/lit/ - Literature

why am i alive

best girl

>>11752468
I want to buy a pack of Marlboro Red and just smoke one cigarette a month at night alone and just ponder my existence. I hope the whole thing about cigarettes causing cancer is just an elaborate myth created by the government or something.

>>11752468
Fuck homie how do I get an elven gf

I thought "daddy issues" was a meme. But after getting older (33yo boomer) and seeing how 18 year olds will shamelessly subordinate themselves as your fuck toy if you're act congruently, I conjecture the interplay is a natural one that's present in all humans:
We're scared of fucking up stuff in our life by making bad decisions and look for a father figure who will take over this decision making for us. And if we're about to make a stupid decision, that person (the other, if you will) will be in the position to put us in place and prevent us from fucking up our lives.
When younger I wondered why some would not only tolerate but even seek a guy who'd really properly slap their ass, hold their face in their hand or put fingers in their mouth. Now I realize that girls having power hierarchy displayed this way reassures them that "daddy" will actually not tolerate them doing stupid shit and puts them in their place before they do something irreversible and stupid. Being dominated becomes a reassurance that there's one who cares for them. Devoutly sucking your dick before you go to work is a thankful appreciation for not letting their bad half derail where things are going.
Since I can emphasis with that, I think most men would act this way too, if they could. Young girls can just better leverage themselves to find a partner who does this for them. I might be severely oversimplifying the dynamics, though. Just trying to understand why some young chicks love cum over their face so much. Modern porn may play a role.

>>11752468
I thought I would enjoy living alone far from relatives and acquaintances but the constant silence, lack of dialogue and monotony are driving me insane.

>>11752468
I'm thinking about redirecting my hate towards myself and my shitty life to blacks and jews.
Not like I seriously believe any of that crap, I just need a scapegoat to blame for my miseries.

Socialist notions of equality in results over opportunity is ultimately a device that will lead to instatement of complete mediocrity in all aspects of life.
The problem is that people fail to realize that the joy of one is founded on the suffering of another. It is why the first world may have their phones, because what is nearly slave labor in the third world provides it for us. This kind of balance extends to many other things, not even just consumerism.
Even when people realize this they are too afraid to justify it or accept it as a necessity. They either ignore it (dismissing the plight of others as something they cant do anything about) or conspire to subvert it (which will result in either a complete reversal of fortune or, even worse, complete mediocrity)

>>11752740
Why not capitalists?

>>11752468
Walking my dog is surprisingly satisfying.
I bring him all around town, to the country side and even to the beach.
It's lots of fun

there´s a thot that hates me because i´m a shy person and i don´t talk to anyone, it makes me laugh how pathetic normies can be, i will never understand them

>solo travel for the first time
>only gone and done tourist shit as a kid with my parents before
>realize how fucking huge the world is and how little time I have to explore it
>realize I'll probably have to get a real job soon so I'll have even less time
>now feel deeply conflicted in my desire to get a qt gf and a comfy home and my new desire to see the world
I unironically need books and / or advice for this feel.

>>11752468
The Sam Hyde TED talk was unironically more insightful than sincere ones.

I pissed into a bottle just to see what it was like last night, it was a little difficult because the opening was small but i didn't spill any.
I was surprised by how incredibly warm it was, almost hot. I became aroused.
I began masturbating and smelled the bottle and it wasn't at all unpleasant, I had a small taste and liked it. The heat from my piss sliding down my throat and into my belly excited me greatly. I finished the bottle while masturbating, and came into the toilet.
I think I'm losing my mind.

>>11752468
I am becoming more a more disappointed with left and feminism, I feel they want what the right want, there is nothing different but a shallow perspective, there is no real change but just a need to have the power and being in control.

>>11753451
No such thing as a comfy home with a girlfriend, girls are crazy trussme see the world

the infantile veneration of the unabomber is cringe and juvenile.

he was a CIA falseflag

>>11752741
The modern notion that we live in something that represents a meritocracy is garbage. A true meritocracy would have a 100% estate tax and equality in access to education. On the other hand, I would still expect differences in outcomes in a society structured like that. I don't get how people want to celebrate different cultures and at the same time expect the same results from those cultures. In that vain, it seems the modern metrics for success have certain cultures as the "winners" (see Jews and Asians beating anglos at making money). I don't really buy into the notion that making more than like $150k/year for a family so I don't get caught up in that. But for the people that do, I don't understand why they don't try to emulate the aspects of that culture that lead to success. Maybe not even responding to you at this point but my take on metrics of success.

>>11752741
Wew lad that's a lot of spooks.

>>11753704
The left needs someone with an actual message beyond lolRepublicans at this point. I can't really think of something that they've run on in years. Bernie had some juju going but neoliberalism was just fucked in the ass by the hyper political Clinton squad for the last 30 years. The two main "liberal wins" of the last like 60 years imo are gay rights and abortion access and those were won in the courts. Obamacare was a half assed attempt to get us to universal healthcare so if we actually get there that would be the only legislative victory they've had in half a century. New deal obviously worked out and was decent legislation but that isn't something that you can campaign on. The left is too scared to say what they want to implement, run on that platform, and execute. Being too afraid of the right calling literally any marginal move to the left socialism is a losing mindset but that seems to be where we are. Also, I don't think anyone besides Hillary manages to fuck up 2016. Thinking that a populous that is near all time lows for institutional trust is going to elect the most institutional candidate was legit brainlet status. She may have been qualified for the job but she is just an awful candidate and everyone knew it.

>>11752468
It disgusts me how perverted and sick minded yet judgemental my peers are.

>>11752482
One cigarette a month is indistinguishable from being a non-smoker in terms of health

>>11753863
who even smokes a cigarette a month

>>11753827
They're going to run a slightly more charismatic hillary in 2020 and Trump is going to get reelected and its going to be hilarious. All the handwringing about decorum and norms and no actual attempt to oppose the republicans has proved how impotent they are. If they actually cared the DNC would be funding people to heckle republican lawmakers every time they go out in public and sharing graphic images of what's going on in Yemen and shit instead of just sitting there complaining on twitter and then telling the voters that it's definitely all russia's fault nothing to do with the systemic failure of the party.

>>11753863
Is one a month even enough to get over the "holy fuck I'm suffocating" phase of smoking?

>>11753883
Fuck, if Trump is such an illegitimate president and the republicans are all complicit why continue trying to govern at all? Grind the whole legislative process to a halt. Throw glitter on McConnell when he walks in the senate chambers. Interrupt people while they're speaking. Put your feet up and start listening to Wu Tang in the middle of proceedings. Introduce nonsensical bills. Take to floor to spread rumors about republican congressmen's martial fidelity.

The democrats are such fucking cowards and so incapable of wielding power it's incredible. I bet they don't even have the balls to pack the court after all this winging about how the republicans are appointing hacks to lifetime positions. Fucking pussies.

>>11753718
>T. glow in the dark CIA nigger

>>11752741
But then that begs the question, why do individuals like you feel differently about it? Is it that you've actually broken from your nature unlike many others, or is it that your opinion on this is actually a means to an end? Is it a form of escapism by separation? Is it an attempt to change groupthink to sympathize more with yourself?

To people here who've found their SO since graduating from college, how did you do it? I don't know where to find women besides Tinder and bars, as well as my workplace I suppose but I've ruled that out for obvious reasons. I feel like I should've tried harder to maintain a relationship back when I was in undergrad but it's too late now. I live in a large urban area where the dating scene (especially Tinder) is competitive as fuck. I know this isn't /adv/ but I'm hoping to hear from any anons who might've had some luck.

