assignments, return home. I cook vegetables for my love, go to my chair to sit and read, and then spend my evenings writing a book.

It is a very nice life.

>>12724530
how 2 get comfy parisihoe

>>12724530
I live in Paris too anon. I work for a big company though, good advantages, good pay, moderate work hours. I wake up at 7am, drink an obscene amount of coffee, then my gf wakes up and does the same. I hit home at 6 and if I don't meet my friends i just chop vegetables and do some soup while waiting for my gf. Good on you for writing that book.

>>12724316
This is my future :(

>>12724501
Ever read this? Set in the American West in the 1880s

>>12724100
>17 years
>Realized I wanted to get a STEM degree
>childhood dream of being a scientist.

Must be harsh to be still in your childhood when you're older than 17.

>>12724100
Flowers for Algernon
>>12724188
Cannery Row
>>12724530
Candide

>>12724100
>Found out video games made me retarded.
No, you were always already retarded.

I'm literally autistic and I prefer perfect drawings and fantasies over real people and things.
My goals are to make my imagination as vivid as possible and to get a job as a programmer, because that's the only productive thing I enjoy doing.
My philosophy is a blend of epicureanism and aestheticism.

>>12724738
one last thing: I have been emotionally numb for a year or so, but I have no idea why.

>>12724592
Just be yourself

>>12724738
>>12724761
Based, you are just like me but with actual skills and ambitions.

>>12724738
The Letters of Vincent Van Gogh

>>12724679
I have not but I've seen it suggested a lot around here, never looked into it enough to realize the setting, will do, thank you anon.

>>12724100
I thought I wanted a degree in STEM until I got my degree and realized I fucking hated it. Being "in" with the academic crowd seems cool and you get the prestige of being bigbrained, but when you boil it down the shit you're doing is sterile as fuck.

>neurotic English major
>social anxiety, mild autism
>no creative hobbies
>can be funny and interesting when not crippled by anxiety
>got a few close friends but no gf
>living for beauty, sublimity, refined pleasure epicurean style
>only browse /lit/ /mu/ and /fa/ and I hate the latter two most of the time
>determined to fix my shit ASAP

>>12724100
Thus Spake Zarathustra
>>12724842
Thus Spake Zarathustra

>>12724049
21 year old neet on SSI (neetbux) for autism, avoidant personality disorder, and bipolar. Spend my days fighting the feeling of longing but at the same time knowing I should be isolated from people as I'm no good for them and they're an overall negative for me. Back and forth I go between wanting to talk to people and wanting to be alone. I only leave my apartment for an appointment I have every 3 months, I have food delivered and have a family member buy stuff I need (I pay them), so i don't go out. Most of my time outside of anxiety is spent attempting to read, though I rarely finish the difficult books I buy; Gaddis, Pynchon, Hawkes, Barth, all authors I have which I wish I had the concentration and effort to read, but it seems I'm lacking in something, maybe intelligence. Thanks for any recs.

>>12724049
30, I do CAD drafting. I have only two friends and I don't really like either of them. Too socially paranoid to date and prefer to be alone. I live to go home at the end of the day and just write alone in my apartment.

>>12724049
>Be accidental baby from teen parents; Dad fucks off and joins the Army
>Raised by grandparents
>Grow up as that vaguely "weird" kid who just wanted to read indoors, but not full-blown autistic
>Get homeschooled because of it
>Then go to a small Catholic college (not Catholic myself, nor is my family,)
>Meet love of my life, 10/10 history major with glasses - just had our 1 year anniversary
>Kind of feel worthless and insecure because great at academics, but don't have a job or vehicle
>Scared of the future, the job market, being able to get a home and a good future
>Getting all kinds of intense feels about wanting kids with GF
>Maybe some kind of mild paranoia, some days the world just seems dark and hostile
>Favorite authors: William Blake, Thomas Ligotti.

>>12724501
Any more james recs? currently reading varieties and really enjoying it

>>12724049

>22
>at the 5th year of med school
>fit bro (5 and half plates deadlift, 3 plates bench press, 3.5 plates squat)
>draw cute girls on daily basis (I use an ipad an a cintiq)
>kinda autistic

>19
>used to be a smart kid, spent most of my life past the age of 10 on the internet or playing video games
>spent a few years of my life living abroad, learned english but feel like i'm bad at both english and my native language as a result
>too lazy to pursue my interests most of the time
>not actually autistic but have mild ocd and probably an eating disorder
>suffer from some kind of gender dysphoria after so much exposure to misogyny online that i regret being born a female
>have high school finals coming up and i'm making zero effort to study even though i know i'm probably gonna kms if i don't get accepted where i want to go
>don't talk to anyone unless i need something from them, i might be sort of funny but i get discouraged too easily
>draw sometimes, suck at writing
>hold strong opionons, get very aggressive a lot
>aside from english I can read in polish, russian and french (also learning hebrew and japanese so i'm putting off japanese books hoping i'll be able to read them in the original soon enough, i like mishima a lot though)
>i like history and linguistics and the 19th century especially

Really into the drama of a community that revolves around a 15 year old. There was conspiracy theories over the server grooming the 15 year old and recently he was exposed for being into loli-con.

My first child is one the way. It's a boy. I had a miserable excuse for a father, and I paid for it with a harsh learning curve in my late teens and early twenties. What's some proper /lit/ for someone determined to raise a good man?

>>12725089
I like your drawing.

>>12725066
Robert D. Richardson's book on him is a truly beautiful biography. Principles of Psychology is an eventual must for the properly devoted Jamesian: I only have Volume II, and I haven't finished it in full, but it is gorgeous and probably a greater influence on contemporary psychology (in academia, not popular reading) than Freud. Reading at least a smattering of pragmatism essays is a must, and the essays The Will to Believe and Is Life Worth Living? and A Certain Blindness in Human Beings are all lovely forays into the man's sentimentalist pluralist attitudes.

>>12724911
>>12724968

>>12724049
Rich outdoorsy NEET who wants to live a chill small town life with a good wife and kids but is addicted to trying to make it as a writer and dating highly educated ambitious women who can’t really exist outside of the urban rat race.

>>12725131
Write your own personal /lit/ filled with wisdom for your offspring and their offspring.

>24 year old conservative Christian who was supposed to have found a wife by now but hasn't\
wat do

>>12725149
Thanks

>>12725120

>>12725150
thanks boss looking forward to getting into these

>>12725160
I fully intend on doing so, actually.

i am autistic who is 21 and has his first girlfriend but can't completely surrender to sex and love cause his father shamed him for beeing gay when he was 4. Also i'm very fucking gay too and i'm afraid that when i confront my bisexuality it will destroy my relationship cause then i might realize i am not bi but just gay but i jacked of to straight porn my whole life and love fucking my girlfriend i am very confused.

>>12725120
you sound like a fun weirdo
you in warsaw by any chance?

>>12725260
yes

>>12724842
>>12724911
Stendhal, the Red and the Black. I found it very inspiring and relatable as a young man with a lot of ambition. Its not too late. Maybe if you were like 40, but being "too old" is a meme unless you have a serious illness or you been mentally or physically handicapped.

>>12725215
This is hilarious

>>12724049
I hated my parents. I would have gladly made them worry.

>>12724100
>>12724188
>>12724316
>>12724337
>>12724501
>>12724530
>>12724646
>>12724738
>>12724761
>>12724811
>>12724842
>>12724911
>>12724968
>>12724992
>>12725089
>>12725120
>>12725128
>>12725131
>>12725153
>>12725162
>>12725215
>>12725294
the bible

>former junkie (3 years clean)
>maybe CPTSD, but last LSD trip definitely triggered my OCD into overdrive
>prolly ADHD
>dementophobia
>dissociation and panic attacks
>english and german lit and lang major
>healthy diet, excercise, supplements daily
>lit gf 5+
>working as a wagecuck where I browse 4chan the whole workday
>writing prose
>dont read much, only when my hyperfocus finds a superinteresting book for me
>vidyagaemz
>would really love to beat my fear of insanity and find mental freedom

>>12725310
Already read it, what next?

>>12725310
Christianity is fucking boring.

>>12725327

>>12725270
hmu if you wanna hang or something
kurdebele@fastmail.com

>>12725345
Yeah, nah, Im aint digging further down the hole known as mental health.

Fuck that, Im ordering Hunter S Thompson!

>>12725178
Do you want to meet

>agoraphobia
>barely left the house for a few years
>lost all high school friends
>unfinished university degree
>slowly getting life back together after reading philosophy and working out
>have a student job I need to avoid starving and for paying semester fees
>still a weirdo, but don't care anymore
>have a few human relationships with people at work, but no real friends
>got outside hobbies now like hiking and climbing
>28 years old in May and wondering whether I should finish this degree
>feel like I am wasting my life
>but if I drop the degree I will also lose the student job and the few relationships I have

>>12724190
Occam

Not enough recomendations in this thread

>>12725383
>had you bad experiences with this kind of self help stuff?

