/lit/ - Literature

IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO LEARN HOW TO GREENTEXT?
Stupid normies, stupid newfags

I want to read, and I want to write, but instead I spend my entire life on the internet bathed in dopamine and accomplishing nothing.

i'm very tired of life. i used to think that i had something to say and made art worth listening to/reading/seeing. now i look around at everything and think, "why bother?" why do i like the books that i like? the movies that i like? the music that i like? why do i care what somebody else has to say about a topic? what's the point in having "fun" when i can't find a point in doing anything else? i feel like a cynical idiot. i used to be so driven by creating art and leaving some kind of legacy on earth, but now that i've spent about a month apart from creating as a mental break because i was overworking myself, i have a lot of trouble finding any kind of point at all to do anything besides shitposting on the internet until i die at my desk. i'm very frustrated because i spent my whole childhood being depressed and hating everything, spent a couple years loving and embracing life, and now i'm back at square one.

I can feel happy in my life, but only if I take it in isolation. As soon as I compare it to either the future (which for me seems to be moderate material success but permanent loneliness and alienation) or the past (which for me is high school or the start of college, when I had friends and a community and hopes of love and stuff) I become very depressed and feel like curling into a ball and dying. If I can keep my mind off it, I can be content drinking my coffee and reading a book and shitposting and looking at the winter landscape out my window. But it's hard to live so completely in the moment, and any time, for example, I see a group of friends walking down my street on a friday night I lose it and get sad again. Going home to visit my parents is the worst in this regard, I can't focus on the present as I walk along the streets of my past, bump into people I used to be friends with, etc.

Books for this feel?

>>12091803
oj chuj go tu się nie spodziewałem xD

I can understand Nick Land like the back of a cereal box but have trouble with Julius Evola, what is wrong with me?

we all need to get our shit together and make a better world for ourselves and everyone else and our children

its getting to be a little goddam ridiculous

>>12091872
*reloads 4chan*

>>12091894
This is a real problem. Because the real world is now part-digital being away from this seems like you're missing out on half of reality.

What is red wagecuck pepe called?

When I see people not understand 'its' and 'it's' it bothers me to no end. Supposedly learned people who get paid to write (or not) make the error all the time. It really ruins everything for me. How hard is it to remember to not put an apostrophe before the 's' when you're not saying 'it is'? I know possessives require it for nouns but come on. So simple.

>>12091918
fucked up part of this is wondering if all the energy invested into the digital world is being subtracted from the non-digital world - is this part of why everything has to gone to shit in previously unimaginable ways? being in public, people just all seem really fucked up

>>12091858
wiadomo co u rudej kurwy? straciłem wątek jak zniknął z vi jakieś półtora roku temu

>>12091974
I include myself in this, and have no illusions that I don't also embody this modern day schizophrenia in regards to the "digital world" and the "real world," and how they now overlap so radically that the idea of splitting them apart seems really quaint. One of the oddest things about old sci-fi and cyberpunk was that the worlds would be separate. I think that's why Serial Experiments Lain has had such a long shelf-life, because it was one of the only major pieces of cyberpunk media that never saw the break.

It reminds me of Isaac Asimov remarking that though people foresaw going to the moon, and foresaw television, no one put them together and had people watching people going to the moon on television.

>>12092010
It could be done, just nationalize facebook and twitter and then shut them down

I admire the trip of the hardboiled police detective who has nothing to live for but the case, someone with grim determination in pursuing a goal that ultimately has no meaning but also means everything. It is only recently that I found I have a passion, or at least I am motivated by my work because I feel the need for validation and of being useful, bit whatever the origin of my motivations I am in love with the idea of being the detached guy standing at a pinboard of suspects, drawing links and examining grainy photos under lamp light until the nagging hole is filled with serendipitous understanding. I am not an actual detective but my job is similar in that I am essentially solving a puzzle that exists in the real world. I don't know if will ever want the normie existence of kids and a mortgage, I want to be swigging from a whiskey glass and staring into the distance, with low emotional affect, like the protagonist in Drive. As you can see this is all from mass media imagery, I guess I identify with images like a narcissist in the Last Psychiatrist style if you know what I mean. It's funny how a track of synthwave or vaporwave music can evoke the mood of standing on a balcony overlooking the beach, with stonewash jeans and a bottle of beer, and an antagonist waiting out there for the final, potentially fatal confrontation

Fucking love stories, how do they work?

>writing a high school love story
>miserable boy sees a girl who reminds him of his ex-girlfriend. She greets him and he says nothing and walks away.
>later that day he sees her again and a mutual friend introduces her to him. He says nothing to her and walks away.
>the next day he's walking to school and she walks with him and badgers him until they end up having a deep discussion about love and relationships that explains his tragic backstory about how his ex broke up with him to a girl who's basically a complete stranger.

What the fuck am I even writing. Should I pad this out with more autistically awkward encounters before the conversation takes place?

>>12091787
I wanna fuck you like an animal. I want to feel you from the inside.

My whole life I have been obsessed with portraying an image to others that I think is cool or impressive instead of genuinely trying to improve myself, and treat people with kindness and respect. I get lost on these endless tangents of selfish ideals moving from one hobby to the next on a whim, without any thought to what I am actually achieving. I'm constantly left with a feeling of fakeness, a lack of perseverance and the dedication required to home a skill to perfection. Time and time again, I begin these activities with what I think is every intention of seeing them through to the end, but that thinking is always stymied by some other "new" fanciful ideal that I need to attain. What am I doing to myself /lit/. If I know how miserable it makes me, do I continue doing out of a genuine lack of determination? The idea is the worst thing that I could imagine being true about myself. I am not a smart, or particularly talented person. So what else is there other than the slow grind? Re-affirming my determination at every crossroad, every doubt discarded, and every possibility of deserting that tortuous plodding attempt at a small amount of merit in the things that I do. I've lost the motivation to try because I know that I'm just average, just another number to carry on as so many others have done before, just following the easiest route. Well, fuck if I don't sound whiny, and stupid.

>>12092045
I don't think it's quite that necessary. I think instead that something has to give one way or the other. I've been thinking a lot about the homogenisation of action, where no matter the trade you're sat in front of a computer.

I've been thinking a lot about how people conceptualise certain artistic pursuits in a pre-digital manner, with a writer using a typewriter, a painter with a brush, and a composer at a piano, when in reality they're sat staring at a computer screen.

What this means, I have no idea yet, but it has consumed my thoughts a lot.

>>12092070
shit nigga u crazy

>>12092070
Understandable.

Anyone else like rubbing that area where your inner thigh meets your crotch and then sniffing your fingers? I fucking love that smell.

WE LIVE IN A W O R L D WHERE GUYS ARE LITERALLY BUYING FAKE WIGS, CHEAP MAKEUP, AND GOING ON THE "L E S B I A N" TAG OF OMEGLE IN ORDER TO BUST A
N U T
U
T
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WRITE ANYTHING WITH THIS IN IN IN MINDD. WE ARE LITERALLY, PHYSICALLY, WHOLLY AND TOTALLY IN A WORLD WHERE I CAN CHEW GUMMIE VITAMINS AND GROW TITS, YET I CAN'T GET A GF, YET I AM BOMBARDED 25/8 WITH DEPICTIONS OF THE MOST FLAWLESS OF GF MATERIAL GIRLS GETTING SPITROASTED BY BALD MEN OR RUBBER DILDO WEARING DYKES
HOW HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO RECONCILE AESTHETICS AND WRITE NOVELS IN SUCH AN AMBIANCE. L I T E R A L L Y LIVING IN A WORLD WHERE MICKY MOUSE HAS HIS OWN TWITTER AND 12 YAER OLD MEME-LORDS ON TIKTOK ARE MAKING VIDEOS ABOUT HUNTING FETISH SUIT WEARING FURRIES.
DOSTOESVKY GOT TO WRITE ABOUT PROSTITUTES READING THE NEW TESTAMENT AND GOD BEING THE ONLY THING THAT PREVENTS ENGINEERS FROM OFFING THEMSELVES.
I GET TO WRITE ABOUT NETFLIX CRIPPLED PORN ADDICTS UPSET WITH AFRICAN AMERICANS KNEELING FOR HAND EGG BALL CEREMONIES OR MAYBE ABOUT BLUE HAIRED AUTIST STREAMER DESIGNATION # 2245665 AND CARTOON CHARACTER ATHEIST WIZARDS STREAMING THE LATEST M I N D NUMBING VIDYA GAME MICROTRANSACTION HOI PALLOI SLOT MACHINE CHERRY CHERRY GAME MONEY BAGS OH SHIT WE DEM BOIS ALL WHILE HAVING THE GANG OF THREE BEATLES BUT BLACK N WITH DREDS PLAYING THE FUCKING TRIANGLE OR RECORDER IN A SUBARU WITH AN EFFEMINATE FAT FUCK ANGLO WHO RUBS UNICORN JIZZ THROUGH HIS HAIR BLARING IN THE BACKROUND.....
I AM ASKING YOU HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO BE JAMES JOYCE WHEN I AM BEING BOMBARDED BY BILLBOARD SLOAGANS TO INJECT MY SCROTUM WITH SILICON AND DRESS UP LIKE TRACER SO I CAN GET SOME OF THOSE SWEET ITS YA BOI TWITCHPRIME SUBS
WHY WOULD I EVEN READ WHEN I CAN JERK JERK JERK OFF OFF TO 4FUCKINGK FREE ULIMINATED LIKE CORNDOGS SMOTHERED IN MUSTARD JOI SPH CEI STEP-SIS EDGING RUINED ORGASM MOTHER CATCHING YOU SQUIRT VIDS AVAILABLE AT A L L HOURS OF THE DAYS THE NIGHTS GO GO GO GU GU GU GA
??

