/lit/ - Literature

I've decided I'm going to read through the entirety of the /lit/ Philosophy Project material. Entry level stuff currently in the mail. I look forward to being enlightened.

I am precociously well-read, but also hopelessly unfashionable. I want to go for the comfy artsy look, but I have no idea what to buy. Assuming I'm a qt haafu boy, what clothing should I buy? I have curly hair so what haircut should I get? I know it's a bit of a pleonasm, but how do I get this look without seeming pretentious? I'm going to sit in cafes with obscure French books to attract art hoes. I also might be crypto-gay.

>>12265398
I’m very angry all the time and I’m not sure why. I’m doing well acedemically, my social circle has widened considerably since high school, and I’ve lost a lot of weight over the last few months. I don’t expect to be completely satisfied, just more content than I was. I now have this constant buzzing in my head telling me I need to bite, kick, punch, choke as hard as I can. It’s a bit frightening.

>>12265455
>I also might be crypto-gay.

ps be my hapa bf

Cant beleive the bugs bunny meme has been culturally appropriated into a tasteless, wreck

>>12265398
YOU HAD COCK ON YOUR MIND
AND CUM ON YOUR BREATH

I want to read but it's ludicrously hot

>>12265492
Gee, what are you reading, a steamy romance novel?

>>12265495
My diary, desu

god is probably real and i think i suck

>>12265508
Are you implying god sucks even more?

I was once a human footstool for three hours.

>>12265522
Sounds hot desu.

Man I'm thinking some really messed up shit right now, like if people could read my thoughts they'd probably run away screaming. Some people underestimate what I'm capable of, they just don't know. Then again, they underestimate just how patient I am. Sometimes I think I could really save humanity, other times I think I just might show them the dark grim truth that they're weak, the bottom of the food chain, how easily they can be destroyed. But I think it's better they find out for themselves, humans out there killing themselves off instead of helping one another...while I sit behind a rainy window looking on with a knowing smile...I warned them. But they're just too vain to listen. And so I whet my sword and dagger in wait for them to come to me in revenge, revenge on their once-friend who they turned their backs on, their prophet, their stoic... oh I'll be waiting. Blades don't need reloading.

>>12265455
Go for the WB Yeats look. Oscar Wilde is a bridge too far.

>>12265474
THE DISEASES YOU WROUGHT
NEARLY BROUGHT ME TO DEATH

>>12265539

>>12265552
>>12265455
>>12265552
I want to go for something like pic-related. 20th century attire is way too formal, and I don't want look like I'm trying too hard.

>>12265631
Then dress like that. It looks rather nice, what's the problem?

>>12265455
You know what's pretentious? Caring if people think you look pretentious.

>>12265652
I have no idea where to buy the clothes; I have no idea where to find cheap clothes.

>>12265631
>I don't want look like I'm trying too hard.
Then you want the DFW Casual Attire Collection.

>>12265664
Try thrift stores, church stores, ask your parents if you could have their own clothes or something.

>>12265544
Weeb/10 was fine till you brought up whetting and blades

>>12265689
Bullshit, my leather boots are comfy as fuck.

It’s a story i l’ve been thinking of that draws from my childhood. Let me know what you guys think or whether it has any potential. This is basically an excerpt.

Chang rode away from us in what was basically a sunset, though our warming star was closer to noon than midnight to be sure. Yet we had been outside playing with water guns for hours. Chang had only left because i kept spraying him in the face, though he was too cowardly to admit it and kept saying that he had to look after his younger brother. We all watched him leave, after which my friend jessica turned to me, tucking her thumbs under the front of her bikini bottom so that i could catch a swift glimpse of her luscious bush while she swept her hands back and forth releiving her waist from the pressure.

“What do you want to do now?” asked Daisy, who had been sitting on the grass texting her boyfriend until she caught me looking where i shouldn’t have been.

“I don’t know,” I said, “have you guys thought about strange some people are. Like i was listening to Seth Rogan the other day—“

By this time Jessica had started jumping on the trampoline. She seemed ro be picking some meat of her teeth because i could see her tongue proteuding from her mouth. “Hey hop on!” She exclaimed, “guess what trick I’m going to do next!”

She was always cutting me off. Out of all my friends she was the most selfish irritating cunt I couldn’t stand.

“You’re not listening,” I said, “I’m telling you I’ve noticed a huge cultural pattern that goes back at leadt two centuries, whereby highly educated professionals subtly drop redpills about their perversions and ecce homo thoughts in books, sometimes even scientific, whose subject matter is conpletely unrelates—“

I stopped talking because by that time Daisy had already taken her shoes off, jumped on the trampoline and has basically started lighting a fire between her and Jessica’s tits.

“I bet you can’t do this’” Daisy challenged me, doing a backflip so that her skirt rode up to her waist.

Just an hour earlier Jessica had sat on my lap as she showed me pictures she had posted on facebook, the most memorable one being the one where she had placed her phone on the floor and taken a picture while she was on the toilet. Daisy had done the same thing, focusing on explaining the picture from disney land while her stepdad was laying on the floor, her younger sister smiling next to him while he held her while jessica layed on the floor between his legs holding her left ankle up like an akward doofus.

By this time i was tired of their boring nonsensical conversations that meant nothing to me. “You’re not even listening to me!” I exclaimed, getting up and putting my feet in my adidas slippers.

“You never fucking listen to me. You just show me your stupid pointless pictures and spread rumors and flip your hair like idiots. I could be skateboarding right now...

>>12265729
Oh yeah, so are mine. The sole is completely gone in one of them and the steel cap fell out a while ago, but they are the still the most comfortable pair of footwear that I have. I should probably get them mended before they are ruined completely.

>>12265746
What type/brand boots are you rocking?

>>12265769
Blundstone.

>>12265793
Corcoran

>>12265802
Laced or laceless?

>>12265810
10 rows.

>>12265398
>tfw no gf

>>12265817
>tfw pissed off broad in next room

>>12265815
Eh, too much work to do all of those laces. I do a few pairs of old Australian combat boots though. Great for hiking.

Suicide is better than paying rent.

ive only seen or heard other people having sex once. maybe its because i went to an engineering school, but not only did i not get laid in college, nobody else did either. i dunno, it just seems weird, like sex is this big myth that everyone talks about but nobody experiences except through media

>>12265731
>>12265731


...I could be at the skatepark doing something fun and learning something useful—“

Jessica’s uncle came out of her house. He wasn’t exactly her uncle but a far removed one that spent a lot of time there. I had known her my whole life. She had a big screen tv and we regularly hung out at her house. Her uncle was a regular there because he was relly good friends with her mom. They went way back (Jessica had told me more stories that i could retain about their friendship before her parents even got divorced. My teeth would even nonsensically tingle whenever she would start on a story because i had either heard it before or i didnt care.

“Jessica!!!” He came out screaming, using a rolled up newspaper to scratch his ass. He had a peculiar voice that matched his face. It’s difficult to draw an analogy because he had such a unique face. He basically had a kpop look with a backstreetboys parted haircut, while having had face surgery and his nickname was butch; also he was a legal scholar working for a directional university in our state.

He had a repulsive arrogant look on his face that was only so because of his lowly position in society. The guy was basically a glorified small dicked fag who got lucky by being accepted to some garbage school in the boonies near our town.

She ignored him.

“Jessica!!!” we heard again, at which point Daisy pranked Jessica by pulling her shorts down (Jessica wasn’t wearing any underwear). Jessica was in tears laughing, she couldnt pull her face away from the trampoline while we all basically got a solid look at everything. Her mom even came out and almost had a whole conversation with her dad before she told jessica to cut it out.

>>12265847
Maybe it's not just you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcrPhje9lwk

>>12265398
cock and balls torture is the true patrician's fetish.

