/lit/ - Literature

I have no friends and am an early 20s virgin with no skills and horrible social skills and crippling depression

>>11943860
I will never experience being in love or the pleasures of physical intimacy.

Sure. It’s been hopeless for a long time, from the very beginning. You will never represent, Raphael, a young girl’s erotic dream. You have to resign yourself to the inevitable; such things are not for you. It’s already too late, in any case. The sexual failure you’ve known since your adolescence, Raphael, the frustration that has followed you since the age of thirteen, will leave their indelible mark. Even supposing that you might have women in the future - which in all frankness I doubt - this will not be enough; nothing will ever be enough. You will always be an orphan to those adolescent loves you never knew. In you the wound is already deep; it will get deeper and deeper. An atrocious, unremitting bitterness will end up gripping your heart. For you there will be neither redemption nor deliverance. That’s how it is.

It's not a realization if someone else does the realizing for you, brainlet.

>>11943941
same except late 20s

it only gets worse anon

>>11943941
Go to church and marry a qt who is waiting of marriage. Don't worry, we all have autism here.

>>11944225
No one younger than 35 has stepped into a Catholic church in the last decade

I will probably never be truly happy with anyone
I can't imagine living a life with a woman for long term. She'd only disappoint me. I've become so specific in the way I am due to being alone for so long I'm unsure I'm compatible with anyone
And yet, being a bachelor seems equally uncomfortable

My parents are gonna die.

>>11943860
The entire legal system runs on fate. So does the (any) government. There is no Justice (in my “reasoned” opinion) underlying any of it. Rather, it’s premised on the faith that there is.
I have mixed feelings about Trump and don’t want to get into the political. He has show, however, just how precarious this facade really is. He makes his political enemies realize there’s nothing you can do to stop him. He has also exposed the media for their part in the facade, too. That’s all it is – soon someone less bombastic and less of a buffoon will come and make a mockery of the whole thing, now that it’s starting to get exposed. And when that happens, a lot of people all around the world will die, and the only way to recover will be faith in concepts like “justice” and god. Rinse and repeat, til the end of Time. But we are at a tipping point and it depresses me that my children will be swallowed by the downfall.

>>11944245
“faith”* not fate.

>>11944096
>It's not a realization if someone other than me has it

>>11944244
delete this

>>11943860
We're ultimately machines, cyborgs who have been condemned before birth by the throw of a dice which would decide our lot in life, we're slave to the circumstances and too ignorant to know better, we're forever condemned to repeat the same mistakes, and that's a feature of life, not a bug.

>>11943941
This and also self-diagnosed latent schizophrenia.

amphetamine makes everything trivial, but is way harder to get (guaranteed pure) in Europe than America

>>11944448
wtf bro r u me

>>11943860
similar, people, maybe even a vast majority do not have kids out of love but are lacking and pass the bill on their kid which makes the cycle start again.

i've been autistically ranting about this and in response have gotten harrowing details about my line of ancestors regarding their lives and how their families did not fix underlying traumas. i'd like to say that i'm blessed in that i see the threads of emotional deficiencies that i hope to put to a close in my lifetime

I will always be a wage slave. I am too much of a coward to take a stand. Instead of living for myself, I will exists for bosses, moral standards, law, etc. Also, I can't see myself ever experiencing mutual love.

life is suffering that no one asked for, so do what you can to enjoy it

>>11944245
>people will die
yes, and? that's not why its depressing that the whole thing is legalistic cargo culting of complex systems.

>>11944483
i dont know who you are, but i hope for your sake that you will find true love some day.

>>11944483
I started a job in a high rise this past week and saw uncle tom's cabin in the work room. no one knows how it got there.

Opened and saw it was bookmarked to where tom has fallen and is bleed out "courage and all"
End of shift we were all talking and the manager brought up how no one ends up in that people only end up in that job and only pass through for a handful of reasons. When he said that some are there for falling in a hole he looked at me.

Basically everything needs to be set up for you in life by the time you graduate high school. Privilege and family influence has far more impact than talent or ability. If you haven't made it by 30 or at least set yourself on the right track, the odds of you succeeding halve exponentially.

>>11944483
I started a job in a high rise this past week and saw uncle tom's cabin in the work room. no one knows how it got there.

Opened and saw it was bookmarked to where tom has fallen and is bleed out "courage and all"
End of shift we were all talking and the manager brought up how people only end up in that job begrudgingly and only pass through for a handful of reasons. When he said that some are there for falling in a hole he looked right at me.

Women are essentially barbarians. Soulless, voracious barbarians.

>>11944503
It’s depressing because there is no justice. untimely deaths will be a negative externality of the game being ruined.

>>11943941
>tfw early twenties 10/10 awesome social skills, high energy no depression BUT never had a gf and basically no real friends
My life is a literal meme and it's so based

>>11944531
any 'good' we get in this life is cherry on top, friend. selfish mutual benefit is the way this eden naturally functions yet somewhere along the way the species started breeding itself as selfless leaches

You can never be contented.

Not for long enough.

>>11944541
mirin your adequate dopamine and serotonin levels

>>11943860
Spiritual development =/= greater intelligence or wisdom. People on "higher levels" tend to make this mistake... they come to believe only people on or beyond their level are capable of perceiving or comprehending the world from their perspective.

And the worst part of that isn't the inevitable arrogance and moral posturing, it's that they become so set in the beliefs that they end up looking instead of seeing, or assuming perceiving a thing is equivocal to understanding, or worse still to comprehension.

And in the end, we're all really children anyway, so it's kind of funny.

>>11944541
>Simon hide

>>11944526
truth

>>11944232
noone except me hehe

>>11944674
Oh hoho, you cad!

>>11944679
church where i go is relatively young tho

I will never be happy or even okay

Nearly all of humanity if essentially forced to give 1/3 of their life to an elite few just to survive.

>>11944546
The will to suffer is the will to live. To seek liberation from suffering is the ultimate nihilism, to embrace it as the only way to create meaning is the path to an indomitable love for life. If you develop the will to suffer infinitely for something - anything beyond yourself, a true will such as if a god or a devil were to offer you such a bargain you will accept without question, you will forge inexorable existential courage. The world is ruled by fear, the only true liberation is total liberation from fear and a total investment in all meaning outside of your own finite existence.