>>12091929
Fresco

>>12092251
have you tried not writing about normies?

>>12092251
>WHERE MICKY MOUSE HAS HIS OWN TWITTER

i dont know why this made me laugh so much

>>12092251
/pol/ and incels were a mistake

i drew that op pic he he hoo

>>12091818
If you're alone, then I'd say it would be easy for you.

>>12091818
I'll raise your dopamine levels slightly by giving you a (You). You are welcome.

Woman you don't know how to sacrifice. I make apotropaic sacrifices to sol and mercury.

Is nihilism meant to be comedic? When I hear that someone says that life is meaningless or points towards it with an argument I can't help but laugh. It doesn't drag me down in the slightest. The laugh isn't even meant degrade or insult the person's opinion, it's just my natural reaction to it.

look at this for example, guy's going through a roller coaster
>>12091829
it's comedy

i wish i was a girl

>>12092408
who doesn't?

>>12091854
also looking for books for this feel

She pressed her lips against my rugged balls and gave my hairy ballsack and deep and passionate kiss. "The ballsack of this filthy knave is unworthy of your saintless lips." I whispered into her ear as I tripped my fedora. "Oh good sir, your ballsack is a smooth as porcelain. It is my lips that sully your divine ballsack." She said between licks. "Oh m'lady is that your pinky penetrating my bumhole?" I asked. "Aye good sir, it is indeed my pinky plundering your butthole." Our story has reached it's climax and so have I. "That'll be tree fiddy." Shaniqua said as she wiped my splooge off of her face.

>>12092251
Ballard was right, if you haven't noticed yet.

Fuck it, I'm killing the baby. It's been around a month or two and I don't really consider it a human yet even if it is my child. I have to take control of my own life even when faced by his morals. I'm not throwing away the next eighteen years of my life on a risk. Hell the risk with these genes shorts the payoff more. It isn't immediate enough for me, even if this satisfaction didn't come on shitty odds. Don't know why i'm saying this here, maybe I just feel safer here than talking to him. It isn't his choice its mine and I wished he had the insight to look at this situation from my point of view. I can't handle facing him because of what I'll take from him but I still have to at least tell him. Fuck I need an out.

What *was* the enlightenmet?

>>12092568
are his genes not good enough for you or something

I saw a cute girl on the bus with an anime wallpaper on her phone today and now that pain when no gf is coming back all at once and I can't deal.

i have to go away somewhere far away

>>12092251
>DEPICTIONS OF THE MOST FLAWLESS OF GF MATERIAL GIRLS GETTING SPITROASTED BY BALD MEN
DEPICTIONS
there you have it, it's not real
anyway, what's your issue with bald men lol, seems like you have serious inferiority complexes

>>12092573
My parents would never accept it.

My feet are cold.
I will shut down the PC and head off to bed to do some reading. I'll read under three blankets until I doze off. At least a couple hours.

>>12092601
Sounds comfy. What are you reading?

>>12092151
yeah because it's a very unrealistic jump in my opinion (t. guy who was autist with girls in high school) but add another conversation where the girl is pestering the guy about why he won't talk to her and have the guy give enough info to finally prompt the deep convo during the next encounter

>>12092348
Oh anon, when will you learn that everything can be made funny? The most taboo and serious events can be fucked and degraded until they're just another piece of trash in the dumpster fire, but only after they fall into the state where they are pure enough to be taken seriously but dirty enough for their conflicting nature to be mocked.

>>12092251
this was a very good read. you're talented anon. write as a cynical lit tard and ill buy your book

I've been considering joining a seminary or a monastery for some time now because it'd allow me to stay away from civilization and secluded in purely intellectual and spiritual concerns even though I don't truly believe in God.

>>12092680
>reads TBK once

>>12092568
your body your choice who gives a shit. don't have a kid if you don't want it, that would be the worst thing for the kid. just get an abortion and say you miscarried. it's a common thing, wouldn't be suspicious if you don't wanna share that it was an abortion

>>12091787
I can’t figure out how younger users on 4chan for the last ten years were capable of somewhat preserving the culture and this cohort has annihilated all traces of it. Im assuming the replacement cohorts are being drawn from anathema backgrounds.

>>12092643
this. half the posters on 4chan laugh about the holocaust

>>12092680
Start by turning off your computer and see how long you last.

>>12092701
what are you talking about?

I love you!

>>12092731
me too

>>12091854
Try to believe in yourself anon

>>12092710
I am weak willed; I'd need a stronger authority to keep me in place; I am a terrible user of my personal freedom and unless someone is there to restrict it I'll always fall into hedonism and dissatisfaction.

Nietzsche treated the herd like a dumbass kid with a stick would a hornets nest. The herd responded like the hornets nest.

>>12092765
How?

I wish someone important would read my blog posts about dragons and tell me how cringeworthy they are in robust terms.

>>12093044
just be yourself :)

Oh how I wish I was a lass again. No one ever tells you the truth of what it's like to be an adult. Adulthood is just bunch of rats trying to cram through a small tube to reach a tiny drugged crumb over and over again. But I think if adults told me the truth ...I wouldn't like it but I have to wonder if they know if it is really the truth?
Life is hard and yet I'm still young. I have no idea were I'm going in life....

>>12093140
wait 'til you start menopause

>>12093051
post link.

>>12093175
https://dancefighterredux.wordpress.com/

>>12093183
>https://dancefighterredux.wordpress.com/
too wordy, get to the point.

>>12093195
Never

I have a friend from high school who has a seemingly idyllic life, he's not only a talented artist but is actually pretty successful at it, his gf is his high school sweetheart who he still absolutely adores, he has a great relationship with his parents, loads of friends, is manages to be fairly /lit/ and /out/ on top of it. Maybe if I knew more I'd realize it's not all so great, but from my perspective he seems to be doing really well and I'm happy to know someone with such a beautiful life. Maybe I'll make it someday too.

>>12093269
According to his social media profiles?

I don't like the idea that the jannies can see all the contributions you have made to current threads.

>>12093269
No according to my irl interactions with him

>>12093290
meant to reply to >>12093276

How do I get better at describing a scene or setting? Whenever I try to write I tend to be dialogue heavy. I usually go into detail describing actions and emotions. But whenever I try to add some flavor text to describe the scenery and break up the dialogue, it just feels like it doesn’t belong.

>>12093343
Don't feel imprisoned by author styles preceding yours. Literature is a journey, a progression, and a history. And history is forever changing...

>tfw trying to read on the subway in NY while jiggaboos are hoopin and hollarin

Dostoevsky was overall a better author but occasionally Tolstoy has his moments that make 90% of Dostoevsky look like shit.

I sometimes take off my shirt and stand on the balcony in the cold november air while listening to the soundtrack from Berserk to punish myself for not doing enough push-ups.

I've also started vaping.

Does anyone have the David Foster Wallace death scene pdf, please?