>>12725393
Not enough people read.

>>12725395
without greentext sorry

>>12724530
Genuine question: If your life is that happy, then what drives you to post (and read) here? When I try to envision a happy future life for myself, it definitely does not involve this website.

>>12724530
yeah that's all well and good, but at the end of the day, you still have to hop into a bicycle

>>12725310
Tao Te Ching

>>12725404
/lit/ is the only board I’ll use. I use it because my girlfriend, though sweet and pretty, is not much into literature. Neither are my friends much into literature. I come here because it offers me a small sense of belonging, and because I often find new authors or lessen known works here, many of which I have quite enjoyed.

It is a shame /lit/ is filling up with ignorant burger politics and incels, but for the most part I still enjoy it, and also it makes me laugh sometimes.

>>12725089
22 and at 5th year of med school? How tf

>>12725404
Its pretty comfy here.

>>12724049
>3 years in into a philosophy degree
>dropped out
>3 years of NEETdom
>got into STEM
>3 years in, finally got an internship at a software company

jobless, single, ascetic lifestyle and feeling fine about it
no oblomov

>>12725120
Happy international womens day

>>12724049
>23yo german
>never had a girlfriend due to cowardice
>had many opportunities, often fell in love but always screwed it up because of social incompetence and fear
>suffer from depression since about five years
>don't really go outside and have no real friends, don't really attempt to find any because former friendships always dissolved anyway
>currently trying to weasel my way through university
>pretty fit, don't look too bad, I'd say
>lived in an apartment with five other undergrads last year
>always kept a distance to them, didn't like it
>depression got worse
>now living with my parents again
>feeling okayish at the moment
>work out at home

>lots of debt and expenses
>not a lot of income
>do sketchy borderline-legal work instead of getting an honest job
>random income from inexplicable hand-offs
>move frequently, have several names I go by
>prefer to ignore my problems instead of doing anything to solve them
>dream of being somewhere else

>>12725490
Dead Souls

>>12724530
>work for the government
>Paris

Do you fear the yellow vested peasants will soon put you to the guillotine?

>>12724049
23
autist-empath
tall, dark hair, strong jaw, broad shoulders, deep voice, immense gender dysphoria
when i was 2 years old i would scream shit like "I DON'T HAVE A PENIS" in public places, my parents did not like this
dysphoria has been a constant for my entire life, literally never told anyone about these feelings
graduated from a top tier liberal arts school with a degree in english, moved to major metropolitan area with loving supportive qt college gf, failed miserably at three consecutive jobs, moved back to hometown, broke up with gf for literally no reason but distance, still an eternal co-dependent mess
working full time for parents now
they still control my life (cut your hair, no tattoos, etc.)
yesterday my dad said that a trans person using a public bathroom his daughter was in would be a "shooting offense"
i haven't written a single piece of fiction in almost two years
live with two friends from college and get high every day to keep myself from thinking or feeling
why am i still here

>schizo
>moved around all my life due to dad's job, never had a "home"
>first year studying stem in uni
>realize it's suicide tier
>don't know how to get out of it at this point
>gonna waste my life in a lab
>write in my free time but feel like creativity has been beaten out of me
>meditate a lot to deal with life
>often wish I could live a self sustaining life in a cabin or some shit
>obviously a romantic that will never happen
>wagecuck fate

>>12725511
I hope they do. The wealth disparity here is outrageous, almost at Amerilard levels. But at least we have free education here. And free healthcare.

Also fellow euros, isn’t it hilarious the American middle and lower classes haven’t revolted yet? Are they just too stupid and fat to care about the wealth gap and unending exploitations?

>>12725464
thanks

>>12725513
Your parents sound pretty based and you like a giant faggot. I really feel bad for them.

>>12725529
LMFAO thanks /pol/

>>12725533
no problem, faggot

>>12725513
This tastes like pasta

>>12725395
The moment I start helping/fixing myself, I start getting worse and all my hobies and interests boil down to fixing/helping myself thus just making me worse and more obsessed.

>>12724530
>>12724646
Do gfs make a total difference in your life?

>>12725551
al dente, signore?

>>12725561
Yes and no. You have less time to do what you want, and I’ve certainly read less and my edge has softened since I had a gf.

Gf is only worth it if you find someone you truly love. To have gf for the sake of having gf is not enough, and it will become hell. Much better to be alone and happy than have a bad gf.

Take your time anon, she’s out there

>>12725383
Based

>>12725525
People don't revolt because of wealth gaps, they revolt because they see injustice and the lack of movability in the social ladder. The burgers still believe they can make it and become wealthy if they just work hard enough or get lucky.

>>12725568
I hate al dente. Don't know why people like half cooked pasta.

>>12725586
Good point. But it is so clearly a lie. Most entrepreneurs come from money. Almost every Hollywood actor I can name comes from a well-connected family. Statistically zero of them make it from nothing, never had a chance. At what point will they realized they’re being lied to?

>>12725599
Many of us are aware we are being lied to and the "american dream" is no longer attainable but feel powerless to change it. Revolt doesn't accomplish anything here, see the occupy wallstreet protests that did nothing. The people who should be revolting most are in the most tenuous financial position and cannot afford to take time off work to protest.

>>12725622
Jesus that’s sad. If you had free healthcare and education you would probably have more freedom to protest. Seems curious ...

>>12725622
you can't revolt because the government have heavy bombers and the citizens have rifles lmao

Your original society was based on a balance of power between the state and people, everyone had the same weapons basically

>>12725599
At the moment there are still hope supplying narratives, which is the Trump message of protectionist nationalism and social democrat message of Western/Northern European style welfare systems. The pro-EU establishment faction in Europe lacks a hope supplying narrative, which is their main disadvantage. There is no positive image of the future painted by anyone and there is also no serious unifying "European Identity".

>wake up
>go to work
>go home from work
>go to the gym
>read
>go to bed
>repeat

>>12725676
Something Happened by Joseph Heller

>>12725676
Steppenwolf

>all that romanticizing of mental illnesses

>me, bureaucrat in SoCal, no kids
>everyday sleep in as late as possible while cuddling my wife
>get up, shower and dress while my wife packs me a lunch
>work is usually pretty easy
>go home and do schoolwork (online Master's program) while wife cooks dinner
>eat dinner and chat with wife
>hit the gym
>smoke a little joint
>read, watch a show, play my bunnies, do some gunsmithing, or shitpost
>go to bed next to beautiful wife
>life is pretty comfy

>>12725622
>occupy wallstreet
Does a bunch of gutter punks and gender studies students camping in parks really count as a revolt?

>>12725636
>le guns are useless because the military had drones, nukes, etc. meme

This is retarded. Im not even a conservative or a "gun nut", but this plainly reflects an ignorance of history. First of all, the goals in revolution are different from those in conventional invasion+occupation warfare between full scale imperial powers. Many incidents demonstrate that vastly disadvantaged armies can successfully rebel or revolt against superiors, e.g. the American revolution, Vietnam war, Soviet Afghanistan, American/NATO Afghanistan, Korea, Southern Mexico, etc. Secondly, the American military would be extremely hesitant to use nukes and drones on its own population. Third even if they would, usage of such tactics would cause roughly the same amount of harm to themselves. Fourth, the military would be crippled in the event of a war and the associated economic and political instability. Thousands of miles of essential farmlands and roadway run through the center of the country. This has all been demonstated dozens of times in history. If there was another American Revolution it would not be rednecks with bolt action remingtons trying shoot B2s put of the air as they drop nukes on DC, New York, Chicago, etc. The revolutionaries would be doing a lot more than trying to engage US forces in conventional warfare, and the US military would be doing a lot less than trying to start a global nuclear war by attacking its own cities.

Think for five minutes anon, think.

That being said revolution is a terrible idea. I dont support the mainstream/establishments to risk a possible authoriatarian regimes, when we already live in a liberal Republic - the best form of government their is (even if our's is flawed). Dont trust the radical on 4chan. They're almost all literal Nazi white nationalists and literal SJW communists. I used to be kind of radical myself, and then I studied basic game theory, social choice theory, voting theory, and political philosophy.

>23 year old builder
>go to gym often, relatively strong
>came ouv of highschool 5 years ago with ambition and drive, I was doing well for myself money-wise
>something happened and it all went downhill
>no money, no job, all friends looking down on me
>start getting back on track with lifting a year ago,
>just moved cities after ending my relationship of 6 years, one of the purest women I have ever met.
>reading more, going out more, educating myself more
>my interest in the cogs that make our minds function has skyrocketed
>friends telling me they've noticed I seem a lot more focused, people I am meeting are very quick to say something along those lines as well
>that's not my aim bit it gives me confidence in my derection
>building shit is awesome
>browse /fit/ and /lit/ often.

>>12724049
>part-time wagecuck
>age 23
>live with parents
>dropped out of community college twice
>have no idea what to do

I still don't want the rope though.

