/lit/ - Literature

>>12219050
I wanna die.

its fucked up how there are like 1000 christmas songs but only 1 song aboutr the boys being back in town

>>12219063
hello wint

im really pretty addicted to opiates

>>12219092
use kratom to wean off of them if you wanna stop

I think the main problem throughout all of human history is that inherently people hate others more than they love themselves.

I don't know why.

Thinking of making a /lit/ discord for book club type stuff

>>12219050
I'm very confused.
I don't know what's on my mind

>>12219137
you and me both m8. I've spent the past 8 years in a state of 'what the fuck is this' comparable to the feeling you get when youre coming up on shrooms

>>12219050
feeling very good atm lads desu, have a girlfriend for the first time in a while that I actually like, no longer just having mindless casual sex

>>12219050
11 days of nofap.
I'm surprised by myself..
I am now confident that I will reach the new year without masturbating.

Same thing that has been on my mind for the past two years: Amor Fati

>>12219158
even if i post... this?

>>12219050
Does cleaning your room really make a difference?

Depression post of the day.

I decided to get up from bed in the afternoon and I turned on the computer, just to sit instead of lying down. I stared blankly at the screen for maybe ten minutes, then I realized that i had nothing to do on it so I turned it off. I went back to bed for the rest of the day. I'm starting to have concerns about bedsores. I definitely feel like I lost some sensitivity in my legs from the maybe two weeks I spent in bed. I fear that, bathed in indolence, my mind is about to finally crack. These blankets have an incredible weight on me, like there is a magnetic pressure that makes it unbearable. Outside of this cocoon, I occasionally see my cat and I regret coming out just to feed her and clean her litter. I am neglecting her. She meows at me but I'm underwater. Another day went by, it's almost time to take my sleeping pills and close my eyes until tomorrow.

Sparta had a decent political system

>>12219219
wash your penis

>>12219222
i've been there anon. still am in some regards. it's hard to walk around in the world when your mind is underwater. you are not alone. you're fighting this battle with others like you and i. i love you and i hope that this passes for you soon.

/tv/ is fucking retarded and probably the worst board. They can't even discuss their own board topic.
They don't understand art, at all. There is no "open for interpretation" or conversation to be had about a movies intent. For them there HAS to be an answer and any other way is pretentious or wrong. Like the Sopranos ending, they have to be certain Tony gets killed. They have to discuss how they know for certain he gets killed, who killed him, etc. The possibility of it not having an answer at all is incomprehensible to them.
Or just in a thread about the movie Silence, at the end when the main character stamps his foot on the picture of Jesus. There's no way it's not the main characters voice in his head who tells him to step on the picture. It can't be God who talks to him. There can be no mystery or discussion about whether it was himself who said it or God or if it matters either way.

I fucking hate them all

>>12219256
SNEED

>>12219050
I want to leave for somewhere else.
Anywhere is fine

>>12219222
Try to hang in there fren

i want to end it

>>12219050
Unproductive day.
Maybe I'll start a diary just for the sake of writing something down every day.

>>12219222
Nice trips. How do you make money?

>>12219158
Ehhhh anon...

I haven't actually finished a book properly in about 10 years, I just bounce around until I get the gyst then move on

>>12219050
I'll see if I can wake up this night and get some reading done.
The problem is that I love to sleep and I need energy to go through the day tomorrow.
I already taste the unsucces

>>12219356
You have no idea what I have to go through every day you fool.
I'm surrounded by promiscuous women, and I practice swimming.
Not to brag but I built quite a tolerance.

>>12219050
I want to spend the NYE playing EarthBound on the SNES I'm buying for my kid brother and drink a bottle of Gin all by myself.
I'll probably follow my family to some restaurant thought

>>12219354
I live with my mother, we get by with my (dead) father's pension. She feels bad about me but she's busy most of the time with my brother's little kids, so I'm alone here for the most part. I will need to get a job before I'm 35 or I'll have no choice but kill myself, but in my state and with my qualifications (didn't finish uni cause depression) it's almost impossible

>>12219050
I feel like I love my dog less since he biy my hand the other day.
He was playing I guess

>>12219388
Any idea why he bit you? It's strange that he did that all of a sudden

>>12219050
Goodnight, I'm so weary.

>>12219393
I was gonna take him outside to his kennel for the night as I always do at a certain hour.
He refused to follow me so I tried to lift him, but he got angry and bit my left hand several times.
I didn't hit him or anything thought.

>>12219050
Hey I know someone who could get me a baby orangutan for 200 US bucks.

>>12219410
Do you usually lift him? Maybe he got scared. Dogs don't like being hugged in general

I'm that age where I see girls several years younger than I getting fucked in all holes and it makes me kinda sad. Actually, porn in general makes me sad nowadays. I can't watch shit without thinking that that's someone's daughter and wondering what they could've been had they not decided to go down this path.

Sounds gay but still.

>>12219383
It's not impossible, it's just shitty jobs. Idk how to cure depression, to be perfectly honest, but hey it might happen someday. I guess you don't live in a country where neetbux are possible?

>>12219425
Yes, I did it in the past and he never reacted like this.
Maybe he just wanted to sleep inside because outside was cold, but I can't let him or it will get harder to convince him in the future.

>>12219446
Nope, I don't qualify since I'm not homeless or an immigrant. But I don't want neetbux, ideally I want to start functioning

>>12219377
that sounds comfy as hell

If you're leading a man to be executed, do you warn him to duck his head when passing through a low entrance?

>>12219050
I'm a filthy chink-papuan-austronesian mutt and I hate how I look.

>>12219470
At least you aren't a woman or gay

The Art of War by Sun Tzu

>>12219475
i'm a lesbian

>>12219453
Have you tried all the meme answers to depression? Stuff like physical exercise, meditation and so on?

>>12219479
Hot

>>12219439
>I can't watch shit without thinking that that's someone's daughter
That's the best part

>>12219129
I would be interested anon.

>>12219158
You need to adblock images on this site if you want to be successful
filters:

4chan.org/*
4channel.org/*

+ Enable thread watcher to still use catalog. Otherwise you have people that intentionally try to drag you down. They resent and envy the fact that you have freed yourself from the shackles of this terrible habit, something I count harder to do than break even an opiate addiction.

>>12219491
That's all the encouragement I need

/LIT/ DISCORD BOOK CLUB:
https://discord(dot)gg/zvbQQPW

>>12219129
we have tons of em

>>12219222
that's rough what meds are you taking?

>>12219466
Depends on why he's being executed

>>12219482
I did my best. I have days where I go outside and take long walks but it never lasts. I've been this depressed for 10 years or so and my psychiatrist says that after all this time as a NEET larva I have developed a personality disorder that's ingrained in my brain. She says I should go to a psychiatric hospital but that would probably kill my mother so I'm not gonna do that

>>12219516
Brintellix, Depakin, Invega, Zolpidem
I'm trying to quit the Invega though because it made me gain a lot of weight and I've been through one hell of a withdrawal. The worst thing about these meds is that they're so hard to quit, I don't want to take them for life

>>12219545
anti-psychotics can be hell. I hope you get better anon. I don't know if it will help you but whenever I get too low down I go outside for a walk and take a break from my thoughts. I just walk for an hour and focus my mind on all the little details of nature trying to ignore everything I have been thinking about.

>>12219526
That sounds like an idea though, why would it kill her? If you've been like that for 10 years, she must have measured the issue. How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

>>12219466
Ya, I don't know why, but I would.
I just feel like it'd be mean, guys already having enough of a rough day.
I guess it's because I think I would like for someone do do the same for me if I was the prisoner.

>>12219050
I don't wanna die.

>>12219574
I tried like every single medicine. Abilify, cipralex, Seroquel, sertraline. They don't do shit. Taking walks helps a lot. I don't always make it but when I do it's relaxing.

>>12219575
She feels really bad about me but the fact she's busy with the kids means that the situation somewhat resembles normalcy when she's back home. She doesn't really acknowledge the fact that I'm suicidal, or that I'm completely fucked in the head. I talk to her in terms that I need to find a job, that's it. It's complicated, really. I also had a father who had a hoarding problem and I grew up thinking it was normal. We are used to dismissing fucked up situations as normal. She is even ok with letting people know I'm around the house (I'm not).

