/lit/ - Literature

>>11851927
how does it feel having a dick so large and bursting with vitality that it remains Unbowed, Unbent and Unbroken after manning up and submitting completed work to actual people IRL?

you're a step above most of us

>>11851935
Like a superiority complex that runs as deep as rejection

>>11851927
What were the responses that weren’t canned rejection letters? Did anyone give you feedback?

>>11852047
The non-boiler plate feedback was entirely surface level assurances that I would find another agent and that the literary world is entirely subjective. I got about 2-3 of those, and they resembled the boiler plates so much, I wasn't certain they were or were not. No specific or constructive feedback.

>>11851927

Would you use any of their feedback for re-writes, or fuck them?

>>11852080
To be a persnickety flâneur, it depends on the feedback. I personally have to assume that some literary agents exist out of sure survivorship bias due to the fickle nature of literatlry publishers, and others that exist because of merit may specialize in a different type of literature than what I write, i.e. identity based stories. That narrows it down to a bespoke minority to whom I'd listen, but I'd judge based on their feedback. Additionally, I assume any agent is a worse writter than what they publish, and I'm moderately cocksure that I'm a better writer than the books I've seen win awards/be published recently.

>>11852093

How do you know if an agent has taste? Do you ask to see their Goodreads shelf?

>>11852166
Smell their tongues

>>11851927
How long was your book(s)? What genre? Are you giving up now or is it time to hit the meme self publishing route or what?

>>11852182
Book was 55k words. Literary fiction would be the genre. I'm probably shelving this book and I'm going to write another one on a subject that interests me now, what I wrote on is still interesting but I'm not drawn to it. I might self-publish, but at this point if the next book sells, have a second one in the back pocket would be nice. Otherwise, I'm content with being a dilettante that has a solid coporate gig to pay the bills.

>>11852193
>comfy corporate gig

You are not hungry son

Been there

You will never make it

>60 literary agents

that seems like a crazy high amount to query at once

I would have recommended you do waves of 5 - 10 and update your query letter accordingly

Post your query letter or the first few pages of your novel?

You can take a screenshot of do an expired pastebin if you're paranoid

>>11851927
there were many great books that were rejected as hell and maybe that's the case with you, i don't know, but i seriously doubt that. Post a few pages here.

>>11852231
Thanks, the goal isn't "to make it," the goal is to have fun trying

>>11852417
>>11852401
Probably, but I'm starting work soon and wanted to flush out all my options at once. Posting when paste is expired

>>11851927
Did you have any face-to-face meetings?

They sent you letters? I thought all the process was done through email nowadays.

>not using /lit/ as your literary agent

>>11852481
No, despite my cover letter mentioning that I'm based out of NYC.
>>11852483
Emails, letters being the hangover terminology of the former method to submit, a lot of agents don't even read physical submissions

I'm write there with ya brotha! Want to be failiures together?

>pic related
This is my aside

>>11852468
Disregard, see screenshots

>>11852522
(2/?)
>>11852520
Baby <3

>>11852526
fail posting
2/7

how long till you start working as a barista?

>>11852531
3/7

>>11852532
Unfortunately a while or never.
>>11852534
4/7

>>11852539
5/7

>>11852534
>>11852531
>>11852522
i'm searching for a nice words to say that this is complete bullshit

>>11852541
6/7

>>11852548
still searching?

7/7

>>11852555
man, not to be rude, but this is bad as hell. It looks like that examples from the chapter "How not to write" in "how to write" books.

>>11852575
Unfortunate to hear, I like my own writing and that's the point for me~

>>11852541
>He felt a smile gradate itself on the topography on his face
Anon...

>>11852587
Well I didn't say successful writer, now did I

>>11851935
>manning up
You pussy, all you need is a pseudonym.
>>11851927
Post it so we can make fun of you, OP.

>>11852591
Sure you didn't, and I'm not saying that your work is terrible or not worthy of a successful writer, it's just this line that stands out to me as very weird.

>>11852522
Disregard, I suck cocks.

>>11852522
Holy shit, I almost hope this isn't elaborate bait, because if it was real I'd have no worries turning in work if I actually got off my ass to write something :^).

>>11852604
Posted
>>11852609
I could explain the metaphor of geometry in a wider context but I'll leave it, it is quite trite.
>>11852610
Um, ok?