The Christian God is cowardice deified, the personification of existential hatred. He exists only as a lie not only about himself but all existence, plagiarizing it as himself. Because he can only exist in this way, anything that doesn't affirm this lie is antagonistic to God, including existence itself. He is thus compelled to replace all existence with an image of himself, to have his thralls cast all their meaning and purpose into the nihilistic black hole of his being in exchange for the false promise of eternal bliss and satisfaction.

I speak of God as if he has agency, and he very much does - borrowed from the minds of believers that he has infested who act according to his will. In reality he is the greatest weapon of mass destruction ever created, a trans-dimensional informational parasite born from crazed humans insane with power-addiction. He has infested every aspect of human life from the social, cultural, to the economic; we all live in the undead corpse of Jahweh who marches towards omnicide. To resist this destruction of all meaning requires nothing less than the will to face hell itself, to deny God in the ultimate way.

Show many any Christian who is willing to suffer hell for their God; there is none, because they are all in their heart selfish cowards.

>>11944718
>fuck you dad i don't need you telling me around
>#rebel

>>11944687
not with that attitude, nerd

I want to be a girl.

>>11943860

>>11944718

>>11944718
>christian willing to suffer hell for his God

Judas Iscariot

>>11944520
>When he said that some are there for falling in a hole he looked right at me.
Don't take it to heart that he's an asshole. You'll meet many assholes throughout your life, and allowing them to make you out to be trivial is a bad habit, like smoking cigarettes or primarily eating McDonalds. You are mighty, whether you realize it or not, and your own personal brand of might may not be immediately obvious, but it is there: remember Melville and Kafka, in whose Bartleby and Samsa that dread spectre of wageslavery was transfigured into something beautiful, something holy.

Hell, that moment of discovering Uncle Tom's Cabin is almost literary.

>>11944258
Wish I could

>>11943860
Nothing ultimately matters.
I already knew it, but the realization hadn't fully hit me, and when it did, it led to me having multiple anxiety attacks in two weeks or so.

I've been okay since then, though.

>>11945066
I know this is "easy mode", but I think it's the ultimate realization.

>>11944265
You are so close to figuring it out. Advance to gain a new perspective on the specifics of this deterministic realization and larger truths will reveal themselves.

>>11945066
>>11945077
I used to think that, but I realized we don’t know.

The correct answer is that something may matter, it may not. Which in my opinion sucks more, you can’t just give up.

>>11944795
Perhaps I’m horribly deluded, but because of this, Judas makes me want to cry

>>11944729
Delete this immediately

>>11944729
I want to be a boy, can we trade bodies?

>>11945377
Please let me lick your feet and ass

>>11945377
feet with timestamp

>>11944729
I support you.
>>11945377
Disgusting.

>>11943860
Basically life Is a Ponzi scheme ?

>>11945066
>Nothing ultimately matters.
So what? Why does it make you anxious?

>>11943860
>What are your most depressing and well thought out realizations about life that you read in a book? something that made so much sense to you when you read it?
My parents sacrificed the vast majority of their lives to raise myself and my brothers. They've probably spent hundreds of thousands of dollars in pursuit of making our lives better and I don't think I'll ever be able to repay that kindness.

My brothers and I are plagued with what are probably mental issues and relatively poor social skills, as the family unit has been stressed so we've hung out with our cousins and ourselves and other family much more than we've ever been around other people. Mental health issues run in both sides of the family and I've seen what I think are signs in all of us so I'm pretty sure we're fucked. I hate to think that two people with such a strong and bright future might have wasted it on three people who might have been doomed pretty much from the start.

>>11945516
Every piece of popular culture, history, society, and the lives if millions of people is centered around... not nihilism.
So that can shake some fundamental foundations, yes.

>>11945124
Nothing can objectively matter because the perception itself of something "mattering" was fabricated by humans.

>>11945551
I never really thought about it that way. we are all the largest financial investment for our parents. so naturally they will look at us with optimism to justify how much they've put into us.
>no honey, you aren't retarded, you just read a little slower than EVERYONE else, can't land a decent job, have been in college for too long, just haven't found a girl yet, and have terrible foresight when it comes to major life decisions. You're still young. most people in their 30's are in the same situation

>>11943860
we live in a society. we are large ape-like creatures kept in check by pieces of paper written by french dudes 300 years ago.

>>11944244
A part of you wants them to live but another part wants them to peacefully rest to end their pain, especially during health complications due to old age. It can mentally and physically drain you at some point especially if they need hospitalization for weeks or being bedridden for months or years.

>>11945806
I know, it’s just that my dad is the smartest person I know. Guys a MIT professor, can’t get much better then that

>>11943860
I'm an idiot.

>>11945820
No you’re not

>life
>depressing
Nigga you alive who gives a fuck

>>11945705
> You're still young. most people in their 30's are in the same situation
luckily i don't think she's totally wrong. There's hope for us yet anon

>>11945864
How about: maybe he is.
Idiot =/= imbecile

>>11945869
mentality we could learn from

>>11944244
Not if you die first

>>11944687
same

>>11944708
in fairness this (or worse) has been the case for pretty much all of human history to some extent

>>11943860
I should have been brave.

>>11945932
They still die if I die

>>11945944

>>11943860
money is the only thing that matters
money and physical size

>>11944089
i've never read him but i love this quote

>>11946026
Typical yurocuck

>>11944089
Does Raphael ever entertain the though that his mere charisma has ruined many of his fellow man.

>>11946037
im canada

I've no dream, and no real career motivation

I earn well above the national average at 26, but can see myself toiling away in obscurity, settling for a partner in not fully in love with and growing old, having lived an entirely unremarkable life.

>>11946268
How much you make?
What do 26 year olds do these days?