>>12725925
I just wanted to say 'heavy bombers' desu

>>12725310
Excellent post

>>12725467
Get in touch with Adolf hitler

>>12724049
>31yo boomer mutt
>STEM fag, graduated cum laude from good school
>father died right after graduation, took shitty job in midwest and entered emotional tailspin
>abused drugs, withdrew socially and battled with depression
>literally pre-peterson sorted myself out: got a new job, got /fit/ and embraced my own hybrid of stoicism and taoism
>moved back home, found a qt 8/10 wife and started going back to church
Life is good anons

>>12726237
The Story of Civilization epics by Will Durant

>>12725310
De Rerum Natura

Believed I was a total failure and wanted to die. Now moderately functional and don't know how to feel about it, can't even tell if I'm happy or not.

>>12726527
Are you on meds?

>>12726533
Yep

>>12726536
Knew it. Yeah that's what meds will do. Not saying it's a good or bad thing necessarily, just be aware that experience is because of the drugs.

>>12726548
Eh, it's a lot better than being suicidal. Still, it flattens you out, no terrible lows but no big highs either.

>>12726564
Yeah. It gets you through.

>>12724049
>Be me, 24 yo male
>good looking, even for california
>Live in west coast cultural center
>6'4"
>Ripped, lifting and swimming since I was 10
>Hot girlfriend
>Doing acid in the woods this weekend
>Main interests are music and reading
>In a generally admired and highly lucrative career

>resided to neeting
>cannot enjoy it because i'm wasting potential instead of making something out of myself
>experienced existential crisis at 12 and didnt recover ever since
>afraid of life and death at the same moment
>read books to get inspiration yet nothing happens

>>12724049
I’m a humanities student who sucks extremely lazy and superfluous. I struggle with latent bisexuality, despise me.

>>12726665
See, I can’t even write a coherent sentence

>>12726665
>>12726672
Gravity's rainbow

>>12724049
> 18 yo white american kid, in a rural town
> still in high school
> basically lucked out in life, my parents love me and are together, my family got into the lower part of the upper middle class through my mothers financial skills and thriftiness, i'm smart enough to drift through a mix of normal and AP classes with a good GPA, i'm not attractive but not ugly, I get college tuition for free through a mix of a scholarships and benefits that my dad receives from working at a college
> Although I greatly appreciate this it gives me a huge feeling of guilt, invalidation of any perspectives I may have, and the worry that I may never truly relate to people who have real problems and that they all look down on me as being weak and unreal beyond redemption. Through the internet I see alot of awful situations around the world, as well as alot of general stupidity and it makes me a little misanthropic, but I try to fight this because I know misanthropy is ultimately pointless. I get that this is an obnoxious complex to have but i wanna be honest so i can get accurate recs
> Ultra sensitive but i'm able to internalize most of my unnecessary feelings, though some does slip out though which i'm working to prevent (I get that this is Ironic considering this is a whiny post but whatever). Also a huge loner, I've figured out that it's unreasonable to expect a certain level of understanding between people, but that fact still kinda depresses me. I don't know if I'll ever get involved in dating because of this, personal insecurity + not wanting to be a burden, and a general need for individualism
> having a hard time seeing the value in happiness, I don't know what to do with my life. going to college in 6 months so i'm hoping I can find something I like there
> 5'7
> agnostic kinda in fear of god
> favorite author is yukio mishima
tell me to kill myself

>>12724501
read a couple John Brown biographies

>>12726740
Sounds like maybe you feel sheltered? It should be possible to take a gap year before college to go work on a fishing boat or organic farm (the fishing boat can make a pretty solid chunk of change too).

>>12726637
>>experienced existential crisis at 12 and didnt recover ever since
lmao fuck off anon

>>12725120
Probably the only time I feel empathy for a female on chans. Stay strong, sister. Coming from a strong misogynist, don’t let the misogyny here get to you too much and leave imageboards for good if possible. Most of us are really just frustrated and venting because modern morality or lack thereof has robbed ys of the chance to develop a bond with a woman and raise children with her. I hope you find everlasting joy and happiness. Find a good, strong man your parents approve of and raise children with him.

>>12726793
why it's so unbelievable? there wasnt any philosophy just lost passion and meaning for life and became mentally ill

hikkineet failure who can't get hired or seem to break out of shit but wants to change himself and his life

>>12724100
Video games didn't make you retarded. You're just retarded.

>>12724049
>quiet, bookish child with few friends
>got into drugs, alcohol, and petty crime in HS
>worked myself through college to become a teacher, got my shit together (sort of)
>still an alcoholic but quit the drugs
>been subbing for a year
>don't want to be a teacher anymore
do i look for a two year contract and see if full time teaching works for me or do i give up because i hated subbing so much?

I'm not aware of the existence of any books that would help with this situation.

>>12726918
Kindergarten isn’t teaching

22, soon to graduate undergrad
I've never had a job in my life and lack a resume altogether. My parents had to work continuously throughout their lives and didn't want me to do the same; I go back and forth on whether this was a wise decision.
I have a crippling fear of death and all of my serious anxiety revolves around and obsession with instant death (I literally went insane during the North Korea crisis, just got over another bout that revolved around cancer: ironically, this actually might have saved me from getting colon cancer). The current crisis in slow motion is about the fact that I'm graduating soon and that my current life is about to irrecoverably change forever. I cling to literature and art because they make me feel like I'm getting on to something about living , and I think the best art leaves you with the quiet joy of being alive.

I think constantly about the past and what life could have been like had socialism worked. I also think a lot about my own memories.

The things I enjoy most are clouds and intimate and honest conversation, the sort where you really get to feel like you're really *there* with another. My favorite memories are of conversations, I think.

>>12726923
Very funny. I teach high school.

>>12726918
Aren't substitute teachers basically just watchdogs for free periods? Yeah, try being a real teacher first before giving up on the profession.

Childhood:
>very naive and solitary, but happy
>have difficulties socializing and am always demoralized by my parents
>start internalizing the notion I’m incompetent in many facets
>try to always be well behaved and do the right thing
>am extremely shy

Adolescence:
>Realize most people dislike me and outright treat me like shit
>feel like I can’t trust no one
>give up on religion
>can't eat or sleep right, become spooky skeleton
>date once and then spend years cultivating an image of someone who doesn’t need such things
>sometimes I fantasize about killing myself

Neetdom:
>feel like shit every day, spend entire days on bed
>measure the quality of my days by how many times I contemplate suicide
>my mind is visibly degrading
>barely eat, becoming even more of a spooky skeleton
>have given up on life, am just letting it pass me by
>this lasts about two years

Adulthood:
>in a moment of clarity, decide to go study something I would enjoy
>meet some nice people
>start working out, practicing a sport and eating better so I can give up my skeleton ways
>beat my depression after realizing how unhealthy my patterns of thought were
>start doing things I fear; sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t
>go back to Christianity
>am looking for a job and will probably invite a girl on a date this month
>have felt more hope e and gratitude towards life these past few months than during my entire life before.

>>12727043
That's pretty much the job description of substitutes. I guess I'm just afraid of the whole contract thing, but I know somewhere in my brain that I need to give the real thing. I have a few applications out for next year.

>>12725369
i sent you an hello, im orkisz
>>12726797
thank you for the kind words, anon. i guess what it comes down to is that i feel like im losing my grip on reality, i don't trust my own feelings and perception and my crippling fear of the future and of myself is making me lose hope of ever achieving anything worthwhile, anything i myself will feel proud of anyway. i wish i could escape the purposelessness of this modern life but i feel like

>>12727126
once ive started thinking like this it wont go away. sorry i accidentally posted before i was done writing, and sorry about all the dumb thoughts i have no friends to share this with

>>12725120
The beginning of your post reminded me of a friend of mine. She's smart and funny, but her self-esteem issues led her to slut it up as much as possible after her eighteenth birthday, as a haphazard way to deal with them through the perception of others. Nowadays she associates male approval and care with sex, and I feel sad for what she became, because sex and any other distractions can’t fill the hollowness in her spirit and each frustrated try only brings more despair. I feel pity for her, as I do to any of my friends who used hedonism as a way to ignore their issues. Please, don’t be like this. It’s not worth it in the end. It never was.

Also, go read The Myth of Sisyphus, dunno if the philosophy interests you, but Camus travel writings are comfy.

>>12727201
thanks, I'm actually reading the plague right now and was planning on getting around to the myth of sisyphus next
i have no sex drive (like literally, none, I have never been able to masturbate or anything, anyone have any books on this feel????) so I'm not gonna slut it up but I have a terrible fear of rejection and I deal with it by begging for attention from the 2 people willing to associate with me. I'm still trying to run away from reality I guess even if sex doesn't matter

>>12726637
Oblomov by Ivan Gontsjarov

>>12727088
I thought this was going to go downhill but it seems your life has really picked up as of late--good job making good decisions. Since you've gone back to Christianity, I'll recommend to you Graves' and Patai's Hebrew Myths: The Book of Genesis, which I can't recommend enough. Wonderful insight into Hebrew tradition and mythological thought, very useful in informing one's reading of the Bible and fascinating in its own right.