I'm 31. I was normal until 20-22, had a good career in university, gf etc. then for some reason I started getting stressed and became like this.

>>12219605
I kinda do most of the time.

>>12219605
You're going to anyway. So either accept that or live the rest of your life in fear.

>>12219092
was addicted to heroin for years, and finally was able to quit about a year ago. still smoke mad weed and drink once a week (and occasionally i do hit the sherm) but life aint perfect

The more I study Japanese the less interested I am in watching anime. Maybe I'm just getting too old for it, or maybe I just don't want to be associated with weeaboos.

I hate niggers

>>12219621
Do you want to?

>>12219611
Sounds like me 4 years ago, I eventually went to a psychiatric hospital for 10 weeks. There I was weened of all drugs and ended on Vyvance and lexapro. Feeling much better now and I'm about to finish my bachelor next year. :)

>>12219611
Well, that's harsh. I'm not going to give you any advice, because I won't know any and anyway would it help? I guess psychiatric hospitals would just give you more meds but that would take you out of your bed. Ten years is a very long time, but regardless there is always hope

>>12219222
luckily enough I got help before I got to this stage

praying for you my dude, hopefully you'll get through it

>>12219699
Congrats! This gives me hope. I'm going to think about it.

>>12219709
It's going to be hard to explain to my family. I'll see after Christmas

>>12219050
The Jews are basically always guilty.

>>12219669
Same thing happened to me. I translated a few mange for /a/ and then promptly got over all of it.
I still watch a bit of Japanese TV once in a while in a stream but that's it.

i'm drunk right now writing this, maybe because Im bored, maybe because someone might offer some adive. i'm slowly becoming more and more anxious and drepressed. I was at the high point of my life, doing well at uni, being happy, having a girlfriend. Then I broke up with her and I've regretted it ever since. Now I have crippling anxiety and find it hard to even leave the house. My ex won't take me back anymore...

>>12219692
No, not right now at least.
But I know, or at least I hope, that when my time comes I will go willingly. Maybe if I'm lucky there will be some who remember me, at least for a time.

>>12219611
Thank you! I'm not going to lie going to the hospital was scary. The hospital filled with weird characters, you aren't allowed to have pants for some reason unless someone outside brings them to you on a visit, it's constantly cold there and you can't take your blanket with you to group therapy which is basically drawing. Oh and there is nothing to stimulate your mind so you are constantly bored. But all in all I recommend going if just for the experience.

I'm finding myself thinking recently, is it really possible for me to achieve life fulfilment and a sense of true belonging as a person with the ass-burgers? Its important to be honest with one's self and I am awful at the art of conversation; I've been clocking onto my poor sense of timing, tone and appropriateness more recently and cringing more at the memories. My shitty attention span and a history of spergy behaviour have left me not pursuing those childhood ambitions I dreamed about. I'm 25 and currently NEET, your thoughts and any advice would be most helpful, thank you /lit/.

>>12219786
Honestly go to your family doctor don't try to deal with it alone.

>>12219256
/tv/ is a fat retard in the corner if the 4channel lunchroom, sitting alone and giggling to himself

>>12219786
Your happiness is tied to a dependence on the external, be it your ex or doing good in school. Typical.
You need to realize that you only need yourself to be happy. Being at this low point right now is probably exactly what you need/deserve. The question now is can you get out of it? You gonna be depressed forever?
Man the fuck up.

Decided to go to a Christian group yesterday on my campus cause I was bored and I’ve met some really great people so I’m going to go back. There’s also a girl in particular who I think I’m in love with and will do my best to try get close to her.

>>12219256
What did he mean by this?

>>12219812
do not go gentle into that good night
& to evoke posterity is to weep on your own grave

>>12219735
Embarrassment, shame or all the bad feelings that could occur with your family towards this are nothing compared to your current state, or to potential suicide. And most families are supportive I think

>>12219851
not too close that the lord cant fit anon

>>12219466
Jesus would

>>12219816
>you aren't allowed to have pants
Wat
It's okay tho, it can't be worse than my current situation.

>>12219916
Not that anon but you have to wear a hospital gown. They don't leave very much to the imagination. The let me wear a pair of pants under mine last time I was in there, though.

>>12219916
>>12219932
yeah you have to wear a gown but visitors are allowed to bring you pants for some reason. Only few of us exploited this loophole which was strange.

>>12219932
At least it's not a straitjacket

>>12219940
Yeah my mom brought me a pair of pajamas. Which was good because I had one of those gowns with the ass completely open and it was very embarrassing.

My Russian in-laws visited us for a few days. I'm finally comfortable enough to speak Russian to them. Motivated me to read more lit in the language, currently enjoying Mayakovsky while the wife sleeps on my lap. I was a neet from 2013 to 2016 but life does get better sometimes.

>>12219932
Seems like an oddly dehumanizing choice to make people wear gowns when they're at their lowest point like that. I can't imagine it makes the paranoiacs feel any better about themselves if they're wondering about people seeing their ass all day.

>>12219050
ok so basicly, im monky

>>12219961
>>12219955
>Other patients will have to gaze upon my fat, hairy ass

>>12219050
I've been taking a disappointingly long hiatus from writing my cyberpunk novel to work on a Transformers fanfic I started writing as a joke. At this point I've put so much effort into it I figured I might as well throw it at the current license holder when I'm done.

>>12219955
I only had one visit remembering it now and thinking about it is fun. The first days with out pants were very awkward until I realized I could have someone bring me pjs. I guess it wasn't as bad as I thought and i have a lot of stories and memories from there.
>>12219961
We had underpants but many of the schizophrenic and manic patients chose not to wear them.

I can't stand seeing WMAF couple. Speaking from AM viewpoint ofc.

>>12220031
What about WMAM couples

asking for a friend

>>12220024
>We had underpants but many of the schizophrenic and manic patients chose not to wear them
based

>>12220031
Korean, Japanese, or Chinese?

I spend all day trying to sharpen my worthless mind, and every day I go to bed knowing the progress has been minimal and the outcome will be meaningless in the context of the larger world. I'll never say a new thing. It probably wouldn't be different if I was a guy. I'd probably still be average. but I can't help but see my predispositions and my instincts as my biggest obstacles. I'm poor at thinking structurally. I crave security, not risk. I can't think outside the box. I can try all I want to counteract these attributes, but then my behaviors will never be sincere. It doesn't seem like you can produce something true if you are not telling the truth. I don't think I can tell the truth as long as I try to resist my predispositions. But I don't know what good naturally exists inside me that can be transformed into a good for the world. Besides the eggs. I hope there's something besides the eggs.

>>12220038
Sorry, man. I'm straight so I don't really care about that. It's just pent up frustration for being khv with no success while already hitting my mid 20s.

>>12220051
Chinese. I'm rootless, though.

>>12220024
One of my roommates in university was a nurse in a psychiatric hospital and every now and then told a story. Once they found a kid who put his arm under a faucet with boiling water, who knows for how long. Scary stuff

>>12220055

>>12220059
Mainland, Hong Kong or Taiwan?

>>12220055
A woman admits the truth, look you actually said something for the first time after all

>>12220088
Mainland mother and father was an overseas Chinese from Malaysia. Why did you ask?

>>12220102
Just wondering, I've never met anybody from the mainland before.

I am becoming a slave to pussy. 8 years ago I couldn't talk to women without feeling my head spin and I'd spend entire months without uttering a single word. Now my mind is entirely occupied by Tinder matches and text messages and possible dates. I spend an increasing amount of time donning different masks to impress different women so I get better odds of drenching myself in the juices of her musty cunt on our date. The more I get and I feel like I could the more I want. Can't focus on books much, when I do, I corrupt it into a possible tool to get more pussy later on. Where did I go so wrong.

I'm a hard headed empiricist with a solid scientific education. I never believed in supernatural events. And yet I now stand convinced in my rational mind that paranormal activities are real. The inability to understand them stems from a misinformed ontology than from the question of the phenomena existing.