>>11946268
Are you me? I don't remember posting this

>>11943860
Nice projection faggot. Not everyone hates their life

>>11943860
That I'm filled with rage at the modern world; that underlying my entire philosophy of life is contrarianism, a rejection of the modern world; that no matter how much lip-service I give to justice and the needs of the poor, I don't actually care about them; that the entire drive of my moral life is the avoid the pain of accusations and guilt; that I've made an idol out of women; that I want to be absorbed into a totalising crowd and never think for myself again; that I want to die, but not only that, I want to die in the most vulgar insulting way imaginable, slitting my throat in some public place so that I can convince myself in that last moment that the world had oppressed me and that I had no hope, so that I don't have to face to truth that I hate myself. In short, that I'm a resentful coward.

>>11946361
Try decaf once in awhile. Jesus.

>>11943860
We are all slaves and there is nothing we can do about it.

>>11945724
we inhabit a social conglomeration

>>11946472
We can overcome our shortcomings by reinforcing the faculties dedicated to reason, rather than those of base pleasure. By that way, our bodies our our slaves, rather than we slaves to it.

>>11944244
Had this realization about my mother (father was abusive so I never cared) at five years old.
Its haunted me ever since. No wonder i'm all fucked up.

>>11943860
Knowing all of the answers and understanding everything doesn't make me a living.

>>11944718
Terrible post

>'There is not, perhaps, a more painful exercise of the mind than that of treading, with weary and impatient pace, the entire round of thought, and arriving at the same conclusion for ever; then setting out again with increased speed and diminished strength, and again returning to the very same spot–of sending out all our faculties on a voyage of discovery, and seeing them all return empty, and watch the wrecks as they drift helplessly along, and sink before the eye that hailed their outward expedition with joy and confidence.
from Melmoth the wanderer
bong or cig?

>>11946609
true reason is forever out of reach due to the fundamental failings of memory and one's ultimate incapability to be prescient of all things absolutely, one must resign to only knowing as much as they've seen

also sometimes you right "our our" and it makes you sound like a beached seal

>>11946886
I did not expect an extract that good from Melmoth.

Humans are animals. Oxytocin is the basis of attachment, attachment over time is love, female orgasm strength correlates with oxytocin, only penetrative sex can create mind bending orgasms, therefore men with larger penises are more lovable.

>>11943941
Try meet some people, go to bars and start chatting up people

>>11944718
you never actually say how Jesus is a coward, you just say he is

Unless you are studying something like science or engineering, every thought you have includes a human

>>11946923
lol at you thinking your small penis is the only thing stopping you from getting women

>>11946923
sam harris pls go

that i will die?
maybe something like i will also never have the experience of having a child because of my wasted youth will only force me to live my life through them which will only make me sadder, not that i wont kids anyway as i dislike the idea of bringing something in to being that is aware of its own mortality

>>11946944
wut?

If you have to ask yourself if you're attractive, you are not attractive. You are ugly or average, it's simple.

>>11946946
I wasn't talking about myself, I'm 6x5 and have made girls come. It may actually be somewhat positive I'm not huge since the girl I'll end up marrying will be in love with me on a basis less skewed toward physical sex which I don't really enjoy compared to cuddling and talking for hours. What's shitty is all the cute girls out there yearning to have their cunts blown out when they could instead be innocent and sweet.

I will never take a bubble bath with Emma Watson. Now that's depressing.

>>11946972
What's depressing is that you perceive all meaning as being derived from your own experience, which is shared by the vast majority of people. To not be able to look past yourself makes a prison of yourself.

>>11947015
You just described every human being on the planet

>>11945700
>Every piece of popular culture, history, society, and the lives if millions of people is centered around... not nihilism.
When I look at history and other people's lives I feel like most of them are either secretly nihilistic and self-serving, as in they create their own meaning to suit their personal circumstance, or they subscribe to meaninglessness unknowingly and unconsciously. Of course I'm probably just projecting, but it's hard not to think that if you know anything about history. People usually subscribe to the ideas of the culture in which they were brought up, to fit in and to live more comfortable, practical lives. If we live comfortable lives in modern, first world countries, with a high income, we can pretend to be good. I would personally like to pretend to be good, it appeals to my sense of aesthetics, I think there are ugly things in the world. U.G. was right about what matters most: http://www.ugkrishnamurti.org/ug/money-maxims/

>>11946979
Yang Tzu, on his way to Sung, stopped for the night at an inn. The innkeeper had two concubines, one beautiful, the other ugly. But the ugly one was treated as a lady of rank, while the beautiful one was treated as a menial. When Yang Tzu asked the reason, a young boy of the inn replied, "The beautiful one is only too aware of her beauty, and so we don't think of her as beautiful. The ugly one is only too aware of her ugliness, and so we don't think of her as ugly."

Yang Tzu said, "Remember that, my students! If you act worthily but rid yourself of the awareness that you are acting worthily, then where can you go that you will not be loved?"

>>11946975
It's a wierd realisation for me to realise that humans are the only intelligent life form on this planet. I once thought to myself that I want to get away from humans but I can't. Even with our language, the only time you don't talk about what humans think or do, is when you talk about something abstract . It's all humans and I'm bored of it.

>>11944244
What is even worse, someday, years or maybe decades after she died, you won't be sad anymore that your mother is dead.

>>11947023
Uhh... those maxims read like comedy.

>>11944245
So deep man

>>11943941
>>11943860

this isnt r9k

>>11947019
>You just described every human being on the planet

Not every one, it's just very rare because modern society is entirely built upon self-interest as the foundation of social order, a self-fulfilling prophecy of Enlightenment ideology. Search for the ones who are not, search to become one who is not, and you will develop a relationship with reality more fulfilling than you can possibly imagine.

>>11947019
The NPC meme is a case of ironic self-awareness because to be an "NPC" is actually to act as a self-interest-maximizing agent-automaton governed by the tenets of game theory.

The starts will eventually blink out. All the words of man will be erased by time. Everything in your life and everything you've worked for will amount to nothing in the end. Suffering is the core of our survival and therefore our existence, pleasure and happiness are expendable afterthoughts. Love is an unobtainable ideal and is attendant to the sexual urge.

>>11947319
*Stars

Damn it, since i'm waiting for the cooldown to reach zero I might as well continue. There is no God or anything of the sort despite how appeasing it is to believe it. Not that it matters anyway, if there was a God it would be fundamentally absurd because of the problem of evil. An omnipotent God in this universe is the cruelest of tyrants that makes the human dictator look like a hippy

My depressing realization: you sad cunts walk among the living

>>11944718
Great post. Your philosophy of existence is similar to what I have formulated.

