/lit/ - Literature

>>12408428
Man I wish someone could just stop memeing for a second and explain Object Oriented Onthology to me.

I work making and matching automotive paints and finishes so the people I work with aren't usually well read but, I love this job so fucking much.

>>12408630
Nothing like doing usefull work all day and reading all night.

My shins itch

>>12408636
that isn’t useful work, no manual labor can ever be useful work, its subsistence work or maintenance work; and having sex with your gf after spending time with friends is more enjoyable than schizothymic faggotry

>>12408428
i met a hippie woman last year that had a 1 1/2 year old daughter she named odyssey.this i found interesting,could this woman be a fellow homerphile i thought.i asked if she read homer and she said no.i then explain to her what odyssey means (song of odysseus) then i tell her odysseus means painman and i tell the story of how odysseus got his name and its concept.i tell her she named her daughter song of painman,and that the word odyssey is like pandemonium and inferno because plebians dont understand,the hippie chick is horrified at the story of violence and suffering i have told her and at learning the etymology of her daughters name.i have had this thought of memory with me the last few days

bored

I really struggle with reading for extended amounts of time at home, I get most of it done on the subway. I've been diagnosed with ADHD and have a Vyvanse prescription for it but have procrastinated on getting it filled for the last 6 months. I am going to finally get it this week, 2019 will be the year I get back on the reading train. I've already managed to go cold turkey on video games, this will be the next step.

My girlfriend doesn't read, shows no interest in it, and 2bh I have started to resent her for it

>>12408670
And they say that reading is pointless.

>>12408670
>I've read a thousand horror stories like this and I enjoy knowing someone will someday rediscover the classics from the back of some dusty unused library and then prob kts without planning. Probably make a mess for some sick bastard to have to clean up. Whorepeoples of the world rejoice, someone or the earth will come and clean you. Grab the sponges! Grab the shoes!

>>12408670
Lel nice work u beast

Thats how it starts. Today I am browsing non pornographic pictures of actresses, tomorrow nude pics, and in a couple of days I will be having another 5 hour edging session. Proceeded by wondering why I am so pathetic, why I don't have any achievements, and how I wasted my mid 20s, and wasting late 20s. I really hate myself. My addiction became a part of me. The stimulation is too rewarding. I became a wanker, destroyer of ambition. There are no books on this. When I read naked lunch I didn't even felt disgust, I knew that mind can walk those insanely perverted paths. And I did it to myself, my drug was pixelated stimulus, that surge of dopamine. Like I was lobotomized by pleasure for a couple hours. I embraced it, the thought of doing it, despite all rational thoughts became another tiny part, of carefully crafted kink mechanism, that IS my sexuality. The worst part is that i can't write WAS. I want to blame technology, I want to blame porn accepting culture, I want to blame our animalistic minds, lusting for pleasure, but there is only me to blame. I am afraid that if I will quit, the guilt will kill me, five fucking years. Five years of youth, five years of misery cultivation. Five years of life, five years of being dissconected from life almost every day.

>>12408709

>>12408694
what's that john waters meme "if u go back to someone's apartment and they have no books dont fuck them", that advice isnt just for chicks, my thirsty friend

Life feels like a crossroad, looked upon by a blind man.

>>12408428
I’ve a suspicious bump on my ween.

I just read a job posting for an apprenticeship and the requirement was 2-3 years of experience as an apprentice that position

i went to mcdonalds and they told me the dollar menu was cancelled

Whenever I go travelling, including right now as I’m in Japan, I always feel the need to take pictures of everything. No matter what as long as I interact with it, or would see it as particularly special, I’ll flip out my phone and take an image. While this goes for the usual temple and statue, I also take pictures of people doing things on the street that aren’t conforming with the ‘walk straight and don’t talk’. I’ll take images of every waiter/waitress that serves me, or every cashier, or every hotel staff member, that interacts with me or the people I’m travelling with. I don’t know if this is a terrible sin I’m doing or not. I only plan on saving all of these photos on my computer and then printing the few special few for the future generations of my family.

I live in an apartment on a golf course and every time i look outside there are chinks playing golf. i hate them. i want to move back to the city where the chinks aren't better than me

The Camp’s Delouser’s Tale

They call me Speer Chanticleer, the gibbon gelding brig’dier
Boreal brethren I endear, in bawdy blacks I strike fear.
Though the niggers fear me, niggards are close on my back
Their locks shilling shylessly, their talking heads talking smack.
Many such cases, however, one sticks out like a nose
A young rabbi named Noel, the mouth on this yid, by Jove!
“Stop with your hate!” screamed the denizen of the desert
“You must be tolerant! Be fair! Goys must all live together!
Your parents won’t care, if they do, what’s the bother?
Who cares at all if your child looks like his father?
Tradition is racist! Science says so, look here:
Race is a fable, so is gender, all kids are born queer
Thank Yahweh for Freud” continued the preacher.
“Diversity is our strength, you should have paid more attention to your teachers!”

A train bell clanked in the distance, but the heeb was not to take heed
I flashed him a Saxon smile, my grin not as white, straight as me.
“My dear Semitic friend“, I began to intone
“The misdeeds of the twelve have not gone unknown
If your pace had been even, steady and slight
Perhaps you stood a chance of overwhelming our might
But my people aren’t ready yet to go into the night
White is right, gas the kikes!” The train burst into sight!
I cracked short Noel’s forelocks like the reins of a mare
Spun him thrice, took aim, watched him sail through the air.
Jew vanished into car, save a few notes and his lid.
Conductor Ben tipped his hat. That was that for that yid.

>>12408940
I avoid doing precisely this. Existing in the moment and appreciating what you're witnessing actually requires some effort to be fully present and to enjoy it as much as you can. Taking pictures of, to me, it is a kind of procrastination. You're postponing the mental 'work' required to appreciate what you're in front of for an indefinite future date. But the pictures you take will just lie in some archive forever, which you'll glance at now and then. Take too many pictures, and you're robbing yourself of the very experiences that you travelled for in the first place.

>Death is the road to awe.

What did he mean by this?

Sorry for feels posting

>meet nice girl before exams in decemember
>know im going to see her at party that happened the other day
>extremely nervous about seeing her since i have a bad history with this shit
>get really drunk while im there
>she finally arrives
>start talking
>at some point she starts ignoring me and speaking to her friends
>honestly can't remember anything i said to her next day
>vaguely remember telling my friend i wanted to fuck her and she might have heard
>really worried ive fucked up, also didnt get her phone number

Fucked it lads. Thinking about totally quitting drinking over this.

why do all instrumental orchestra music created by the japanese all sound the same?

No amount of flattery can defeat the ugly reality of my utter inadequacy, any such remarks even worsen this by blatantly expressing a lie they know to be false in order for me to pretend i have something to offer when they too are convinced of the opposite. Passions and life goals are a means of bringing the fantasy of purpose, of competency, to life by acting upon them in the hopes that these synthetic dreams can one day be realized. One fool plays along the charade with the knowledge in his mind that he is only acting and one fool forfeits from life entirely, missing out on the lies the former enjoys. One fool copes by accepting his loss and one fool copes by overpowering his circumstances, both playing the same game whose only end is dust and ashes.

>>12409080
I think there's a fine line. I don't like the idea of taking so many pictures like the guy you're replying to does, I agree with your assessment of it, it's really important to "be there", but I don't think it's a bad idea to take a picture here and there

>>12409228
If a girl isn't willing to tolerate the occasional drunken mishap, she isn't worth the time 2bh

The first part of the day went alright but now I'm feeling pretty bad. I woke up at 9:30 and after having my coffee and browsing the web for a bit I worked on my thesis for a while. At noon I went to the post office to pick up a box of snacks my mom had sent me (love you mom), then spent the rest of the afternoon reading philosophy and watching youtube videos and practicing drawing. The sun was shining on me and it was nice and comfy. Then I had to go to my late day class, which this time of year starts right as the sun is setting. It was boring as fuck and the instructor was incomprehensible and I started brooding about why I was bothering with this stuff, which of course caused me to think about how I need to get a job after I graduate this spring and that would almost certainly be worse than this. That made me pretty upset and the walk back home very uncomfortable. Usually I think night is kind of beautiful but all I could see was the ugly buildings and the starless sky and the pallid faces of people through their windshields as they drove past. I started remembering how I have no friends and spend pretty much all my time alone. I got this feeling I sometimes get where it's like everything that's good or bright in life falls away and you're just left staring at bleakness. I felt hollow. Also it was cold as fuck and I left my curtains open by mistake so my room is cold as fuck too. Overall not in a good mental place right now, I'm going to make some cocoa and try to cheer myself up. I need to have dinner too, as all I've eaten today is some toast and a bunch of granola bars (thanks mom) and that's probably not helping.