No I'm not just spooked. If mind and matter relate to each other in more pregnant ways than historical conception of these factors in which they were held separate and alienated, perhaps only communicating through a sensory interface, it could be that we aren't as stuck in our heads as we are all so afraid.

You can make the case that if you believe in something passionately and with intelligence, it becomes realer for you. It may not appear out of thin air, but it will orient toward you.

People collectively think up things like wars, religions, customs, actions, cultures, collective belief is an incredibly potent steerage mechanism.

Only in heightened states of mind do we ever notice the correlations and inner agreements between events and when we discover particular moments of synchronicity they tend to overwhelm us, stand apart from everything else.

As if the universe quietly and discreetly opens up pockets for miracles to occur, cleans up the mess, then sweeps back in the results into a hidden convolution of space time so that nobody in the rational world is aware of what happened.

Imagination and reality are deeply intertwined. Although not everything you can imagine happens, and not everything possible can be imaginable, an imagination that stretches to encompass the infinities of the cosmos will have as much power at its disposal as possibility itself.

That's why creative people are the future of humanity! Nobody has anything real to believe in now, we need to cook some stuff up!

>>12216088
You know plato's cup? The idea of how every object we deem X is but an imperfect picture of an ideal of an X. That's what my original, unmemed statement referred to: that we only have imperfect pictures that we then squeeze into being a representative for X (at the time of choosing what to interpret it as - different minds at different times interpret differently)
However, that's just a bloke's way of looking at it. First of all, everybody draws their borders differently for what belongs to cupdom and what doesn't, secondly, and here we get to the groovy link of logic: while their exists no singular ideal of all cups, there does exist a singular ideal of specific cups. Stay with me here: The cup you're holding - pick up a cup now if you're not holding a cup - is, in fact, a perfect representative of an ideal: the ideal of itself. Naturally, this ideal changes with every moment that passes (loss of particles from abrasion) but nonetheless is it a perfect, groovy link to the logical plane of eternal ideas.
But here's another harsh truth: The cup doesn't exist. Think about it, I mentioned change of cupness from abrasion right? Well here's a similar issue: The cup never ends. There is no atom, no particle, at which you can draw a line and say "everything to left is part of the cup, everything to the right isn't." When you call something a cup you're still defining it - define: de-finire, to indicate the bound of something - and since the one doing the defining is your faulty brain you again end up with a vague idea of a cup, which has no place in the glorious plane of ideas and logic. But, as should go without saying, that doesn't mean I was wrong: You can still refer to things absolutely: By referring to the state of the universe as a whole. If you acknowledge the entirety of the universe when you call out to your cup - it's fine if you only pretend to do it, in the end you're doing it whether you want to or not - you do get your perfect groovy link again.
An alternative explanation: Shakespeare's idea of Hamlet was not exactly the one he wrote down: nor will the one you conceive when you read it ever be exactly what he had in mind. Likewise, no school play of it will ever be a perfect representation of Shakespeare's Hamlet - or any of its iterations he had in mind. HOWEVER: those schools play's *are* perfect representations of themselves.

>>12219060
upvote

>>12219179
Give us this day, our daily bread. Give us a place to spread our head.

Spaghetti

>>12220164
give me a place to insert my head
>>12220144
if you wanna see something paranormal then go look out your window i'm waving at you right now

The best part of the day for me is when I take a look around the house before going to bed and I find my cat curled up asleep on her favorite pillow. I take her favorite blanket and place it gently on her, she purrs sometimes as I cover her. I leave the muzzle free of the blanket so she can breathe. It looks like she has a hood that way and it's cute. I give her a kiss on the top of the head and she purrs.

>>12220164
Oh I'll give you a place to spread your head lmao

>>12220220
I'm disappointed.

Anyway, I believe to have an authentic mystical experience you have to get away from modernity and its arrogance. You have to get away from ego, almost forget your name. And you ought to have either acute moral rectitude or depravity.

The world-soul selects those who are worthy and gives them jobs to do. That's where they discover their sense of purpose despite doing things that don't seem practically rational or profitable on the surface.

>>12220110
Generally quiet and reserved people. You could tell them merely from their body odor, the smell is distinct and different.

I started writing romance novels to satisfy my desire for a girlfriend. A website emailed me a few days ago telling me they'd like to pay me to host one of my novels. My therapist says I should seriously consider seeking an agent.

>>12220222
Deserved numbers nice anon

>>12220222
based and checked. cute kitty anon

>>12220231


Just to continue my tangent because I need to get this off my chest and I need too put it in some sort of pipeline. It seems unsafe to write this even though I think it's a truth that should be communicated without reservation.

The true problem with understanding the next step in science is that too much of the old terminology is misleading. "paranormal", "supernatural" etc, are misleading terms. Nothing is beyond the natural universe, but the mind and the matter are coequal across the universe.

Which is the same as the buddhist state of enlightenment, where you dissolve the self-object distinction continually until you are one at with the world. At that stage, you have the choice either of remaining in the world as a bodhisattva, helping others along and growing the world along its correct path, fail in your progress and slip into further ignorance, die and go on to the next step, or reach the neigh impossible to reach stage of nirvana.

Personally I have no time for nirvana. It wouldn't work for me. The only way I am going to stay sane as a person is if I get more practical, which I know how to do, but not when these accursed moods strike and I start behaving like something unusual.

I want to be a regular guy living his life and doing his thing, but it's like the world wants me to explain it. I can't get away from this task, and I have a hard time getting people to believe I fill whatever role I am getting at.

I know I should find my way into academia somehow but it would be like some kind of stealth ninja operation. If I just go to the regular gate there is no way anybody would respect me based on my surface credentials.

Then I realized, I need to go with the flow while going against it. You can't do too much of either without winding up a burnout.

But the signs are auspicious, not terrifying as I often worried they'd be. Which means we can all find a way forward.

Once I am done with this role, everything else will be in your hands.My time of suffering is almost up and then we can finally get over this trouble.

---holy shit. It's weird that I just wrote that.

>>12220222
Please give her all your love forever.

>>12220232
Do you live north or south China?

>>12220222
9/10 would pet

>tfw functional neet scraping by with minimum effort at college
>tfw spend the semester at college waiting to go back and see my high school friends on break
>tfw spend the break waiting for my high school friends to get off their jobs so we can hang out
>tfw barely see them anyway
>tfw most of them have now moved on and either left or become unrecognizable
>tfw nominally have "hobbies" but have to force myself to work on them
>tfw in reality spend most of the day watching twitch or listening to podcasts to try to feel less lonely
>tfw no hope

>>12220338
>
Which is the same as the buddhist state of enlightenment, where you dissolve the self-object distinction continually until you are one at with the world. At that stage, you have the choice either of remaining in the world as a bodhisattva, helping others along and growing the world along its correct path, fail in your progress and slip into further ignorance, die and go on to the next step, or reach the neigh impossible to reach stage of nirvana.

But this whole Buddhist conception is not with what I identify with. What identify with is Christianity. Yet it is a Christianity for a new world under a new guise, one for the future.

I'm way too mean to be Jesus, but I think I might be something related to Jesus. Jesus would just feel sorry for me.

And since my sign is the sign of war, I have to lead the charge into the next era. Yet I'm not talking about terrible real-world combat, I'm talking about spiritually defeating the fear of war, averting the actualization of nightmares.

I'm something I would never have identify with for long years of my life. But it makes sense given what I have discerned about my lineage.

>>12220393
I seem to have it under wraps for now but I fear that if I get too angry ww3 could start.

Of course, there's always the delightful possibility that I am completely nuts and should go learn to play the flute. But then where are all these insights coming from brother-man?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAQQAQAQQQQAQAQAAAAAAAAAAAAQAAAAAAAA

>>12219050
I want to never have been born at all.

why the fuck is no one talking about that shitshow Nightflyers by GRRM.

>>12220361
I feel your feel except I dropped out a year ago now

>>12220454
what do you do now?