>>12265834
I do not undo them. I just loosen them to remove - then:
>Krrraaaannnnk!
and I am done for donning. Easy peasy.

Just wear cowboy boots you stupid fucks

Existential crisis kicking in as of late
What is it all for? What is my personal life good for? It feels like at some point after high school my life took a tumble off a cliff and I've been falling further and further down since. I have no stimulation, nothing makes me feel good. Jobless, friendless, gfless. The only vestige of something to do is school, which is fine when semester is in, but during the breaks I can feel myself whither away when I'm not distracted.

I have no meaning. How many more times do I have to make a friend only for them to leave my life within a year? How many more times can I attempt relations with a girl only for it to end poorly? Like these past few weeks, went out on a few dates with a classmate, paid for everything, had a seemingly good time, she said she did, said she was interested in me, said we should hangout this weekend and she'd text me when she was free, yet she hasn't made any contact. How many more times do I have to go through something like that? Why did she agree to go out with me in the first place? Why did she say she was interested in me and what not if she wasn't

>>12265891
you're here to suck boyjuice from my thunderknob

>>12265878
My grandfather was a cowboy. He wore something like pic related. I also grew up thinking that a "cowboy hat" was a baseball cap - because that was what they gave you at Loomix.

>>12265852

Jessica’s mom’s uncle had the distinction of being named Fogliano Bogliano, a completely ridiculous and vaguely latin american sounding last name that suggested his ancestors had a sense of irony like the black folks around us whose last names are White or Dickinson or Dickouch or Widowpen, names that if they had not been conferred by some sinister slave driver had been chosen by intelligent people with a sense of irony.

“Why don’t you get in here and cook us some of your famuous eggs, you know, youe world-class breakfast,” her uncle smugly asked me through his repulsive white mustache while Jessica pulled ber pants up.

“I actually have to go to church.” It was the first inane thought that crossed my mind.

“Aw,” he said, you're young, not very experIenced, not much to say, trite indeed, but that’s besides the point son,” he said, picking his nose and flicking a booger towards jessica. She feigned concern and swatted her hand across her face. “You got plenty of time son. I worked and paid for the food. All ya gotta do is cook it. Deal??”

Where's all the pensive car literature.

>>12265727
>was fine until
The whole post cringe, are you autistic?

>>12266084
>The whole post cringe
Dude was cringeposting. Are you autistic?

>>12266096
Yes.

>>12266121
Well, I was just giving you a hard time. I am also.

i just want someone i love to ask me how my day was

>tfw fall in love with a married woman
>she would let me fuck her and take my virginity for 60$ bucks

I fucking hate myself for masturbating to cuck and interracial porn. I want to hurt myself and punish myself.
Why do I do this to myself

bippity boopity hubhbahbahbhabhabha im crazy arggg m8ty

>>12265398
never bounded by the fears of ordinary men

>>12266191
how was your day buddy

there’s a lot on my mind. i don’t think i have the ability to do that.

>>12266243
I didn't do much today, it rained and made the highways undrivable. I still need to get Christmas cards for my family because they are really sentimental. The lights around my house remind me of a sweet boy I let go of this time last year. I learned a John Fahey song on guitar, that makes me feel somewhat accomplished. Today is a day.

Video games. V i d e o g a m es. Vidya. That's what I needed! I hadn't played one in months and my life was just endless adulting and grimness and then suddenly blam I get an outlet to keep myself from thinking. Normally I would read but that does the opposite.

I started getting into RDR2 online. It sucked me in. It's such an interesting format for a game. It's like one minute your the biggest badass in that world. The next, your getting punked.

Whole squads will try to fuck with you. Guess what! I never run away. Sometimes you can get the better of them and it nothing's better than to turn the tables

I made my character deliberately scrawny and pathetic looking, with the idea that when I kicked ass it would get under people's skin.

I spawned in the desert area and immediately this indian themed gang caught issue with me. Immediately this one nerd started larping as Night Wolf and came spirit-hunting for me. I fought off him and his posse for like 20 minutes as they ganked and chased me through the desert.

I was leaping and jumping and climbing and shooting and stabbing, and so my stamina increased. Perfect training for the rest of the game.

It was an excellent introduction, I don't know why why some players of it say it's too harsh, like it's a griefer's paradise. Not so. Even the episodes where you get punked end up like little vignettes where you were betrayed by scum who you will have a rivalry with. Othertimes you just mesh with someone and raise hell or accomplish something productive.

I honestly feel like blogging about this shit. It's like these little impromptu stories pop out of nowhere when you fuck with other players.

A tenuous code of honor is held so that some public areas can be accessed without constant gun battles. Sometimes when someone is out causing a rampage, everyone around in the town will just pull out their guns and move to shoot him.

Most players are on the dark side of the morality it seems, partly because it's more fun to just go wild and fuck with everyone. Originally I tried playing a calm and efficient operator for a character, but decided it would be funner to be a wildboy and live in the grizzlies (the cold mountain area) and only eat raw meat. If you play it, come find me, I have the chillest spot around all these rocks and flowers for a camp and no one goes up there.

And the graphics and everything are so beautiful it's nice to just absorb yourself in the ambiance and see what you can find. I know I sound like a bigmouth wojack rn but this shit is the most fun I've had in a long time.

>>12266367
manchild

>>12265398

I'm pretty depressed so I'm not going out as much as I used to. On top of that, probably as a cope mechanism, I've been gaining a lot of weight due to anxiety induced overeating. This in turn makes me fat and my clothes don't fit me as well as they used to do, making me ashamed to go out and see people. Bummer.

I enjoy the idea of constantly improving over time in one specific area, almost devoting my life to that one thing, like practicing Nen in HxH. But unfortunately there aren’t that many exciting things to do in this world. Improving spirituality is probably the most meaningful thing to do, but it’s so difficult to that and balance worldly life at the same time.

There was this other time where I was hanging out in New Hanover, another area I tend to frequent, killing and robbing npcs for laughs, running around and pranking other players by aggroing the cops they were trying to run away from and then running in the direction they were fleeing, etc.

Anyway I started fucking with this one guy who was visibly crazy based on how he played. I spat at him and he kind of hopped and chased me around. I took out my knife as he followed me with his gun out around these lumber stacks and darted around, playing with him. Eventually I went to leave and he started shooting at me.

I ran into the woods but noticed he was following me. Wolves attacked. Both of us were killing them and then I was deep in the woods and he was close by. I shot a warning shot and he left. North of that I established camp, only for him to show up.

We fucked around and looked at each other a bit, and then it occurred to me that I wanted to fist fight this man. So since he was following me I led him the edge of the camp and hit the punch button smacking him one right in the jaw!

He then attacked me back and eventually gave me a lethal headbutt. I respawned and ran back and then started a posse with him.

So I started a posse. I didn't know what to do at first so we went down the road and started fucking with an npc. Little did we know some meanies were watching us from the tree line.

They shot my new pal and I had to run off, and then ensued the great forest rivalry. It was a brutal back and forth with me and my knew crazy pal as we warred with these assholes, eventually I started getting the upperhand but got separated from my friend and had to run off into an abandoned building to make my last stand. I killed these fuckers over and over again until finally they got me corned.

After that, they still gave me shit in my camp but they couldn't do anything. So I was just taunting them. Then I realized they didn't like having another posse around even though my crazy friend already thought I killed his horse and rage quit my little gang. After I abandoned my posse, everyone went on their merry way.

>>12266382
is that word supposed to have some kind of effect on me?

Know what's childlike, calling people names. ahahaha I just fucked you bitch.

>>12266367
Jesus Christ dude.. play your Vidya but stop talking

>>12266430
Unfollow me if you don't like it.

I watched softcore porn tonight for five minutes just to see a cute girl with no sexual feelings
Pathetic

an orgy of naked women kissing each others breasts

>>12266442
Just their breast? :s

>>12266441
So what's next for you in life?