>19
>spent all my formative years past the age of 11 playing vidya and on the chonnel (pic related, it's a picture I found of me and my bro in my room with runescape in the background from like 10 years ago, made me sad to see it)
>totally cut off from all other forms of socialization up to when I turned 16 and finished school
>took up some hobbies since then
>had a part time job or two, mostly day labourer things
>essentially NEET
>I read partially because I like to learn or find it entertaining, but know in the back of my mind that it's mainly because I want to dominate people in a sort of intellectual coercion
>never had a girlfriend
>virgin
>have no friends
>lost my internet friend of 4 years in bizarre irl altercation
>we used to be a group of pals all from yurop and we'd play cs:go together for hours everyday
>now haven't talked to him or any of them in 6-7 months
>back to my primeval childhood state of solitude, only I'm less in to vidya and I'm a filthy NEET
>all I have is my /out/ hobby and reading

>>12725120
I just wanted you to know that you sound like a genuinely based person, I hope you hit it off with the one meeting you in Warsaw

>>12724530
Happy for you .

>>12725120
I'd would look at you with mild disapproval in real life

>>12727242
>I have no sex drive
start exercising hard and it'll come like a storm, believe me. I didn't care much about sex before boxing and weightlifting became a part of my routine. I'm glad I didn't do anything stupid during my adaptation period.

>but I have a terrible fear of rejection and I deal with it by begging for attention from the 2 people willing to associate with me
I, and probably most people here, also deal with these issues, but depending on others to assert your value isn't sustainable or stable. Long term it's better to improve yourself, striving to become a well-rounded person (care for your health, take a class on something you always found interesting, develop your skills) and confront your irrational fears. Basically, if something that doesn't cause you any harm incites that bad feeling in the back of your head, you should probably do it; I'm talking about actions that are usually quite simple, like finally learning how to draw, going to the movies on your own, or talking with that person who sits beside you on class and seems interesting.

>>12724100
>17 years
>Give me something good (implying he's still there)
You need to be 18 to post here.

>>12727242
>i have no sex drive
see an endocrinologist, get some blood tests done

>>12724049
>19
>Use to do drugs and be a total crackhead mess in HS(stealing cars etc etc.)
>my mom(nicest woman in the world) has a panic attack, because of me
>quit doing stupid shit get back into hobby of reading, and begin writing
>Graduated (after transferring to 3 different schools two different counties nearly dropping out)
>no girls,no real close friends,no ties,completely destroyed all my relationships in HS
>diagnosed with SPD and insomnia, its not a bad thing its just the way people treat me if they know me, like some delicate piece of glass ready to shatter
>Going to be a freshman in uni as soon as Fall comes around
>got my 3rd poem published after maybe submitting maybe 20+ times
>Speak Spanish,English,French,Latin and, German, plan to be a translator
>Sense I've "grown up" my whole family does not know what to make of me I was condemned for being an Idiot and now condemned for doing what I like and staying quiet, its just goes to show if you give people what they truly want they begin to panic. No hobbies I just browse here and scroll around the internet
>happy I guess, but, a little lonely

Only goals I have right now are to travel the U.S. with friends I have never seen in years via car only.

>Child genius
>unironically 150 iq
>constantly praised and spoiled by school and parents
>also severe ADHD
>mental pressure turned me toxic making me an unlikable unapproachable abrasive asshole with no close friends who became known to have violent outbursts
>self-esteem and self worth all ride on academics
>despite having some of the best grades in the country get declined from Oxford
>pushes me over the edge
>isolate myself and turn down the scholarships from my other options out of dejection
>become a paranoid shut-in that does nothing but wish for death
I think i might reapply next year if don't kill myself; i literally had nothing but being smart and now that's gone

>>12727259
These changes started on August, and a bunch of setbacks I've gone through were cut for the sake of brevity, but, yeah, things are improving, even if it's hard to see sometimes.

>good job making good decisions
First time I hear this from someone, felt a mix of surprise and happiness upon reading it . Thanks, anon, for your words and the recommendation, I'll be sure to check it out.

>>12727388
If everything fails, just move to another city and become a regular guy. Sounds like that whole genius thing is more stressful than it is worth.

I'm Charles Carrol

>>12725120
This has to be bait, no girl could be so perfect!

>>12727398
Sometimes I dream of doing just that, living in a small town working an average stress free job. But i don't think i have it in me to let this all go just yet, and i think the feelings of unfulfillment might break me further

>>12727423
>>>/wsg/2556304

>>12727389
I really hope you do read it and enjoy it, I chanced upon it in my local used bookstore where it was marked with a little piece of paper as a staff recommendation. Well, it turns out the staff there was absolutely patrician. I just want to share this little discovery with everyone, it's so good. Makes me want to read more of Graves' work.

>>12725510
>Gogol
Nice, will pick up. Thank you

>>12724049
>31 y/o failure
>went to bussiness school because i was too dense for proper careers
>hated it
>mostly bounce from poorly paid job to the next
>living with my parents now and about to enter a shitty customer service job
>at least is part time

what can i read in my spare time?

>>12726175
lole'd

>>12725412
kek

>>12725952
>>something happened and it all went downhill
paedo detected

>>12724049
Used to be an artist, failed at that.
Used to be a film enthousiast/photographer. failed at that.
Used to be a poet, failed at that.
Used to like philosophy, the problem was liking it.
Nothing drives me forward except a cowardly love for following days.

>>12726637
What's the original painting?

>>12724049
>26 next month.
>still live on a couch in moms apartment even after accepting a decently paying job

wash your penis

>Always tried to be unconventional and go against the grain

>Never really worked out and just made people think I was weird

>Started doing drugs with parents

>Homeschooled throughout high school but got kicked out for not finishing work

>took assessment that let me start college early but dropped out due to lack of discipline and failing for not doing work(big shocker)

>Worked shitty jobs and had many awkward and disappointing adventures in pursuit of fun and girls

>Finally got laid but got in car crash and wound up on probation

>Ended up living with deadbeat Dad and thinking life may have been truly over (but was probably just stressed and possum from having to sober up and deal with PO)

>Unexpectedly meet cute and successful anal retentive girl, latch on to her as she graduates college, moves to suburb outside of small city and buys a house

>Helps get me decent entry level job with alright benefits, so now I make slightly less than 40K a year with not terrible medical, vision, dental, 401K, and a bunch of pets

>Am reasonably happy.

Give me some kind of Bildungsroman that’s not pretentious bullshit, or you know, whatever you think is appropriate

sucks that so few of us can actually rec books

>>12727654
No it was more like I started to deviate from my goals and just went into drinking and shit for ages. I just don't know what made me deviate.

>19
>was basically hand-held though highschool
>never did work on time
>mummy just did it herself and made me sit there and watch instead of helping me do it
>let her because I never wanted to do any work anyway
>some recruiter tells me about the navy
>lolsure.jpg
>went in, separated in second week, sent home
>mom wants to move to florida
>don't really have a choice
>any friends I had I can only talk to online now
>try to get job
>ignored or denied, failed every interview
>mom away on vacation
>angry at myself for being a fuckup
>break a few things
>microphone
>chair
>wall
>no way to talk to friends and am basically alone waiting for her to get home and kick me out for breaking the wall
>tried berating myself in the mirror to get some form of motivation out of me
>nothing ever works

>debilitating ADHD
>some type of personality disorder
>either schizoid or avoidant
>desperate desire to create something
>cannot decide on what to do, so do nothing
>only semblance of a goal: become polymath
>waiting for death or singularity. whatever comes first

>>12728138
lol mummy problems

Young adult. Just moved out and am on my own now. I don't have many friends, but it's less of a socially retarded thing, and more of a "I like to observe, not get involved" sort of thing. I, like most other retards on this board, want to be a great writer and am just now beginning to actively pursue it. I like psychoanalysis and psychology in general. I also like to take things slow and mull through the details, as opposed to speeding by everything and enjoying the thrill of it all; hedonism isn't something I think fondly of.

>>12728222 here.

>>12727928
I can recommend a book that's kind of Bildungsroman, but not fictional. The Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene; goes over the basic fundamentals of human nature, as the title implies, and elaborates on them. It's given me a good amount of clarity on my flaws, and I feel better about myself and more... fulfilled. Sorry if it's not what you're looking for.

>>12727585
A job is a job, regardless of what the details are. Good work, anon. I recommend reading Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick, if you haven't. It's pretty entertaining.

>>12727280
You are like me, friend. Unfortunately, I do not have a book to recommend, but if you are one for anime, March Comes in Like a Lion is good. I found it relatable when I watched it a few months ago.