>The word became flesh.
>And we shacked up together.
>No bigger than a flash-drive,
>my cyber soul
>likes to speed-date.
>I am this text. I reply
>obediently, ardently
>fed by a circular flow
>through carotid arteries,
>veins, fingertips that pause
>to scroll and submit
>are quick to delete.
>Each truth a synapse.
>Each glyph a pulse.
>A palindrome.
>Language encrusted
>in its armature,
>a thick patina.
>We talk all night.
>We talk about the body.

>>12220424
CARRY ONNN, CARRY ON, AS IF NOTHING REALLY MATTERS

I can't focus on anything and I feel an utter lack of control in all aspects of my life

My hand is a little cold. I hate that vile, narcissistic, melodramatic man that I knew up until a few months. But now, my feelings are a little less hateful toward him. Maybe there is a chance for forgiveness, but I don't want to go through the effort. Just thinking of his spiteful behavior makes me want to heave - I can't believe I considered him a friend for over a year. I can find many faults with myself too, but this man just delights in being ingratiating and throws people away the moment they see them as worthless. Any emotions they felt for them before they seem to forget once a person becomes useless to them. I wonder how it would feel living with extreme emotions like this, where you're either always in extreme happiness or despair. I almost feel sorry for his state, always swinging between loving everything and then despising even the closest of his friends the next second. I'm not sure if it was mental illness or not, but there was something wrong with him and he knew it. He couldn't do anything about it, but I couldn't stand any more of having to deal with his extreme emotions any longer. I just hope that he gets the help that he needs because I can easily see him driving himself to suicide. There is some chance of forgiveness, but there's no chance of us talking. I wouldn't do it willingly. I pity his condition more than I hate him.

There's another person I pity even more - this woman that acts like she has been spurned by the world and seeks out attention wherever she goes. I dislike her quite a bit, but she probably has her reasons for being so neurotic and spiteful toward everyone. She's stuck in that same vile mindset of wanting everyone to appreciate her, look at her, love her, but she has no actual qualities for people to love. I don't find that disgusting sheepishness attractive at all and I wish she would start having some dignity for once. I pity her a lot, but she acts like a child instead of the adult that she technically is.

I need to stop seeing so many negative qualities in other people. All I can see are their faults sometimes. But I know there's good in them, even the worst of people.

I've known her for months but I asked her out last week and she said yes. It's finals week so we've both been incredibly busy but she actually texted me and set up a date last weekend.

It was a ton of fun I just wish we had more time since she's already going home soon. I asked her to grab coffee together one last time and it's been a day and she still hasn't responded to my text. Maybe she's just busy with finals.

I don't know if she feels the same way about me as I do about her. I just hope that she's not trying to avoid me now to avoid the heartbreak that would come with separation. But if that's the case, I just wish I could tell her somehow that we could make it work, that she would be worth it to me.

I really hope she texts me back tomorrow and that we could meet one last time.

i used the classic 'hey it smells like upgamer in here' on my friends, but they all got the joke before i could deliver the punchline.

alas! life can be tragic sometimes.

>>12219050
the cops just drove me out of town,it reminds me of the movie rambo.

>>12220826
>alas!

nobody who says 'alas' has friends why are you lying to us anon

i cant imagine myself having a future. i cant have any sense of responsability and ill probably kill myself before i reach 30

>>12220841
vagabond anon is that you?

>>12220871
yes

>>12220866
two points anon
>you can become the person you want to be
>i believe in you

you need to believe in you, friend.

Is it possible to be a Christian and a Nietzschean? I disagree with his assessment of Christianity (well, insofar as Christianity is Catholicism, Orthodox, Copt, etc) as a slave morality, yet otherwise I find many of his precepts sound. Not sure how to reconcile this.

As I slowly turn my PC into the ship of Theseus so I can diagnose which piece of hardware is failing I've realised what kind of grip it has on my life. Replaced my possibly failing hard drive for now and hopefully that fixes it but there's a little part inside me that hopes it doesn't for now until I can afford to replace other things and basically start fresh.

Without it I've actually gotten quite a lot done on my other hobbies, cleaning, and reading. Without video games or movies to distract me and the fear of further messing up my computer somehow I've seriously accomplished other things and it feels pretty good.

Updating it now but I might just turn it off afterwards and work on something else.

Hopefully my old boss will also call me soon and tell me I'm going to be filling in for someone for a few weeks so I can afford to upgrade the PC. And supplement a few hobbies. Really hoping or else I'm skint.

I like how all media made to sate the lowest common denominator and be palatable for all audiences are known to be never anything more than mediocre, and that this is a widely accepted fact, and yet people still believe that a pseudo-utopic system could potentially exist and work on anything more than surface level appearance.

Is it possible to have read something that you hated but also simultaneously enjoyed for the good parts it had? Because I am experiencing that. Maybe not hate but large scale confusion.

>>12220883
Why did they drive you out?

>>12219222
Fuck. My NEET years were the best time of my life.(I've mostly utilised then to learn something new). Develop some interest anon. Go to uni if you can (even debt is worth it)

>>12220919
>>12220919
You might think they are entirely contradictory philosophies but that stems from a misunderstanding of the nature of christliness.

Christ is similar to the notion of "mu" in zen buddhism. He's a negation, a contradiction, a envelop within the world who periodically appears in order to make corrections to the flow of the universe-process.

Nietzche hated Christianity but that was partly out of his own neurosis and incomplete understanding. He was really writing a blueprint on How to Christ as it were. How do you be that one person who negates a reality? By designing your own reality from the ground up superhuman style.

I think we are seeing Neetche's superhumans walking around today. They had a long time being born but there are some among zoomers and 20 somethings. They just haven't become self aware. I think I can spot them!

You can tell when you see such a young person because they seem to have a degree of self-possession and awareness of where they came from far beyond the common lot, who seem to just be dragging their feet.

Self-mastery is a topic of interest both to Nietzsche and Jesus!

Shostakovich’s 9th Symphony

>>12220144
Tell me, what did you see that provoked this kind of revelation?

>>12220929
what are your other hobbies? and please don’t say hiking

>>12220944
what book lad. tell us how you feel

Man I'm thinking some really messed up shit right now, like if people could read my thoughts they'd probably run away screaming. Some people underestimate what I'm capable of, they just don't know. Then again, they underestimate just how patient I am. Sometimes I think I could really save humanity, other times I think I just might show them the dark grim truth that they're weak, the bottom of the food chain, how easily they can be destroyed. But I think it's better they find out for themselves, humans out there killing themselves off instead of helping one another...while I sit behind a rainy window looking on with a knowing smile...I warned them. But they're just too vain to listen. And so I whet my sword and dagger in wait for them to come to me in revenge, revenge on their once-friend who they turned their backs on, their prophet, their stoic... oh I'll be waiting. Blades don't need reloading.

I'm with my ex in a purgatory I created and put us in. We both sitting on the edge of the tension knife, I need to come to terms whether I really want her in my life or not.

Guess to keep things literature related, I'm reading Great Expectations and the language makes it a little difficult to follow at times. Hell there's even been one or two occasions where I straight up have no idea what the fuck is going on, I almost feel it was Dickens' intention. I'm a little over 50% done, so I'm going to keep at it.

>>12220999
checked

Humans are on this earth as pilgrims.

>>12221064
kek

>>12221059

Hiking, shopping, listening to music, going outdoors...

Seriously though, I have a few. I play Warhammer because I got into it at an early age and enjoy the creativity and art of it. Fun camaraderie with the lads I know too. I read, obviously. Is that considered a hobby? I'm honestly not entirely sure. I write too but I know it's mostly trash. I've dabbled in blacksmithing because it struck my fancy with historical things. I would like to take up sewing. No joke. Not just a hobby but also quite useful. Calligraphy too. Looks cool.

Being a NEET is fun and all but a bit stressful when I need more money.

>>12219050
Niiiniiii ninononi niiiiniiii ninononi niiininononi nininonino

I used to take pride in reading more difficult books but now I realize I lack the general and basic knowledge to really understand them.