I can't help think feelings are irrelevant, and only justified with the circumstance but not by it.
Emotions are on a cycle and coupled with whatever happens even if everything is mutually exclusive.
There is an acute, yet hopefully childish, awareness budding from this; whatever is done serves as a distraction.

I wonder how different it'd be if I had a talent, but I'd probably be suffocated and doubtful of skill.
I'd wonder what it would mean to have all the riches, but I'd probably just be wishing for some deity to save me.
And then I'd wonder what it would mean to be adored by all those around me, yet am only reminded how arbitrary their fondness of me is, how it was nothing of my own volition, as well as how worthless their praise would be.

I can't imagine a circumstance that would summon envy.
This bounce between determinism and free will ignores the larger fact that both are following the same vector: that whatever you do end up doing is just to placate you.
I'd be content to die but I don't have the experiences or knowledge to justify it.

Either way, whatever path you choose there will always be malaise packaged within the afterthoughts.
I think I need new thoughts or an unbashful acceptance of the control emotions have over my life.
Somedays it seems like every topic was exhausted. I forget how to speak...

>>12266441
I just masturbated to porn, what you did was much better. Don't watch pornography however, it degrades the mind and morals of everyone involved.

I should be thankful for unfinished topics but I'm beginning to resent them

>>12266474
>Don't watch pornography however
I'm sure everyone will heed advice.

>>12265398
You tool of lions glut

You meek bleeting coward

You benign pustule of rotting atrophy

You bleakly self roasted sum zero

You luke warm path strattling anxious wreck

You thrashing amorphous fence topper

You mirror fighting disgrace to your flesh

You mechanation of justification

You vane illusory vagabond

You homeless liar

You shallow clown

You dirty dry mop

You asexual lech

You fraud

You chimera of toad and sheep

You judgemental convict

You carry these until you have dropped or you can drop them.

>>12266448
>>12266474
It was just a "best boob thread" on /gif/
I'm very glad I don't live in a place where prostitution is legal, because I would waste money on physical affection

>>12266500
I will, over the course of a month, get socially rejected in the most painful ways possible to liberate myself from all social anxiety. Any ideas? I want the courage to remove my social mask and live authentically.

>>12266194
What

I will, over the course of a month, get socially rejected in the most painful ways possible to liberate myself from social anxiety. Any ideas? I want the courage to remove my social mask and live authentically.

>>12266693
Sounds like needless heart ache. I have 0 experience with social anxiety so don't listen to me, anyway, I think that social anxiety is based on pride. You have to be humble to have a good social interaction since you need to listen to the other person without thinking of yourself.

>>12266693
That might just make things worse.

Right around this time of year when the sun is out less and it's colder, I have serious trouble creating. I can't concentrate, I find none of my ideas interesting enough to follow through with, and what I start I have serious trouble finishing. It's tough sometimes just not going to bed and passing the time on my phone. Anybody have any tips for seasonal affective disorder? I am exercising and being social, but when I get alone time it's just hard to focus.

>>12266859
just go to the southern hemisphere

The only books I enjoy after all these years is Harry Potter and Star Trek Paperbacks. I try and read something new but I just get bored instantly. I want books with an extensive amount of lore and world building, but nothing new ever satisfies me. My friends are trying to get me into LoTR and Magic the Gathering books but none of them seem to captivate me. How do I cope with a book without any lore? How do I read Non Fiction?

>>12266859
Go outside and build a snowman.

Or sit by the fire and read.

>>12265398

>>12266870
Read the original Halo tetralogy

>>12266865

Thanks for the sage advice.

On another note, I kind of want to share advice with some anons on here who are struggling with loneliness and social anxiety but I don't think they're in a position to receive it.

>>12266880
>but I don't think they're in a position to receive it.

How do you mean?

>>12266878
More of a PlayStation guy. I might try and hit up the Resistance book. Haven't read the new Firefly materials yet either

>>12266220
All porn is cuck porn

>>12266881

I mean that a fair number of anons seem to be more wrapped up in being balanced as far as it is perceived for the common man--having a healthy social life, having a girlfriend, a nice living-- all things that aren't bad by any means, but it's not at the root core of their problems.

Being that I'm more introverted, I had all of these struggles as well, and I still deal with them to a degree. I'm single, but there's a girl who's really into me that I've been striving to keep things platonic with. I have friends and a social life too, but even then I have to fight myself to go out and have a good time. I'm introverted by nature but I can play the part of a social butterfly well. Having experienced these things, I can confidently say that it did not make me any happier in any way aside from confirming for me that they indeed don't help much with loneliness.

Honestly, I've found more satisfaction in learning how to have fun creating than in any of the above. The point I was trying to make is that a lot of the anons on here, because of not having experienced some degree of normality perceivable to the outside world, put an extremely high store on these things despite them not being very fulfilling. I didn't come to appreciate life more until I started to embrace the possibility of being alone for the rest of my life, and still enjoying it in spite of that.

I wish I weren't so dumb. I wish I could lay out my feelings better. I wish I could convince you. I wish you loved me.

Goddamn it.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

>>12265398
The way that psychotic degenerates like to implicate and involve strangers in their fantasies is why they deserve death.

Nothing can be articulated to another. I'm only making noise, no-one is interested, and no-one understands, but something is heard and 'interpreted'.

Even in my dreams, I strike out with women.

>>12267079
Like, in what context?

WHY and HOW can people be so cruel some times? What posses them to do it?

>>12267124
for advantage, or really just for fun

I am romantically/sexually illiterate. I grew up in a house of repressed conservative nerds. I have an inborn aversion to and shame before anything sexual, but this needs to change.

What can I read to learn?

The """"gay community"""" is so Goddamn stupid. It's either people who go out of their way to be the most obnoxious walking stereotypes; or people who go out of their way to be the opposite; or people who think that not being a stereotype is harmful, and people who think that is it.

I don't mind when I call someone out for something that I later bring upon myself, "what goes around comes around" type of deal. Sometimes the roulette wheel of truth falls on you too.

It's like when you get someone to do something bad to you that's part of your narrative, a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sometimes you have to jut meet he G that killed you, and nobody's better at the job than yourself. And sometimes no tool is better at the job than your own subjective truth-distortion.

That's another things, as Mishima pointed out. Words function as a corrosive. They are an acid, truths can be destructive.

>>12267166
It is stupid, but what can you do? There is no authorities on gay culture you can petition to make it less terrible. Minority cultures often wear their dysfunction on their sleeve; the battering they receive from the majority culture often leaves them a bit off.

>>12267348
>you have to jut meet he G
just have to meet

I swear that's not what I typed.

>>12267148
Reading won't help you. You need xp. Go out there and try to get new and diverse experiences. Hang out with some liberals. Go to the big city and try to make sense of it. Behave in a manner that diverges from your familiar upbringing. that's how you will get over those hangups.

Japanese people seem to have the bushiest eyebrows out of all of the people of Asia. I wonder why.

I have great respect for Native Americans and their cultures. What happened to the NAs in America is one of the great crimes of history. I don't necessarily blame America for doing anything particularly historically egregious; any powerful country could still get away with violent conquest and subjugation in those days.

Still, if the world is to survive the climate and environmental dangers that are real and threaten to attack this century, it ought to draw on sources that valued nature and animist cultures do exactly that by infusing each element of nature with a poem.

There's dignity to that way of life an the ethos of so much Native American culture; there ought to be more classes that teach it outside of its ultimately tragic fate and talk about it for what it was.

There ought to be some effort to resuscitate it, but that's something that you need to do genetic analysis on. Nobody should be permitted to devote themselves to it if they are not genetically affiliated to a tribe by some large percentage like 50%. And native americans ought to be given actual affirmative action because honestly, they can have it worse than any group in this country much of the time. Reservations can be sad, depressing places with mind-boggling levels of community dysfunction.