I took a full tab of acid ~6 hours ago and I’m now in the off zone. First, and to get it out of the way, it was better than anything I’ve felt before, the range of sensations was so wide and pleasant that I feel like the whole
of existance is a pink warm marshmallow cuddling you (I felt this both literally and metaphorically). Before doing it I didn’t know how my day was going to end, since I’d only done a quarter once and the effect wasn’t really pleasant, I thought I was going to try the whole thing and see where I end up, be it dead or alive it didn’t matter really (this thought comes as dramatic to me now but I genuinely had it before). The subjective experience of time and space felt so enhanced by the range of hallucinations which invaded every part of me (hard to put into words really). I had a perspective that felt so wide but personal at the same time. I had a mix of every anxiety, every artistic sensibility, every philosophical position and question come to me simultaneously and I could dissolve in any way so freely and so careless. I contemplated my mortality and that of the people I care about. Any direction my thoughts took wasn’t invaded by the vanity and depression that usually accompanies my existance. But in a deeper way I knew I wasn’t gaining any insight, and that I was just coming into something with my own. I felt that so many big concepts where converging into me and that I had the solution for the universe but I could only communicate it as a ‘druggie laugh’ and this thought made me laugh even more. Finally, I knew everything that I was feeling was something given by my own hand, it feels silly to say it, but it’s as if I was hugging myself on a spiritual level, and I was aware of the uniqueness of the experience too: I will never feel it again like I felt it today and no one will feel the same even if it moves in the same realm of emotions. I saw myself in the most pathetic of lights and it didn’t feel bad. Anyway, I’m just 23 yo college student in his room alone on a friday night.

PS. I can’t but recommend it. If you feel like you can handle it you most certainly will.

>>12093471
how2get acid?

Still at it, thinking about how selfish and entitled MTF trannies are. they're likely to be the full embodiment of Nietzsche's slave morality, or at least I kept thinking that while doing my first read through of Genealogy of Morals.

>>12093493
Explain or be ridiculed

>>12093269
are you from the midwest bc i might know you

>>12093512
To begin with, it's based on resentment (in this case, of "cis" people). The entire morality of the trans "community" is rooted on resentment and reaction to their oppression, and it's expressed by doing whatever is good for the community even to the detriment of other groups they claim solidarity with (aka oppression olympics). One could argue that there's a conspiracy to get trannies into all points of power through careful subversion (if you follow the conclusions that a /pol/tard would, it would be through DA JOOS).

I'm trying to write the opening to my animation but I feel like i'm falling into the trap of exposition, so I've been rethinking it over and over.

>>12093538
That is more reductive than I thought possible

>>12091787
I'm living with myself today
With barely anything to say
I'm living with my problems and
Can't do a thing about them
I'm living in the doldrums
Cuz i'm not you
Cuz you don't love me
Like i love you

Imagine seeking change.

Love yourself. Even your stinky parts. Like your armpits.

>>12091787
Through blood,sweat, and tears I will change not only myself, but the world and culture around me

I've just masturbated watching gay porn and now i'm drinking a beer.
I really want to be fucked
the boys i know are all too busy

>>12093684
love your intestines

>>12093718
>tfw no /lit/ bf

>>12091787
>Write what’s on your mind.
I'm nude sun baking and my ass is starting to burn so I'm thinking it's about time I roll over and let Mr Dongston get some sun.

>>12093718
Atta boy. Good to know I'm not the only lit fag up in here on this pathetic night.

I think I'm going to chunk this bottle of wine, smoke a j, watch this movie (trailer below) and chat with a few boys I've bee mac'n on. Later on maybe I'll write in my diary and daydream about the fickle nature of love

I got this one boy who lives across the country show me his butt. Another boy is fucking drewling over me but he's on a cruise in the middle of the ocean. Grindr is too unreliable for me to waste time on and my fwb is being a flake so I can't dip up inside of him tonite.

If I'm feeling really sad I might order some fried chicken.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=df0TQJBkPP4

>>12093471
Bruh I love psychedelics but I'm only comfortable taking them in rural areas or in spots I am very familiar with. If I took them in an urban setting I'd probably wind up in an alley with my face peeled off.

I remember years ago I wrote this tranquil essay about my first LSD trip. I remember sitting by a pond and staring through the translucent water and through the translucent tadpoles. My own mind and body felt as translucent as a tadpole's. I had no inner monologue and all was clear as the breeze was clean.

>>12092216
Yoooooo i was doing that just as i read this post.

Massage me on neoseeker my username is superpower48.

>>12092598
Why wont your parents except him is crippled or sick.

im unsure if I have a chronic illness

I want to die

>>12093819
>>12093822

i don't wanna go that far yet

>>12093822
I want this anon to live because his suffering amuses me.

>>12093824
That's not very nice.

im torn between getting on twitter and trying to actively engage with the world or renouncing social media as time wasting, brain dissolving garbage and focuisng on writing instead. option a means i create nothing but am heard, option b means i create things but am not heard.

>>12093762
>I think I'm going to chunk this bottle of wine, smoke a j, watch this movie
>I got this one boy who lives across the country show me his butt
>Another boy is fucking drewling over me but he's on a cruise
>my fwb is being a flake so I can't dip up inside of him tonite
You are a disgusting human being.

Honestly all I want at this point is a little hole in the wall apartment where I can be left alone to sit in silence until I die. And I can't even afford that. This country is fucking ridiculous.

All I want to do is shitpost.

I really wanna live abroad for some time, it's very appealing for me. I don't know if I'll ever get the opportunity to do so, but I think about it a lot

>>12091787
FUCKKKK FUCKINGIN NIGGER NIGGERS BITCH ASS NIGGER CUNT FUCK YOU FFUCK YOUC GFUCK YOU DUMBASS DUMB FUCKING MORON RETARD BITCH ASSHOLE TRASH LITTLE BITCH CUNT. WHY CANT YOU JUST TALK TO OTHERS WELL DUMB ASS PUSSY JUST SAY FUNNY SHIT THEN SO PEOPEL WILL LIKE YOU FINALLY THE GIRL WILL LIKE YOU TOO AND YOU GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS AND DIE HAPPY NO YOU JUST SIT THERE QUIET TLLIKE A PUSSY ASS BITCH YOU DONT SAY SHIT YOU DONT MEAN SHIT TO ANYONE YOU ONLY TALK TO YOUR MOM EVERY DAY YOU HAVE NEVER TEXTED ANYONE THAT WASNT FAMILY YOU DUMB FUCKING PUSSY DONT CRY ABOUT BEING LONELY ITSS EASY JUST TALK TO PEOPEL SO THEY CAN LIKE YOU DUMB CUNT ITS EASY WHY CANT I TALK TO PEOPLE WELL. I AM ALONE. IM LOST IN LIFE AND IM ALONE. I MISS MY DAD. WHY DOESNT MY MOM LOVE ME. WHY AM I THE ONLY BROKEN FUCKINNG DUMBASS IN MY FAMILY. WHY DONT PEOLE LOVE ME. I WANT TOO BE NORMAL. LIFES CONFUSING BOYS AND I DONT THINK IMM DOING WELL.

I want to step on my friend's face

>>12092517
What in particular was he right about? I've read many books but am a brainlet for understanding themes.

I have been minimising my exposure to marketing and trying to pare down my hobbies that don't really do anything but make me want to consume more. Kind of hard when I play Warhammer (a vice from my earlier years) and enjoy it. Not the ridiculously large games though. I prefer the smaller scale stuff with a lower cost of entry so I'm not just moving blobs and rolling dice. Not terribly fun. The fun for me comes with creating fluff for my guys, modelling, and painting them. A lot easier to do when I can take time with each piece and not slog through an entire army whilst forcing myself to paint them all.

It is hard to stay away from advertising, though. Whether it's from official sources or from other people. I've stopped going to /tg/ since it's just one big advertisement.

It strikes me as odd that most college students manage to graduate without understanding the slightest bit of what they were taught. This is not something I'm saying out of conjecture or based on anecdotes; there had been research on the issue, and most students of economics and politics, even at elite institutions, have little to no grasp of the basics of their disciplines. Even from my own experience as a medical student, I can confidently tell you that 30% of students are utterly clueless, 40% have some sort of knowledge of what they're dealing with (only because they have long memorized the necessary information by heart) but can't really tell how things actually work, and heavily rely on the counsel of brighter colleagues, and the remaining 30% vary from quite good to genius. It's really depressing.

>>12092771
you need a team

The Beatles' Esher demos are damn good.

Is this a literature forum or a place where people post endless threads about how depressed they are?

