/lit/ - Literature

I hate being Indian.

>>12309988
This is interesting.
Do you feel like most of your peers or family members fall suspect to the "Naive, smelly, weird Indian" stereotype?

>>12309988
Did you ask wamen to open bobs today? Also things could be worse, you could be a Jew.

>>12309978
The amount of newfags here is becoming insufferable
>>12309997
>being a jew is bad

I wish I could get drunk and retain my reading comprehension

>>12309988
at least you guys can pull off the aviator sunglass look. If I were you I'd be rocking those all day every day

>>12309988
to be honest, I'd feel somewhat claustrophobic in your society. but i also think, despite the bad rap you guys get here on the chan, you have a culture with a lot of depth and potential, a beautiful and terrifying history. the food is also my favorite.

There there

I bought a kalimba today and drove myself into the woods some furlongs.
I sat and played for at least 3 hours until a deer came out of the brush. It walked up to where I was seated and did not seem to mind me. I picked up a carrot I was eating and offered it in front of me, which he advanced toward. He ate it and, looking at me, slowly turned his heels and walked back into the woods at a slower trot than he came.

It was the first time I've cried this month, and the last I'll have smiled.

hmm
wanna jerk. know i shouldnt. probably won't.
got small peezni. small balls as well.
single.
hate the job too.
off the weed. wanna get back on the weed.
stopped drinking. feels bad when i do
all i gotta say is im stuck fellas...im stuck

>>12310052
Do you not have ANYTHING BETTER TO DO
BE A MAN AND IMPROVE
YOUR BODY IS A MONASTERY AND YOU ARE ITS MONK

GET UP AND DO SOMETHING WITH YOURSELF.

>>12310061
please do not yell at the small fren. he is a sensitive virgo soul and needs our emotional support, not instructions and guidelines.

Does anyone else think that the modern urban/suburban American Christian only follows Christianity because they want to be forgiven for all of their immoral actions?
Honestly these Christians don't actually follow the morals laid out in the Bible, which is apparent when you look at what they do on a day to day basis.

>>12310074
are there any other religions you'd care to take to task? maybe ones who haven't been done to death? why do you feel this ownership over christians and christianity? seems like low hanging fruit at this point.

I want to have a big woman in my writing without coming off as a pervert or a creep. Also, I'm indecisive as fuck regarding my sci-fi antagonists - alcoholic herd-men or degenerated corporatocracy spawn. I need a confidence boost.

My parents won't accept any girlfriend of mine that isn't part of their hyperspecific protestant sect and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Anyone else have experience with relationships between antagonistic cultures?

>>12310112
Why not alcoholic corporate spawn. Make them super repressed salarymen that are forced to drink with their boss every night and be at work at 5AM every morning

>>12310112
Elaborate what you mean by "big woman". I am curious as to how to write my favorite type of females in my writing as well.

I love you so much. You have no idea how much you mean to me. That night when we were out on the porch was the only time in my life I've ever felt even half-open with a person, outside of confession maybe. I never have told anyone my feelings in that way but with you they come out so easy. You're so perfect, you're something I can't understand, and I know that I don't mean as much to you. I wish I was more than just your conscience, more than just someone that you felt bad for. I wish that I could tell you out loud, I wish I could open up about the one things that obsesses me this way. Everything about you is so perfect. You're incredible, absolutely incredible in every way, and I hope that someday I can say all of this to you.
sophia

>>12309993
Yeah, most of my family/friends embody the typical Indian phenotype: short, weak, skinny fat, greasy hair, unkempt, socially oblivious, prestige-obsessed, docile, sexually undesirable, etc. I could go on but you get the idea.

I've desperately tried to search for redeeming qualities to find some sort of pride in my race, but I've found nothing. Sure we have a rich history but that only makes it even more demoralizing to see the current state of India. I hate to say it but if I was a Westerner, I'd probably have the same attitude many people on 4chan do when it comes to our race.

Despite the disdain I have towards self-hating Indians who try to distance themselves from their heritage and act all white, I'm well on my way to becoming like them.

>>12309997
I would choose to be a Jew over an Indian any day. I would choose to be just about any other race frankly.

I remember seeing a thread on this board about African literature that had a few racist posts but mostly genuine, substantive discussion. Just a few days later, a thread about Indian literature was posted. It was filled almost entirely filled with poo jokes and other posts that reminded me (as if I needed another reminder in the first place) that nobody takes us seriously, regardless of our accomplishments or our merits as individuals.

Even when V.S. Naipaul died a few months ago, the thread about him had almost nothing but poo jokes. Such a profound intellect and he was reduced to the same stereotypes and prejudices that are directed towards all members of our race. Regardless of what I do in my life, I will never escape the same box that most people in the West (and across the world for that matter) have towards Indians.

>>12310141
Rotund, not Walmartian hellspawn slags but considerably heftier than what most men desire.

>>12310091
I said Christianity because I am more familiar with how urban and suburban Christians act.

>>12310168
yeah and said low hanging fruit because i was well aware of that

>>12310162
At least India is going to be the fourth country to independently put it's people into space, that's more than all of the European nations claim at this point. Your country has a lot of potential and has a lot of growing pains, things are only going to get better. Once the Nigerian evangelicals start posting on the internet in droves, I don't think that India will be stthe bottom of the totem pole anymore

>>12310162

just git good at cricket

I'm paralyzed with choices right now. Don't want to sound arrogant but I know I can be succussful(my definition) in whatever I choose to pursue, but time is running out and I need to choose something before the opportunities slip by me. I have the naive inclination that after my 2 month long travels I'll come to an answer but I know this is a delusion, I'll be just as confused as I am now.
A life of observation of action? Even within those categories I have many options. One path I'm leaning towards will take me across the world in order to bring forth my world I have in my head, but doing so will trample on another well laid out path. If I fail my life won't be over, I can just go back to university and finish up my studies but I don't want to be graduating at 25 surrounded by teenager. I really want to make the most of my early twenties
My life is also privileged. I can pursue the path of am artist If I choose, or even the path of power. Fuuckk I want to do everything but there's so little time....

>>12310145
sweet and cutepilled

>>12310162
I think it's all out of good fun in the West. I know some cool Indians.
I think these sorts of observations come with a sort of confirmation bias. We are told of some stereotype of some one people and when we see something likens to it, it strikes us more than an "ordinary" Indian would.

However, stereotypes do surface underlying issues in a community or group of people. If anything, the West/East divide is evident when either side tries to imitate the other, as is so often the case with what you're seeing or with the hippie types that go to Tibet from America.

>>12310165
>Most men desire
Men who have ascended know exactly what body type you mean and that is good.
Might I suggest mentioning it a couple times when necessary or only when introducing her? I would stay away from fetishistic descriptions of her and make your appeal to her seem neutral. Is her body type a big part of her personality/character or is it more of just something she happens to be?

>>12309978
I don’t seem to care about chasing anything good, but simply avoiding the bad. I exercise because I hate feeling weak and insecure. I study because I don’t want to fail. You get the picture. I don’t feel driven to go after something, actually climbing that mountain and reaching success. I feel as though I could fall at any moment, and I’m just trying to keep my balance. For some reason the idea of teetering on the edge, constantly saving myself from destruction, seems more exhilarating than simply dreaming of a goal and seeking it. I find it all so predictable and boring. I already know the outcome, so it’s not that exciting. The only thing that gets me by is curiosity, surprise, I guess. Sometimes I enjoy when something bad happens, simply because I didn’t expect it. My negative mindset is noticeably causing me to struggle keeping my faith. I always believe, but the idea of practicing x, y, and z to get into Heaven just seems boring to me at times. It’s a weird feeling, but I can’t shake it.

I guess many of my problems stem from childhood. I won’t go in too much detail, but I was always clearly gifted, and I never was encouraged to work hard for anything. I’ve drifted by on feeling content because of what I am, not what I’ve done or how I’ve improved myself. I don’t have to do anything, I’m still great. Everyone, look at me! Remind me that you’re aware of my existence! And do you know how I try to overcome these problems? I don’t dream of improving myself anymore, but raising perfect children to do everything I never did. Almost every day I imagine what their names will be, what sports I’ll make them play, what books I’ll make them read, languages, instruments, programming, socializing, everything. This is my only life goal, really, so I’m just crawling through the boredom of my obstacles to get to a point where I can finally raise children the way I wish had been done to me when I was a child.

>>12310232
I seriously try not to be racist to Indians. It's a huge country with over a billion people, on top of a huge pedigree of history and advancements. But working in a retail store in the bay area has made all my efforts nill, they are the worse. What they wear, how they dress, the smell, how they treat workers, the fact that they try to barter literally everything, even at the fucking Apple store. The flip flops, the rude children with zero manners that can't even look at you in the eye when speaking, the groups of slow walkers, their fucking toenails, god damn I can't take it. And don't even get me started on their pathetic nationalism. There's nothi gn wrong with being proud of where you're from but the vast delusion they had was out of this world. I was watching a video asking Indians about how people perceive their English accents and they seriously all acted like their accent was the correct one and everyone else is wrong and racist. Kill me

>>12310240
More of something she just happens to be.

I feel as if I would have a successful career in the military but only with some caveats. It would have to be at a high level like at the planning and strategy phases but unfortunately there's no way to short cut to those levels.
Even if you join the officer corps, which is what educated people try to do who want to join the military, you still start at the bottom of that hierarchy. Also you don't get to decide what mission you go on in the military you are just put on missions, and you more or less just have to go with it. It could easily wind up not how you wanted and there's no way to just quit.
I would love to do special forces and do hardcore shit, but the physicality would be too much unless I seriously pre-trained for it, and even then, you're living in danger and shooting people. Metal Gear and Splinter Cell have utterly distorted my imagination on this topic.
All said if shit got bad enough, for instance if there was civil unrest and armed mobs shooting on the street, I would have no other recourse.
I wouldn't be of much use out here as a civilian struggling on my own for my ideals, and organizing my own war band and becoming a warlord is too high risk, especially without formal training in the matter. A citizen's militia might be cool. Either way I wouldn't be having much fun. Or I would have too much fun for a little while and then no fun or anything else ever again for a long time.
Plotting to destroy people even if it's in defense of king and country also is a bit spoopy, even if they are very bad people, which is not always the case unfortunately. Plus I don't agree with every war my country fights. Still, I would channel the experience of being part of this superstructure of power and working with everybody else singularly to accomplish momentous tasks.
Also the sense of fellowship is very much like a surrogate family.

>>12310288
This.

You hear how most men understand racism by their 20s? This is a great example. It's when you start realizing there are common patterns in a certain race or group and they do not EVER stop coming.

Blacks are a case in point.