>>12727132
Hello friend, I unfortunately do not have anything at all to recommend to you, but if you would like a nice conversation, feel free to email me: miltonerickson@nimarei.com

>>12726607
Funnily enough, I was reminded of Lolita.

>son of a great man
>won the genetic lottery (attractive, athletic build, etc.)
>have super close relationship with dad
>13, dad has a heart attack
>get severe cystic acne, negates all attraction from girls
>struggle hard thru highschool, push away all my friends
>get /fit/ but only to hurt myself, not for physical appearance
>now 20, in uni with no friends

I have massive boots to fill and I don't know how I'm gonna do it.

>grew up on a farm, did a lot of child labor
>never gave a shit about school because it didn't interest me except for a few classes
>outcast in middle school
>get involved in sports and in high school gain a friend group
>among other extracurriculars, sport becomes most important to me
> even though I'm an awful student, school enrolls me in two AP classes
>obviously I do bad, I fail and get kicked off the team
>because of others reasons I had falling outs with other friends
>lowest point, everyone's disappointed in me, we lose meets
>buckle down and turn my grades around
>use the momentum to propel me through college
>started reading in college to keep my mind active in down time
>got qt gf through sports
>fell for the STEM meme
>but, declared minor in Literature
>get praise from my teacher who wanted to stick with it but I dropped it because it was too much work with my major
>achieve various accolades, graduate with high GPA, and transition to a graduate program at the same school
>get really bad infections in my mouth from wisdom teeth
>go crazy from it, started loosing touch with reality and drank to stop it
>continue grad program although it took a while to recover from that period
>Professor make me manage 4 undergrads we he barely shows up to school
>Apply for PhD programs, one reach, and two which were very likely, no safety
>get denied everywhere
>girlfriend takes job across the country(US) to live with her sister who stationed on active duty
>I lost all motivation
>struggle to write thesis for multiple reasons, my research ultimately failed, my professor wants more reactions done, and that my stint with insanity has left me a different person no longer connected to my work
>get a job opportunity at a local startup
>I just wanna get away now and try to wrap up my work
>Never finish my thesis, tried to continue work on it but one month turns into 8 from confusion and long response times
>at this point my old work seems so foreign, I can't even write about it
>I've been honest with my employer about this situation but I'm still embarrassed by it and I fear my world will collapse
Works pretty good though, boss is very smart and cool, coworkers are awesome

>>12724049
OH BOY A BLOGGING THREAD

Trying to get to a place where I can be happy, but keep being held back by fact everyone in my life is a loser.

>>12725622
>and the "american dream" is no longer attainable but feel powerless to change it.
if thats how you feel then thats how its gonna be

I am sitting on a toilet covered in my own jizz, eating an apple. Rec me

>have been a NEET for 3 years
>parents think I've been going to college
>dropped out 3 years ago at 20

Feels smug man. Fuck them, I don't even care.

i live in his shadow

>>12725131
how did you learn? just horrible trial and error?

>>12728138
Swann's Way is a good mommy issues book

>>12728433
Summa Theologica

life story time im bored

gonna rip off another post I liked
>part 1: childhood
>childhood was normal enough
>good enough in school
>always had fun, loved the outdoors
>always a creative kid, loved to draw and play with stuff like legos and playdoh constantly
>had a lot of friends
>dad was a deadbeat drunk but him and mom were together so it was ok I guess
>life was like essentially living with a single mother sometimes, dad really didn't do anything at all that a parent should do for their child
>think it was partly because of his drinking and partly because of how he was
>mom was also always working so it was super hard for her to take care of me too so I always going to daycare after leaving school until being picked up when mom's work shift ended
>made a lot of friends like this anyway so life works out I guess
>mom's side of family is great, I love them all and they all love me
>dad's side is hit and miss, lots of drunks and just bad people. i have a brother and sister from my dad from another marriage but we'll get into that later
>pretty much everything about my childhood is fine other than the fact my dad's an asshole drunk and i have a few health problems like headaches and bad asthma
>preschool to 4th grade is great
>by this point mom stops working so i don't have to go to daycare anymore
>i reach 5th grade
>i start having trouble in math and the teacher has no patience
>things gradually get better but i still underperform compared to the rest of the students
>the overall state of this school and the teachers here compared to the ones ive had before are worse and feel more like uncaring assholes that just want to prep you for tests rather than people who want to work with you and prepare you for the world
>there's no other schools i can go to
>mom says we're going to do homeschooling now
>drop out of 5th grade halfway in

>part 2: adolescence/tween
>homeschooling was mostly a disaster, lasted from grade 5 to grade 7
>didn't learn too much and just resulted in me getting tests done and turning into a lazy slob
>didn't keep up with my friends since this was before the phone craze went off and none of them live around me
>got fat from just being sheltered at home all day, didn't really do anything but play video games and watch movies when i wasn't doing the homeschool stuff
>overall just made me very, i feel, mentally stunted and unprepared for what was to come
>around this time i became a very shy kind of kid, even around family
>i didn't like to go out nearly as much and overall converted to a very introvertive nightowl type over time
>being isolated in the house all the time with mom (or dad when he was home or off work) would often lead to fights and i feel like i would often get shouted/screamed at for even the silliest or most trivial of things which certainly didn't help in making me a pretty sensitive and shy person
>dad still drinks a lot, still not much of a father and gets into fights with mom a lot
>tl;dr IT SUCKS

cont.

part 3: teen/junior high
>all around the same time period, i finish 7th grade in homeschooling, dad finds out the place he works out will soon be closing down in our town, but that he has a job offer in two other towns in the state
>one of the towns is 5 miles away from my parents' home town
>for months they start talking about moving back (all of this without telling me of course, this town we lived in at the time was the town i was born and raised in so you can imagine my surprise when they suddenly tell me we're just leaving)
>he takes the job and just like that we're leaving
>it's not so bad since all the family on my mom's side lives in the area and it's nice to be surrounded by people who love you
>by this point we're very obviously conscious of the fact that homeschooling was a massive fucking mistake and begin talking about high school
>mom thinks i can make it because i'm smart (i tend to disagree) even though we skipped 8th grade
>i am absolutely terrified of going because i've been reduced to a mushmouthed sensitive sperg without any concept of how humans work
>but we come to the conclusion its for the best and that i need to
>after many months of us getting trying to find a home, moving in, all that boring shit, i take an entry test at the local high school
>i completely flunk it
>instead i'm going to junior high 8th grade
>yeah i fucking told you so mom
>spend a whole year mentally prepping myself for having to deal with people again after YEARS of basically not dealing with anybody but family
>made the mistake of signing up for the football team despite being a pudgy asthmatic tard wtih no expectation of what was to come
>jesus christ what was i thinking
>school year begins
>first day i am on the verge of shitting and pissing myself for the entire day due to being literally incapable of understanding social relationships or how any of it works and basically having to teach myself through trial and error
>it goes..... okay? i guess?
>i make some friends
>the classes are okay
>football practice time
>oh my god this is fucking horrible
>somehow forgot im a fat asthmatic retard and that something like this would absolutely destroy me
>quit football after about 10 more
horrifically embarrassing attempts of that
>overall 8th grade just culminated in me, in trial and error, figuring out how to not be a *total* spazzoid. it wasnt a complete victory but i did at least get better by the time it was over and make some friends. there were ups and downs like there is to anything i guess

cont.

part 3.5 high school
>time for high school
>pretty much just the same thing as 8th grade but for 4 years with tons of embarrassing shit strung throughout that i'm not stupid enough to share :)
>my high school life mostly consisted of me just going with the flow, gradually getting better at not being a retard, and being a "ghost"
>by being a ghost i mean i mostly kept a low profile and didn't really pertain to any clique, though i still had my friends. didn't eat at lunch, wasn't too talkative, just did my own thing and got things done when i wanted to
>never went to parties, never did drugs of any kind, never fooled with relationships, just hung out with friends
>unfortunately, i was also a lazy scumbag and had a tendency to ditch school
>would always have to do makeup hours for it and would do them
>not a bad student and good when i put in the effort but a lazy fucker, you know the story
>get "the talk" about this my junior year and start actually trying again
>things went well
>mid senior year
>get mononucleosis
>im put out on my ass and cant do a fucking thing, most sick ive ever been in my life
>im past hours i cant even make up and basically told i either have to redo the entire year or im not graduating
>i tell them im done and ill get my GED instead
>and that was that, one of my biggest regrets in life

part 4 young adulthood/THE PRESENT
>21
>NEET
>all my high school friends have moved on and I no longer speak with them
>no job experience or any work experience at all
>sensitive personality
>slipping back into social retard mode (though I am making an honest effort to go out more)
>still in "ghost mode"
>don't know how to drive but I'm hoping to fix that soon
>haven't got my GED yet
>no plan for what I want to do with my life
>no plan for what I would want to do at college
>only release in life is trivial things like reading good books, watching good movies, playing games, talking with the few friends I have, etc.
>so bored that you write like 9000 chars about your boring life on a random /lit/ thread at 1:26 AM

this is the life baby

everyone in here just needs to read catcher in the rye a few times

>>12728838
ummm bassed

>>12728852
This but ronically

>>12724049
I hate everyone who has ever posted on this board and wish that it was deleted

>>12724530
>Paris
>Government
So basically you do nothing for a living. Oh well, sounds like it will be nice till France burns.