>>11852193
>>11851927

I have a couple questions. It's common knowledge that literary fiction is very hard to make it in. Would you be open to writing a bigger genre, or self-publishing? These days, why would any aspiring author want to have an agent and traditional publisher when you can get 70% royalties on Amazon or iBooks? Not trying to criticize, just genuinely curious. These days many authors self-publish, find success, and then get deals that way. Seems to me in the time it would take to submit to multiple agents, once could write a lot of books and self-publish them while still shopping for agents (just use a pen name).

>>11852614
Oh it's real, anon. It's a bit comforting honestly knowing that my own myopia and misunderstanding of where I place in terms of writing is the cause of my dissatisfaction with writing and not that I'm some how a misunderstood genius.

>>11852522
>>11852531
>>11852534
>>11852539
>>11852541
>>11852549
>>11852555
you should first imagine how your characters feel and what the world is like around them and then look for the right way to express it; it seems like you try to imitate the real thing in form only and not in substance, as if you collected a bunch of expressions and filled them up with random thoughts filtered through a thesaurus and the end result doesn't even make sense most of the time

>>11852626
I BCC'd all the agents and mass-sending out took about 30-40 minutes. It's the genre that inspires me and what I like writing, or writing simalucrum of at the very least.
>>11852639
That's the way I enjoy writing, but it is a very fair critique that writing of form is basically navel-gazing self-indulgence. The random thoughts do have purpose, and most of this was written in two or three sittings, so the disjointed nature is my short coming

>>11852657
>>11852626
As to why I didn't self-publish: My goal, if the publishing were to have been successful, would have been to use the reputation of a publishing house to get a job in academia teaching writing, or the blind leading the blind as was enlightened to me recently. It seems useless to self-publish as just statistically it's as equally as likely to make no money, and it will just waste people's time if it's not filtered by a literary institution. An example would be the reactions here, making people pay three dollars for these reactions wouldn't feel good to me

>>11852428
what does that even mean? why are you upset then?

>>11852674
You're implying I'm upset, when it's more of a wanton disappointment and vacature of self-image. What do you think I mean? I write because it's fun to entertain the thought of literary achievement, but the reality, and statistics, are a very sobering reality, and to pursue that irreality as a form of fantasy by chasing dreams in the fullest sense is just me deluding myself beyond what's necessary, e.g. quitting my job to "make it." I write because being good at writing, by my definition, is entertaining and fulfilling in the same way building a spice rack is fun for amateur carpenters. It's decoration for my memory and gives me something to do beyond count dollars

>>11852617
I meant it in relation to my question >>11852604, since you already posted samples, I'm a fag for not reading the thread before posting, hence "Disregard, I suck cocks."

>>11852555
>>11852555
it's too much. all your paragraphs and senteces could be cut in half, you need to think about what you're really describing.

For example, the "Kristen was in the kitchen pouring a bowl of cereal bit". It's exhausting to read

>she was pouring "X" cereal, which means she's "Y" kind of person, which means she does "Z"

"And then, and then, and then" is what you're doing basically. Imagine all the times somebody has told you a story like that in conversation and how terrible it was

If you had written something like

>Kristen, who does Z, poured herself a bowl of X,

than you're letting the reader provide the missing link (that she is "Y type of person) on their own. It forces the reader to engage with what their reading and, more importantly, gets your point across in less

>>11852657
>That's the way I enjoy writing, but it is a very fair critique that writing of form is basically navel-gazing self-indulgence. The random thoughts do have purpose, and most of this was written in two or three sittings, so the disjointed nature is my short coming
prose is a just a tool of inducing emotions and evoking imagery in the reader's mind, at least that's the way I see it and your prose doesn't work; I don't think you should be content with your work, you should show this to whoever wants to look at it and seek feedback, (maybe those letters had something useful in them?) and improve: which parts they liked and what was different about them?, writing is a skill like any other, so approach it with a growth mentality and you'll eventually make it

>>11852715
Huh good feedback. Thank you, Anon

>>11852724
>>11852694
also, to start you off: your posts honestly have better metaphors than your prose

why would I waste my time with a loser?

