/lit/ - Literature

It's my birthday. I'm thinking about killing myself. My university revoked my financial aid for the second time. I'm sick of being treated like this. No one will ever pay for their actions. Nothing gets better. Even if it does, it'll just become horrible again. They don't want me to finish. They want me dead. They want me to suffer. I can't even drive. I can barely see. It really is as if I have no lot in life other than to sit at home and read, and be kicked while I'm down by the institutions above me.

>>12251845
I've recently sold my mobile phone and basedtendo. The only electronic device I own is my outdated laptop. I'm doing this cause I need the money, also because I want to get stuff down and move on. I've been wasting my time playing viyda for literally my whole life, have probably spent tens of thousands of hours playing vidya and though most of that time was spent time enjoyed, I have very little to show for it. I'm trying to substitute vidya for more respectable hobbies such as reading and learning, but I fear I'll just increase my shitposting by 200%

>>12251870
Why would you expect someone else to pay for your college, well, besides your parents? If you want to go to school you'll have to get a shitty job to pay for it like everyone else you cuck.

oh look the same botted thread that gets autoposted every 12 hours again

>>12251845
wait a minute, you arent pige

>be me
>feel a trapdoor under my floor
>tell grandpa
>"wow boy lets crack it open!"
>I do all the work
>finally crank it open with a crowbar
>thing is filled to the brim with cash

Think Im rich until..
>"This is all mine now" says grandfather
>ask for just a little bit, just 100k
>he says no
>holds the money in the bank for many years
>dies
>I get no inheritance, it goes to my uncle

Just

>>12251845
What makes literature "good"?

>>12251987
My opinion.

>>12251984
what a cunt

>>12251845
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? CUNTZ ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

>>12251989
But then it would be completely subjective. If it's completely subjective, why are there a select few books that everyone considers to be "good"? Is there something that sets these books apart, or is it just a result of the entire literature community circlejerking for years and years?

The more I socialize, the lonelier I get.

I don't know what I'm becoming; but then again, does anyone? Things are getting better, and for now this will have to suffice.

I'm so sick of this shit
I always just return to "here" after a semester of school or something. Here being me in my house doing nothing, waking up at the same time, making coffee, eating, spending the whole day on the computer, visiting the same boards over and over. Talking to no one. Driving myself crazy in my head with my thinking and depression. Feeling my soul wither away. Just waiting till the next time I can escape from "here" and having some semblance of stimulation. Will it ever end? Or am I always going to come back to "here"? How the fuck do you escape?

>>12252788
Isolation will only make your depression worse. If you are in school then I suggest joining some clubs or extra-caric activities.

As for this website or using the computer in general, you have to exercise some self-control. Understand that your hands are under your control and not the otherway-round. Find something else to do with your time, something creative. Idle hands are the Devil's playthings ect ect.

I know it's hard now but one day you will look back and laugh at how simple it all feels when the fog clears your mind.

>>12252031
when i was 19 i lived on my own pretty much as a celibate & more and more i look back on those days as being fun

How much money did you spent this year to support living writers in total, anon?

>>12251845
I was too anxious to use Lyft to go to the library today. And I'll need to use it tomorrow to go to therapy.

Is there something I could do to change my mindset?

>>12252829
I bought a furry sci-fi book to support an acquaintice on discord. I think I send the guy a few royalty pennies.

WOMAN ON TINDER

>I like tacos, wine, adventures, and watching The Office!

WHY IS IT ALWAYS THESE FOUR THINGS? LITERALLY 50-75% OF PROFILES SAY AT LEAST TWO O FTHE M

ISN'T THAT A LITTLE WEIRD??? I COULD UNDERSTAND IF THEY WERE ALL BASIC AND ALL LIKED SHITTY TV SHOWS OR EVEN IF THEY ALL SAID "NETFLIX" AND "GOOD FOOD," BUT, THEY ALL SAY THE EXACT SAME FUCKING SHOW AND FOODSTUFF? ITS EXACTLY THE SAME? HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE?

o=

>>12252991
it's slightly quirky -- a microinch off the norm

>>12252991
Because they are shallow and use either pop-culture and activities as a personalty replacement.

Same thing with guys who really like anime or superman movies or bacon or funko pop figures.

>>12252991
Looks like the first post I made didn't make it through.
How varied are the male profiles?

>>12251984
met this girl through one of my classes and we exchanged numbers and have been texting over winter break. I'm not interested in her romantically, but I'd like to keep a friendship find some more friends through her. How do I go about doing this?

>>12253056
have you got a precedent of romance?

>>12253040
yeah tinder bio's started making me misogynist lmao. i swiped through on a friend (girl)'s tinder and the men's bios are as bad if not worse

>>12252983
>furry sci-fi book
Is it full of hot scenes?
Did you fap to it?

>Political correctness is that process of self-humiliation where white people turn the other cheek and try to carry within them all the wrong doings and sins of the world, obtaining moral superiority and the status of the new sons of God trying to bring about the kingdom of heaven.

Inspired by Jordan Zyklon B Peterson

>>12252021
It is subjective. Mass (or selective) subjective opinion is what makes the rating of something.

>>12252021
>Putting certain made up abstract things together in a certain order can be objectively good to the universe

>>12253101
>when the chaos dragon won't let you say nigger
>when the postmodernists make me suck tranny dick
>literally a gulag archipelago

>>12253119
That makes sense. Thanks for answering my question. I've always wanted to get into literature, but I mostly read scifi novels or nonfiction, and I was wondering where the line was drawn between books and fine literature.

ARE there any literary cities any more? (preferably in England) or are Spaces entirely online now?

I am with her, I am not. I musn’t feel this way, it is a sin, it is damning me. She cannot, I cannot. Breathing is getting difficult. Squirming at the keyboard. She sends all the mixed messages in all the secret languages. It’s all clear as crystal, but hazy in our hearts. Morally, ethically, wrongness. Why? because we’ve been wronged and wrong ourselves. But the beauty of it. so simple, nothing needs to be said, like a hand in a glove. the last language is the spoken one and it pales the sun, our song together.

>>12253168
You write like a faggot.

There's always a feeling within me that wishes to cry in public, but only due to having to be forced into the sight of others (this occurs twofold around the vicinity of women). Not only am I a worm, in this case, but this also occurs in dreams, where each acquaintance berates me continually. Does anyone else have this happen to them?

>>12253153
Probably Mexico City or some other Latin American metropolis. Mexico City had Carlos Fuentes and Daniel Sada recently, it's probably still cool

>>12253153
Linz, once I publish my diary desu

>>12253168
Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold core prose

>>12253256
Dunno, I'm super anxious when awake but I am extremely powerful and dominant in my dreams. I can do things I wouldn't even think of IRL.

I'd give anything to feel lonely again.

I paid two women to hurt me; one kicked; the other jumped on my tummy like a trampoline.

Damn my loony lusts.

No woman with marbles will ever want me. I belong in a cage.

>>12253048
Mine used to say:
>“Why kid ourselves, people have nothing to say to one another, they all talk about their own troubles and nothing else. Each man for himself, the earth for us all. They try to unload their unhappiness on someone else when making love, they do their damnedest, but it doesn't work, they keep it all, and then they start all over again, trying to find a place for it. "Your pretty, Mademoiselle," they say. And life takes hold of them again until the next time, and then they try the same little gimmick. "You're very pretty, Mademoiselle..."

Now I've got a girlfriend so I don't use it. As a profile, it had minimum success, far less than the generic (hobbies+skills+whatever) meat advertisement I used to use, but at least I kept my dignity. From what I can tell, most girls just bang the top 5% most attractive guys as per what r9k would have you believe and don't really stop to think about it.

I'm sick. I'm not dying but I feel terrible.
I just want to sleep until January.

I'm also getting a fucking nervous tic which I can assure you is as attractive and sensual as it sounds.

>>12252827
I'm exactly the same. Not sure how much of that is rose-tinted nostalgia, but I felt much more comfortable with myself back then.

Escapism is mostly healthy. Imagining my utopia helps understand myself and maybe encourages working toward a better real world.

I've reached the conclusion that I don't have a moral compass. The only reason I've still been behaving close to what I'd define as a "good person" is because I've been sold on the concept of virtue and it's been my only beacon of light to guide me towards meaning in the otherwise endless void of nihilism. I don't feel bad about any of it though, for the first time in my life it's as if I'm not wallowing in misery and masturbation, I actually have a direction and I'm moving forward. I'm 21 years old and for the first time I can remember, I know what 'content' feels like, and maybe one day I can shoot for 'happy'.