>>12310007
I certainly don't like being one. My health is pretty consistently shit no matter how much I work at it, and sure I'm a bit more intelligent than most people I know but I'm a neurotic mess. I'd pick being an Aryan over this half Jewish mess I am any day.

>>12309978
The feedback addled mind is home to a rich consortium of thugs that keep tender fingers wrapped upon a person's self-determination. They may act, walk, think, rebel and grow just like people - but their existence in time has been usurped. Their teeth have been dulled, their nails have been trimmed. Just some sort of side-poled, smitherined cadaver. Their interior monologue is full frontal remorse and immediacy, as if their soul-spine was stabbed into their body from above - creating unfathonamble pain - an unintelligible whirly-bird of infinite screaming anguish that somehow calms down to the point where you can "yell" at it incoherently - raving and ranting - whiplash word rash from a serpent tongue divulging tomorrows headlines but without the requisite rationalities. The retrocausal hangover of future-opioids. What porn did for the internet, drugs did for time travel. Stare at the sun-bathers for a bit too long and your mind is bound to get caught up in theirs. That calm buzzed staring upwards - smelling each other's farts for a bit too long. There to stare at the sun - mouths agape at agapē. I can stand there with a semblance of "I" but only for a few minutes at a time - even with my mind wrapped in heavy lead cloth of psychic defenses. Those anthropophagist cults out there cut off their thumbs and pinkies to just the ones that you need to poke out all three human eyes.

It tell you it's all a bluff tho. All those trash-spaces want new dark ages yes, hidden and obscene passageways - dem dealers do do the den they deliver - but that true insidious cut is the kind that can be bled for a person's whole lifetime. A forever milked Daphne - delicious maple syrup dripping from her tits forever. Live Laugh Love, in 72 point arial, on an a4 piece of paper, forever. A meme stomping on a human face, forever. The meme is a kind of thousand-times folded katana of "message" and "medium", forged in the deepest dungeons of semiology and text-based practice. Crystalized media - some sort of absurd distillation and fermentation - cross boundary mechanisms that follow the logic of refugee culture - and god fucking damn am I long on refugees for 2019. That and some broken fucking windows for christsake - if only because the general resentment will only otherwise fester more. Because seriously, if you're the kind of person who wants to fuck Bugs Bunny, then at least fucking masturbate to him instead of taking it out on the rest of us. Here's to DISILLUSIONED PARANOIA and a healthy dose of kambucha fer 2019.

>>12310162
Man, that sucks. I was mostly playing around but I do genuinely understand that level of self hatred. While Jews have different stereotypes (most of which are 100% true desu) there is the same sort of phenomenon going on. No matter how much I contribute in a positive fashion in the future, to those who are actually paying attention in the world, I'll just be another half cryptojew who is either viewed in a hostile fashion or as someone who is not approaching things in good faith. I could literally spend the rest of my life trying to help white opiate addicts in Appalachia, and I would likely never get accepted for being as much a part of this volk as the rest of my father's family.

Maybe there isn't a huge cultural legacy for you to leave in the west, but you may be able to be significantly more respected among your people at the very least? I'm sure I wouldn't receive the same level of respect and commendation in India or China as I could here where I am more anchored into the people. Maybe you could be the hero your people deserve to help elevate them to a more seriously perceived people globally? Your people don't need to shit in the street forever, and you can be a meaningful agent of change for them?

>>12310219
>but I don't want to be graduating at 25 surrounded by teenager
don't factor this into your thinking

> or even the path of power.
if you're still having these type monologues with yourself then this ain't your calling

> I can pursue the path of am artist
> My life is also privileged.
only way you're going to be a half-way decent artist is if you can eke out a living just like any other joe-schmo who doesn't have daddy's money. In a sense - your art will be better by virtue of living a life that doesn't /rely/ on your privileges.

Which means the following : get a CS degree and work at Google or Netflix (but not Facebook, fuck Mark Zuckerberg) for like a decade - just to make sure that you know what that /feels/ like.

I have a confession to make.

I get fantasies about beating up women. When they first came, they were sporadic and a part of a larger pattern where I would fantasize about committing violence whenever I was feeling low or whenever things started to spiral out of control. Violent fantasies have been, for me, a coping mechanism where I'd imagine being in control to escape the fact I really wasn't in my real life.
However, of late my fantasies have been gendered in very specific ways. I now rarely have thoughts about killing people in general, more often than not my violent thoughts feature young, thin, attractive women that I punch in the face to the point of permanent disfigurement.
I do not feel a lot of remorse for fantasizing alone, however I am concerned that one day I might be pushed to the point where I act upon them, and that might get me into jail.

>>12310474
Do you currently have any healthy relationships with young women?

>>12310426
>don't factor this into your thinking

I know you're right but it's hard not too. I've already gotten over the fact that it's missed out on the typical American "college experience" thing. That I didn't mind as much, but being surrounded by reminders will be difficult

>if you're still having these type monologues with yourself then this ain't your calling

True. I admire those who take that path and succeed and with everything I admire I have a force inside me wanting to try it out for myself, but I'm not cut out for it naturally. I'll have to keep down parts of myself that will get in the way

>only way you're going to be a half-way decent artist is if you can eke out a living just like any other joe-schmo who doesn't have daddy's money. In a sense - your art will be better by virtue of living a life that doesn't /rely/ on your privileges.

I don't really agree with this. I doubt western contemporary money shit is conductive to anything, the idea that going through it, even with the option to opt out, will somehow instill a powerful value in yourself seems like a lie the system perpetrats in order to feed the machine. I don't buy it at all, ignoring the countless historical examples of the opposite conditions. I'm not 'rich' but if my work is good my family will support me as so pursue it

>>12310294
If that is the case, then don't make a big deal out of it. If this is going to be read by a large audience, don't make it seem like she is your favorite or she gets special treatment. You should be fine. Hopefully she is a major cutie.

THE KIDS WENT TO HELL,
THEY SCREAMED AS THEY FELL,
AND AS I COULD TELL,
IT DIDN"T GO WELL.

if a nigga with hiv cum in ur eye can u catch the gay?

>>12309978
Is there a better place to discuss literature and 4chan? I only like 4chan because of the raw guttural angst that comes out as honesty in the great majority of posts cause everywhere else on the netz its just polite inauthentic muted personality everywhere

Anyone have a discord or anything like that? I like Jung/Nietzsche/Heidegger philosophy

I have no ass and I must shit.

>>12310542
>Is there a better place to discuss literature and 4chan?

No, sorry. This is the top.

>Anyone have a discord or anything like that?
HAHAHA no. Discord is trash for weeaboo trannies to ERP in.

I'm just so tired bros. I can't keep it up. I keep hoping to catch a break and it never comes, I keep expecting something to happen.
I just want to take a long, long rest

>>12310587

Are you a writer? I'm a painter and i too am biding my time for my big break, but all you can do is keep focusing on your art and honing it.

>>12310587
Get off of the internet and go to bed anon. Please, for your own sake.

>>12310598
I like to write but that's not really specifically what I'm talking about
Just talking about life in general

>>12310549
this post is a shit

>>12310598
Pursuing art in order to 'make it' is disgusting and will achieve the exact opposite effect. There are a multitude of better paths you could have pursued to get the outside validation you so deeply desire, however I'll bet my left nut you are untalented in those arenas and instead chose a craft where the 'undiscovered genius' is part of its mainstream ethos, a role you can Larp under the feigned notion of the true worth or your work, because we all know in any other pursuit your mediocrity would be instantly seen and called out with an objective critique

>>12310476
I do, I have a girlfriend and I am having sex. I don't hate her, she's sweet and all... BUT I do have a feeling that I could do better if I put in some effort into myself. That's all

>>12310634
>BUT I do have a feeling that I could do better if I put in some effort into myself.
ah. to be young again.

How do people get paid to write articles and stuff like that? They are often poorly written even when they're not just aggregated clickbait. It annoys me that people get money for this. I want to get into it. How?

I don't even mean their subject matter, by the way. The articles themselves are poorly formatted and unchecked for error.

>>12310688
Three options
A:
>obtain a university degree
>get a job from somebody you've networked with in university or your daddy
B:
>create your own website/publication
C:
>put yourself online on one of those freelance sites and have a small chance at getting a small job that pays shit money

It's easy work in a extremely oversaturated field, what do you expect?

>>12309988
Try reading The Satanic Verses by Rushdie, Spoono. It addresses a lot of your anxieties. I'm Indian too, and I get it; the book's banned in India even though we're supposed to be
'secular', for example.

>>12310688
By having friends who work at the publication.

I'm afraid that as I'm entering the real world soon (living independently) I'll become overwhelmed.

>>12309978
Stem guy here, I've been spreading myself way too thin and I'm not sure how to refocus myself. For a long time now I've wanted to relearn many of the foundations I studied a few years back and then press forward before I head into grad school. Problem is at the same time there are so many interesting questions and programs in my field that I find myself wanting to dive in and end up reading review articles that I only half understand and don't really help me progress. On top of that I've started to realize the vast wealth of knowledge in other fields and have basically been paralyzed at the thought that I'll likely never be able to even learn these sorts of things, certainly without any chance to make developments of my own. Even after trying to shorten the list of things I'm interested in I find my tastes to be a bit too varied to fit into any reasonable time frame. I'm really just trying to reconcile that I'll either end up someone who knows something about many fields but can hardly say anything interesting about single one of them, or spec hard into two or three related fields and have to somehow abandon my other interests. In the latter case I still need to sort myself and not get pulled in a million different directions. There was a time when I was very focused and made a ton of progress on both studies and research but I've basically stagnated, or at least under preformed, for the last two years or so. My health has also taken a dip.

Is there anything more beautiful than the male body? At the same time a slab of carved marble, is a coil wound tight, just waiting for somebody to spring him.

God is an artist. And my retarded rambling is an insult to His genius.

>>12310704
>>12310707

Damn. I dropped out of college and know no one.

Looks like B is my only option. Argh.

>>12310326
Honestly the nitty-gritty of an officer’s work is pretty much the same at the bottom and the top.

t. O-3

>>12310162
>If I was a Westerner
Are you from India?

>>12310483
> missed out on the typical American "college experience" thing
> my family will support me

If you're worried about missing out on typical things - working a job to support yourself financially is one of them. If you're at all concerned with not alienating yourself from other people (conceived as broadly as possible) then work a job. Seriously, it's extremely fucking good praxis. What you really should be suspicious of is that your upbringing has shielded you from the ground truth of how luxury is /actually/ provided. You slumming it with the wage-cucks is a deeply revolutionary act. If you plan to do anything with a fucking ///trace/// of politics within it - you're gonna sound like Marie Antoinette for just "opting out" .