Thanks for reading my diary.

Have you made somebody smile today?

>>12408428
I’m lonely and I’d like to make new friends, but I know that they’re just going to stop being my friend eventually. I’m not even angry at them anymore. I just want them back.

>>12409416
i woke up before noon feeling rested and good after recovering from a cold, i made some coffee and looked at the markets, the news, my email, etc. then since it was quiet and noone seemed to around, i decided to whip it out and have a stroke, but i hadn't fapped in a week, so less than an hour later i decided to give it another go, finally after cleaning up the mess and getting rid of anything jizzy and i was about to go outside, i heard a coughing noise from my roommates room, and i was like awww man wtf... now i feel awkward and keep getting whifs of semen smells, damn could have been a productive monday, but no i just had to get a nut off...

i have a good job, so i bought some nice things for myself, but the happiness has faded and im back to my normal restless self.

its a lonely world we live in boys. sometimes it pays off - we can hear things the rest of the world cant. but most of the time it's silent, for years at a time even, and there is no music at all. the best bet is to create artificial noise, whether it be from people, things, happenings, and forget the ephemeral music ever existed in the first place - but that takes great strength for people like us who are inclined to be this way.

anyway, i think we are all going to be okay. there is a lot of randomness out there in the world, and our minds can fluctuate so heavily day by day. if you've ever been in a heavy snowstorm, you may know what i'm getting at here - the impossibility of seeing beyond 5 feet in front of you. it's like that with life. but when the snow dissipates and the sky clears, the sun blinding you off the fresh snow, and you look around in awe and see the beauty in life as it truly is - i think that's worth it.

we're gonna be okay, anons.

>>12409416
its helpful to think that you are only two or three bad things away from feeling terrible and two or three good things away from feeling amazing. when bad things or thoughts happen a domino effect sort of occurs which is just how you end up feeling hopeless. it sounds like youre active and actually pursuing your interests and getting up at the right time. maybe youre future job wont be as bad as you think, especially if you are lacking socialization. either way, maybe you should organize to travel or so something you always wanted before working which will give you something to look forward to before doing something you are dreading. hope everything goes well for you this year, remember we are only just getting started!

>>12408886
Welcome to 2019

I WILL RESTORE THE DRAGONSPHERE

My vices are holding me back from achieving things. I’m a coward

I can't write too good, fellas

>>12409432
A girl at work laughed today because she broke up with her bf and he took all his things including his mattress while leaving her apartment ransacked so i offered her a spare mattress we have for when my grandmother visits from Europe and she laughingly asked "how many times did you have sex on it?" and i blushed while looking down and she laughed while calling me cute.

>>12409545
Break their yoke before its too late.

I still feel horribly remorseful for missing a chance to talk to that girl at work more before she left to go back to school. I didn't get to say 'bye' or wish her luck with her studies even though I had a clear chance to do so. I didn't see it because I was in a hurry to leave work that evening. She has such a cute smile and we had the most lovely conversation the other day. She's studying accounting. Damn. I really hope for another chance to see her. Please give me another chance.

i need, i need, i need to increase my pussy punching power. i need, i need, i need to increase my pussy punching power. once i have the awesome potential of forcefully punching pussy with the combined powers of the sun and stars, only then, will i make hay in this workaday world.

>>12409596
What does it matter? All is grace.

>>12408428
realizing I don't hate Peterson anymore. realizing that Protestants need to come back to the Catholic church and that sacrament is important desu. also that jonathan pageau is criminally underrated

https://youtu.be/l9Ibs67ke6c

>>12408428
i feel like i waste so much time watching Youtube videos. i've literally spent the last year just digesting philosophy and I think I could be putting my time to better use

>>12408428

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9M2rSTy67U

books for this feel?

>>12409604
I don't know what's happening. She isn't even all that good-looking, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since that conversation we had.

For all sad words of tongue and pen,
the saddest are these, 'It might have been'.

Mediocrity has infected every aspect of my life like an incurable disease. I grovel in it and my it my home. My parents were mediocre, I am mediocre, and my children will be mediocre. Always at the bottom of the totem pole and never knowing how much they are held back by those around them. Back to the bottle for me, goodnight

>>12409484
Finally something positive from this board. You actually managed to cheer me up anon.

>>12409484
Aye, the same sight that makes you despair at life is the one that lets you bask in its majesty. Hope you pick up the threads of your tune again anon.

>>12408428
Anger has finally left my mind, all the emotions i used to feel are going away little by little the more interact with people, the more i experience the different stages of my life. I mean i feel like a fucking asshole, like i did something really shitty and didn't realize, but others did, i don't wanna be a cunt to people, i wanna be good.
Am i the a bad guy?

>>12409779
as u get older u will also realize communism is dumb

It's often hard to treat women like men, because women seem to assume you're trying to get close to them to date them or whatever, so they sometimes repay normal kindness or platonic interest with implied rejection when rejection isn't really necessary or contextually relevant.

I usually prefer men because I can be unrestrainedly autistic and earnest around men, and they will either show interest in continuing the conversation or they will not. Even when women are interested in the conversation itself, it seems to be secondary to the question of whether or not I'm trying to court them. I wish there were a better way to signal that I'm not interested in courting.

>>12409786
Never liked communism to be honest

>>12409786
but only because you become post-left instead

In order to save Catholicism it is probably going to have to be necessary to destroy the modern West.

>>12409830
catholicism is a meme founded by a bunch of larpers, it's not worth saving

Three years ago I drifted apart from my girlfriend because of religious difference. She's a very devoted conservative Christian and I'm agnostic (we grew up in the same church and I wasn't 'out' to her). She's the only woman I've ever had a relationship with and I still do love her, love mixed with resentment, as these things often are. She was perfect. Smart, funny, clean, pure. We got along together we'll it seemed like and our friends thought we were a good match. I was never comfortable talking religion with her because I knew it was a big deal for her, she expected me to be her "spiritual head" and that wasn't something I was prepared to be for anyone (nor do I believe that anyone ought to have that much power of another person). I was so afraid of being rejected by her that I broke up in advance to save myself the heartbreak. I saw her the other day and realized how much I missed her. We've both stayed single since we've broken up and I think she still likes me. Am I a complete idiot for wanting to get back together? I know she'll want to get married within two years if we do and that means arguments about circumcision, baptism, schooling, confirmation, et cetera

>>12409484
I feel you man
>>12409561
Ask her out to lunch

I found out this morning that I'm going to be my school's drama teacher for the semester. I've never taught drama nor taken any classes on it. I have the lingering suspicion that this might be because the district isn't satisfied with my work as an English teacher, but it's my first year teaching and I'm still getting my certification so I don't know what they want from me. As long as I can complete my course work by this summer I'll be satisfied.

>>12409416
This is pretty much my day except this advanced logic class is super demanding and difficult. I feel very much like every little delusion and barrier I've psychically built up between myself and the vicious world has eroded or completely dissolved the second this quarter started, I'm not sure if I can pass these 400 level phil classes and I'm losing interest in the major as well because of all this Kierkegaard I've been reading which makes me feel like analytic/academic philosophy is nothing but bothersome speculation. I've been writing all this music and getting some friends to play it with me but they seem reluctant and I hate feeling like I'm bothering them. But at this point I feel like these songs are the only way I can share myself with anyone, and sadly it feels like my slowly building suicide note. I've been gradually collapsing for years and I swear the bottom gave out two years ago and I've been drowning in myself while surrounded by what is otherwise a very lucky life, I have so much wordly things that others dont and I have positive influence on people, but I can help but feel trapped in my own tortured shell, every moment is the sense of an irrevocable loss of life while still living. I just hope this music ends up sounding okay.

>>12409432
I am pretty proud to say yeah

It's my 21st birthday today and I'm spending it alone. If I'm still alone at this point, will I spend the rest of my life alone too?

>>12409432
I seek to please God, not man.

>>12409840
Don't mutilate baby dicks
Embrace religion
Don't be a cuck

>>12409862
Happy birthday anon. Being alone isn't so bad, I think, but I'm sure you can find people too <3

>>12409840
Please realize what you're throwing away and consider if some awkward religious tension is worth it. Men would kill for a gf like that anon.