>>11852715
>you need to think about what you're really describing.
that's what I'm>>11852639
trying to say as well

>>11852093
>persnickety flâneur
>sure survivorship bias [sheer]
>bespoke
>cocksure
I wouldn't read you either

>>11852741
You commented! Good question
>>11852745
Thank you for the feedback at the very least!
>>11852747
Chuckled

>>11852747
>not pointing out "literaltry publishers" and "writter"

>>11852428
Pathetic

>>11852626
>These days, why would any aspiring author want to have an agent and traditional publisher when you can get 70% royalties on Amazon or iBooks

Because they want to make money I guess. 70% royalties doesn't mean much when all the marketing is on your shoulders.

>>11852776
Phoneposting, sorry anons

>>11852093
You're a cringey cunt

>>11852815
Why? Because of unearned self-aggrandizement or because it feels uncomfortable to read or otherwise?

>>11852093
That's not how you use flâneur you fuck but your bait got me to respond so you win it seems.

>>11852093
Can we get a sample of your writing? Or a summary of some kind to see what was rejected.
Is this a possible political formality? Are you a white male?

>>11853024
See screenshots, straight white male but that as a factor is widely overblown

>>11852522
Age?

>>11853042
22

>>11853049
Ah, take some time to experience the world, write in your spare time, and try again when you're thirty.
If you want my advice...

>>11853060
Already the plan stan, but appreciated nonetheless

>>11852522

I think your doing too much. I don't know how else to put it.

>>11853049
Ah, that explains everything

>>11853071

See this has already been said, disregard :-)

>>11853072
Youth isn't always that advantageous, just its rosy follies that feel like conviction

>>11852776
Those are just typos you faggot

anyone want to give a short story (2400 words) a read and honest feedback? will do the same for you if you have anything of similar length. can share through google docs.

>>11853175
post excerpt

>>11853181
first two paragraphs:

Rat and me had been friends a long while, since sometime in that hazy period long ago of pianos on fire in the street and collapsing buildings and warm still bodies sitting silently in their apartments. That’s how I knew he was stressed again. There were always the same signs- he’d nibble at his bald tail leaving drops of rust in our tattered sheets, tear tufts of fur off his scalp, wake in the middle of the night and croak out a ragged gasp. But there was nothing I could do. We were starving. Times were tough. Rat had a reason for being stressed.


We lived somewhere up in the Jumble, a vast field of old concrete towers and highways fallen together and further scrambled by steadily rising pockmarked plateaus and narrow widening gorges. Our days were busy with scavenging with the other two we had met, Smooth Face and Full Gut, Rat scurrying through the labyrinths of offices, stores, and apartments, sniffing out food and unlatching doors. I’d follow, clambering after Rat, gathering supplies then tossing them down to Smooth Face and Full Gut to pack and drag back to our home, an upturned basement in the notch up between a decaying mall and crumbling interstate. The days were long and tired, grey light filtering through smashed windows. The nights, cold and grim, alone in the dark with only the groans and squeals of buckling metal and rock.

>>11853097
so what? they make that post even more horrid. you're probably an NPC.

>>11853203
OP here, personally I think it’s the best that I’ve read on /lit/, not sure why you posted on this thread, but I dig it. I recommend Bartlleby the scrivener by mellville, if you’re going towards dehumanized urban existence, it’ll be a friendly read.
Your second sentence is a non sequitor, you have a single slip up in poetics when you refer to upturned basement -your biasing the story to decay and ruin [latin sense of fall, I’m guessing?] and it should be downtrodden or riffled through to indicate the same meaning, unless the intent is all of their interactions to the world are this seemingly defiant action then you’re good-, I feel like your interjections that work beyond your texture building thoughts are exhaled and run on the redundant side, and you need to deal with the concept of space from plateau later otherwise the idea of nullification will be useless. Otherwise, I loved it

>>11853272
There was an office in a quaint bit of town that nestled itself against the slow flow of brick and a stream, bulged into the depths of the concept beholden to that of a river in some parts, and waning itself against the stratified stones that lined the flow in their glistened forms to a smaller crook. The compartments, of which the man occupied one for a given number of years, were squared and shapely. The windows faced in all major directions and the slow breeze that would sometimes grace the town in its presence, or rather remind the town of its motionlessness, would sometimes reach into the gaps of the windows, and toss them against the walls, denting the drywall minutely and causing a dry thud that was half the time ignored or unnoticed.
The man of our story was a wane faced one, proliferating his body in the dimensions of a black suit with no tie and a level-headed gaze that was ringed in circular glasses. His ovalene gaze seemed to play against something effervescent, allowing nothing to leave the realm of his dreams to be oppressed with the horrid rancor of logic that swallows the sounds of genius in self-contradictory babble and minutiae.