>>12091935
Yeah, its ridiculous

>>12091787
I want to quietly publish an entire corpus of novels, short stories, novellas, etc. just so I can eventually release a complete works collection called Die in Obscurity. It's a comfy thought

>>12091787
I smiled today

Thinking of you

While she was away

it's not a big deal

she's miles outfield

it's not like it's real

I just wanted to feel.
She'll be back home soon

she doesn't suspect

that the conversations we share

are better than sex.
funny isn't it.

How I push her away

A living breathing person.

I'd rather not lay.
In my hand don't you see.

on this tiny phone screen.

It's me unashamed.

and I finally feel free.

I know nothing happens.

The road ends here.

we will never be more.

than lending our ears.
It bothers me little

I cannot express

How something so brittle

frees my Duress.

I have zero interest in becoming one of you pot bellied, iPhone using, money chasing, TV watching, illiterate slaves.

The only time I ever felt jealous of another person's life is when Harlan Ellison described how he would knock out a story, cash the cheque from it, and use it to pay off his rent for the month and buy a big dinner.

>>12094691
imagine living the full /lit/ lifestyle...

i like manga more than books

>>12094756
which mangas do you like, anon?

>>12094380
College has changed from training society's elite to take esteemed positions in the professional hierarchy to becoming a daycare for thots and chads and a profit making scheme for moneylenders. Wish I was taking my degree now in mid thirties than at eighteen as I wasn't ready to take it seriously enough. Expensive piece of paper and I'm playing catch-up in many ways still.

>>12094764
Fukumotos work, Junji Itos work, Yagi Norihiros work, Homunculus, Nausicaa, Jojo, Azumanga Daioh, Girls Last Tour, Berserk, Gantz, Crows
Theres a lot of fun stuff

>>12092251
absolutely based

i want to die

>>12094788
oh yeah there's good stuff in there, good taste

but i mostly just read Yaoi

>>12094498
Is it much different from people writing endless books about how depressed they are? That's lit in a nutshell for you. Granted it's usually done a little more artfully in print.

>>12094422
he needs a daddy

>>12093866
The feelings mutual baybee. We each have our kicks you boring little breeder

>>12094924
>Is it much different from people writing endless books about how depressed they are?

Yeah with books authors usually get paid. I ain't getting paid in nothing but (You)s. And They don't cover the bills.

>>12094932
>Yeah with books authors usually get paid.
Not much.
>>12094932
>I ain't getting paid in nothing but (You)s. And They don't cover the bills.
You can either blame us and blame yourself or blame the world we live in. I read somewhere that if people were adequately compensated for the "value" (that is clicks) they produce on social media the average person could make a living wage just shitposting on twitter and instagram. And by extension here (supposing 4chan had a viable business model)

>>12094946
>You can either blame us and blame yourself or blame the world we live in
You can either blame us, yourself or the world we live in.

Much better.

>>12094946
>You can either blame us and blame yourself or blame the world we live in.

It's just a joke, anon.

>>12094952
Maybe but every joke belies a truth.

>>12094959
Well about this one

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk

I know it’s a bit of an over-asked question but for me it’s ironically defined my entire life:
What defines a person?
Is there even such a thing as an individual or is in all just delusions?

I’ve struggled with this question for a long time. I’ve never felt like I had and identity. I interact with the world in an often distant way; primarily through humor, but I feel as if there is something blocking me from am fully associating myself with my actions or words. I guess you could call it disassociation

I should have grabbed her waist, touched her shoulders or something, even though she's married and it wouldn't work in the long-term for us. Life's too short to pass on opportunities like this. Oh well, next time then.

It's hard being clumsy with women, but it's also very exciting.

>>12093519
nope

>>12094975
Cute

>>12093746
I'll be you're /lit/ bf but only in a strictly hetero way

>>12094988
>What defines a person?
How many instagram followers they have.
>Is there even such a thing as an individual or is in all just delusions?
Individuality is like virtual reality. It's real in some sense that the illusion is based on objective phenomena underlying it. But if you strip away the context surrounding two people, and put them on a desert island in nothing but loincloths, you would observe interesting things.

First you would observe the dissolution of their former social identity founded on the continual interaction and commitment to a group of peers or public forum. Second you would see an increasing emphasis on body-sense over reason-sense. A reversion to the gut feelings of animal instinct and a lose of the language-based sense of conscious control.

Finally, you would start to see a new identity being built around life on the desert island as enough time passes and the old live becomes a distant memory.

We often see young people become different people after going away to college or hitting a certain stage of puberty or whatever. It makes sense given how volatile their chemistry is. But that volatility underscores the fact that in many ways we are vessels, hardware that can run an unbounded variety of personality softwares depending on the conditions and histories.

>>12095060
Sorry for the typos, I'm still waking up

>>12095010
Ok Brett, don't you have a supreme court case you should be attending to?

>>12095083
>implying the court does anything other than larp out some legalese to justify their personal opinion

>>12093915
i’m sorry.

The only time I don't feel like I'm completely dead inside is when I'm masturbating to anime boys who look like anime girls.

>>12095182
Well at least you have that anon.

Why is everyone so mean on this website? Is this just the gathering point for damaged souls? A kind of graveyard of elephants for the living dead?

>>12095246
I just get scammed today, not in a good mood. Should've not trust anyone with a russian name.

I want to write for the sole purpose of having people read my work. Like I could write a 200 page story and I feel like I didn't achieve anything unless I put it out there for people to read, even if it's just online. Problem is whatever I write, I feel like it's not good enough to actually put out there for people to read. I'm envious of those weird Sonic/Kingdom Hearts fan fiction writers that just write the most terrible things and still have the balls to put their work out there for everyone to see.

>>12095307
Then write ff.

>>12095307
Weird, I'm highly intrinsically motivated by writing. I just find it enjoyable and meaningful to do. If people read it, great. If they don't, great.

My advice to you would be to encourage you to just put it out there, especially self-publishing online. You never know who your words might resonate with. Even if it's someone living in a trailer in rural Alabama with the reading level of a 5th grader, someone out there feels like you do.

I'm in love. I'm in love with her rosy cheeks and blond hair and the scars on her arms and her smiling eyes.

I have a massive bag of leftover jawbreakers from Halloween and I'm afraid of eating them because I hear that biting them will fuck up your teeth.

>>12095328
Eyes don't smile you nerd.

>>12095328
That's cute desu :3

What does love feels likes?

>>12095343
It's like if you dumped a bunch of pop rocks in your mouth and then drank a soda and then a Japanese pro wrestler dropkicks you on the head.

>>12095328
Good luck
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOrfYQPZF6k

>>12094777

College has changed from intellectual pursuit to trade school.

>>12095381
Hmm. Ok. Sounds alright.

>>12093471
And now that I wake up everything is back to normal. As if nothing happened, or as if it was so intrascendent that it didn’t matter, which I knew it was honestly. Everything is transitory.

Currently crying, might go for a walk.

>>12095522
one day I'll meet some scene people and be able to try this myself

>>12095599
/lit/ -- the post

>>12092408
it's 2018 you can be if you want

What keeps you guys going?

>>12095717
I'm a 30 year old neet that has left the house 3 times at the most this year. I spend a large chunk of time posting on various 4chan boards because this is the only semblance of social interaction I have with the outside world. If it wasn't for my ability to shitpost here or get some (you)s I would probably literally go insane from this social isolation. Or possibly just end up killing myself.

