/lit/ - Literature

I should add, I'm also scared of death, and especially of the concept of nothing. How the universe was created. Would love to explore the universe.

Hopscotch

Instead of reading, get some friendos and a gf.
Guaranteed will fix your "depression" and "feelings of uselessness".

OP you are me but 8 years younger. And my knowledge of the blackpilled only increased as I got older. I was and am ugly as fuck and I was so bitter at seeing normies loving life in their prime as I rotted.

My only advice is to learn to work hard and find meaningful and PRODUCTIVE stuff to do. Also get good grades and build your CV. Don't waste money.

I don't have a specific path for you to take. Just keep your options open.

>>12033001
This tbph

Ay someone go grab me some clippers

Start working out, and stop drinking, smoking, any other bad habits.
Based on your reading I'll recommend Montaigne, get a collection of his complete essays, Penguin or Everyman are good

>>12032949
what uni op

>>12033001
I've tried making friends, but generally there's no luck. Almost everybody in my class in foreign (the government is pumping them into STEM). I had a couple buddies last year, but they're pretty much gone this year. Seems like it's too late for friends. I have friends at home from highschool, but that's not much use since my uni is far away from home.

I've had a gf before, but it's over now. Didn't really help my feelings, although she was obvious not right for me.

>>12033021
I know exactly what you mean, but for me it's worse. I'm actually a good looking guy, seems like I shouldn't feel like this. Fucking pisses me off. I have plenty of money saved though, and a good CV.

>>12033051
Canada

Send me money and I’ll give you meaning. Just $29.95 a month.

>>12032949
You're still young: save a bit of cash + party + travel + explore new places. You can forget about your real problems for a while at least. Like the anon said, it will only get worse later on in life. The pessimism only gets stronger and stronger.

And explore Christianity too. You probably realise that money and jobs and status won't make you happy forever. Eventually you will hit a wall. Maybe read Confessions (good bloomer reading).

>>12032949
I just turned 25, nobody called me, not even my father. I weirdly didnt even feel sad I guess im beyond that now

the only thing i really enjoy anymore is walking around in the cold weather

>>12032949
Start writing.

>>12033240
>party
I have no friends to party with here.
>travel
ditto
>explore new places
I tried joining a club at school that does exploring and hikes. But they barely ever do anything.

Nothing I do works, I'm just sitting here wasting away. The only thing that has moved me recently is the ending of "The Death of Ivan Illyich"

>>12033001
>tfw have both those things and would rather read and still am depressed and feel useless

Does it get better?

>>12033270
What would you suggest writing? I have written a little bit, mainly just short memoirs about good memories from my high school and childhood days, before moving to University and into this awful phase of life.

They're okay, but they tend to be overly dramatic and don't necessarily convey all my thoughts. What do you suggest writing about?

>>12033021
Hello LondonFrog

>>12032949
You're 20 years old. You'll be fine. I was in a similar boat but studying (((political science))).
t. 26 year old bloomer.

>>12032949
>read?
moby-dick
Butchers Crossing
Don Keyhottie
Blood Meridian
Suttree

>>12033001
I did this and it didn't work so idk

>>12033310
>You're 20 years old. You'll be fine.
lmao

>>12032949
The fact that you suffer from meaninglessness means you are the most qualified to discover it.

Everybody of slightly above average intelligence has these problems. The greatest threats are your own personal demons, most likely the sort of bitter, hubristic, resentful megalomania which emanates from every other post on this board (which is failure to penetrate deeply enough into oneself). Dostoevsky has Zosimov say that he and the other monks are the worst men in the world, no? Why? It should be obvious to you that you are more capable of cruelty, of viciousness, of addiction and sweeping depression than your shallow contemporaries who can get by on sex and marijuana.

By God, OP, it's not your place pity yourself. Every time you do so you sink lower and have to compensate for it with gratuitous vanity and bitterness. You're not meant to have friends or feel satisfied with the information others present to you. The greater you are the more you have to deal with being alone. Embrace the cold air at the peak and believe that the whole is greater than its parts and cannot be known by its parts.

>>12033371
It's true that many (if not all) of the great people were either depressed, insane, or both.

-Isaac Newton
-Ludwig Beethoven
-Frederick Chopin
-Rene Descartes

That's just off the top of my head. I do think that my intellect makes it harder to make friends, and I'm not even bragging, I would rather be a little dumber and fit in better.

>To smart to make friends


YIIIIKEESSS

>>12032949
>>12032953

what the fuck

you sound exactly like me OP it's rather uncanny.

I used to an introverted bigbrain like you. Then I took an existential crisis to the knee.