>>11945551
>My parents sacrificed the vast majority of their lives to raise myself and my brothers. They've probably spent hundreds of thousands of dollars in pursuit of making our lives better
This is the result of them being too afraid to make their lives better, or think they are incapable of improving their lives, so they seek to live their life through someone else which is the epitome of selfishness.
You are essentially given the responsibility to not waste the resources spent on you despite not being given the choice to voluntarily take this gift to improve what you were already doing for yourself.
It would be better if we provided as little help as possible for our children once they become an adult and have them pave their own way without any help. Then you are only obligated to yourself which is infinitely more meaningful than feeling the desire to repay someone else because of the money they spent on you.

>>11943860
No matter how much I pine and try I will always fall back into mediocrity and average ability. I can only hope my kin rise to become something more than me, though I know they will continue a lineage of social, familial, and financial failure.

>>11943860
Everyone sucks sometimes, as we are all whores for bad decisions.

>>11947326
I don't get it, why can't god be evil?

>>11947326
>God is black and white
Kill yourself please.

>>11947440
God can be evil, silly boy. He can be whatever he wants, he's omnipotent. The point is that if he is evil, then life is absurd, since we are at the whims of an arbitrary cosmic overlord without mercy.

"As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport."

>>11947447
Way to not articulate an argument pseudy boy

>>11947167
you can read it as you like, it is what it is

>>11947452
>tips fedora
You will play the game of God whether you like it or not you cretin.

>>11947459
And you will go on believing in imaginary things. I've made peace with my fate. God can stay out.

>>11947466
You're already playing you incompetent beast. You've only yourself to blame for losing.

>>11947477
Do you think this is my first time talking to a bitter pinched little theist? I've heard it all before. There's nothing you can say to me, fool.

This is more of a personal revelation, but I'm not as strong as I think I am. I thought my lack of desires were a sign of strength. The fact I don't feel the need to pursue frivolous shit that won't make me happy(think of people you know who focus on material things that they know won't satisfy them but they stI'll pursue anyway)must be because I've moved past them, right? I'be been thinking that maybe it''s not that I know better but maybe that I just lack ambition, and maybe that''s why I have nothing in my life.

>>11943860
Eternal Blackness is the only reality; every other conception of existence is a denial of this fundamental truth, because acceptance of this truth will eliminate any desire to remain in a insipid complacency - i.e. to seek happiness, fun, joy, love. All those things become incomprehensibly meaningless once a person realizes that only actions that are in relation to the infinite truly matters - i.e. immortality, erudition.

>Scabs of the past peeling slowly from a dark and distant memory, emptiness, whispering menace glinting beneath the skin, consumption in the vast eternal maw, decaying teeth flickering over the tongue of the faceless, debasement of eternal torment, dark is the light. Dark is the light. And everything is black.

>>11946041
What?

>>11943860
>Amxiety is the "dizziness of freedom"

>>11947507
same here bro, I thought I was better than others because I didn't care about material things, which is some bullshit I told myself to fit my life

>>11947542
haha YES and praise the Lord for it!

>>11947024
People care about looks more than actions.

>>11947449
Ok then, why can't god be absurd?

>>11945700
>Nothing can objectively matter because the perception itself of something "mattering" was fabricated by humans.

Is something like math not objective because it's fabricated by humans? Why does something being made or not matter?

>>11943860
I don't think love exists.
I think the reasons why people get together can be explained through trade skills and that women merely use men as dad-substitutes for when they're not there and men with mother substitutes. The reasons why people spend so much time convincing themselves that love does exist is because without the facade of love, life would be too painful and abstract to want to live in. In this sense, the closest thing to love is an abstract, contradictory scenario where neither parties expect anything from another whilst simultaneously fulfilling all their criteria for a partner.

>when you're young and life sucks you keep moving forward because of hope for the future
>as time passes and more doors close, hope becomes eroded
>health will only decline, looks will only decline, physical ability will only decline, time left to turn things around will only decline, chance to find a mate will only decline, chance to make friends will only decline, chance to perfect craft will only decline
>life is the process of your hopes and dreams slowly being ripped away from you
It gets better:
>rampant unfairness in every aspect of life, people who are born with an easy life live an easy happy life, people who have to struggle to survive will always endure suffering and struggle and never surpass it or reach the point "silver spoon" kids are at
>good people get fucked over. Honest people will be turned down from the job or fail the exam. People who give to others will have less themselves. People who work hard will be taken advantage of. People who trust will be betrayed.
>people who are brave will be killed or fucked over, the helpful will be worked over and receive nothing back, the generous will be taken for a ride
>the weak will fail and be consumed
>all good deeds are punished
>all selfish acts tend to be self preserving
>liars, narcissists, manipulators, the greedy will all get ahead in life
>all this while on a ticking clock
If I were god and I were designing a perfect hell, something perfectly contrary to the human ethical ideal, I would create the above. We're all already living in hell, but we can't remember what sin we are being punished for.

>>11947777
Rorschach get off the internet

>>11947777
based and zappapilled

>>11946361
gay

>>11947614
God can be absurd all he wants. But I can not like it all I want. If he granted me freedom of the will, then he must grant me the will to defy him. If he doesn't, he is a false God not worthy of the designation. If I am to be God's plaything, I am to be God's defiant Rebel. Read Camus' The Rebel or better yet Paradise Lost.

>>11944876
Based. I'm an oldfag who is now realizing my own potential. I think most people have a small window of opportunity in their youth to be graced by a rolemodel who can help them build their self-esteem. Maybe it's a parent, teacher, mentor, who knows, but it seems like so many of us were never given this essential guidance.

Sometimes I think it's impossible to provide this for ourselves, but as you get older, you only have the choices of trying or not trying. No one is going to come and save you, and as an old fuck, certainly no one wants to. It's up to us.

>>11947921
>or better yet Paradise Lost.
y'know Satan loses, right?

>>11948053
Who cares if he loses, he's right. That's the whole absurdist interpretation of it.