I hate feeling like a bag blown around by my emotions. Sometimes I’ll enter huge bouts of nihilism only to be ended by one mildly good thing happening to me then I’ll be ecstatic for a while until something knocks me back down. I’m painfully aware that this happens to me and I know how to counteract my moods but I can’t ever erase them. Does this happen to anyone else or am I legitimately bipolar? It’s not very far fetched that I may be bipolar seeing as my uncle has it

>>12310862
That sounds familiar to myself. I have never been diagnosed with anything, and have never attempted to be, but if you are really concerned about it then you should probably see a doctor about it.

I hoped to be someone with a bigger role.

DON'T STOP US NOW THE MOMENT OF TRUTH YES WE WERE BORN TO MAKE HISTORY

My desire to be published is tearing me apart. I recently finished writing a novel and am working into my final draft but I feel i'm going through it too quickly or the wrong way. I want to impress the agents I send it off to but i also want to be accepted. My writing style is strange, I disregard common punctuation rules and make my characters horrible people, but that's the point of the story. Now Im going back through the manuscript and reversing my style to fit what's normal, I feel if they see my weird writing they'll just dismiss me, I can't have that. I'm scared of failing, just the thought of it makes me want to kill myself but I can't do that, I have many friends and loves and people who care about me, i really shouldnt be saying those things. I sent the manuscript out a few days ago to three agents but I shouldnt have done that, I'm beating myself up over it, I feel terrible. After my current draft I want to show the manuscript to an English professor or someone who I can trust with judging my writing but I don't know anybody like that. I'm still very young but I feel like i'm stagnating, as if i'm making all the wrong decisions, I find it hard to think straight. Despite everything, I feel like an absolute wash out. I know there's a very good chance something good will come out of this but the tunnel is very dark.

all day i refresh the catalog waiting for somebody to reply to me

even calling me a dumb faggot would be nice

>>12310145
Same boat as me, I love her, and I love the love you have for Sophia.

Good luck friend.
I hope love finds us all

>>12310061
based

>>12310546
profound

>>12311287
You're a dumb faggot.

In one month I have talked and went out with more women than I had previously done in my entire life. I'm keeping a diary of all my experiences with them. I don't know what made me change like this, I'm not sure I approve it, but I'm curious to see where it leads, to see how long before I regret it.

>>12311345
thank you

>>12311398
Any time anon.

I...

I have nothing to do today. In this way today is like most days.

>>12309988
>>12310162
I love to call Indians poos and smelly shit niggers but I don't actually hate Indians and I'm not really racist. I am anti-immigration but I hope every culture flourishes and I don't like when any one culture dominates or lords over another.

It's just really fucking funny to call a dude a poo.

Actually I'm sort of lying, I do honestly hate the Chinese a good deal, but that's more because they seem like they have no empathy, they love to torture animals and run over small children in their cars, and they have absolutely no qualms about obliterating other cultures and overrunning them only to replace them with more animal torturing Chinese people. Fuck I hate the Chinese. You poos are alright though. Frankly the poo thing is fairly understandable. I'm sure Europeans were poos before the 17th century or whatever.

>>12312192
Also I like Naipaul but the idea that his thread was nonstop poo jokes made me laugh pretty hard, so case in point that it's mostly just because it's funny.

>>12309978
I strongly rebuke the debt based slave-system the USA has going on. The only way you can get an education if you're poor and can't find scholarships is getting into loads of debt, which feeds into the cycle of poverty you are already in. So if you are poor, you go into debt if you want to advance, but the economy is bad one day and good the next because of capitalist boom and bust cycles. You have to make payments on growing interest loans but you also need to support yourself on so little It's an unworkable, inhumane, and unsustainable system of organized and institutionalized exploitation and class abuse that harms the country for the benefit of financiers.
This is the dirty, dangerous truth.

>>12312390
The whole higher education system is fucked. Professors work very hard and don't make much money (unless they're tenured, which very few under the age of fifty are) and are constantly having to move between institutions. Graduate students and postdocs are incredibly exploited. Funding for actual departments is cut in favor of flashy shit admin can use to market the school.

Meanwhile any sort of culture of scholarship has vanished among the student body because college has turned into high school ii, something you have to go to in order to get a non-poverty job. Very few go to college to actually learn anymore, and its reflected in the attitudes of the students. "C's get degrees xD" and "Professor SoandSo said we needed to READ THE BOOK to pass his class what the fuck I'm going on rate my professors!" and "Why do I need to take this humanities class I'm an engineer!" dominate.

Something has got to give at some point, I think. I'd like to dream that it will be a simplification of the system back down to teachers instructing students and leading the most motivated to become teachers themselves, but it'll probably get worse somehow.

Wish the holidays would be over. What a nightmare.
Hard to believe there's still 20 more progressively worse years of this.
Wouldn't have it any other way, though. That's just life on European Extreme.

>>12309978
I'm also pissy because nobody knows how growing up poor and traumatized fucks up your brain for life. Everyones got the wrong ideas about why people struggle in this country and it almost seems by design. But the more I talk about this the more I seriously feel like the more I risk getting assassinated. Things aren't how they ought to be.

>>12312480
join the left. the actual left, not the online identity politics crowd.

>>12309978
The whole guaranteed loans thing that was set up really fucked me in the ass when I was a teen making teen-level decisions. Like ended up being satisfied with my education, and I don't consider my education finished--although my distrust of the American educational system has been firmly cemented. Even so, everyone was ushering me along, again, a teen, with full confidence and urgency "yeah whatever debt you pay it someday whatever." What was I supposed to do while also having a shitty life I felt I had no control over and uninformed parents?

>>12312500
If you can point me to an actual real left wing movement on Earth that's cool with people saying niggerfaggot, I will unironically sign up to it.

The humanitarian, the pacifist, the charitable, the philanthropist, he labors in vain.

I haven't seen a good thread on here in over a year.

>>12310918
Let us be Yorick, then.

>>12312511
Tell me more?
I’m an 18 year old in that exact placement. Should I go for the 18k a year (after all costs, room board, etc) at an elite college or just go to my state for cheap?

This is my only worry ever. I worry about debt and how it may prevent the person I’ve always dreamed to be.
How do I not mess up?

>>12312598
That Humean thread is pretty decent at the moment, though I’d agree that this board has been lacking lately >>12312622

>>12310162
Read Fanon. Post colonial economic systems emphasize the inferiority of the colonized. Economic advancement is tied to explicit rejection of the underclass and their systems of value. The literal color of your skin is made to be a token for white superiority to justify systems of oppression explicitly embedded in your country to extract wealth from your countryman with the dull promise of liberal humanism one day wielding the tremendous benefits of industrial capitalism to the end of benefitting mankind. But you know from your experience that you’ll never be included in this space. If you went anywhere with a significant population of white people, they would stare at you. Even here, where nobody can see anyone and there aren’t any economic benefits to signaling racial hierarchies, they still think it’s funny to call you poo and nigger. Do you think your culture is worthless? Do you think your culture is going to be validated by a culture that defines itself in relation to your culture’s worthlessness? Do you want to be white, or be treated as white?

>>12310341
Clark?

>>12312648
Negative, though Clark sounds like someone I'd either get along with or hate

>>12312640
>>12312640
Is he related to Qanon?

Mmmmethinks it is time for mmmbedtime!

The poor cuck cried as he crawled under the luscious covers of his nin-tend-o themed bed.

Oh Jezebel! Little bell ringing through the house as his voice does. The choker enters the soft lit room, shadowed eyes scolding the night owl.

Patrick! I was sleeping already. Don’t scream so late into the night!

A rush and a push and the door is slammed shut.

She can be crabby at 5:27 in the morning, the little toe-wiggler let his bloodshot eyes frown at the closed wooden hatch. A time for sleep, a time for sorrow. Rest in the morning or the night, game at night, leaves one option for resting. Ope! But it is time for some youtube to drift carefully off to slumber. Recommended a video on smash characters in real life. Now this looks good. 4 minutes? Easy. But careful not to wake precious Jezebel with my obnoxious giggles. I would do anything for her.

>literary
>thematic
>artistic
>art

How the FUCK do you decide where to look for jobs after college?
Also is Montreal /lit/?

>>12310050
Big if true

Just looking at the People section of my old employer, a law firm at which I haven't worked in years, and for which I hated working. Why am I doing this in my free time? I have no idea, although boredom and booze play a part. It is interesting to see who is still there, who is a partner and what, all those smiling heads in professional photographs, some of them are married and some no doubt have kids by now. I find it hard to look at people as people, they all look ridiculous like ghouls. It is interesting how people are reduced into their little biographical summaries, "John is an expert in family law with a specialism in blah blah, in his free time likes youth work and rugby". Do they sleep at night with smiles on their faces? Is this what they hoped and dreamed for? For some I guess it is, which is what depresses me.

>>12309988

>>12310040
this

Is porn a weapon or does it just happen to be bad for you?

Why the fuck do people not respond? Why is it so common just to ghost people? I respond to you, you fucking respond to me.

>>12312991
They respond to people they care about

>>12312991

Realized at the late age of 25, two years deep into writing a novel, that even on the off chance that I do end up being satisfied with it and that it also gets read by other people, its impact will be utterly meaningless compared to that of any classic.
Can a novel be somewhat intemporal, detached from trivial reality and contemporary references, and make a mark through the ages? Or is the format of the genre too self-centered and limited in scope? The epic of Gilgamesh is still discussed 5000 years after it was written. Machiavel wrote one shitty advice booklet and is still relevant. No modern novel will have this kind of longevity.
>The Avengers™ are probably going to outlive Crime and Punishment
;_;7

i'm sad, and i don't even know why. I have to fix some shit with an air force recruiter but besides that everything in life is on the up and up. yet my sleeping schedule is completely inconsistent, i'm not eating, and i just want to stay in my room and wallow in this mysterious sadness.
I need to get back into writing.

I honestly hate my mother. Her love is entirely conditional on whether I hold the same religious beliefs as her. She's threatened multiple times to completely cut off all personal contact if I try to date someone outside of her religion, get a job that isn't part of the family business, or go to tertiary school. She's cold, detached and unaffectionate. I ask her to hold me or touch me more but she refuses unless I rub her back, after which, she conveniently gets tired and wants to be left alone. My relationship which her has completely messed up my dating life, I can't get attracted to a woman unless she is older than me and very maternal. My dad's a pushover and I'm pretty sure he's afraid of her

>>12313051
Would you rather create something deeply moving to yourself and probably a few other people or keep your thoughts to yourself until they die?

>>12312453
Same anon. I don't know if I'll even bother to go out and drink for new years tomorrow. Don't know what else you're rambling about though.