Bro just get friends and have sex with women

>>12033048
>penguin

>>12033520
Haha penguin

>>12032949
You are ready to read this.

>>12033474
Seems like the people like me just congregate online. If we ever met up I'm sure I'd find lots of friends and similar minded people.

>>12033507
I have plenty of sex, getting friends isn't easy so I've kind of given up, desu.

>>12033542
>rated 2.2/5 on Goodreads

>>12033240
>save a bit of cash + party + travel + explore new places

Not OP. This is the problem, I don't see any meaning in this. Being a wageslave for decades just to enjoy some tiny vulgar pleasures doesn't seem to be a good trade. Anyway, this lifestyle is the consummation of nihilism itself, the life of the last man. In our times there isn't god, there isn't community, there isn't tradition. We've jut accepted the void of this reality while we quietly consume the earth until its destruction.

>>12033724
>>12032949

Yeah I did say that it was ultimately meaningless. It can still be nice to create some social ties and meet new people who aren't in your usual social circles, and to feel what it is like to exist fully on this earth with few boundaries. Travelling is good if OP feels like an autist. Not a long term solution though - I dunno if you read French (to the OP I mean, maybe you do if you are canadian so fuck it I'll post it, google translate it if you want) but I was just reading Diary of a Country Priest and there was a great little quote:

>J'ai compris que la jeunesse est bénie - qu'elle est un risque à courir - mais ce risque même est béni. Et par un pressentiment que je n'explique pas, je comprenais aussi, je savais que Dieu ne voulait pas que je mourusse sans connaître quelque chose de ce risque - juste assez, peut-être, pour que mon sacrifice fût total, le moment venu...

I believe that God is as present now as He ever was - finding Him is the answer to all these problems that you mention. Enjoying the world, including the risks and fun of youth, is part of it all. Your sacrifice to a greater cause can only be greater after experiencing a youth full of life.

I was in a similar place last year OP, really dreading turning 20 as it felt like I had to actually be an adult afterwards. It didn't happen, but I did stop being a depressed wojakposter though, so that's something. Random tidbits you may or may not find helpful:
>write and read every day, even if it's a shitty diary entry and a meme book, respectively
>don't try to do too much, I tend to throw myself into new activities to try to find purpose but never commit to any long enough to accomplish anything
>as other anons have said, try to find some productive labor you enjoy doing
>cliche, but try to experience new things and go out of your comfort zone
>stop yourself from being too melodramatic, you'll just drive yourself into depression. Diarying is a good check on this.
>start planning for what you'll do after college. I decided I would unironically kill myself if I was an office wageslave, so I've been working on figuring out an alternative

And try to make friends anon, you really do need them.

>>12033980
Dreading to turn 20 and thinking that you'll be an adult shows just how naive you (and OP) are. Try being 25 or 30 and still not feeling like an adult. You fucking retards have until you're 22 before society starts demanding you act like adults (assuming you're in a 4 year program at uni). Before then everyone still thinks you're children. Get over yourselves, people who are in their late 20s would kill to be 20 again

>>12032949
I wish I could be 20, have a good work ethic, and have read all those great books by that time. The only thing you have to complain about is the fact that you have a need to complain. Just shut up and don't waste your life like me and everyone else does. Retarded faggot

>>12032949
Are you living in an alternate reality? life is shit

>>12034011
"it gets worse" doesn't really diminish the immediate angst desu

>>12032949
please recommend my self to me, so that I may find my self, yes oh please. Anon, maybe reading Heidegger's being and time can start you off on some path

>>12034041
It gets worse only if you let it, brainlet. I'm telling you to get your act together or else you'll be like the rest of us. Unless you were functioning under the illusion that adult life is--at best--enjoyable, and--at worse--just merely passable. Cause if you are then you're fucked. It's the fools who think it's that's the case who don't prepare and let their lives from go that way. Most people dream of life being tolerable, let alone meaningful.

>>12033905
based georges bernanos poster

>>12034057
>>12034040
>>12034033
>>12034011
resentful 30 yr old doomers get out of this nice thread pls

>>12032949
read this then start dreaming your life

>>12034061
I'm only 23 and I agree with what those guys said. I too was 20 and didn't think life could get that bad that quick, but you'd be fucking surprised about the things you don't know.

>>12032949
You need a healthy dose of this guy

>>12034075
bob ross

>>12032949
Read something happy you fucking nerd.

>>12033108
what Canada uni tho?

Any /ontario/ people here?

>>12034072
What went wrong anon?

