/lit/ - Literature

LARPing NPCs

>>11867575
I don't have time to write a story or poem or whatever, but I'm afriad my girfriend doesn't like much anywhere near as much as I like her.

someone should wipe out the human race so that nobody has to deal with stuffy noses anymore

People who are reprobates or saints don't bother me. It's the middle road, the lack of passion, that I have such a hard time with.

>>11867575
Well, I realized that birthdays have become immensely depressing as you get older. I thought of buying myself a present, but realized the redundancy of doing so if I could just buy it any other day. My family didn’t give a fuck and my friends didn’t even know. I slept for the whole day in sadness

>>11867575
Started the new Write what's on your mind thread, all thxse thoughts are mine then

I don't read anymore because I have time for working out and practicing bass only . I miss it but there's nothing I can di

Went to visit my parents today and my dad just straight up shat himself while I was there. Couldn't get to the toilet in time.
While he ran himself a bath, he stood in the kitchen smoking a cigarette, completely nude, thighs coated in shit, front and back. He asked me if I'd come to laugh at him, and oh I laughed.

On the way home though, I started thinking about how horrible it must be to get old and thoroughly depressed the shit out of myself, though not in my trousers, luckily.

>>11867575
I think Im going to give up on writing as a career and not go to uni.

I think Im going to keep writing just as a hobby. Im not good at academic study of English and it doesnt seem to be about writing what so ever. Im going to pursue another easier career that is a lot more stable, still enjoyable and more realistic.

Is this a smart move? I wondered what you guys would think.

Life is gay.

>>11867596
So did I, then she dumped me

Can't stop thinking about her

I should probably stop trying to learn poker.

Comedic talent is a specialized skill, and one that relatively few people have, or at least to any notable extent. In the past (this is a generalization I know, but I think it's somewhat accurate) humor was handled accordingly, with "wit" being regarded as a talent, and humor was understood to only be appropriate under some circumstances. Plenty of people weren't funny, but they knew that and everyone understood that humor is one of many desirable traits one can have, and is not essential.
However, the invention of social media has distorted humor's role in the public domain. Every individual is now expected to become a producer of content. Notice how Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, and Youtube all have little or no technical differences between personal accounts (target audience are individuals known personally outside of social media) and public accounts (target audience are individuals who do not know you personally) and every private account can easily become a public content producer without changing "modes."
Accounts run by people with good senses of humor naturally rose in popularity, and their content became dispersed across the platforms. Overtime, this led to comedy and quality becoming equated in the mind of the general public, and emulating the humor became highly incentivized.
Everyone is now expected to be funny, and not being funny is considered a personal failure to meet a standard
This directly led to the leak of meme culture out of small communities where they were partially serving as indicators of group identity, into the mainstream. Memes, particularly the ones majorly popular now, are templates to be filled. We are outsourcing comedic talent to the producers of those templates, because conceptualizing a structure within a joke can be made is a big part of comedic talent. Some templates have even transcended meme status and become linguistic constants in the lives of many: "when _______" and "same" don't require any comedic talent at all to properly use, because they simply create an expectation of humor in reference to a subject. They have become tics. "Memes" in the formal sense of the word. A repeated mechanism that feigns comedic talent to influence social status.

i want to read more of joyce's poetry

I'm an agnostic and I wanna make a leap of faith either way.

I hate being uncertain, it's making me sad and angry.

>>11867575
I've been frenetically pacing in an arguably-manic fit for ~2-3 heures -- perhaps a paranoid episode? -- unclear: "'Change our fates, shoot down the plagues, beginning with time,' the children sing to you" -- , prompted by a distant, now-long-gone categorical mistake of a thought. Whose dick can suck to get a hold of Heidegger's paper on the Anaximander fragment?

Behooved by a visceral and byzantine conceptual -- or spiritual? -- possession I cannot abrogate. ἄπειρον: Is ον only the ον of an Ov? "Nothing nothings" in much the same way.

>>11867575
i am constantly eclipsed by my base urges

i wish to be better than this, but i fear if i were it would only be through constant self denial. what good a better me be if it only sprouted from "no you cannot. you must be better than this."?

i look forward to the cold fingers of death gripping my heart. peace is much b eww tter than this constant turmoil and degradation i bring upon my own.

>>11868040
good

I took the mystery drugs i found on the floor in my heroin riddled neighborhood and it seems like i just took heroin

>>11868130
you're fucked mate.

I sometimes browse google maps whilst on the toilet on satellite view and pretend that I'm a bird.

Moved in to my postgraduate accommodation today.
A girl I've been seeing casually on campus asked if I wanted to come over and meet her new flatmates. I said I wasn't feeling sociable and didn't really want to, but after she was done hanging out with them she could text me if she wanted to chill.

A few hours later I get the text and I walk the 10 minutes to her apartment. Her plastered housemate is waiting at the door and says "your the one here to shag my housemate aren't you. well could you take her out to the club first because we all wanted to go out but she's doing this"
I'm painfully sober and see the whole flat is full of drunkards who are insisting on giving me alcohol and going out clubbing.

I had brought a vinyl record that I was planning on giving her.
I'd clearly misinterpreted the vibe of what was happening and had clearly said I didn't want to hang out with people I didn't know, and she was also drunk and I was going to bail on her housemates to try and have shitty drunk person sex with me so I made my excuses and left 2 minutes after arriving.

I got a whole bunch of messages saying I stood her up and that she's pissed off.
I know this isn't /lit/ related at all, but tell me, was I a cunt or reasonable in this situation?

Life just keeps getting weirder and i don't like it
I feel like an old man

>>11868161
Good post.

>>11868130
Sounds like Lucky thinking from "Waiting for Godot".

>>11868161
This sounds like something that belongs in an "Autistic things you do" r9k thread.

The thought of death instills reason. Weighing ones every action and belief in context of an insurmountable end creates a constant, of which there are but few in this world. One might argue that it is only constant because it is unknown to us, to which I will admit, but it does not matter for the only characteristic of interest to us is the fact that it denotes a departure from our perceived reality. I do not mean this in a moralistic sense, as with death I do not mean mortality, and obviously suffering has naught to do with death in itself. I limit myself to the permanence of death, and I do in fact, equate the permanence of certain other things that might occur during a lifetime as being of the same gravitas as death.
A permanent lack of essential resources leads, unavoidably, to death. Foregoing physical necessities, society imposes additional mental and emotional necessities. I believe a mind raised outside of oedipal communities wouldn't require such ethereal sustenance, but one as our own perishes when permanently separated from safety, erotic release and perceived superhuman value.

In other words, tfw no gf makes me wanna slit my wrists.

>>11868167
You sound like a chad

>>11867611
Used to have this problem.

It is necessary, if you want to find purpose, to look for it. It may sound intuitive, but many intelligent people become defeated by a lack of purpose and clarity and fall to addiction, time wasting and doing something sub-optimal with their lives. It is absolutely necessary to grind your way through life reading, learning, searching for meaning. It takes some individuals decades to find it. But then, how could a purpose in life be worth anything less? Remember this, fren.

>>11867691
Not sure about writing, but I can offer my experience with graduating in biomedical science with minors in microbiology and organic chemistry.

>>11868150

>>11867596
Then become someone worth loving, fag

>>11868167
Reasonable.

>asked if I wanted to come over and meet her new flatmates

She is a dumb motherfucker for not telling you they wanted to go out. Granted she was drunk but it's not your fault she had poor communication desu.

>>11868361
How?

>>11868068
>the absolute state of the man on the fence

>>11868393
You already know the answer to that.

But if you must be spoonfed, become respectable, educated, attain a certain degree of status. Achieve a respectable physique, learn to articulate your words well, and cultivate discipline and self confidence. Learn how exactly women perceive attractiveness, and use it to your advantage. Become a man worthy of your woman, or your dream woman.

It's fucking hard though, but very achievable.

why are all germans scat fetishists?

>>11868167
she fucked up communicating what was up

you were reasonable but she's a woman and was drunk at the time

best bet is to leave her on ice till morning and see what she says

>>11868167
If she digs you she'll probably send you a text tomorrow apologizing herself.
If she stays mad then fuck dude, you probably dodged a bullet.

>>11867575
Starting to wonder if my disgust for the society around me is just a thin veneer to cover up my own inadequacy and sadness.

>>11867575
I’m almost 30

I have 3 papers due this week and haven't started any of them

I think part of the reason a lot of people don't read is that it can become a cynical game where you feel obliged to play critic.

Sites like Goodreads and Amazon let anyone rate books and it seems like a pissing contest to see who can squeeze the most pretentious, vile, condescending, snark in a few paragraphs. Even worse a lot of people criticise through a feminist sex obsessed lens that is almost always hamfisted bullcrap.

People think this is critical thinking. I think the word confuses a lot of people into becoming critics. Maybe instead of being critical we should be attentive, passionate, And empathetic instead.