>>11754107
I'm a lonely autist but shared activities are the way to go imo.

Also do many people actually stick with their undergrad relationship? I can't imagine it would be easy especially with the job market the way it is (having to move across the country...)

>>11752468
My ex literally turned me into a joke, she cheated on me in revenge. I fucked up first and tried to correct my mistake by apologizing and trying to be a better man to her; she said the she forgave me but she plotted to do stuff behind my back and treated me like shit, when I left her and started to learn all the stuff she did to me I falled to the deepest point in my life, it was really shitty. But with my best friend help I started to do cool stuff and shit that I used to do a lot.
Now I do crossfit, read more books, study more, and learning to work in academical medicine, started skating and got a surfboard, life is fucking cool. Also the meditations by MA is THE BOOK I love it, sorry for my shitty English, it is not my first language and im high as fuck
life is fucking cool

>>11754206
>Also the meditations by MA is THE BOOK

huh?

>>11754229
Not him but seems like he's referring to Marcus Aurelius' Meditations (in other words he's taken to stoicism)

>>11752740
It only makes things worse. It’s easier to be appreciative of and even love yourself if you actually make the effort.
t. been down that road

I want to watch twin peaks again but its too fresh in my mind from the last time I watched it and I cant get into it.

>>11752740
Go for it, either you grow out of that phase like lots of former /pol/tards or you stay one for life in which case nothing of value has really been lost

>>11753686
that’s not right man

>>11753883
>Is one a month even enough to get over the "holy fuck I'm suffocating"

I can't really remember, I've been smoking for a while. You'll get a buzz at the start. I really wouldn't start though. It's easy to just say 'i'll have one', but then it becomes more. It's pleasurable at the start, but quickly becomes a fairly pleasureless habit.

I am miserable knowing that a young seductress will never try to win me over in spite of my seemingly hostile and distant nature

>>11754107
>as well as my workplace I suppose but I've ruled that out for obvious reasons

You're closing off a massive source of potential. I can understand your reasoning, but a lot of people do meet their SO at work. Unless you're making your current job be really long term (especially considering the amount of job hopping that goes on these days) i really wouldn't worry to much and just go with it if you meet someone.

>>11754366
lmao chicks don´t like waiting, if you´re not into her, she will move on pretty quickly

>>11754229
Marcus aurelius book

>>11754233
I dont follow philosophy like that, I just read the books that I find interesting and try to do the good stuff I get from them, like the Ethics by aristotle, thats another really cool book

I've always had a strong suspicion that Elon Musk (despite being intelligent) is a con artist who's more like Trump than any kind of genius/visionary. After watching his Joe Rogan interview I feel this way more than ever.

I've got my setting, I've got my characters but no real plot. I hate my life, I wish I was dead.

>>11754366
>>11754374
>tfw literally had a qt christian girl with similar interests tell me she was into me and that I should ask her out
>tfw didn't do it because I was too autistic and scared because I didn't know how to act in this situation
>tfw then relentlessly pursued another girl who wasn't into me and was a really a total moron out of senseless romanticism
>tfw several months later hear the christian girl remark bitterly to her friend that "if anon had asked me out we could have been dating now and doing blah blah etc"
>tfw no romantic life since

Please put a bullet in my head.

>>11754456
This is a 120 IQ post, stumbling onto some realization but hesitation and way behind actually intelligent

>>11752468
>Tfw impotent because of drug abuse
ahah al of you faggots worrying about women, family and all that.
ahah I hope to fall dead every morning

>>11754573
How would you turn that into a 160 IQ post?

>>11754589
how did substance abuse make you completely impotent for life? are you taking other prescribed medications or is it just recreational stuff?

>>11754663
Sorry, I like to larp.
I was listening to Dave Bixby and let the music carry me.
It never happened.

I think I wanna work for the Department of State

>>11752468
Is it cuckish to like your ex-crush's boyfriend? He's a bro

>>11753439
I think she just wants to bang you bro. see >>11752532

>>11754730
why is larping so addictive. i always make myself appear like a lunatic in a degrading way and people shit all over me, but it is just so entertaining

>>11753686
I've always been curious to taste my piss, but nothing like that
You're fucked desu

>>11753686
you need help mr. grylls

>>11753827
I realized the left is also full of opportunistic, envious, narcissistic and full of irrational hate people. I am more afraid about the harm they could do if they get power, than what someone like Trump is already doing right now.

Just imagine a reverse Handmaid's tale. Where men are forced to wear chastity belts that hide their dicks so women won't be offended by it, and men also would wear special blindfolds to no offend with their eyes to any women. A big % of them would get their dicks removed to avoid any chance of harming anyone, a % of men would have chemical castration; and there would be a selected group of men living in brothels where women go to have their little roleplay where they give power to a man for some hours, but they would keep it hidden from other women otherwise they would be hanged for showing weakness.

I wish that the music would never stop

>>11754563
It's never too late. I chickened out four years ago and didn't ask a girl out because I was afraid and moving to a different city for uni. Couple months back I decided this was the greatest mistake ever since it was basically love at first sight, so I reached out to her again and now she's my gf and it's incredible.
Don't give up

>>11754766
how about loathing your gf's ex-boyfriend. He's not a bro and i really don't get how someone could be into me and into him within the same lifetime

these threads are like a sensitive \r9k\

There was a really cute girl at the coffee bar at my local Whole Foods today. I wish I knew the schedule of the staffing there, so I'd know when to go back and see her again.

>>11754573
wat

>>11753718
>CIA falseflag
care to elaborate on that hypothesis?

>>11752532
people are still cavemen in their minds and women like being dominated - its the way of mankind

>Devoutly sucking your dick before you go to work is a thankful appreciation for not letting their bad half derail where things are going.
i hate sodomy so damn much

>>11755137
can you elaborate on how that went down? ive thought what itd be like if i reached out to chicks i knew who had crushes with me that i was too autistic to act on or realize. have a gf no so wont do it, but used to wistfully entertain the idea of sending a random message and meeting up

>>11752720
i did school for some years in high school in a country where i hardly spoke the language, and basically did go insane for lack of contact (social interactions were hindered by my autism).

spent most of my time like good ol' Ted up there, in my room doing math

realize now that that time period permanently fucked me up, a lot of the repressed fears i have now hearken back to that.

>>11755894
Do some research. The hard copies of birth certificates for scrutton, murray and mosser don't exist. Houser and Angelakos both worked for the bilderburg group.

I've just turned 19 and realized that I never really had a childhood. Most of my younger years were spent between both equally shitty parents. On one hand my mother, although I love her dearly; is a helpless, lethargic waste of space. Then on the other is my father; a hypocritical and pitiful man finally reaching old age. I lived with my mother until her postpartum depression finally got to her, then I was taken away to my father. Whose constant insults only made me develop a inferiority complex. I've never had a girlfriend or any type of romance for that matter, which is like a knife driven into my guts because all I long for is young love. I can only be happy that I caught myself at such a young age, and now realize what I have to do to become a better person. It can only get better from here on right?

What sort of animal slices off the ears of a cambridge graduate and then breaks his neck? Fuck humanity and fuck the limp dicked sellouts in rome.

Until like a week ago I thought it was completely normal to have a constant, deafening and near uncontrollable internal monologue going on in your head. At times, it will cling to a topic and talk about it until I am genuinely mentally fatigued. It's like being stuck in an exhaustingly boring conversation with yourself. Every time it gets stuck on a single topic, which happens unfortunately often, it will drag every single other thought I have back kicking and screaming. I've been stuck on libertarian political philosophy for nearly a year now and I have since lost the ability to enjoy most forms of media or have a casual conversation. Without any effort whatsoever my brain will begin dictating to me how the movie I'm watching or song I'm listening to relates to politics and ruin the experience. It's nearly impossible for me to discuss anything without somehow relating it back, much to the annoyance of everyone around me.