>>12409847
At least this really hot bartender I saw a night ago hit me up on tinder, asked me for my number and I'm about to go walk through some tranquil fog on my way to sleep with her. Of course its all empty vanity, I'll come home and drink again while my yearning intensifies until I cant withstand it, and I slowly drift off into anxious sleep. Then I have a logic exam tomorrow and its only the third class of the quarter, fuck.

This Kierkegaard quote really touches me.

My sorrow is my knight's castle, which lies like an eagle's eyrie high up upon the mountain peaks among the clouds. No one can take it by storm. From it I fly down into reality and seize my prey; but I do not remain down there, I bring my prey home; and this prey is a picture I weave into the tapestries in my palace. Then I live as one dead. In the baptism of forgetfulness I plunge everything experienced into the eternity of remembrence; everything finite and contingent is forgotten and erased. Then I sith thoughtful like an old man, grey headed, and in a low voice, almost a whisper, explain the pictures; and by my side a child sits and listens, even though he remembers everything before I tell it.

>>12409871
I know, I feel so stupid. It's just that religion occupies every aspect of her being and I don't think that I can hide my unbelief from her (nor would I want to). I feel like I would be leading her on if I got back in a relationship. I'm sure she wants a partner that takes religion just as seriously as she does and I'm not going to be able to be that for her

>>12409900
Maybe you should open your mind to religion friend. It's much deeper than you might imagine.

>>12409847
can I listen to your music anon

>>12409617
where the hell did you find this guy? he looks like he's broadcasting from the 80s.

>>12409900
Could you be honest about your unbelief and see if she'd want to help you find some faith? In my experience (sensible) religious people are always wanting to help others find god.

>>12409914
I'm already way off the deep end. I'm not an atheist, I just think that Christianity is overly reductive and not an accurate depiction of reality. Spinozan pandeism seems much truer and elegant than anything I've read from the Bible, but you can't say that to anyone without them thinking your insane

>>12409925
lol he did a video with Peterstein a while ago and then in the past 5 months I started going through his videos and talks. he has some pretty interesting ideas on logos, religious symbolism and orthodox art.

>>12408428
I wonder if humans can’t help but to antagonize something throughout their life. Even pacifists have enemies. I don’t know what this means for the advancement of the human race. I would hope it doesn’t turn into a Fanged Noumena, nihilistic hellscape as we catapult ourselves into extinction by eating each other.

>>12409946
There are enough humans on this planet who have such diverse enough goals and values that literally anything you do will earn you some enemies

>>12409917
sure, keep in mind these are the very rough skeletons of the songs that are played with wrong equipment and missing another friends lead guitar. Just made a little demo of them so they could all listen back and learn the songs as I wrote them.
Plus I need to write lyrics somehow and add vocals.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s19jAknTH6Kx
https://vocaroo.com/i/s1J8MLqAwFeL

thanks for listening if you do.

>>12409935
>Spinozan pandeism
hey this sounds kind of like what I believe, I need to check this out

I understand what you mean though anon, I've tried to talk to people about my weird spiritual views before and they never get it. Christians are the most receptive, ironically, but they always end up just treating me as a lost soul who just needs to accept their doctrine. It's like you need to have a very specific mindset in-between full religiosity and meme non-belief to work with the spiritual.

Perhaps everyone really is responsible for their own salvation

>>12409963
Does that mean destruction is inevitable? Are we meant to chug along until we kill each other due to conflicting beliefs.

>>12408428
I am burying myself in work so I don't have to deal with my chronic depression, divorce, and involuntary estrangement of my daughter. I am a stoic, hardworking, prudent, and miserly on the outside but I'm in emotional chaos on the inside. Someone tell me everyone finds happiness /lit/.

>>12409966
I like it anon, good picture to go with it as well. I'd go see your diy band play if you were in my town.

>>12409994
>divorce, and involuntary estrangement of my daughter.
What's your story anon?

>>12409984
Be sure to checkout Advaita Vedanta.
Non dualism is a pretty cool thing, I wish it was more in the public consciousness.

>>12409984
I wouldn't say that's entirely true. I go to a Lutheran Church but I don't know if I necessarily agree with everything being said. Fundamentally you have to believe in God and so long as you see God as the ultimate ideal or creator you're going to be in agreement with most people there. The harder part for me is the question of whether Jesus physically existed. I'm somewhat agnostic on that but it makes me beg the question of whether his physical existence really matters at all. There are also the practical benefits of church: it's nice to have a place to go every Sunday, nice to be part of a community that isn't political and nice to act out some ritual in life. You just need to avoid the crazy evangelical churches (both liberal and conservative) they're equally bad.

>>12410020
That's interesting, my experience has been that I'm constantly disagreeing with the actual christians because the only things I'll accept with completely certainty are
1) God "created" the universe, or at the very least can be identified with its origination
2) God is the ideal of goodness and related aspects

>>12410049
Yea dude you gotta avoid those types of Christians. Ironically they've let materialism (everything in the Bible is fact!) sneak into their worldview although the Church Fathers would have never gone for that especially if your read Augustine or Jerome.

This is a long one, but you should check this video out by Paul Vander Klay. He's a Reformed Pastor (Peterson fanboy beware) who talked about the creeping materialism that has destroyed the church and how sacrament (symbolic action) needs to play a role again.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5ldqdAomRg

>>12410087
augustine believes some shit literally tho like adam and eve, and some of his ideas about angels take genesis from a timeless parable to an annoying pedantry, overall i feel like augustine and his manichaean bullshit was a net negative for christianity

so i decided to try the amazon house brand protein powder since it was on sale...looked like a nice blend of whey and casein, which is usually more expensive than pure whey, dude, that shit is fucking delicious, it seems like ever since all the protein powders switched to sucralose everything is watery and overly sweet, this does use sucralose, but its not too sweet, and it's nice and thick like milk and that was with only one scoop, not all watery like that "optimum gold standard" brand from gnc which is admittedly not bad, looks like swole bezos knows his protein, this shit is primo (and it got delivered the next day even tho i picked free shipping lol)

I can't bear this shit anymore, I feel an immense void. The doors are being closed, slow decline and death wait ahead

>>12410178
emo went out of fashion ten years ago, kid

>>12408712
>And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

>And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

>>12410220
i hope the next level for the nofap movement is self-castration

My late night shower masturbation session got interrupted AGAIN! I wasn't even looking at porn. Can't a man get a break around here

>>12410181
But I truly feel this

>>12410274
Live life, it’s the ultimate insult to the void. You die and it wins.

I wish there were a way to regulate hypomanic states so that they didn't verge into the chaotic destruction of mania. Hypomania is an objectively heightened cognitive-behavioral condition. I notice for instance my information uptake is greatly improved and more instantaneous. I'm able to read a room quickly, and my consciousness is more ambient rather than "tunneled". I am able to pick up a concept whole without having to struggle and pass over it multiple times. Also being able to read into the microscopic details of a person's body language and extrapolate from it is a benefit. All these capabilities are normally dormant in me because i am not focusing on them, but only on the "things I have to do" that day.

Besides these cognitive enhancements, the confidence boost and utter fearlessness helps you to accomplish things in this state that would otherwise be beyond reach.

Of course, the issue with hypomania is that it eventually overheats and boils into mania, which is quite nasty. Without getting too much into the details of the underlying neurobiological substrate, it's clear based on the drugs that are used to treat mania that it has to do with a run-away feedback loop. Excitability verges into the an uncontrollable state in which the frontal lobe is unable to regulate its executive functions. So behavior comes spasmodic and impulsive and one quickly finds one's way into danger.

Yet hypomanic states can be a source of power and competence and awesomeness, if only they were not subject to these runaway feedback loops that end up in burnout and self-destruction.

It's interesting to me because the literature on the topic doesn't appear to talk about how hypomanic states are enhanced states, rather, they view them as strictly pathological. It's somewhat like playing with fire. Because it verges on pure pathology, and it can't be shut off without chemical interventions, it's dangerous. But it exists on a continuum of states and occupies a section that borders the pathology. It's almost as if the brain suffers a cost for being enhanced and inflamed in such a condition, in the same way that an engine if kicked into high gear will be prone to degrade faster than one that isn't overused.

>>12408940
are you chinese?