>>11868345
Can you expand on this? It seems you have a lot more you could say

>>11867575
I spent about seven hours today thinking about different ways to kill myself, but then I started to feel bad about each one because it would needlessly involve lots of bystanders and make them feel bad. First, I thought I could just go to the metro, wait right down at the end of the platform where the trains arrive, and then jump down there and lay my neck on the track right as one was arriving. They need at least a dozen yards of slowdown time, so there's no way it wouldn't kill me, BUT the driver would probably feel awful even though it wasn't his fault, plus I worried that it would seriously disturb a lot of the other metro passengers who saw me get beheaded. I imagined specifically what it would feel like to be a little girl heading to the beach (it's a Sunday afternoon) with her mom, and then getting sprayed in my blood because––I imagine––the heart would pump enough juice out my neck to spray a lot of the platform. That's just too grisly, and so I had to nix the idea. Second option would be to slit my wrists in the tub, since my roommate was gone all day, but then I would feel like shit because she would have to come home and find me, and then all the clean-up and stuff (Philip Roth's book "The Human Stain" has an excellent scene about the women who clean up after suicides, and apparently it's so tough to get blood and brain out of the walls and carpet that they have to pay them like three times the normal wage for their work). I wouldn't want to pin all that responsibility on my roommate, so that's a no-go. There were several other just momentary fantasies about stabbing myself, gunning myself down, driving my car off a bridge (which was only rejected because I wouldn't want some idiot rescue diver getting killed trying to save me), etc. The only option I seriously considered was to drive out into the desert, park my car off a mostly unused highway and then call 911 to report a "gunshot" heard in the vicinity of a parked car with [description of anon's car and license plate number] on highway X near mile marker Y. Then I'd hang up, turn off the phone, and off myself with a bullet inside the car. I think this would be perfect since the car's a piece of junk and so it would just be scrapped anyway. There's absolutely no need to clean it up, and it doesn't foul anyone's memories of a certain place (metro, my apartment, etc.). The only negative is that the police or first responders would have to see the grisly body and interior of the car, which probably sucks.

Before doing any of this though, I would have to boil my diaries.

>>11867575
i need a girlfriend
i hate being circumcised

>>11868068
Change your conception of God.

>>11868586
intellectually unimaginative. suicide is passé, did you not get the memo?

>>11868551
I haven't shared this yet, but I wrote my thoughts down about 5 years ago. It more or less is an expansion of what I said, with more doubt. I did end up finding hope after all, mind you.

"I don't expect to know what the purpose of the universe is and what my place in it entails. It would be viciously unreasonable to expect such a thing.

But this uncertainty breeds pessimism. When one encounters a cross of paths, yet is unsure of which to follow, he will probably choose one at random. But what if that choice influenced something as important as your life? I would think one would take a moment to listen to those advising him to follow a certain path. However a conclusion cannot be reached, as in truth, no one knows what lies at the end of either path. So, what do we do? Often, in the process, we will be defeated by the prospect of having to choose a path. We ironically end up guaranteeing our demise by not making a choice, and at least giving ourselves a chance. I find myself watching days pass by and feeling a profound unease that I am wasting my time. I have not made a choice.

But how could I possibly make a choice? Should I guess? Have faith?

By doing so, I would at least have a chance. I would at least be able to live my live with some purpose and certainty. But, when I walk down a path, it is too easy to turn around, because I am not convinced that the path I chose is the right path. So I find myself returning to the crossroad, and again discussing which path is the correct one. I return to where I came. I am not certain, so do I wait? Waiting is wasting life, so do I guess? Guessing is not sustainable, so do I return?

I don’t know."

(1/2)

>>11868617
(2/2)

"It’s because I don’t know that I am so profoundly at odds with myself. It because I don’t know that I consistently find myself spending extended amounts of time doing something that will not benefit me further than immediate gratification. I believe this is the reason people fall to drugs. Develop addictions. Become basely animalistic and commit suicide.
It is what leads me to choosing to do unimportant things with my finite time instead of working on my degree, my family, my dreams. It is why I am writing this text.

I myself have not come up with an answer for this problem, but my father gave me some advice which lifts my unease.
He said that it is alright to not understand or know where I am, or where I am going. A lack of knowledge should not discourage you from pursuing it. However, chances stand that I may come to a conclusion later in my life. I may reach a higher perspective on life, and will be able to make a personal and definite decision in which I have full confidence. It is necessary, however, that I continue my hard work in order to make that fate possible. I will not reach any conclusion if I lay down and die like a dog. However the chance stands that I may reach a conclusion if I pursue it.

It seems I require to at least give myself a chance.

So that is what I will do. I will continue to pursue knowledge and ponder these fundamental questions, until I die. If I never reach a conclusion, so be it. But at least I tried, and I used my time in a way which gave me the best chance at enlightenment.
If I die with doubt in my heart, let it be not because I did not look, but because I did not find"

NPCs are sentient

>>11868040
I'll have to think more about the "memes" part of your argument in the last paragraph, but in general:

Don't you think that humor, at least in American media, has gotten way sharper in the past decade? Compare an episode of "Arrested Development" or "Family Guy" with the old sitcoms, like "I Love Lucy." Today's audience demands an insane number of jokes-per-minute, constant send-ups of cultural icons, and even a nihilistic or gallows-like sensibility that is so much more pungent than the "family-friendly" comedy of the pre-Internet age. My grandma used to tell a ten-minute joke whose punchline was that a parrot said the word "ass." What we're living in today might just be the golden age of English-language comedy, whether it's wit, memes, or jokes proper (in the form of stand-up routines, gags on "Family Guy," etc.).

It's no surprise that the most humorous social media users rise to the top of the feed, but that also means there's fierce competition among the funniest people, and the result of that competition can only be higher-quality humor. This is probably the West's most intense comedy competition since the Festival of Dionysus.

>>11868068
To be an atheist you don't need to make a leap of faith at all. Just stop kidding yourself, kiddo. There's no god and the sooner you start doing something with your life, the less time you'll spend wallowing. (But I'm also the seven-hours of suicide contemplation guy from earlier in the thread, so maybe don't take my advice.)

>>11868130
Bait, or drug trip, or schizo? I'm guessing bait because "of an Ov" = of Anon, when you pronounce the Greek nu

>>11868143
>i look forward to the cold fingers of death gripping my heart
i feel ya

>>11868167
You were totally reasonable in my opinion. If it's the drunk flatmates saying you stood her up, then screw them. It's only her feelings about it that should concern you, and all you have to say is that it wasn't your vibe and you were sober so obviously you didn't want to hang out with a bunch of drunks. No one should be forced into having a club night they don't want. Also, it's godawful having to take care of a drunk friend at the end of the night, so I would have done the same as you and skipped out.

>>11868413
this is such bad bait. you literally just saw this shitpost image and described it. 0/10

>>11868540
Stay away from Goodreads and Amazon. If you're starting to feel that your own reading is making you turn too much into an armchair critic, then pick up some super-light just-for-fun books like P.G. Wodehouse. That could give you back some of the old spirit of just reading for entertainment, without any higher purposes in mind.

>>11868607
what

>>11868661
>To be an atheist you don't need to make a leap of faith at all
>There's no god

I love you. Please come back home safe soon.

>>11868661
Atheism is a leap of faith. I went from atheist to agnostic because I realized that.

>>11868617
>>11868622
Thank you for sharing. This resonates with me deeply. It's so easy to fall into a habit of inaction, where you ride the waves of social pressures and follow the paths of least resistance. This has been my struggle as well as of late as I reflect on my life in the twilight of youth (approaching 30) and realize how much time I wasted, How few risks I took, and how little I believed in myself to act. It seems I've only sought mere contentment...And I wonder why I'm in the unenviable situation I'm in today.

The profound unease that you are wasting your time is only compounded by reading about great people. I'm reading a bio of Caeser and the amount he accomplished near my age, his daring and self belief are unfathomable. He was a "doer" as nassim taleb would say.

Your thoughts are so articulate and well written. Thanks again for sharing.

>>11868617
>>11868622
>If I die with doubt in my heart, let it be not because I did not look, but because I did not find
Thanks for this response

>>11868622
>>11868617
You mentioned you found hope -- in what shape or form?

>>11868354
lmao same. I have a masters in biomed and I work as a med device rep now while continually putting off writing my book.

I'm not sure how to carve out value in my life in a way that will leave me satisfied on my death bed. Perhaps I should throw myself into chaos in hopes of creating a sense of journey. Even if they aren't fond memories created, they may at least have value if looked at from some angle. I don't even know where to find chaos, everything is so structured nowadays.

>>11867658
You should watch Inside Llewyn Davis

I'm not sure if this is the result of my own complexes or the current ideology but I get enormous amounts of anxiety when I notice my influence on people in social situations.
Without trying too hard to convince you of my "attractiveness" (by this i don't mean only physically) I would like to say that I'm a very creative person with great habits who often gets subconsciously chosen as the "leader" in social groups. I often go out alone to random places (shows, bars etc) and forcibly interact with people and notice the natural gravitation people have toward me. Anyway the anxiety sets in when I've "won" people over and start to notice them hanging on my every word or laughing at something that wasn't funny. My reaction is usually visceral and I get disgusted by the person as well as myself. At some point I disassociate from the conversation and self-flagellate as a result of my position of power. I try so hard to make myself seem like I'm a humble person and so on. I've only recently started to notice this pattern of behavior and the more aware I am of it the more anxiety it produces.