>>12267380
Jomon phenotype.

>>12267388
On the outside looking in, I always thought that were really cool.

Most Americans I have talked to seem to regard them as being an annoyance.

>>12265398
Firstly, the chick in the pic is hot and I look forward to having a girl look at me like that again. Already one swooning from my writings so we'll see how that goes, but she seems to be a bit of a feminist so I'm going to be very cautious and probably decide I'm better off without her and look elsewhere.

Not sure what I'm going to do today. Did a lot of writing lately, feeling pretty mentally drained. I think I'll just get high all day and play videogames. A bit nihilistic, yeah, but I think I've earned a solid day off. Oh but I have to go get some groceries... darn it... also I heard the Yellow Vests aren't rioting today so that's too bad. Was really hoping they'd get Macron to fuck off and they'd get someone in who would begin Frexit.

>>12265522
>>12265580
Reverse the roles; it is women who should be subservient to and service men. Such is the natural order of things.

I don't understand cosplay.

>>12267550
Three modes:
1. I like attention and I'm also looking to get banged if possible.
2. I want to dress as the opposite gender but in a way that won't ruin my social standing forever, haha it's just a joke haha.
3. I don't have a full personality yet and so I have subsumed someone from pop culture to fill the hole.

>>12267550
people like dressing in silly outfits to look cool/cute

>>12265398
I want to sleep with a girl from work, in a literal sense. She's got a cute face and a total nerd. Would be nice to share her warmth and tease her. I think she's a dyke thou so there's that.

>>12267550
It's fun.

>>12265731
>>12265852
>>12265928
I can't believe I actually read all of that

>>12267550
I don't understand video games

If I can be more honest
When that guy told me he likes movies, if I had been honest and told them I have actually never seen those movies instead of being pretentious and pretending I have seen them all
I wouldn't have been such cold and distant person
I wouldn't have told so many lies
I wouldn't have hurt so many people
I wouldn't have ended up such a lonely loser

I met a girl who I think likes me and I think accepts me for who I am. Ive always been around those who really perform at the top 5% and it has always stressed me out to no end. Pursuing a career which I find no satisfaction in yet outside expectation creates a demented delusion that my purpose and worth is to excel.i have tried my best not to romanticise her. After all, she is a human just like myself and even if we get together, we will be imperfect. Even though this bundle of happiness lies eager at my doorstep I'm just so afraid. I know my family loves me but to be loved by a stranger..unconditional love.. am I deserving of it?

>>12267649
Stop dreaming about a better you and actually take action towards becoming that better you. Ask yourself why you lie so much and then fix those causes, dumbass. God it tilts me to see pussies like you appease your conscience just from having complained a little, as if your self-hate somehow justifies your state of being piss off.

>>12265398
It's gone. It's all gone.

>>12267736
I lie less now.
I am just reminded by the movie that I claimed I have seen.

>>12266500
What's wrong with that? Pussy on demand sounds like less trouble desu, if you're still figuring your shit out and can't afford the extra emotional resources.

>>12265423
WAIT. i dont recommend. it's very book based.
you should read secondary source books, and maybe a handful of the super important primary books, but everything else should be papers. good philosophy is done with a 10 page article, not a book.

some of the most important works have been literally 2 page articles

I've stopped lying to myself that I'm on Tinder to smash. No more sugarcoating, lying to make me look better. Fuck all that and fuck people's opinions. I don't have time for a girlfriend, I just want to smash a piece of meat I find attractive. I want the serotonin and the dopamine you only get from having sex with another person. I want sex on demand like drugs, just an activity to soothe my being.

>>12267649
All these years talking about a movie I have never seen. They all told me about how they felt about it and I always gave them some vague bullshits as if I knew what they were talking about. How meaningful those talks would have become if I had been more frank

It was impossible for me to tell the truth though. I had nothing other than that movie to talk about. Now I have read so I have things to talk about.

Such a horrible hipster I was.

>>12267821

Sounds like even if you got pussy you wouldn't feel better. You'd probably feel even more miserable.

All these tiktok threads of attractive young people makes me think I've wasted my entire youth. I never experienced teenage love or even love in general. Why is it that I must suffer because things online reminded me about what could've been? Why is it that my default state of being consists of self torment to bring me down? Why is it that some of us suffer while some have it easy?

still in love with my (unspecial) close friend

i've never let it stop me being intimate relationships with other girls, some who are objectively more attractive and much better ""personality"" etc. but i never make it serious because i know if she professed her love for me, i'd leave whoever i was with for her.

she's aware, as well -- which game-theoretically explains her frigidity.

what do i do? just want to snuggle with her again :(

>>12267845
I can probably live off the high for a good few days until the next hit. Maybe I just want to prove to myself that I can.
It's creepy sometimes when I post on 4chan I just want for someone to validate my honest unfiltered thoughts and say "haha me too bro" just so that I could feel I'm actually human.

>>12267823
Now I know what I really think about the movies and all the other topics i didn't know what I was talking about

But damage is done and I can't ever tell them what I really learn now

>>12265455
Look at hiding in my room and just copy his fashion

>ten years ago I debated with several guys
>I didn't have the knowledge to win but I have a gut feeling they were wrong
>I read up these ten years
>I still have the gut feeling
>but my wisdom tells me now that the gut feeling is wrong

I wish there were a /lit/ meetup happening in Stockholm, Oslo, Copenhagen, Helsinki, Hamburg or Berli (I live in Malmö).

>>12268012
what was it?

i find im always vindicated, but im always worried thats a case of: seach for info till you are vindicated, but stop because you are de-vindicated

>>12267864
I had that exact situation for 4+ years. The only thing is that she became silent for the majority of that due to a abusive relationship (which I only found out about recently). I spent so long looking for someone to hold a candle to her, and for whatever reason I was blessed with a soul far more beautiful than I was looking for or thought I deserved.

I guess the point is, if it doesn't seem like they're as interested in you, just keep searching. I got lucky, good luck to you.

(Also after she came out of her silence we immediately started talking about planning a life together again. A week later she was engaged. I had some sort of closure on the relationship even if it was forced)

I am
>>12268045
And I've been posting trashy love thingies about her lately. I write them about her after she goes to sleep. Here are some more:

"I imagine the sound of your humming. My muse, my Aœde.

I put my lips to your throat as you go and drink your vibrations.

Wading through waves from your tongue,
to your heart. "

>>12268051
"And when skin has been painted
And when fingers rattle against cheek
And when voices have holes
And when smiles are dented
(some tears stained too)
And when presence is sweetest
And when love is still breathing"

I hate Los Angeles, this place is absolute hell. I was so naive moving here and I really don't think any city could have done a better job of breaking my spirit and turning me into a neurotic outcast. I can't wait to get the fuck out of here.

>>12268045
my unrequited love makes almost no difference to my actions. i do go out and get with people, friends with benefits, dates etc.
and i feel as much for them as i would without this girl.

but throughout, my love for her is unwavering. it's like a layer gently resting upon a normal life, with all it's trials and tribulations

I have so little motivation to read anymore
I haven't finished a book in forever. I'm reading Confessions of a Mask and it's good, but I was reading it the other day and then I got food poisoning so the thought of reading it makes me feel sick

>>12265398

I truly don't believe in free will. I think it's a self fulfilling "feel good" concept that sheltered North Americans tell themselves to feel they have control over their lives. I'm also very depressed. I started dating again in August and am currently seeing a really nice girl. Although despite this I can't stop being a miserable fuck. I shouldn't have been born, truly.

