/lit/ - Literature

>>1271970
>implying that your boyfriend would rather have a fucking chess book than the gift of fucking your mouth for half an hour.

>Implying that you have a boyfriend.

See if there are any books about Bobby fisher

'hey u pic pic of hot hermione granger lol, ur prob hot too so im going to help u heheheheheh'

obligatory

>>1271974
Not OP, but generally, if you've been together for a while, blowjobs aren't really a 'birthday' kind of thing. Unless OP never puts out.

MURPHY, by Samuel Beckett, contains a full-on chess game as part of the plot.

It's also Beckett's first (and funniest) novel.

>>1271974
I'm not saying he wouldn't. But he gets my mouth for longer than that, not to mention everything else, for as long as he wants -- the chess book would just be a bonus. Are you jealous of my smart and sexually satisfied boyfriend?

buy him black ops, a fat sack of dank and tell him to stop being such a faggot chess playing nerd

>Unless OP never puts out
>puts out
pic related.

>>1271980
inb4 30 replies.

>>1271981
lololololololololololololololol

>>1271981
>>1271985
well /lit/ sure is shitty this morning

>>1271979
I'm not talking about blowjobs. Most women can't suck dick properly to save their life.
I'm talking about getting on your knees and letting your boyfriend fuck your mouth.

Way better.

endgame by beckett

>>1271980
No, I'm not jealous of your imaginary boyfriend.

Protip: Go to a gym. Work off that flab. Get some sun. Learn to put on makeup properly, and PLEASE put less on than you do. You look like a fucking circus clown. And for god's sake, wash and comb your hair more than twice a week. No one wants a girl with sewer-rat hair.

These tips will help you get a boyfriend. A real one.

Books.... about chess....

I almost fell asleep from the idea alone.


>20 pages contemplating next move
>....
>Horse, to F8
>....
>checkmate

DAT PLOT

>>1271992

psychologically projecting twilight fatty spotted

Here you go, OP.

>>1271997
No, I have a dick and balls.

I'm just trying to help this girl out. All the girls I've met that admit to coming on 4chan are exactly as I described-- they could be so hot, but they're just... nasty. Like they would be ten times hotter if you just stripped them down and scrubbed them with a garden hose and a toilet brush.

I mean... 4chan chicks. Ew.

l2hygene.

>>1271987
Yeah, that happens. But when you are already having sex pretty much every day, that sort of thing loses it 'birthday' factor.

>>1272002
... and the dudes from 4chan aren't just as nasty? People who spend the majority of their day on the computer are more than likely going to be like that, male or female.

OP: Most serious chess players don't really care for literature about chess. Playing chess is like trying to bullshit your way through a really hard math test. It's not really very literary. This could easily go over as a "clueless gf" kind of gift.

>>1272016
Look, just because the guys on 4chan are fat neckbeards dosen't mean that the girls on 4chan aren't dirty little sewer-rat girls with bad hygene.

All I was suggesting was just that OP wash regularly, exercise, wear clean clothes and learn not to make her face look like she's auditioning for Ringling Brothers.

That's all. There's no reason to get so mad.

>>1272025
No, what I was saying is that BOTH males and females from 4chan could take your advice. I've noticed since the advent of /fit/ though that more people are getting healthy, which is great.

>>1272021
Yes, I've heard this. He does like reading, and he does like chess, so I don't really see where the catch is.
As usual, however, this thread has devolved into various perversions and doubts, so ...
Move along, people. Nothing more to see here.

>>1272025
I dunno man, /lit/ gets some quality girls.

>>1272047
>/lit/ gets one or two moderately attractive girls who bail the moment they are not getting DELISHUS ATTENTION, just like the rest of the internet and the world for that matter.
ffy

(sucks to be clueless.)

>>1272054
Psh, you just jelly.

>>1272047
Holy mother of legs.

>>1272057
MFW Lolita

>>1272065
Dude. Those are 15 year old girls legs. You're supposed to joke about loliraep, not be creepy-serious.

Ew, man.

>>1272071
15 year old is not loli, just jailbait. And legal in some places.

Now >>1272057 is loliraep

>mfw you fucking creepy neckbeards can't even tell the age of a woman by her physique since you've had barely any contact with any.
seriously, kill yourselves.

>>1272078
Hey, whatever you say pedo.

>>1272089
PROTIP:
>no tits
>no hips
>sticklegs
=
pre- to mid-adolescent

MFW dipshit up there calls that a "quality girl".

>>1272092
>>1272098
Hey now, to each their own.

>>1272101
That's the spirit.

I haven't read it myself, but I have a friend who's into chess and is quite fond of a book called The Royal Game.

Also, this thread makes me ashamed of /lit/. Shape up, guys.

Get that man a copy (you can get replicas) of Caxton's chess playing rules. First book published in English ever. If he's a proper biblophile, it'll be a real novelty!

>>1272025

You know fuck all about OP, and she hasn't revealed anything about herself. So what you're saying is, the women of 4chan all look like that, and that's disgraceful. Why aren't you posting this sad little diatribe on every single post? Because the men are allowed to be filthy?

I'm a girl of /lit/ and I had a shower this morning, I'm fit and sexy and I have a boyfriend. Take your shithole misogynist fuckery to one of the less intelligent boards.

the defense is as good as you're going to get

>>1272151
Pics or GTFO with yourr mad self.

>>1272151
>I'm a girl of /lit/ and I had a shower this morning,

Well, that's something to brag about, I guess.

>I'm fit and sexy and I have a boyfriend.

WUHHHH OOOOOOHHHH!
Pic related!

>>1272181

Sadly enough, if I did post a pic, I'd graduate from 'fat chick/dude pretending to be hot girl' to 'attention whore'. So no.