>>11868040

the desire for group identity has grown so large that memes built on memes exist. Meme's once were a way for groups of people to connect with the aspects of everyday life. People felt (temporarily) emotionally connected to a joke in the ether that made them not feel bad about their reality. Memes are based on two mediums put together, using emotional aspects from both to create third, new one that yields perspective on the original. Nevertheless, the are grounded in reality. Metamemes force reality to exist solely on the internet, with the groups forming a consensus on the validity of the material being massive. But this massive group simply recognizes the multiple templates and believes it to be the joke. The content and emotions are stale and dead, the templates take over as the new joke and its medium. Its so steeped in irony and templates that there is no joke anymore. It is not grounded in a real emotion formed from human interaction, struggle, or sadness, but just that brief, vapid chuckle you had that one time laying on your bed alone at 1am. Its based in literal emptiness, an emotional state that does not exist nor had real reason to. But not "enjoying" it or spreading it means you don't understand the pieces its made of, don't understand the "complexity" of the joke and are then on a lower rung of the social media social hierarchy. The desire to feel as part of a group has caused us to cease developing any form of individual identity we had.

>>11868785
It is found the the form of learning, simply put. Read great books on philosophy and listen to intelligent people speak. Generally, each book and each talk you engage in will add a little tiny piece to the puzzle. Over a few years of constant engagement with the question of meaning, you begin to become slightly more aware and confident in human nature and universal truths.

That clarity delivers meaning, although the process is exceptionally complex and lengthy, but again, that is to be expected with a question that pertains to the meaning and optimal structure of the human being - of which I can confidently say is the single most complex thing in known existence.

>>11868785
To answer you more directly, there is no single shape or form. It is a multitude of experience that builds up over years of learning.

Intellectuals like Dr. Jordan Peterson or Sam Harris are good entry points for philosophy. They will simplify the basic (relatively speaking) concepts of great works of literature, after which you may choose to go read for yourself. There really is enough to learn for a short lifetime. Even the mentors I mentioned admit they only have part of the picture.

But they're getting there, that's for sure alright.

>>11868680
In the middle of an anonymous thread this is a poem

>>11868036
tfw unironically dumped money onto stars

>>11868036
Games of chance are with Satan. Read the quran

>>11867575
I've recognized that I am addicted to porn and masturbation. I've recognized the negative effects it has had on my life.
I see now why it is sinful behavior and I resolve to never view it or participate in such acts again.

I'm going to format my HDD in the morning.

I think I'm in love with my friend who will probably never love me. We're good friends so I'm not worried that she'll leave me, but I'm worried that I will carry this loneliness with me whenever we hang out or even talk; attention from her feels like gf attention, if she doesn't respond to my messages I feel like my gf ghosted me. I guess this is my life now

>>11869510
I know your feel
With mine, we've even had moments of getting together, where it seems like everything is about to fall into place. Love confessed. Then, she retreats.
I don't know what it is, I feel like I'm everything she wants and has said she's wanted.

You're not alone anon

>>11869456
>Read the quran

>>11869528
Thanks, the solidarity actually made me feel a little better. It sounds like you might actually have a shot though, someday. With mine, I don't think I'm really what she's looking for, so I don't have any hope that she would even be interested. But good luck to you, i hope it works out

>>11867575
I'm technically an abject failure and a huge loser, totally alone, but i feel really really happy and fulfilled, i've never felt happier actually.

Its kinda weird.

When I am old, I think, I will have found a philosophy that brings fulfillment to my life. Surely, it must happen by that time. But when?

>>11869549
What's the secret, anon?

>>11867575
My dick hurts

>>11869510
How close of friends are you two? Would breaking the friendship cause great friction in your social life? Depending on you situation I would either ask her out or eliminate any romantic feelings you have for her, because for me, the worst situation is being stuck in emotional limbo.

I just quit my old job not too long ago. There was this qt that I had a crush on that still works there. I asked her out tonight (which was not easy for me). I honestly thought she also had a crush on me, i guess not, just friendship. It's a bit depressing, but I feel much better now that I've received the closure than when we were still friends, that energy has been freed up and can be now utilized to focus on new things.

Do what makes sense for your situation man.

Today I unironically "read the greeks" at a cafe and my productive activity reached unprecedented levels, for a blissful 4-5 hours after reading Heraclitus/Milesians/Xenophanes/Parmenides fragments and commentaries everyone around me faded into obscurity, the five tables surrounding me featured giggly undergraduate females and none of them bothered me despite my receiving positive attention; "nature loves hiding places," I hid from all of their Hesiodic narratological thirst and studied for 3 different classes until the place closed, I left without looking at any of them, my anxiety was minimal, I felt quiet and airy as though the apeiron cast it's veil upon me.

>>11868911
Embrace your power

>>11869713
Comfy

>>11869564
I don't know.
I'm a fully autistic waifufag, i spend my time reading, drawing, playing video games or pretending to talk to her.
It fucks with me because it seems like my life should be very sad but it feels fucking good.

Having something to love and pour attention into, and learning to spend time alone is all i can really say.

I'm in my mid twenties and I never 'loved' anyone or cared about 'her'. Is that weird? Or is love just a meme anyway?
Needless to say khv but I don't feel like something is missing right now. Life is good.

Every day I wonder how the majority right-wingers can be such spineless cucks. It's incredible to think that there's a whole swathe of people out there that form their view of the world based not on geopolitics and economics, but on what some fat retard on YouTube rants about there being in a video game.
They are, Allah forgive me, even dumber than the skeptics.

I wish they'd change the hat color each year

>>11868721
>2018
>still referring to these things as atheist/agnostic/theist as if there's any difference between them

I can feel myself sinking into my mind, talking to my friends less, becoming more contempt with the outside world. I want it all to stop already.

>>11869937
>becoming more contempt with the outside world
You have to speak English to post on this board. At least outside of /sffg/.

>>11869937
I miss my friend. We both get too busy. I'd give anything just to be able to spend a couple of hours with him again.

>>11869713
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mihaly_Csikszentmihalyi#Flow

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH9JlvbDS7E

>>11867575
Derpy derp

I am sorry for every bad post I have made and every anon I have annoyed on my tenure here.

And is that not the final irony of the human condition? For we are so unknowable even to ourselves, that there can be no true connection but with the self. All else is simply fumbling in the dark for an object that isnt there, and for as much as we dance with our fellow humans and pretend to be understood, each person lives their life trule alone. Such glass walls too exist within us, as the concious mind tries desperately to build itself from nothing but external influences and precedent, while the true self, the unkowable cumulation of every thought, feeling, memory, and slef-perception we have ever had, cries out from the depths of the subconcious. The only way we can conciously connect to this self is through creative expression without inherent meaning or purpose, through art. The untouched work of art, the work of art not yet viewed or considered by anyone, is the only place the self can be present unadulterated outside the mind of its creator. For one bried instant, as an artist first gazes upon his finished work, he sees himself cleary, and can be truly known. And yet immediately is the truth corrupted as the concious mind aims to perceive the work as it does the world. A new self-perception is created in the mind of the artist, but with a new hint of the artist's true self. It is thus the purpose of art to connect the artist to his true nature, and the duty of the artist to create in the aim of one day fully realising himself through the culmination of his work

I miss my mother.

>>11870184
hang in there anon.

>>11870193
It’s okay friend. Hard times come and go. Just got to keep on going.

>>11868911
Find better people

I pooped my pants today, and now, you will too

I was thinking about how I was very slow to enter puberty (literally didn't have any kind of romantic or sexual inclinations until I was 17) and I realized it's probably part of the reason I'm so immature, I am in some psychological way at age 20 where a typical person would be at 17 or so. Also gives me some bittersweet justification to feeling like I missed out on being a teenager.

Books for this feel?

I'm a fucking 23 year old adult being forced by my own mother to pursue medicine. I've tried to avoid it so far but through sheer force of her will i've managed to buckle to her one demand and got myself in. It's her only wish but i owe her the world, shes loving caring and wants what she perceives is the best for me i just wish it included my say in it sometimes.

>>11870324
Do as she says. You won't be responsible enough to make your own decisions for at least another 10 years.

>>11870324
Sorry you're such a cuck, anon.

>>11870327

I love her more than the world itself. What she's had to do to get both me and herself to this point in life is reminiscent of Maria Dmitrievna Mendeleeva. I can make one sacrifice to make her happy.

>>11870338
I was replying to the wrong person. I meant to call someone else a cuck.

>>11867575
It's another day of inner turmoil when I find myself wishing to own a farm and spend my days planting, shepherding a flock and resting in the shade of a tree by a stream of running water.