>>12220919
>Is it possible to be a Christian and a Nietzschean?
No. The end of the latter is to perpetuate the recycling of Spirit within Kosmos through the expedient gratification of primal/materialistic urges, and ignorance of the Spiritual dissipation and death that this entails. The end of the former is to awaken/reveal the occluded, latent nobility of Spirit within the world and transcend Kosmos through martial struggle and the nourishing of nobility/life. Some of Nietzsche's concepts pertaining to self-realization and self-fulfillment can be reinterpreted and comprehended within Christianity, but as far as I'm concerned, more optimal alternatives exist, and his works are more valuable as sociocultural accounts of his milieu.

>I disagree with his assessment of Christianity (well, insofar as Christianity is Catholicism, Orthodox, Copt, etc) as a slave morality
Christianity is a spiritual doctrine;
>Catholicism, Orthodox, Copt, etc
Are Judeochristian sects. Judeochristianity conduces to degeneracy and slavery; Christianity conduces to optimality and freedom.

I fucking hate everything. I'm cold inside. I use things to distract me, I grew up on 4chan. I don't know what I'm doing in life. Im Paranoid, I can't sleep. I'm depressed. I get a surge of happiness for like 30 minutes then I withdraw. My mind only calms down when I sleep. but im still happy to be alive and experiencing all this, we only live once so i'll embrace it.

wow this what somewhat therapeutic.

>>12221354
Sounds like you could use a cuddle, anon, and I wish I could give you one.

the girl I love.... is dead! I want to fuck the corpse. hump hump hump. hump hump hump.
last night I had a dream I had sex with an ex-girlfriend from a few years ago now. it was summer we were under the water in a swimming pool and she took her the bottoms of her bikini off and I fucked her under water. I wonder how she is doing.

a haiku

I'm a sick sneed I like a quick feed

>>12221354
>wow this what somewhat therapeutic.

it can help hey
a lot of the times my thoughts and anxieties are too stupid to sincerely share with other people... i feel the need to express them but i don't want to burden someone with the responsibility of 'looking after me'
i feel some pretty heavy shit but like, it'll be ok
sometimes 4chan helps

>>12221354
why is this like half the posts in these threads

>>12221344
>The end of the latter is to perpetuate the recycling of Spirit within Kosmos

What does this even mean. Define spirit, define kosmos.

>>12219063
there are two though

I want to get pussy , I know I can , but I hate taking risks because I'm a whiny pussy and can't organize my life properly without compromising my hobbies for my dating life

I am so terrified that I will never love someone again the way I used to love my ex girlfriend. I wish I could go back to naively thinking I could be with somebody forever and they would want to be with me. Even knowing those thoughts and feelings were false, adolescent idolisation I just can't escape the idea that losing that innocence has lost me to the unconditional love of another, and I don't know what else there is for me in this world

>>12220950
all cops do.a man needs to hide himself and not use fire.if you get caught sleeping,cooking food,bathing outside you could be jailed.people are out of touch with reality in this age.

also for some reason if a cocksucker wants a baker to bake him a cake congratulating him for being a sodomite then the same cops will enforce civil rights laws and make sure the conniving profligate gets his cake.

>>12222061
Are there any homeless shelters? Can't you use those?

>>12222088
those places are full of bad people schizophrenics,drug addicts,drunks, also i have weapons and a dog and possessions.when it comes to the homeless i am wealthy,think of an A.T. hiker and his gear.

>>12222150
>also i have weapons and a dog
I'm picturing you more as Mad Max right now
Can't you get some sort of job? How did you end up homeless?

Single moms should be ostracized

>>12222164
i was rebellious when i was younger.i cant go to work with an 80L hiking pack and a dog in this current age not like odysseus who shows up at his own house as a vagrant in disguise and have eumaeus and telemachus consider letting him have hearth and home for servitude

>>12222208
Can't you work in like a farm? I think that would be ideal. You could try couch surfing maybe as you find a job?
How long have you been homeless?

Anyway you probably went though this a million times, I don't want to bug you further. I hope you find fortune regardless. Pet your doggo for me

>>12222230
i have crossed the vast united states 20 times,i have never been asked to work on any farm,remember its middle men like manpower that employers use now.consider this bible passage and the ways of the ancients...

Matthew 20:1-16 King James Version (KJV)
20 For the kingdom of heaven is like unto a man that is an householder, which went out early in the morning to hire labourers into his vineyard.

2 And when he had agreed with the labourers for a penny a day, he sent them into his vineyard.

3 And he went out about the third hour, and saw others standing idle in the marketplace,

4 And said unto them; Go ye also into the vineyard, and whatsoever is right I will give you. And they went their way.

the man goes to town finds men not doing anything and they are obligated to work

>>12222285
>i have crossed the vast united states 20 times
I hope you're writing a book about your adventures at least? You could be the next Christopher McCandless (with a happy ending tho)
I'll be the first to buy it

Hope you find your magic bus

>>12219050

I am ambivalent towards existence. I am full of despair, sorrow, and yearn for my life to mean something.

>>12222309

Very sweet post. You strike me as a kind human being.

>>12222208
But verily, as regards this stranger, now that he has come to thy house, I will clothe him in a cloak and tunic, fair raiment, and will give him a two-edged sword, and sandals for his feet, and send him whithersoever his heart and spirit bid him go. Or, if thou wilt, do thou keep him here at the farmstead, and care for him, and raiment will I send hither and all his food to eat, that he be not the ruin of thee and of thy men.

odyssey scroll XVI

Anons, could you please recommend some poems that are dedicated to mothers or siblings? They'd see it as something autistic but idc, I'm in a pretty good mood right now :]

>>12223321
Look up Hitler’s poetry. I
Know that sounds odd but he wrote a poem about his mother which was very touching

nearly thirty

>>12220144
REDDIT
E
D
D
I
T

>>12220558
I'm also cyberpagan desu

Depression post of the day.

Today has been OK. I had a fun time here on /lit/.
I got up from the bed at 3PM and ate only then, but I managed to spend some time around the house, and I finished the book I was reading. Yesterday I stayed up way late despite the medication. I'm afraid I'll have trouble sleeping tonight as well, my internal clock is off.
Tomorrow I will have to see the dentist for a cavity. I'm not in the mood for pain and I don't want to go, but it's my fault for neglecting myself.

Sometimes I have rather dark thoughts and I put them out here. People don't react well to them. I don't really mean what I say, I'm sure I'm a better person than that and those are just moments of bitterness. I wonder how people would react if all my anonymous posts were connected by a thread.
I want to start a new book but I should sleep.

Here's a song with good vibes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMQUFvv0WRY

>>12219050
I think that Donald Trump is going to be assassinated and I'm fucking hyped

>>12220788
how did that go?

>>12224451
love you anon

>only two parts of the greek epic cycle survive
>literally NO surviving greek painting
>more than 90% of greek drama lost
>barely any greek music still known
it's not fair

>>12220788
This post breaks my heart.

i'm a musician for a living. today i was working with a colleague on his project and taking a break after finishing a demo we were just listening to music we liked to try and find a new direction to go in for the next song we were gonna produce and write. i found myself thinking, why do i even fucking like listening to music? why does anybody? what's the point? there's such a saturation of content in all fields of art that it all gets buried after a decade or two anyway. why do i bother getting out of bed? i wouldn't if i didn't have dogs to take care of. i'd gladly bash my skull in with an anvil given the chance. or maybe just do an absolute fuckton of coke and overdose on purpose. or maybe buy a cheap gun and shoot myself. i'm tired of life. i don't find joy in anything anymore. i'm paranoid. i think about having to make small talk with baristas at the local coffee shop when i place my order and get so worked up about it that i can't breathe and have to take a xanax to function like a normal human. i'm 21 years old and it feels like it's been 21 years of the same shit, this same feeling, every day of my life. yet on days when i avoid people and don't leave the house i feel even worse because i'm just stewing in self loathing

>>12219050
Iclost nofap 2 weeks in.
God why am I so weak

>>12225337
>musician for a living
>21 years old
you don't make a living and you're a bum. quit music while you can, go to school.