>>11943860
I love my boyfriend more than I understand him. The suffering in my life is what makes everything I love about it possible. I would not change anything.

>>11944520
I don't understand this story. You're saying that it was the manager that left the bookmark on that page in Uncle Tom's Cabin? Or was his reference to 'falling in a hole' just coincidence?

>>11948057
In the context of the poem's story he's wrong.

>>11943860
I (or anyone for that matter) will never truly be capable of saying just what I mean, I will never be truly honest with others people or with myself. And even if I was, even for one sentence, nobody, not even myself, would probably notice it. Conversation is impossible.
This is very much obvious when debating something of some depth, more often than not you realize that the debate is mainly about definition of words or about some much deeper problem or conception of the world that neither you nor the other can fully grasp, let alone explain.
This unironically keeps me up at night.

Also books for this feel? (I find that Beckett is great about it)

>>11947507
well, there's one way to find out, think about the last time you were on the cusp of achieving these things you think you had the strength to overcome, and if that put a spring in your step. if it did, congrats, it was sour grapes all along, just what you told yourself to feel better for not having it when you really do. now you have to live the rest of your life with these things just out of reach. a-ask me how I know

Real forgiveness for a transgression is very rare. Once you've wronged someone, it's nearly impossible for them not to harbor at least a little bit of poison against you. A transgression is never forgotten, unless the person transgressed against becomes a transgressor himself. Society will always have a vocal element which is prosecutory and unforgiving, even if it's sweetened with tinges of rehabilitative sentiment.

Proceeding from that, the information age has created a limitless database of the transgressions and indiscretions of nearly everyone in the developed world. Even if they are forgotten, they can be "re-remembered" by the social consciousness with a few keystrokes - then it's back to public opprobrium for the transgressor.


These are crushign realizations that are powerful enough to drown a person's soul. It is no wonder than foregiveness is such a fundamental tenet of Christianity - the human need to be forgiven for wrondgoing is largely unmet in the secular world.

>>11947733
oh friend, the love you see in the films does exist, it's just so vanishingly rare the rest of us have to convince ourselves it doesn't to make up for the fact the losers in love outnumber the winners a 1,000,000:1

>>11948082
Well the context of the story is wrong. Lucifer is a sympathetic character. He is meant to be the most human and relatable. God in contrast is depicted as cold and distant, wreathed by impenetrable lights and angel feather wings

>>11946932
Yeah sure nobody ever thought about that before what a genius anon just be yourself, just go and talk to people anon everything is going to be ok anon

>>11948075
>Or was his reference to 'falling in a hole' just coincidence?
did i say he left it there?
i've had a lot of ambiguous coincidences there. many times a coworker will say what's on my mind without any prompting, or something will happen that is perfectly analogous to an idea in my head

>>11945806
My grandmother is either not mentally fit from her stroke and/or in denial about her condition and it’s ruining her relationship with my dad who is effectively making decisions for her. It’s especially sad at this late stage in her life.

>>11943860

I came up with a terse observation about life:

Good things have to be contrived. Bad things just happen.

>>11948646
i finally understand christians.
we all do automatically go to hell.
you have to fight against yourself for heaven

We are 50% souls that yearn for a higher power and tend towards infinite understanding, but also 50% bodies that are biological, flawed, finite. The human race is a joke.

>>11943860

MY MOTHER IS CONSUMING ME. THOUGHT SHE WAS MY PROTECTOR, ACTUALLY SHE IS MY JAILER.

The only women i've ever truly felt love or longing for were the ones who intimidated me. Not in some perversely sexual manner, but through the sheer magnitude of their beauty and love for the world. They made me feel vulnerable, and as a result I never attempted to make anything happen. Those opportunities are lost to time now, and I find myself settling for simpler women; not in their beauty but in their mystery. They lack that veil that obscured something sublime within them. I know them. All too well. All too easily. And I fear that those relationships are the only ones i'll ever be capable of having.

>>11947613
Are you literally 12 years old my boy?

>>11948066
thats pretty gay tho

>>11944718
cringe

sunday with hae

the last time I wasn't drowning in a sea of depression was when someone broke into my house and tried to murder me

almost being killed was a welcome reprieve from unrelieved bitterness and anhedonia

>>11948913
I am exactly the same way. I feel like I can never really get a hold on those incredible, mysterious women - I feel overwhelmed so they slip through my hands and I fail to reach out to them.

>>11944729
Ian?

>>11947694
I'll pass on the math thing because I don't know much about it.

The point is, the entire concept of something having "importance" was fabricated by humans.
Why is a supernova explosion more important than a nuclear one? Who gets to decide that? (Protip: humans)

If there was no life on the universe, then objectively, the abstract concept of something mattering more than another thing, wouldn't exist at all.

>>11943860
Is this thread definitive proof that /lit/ is a warren of brainlets?

>>11944483
All i want in life is to escape wageslavery. How do you do it /lit/?

>>11949393
The fact you hadn't already realized this makes you the real brainlet

>>11947390
that should not be depressing, but comforting: misery loves company

>>11943860
the problem is that most people have is that they chase happiness and prioritize it as the goal of life, ironically this is a surefire way to live miserably. They predicate their existence on a sickeningly pathetic value judgement of good and bad, a pleasure/ pain binary.
The fact is that happiness and satiation is a byproduct of life, not its goal. The struggle and suffering of life should be embraced wholeheartedly and utilized as a means of constant personal refinement. When one triumphs, the power gained from victory is the only existential sustenance one needs. The pursuit of happiness is in itself an act of slothful cowardice pursued only by the weak, and it should be looked upon with scorn.
See also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_disintegration
>>11944718
Based Schopenhauer/Nietzsche/Mainlander poster

>>11944718

>>11949426
I realized a long time ago. This is just the most concise example I've come across.

>>11949146
What happened to make them fail to murder you?