I am jealous of people with faith and belief in a god. Science thought they were helping man, but has left us empty and without meaning. I wish I could be the "Knight of Faith" Kierkgaard speaks off. instead i am nothing.

I can't think logically. My mind is blank most of the time and when it isn't, its mundane thoughts that I know are automatic, inauthentic and products of a fictitious reality.

I feel that my character is identity fraud. stolen from someone else, but never really mine. it feels like everybody but me came along and tweaked and added to it. why cannot me the master of my own fortune, of my own character?

I know I should love my family, and I do, but do i really? same with my girlfriend and past relationships; when i analyse it, my love feels forced and fake.

>>12310546
u can snatch em by the snazz
they let u do it
when u got zazz

>>12312539
Have you tried socialism with nationalistic characteristics?

>>12313175
I would go mad(-der) if I didn't write, so it's going to get done, but the vanity of it has to be adressed. How do I cope with not being "one the the greats", how do I make myself come to terms with being revoltingly average and small and unimpactful?

My ex girlfriend came over this past weekend. I took her out to dinner and then fucked her 5 times in the span of 24 hours. Now shes gone, again. This was my first time having sex in well over 2 yrs. I naively thought that this would make me feel differently, but it changed nothing. Im just lying in bed, exhausted.
I wish i knew what i wanted in life. I have no clue how to fulfill myself

>>12310795
Based and, dare I say it, redpilled.

>>12310795
no homo tho

>>12310634
>I don't hate her

This is a strange way of putting it, and perhaps suggests something that you might be hiding from yourself. Think about it a bit

I have this intense desire to have an impossible, infinite closeness with someone. I can be cuddling with my girlfriend, our naked bodies fully pressed together and it still wont be enough, i still want to be closer.What the fuck is this feel? How do i deal with it

>>12312944
It's a weapon, why else do you think it grew aggressively and abnormally in for instance Japan and Germany post WW2?

>>12313492
You want to kill her and wear her as a suit, congratulations you're a serial killer. Very Patrician.

>>12313492
Have you tried having sex? That's literally putting yourself into another person.

They're releasing me from the hospital on the 31st if all goes well. All I want when I get back is a nice, long rest, which seems bizarre considering I've been stuck in one bed for three days now, but there's a difference between a sleep and a rest and I am sorely missing out on one of them. That's all for now I guess.

>>12313520
Yes i have. Its not enough

>>12313509
Probably this

>>12313548
Are you okay, anon? Sorry that you had to be in hospital over the holidays. Hopefully you won't have to ride out the new year, there.

>>12313492
>What the fuck is this feel?

I don't know, but sometimes I feel it too. Usually after sex, when the ecstasy of the orgasm has worn off. It's all a long build-up, and the climax is so brief, sometimes unsatisfactory. I wish we could be together as one for longer. It just reminds me of how temporal everything is.

>>12312192
>Actually I'm sort of lying, I do honestly hate the Chinese a good deal, but that's more because they seem like they have no empathy, they love to torture animals and run over small children in their cars,
Reminder that the chinese weren't like this before Maoism. These are reversible changes, and also changes that could easily occur within western cultures as well.

>>12313240
Look man, this is gonna sound gay, but if you're truly interested in religion, including all the difficult aspects of it too, then all you have to do is knock

An excerpt from my notebook today, I was being miserable as usual minding by business at a cafe

"What kind of a cruel state of being this is, that none of us are happy or in peace, and we all have to suspend our disbelief and give ourselves to the most ridiculous of lies and illusions just to keep the thin veil before our eyes intact, so that we don't see fully the disgusting visage before our eyes?"

And on and on. I really need to get over this depression

It's interesting that even though the entire literary establishment is made up of beta cucks and feminists that no doubt would want public incel mass executions, alot of the contemporary literature they praise essentially reflect incel philosophy.

Few explicitly write from the incel perspective like Hollaback, but many write from the perspective of the beta bucks cuck and affirm incel observations on it.
See pic rel (and his other 90s books which are really, really good) and Jon Franzen, just from the top of my head.

Life is so shit we need escapism to find beauty in the smallest thing yet when we are out of our escapism things differ so much from our previous perception that we have to go back to escapism. Everything is such a chore, I feel like killing myself everyday.

>>12313563
Yeah, it was a tooth infection I detailed a few days ago. Anaesthesia is really an incredible thing - one instant I was in the operating room and the next I was back in the hall. No dreams or darkness or anything.
>>12309988
I've never understood 4chan's hatred of Indians. Their religions are fascinating, and the massive histories and shifts in culture give India a character sort of like China where you feel you could learn the depths of all humanity if you only understood it in the span of their centuries. And when I read accounts of the early history of Buddhism, with people traveling all over the land and even subjecting themselves to torture if it might lead to a higher power, it's really beautiful. And with Buddhism, it was striking to learn this but when you really come to know the structure of it, if it is not at least real in some sense, the man who invented it was no doubt a genius.

That's just stuff that springs up to me. I like too how the Indian girls who immigrated here are all really modest and well-mannered. And I like how on the subcontinent they still put in some effort to dress despite being surrounded by filth. It's a conflicting place, but I can't possibly dislike it.

>>12312192
>Actually I'm sort of lying
We knew that.

NAKED GIRL
WANT
SNIFF THE BRAPPER
GOOD MEME
MEME SUCCESS
MEME FUNNY
NAKED GIRL LIKE FUNNY
MEME SUCCESS
MEME GIMME NAKED GIRL
FAP FAP FAP
CUMMY CUMMY
MEME GAVE ME NAKED GIRL
MORE MEME
MORE FAP
FAP IS NAKED GIRL
MEME GOOD
FAP GOOD

THIS IS THE LIFE FOR ME

>>12310162
>pride in my race
The problem is your mentality and not your race.

Power disparity is ubiquitous among all things in their relation to each other. There is no equality.

>>12313579
I know that feel too, anons.
I got this feel in its full intensity after two nights (one last autumn and one this autumn) where I was with a girl. We've known each other since years, but I only noticed her last autumn when I had a really heavy breakup and was mentally in the absolutely lowest state that I ever experienced. Anyway, we had this really intimate closeness and could both verbally communicate it to some degree, but I was always left with the feeling, after both of these nights (we didn't even have sex or something, just cuddling, kisses and touching), I would now be left empty and void forever.

I think this feeling roots in the urge to heal sexual trauma. Maybe that's a freudian interpretation and you can call me a fag for it if you like, but given the fact how ridden by unhealthy abnormalities my sexual experience was until that night, I think its exactly that. The organism notices that you're experiencing healthy sexuality and leaves you craving more, or it realizes that you are in a situation that doesn't quite emotionally get to you, so you get the feels even if you cuddle with your gf.

me bad

>>12309988
>>12310162
Bruh whatever it's worth I think Indians are really based and like them a lot, especially on a personal level (though your cultural history is obviously great too.) Obviously the racist memes are funny but that because all racist memes are funny. Keep on trucking indiabro :)

>>12313646
It's an endless spiral. I feel the same way. It's OK, it will eventually be over, soon or not.

>>12309978

I am procrastinating like I never have before, and I don't know why. It's almost like I don't care anymore. I have a few assignments to complete and a couple exams in Jan. But I'm not worried or stressed and have no motivation to study. I hope this wears off soon...

>>12313711
Embrace it.

>>12313646
living in dream is the only option

>>12313670
>how ridden by unhealthy abnormalities my sexual experience was until that night, I think its exactly that

Sometimes I feel disgusted by sex and that I never lost my virginity. I feel so dirty, like she took the last piece of my childhood away.

I also had a lot of warranted sexual attention from older girls. I wasn't molested or anything, but they were always trying to kiss and cuddle me, it was weird. I think that probably messed me up.

>>12313646
I don't even find beauty in escapism now. I so badly want to be in awe of genius but I'm starting to think I don't have the cognitive ability to find beauty in the music of bach or in fine art or high literature. I can't take this.

>>12309978
I want to write a book. I have some ideas that may be an interesting read (to me at least anyway). But I'm too lazy to do it.... what's a good way to motivate yourself to do something like this? How to push yourself to do the research necessary for your writing? Ahhhhhhhhh why am I plagued with zero motivation and laziness

>>12313659
the problem is your mentality, not your mistaken perceptions of the problems with other's mentalities

>>12313785
your body is not a shelter
it is a prison

because you don't have a leader to show you how to use your body

you've been wasting time, being picky about leaders to follow based on false criteria

you're brainwashed
you're desperate to fit in
you're inhuman

the only possible cure is to follow your senses, to listen to them without interruptive external thoughts

>>12313785
If you are not pushed into writing either because you have to earn money somehow or because you have to kill the time somehow, you are fucked and that book's not going to be finished ever

>>12312991
Low value men are disposable to women, and they damn well know it. Don’t let it define your self-worth though.

>>12313825
that's a nice image

has anyone seen that commercial where there's a rich couple getting each christmas gifts? the chicks gets ifagwatches for her and her husband, and her husband buys a pickup truck and an SUV.
the truck is clearly for him but she insists on getting it because #breakingstereotypes, and he acquiesce because he's cucked.
it got me thinking that a lot of the time women think that stereotypes are sexist because they have no understanding of the choice that's being made, they only think about the results once their husband buys them some shit as a reward for being a fucktoy.
for example, a pickup truck is a tool for men who work blue collar jobs, jobs that are dirty, hard, underpaid, and underappreciated. women don't have these jobs because 1) they don't want to 2) they can get money other ways 3) they aren't capable of lifting heavy objects.
the ad presents vehicle selection as a fashion statement for rich women, but for people who actually exist there's actually a rationale that oftentimes needs to select along gendered lines. i think the failure to appreciate this is feeding into the trope of "stereotype says men do x?? have women do x!"

I also read a news article about sex ed for black girls, and how it's supposedly "designed for whites." unsurprisingly the article failed to list a single way in which sex ed failed to "appeal" to black girls, besides the obvious fact that black teens are just willing to fuck more. This is probably cultural and due to them being poor. If anything, i think the racist thing is to try to prevent black girls from fucking constantly like they so clearly want to.

>>12312640
You sound like the biggest drag ever and this is fucking /lit/.
>>12313492
I've had this too, in my one long term(ish) relationship. It's like phantom limb pain. Unbelievably, absurdly aggravating. I sort of miss it though.
>>12313648
No one hates Indians, the memes are just funny. The problem with your environment is that you filter everything through this modish, idiotic buzz-concept of "hate". Do you hate sitcom characters? Step back and look at how absurd this is.

>>12313953
>the truck is clearly for him but she insists on getting it because #breakingstereotypes, and he acquiesce because he's cucked.

You Americans are so weird. In Australia lots of girls drive pickups. It's no biggie.