There have been times when I've just been standing alone in a room actively trying to think about anything else and failing, feeling my brain literally heat up from the inside, just grabbing my head and shouting at myself to just shut up and let me enjoy just a moment of internal silence. Now, just a short while ago, I learned some people have no internal monologue whatsoever. Nothing but silence.

What is that like? While what I have going on in my head is bordering on tortuous, it's how I organize complex thoughts and come up with new ideas. How do people living in silence manage that? Do they at all? While I hate what my brain does to me, I do appreciate how thorough of an understanding I get from it's obsession.

I like to argue with people, it's pretty much the only way to vent off some of the excess pressure in my psyche. But if their thought process is fundamentally, from the ground up, different from mine, then what's the point? What do you do when a large amount of people have brains built in such a way that they are INCAPABLE of understanding what you're trying to express? What are you supposed to do when someone is standing in the way of some goal you have, and there are no words in any language to properly transfer thoughts from your head to theirs? If you take software from a Windows PC and try to run it on a Mac, you're shit out of luck, aren't you?

I feel like the only way I'll relieve this feeling is to reform the world I live in into one without the logical failures my brain constantly draws my attention towards, and I'm running out of reasons not to just murder those who would oppose it. Illogical things register in my brain the same way a rock in my shoe does, and I view the legal and social systems I live in as illogically structured. How long would you have to walk around with a rock in your shoe before you were willing to kill people to get rid of it? I feel like I'm getting close.

>>11755158
That happened with my ex. What a disgusting piece of shit

It's interesting how you can't satisfy the desire for companionship in a way equivalent to how one scratches the itch for sex by jerking off. I wish it were that easy

>>11756426
Yeah, me too

>>11756426
Dogs are nice.

>>11755137
I had coffee with her several months ago and we caught up and had a generally comfy time but afterwards she ignored my messages and I haven't heard from her since

>>11752468
It will come to fruition.
Even those in power will see.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZbkF-15ObM

>>11752468
I love science

Finally went out with a bunch of guys and we had a blast and the second I get home for bed my mind is filled with dread and thoughts telling me I don’t deserve them hahaha this is awesome

I'm tired of sleeping in this fucking purgatory
I don't care if I die, I just want some excitement to happen

>>11752482
I smoke one a day when I get a pack and never feel it neccesary to smoke more. Tobacco demonisation is misplaced, it's a good herb. Obviously inhaling a pack of smoke a day is not good for you but otherwise tobacco has real physiological upsides, for the mind and endocrine system.

>>11755942
what you describe is pretty much exactly what went down: pretty obvious that we both had a crush on each other in the past but autism prevented anything from happening. after realizing how sad that was i just sent her a random message. she was obviously a bit puzzled, but pretty receptive and we texted for about a week. then we went on a date and it immediately hit me again, full on crush the moment i saw her.

>>11753715
>No such thing as a comfy home with a girlfriend, girls are crazy trussme see the world

>>11752468

I don't know how to stop being indecisive. Help. Please.

>>11755137
>and they lived happily ever after

I wish we weren't a dimorphic species. I wish we were just one sex/gender. I think it would make things much easier.

I saw a YouTube comment once that read "i need anime to balance some of my lacked emotion".

That sentence stuck with me, because it might be the saddest thing I've ever read.

I was going to go on a hike today but I took the wrong train in a rush to make my connection and now it’ll be too late to start by the time I get to the trail. Guess I’ll go home and read. Fuck.

>>11755993
so what you're saying is - the CIA wanted to kill off some important people and attributed both failed and successful assassination attempts to Unabomber?

why wouldn't they just make them "commit suicide" the way they do it now?

>>11754471
You start with the plot and theme, man

I just want to preface this and say I'm not a socialist or anything but I'm pretty sure we've all been brainwashed by capitalism to an extent. I was talking to people at uni and I just realised how pathetic we all are. All anyone talks about is jobs, internships, etc etc. All we hope for is an opportunity to provide our labour for someone else. Then spend it on useless shit. 99% of people at uni just do everything in the hope of doing some menial job. Then they go home and watch netflix. It saddens me.

People are.......boring? Most people barely have opinions on things outside of popular culture. They don't seek out anything new or fresh, just what is new. Their tastes say nothing about them. I would rather here people say they like some obscure show that suits a niche than GoT which appeals to everyone. I wanna talk to people and hear about something new, some subculture or anything that I haven't considered before.

Now that I'm more in the "real world" e.g. working instead of studying it made me realise the average anon is actually very interesting. A wide range of hobbies and opinions. Granted alot of what they say is shit, but when they're shitposting they're still saying something.

>>11752532
a pleasant white pill

>>11752468
every passing day is a defeat

>>11757900
This, I want to live in my idealistic dream conception of what ancient greece was like with lots of sophisticated people in togas having conversations in the market about art and poetry.

I'm beginning to accept some of the various -pills about women. Not in an /r9k/ "wtf I hate women now!" way, more like accepting that there are probably psychological differences between them and me. I don't really know what to do now desu, will my autistic romanticism forever be confined to fiction? The worst part I don't understand men either, easily 90% of my friends are women and I thought that was because my sensitivity made my personality naturally more feminine, but that was clearly wrong. Where are my sensitive artist types at?

>get a text for the first time in weeks
>it's my mum checking to make sure I haven't killed myself
is there a worse feeling?
Also I love you mum

>>11757900
I agree anon. I was quiet shaken when I went to college to see how focused everyone was networking and internships and their future career and shit. They never even had an actual reason for it either, it was literally just what they had been told to do.

I'm really curious if this and the "boringness" of most people as you say is new and a result of mass communication and globalization or if its just always been like this. It does really bother me and my one real goal in life is to put together an irl community of interesting people. I have to imagine there are people with similar feelings, wanting companionship but not knowing where to find it. We need to get together desu.

>>11758099
>Socrates will never dismantle your philosophic idea infront of all your philosopher friends
why live?

>apply for disability benefits because of my autism
>get reply letter saying they dont think i have any impairments when it comes to socialisation and communication despite my diagnostic report detailing exactly how i do
neat

>>11754573
This is the 120 iq post
Implying 120 iq is a bad thing is a hallmark of people that are just below 135iq

>>11754456
What made you come to that conclusion?

>>11754107
>>11754368
>SO
go back to the reddit relationship boards

Why and when did the idea of a broad liberal arts education fall out of practice? There's no reason for this retarded tribalism we have today where STEM people go hurr durr writing is lame who cares about art (other than vidya) and humanities people go hurr durr who cares about boring-ass science and technology (though humanities people usually aren't as bad as stem people T B F)

>want to learn russian
>too much of a brainlet

I think the way reaction images spread is really interesting. Imagine being the anon who created what would become a popular pepe or wojak, it must be weird to see it spread everywhere.

Also, I realized a while back that this wojak, one which I'm particularly fond of, is actually just the david tennant crying gif made black and white, mirrored, and of course with the wojak face added.

>>11752477
It’s your turn.
I wish I was a fox.

>>11758895
>be me a few months ago
>want to finally learn russian
>am slav
>all slavic languages are strikingly similar
>learning russian is a breeze
>mfw non slavs will never know this feel

>>11758744

>>11752468
Adulthood is grueling. The days get more and more tedious. When I was little I thought I would escape all this and be great. But now I’m just another guy who commutes and works and commutes and watches the TV and eats. To go on like this for sixty years seems abysmal. I would like to opt out, quite frankly.