>>11948913
there was a girl who made me feel like she could see right through me. i don't know if she did it on purpose but i've rarely felt that since

>>11949451
christianity bred this societyy ahhhhhhhh the apocalypse is the logical endpoint of christian domination

fucking why debase such a beautiful species fuuuuuckking need to move out

>>11948848
GET OUT

http://religionconfidencetrick.blogspot.com/2013/12/money-makes-mothers-monkey-jump.html

>>11945377
>wanting to watch your time killers get raped by ideological fanatics

>>11943860
that legitimately intelligent people are happy

>>11944718
You have a better than average ability to say very little with many words

>>11949331
>If there was no life on the universe, then objectively, the abstract concept of something mattering more than another thing, wouldn't exist at all.


This is where the problem comes in, objective meaning doesn't mean for everything. Without matter gravity wouldn't exist, thus gravity is arbitrary?

>>11947777
Perhaps the human ethical ideal is just that; an ideal. There's a reason why characters of pure morality can only be portrayed in fiction. There simply is no real human who can act with pure ethics in every situation. The real problem is those who are so willing to abandon the ideal for their own gain instead of striving toward it.

>>11943860
>the most depressing realization about life
That, regardless of what the saints, heroes, and geniuses accomplish, most people will continue making pointed efforts to remain stupid and unaware.

For instance, there should be no such thing as a "depressing" realization about life. Nothing has meaning. That leaves only freedom. You insist that there should be a meaning instead of simply accepting the freedom found in no meaning. You could be happy, but you choose to be depressed instead.

That's pretty fucking depressing.

>>11950456
>For instance, there should be no such thing as a "depressing" realization about life. Nothing has meaning.
Freedom within the strict boundaries of mundane, banal and irrelevant is not freedom at all.
Without meaning you can't even construct any. All you have is crude imitations, if even them. But I have perceived meaning. I know meaning. When I was a child, I had it. I saw it. I lived it.
I was 16 when I structured my by then, internalized, depression. "Is this all there is?" I asked. But the error was answering with a positive. I do not know why, but that view has a tight grip of death on me and my life. I know it to be false. Know it for certain. There is no doubt left.

>>11948848

>Humans don't value minds. We live in a world of depraved cannibalism. Every child is made to fight for survival against their own mother. Love is a temporary hostile defence mechanism to enable survival as children await rescue from their plight. The species is trapped in Recovery Mode, breeding illegitimately. No SAR teams are coming. All the humans are dead.

>>11950503
>strict boundaries of mundane, banal and irrelevant is not freedom at all.
How can any of these values hold merit if there is no meaning?
>you cant construct meaning without meaning
Exactly. There's no purpose. You're free. You're forcing yourself to suffer.

>>11944244
Aaaaaah delete this, or i fucking kill you

God doesnt exist.

>>11944729
Aaand kind of same, sometimes i like being a man sometimes i want to be a cute girl.
Tbh i probably wont change my gender because is too hard and i like being a man, maybe someday when i live alone i would try crossdresing in the privacy of my home

>>11951219

>>11945066
That is simply false, the real damnation for humanity is that all matters and is imposible to escape the creation of simbols and meaning, even by dying we cant escape it

Nobody has a real distinct face of themselves. At all times it's just a projection of your reality around you, and your personality reflects that. People only have certain personality traits that actually carry over between different situations, other than that, all people are is just a product of who they are with, and where they are.

>>11945551
Brother, art that thou?

>>11944089
fuck that is good

>>11943860
That knowledge and truth should not always be made use of or sought out. And that science has ruined truth in our society and made it into something with no use.

>>11947089
That's not true. It's not an active sadness mabye, but whenever you think of something that reminds you of them you'll contract a little inside.

>>11948913
>>11949167
i tried and failed 3 times and wish i hadn't. i sincerely tried the best i could.

i learned nothing, only experienced pain and humiliation. i dont think it will count for anything in the end.

>>11947429
the whole world is on the brink of collapsing under the weight of debt quantified in made up digital numbers

>>11943860

to live virtuously is to be despised

every ideology is a manufactured product of the establishment. controlled dialectics

the vast majority of "chatter" in one's head is demonic

the ideal of "progress" is a lie

lol how long will we flagellate ourselves for our guilt and shame until we decide to ride out the rest of our days under our own flags?

>>11944595
What do you call this? Begrudging smile? Annoyed laugh? This needs a term. Nabokov, why are you dead? Name this thing!

>>11944718
I liked it. Seems like there are more religious nutters on this board every day.

>>11945816
Is he Sussman!? If he is, let's be friends.

>>11949414
Ascetic life. /out/side preferably.
Save up some cash for reading practical survival and skill books, hunting lessons (maybe also some basic bushcraft lessons) and some food. (if you have student debt or anything like that you're already fucked, maybe if you can slave it off its possible)
Go off grid, build your own shit when you can, and borrow barter yourself to the rest.

>>11946268
>settling for a partner in not fully in love
Learn to be obnoxiously picky, like me.

>>11946361
Talk to a shrink. With enough work, you can probably figure out why you're resentful and get over it.

>>11946361
desu same

>>11951434
>be a dumb redneck voluntarily

>>11948108
It gets better with age; you get more philosophical and better at delineating the barriers between concepts. I suffered from the intellectual quagmire you described a lot in the past, now I'm just a bomb ass debater.

>>11948123
>Real forgiveness for a transgression is very rare.
You know who people genuinely forgive? Their friends. I think the real problem is that there are studies in neuroscience that suggest we can only ever really have like 200 friends at a time. If that's true, it's a real shitfuck to our modern world.

>>11948913
That is strange and scary. Glad I just want a best friend I happen to find really cute.

>>11949146
Sounds fun, in context.

>>11950456
>>11950503
This is literally the field of philosophy: "Hey, let's make ourselves some meaning!". Nothing has objective meaning, so that leaves you to create some subjective shit that you like, that suits your values. Everyone is born with aesthetic values, so everyone inevitably creates subjective meaning. The purpose of philosophy is to analyze those values and try to make them more consistent. Nothing has any more meaning than what you give it, and that's okay.

>>11951337
>i sincerely tried the best i could
trust me - this part counts for something.

>>11951516
Hope it will be the case then. What helped you? Reading philosophy? (also out of curiosity how old are you?)

>>11943948
This

>>11944089
I just replace Raphael with my name. This fits me to a T. I'm just waiting to die.

>>11943860
The closest thing to being is suffer.