Feedback on this would be appreciated

>>11853042
>>11853049
>>11853060
>>11853065
Why would you wait till you're 30? you can become genuinely insane at 25 if you're talented, observant, and spend ages 22-25 practising a lot (as OP is 22 currently and we can assume that his workshop/experience level is either low or just "not enough").

It obviously depends on your lifestyle, occupation and many others, but life experience and writing experience aren't that dependant on each other. You can write a decent book about streets, cafes and high school teachers if you're 25 and you decided to better your skills at 22 - and sure, thematically that will be no Gravity's Rainbow, but it can be good nonetheless.

there is also a possibility that OP is a slow learner and even if he starts right now he'd need 6-8 years to become good at writing, but that is an extreme, and a general advice to wait till one's thirties remains very far-fetched

>>11853272

thanks for the words, appreciate it, theyre useful to hear. ill add that book to my goodreads list.

>>11853294
The difference between novel and >>11853291 is about 6 months, if you’re curious about hopelessness

>>11853299
Of course man, glad you posted

>>11853291

this might just be personal preference, but I think this would be better if you took a step back and let some sentences more just do the actual "work" of the story, and let others be more flowery, elaborate, or abstract. This is a bit of on overload to me as is.

"There was an office in a quaint bit of town, nestled among the brick of the post office, town hall and a stream. The back bulged into the river in some parts, the stream of water passing swiftly over smooth stone before narrowing into a babbling brook." That's how I might rewrite the first sentence, which isn't to say it's how YOU should, but what I mean in terms of making things more understandable.

One thing that particulary doesn't work for me is the phrase "concept beholden to that of a river in some parts." A mean...is it just a river or what. What's conceptual about it. If you like your writing thats great- if you want others to like it, I'd try to making it more, well, readable/understandable. Hope this doesn't come off as mean or anything, keep at it!

>>11853261
>typos are worse than poor intentional word choice
I present an actual genu-ine brainlet to you, ladies and gentlemen

>>11853203
I liked it

why dont you use a ethnic/female pseudonym to try and get published?

>>11853294
Maybe 100 years ago when people read worthwhile books daily and made a craft of writing through letters. But this generation is at least 10 years behind the times.
Most 30-year-olds are still mental children and you can see it in the quality of most books coming out. YA is superior in many cases.

It's sad it all turned out to be a bait.

>>11852522
I don't like it but I'm a brainlet

>>11852531
>self-conscious of his breath

don't quit your day job kid

>>11852522
Your writing talent is a tiny bit above mine. By which I mean not quite at publishing level yet.

>>11852657

You wrote 55k words in two or three sittings, and you expected somebody to publish this?

>>11853203
The naming is corny as fuck but I dig it.

>>11853523
>poor reading comprehension
I never stated that typos are worse than bad word choice


Not to mention that it might be anon's nability to spell a word, not just a typo.

>>11855248
No, the screnshoted parts

>>11855312
>nability

>>11855442
gotcha :^)

>>11854621
Meh no one did

>>11852093
Good bait.

>>11852522
This was awful

>>11853203
Second paragraph is super heavy in present participle. Plateau's are rising, gorges are widening, days are busy with scavenging, Rat's scurrying and sniffing, the narrator's clambering and gathering and tossing, the mall's decaying and crumbling, the light's filtering, metal is buckling.

>>11853291
>The compartments, of which the man occupied one for a given number of years,

You can't do this anon. Rewrite completely

>>11853272
How come you gave such good criticisms when your own stuff reads like garbage? Not trying to put you down, just seems odd to me.

By now it had turned dark outside, and the air was cool, if not fresh. We drove to a district of concrete buildings with walkways across their tacked-on higher floors. The shopfronts here were narrow, topped with plastic signs where the shop names were crowded out by supporting promises and phone numbers. Here and there was a private dealer in something-or-other whose sign had been replaced with some advert for household appliances or cheap women in the flats above his shop. We parked beneath a balcony from which a line of whores, each themed in a different colour, called down in Hindi to the streets below.