The God-emperor has found me to be without moral character
I lost my intelligence to schizophrenia
I have no mark of superiority anymore
But I am forbidden to die

Also, unrelatedly, I have consented to a bunch of things that I repeatedly forget that I consented to, in terms that my disintegrating brain has more and more trouble remembering how to parse, and the result is a lot of anger over things that are now incomprehensible to me that were or should have been completely comprehensible at the time of consent.

understanding my loneliness and why i feel as though i require a romantic partner has come down to a few different perceptions and reasons for the emotion.
obviously as we all understand the intrinsic instinct to find a romantic partner and "carry on the species" is one of our strongest natural feelings. the only way it may be avoidable in any sense is through deep-rooted nihilism or some generalised belief that bringing a child into this world may be some sort of sin, or at least be a cause of deep lifelong regret. perhaps also the unwillingness to raise offspring, though i believe that to be more due to fear of responsibility or simply laziness.
the other reason, and more personal to me, is perhaps to finally challenge myself into 1. finding a suitable partner and 2. having a "successful" relationship as neither of these are things i've truly achieved previously. i also feel as now i've reached the point of truly feeling comfortable by myself (perhaps too comfortable?) that the next stage of learning is to feel comfortable with someone else. i felt close to it once (after many failures before and since) although due to reasons beyond our bond, that particular instance was not to be.
loneliness is unavoidable, as we see in our futuristic present of virtual and simulated romance which has come about due to the overwhelming fear of rejection and failure. why risk the hurt of rejection when one can simply simulate the cure to our loneliness? why deal with all the struggles that come with relationships when we can simply release our hedonism on pornography or casual sex?
apologies for the length of this post. the reason for loneliness has been at the forefront of my thoughts for a while and it is a mutually relevant topic for many of us here.

>>11759039
end me

>>11759039
This image. This is what I have been searching for.

>>11759044
Well shit dude find a better job

I have a strong phobia about motherhood and pregnancy. It disgust me, and I feel babies making their cells go and install in a mother's brain as a way of controlling her forever is disturbing as much as is natural. But since I got that idea, I can't stop thinking women turned into mothers is jus a lobotomy from nature.

>>11759044
this is an american post

>>11759120
It really is lmao, especially with this >>11759114
PURE IDEOLOGY reply

>>11752920
High IQ.

>>11759130
find a way to improve your lot in life if you hate it so much

I am getting a psychological evaluation that includes an IQ test and I am afraid of the results.

>>11759151
That's not the point of his post. He's mocking the american work culture and all the shitty things that go along with it like minimal vacation time and the fast "western" pace of life.

Feeling somewhat embarrassed that I have common aspirations and values. I fancied myself a potential great man, but in truth all I want is comfort and good health for myself and family and time for my hobbies.

Brown walls, Terminator 2 poster on the inside of the door, beige carpet floor. Paint walled with the rerun of 2004 Winter Olympics, fka the real one, and the results have been ripdogged. Referee on Canadian team against the referee on the United States team, simulating the past tradition of ripliver fitting the theme of forestry in an urban society.

I've taken to drinking away my sadness every night which is probably going to result in me becoming an alcoholic but for now it's pretty fucking fun desu

>>11759151
You're such a bore

Whoo for mental illness! If you're well-adjusted you're fucking normie scum

I've caught myself blanking out quite often today, and i'm actually afraid that i might be an NPC

I like stuffed muffin man is this difficult to understand I think not But it seems that women cannot fathom the relationship between a men and his stuffed muffins this mutual existential ties are beyond words

>>11759785
I'm pretty fucked up and I'm unsure if I'm unsure if I hallucinated this post or not what THE FUCK are you talking about anon?

>>11759792

Other women causes diseases of the skin, but she has caused me death of the heart.

>>11754206

>Gets cucked
>Reads a book by a literal cuck and it makes him feel better

Poetic irony.

I've had a mild amount of fun experimenting with cursive again, and it was weird to realize I have a sort of inner bias against using my handwriting as a creative outlet. There is a sense in me that it is worthless to put so much effort into a sort of 'dead end' hobby where your skills die with you and the physical writings soon after. And so I thought, what are some examples of a good hobby? Immediately, I thought of composing music, of learning math, of assembling robots, and basically any other hobby where there's no actual ceiling on how far you can take it. But when I'm actually engaged in trying to write something beautiful, that process alone is everything it needs to be, and it's only my judgment afterwards that the process is too brief which leads me to find it unsatisfying. I wonder if this is that flow state which Taoism praises so much, like the skilled butcher in the midst of his work. I'm always thinking about that state, fantasizing about it lazily, but I must start forcing myself into it if there's to be any change.

What even do normies/NPCs do with their days? Do they not think about grand shit? About dying? About art and shit? Am I just a fucking idiot weirdo or is something rotten in the state of Denmark? I don’t understand

>>11759983
lol, most normies only talk about other people, they only care about being in a relationship, eat and have a job, mediocrity at it´s finest

>>11760047
I just can’t understand being okay with this though

Can someone give me a quick rundown on this NPC meme?

>>11759983
lad we sit on 4chan looking at the same shit every day, we are the npcs

I became 24 a few minutes ago (it's 00.18 here). This wouldn't be so bad if I didn't just became a KV one year older. I also finished the Inferno by Dante like 15 minutes before midnight, making it my last book that I've read at 23. I hope that this year will be the one where I finally exit my hell of no relationship and see the stars (thence we came out, and saw again the stars)

>>11760114
wrong, we meme about a different brilliant and often underrated meme philosopher/author every week.

>>11753718
>he was a CIA falseflag
No, he wasn't. He was the real deal.

>>11753718
The CIA created him but he definitely was his own man in the end

I'm starting to think that I'm just too brainlet for college, I don't know what the fuck to do with my life. I'm so used to procrastinating that I can't study even if my life depended on it.

I guess I'm destinated to have a shit job and watch my potential go to waste for being such a lazy fuck

>>11757509
retarded anon here, please re-write out what you sent her after the gap of time. Thank you.

>>11760354
If you're smart enough to lurk here you're smart enough to get a degree. I procrastinate like hell too but colleges are designed to have a safety net in place, see if you can't have some sort of free tutor or advisor to help you out. I suck at procrastination, but what I've learned is that the hardest part is actually sitting yourself down to do some work, whereas the work itself isn't all that bad. I would really recommend trying to find a routine that makes doing all that work semi-pleasant, because even if you do it at a snail's pace it's still way better than continually delaying your work further and further until you have to rush it all at the end. Approach it like a salaryman who spends a ton of his time at his office, but like half of that time is talking to friends at the water cooler or doing like one thing per hour and the rest of it just shooting the shit. I'm not sure if that's 100% accurate but getting comfortable with work is a really important part to becoming successful in this world and sooner or later we've got to bite the bullet and just figure it out. Worse comes to worst, at least you weren't born in China, eh?

>>11759026
I wish I could grant your wish
Or better yet, that genies browsed the net, randomly granting wishes.

>>11752740
You don't need to hate them but understand their behavior patterns, thats all.

>>11752468
Systemizing all thinks leads to disaster. I don't mean that as western men we cannot know things on some level acutely. But segmenting everything into refined interchangeable topics and concepts to be reordered at will fundamentally diminishes the true meaning to begin with. For example the more drugs are refined to target a closer portion of the brain the more it inhibits the brain more fundamentally, and obtusely. So is the same with the western greco-roman systematization. While I hope it does get man to the stars cuz that would just be dookie n' shiiiiiet. I also recognize that as man we know nothing that are primal chaotic interaction with nature was more aware of nature itself. Or something like that.