>>12095717
inertia
tea
d&d

>>12095717

I'm ready to see the fall of capitalism.

i miss life 2 years ago, in spring 2016, my life basically revolved around playing video games, talking to my online friends, and seeing my (now ex) girlfriend

things were a lot simpler, my desires weren't so complex, i had a lot of hope for the future and even though most of my time was "wasted", i had more fun that i've ever had throughout my late teens following this routine

i essentially did what i want when i wanted it, the way i lived was obviously what is considered childish (i lived entirely off my parents, woke up at 1-2pm in the afternoon after going to sleep at 4/5am the night before, had no long term goals) but i found this was of living alluring regardless of what other people thought of it

i had no friends that were not on the internet except for my girlfriend at the time who i saw on an almost daily basis until we split up a year later, yet i was more satisfied socially than i am now

when i entered my 20s my life took a turn for wanting to be constantly productive to make sure that my future is okay, constantly striving to "achieve" which ironically has not done anything for me on a personal level

my time is now filled up with inane tasks revolving around university, money, and socially satisfying people who want to speak to me (like i am some sort of little monkey that gets brought out onto a stage to perform for others)

i cannot connect to any of the people i speak to in real life, every time i socialise with them i am putting up a front and so are they because they are deeply insecure and will attack any flaw that you show (they call this "banter"), activities with them are typically things that bring them the most comfort in that they are normal (smoking weed, getting drunk at parties, having casual sex with ugly girls)

what i mean by this is that because of their deep insecurities they do the things listed above just to confirm that they are normal and not losers

the people i once spoke to online have all moved on, the difference being that they have found enjoyment in their lifestyle change while it has brought me only regret and a longing for the past

the sad part is that this way of life i'm now engaged in feels inescapable, in a few years i am expected to leave home which will then result in the full force of it hitting me in the face as i am forced to provide entirely for myself and i watch not only myself age but the people around me also age and grow into people who take out mortgages, get married, divorced, have kids (some from my childhood already have kids, this is unsettling)

i am 21

I'm just a college student in my first semester but I just can't stop smoking thc. I should stop right? I want to be a nurse. I can't be smoking weed. I can't be high on the floor. I can't be high even a night before and retard myself. Fuck. I can't be smoking this shit. I should stop. Fuck man I've been smoking this for 2 years straight. It's going to remain in my system from when I've actually stopped for at least 4 months. Meaning I should make sure its out of my system that long before clinical begin. It's interacting with my meds making me feel practically nothing during the day. I am getting twitches.

Now reasons to continue smoking. Don't feel like killing myself. People around me seem way happier just seeing that I am not a depression blackhole in that moment. Stops the molestation and abuse flashbacks and can get to sleep at night.

Why am I always addicted? I need to stop.

Is creative writing the most creative-focused study in university? Other arts in university have strict theories they follow making it more technical, and creative writing has less technical stuff as evidence by the lack of PhDs.

>>12095730
I'm glad you're with us on this earth

>>12095865
this way of living*

>>/lit/thread/S12091799

The climoid's thread about people laughing at him got deleted while I was typing this:

History is full of actual catastrophes that dwarf the potential ones climoids speak of. Its only common denominator regarding "the future" is its utter indifference thereto. If you apply the same anality to the past-present axis as you do to the present-future one, you're forced to concede that your current fortune, and that of the whole world, by your own standards, is correlated to and/or caused by catastrophe and indifference, not by homeostasis and anxiety.

Parmenidean Christian, vegan out of my own judgement and for my own sake, by the way.

I got into photography 8 years ago because I liked going to anime conventions and taking photographs of cosplayers. While most of it was a pretty positive experience, it's always the shittiest rudest experiences with people that stick to your mind the most. I'm socially awkward as fuck, so approaching people used to be pretty hard for me. Years of doing it built up my confidence though. Earlier this year I had the shittiest encounter yet. Other times when people are rude to you, you can tell that they're being rude, but they still have the courtesy to put up a facade of being civil. This girl made no such attempt to hide her rudeness. The whole thing just soured me cosplayers and anime conventions in general. It doesn't help that I've lurked at /cgl/ and it's full of these exact same shitty types of people I want to avoid. It's like anytime you see a cosplayer you think, yeah I bet they're from /cgl/. They probably think waving hello to them is literally rape.

>>12095934
>History is full of actual catastrophes that dwarf the potential ones climoids speak of

Yeah that's real neato and that but this is affecting us, you twat

>>12091787
I'm genuinely happy with the direction of my personal life. I'm getting married soon, have just finished my graduate studies, and am beginning a very promising career. I've been blessed with a relatively high IQ and the analytical disposition necessary to thrive in the modern economy. I am deeply concerned, however, with the spiritual health of my country, and I'm hoping that the impending disaster will awaken the vulgar masses from their materialistic, petit bourgeois slumber to embrace the transcendent. Here's to a veritable eucatastrophe, friends.

>>12091867
My guess is that since Nick Land writes predominately about the future, and given that we are at standing at the same moment in history looking forward as Land, it is much easier to follow along with his vision without much prior knowledge. Evola, on the other hand, is constantly referencing thinkers of the past, and so it will seem much more obscure.

>>12095871
I don't know what to say anon. I hope you find the will to quit because I understand the brain fog caused by constant weed smoking.

>>12096046
This. I feel like my life is finally coming together right when the whole country around me is on the verge of civil unrest. ffs.

Honestly this country needs me to lead it. I should be its enlightened despot. I'd fix it up in a jiffy or hire someone who can. No reservations and no ideological commitments. Just fix shit and make it better until the issues go away.

I finished 2666 a couple hours ago and I'm still in a very heightened emotional state. I seriously feel like I could tear up at any second and I'm not entirely sure why.

I'm glad to be here for the death of 4chan.

>>12096158
I've been nursing a political manifesto for some time and one point I consider is the elimination of party affiliations.

If every American politician was forced to run as independent, they would have to form coalitions around the issues themselves, and not hide behind party loyalties. This would make them work harder and overlook differences.

Parties don't really do much but bunch people up into pidgeonholed voting blocks. Independent candidates are harder to oversimplify so you have to participate more.

>>12096233
>I've been here since a year after the start
>even here longer than moot.

Is this "winning"? Because it doesn't feel like winning.

>>12095934
Hey anon I think you may have forgotten that the reason people are so upset over the climate is THAT IT'S A COMPLETELY MAN-MAD DISASTER AND COULD BE AVERTED IF WE WEREN'T PATHETIC SLAVES TO CAPITAL.
Fucking imbecile

>>12096233
why does this keep getting posted today

>>12096233
>/pol/ is actually getting excised
Words cannot express my happiness

>>12096279

So were both word wars, colonialism, slavery, etc. Man-made catastrophe is integral to my argument.

>>12096289
for real?

>>12096346
there are threads up on /pol/ about it if you visit the front page rn

>>12096342
The billions of climate refugees will make those events look like happy fun times in comparison.

>>12096346
it's not actually clear, depends on if the boards on the new domain are going to have global rule 3 be actually enforced

>>12096366

And?

>>12096418
So your entire argument of "things were worse in the past lol" falls flat on its face?
Further, if you're actually a christian as you claim, don't you think saving God's beautiful creation would be a good thing?

>>12096362
That's just irrational fear similar to your irrational fantasy.

Day 3 of not jerking off. I have gotten a boner yet allowed it to go away. The urge lingers. Most not capitulate.

>>12096435

I don't follow. I didn't say they were worse.

>>12093907
I feel the same. I'm really thinking about going overseas as an exchange student for my last period of work practice

>>12093907
It's fun but also quite alienating

>>12091787
These threads always makes me depressed knowing that there are people out there that concern themselves with intellectual pursuits and yet everyone I interact with on a daily basis concerns themselves with vanity and lack any originality

Moving here was a mistake

bung bong

>be summer 2018
>see couples holding hands
>feels.exe
>start my quest for a gf in earnest, fast forward to today
>spent whole afternoon walking around with a qt, holding hands, kissing on goodbye
>mfw not feeling anything
What the fuck dudes this was supposed to be the inverse experience of years worth of tfw no gf, what the fuck dudes did I get scammed?

Where is that one guy that told me to go nofap like 4 weeks ago, fucking explain this bullshit

She asked me what I loved most bout her. I told her I loved her big heart. It made her smile. What I actually meant to say was her big farts.

I hate Brahms. I hate all German composers with equal intensity BUT it's hard to convey the quality of hate that I have for Brahms. His op. 60 is actually makes me physically angry. I can feel my neck and jaw muscles tighten as it oozes like a puddle of porridge. I mean contrapuntal cacophony IS shit, but Germany has diligently taken in upon itself to extricate it such that if you actually like it, shit is seldom infused with as vigorous an anality as it is in Bach or Beethoven. No two notes ever touch without misery, the dreadful gargle of bass 8th notes is so pestilential that it persists even in its absence, the voices masterfully arranged to clash in the most jarring way, melody is fully abolished and triumphantly so. Indeed, when I ponder what exactly was Bach thinking when this awkward reprise, that putrid inner voice, that clanging, that jigging, I need not ponder. He didn't think. And if you don't think either, he's your man.

BUT Brahms is different. In op. 60 there is the incessant desire to evacuate the colon and the utter failure to do so. It tries to be music, in vain. A mockery of man. Collapsing back into the latrine of German formalism with each beat. Minutes on end of a zombie wrestling with a net. A nightmare only recurring by virtue of its urgency and torpor alike. Shit coming back through the radiator. FUCK BRAHMS.