>>12314076
for us yankees it's not that common for people to drive pickups unless they have some use for them. also it's part of the americuck meme where the women walks all over her husband to spite the patriarchy even though she's clearly the one benefiting econ. from the relationship.

I hate myself and everything else and I'd like to die

Escapism is extremely good and the best form of societal organisation is that which allows the most people to indulge in it

>>12314094
>unless they have some use for them.

I guess we are a tad bit more rural than ya'll.

>>12313953
pickup trucks may be tools in that manner to the working class, but that alone explains little of their popularity. Buyers who want a truck to do work with buy unadorned white work trucks, because they're not stupid. The demographic for the hypermasculine, oversized pickups that dominate the market today are looking for the fashion statement you criticize in women, but the buyers do not skew female.

>>12313773

Yeah, I feel ya anon.
But fuck, you don't wanna be me in that respect, I was circumcised for medical reasons at age 5 (young enough to not understand the full scope of possible psychological consequences, but old enough to realize that cutting of your foreskin is somehow a big cultural thing). Not related to that but due to some other dysfunctions of a more mental nature, I developed an insane sex drive and tried to cover it up by pretending to be asexual for years. I became a porn addict, in fact so much of a porn addict that I masturbated until parts of my dick were bleeding (no fucking joke). The emotionally abusive first two gfs followed shortly after. Don't know how much all of this is related to me being bullied in school or having undiagnosed ADHD or some shit like that, but it's pretty weird, and I only found out about that when I started visiting a therapist and thus got a reality check.

>>12313774

Been there anon. Try to go out and get some fucking fresh and direct experience. I hope you have a beautiful forest or lake somewhere near your home. Don't take any music or anything with you and just sit there and try to calm your thoughts. Before being in awe of genius, being in awe of nature is a nice step, and it also requires less cognitive capacity.

>>12310769

How so, anon? Keeping up with chores, cooking for yourself, that sort of thing?

>>12314324
different guy but I have no idea how to search for a good job (I have a meme degree so I have a bit of latitude), find a place to live, manage finances, etc.

>>12314208
That's awful, I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I'm not cut but I think that circumcision should be outlawed, it's totally barbaric. You didn't deserve that, especially with the bleeding, I'm so sorry.

As a fan of cinema as a medium it really breaks my heart to see the sorry state of it in the last decade. Absolutely gone to shit. Only the capeshits or the adaptations are successful boxoffice wise, and only the oscar baits win the major recognition. Why aren't audiences flocking to see original movies anymore? Is Netflix to blame? Is the average person unable to give an IP a chance without some sort of association with something renowned? My favourite film of 2018 has been Hereditary, and even then I'd give it 6/10. What can we as individuals do to give modern cinema more depth and daring?

Also fuck anyone who won't watch a film because its "too long" while proceeding to binge watch television shows

>>12314603
Last film I saw in theaters was Three Billboards, which while I enjoyed was Oscar bait as you said.

>What can we as individuals do to give modern cinema more depth and daring?
Support indie shit I guess. Though its hard to find good ones.

>>12314384

RE managing finances:

Keep a diary for at least a month (preferably two but you can start really acting on it after one) of all your spending. Better yet, a spreadsheet. Record everything by category on a day by day basis. Good categories include food, rent, in home entertainment, going out, necessary bills (light/heat/water/internet), etc. Make a small note about what it is in each item. Don't get lazy because you only have to do this infrequently.

Next add up all the birthdays, obligatory social events, etc you have to spend money on. Go over your card bill from last year if you can but otherwise guess and add 33% because people always lowball it. Same with necessary intermittent purchases like new shoes, rail passes, that sort of thing. Add on the cost of a computer monitor or some random bullshit unexpectedly breaking.

Now add that to 12x your one month spend (4x your 3 months spend). Divide the whole thing by 12 and you have a realistic monthly spend.

Next step is to figure out how to save 10% of your monthly wage. If you already can, congrats, look at the next paragraph and ask yourself about 20 or 30 %.

Use the breakdown of spending from you spending record to figure out where to make cuts. Usually it's in food and entertainment. If you can't make 10% commit to 5%.

Then set up a pure savings account. Divert the amount you need to save on payday, before you ever see it in your checking account. Never take money out unless you have an emergency you cannot deal with. Ideally, you will also treat the zero point of your checking account as the cost of the largest predictable semi-emergency like a car breakdown, i.e. aim to never drop below that.

Once you have enough money saved to shield you from at least 5 months with no income, look into and start building a diverse stocks and shares portfolio. The most boring, hedged bets, long term portfolio you can imagine.

>finally decide to scap together whatever I have of my novel and make a compile it into a draft to submit to an agent
>realize it's a fucking mess and nowhere near publishable
>tfw I just want to be done with this story so fucking bad, and have been procrastinating on finishing the editing for over a year because of it

>>12314413
Thanks man, it's hard to find some kind of empathy out there. I really despise the fact that circumcision is still so much of a taboo topic and that the average westerner fails to realize that it may have severe psychological consequences. I guess we'll both be fine. Our experiences are part of our fucking growth and we gotta take the harsh lessons as lessons I suppose, even though it can get pretty bitter. Nothing has helped me more than actually being emotionally aware of what has been occurring to me.

Anyways anon, here's to a fucking awesome 2019 for the both of us!

>>12314727
This is why I only write short stories and novellas. I know in my current mental and emotional state I'll never complete a novel.

I’m supposed to do this every day as part of a therapy program. I just can’t seem to quiet my mind enough to make something that’s coherent and not just a bunch of tangents and poems and stuff. The last time I successfully did a free write like this was nine months ago.

March 5, 2018

Lamictal: 200 mg
Seroquel: 200 mg

Played guitar really well. I mean, not that well. But really well for me. My fingers were gliding rhythmically and I was playing what I thought. I used to suck. Or I suppose I normally suck. Seroquel unlocked something in me, not unlike those people who wake up from comas suddenly able to play the piano.

Listened to favorite sad songs. None made me cry. Watched porn. Didn’t get hard. Don’t feel bored necessarily, but feel boring. On similar note, feel mildly nauseated. Pressure on the inside of forehead. Slightly paranoid that the tingling about 4 inches into the center-back of my head (yarmulke zone) is my brain cells dying. Seroquel does a great job with anxiety. Unwanted thoughts filter out with ease. It’s a wonder, then, that I can’t free my mind of the That ‘70s Show theme song. What an ear worm. Speaking of That ‘70s Show, I never noticed (by never I mean during the original run of the show (I’m watching it on Netflix now (life at home on a hill with my parents and my pills sure is fulfilling (*Kitty Forman laugh*))) how much multi-cam sitcoms resemble stage plays. Not just in obvious things things like blocking or camera angles. Watch the acting. It’s like an improv troupe. The actors weave their lines in and around targeted blasts of laughter and applause. I mean, don’t get me wrong: That ‘70s Show is fun. But the format pretty much precludes depth, which leaves pure comedy as something of a last goal standing. Thirty episodes in and they’re already out of material. Self-referential jokes about Red being a hard-ass and Kelso being stupid are beaten to death by the end of the first season.

Update: Feelings still work. Watched that video of the skateboarding kids laughing at the damn gay ass rock and laughed. Good deal, man.

>>12314762
You too. Have a great day or tomorrow if that's your timezone. Go see some fireworks or something like that. Take care. I hope that it's everything you could wish for.

>>12312192
I think the thing I most despise about people like you is not even just that you are so obviously fucking ignorant, but that you are also so clearly pampered and have never really suffered to the point that you think you are so much better than others you don't even have to take the time to judge people individually.

You must live a very easy life to not have to worry about such things and not even think that you have to. Just make blanket statements all day because what do you care? You're just going to roll over and fart and shitpost in the internet just like you did yesterday and today.

>tfw no goals or ambitions
>tfw functional neet
>tfw only things I "like" are writing and painting but I barely do either
>tfw graduating college and probably have to get a real job soon
I really hate my life and I really hate that I'm still unironically holden at age 21

>>12315631
What are you studying? If painting and writing bring you joy then you should invest a little more time doing them. It might help take your mind off things.

>>12314845
you bipolar my friend?
I'm not on lactimal but on seroquel (150mg) and lithium (1000mg).

> Don’t feel bored necessarily, but feel boring.

That's perfect. Everything is going well enough for me but I guess I have a naturally restless personality. I shouldn't complain, normal is better than too manic to function... is better than thinking EMFs are causing mass psychoses... but normal is boring... I shouldn't blame it on the normalcy, I can make changes too yknow, I guess. But I feel like I'm at a standstill, I love my friends but I need to meet more people, new people. I feel guilty for feeling bored about where I am, right now, like my current social circle isn't 'enough'. Do I need an attitude change or a lifestyle change? Who knows, what can ya do.

Agree with what you say about sitcoms, esp. That 70s Show. They are modern day farces. That 70s Show hits that sentimental sweet spot inside me that few other shows do, though maybe its nostalgia. The best part of the show is easily Kutcher's physical acting - very underrated.

>>12313446
>no homo tho

A query for straightanons. Do you understand and or appreciate male beauty in a way unlike that women and homosexuals do; as a completely asexual appreciation?

>>12315685
I'm studying mathematics and computer science. I try to spend more time doing art, but I find it very hard to actually sit down and work on it. I like the idea of doing it (along with the finished product) more I think than the process itself.

>>12315770
I have no idea if its that or if I'm just a self-closest bisexual. The actual idea of having sex with a man doesn't appeal to me but I still admire men aesthetically from time to time.

I’m always nervous as if I’m behind schedule in something. I’m on vacations right now, so I have nothing *mandatory* to do and I just stay at home and read (not as much as I wish), watch movies, and browse 4chan (which feels like a waste of time mostly). I had a routine but I haven’t exercised in 3 days. My eating habits in the last week have been abysmal. Right now I feel like my head is going to explode, I have this physical anxiety where you feel the pressure in your chest. I have 2g of shrooms in my room, but I won’t have the right setting until a couple of days. I live with my sisters and one of them is so unintentionally invasive (always has the tv on, puts music really loud, invites her boyfriend for entire weeks, gives her boyfriend the stuff me and my other sister buy to eat (because we buy ‘for the house’) and there’s nothing when we want to eat, etc) yet I wouldn’t complain because it seems that they are such small insignificant things that I would look like a maniac if I do. I need to live alone and have silence so I can live in my own rythm.

Trying to decide if I should try to lose my virginity via tinder whore this coming year or if I should wait for an actual relationship. The problem is my opinion changes with how recently I've jerked off.