I pushed my face close to the window to better see through the tint. The streets here were filled with men in loose shorts, and almost only men. Some were carrying laminate pages filled with the photographs of girls, others kept their hands safely in their pockets. Autorickshaws jumped forward in alarming bursts of speed before being stopped by passing clumps of pedestrians. When I got out of the Lincoln the rainbow whore selection on the balcony above all burst out at once in reedy, accented comeons which I couldn't make out a word of.

>>11855955
I'm curious, why?

>>11853347
Hey thank you for the feedback!
I guess what I write I feel like makes sense to me and how its nestled into the concept of the story, but I see your rewrite and agree. It feels like I'm writing for something to write rather than something to say and writing out the thoughts.
The reason for that river phrase ties back into the story being about a guy that names things for a living.

>>11855991
Multiple reasons I'd imagine. I'm terrible at editing myself being the primary one, and the process of creating verbose little terse sentences that ball up and form their own world is really fun to me, but the actual reading becomes extremely strenuous and sounds like self-indulgent verbal pyrotechnics -based on feedback I've gotten here. I feel like people write on two levels, the level of the literal, or immitated reality, and that of the consciousness that roams about in the sphere of metaphor, like Plato's sun.
Feel free to be brutally honest because the specificity is appreciated, do you mean garbage by a lack of resonance, a lack of harmony, a turgidness from feeling forced, or what?

>>11856063
For a start, compartments. At this point I'm trying to think of a compartmented brick office building and unsure if you're talking about cubicles or some other division of space. I'm not sure what purpose the non-standard word could possibly serve here.

The there's the "of which" clause. Try rearranging the sentence to not be a relative clause, and you'll see that the of is gramatically wrong.

e.g.
The man, to whom I gave a pen. Similar clause. Can become "The man I gave to pen to." Gramatically coherent.

But your sentence, if rearranged, would become:
"The compartment occupied of the man." Which is wrong.

Finally, "for a given number of years". I have no idea why you used the word given here, it's just rhetorical filler.

>>11856095
To give an example of my most pyrotechnical piece, I wrote this micro fiction:
The great manifolds of hollowed out consciousness wove themselves into the fabric of valencia, maroon, ocher, and a sallow that transmuted itself into viridian, emerald, and crystallized azure where the interplay between the colors formed the bashful spume of a coastline and then faded, dissipated, from the throne room and sea to a heralding of a marmoric wall, alabaster pillars, and a purple veneer that veiled the whole scenery and colored the infinite wall. The perfect wall. The dimension of the room’s primary demense shrouded itself in the infinite movements, swirls, and geometries of patterns. The rococo flowers, single stripes, and chaos of choleric beauty that raged against its own capturing, flared amongst the sight and the wall, with each viewer and passion that the tapestry elicited a revolving of the infinite. The weft subtemen looked like the mirror of death, inviting the viewer to pass through its area and to pass through themselves.

As naive and myopic as it sounds, I do really enjoy this piece but I'm pretty sure most people would call it utter trash.

>>11856108
For the first comment that's because the vagueness becomes relevant later in the story.
In regards to the coherence very good point lol
re: given, I think I was going for the feeling of plannedness that exists inside the story of its abstracta but it's a good point
Any general feedback? I don't see any common thread in my feedback other than it being overly vague and unpleasant, but I can only respond to the former.

>>11856005
The scene seems to lack flow to me. I don't see there being a connection between your elements, but I do think you points of your description are good and relevant. Note the lack of colors btw, I know it could be a buildup to the whores but it might add more pazaz if it were either contrasted to the monotone or intermingled or indifferent. I can't really tell if I like it because it's plot driven and the prose don't seep with poeticism to me, but they tell the story at the very least

>>11856133
I guess I see where you're aiming with "given", but I think it's really used in hypothetical sentences like "Let's imagine, after a given number of years..." but not for information that's just unknown. Nobody says "He has worked here for a given number of years". They just say "a number".

Overall, I think the deep problem is sentence structure. It makes it harder for you to play around with word choices when you're trying to make these enormous run on clauses. Like in this "great manifolds" thing. Your four line first sentence is borderline nonsense, not because you use a lot of specific colour words, but because you keep lining up new verbs that just obfuscate the meaning.

>>11856140
Thanks. Colors are definitely going in

>>11856183
The panoply of neons are fun to play with, have fun man!
>>11856177
Okay I'll keep it in mind. I awayd read these huge cannons of sentences in various novels and I feel like mine aren't that long or weaving in comparison to what's out there but I'll definitely keep it in mind

>>11852522
>The haze of night still had not shook itself from the pupils of day, coloring its wane [sic] face on the streets in a melancholy that seemed only capable of exhaling.
If I were a publisher, I would have you killed on the basis of this sentence alone.