>>12225352
whatever you say faggot

>>12225359
run all you want, you'll still end up a NEET loser with a pathetic drug addiction by the time you're 25.

Life is boring death is boring

>>12221709
>Define spirit
Life-essence

>define kosmos
The physical and material world

>>12219050
4channel connection problems are ANNOYING AS FUCK

>>12225458
Well I hope you did something productive with your time and not just wait here hitting 'refresh' over and over until the problem was solved.

>>12219050
FUCK NIGGERS AND FUCK JANNIES

>>12225285
>>12225311
no text :( I know she had multiple finals today and tomorrow as well as as a big final paper due but man, makes me sad that she couldn't even spare a minute to tell me she's busy.

I'll update again after I speak with her friend. Rejection is one thing, but I am just so terrified she's avoiding me now because 1) she's new at this and 2) she's about to leave and doesn't want to waste my time -- I can solve both these problems if she gives me a chance to.

Does anyone ever get that sense of impending doom you can't seem to shake? Like this feeling that you're in a car on the freeway blindfolded and it keeps getting faster and faster and you just know you're going to hit something? I guess you could call it dread, but it's more than that, it's a feeling of unease, like your mind thinks that something is wrong, or that there is something terribly urgent you are forgetting that you were supposed to remember to do but you can't quite figure out what it is. I remember as a child I had a dream that I was in an elevator up to the floor of the apartment building I lived in, or maybe it was a memory that just happened to blend together with what happened next, anyway I remember the floor turned into a slope, a slope that I couldn't climb. You remember when you were a kid and you had trouble climbing over really steep mounds of dirt or hills and always felt like you were going to fall backwards and roll down them? Kind of like that. Anyway I remember the floor underneath turned into a smooth incline I couldn't go up to get where I wanted to go, and there was this sense of the inevitability that I would slide backwards down it, it's funny that I spent so much of my time at the park near my home growing up trying to climb up the steepest, tallest slide I've ever seen to this day, it started from the top floor of a 3 story playground built like a rocket ship. I remember it was a monumental moment in my life when I first climbed all the way to the top. I keep getting sidetracked. What I'm trying to say is, I keep getting this feeling like I've been thrown out onto the street naked, completely unprotected with nothing to hide behind for miles around me. It's like that moment you lean back too far in your chair and you realize you're about to fall but it never ends and you just keep falling and waiting to hit the ground. I don't know if that explains it well enough. In thematic music there is this effect called the shepard tone, in which the illusion of a infinitely rising scale of notes is created. It creates a feeling of tension, and is often used in horror movies. The mind unconciously hears the rising notes and realizes that it has to end eventually, interesting to note that the upper limit for hearing range is so engrained in our subconscious that we can anticipate the ceiling for the audible frequencies of the ear without really knowing we knew it, and when it doesn't ever reach that maximum it leaves us uncomfortable, the mind panics in it's own resounding crescendo of apprehension and only continues to do so more and more, increasing exponentially until we are finally granted release, freedom from unknowing, and the relief of resolution.

I think that the Orangutan in pic related is a higher form of life than NIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGERS
>>12225500
checked and BASED

>>12219050
I'm going to do a no sleep experiment. I don't know why I am. Maybe to change my perspective? Or perhaps to see if I am able to increase my productivity. Either way I am not content in the rot of the standstill I am in currently. Let's see how this goes, shall we?

>>12225737
You'll cave in after 30 hours and think "well that was dumb, especially given that anon told me this would happen"

>>12225706
>I think that the Orangutan in pic related is a higher form of life than NIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGERS
Bornean here. I don't really know of how your example behave in real life since I've never been anywhere else outside Asian countries but orangutans are very smart and lovely, people in the remote villages who picked up the orphans from plantation site usually kept and treated them as if their own children with diapers and baby milk, they grew up to be very spoiled but surreally humanlike. Local stories love to tell stories like wise people (shaman/tribe leaders etc.) who died usually came back as Orangutans that sneer at the human lives from the heights of the trees. Fascinating animals, desu.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VErc0znuC4I
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFACrIx5SZ0

>>12225781
Context of the first video.
>The orangutan, Tori, picked up smoking from its foster parents before being moved into the zoo.
>He waves at smoking visitors to give him their lit cigarettes.
>Zookeepers tried to mitigate his addiction by moving him to a bigger area so that he could work himself more instead of smoking.

>>12225781
Orangutans are the best apes. Lovely animals.

>>12226152
>Among Orangutans, rape accounts for one-third to one-half or more of all copulations.
They also attempt to rape people. Apes are all shitty animals except for gorillas.

I'm considering asking a neurosurgeon resident friend to preform a decompressive craniectomy on me, strictly off-the-books.

>>12226191
Most male animals are sexually aggressive and engage in some form of rape, in fact most animal sex isn't "consensual". And I wouldn't bother passing moralistic judgments on animals for behaviors that humans themselves exhibit on a significant scale.

>>12220222

This is adorable. I love reading wholesome things like this in these threads.

>>12226260
Yes, there is rape in the animal kingdom but it's infinitely more likely in orangutans and chimps and a few other species. I love animals but when a species is violent like chimps I can safely claim it's a shitty animal.

>>12219050

I hate winter because life becomes only indoor hobbies and work. Reading is good but in moderation, but mixing /out/ and /lit/ is vastly superior to the winter life.

I look out of the window and it's snow, ice, and more snow. Why can't it be planting season already?

>>12226277
They have even less of a "choice" on these matters than we do. I don't believe there is no such a thing as a shitty animal and I reject all anthropocentric projections and moralisms on them.

>>12226283
You can go out in the cold. In fact, it's better because there are much less ticks carrying diseases this time of year.
I used to hike during the warm months but don't any more now. The ticks are everywhere. It's not worth getting sick over.

>>12226288
>I don't believe there is no such a thing as a shitty animal
I understand what you're saying but I wouldn't take a dip in croc infested waters just because 'there are no shitty animals'. And if you can claim there are lovely animals, then there are also less lovely animals.

pee pee poo poo lol epic

>>12226313
Of course there are animals I would rather not have anything to do with, ever, and who exhibit behaviors that are completely unsavory to my sensibilities. I just don't believe in judging them, specially as we would a person, it just ends in people looking at animals as "failed prototypes of human beings" and becoming yet another reason for massive suffering and slaughter to be inflicted upon them by our hands.

>>12226283
Winter is great. Don't you like eating soup and cuddling with somebody special in front of the fire?

>>12226325
>being dependent on others for your happiness
not gonna make it

>>12226330
>not gonna make it

I have accepted my fate long ago.

I am now 18 with no particular plan for a major or and idea for a college I'd like to go to, but I am pretty sure I will go. I have gone 18 years without a broad and never once attempted to get one, even when there was mutual interest. I don't know if I ever will or if college will change things like that.

>>12226324
I just bluntly pointed out that animals with massive rapist tendencies aren't really that adorable. Of course from a human perspective they are still innocent, although with great apes it's arguable.

>>12226355
If you don't have plans on postgraduate education, then don't waste your time or money going to college (assuming you live in the US). You're looking at 4 years wasted and 40k in debt. You're lucky to find a job if you graduate and most salaries are appallingly low, 30-45k a year, which is nothing.
If you have no plans on grad school, then you are much better off going to learn a trade. Undergrad is basically a high school degree now.

>>12226325
>and cuddling with somebody special

I'm now on 2 medications for major depressive disorder and my therapist hasn't mentioned that I've been diagnosed with it. It just keeps getting worse. It's strange in society now we have so much awareness about it now but when it comes down to it no one cares. It's like drowning in a river and everyone is saying "You can do it! Don't give up!" and all you want is real help.

Man my own mum doesn't want to see me anymore, it makes her depressed. The worst part is that I am trying. i exercise, read, learning another language. Maybe I could be more social but socialising at uni just means getting drunk and chasing thots.

That brings me on to my next point. I even feel disconnected from 4 chan now. I see so many people wanting intimacy or a girlfriend, yet I've never really wanted that. i got a girlfriend just to say I had a girlfriend. This constant need to be around someone isn't present in me anymore.