>>12315819

I'm not sure if I'd advocate for Tinder, but don't overthink it. Given enough time you'll remember it only as a detached moment, divorced of emotion, and you'll have plenty of far more fulfilling sexual experiences in the years that follow that will replace that place in your head reserved for that 'first time'.

>>12314845
Wow, I'm bipolar and on this exact same combo of meds, same dosages too although I occasionally take up to 300 mg of Seroquel. Lactimal helps but isn't enough on its own. I have a love/hate relationship Seroquel honestly -- it knocks me out and helped get me off benzos (now only take them per-needed) but it makes me groggy up to 12 hours afterwards so I need to time it right. I feel like a zombie the next day too, although that's gotten better over time. The weight gain is the worst part though. I can relate to the loss of enjoyment in music and lack of sex drive though, but a lot of those things were part of my hypomania and as much as I liked them, I need Seroquel to feel "normal." Otherwise I oscillate between anxiety and paranoia during mixed states. So I force myself to take it.

>>12315714
Not him but also bipolar. I'm really restless in terms of racing thoughts and constant movements too, my pdoc refers to it as akathasia/psychomotor agitation, it happens a lot more when I'm hypo than when I'm depressed. I kinda like depression more sometimes because I can't stay still or keep my mind quiet when I'm on an upswing.

For people like us who've tasted hypomania/mania (I'm type 2 so only the former), it's hard to feel content with just being normal. I spent almost 2 years constantly smoking weed and numbing myself with Klonopin/Xanax because I couldn't come to terms with my new reality - I just wanted to escape it. But now that I have, I've started finding enjoyment in the little things: getting work done consistently, meeting deadlines, having somewhat functional social relationships, not having people seem uneasy around me, etc.

Everyone I know says they like me more when I'm on my meds, when I'm unmedicated I'm not only unstable but a huge solipsist and the scenarios I come up with in my head are just unhealthy.

As for your dissatisfaction with various parts of your life, I would just say that bipolars are never fully satisfied with their positions in life. We always ruminate over how we could be doing better and what we are lacking, sometimes that feeling is genuine but I think due to our nature nothing will make us feel 100% at peace. This is part of why we set lofty goals when manic and then feel bad that we can't reach them when we crash.

I don't think you should radically change your lifestyle, just that you should be realistic about what you can and can't do. This is a severe disability, and comparison is the thief of joy as they say. Create realistic goals, and work towards them incrementally. Don't feel bad if you fall behind, and above all don't go unmedicated because you feel meds are holding you back. Sorry if this sounds long-winded, my Seroquel's kicking in so I'm gonna knock out soon. Best of luck bud, this disease is ruthless but we can conquer it one day at a time.

/lit/ is unironically one of the best parts of the internet

>>12315950
how long've you been here?

I have no idea what's going on

So, I was planning on writing a story in the style of The Alchemist (nameless characters, narration over dialog), but now I'm wondering if I should write it in a style closer to Oliver Twist in order to give my characters more personality and appeal

>>12315975
A little over a year

Taking acid for the second time really made me realize something, although not in the mystical sense thsg everyone pretends it does. I realized that my kind is endless analysis of minutia that goes on in a repeating cycle. I'm not sure if I can have any further revelations about anything because every topic seems to have conflicting aspects that both hold true. Part of me doesn't csre anymore but it is also kind of freeing. Nothing in life seems to have an ultimate goal or consequence. I think what is important is to do things for the sake of doing it. Everyone wants some meaning but it is always out of reach and never fulfilling. Part of me want to be rich but I also realize that being rich makes things too boring and too easy. Life needs challenge. I guess I get what Camus was saying about Sisyphus. The top isnt what is important but the climb to it. I think I'm fine pushing the boulder uphill.

>>12315997
i find that psychedelics don't lead to external observations, but by detaching you from your own thoughts a little bit they make it easier for you to realize new things about how your mind works.

>>12315841
This
I lost my virginity to my highschool sweetheart, it was her first time as well. I feel nothing when I think back on it. It wasn't special, it wasn't a truly life changing experience and pretty much every experience with a girl that came after was superior. It was overrated. Your first time doesn't need to be special

>>12313470
Could you elaborate? I'm not sure I understand.
I do not love her, I don't find her particularly attractive, I don't really look forward to meeting her or having long conversations with her. However, that doesn't change the fact that she's a very nice person and I do not despise her either.

I'd be glad to answer questions

>>12316024
Tsking mushrooms made me laugh instead of getting angry when people are unneccesarily frustrated. I've noticed that if you persevere, people can lighten their attitude. Tired of fucks bringing me down with them. Life doesn't need to be frustrating.

>>12315792
Do you enjoy studying math and CS? Do you have any plans for after school? And why do you feel like Holden Caulfield

>I like the idea of doing it than the process itself.

I know what you mean. I fall into the same mindset with my hobbies too sometimes. Tasks can be daunting but there is only way that they will ever be done. What kind of things do you like to paint?

>>12314657
Thanks anon.
>>12314324
Sorry for the late reply. I've been coming to this site from my mid teens and forwards. Thankfully I'm a normal person irl but reading about the experiences of those only a bit older than me and beyond across the years has made me a bit wary of what's to come in independent adult life. I'm really just afraid I don't know enough or am going to miss something that'll push me downwards.

Christmas shart, christmas fart
Sharting and farting all the way
Oh what fun it is to shart and fart
In a one-horse open sleigh

I'm really stressed and in a bad mood for the New year eve thing. Long story short, discussing with my friends for this party gave me a small existential crisis: i realized that I'm sorrounded by boring, sterile, toxic people. I want a new group of fresh people to hang out with, but I've met a lot of people, but things never really worked out. Also for this NYE I would have loved to go in a vacation with a girl, but this won't never happens, I will be forever stuck to getting drunk with a bunch of nerds

>>12316792
>I will be forever stuck to getting drunk with a bunch of nerds

I hope you didn't mean us. Happy New Years, anon.

>>12309978
I cant fuck up this semester. Academically and socially. I crave interactions yet lack the courage to do so. And i tend to lose focus and direction in my academics and often consider myself better than what i actually am. I need gradual change. So i can be the better person i want to be, so i cam have meaningfull discussions with people without worrying about making them uncomfortable. So i wouldnt have to worry about any assignments or tests, I've learned my lessons and i must disipline myself to not fall.

>>12315439
Back to Tumblr fag.

>>12316991
Thank you brotha, you too.
No, I meant IRL friends, which also don't like to read

>>12317052
Know these feels, anon. I'm going into the final semester of my bachelors in February. What are you studying? Are your fellow students nice?

I am sick to death of hearing about women's supposed ability for "the gift of life." Does a fertile female not require my spermatosa, first and foremost, which I have kept rather handily and carefully inside my bodies for at least days or maybe weeks?

Those unconscionable wenches and their wet nurses thereafter can only demean what strength and ardour it requires to not have any of my sperm damaged - kicked by an angry horse perhaps - or leaked - either by involuntary dreams or via a thief in the night - or unhealthy - if one is not careful enough to eat a diet with seafood.

>>12317271

>>12309978

2019 will be a year of change. After a 3 year hiatus working, I will finish my degree and then go on and study mathematics. I used to be the clever kid but somehow slacked away the last years. No more of that.

It's a nice night. There is a cool breeze. All I am doing is sitting and reading and I don't think I could be more content, within the realm of realism. Life is wonderful again. Happy New Year.

>>12310162
Why do you care so much? If you’re successful, you can easily function at above average level both economically and socially in almost any western country. Sure, the ceiling is a bit lower for an indian in the western world, but still very high.
If you’re stuck in India, then I really don’t see why you should feel sad or disappointed about what some westerners think of you. Marry an Indian girl, create a family, etc. If you don’t like the way Indians are and want to change them, you gotta start with yourself and your children.

>>12310162
don’t worry, 2030 is almost here
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWbiFkg3z7s

>>12317452
Happy new year you little homo :3

>>12317589
y-you too.

There are 365 gifts to open this year. How lucky we are, it's better than any Christmas. My advice to all is to not waste a minute.

>>12309978
Shit seems fucked. Alright, I have a girlfriend and a stable, non-challenging, ok-paid job, but shit seems fucked. I am lonely, I can not converse with people because I am surrounded by actual retards who "know" business. Also, Nick Land is beginning to haunt me. Fuck that guy. I dunno. Basically, shit seems fucking apocalyptic and I am stuck in a place where I do not think I can actually even try to make an impact. Of course, I can move up-down the social/economical ladder and move to other places, but then again, how the fuck did I end up here? At least I have my girlfriend with me and we are doing great together, might as well die together and fuck it, but I am not succumbing to nihilistic jouissance bullshit. Shit needs to be done, however I am not sure if I can do anything. This is just me re-phrasing and re-phrasing my same basic thought because it is written badly. English is not my native language. Maybe I am deluding myself... I want to inspire optimism with my pessimism. I just do not fucking know.

>>12316364
>Do you enjoy studying math and CS?
To a degree, not enough to be a truly good student though. I'm certainly not fulfilled by it as other people seem to be by their fields.

>Do you have any plans for after school?
For a while I assumed I would find some subfield of math or something I was really passionate about and go do a PhD in it, but that hasn't happened. I don't have any plans right now beyond "get a job."

>And why do you feel like Holden Caulfield
Because I'm a lonely, sensitive guy who feels alienated from society. I really do feel that the vast majority of people I meet are "phony" and it makes me bitter and even more isolated. I've tried to convince myself that I'm just being retarded but every time I try to go act like a normal person I end up disillusioned and isolating myself again.

>>12309978
we are not angels no
not even men
not the tragic heroes
poised between beast and god
we are monsters
tied down
at the entrance to hell
round and round we go
like little girls
escape we cannot
for fate is a fire
it burns us down
wither away the smile
wrinkle the hands
dry out the eyes
laugh with empty sockets
trust only your pocket
as we march
through the triumphal arch
of our doom

run away from the sun
listen to the lullaby
"away and away"
whispered with love
watch it
unable to avert your soul
as it slowly turns to screams
tear off my arm
let it warm you
in the endless winter nights
let my veins shower you
in promises of scarlet dust
as we enter proudly
the city of heaven
of bone and ash
ours and of those before us
who like us hoped
and hoped...

This movie is fucking terrible. Why don't they make decent sword & sorcery filcks? I should play some RPG instead.
My hair itches.

>>12315770
Straight people don't really appreciate the beauty of their sex, they compete with it. I don't admire someone's six pack, it makes me feel envious or else motivates me to try harder, just like I'm sure women don't admire another girls eyeliner, they envy it.

This will be the first time in my life that I will spend New Years Eve all by myself. Granted I live in a new city and I moved here two years ago to study. It's a big city but not your typical university city, so it has been quite hard to form a friendship outside of Uni.