>>12410479
Are Chinese people allowed in Japan?

need summer to come asap
find it more pleasurable to read while you can simultaneously work on your tan

>>12410482
i don't know, are they?

But they still got it wrong

>>12410483
I love summer. Sitting outside in the cool breeze, my feet in the river, or under the shade of a tree. Have a wonderful summer, anon.

>>12409864
Based

>>12409045
Based

>>12410501
>>12410514
based "based" poster

>>12409846
thinking of you friend

>>12409689
try giving new things a try. break the cycle, step out of that back room.

Socrates was a bloat-bellied subversive JEW and deserved the hemlock. My only regret is they didn't get Plato while they were at it.

>>12409862
21 here, happy birthday dude!
we are still young dude!!!!!!

I am hopelessly in love with my best friend. I wish he were a girl so I could have babies with him.

>>12410693
Hey it's me. Adopt a c h i l d w'ith me

>>12410701
I kind of hope it's not you. It would be very awkward to find out this way.

>>12408428
p l

ease

what is going on
in this world
is this a real life?
i S THIS


just fantasy.....................................................................................

caught in a landslide.
I AM VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH EVERYTHING

>>12409862
Try to make the most of what being alone can give you. You might have a concept of relationships in your head from movies and anime, but let me tell you, they aren't always all that. Do things you want to do, constructive stuff like learning, reading, creating, not compulsions like porn. Let things happen naturally, just try to enjoy your 20s and capitalise on your youthful energy while you have it. Build a career or go travel or make an indie video game. Don't just wallow in self pity refreshing 4chan for the next ten years. And happy birthday.

I've reached a stage in my life where I no longer want to talk to my family or anyone. I've been depressed for a long time and it's clear now it's not going to just randomly disappear, but rather keep converging to a point until I live like a metaphorical robot. And honestly, I don't have any solution for it. I'll just keep trying the suggested cures when I can, and otherwise drift through time because it's not bad enough to kill myself. It's kind of like a cursed existence I guess, but I am still in college so maybe I will get to experience some of my youth before it disappears.

Yeah, maybe. I hope so.

I was told that I'm going to be an uncle soon, and that hit me like a truck. Of course I've realized this before but this really made me see more than anything how much things have grown and changed.

Anons, could any of you recommend me any books on how to be a good uncle, or that show a good uncle? I know people here hate self help books and this is probably something I should exercise myself, but please realize that I'm autistic as hell.

I'm unironically considering 12 Rules For Life, but I don't even know if it could help me in this sense.

Hit it off with this girl about a week ago, we've talked non stop morning to night, always saying good night to each other and so on. Sometimes one of us disappears for a few hours to take a nap or to do something, don't think anything of it. Today she disappeared in the afternoon, and I haven't heard from her since. She's last been on messenger 15 hours ago. I'm probably being paranoid, but I'm pretty anxious right now that she might have ghosted me.

>>12411423
Why don't you ask her if she's avoiding you?

"Wrongous" is a word. I'll be damned. News to me.

I am great. I am the greatest tripfag /lit/ has ever had. I am like a cool wind that brings rain to a blighted land in the deep of night. I am the thick mud of the ashen waste spread forth upon the wadi, the unseen fresher who brims the cisterns underneath the sleeping hamlets.

No, I am an idiot. I will say of myself what you yourself could not say, and stand in sack cloth, and rend even that at the rippling flesh so loathsome I behold in the stilled down-pools of waterfalls I have sought. Disgusting creature half spe and half angel, descendant of Austrailopithecus, with clenching jaw and hairy palms, of note less birth and stupid destiny, me of worthless heart, beating a fatted blood percussed to the slow realizing agony of anonymous obliteration.

Who would but hate this mask struck to the face? What lows must one given to heralding its desperate name become of, to dread not death so much as never having heard the aural cantos of a name? Call me fool and you but do me charity. Call me idiot and I'd will your harkening come spitting true, in the unrelenting blab that spills into every ear bent slightly towards it. What of these seasons aged a man whose life had essence proved but to be seen?

Tis all the more refuted, this, the I, that begs your thoughts directed to its piteous state. Low, low, and lower still, of the waters ranging at the folded pool I hesitate, have felt the reaches of its gulping maws in middle June, and should rather cannonball in March's doom.

Cold river, gaping mouth, hypothermic wretch to silence limps about
The low down river gushing prelude to the South
That this great divide should winnow drops
Much to Gulf and few Pacific Ocean bound
Bring this little drop forth to the fisher's sound,
At Hudson Bay, for a glance of icebergs I retreat
Dripping sound and fettered buoyancy tied to sinking ship

"What of this land?" the withered beggar woman asked
"Here the ages came and wrecked the solvent dreams of ages past"

Who replied but all the heaping ghosts of time
Airy, etched in stupid stone of couplet rhyme

This too has a breaking now commenced
And its eating here not recompensed.

>>12411455
I don't think she's avoiding me. She was last on messenger at the same time that she sent me her last message. She hasn't touched it since and I'm pretty sure even if I was blocked I could see her active status. Like I said, I'm probably being paranoid and she's been busy. It's just on my mind anon and I thought I'd write it down.

You never step in the same river twice.

Maybe it's just cause I'm a lonely fuck, but having a penpal (although the modern version of one) from a different country is fun

>>12411608
I have a penpal, too. He's the best friend I've ever had.

>>12408428
Nobody cares about books. /lit/ is dead. This is heavily an 'end is nigh' post, but really what type of thread is regularly posted to make you have faith in this board? Maybe the critique ones (for purpose, not necessarily quality) but even then, it's not like it expands into critiquing passages from past authors like shitposts about Goodreads and booktubers becomes rants over women. I do wish contemp. lit was better too, to give a deeper reason to post about it.

>>12411616
Mines a Korean girl. It's cool cause I help her with her English and I'm also learning Korean

>>12411664
Sounds cute. Best of luck, anon :3

>>12408428
Well my last three months of whoring my dick out to any feminine hole that'll take it has finally caught up to me. I think I'm in love with a women who believe she is a man but is perfect for me in every other possible way.

>>12411664
how to get one?

>>12411664
How does one acquire a penpal??????

>>12411413
Pls respond

I am so scared that I will never meet anyone I relate to enough to truly love because of the sum of my hobbies and passions but if I neglect them for personal relationships I will never respect myself and without my self respect I have nothing in this world

>>12411836
you don't have to have everything in common with someone to be in a relationship with them anon.

https://youtu.be/2WUFhSZ6xIQ

this guy has a gf for example. Anyway keep looking, the girls are out there. I have pretty unconventional beliefs and hobbies as well, I've found a few girls in the last year or so. Hope it works out with the one I'm talking to right now, she's super outdoorsy, traditional, pretty, etc.

>>12408428
I think boredom is the new method of torture in the work place. Before it was breaking Your back, now it is breaking Your mind.

>>12411739
>>12411817

not that guy but I found Lang-8 full of really useful and friendly people looking for penpals when I used to use it to learn Korean

Is it possible to be like, mildly alcoholic? I've been drinking too much these past months (something around 3 benders a week) and now for the following days after drinking I get increased heartbeat, anxiety-related tight throat feelings and things like that. Can it be some sort of light withdrawal symptoms, or is it just me being an anxious fuck?

After a few years of thinking I knew what love was and seeing it fail constantly I think I've finally realized that I was wrong for that entire time. I finally think I know it and it has become my world. Everytime I sit down to write something I find myself writing only about the concept of love and the happiness it brings.

>>12410234
Are you the guy from the last thread complaining about not being able to fap

>>12411969
I have the same thing happening to me anon. I used to be half a bottle of Whisky a night, wake up 6 am sharp with no hangover. Now I am at 4 pints of beer maybe 3-4 times a week and by the end of the week I have fast and heavy heartbeats, trembles and nausea well into the night. I figure either I am growing older or my body is showing it's bruises from alcohol. Probably both, I need to cut the hell back.

What kinds of people write for Jacobite? What do they stand for? Does it matter? Does "post-politics" truly reject politicization, or is it merely a limp-wristed way to say "rejecting the politics I don't like"?

My cousin is a thug and hates me and now his brother died and he's out of control. I feel like the "Real" is approaching my life of superficiality, ready to smash it into pieces, the image of the heartbroken thug being a remnant of extreme strength and humanity, while I am the sleazy, weak modern man awaiting his condemnation by the values of older times. Who will win the clash may signify the fate of the universe, but at the same time perhaps the "Real" wants to draw me in, giving me a chance at redemption.