>>12253101
>>12253144
Read all of that in his voice. Thanks for that.

>>12252991
One degree away from the most common thing means relatable and unique at the same time, which makes you feel a connection where there is none. They simply pick off a list of quirky/girly/boring shit at random, and the list isn't very long because they're girls and do nothing but make noise at each other for fun.

>>12251984
but you had a crowbar

>>12251984
Wow, he didn't pay you even $100,000, after you did all that work opening a door? What a Jew.

Can't read my books in front of my family because they call me a faggot

>>12251845
>tfw you see people ywn meet reposting something you wrote on lit about a year ago
>it's getting replies and generating laughter and discussion
It's a very happy feeling. It means that somebody enjoyed something I made so much that they not only remembered it but they shared it with others, who also enjoyed it. It's an interaction completely devoid of transactionalism. I will never see any reward from what I made, I had no motivation other than to make others feel something, and it succeeded

I love memes. I love memeing. And I love you, /lit/, I truly do

>>12251984
>not killing him with the crowbar and storing his body in the hole where the money was

I wish I could get into making videos. I want a gud camera but I still feel like I have nothing interesting to film.

Something great has happened. I feel happy to be alive for some reason. Life is wonderful again.

>>12252991
i chuckld

>>12254228
I see dumb things I drew in MS Paint nearly a decade ago still in circulation.

Feels good.

Man I'm thinking some really messed up shit right now, like if people could read my thoughts they'd probably run away screaming. Some people underestimate what I'm capable of, they just don't know. Then again, they underestimate just how patient I am. Sometimes I think I could really save humanity, other times I think I just might show them the dark grim truth that they're weak, the bottom of the food chain, how easily they can be destroyed. But I think it's better they find out for themselves, humans out there killing themselves off instead of helping one another...while I sit behind a rainy window looking on with a knowing smile...I warned them. But they're just too vain to listen. And so I whet my sword and dagger in wait for them to come to me in revenge, revenge on their once-friend who they turned their backs on, their prophet, their stoic... oh I'll be waiting. Blades don't need reloading.

>>12254373
>>12254228
>tfw you put a whole 15 minutes of work into a clever OC and nobody even gets the joke

I drape myself in the aesthetics of literaryness but really all I do all day is watch youtube videos and twitch streams. I've written a single story in the past three months and haven't touched a book in even longer. The aesthetic itself isn't even authentic, I just do it to cope with my loneliness and alienation.

my life since graduating university has become significantly worse and i realize studying english was the most ugly self absorbed and damning bourgeois move i could have made and yet i feel like that short period of delusion was probably as happy as i will ever be

>>12251845
I'm a logician, I should think about something, shit, here I am cringing my post

>>12254779
That happens independently of what you major in. University is the last period of youthful illusion we are allowed to live in. Welcome to """"The Real Word"""" now, try to not kill yourself so soon.

>>12254789
>tfw already feel this way and I haven't even graduated yet
I wasn't made for this life

Depression post of the day.

It's incredibly late (4AM). I drank some wine and it was good. I have been checking horror videos like a doofus and I came across a scene that spooked me a lot. I hope I'll be able to sleep.

>>12254822
>It's incredibly late (4AM).
Hello follow Eurobean. I would be asleep by now, but my apartment complex is having a routine pest control in 4 hours. Knowing my sleep schedule it's easier for me to stay awake than go to bed and wake up in time. Weird shit to stay up an entire night for a 5-minute visit.

>>12254789
>tfw I got #metoo'd out of university by some crazy cunt I rejected
>tfw thousands of dollars and a year of youth down the drain
>tfw when now trying to balance working 30 hours a week with attending community college full time
>tfw everyone just assumes I was too stupid to crack it at a "real" institution
>tfw hearing about all the people I used to go to school with traveling the world for research conferences or doing interesting stuff in their field or going to to Harvard and Yale for grad school
>tfw still occasionally get harassed by this crazy bitch and her virtue signaling nigger friends
>tfw coming home every night at 11pm to my tiny apartment and drinking/smoking myself unconscious
>tfw looking forward to a whole lifetime of this

The worst part is I can't even talk about it IRL because nobody gives a fuck.

>>12254890
>I got #metoo'd out of university
elaborate on details or i will think you are lying

>>12254890
>>tfw I got #metoo'd out of university by some crazy cunt I rejected

do tell

>>12254848
Hi. Have a song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aY4Ra2KOyas

I love her so much

>>12254906
Going into university I was already several years older than most students. I'd witnessed a double homicide a couple months before and was reasonably jumpy following the whole event, and wanted to get my dick wet as much as possible. A group of uptight puritan cunts saw that I was old, jumpy, and flirtatious and decided that I must be a sexual predator. Anyways about two weeks into school this crazy whore asked me to walk her home from a party, I agreed, asked me if I wanted to hook up with her, I said no and that she was way too drunk, and the next day she started going around telling everybody I'd sexually assaulted her.

Instantly I became a school pariah, harassed, ostracized from various campus events, etc. The worst part is, when I complained to the administration about this they refused to do a thing about it, because OBVIOUSLY as a straight white male I must be at fault here.

So now I just live an exhausting life of mediocrity and try to hide all the anger and bitterness as best I can.

>>12254972
Aren't you special?

>>12254972
Tell us about her

>>12254979
No, don't.

>>12254976
American universities sound like a nightmare. If you don't mind, how old are you? I'm 26, on the first year of my current major, much older than all of my classmates, and I never had any problems regarding that. I'm assuming you are much older than that, or that the environment on your university was much more hostile.

>>12254976
this feels like an angry incel post but at the same time amrican uni culture seems retarded enough for it to be true

>>12254922
Girl I met right at the beginning of the school year. Initially we got along, she opened up to me fairly quick and told me about this weird theory she had that she'd been raped by her dad (despite having no memory of such a thing actually happening). I told her about seeing people die in a shooting I'd witnessed, and she tried to kiss me. Of course I could already see the red flags so I pushed her off me and said no.

A week after the fact, she was piss drunk at a party and asked me to walk her home. Being a decent person, I did. She then tried to hook up with me again, I told her no, and the next day she told everyone I sexually assaulted her.

That was just the start of a whole year of harassment and bullshit. The administration didn't give a shit about me, the whole experience was miserable, and I was failing several classes, so I dropped out.

coming home from college for the winter break is depressing me. my dad seems much older than I last saw him and my dog is gonna die someday soon.

>>12254976
i don't believe you

if this is true the fact that not even angry white male 4channers believe you is understandably troubling

but i don't beieve you

>>12255005
There should be laws against gratuitous accusations like this. It's crazy that you can't do anything about it

>>12254976
I knew someone like you once. Saw him get unpersoned over night. I never found out for sure what happened as both he and the woman were unsavory types and whatever petty squabble they were invested in wasn't worth my time.

The moral of the story is that you'd better be gay if you're a male college student. Otherwise all it takes is that one girl to say that one word and it's done.

Whether there are false accusations of rape or not is one thing, but the real tension surrounds there not being any investigation or due process when accusations are leveled. Guilty until proven innocent and all that.

>>12255010
>coming home from college for the winter break is depressing me. my dad seems much older than I last saw him
The saddest part is the more they come to need your love the harder it will be for you to give it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CQNFDXlmg8

>>12255010
My dad is going blind. He isn't even that old. One day I will not be able to watch films with him anymore. Sucks.

>>12254994
>>12255000
I was only 21. It was at Reed college, which is one of the worst places for retarded American bullshit. Just this year the school-funded racially segregated newspaper started a public shaming column to "combat racism".

I wish I was making this up. Sometimes I'll be walking around minding my own business and it'll hit me that the school administration let an alleged hug victim (that's actually what I was accused of, a "30 seconds hug that was /obviously/ sexual") harass an actual fucking attempted homicide victim and I want to start screaming.

Words cant express how much I hate America.

>>12255010
I'm home for break too, pretty fucking bored so far. Saw some of my high school friends a couple nights ago which was nice but now almost all of them have gone off to stay with extended family or their significant other or whatever. I'm acutely aware that I haven't grown up and am stagnating in life.