All my friends have split off to different parts of the country, some to study others to work. My family has gone to a different country and I'm all by myself this eve.

I willing to let this eve go by and stop thinking about it if I only can make a promise to myself to find a Girlfriend this coming year. I have never been in a relationship. Instead of posting on 4chan, I should be kissing a sweet girl under the fireworks, but I'm not.

I admit I haven't put in any work towards finding a girlfriend this past (or any other) year, but I have come to realize that unless I find someone, this particular New Years Eve will become a recurring event in my life, the next year and the year after that will all be the same.

Today was a big wake up call. Unless I do something very soon I'm either going to kms or die alone. There is no point of return.

>>12309978
I have an uncontrollable cock lust that just grows more and more each day, I want to feel used and serve some smelly cocks full of smegma and eat cum for days as the only source of nourishment.
I am getting hard just thinking about cocks, but I don't want to be gay I really don't like men I just like cocks, all kind of cocks big black cocks small cute cocks, thick creamy sperm and liquid almost transparent cock milk.
I want it all, I want to get covered in cum and use as lube, ingest as much cum as my stomach would hold get impregnated even as a male I am such a bitch on heat but I can't control it, I don't want to be gay just to be treated like a fucktoy by all the smelly unwashed cocks that I can.

Thanks for reading.

so uhm, anybody else home alone for new year's eve?

>>12318795
I am!

>>12318808
based

>>12318846
Just catching up on my writing workshops...!

>>12310162
For what it's worth, I've never met an Indian I didn't like. Have you considered moving to Canada? Pretty much every Indian there is a giga-chad: funny, educated, motivated, and family oriented, and mostly living in a country that respects those things.

Modern Western society is all sorts of fucked up, especially American society. It just worships niggers, whores, and loud anti-social behavior. Don't let that get you down. Read some Evola, or any other western mystic for that matter, they all worship and admire your continent. Roberto Calasso in particular is a favourite of mine, a brilliant man who managed to tie modern European history into Indo-European polytheism and is highhandedly the best commentator on Rene Girard, Greek Myth, and European Literature that will ever live.

>>12309978
Too much.

>>12318869
>giga-chad
Chad is not synonymous with "person I like".

>>12309978

I'm incorrigible and narrow-minded despite my stratospherically high IQ (Prometheus Society, Mega Society, Ultra Society). High in neuroticism, low in conscientiousness & agreeableness yet surprisingly sociable; the few close friends I have, those with intimate access to my inner world, are dear to me and among them I'm an ENTP (although I was officially tested as an INTP by the chair of anthropology/comparative literature at a uni in the NE whose name I will not be mentioning here -- this is, if I may interrupt this stream of consciousness, an excellent example of linguistic recursion if I've ever seen one). My ideas manifest as these visceral, highly abstract Platonic forms (no better way to put it than this, excuse the pretentiousness) -- and yet, notwithstanding the loftiness and abstruseness of their content, I'm able to communicate them remarkably well. Despite all this, I'm unable to incorporate new ideas into my weltanshauung -- but why? You're going to have to continue reading to find out.

In an ideal situation every highschool student should be given like a $100 credit to invest in the stock market.
I speculated on the stock market just to see what I could learn, and it truly enhanced my appreciation of what was going on in the economy. I started reading about various companies I was investing in and learning about their inner mechanics. It drew me in and got me thinking about things I never thought about before, and it taught me business. Plus when I got out of the market because of all the volatility in recent months, I made out in a net positive.
It teaches you important things, but if you are too wound up because you need your money for actual things rather than investing, you are unable to participate. If you can't participate in it you're more or less just a passive observer in the economy, which is disempowering. Or worse, you're reliant solely on your labor to make you money.

>>12310162
Blame your communist government bucko. Indian Americans are the second wealthiest racial group in America after the jews. Indians do extremely well everywhere but in India.

>>12318950
What are you on about, the last few Indian governments have been centrist as fuck.

>>12319132
but only to dunk on women

>>12318360
>I don't have any plans right now beyond "get a job."

Just keep at it and try to do the best job you can in school. You've done well to get this far, don't squander it.

As for your peers; most people aren't so bad after you get to know them. They don't have to be your bestfriends, just good classmates or acquaintances you can talk to now and I again. I know that it can be hard to somebody maybe a little more withdrawn or introverted or sensitive to do these things, but it's far from impossible.

I'm sure that there are some clubs or extra-curricular activities that you could join where you could meet some like minded people. There are more people out there like yourself than you probably know.

>>12309988
Ishan?

>>12314603
I watched The House That Jack Built, The Favourite and Mandy in the theater, they were all full except Mandy. Stop browsing /tv/ and you will see no one gives a shit about capeshit anymore.

I've got this trans (FtM) friend that is one of the most beautiful people I know. His androgynous look is simply outworldly and I've had this crush on him since I met him. He will start to take testosterone soon and remove breast tissue.
I think he'll be happier, but damn, what an aesthetic loss...

>>12309978
Despresion prost of the day

I'm sdrunk
Happy wbnew year

Currently thinking of how I can go full BLOOMER this year :)
For some strange reason I've lost all of my negativity that I once had, which is surprising.

most of this year's memes were pretty bad except:

- bane photoshopped onto that weird kanye video
- goblin slayer is autistic
- npcs

>>12320568
That's fantastic, anon. Have a wonderful new year.

>>12320551
Glad I managed to stop drinking. Only took getting hospitalized for alcohol poisoning.

>>12320568
I'm feeling oddly ok as well. Not happy, but also not cripplingly sad even though I'm alone on NYE and have nothing to really live for. Maybe I can channel this mood into getting a gf.

>>12320574
I thought shrek's cringe compilation was pretty funny because of the meta-humor. Zoomer and boomer are pretty good too, if overdone at this point.

>>12320349
Sometimes I think /litumblr/ is just a meme, but then I see galloping faggotry like this.

>>12320613
Not being an autistic /pol/ poster does not make one tumblr

>>12320631
Fascinating. Go back anytime.

Stop talking about women. Stop thinking about women. But still desire a woman.

Do not be sad. Unless someone you love has died don't be sad.

Almonds are great. Stop putting milk in coffee.

Not enough "dying earth" novels or settings have bicycles. This makes no sense to me. Surely the art of cycling wouldn't be lost, it is so much easier than having a horse. The only down side is you cant pull a wagon with one. But if you can build a cart, surely a bicycle isn't too hard to make.

>>12320656
This is a literature board. Since people of your... proclivities will never understand art I think it would be best if _you_ go back.

>>12320719
You know you might be onto something. brb, fapping to trap porn so I can better appreciate prose.

Do you think people will have trouble connecting to my characters if I don't give them names?

I wanted to emulate a certain style, but I'm starting to understand how important engaging characters are.

>>12320750
why are you so angry anon? It's a new year, it's high time we stopped fighting long enough to figure each other out

>>12309978
I'm tired of everything, nothing brings me any joy and the one thing I was secretly living for (they were delusions to be honest) is gone. I do not know why I am sitting down right now. I would think that the lack of meaning would eventually led me to some breakthrough or driven me mad, but here I am with nothing to say for myself.

>>12320783
>nothing to say for myself
>says 66 words

>>12320783
I'm really drunk.
I put a blanket on my cat
she was scared because of the fireworks, protecting her gives me a reason to live
Animals are the most beautiful and innocent thing on Earth, we should protect them.
Humans are meant to be the guardians of nature but we don't understand it yet

>>12320773
You know, I'm not really angry, at least not at the moment. I'm really very bored and tired of the predictability of everything. The human race appears to be in a tailspin with no immediate prospect of course correction, but I vacillate between a sullen apathy and a sort of grimly cheerful acceptance that we've been tried and found wanting and that's the end of it. I'm going to be very sad in a few years when we can no longer call strangers faggots online, but I suppose I'll fill the void with something. Are you happy generally?

>>12320833
My cat didn't give a heck about the fireworks. I think he actually likes watching them.

>>12320900
My cat is a scaredy one
She's scared of everything but me

It is raining and not even midnight yet why are people shooting off fireworks?

I just want my girlfriend to sit on my face. I convince myself that it would make me happy but it likely will not, at least in the long run. To have the face sitting occurring requires a sex life, and I know she doesn't want to have sex with a robot. However I am not sure I can be anything other than a robot as I can no longer take any joy in anything.

I fantasize about being alone again, getting my own apartment and driving to IKEA for housewares and furnishings. Yes that would be something, a world without the judgement and shaming faces of others, a place of solitude in a mad world. Why did I ever give it up?

>>12320912
Aww how sweet

>>12320916
Who the fuck does fireworks on new year?

>>12320932
Everybody. Which country do you live in?

>>12320855
no, honestly man Im in the same boat as you. I don't think anyone's denying the world is kinda fucked, it's more a matter of why.

>>12320942
United States of America

>>12320631
bait

>>12320971
Oh. Well in other countries we don't have a Fourth of July to celebrate with fireworks so I guess we make up for it on New Years.

>>12309978
Kafka's Metamorphosis really fucking sucked.

Why do astrolabes have such a high ratio of coolness to usefulness? I want one but when the fuck have I ever needed to know if mercury is in retrograde

>>12320968
Skipping the larger whys for the moment, the inevitability of third world population explosion and the mass migration, famines and wars that will result, as well as the devastation of the environment, the consolidation of influence under ideologically homogeneous corporations and the acquiescence of the global populace as dopamine addiction takes precedence over action all leaves me feeling rather poorly positioned in space-time, too early and far too late to do anything of consequence in the face of catastrophe, and resigned to fighting trivial battles over the rights and wrongs of people's tastes in entertainment media and mass marketed identity signifiers, like the band on the Titanic if instead of a band it was an insult comic. We are probably of a generation afflicted with an overabundance of awareness (information) of things far beyond the scope of our ability to change, and it would be better if we were as uncomprehending of the nature of the doom now bearing down on us as simpler animals, or as uncaring as the rocks and trees and shit.

>>12320574
horny and lonely, and zoomer were pretty good imo

>>12320932
>>12320971
Clearly you don't live in a majority russian neighborhood
My poor dog is scared shitless

>>12321076
It's most of the same stuff on my end. Megacorporations, increasing wealth gap, an overwhelming sense of hoplessness, etc. I guess it's not too surprising that the racial/gender stuff is the only major point of contention.

You mentioned the whole "people these days are so sensitive" thing before, and you're not wrong about that. People have a much more unhealthy attitude these days than we did just ten years ago. The problem shit escalated so quickly that suddenly everyone's on red alert for a reason.