>>11867575
Almost every person I know is doing drugs me included. Like we (mid, late 20s) are some sort of lost generation. And its not just losers, and not just one group, different people from different circles. Rich it guys, office workers, and manual labour guys. I sometimes can't stand them, pill popping, anxiety filled, nihilistic bullshit artists, at the brink of mental breakdown. I like them, they are my friends/homies whatever, but in a couple of years we will be mess. When time will take its toll we will realize that neurological damage can't be outdone, that we erased our basic capability to be enchanted by the beauty of the world. If by some circumstance I would be forced to stop contacting them for half a year I wouldn't care, but after a year I would miss them.

>>11869740
Normalfags sit around thinking up pretentious fucking narratives about their lives but the reality is that they are just STUPID FUCKING KEKS, wasting their lives with bullshit, having fucking moronic problems.

Im a fraud. I play pretend with a life that I despise, a superficial life with too many masks to juggle. I don’t even know which is the real me anymore, or if they are all as real as me. My appearances are devouring me, and while I have gained a tremendous amount of worldly possessions my body and soul feels exhausted. I am nobody who can act like anybody

>>11867575
Whenever i sit down to write poetry/lyrics i cant think of anything, i can only get inspired in the spur of the moment.

I thought sometime about this:

Imagine that you were a superhero and that you got a vision that in 20 years a monstrous being would destroy earth, despite the efforts of you and your female companions. You simply didn't have enough heroes.

You think for a while and tell your female companions about it, that you need to impregnate them. They obviously laugh it off and deny that request.

That's why you rape them, each of them. All get pregnant and you get into hiding because you raped someone.

Fast forward 20 years, the monster comes and with the rapebabies you defeat the monster and save the world.

Were you action morally right?

Why the FUCK is life so awful?

>>11870703
Anime fucked you up nigga

>>11868036
To many good or ok players now, now fish to leeach money off. So yea play with lads or don't bother.

>>11870392
Farming is hard work

>>11870534
It gets better, anon

>>11870556
You have the power to change your life

>>11870556
Read Good Old Neon.

>>11868040
well said

>>11870715
I already was a weird kid before I started watching anime

I'm scared of death

>tfw you were the one who made the post in the OP image
I was having a bad day ok

Ok so it took me long enough to accept the fact that a bunch of really fucking smart people figured out the low level programming and architecture needed to make this magic box I'm using to shitpost work.
BUT how the FUCK are we mass producing components on the scale of a couple nanometers with any quality control?
You can fit 4000 transistors across the diameter of a human hair.
Do you faggots realize how small that is?
How the FUCK did humans figure this out? Literally every other manufacturing process we mastered seems like banging together sticks and rocks compared to this.

>>11868622
>>11868617
>>11868345
Thank you for these posts anon they've helped me a lot.

>>11870883
You spend 10,000 years slamming things together in hopes that it does something and eventually yo get a hunch about which things you slam together to make something better than the 2 things independently
20 years ago we had text messages as innovation, now we carry computers around in our pockets like it's nothing

>>11870883
It's done optically isn't it? Also it has a fairly high failure rate; two-core processors are just four-core processors where one or two of the cores didn't come out right and were disabled in microcode.

>>11870930
I can't get over the fact that every other invention humans use daily seems magnitudes more simplistic than modern transistor technology.
Cars maybe be complicated but it feels like I could easily learn everything it takes to make a car work. Same with modern food processing or regular analog circuitry.
Computers are still magic to me.
>>11870963
Yes they use nanolithography to "draw" onto the waver. This is pretty good dumbed down version of the kind of processes Intel uses nowadays.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGFhc8R_uO4

>>11870883
if you think about it too much it starts to feel like an emerging god

>>11871008
Yes.
It's insane.
People use these machines every day and don't have the slightest clue how they work.

They need to make a trans division in sports. Not only would it be fair to men and women divisions, but we could get bizzare looking people doing extreme sports or people in drag fighting each other
It would be a great spectacle

>>11871103
its the logical solution but sports organizations are pressured to do the opposite

a mtf participating in a women's league is unfair to everyonr i volved except for the person whose delusiom you are entertaining

the same goes for a ftm in a male league who cant compete

>>11867575
I work for a b&b and I feel frustrated when I can't speak with my customers.
I try to tell myself it's their fault for not speaking english but I just cringe at myself trying to act out what I' trying to say or use reverso context.
I swear I'll apply and try to learn at least french and maybe russian

I wanna go to class, but i'm taking Doxepin which makes me get fucked by sunlight or heat, while my uni is like 20 minute walk away and walking under tropical weather for 20 minutes is bound to fuck my shit up. I also can't drive to uni cause the pill is also making me dizzy as fuck and I can barely walk straight. So basically I missed two classes today and don't know what the fuck to do.

>>11868668
Not him, but I might be able to help.

In human history supernatrual concepts very likely predate civilization and even spoken words; Certinaly as we'd recoginze either of these today. There are famous cases of pre-history burial that bare distinct signs such as the pressence of prcious objects. We don't know who they were or why they were buried like that, but it's clear that the people who did it believed in something. The same questions about life and death would of soon apply to the sun and the rain (where do these things go when they're not here?). No one knows where Gods first appeared, but they existed in every ancient society with mythology and religious texts make up our earliest writings. They were also fundemenal in the structure of all early political structures and may have been teh secret to large societies.In fact, religion may be the thing that most accuratley defines our difference between other animals. Many animals can use and even make tools, many animals have 'words' (in the sense that they have sounds that make a specific reference) and complex groups exist in all levels of animal life (primate's having social hirearchies that could even be called politics). When it comes down to it, wearing clothes and having religious belief may be two of the most special things in the entire animal kingdom...except that other animals cover their bodies for advantage (such as a pig in mud) where as no animal believes in God but Man.

TL;DR: God's not a man in the sky, or even a speicifc belief It was the central guiding element of human thought and culture until modern times, and continues on in the form of imagination and philosiphy. To "not beleive in God" is come perilously close to dismissing this.

Or something like that...

>>11871207
Take it when you get there

>>11871215
I'm supposed to take it before going to bed

>>11871219
talk to whoever prescribed it to you about your options

consider taking public transit and taking cool water with you to help control your temperature

could go so far as to take a cold compress with you

>>11871213
GOOD post. I've grown very frustrated trying to explain this to the smug "le skydaddy" atheist crowd.

I watch d&d streams to feel a sense of human companionship. I've never even played a table top rpg.

/lit/ is the brightest board
You guys are alright

>>11871230
Thanks for your suggestions but,
>public transportation in this shithole
They prescribed it to me last friday to see how I would respond to it and my next appointment is this thursday. I assume they told me to stay off sunlight or intense heat to prevent rash from appearing or uv light from interacting with the med.

>>11871213
basically JP's point

A month ago I was lamenting in these threads about not being in love with a girl that doesn't love me. Now, I've been seeing a new girl who is beautiful and /lit/ for two weeks and it's going great so far. All those days wallowing in melancholy, all to be immediately lifted out by a woman I just happened to meet by chance. It feels strange reading my diary over the course of September.

Carpe diem.

>>11868911
yeah so when you go out and find your victims for this advanced mental masturbation technique of yours i'll bet money you pick easy targets. pick hard targets. get discouraged. find someone of obviously higher social status than yourself and see what happens with the script reversed.

>>11871300
>tfw had this happen to me only to find out she was moving across in the country
Fuck. Oh well, at least I believe there are other girls out there now.

I know what you mean about the diary though anon. Every time I read mine back I'm struck by how desperate and low I sound, even during times I now think back on fondly. It's scary how insidious nostalgia can be.

>>11871265
ah, godspeed anon

I'm tied down with responsibility that I never wanted and that I'm going to be stuck with, unless I decide that being disowned and excommunicated by my family is worth getting out of it.

I had a dream where there were countless tables with sprawling columns containing all sorts of information. They were all on top of each other and became transparent when I tried to read them, incomprehensible layers of text going on forever. Out of my frustration a man emerged from them and extended his arm, grabbing something outside the tables. It was just a small picture of a square with the diagonals drawn. A voice lamented that him becoming a man was already in vain and to be rewarded with such a useless gift is appalling. Another voice said that the image is the most basic representation of truth and that as if he knows this then he can know everything.

I had a dream where there were countless tables with sprawling columns containing all sorts of information. They were all on top of each other and became transparent when I tried to read them, incomprehensible layers of text going on forever. Out of my frustration a man emerged from them and extended his arm, grabbing something outside the tables. It was just a small picture of a square with the diagonals drawn. A voice lamented that him becoming a man was already in vain and to be rewarded with such a useless gift is appalling. Another voice said that the image is the most basic representation of truth and that if he knows this then he can know everything.

>>11867575

I hope that i understand things, but im always confused and i don't think itll get better, im in a constant loop of laziness and excuses and although i want to learn the bass guitar and start drawing and do cooking classes and become a chef who draws and makes music on the side igot over my desire for fame, i think, i dont like it anymore, i think) i keep distracting myself with work i hate and psychadelics,i know theyre not that insightful they really only helped me once, the rest is a mess like my life, i keep wasting time all the time like now, i should be working on my passions but i dont know where to start and i don't want my father knowing for some reason i don't know why, i cry when people are proud of me ad feel sorry for me or when anything nostalgic happens, luckily i keep away and i havnt cried in 7 years since my psychadelic trip on shrooms i did in my hometown park where i used to play as a kid with my best friend who i think is dead, maybe i dont know, probaby, fuck me i mess everything up i hope i die no i dont

>>11867575
new KKB album

>>11871387
If you haven't already, read A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.