Like, what elevates rape above other crimes? It's still wrong obviously and anyone who things otherwise is a moral worm. Still this extrajudicial treatment college admins give women who file sexual assault claims is for one thing not the same.

Occasionally men get raped. College administrations don't know how to handle it, and they certainly don't respond like they do to female accusations.

>>12255034
I refuse to believe you. There's no way a 21 year old would be targeted for being old. None of this makes sense. If it's real, I would prefer it to be a lie.

Nothing really, just girl troubles. I had a few weeks off work so got a lot of reading done, unfortunately I bought just as many books so I didn't decrease my backlog, send help

>>12254994
>American universities sound like a nightmare
Just go for STEM and you're golden.

You can just sit through and ignore all the PC propaganda.

>>12255019
I've got a wonderful loving and supportive girlfriend right now. My plan is to marry her, avoid being alone with any other woman ever, and never have to deal with this shit again. If I ever end up going to a full 4 year university I'll tell everybody I'm gay and avoid girls like the plague.

>>12255017
What's crazy is that some of the stuff that happened to me is against the law. I was banned from visiting a friend who happened to live in the same dorm as this cunt after I got excused, and even after the school's investigation had found that, in fact, I hadn't done anything, they kept the ban going- despite the fact that this is actually against the law (according to wikipedia).

Another time some of her friends ganged up and banned me from accessing school funded campus events. This is also against the rules (and I believe illegal), but the administration told me there wasn't any proof that it happened and it was just "my word against hers" despite the fact that I have email records where they threatening to do exactly that to me.

Of course I don't have the time or the money to take the college to court. But they did break the law on a couple occasions.

>>12255069
Sorry to burst your bubble, but I was on track to become a math major.

>>12255052
I wish it was. This whole experience has turned me extremely right wing. I can't wait to vote for Trump, just to give a fuck you to these assholes.

>>12255048
Moral hysteria. Lately I've been reading Tocqueville and it's made me realize that this has been the norm in America since it's conception. I think the problem is that they've never had an aristocratic class, so people are forced to socially differentiate themselves through petty materialism and virtue signaling.

>>12255034
That's fucking terrible man. I'm generally fairly /lefty/ but it seems pretty fucking obvious that you need evidence and an actual investigation before you destroy someone's life, especially over a fucking hug (what the fuck man you gotta be making that up, right? that's like sexual harassment at worst).

Also, I really feel like fear of sexual assault is way overblown, it's like they want women to be fearful. Like I have no doubt that it's rampant in certain environments (frat parties, etc), but the way it's presented is as this omnipresent shadowy force that's always just around the corner. And no one ever suggests eliminating the environments that breed sexual assault, it's taken as a fucking axiom or something. Also sexual assault prevention is always taught in the dumbest fucking way, I vividly remember having to watch this video about how bystanders can help prevent it (in the context of a drunk woman being taken advantage of) which is fair enough I guess, but the whole time the would-be victim was presented as this totally helpless, passive being that had to rely on others to ensure their safety. What the fuck kind of a message is that?

>>12255118
I don't understand what is it about American universities that breeds this kind of thing. The college ball frat party rapefests on one hand and the false #metoo witch-hunts on the other. There are some pretty bad universities in my country, but nothing that reaches such ubiquitousness. It's as if the standards of social interaction have been completely broken down in favor of political signaling. I know that specially leftist circles on universities are guilty of that in my country, and we are slowly walking towards such a fate, but it astounds me to see how much of a "normal social life" as been abolished in America due to ideology.

>>12255118
>Sorry to burst your bubble, but I was on track to become a math major.
And yet you were heterosexual.

>>12255158
>I don't understand what is it about American universities that breeds this kind of thing.

Read moldbug

Dragons arguing

Not sure whether to study classics or mathematics and philosophy for a second degree

>>12255190
>second degree
how

>>12255042
seeing my highschool friends had this rare reunion magic to it while i was in school and it seemed like we were all growing up so fast but now i am back home and we are all stagnant or regressing and i feel like they more or less resent me

>>12255201
I wish I had some bros to regress with, adult life is a fucking meme

>>12255158
Too much democracy. Agitating people is a billion dollar industry here. The single best thing for the united states at this point would be for a military oligarchy to seize power and start executing the media/political class en mass.

Also >>12255180 is a good suggestion.

>>12255197
University isn't cripplingly expensive in the UK.

>>12255127
Thanks bro. The whole situation is completely fucked. It gives the upper class an excuse for a witchhunt, basically. Look how all this #metoo shit popped up after Donald Trump got elected, my pet theory is that it's the liberal elites taking out their rage on whoever they can, while they try to brand Trump as a rapist for making a couple lewd sexual comments 20 years ago.

>>12255210
we're not really bros. we associate out of desperation, the same group who got along so easily before is straining to make any connection. we drink and do drugs and rehash the old days until one of us starts some kind of beef because we are insecure and trying to one up each other and distance ourselves from each other even though it is clear we have nowhere to go.

>>12255190
Doing maths and philosophy at uk currently. It's great. Best degree. Do classics if your dad is managing director at Deutsche or smth, otherwise keep that shit a hobby

>>12255180
>read a retarded libertarian tech-autist
no.

>>12255226
>executing the media/political class en mass
i can't tell the level of irony or sincerity or retardation in these kind of statements anymore, but i will say that you profess support for the kind of system which would erase your right to make the statement

>>12251845
I want to write a novel about arctic exploration, but I'm too much of a brainlet. I want to take the easy way out and make it a fantasy/alternate history book, but then I'm worried about it coming off as too derivative of the actually well written historical fiction about arctic and antarctic expeditions.

Passive suicidal ideation has returned.

>>12255296
I'd be able to make such statements in the same capacity I have now, behind a proxy on anonymous imageboards and in private with a few very close friends.

But I'd rather have a regime which legitimized itself by inflicting force on a few influential people, that one which did so by the constant and incessant brainwashing of entire populations.

>>12255284
>implying that a fucking neoreactionary is libertarian

>>12255284
>Explain me something I don't understand, but don't do it in a way that challenges my understanding of things

Has anybody written a soundtrack for a book before?

>>12255502
Yeah there's one for snow crash

I’m not a powerful person. I just try to create a space for the people I care about to feel important and respected when I can. I care about everyone I meet. It pains me to live in a world with so much inevitable suffering, but I take comfort in my own capacity to come to terms with suffering; if someone as insignificant as me can find it in them to live, then it must be in us all. The smallest moments bring me immeasurable joy. To breathe feels luxurious. Whatever life I live will be worth living — I no longer know what it means to die.

>>12255571
You can still have inner power, spiritual power. Knowledge. I master the world in knowledge. It can't have power over me if I identify and define everything that happens to me.

It takes a second lifetime to fully describe a single lifetime, but you can train yourself to locate points of importance.

The little disappointments, the rejections, the gnats in my ear, I've learned to just let wash over.

At this point in my life I'm the only thing that can phase me.

I'm in love with a black girl.

>>12255502
when i read a pynchon novel i collect all the songs referenced throughout and have a playlist by the end of it

>>12255629
congrats anon, there's nothing better than being in love

Listen this is the first time I browse this board, I see this thread an oportunity of being myself for once in my life, not sure if this is for funposting or whatever. I'm letting my mind fully naked right now.
I posted months ago in /adv/ about dating a 16yo, "don't do it", they said. But I followed my instintc. In a week or so, I met her cousin Victoria, both jailbait and bourgeois at same proportions, and I cucked my new gf with her.
I've been living a secret life behind the backs of my roomates and classmates, which all of them are radical feminist and SJW. But that baby-woman turn me crazy with her mediterranean perfect body. This is reference for you, /lit/: my Dr. Jekyll is a calm and extrovert student while Mr. Hyde appears at night while my libido shouts and my blood boils whenever I got the chance to meet her. I am an apasionate lover and she acts slutty, despite I am his "lover" I don't want her to love me, I just want sex. She loves it. She is smart like your fucking nabokovian Lolita though, because althought she is legal here in Europe, for people seems inmoral.

Since I am force to live with this anarcho vegan radfems, everyday I feel myself sick. But when Victoria arrives at night, everything is a turnon. Once I let her enter quietly to my flat, when this people got asleep, going straight to my bedroom and then she fucked me hard and silent.
I am addicted to this girl, to the sensation of that forbidden sex the social mass hysteria has created.