This is the third time I've heard Toto's "Africa" today. Someone please shoot me.

>>11760661
I

>>11760675
BLESS

>>11760678
THE

>>11760685
SCUUUUUM GAAAAANG

>>11760111
It's basically p-zombies but it's also a reference to videogames. The worst meme I've seen in years.

I'm starting to believe Max Stirner was right

>>11757603
prokaryotepilled

>>11752482
This does seem enticing. I could see myself doing it when I’m older.

Im thinking the worst things about myself. someone convince me not to kill myself.

>>11752468
I need to pee but there is a cockroach in my bathroom. Should I pee in a jar or stop being a pussy and kill the cockroach?

>>11760336
>>11760353
t. CIA propogandists

with the new NPC meme, I'm feeling subconscious about my subvocalization. I definitely have an inner voice but I feel like it's better to think without an inner monologue because you think faster without it.

>>11757859
no the CIA wrote the manifesto as honeypot to lure in survivalist fringe groups and track lone wolves. They then had the "author" do some other wet work to get "street cred" to appeal to those people.

>>11761026
you really shouldn't. no matter what it is, it will go away.
t. spent couple years deeply depressed, but tried and eventually got back to satisfying functioning

>>11755997
Come on man, we're the same age and we can still do something with our lives. My parents met when they were 28, and they love each other still. It's never too late, and I'm still holding out for love.

>>11760390
Not the poster you replied to,but this was exactly what I needed to hear right now, thank you very much.

Literature and consumer society can go together if we work hard enough and remain vigilant.
I was with a prostitute last night. I had a class around 9 the next morning, but I stayed up all night with her doing blow and fucking her. At around 3 I knew I was making a terrible mistake, this 19 year old girl, who had never read a book in her life, with a 50 year old Literature professor with a specialty in the late Romantics. I knew I was going to have to stare at those beautiful 18 and 19 year old freshmen with dead eyes, constantly having to flex my left bicep in order to stifle that hideous erection under my soft pleated pants.
Her name was Abby, and she was a girl from South Dakota who had decided it was her time to come up to the East Coast to truly start her life.
My time is coming to an end in hte 20 or 30 years. Even though it's a few decades from now, I know my life is for the most part over, my fire is dissipating, only kindling is left. But I fuck this girl, this prostitute, because she makes me feel alive again, like the sexless and enraged 20 year old who felt he could be content with living a life in academia, but now, I don't think I could be content with any job or profession, hell I would be one dissatisfied astronaut.
I look at the sun rise over the green hills and I hear NPR over the Bose sound stere. There is a brief bit about the Rhoyinga Crisis.
I go into class at 9 and start a documentary about the Rhoyinga crisis I pulled up at the last minute. The students are relieve, and so am I.

>>11754456
No shit.

>>11754456
It's okay, easy to fall for the con. You take a look at SpaceX and Tesla and expect the visionary behind these things to actually be brilliant.

He isn't a genius.

I should stop coming on the internet. I sit down and suddenly it's 8 hours later and I've done nothing. Not exaggerating, sometimes a whole day goes by. I get so much done whenever I'm somewhere without internet access. Maybe I should just get rid of it. But I have genuine reasons I need one.

>>11761401
or you could learn some self discipline you limp wristed cuck

>>11754456
He's not a con artist. He's a guy who wrote a software for wire-transferring money online which happened to take off. He got very rich off of it and now he wants to use that money for things he finds important.

It's not like he's pretending to be designing rockets and electric cars himself.

>>11761402
>you should avoid the clear-cut solution that solves all problems because there's this way less effective and much more difficult solution that might work or might not work but you should arbitrarily pick that one because... wooden ships and iron men?

>>11757520
it's true man. but women aren't the only ones that are crazy. all people are crazy.

women just deal with their faults in a very outward way so they're labeled as crazy, even though they try to at least communicate their issues.

men on the other hand are very stoic by nature and repress their faults and bury them deep inside, so on the surface they appear stable, but they're dissolving from the inside out.

an emotionally balanced person in control of their mental faculties is rare. even moreso are two emotionally balanced people of the opposite sex that are romantically interested in each other.

>>11753451
What a lot of people I know in their 20s and 30s do is find a field where they can employ themselves or work freelance etc. then work 6-9 months out of the year saving up money and using the other 3-6 months a year traveling. It only works if you live in the first world, but honestly just not going out to night clubs and not being obsessed about the latest flat screen TV should get enough money together to live for months in most of the world.

It doesn't have to be any faggy spiritualism trip to India either.

>>11761411
>waaaahhh im on the internet and can't sort my life out
>never mind the fact that other people can, they must have some superhuman powers or other advantages I don't have.
There is no use trying to convince you. You're human garbage, always whining about how hard it is for your lazy brain to form a thought. Your time here isn't wasted because you'd probably do fuck all if you were somewhere else anyway.

>>11761449
>projecting
>projecting projecting projecting
Where exactly in my post have I complained about other people having it easier or them having superhuman skills?

It looks to me like I identified a problem in my life and tried to come up with a solution while you're over here with the exact same problem and getting angry at me for even suggesting a solution.

>Your time here isn't wasted because you'd probably do fuck all if you were somewhere else anyway.
> I get so much done whenever I'm somewhere without internet access.
Oh look projecting, again.

>>11761458
>everything I don't like is projecting
Sounds like I touched a nerve. Consider suicide you human garbage. I'm outta here.

>>11761461
Now you aren't. You saw that red exclamation point and got a dopamine rush.

>>11754932
sounds good im a woman btw

>>11752532
Reading about female sexuality always makes me depressed

>>11760390
Behold! The last man in all his glory.

>>11761407
>It's not like he's pretending to be designing rockets and electric cars himself.
He literally does, or at least allows that image to be cultivated.

>>11761630
It makes me sad that sexuality always ends up being this disgusting exchange of social status and fluids rather than the ultimate act of love really, but I guess those ideals were never modeled after reality in the first place.
>>11761644
I don't quite remember what that means but I do know it's a dig at me. What is wrong with my advice?

>>11761656
It's from Thus Spoke Zarathustra. Your advice isn't "bad" per se, it's just a guide to mediocrity. Maybe that's what you are that other anon desire, not my call.

>>11761302
I like it except for the last few lines. Gets a little cliche

>>11761652
That's because you get your information from some reddit fanclub more than anything.

In the podcast mentioned above for example he constantly keeps referring to the fact how engineers do the heavy lifting and he's just there to oversee the big picture.

I'm trying to break my masturbation habit, and I've gotten very far along, but I keep turning back to looking at porn and erotica. I feel like this is the most porn-saturated period in the history of the world. In the Middle Ages, you didn't have to deal with this stuff. The best odds you would have had of having something to wank off to were either a powerful thought you'd have or if you happened to see the local duchess in all her finery and plumpness. This is the most challenging period in history in which to avoid jerking off.

The woman I share a cubicle with at work always wears skirts and rubs her vagina, not like full on masturbating but 5-10 second bursts of strange vaginal contact. It makes me really uncomfortable but I would feel like a fag if I complained to human resources. What do I do?

God im so fucking horny right now.

>>11759039
Dawkins' quote isn't even that bad. He's just more pragmatic, but doesn't mean he belittles philosophers.

>>11761821
The struggle against saturation and excess are the trenches of our generation, and decades hence people will read our accounts of the battle and brimstone of suppressing and restraining our naked need to touch ourselves like we read accounts of World War 1 and World War 2.