I hate Brahms. I hate all German composers with equal intensity BUT it's hard to convey the quality of hate that I have for Brahms. His op. 60 is actually makes me physically angry. I can feel my neck and jaw muscles tighten as it oozes like a puddle of porridge. I mean contrapuntal cacophony IS shit, but Germany has diligently taken in upon itself to extricate it such that if you actually like it, shit is seldom infused with as vigorous an anality as it is in Bach or Beethoven. No two notes ever touch without misery, the dreadful gargle of bass 8th notes is so pestilential that it persists even in its absence, the voices masterfully arranged to clash in the most jarring way, melody is fully abolished and triumphantly so. Indeed, when I ponder what exactly was Bach thinking with this awkward reprise, that putrid inner voice, that clanging, that jigging, I need not ponder. He didn't think. And if you don't think either, he's your man.

BUT Brahms is different. In op. 60 there is the incessant desire to evacuate the colon and the utter failure to do so. It tries to be music, in vain. A mockery of man. Collapsing back into the latrine of German formalism with each beat. Minutes on end of a zombie wrestling with a net. A nightmare only recurring by virtue of its urgency and torpor alike. Shit coming back through the radiator. FUCK BRAHMS.

I hate Brahms. I hate all German composers with equal intensity BUT it's hard to convey the quality of hate that I have for Brahms. His op. 60 actually makes me physically angry. I can feel my neck and jaw muscles tighten as it oozes like a puddle of porridge. I mean contrapuntal cacophony IS shit, but Germany has diligently taken in upon itself to extricate it such that if you actually like it, shit is seldom infused with as vigorous an anality as it is in Bach or Beethoven. No two notes ever touch without misery, the dreadful gargle of bass 8th notes is so pestilential that it persists even in its absence, the voices masterfully arranged to clash in the most jarring way, melody is fully abolished and triumphantly so. Indeed, when I ponder what exactly was Bach thinking with this awkward reprise, that putrid inner voice, that clanging, that jigging, I need not ponder. He didn't think. And if you don't think either, he's your man.

BUT Brahms is different. In op. 60 there is the incessant desire to evacuate the colon and the utter failure to do so. It tries to be music, in vain. A mockery of man. Collapsing back into the latrine of German formalism with each beat. Minutes on end of a zombie wrestling with a net. A nightmare only recurring by virtue of its urgency and torpor alike. Shit coming back through the radiator. FUCK BRAHMS.

>>12096922
This also happened to me. I had a super clingy gf which I had always wanted. One night when we were sleeping together and turned my head to look at her sleeping form and I thought, "I don't want this person here, I don't want to be trapped with this person."

>>12096922
>tfw on enough antidepressants to put a horse to sleep
>not an ounce of libido left

>tfw attention span so shot after years of garbage websites like 4chan I can't even focus through a ten minute youtube video anymore, let alone read a book
help

>>12096922
Congratulations on hitting the emotional maturity of a mid 20 something, welcome to the Real World anon

>>12096922

Other people are not illusory in the sense that they don't exist, they are illusory despite their existence. You already ARE that which you want from love. Perfect communion with another would be identical to simply being you. Whether people are fundamentally full, or fundamentally empty, or fundamentally qualitatively different, perfect communion with another would make you none the better.

>>12097333
shut up jesus you had loads of friends

I've been looking at this picture so much knowing that it'd be so easy to feel better and vowing every night that 'the next day will be the day' and then waking up and doing nothing to fix my situation.
>no fap
>eating well
>excericse
>decent nights sleep
I know that all these things would boost my confidence and esteem and put me in a position where I'm making friends and feeling better and i just can't fucking do it. I am weak and pathetic

>>12093374
unbelievably based

>>12093455
check libgen

>>12097299
waiting being emotionally mature means not having emotions at all?
t. immature 20 year old

>>12093471
glad you had a good experience anon. acid has helped me more than a lot of my therapy has. there's something about being let loose inside of your own head that allows you to figure out a lot of things about yourself.
much love

>>12093916
do it

>>12094975
this is good

What are some good books to "open someone's eyes"?
Books on ideology, propaganda, economy...
I'd make a thread, but I don't want the recommenndations to degenerate into partisan politics

>>12097207
LMFAO
i was in choir in high school. we learned a brahms piece for state contest. it was very simple and incredibly boring. we spent all of our time rehearsing the four other pieces we had learned because our director thought for sure that the judges wouldn't pick the brahms piece (judges picked three pieces out of five that we had prepared to hear) and when they told him he paused and said, "... the brahms?"
good memory

>>12097254
books for this feel? too close to home ;_;

i only feel a suppressed kind of joy when i drink. unless i'm tipsy i feel shitty. i'm on 150mg effexor and i have a prescription for xanax but i only get 45 1mg pills a month and unless i take 3-4mg a day i don't feel ok. very upsetting that to feel "normal" i have to rely on prescriptions and/or substances because of a chemical imbalance in my faulty brain

>>12097512
You should really get off the xanax bro

My life for all intents and purposes is over.
I just want to die in the morning and that it.

>>12097670
why anon

>>12097692
I have no reason to exist. No utility, function I perform. I dont make anyone's live better. I dont produce anything good, positive, productive. I haven't contributed to anything. I have no wishes, joys. Nor do I care what happens to me - except im too cowardly to kms.

I simply wake up and wait in chair to go to bed in 12 hours, so far for 12 years. Once I stop hettongt gibs Ill die under bridge to starvation, thats a positive. At least then the space i occupy will be freed.

I feel as if an old man in his twilight years, realizing that his days truly are numbered. Accepting death. I am in the very last chapter of my life. After I graduate in December I am going to kill myself. I will never know what it is like for all of your bones to ache, or see my friends pass away one by one. But I have known what it is like to be the type of tired sleep does not help.
God's eloquence is deafening

oh god someone is singing happy birthday outside to someone.
it hurts

>>12097737
you and me bro

>>12097737
Fuck. This is me.

Holy shit I held off listening to this because I thought it was a /mu/ meme but it's actually really fucking good

try Buddhism

>>12097760
based pleb

>>12097737
Brother...

>>12097763
I mean its not "transcendental auditory experience"-tier but it's still really enjoyable.
Also I've been in a bit of a drought of music discovery recently, makes even the plebbiest stuff seem better.

>>12097771
what kinda genres you dig

>>12092590
tips: don't go to places where there are people

Is writing proprietary

>>12097809
who cares

>>12097776
My taste is muddled and shit, but mostly indie pop and various alt rock sub-genres. I unironically only started listening to music a couple years ago so I'm still discovering a lot of shit.

>>12097812

Presence

>>12092251
Thank you for this anon, recontestualization is always a virtue

also nice writeup for
>CURRENT YEAR

>>12097818
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwzQGYKQcsw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHhEHzVG6SE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9V9JuYZoIc
here

>>12092251
could you give me some source on
>GUYS ARE LITERALLY BUYING FAKE WIGS, CHEAP MAKEUP, AND GOING ON THE "L E S B I A N" TAG OF OMEGLE IN ORDER TO BUST A
>N U T
>U
>T

haha I'm about to read Catcher in the Rye for the first time. Catch you fags later

>>12092251
King

Damn, I really like this tacos

>>12091787
i just realized /lit/‘s being low barrier to entry effectively renders it a shitposting board and its basically indistinguishable from /fit/ now

pretty sure i'm never going to get published again.

>>12095871
Have you looked into rehab or therapy? This guy I know who almost killed his roommates when they caught him stealing their weed, he got some good help from a retreat.

>>12092251
lel

>>12098243
I miss /fitlit/ genuinely the best thing this board had ever seen

>tfw no ancient demon gf

why do I keep coming here when it just makes me more depressed

Jamming out to music late at night almost makes up for being sad and alone during the day. Sometimes I'll even stand up and pretend like I know how to dance, it's fun.

>>12098675
I'm feeling gloomy tonight so you dance your heart out fren.

I just want a cute boy to hit me, over and over again.

I'm just gonna ask her for coffee and see what happens.

>>12097961
>>>/r9k/49317282

I lied to my mom and coworkers about having a girlfriend. They've both been on my ass to see a picture of the two of us together. I drove down to my old uni library and paid a cute girl 15 dollars to take a picture with me. I felt like I was going to throw up since I've never started a causal conversation with a woman before, so it's a miracle I could pull it off.