I really have no idea where to go anymore. I told my mum I wanted to die when I was TEN. Fucking ten. I only remember seeing a therapist heaps back then and teachers were super nice to me. But now it's over a decade later and I'm still the same. I had some fun through the years but it was so fleeting that it hardly seems worth it. 50% of my life has been wanting to die now. The idea of being 40 or working for decades is unimaginable.

also if anyone has tips for sleeping do share

What was the best movie you guys watched this year? For me it's pic related.

>>12226822
How many different meds have you tried? Sometimes you have to find the right ones. Sometimes they won't work at all.
I have treatment resistant depression and it fucking sucks. That indolence you feel is the depression.

>>12226840
>How many different meds have you tried?
four for functioning during the day. and I've tried 2 others for sleeping. I always hear about finding the right one but im losing hope of finding these days

>>12226850
Hang on, there's a whole bunch of them.

>>12226837
I watched Ghost in The Shell again.

>>12226822
>also if anyone has tips for sleeping do share
I tried all the meme shit like not looking at screens past 6pm, using screen brightness/temperature software, listening to ASMR, meditation, etc.
Now I take Zolpidem and it knocks me out.

>>12226822
*tingggggggg*
NOT a psychiatrist here, AND CERTAINLY NOT giving you medical advice.
This said, I'd prescribe you some tranylcypromine. You're the kind of person who needs it. Also, therapists should not be engaged in pharmacotherapy whatsoever even though it is permitted in some jurisdictions. If they do not want to switch, they're low IQ, stupid and you should find another physician.

>>12226325

Not a big fan of soup but I have my dogs at my feet while I browse /lit/ or read so there's that.

>>12226907
Thanks fancy looking frog. But why are you against pharmacotherapy?

>>12226923
I'm not. I said
>therapists should not be engaged in pharmacotherapy whatsoever
Which != being against pharmacotherapy.

>>12226822
>It's like drowning in a river and everyone is saying "You can do it! Don't give up!" and all you want is real help.
Just out of curiosity, what would you consider real help? My ex went through a pretty severe depressive phase when we were dating, and it really seemed like there was no helping him. He'd react poorly to anything I did.

>>12219497
as another anon said I thought you relapsed yourself to death chastebro jk good to see you around I wanted to thank you personally for your posts hope your recovering well

I have a theory
The theory is that if you were a bully in elementary school, were bullied in middle school, bullied animals when you were a kid and have brushed on gender dysphoria, you're an interesting guy. Are you an interesting guy?

>>12219050
i wonder what would be like to be a monkey...

Oh, it’s only natural it wouldn’t
amount to anything.

Nothing more than the touch of our thighs as we deliberate on
metaphysics..

and the slow warmth..

the way you wanted me to hold your hand but didn’t have to say

and I did, so easily, naturally, and we lay there with
perception washing over us

just, what was it? This.

You know.

No sense of the future, just

skin touching skin and

smiling.

Your hand on mine. The warmth of our thighs.

And the kiss, it was coming, but there was no hurry. The trajectory was graceful. Our mouths met as if with minds of their own and
moulded to each other,
danced together,
simply.

The way we’d pause, and you’d rub your face on mine. We squish noses, make light of it. This is how my face feels on yours.

This is how I felt in your arms.

But of course, nothing like that can happen
more than once.

>>12227143
They're apes motherfucker

>>12226951
>He'd react poorly to anything I did.
When you are depressed in a relationship it means you're fucked. There's nothing that helps more than a supportive, loving partner and if that doesn't work it probably means you're beyond help.

>>12227120
>bullied animals when you were a kid
That only means you should kys desu

>>12220788

Blessed is the lion which becomes man when consumed by man; and cursed is the man whom the lion consumes, and the lion becomes man.

>>12227120
That is very specific. I bullied animals (only insects) as a kid, was a bully in middle in school, was bullied in high school, and only had very mild gender dysphoria, so I guess I am almost interesting.

>>12227216
What does that means,=.

>>12227204
You are working on the assumption that person was a "supportive, loving partner". Maybe part of the reason he became depressed was because that person was a blight on his life,

I know that I'm ten years older than you and I know that you live halfway across the world, but I still want to be with you. Please, I want you to feel the same way about me...

Maybe I’m too stupid to fully enjoy literature. I have days where reading anything seems like such a chore I don’t even bother. A little part of me is telling me it doesn’t matter since it’s all leisure anyway, but I’m worried that’s just coping.

>>12227204
He's better now. The circumstances we were in were honestly pretty awful in retrospect

>>12227258
Depression makes you dislike being with others in general and you may end up ghosting people.

>>12227306
Poisonous people exarcebate latent depression

>>12227258
While I wasn't ideal (who is?), I wasn't so bad as to be the cause. It ran way deeper than that. Like I said, he's better now, though sometimes I do fear that he may slide back into it with little warning, similar to how it came on the first time. We are still friends and talk often, and we recently looked back on that time in mutual amazement, like how did we manage to survive that time, with so little to hang onto?

>>12227249
Not just almost interesting: slightly interesting. Were you the smart class clown?

the boobs of charlie from friends

>>12227373
I was an aimless depressed underachiever on good with terms with everyone but without any particular friendship.

ive been lying in the bath and farting for about an hour now, it tickles my balls

>>12227395
Looks like this is where our fates diverge, Pagliacci.

>>12227381
carnal and unascended

>>12227426
Well, most of these blurbs fit me, but I was to quiet to be a class clown.

Whew Alberto Vargas is based.

>>12219230
Sparta literally sperged out and attack Athens because they were jelly.

>>12220144
Supernatural never meant 'spooky ghosts'. It has been reduced into meaning that, but it really just meant beyond the natural / material world.

>>12220338
>Muh materialism.

>>12221344
>Heretic babble.

>>12225337
This holds for every pursuit. You enjoy something because the meaning is directly self-evident. Be thankful you can make a living being a musician and not a coal miner.

>>12219050
Comme la beauté écarlate d'un cœur qui éclate, les peines tombent dans le passé ; et du sang de mes erreurs je m'abreuve. Les souvenirs s'assèchent peu à peu ; c'en est presque triste. Pourquoi doit-on oublier le vécu que l'on a tant chéri ?
Y a-t-il vraiment eu de la beauté dans ce qui devint ce désert froid, où comme pour faire gémir l'indifférence, les silences ne soufflent nulles réponses ?
La mort a-t-elle des sentiments à offrir ? Je ne me trouve plus la force pour quitter mon tombeaux ; je reste assis, lentement balayé par cette nuit de cauchemardesque nostalgie.
J'avancerais sûrement dans mon sommeil, puisse-t-il me traîner aux cieux de mes rêves ; un jour aussi tu fermeras tes yeux ; ma douce je serai patient, car un jour aussi tu reviendras embrasser ces dernières paroles.

I didn't get the job.

>>12227703
Yes but nothing is beyond the natural world. The term is misleading, it just means beyond the range of current knowledge.

Normal, sane consciousness is not an objective window into the world, it is simply a regulative homeostatic state that lets us function optimally as active agents in a social context.

When that regulative function is diminished because of substances, mental overextension and exhaustion, mystic trance, or certain types of mental illness, the mind's interpretative perspective on the world loosens and certain patterns and associations are made which would normally be ignored.

When the world seems to fall into place at the opportune time, it is because the mind and physical reality emerge from each other and there are points of contact at the bottommost and uppermost reaches.

i feel completely alienated from my general demographic and don't know how to express that without sounding like an embarrassing faggot

>>12227762
Stop assessing yourself with the eyes of the demographic you've detached yourself from then.

I don't want to go to work today. I'm not even dependent on the money, I just thought it'd be fun to try it out and possibly learn some skills. I feel like this most days before I leave, but the feeling passes quickly once I'm there. Sometimes on my commute already.
And it's not even work that does it to me; I feel the same way about so many activities. I don't know what's going on with me. I wish I could stay motivated all throughout the day and look at these events in excitement.

