/lit/ - Literature

I went to McDonalds today and ordered a large fries, big mac and a fillet o fish meal, the girl said "Is that all together?" I said "Am I supposed to assemble it myself?" Stupid bitch

>>12691041
lole'd
what's the name of the book?

>>12691011
Doug Stanhope is not funny. all the stand up I have seen from him is literally just bitter, nihilistic preaching while acting like he is a “tortured truth teller.” It’s embarrassing. and his preaching is just a compilation of shallow, pseudo-intellectual libertarian bullshit, and nothing else. He is rarely actually funny, or even trying to be funny. And his fans are even worse. Literally the comedy equivalent of Rick and Morty fans, constantly commenting about how he is “THE TRUTH,” and if you don’t find him funny, you “DIDN’t GET IT.” Everytime you point out how unfunny Stanhope is, hoards of faggot Stanhope fans will tell you that it’s because you’re intellectually inferior or because you’re “Triggered,” that you didn’t laugh. No, being more bitter and nihilistic and pathetic than the other comedians doesn’t necesarily make you funnier, and no, I have never been “triggered” by Stanhope’s pseudo intellectual bullshit, you fucking stupid faggot cunts.

My math teacher keeps hitting me and I can't get him fired.

Maybe it's because I'm home schooled.

>>12691011
You guys hear the one about the guy who dipped his testicles in glitter?

>>12691083
yeah he kinda sucks.
He's like Joe Rogan, or Henry Rollins.
Some kind of alt-comedy, that really isn't that strange when you consider how similar comedy shows are to music concerts.
It's diversion for plebs with no wills of their own.

>>12691191
Yeah, it's pretty nuts.

>>12691011
This guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but saran wrap and says "doc I really need some help"
and the doctor says "well I can clearly see your nuts"

>>12691226
Lmao

>>12691083
You sound like a two dollar faggot who likes tosh.0

>>12691469
I bet you like Jim Norton.

>>12691497
norton’s stand up is trash, but to be fair he was hilarious on O&A back in the day

>>12691504
no he wasn't.
faggot.

>>12691188
your joke didn't go unnoticed anon

>>12691011
i wouldn't say he's the best but i quite like Emo Philips
Anyone else?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nX_EaFBTPE
here's a video if you don't know about him

>>12691011
Is there a more bluepilled beverage than beer?
It looks like, smells like, and tastes like literal piss.
Notice, the lowest IQ'd individuals imbibe beer. Go out for a drink with someone. Intelligent people order whiskey, or if there is a meal, they may opt for quality wine. If they get beer, they're no friend of mine. Even non drinkers are better than beer drinkers.

>>12691559
holy shit you're right.

>>12691083
I've seen him live twice. One time was complete garbage, just an angry douchebag ranting onstage with no real jokes. Other time was one of the funniest things I've seen, every word perfect, and the angriness was clearly part of a prepared character. One of the best stand ups I've ever seen, and in my city you get to see them all. Had this routine about trying to get the correct change ready at the checkout which for real nearly made me piss myself.
I guess his reputation comes from the times he's good, none of his recorded stuff comes close to the 'good' version I saw

>>12691083
Bill Hicks did everything better

>>12691559
>>12691565
at least wait more than 1 minute to samefag

So my girlfriend calls. Says to come over, nobody's home. So I go over. Nobody's home.

Comedy doesn't seem to translate well to text
>>12691083
When you watch too much comedy I think no stand up becomes funny. You start to hate developed material and only laugh at organic jokes from either podcasts or friend groups.

think of a punchline for me, /lit/

a Greek, an Irishman, and a Jew walk into a bar...

>>12691011
>writting

>>12691844
Bartender says "we dont serve your kind here"
They look at each other and say "what is your problem with Greeks, Irish, and Jews?"
Bartender says "every time I serve immigrants they end up sucking each others cocks in the bathroom and I'm tired of cleaning up the cum and shit stains."

>>12692250
*Cricket chirps*

Did you hear the one about my dick?
It's a knee-slapper.

>>12691083

He is very hit or miss and it 100% depends on his mood. Sometimes he is just a bitter, drunk and pathetic man up on the stage raging but other times he is quick witted, on point and hilarious.

Doug Stanhope is not a consistently great comedian but his peak is one of the best, imo.