>>12034102
most canadians are from Ontario dum dum

I live in Ottawa and hate it but I hate Toronto and the French more so it's the only place the live outside of the fucking flatlands and Chinktown

>>12034121
Not even half of Canadians live in Ontario

the most based part of the country is the maritimes btw. Also up north. I also like Wakefield but it's a meme of a town

>>12034114
I thought I'd have more time to grow up but time ran out. Didn't help I've been seriously depressed since the end of high school so I kinda gimped myself there. If I had known just how many things I'd be responsible for in such a small period of time, I wouldn't have procrastinated. I was more than a little naive about how tough life was, and now I've fucked myself forever it seems. I wish I could fall asleep and wake up a university freshman again. My life would be so great

>>12034121
what's wrong with Toronto tho

>>12034137
facts

>>12032953
Same age and most of what you said applies to me also. I had a long traumatic childhood, suffer from mild DR because of it and we differ some. Used to have genuine panic attacks often at parties or when alone about the idea of dying regularly from the thought of not and having ever known I once existed. Wittgenstein helped a bit, showing I wasn’t alone and if I would be I could not be. Watching my dad nearly die at 7 and losing a friend to cancer when he and I were 10 probably heightened my fear but holding my grandmothers hand as she died this summer made death somehow more comprehensible to me and not as foreign. It’s something that happens and was always going to.
When people explain meaning it sounds like they’re looking to be acknowledged by mattering to something abstract, in an endless pursuit for it. That makes meaning a reward, being a positive within a collective by creating value which doesn’t seem like something that actually matters to me. It just feels like a lie.
To me actual meaning is starting to become inner freedom, understanding and accepting that which scared me once before, able to hold onto myself and able to dress the part when I need to if ever to survive, being honest with myself like I was when being a kid by being true to my subconscious. Now rebuilding old friendships from being self isolated and just studying for two years. When Inam true to myself with someone who is too I feel whole, it’s why I think childhood from about 4-8 years old is often so beautiful and connective to the world and others for many. Because you are true and know other children are too.

>>12033371
beautiful post

>>12034145
fucking too many people
fucking traffic
fucking big

>>12034145
everything is wrong with Toronto

>>12034148
I am* not inam. On phone.

>>12034173
no one's going to read that far into your post, let alone notice an honest error

>>12034200
The original poster will and it was aimed at him.

>>12034218
I read your post and was triggered by that error so good job fixing it

>>12034140
What do you mean specifically?
>Wake up a freshman
Me too anon, I'm a senior and I'd give anything to go back. My academic and social prospects are slim, mostly due to procrastination and neuroses. The only thing I have now is the immense personal growth I experienced during college.

>>12033275
you can travel alone. a lot of people find it to be an eye opening experience. i didn't like it myself.

>>12034526
I got very lonely traveling alone, it was nice but I think it would have been much better with a close friend.

>>12034526
Yeah and get robbed and killed by euroniggers

>>12034546
yeah same. i quite liked it during the day time, being able to do whatever i wanted on my own time felt much more liberating than previous holidays i've been on. but eating/drinking out at night by myself sucked massively.

>>12032949
Read A Confession, learn from the man whose pic you posted, he has a lot to say to you in that book.

>>12032949
This might seem like a strange question, but are you from Scotland or doing a physics degree?

>>12033724
>This is the problem, I don't see any meaning in this
Why would you expect it to have 'meaning'? What do you mean by meaning? Seriously, I see this idea all the time here and I'm never sure what people who use it actually expect from life. Feels like a hangover from a religious conception of the world tbph- maybe perfectly fine if you're religious, but if you're not religious and you're expecting your life to have 'meaning' I can't begin to imagine what would satisfy you.

>Being a wageslave for decades just to enjoy some tiny vulgar pleasures doesn't seem to be a good trade
It's entirely possible to enjoy life while also working.

>>12033277
there's no such thing as "get better"
if you don't do anything differently you'll be just as miserable 20 years from now.
Not even being a dick, it's the truth and it applies to me too.

>>12033041
his fuckin beard is weird

>>12033240
>party
isn't this the board for intellectuals?

>>12033436
how smart are you, nigga?
also how would it be an issue? Do you find people to be vacous or somefin

>>12035670
>implying intellectuals don't party

>>12032949
I highly, highly recommend that you leave 4chan as soon as possible lest you turn into one of those 23 year old doomers. Read whatever you want but leave 4chan now if you don't want to sink further into depression.

OP, there is only one path for you now. You are not going to find what you are looking for in friends or wealth or sex. You have already glimpsed the emptiness there and it has frightened you. But you will have to penetrate that fear. You need to explore the very depths from which self and world arise. You can't read it in a book. Because it is the only way I know, I suggest a serious meditation practice. Get some help with meditation technique. Find a good teacher if possible. And do it. I promise you will not regret it. There are other ways, but none I can talk about with any authority.