You know what's been bothering me? Subtext. People aren't direct anymore when it comes to politics. Every political conversation is happening on at least two levels now: what's being said and what's being implied. The end result is like a game where you're trying to win a trivia game against someone while simultaneously arm-wrestling them behind the podium

Maybe I shouldn't have taken the brain medicines with all the alcohol I've drank
I hope everything will be all right

>>12318790
stop watching porn

>>12321317
"No"
>>12321307
See you on valhalla

>>12318790
>I want it all, I want to get covered in cum and use as lube, ingest as much cum as my stomach would hold

that's pretty hot, anon.

>>12321318
I'm so scared it will do damage, I fucked up

>>12321337
Should I vomit?

>>12321329
But im so pent up I want to live it

>>12321337
depends, what kind of brain meds?

Follow your dreams.

>>12321356
Friend
Depakin, zolpidem
I don't know how they interact with alcohol but I have a headache

Can't wait for autofellating post-ironic """sincerity""" to become mainstream and then prove itself to be far more cancerous than irony ever was.
I can feel it coming. By the end of 2019 it'll be a big thing.

>>12321402
fuck, call poison control

>>12321409
It's just another level of irony, but your attitude is what feeds it. This "irony" everyone finds tenable is nothing more than the repression of accountability through media-meme humor. It's like throwing a party on a runaway train.

>>12321248
I know exactly what you mean. Every conversation I've had with family members about anything not totally mundane has for some years now been a weird mutually passive aggressive tug of war for the souls of the (sometimes nonexistent) fencesitting bystanders. I love imageboards particularly because I can speak in an unguarded and uncoded fashion, but the time for that in "real" life is so far behind us now.
But to be honest even this format is limited because there's so much groundwork you have to set out to have a conversation when nothing is known of your starting position. In fact in my personal view even the race/sex/class and to some extent religion stuff is all somewhat of a proxy for something more intangible, some higher sort of value, and my concerns aren't necessarily boilerplate /pol/shit or /whatever/shit, but overlap sufficiently that certain shorthands and mannerisms become a natural recourse to prevent walls of text like this. For one thing, I don't actually care whether the white race continues existing or ceases to exist. What is unacceptable to me is the prospect that it limps on as a despised slave caste in some post-everything hell for which we're even now laying the foundations in brimstone and bullshit. Trannyism I find loathsome in concept not for visceral or conventionally prejudicial reasons (I don't "hate" transsexuals or anybody really and find the "hate" buzzword inexcusably reductive), but because it commodifies and fundamentally reduces to parody things that are ineffable and beautiful and truthful in nature. But even to debate the ins and outs of transsexualism is a discussion fated to be hopelessly dated in a matter of decades as it becomes a fairly minor facet of a new technological transhumanism with all sorts of problems and complexities we're not even ready to properly conceptualise yet.
I wonder whether to a true outsider our differences would appear trivial and semantic.
What do you prefer, this or me calling you a faggot and you calling me a nazi?

>>12321427
I'll just stay up and drink water I guess
I checked interactions and it didn't say anything dramatic

I write poetry quite regularly, and I have shared some of my lighter, more up-beat items to moderate approval. I have oriented myself around this, and yet I feel scared to lose this poetic furver that fills my mind. I'd hope to share some here, for what it is worth, and that it would be appraised by you /lit/.

Here we are:
Choice;
Alas my results rebel against my best intentions,
Infernal dealings end with forgotten futures.
For I have no guidance,
No clear beacon does beckon me, And so I lift what is left,
From the ruin of what has left me bereft,
And live on long enough,
To see my lasting loss,
And my fortuitious folly.

Thank you all for reading.

>>12321350
I'm sure that there are plenty of guys out there who would let you live out that dream. It's New Years, go nuts.

>>12321470
*fervor

>>12321402
>>12321453
Go to the hospital just in case, idiot. Why take a chance?

If I were your mother I'd grab your nutsack and hoist you to the hospital myself.

>>12321480
It's 4 am

>>12321470
Very good anon. You have have a delicate balancing act before you. Don't let the approbation of others dictate your passion and write for its and your own sake. Yet at the same time listen to those criticisms that may help your work. If you have more poems I'd like to read them.

>>12321447
This frankness is honestly preferable but once words lead to actions it all goes tits up.

For the record anon, I can see why you might be scared that the racial landscape's going to turn upside down. Being euro-jewish myself I'm in that weird middle ground where I'm not white, but I'm not a "person of color", so if there is a race war no matter who wins, I lose. Nevermind the fact that I've been an atheist since I was 12.

I realize by this point you probably don't trust what I have to say, but for what it's worth, I don't think you have to worry about the whole slave caste thing. I'm not denying that there are some bad people on my side, or that we're starting to get some unfair preferential treatment, but even if we were being led by our craziest and stupidest members (which we aren't) you guys still have most of the power.

To be honest, we really do just want to even the playing field, it's just that the playing field was built on the side of a hill, and a game is already in session. You can't just level out a hill in the middle of a game, but if you just let it run its course people are going to get fucked over. So we slap down equally unfair advantages hoping that eventually two wrongs make a right. It does end actually end up working, but it also just makes everybody angrier.

As for the trans stuff, it took me a while to understand it. Honestly, I'd say my side is mostly at fault. You didn't get the memo because we didn't send a memo. There is zero information being shared about the subject, people are just assuming you'll pick it up instantly from osmosis or something. I'm fully willing to explain if you want me to. This is something that should have been done a long fucking time ago

>>12321447
by the way, I should clarify that the I'm not the guy who was arguing with you before. my reply chain starts here >>12320773

>>12321470
I liked it. May we please read more?

weed, sex, and getting published

I really hope 2019 is different.

>>12321858
This reminds me of the planet at the end of Interstellar, cool image either way

Reminder that leftism is dead because the revolutionary spirit is dead

>>12322045
it is a cultural revolution now, as far as i can tell, not a financial revolution. we celebrate video game developer unions because they produce distractions but ignore the homeless because they produce nothing.

>>12320589
You too :)

>>12312192
Cringe but relateable

This year I would like to hear 'I love you', not for the first time, but for the first time sincerely.

>>12322339
I love you

>>12322342
Not the person I was expecting, but it would be rude to doubt your sincerity. I love you, too.

>>12322167
>game developer unions
back to ukraine!

>>12315439
Spot on. That anon's spreading of directionless negativity for the sake of mere entertainment is very telling. The worst part is how he pretends he came to these conclusions himself, instead of admitting he is just repeating what he has seen only on this very site.

Is there a non-Jew word for "shibboleth"? It's a very useful concept, but I don't like using Jew language.

I am the best dragon

>>12322549
I am going to slay your sorry ass

>>12322467
Jargon? Idiosyncratic?

>>12322551
Too late, I was already slain once

People believe nostalgia is growing more intense over the past few decades.

Assuming this is true - who's to say this isn't a function of whites looking back a white society gone by? That such is a core of it, everything else is epiphenomena.

>>12322580
>Assuming this is true - who's to say this isn't a function of whites looking back a white society gone by?

2019, my imperial year. I will make it into Law School this year.

Why so green, and lonely?

>>12322583
>green

Green is the color of freshness and health. It's going to be a good year for you anon. A new start.

I'm pretty sure penis size is all that really matters to women when it comes to how attractive a man is

>>12322586
HEAAAAAAAAAVEN SENT YOU TO MEEEEEEEEEE

TO MEEEEEEEEEEE

TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I don't know how to end my book.
Hero goes on journey, defeats big bad, now what. This is a children's book and my son says its shit.

Too many things are on my mind. Thank God for another day, happy new year.

>>12322583
Same anon

Taking the LSAT in January for the first time, hoping to get into a T14, best of luck to you

>>12322589
Actually never mind my mom says it's emotional honesty

>>12322609
I am that anon, I was planning on taking it January, but I got involved in a relationship, and now that she has left me, I am back full force on my LSAT studying. I'll probably get the next round, but hopefully I get 175+ and get into a T14. It is completely possible if you believe in it.

The LSAT is nothing.

>>12322627
WEEEEEEEEE ARE ACCIDENTS

WAITING

WAITING

TO HAPPEN

>>12321409
Can anyone post some examples of what would be a typical 'post-ironic' or 'new sincerity' post?
I feel like I know what it is, but I have yet to see any concrete analysis of it with examples.

>>12322592
>HEAAAAAAAAAVEN SENT YOU TO MEEEEEEEEEE

I'm very flattered that you feel that way?

Why do gay men talk like THAT

it's a massive turn off

>>12321593
I don't doubt that you as an individual, and even a very large number of individuals, want to "even the playing field", as you say. But there's a corollary to that analogy. Someone's going to win the game and someone's going to lose. If the world's population were shrinking or just much smaller than it is now, and if power were not becoming so monopolised, I could envision an outcome that's beneficial to everyone, but it's not in the cards. I don't like it, but some have to prosper and rise above so that certain things they value can be preserved, and that means others will lose out. I'm a pessimist, sure, based on how I read the trends. I think history gives plenty of precedent. Israel/Palestine is a great case in point: in the end, somebody's getting the land and somebody's losing out. I can see both sides, because it's really only one side, one drive, one rationale, split into two and turned against itself, like tectonic plates at a faultline. I don't blame any of the people on the ground, and I don't expect anyone to cede any advantage they can get. In Europe and North America it's different only in that certain people can't wait to throw away every advantage, thinking high times will never end.
I doubt you're going to change my mind about the "trans stuff" but if you feel it would be helpful to explain your point of view, I'm sure it would be worth the read.
>>12321620
Thanks for clarifying.

>>12322814
Not the guy you were talking to, but damn, I kinda agree with you. I feel like the polarization we are seeing right now is going to be a thing of the past very soon.
I don't really buy a race war or anything, but I feel science and dictatorship will just run over human dignity very soon, and those concerns will be a thing of the past.

>>12323203
It's a strange time to be alive, for sure. Everyone seems to feel it in the air that something terrible is bearing down on us, but few can put it in entirely concrete terms. Liberals seem to feel it as much as conservatives as much as the far left and right. We're on the precipice of an enormous singularity of horror and we don't really know how to deal with it.

Gaah

I had my first kiss a few months ago, I'm 24, and I have been thinking about friends, relationships and sex ever since. It is strange that although I didn't feel anything, it left me wanting more, to be noticed and important to someone, even if for a brief period of time, again. The sudden realization that no one else can fix me. I started working on bettering myself and I will turn my life around.

I don't even know what I want. I was ready to die eight years ago and every moment since (great image >>12313825), and now I want to live. I have to build so much and quickly lest I will be consumed by inaction again and find myself in the same predicament five, ten years from now.

I know I can do it all, I did better than most of my peers academically struggling with two addictions and depression and whatever else the fuck I have, I can do this.

"It's not the end, it's just the end of hope."