>>11761676
It's not ideal, but it's what we have to work with until we find our own personal paths to contentment. Did you know yours before your 20s? Are you certain that we ought to abandon the common way of life before we have even begun to experience it proper? Do you think the average freshman who abandons college due to the heavy work load is ready to ditch all of that together for the pursuit of a more noble goal? I understand it sounds lame advising someone to stick with the pack, but you're sowing the seeds for future tragedy when you encourage people to act on those urges. Both of my parents dropped out of uni and decided to see where the current took them, and they ended up like so many others sending out tons of job apps and running on piece-of-shit jalopies and getting food stamps just to bring me and my sister to adulthood. America is a vicious and cruel place when you fall off the social ladder, and if you've heard of what happened to Terry Davis recently, know that there are countless others out there like him sleeping under a new roof each night across the West like the Grapes of Wrath. Most are mentally ill, but it could happen to us too.

I don't mean to make this a long ranty or indignant sort of thing, but it seems very empty to cut and paste these grand philosophic ideas directly onto our lives regardless of context and declare that this is what we must do. If we actually care about these ideas, we must apply them carefully to verify them experientially and increase use gradually like a medicine. Otherwise, we'll usually just get burnt out or make a terrible decision, etc.. Ask any old person if they had to make haste with uncovering what they truly cared about, there's no reason to rush at all.

>>11761855
Have you considered that maybe it itches? Have you never scratched your balls?

>>11761875
She would have to have one gnarly case of crabs for that to be the case, besides women scratch themselves with a wrist motion, whatever she's doing is more subtle and, if anything, digital.

>>11761874
Not the guy you answered.

I will sound inmature but I legit think that modern life is mediocre and doesn't allow the humans to experience reality at its fullest. This world allows both creation and destruction as real possibilites, however the life as a wage slave surpresses this and instead the big narratives of current society consist on spend your time on some drudgery to generate profit and "progress". An empty life if you ask me. Is not better to annihiliate ourselves rather than live an inauthentic existance?

>>11761970
That really depends on your current mental state most of all. Our biology provides us with reward mechanisms which make life enjoyable and gratifying when their needs are met, but they also have a habit of constantly adjusting to relative averages in terms of pleasure and pain so that we are always living in the short-term, fueled by goals with clear rewards in the near future that oddly lack a sense of purpose beyond that. Most of us have the luxury of a life that is more than rewarding enough for the energy that needs to be put in, but what if we end up with lives that only appear to take and take but never give? I hit a point like that myself, but there's nothing I've learned about it since. We keep living because that's just what we do, same as every form of life. It is really apathetic to your struggle, and it's mostly the attitude you take from here on that will determine your overall contentment.

>>11757520
>IQlet /pol/tard thinks women were pure maidens before da joos got to them

looool

>>11753686
>

My life is very empty now. I have friends (including several very attractive girls) who I hang out with once a day, but I sleep in until 4PM most days. I have a part time job to pay the rent, but it's just enough for groceries and the occasional bag of bud. When I was in high school, I was constantly involved in some kind of a relationship with someone. It seemed like I interested so many women, then, but now it's just impossible. It's all impossible. Human life is impossible. I have just enough juice left in me to get through this week, I can amuse myself with pornography, or with excessive eating or smoking, but next week? Next week I will have to devote myself wholly to the strictest asceticism and productivity or else I will fall back into a pit of depression and ridiculous yearning. I am enough of an adult to know what the stakes are. I am not foolish or delusional about how things are. Nor do I go too deep into depressive realism, because I know it's just another distraction.

waiting for a war

>>11761855
tell her that you can give her a helping hand ;)))))))))

Thank God for piano

>>11761054
so they wanted to attract actual ancaps and anarchoprimitivists and... what exactly - pop surveillance on them? catch them? hire them for MK Ultra?

>>11752468
I realized that I'm an beta orbiter. I have no idea how to fix that.

Bonding to other males is hard because I envy their life experiences and get resentful.

>>11755196
sounds like /lit/ overall

>>11758744
>be in stem
>love philosophy literature art and poetry
>no one esle around me does

If God is real, why can't we suck our own dicks?

>>11753439
i hate you because you are an idiot that uses ´ in place of a '

Overcoming your priors is impossible. Attempting to consciously compensate for your biases leads to needless psychological suffering.

Today I woke up extremely sad and negative, so I started to randomly look at Internet. I wrote "Humanity has declined", and found an anime. I decided to watch it but while doing it I remembered I should feed myself, I haven't eat anything since 20 hours ago. That struck me, I need to feed my body, and I need to feed my self, if it weren't with an indulgent content to feed my actual mood it would be with something different so I can change it. I am feeling everything is about feeding yourself, your pathetic body and your pathetic mind. I don't know what to do.

>>11763056
You can fast like a real man.

>>11759044
What is American about it? Doesn’t everybody work?

>>11759120
What is American about it? Doesn’t everybody work?

>>11761942
Does she smell? Maybe she has a yeast infection. You should put a tube of Monistat on her desk as a friendly hint.

>>11763153
see >>11759205
I have lived/worked in both america and eastern europe (i'm a slav) and can tell you that life is far more tiring in the west. Most people would agree with me.

I should go back to the people who wronged me in the past and tell them to go fuck themselves. Feels great.

>>11753818
Spooks are a spook

>>11752468
The closest contact I had with a female this summer was an art hoe messaging me on instagram to ask for an opinion on her music which was nothing more than some muffled kpop with rain sounds and ASMR.

Murder me

>>11761407
This.

There's no big conspiracy behind it, he's just a frontman.

>>11761407
he stole tons of money using Paypal in the past

>>11763242
I had a friend as a kid whose parents came from the Czech Republic, and it was amusing to me how they spent pretty much all of their free time on the front porch smoking and just chilling out. They also had their house completely covered in carpets and cushions and stuff that was kind of kitsch but in a nice way, and it was like they were totally disconnected from the rat race in their cozy house in the suburbs. They also had all sorts of imported chocolates, like those cocoa wafers you can find dozens of brands for from across Eastern Europe. If that's what life is like there that sounds really nice and I'd like to visit sometime.

>>11763601
The closest I had was with some 18 yo tinder ho who was initially very friendly and fun but then ghosted me

Kill me too desu

>friend I haven't spoken to in months messages me and asks how I'm doing
>ecstatic because lonely autist
>see just now that it's suicide prevention day
JUST

>>11763874
ayyyyyyy

>>11756041
I just learned about this and I'm genuinely so upset

>>11763717
If you land a good job or earn a lot of money for some other reason, it might be a bit like this. No single family houses with big front porches though unless you live in some village, very small city, far suburbs, or a luxurious district of a big city.

>>11756263
Meditate

>>11763874
Shit, this happened to me today too. I-it's just a coincidence, right?

>>11758113
I want to be your friend anon. Do you have discord?

>>11758125
I am one of those people who concerns himself with internships and networking. I hate it. I want to be an individual, not an NPC. But I have a drive for success too. How do I become an interesting individual without completely sacrificing any hope for a career? It's also one of my goals in life to build a community of interesting people. I try to seek people like that and surround myself with them but everywhere all around me it's just NPCs. Sorry for using this meme but it is accurate to some degree.

Tell me about yourself anon. My interests include philosophy, math, reading, politics, film, and fitness. I want to learn a sport too, maybe climbing?

>>11759172
Me too anon. Being highly intelligent is a huge part of my identity. If my IQ is below 130 I feel like I'd wanna kms.