>>12408428
Im such a fucking autist i cant actually explain my ideas outside of my own head. I cant explain them to other people or write them down properly.

>>12408428
I'm finally going to do It, /lit/. Tonight I will an hero.

>>12412183
I tried to explain to somebody why I loved them but all that came out was 'you're really nice'. They got the idea anyway but I would have like to extrapolate my feelings without sounding like a retard.

>>12412196
Me too. When i try to explain and develop my own philosophy to someone i feel like a fucking grugposter. I also swear too much.

>>12408428
Unironically a fascist but im too beta to actually take the step further and own it.

>>12412227
Why would You even give a fuck anymore. It's the last generation of the West. Just go beat some niggas.

I keep a to-do list so I get stuff done but it always ends up spiraling out of control and paralyzing me with inaction. If I could just keep it to a few items each day I could probably get it done, "get gardening supplies" and "clean kitchen" is a lot more actionable than the 14 items I have scheduled for today.

>>12411413
Presumably being a good uncle would involve being a good male role model for the child. I don't think it's that complicated, however it involves figuring out your own values and cultivating your own self which is difficult. Realistically though you have several years before the child is more than a baby, so you're probably fine.

>>12411969
You should probably stop, I only drank regularly for a few weeks in my entire life but I could tell I was going to slide into alcoholism. Fortunately I got ill as fuck and had to go the hospital which was enough trauma to snap me out of it. I've heard it said that if you think you may have a problem you almost certainly do.

The sun is shining in first across my legs then the floor then the desk and the coffee mug on it before falling onto the wall. It's cool, but comfortably so. It's quiet and peaceful. Sad that I have to leave to go to class soon, hopefully the sun still's there when I get back.

It's really difficult being a lesbian women in America...

I just wish I had a support network. Where are my friends? Where did they go? No one likes me.

They all left after I came out of the closet. I want to murder them all.

I fucking hate everyone.

>>12412808
You became a problematic person, you expect people to like you, your life is centered around your sexuality.

>>12412838
You are a bigot, my friend

I would rather died than be a fucking bigot lmao

>>12412808
I know that feel

>>12412848
You think being a bigot is the worst thing man can be? Also, what makes a bigot?

trying to figure out what other concerns are important for a far future society of simulated dragons

Just found out I got rejected from Cambridge for studying English Lit. It's by far my biggest passion, and I was so dedicated to making the cut: I thought my interview went really well (as far as I could tell) and this has left me super bummed out, especially as how myself, my teachers, my peers, etc. were so sure I'd make the uni. Also pissed off because some dumb cunt made it to Oxford on the same course, despite having half (if that) of the experience and passion for the subject as I do. I guess it's just another in the long line of dissapointments that has been following me recently...

>>12413016
reread your post and give yourself a big think as to why you didnt make the cut

How do I get rid of my guilt?
How do I convince myself that every problem in my life isn't my fault?
Everything I feel ultimately manifests into self-hatred.
I feel like I deserve to be punished, but I don't have any real reason to be.
I'll figure out all my problems on my own, I always have, and I'm fine enough now,
I'm only telling you so I have a bullshit reason to actually persue a solution instead of being content simply acknowledging the problem.
I hope you don't use anything I say now against me. I hate drinking, but it's the easiest way for me to dissociate so I can actually look at things objectively and without emotional bias.
I fear losing control.
If I force blame upon myself, I can pretend that I have control over the situation, so I can say "if only I did something different". Ultimately, I give myself some control, relinquishing my phobia.
But such a toxic mindset.
I assign myself responsibilities when things don't go the way I want them to so I can pretend if I was a better person, the results could have been more favorable.
This is why I strive for perfection and why I will always fail.
I will always fail and it will always damage me emotionally.
I storm alone towards ruination.
Do I desire self destruction?
A lie spoken a thousand times eventually becomes truth.
I don't desire destruction, simply an answer to everything terrible inflicted upon me for seemingly no reason.
If I hold that blame to myself, I have an answer, things are justified, my base desire resolves.
I am worse off having false justification than simply admitting a lack control, but my emotions make me feel worse in the opposite case.
I fear losing control.
Emotions overwhelm me when I lose control, when I lose the ability to influence the outcome.
Please don't leave me, please love me.

>drunk 30 texts to crush last night and I never wanted to kms more than reading back through it

I want to put some of my poetry and short stories on the internet, but I have no idea where to put it besides Reddit, and I ain't wanna.

Also found out my roommate can hear me fucking. He doesn't care, he sleeps like a log anyways, but I'm still self-conscious especially because I tend to be the more vocal one.

I've found a passion for writing at this stage in my life, but only after I've already set myself down a completely unrelated career path. Honestly, I'm not even sure that writing would be anywhere close to a viable career path even if I *did* want to pursue it.

How am I supposed to rectify this feeling? Am I supposed to relegate writing to nothing more than a personal hobby and leave it at that?

>>12409432
I made a girl laugh but I'm not sure it was sincere

>>12409966
I like how it sounds. Did you inspire yourself from other bands
The very depressive flow is not really my type. If it was a little bit more fast pace, and stimulating\uplifting, I would do some maladaptive daydreaming on it for sure.
But yea, I really like how it sounds. I would love to hear your final product.

>>12413016
I'm sorry anon. Not very familiar with your guys's system, will you at least be able to go to a good program, even if its not the absolute best?

>>12413058
different guy but judging people's ability based on their venting 4chan posts is dumb as fuck

>>12409840
"Church gfs" are a meme. Good lucking having her force your son to have a chopped up dick though

>>12413142
Fucking same anon. I've come to the mind that with the internet the way it is the only really viable way to share your work is shilling it on normie sites like reddit and instagram. The people who appreciate lit are just too disparate to do otherwise, I mean just look at the state of this place. Cultivating a broad readership is the only hope.

I don't like this conclusion though and have been dragging my feet at actually doing it.

>>12412227
You're not a beta male because you don't "own" your beliefs. You're a beta male because you let a militaristic authoritarian ideology own you. I really doubt you gave a shit about many of the things fascists whine about before you were brainwashed by them on the internet.

There's something very aesthetic about exercise. Watching your weak, flabby shape change into graceful curves. Feeling your muscles temper themselves into a better, stronger form. Watching your veins pop from your arms and legs, a tangible sign of your vitality. You're literally sculpting yourself into a more perfect form, chipping away at your old self to leave something more beautiful and elegant behind. Cooling yourself in the air afterwards and feeling light, your angst and worries having dissipated. Feeling calm and centered in the world. Just living.

>>12413291
Where does one find a good gf then?
Please don't reply if you're a retarded "lol who cares just fuck a load of women brah" type.

>>12413337
If you need to ask, you've already failed.

>>12413275
Thanks anon :) yeah it's not too bad, I still got offers from the four other unis I tried for, all of which are great for my course, so it's not too bad, only cause I had my heart set on Cambridge

>>12413337
There's no formula for it. If you think it yourself she's a good one, go ahead, but don't let trappings of "good girl" blind you. I've seen too many people do that and become choked with regret.

>>12413291
well, insurance doesn't cover it and you have specifically ask for it in most American hospitals now so this might not be as big of a deal as I thought it was.

>>12412746
Yeah I will in any case, I was just wondering if it was actual withdrawal symptoms. Being alcoholic does not seem that fun

>>12412030
Yours really sounds like actual symptoms, good luck with the cut my friend. We need to do it before it's actually difficult

>>12411413
I just ignore my nephews lol

>>12412808
Get gay friends you fag holy shit.

>>12409966
A little more speed would help maybe, the drums are really slow it seems...I have no idea about music theory but I know it sounds like the drum is looping and it's not perfect.

>>12409544
based dragonposter

I wonder what is the cause, psyhcologically and socially, behind the increasing normalization and expectation of rough and degrading sex, incest fetishisms(daddy/mommy), BDSM.

>>12413603
(((pornography)))

>>12408694
My gf only reads cringe coming of age romance novels and it takes her so long. At this point I think she just carries them around to convince me that she reads. I read half of one of her books because I had nothing with me when she ran errands for a couple hours and she's been reading it for over a month. It's kind of sad but I know she still thinks for herself cus she doesn't watch TV and spends no time on social media. I'm kind of used to not being able to relate to people in my life with literature so it doesn't bug me much.