>>12728999
I wish someone would delete internet

>>12728730
Infinite Jest three times followed by Les Miserables twice for believing that anyone would want to read that

>19 years old
>gonna start studying Law in April
>don't really do anything productive right now
>read, browse the internet and do push-ups all day long
>talk to myself a lot
>sometimes for as long as half an hour just sitting there and talking to myself
>I am in a point of my life in which I constantly learn new things about myself and about life in general
>constantly realise my mistakes and how to improve certain aspects of myself
>never satisfied with myself
>constantly notice things I could or should do different
>on some topics I have rather radical and unconventional views/opinions
>not a single friend
>hard time connecting to people
>have no problem with talking to them however
>I am often told how serious and mature I seem to be for my age

No idea what else there is to say about my life.

I’m 20 but I look 30. I don’t know if others are intimidated by me or if I’m just ugly. I give the impression of a general laborer but I’m actually well educated for my age

>>12725120
Marry me
I speak english, german, japanese, chinese and learning russian
got rid of obsession with 19th century and am now a commited nihilist

>>12726170
there is a big step from depression to rope. wait until you pass 25 at least.

>>12729092
>Law
>hard time connecting with people
You better improve social skills

>>12729199
Why?

>>12724049
Primary school:
>Every time I made a friend they'd move to a different school.
>Always hung out with the "bad" kids even though I wasnt bad myself.
>B grade student, with the odd A or C in there

HS:
>Grades started slipping
>got depressed, chased after some thot and got emotional because i was a retard.
>Couldn't channel that energy into working harder like some people do.
>Depression just became a downward spiral.
>grades started slipping
>I started to smoking weed and dabbling in psychs (MDMA, LSD) as a way to self-treat depression/have fun.
>start seeing a therapist
>then start seeing an actual psychologist who then talks with a psychiatrist about medication.
>get sent to a mental ward because psychiatrist had concerns or some shit
>literally no reason to send me there, I was just open with how I felt.
>learnt in hospital that you can't trust anyone because they always assume the worst
>BS my way through, lie to them and tell them I'm getting better
>anti depressants (SSRIs) make me feel weird
>only thing to do in hospital is read, so I do that. Read The Chrysalids and half of The Poisonwood Bible.
>other patients are all batshit, makes me feel like I'm definitely not bad enough to be here
>finally out of the hospital, friends are all weird about it for a week but everything goes back to normal
>fuck these antidepressants, stop taking them cold-turkey so I can do LSD once against
>Grades stabilised as passing but in my last year of school I started failing.
>They took me out of normal classes and got me to do the dropkick ones.
>Easy shit but still couldn't be arsed to do more than get a C except in classes I actually enjoyed (Art, and IT).

Tertiary:
>Managed to find a good way into Uni despite barely passing highschool.
>This meant going to a community college type thing for a year
>Super easy. Met some nice people (and some not).
>find a part-time job
>discovered DXM, still doing weed on/off.
>smoke every night for a week straight, then take a couple weeks off, repeat. Afraid of addiction.
>Read 1984, loved it
>don't touch The Poisonwood Bible for a while, it makes me think of hospital and that shit place.

Now:
>uni studying IT (CS)
>still working part-time
>started reading more, finishing The Poisonwood Bible (I really enjoy it).
>smoking weed now and then
>doing DXM whenever it's safe

Sorry for the life-story....

>>12724337
Fuck gender. Challenge: if you aren’t a boy or a girl, define whichever one(s, fuck 2019) you aren’t and tell me why you aren’t them. Also, if your definitions are sexist, you lose, biggit.

Secondly, it’s time for Nietzsche, fren. Even if you ultimately go back to the church, you can’t make a big kid decision about Christianity until you can see it from an outside perspective, which Neechee will open up for you. Genealogy is the best place to start.

Also if you’re confused because you dislike mommy’s little atheists too, Neech lays into them right at the end.

Happy life anon.

i am a gay, corpulent dwarf with diabetes. i am severely jaundiced. i am jewish and homosexual. i am handicapped, but not handicapable, and also mexican. i have glaucoma. i am from turkey. i am a 9 year old black muslim. i love baubles and doodads. i am an uncircumcised nascar dad. i am only wearing a peru flag. i am a gay conservative. i am against kwanza. i live with my parents. i am on disability. i am on welfare. i am 7 feet tall. i am against gays. i love the koran and islam. i want to walk someday. i live in a bunker. i am an animal. i am a soccer ghoul. i live in a yurt. i don't believe the holocaust. i live in a tent. i am a proud anime dad. i am a gracious grandpa. i am a gay gramp. i love kwanza. i love diabetes. i am against anime. i want to be an anime. i am from peru. i am a gay peru granddad. i am only wearing moccasins. i am only wearing a fanny pack filled with medical supplies. i am against dwarfs. i am a nascar muslim. i love weed. i have high-functioning autism. i am an arab dwarf. i am a wiccan dad. i am a deranged nascar papa. i am a humble, gay muslim. i eat moss. i eat bones. i eat bags. i am from carlsbad caverns. i am a wiccan burn victim. i am against islam. i work in a satchel factory. i work in a koran factory. i am a muslim soccer gramp. i am a gay soccer muslim. i am 11 years old. i am an anime. i love glaucoma anime. i am from chad. i am a gay chad dwarf. i am a soccer vamp. i love weed and soccer. i love weed and the torah. i love cooters. i love a girl's snatch. i love a girl's cooch. i love a gay dad's anime dick. i love a gramp's swollen soccer dick. i am an uncircumcised puerto rican pap pap. i love a gay kwanza fiesta. i am from kwanza. i am an autistic anime soccer dad. i am only wearing a soccer bag. i am the dad of your dreams. i am a wiccan grandpa in the sewers. i live in the sewers. i am 3 feet tall. i am looking at a koran with binoculars. i am looking at a cooter with binoculars. i love a gay dwarf's cooter.

>>12729417
the common theme is gay dwarves

25 years old, recently graduated with the lowest score passable, spent last 7 years drinking instead of working/studying so now i have no experience and shitty degree
also drinking buddies are now gone so im lonely as fuck

I'm a fairly sexy, fairly wealthy, fairly dominant mid 30's math PhD working in AI with a an obsession to do sometime important in life. I've also worked in quantum computation, blockchain and virtual reality (yes, my life is the tech meme). But I'm central European, not a silicon valley guy.
I got a good sex live, but maybe I make a baby with 36.
PS I also never read novels, just textbooks and philosophy. I see myself gravitating towards unconditional acc, not that I think that this perspective implies particular actions to take. It's more a style than anything else.

life*
Also I try to get into meditation and fasting.

Is it better to learn Latin or Classical Greek?

>>12724679
I did order it, by the way. I was particularly excited to see that it was set in Arizona, Arizona is usually neglected in conversations and narratives about the American west/southwest. Anyone else have good Arizonan writing recommendations, 1800's or otherwise?

>>12729002
Precisely

I'm 20 years old and currently pursuing a bachelor's degree in computer science. Most of my days are spent keeping ahead of deadlines on projects or pursuing something of my own interests. I lift 5 times a week, meditate once in a while.
My first 18 years seem like a blur to me. It's like not much of significance has ever happened in my life, even though my family has been through all sorts of upheavels and problems. I've wasted most of my life in front of a screen- the same screen that now promises to be my livelihood and something I have grown productive at. I've never kissed a girl. I also have severe anxiety, which sometimes helps me achieve my goals and other times makes me a neurotic wreck.

I live in a military barrack.
Wake up at 7:00am and shave and get ready for the day.
get some free breakfast at 7:30 and be on parade for 8:30.
Go to the gym at 9:00 and workout/go for a run, take a shower and return to parade at 11:30.
Go clean until 12:30 and go for lunch.
return at 1:30 and see if there's anything else to be done.
more that likely finish at 2 and return to room to read/go on my laptop.
pretty comfy desu

>>12724049
Emotionally stunted until late teens and overweight until I was 23 I never made any meaningful connections with friends or family that didn't turn into the other person bullying me.
Without any self-confidence I barely managed to get an internship 5 years after graduation from business school just to confirm that I truly can't live with myself.
Now trying to write at least one sci-fi book (despite not being able to write or even read a book) channeling all of my angst into an enjoyable read but keep getting distracted by internet banalities and my continuous attempts to turn my new good looks (still not sure on the validity of that since I have never been complimented by someone in my age bracket and am still doughy in places, prominently my face) into a romantic or fuck date with zero results.
Also my mind deteriorates because of the conflict that I just want a single person to enjoy my existence though it can't be an obese girl because that just reminds me of my failed early life but at the same time I feel guilty for my superficiality and feel like I deserve nothing short of an excruciatingly long existence in inevitable poverty with an additional stay in eternal hell.