>>11871410
Unambitious anon here, once you start you might find out you like doing those things and getting good. I taught myself how to make French patisserie and all kinds of shit because my ambition is as small as "Today I'll learnt how to make brioche". I get to eat shit like Ancient Roman style thrushes' legs and make food that makes people cry and/or propose marriage to me but I'd never want to be a chef and only let my good friends and close family know my power level. Maybe you don't want to be owned by the people who listen to food critics et al.? If you want to do any of those things just wake up one morning and say "Today I draw something/ learn how to make dim sum / program a drum beat". Once you are doing it, you are the person who is doing those things.

I've decided to quit masturbation.
Not for any supposed benefits that nofap gives you, I don't know anything about that. It's just it's such a waste of time and afterwords I always feel terrible, cleaning up is annoying and the smell is rancid. Don't need this shit.

I really need to start going to the gym again

>>11871213
Actually that makes me understand it a lot better.

But now my worry is, if god exists, what if that motherefucker is evil

Why is Gogol listed as a mythopoeic writer on Wikipedia? What's his mythopoeia?

I think Lil Peep is top tier unironically.

>>11871605
Satan is the god of this world.
t. Canonical Christianity

>>11871795
What does Satan even want? Why's he such a dick

>>11871822
The abrahamic god is kind of an asshole too

>>11871822
What if Satan was our actual creator and God just didn't care or was against our existence.

>>11869475
I don't even believe in God and I agree with you 100%.
Porn ruins the mind.

>>11870728
Fuck this is too real, is it even legal to make such an accurate characterization?

There should be a death penalty for all pornography production and distribution.

>>11871866
Does that include erotica or sex scenes in art?

>>11871866
Why not for consuming also?

>>11871842
>yo noah go and get two of every animal so they can be saved
>the dinosaurs too?
>nah fuck them lmao

i'm on smoko

>>11871361
It reminds me of a quote out of Goethe's Werther.

>And what is man--that boasted demigod? Do not his powers fail when he most requires their use? And whether he soars in joy, or sink in sorrow, is not his career in both inevitably arrested? And, whilst he fondly dreams that he is grasping at infinity, does he not feel compelled to return to a consciousness of his cold, monotonous existence?

My month has felt like Werther in reverse really, and despite my success, I still feel like a complete idiot from the events leading up to them. Between September 1 and 11, I read Werther twice in a row, crying to myself about how Werther and I are kindred spirits, etc etc. Then in the latter half of the month, it turns out that I wasn't even close to being Werther. My September was the antithesis of Werther. This has been one of the stangest months in my life.

I must stress this once again: Carpe diem!

>>11871605
"Consider this" Anon here.

I like to think that God, as the guiding principal, is natrually good and therefore it's the lack of it is evil (God is seen through the all of our faculty, we see it in reason, faith, art, empathy, morality, justice, etc and thus to lose sight of God is to lose any of these human qualities)... someone who loses rationality but keeps faith and someone who loses faith but keeps rationality, fall into the same catagory.

Someone said my beleif is a lot like Jordan Peterson's, I'm not well versed in his line of thinking but this seems like the strongest angle for anyone in our position to take. The question is, are people seeing a "real God" through faculties like rationality and faith, or are we using these tools to create and project the God where we feel like we need one most?

I need to finish editing this short story. I'm bored with it and want to write something new but I need to finish *something* for once in my fucking life.

>>11871866
this but unironically.

>>11872062
FUCK this part is really bad it all needs to be redone

I'm a hack

>>11871866
This, but not if it involves me or my interests.

I wish I wasn't stupid

I'm never going to be able to read as much as I need to in order to obtain the kind of broad understanding I want, which is so discouraging that I smoke weed instead and don't read at all

just ordered some powdered Peruvian torch powder lads, I'm looking forward to having a nice mescaline trip

>>11872131
Illegal.

>>11872134
>he thinks illegal implies immoral

>>11871909
GOAT song

>>11872139
Didn't say that.

>>11872139
You just sounded like a shill.
Oddly specific.
Almost like you have something to gain.

>>11867575
I have a strange urge to stab my eyes

>>11872134
It's illegal to consume the cactus and various preparations of it with the intent to ingest the mescaline inside, it's not illegal to own the plant or to own and burn the 'incense' made of the powdered plant. If I happen to accidentally trip and swallow an ounce of it when trying to burn it as incense nobody will be any the wiser (except myself)

Masturbation and porn conditioned me. It stole my mana. It dehumanized me. I'm a better person now.

Actually realizing there is no inherent meaning to life so the only logical solution for me would be to become an epicurean or hedonist or something, however also realized that there is nothing I enjoy in the world, so I'm fucked.

Also being slightly pressured to find a career, getting old, and watching other people move on in life and succeed have probably attributed to my state.

This panic/meltdown or whatever you want to call it has led me to anger my boss(probably gonna lose job which also happens to be where I get my social needs), cut off a friends with benefit that really cares about me, and delete everyone from my phone.

>>11872223
Jesus christ anon stop being an impulsive moron. Go drink some fucking coffee and stop whinging. There certainly are things you enjoy doing, unless you're legit chemically depressed in which case go a doctor. Move past your reddit-tier "le nothing matters!" and build your own meaning.

>>11872131
How do you measure the dose?
Are you gonna put it in a pill and swallow it or prepare a shake?
I'm growing three different mescaline cacti on my window bank at the moment.

>>11872223
>realizing there is no inherent meaning to life
No, no, no, rookie mistake, you're either not deep enough into or not patient enough with your existential crisis. It is not that there is surely no meaning or teleological purposiveness to life/existence/etc., it's that such things are not accessible to individual human observers.

>>11872216 is on my mind

>>11872223
Realizing that there's no inherent meaning is only the first step in a long journey you're now going to have to go through in order to find peace with yourself and the world. Don't be one of those people that reaches that point and then just fucking stops.

>>11872270
>Moby Dick in the Autumn
COMFY choice anon

>>11872284
Its morbidness will prepare me for the death that is winter.

>>11872243

I don't drink coffee. I used to enjoy video games but don't any more because it feels like I should be using that time better.

>>11872258

How deep do I have to get? I think I've been in a depressive state for like 5 years if not more. As time goes on the hits are much harder.

>>11872272

Have you gone through a similar journey? I don't think I want to stop, I want to take the next step, like you suggest, but I fear it's a misstep and doesn't help me and is a waste of time or makes my life worse. I also don't know what to step into.

>>11872308
You's a lil bitch

>>11872308
>How deep do I have to get? I think I've been in a depressive state for like 5 years if not more. As time goes on the hits are much harder.
You'll never understand your existential situation better by sitting around and being sad. By deep I don't mean deeper into depression as though falling further into the pit will somehow lead you to light at the bottom: I mean deeper into the subject, deeper into the literature, deeper into your understanding.

Consider, for example, the phrase "meaning of life." With some exposure to Wittgenstein it quickly becomes clear that the phrase "meaning" here is almost meaningless. What do you mean by a meaning of life? Do you mean a purpose for which you were created? If such a thing existed, do you really think that you would just passively accept it and everything would be immediately okay? Or, alternatively, meaning of life could be taken to mean what life signifies, akin to asking, "What do those clouds mean?" in reference to coming weather. In which case, you are fundamentally incapable of accessing all information in regards to life and existence because it is much larger than you ever will be.

Such points help make it clear that the "meaning of life" question is really a kind of ridiculous proposition, and that when people ask it, they typically more properly mean "Why live?" and when asked in that manner it is easy to answer: while there is no final answer per se, or not one that is easily accessible, there are nonetheless many small answers, that I live because I enjoy reading, or social interaction, or beautiful landscapes, etc.

Also, you should join my Moby Dick reading group: >>11872216

>>11872308
>Have you gone through a similar journey?
Going through it right now man. You're gonna make mistakes or misstarts so come to peace with that fact now before it gets you down later on.

>>11872250
I ordered around 3 ounces from two different websites, 6 total. Around 25-35 grams of powder is a standard dose from what I understand so there is room for error. I'll probably just do an ounce if they are labeled as such but if not I can just consume a third of the pile if it's all in one bag. Probably gunna do a shake I don't mind chomping it down. I was surprised how cheap it was. Most sites do an ounce of powder for around 12-16 dollars which gets cheaper with bulk.

I thought to have a few drinks after a month sober big moderate boy now the bottle is gone and I’m practising disco moves

Im an alcoholic lads

>>11872361
>Also, you should join my Moby Dick reading group: >>11872216 →
To clarify, I suggest this because Melville/Ishmael is a sadboi too and maybe you would profit from checking out his take on it

>>11872352

Yea, I've been legit crying the past few days.