Every time I ejaculate I find myself repeating to myself the quote of Schopenhauer's "Life is a task to be done."

At the moment of the little death as the Frogs call it descends on you and you orgasm, the futility of the sexual urge dawns on you thereafter. The energy wasted pursuing a fleeting pleasure, the shame and disgust at the porn or the lustful acts to which one was reduced. And the whole pointless struggle of life sticks there lingering like a bad scent.

Sex without love is like food without nutrition. You can eat it, it is digestible and maybe even tasty. It will leave you feeling nothing.

>>12099087
I really can't be bothered to proofread my posts can I?

Got it feels so good to write. Tapping on a keyboard is fine but the real deal is writing longhand with a fountain pen. There's a tactility to it that gives me the deepest scratch on the most ticklish itch. What's more I perceive myself to exit my body and its shell, forgetting my corporeal restraints and flooding loosely as a liberated consciousness over a world of lexical nirvana.

I wish there would be more of a return to print based culture. Many of the political problems facing the world today have to do with people not reading and being uninformed. In a print based culture I would be a sultan of simile, an emir of epigrams, a kaiser of conjunctions, but instead I am a pauper of poetry, a urchin of assonance, a vagrant of vignettes. I need adjectival alms and consonant charities, grammatical giving and prepositional presents.

>>12097620
It's hard when it's the only thing that makes me feel like I'm functioning like a normal human being :/

>>12099119
it doesnt happen often, but sometimes i have moments when writing when it feels like i dont premeditate at all, that i'm truly writing stream of consciousness. like my thoughts are directly on the page with minimal censoring and i have some direct insight into how my mind works.

then i start overthinking things and lose the moment.

>>12099027
good luck, friend.

>>12097414
its amazing just what exercising and eating right will do for improving my mood.

I just happened to notice that people these days don't seem to so much as live life as drift through life. Gone are the regular stages of life into discrete stages or checkpoints that once signaled a normal progression through life. A leisurely childhood, a reliable education, marriage, your own fertile brood, and finally a soothing senescence and retirement into the twilight of old age.

Now it's as if everyone under the age of 40 is in a complete scramble. They are following their own path which is probably not even fully understood to them, which means they are following no path: drifting.

Gone are the steady religious structures which provided a formatting for the societal rotations and revolutions of the years, replaced instead by rank commercialism and an anything goes pomo attitude. This isn't the Wild West so much as it is the Wild Nowhere, a volatile everywhere and nowhere of shifting cultural dimensions and digitized information. Nothing seems to happen and yet everything happens. It's the magic of the virtual, the digitally abstracted.

This sense of drifting lost is so pervasive that it is almost invisible. And it does act almost like a haunting presence, an unspoken of and unseen killer that stalks the dreamworld more palpably than the material, afflicting the spiritual or psychological just as determinately as the social or economic.

Sleepwalking as it often does can end badly, and in this case it is no different. There has to develop a universal and global feeling that the human race is worth it, that what we're all doing here isn't just a cosmic joke or a chemical accident.

>>12099275
>it doesnt happen often, but sometimes i have moments when writing when it feels like i dont premeditate at all,

This is exactly what I'm talking about. There's a concept in zen buddhism of "single-pointedness" that is related to the state of satori, or enlightenment. All of one's mind is concentrated at a single point like the big bang.

You are supposed to do this while meditating in a particular position (zazen) but you don't have to. Some zen masters attained satori simply brushing the floor with the monastery or gardening.

In many ways I think it's similar with that stream of consciousness state when writing. The major difference here is that the zen state is supposed to transcend the boundaries and logic of linguistic understanding which is innately linear and syntactical, pre-fabricated in a sense. In fact the whole point of the practice is to short-circuit the assumptions of logic and grammar. Koans are used for this purpose.

Even so when I am writing creative fiction I don't experience language that way. It is more sensory, as if it engages all my senses at once. So I am engaged in this act of self-forgetting in which my ego is dissolved into the sounds of the words. I no longer thing about the word's meanings but rather experience their meanings directly.

>>12091818
Spend only one hour a day bathed in dopamine and accomplishing nothing. Or else you'll regret it.
>>12092340
Based comment

I feel great for once. Been reading a lot, and writing a lot. Haven't been sleeping a lot, but I feel great. I had to take a break from my work to look at 4chan :)

>>12099309
>Some zen masters attained satori simply brushing the floor with the monastery

>>12099292
i like what ur getting at

rn, most of says "we're fucked." i don't see where humanity is getting together on anything anytime soon. we're doomed to be herded like sheep by the whims of the rich and powerful, same as it's always been.

it is a very small portion of the population - as it always is and has been - that is simultaneously lacking in ignorance and yet burgeoning in empathy. anyone smart enough to see how things are going in the world is either powerless to do anything or abusing it for personal gain. the other 99.999%+ of the population is as good as sheep are when it comes to the betterment of their own species.

i like your last line, that we need to feel like what we're doing is "worth" it. it wasn't too long ago that we had religion and ignorance to allow us to dream of a reward for our toil and servitude on Earth. but the true advent of technology in recent years has proven to us that we're all just slaves to grease the wheels of society, all for the ends of making an incredibly tiny portion of us filthy stinking rich. and it's always been that way.

so why should anyone care, really? just drown ourselves in excess till some aliens throw a rock at us. until the earth itself kicks us off. until any hope for a future is gone and we noone has to worry about it ever again...

*inb4 don't cut urself on that edge faggot*

>>12098555
because misery loves company maybe? also nice trips

>>12099174
My advice would be getting your doctor to switch you over to klonopin, it has a much longer half-life so it's more effective for generalized anxiety, same with valium. but chances are you still prefer xanax because of the recreational high, it really does fuck you up man but the tolerance rises insanely rapidly. saying you "only" get 45 mg a month worries me though my dude

This is a terrible stream of consciousness thing I wrote about my twin sister who was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia.

I'm thinking about her
my poor sister
I can't use language to describe what I'm feeling when I think about it
she lies to me
she never used to do that and she's such a bad liar and I'm her twin brother and I can tell when she's lying and I'm crying now because my little sister is lying to me and I don't care that she's lying to me but I want her to get better and there's nothing that will make it go away and I wish it was me who got it because she got fucked in life and I hate it
and I hate it and hate it and hate it
and I want someone to come down and make her into the little girl who wouldn't eat anything other than chicken nuggets until I told her she should try this and this and this
and the little girl who wore an eye patch because she had an astigmatism and who has the terrible drawing skills and terrible writing that's ugly but you can tell it was meant to be elegant and it probably is
why
why why
My older sister is so sad and I can't imagine but I'm more sadder than she is because I haven't spent one moment in my life without my sister and now she's this alien who looks at me with apathy and words cannot describe what she looks at me with now and it isn't my sister but she's my sister
I will always love her and love her and my love is infinite and my heart is infinite in its love but she hurts infinity when I think about her
my poor sister
I want to cry all the tear drops in the world but there aren't enough tear drops in this existence to become equivalent to the feeling I'm feeling
and she knows what she's going through but she doesn't fully understand no matter how much I simplify it or explain it to her and it's the most terrifying/tragic/upsetting/disgusting thing to me but I just want to save her and that's all I ever wanted to do and I failed but I couldn't have saved her because she was the end that is death and I wanted to protect her from this sad world and now she's all types of fucked up and she's once again the little girl who used to tell me everything and it's [ ] to think about it and I know you might be positive about this because you always are but you don't know how this feels and suppressing it makes it worse
there's nothing stronger than the love that is contained in the bond between us as twins and it's the only thing that I know she knows too but God you cunt it hurts it hurts
and I love you always and I wish I could tell the before you that this is gonna happen and I'll love you through it and after it and then after that
and if I sent this to her now she wouldn't understand but before she wouldn't have understood and now she still does not
and I'm sad

>>12092590
/lit/ is full of insecure pretentious asshats

I hate myself and I'm killing my liver help it's dying

>>12092251
good commentary on 21st century life

>>12092151
sounds like self insert wish fulfilment to be honest

>>12099559
Just fuck her already you incestuous piss worm

i typed up two replies to posts in this thread and didnt send
they were sort of mean spirited, probably wouldnt help much or add anything

but i am still fully convinced that i am right and my unsent replies hold pure TRUTH as their main sentiment.

>>12099559
sad!

>>12097414

Malaise is neither caused nor sustained by external factors.

Does anyone have advice on how to pull myself away from the computer?