>guy replies to your post
>there is a clear error in what he says
>thread already archived so cant correct him
>he goes on living and believing in this false fact and thinking he scored on me
hurts my balls

>>12268168
Yes I know. I remember thinking the same thing in relationships; how I would leave them in an instant for her. Does she ever show interest in you? Can you see a chance in her loving you back? It doesn't seem too healthy

>>12268234
yeah somewhat. but it's been a 2 year cat-and-mouse. random chance has continuously got in the way.

>>12265891
Become a priest.

I feel like I'm shit at all the crafts that I aspire to be good at, giving me a sense of feeling useless and missing out. If only my parents put more attention to what I was good at instead of making me become an engineer I probably would've been somewhere artistically, but now I'm good at nothing.

>>12265398
I wrote 3 novells that are interrelated by one element in common, with the first novella (science fiction) introducing such an element, the second (fantastic) as an important factor in the plot and the third (cyberpunk) ending such an arc.
Among the 4 story arcs of each novel, I have to admit that I'm done shit for planning so much.
Pic related, i'm tired

>>12265398
tfw you will never have pure eternal childhood love
why even live?

>>12265398
PENOISA NIHGIEOER NIOERHGER JNEIREGJER FKCUDOKC FUKFUVC FAFOIGGOET FAOHGGIOTOTS CUCNRTYIO CNUTNCT CNITDOPCN COCOCKCODCKOCOKCSXLCKOV SHOSITH SHTISBH THSITH SHOIT LKSIOTKKISKT EK IEKIDKE

Thanks for listening, /lit/. I hope you get my intended message.

>>12268253
Well I suppose if you're living in a state of love it's not too bad of a dance. I hope you get her, broski

>>12268385
oh, i have enough self-awareness to know that im in love with an idealisation that will shatter instantly.
but i hope i get her too senpai

>>12265398
Spending Christmas all alone here, who /comfy/?

>>12268012
>Be me 15 years ago
>Debating with idiots but only gut feeling they are idiots and it's not my department so don't really give a fuck
>Be me ten years ago
>Still debating
>More evidence I'm right
>Way more belligerent idiots insist I'm stupid
>Whatever still not my department
>Still got nothing riding on this
>Be me now
>Idiots still in same position
>Calculate financial cost of their wrongness over fifteen years
>Lol holy balls it's in the millions for some of them
The course they're on now, they could have retired fifteen years ago and made more profit if they'd fuckin listened back then than if they continue to 67 now. The department's basically daycare for retards with a better budget and less supervision.

So life is that thing that happened billions of years ago randomly thanks to a chemical reaction and got more complex over time just because the ones that werent as complex died off. Its like a full speed train without a driver.

>>12267809
>"Some of the most important works have been literally 2 page articles" Anon said, providing no examples.

>>12265891
>I don't have much of a social life, why even bother existing?

>>12266220
Trust me, it could be worse.

>>12266220
uhh, don't do it then

Since I went home for christmas break I've done basically nothing but watch youtube videos all day and I'm pretty sure it's destroyed anything that was left of my brain. I'm now desperate to do something else but I lack even the slightest motivation to do so.

tfw no matter what I do, how do I do at work, how much I improve, what I read, what I listen to, what I watch... she will never look at me romantically

There's this one person got my oneitis from and nothing can wash it away. ;_;

My personality is entirely basing it on the person I'm talking to and what they are like. I've become very good at it. I don't know what I want, I never did.

Sometimes I want to be immersed in nature fully, leaving behind as much of "society" as I can, sometimes I want to be launched into the end result of accelerationism. Sometimes I want to drown in suburban hell with my nuclear family in a stucco prison, sometimes I want to live in a studio apartment with a white collar job going to cocktail parties and ritzy dinners every weekend. Sometimes I want to be some successful person in whatever field I'm in, sometimes I want to die some artsy symbolic death. Sometimes I want to be loved and taken care of, sometimes I want to be alone and suffer in my own mind.

Each and every day I'm not improving is a day I'm better off dead, I convinced myself that complacency is accepting the devil. I feel complacent but I'm so much better off than I was a year ago. I need to feel fulfilled, but doubling my income in 9 months made me feel no better. I'm not sure how well off I need to be to get that contentment, but maybe I'm looking in the wrong places.

>>12268985
>needs examples
gettier's paper is JTB knowledge (epistemology)
what is it like to be a bat (philosophy of mind)
modern moral philosophy (ethics)
on denoting (lang)
logic and conversation (lang)

these are short papers that revolutionised their field. i could list more. most about 10-20pages. gettier is literally 2 pages and all of epistemology is basically an answer to gettier's paper

>>12269040
this but unironically

>>12267497

Perhaps anon, but it's too late to fix the many manias of my personhood.

Since only penis in vagina is real sex, all other kinds of 'sex' don't require consent.

>>12269273
Breaking into your home isn't real sex, so I guess it doesn't require consent either

>>12269273
So I can just beat the shit out of you and it's okay?

does lit have any good movie recs?
cba with /tv/

>>12269519
What kind of shit do you want?

I miss having her and smiling all day just because of her texts and spending the evening jamming out to the music she recommended me and discussing the books I recommended her and talking about films and our dreams and the hikes we were going to do and laughing at the ridiculous outfits we wore for our youthful defiance. I miss the spring.

>>12269530
dunno fun indie movies i guess?

>>12269626
You could aim a little higher.
>Tales from the Golden Age (2009)
Series of rumours from communist Romania about life under Ceausescu. Hilarious, may have killed people from fun.
>The Cradle Will Rock (1999)
Movie about a play about communism being shut down by the US government. Features Hank Azaria being haunted by Brecht and Bill Murray being cucked by a puppet and Senator Dies.

If you want a movie about specific requests and book nerds
>84 Charing Cross Road (1987)
It's about Anthony Hopkins working in a bookshop.

The girl I've been seeing for 2 months just told me that she spent a year in prison when she was a teenager

She was defending herself from an abuser, at least that's what she says. Should I break up with her?

>>12269743
That's kind of hot. If I were you I would keep going.

>>12269743
She knows how to make a bed and hide important shit, those are assets if anything.

>factory reset my phone
>backed up some data but forgot to back up my e-books

fuck my life, I think I have them all on my pc, but they are so spread out the search is gonna be a bitch

>>12269743
you should be fine as long as you don't end up abusing her

>>12269743
Just talk to her about it, if she is comfortable with that. If you get any red flags just leg it in a polite way.

There is nothing in this world that is unnatural.

>>12269909
correct for certain definitions of natural

>>12265455
>Assuming I'm a qt haafu boy
>I have curly hair
>I'm going to sit in cafes with obscure French books to attract art hoes.
>I also might be crypto-gay.

You sound like a young, white, sensible scholar from the 19th century.
Leave your hair as it is desu.

Also, you're very cute, can I be your bf?

>>12265539
Gee, the guy on the left. I wish I had a cute pair of (female) feet in front of me while reading.

>start writing a story idea I've been planning for a while
>goes at a snail's pace, barely get anything down, constantly running into blocks
>start writing a fetish weight gain fic about a specific character from an old and almost dead mmo after getting the idea two days ago
>writing like a mad man and already have a few thousand words down
This world is terribly unfair.

>>12269962
Don't ask me about my folder full of foot fetish stories I wrote involving... my classmates...
High School was good.

>>12269970
I knew a guy who did that but then he decided to send his erotica to several of his female subjects and it basically ruined his life.

>>12265398
what's on your mind

>>12269970
>classmates

>>12269996

>>12270008
I mean, yes, the girls my age I fantasized about.

>>12270016
My fantasies always revolved about staying in the classroom with this one chick till everyone else left and fucking her in the ass.

I roleplay with a dude, mostly typical hentai bad end stuff, albeit a bit softer. We switch around, sometimes he plays the woman, and sometimes I do. The same with playing the men. While I really love those, I started to thirst after harder things. I don't want to distress you but I might have licked smegma off a centaurs cock.