>>11872361

> If such a thing existed, do you really think that you would just passively accept it and everything would be immediately okay?

I guess not..

You also make a good point overall. I never really thought of it like that. And in that case that would fall under a hedonistic type approach right? You live to do the things you enjoy.

I'll make sure to look into the reading group.

>>11872381

True, I hope everything eventually works out for you.

I am overwhelmed by the totality of existence - so many things happening for reasons I cannot always apprehend on an emotional level, even if I understand that a bunch of smart people over there have by now discovered most scientifically discoverably laws which make the world work. That is good. Order, knowledge of there likely being some order to the world, brings me comfort. I still freak out occasionally. Call it existential panic attacks. Sympathetic nervous system cucked by the Absurd.

I am doing fairly well in life on an external level, but internally I often feel lost, confused, and afraid. I started to get interested in philosophy to make myself try and learn to make sense of the world, my place in it, and what ought to be done, but in this case, again, I am a bit overwhelmed, by just how much literature exists on these topics (metaphysics, ethics, epistemology).

I'll try and stick with Parfit for a while. Maybe Stoics. Maybe some random SEP article to read on the shitter and pretend to have understood.

>>11872459
>You live to do the things you enjoy.
This in part, but I also like to think of this way too as a response to anti-hedonism types: happiness (or wellbeing, or consistent pleasure, or righteous joy, or whichever term you prefer) may not necessarily be a proper summum bonum, and thing that is sufficient in its own right, but happiness does typically correlate with health and ability, and if there is a summum bonum other than happiness, then happiness is a helpful tool in reaching it (insofar as you are not malaised into stagnant stillness and learned helplessness) and/or "true" happiness is a consistent side effect of pursuing this other, "truer" summum bonum (e.g. the Christian idea that following Christ gives joy but joy on its own is not enough).

Happiness is rewarding in and of itself, and a rational hedonism can be argued for on that front, but it is also clearly inextricably tied to other good things.

>>11872223
Sort of like how there's no inherent standards as to what good music is, but for some reason we don't really question that which such intensity.

In a way, meaning IS inherent to your life, but it's yours only, and specific to the events which constituted your personal experience. The problem is simply that things feel less legitimate when they're self derived. We prefer it if a greater authority would hand us answers so we wouldn't have to stop and worry about whether we're doing it "right". Otherwise, people seem to be sent scrambling for a way to be that has some sort of intellectual pretense. But if you really had that level of control over what's meaningful to you then you'd basically be the ubermensch. It don't really happen like that.

I dropped acid once and realized I loved mexican things, and took pride in being mexican, for no reason other than my upbringing created a lot of positive associations with the mexican aesthetic. It occurred to me that there's really no reason at all to stop and question that.

You have boundless options of meaning, they're already there - it's your choice whether to embrace them. There's nothing you enjoy because you're depressed and it's harder to enjoy things in that state. But there are things you used to enjoy. Think about those, you may utilize them as resources on your path to self actualization.

"But that bird built its nest beside me: therefore, I love and cherish it— now sitteth it beside me on its golden eggs." - Nietzsche

>>11872462
God your such a faggot.
Didn't read your post but I'll give you a tip: remove your head from your ass.

my fucking ear keeps making this weird tearing sound when i move it or yawn
its really irritating and im abit scared

>>11872459
Pls no cry anone

>>11867575
The venn diagram of people who talk about NPCs and people who are teenagers on 4chan is a single circle

>>11872605
DIAGNOSIS

MIDDLE EAR MYOCLONUS

>>11872646
explain

>>11872605
Like a crackle? I get that too.

>>11872671
YOUR EAR REFLEXES ARE BROKEN AND GO OFF AT THE WRONG TIME. AUTOIMMUNE OR TOXIC ORIGIN.
NOTHING CAN BE DONE.

>>11872698
webmd ?
how are you so sure, it literally begun when i was sleeping

>>11872692
when i burp, i get this static sound in my ear, like when you tune an old time tv

>>11872223
There is meaning inherent to the composition of matter you call your mind and body, though it is correct to say there's not much meaning to conceive if you try to take account for the entirety of everything. You can have personal meaning through your own achievements and relationships, these absolutely improve your concentration and will--don't fall for the convoluted a priori assumptions you may have made about your responsibility for the world of existence and what not, it's a boring mess and you're honestly better off leaving the imagining to someone else. It's really not fucking worth it

>Hipster
meh...
>Basedboy
Yawn
>Metrosexual
Sigh... how derivative and boring
>Nu-male
That's just the basedboy meme all over again
>Dandy
Too masculine still...
>Fop
Hm, better... better, yes, better
>Popinjay
*raises powdered eyebrow*
Oh, I'm titillated, well, if I could be aroused, my dear anons. What next?

...
>There is indeed a kind of animal, neither male nor female, a thing of the neuter gender, lately [1770] started up among us. It is called a macaroni. It talks without meaning, it smiles without pleasantry, it eats without appetite, it rides without exercise, it wenches without passion.
>Macaroni
MON DIEU! IT'S PERFECT!

The girl I was into left my sorry emotionally-unavailable ass behind and is starting a new thing with another guy. Good thing I was already on my way to becoming an alcoholic suicidal fuck or else I would look like a fucking fragile loser lmao

>>11868777
Best line, based bro. Stealing this.

Wondering how long until shit hits the fan. Trying to decide whether to prepare or to just get comfy and then kill myself when it happens. Any anons here got a good ETA for the collapse?

I'm scared of death, well more of dying.

>>11873012
Why are you all such cringey fags.

>>11867575

I'm so scared of my future, I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

Memories rush back darkly in the morning, when the mirror is still fogged by the shower. After sunshine overtakes electric light. It all flows into now. Disembodied bodies in the dust, lit under headlights. We try to reverse but the the tires are rotating still in the dirt. Dug into their reoccurring channel. I finish shaving. The most important meal of the day, they say.

>>11867612
Happy birthday anon. I'm sorry.

>>11868407

So basically turn yourself into a person you're not in hopes that some vagina is gonna let me cum in it? Thanks but no thanks I'll take loneliness over being a brain dead 'yes mam' who's only worth is determined by how desirable I am to the opposite sex. Women are generally shallow, vapid creatures anyways when you actually get to talking to them and I think most men see this but don't say anything because they want to fuck them.

>>11868151
Lmao be safe anon

>>11873182
>I want to do for the rest of my life.
Spooked retarded cuck. Just do whatever you like, do you think you need to fucking lock in your "class" you fucking npc?
>he's this old and still has not found something to be passionate about.
Kys.

>>11868521
Begin dude. Start now and you can do it. Throw on some hype tunes and kill that shit.

i want to write a book about a man in thailand with emerging schizophrenia who breeds guppies for a living and fucks local ladyboy prostitutes for hedonistic fun. i'm trying to think of some way to make it allegorical however. what should the protagonist represent? i want for it to shed absurdism in a good light, not make it seem evil and hedonistic, but rather epicurean.

>>11869530
I hear it has fire elementals in it

>>11873363
Fuck that just make him give the prize winning guppy to a ladyboy instead of the intended buyer. Basic love is sanity and it comes too late plot a la 1984

I gazed upon the thin metal legs of the armchair. I thought of the view of the city from parliament hill. How would John Constable envision this scene? I thought of the night-tube. The times when the heaviest objects were the frequencies of floating points, four tet, and pearson sound reverberating throughout the room.

>>11873398
that sounds hilarious, thanks for the idea

>>11873404
Np, babbyTheroux

Ok I've been thinking. While I'm personally agnostic, I'm not sure if there's a god or anything.

But if there is nothing, why do I work so hard, and learn so much, and help others. Everything I do will go to nothing, every person I help will go to nothing, my country will end, my species will die. But I can't stop caring, an irrational part of me wants to keep on going.

I wish I could stop caring.

>>11873423
Social pressures.

>>11873423
permanency as a requisite for meaning is a fucking stupid idea and you're being stupid.

>>11873432
I don't see how though, I might be being stupid.

But if it's all going to nothing forever, what meaning can there be.

>>11873447
because every moment of your life exists in isolation, a permutation of the past but separate from it, a prelude to the future but unaltered by it. Meaning is a moving target. It is something to chase while the world fractally reconstructs itself around you. If you achieve it temporarily you have won; beautifully, you can win again.

>>11873470
I need to think about that more.

But if I die(and I guess if an afterlife is some bullshit like reincarnation), the meaning will be never be permanent.

>>11873363
allegories are shit. Have each object (character, symbol and so on) absorb the themes laid undercurrent throughout

>>11873482
Eternity exists apart from the temporal. To expect to find one within the other is impossible. In your beginning is your end, anon. A closed loop. How is meaning not permanent within a closed loop?

I want to go to a Scandinavian country for a visit but being a burger I have a mutt dog. She is a labrador/staffordshire mix and apparently that is pretty bad. I can kind of agree with that mentality but I am still curious if I have all the proper paperwork and she is up to date on all vaccines and stuff would I have a problem? Should I talk to the embassy about it? I know every dog person says they have the sweetest dog and everything so I won't go down that route.