She smokes marihuana, a very good one by the way, and when we started using it, the sexual experience increased to the greatest pleasure I've ever felt.

Every single night I've been with her I've decided I won't give a shit for jail or mass bullying, because I'm not doing nothing wrong.
When she leaves, I know the knowledge of this issue will ruin my reputation.

I have only one more thing to say, it is: fuck everyone

>>12255127
>>12255246

> And no one ever suggests eliminating the environments that breed sexual assault, it's taken as a fucking axiom or something.

This reminds of the recent story with Wall Street execs avoiding one-on-one meetings with their female employees, leaving doors open so that they have ammo to deflect potential accusations. There was even this one guy whose wife implored him to not to spend time with other women due to a fear of his successful career being ruined. The feminists naturally condemned these actions as gender-preferential treatment and had really compelling advice to give: just don't act like an ass and don't sexually harass people.

Ironic considering how this guy got his life flushed down the toilet as a reward for his simple and friendly gesture.

>>12252976
Yes

>>12255316
Do your research

There is only "now", a self actualizing state of present in which somehow everything already feels old and part of the past. The past is not real, it is a recollection of events, the future is also not real, it's all about the now.
I am dying, my last synapses are firing as the world grows incoherent and dark. This is the last "now", the only now. I am not sitting in front of a computer, I am dying.
I have seen my parents die of old age, I have seen my loved ones die or disappear, I have been alone for years, full of pain, weakened. I am dying.
Death is not sleep, death is not unconsciousness, death is not "before you were born", death is something else, something so mind-boggingly incomprehensible and unreasonable.
Can I fear death when I fear life more?
Can I fear oblivion more than I can fear eternal life?
I fear the final state of life. The loneliness, the pain.
I fear life's inclination to survive no matter what. To create an ecosystem that is a never-ending holocaust of death.
Will I have the courage to kill myself when the time comes? Will I wait until life is through with yet another puppet?
Life, in its mindless struggle to...to fucking what? cover a floating rock? has carefully crafted so many creatures. Harsh environments, cruel food chains, overwhelming reproductive impulses. All living things live to fuck until they die, and man is no exception.
Is it that all affection, all kindness, all love is nothing more than a perverted version of the drive to reproduce?
What a fucking world, only fucking and dying. And I can't fucking take that, I wish none of us did.
What does it means to be human? To be spítroasted between eros and thanatos for all eternity.
This changes nothing, this scream changes nothing.
My family is dead.
My love is gone.
I am alone.
I am in pain.
I am dying.
I am the slave of life and death.

It’s hard to read things here and not have a sense of superiority to you folks. It’s upsetting to see so many upset people who haven’t gotten around to taking reigns of their lives. It’s an aesthetic experience at the very least, enjoy it for what it is.

>>12255963
This post is the sound of a suburban vagina sailing past comfy into numb.

>>12255857
Can confirm. I'm studying to work in healthcare and literally one of the first things we learn is NEVER EVER be in a room alone with a female patient.

Of course most zoomers (of all political persuasions) are fed a steady diet memes like pic related, which helps structure their thought process in knee jerk reactions which never requires much critical thinking.

Crazy times we live in.

>>12255963
"Reins."

Fuck me, I don't want eternal life, I don't want eternal oblivion. I just don't fucking know.
Why the fuck does it has to be this way?
Why would god make it like this?
How could a mindless universe fuck us up so bad?
I don't understand why there have to be crocodiles mauling animals to death to not starve, I don't understand why we have needs that the world cannot reconcile. Just what the fuck is all of this? Why?
Please let no one I love ever know this terror, this grief. Even my brightest days feel like dead memories.
I hate this fucking awful place we are all tossed in. And I hate being a fucking pseud that can't even shit on a keyboard aesthetically.

>>12255975
And this post is the sound of a severely unhappy, angry person who lacks any control over his emotions. I would go on, but what’s the point. If you don’t think that the people itt have problems that are self imposed that’s on you.

>>12255984
ebin

>>12255995
>Why the fuck does it has to be this way?
Why does it need a reason?
>Why would god make it like this?
God?
>How could a mindless universe fuck us up so bad?
The universe didn’t do anything. You’re the one imposing all these qualities to it (“bad”, “fucked up”, “mindless”, blah blah blah, metaphysical whinning)
>Indon't understand why there have to be crocodiles mauling animals to death to not starve, I don't understand why we have needs that the world cannot reconcile.
The world can’t reconcile? You do jnow the world has no conscious experience and actively does nothing since it cant act? The needs of the world are perfectly balance. Animal hungry, animal eat what it needs to survive. If you abscribe moral value to this shit that’s entirely your fault.
>Just what the fuck is all of this? Why?
A sequence of events that means nothing. Welcome to modernity, bitch.

>>12256043
>Why does it need a reason?
I mean in the sense of: of all the possible outcomes of a universe in which mankind came to be, why did it have to be the one that is so fucking awful for humans? It's not supposed to have an answer other than "because".
>God?
I included god because I find curious how it is a figure of hope for so many, yet to think that an intelligence would craft a world such as this makes my blood run cold.
>The world can’t reconcile? You do jnow the world has no conscious experience and actively does nothing since it cant act?
I mean again in the sense that we are the only creatures on planet earth that are not in tune with nature's non-stop slaughter, and we wish there was more to it than this, but there isn't. We want more, and the universe don't give a fuck.
I only say that it is indeed fucked up that nature is all about killing and fucking, because man sees beyond killing and fucking, but there really is nothing more. And all in all the life of an animal sounds fucking awful in its own right, but it's what there is and we are the only unfortunate animals to have culture.
>Welcome to modernity, bitch.
what was the point of your post?

There was a thread today on /v/ asking what keeps us from suicide, and I wrote that if I did plan on cutting the final tie (nowhere close to that, don't worry), I'd first like to make some kind of art beforehand to express what I felt, mentioning that someone else did it really well. I thought the thread would get deleted and so I stopped checking it, but in fact it did archive, and one anon asked who I was talking about, and that left me sore as I wanted to tell him. To remedy this, I'll tell you guys instead.

It was a Japanese artist named 三浦静香 (Shizuka Miura). In the early 90's, she worked with members of the psychedelic noise rock band Fushitsusha in a project with her namesake to produce a sound that might best be described as Fushitsusha with all the light sucked out. If you're familiar with Have A Nice Life, it is a little similar to that, but where Deathconsciousness is filled with a range of things from emptiness to intense suffering, shizuka is distilled melancholy through and through, and I'd say the peak of this is found in their only full-length, Heavenly Persona. I guess it's not too hard to make something gratuitously sad, but it's the finer details that make the album for me. If you pay attention, there are moments where you get where she's coming from, where you get hanging on desperately to the beautiful parts of life you remember as everything around you fades to empty tragedy, where you truly get the sense there's nothing left that can be done to save you or bring back what's missing, driven home by the echo of her voice as it twists around in despair yielding no response as the guitar in the distance just strums the same chords, over and over and over. I guess that sounds a little bit much, but these things are innate, and it's less likely she planned for that specific thing and more that it's just what came out, what conveyed that abstraction that was in her and ruled over her life. Despite the difference in gender and nationality, I feel I get exactly where she was coming from.

The end of the story is, she killed herself in 2010. I don't know why. I wouldn't say it's the most tragic story in contemporary music (that goes to Mark Linkous), but it is an interesting one. Surprisingly though, she is still quite obscure - even on RateYourMusic. I guess most people find the album unremarkable, but to me it's quite good. If the above caught your interest, perhaps give it a listen sometime.

>>12251845
my ex-girlfriend is texting me about her solitude. she's studying architecture, and is meeting mathchads galore. how can women be so blind.

>>12251845
You harvested me from the darkness of perception.
The veil of Maya,
tore by the kick drum of a fleeting thunder,
metaphysical ignorance, lacerated
by a hug of mountain lakes.

>>12255995
Do you ever think there are too many Touhou characters?

>>12251845
I want to lose my virginity (prostitutes don't count).

Lately I've been questioning my feelings of happiness. Are they genuine? Is this what it feels like?