I'm 23. I'm in constant physical pain for 2 years (I have TMJ disorder and something else which cannot be diagnosed). My father's brother with whom I lived killed himself when I was 16 because he was mentally ill. My mother and father divorced when I was 8. I've live in rented apartments my whole life (my mother's brother was drunkard and kicked us from our house) and we have moved over 20 times and I'll still move because I'm poor.
I've never had a girlfriend, I kissed the first girl on 21. Since then I've kissed 2 other girls. I'm antinatalist and antisex (virgin - I refused sex from the third girl). I'm undersocialised, I have no friends. I have no siblings or cousins. I live both with my father and mother.
I'm about to graduate in English at low-standard university. I'm a translator. I live in an alternative third world shithole country which doesn't even have a name.
I'm short and aspie.
My father was never here for me, my mother was overly attached and overprotective hyperactive bitch and thus I developed Oedipus complex and have pedophilophobia, incestphobia and homophobia and OCD.
I've been taking meds chronically since 3 years ago, none of them helped, only had side-effects (pain, nausea, sleep paralysis - I suffer from insomnia, - and recently started having body convulsions). I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Unspecified Personality Disorder.
I also suffer from anhedonia and apathy. Buying a firearm or euthanasia is not legal in my country.
My father plays in a punk band and smokes weed and snorts amphetamine.
I come from an academic family - my two grandfathers were dentist and physicist. But we ended up poor because they were anti-establishment in the period of transition from communism to capitalism.

>>12730393
This sounds like blasphemy, but lift a little less and spend more time with your friends. The trade will help balance you.

>>12730869
>I just want a single person to enjoy my existence though it can't be an obese girl
lmao

>>12730895
You might really benefit from psychedelics

0530 Alarm goes off
0630 Actually get out of bed
0700 Get in car
0730 Arrive at office job
1600 Leave office job
1630 Arrive home
2100 Lay down in bed
2200 Fall asleep

Pic related is me, gibs recs

>>12730920
What do you do between 16h30 and 21h00 ?

Keeping aside two hours for cooking/eating and talking to your family or whatever on the phone, that leaves you 3 solid hours to read, which is nice.

>>12730908
Yes people have already told me this. Drugs are completely illegal in my country. I've tried smoking weed but consuming it by inhaling only makes my headache worse, and I don't experience pleasure, relief or anything else from it. It's also low quality because I live in third world shithole. I've also tried weed oil but it didn't help either. Finding other stuff is almost impossible. I already tried asking my father's friends for heroin and other stuff. They told him and he beat me up and, he hit me with a blow to the chin and dislocated my TMJ even more.
I've tried finding magic shrooms and still try with no success.
I plan to visit Amsterdam if I don't die until I do.

>>12730920
The Power of Habit

and, wow, you spend 9.5 hours in bed every day?

wake
sleep
wake
sleep
miserable life

>>12730930
Chores and whatever my current time waster of choice is. I go through 3-6 month periods of hobbies and interests until I think about why I'm doing it so hard that all the fun is sucked out of it. Mainly that it's a 'waste of time,' even though that's explicitly what I am doing.

>>12730995
I get my 8 hrs of recommended sleep. The rest is my preference / shortcoming of not being able to just go right to sleep or hop out of bed. I am jealous of people who can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. I used to have a real fucked up sleep schedule through college, realized it wasn't going to cut it with a steady office job.

>>12726980
>i think constantly about the past and what life could have been like had socialism worked
>my current life is about to irrecoverably change
try living on a communal farm for a year or two. I'm sure you can find one just by asking around while you're still in uni
pros: cheap living, lots of lounging around time, guaranteed friends if you aren't autistic
cons: big hole in resume, not a problem for you since your resume hasn't even begun yet

>>12727477
>living in a small town working an average stress free job
>average stress free job
someone tell him

>>12730904
Well yes, obese people aren't human from my point of view because I wasn't treated as a human due my obesity. I did everything I could to get away from that and now apparently only fat people will acknowledge my existence, it is a cruel joke.

>>12728308
Take your time, don't rush into things. Stop with the woe is me. Stop thinking you need to inflict suffering on yourself. Most of all, make friends and cherish them. Be completely open to hangout invitations.

>>12730435
What military is this?

>>12728486
lewis, that you?

>>12729172
no short guys pls

>>12729417
>i am handicapped, but not handicapable

>>12730935
>I plan to visit Amsterdam if I don't die until I do.
Please don't. It's quite literally DUDE WEED LMAO, the city. Go to an actual comfy dutch city like Groningen or Haarlem. Shrooms are illegal btw, but truffles aren't. If you're european you can probably just order them online from most dutch "smartshop" websites anyway.

>>12730999
Infinite Jest

>>12730120
little girl in the background is gonna grow up to be a total heartbreaker

>>12731361
Okay, anyway I'll go to Netherlands.
No I'm not a european.
Also, you can't buy shrooms even illegaly in my country.

>>12724049
>30 years old.
>Out of shape homosexual.
>Smoke weed all the time.
>Live with my parents.
>Work in a factory. ($17/h)
>All my income goes toward keeping my parents and I afloat.
>Only joys in life are the small talk with a coworker that I get along with, reading, and spending time with my dogs.
>Fantasize about suicide but don't have the balls to do it.

>>12731394
Ditch the weed and read Aurelius I guess.
>>12731389
Mmm, alright then, have fun and don't buy from street dealers ;)

>>12731325
Irish
mainly just waiting to go overseas for a peacekeeping mission
But that won't be for at least a year

>>12731686
Is the whole country as comfy as the memes?
Emerald Isle, Land of Poets, land of lads, pints, and big tiddy ginger gfs.

>>12725431
He might be in a country where they start out of high school instead of after undergrad.

>>12728158
The Shining by Stephen King

>>12731707
>Is the whole country as comfy as the memes?
I love Ireland and I'm not as well traveled as I'd like to be, so i couldn't say for certain.
The way I'd describe it would be England but friendlier.
Of course this varys from place to place, up north the people are more hardy and standoffish whereabouts the midlands is more opening to foreigners and Dublin is a shithole

>19 year old Brit
>First year Classics degree
>Started with the greeks
>Have systematically separated my friend groups into blocs in my head and given wildly different names, backgrounds and personalities to them all
>Habitual liar in every aspect of my life, have been since I was a kid, hate myself, never been close to another human being

Brainlet who larps as smart. Has no friends or hope for the future. Sophomore in highschool. Really wish I could understand philosophy.

>engineering grad student
>haven't had a friend in 7 years, formerly an agoraphobic drug addict, although I'm a lot better now
>feel like I've finally started coming out of my perpetual dysthymic haze
>spend all of my (very little) free time listening to music, shitposting, exercising and reading
Thank you for reading my blog, please give recs

>be born
>become tween
>mother gets sick
>have to move to orphanage while she is treated
>older boy sneaks into the girls corridor and molests me several times, convinced me I should be the one ashamed and keep quiet
>get foster family on weekends
>literal actual cultists
>thinks I can talk to god, tries to yoink custody from my sick mother
>they fail eventually and my mom gets better
>the rest is boring but never really recover, 25 now and have spend the last 7 years as a shut in

i am a 23 year old neet with no life experience of any kind, never had a job, no gf (or sex), scared to go to college

>>12734892
Hello me in someone else's body.

>>12728709
>>12728715
>>12728720
>>12728730
>>12734892
>>12734901
>>12734693
>>12734642
>>12734617
catcher in the rye

>>12734608
There is a role model living in london by the name of 'londonfrog'.

One day he will have his posts emblazoned on downtown london neon signs so all the passerbys can laugh at him while he mopes around at 40, still alone and dejected.

You could learn a thing or two from him, as you most likely will never accomplish anything that amazing, and he is on that track for sure, at the rate of publicity and loneliness he is exuding (which are both rising in tandem).

If that isn't your desired career/life path, maybe check out The Great Gatsby and try to live your life like Gatsby before you die, dejected and alone.

>>12734907

This inspired me to get out of bed and make plans to meet with friends today, try to be better. Thanks for the harsh message anon, gotta get my shit in order

>>12734962
Is this a lie again?

>move to big city to find job
>end up shutting myself up in a small room for 3 years

>>12724316
I weirdly feel like I would enjoy being a pippette gremlin. Trouble is I only have enough energy to just barely coast by in a humanities program.

>>12724501
Walden was the gayest book I ever tried to read. There was just nothing compelling about it.