>>11856332
why baby seal

you are tiring

tl;dr this guy doesn't get to use all the big words at his job

>>11852638
what sort of thing do you read? if you’re well read (and i mean, you’ve read at least a few english language classics from the last century) you should be able to tell that your writing isn’t that high-level

>>11856375
you're easily tired
>>11856379
I've been told to use smaller words at work, not kidding

>>11856397
DFW, Mellville, Joyce, Nabokov, the works

>>11856401
id rather read a dictionary mate

>>11856401
You'd do well to remember that you write (and speak, for that matter) for the audience, and not for yourself. Unless you want to start writing philosophical tracts, you need to clean up your diction. Intelligent writing is generally that which makes the point with the least headache. If your story or idea doesn't thrive in this mode, it probably isn't that good.

>>11852522
You should think of a better first sentence. Most publishers just want to sell books. So, they're looking for a first sentence that'll convince a reader to buy it. Think about what others like, not you. You're in the right direction with your focus on characterization, though.

http://americanbookreview.org/100BestLines.asp

>>11856636
Huh, thanks anon. I've been told that sentiment in some similar words but I don't feel like it hasn't clicked since then. How do you personally stave off the instinct to be overly verbose?
>>11856691
Doesn't focusing on others' preferences feel artistically dishonest?

>>11856768
Not if the point of art is for someone else to experience it. If it's not, don't bother seeking publication. Just write more wank.

>>11856779
I disagree with the presumption that sharing has to be predicated on the audience with whom you share, as you can cook for yourself and give your friends leftovers. It is interesting that the word good here diverges into a social aspect

>>11856406
how the hell could you churn out this prose then without any idea how it reads?

>>11852428
You're hollowed out of passion in some vain attempt to be unphased by rejection. It's immediatly suspect whenever someone just puts their passion to the side in order to be comfy. Comfort is where passion comes to die, as you will die without ever having been anything more than a comfortable man. Until you're willing to sacrifice comfort, you'll continue to be rejected based on this >>11852522 thing deserted of human spirit. You so want to set the scene, to build to some grand emotion, but there's nothing. It's a big ol nothing. No passion.

>>11856768
Isn't the answer always to write? Try going out of your way to write the same passage in the most mundane, technical manner you can. Is it still interesting? If yes, you have genuine content. If no, you have learned something still.
t. Written 0 books because I have nothing interesting to say

>>11857906
Thanks man, I'll give it a shot.
>>11857471
Thanks for the empirical insight anon
>>11857374
Meh bad ability to self-evaluate

>>11858316
Have you written anything else, anon? Short stories? What is the plot of this novel?

>>11858341
I've written poetry before, short stories here and there (excerpt of one posted), and fragments of novels. The plot is an unknown number texting and about the conception that as god used to validate humanity, technology will validate our modern undertanding of humanity. Simultaneously, who we are will be project through devices onto the web, and thus whom we love will be within the same, untouchably distant but always there

>>11852522
this is horrendous, are you ESL? anon, if this isn't bait, I don't even know what to say

>>11858376
Probably something that's been said before, friendo

>>11858373
Sorry dude, tedious idea

>>11858386
Do you read, anon? Can you say honestly that you enjoy reading and do it every day?

>>11858386
really though, what was your first language?

did this nigger really just make a thread to gloat about being rejected? i bet you're 23

>>11858571
22, it's been established already

>>11858516
English lol
>>11858401
yes
>>11858386
Schade
>>11858571
Gloat? Not at all. I thought others could learn from my failure

>>11858606

what failure u dumb bitch? you're 22. failure's being 42 and still getting rejected

>>11852583
Reads like clean erotica.

Say what kid, I'll give ya a couple bucks for a few paragraphs of brap stories. Some real smelly ones, nose at ground zero stuff. Whaddya say?

>>11858571
>>11858624
so many mean words ITT, wow.

I respect the resilience necessary to ask 4chan for an opinion, but your writing is bad.

The style is too technical to be purple. I'd probably describe it as cringingly meandering.

>>11852522
sheesh man. good on you for putting yourself out there but this is clearly not very good. you should read more. to put it lightly it sounds like you were unprepared