This is where my problem begins: I don't know whether this is good or bad. I always was kind of fascinated by Christianity but never was baptised or anything of the sort, I am not a Christian. My other side just tells me that I am not hurting anyone with this, that I am free to pursue whatever I want. And on top of this I can't even make a moral framework for myself because I don't have a real one.

>>12269962
>>12269970
Also this. I could barely write this post but when I RP the lines just flow out. Wish I could write my novel like that.

Does anyone else know that feeling you get when you have no gf

>>12270216
I stopped wanting a gf in high school.
It honestly astonishes me how people can actually keep obsessing over such a trite thing for countless years of their life.

>>12269252
That may be the case, I suppose. In that case, you may have to find one of the rare women who PREFER to be with a man whom is small and weak and subservient compared to herself, though I doubt the chances of longterm success.

I wish I didn't have to eat or sleep anymore. I'd save money and get more things done.
Maybe I should realize that I'm not getting anything done now, and I'm always going to have to spend money to eat, and stop wasting time on /lit/ and message boards in general.
Shit, maybe I should cancel my internet service.

>>12270216
I have known it since the 3rd grade...

I really miss fucking.
I really want to have sex.
As soon as the oportunity arises, I will fuck.
Please, wish me luck.

>>12265539
/lit/ is gay right? or at least bi?

>>12270422
Gays are always inordinately loud, expressive and willing to claim spaces which are obviously not their doing, originating in their culture or intended for them. So, sure since the heterosexual men here are eunach retards and most of the gays have a sense of humor and are higher iq.

>>12270277
far right column please

>>12270010
zoomer memes!
zommer memes!

>>12265398
I never knew I could be jealous of a man in a painting.

>>12267680
just go for it. nothing is unconditional, and you would probably be better off navigating the risks of some kind of relationship anyway.

>>12270277
top tier
Kelly, Kennedi, Miru,
>high tier
Agatha, Crispy, Katya,
>mid tier
Natalie, Ciara, Anzu
>shit tier
Rose
>literally who tier
Sunny Jim

>>12270422
if you wouldn't melt into the embrace of a man of suitable caliber you're not /lit/

>>12269072
+1 to all this
feels hard to trust anything you want as being truly authentic when it can be replaced so easily

>>12269072
Maybe you are Schizoid.

>>12270648
delete this

>>12270648
owie that’s so me. ahaha guess i’m interesting now that I can say I have SPD. ohoho hihihi hahaha im so unique

>>12270671
seriously should I see a psychologist or something if I hit 90+% of these? Would it even do any good?

>>12270648
I fit all of these except the sex ons and a couple of the languages ones. I'm worried now /lit/. Should I an hero or do like >>12270764 ?

>>12270764
The majority of 19 year old college girls fit 90+% of this, come the fuck on anon.

>>12268275
Who is this

>>12270895
no they don't, a certain amount may adopt a similar aesthetic but I'm not larping as le tortured artist for instagram points

>>12270648
>>12270671
>>12270783
It's extremely unlikely that you have SPD unless you've experienced almost no emotionality and a robotic existence for your life as far back as you can remember. Here's a test: Does the idea of being a Schizoid upset you? Then you're not a Schizoid. They have no conception of a normal life, nor how it could be any different from what they've experienced, so the concept doesn't phase them. You are vastly more likely to have some kind of depression or just a natural eccentric tendency than to be Schizoid. Seriously, don't worry about it.

t. discovered this disorder a year ago and panicked until I did some research and realized how misleading it is

>>12270232
>Implying cliche is bad
Wow anon you're so cool and mature. Have you considered though that people may have different circumstances and experiences to you?

>>12270764
It wouldn’t hurt. You probably aren’t schizoid, but if you can, put your mind at ease, see a psychologist.

>>12270935
What if the idea of being a schizoid excites me? I can now finally attribute all my short comings to the disorder and all my good traits are actually the result of my hard-work overcoming it.

>>12271012
Sure, knock yourself out. Get consulted though if you mean to write it to your personality.

>>12265398
The Jackson Wars

After discovering that Santa has been spying on him and now knows how naughty he’s been, seven year old Michael Jackson embarks on a bold plan to invade and capture Santa’s village and toy factory

Does someone want to flesh this out? All yours

>>12269107
Hey thanks for this. Feel free to list more XD

Or maybe a link with a list?

Anyway thanks!

>>12269444
Triples of truth.

>>12270250

I, too, doubt my success. I suppose the only other alternative is paying to see a domme.

>>12270973
This is a very spiteful and presumptuous reply. I wasn't posturing.

>>12270422
I would say yes but it's possible that I am making a majority of homo-related posts and it just looks like there are more gay on /lit/ than really exist.

If so then I am sorry.

>>12270604
That's the perfect word. I wish I had somebody to melt into.

>>12269444
>>12269465
both of those are violations of written law, dumb retards. Homosex isn't protected by the law of consent because it isn't real sex.

>>12270232
I've read a few studies/articles about how virgins/incels and people who are dealing with "tfw no gf" begin to obsess over sex and relationships, putting it on a pedestal or seeing it as something much more abstract than what it actually is. I was kinda he same way till I lost my virginity freshman year of college.

Still, for most anons getting laid probably wouldn't make a long-term difference in their lives, being a normie or not comes down to nature ultimately. At least that's how I see it. It's the same way people on /fit/ who make gains say they still feel like shit, and how a few people in this thread are seeing girls but remain miserable/depressed/unvalidated. See: >>12267871 and >>12268182 for possible examples of this.

>>12271301
It's human nature to want what you haven't had. Or to think you want it. And sometimes you want it for good reason. Young men want pussy on their dick. It's a way to prove yourself to yourself, to prove your viability as a man. There's a lot of ugly and primal psychology to this that people don't dig into because of muh taboos.

>>12271329
>It's human nature to want what you haven't had
have some HIV, have some starvation, some debilitating illness, have suicide. When did /lit/ become so pseud-ridden? The more I think about this sentence the harder I laugh.

>>12271364
>have some HIV, have some starvation, some debilitating illness, have suicide

You know that there are messed up people actually do crave one, or all of these things, right?

>>12271301
I still see no wrong with this, it's not as if I'm sitting here complaining not doing anything about it blaming the world for my short comings. I am actively pursuing women on Tinder and the likes. It's nice to actually have something you can dedicate your whole Being towards regardless of what people think.
I'm not gonna stop at getting laid though, this is me trying to develop a skill that is pursuing women until I've honed it to the point where I can walk up to any girl and woo them. The more I get laid the better I get. I want to be ready for when the right one comes I can act fast.
I've had plenty of validations from friends and family, all I want is just to feel like I'm not the only one who thinks this in this big ol' world.

>>12271398
even if there were their example couldn't be used to make a statement about human nature.

>>12271398
'messed up' As in, it's not normal or natural at all.

>>12271420
You sound insufferable.

Why does my dad still beat me? I'm 21. I just got beat for tipping my hairdresser $2 instead of $1

>>12271453
You Asian?

>>12271453
>tipping my hairdresser $2 instead of $1
Nice job wasting money you useless fuck up.

>>12271459
I am indeed

>>12271463
Well there you go

>>12265398
I have a headache.

>>12271467
What do I do about this? It's wasn't my money cause my mom told me to use her card. But I know he'd be mad even if it was my fucking money ugh

>>12271477
You just wait it out. He'll stop once he starts blaming his heart/stomach problems on you.

>>12271453
Sounds like you need a daddy instead to beat you up. Beat your bussy up that is. *smirks licentiously*

>>12271364
You sound like a total retard.

>>12271452
Doesn't seem like there's any cure, I'm just going to continue struggling as what you label insufferable since I don't know anything else.
If people don't like what I put out they can kindly fuck off, I am not forcing anyone's hands.
I'm just here to share thoughts since it seemed fun, though I don't know why no one's actually meaningfully engaging rather than put a label on things and call it. For a board full of literature lovers you lot sure are close minded.