There is so much I want to read, but I rarely do.
It's not like I don't enjoy it, I very much like reading, it's just much easier to fuck around on the computer
I know that I don't depend on internet and PC from experience because during a period of a couple months where I didn't have either in my current place of living I did just fine and got a lot of reading done, but I can't resist the temptation. I am weak.

Do you schedule certain hours for when to turn off all electronics and read or what's the trick?

>>12099787
Also there is nothing more horrible than this
>later i will do x
>tomorrow i'll
attiude I have
Nothing will ever change, I will just keep wasting away a minute at a time, it makes me want to vomit
basically this >>12097414

Just as terrible is distracting myself with retarded chores and feeling fake acomplishment
>time to stop fucking around on the computer, let's go do the dishes and put away the dirty laundry!
Wow I cleaned my living space I sure did "earn" the privilidge of spending the rest of the day in front of the computer!

I wish they still had manditory military service here, some dude would have screamed at my face until I was made to learn discipline
wake me up inside

>>12092601
Sounds comfy, will do the same Anon

>>12099787
Put the reading material into the computer.

>>12099865
I really dislike reading long texts from a computer screen for some reason
Reading posts all day is fine but I can't fathom how anyone would read a book on their computer

>>12099787
>>12099787
You've gotta make a habit for yourself. Start out small, by carrying a book everywhere you go, and reading where there's a lull in your day, or while you're stuck in traffic. Keep reading, and sneaking in mini-sessions throughout your daily life to read. Eventually you will be able to read whole books in one sitting. There are no real workarounds. I suggest eliminating distractions from your computer, including 4chan. I use the Chrome StayFocusd app and block everything cold turkey. Stay focused will also allow you to turn off your internet at a certain time every day with their nuclear option.

>>12099904
>Chrome

>>12099916
I have a Chromebook

>>12099928
ok

>>12099787
You have to find a value in an off-computer experience, even if it's a trick. You'll only gravitate toward something else if the reward mechanism is tight enough. It's true what they say about the fast-hit of internet dope. You need to find something the brain wants more.

It'd be sad if in the whole wide world nothing such existed, save for actual drugs.

Also, tell me what it is when you find it.

>>12099930
It's great for writing. The google drive suite

>>12092151
give him a totally unfounded super power or skill that doesn't coincide with his inability to commit to tasks or problem solving

>>12091803
>saying normie
>calling anyone else a newfag
Just delete this site already.

>>12095343
Love is butterflies in your stomach when you think about laying in bed with her, talking and laughing. Love is also the doubt that comes creeping from your common sense. Love is sometimes abandoned just as quick as it comes.

Regards,
OP of the reply on love

I've started doubting. I always manage to fall in love but directly after feel alienated when the girl isn't really up on my level mentally. I love her for how kind and funny she is. But we will never discuss the deepest questions in life.

>>12099931
Being able to communicate with humanity across space and time is enough for me

>>12092251
There were pseuds that thought like this in ancient Greece, in the middle ages (especially in the middle ages), in peak Germany, in peak Russia; always

People like Dosto, Camus and Socrates stood out because they didn't have to rely on their surroundings to make them great. Think about it. If you were bombared with literary topics all day without even trying, everybody else would be as well. What the fuck makes you think you could compete with the whole rest of the population then if you already can't now?

>>12098840
femboi cute or handsome cute? if the latter, a/s/l

>>12099027
keep us updated

>>12099949
Get the fuck off my board.

>>12095343
Love is really knowing someone and them knowing you, that's the way I feel about that. I love some of my friends. I've pretended to love a few girls before, but I haven't found what I need yet :(
>>12099957
I'm hopeful about meeting a woman someday who isn't boring, and can come down to my mental level

>>12099985
Cry some more, litte reddit baby.

>>12099974
That person is so annoying

>>12099990
Rule 2.

I had more fun online when everything was plaintext files and shitty geocities-esque pages.

>>12099904
I don't have many situations like that in my life, I really just walk to class and back to my room
I'll still try to do what you advised and read when I'm in my room and have half an hour til I need to go or stuff like that
And I am determined to practice and unplug all my shit at certain hours to practice abstinence and read

>>12099931
Yeah I've been thinking about doing something autistic like listing all my unread books in an excel sheet, then I could have a percentage number increase or maybe even find a way to fill up a progress bar as I go through reading them all
Maybe that would motivate me in some way
I could assign a word count to each book so that they increase my progress bar from 0 to 100% more or less depending on the book length

>Also, tell me what it is when you find it
I think computers can be made to seem unappealing depending on your mood and, more importantly, books are better at taking your mind off perpetual thougts that beat out the computer because you need to focus more to read
So when you feel very occupied with negative thougts books might be the superior escape tool
Basing this off me last winter when I got a lot of reading done

>>12100001
you had more fun back then in general, anon

>>12100012
Dam
>>12100008
Goodreads has something like that, the percentage progress bar. Good luck in your journey my friend. Please know your efforts to read are more fruitful than playing on the computer. Start reading right now, don't put it off another minute. Any time spent idling on the computer is wasted

>>12100037
Thanks Anon
I'm not really into Goodreads or letterboxed or anything like that, but maybe I should try it out?
Anyways I'll stop go read a chapter of my book right now

>>12092643
>they are pure enough to be taken seriously but dirty enough for their conflicting nature to be mocked.
this is the reason race relations will never be okay, because non-whites aren't accepted to be "dirty" in the mainstream

I'm working on depoliticising my mind and becoming based and egopilled

I remember nearly everything anyone has done to wrong me. It's so tiring. It compounds and compounds, and it makes me want to cut off contact with everyone. I'm so sick of people. I hate being like this too.

>>12100167
You're probably just one of those retards that condemns everyone he meets because of a pressing need to remind himself that he's a better person than some random stranger due to some autistic repressed complex pulling down your selfworth

Newsflash: no one has ever done something to you that you didn't deserve

>>12100189
based

>>12100189
Would be a useful reply if it was true at all. I don't view fellow humans as better or worse than myself. I couldn't possibly have enough information to determine that to begin with. I should have elaborated that slights from random strangers don't bother me. It's only people that I spend a lot of time with. How would issues from random people compound in any way?

>>12097414
maybe try changing one thing at a time, or all of them but to a small degree, as in baby steps?

>>12100205
They did it out of a mix of you making it seem like you don't deem the deed *that* bad, and believing you deserved it (here the first points plays in) due to your own behavior, giving rise to a double whammy misunderstanding-induced warped view of reality.

>>12100233
That sounds closer to the problem. I'll try a few things and see how it goes. Thanks.

>>12100280
The problem is that both trying to stop yourself from doing this socially-acceptability kindness thing of pretending not to be bothered, as well as trying to spot the times you gave people a wrong impression for sake of being aware of it for future judgements to make is real tough to achieve. In my opinion the best approach is doing your best to justify other's behavior while remembering that the times you fail to do so is not because they can't be justified, but because you're still lacking in experience. Good luck

>>12092765
I hate this fucking advice. it's always so baseless and vapid, like an automatic mail response from some shitty customer support; No one who actually tells you to believe in yourself means it, they are just taking you for an idiot.

If one's don't believe in himself, it's maybe because he has no reason to. Why would he ? Is he successful ? well-rounded ? proud of his life ? Is he actually worth something to himself or to anyone else ?

I met this girl and I like her. I notice that girls are pretty or hot but she really makes me do all the cliche things people in love do. My heart beats and my breathing becomes heavy around her. Yet I am so afraid to love. All those live stories are true.

I can't stop mindlessly scrolling through the internet. I really want to do something, but it seems like I can't. I'm really weak, I need to learn self-control.

Is life really all that sacred

I want the world to end. Like a meteor crashing and wiping out humanity. I don't want to just kill myself, because that seems sad and it would feel like admitting defeat. But a meteor killing everyone indiscriminately, I can get behind that. It's a little less scary thinking about death when you know you're not dying alone.

>>12100848
This is me perfectly. I've long since had any enjoyment online, but I still hang around just hoping that all that time would have a positive benefit eventually.

>>12100848
Install a browser plugin to limit your time

>>12100479
Well you're French so naturally you wouldn't have a reason to believe in yourself

>>12092151
Literally why even bother writing something this trite holy shit

My life fucking sucks, I should've jumped in front of a train when I was 18.

>>12101228
I can agree woth this. t 32 year old neet living in father's attic.

>>12101508
based attic anon, is your room comfy?