Unrelated, but there's a friend who has been bothering me as well. I've had problems with the way he acts for several months now, and these days I don't really want to talk anymore. It's alright being around him, nevertheless looking back there are so many things I don't necessarily want in a friendship. We ran into him when I was out with someone I am kind of seeing resulting in the two of us having to pretend we were just friends. It's bothering me still and made me realise how unreal this all is.

>>12227762
Man what the fuck is wrong with Florida?

>>12227854
Well apparently they like touching buttholes

How do major philosophers arise? Like from a practical perspective. Are they people who go into academic philosophy and then have ideas that are new or interesting enough to propel them to wider attention? Like in other fields the prominent figures are usually just exceptional versions of a normal contributor, eg, a fields medal winner is just like other mathematicians, they just produce more interesting results, but in philosophy the major figures seem like a whole other species.

>>12223858
Are you kidding? I know "reddit" is basically a generic slur at this point but redditors would decry the suggestion that something supernatural existed and then accuse you of being ignorant of le science.

>>12219050
Working your way through this digital labyrinth takes more self-control and discipline than is commonly appreciated.

I could sit here at my computer and get so much done, or I can wander off like I'm doing now and drool goofily at gifs of cats.

My experience of the internet is like being pulled in ten thousand directions and just trying to keep focus on the subset of pathways that actually lead me to accomplish things and apply myself directedly.

>>12219256

thanks for spoiling the sopranos!

>>12227870
>Modern philosophy
It's like modern art. You just spray shit on the white canvas of thought, and the fouler the turd the more attention it will get. Literally pick some random unassailable thing from the past and stick some random thought or concept to it. Humans are pretty good at creating random associations that sorta make sense, so if you work at it for a while you can made a dissertation about the Odyssey and, I dunno, triangles and make it sound like you're really smart. Then you get a teaching post at a college and students will be forced to repeat what you're saying without really understanding shit and it will be awesome.

>>12227944
I don't mean strictly contemporary philosophy, I mean anything from the twentieth or even late nineteenth centuries.

>>12227870
Philosophy is one of those things you can always do on your own. It's an extra light weight discipline that doesn't really require any capital expenditures besides a pen and pad and perhaps the right reading material.

Because of that, academic philosophy exist today more to embody the knowledge base and acknowledge its identity rather than simply banish it and cast it out of academics altogether.

Universities with ample budgets and a history of philosophy work understand that it is not a waste of time and that good philosophy often presages the direction of practical events. There are many so called mysteries going on in the world today that aren't mysteries, the answers to them may reside in some philosopher's work in some dusty unidentified tome.

Sometimes seemingly pointless basic research can lead to business empires further down the road.

>>12227974
Most of the time they worked on another philosopher's argument and expanded on it or countered it by using established concepts. Philosophy does kind of build up on itself.

>>12226283
I C E F I S H I N G
C
E

F
I
S
H
I
N
G

>>12227739
Every time.

>>12227870
>is just like other mathematicians, they just produce more interesting results, but in philosophy the major figures seem like a whole other species

I'd imagine it's more or less the same, it's just less likely that you'll find a groundbreaking idea in philosophy than it is in math. You probably do the same thing any other professor would do, research an already well known topic and continue the progress of it's development as a branch of that field, except in this case, it's almost entirely opinion based and there won't be any concrete proofs like there would be in math. Unless someone completely revolutionalizes the way we think about the world by coming up with something no one has ever thought of before it wouldn't really ever be as notable, or directly applicable, as advancements in more practical fields.

>>12227883
Reddit is the 6th most used website in the world. It has more users than Amazon. You'd think their userbase would be diverse.

>>12228046
well yeah reddit is basically facebook at this point, but the reddit meme is referring to reddit during say, 2010 to 2014 when "reddit culture" was strongest

>>12228046
>You'd think their userbase would be diverse.
It is diverse. I'm sure that if you took 10 redditors and put them on 4chan they would start expressing their opinions freely pretty quick. It's the usernames, post history and voting system that enforce the hivemind.

>>12228070
I think it probably has something to do with the fact that the entirety of their populus mutually resides on the frontpage, and when you create a system where the person with the most accounts is heard by millions of people whoever has the time, energy, and know-how becomes the taste-maker for a veritable army of whatever kind of person uses an non-personal account based social media outlet. Shaping the culture of literally millions of nerds without their knowledge. This could be corporations or just anyone with enough experience with botting. I wouldn't be surprised if multiple people who get front page on reddit every day are literally the same people with different accounts.

>>12228070
I dont remeber reddit existing prior to 2011 or perhaps 2012. I used to use the internet all the time. I ASSUME it wasn't indexed by Google then. If that's incorrect, I believe I'm from a Mandela effect universe where reddit did not exist.

>>12228161
Reddit was founded in like 2006, it's fucking old. I don't think it picked up much traction until 2010 or so though.

>>12228136
>I wouldn't be surprised if multiple people who get front page on reddit every day are literally the same people with different accounts.
They're 100% the same people, and there's no fucking way the content isn't doctored.

>>12228161
I remember before Reddit there was Digg. Whatever happened to that?

>>12228196
It's true everywhere. Even here. If enough people want a post to be bumped to the first page of /pol/ the suddenly 90% of this website's userbase are Trump supporters.

Your mother.
I hope she's well regardless of how you feel about her.

>>12228028
>it's just less likely that you'll find a groundbreaking idea in philosophy than it is in math.
tfw found a groundbreaking idea in philosophy and currently working on a book elaborating on it

>>12228294
There's a 99% chance someone has said it before and you should read enough philosophy to find out whether or not that's true and develop the necessary mindset and vocabulary to discuss these ideas. Start by getting a degree so your work is taken more seriously and you'll learn about the things I mentioned before, also it would help to use a better framing device than tfw.

What should you do when all you want to do is sleep? I'm trying to get good at a video game to pass the time, but it hits me that it feels totally pointless and I'm not at all enjoying it so I stop.

>>12228364
Do something else. Learn to draw.

>>12228364
>What should you do when all you want to do is sleep?
See a doctor or you'll end up like this >>12219222

>tfw can't decide if I'm somewhat handsome or incredibly ugly
I'm going to pretend that I look good

>>12228420
Maybe you're both, like Sessue Hayakawa.

>>12219256
Thanks for ruining the ending for me retard!!!!!!!I

>>12228456
>Sessue Hayakawa
this actually looks _somewhat_ similar to me.

>>12228364
learn an instrument
you'll never be a musician but it's seriously underrated how enjoyable it is to sit down and jam some chords to yourself

>>12228485
Am I good or what?

>>12228352
>There's a 99% chance someone has said it before and you should read enough philosophy to find out whether or not that's true and develop the necessary mindset and vocabulary to discuss these ideas.
I had these same concerns, which is why I discussed the idea with a philosophy prof of 40 years last month, we good.

>also it would help to use a better framing device than tfw.
I refuse to restrict my writing for a reason as arbitrary as "it's standard;" my means of expression are those that best express what I intend to convey. If there's place for a stylistic device off of 4chan in my book, under consideration of what impression it would convey to one unaccustomed to it, I'd use it - though the part about being unaccustomed to it is quite the hurdle. Writing-standards are just crutches for retards that can't calculate what impression their words will convey to the other party tbqh.

>>12228497
Yes but now that I've compared myself to a man described as possessing
>"broodingly handsome" good looks
and being a
>heartthrob among American women
my ego has suddenly shot through the roof

I think I am attracted to vulnerability. This girl I've been talking said to me her mother died 6 years ago and suddenly I started viewing her in a whole new light, I started thinking about her. I'm not sure whether this is a sadistic desire to kick her in further or if it's a white knight fantasy of consoling her, but both possibilities worry me.

>>12220866
pls dont fren, what the other anon said.

>>12226236
No please don't fren. It's not worth it.

If a genie appeared out nowhere and asked for a wish id ask foe the chance to pick a congressman in our government whom i could strip naked and whip with my belt in front of his wife and kids the same way he gets down on his knees to suck jew dick every day of his life.

>>12229508
>to pick a congressman
which one would you pick though