>>12411423
Nothing is worse than clingy people who always need to be in contact. Burn in hell.

>>12409640
It's affection, anon, be glad you feel it! Rejoice, you're not a husk yet, you're a full of humanity and possibility, you're a walking poem.

I was just waking up from a nap and while I was yet half asleep I felt like I could make up a scene and live in it, so I did it, and the result was so vivid, I had visual, tactil and auditory stimulus and could move in any direction (I was in an old house), the level of detail was just mindblowing, I could see a table and it was full of left overs and glasses and random paperbags, then I could go upstairs and there were my sisters, I had a conversation about food with my mother and also saw my family's old dog who died last year (I wasn't attached to it though, I don't like animals really). Then after a while I came down and felt like I could do it again, and I was like in a melting tunnel and then appeared in the same house I am right now, doing some random shit, but everything was so unbelievably vivid I even thought I was awake for a moment, then I decided to stop because it might be late and I have to make lunch. In the intermitent state between scenes I could listen the tv on, but when I fully woke up I realized it was off.

I looked it up and it's well reported, it's called hypnagogic hallucination and also just read Kekule's Dream which you might like to read.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

>>12411423
>>12411484
I don't know if you're like me, anon, but this is a test for your willpower, If you're like me you'll be anxious, thinking what might've happened, but this is one of those times that you have to give the other person their space, it's very very important, don't worry about it, you'll need your own space at some point aswell.

I skipped classes today because I didn't do the required homework and wandered around in the city. After eating a burger I realized that I would never be this free again, that I would have to spend my life boxed in some cublicle. After that I went to the central library of my city and played guitar there for a bit, did also get The loser from there. On the way home I could feel my heart sink, it was almost as if I really were expecting a heart attack.

Also Jesus Chirst, I want to breed the Pokegirls so fucking bad. Sometimes I have the feeling that I can't contain my lust for 2D girls.

I quit my job in March and did landscaping for several months. It was fun, it made sure I was up early in the morning, I was outside getting sunlight, and I lost a lot of weight. I got home early enough in the day to read and work on my own writing for several hours before I went to bed.
My wife doesn't have good insurance benefits, though, and we don't make enough money, so this coming Monday I'm going back into the monotonous office life, answering phones and getting yelled at while sitting in a dreary office until rush hour, where I must then drive home in heavy traffic until it's dark.
I know better to complain- everyone has to work, everyone has to pull their own weight- I just really enjoyed the past 9 months of writing and reading and feeling good and healthy.
Now it's right back into the abyss

>>12412227
I would only be a Fascist if I was allowed to be the Fuhrer and control everything. Without that, it is pointless.

>dream job won't hire me but will hire a fat middle aged man who doesn't know what he's talking about

I tried telling my mom about this one time I saw her naked where she told me, "This is how a real woman's body looks like." She didn't believe me and says, "I don't think I did anything wrong." I told her this because I wanted to set a boundry for when she comes to my house and starts asking me what clothes look good on her. She treats me like a surrogate boyfriend a lot of the time, and it creeps me out. We both got so angry. I want to cry.

>>12414029
who owns the house, you or your mom?

>>12414037
I live with my dad

Could someone recommend me a book about regret, wasted time and life, depression? I truly liked Stoner by Williams, A Man Who Sleeps by Perec.

>>12414074
how the fuck did you think Stoner was about wasted time and regret?

>>12414086
These topics are related to his life's mediocrity, and it creates the same mood for me. It's not particularly about that.

>>12408561
Well, serves you by my side I wish someone could explain Object Oriented Literature to me.

>>12411739
>>12411817
I used interpals
There's usually a general for it on /int/ too
https://www.interpals.net/

I know everyone on this site has said "oh don't watch philosophy tube it's biased" but god damn does he know how to make a good video. Sure it's biased but at least it's not dull like some other philosophy or even political channels are.

>>12414074
Proust

>>12414029
It is only wise that you decided to set boundaries, anon.

>>12408689
based Moreau poster

>>12413337
You can't.

Will I ever have a normal relationship? Do I even want one?

>>12414124
if you want exciting biased youtube philosphy you'll really like contrapoints

>>12414281
maybe

I have a headache.

I only ever wanted a gf so I'd have a close companion I'd do everything with but apparently that's not how gfs work in the real world and now I'm sad.

>>12414416
>a close companion I'd do everything with
that's actually how they work though

>>12413713
T-thanks.

>>12414416
>>12414445
Yeah that's kinda how they work, at least for the first months

I don't know what to pick as my topic for my Informational Speech. I was thinking of doing it on Julius Caesar but I dunno how interesting I could make it in 5 minutes or what the fuck I'd even really talk about

I'm skeptical of "free speech." The past few years has given me serious doubt that anyone absolutely supports the legal notion of free speech. I don't doubt at all, however, that people would love for themselves to have the "freedom" to say whatever they want. And I also don't doubt that many of these people would love the "freedom" to repress those who dissent against them.

>>12414602
Same goes for many things, it's not restricted to speech: I'd like to sleep with many women, but would become violent if my girlfriend cheated on me. That's why I don't act on it, and that's why we have rules (informal for adultery/legal for free speech). It's basic but the same logic applies I think, ie the number of people more and more confused with both (what you said about free speech; "polyamorous" couples that always end badly and so on)

>>12414222
I think the reality has finally set in. I need to start pushing away from her. I tell her too much and probably need to start setting even more boundaries. I would be very alone without her, but I'd rather be alone than deal with the painful nausea I'm feeling right now. I want to be her son.

I just finished writing my first short story. Not sure what to do from here, like do I post it somewhere and how? I don't want people to steal it though it's probably complete horse shit so that shouldn't be a problem. I guess I just want people to read it etc. Never thought I'd write a story so it's all new to me

Is it worth it to make a sparse social media profile in order to interact with people that I know IRL and can coordinate things with? Or interact and, disgustingly, network with others? I deleted my Facebook page several years ago and have been debating making another one with very, very little data beyond what could keep me from being tagged as a bot or something.

It seems like quite literally everyone uses it now and it's a tool to be utilised. At least that is how the person who tried to get me to use it again put it. It makes sense.

>>12415414
follow the herd and get an Instagram

>>12415540

The herd is still on Facebook, though.

>>12409233
>>12409488
>>12409544
>>12409655
>>12409822
>>12409866
>>12409888
>>12409900
>>12409966
>>12410488
>>12410499
>>12410633
>>12410644
>>12411300
>>12411455
>>12411466
>>12414222
Consider your digits checked

I enjoy reading about your lives anons
It makes me feel part of something

God created the world for the merits of just one person
That's you

I wish I was better at cooking. I can manage alright but it takes ages, even if I eat leftovers I end up spending an hour or so in the kitchen every few days.

>>12415414
nope. I thought the same a year ago when I moved back to start school again. Ended up not caving in and I've made more friends in the last few months than I have in just about my entire life. What matters the most is your attitude and the situations you put yourself in. Adding people on FB might get you invited to one or two more events but eventually my close friends would just let me know what's going on via call or text which was very personal and cool. Now most people know to just call me to ask to do things.

I want to kill myself because I see no light in the future, but I don't want to kill myself because my whore of an ex will think it's about her and she doesn't get to feel that.

I'm getting extremely sexually frustrated. I fap to shota and stories on nifty, but I fear those won't be enough to keep me satiated. I find myself more often than not bored with these materials, recently I fapped to Boku no Pico, which is not an uncommon thing, but fir me it marks a notch in the escalation of my porn consumption. It started with straight porn when I was about 16, then lesbian, then one night I took a radical turn, when I the same Summer I admitted to myself I was molested by my brother all those years ago, and I discovered shota, from there I moved to gay porn, primarily twinks, and then to real pictures of boys in either nude or in some sort of swimming clothes. I then by happenstance came across nifty and that opened a new door of erotic joy for me. I see this pattern in which the subject of my desire becomes increasingly sentient and animated. The most terrifying thing is that I find myself looking for videos of boys in compromising positions. I don't want that to be me. I don't want to harm a child. I find myself taking the place of my Ego mediating between the lust filled ID and the moral Super Ego.
To make matters worse I am not really attractive nor attracted to either gender and definitely not anything in between. I'm extremely short at only five feet and one inch, I have a small penis that is 4.5 inches when erect, and I my social growth has been stunted, partially because of me and my habit of acting out in class and others for sticking me in the special education room for the majority of middle school, the details of all that don't matter, my point is that I was not allowed to be properly socialized, do I'm left with gap in communication between me and everyone else, Despite this I have cultivated a small group of mostly male friends, even if I am insecure as to whether or not they actually enjoy my company.