>>12256406
they count as 3/5 or so

>>12256263
> gf breaks up because i don't make her "happy enough"
> two weeks later starts contacting me again
> guess i'm good enough to become her backburner emotional tampon
> thanks but i dont want any contact going forward
> month later still contacting me about her loneliness and anxiety
whats the deal with females

I get along with girls very well and I'm not sure why. In my last year of high school, for instance, I moved to a new town, and it happened that nearly all of the people that talked to me in class were female. It has me thinking at times because I never tried to socialize that year, but two girls I kind of liked approached me after finals while I was reading to chat and offered to drive me back to my place. I turned them down due to an attendance policy (I might not have passed something otherwise), but I wish I could've gone. Anyways, uni is quite different so far and I haven't made any new acquaintances, so from time to time I still dwell on this.

I just got news that my brother is going to be a father. Anons, I know I don't need a book for this but, are there any books you know of that help be a good uncle?

Throughout high school I was neutral in my views and took a very diplomatic stance in arguments. In university I've now developed strong views on subjects that both matter and don't matter to me. My friends even call me the most political person they know. I feel like going to university has unlocked an academic side to me where I crave learning and knowledge as well as evolving my views and it's great.
Now I just need to socially evolve.

>>12256559
uncle toms cabin

>>12256588
>goes to university
>starts being "political"

>>12254228
I've only got 2 such OCs, but damn does it feel good to see them in the wild

>>12256559
Lolita

>>12254976
Here's a test for you:
"Women don't accuse men of rape for no reason."
If this made you sperg out, you're a delusional incel and deserved it. If it doesn't, you probably already know what you did wrong.

>>12256754
>lolita

Chuckl'd

>>12253025
this is good

>>12256754
>"Women don't accuse men of rape for no reason."
i dont think anyone says that, rather it's often the accusations are unfounded and the women do it for ulterior motives (monetary gain)

>>12256857
I rarely encounter a case like this where the motive was strictly a material benefit. More often than not it is just vindictiveness, which in the female mind manifests as an intense desire to right a perceived wrong. Why they seem so brazen and heartless in their accusations stems from a shared female trait of self-brainwashing, which admittedly men partake in as well but not to this extent. Events in their minds are reordered and shuffled to fit what matches their current (highly intense) emotional state of humiliation, worthlessness or regret and are then used like a poisoned dagger to pierce the man's fabric of reality.

>>12256588
And then when you graduate 3 years later your views will change completely.

Political socialization isn't about whether people actually believe the accepted interpretation. It's about getting people to play nice.

Moral development comes in stages. At a lower stage is rule-following, you just go with the established set of assumptions and work with what you are given rather than question or challenge it.

At a higher level of morality, a person develops their own independent moral compass based on their own extraction of what is right and wrong.

Very few college students develop that code because they are force fed one rather than growing one inside.

>>12256201
I like how you write sir.

One suggestion: break that big main paragraph into two.

>>12256857
How much money do yo think the girl in >>12254976's story made ?

There are advantages to accusing someone of rape (lot of drawbacks too) but except in hollywood cases money's got to be pretty low on the list.

>god of the gaps
is there a phrase that more quickly displays a person's profound ignorance in such a multitude of topics?

>>12255420
All right-adjacent political positions are the same, just clothed in different language

>>12253983
That description is legitimately more cringey than "wine + adventures + tacos + the office".

Good job anon.

>>12254228
I feel you anon. Once I saw someone post with reply with a screencap of an old Kant post of mine as reaction image, I felt like a true philosopher even though my chief skill is masturbating.

>>12254512
Every one is like that bro. Just play less video games and go outside more, it'll fade slowly.

>>12254743
At least you can come out honestly about it here. That's a step. You hould probably getting rid of this literariness idea and instead read something that helps you and illuminate your life. Most great writers wrote for fame, fun, glory, money, out of curiosity or idealism or plitical motivation, or sometimes simply for their livelihood, but rarely for literariness.

Existential literature and philosophy might speak more directly to your troubles, try Kierkegaard.

I should have gone to bed 5 hours ago, and here I am, still shitposting.

What's some dumb advice you were given as a kid?

>"Don't talk to strangers"
Talking to strangers is literally how most of the interesting things in life happens.

I'm writing a series of comedy animation and having a huge problem trying to figure out whether or not my characters should have a revive mechanic.

The characters are on a meteor station, and are all clones doing research on dangerous items/objects/tech/etc that are deemed to dangerous to work on on the real planet back home with real people.

When a character dies, their data is taken from the backup in their body and put into a new clone.

The question is then: would the characters not fear death when their revival is essentially guaranteed? Albeit they still may experience the memory of death in the revive.

Would there be only a few characters as their backups will have more memories/experience than fresh clones, and so they are put into more clone bodies and are essentially one character till the point of divergence (or whether I should make it so that only one backup unit can go into one replacement clone to prevent this problem).

Or otherwise if everytime a character dies then a brand new clone pops out the problem is then the new clone has no character to speak of as they must develop it over time, and I feel like people get attached to concrete particular characters with interesting quirks less so just freshborns in a "cool" scifi situation.

>>12257456
My grandma still says this to me with a serious look and I'm in my twenties!

Sometimes I wonder why I'm such a loner. I'm not someone who should be a loner. I'm funny, witty, good looking, easy to get along with when I'm not in a murderous rage...

I feel like I went right when I should have went left, or left when I should have gone right, at one tiny point in my life and now I'm like this.

I suppose being a turbo-genius is necessarily self-isolating. Otherwise someone else will interject and ruin your chain of thoughts. Yet I'm not a turbo-genius all the time and sometimes I just want to be a regular socially absorbed person. :s

I just "popped a spider". I tried to catch it in tissue paper to flush it away, I must've squeezed hard at soem point becaue I heard it pop. I feel sick.

>>12255829
Bah. Nothing too rare or serious anon, but it' great you found something so exiting, enjoy it while it lasts.

Also you can keep this secret if you're clever.

>>12254208
lmao faggot

>>12253025
The italian is all over the place
t. Italian

>>12256406
You'd be surprised how many famous writers and how many of your ancesters lost their virginity with prostitutes. It used to be kind of a tolerated rite of passage.

I had a girl like pic related but I let her get away, or well she had to go away. I am now playing the long con to see if it can be rekindled half a year from now.

>>12257479
You're not a turbo-genius, but I understand and share your plight. You'll have to accept over time than loneliness is a natural part of being awake for a human without major brain damage. Think of it like the constant stream of thought you have: sometimes it's brilliant, most of the time its stupid, you can't stop it except by sleeping, dying, or with drugs. Learn to live with it as we all do. Even the most social-adjusted of us have to.

On a side note meeting people regularly (people you know well, people you barely know, people you don't know at all) will make it easier to endure.

>>12257573
Practical advice: try to find another girl in the mean time. Doesn't have to interfere wth your "long con".

>>12254743
Read the short story Good Old Neon by David Foster Wallace.
Trust me, it will speak exactly to the specific brand of loneliness and alienation you're feeling. And it could potentially act as a spring board back into reading and writing.

>when you're texting someone you really like but haven't met in person and you advance the conversation one step further in familiarity and they don't respond and you are left in a limbo of sadness and uncertainty that you pushed the wrong button or maybe they just need time to respond or went off to do something else

Texting isn't how humans are meant to communicate.

>>12257601
Lol you don't know what I am bro.

I don't disagree with what you are saying.

Auto correct reccs for the sentence I'm texting "Trump is..."

old excellent asshole extra incredible

I went with "Trump is a real problem." Seems to capture everything I need.

You reminded me i need to call the mechanic that destroyed my car for the fourth week in a row. Theyve been avoiding me and not returning my calls. Lawyer says i should sue and call the police just so they get their ass in gear. The BBB is A+. I still pay on the car and cant drop insurence because its a loan. It was all going so well at first. But the mechanic lied to me and said they could work on german cars. Theyve had it since june. I also work full time.

I remember I worked in this kitchen once with this one guy who chopped things who was a former marine. Scary guy, but I liked him. I was maybe 16.

It was hilarious sometimes the encounters we would have. One minute we'd be joking and he would have all these salty offensive jokes. The next minute I would ask him what it's like to be in the Marines and he would tell me about how in Iraq whole groups of people would get machine gunned.

I was such a testy little bitch at that time, I would even antagonize him playfully. Sometimes he would get really noisy and sing songs in a loud and obnoxious fashion. Then I would yell something like "Stand down Marine" Or "At attention!"

I've never seen someone get so angry in my entire life.