Smart people understand that, merely as a rule of averages, there are hot girls and ugly girls, thin girls and fat girls, smart girls and stupid girls and all types of girls going on all types of websites. Just like with men.

>>1272151
>I'm a girl of /lit/ and I had a shower this morning, I'm fit and sexy and I have a boyfriend.

8/10

MFW read.

>>1272151
And this is why women shouldn't be allowed on the internet.

>>1272205
Homely greasy rat-girl detected.

I'll bet you're a good solid 5, but think you're an 8, you dress like a 3, and wear make up like you're four.

>>1272208

They're too smart for you?

>>1272216

>girls on internet
>in a literature board, of all things
>too smart

(and yes, I just made this about how chicks can't write)

yay, misogyny thread

>>1272151
>sexy
please tell me which girl from the tinychat you are :)

>>1272216
They are naturally submissive and mentally weaker than men, so when they pretend to stand up for themselves and act strong it is just pathetic.

>>1272214

You sound clueless and pathetic.

>>1272227

I don't think you actually live in the real world. Do you know any women?

>>1272235

Maybe he's from /fit/

>>1272235
I have a girlfriend and am surrounded by women everyday at work and college. Say what you want, no matter how politically incorrect what I say is, there is truth in it.

The Vonnegut short story "All the King's Men" is awesome and about chess. It's in Welcome to the Monkey House.

The Defense by Nabokov is about chess. I haven't read it but I literally cannot imagine anything Nabokov wrote would be less than great.

MY FACE WHEN GOOK WOMEN ARE THE SEXIEST AND ONLY INDEPENDANT WOMEN ON THE EARTH

>>1272241

I feel really fucking sorry for your girlfriend, man.
If she's submissive and weak and pathetic, well, thank god you've found a woman who suits you. My boyfriend would fall about laughing imagining trying to say that to my face.

ITT: BUTTHURT MUST FLOW

>>1272229
You soound mad
Mad at how right I am about you.

>>1272241


Oh hey! I live in a mansion up on a giant hill that floats in the air and I have one billion million pussycats and I milk them for their semen and everyday I wait until the morning comes before I bestow on my followers the dripping from my pussycats because I am known as Pussy-king


I'm just like you dude who is surrounded by women yet knows nothing about them.

>>1272244

Independent? lolwut? Also, is this the impression you get from living in Japan? If so, your racial epithets need some work. Gook is for Vietnamese people.

>>1272247
>I don't like human nature so I deny it!!!
Again, this leads me to my previous point; women shouldn't be allow on the internet.

I know you're mad, but the only reason you are is because what I have said has been true; I just didn't use any flowery language so you got offended.

>>1272257

Explain to me why women shouldn't be allowed on the internet.

You think I'm just offended. Yes, obviously I am. But you're also wrong.
Physically women are usually weaker, yes. That's biological. Mentally, I disagree, science disagrees, society disagrees and thinks you're a silly misogynist.

>>1272264
She's right you know. Women have the potential to be every bit as psycologically and emotionally strong as men.

It's just that that potential is seldom fulfilled once women realize that's it's far easier to just coast by with their tits and vaginas, throwing temper tantrums, crying or pouting everytime something doesn't go their way. Works everytime!

Only the fat and/or ugly ones every develop any maturity or mental fortitude-- because it's that or nothing for them. They have to either put up or shut up, because floating through life on their looks is just not an option. This makes them smart and interesting, but so bitter and hateful that no one wants to be around them except other fuglies. And all their cats.

This is the reason women are worthless in general, as well as why they are such terrible writers. There's no point being mad about it; if you're a woman, and these basic, obvious truths piss you off, it's really up to you to do something about it.

>>1272282

I'm sure you're enjoying living in your personal fantasy world, where women are worthless and terrible writers and have never done anything for society.

The rest of us, however, are living in the real world. It's completely pointless to try and get to you the inanity of the argument that 50% of the world's population is useless. If you really believe that, you're really too stupid to function and I'm not sure how you've managed to stay in this bubble so long.

roger zelazny, unicorn variations. Pretty sweet collection of short stories.

>>1272289
Oh, I get along just fine.

I treat women like the children they have allowed themselves to become, and they're happy as clams. But I sure as shit don't put them in charge of anything that matters, nor do I expect to ever read anything of groundbreaking signifigance from a female writer.

There's a lot more Stephanie Meyers' out there than there are Dan Browns. Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

>>1272253
>doesnt get the joke

You should just buy him Emma Watson, she'd be much more useful than a book.

guys

GUYS

why do you engage /lit/ trolls

they're not even creative. they're just /r9k/ trolls who got an A- in freshman interdisciplinary seminar.

>>1272297

You're an outdated and pathetic misogynist, and you're living in a world that hates you.

I'd reccommend you read Margaret Atwood, but I honestly think you're a hopeless case.

Chess story by Stefan Zweig... bitch.

Knight's Gambit, William Faulkner. Kick ass book of stories about chess-loving lawyer detective in WF's South.

>>1272298
aaaaaahhhhhhh, okay. Well to be fair, sarcasm sometimes doesn't translate as well on the intershitz. I'm not British, remember, so I'm not as accustomed to dry humor.

>>1272316
>implying you didn't catch i was impersonating capsguy
also from on here i'm came to realize 'dry' means '2deep4me'.

>>1272328

ONLY APPLIES TO MUSIC

>>1272305
>Tells me I'm outdated, pathetic, and living in a world that hates me.
>Suggests I read Margaret Atwood.

MFW, but what you did thar. i c it.

>>1272303
>why do you engage /lit/ trolls

Because they are asspained women, that's why.
Fool.