>>12271453
He's gonna make me get the extra dollar back tomorrow morning wtf do I do

>>12265398
I drank a bottle of wine but I'm not drunk yet. This is worrying.

>>12271673
no u

Recently I have been unable to feel things other than a crushing feeling of emptiness or extreme anger. Reading is extremely difficult and writing makes me depressed. Hopefully I can ride it out.

Just finished Milton. Have already read Chaucer and Shakespeare. Where do I go now?

>>12272332
Chapman and Webster

>>12272332
The unemployment office

>>12271453
Is your father still stronger than you? or are you simply frozen when he beats you?

>>12272353
I have a job. I'm a struggling author.

>>12272368
ah I'm sorry anon

It was a boring day. The last one of intrigue having passed over 2 months ago. Couldn't tell you which side of Wednesday they were on, or if they'd fallen on the day itself. The heat was the same, only worse, incessant like everything else that drew scruples like a leech right where you couldn't reach. Their organised mess was a shambles, semi formed cairns of detritus, linen and so on now painting outside the lines of what passed for organisation. Neighbours felt more like the teachers and adults that spurned and pilloried in equal measure during childhood, watchdogs with no owners, creating rules for no ruler. Alienation was in vogue and everyone was feeding the machine so why not do their bit they figured as they shambled back to bed, drew up the covers and clutched their legs to their chest tightly. And their bed was a womb and their mobile internet an umbilical chord to a world that didn't really give a shit if they lived or died, as long as happy hour still ran from nine till ten and they got to go on holiday once every 5 years to some shithole in Bali and get food poisoning. That was fine, they just wished it wasn't Christmas as it meant work was an added pain in the ass. At least they got to work in air conditioning this year. At least they had a job. It wasn't bad. It just wasn't that great. They wondered if next year would be better or worse and when they realised that this was the happiest they'd been in 6 years they tried to forget the sentiment that lingered like the smell of tobacco in the air and the unanswerable question that no one could ever really know... and of the questions you never knew to ask until it was too late.

fuck me so this tinder thing is easier than I thought. Put together a profile with some actual good pics, swiped about 10-20 left for every right swipe, and ended up with a solid 5 matches who all messaged me first. I basically insta left swiped any girl who remotely resembles a stacey party girl. Got a date lined up with this one girl who's kinda cute and into normie books like harry potter. There is hope.

>>12269724
TY anon I'll give them a go

>>12270935
Anon is spot on
T. My parents are psychiatrists and they always joke about how I'm worse than their patients at a lot of these things

I feel like the vast majority of my writings could be easily adapted into cheesy daytime-drama Hallmark movies. And I am not ashamed. Many of those sorts of movies are truly beautiful and have very touching storytelling, albeit poor acting.

If there were twice as many hours in a day I'd devote that time to some new pastimes I'd love to get into. The most satisfying hobbies are the most time-consuming.

Let's shart and fart all night, baby. Oh, yeah, shart and fart me all night long.

coming from a poor family i am forced into STEM shit just for the sake of getting a good job despite having zero interest in the field i am studying and knowing full well i will regret my decision when i get older, but i also feel i would regret it if i got into something more artistic and failed at that

as i get older i feel the whip of social conformity become sharper and i notice myself falling in line with others more and more to get things that i want in life (girlfriends, security, etc)

there really doesn't seem to be many other options if you are born poor with no connections to people in other fields, and the pressure on you to get a "good" job is much higher due to everyone else in your family being poor

i feel like a train that is crashing and everyone on board is saying it's okay and it's supposed to be like this

>>12269970
based and redpilled

Depression post of the day.

I have been browsing /pol/ for the first time. It's too fast of a board and people post scat porn on the catalog, so I won't go there again. Really worried about censorship on the internet atm, I think we should at least be able to make satire and tell offensive jokes.
What's going to happen when even 4chan will have to finally adapt and adopt mass surveillance?

Yesterday I had my D&D session and everything was fine. Today I should have guests until Christmas. I still don't want to see anyone and I look awfully worn out. I really hope there will be enough alcohol to stay tipsy throughout the whole shebang.
I also forgot to buy my medicines on time and the pharmacies are closed, so I might have to go a few days without antidepressants.

Merry Christmas everyone.

>>12273551
What's DnD like?

>>12272238
Apologize for how weird the situation must sound to them, explain that your dad is oddly upset about having tipped them one dollar too much and ask if they could help you out and just hand one over.

Going ice skating later today. I don't know how to ice skate.

>>12273551
not taking SSRIs for a couple days won't make a difference. see "extended release"
>>12273580
autism magic the game
>>12271477
buy a gun.

I just finished Blade of the Immortal and I’m feeling extremely melancholic now. Ninety years of Solitude...eternity or immortality are above all lonely states of existence.

Mum's house for Christmas. Tomorrow the whole family will be here. Tonight I am alone. Most of this year has been making up for the past but I don't care. I want to drink a whole ocean of cheap beer and fuck something I shouldn't. A housewife or an underage girl. The cleaner I get the dirtier I feel.

Found a /lit/-tier cutie. She's taken a liking to me and we've been talking for awhile. My hopes aren't high, there's no need to get ahead of myself, but it's a pretty good feeling. The question is where to go from here. I'm willing to take a risk, as is she, despite paranoia from past experiences telling me otherwise.

Aside from that, it's Christmas. Quite cozy, I'll spend it with my parents, I wouldn't want their last couple years of Christmas to be spent alone. They were great parents and don't deserve that fate.

For the rest of you? Good luck in whatever future endeavors you have. One way or another, we're all going to make it. Just a matter of when.

>>12265398
> Knowledge by acquaintance and indirect knowledge
>> Primary ficus on indirect knowledge as a precondition for propaganda in the mass society
>>> Indirect knowledge: in some way mediated and so necessitate a mediator.

>Two types. (1) Brute uneducated peasant (2) Mass man
>The brute peasant's primary mode of knowledge is direct acquaintance. He does not know Nation, Ethic, Classes, Historical narratives, Past Wrongs, and so on. The brute peasant is not aware of social reality and its "significance". He does not know about other countries and the significance of this or that historical. Indeed, he does not know the events, which would have had to had been reported to it, i.e. acquired through indirect knowledge. The brute peasant only knows is field, which he sees, touches, and walks on every day. The brute peasant is not liable to have discontinuous jumps in consciousness. A considerate amount of "education" would need to take place before he could be agitated by propaganda. The information propaganda would feed to him would not be recognized as pertinent or useful to him.

>Mass man
>The mass man lives in a universe of abstraction and social constructions. He is hyper scholarized not in the sense of being knowledgeable but in the sense of holding that authoritative sources of truth come from institutions that relay information to him. He values indirect knowledge more than direct knowledge, especially if it goes through a process that renders it "systematic", "impartial", "general". As a result, the mass man can have almost anything at anytime be catapulted at the forefront of his consciousness, granted it follows some conditions, one of which being that it comes from one of the mediator he trusts. The mass man has been pre conditioned to treat indirect knowledge as more valuable than direct knowledge through an extensive period of scholarization, where he was habituated to receive what he knows from third parties, and to deal mostly in symbols and in their associated learned meaning.

>Participatory mass society incentivizes propaganda and indirect knowledge
>> In such societies, requirements are made on individuals to seemingly take in consideration a domain of knowledge with which they cannot possibly be acquainted directly. (History, scientific theories, ethical theories, etc.) This contributes to make them receptive to indirect knowledge and abstraction. This places individual in a situation of dependency vis-a-vis information provider. To the extent that the consequences or the effect of having such and such opinions are not borne by the opinion bearer, participatory mass democracy becomes an exercise in cost shifting fueled by indirect knowledge produced by third parties.