>>11951998
29. Maybe arguing with people on the internet helped? I think it mostly just came with age. Oh, I also started learning computer science. That really forces the brain to think concretely and to reason very precisely. You don't realize how spoiled you've been in throwing around sloppily defined ideas until you start learning to tell a computer to do specific things. Maybe just pick up an intro to C++ book; you certainly don't have to study it academically to get the benefit, just try to get some simple stuff to work and you'll begin sharpening your ideas.

>>11943941
I'm 27, while I have been fortunate enough this year to reconnect with old friends and made a few new ones, I am nonetheless in the same boat. I've worked as a janitor for over a decade now.

I haven't been on a date since 2009 and I haven't had a girlfriend since 2006.

I'd say my social skills have improved, I can look people in the eye these days and I can carry a casual conversation but nothing has really changed.

I'm still that lost, worthless, shallow 17 year old deep down at my core.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

>>11944244
I'm waiting for them to go, while I want them to stay as long as possible I've made up my mind.

Once they're gone ol' mister .45 and I have an appointment to keep.

>>11952044
>Once they're gone ol' mister .45 and I have an appointment to keep.
That really shouldn't have made me laugh, but oh boy did it.

>>11952049
Glad I could make you laugh.

>>11952030
I know a bit of matlab, I used to be quite good in mathematics and I'm currently learning Python so I guess that's a start. Thanks!

>>11952074
Math is far too heuristic driven. I took calculus as a freshman in high school, and it definitely didn't help me reason precisely. Python is also a very high level language, whereas the lower level languages are generally better for this specific purpose since they encourage you to mind the nitty gritty details like how many bytes are in this or that?, or what the hell are pointers and why are they useful?, or how the hell are floating point numbers even represented internally? C might be a little too much nitty gritty, but C++ could be the perfect sweetspot.

>>11952057
Better than being dead, right?

>>11946990
6x5 isn't even big, so what the fuck are you talking about.

>>11952137
Responding to the accusation I have a small dick.

>>11952126
>Better then being dead, right?

You have no idea how much I hope that death is just a state of insensiate nonexistence.

>>11952137
Its larger then average. Few people realize that five inches is the global median.

I have no friends, I'm 30 and I already have chronic pains that will get much worse as I get older. About 2 or 3 years ago I realized that I might actually kill myself at some point in the future.

>>11952126
>Math is far too heuristic driven.
don’t we come back to the initial point though? the heuristic side of mathematics is what helps you understand the meaning of it (for example: when you try to prove something), so isn’t learning a coding language more like the sophistry side of it when it comes to meaning? I will inform myself about C++ though. (sorry for the broken english, I’m in a hurry but I find this conversation interesting)

>>11944232
then how did they rape all those children?

>>11943860
Most writers are absolute brainlets.

Im gay and retarded and no one loves me

The bells will chime, but the rest will always lurk. Don't kid yourselves, we've been going downhill for quite some time.

I'll kill myself impulsively. Possibly won't even know I'll be killing myself moments before I do it. Any day now.

>>11946381
>Try decaf once in awhile.
>>11948108
>I (or anyone for that matter) will never truly be capable of saying just what I mean, I will never be truly honest with others people or with myself. And even if I was, even for one sentence, nobody, not even myself, would probably notice it. Conversation is impossible.
>This is very much obvious when debating something of some depth, more often than not you realize that the debate is mainly about definition of words or about some much deeper problem or conception of the world that neither you nor the other can fully grasp, let alone explain.
>This unironically keeps me up at night.
>Also books for this feel? (I find that Beckett is great about it)
Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus

>>11944464
Try to find a buddy with a scrip

>>11944244
My parents are taking forever to die.
I don't have anything to inherit, but people like these shouldn't exist.

Technological acceleration isn’t going to stop.

>>11943860
Humanity has evolved too far than is good for it

>>11952279
The issue is that with math, you're usually given a problem you know can be solved, and then you use a small handful of tools to try to solve it. Even proving a theorem is usually approached a small handful of ways. When you're programming, you have a lot of tools, any straightforward task can be solved, and you've got literally infinite ways to do it. This overabundance of choice forces you to strictly define the problem in a sensible way and then synthesize a process that actually gets shit done. Computer science is very similar to math, but actual programming is basically engineering, and it's that need to both think creatively and reason precisely that helps put your mind back together.

>>11943860
drug prohibition was an economic policy meant to protect the US pharma industry. It was enforced globally by a US mandate threatening to stop all trade with any nation choosing to not abide by said policy and is now primarily used by all governments as population control for "undesired people" using tax payer funded institutions to keep the cycle going.

That there's sixty years to go

>>11948913
i was in love with a girl like this who fortunatley loved me back. you worded it beautifully. i think its best to appreciate the time you spent together, rather than seeing it as missed opportunity. Cherish those memories and appreciate you were able to experience something so beautiful.

>>11943860
i still dont get what life is about, and for sure it's not about having fun

>>11949098
great game

No really depressing but most "problems" are overthought retarded shit without real repercussions.

>>11944718
CRAWLING IN MY SKIN
THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEAL
FEAR IS HOW I FALL
CONFUSING WHAT IS REAL

>>11955673
UP IN THE HEAVENS
LIKE A BALLOON
IN THE SKY
COMES THE GROOM

goodass thread, bumping

>>11951466
No an educated, free individual, who isn't condemned by the, state of the art, worries that condemn the modern Mchuman™

>>11950417
The nature of human is striving to obtain that ethical ideal while existing in non-ideal world. Ideal world is self-contradictory because there will be no people in it. Those living in eternal bliss will be animals at best.

>Is it possible that existence is our exile and nothingness our home?
Based and blackpilled

>>11946941
Literally the first paragraph

>>11944516
>halve exponentially

>>11944718
Eternal damnation (Hell) stems from not willing to exist when given the chance during your life on Earth. Eternal bliss (Heaven) stems from willing to exist. These are the only qualities of both Heaven and Hell, as those are both the forms of the Infinite. Hellfire and whatever else is usually said about the afterlife is attributing qualities of the finite to the infinite, a bad metaphor. Christianity is the teaching that teaches one to exist, or rather informs one that one can exist, thus giving birth to the threat of eternal damnation, that is, choosing not to exist when one was granted the option to exist by God. Your image of Christianity is mutilated if common. Take the Kierkegaard pill.