>>12257936
*auto-complete
Too bad the chans doesn't have it

>>12256501
Same thing happend to me but she would call at 2 am and cry about the guy she was living with and how awful he was to her but how great the sex was. Eventually sent her a long ass goodbye essentially saying i loved her but never speak to me again. She didnt. Now she has to live with it and im free. I won. Dont get me wrong, i felt like i made a massive fuck up immediately and never recovered from it, but at least now i live for myself. And i always will...by myself...alone. Yeah! I won!

ass
pussy
sex

>>12258018
You're such a fuckin ho

>>12253955
Not that I condone your actions, but my I fucking love this post

>>12254512
I bet you wear a fedora

>>12257530
oh shit. what's wrong with it.

>>12253955
why do you do this

>>12257679
highly recommended

The only things I have written in the last two months are ERPs about Korwa getting dicked by Bernkastel and a jewish lesbian incest couple breeding with a black man.

Its something.

>>12251874
hey pal if you want to make positive changes in your life you totally can and it seems like you have the motivation to do so. reading is obviously very rewarding and pretty fun. i find that its easier for me to get back in the habit once i just force myself to sit down and do it.

Spent the last 10 years preparing myself to die alone. Can't remember the reason. Some relic from the late teenage years. Some blind rationalization I've clung to without question.

I'm tired. I want to be someone others can be proud of. I want to be someone I can be proud of.

>>12258963
download a 90 day six pack app

I'm cycling between remembering all the retarded shit I've done last few years, how i threw my life in the dump and worrying about my future

>>12258284

Just my kink, embarrassingly so.

>>12258027

Have some Bacon.

Feeling stressed about my lack of productivity these past few months. Wondering how to escape the pattern of: defining my goals and working productively towards them, before shortly losing motivation and questioning the whole thing. Then I fall into a pattern of watching YouTube videos and posting on the chans in my spare time. The only thing that I've stuck with has been my lifting. It seems I can't work productively towards two things at the same time because as my interest grows in one area it is devoted from another. I think my most productive periods were when I lifted, but did not obsess over it. It became part of my routine and allowed me to focus on other, more important, things. Is it so difficult to focus on: writing, reading and lifting at the same time? Maybe if I devote at least 60 minutes of every day to the former two I might avoid falling to an "all or nothing" mindset.

Also I haven't had sex with my gf in six months.

>>12253955
>the other jumped on my tummy like a trampoline.

Sounds kind of painful. But I wish someone would rub my tummy.

>>12254741
I get it anon, have a limited edition

>>12254228
Yeah? Well, believe it or not, I coined the term Lanklet on /fit/ about 5 years ago. The sad thing is that I'm a 6'8 weak faggot - still. I am a walking embodiment of the meme I stated.

>>12259136
Cute

We're all terribly unkind to each other.

>>12254342
I've been swinging between elation and despair the past few days, and you know I can't recall a single god damned worthwhile thing I've done in months. I want to live but I don't know how to, I want to hope there's something better but I'm tired of telling myself it's just around the corner, because it seems there's always another corner after that. There's a world and I'm stuck in one room. There are endless possibilities and I can't pick a single one. Time is passing.

>>12259552
Don't worry, I came down from my high about an hour after that post. I hope it's not the symptom of some kind of mood disorder.

>>12254342
>>12259552

I fear the end result of some manic high.

What's after elation? Happiness?

Being brown and having a mental disorder in the US is absolutely awful on many levels, but one of the few silver linings I've recently noticed is the lower bar I have to clear in social settings. When I come across as an awkward, bumbling fuck, people act like it's almost what they expect of me, that it's par for the course for guys from my race. It's as if they probably think I'm another stereotypical autistic Asian; I doubt the possibility of mental illness even crosses their mind. I've read that people can often subconsciously detect certain forms of psychopathy, and that their automatic response to this is unease. I've noticed my family members and close friends responding in this fashion, but so long as I keep my distance, I think other people have no trouble stereotyping me as your typical socially inept brown person. This does little to lessen my racial self-hatred but it's good to know I've reaped at least one benefit from my background, just this one.

>>12259588
I think that depression usually follows

>>12259624
>>12259588
I can confirm it does indeed end with depression.

>>12251845
How can one write what’s on ones mind??
Enlighten me anon

Will humankind ever be free from the delusion of religion?

>>12259726
cringe

>>12259726
you should visit r/atheism, otherwise you'll get over this edgy phase soon

>>12259726
Non religious people are pathetic too breh, just stfu

>>12259607
I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm bipolar myself, which thankfully interfaces with my intelligence, humor, and can find expression through creative outlets. If you're bipolar and not creative, it can destroy you. It still can destroy you, but if you don't have an intellect for it to flow through, there's nothing for your mania or depression to work with and you can't go solving the riddles of the universe for hours on end.

Either that or it makes me extremely vulnerable and exploitable, or extremely militant and self-defensive . I have reasons for both given my hard life, and I do blame American society somewhat for giving me so much socioeconomic stress it has triggered a latent condition.

People who take advantage of mentally ill people deserve their heads blown off. I can't speak to your experience being brown, but i'm white and have lived in majority brown/black neighborhoods for a good chunk of my life. And let me tell you it swings both ways. I've been given hell by black and brown people, and that's with the full knowledge that if I defend myself I may be criticized for racism.

I just wish there was less hate.

What's the most /lit/ pet?

Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers, between supposed brothers.

>>12259935
A tarantula

>>12260046
Niggers tongue my anus (and that's a good thing!)

>>12259935
Someone from /lit/

Collar me senpai

>>12259935
Anteater

An underage 17 year old posted not too long ago, "you can either live by the book or by the sword," and I thought something sarcastic, but I couldn't have put it better. I'm either fighting or coping with horrendous conditions. Aren't I? >>12260061 I was in that very thread :,) I do remember. It was in my old room at my mom's house and I went to bed as soon as it happened, vaguely regretting staying up to see it.

>>12260075
Like this?

>>12259540
You and me should get drunk 'n listen to Morrissey together.

I can't recognize my emotions. I'm feeling something but I couldn't tell you what it is, it's awfully confusing, all of it.

In my rich hometown there is public figure whose teenage daughter died in a car accident. She was distracted by her phone and did not see the truck in front of her. He took all the money he had saved for her college and wedding and created a foundation to fight "distracted driving". He came to my high school, and made us all sign the pledge. The logo of the foundation is his daughter's beautiful, youthful face. I graduated college last week and when I drove home I saw an ad with her face on it. Struck me in many ways. Namely, she is not the person in that picture anymore. No matter how hard her father tries, she is and will be decomposing flesh in a box under the ground. She may not even have a face anymore. I do not know where this savage thought surfaces from. I suppose I am just frustrated with our societies expectation and approach to life and death.

>>12260061
I remember, was that 2012?

Sometimes it is nice to let yourself fall for someone even if you can never have them

You can't be a winner without conflict

i constantly question myself about if ill ever be good enough or change into the man that i want to be but deep down i realize that the innate fact that i'm even questioning it at all is a symptom that it will never come true. I'm at the turning point in my life where i truly decide what i want to do and who i will be in my life. All i want to do right now is go to war and maybe that experience will harden me up and make me more sure of myself. unfortunately america isnt invading any new countries right now :(

>>12260367
cop out. real men don't wait for the world to fix their problems

I don't know where to post this, but /fit/ and /g/ are getting nuked by a rogue janny acount that got hacked and now i fear for /lit/

>>12257459
possibly have them as preset personalities that the computer just upload into a new clone when the old one dies, so the clones know who they are and the other people per say, but they dont know they died, if you know what im saying

I like boys.

>>12260379
i know

>>12260398
I am a boy

>>12260410
Tall boys.

>>12260398
wanna be my bf?

>>12260412
and skinny too?

>>12260410
Then I like you.

>>12260412
Thems too

>>12260414
Yes

>>12260417
sure

MMM these pills doc's got me are making me I M A G I N A T I V E

>>12257679
Not that anon but I decided to check out the story and it is really eye opening. I feel like this is what people mean when they describe Wallace as being a herald of New Sincerity. Thank you so much for the recommendation and also reminding me of my love for /lit/.

>>12256201

Good post

>>12253983
I liked it, most people will find it gay as fuck though

I hope 2019 is a parallel opposite of 2018. I know "a year" is a temporal fabrication, a mental parcel rather than an actual entity, but I want to believe 2019 has a charm to it.