Just hypothetical, really.

>>11873504
>Eternity exists apart from the temporal. To expect to find one within the other is impossible. In your beginning is your end, anon. A closed loop. How is meaning not permanent within a closed loop?

How do I know that eternity exists?

>>11873564
How do you know that time exists?

>>11873574
I can feel it

>>11873447
"He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy
He who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity’s sunrise" - William Blake

There's so much good stuff out there that resolves this sort of problem. Blake, Nietzsche, Buddha...

Nothing goes to nothing. No matter what you do, and no matter what happens, things will be as they have always been - alive and beautiful.

"Meaning" is incidental, it's just a heavier way of referring to where you assign value. If you actively prefer any one thing to any other thing in your life, congratulations, you have meaning.

If you feel like you don't have any meaning in your life then what you really want is either a) direction b) external authority c) something that satisfies a sense of enough grandiosity so that you can trust your cynical, skeptical heart to not dismiss it.

Here's a fun fact: If God was real and had a plan just for you, then you still wouldn't have objective meaning. You can disagree with God. It doesn't matter what he wills. "Ought" statements can't follow from "Is" statements. Meaning was always subjective, and it's no less real for it. This sets you free

>>11873482
afterlife wouldn't give external meaning to life anyway, life's meaning is its own. The fleeting decay of time is the source of that meaning, as it is the undeniable impetus for our actions.

>>11873600
So everything you feel necessarily exists?

>>11873629
>>11873618
I guess I'm also really scared to die. I worry that there's nothing, or something worse.

The thought of my family and friends being nothing or tortured scares me.

I'm sick of uncertainty.

I don't know that I've ever been sane looking back. Wanted to dominate women, wanted to be famous and influential, and wanted to be the most succesful member of my family. I'm tired but I feel like I already have too much influence and I've misused it. I don't know how to stop being a bad person.
>I'm getting therapy, but it's so slow going. I can't figure out how to fix myself and take responsibility. And I don't know how to build an identity that isn't toxic.

Fee foo fee fa
foo foo fee fa
pee po pee pa
po po pee pa

I fuckes up my life. Could have been a good novelist. Let people walk on me
I wasted my life. I kind of want to die, just out of mourning for what could of been.

>>11873423
You're human

You're never going to be anything else so you might as well get comfy

Euthanize the superfluous man. He sits in bed, in a windowless room, with pieces of flesh going grey, falling off him, rotting on the ground. The insects gather, devouring the grey matter and food crumbs around him. They die on the floor, turning into dirt with the rotting flesh. Out of the dirt nothing grows. A rank smell of undergrowth and off flesh emanates from the room infecting every corner of his dwelling. His projection device is fused to his hand, and wired into his head blasting mandated conjecture to confirm his acceptance of the status quo into his light-grey lifeless eyes. He consumes fuel and GABA juice to remain permanently hazed. Distant recollections emerge from from random synaptic firing. A life of servitude to the superfluous institution. Using superfluous technology. Consuming non productive items made from efficient machines operating under optimal conditions to achieve maximum output. Controlled experiences marketed as being risque by termite humans working together in mounds at 25 degrees celcius to produce non-productive items for the superfluous masses.

The empty void calls out distantly, reminding him of the emptiness of his life’s work, the partner he never liked, the children who got in his way. The sad feeling emerges. He turns the volume up. He pushes more fuel into his face. He fills his veins with GABA juice. The loud conjecture removes the responsibility. It was his shitty upbringing. It was his children's fault. It was president Trump. It was Nixon. It was Hilary. It was his bitch wife. It was his no good friends. It was Goldman Sachs. “They never gave me a chance” he thinks. A piece of flesh falls away hitting a cockroach. Outside the sunsets, over a dilapidated city. Twisted metal, bars the decrepit humans inside. They look out at the fading light thinking of what might have been. Green grass, chasing animals to feed a tribe.

Euthanize the superfluous man. He sits in bed, in a windowless room, with pieces of flesh going grey, falling off him, rotting on the ground. The insects gather, devouring the grey matter and food crumbs around him. They die on the floor, turning into dirt with the rotting flesh. Out of the dirt nothing grows. A rank smell of undergrowth and off flesh emanates from the room infecting every corner of his dwelling. His projection device is fused to his hand, and wired into his head blasting mandated conjecture to confirm his acceptance of the status quo into his light-grey lifeless eyes. He consumes fuel and GABA juice to remain permanently hazed. Distant recollections emerge from from random synaptic firing. A life of servitude to the superfluous institution. Using superfluous technology. Consuming non productive items made from efficient machines operating under optimal conditions to achieve maximum output. Controlled experiences marketed as being risque by termite humans working together in mounds at 25 degrees celcius to produce non-productive items for the superfluous masses.
The empty void calls out distantly, reminding him of the emptiness of his life’s work, the partner he never liked, the children who got in his way. The sad feeling emerges. He turns the volume up. He pushes more fuel into his face. He fills his veins with GABA juice. The loud conjecture removes the responsibility. It was his shitty upbringing. It was his children's fault. It was president Trump. It was Nixon. It was Hilary. It was his bitch wife. It was his no good friends. It was Goldman Sachs. “They never gave me a chance” he thinks. A piece of flesh falls away hitting a cockroach. Outside the sunsets, over a dilapidated city. Twisted metal, bars the decrepit humans inside. They look out at the fading light thinking of what might have been. Green grass, chasing animals to feed a tribe.

I'm just thinking of all the literature being created across the universe, surely billions of years after the Big Bang some creatures evolved and are creating literature too, would it be "good" to us?, what we consider good has familiarity to it, some sort of human element, referencing love or death, maybe those are universal, though, the aliens could be immortal and loveless, immortal jellyfishes.

Here I am next to her hating me. She’s asleep on her side facing away from me. Last night we split a bottle of wine and I finally told her about my appetite for everyone else. She started crying and we must have talked for hours. I was honest with her about her uselessness in my life. The whole time I kept a straight face. She asked me if I was feeling anything, if I was a sex addict, insisting I needed to go back to therapy. Last night I didn’t feel anything but now that I see her lying there it’s all hitting me. The sobering up has something to do with it, too, that’s for sure. But now I’m here all alone again. I guess this is what I wanted.

Is this thing on?

>>11873801
If it is please turn it off.

I sincerely hope you did some reading during this 4chan downtime.

>>11873906
i went to a gamestop interview
wanted a job at barnes and noble but they weren't hiring

>>11873913
Deep

>>11873906
Started reading The Ego and Its Own

>>11867596
me too. i was right
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3ouolMALIM
adopt this attitude or face the consequences. i was close then blew it when we went long distance. if she does love you, maybe not as much as you love her but enough for your needs, and you're happy, don't blow it
I want her back so bad

>>11868167
this is painfully /lit/ related. be more down you weirdos, you could've had a fun night and got your dick wet

>>11869420
>>11868680
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-CWPO9RtjI
couldn't have said it better myself, i've written pages in the last few days looking for these words. fucking crying in class

>>11868911
Me too, anon. Can't ever talk about it with anyone because of the ego accusations. And maybe some weird megalomania is part of my anxiety, and they don't really look up to me like I perceive.

My solution has been to hang out only with my close friends who don't see me the same as strangers do, because they've known me long enough to know I'm undeserving of the weird attention i get from strangers and acquaintances. Plus i fell in love with the most powerful girl I ever met. not strong i mean she is even more of This That We're Talking About (attractive-plus) than me and "i" don't work on her. It's addicting

I met a cute girl last week and for the first time in several years, I thought I'd love again. I was so enthralled by everything about her even though we only spoke two words to each other. She was super charming, sweet and kind and I actually had my hopes up. A few days ago, I leanred that she has a boyfriend and just acts as an angel to everyone she meets. Couple that with the fact that I regret going into STEM (even tho I'm successful) and that I can't ever forgive myself for not pursuing music when everyone around me insisted I had a gift for it, you get one fine wreck of a man. But I hope I'll change my specialization fairly soon and maybe enroll in piano lessons in the near future. I hope I'll find love too.

>>11873749
I'm not sure

I'm incredibly paranoid that everything that goes wrong in my life is because of some kind of cosmic punishment or karma because of something bad I did

>>11874019
Sorry anon, I didn't mean to make you cry.

>>11867596
I'm afraid of the opposite. She likes me way more than I like her. Or at least that's what it is now.
Maybe in the early stages it wasn't like this

I hate living in Los Angeles, it's so disaffecting, I probably would've become a misanthrope eventually one way or another but jesus this city's made me more jaded that I ever thought I'd be. I can't wait to escape, I don't care where I go I just need to get out of this place.

>>11872384
You are going to puke your guts out if you it just eat it.

>>11873198
You really are retarded. Its not about becoming a manservent to a woman, it's about improving yourself as a man.