OP reminds me of myself - intelligent, nihilistic and with a wicked sense of humor.

>>12033257
Happy birthday, pal. I love walking too.

>>12033284
This is a pseud question. Style is the source of writing just as charm is the source of life. Write about anything, it doesn't matter. The goal of writing is to develop style. I will say, however, that it's good to imitate a few models when you are starting out. So find someone whose work jives with you, and write in that style for a few pieces. Obviously, the content must come from you, but it can be anything.

>>12036041
if you know so much about style, why is your post so painful to read
I do hope it's ironic

>>12036052
I don't trot out the ponies for you plebs. Sorry, it's just policy

>>12036090
all I ask for is the decency to not make the reader puke

>>12036098
Excuse me, but are you OP? I'm unsure because you're being a faggot right now.

>>12032949
How the fuck do people read War and Peace or any Tolstoy and not move out to a farm. The meaning is in Christ, Family, and the farm. In that order

>>12036199
Some of us take his comfy winter-posting and christlove as swashbuckling tall-tale instead of as prescription. I read WnP at an age when I was too young to abscond to the rural municipalities. Now I am too old to surrender my aspirations in search of the apocryphal transcendent. The other day I boarded a train for the chaparral. Alas, you would not believe the semaphore-related shenanigans that led me to depart unsurreptitiously midway to the end of the line. All is velleity. Velleity of velleities. Ah, monsier! Ah, Tolstoy!

>>12033275
Join any kind of club and invest yourself in that community, that's a first for making friends.

>>12034121
What the fuck did quebecers ever do to you?

>>12035691
Not him, but big brained 135IQ comin in here and yeah I do find it hard to relate to dumber people sometimes. It’s probably doesn’t help that I’m somewhere on the spectrum as well, but whenever I talk with someone who is normal I find it really hard to relate to them. I don’t play fortnite, I don’t party, I don’t watch sports, I don’t watch tv, I don’t do normalfag shit. I read books, play weird rts games on steam, play guitar and piano, waste away shitposting about philosophy on /lit/, and go fishing. I wouldn’t consider myself a genius like Mozart or Einstein, but I do have it easier in that department than most and it’s just hard to talk to people who think your a freak because you don’t do normalfag shit

>>12032949
The problem with being 20 and in university is that there's very little relationship between work and reward. Sure you get good grades, but why does that matter when there's only going to be more evaluations and more courses ahead? It's easy to get trapped into nihilism that way. In my view the best solution is to reexamine your motives. Why are you in STEM, and for that particular field? Is it just to get money, or is there something inherently interesting about the topic? Is it still inherently interesting? Can you make money off it? And so forth. As for finding greater spiritual meaning, just keep reading, living, and observing, and you'll start to build up a coherent world view.

>>12034102
OP here, /ontario/. Add me on discord hiYUN7#3232 if you wanna talk more, not trynna dox myself here.

>>12036121
im OP not that faggot

>>12033310
>He's fucking a white male!

>>12033310
So what are you now, an accessory to a lobbying firm or some shit? A staffer for some geriatric congressman?

>>12032949
>>12032953
Don't listen to people telling you to search for external circumstances to find meaning. Meaning is within. Meditate, self inquire, self actualize. I'm talking about real spirituality here. Stay open minded but don't blindly believe anything. True skepticism. You have to do this yourself. It's the most important thing there is

>>12036989
>he thinks he can achieve inner enlightenment before he even understands the exterior world, and by extension, the need for inner enlightenment
not gonna make it

>>12032949
The Sound and the Fury is literally the best possible book you could read

Basically just chill out and enjoy what you enjoy brada

Read something like infinite jest and then kill yourself using a microwave.

>>12036994
You're coming at my post from a dualistic point of view. Change your paradigm and discover that the exterior world is a distinction you created within your mind without any evidence to back it up

>>12037031
hey that was my idea

>>12032949
Figure out a useful an productive thing to do with your time as a career choice. I imagine you already have. Double down on that and take it serious. If its easy then get to the hard stuff.

Have a hobby in the arts. drawing, painting, writing, music, photography, film, w/e. i prefer traditional but photography is pretty fun too.

relax, study and enjoy feeling like you're always doing something with purpose.

beyond that there isn't any.

also you are going to die. be happy you arent spending a life suffering.