With the world curdling over in unrest and instability, and the facade beginning to crack in the economy, there is sure to be unrest and displeasure. But of course, I don't experience "the world" I experience just a slice of it. And it's about time that slice were as sweet as a slice of cherry pie.

I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I'm mad. And I'm mean. I'm also not. I'm sweet, cute, gentle.

Yet in my pain, a fountain of lava has spread over my mind and the list of indignities inflicted on me by sour fate have left a stain.

Some may say I'm being dramatic, but they don't know. Some people really have sheltered easy lives. So far every attempt this world has issued to crush my spirits has been rebuked. And a lot of crushing has been going on.

Gonna have to doubt "the world" as if the world were a singular conspiring unified monad, a grand coordinated effort to thrust shit my way. Better instead to picture the world as it truly is, as a fragmentary exhaustive expanse of change and scattered lives. Everything is broken off into its own chunk. Everything has its own infinite inward identify. Everything is thrown around and in its own isolated pocket. And the head's tendency to impose patterns get in the way of itself, prevent it from seeing the truth. The world just moves on and cascades and everyone is broken off into their own fragmented piece and wherever it goes it goes.

Connecting all the pieces into a conspiracy or narrative is a type of imposition. Ultimately shit just happens and the more one can discern a coherent scheme in the unfolding of events the more inexhaustible the scope and range of the depth and complication of everything connected to everything.

The world spirals out endlessly and the little things you cherish and love are caught within that spiral. Hopefully along the smooth, placid bends, and not the foul hellish ones.

>>12261030
>identify
identity

>>12259924

Wow. Superior insight, dipshit. Haha did u know non religious ppl can b shitty 2 lmao

Fuck yourself, you dustbin bonk.

kill bill is as good of a film as remember it being when i saw it in theaters. thinking about that moment now makes me nostalgic.

What do I tell people when they ask what genre I like to read? Lately I've been reading Dostoevsky, Hemingway, Orwell, Faulkner, Tolstoy, etc. I just say general fiction because I don't know what to call it.

>>12261082
the "classics".

>>12251845
ive been writing for 12 years, written two novels and cant stand to submit them or go through the idea of having them published or even looked at. Ive written much more than two novels in terms of text, but I abandon everything I start spare a few things. Ive got alot of experience in it, the few people I show and even some writing groups ive only shown pieces of my writing once or twice gave positive feedback and when I asked for negative feedback they couldnt give me any. Included a literature professor of mine. Its a passion that holds me back and restricts me from doing anything else. Im compelled to continue writing but im overwhelmed by disgust whenever rereading things I just wrote and can barely stand to edit them. If im self hating then its a result of my standards being too high for all literature. I dont think im self hating, I just am the way I am and I fear having the work ive dedicated myself to for so many years be rejected. I dont care about success or fame. I just care that whatever I made amounted to something. In some rare moments I can be proud of what I made, but those are the result of endless rejection of my own work untill I find that thing closest to my own subjective definition of perfection that I can tolerate.

For the most part I just live in fantasy, writing is just my attempt at making those meaningful thoughts I have into something more productive than passing introspective thoughts. But I rarely put much effort into these things because the part I enjoy the most is the process of creation instead of the result, as I usually reject the result.

>shitty people fuck me over
>merely give me more to write about
>write an inspirational growth story whenever something bad happens to me
>profit
You can't win!

>>12261096
>For the most part I just live in fantasy
Good, that's where you should live. People have botched the job on this earth. The way things are going is deserving of nobody's time or respect.

>>12261113
that's remarkably defeatist. you can literally go outside and make the world a better place tomorrow. will it save everything? maybe not, but shouldn't we at least try in the hope that maybe one day it won't be so bad?

Yesterday I was 10, today I am 20, tomorrow I will be 30, and by next week I’ll be dead.

I want to develop my social skills. Not in the fake car-salesman-way, but in a way that's genuine to my character.

>>12261180
>shouldn't we

Spooky

>>12251845
Bed

HELP ME. I'm supposed to go to a party tonight. With 40 other 20 year olds at someones house. I'm socially arkward as fuck. I don't drink and I only will know a few people there. Tips or tricks?

What do i do if im alone? Do I just approach people?? I DUNNO. Ihate talking to people my age.

I truly feel disconnect from people. My family, my friends. I share nothing with them. It's a checklist for me. I find no pleasure in talking. It bores me. Everything I do is a learned and studied behaviour.

But I don't care too much. This is fine. But on the other hand I always read about how great friends and family are. Maybe one day I will experience what that is about. But until then I feel unhuman. I got a gf because that was what i was supposed to do. I hated that girl but by playing nice she said that she loved me. It felt wrong, but i can't just be a hermit.

>>12251845
I have so many awesome ideas and things I want to do but I can't seem to wake up early enough to have the sufficient hours in the day necessary to do the things I want to do. I am a night owl but I live in a small room with my bf who works every day very early, so I don't want to wake him with my psycho projects.
I go to school, so I'm on break, this is supposed to be my chance

>>12261456
Smile and be polite. Hang with the people who you do know and they may introduce you to others.

>>12261068
You missed his point

>>12251845
I simply lack the knowledge to describe my sadness right now, another Friday night listening to Procol harum alone in the dark

>>12261901
Australia?

>>12261910
Yakutsk

>>12261977
>russians on 4chan
That’s rare, verily

>>12251845
I wonder if next year will be the year I off myself.
It's been a long time, and I've been thinking about it for 7 years or so. Been on and off of antidepressants and other meds, never found them particularly helpful.
I had set a suicide day three years ago, but I was expecting to be 30, thinking something might get fixed before that. Now I don't think is going to happen.
The only thing that worries me is how it would affect close family members. It wouldn't be the first suicide in the family, so I have an idea of how this kind of death affect others. This is really, the only thing that has stopped me for so many years.

>>12262045
Obligatory “why do you do it” question

Homosexuality is gay

>>12261096
I wish there was a way we could like, post our work online with a pseudonym and collect donations for it. Dunno if a sparkpad or whatever it's called plus patreon would do the job.
Mainly I don't want a jackass publisher tearing my shit up and making me rewrite anything.
I have 3 complete and 2 partial novels and no one has ever read them but me. Feels kind of bad.
self publishing is a huge crock of shit though, no one wants to pay before reading what may or may not be decent let alone good. Donations afterwards would be a better model. It's 2018, the publishing industry needs to be torn down and the means of production returned to the people.

>>12261456
Use this golden opportunity to redpill your peers on the JQ, even if you don’t sincerely believe what you’re saying it’s a great way to kill a couple hours and home your rhetoric

I don't want to die, I just don't want to live.

>>12253251
>>12253265
how mean.

>>12256454
Same here

Is success simply the usage of the language of success?

I live in a country where books are so expensive. There is a special tax for them. That country is Chile

Its hard for you guys, to find someone who can talk about interesting shit?

Was reading Faust, got to the end and then found out there's a second part. I feel cheated

Rev. Gary's semi flaccid penis impaling a boy who looks like his son, and the guilt of not getting it between the cheeks, letting it go totally flaccid. His father announces himself just as he had when catching young Gary touching himself or one of his friends; and this demon voice in his head a holy moment before he realizes he must again ghost another boy, another lover lost to his wicked temperament. Heaven brought to bear on his hell, shining in awful splendor as though the distinction cannot now be made, a paradise so imposing that the man cannot lift himself from below without enjoying the escape from temptation. Yet he must if he is to go on, to keep certain like the others in his congregation that spend their days ruining lives of wicked men who does as he does, though proudly and without shame, which is why they must suffer, why he must contribute to the condemnation of himself. None could or ever would know for certain that these crimes against God's creation would receive their due punishment, and therefore it was up to him and his fellows - though none of the pretty ones - to care fore their souls by any way of detriment, bringing them closer to Christ. Rev. Gary himself, a buddy to that goofy plastic healer of mankind, acknowledged his ridiculousness with an exasperated sigh and pushed onward once his manhood had been restored by the silly savior's reflection and the vigor that came back into full strength in his hand. Today he would also finish with himself because tomorrow was the endtimes, the ride upon that red and blue donkey to the holy civil temple where he would give up his reverence and sit in a cold cell along with all those others. There he would be proud to have come back to hell where he belonged, to where heaven was achievable. No longer a predator to young boys, no longer the hypocritical holy man, but just a man who must be tortured so that his own children would be safe. God bless had fallen away to God condemns you, and that was peace on earth for all the little boys and girls, hatred back in place so that men like him could achieve redemption, so that he could continue. Blessings were not needed, as the boy Richard knew, as his wife Jenifer did speak; blessings were only curses in this world of sinners, egotistically levelers of grace that had made this horrendous life continue without even the congregation smiting him. Had it been true that God had absolved him to do these heinous acts when that spirit had taken him so long ago, or was it now that he could see what mischief and rage the Devil could perpetuate in humble words?