>>12691083
I think his last special is funny. It has jokes. It's edgy even for him, though. I mean, there's a whole bit on Gabby Giffords.

Are there any good stand-ups?
I've tried a lot; it all seems like normie brainlet trash.

>>12692341
Norm Macdonald (although he's better just in conversation)
Steven Wright
That's about it

>>12692341
dylan moran

>>12692311
heh heh

>>12692396
I love Norm when he’s just talking on his show and his bits on Conan are also hilarious. However his comedy really just falls apart if there isn’t a straight man or someone for him to play off of, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed at any of his specials.

>>12692341
Dylan Moran
He's touring too right now actually.

>>12692341
john mulaney

>>12692406
>>12692416
I liked Black Books; I didn't know he does stand-up.
Black Books is /lit/ the show.

>>12692444
Good, have fun anon. If I'm lucky I'll see him on Tuesday.

https://youtu.be/LYc6WaeUVw0

>>12692341
also eddie pepitone and dana gould

>>12691011
Is this a regular general?
I come from /fit/, /sp/ and /g/ so /lit/ is pretty new for me. I'm interested in comedy, songwriting and poetry and while it is easier to find a lot of content learn from for the latter two subjects, comedy, especially standup is somewhat tricky to find books or courses on.
How does one learn observational comedy and satire? I'm not a robot and some of my friends think that I'm funny but it'd be nice to hone that skill to take it to open mics and such - but I can't afford or even find workshops around me, and I'm not in an Anglophone country.

Give it to me straight, like a pear cider that's made from 100% pears.

>>12691200
His podcast is better than the standup. I don't put him in with those you mentioned since he doesn't have such a sense of self-importance.

It is kind of pathetic to hear about the people who are hardcore fans of comedy and certain comedians. They alwayssound like huge losers who are barely keeping their lives together.

Stanhope wrote a book recently about his mother. It wasn't bad, 3/5.

>>12692536
Literally the only path you can take is:
>Go to open mic, bomb
>cry at home, write more
>go to another open mic, bomb
>repeat until you finally get laughs

You will never be able to practice enough or hone your skills enough to be funny beforehand, because actually delivering the jokes to a crowd is a totally different beast. You have to learn to control and read the crowd, and that just requires direct experience.
t. struggling standup comic

>>12692341
I feel like stand up is for people who can't have funny conversations with their friends because they're too dumb.

>>12692561
I don't have friends.

>>12691054
that ones straight off the domepiece mate

>>12691011
Stolen, but a classic.

So a moth goes into a podiatrists office.

"Come in," says the podiatrist, "What's the problem?"

The moth drops down into the nearest chair and says "What's the problem? I don't even know where to start. First of all, my boss is a vicious tyrant who gets off on the petty torments he puts me through day in and day out, and I'm too spineless to stand up to him, so I just take it and I've gradually come to hate myself for it. Also, every morning I wake up to the same prune-face old crone to whom I pledged my vows so many years ago. I used to love her, but that love has become like some sun-festering beached whale trying to die. We lost our daughter last year to one of the bitterest, coldest winters we've ever had to face in this region. Isn't it funny, doc, how all the prayer circles and charity drives in the world amount to pretty much nothing in the face of that cold, impartial face of winter, that bleak, pounding, harsh fist of a callous environment, carrying on with its machinations without regard to our lives, loves, hopes and dreams? Isn't that hysterical, Doc? Oh and then there's my son. Doc, I don't love him anymore. I don't know what it is but I look in his eyes and I see that same harried look of gutless cowardice that I see when I stare at my own face in the mirror. If I wasn't such a coward, Doc, I know I'd be able to scrape together enough pride to grab that cocked and loaded shotgun I keep by the bedside table, and just run amok and put an end to this grim facade once and for all. I start with the wife, then the boy of course before putting the barrell in my own mouth. Believe you me, Doc, I'd be doing the world a favor. I have nothing to look forward to but a continuation of this spiraling black hole that is my life, this existential cesspool that is the perpetuation of my lingering skid-mark on society. I despise people yet I crave their approval. I'm judgemental yet I care about nothing. I'm bitter, hateful and afraid. I'm alive yet I feel like the walking dead. This is it, Doc: I am a living, breathing, disease."