>>11760305
I don't know if a relationship will solvw your problems but happy birthday anon

>>11764207
Just don't try to build your career for the sake of building your career. I'd like to work in acedmia, so

>Tell me about yourself anon.
I'm similar to you. I enjoy the arts, mathematics, history, linguistics, and the outdoors. My main passion is the pursuit of some notion of aesthetic beauty. I have trouble defining it in words as its more of a feeling, but you know when you're listening to music and it just seems to fit so perfectly with where you are and what you're feeling, and you get a feeling that you're experiencing some sublime truth? That's what drives me, both capturing that experience in art and experiencing it first hand in life. Hope that makes sense.

>maybe climbing?
Would recommend, climbing communities are really friendly and just generally comfy. There's also a satisfaction in climbing up something that I don't get from just lifting heavy objects or running a long way.

>>11764207
>My interests include philosophy, math, reading, politics, film, and fitness
NPC stuff. You may have ten lines of unique dialogue instead of two.

got diagnosed with aspergers, diagnostic report says i have a "significant inability to understand the emotions of others" among pages of other stuff
anyone got a book for this feel?

>>11764603
Nah mate there's not much you can do. Unironically just b urself, you can't just "get over" autism.

somebody please explain the NPC meme

I know what they mean in the context of videogames but how does it correlate with people?

>>11764680
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philosophical_zombie

>>11755673
Go back there and ask one of the employees.

>>11755673
>>11764693
Cute girl update: I swung back by the Whole Foods the past two days, and today, sure enough, I saw her. Unfortunately I only saw her for a bit, and she was buying some sushi, and then she left. So she either went on her lunch break or she was only scheduled to work a half-shift today.

I'll try to go back tomorrow and Wednesday to see if she's there. If she is there, I'll talk to her, no matter what.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yg5n045lvWM

What IS real? Other than the hangover I will surely have tomorrow, that is.

>>11764233
Identity doesn't have to be rigid. If you can let go of the intelligence thing you may learn interesting things about yourself.

How do you guys meet females?

>>11764907
Stoping calling them females would be a good first start

>>11764958
sorry not a native English speaker and I was actually on the fence about which expression to use girls, women or females

went with the most robotic sounding

I have three close friends who doesn't know each other. And I have four friends with whom I have a small group. Every time any of the three friends try to introduce me someone new, I found the new person annoying and awful, hardly to talk to. I end the rest of the day thinking about why my friend would be friend of such a terrible person. The same happens with my group of friends, but mostly about their dates, those also never last long.
So, I already stopped asking myself why they are still my friends despite I am such misanthropic person, maybe I am one of the many awful people they know, but I am the one they fail when trying to make bonds between their own friends.
Anyway, sometimes I wonder maybe I am the awful friend who fails to be the great mate they wanted to introduce to their friends. But I am pretty sure all of them are people I don't have any interest to interact or make a bond. Years ago I felt compelled to be liked, to try to have a bond with the introduced friends, I even added them to my facebook account. Nowadays I don't even bother telling them I have a number, and if they ask me about social media, I just tell them I don't add anyone.
My seven friends are still around, but I feel I am drifting appart of them. And a sudden rush of fear gets me then, but I don't know what is the source of this fear. Am I afraid of losing my few friends? Am I afraid of dicover they never were real friends, and it hurts to know it? Am I afraid of ending alone, to the point I just desperately beg for the most petty feelings to avoid solitude?

>>11764907
Walk up to people and ask ‘ u got a hop hop for my pee pee’ and if they say ‘yes’ then you get hard and rub it on her then she says ‘ time to put in’ then U pud dig in vag

>>11761870
Maybe not in that quote, but anon, I think it's time you saw this...
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/belief/2011/oct/22/richard-dawkins-refusal-debate-william-lane-craig

I was thinking that in hundreds of years the internet will start to resemble a great historical record that is mostly the archived past that anyone can browse freely by date. That would be a pretty weird thing to be able to do. But maybe people in the far future won't be as far removed from us now.

>>11764999
Just say this to em. If they understand of feel empathy, they are worth having around

>>11764576
>you're not sentient if you're not into competitive dog grooming
NPCs in our world would have to be self learning, not entirely preprogrammed. Otherwise they wouldn't be capable of learning new things. Like you for example, you just came on to your daily hivemind and learned about the latest trend everybody's calling each other out on(which is a dumbed down version of P-zombies that /pol/tards just discovered) and now everyone who isn't into overly obscure autistic things is an NPC.

>>11764506
Not the guy you're responding to but intuitive feelers are such brainlets

Heh heh, just the other day I awoke to the sound of my roommates nuts banging against the toilet seat. shit irked me ya know ;) n e way i guess what im trying to say is when i was at the store the clerk touched my hand and I got really nauseous inside like some butterflies through up in me.. irregardless you ever play the banjo really country huh yeah thats what i thought also here me out but what if that store clerk who tuched my hand plaid the banjo two? we could start a band: me, her, and my roommate who on occasion gets specks of dust in his eye.

4chan figuring out p-zombies and calling everything npcs is funny when the users are so irony-poisoned and detached from reality that they relate to everything in highly regimented videogame terms

>>11765270
Bingo brother, really hit put the head on the nail and hit it with that one. I gotta say, all this talk of NPC's and I'm sitting here wandering where's the goddamn quicksave button, ya know? Or better yet, how can I access those sweet kickass mods like sex and stability? Or are those exclusive to the main characters?

I moved out of home today, now I'm God because my body is still at home typing this.

>>11765302
i think the games shit and i want to turn it off tbqhwy

>>11765355
Nigga just stop playing on Master difficulty. Like bro just play N O V I C E

>>11765261
You see this? This is what a real person is like. NPCs take note.

>>11759833
I think thats life you know, shit happens and you decide what to make of yourself. So, are you going to try to make yourself better and the world a better place or are you going to say any other word to denigrate someones experience to feel somewhat better? Like, you are so enlightened that you get pleasure of someone elses miserable experience, idk to me it seems pretty pathetic of you
>using words like cuck and irony but not realizing that he's cucking himself of the greatness he can achieve, instead of posting garbage absent of true content
sorry for my shitty English

>>11756041
breaking his neck was an act of mercy considering they tortured him for 4 days and, among other things, shattered his bones in wrists and shoulders

>people on this board are unironically using the term NPC

this place is beyond saving, you guys are just a slightly more articulate r9k. going back to /his/

>>11764233
I'm afraid of it being low or high. If it's low, I'll feel retarded, if it's high I'll feel like I have no excuse for my failures and really am just a useless piece of shit.

>>11764999
same here, I swear if I met some of the people I meet through friends in any other way we would probably get along or I would like them a little more, I think your behavior is completely normal, no one gives a fuck when they are introduced in that way, except for some special cases where things kick off

>>11765662
That's interesting. From my seven friends, four of them were made as direct contact, we interacted and become friends without realizing.
The other three were through one of them. Now I am thinking again, the friend who made me meet the other three (the four of my group), is the one who is always trying to introduce new people.
Sometimes I feel, friend just wants me to tag along more time we already meet (I am not a people person, so I don't hang out too much), sometimes I feel friend introduces me to a new friend to know what I think about them, like I am giving a review. Also, now we are oldfags, my friend seems way more attracted to hang out with younger people. I can't blame him, because most people our age are demanding or too focussed in politics and SJW things.
Still, friendship has been something odd my entire life. I would keep my suspicion about being asexual here.

>>11752468
Im doing the best that i can to help her. Ive given her lots of advice and comfort her but thats all i feel like i can do. I worry for her, shes attempted to overdose, cut, and shes miserable. I dont know what else i can do, i feel like i havent done enough even though ive done all i could.