Notes taken yesterday. Unstructured. Flow of thoughts.

>>12273580
It's EXTREMELY rare to find a genuinely good group for roleplay.

This one campaign I'm in is Slavic themed, the storyteller is very well versed in Russian culture so we're adventuring around on a caravan through snowy landscapes and cozy old-Prague-like cities. There is intrigue, secret societies, evil foreign wizards doing politics, an amnesiac witch we're carrying around who might know key information about the big picture. It's really great.

The players are all fantastic and they roleplay really well. It's lots of fun because, say, in last session we were disguised as pilgrims in a procession for a local saint, but we had to break off the crowd and (due to bad rolls and other factors) we drew the city guard's suspicion and they started chasing us. At this point you have to think about what to do, do you run or try to bluff and find a plausible excuse, etc.

I am a cleric of a good deity that is pretty much D&D Jesus, all self-sacrifice and suffering for others. Being an atheist I enjoy exploring faith a lot, and I've been through a few trials that were really cool.

Finding a campaign like this is a one in a thousand thing though, most TTRPG games I've joined were awful.

>>12274148
How did you find your group? I'd like to get into table top stuff.

>>12274223
I went on roll20.net and looked for an interesting game to pop up, submitted an application and they let me in.
I used to find games on /tg/ but they were all really low quality, I'm talking "this character is a female (male)!" and such, or they disbanded because nobody gave a shit about playing, or they were mindless combat over and over (combat is rather boring in RPGs ngl, you just roll dice on your turn most of the time) or they were torn apart by /po/fags who acted like edgelords with their characters.
Also IMO it's better to avoid voice games (where you play via Discord), it's always awkward. I like text a lot more.

I'm such a whore for nostalgia. Yesterday I was able to feel content for a couple hours because I sitting in my old bedroom rewatching a television show and I felt like it was four years ago.

"Make haste, you are expected," once off the stage and out of view, my escort hurried me on. "Leave your instrument here. And take off your hat. You can keep the jacket on. Wear this ring. No, not on your thumb, goodness' sake. Good, turn around. Very well; up the stairs now."
Slightly wiser than before, I went up a set of stairs I had never climbed before. Given the layout of this place I could gather where they lead. The man, a waiter by appearance, was now walking behind me. "Last one, left." I assumed he meant the loge I was to enter. "I'm talking about the loge you're supposed to enter."
"Yes, thank you," the thumb mishap must have lowered my credibility by quite a bit.
"You realize who you are about to meet?"
"Yes."
"Good. Don't touch her," he was still walking behind me, but now at an angle from where he could see my face. I could tell he was studying mine, but it seemed inappropriate to turn around and take another look at his myself, so I didn't. For a long time I would wonder what his expression was as he continued, and concluded: "Impress us."

>>12265398
I can't tell if I'm a genius or a raging egomaniac with a delirious bend

>>12274522
Why would you be a genius?

>>12274525
Why would I be a raging egomaniac?

>>12273347
What skin color?

>>12274582
Because of claiming to be a genius despite having no evidence to back it up

>>12274616
How would one present evidence of ones genius to a board of complete retards?
That said posting here probably disqualifies you from being a genius.

>>12269072
literally me

we're all gonna make it brah

I should lead a fat chick on just long enough to have sex with her a couple times.

>>12274685
>That said posting here probably disqualifies you from being a genius.
While it's true that genius is what genius does, that's a completely unintelligible conclusion.

>>12274908
no true genius would waste time on this site

>>12274940
You don't think intellectually creative people don't have their itches to scratch?

That their aren't geniuses who just like to zone out watching professional wrestling when they are out of ideas? Or procrastinating?

Often geniuses have a part of them that is genius, the rest of them is a regular person.

>>12275020
*there :3

>>12273932
I'm jealous. I love skating. I hope you had fun.

>>12275020
Most intelligent people are obsessed with information and using an anonymous form to post is the easiest way to have an honest opinion. Also, debating genius is pointless as it is to debate the nature of being a dog, it's a different experience entirely, as the world grows in depth and both angularity

>>12275025
>:3

what are you some kind of homo?

>>12265398
From summer skies has been drawn a tender mist,
A darkened night, as I beheld thee fair;
This utter joy, and hope that thou inspire'st
Like leaves of ancient oaks, that fell onto your hair

In days of yonder, when through shady groves flew wind
And highest dreams of mine now ride on waxing moon
Forsook the days of pain, as wondrous life revealed
The peaks of longing, as they pierce the heart so soon

Undaunted, I, awaking from my slumber
Beheld thine eyes, this smiling wond'rous glance
Here shall we feast: 'tis not the time to ponder
And thou shalt lead me, into life's pagan dance

One nightly wish was born to me in winter
When snow across the endless fields did lay
End this despair, and sweeten years so bitter!
Lest through the mists of time, a soulless wand'rer I must stay.

I'm not a native speaker of English, so I'm still taking my first steps of writing in English.

>>12275196
Hey that's not bad, how long have you been studying English?

>>12275188
What are you, some kind of uninteresting poster?

>Find someone who can sell me pot
>Save his contact info on my phone as DRUGDEALER

>>12275330

Thanks man, been studying English for a really long time now, probably 10 years. Native speaker of Swiss German. Didn't take long to be able to hold a basic conversation, and of course I studied it in school and read some literature, but I'm still working hard to refine my writing style, especially when it comes to poetry.

>>12271467
kek

I finished writing a short story.

>>12275866
How many words is it

>>12265928
I want Jessica to pee in my mouth.

>>12265398
This painting. I first saw it at the Met and loved it since. Thanks anon.

>>12275885
2031

>>12275924
That's a very short short story, anon

>>12265631
>I don't want look like I'm trying too hard
hahaha what a faggot
you really care what you LOOK LIKE?

>>12275949
>>12275924
>>12275885
But is it penis enough?

>>12275949
It's the right length for the subject

show me

no show me instead

NO.

YU0 show it to MWE

>>12276074
pictures like this make my penis erect

>>12265398
Angry at God/the simulators/myself/God a second time for allowing my IQ to go down and with it my games ideas to all die.

>>12271114
I believe the best chance for longterm happiness and success is a monogamous partnership, but if all you can do is be submissive then it's possible that dommes might be your only chance. Just gonna have to hold out for the chance of maybe finding a woman who likes to be with submissive guys and happens to like you in particular. Low chance, since most women prefer dominant men, but not impossible. Try to keep an eye out for a long-term partnership.

>>12276082
I was gonna say, I thought about putting my dick in its mouth.

>>12267490
>Frexit
Yuck

>>12276506
the names these retards come up with are proof that humanity no longer deserves to exist

>>12272322
I feel you anonymous

>>12267490
>Frexit
Copain ! Repose toi bien et bonnes fêtes

I feel a need to always be a good guy. I do not mean the, "my lady why do no girls date me" but in general a good person. I gave a guy $8.00 at the store today when he came up short despite it emptying my wallet of the cash I had. I take treats to people and give them away freely. I give my possessions to others if they want them or even like them. I never take money from anyone when anyone ever asks me for a favour even if it inconveniences.

I say this not to brag but to wonder if there is something wrong with me. Despite what people say or even what I wish most people are opportunistic when it comes to monetary compensation or simply will not help. Am I supposed to be a more selfish person?

>>12277732
Why would you give money to people when it troubles yourself? Why are you living to give? It sounds like you don't even live for yourself or respect yourself. Who even are you? You're not a modern day saint, you're just too weak to be selfish.
I see my past self in you and this is the kind of thing I would've wanted to hear. Granted you may actually enjoy being like this but I sure as hell didn't, nobody respects you and you're just expected to give and give.

https://write.as/dvhz00vshz96d