The doctor stares at him for a while then finally says "Jeez, Moth, you definitely have some problems. But I'm a podiatrist. You need a psychiatrist. Why'd you come in here?"

The moth says,"Your light was on."

>>12692559
Interesting, that's all about the performance aspect of it, I guess.
How do you approach writing? Do you improvise too based on the crowd?
I'm an Asian, now in a European country surrounded by non-natives most of the time, so it's somewhat hard for me to think of universal themes that may transcend the cultural differences.
Anecdotes and stories can be funny, but I don't have any interesting experiences to talk about so most of the shit I joke about is either observational, or somewhat absurdist like Eric Andre does. What subjects do you joke about?
The question is really dry and boring but please, humour me.

>>12692536
No, this is not a common thread.

>>12692593
Love old shaggy dogs.

>>12691011
How many Pagliaccis does it take to go to a doctor?
None, they're already doctor!

>>12692607
Me to.
The moth one is probably my favourite one though because of the entire existential dread leading up to such a great punchline.
Still makes me smile whenever I see or hear it.

>>12691559
you're a faggot

>>12692600
>How do you approach writing?
I think that the writing approach really depends on the person, but I tend to just have an idea of where to go, and the steps to take to make the joke funny, but I don’t write out a script beforehand, because that makes it seem more contrived. Of course, though, I started out with a really tight script and basically memorized it because I had no idea what else to do, and didnt feel comfortable making shit up on the spot. But I know some guys who still more or less plan everything out, and some people who just make shit up on the spot. The writer types seem to have better, more well-crafted jokes in the end, but the improv guys seem to be the more naturally funny comedians, and the types that are really good with crowd work and handling hecklers and that sort of stuff.I think both are valid, it’s really up to personal preference.

>What subjects do you joke about?
Really just whatever you find funny in your life. I dont think it’s necessary to have a shit load of life experience, but it might help. Some comics rely on it too much, and forget to actually tell jokes. Idk, I tend to talk about stuff that I think is absurd, or weird in general, or self-deprecating stuff or embarrassing personal stories, as I am a fat faggot and more or less a failure in life, so that gives me a fair amount of material. I dont think you need to have life experience to write good jokes, but a lot of the good comics that I know have went through a lot of shit in their lives, and I think the struggle makes their comedy funnier for whatever reason.

>>12692593
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUjIM-GFWhk

>>12692644
It's more of a coment realy.

>>12692396
>>12692413

This bit alone kills.
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2swmdt

So a man walks into a bar. As he's opening the door two men are walking out. Once he sits down the bartender turns around and is a man. Next to him is sitting a man, while behind him a whole table of men are talking about the two men who just walked out. A few minutes go by and two more men walk into the bar, sit down beside the first man, and ask the bartender - a man, of course - for the manliest drink he's got. He reaches underneath the counter with his manly hands and grabs a special reserve whisky. He pours it for both men and they thank him. the first man takes notice of the numerous men in the bar, and he thinks to himself that there aren't a lot of women.

so I'm going to this $20 physical place to get screened for a job. A Dr older than Egyptian sand calls me in. Do all the regular checks until he wants to check my ears. Ok, so he tells me to go to the corner furthest from him. Im nose first in the corner with my back to him. He whispers "whats your name." Asked me if i heard him. I said yes. He says i pass.
Weirdest appointment ever. Didn't get the job.

>>12691761
Very nice

>>12691200
>Rollins is of Jewish ancestry through his father.

>>12691761
>He was the son of Jewish parents, Dorothy "Dotty" Teitelbaum and the vaudevillian performer Phillip Cohen, whose stage name was Phil Roy.

What's the problem with footlong hotdogs?


They dont sell footlong mustard!

>>12691011
Doug Stanhope & Joe Rogan are so brutally unfunny they managed to get the fucking Man Show cancelled.

>>12693653
Is this a new /lit/ meme?

>>12691011
Kikes arent funneh

>>12693674
Show was already on its way out. By the time kümmel and that other troglodyte handed over the reins, there was nothing they could do. Stanhope blamed lawyers in interviews about why the man show sucked.

That being said, it wasn’t hard to make people laugh in the 00s

>>12691545
Dr katz is kino but no one knows this yet and has not known this for years

Oh I have one

You know who never gets compared to Hitler? Hitler. It’s like that guy’s immune. What’s his deal?