>>12262275
>so expensive
and a helicopter ride for you communist.

Lumpenproles. Who wants em? Who needs em?

I realize the reason I dislike living in the city sometimes is not the overabundance and concentration of uneducated poor people in many parts. You realize that a huge expense and burden on society is simply supporting and containing the lumpenproles, from keeping their retardation from seeping into the ordered civilization, and from keeping them in their ignorance from cobbling together a shit-stained culture of ruin and universal destruction.

It's not that being uneducated makes you a bad person. In fact, many so called educated people are better persons and do less damage, on a sometimes local, regional and even global scale, than the actions of any uneducated person. You can have tremendous wisdom and be poor. You can say wiser things than the rich. Sometimes uneducated people are more useful than the educated one, who by education has acquired only a head stuffed up with faulty popular preconceptions and prejudices.

What I dislike are people who live surrounded by trash who become like the trash. The rubbish that claws at you and drags you down to the rubbish if you dare defy it.

Ghetto stories of the worthy being swallowed into the acid of the unworthy are more common than anyone would like to think, and that's partly the reason I feel that ghettos, in moments of rage, should just be instantly vaporized from outer orbit.

If that were the case however, you wouldn't know who might get caught in the crossfire, and the unintended consequences might be too much to handle.

>>12262467
>In fact, many so called educated people are better persons and do less damage, on a sometimes local, regional and even global scale, than the actions of any uneducated person

I just woke up and I got this sentence backwards. I meant to write

In fact, many so called uneducated people are better persons and do less damage, on a sometimes local, regional and even global scale, than the actions of any educated person.

i know it's an romanticized idea but i really wanna have a korean gf wtf

Transmutation. How does a human go about changing himself and his personality. His own, and others around him.

I understand military is rather good at this. As are cults. They give you a rank, a new name, change your sleep schedule, control who you meet, what you read, what you listen to. That’s however very voluntary and ideal, what about involuntarily?


How exactly is change inspired in a man? How do I actually turn my brain off, and enjoy the silence, hearing the grass grow? It is always buzzing about, always, always useless things. How exactly is change controlled? Can a man be brought about to command more respect, conversely be reduced to nothing: by proper technique and practice? How can this be achieved?


Are we all nothing but the ideas and symbols we have adopted over the years to express ourselves, as we seem only to be able to think in those symbols, the ideas these symbols relresent do they have objective value?

>>12262045
Have you thought about robbing banks?

Some people say money is the root of all evil, but it’s pretty hard to be depressed with several thousand in unmarked bills burning a hole in your pocket. Eventually you’ll get caught, and you can die a valiant death in a gunfight with police. You get what you want, but instead of being anon the sad loose who killed himsef you’re anon the gunslinging maniac who who made some cops career and rumour is buried all his thousands of dollars in a metal box up in those there hills up yonder and someimes at night your can still hear his wild laughter echoing in the wind.

>tfw you've had it with stupid people getting in your face

>>12262518
>Have you thought about robbing banks?
I have. Merely only as an intellectual exercise of course. They always find their man. Idk the statistics but they are not in favor of your average criminal.

>>12260046
Based

My throat is soar and I have a dry cough, I caught a cold from a relative. Felt like there was a bubble in my head yesterday that only popped when I popped myself and busted a nut to some fertility goddess looking female with dark aerolas and huge breasts. Unfortunately I've been cursed with extreme post-nut vulnerability and am suspicious of any male lest they try to steal the phantom gfs in my mind, even though I've never had a gf. Ten days without wanking I feel as though I could beat in a fight males even larger and stronger than me, but immediately after the act I'm intimidated by typical every day types, and want to hide myself away from society.

I really need to hire an escort to go monkey madness on my dick to get over this stuff, because my will isn't strong enough to nofap for half a year to achieve such spiritual gains, especially with all of these 2d and 3d succubi posted on 4channel that attempt to steal my essence.

My eighty one year-old grandmother just bought herself a motorcycle. She got her license revoked last year when she was diagnosed with dementia, and even before that she was getting into accidents, like sideswiping cars and not telling the rest of the family about it. I'm not sure whether it's actually a 'motorcycle' or a moped of sorts, but both are definitely dangerous considering her circumstances. It doesn't help that I live in Canada either, and we've had freezing rain the past few days.

What should I do? How should I react to this? I have the closest bond with her out of anybody in the family, but I definitely don't support this decision. On the other hand, I'm scared she thinks the world thinks she's 'crazy' and I don't want to hurt her feelings.

>>12262701

Remove the spark plug, and disconnect the battery.
What are the chances she will be able to fix it?

>>12262701
>I don't want to hurt her feelings.
I think her feelings don't matter when she could potentially hurt herself and others. Old people shouldn't be allowed to drive.

>>12253025
wtf?

>>12255235
Huh????????

>>12262529
Average criminals are dumb as dirt.

Depression post of the day.

I've been only sleeping for the past few days and haven't touched a book in a week. My mother is staying home and I'm helping her clean the house for the guests who will be coming tomorrow. I don't want to see them and I'm not in the mood to fake a smile and pretend I'm doing fine. I've been posting on other boards trying to spark my interest in things again but I'm tired of topics being randomly pruned by mods. I think I'll limit myself to posting here. I have a been feeling in my stomach, like a hint of nausea, and it just won't go away. Overall feeling really down, I'm not even in the mood to write and it shows.

>>12251845
Why would a freshly caught fish smell?
This clearly indicates a lack of firsthand knowledge of the subject.

you ever get that feeling where you cant be angry to the world about whatever problem you are facing just because of the belief that you yourself is one of the agents of such predicament. Feels like being helpless

>>12262252
same

>>12262909
pragmatism is a bitch, ain't it hon?

>>12262701
Bad ass.

Let her die with dignity, flying through the air at 90 miles an hour into a tree. After a certain point in life you can’t really make bad decisions anymore.

>>12251845
I really wish you had to put your social security in to have access to the internet. That way we could force kids to stay off websites they're not old enough to browse.

futility

arm a five year old with a fire hose
when the fire grows, know
no five-olds hold hose when the hydrant flows

>>12252991
>not like the other girls

>>12255316
i am obssesed with anything arctic or antarctic. the expeditions there seem to be so epic and the time period so romantic. honestly its my dream to go to antarcica one day and work there or something

>>12256398
New ones are pretty lame

>>12252788
use only a certain tool for 4chan like an laid off phone, only browse a handful of selected topics, read the whole thread, contribute

>>12263230
Don't know the details, but when I used to travel around working at national parks and stuff like that I met a guy who worked as a cook at an antarctic lab for like 8 months. They need people down there to cook and clean and stuff too. Might be worth looking into. Apparently you need to pass some psychological evaluations before they'll hire you.

>>12253983
>vlad, the impaler of thots
that's mine. some girls digg it

>>12263230
Have a painting by Greg Manchess

>>12263287
im studying geology at a university that does significant research down there and hoping that I can get assinged some kinda work that requires a trip
what national parks did you work at? any interesting experiences?

>>12263230
Read Peter Freuchen if you haven't already.

>>12262979
Sorry, but you seem to be referring to me as "hon" in your post without any firsthand knowledge of me, this indicates an assumption made by you that may not be accurate.
Speaking from experience, I have never been "hon" at any time in my life, therefore I am inclined to say that you are wrong in your prior assumption.

I don't think any of my emotions are genuine - besides some immediate ones like anger,pain or pleasure that is. I think i feel sad because I have romanticized the melancholia. I feel love, because I want to justify my sexual urges. I feel kinship, only as long as it i benefit from it. Said in other words, any emotion I show through reflection are really not there, only my immediate responses truly exist qua feelings. All else is just a show I put on to feel human.