>>12037488
bamp dont die

>>12034011
>taking your growth and step into a new stage of life is so entitled bruh
>just party and drink and fuck and do drugs bruh
>you'll regret not wasting what's likely the healthiest and energetic time of your life on frivolous satisfaction of the flesh

>>12034140
Obviously this won't help you, but a way to stop this in young people going forward is to take those years seriously.
I see so many people putting in the least amount of effort they can, never engaging with the material or the professor or other pursuits. These people join the chorus of: "I got nothing from college but a piece of paper."

>>12035611
I think it's a hunger for community.
Almost all of our existence, we focused on the survival of our group, our families and loved ones, our tribe. That was our 'meaning.' A better word would be belonging. We've all lost our sense of place in the universe.
Now, we are completely focused on ourselves. We may have our families, though outside of parents and then later spouses, they exist on their own, often many hours away from us. Feel free to disagree on this point but multicultural societies exacerbate this. We end up forced to transfer our need for belonging to a concept so abstract and far-reaching as a nation, government, or country. This country will inevitably have people disconnected to us, whose goals go against ours, and who don't have our best interests at heart.

Get /fit/, exercise is the best remedy to depression. Your hormones are fucked and will stay fucked until you start exercising regularly.

what order of normalfaggotry has supplanted the /lit/ userbase?
I will not stand for this

Idk, in similar position as you and many others.
Feels like I've tried everything to change my ways, to find something, but there's something missing and I always feel it

I have my first meeting with a therapist tomorrow so we'll see how that goes. Not expecting to have all my problems solved, honestly just sounds enticing to have someone I can talk to and get everything out cause I have zero friends

>>12032949
>>12033108
>>12033436
>>12033544
>I'm smart, good-looking, have plenty of sex, how can I improve myself?
These read like someone living their fantasy on /r9k/.

I'm turning 20 next year, my life is basically over

>>12039861
I turned 20 a month ago. Leave 4chan while you can, it only gets worse.

>>12039120
>engaging with the material or the professor
please just stop this meme

>>12039131
if this works for you it's empirical proof that you're a brainlet

>>12040244
It doesn't work but it does feel nice

>>12035524
I also thought OP is going to cite Tolstoy immediately.

>>12032949
Create and make friends. Grasping at religious straws is trying to circumvent the real problem

>>12040776
I'd rather kill myself than deal with people more than I absolutely have to

I'm 26 and wanna build a social life but I have no idea where to start.

>>12040815
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7KvO6S_3Mg

>>12032949
Just realized I'm almost 20 as well.
Now my day is ruined

>>12040842
I'm so confused, it's like I was 20 yesterday. Someone help me, it feels like I'm drowning.

>>12040872
Don't worry: it gets worse.

>>12032949

I'm 34 years old. What's needed is not just 'one' thing, but a number of things. It's important to introspect and search for purpose, so that you can decide on the best way to spend your lifetime, but it won't come straight away. Some of it you'll find in books, some within, and some in other people, both those smarter than you and less.

Balance is important. It sounds like you're taking everything a little too seriously. Relaxing and being stupid and being able to laugh at yourself are also important. Friends are also important. I tried living without them and it just doesn't work; I need them as a reality anchor and they keep me a safe distance from the abyss. As long as you can be honest with and understand each other it's all that's needed.

>>12032949
>STEM
ngmi

>>12032949
Save money
Replace facebook with something with free speech
or give me money to help doggos

>>12032953
Read Kierkegaard.

>>12040244
>Lmao just outsmart depression
Exercise has been cited in multiple studies as being the the most effective long term fix for depression. Humans are animals. Your dog needs daily exercise and so do you.
That should be simple enough for you to understand.

>>12039859
I don't really care what you think, I've gone on /r9k/ maybe 2 times since using 4chan

>>12032949
>tfw when first 3 but 28 y/o
>tfw you know what to do
>tfw when you know how to do it
>tfw even if u are semiautistic you can adapt to social events and cheat them cucks
>tfw u have high energy
>tfw you have a patrician face
>tfw u know that it will drain your life and you will end in a ditch and in a wheelchair
>tfw you have to cover all fronts or you will get rekt (but you can`t)

>seems to not really exist anymore
so? because some cuck or some current year fag told you that it`s not modern you won`t follow it?
>Would love to explore the universe
Christ...so you fell for a lot of fedora memes
YOU WON`T EXPLORE THE UNIVERSE, YOU WON`T WATCH A SUPERNOVA OR A SUN HOTSPOT, but someday some man or woman will and you can contribute to that

>>12042014
i forgot:
https://hooktube.com/watch?v=A6yFRupWBVs

>>12032949
hey bro, i'm also living the "quarter-life crisis"
at least i'm not with deep depression, anxiety, social phobia and panic anymore


i want to not exist, tho