TL;DR: I'm lonely, horny, socially inept and into some relatively messed up porn

>>12409093
Probably my best movie ever, not even sure why.

>>12415913
Gugure Kokkuri-san

I throw everything I can get my hands on into my void
Love, sex, family, drugs, sports, education, food, money, books.
It's fucking impossible to satisfy it.
Is this all there is to life? Just feeding your never ending "hunger" until you fucking die?
The death part I find especially fitting, our selfish lives deserve that the most.

>>12415892
Why can't you see a light in the future ?

>>12415933
How is this relevant

>>12415913
Cut all porn immediatly. Delete it from your computer, destroy the habits relate to it (having a porn site as a bookmark on your browser for example). Block the sites if you have to

I'm not sure if I should continue my stable relationship with an average but wife-material girl, or pursue attractive, interesting women I come across here and there. Sure, I could do both but whenever I take things too far with one, I feel guilty. If I try to have both it feels like I fucked up both and turned them into shit.

>>12414029
Post a pic of your mom.

>>12415974
But even if I do I am still unattractive to adults

>>12415946
It's about two perverts trying to take care of a kid who thinks she's a doll through social stunting. It's a household slice of life made of your Freudian trauma.

>>12415409
Just link it here or in the critic thread.

>>12415992
It's still a step in the good direction. This shit messes with your mind, you'll feel better once you're free from it. When you're in a better mindset you can think about improving yourself.

>>12415942
I'm doing a PhD on blockchain technology.
That sounds like a joke but it's my real waking life. Every day I read news articles about how my field is only supported by charlatans and hucksters.
I can't leave because I'm funded to do this, and the job market for comp sci graduates in the UK is depressing as hell, and I'm lucky to have even been offered the opportunity.

I've been housed in total isolation above a bar and due to them overbooking they can't move me anywhere near people.
My office is totally devoid of culture, the CS students don't talk and I haven't made a single friend in the 4 months I've been studying here.

My love life is barren, I had a regular hookup before Christmas but she was BPD and got over attached and was a liar who couldn't be trusted so I told her to leave me alone.

I'm 4 months into a 3 year PhD I don't believe in and absolutely alone in my misery

>>12415892
based

>>12416044
>4 months
dude quit now you're actually going to kill yourself. can't you just apply to another program that's not a total meme?

>>12416028
What should I do if I quit porn and these urges don't go away?

I'm somewhat underweight, not a ton but you'd definitely describe me as scrawny. I don't eat enough most days, only dinner and a small breakfast, but once a week or so I'll binge a carton of ice cream or something. I don't know if this counts as an eating disorder or if I'm just retarded. Probably the latter, as despite everything I'm still in decent physical shape.

>>12416055
The PhD is all I have at the moment.

My plan to fix things is to spend the extra time getting fit, finding a woman to settle with, and maybe dropping out early if I can get a good offer from industry.

My parents think its amazing that I'm going to be a Dr and all that, and its good but the path there is just going to drain my life away

>>12416055
Alternatively, there is _some_ cryptocurrency research that's not just a complete scam, like I saw one paper describing a PoW algorithm were instead of trying to find a random value with a specific hash or whatever the computation could be useful to other people. Like you could use the cryptocurrency mining to help sequence genes and shit, but in a more general way. I dunno how much freedom you have for your degree but you might be able to do something cool even if the field itself is a meme.

>>12415987
ok

Sometimes i literally think the words "I am really smart".

>>12416133
Yeah, ultimately I do believe in the technology.
I'm just convinced that nobody will hire blockchain in 3 years. It's going to be a dirty word.

What you're describing isn't anything new, there's a fairly old cryptocurrency which finds new prime numbers for its PoW, which is pretty neat.

My research is looking at the security of smart contracts, and helping to improve individual people's ownership over their data.

>>12408712
nah, you got this. stop the addiction. Take good care of your body and mind.
Like Voltron, you will combine /fit/ and /lit/ to form /lift/

>>12409080
I kind of feel this way, too. I've taken so many vacation pics, but I don't remember shit about the experience, nor do I review the pics to see if I can jog the memory

>>12409935
I think god without religion is pretty sweet, desu

If you need a few rituals or whatever, that's fine. Just don't bog shit down with dogma

ignorant religious cunts

FUCK

@#$@(#$&@#(&$@#(&$@#

Take a Melody...

I want to be happy

i'm probably definitely a hack with no actual writing ability and by subscribing to this dark-corner-mastubatory bullshit i am bound to stay a probably definitely hack with no actual writing ability because the process of any concentrated self-improvement means i have to watch myself demonstrate, concretely, where i am on the ruler of mediocrity and i just can't handle that :^)

>>12416220
I want to make you happy :3

>>12408428
i spent most of the day on /ck/ and just hopped on to /lit/. after experiencing all their joy it really exposes the hollow, humor-less shell of this board. superiority complex manifested into nihilism remanifested into superiority complex; a vicious cycle indeed.

I still remember standing on the balcony talking to you on that warm texas evening as the fireflies flit through the dark past the edge of our little bubble of light. The sound of creek and the insects, and the way the air was slightly sweet from all the flowers on the trees. The rough boards under out feet.

and it's crystal clear, I don't ever want it to end

Miss you.

>>12416357
That sounds lovely. Very sweet.

>>12416044
Ok I know absolutely nothing about your field of research, but it kinda sounds like a meme degree honestly. But 4 months is nothing, surely you can get out of this PhD ? If you can I'd advise you to try getting into a degree that makes money and allows you to be autonomous (not depend on a boss to give you a salary). Dentistry is seriously underrated, all the dentists I know are chads who love their life because their don't work that much and make huge money

>tfw writing a weird modernist novel about my (failed obviously) relationship with my crush
>tfw I'll probably be too mortified to ever share it with anyone
>tfw compelled to write regardless
why am I like this

I'm a crude aesthete that almost exclusively reads Science and Philosophy at an advanced level. I'm looking to read some creative literature. I'm looking for something rich that I can really dig into and investigate. I'm going to start reading Shakespeare again and was thinking of either Invisible Cities or something from Eco. I know I have the chops, but am I adequately experienced? Will those works prove too much for a nascent dilletante to handle? Do they have (fairly)essential prerequisites as in Uylsses?

>>12416550
>Eco

Just read Foucault's Pendulum, I'm really enjoying it and it requires almost no prerequisite knowledge

I want some relaxed, chill music to listen to. Like something you'd listen to on a summer evening after your work for the day is done and you're just alone with yourself.

>>12416986
do you like metal?

I have a weird desire to sail. Or just be on a boat. Yet, at the same time, stay in my room doing what I always do.

I'd rather kill myself than join the military. I looked at rowboats and they're pretty expensive. Plus, I'd have to figure out the logistics of getting the thing to the lake, fuel (for me and dogs), safety, etc. Maybe I just want to be at the lake again. Or the ocean. I miss the ocean. My friends made fun of me when we went because I just stared out into the sea.

>>12409993
No dude. This process of antagonizing is called EVOLUTION, every individual person competes for his genes to survive. This is called the theory of the egotistical gene. As a primitive spicies we usted to compete with others for food, resources and sex bags. The best from our spicies got to have a large pile of babys. So there was a time when the most inteligent survived more than others so it could fuck more. And we evolved so much that now we are the spicies that control all the others in the world. We can even terraform the earth. And the thing is that ai is the realization of thos process. The same process that made us what we are is what is goikg to create the new race of ai robots. Well be extinct but our creations will be in the universe

>>12417052
Try going to a free river

I GOT GAS IN THE TANK I GOT MONEY IN THE BANK

I GOT SKIN IN THE GAME I GOT A HOUSE FULL OF PAIN

I really wish that people would just leave male children and adolescents alone. There are so many different groups and factions trying to control their lives that it makes me sick. Only a few days after they are born, religious fanatics want to mutilate their genitals. Normal behavior is pathologized. An urge to explore is rebranded as ADHD, a desire to explore gender presentation is pathologized as Gender Dysphoria. Creativity and appreciation of aesthetics are derided as effeminate, rowdiness and self-reliance are toxic masculinity now. Boys cannot have close relationships with people of any gender or it is assumed that the mutual affection is of a sexual nature. A lack of aggression or sex drive is diagnosed as low Testosterone. Army recruiters, gangbangers, pedophiles all want to exploit a young man's loneliness and desire for belonging. Simone de Beauvoir was absolutely correct in diagnosing that primary male problem is an assumption of hyperagency. Everyone wants a piece of the pie- men to control

I can't imagine growing up as a boy today. There are so many snares and pitfalls to run into and so little actual guidance and even less empathy from society.