>>11943860
"Niggers suck"
Nehru's manifesto

>>11952035
in order to achieve deep level identity change you need to let go of old behavior patterns. It's not until you become a better version of yourself that you'll actually feel genuine self-esteem

>>11952205
naw we're most likely trapped in samsara or some form of it

>>11943860
Life is about working and only working if you want to be successful.

This suffering is deserved.

>>11951452
>>11946361
>>11944089
>>11944244
>>11944483
>>11946979
>>11946998
>>11947435
>>11947507
>>11948108
OhhhHHHHHH GGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDD

FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHUUUUUUUUUUUCCKKKK

>>11952287
guilty kek

>>11957805
Why shall we not reverse search the image, anon?

at some point after my death i will be remembered for the last time

>>11943860
The world is supposed to be like this.

also,
I'm still here.

>>11958241
It's most likely a guro doujinshi

Nothing I have done or will do matters and everyone I will or have ever loved is going to die.

I am going to miss her for the rest of my life... Unless.... No no... I can't do that

I will probably never fully get over my oneitis

At least I hope I do, but I'm so pathetic that at this point I doubt it

>>11952214
get addicted to opiates like a boss

>>11943860
>itt: 0 reading comprehension
everybody went full edge but they missed
>well thought out realizations about life that you read in a book

anyways, I like:
>whosoever loves his life shall lose it but those who hate it shall keep it forever

>>11944245
That's what I like about you Americans, you see Trump telling other nations to fuck off and you think they take it because they're helpless.
The rest of the world knows it can't take down the American giant from the outside, but the inside, that's a whole other story.

THIS IS NOT POTATO SALAD! IT IS CHICKEN SALAD!

I will never free my tongue from the frozen lamp post of ideology

it keeps happening over and over

Nothing is depressing. Life is fine. Your life is fine. Things can improve. Everything is unfolding without your duty or responsibility. It just flows. This is the Dao. The way of things. Events happen, some events you are a part of, some you are not. Regardless, life comes and goes, like clouds and rain coming and going. It just is. Accept it. Be at peace with it.

>>11943860
My peepee gets hard at people who will never want to touch it

Life is only meant to be lived for the select few while the majority watch them.

>>11945551
They put you into this world.They have the responsability to make your existence a worth one,otherwise it's like someone forcing you to go to a trip to Pakistan.

I'm only 26 and I've fucked my life beyond the possibility of salvation.

>>11947777
Based quads,euclid reincarnation confirmed

>>11959373
Tell the story and we'll tell you that you are a spoiled bitch who haven't seen shit yet

>>11947777
Something ticks me off about those kind of posts because there is a HUGE contradiction that no one seems to point out, ever.

>life is the process of your hopes and dreams slowly being ripped away from you
cannot be true as the same time as
> people who are born with an easy life live an easy happy life

Either everyone is unhappy, or there is a way to achieve happiness, but that would make most of your rant invalid.

>>11959181
this

>>11944245
Are you talking about Trump's disregard for political norms?
That's not the legal system and no nation is so fragile that not respecting some shitty autistic etiquette will bring it down. Also if anything Trump is the testament to the fact that checks and balances actually do work.

>>11957190
None of that is in the bible, new or old testament you fucking heathen.

>>11960381
You sure about that? Pickup Artist Bible says something differently

>>11947777
can't wait till it's all over desu

>>11960381
>you react with oxygen for all eternity in hell

THESE RECOGNITIONS WERE REVEALED TO ME THROUGH INTUITION, OBSERVATION, AND/OR COGITATION, NOT THROUGH READING OF BOOKS:

— MY PARENTS WILL DIE, AND EVERYONE DIES AFTER A RELATIVELY SHORT LIFESPAN —I WAS NINE YEARS OF AGE; I HAVE SINCE OVERCOME THAT TRAUMA.

— MOST HUMAN INDIVIDUALS ARE IGNOBLE.

— MY BODY WILL KEEP REQUIRING ALIMENT UNTIL THE DAY THAT IT CEASES TO FUNCTION.

— EVERYONE IS ALONE, EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT LONELY, OR SOLITARY.

— SATAN —ILLEGITIMATELY— RULES THE WORLD.

— EVERY HUMAN INDIVIDUAL, EVEN THE NOBLE ONES, ARE PERVERSE TO SOME DEGREE.

— THERE IS NO SUCCESS WITH NO STRUGGLE; THERE IS NO VICTORIOUS SUCCESS WITH NO TRAGEDY.


THOSE ARE THE ONES THAT I CAN RECALL NOW.

>>11946619
Same, I've been thinking about this ever since I was a small child.

>>11947777
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7HEhr00l-4

>>11944244
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xr6Co_Kyyj0

>>11944729
Why would you ever want to be a girl?

>>11945066
But it's the opposite though. Everything matters, and it matters a lot. And that should give you way more panic attacks.

>>11946268
People who make good money always love to humblebrag about it in this sort of way.

>>11945943
>this has been the case for pretty much all of human history to some extent
i want out

>>11961215
You could always live in a cabin

>>11944244
i want my mom to live a fulfilling life and i want her to stop fucking smoking

>>11945943
>in fairness this (or worse) has been the case for pretty much all of human history to some extent
that clearly makes it much worse

>>11950384
Hes not talking about the objective physical world hes talking about some things being "important/meaningful" when its not important, it just happens. The result could be one way or another and it wouldn't make it more or less "important"

>>11943860
THAT I'VE GOT FREE WILL BABY WOOOO! GOD DAMN DOES IT FEEL GOOD TO HAVE FREE WILL!

There are two kinds of people, the tiny fraction of Übermensch and the mass which's sole purpose is to be the matter to be formed in the hands of the former group. I fall into the second category.

>>11962657
That’s the point I was trying to make, the fact that something could not exists doesn’t give it less meaning.

>>11947733
And you are right, guess why women change their boyfriends once they reach college. Suddenly, money matters.

>>11947777
And a pasta was born