>>12734970

I've never lied about mundane things like that, I'm always over the top and extraordinary. This thread is the first time I've written it down in words, so it's progress

I have a fair amount of unexciting but impactful trauma that I think I need to get through, so maybe some positive lit for me? Idk

>>12725421
>ignorant burger politics
This frog would like to tell all Francofrogs that they have to go back

>>12725327
Mein Kampf

>>12725389
I know this feel

>>12725676
Mein Kampf

>>12725952
Self-help book for autistic kids
Any of them

>>12724049
I want (I think) to be a psychologist, I currently work in a hospital doing grunt work for medical research projects, this is good but to achieve my former goal I ought to have more experience of actual care as well as a masters degree and I don’t know which to pursue first.
I have music I want to record but don’t know how.
I have a very sweet and good looking gf but we our values are nearly totally different due to political/philosophical beliefs

>>12724530
>>12724646
>Vivre a Paris

im an under control schizophrenic that like far out ideas that still have some meat on them

>>12724530
i do not believe you for various reasons

>>12735340
>""Vivre"" à Paris

>>12731211
The stress of boredom alone might kill him, especially if it's menial clerical or administrative work that can't be done while one's mind is pleasantly adrift on more challenging subjects. This is not to mention the rage factor of office bitches who impose their nil taste in music on everyone.

>>12724049
22, got drunk last night, having relationship problems with girlfriend, love boxing and lifting, tired, cancer survivor as of 2 months ago, still tired, about to drink some coffee and had 4 eggs

>>12735031
name 5

>>12731344
>>12725120
おいしゅうございましたさようなら

/lit/'s gotten younger. This upsets me, but also explains things.

>>12727381
Julius Cesar is actually the most perfect book for you are your situation

>>12725120
>19
>high school
Wut

>>12737666
im polish, we start school at 7 so half the people are 19 in 12th grade
nice trips

>>12724049
I am 25 years old, I have zero sexual or romantic experience, never had a job and I dropped out of high school. I'm also agoraphobic.

>>12726170
You are me but 21
>work for dad's small company
>basically a neet
>trying to pick up hobbies to distract me from my shit life
>feel like absolute trash everyday because I still depend on parents
I'm thinking about doing non destructive testing as I've seen this website that offers online courses and then a one month trip to their facility in the midwest
Don't know how legit it is and the classes are expensive, but the job is very lucrative as all the boomers are dying or retiring

>>12737683
That actually sounds nice. I still felt like a kid at 19 and still do at 21, so I guess it gives you more time to mature.

I once met a female paedophile online from Poland when I was 15

>>12737906
>I once met a female paedophile online from Poland when I was 15

Tell us more.

22yr old wagecuck that doesn't know what he is doing with his life. I dread the future that looks like it's going towards collapse. Still hoping for a happenin, hoping it would change my life. Just to remember certain things never change, even if happening would occur. Reading religious and spiritual texts and material has become a form of escapism for me. Other than that I try to get into higher education, even though I hate the education system.

>2nd years physics bsc
>irl bsc
>bit of a shut in
>had one gf, she moved to wales
>have a handful of core friends
>like working out
>do martial arts couple times a week
>sepsis from childhood left me with a lot of scars, fucked up hand and insecure
>started with the greeks
>currently reading moby dick inbetween 2 pynchon books
>a vague sense of dread permeates my days

>>12737753
meditations from marcus aurelius
follow up with epictetus' lectures

>>12736850
What the trouble with the gf?
Congrats on beating cancer

>>12738357
What do you want to do with your life?
We'll all die soon enough, why dread the future

>>12724189
He probably burned his brain cells. It's over for him.

>>12737906
>I once met a female paedophile online from Poland when I was 15
the age of consent in Poland is 15, so officially NOT a pedo

>>12725525
>The wealth disparity here is outrageous

You don't even have to work in France... We tax the rich like no other country.

>>12734999
lmao ok

>>12724100
You don't want to be a scientist anyway.
Being a scientist today means skewing statistics to create profits for large corporations.
What you really want is to be paid to discover new and exciting types of numbers, and friend you are in luck.

>>12735405
Is it because you’re jealous of him?

>>12727354
I am 19. I was referring to myself in the past. And yes, I am still here and noting all he recommendations.

>>12727388
>150iq genius
>self esteem relies on brand name academic validation

>>12741253
I often see people who are intelligent in terms of abstract problem solving abilities, while being pretty retarded in terms of mindset and lifestyle. And vice versa.

>>12741279
It's not about retarded in mindset, it's that this mindset signals the complete opposite characteristics of intelligence, especially at the level claimed. It's the type of shit mid wits go through. Imagine having "150iq" and having nothing to show for it past good grades, regardless of being that smart and still being unable to understand the academic system. That anon is either a liar or autistic and managed to dupe everyone into thinking he was ever actually intelligent and not just a robot that can be easily discarded once the system that created him demands a human brain past a certain level of advancement within itself. He's realizing his purpose(nothing) destined for him and is in despair. Like an android, almost human, finally understanding itself. Much more tragic than worker bot looking in a mirror, resigned in his fate and continuing his job diligently. He had a taste of the sweet nectar that satisfies some, motivates most. Now he has nothing and knowledge of it's return being impossible.
Intelligent people either acquire or disregard it

>>12738560
I have no clue. If I knew I would know what I was doing wiyh my life, mainly work towards what I want. And there is life between birth and death, might as well do something with it while you have it.

>>12726198
>replies to everyone in the damn thread
>excellent post

>>12738820
based

Suicidally depressed antinatalist teen with no passion or friends. I don't plan on living past 20 but I figure it'll happen anyway. I don't want to accept wagecucking, and constantly escape to fantasy realms via anime or looking out the car window and imagining things. My favorite poet is Leopardi.

i am so overwhelmed and consumed with a blaring superego to the point where i remain inert and unwilling to do anything -- unless it's a team effort, in which case i toot my own horn and work hard, not because i value the work, but because i wish to be seen as someone who works hard. i am unable to generate drive for anything from within myself and use background noise and distractions of any variety to avoid thinking. usually i can't sleep unless i have a podcast playing next to me at minimum volume, not so i can pay attention to its words but rather so that the mere action of focusing on trying to listen occupies my mind enough so as to keep it from thinking.

First year of uni
Until 8th grade I liked the sciences. A really good literature teacher came along and I soon started finding more meaning in it. Used to be a scrawny pale kid in an abusive group of ''friends'' who always forced me to get high off weed and then would proceed to humiliate me and belittle me. During 10th-12th grade I became really liked, really good sense of humor, hit the gym and realized I like history and politics. Girls liked me and openly showed interest in me but I'm afraid that it's all one big joke and the moment I let my guard down and show my true feelings I will be laughed at. Experimented with psychedelics (salvia, dmt, lsd), read a lot of hippie enlightenment stuff and I love to think about the stuff from back then.I am afraid of embracing life and actually committing to it. I have close friends, I work out, I have top grades, but I am not sincere with life in a way. First year in uni in an international law major and there's this girl that likes me and I like her as well. Afraid again. What do?

>>12743154
You know perfectly well what you need to do, you're clearly self aware enough. You don't need to wait for a stranger on an internet message board to tell you.

>>12743232
I haven't kissed, I have zero experience in these things. I know how to act, we've been on dates, we've had a great time but escalating...scary stuff. What if I mess something up, what if I don't act and she loses interest. I'll regret both and all that right.

>>12726665
>>12726672
(A bad witticism, but I won't cross it out. I wrote it thinking it would come out very witty; but now, seeing for myself that I simply had a vile wish to swagger - I purposely won't cross it out!)

>>12724049
>26
>stemfag
>make enough money without having to work full time which means more time for reading and hobbies
>wanted to be concert pianist, now only do it as a hobby and to play for friends
>rich social life, i.e. drink alot
>constant foreboding sense of doom
>can't seem to find the joy in things like I used too
>they say I am a narcissist for wanting more out of life

>>12725522
war & war

>>12743247
touch her on the arm and shoulders and get more physical to see how she reacts, or if that feels insincere to you just ask to kiss her. kind of autistic desu but I guarantee if she's shown interest in you she'll say yes, another alternative is to just kiss her. it's really not very difficult, look it up online if you have to (which I'm sure you already have). At this point it sounds as if doing nothing is riskier than doing something -- what do you have to lose? stop overanalyzing and pitying yourself and act. this is coming from another first year uni student who only kissed a girl a few months ago if that makes you feel better

>>12743547
she likes/seeks my touch in obvious and sometimes subtle ways, but she is obviously waiting for me. Kissing requires not thinking about it and letting it come naturally, I will overthink it.

>>12743590
You don't know what it requires as you have no experience with it. It requires being relaxed but you can be mindful or as thoughtful as you'd like as long as you relax your jaw and lips and move slowly; I doubt she will mind even if you sperg out, you will have more time to practice

>>12724501
Lonesome Dove if you haven't already read it.
Border Trilogy by McCarthy
you might like Butcher's Crossing by John Williams. It was a bit slow and un-violent for a Western, but is written well enough.

>>12731389
I'm dutch, live in Groningen. It's comfy here, small city that feels like a village. Amsterdam is a mutt shithole where everybody is rude