>>12417060
Please tell me this is satirizing bait, if so this is top notch. If these retarded ramblings were intended to say something meaningful or scientifically accurate, please leave.

>>12417052
Have you ever looked into the merchant marine?

Last three climaxes have been to gay porn. Guess im bisexual now

>>12417119
pls be my qt /lit/ bf

>>12417129
A/S/L?

>>12417066

Well, the lake is free to go to. Just getting there is the problem.

>>12417099

I hate America and refuse to help it in any way more than I legally have to.

>>12417142
Chlie

>>12417168
Probably not then lol. I'm up near Lake Superior

>>12417183
oh. Better luck next time I guess.

>>12417153
Free as in it has not been dammed or raped otherwise.

Why do I feel beaten by an image that never became. It's like I build entire worlds in my head, made of bodies and skin, atoms up from the inside out until Ive made a face collecting every skin cell I have ever wanted on a human being, on the human I have made in my head in their image. Why is this demolition so painful. I don't know. It may be the collapse of unfulfilled desire, but more than likely is the realization of mistakes. Of desire dripping out of me, through the seams of my scars, drowning them like amber kept mosquitoes full of blood, like bogs kept murdered children young, and gorgeous. Perhaps I am dragging the carcass of my inner child, the poor bastard who gutted himself believing that television is real and that the fractured, looping mannequins he has made of his lovers and enemies react the way he'll want them too, kiss him how he wants, relieve him of the guilt of being, justify his sorry ass, embryonic still, featureless, sexless, stomach to stomach with his mother, with nothing to give, with all to take. I guess it's guilt at my idiocy, perhaps it's absolutely nothing. Most likely, it's that kid and his impulse, wanting to believe the world speaks to him. Wanting to believe that he will someday somehow not be terribly wrong.

She sends a picture of her pussy, I respond "Yup, that is a vagina"

>>12416312
Very cute.

>tfw I'm probably bisexual but it doesn't really matter because I'm also a practicing Catholic and I'll just obey the Church's teachings regardless

>>12416074
Channel them into something else entirely. We all get those urges and boy do they scream in your ear sometimes but sliding back into it is one of the worst feelings you can have. Do 50 pushups and 50 sit ups when those urges come about. I still struggle with this crap even after being in a better mental and physical place.

I enjoy these threads. They're one of the reasons I keep coming back to this shithole.

What comes to mind is internet graffiti. Most of it will be the work of some grubby punk-ass, low quality scrawlings, but occasionally a flash of goodness glimmers out at your eye. And just like graffiti it is just as transient, washing away like one of those Tibetan mandalas made out of painstakingly placed specks of pigment. Except far less sanctified of course.

>>12417411
What's the matter, anon?

Do women not understand some lit the way men do? I heard this on /lit/ and elsewhere and I feel it rings true but I'm not smart enough to explain how.

>>12413787
thanks for your reply, it worked out, she replied again and we talked literally non stop the entire day and I got nothing done but it was worth it.

My dog smells really bad and the hot weather isn't helping.

is life always precarious? this is how i feel. i have a temp job offer and a shitty car that takes 25 minutes or more to get there. i have a premonition about the whole thing actually. will my car hold up? i really want to take this chance to work. i’ve been unironically NEET for these past seven months now and my living situation is building pressure on my mental. was this period of idleness useless? could i have prevented it? i don’t think so. i left my job due to a health concern, which is steadily getting better to the point of being able to work. i suppose what i’m afraid of is the worst outcome that can happen, but it hasn’t actually happened yet. i should just let things fucking unravel, instead of trying to predict what would happen. it’s time to lean against fear my friends.
also would like to add in that joining the military is becoming a more actual reality for me, if all else fucking fails. this thought has been in my mind for a while now.
thanks for reading if you did.

I ordered gyoza at a Japanese establishment because it was cheap and the serving girl brought out chopsticks with it. After observing me absolutely fail to eat in a civilised manner she wordlessly brought out a fork. I speared and ate the dumplings with the sticks after smearing them with mustard

>>12417753
>is life always precarious?

It is unless you're rich.

>>12417843
I've eaten Asian food my whole life but I've never understood the appeal of chopsticks. I'll stick with my knife and fork.

>>12417843
Anon, when you get disposable chopsticks at an Asian place there are almost always instructions for how to use them on the packaging. Every time you get disposable chopsticks, look at the instructions and follow them. Do this for two to three years, and you will become proficient at using chopsticks. That's how I did it.

I think I ate too many oreos

>>12417960
one is too many, pig

>>12417960
>>12418037
The problem with Oreos is the glucose-fructose syrup which is not getting used by muscular cells at all and is mainly metabolized in the liver and if you are sedentary and not burning it, stored as fat almost immediately due to structure of the molecules

I feel so useless, like i'm using up other people's oxygen. I want to die

>>12418430
thank you pubmed

>>12409862
im 24,the last birthday i didnt spend alone was 18.i usually drink by myself anyway

I have never masturbated.

is losing your virginity to a married woman worth it?

>>12408428
Missed this place. Reddit and Facebook are shitttttt why didn’t you guys warn me.

>>12418616
Unless you’re a lesbian, yes.

>>12418456
Nietzsche up, good friend. Genealogy of Morals should be your first stop.

>>12418616
Yes but only with your equally virginal wife in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation

>>12418634
>>12418616
im not married. She's a milf

>>12418625
This art is very cute, please post more.

>>12418636
Come on tell us about it

>>12418664
Not much to tell. Just wondering if anyone here has done it and regret it or not.

>>12418667
What you will regret is not doing it, anon

I'm unironically becoming anti-Semitic

>>12418722
every single anti-semite is just an anti-capitalist that's too retarded to assign blame to the class divide in society instead of an ethnic group which demonstrably is not the root of whatever conspiracy they subscribe to

>>12418718
what if I regret not being chaste?

>>12418904
This is true jews just seem especially smug about it though idk

>>12418904
My background is already anti-capitalist. I'm more concerned about cultural issues at this point, there definitely is a concentrated effort to deterritorialize and destabilize western cultural institutions and I'm not cool with that.

>>12418904
>anti-semitism is the socialism of fools

i forget who said i think it was kropoktin or proudhon

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1Y-b1NBuKM

Check out Scott Forestall bantering about Brecht and Heidegger, lol, starts around 25 minutes

>>12416986
Nujabes my friend. Check out Modal Soul

>>12419318
>>12416986
Nujabes is a cuck Radio Disney J Dilla, fuck his dead ass.

Just listen to J Dilla and Knxlwedge anon. Don't be a fag pleb like this cunt here recommending fucking Nujabes. What a fucking waste of oxygen you asslicking. I bet you were raped as a child, and if not, I hope you have beautiful lovely children so I can find them and rape them before your very eyes before raping your wife and then make you suck my shit and blood caked cock and balls before slitting your throat as I stick a white-hot metal rod into your asshole, wu Tang style.

I hope you realize how gargabe you are and stab a rusty nail into your ears. You shouldn't have the privilege of hearing if you're gonna waste it on trash like that.

I sincerely hope your life is full of pain and suffering for the rest of it, and I hope you spend your final years catatonic and fed thru a tube, shitting yourself and perfectly aware of how fucked you are, just wishing to die but never being able to do it.

I hate you so fucking much you stupid fucking faggot. Your parents committed a crime against humanity for not breaking your neck with pliers the second you were born.

Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you
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fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

>>12419618
j dilla fucking sucks too, his whole claim to fame was producing a couple tribe tracks, none of which actually had memorable beats, essentially the weakest ones, dilla is talentless, and nujabes is fake dilla for weebs so just imagine how terrible that is!

I love music. I can't grasp how anyone could disregard music as a whole. It doesn't make one smart, nor impressive. It makes one seem like a blunt cunt. Too many of my friends tell me they hate music - why? They never explain, just state. Give me a fucking reason, you tiny bastards.

it always is

Bump before this dies

>>12409840
>circumcision
>Christian
America was a mistake. I shit on the United States.