>>11874529
sure

day by day my abject loathing of trans women gets worse. is it even worth stopping? if so, then why bother? there's no real point to any of this, yet it's constantly on my mind. kinda annoying when it constantly activates the bad feels lmao

>>11867575
Wish i brought a book to the practice exam, then i could be reading it instead of going on lit
There's a bunch of normies in the foyer talking shit, usually i can pass the time socially with them or at least just lingering on the periphery or whatever but right now i absolutely just cant be fucked. Highschool's just a practice round i guess, maybe I'll integrate more effectively in the next round, or maybe I'll finally realize the latent ascetic/misanthropic principle of my days here and actually get something done. The world entices with its hard edges, but dreaming of another world could be more satisfying and require less of a sacrifice of self.

Darkthrone - In His Lovely Kingdom is a damn great track

>>11874972
Take you pills, Alice.

is there any social environments or networks w/ no gossiping.
I can heqr these cunts and they're just telling stories about people who aren't there, stories they have no right to tell. It's always just bloody gossip gossip gossip that keeps the conversation going

>>11875078
Unfortunately people are kind of just jerks no matter where you work. Sorry.

For the last few days I have felt really happy. It's like my brain starting making dopamine again or something, I would wake up in the morning and feel ready for the day, and be productive. For some reason that ended today, and I feel not great again. I really want to hang on to that happy feeling, but I'm not sure how. Not a great feel.

I used to think I am asexual/akoiromantic but I am starting to believe I just don’t have the energy to go into a bond, and I feel is due the relationships surrounding me: my widowed dad and his new partner, my brother and his wife plus their discussions and suddleny endless love and their innocent kid in the middle; one of my closest friends went from a priest, to a crazy married lesbian to a man who abandoned her in the middle of a lake after she find out he cheated; my other friend is being blackmailed with a metoo, another one can only have “intense” (over dramatic) bi relationships... Guys, only listening to them leaves me fucking tired. I prefer my hand and some porn than this theater. So no asexual but I just can’t bother.

>>11870338
One sacrifice? This is your entire career path anon. You don't owe her an obligation to enter the one and only profession she wants from you, especially such a grueling and time-consuming one. By all means, work hard and be successful, but do it in a field you enjoy, unless she's insanely unreasonable she'll probably still be proud of you at the end of the day. Don't sell your one chance at life away over some kind of self-imagined obligation.

Somehow during this last year in my life I've gone from being a portrait of autism to being desirable to the opposite sex. Two girls wanted to date me, another wanted to fuck me, and I fell in love with another. It was like all the regular things of puberty and growing up which I never got were suddenly thrown at me high velocity. Needless to say my autism and obvious lack of experience helped me to fuck up all four of those. I broke two girls hearts, the one was a thot so it didn't really matter just no sex, and the final one I found out today she's already found a new guy and he's "perfect". Fiction ruined me into believing in true love and all that fun stuff so that unless I felt something I couldn't force myself to like the other girls. Even with girl 4 I knew it wouldn't last and I knew she wasn't leading me on and I was doing it myself, but it still hurts. Sorry for the blogpost I know I fucked up I don't need too many reminders.

I believe I have both been smoking too much and consuming too much entertainment. Whenever I wake up, my mind is foggy and my brain feels like complete mush (even if I've had a great night of sleep), and it only goes away after eating good, having some sort of carbs and smoking a cigarrette, and only after some lying down I'm really good to go and back to normal.

To makes things worst, past 00:00 my mind is sharp and and thinking is clear, which makes going to bed a chore (turning off all eletronics, lying down, barraging the tought processes, blanking my mind and fading into sleeping).

>>11873198
Clearly the first step is dumping her.

It feels as if our brains were smarter than the science and tools availbile to us. If humans 2k years ago wee blessed with our knowledge would we really have religion I really doubt it. I mean let’s take it a step further, let’s say in the future we can just hit swap body parts, integrate our brains with large databases and an internet like system or even body have body hopping where we lose our care for having an original physical body I feel like we would operate at a different plane beyond god beyond science.

What I mean to say is god was like the ultimate ceiling or limit of how what is possible within our reality if you account for simply being born and having no science experience.With science in its place our way in which we view the world is just infinite futurism of space travel, data science, geoengineering, robotics, and other ways which we change the reality around us and for us by mastering its components and logic. But I wonder what happens when we can manipulate our own consciousness, body hop, upload ourselves into computers, or even crazy shit like share bodies or switch your personality from sassy black girl too meathad chad by just switching some neural networks and hormones and downloading memories. What the fuck does anything mean them. I got way off topic here just procrastinating

>>11875324
And I could easily see myself just endlessly abusing this type of technology. I virtually already do that with the internet. I can watch documentaries on Japanese fast food history, to reading about gore forums, learn 18th century cooking recipes, or spy on people’s mundane lives on that hacked public camera website thing. Who’s to say I don’t want to just upload my brain into the body of a German soldier in a simulation of world war 2 but have other friends play as other people in this world but have some revisionist MODs like jet packs and super sayin power. I already am a shut in with the internet as is with this type of technology I will exist in the void forever mearandering not only through experiences of which”I” experience but changing the very personality trait parameters in which I feel defines me.

This is just stupid /sci/ stuff

Readjust your sleep schedule so your well asleep before 12am, their is a difference between 8 hr sleep during normal bedtime hours and 8 hour sleep of NEET hours.

Also please make an effort to quit smoking, by quitting smoking for up to about 10 years your lung cancer rate drops from 20x population to only 1.5x. Also only after 2yeads many heart issues related to smoking reaches just barely normal population levels.
Vape, whatever it takes.

I'm recording audio for an interview with a major European director tomorrow and it's stressing me out to the point that I can't sleep, I'll probably keep browsing lit and get bad sleep and mess up the recording somehow

>>11875077
i keep taking my pills lmao fampai xDDD

>>11875383
Lack of sleep has show 30percenr less attention.
Get sleep
Any at all

>>11868755
>>11868777
>>11870898

Glad it was of good use, gents. Good luck, with everything.

Im starting to believe this world is a much darker place than it appears to be

>>11875281
you didn't fuck up anon, that's the inherent tragedy of attraction. Keep trying, allow yourself to love but don't force yourself, and you'll have a good shot.

Been thinking a lot about Islam.
I’ve been a Calvinist Christian for the bulk of my life, and know the ins and outs and why I believe what I believe and could explain everything in great detail without second thought. I have stayed loyal to my God for decades.

However, I’ve caught myself just wanting to learn more and more about Islam and experiences with conversions and what they believe in and all that. I feel like there’s a part of me that wants to convert and views it like it’s some “next step”, a part of me that just shuts down those thoughts and says it’s heresy, and a part of me that knows the real origin of Islam and how it pretty much started as a bs hoax by some desert trader.

That’s just what’s on my mind though, not looking for input. I won’t convert, I’ve just had that thought nagging at me in the back of my head.

>playing games with a friend online
>a little after 11pm
>his 3 year old daughter has been around the whole time talking and asking him for stuff
>jokingly ask if she even has a bedtime
>he gets really angry "WELL IM HER FUCKING DAD AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT"
>leaves

it was just a joke

>She texts me
>I respond
>She doesn't
Why the fuck did you text me in the first place

>>11875937
how fast did you respond

>>11875862
read the new testament and remember christ is God

>>11875941
this fast

>>11875945
a normalfag i know never responds to girls right away, even if they call him he will just ignore it. maybe theres something to it

>>11875941
It was about 2 minutes

>>11869335
>>11868040
As a person with comedic talent: Yes. Lots of interesting stuff that I also thought about. Then again, I think some of it goes farther than only comedy. Especially the usage of certain internet idioms or slang.

>>11875949
>being a normalfag

nty

>>11868040
But hasn't the same thing always happened? Are internet memes any different to the classic your mum or even all those dicks drawn in text books? What about the scribbles that could also be seen in every textbook telling you to turn page x then page y then page z only to lead a little scribble saying you gay

>>11873800
You sound like a teenager.

>>11869390
Eeeek

I don't need anything from this life.

>>11873987
ye, he could've quickly gotten drunk and gone to the club with em, sometimes even the people that seem the most "npc" (her friends) can actually be fun in a night like that

>>11868170
just embrace absurdism

I'm going to Japan for a year and I have imagined that the isolation from friends and family will give me the perfect opportunity to pursue the literary lifestyle and write every day but in my heart of hearts I know I will squander this opportunity.

>>11868911
Can you please use your power to bring about fascism in the West, I'm getting really bored of politics atm

>>11874255
The cosmos doesn't care. And karma doesn't work like that

>>11873987
not that anon but I don't usually enjoy the clubbing environment (it can be pretty fun if it's not so crowded and you're just dancing with your mates, I will admit) and random hookups don't appeal to me

>>11868167
>drunk girl wants snu snu
>that's what her also drunk friends say
You did it right, anon. Otherwise five years later you would be charged with rape. Anyway, is not stupid or awkward. Ignore people saying you missed a time of your life, you didn't. Be honest with her and if she is still mad at you, go look for better friends.

what to do if you dont feel insecure about anything anymore and everything you wanted turns out to be pretty boring?