I hate feeling old. I'm literally not even at the prime of my life and it feels like like i've lived an entire lifetime that is coming to a close already. Things from my childhood are finishing up, becoming bankrupt, or straight up just sucking now. I've become a nostalgia addict for stupid shit like halo and swat cats when i should be focusing on better thing just because this heartbreaking feeling of losing something that meant so much to me is fading away. I used to be addicted to my xbox but now i can barely play for 30 minutes. I feel 40 when i'm 19, that makes no sense. Hell, just seeing the evolution of this site makes me nostalgic for when we didn't take everything so serious.

I sent out two emails to different profs asking to get enrolled in their class. When I checked my inbox I saw one response begins with "Sorry, no more room" and the other beings with "You must have sent this by mistake, I'm not prof X". I don't know how I fucked up the second one, but I'm so embarrassed I can't bring myself to open the email. And I'm fucked because the other guy didn't let me into his class and now I won't be able to graduate on time.

>she smiles at me
>i smile at her
>she's cute
>have several polite encounters (holding door for eachother, picking up something she dropped, etc.)
>this has gone on for months
How do I start a conversation with her? She's not in any of my classes. I've never done this sort of thing before.

>>11766169
Go talk to her anon don't fucking let it go past you, BELIEVE ME
YOU CAN DO IT COME ON

I wish I could properly express my qualia to literally any person but if I could do that, I reckon I wouldn't be me.
I wish the only human I've ever related to didn't turn out to be a fucking borderline harpy stereotype.
I wish I were dead, or rather, had the courage to become an hero. There is nothing for me in this world.

Just realizing how utterly alone I am. Was super religious for the first two decades of life and alienated all of the lukewarm christians, and now I'm an atheist.

Everyone that I chided for not believing is starting to get serious about religion now and don't want to talk to an apostate. Ironic, right?

>>11766169
Get some coffee with her, bitches loves coffee

>>11766199
>>11766228
But how do I actually start a conversation? It seems impossible.

>>11766322
You say hello and go from there, it's not rocket science nor a herculean task

I have a rapid moodswings and I'm terrified that it's indicative of something serious.

>>11757900
>>11761970
I'm kind of going through something related to these two posts. Finished my undergrad and work at what is considered a 'successful' corporation with a 'promising' career, but I loathe all of it and have self destructive impulses. The only last act of dignity I have left is to destroy it all. I've reached this position by spending the last two years of college working internships and sacrificing most of my time with building friendships to instead doing nothing at work and getting paid for it (hourly). It really didn't occur to me until the last semester of my undergrad that I sold myself out to become a well groomed STEMlord. Now I'm faced with the rest of my life of depressed salaryman in a company filled with married, fat, upper middle class, middle aged pencil pushers. The vast majority of them have superficial lives, talking about money all day and night. Buying shite for money, saving money, investing money, retirement money, etc. etc. etc. ad nauseam.

In a last act of desperation, I've turned to enrolling in a master's degree in order to possibly hold on to some vestige of a social life on campus. Even though these people are immature and exercise the same type of materialism (talking about pop culture instead of CAPITAL GAINS), what else do I have left? I've realized after I finished college that I really do enjoy tirelessly working towards a goal and studying all night. I'm afraid of what will happen to me if I give up.

On top of all this I'm a depressive weirdo incapable of finding a girlfriend.

My last ditch effort is to pack it all up and fuck off to the FFL.

I've been lately thinking about the obscenity of human condition. Being alive and being aware that there others alive humans equal to me deeply disgusts me. Each self is fighting for its own sake and nobody can scape getting hurt. Everybody looks selfish and ruthless. Since a beggar to a multimillionaire, the same nasty egoism, the proclamation of the self upon the earth, appears. Being alive is such a trouble.

Holy shit, Kantbot got hauled in for questioning by the FBI.

I think I'm actually bisexual

>>11766790
Become a bohemian. Drift around, hitchhiking, staying with families when you can, sleeping on benches otherwise.

Gain deep insights into human nature. Write your semiautobiographical debut novel about a depressive, artistically minded drifter. Die by suicide shortly after its publication.

In the years and decades following your death, become a cult hit, before being ultimately rediscovered by the intellectual community. Become famous posthumously.

That's my dream, and also my advice for you.

>>11766870
Wanna test out your hypothesis?

>>11766790
That sounds like an excellent time to give research a try. Visit your university's library and peruse until you find something slightly interesting, then think of ways you can give back to that community so that the purposeless void in your life may begin to fill. It feels a bit silly to envision yourself as a sort of Stoner, but all of academia has sprung from people in the same position as you at one point. If you have a kind of vague fantasy you tool around with in your head, why not take steps to make it a reality? I feel like most of us have still not recovered from the idea of nihilism, and so we've continued on in a sort of zombie-like mode always wary to put stock into our beliefs lest someone pull the rug out yet again, and forever burn into our brains that we are only drawing lines in the sand and you must be a fool to ever dare stake out a claim.

If any of you know, it would be cool to see some counter to nihilism that is neither the disappointingly vague 'find your own meaning' nor the harnessing of some obscure inner power, but rather one that approaches it on its own terms and caveats personal subjectivity while giving a strong rebuttal in favor of an alternative. That would be great to read.
(To the poster I originally responded to: It sounds like the above may contradict my statement that you could find contentment in academia, but finding a pursuit that you enjoy and finding a set of beliefs that satisfies your existential needs are two very different things. For the time being, chain yourself to the former and use it as a tether from which to explore new philosophies. That way one bad week will not send you into a tail spin, and you'll be a more interesting person to boot.)

I can't stop masturbating or watching porn. I try to stop and in about a week I went 5 times that day. I'm full of lust and I want to go back to being a child according to my psychoanalyst, which I'm probably getting over but I'm into really fucked up sexual stuff and I don't know how to evaluate what is actually happening. I have no other inputs for energy consumption, I can't go to the gym because I tore a tendon in my hand about a year ago, I'm socially awkward and I can't ever perceive any benefit to socializing because my memory is so damn bad at noticing patterns. There's no a priori reinforcing any meaningful changes I want to make, it's frustrating and I hate my daily routine.

>>11766912
are you gay?

>>11752532
thanks r l stine

>>11766936
Don't give up, Anon. I was once where you were. I started trying to give up masturbating and I seemed to make no progress at first.

But now it's been a few years, and I find I can go months without jerking off. Slow and steady wins the race.

But fair warning: I'm a devoted Catholic and my motivation is to cut sin out of my life entirely. So I do possess that reinforcement to change that you lack. Make of that what you will.

Calvino is too erotic

>>11766906
I enjoy working too much to be a bohemian. If I were to quit everything to become a proper bohemian, I wouldn't be bothered to drift the earth when I could be spending that precious time in a library reading or writing. And as much as I want to write about a depressive man who feels like he doesn't belong in society, this type of character has been explored, repeatedly. And if he hasn't been explored in the 21st century (which he has, Houellebecq beat all of us to the punch), then at least twenty people lurking this board is writing about this subject. This is why FFL keeps floating around in my head, at least through that medium I can channel myself in finding insight into human nature by exposing myself to the slaughterhouse of modern mechanized war. Junger did it, so why can't I?

I'm also not too keen on suicide.

>>11766931
Thanks, and I really appreciate your sincerity. I feel like I've cornered myself with the STEM degree. I have deeply considered working in academia, but I feel like being some type of professor is different than being a student. I'm starting to feel pathetic, like those people who can never let go of their high school nostalgia. The only pursuit I enjoy is reading and writing. At this point I'm digressing into blogposts, it's 1:30 AM and I have to wake up at 6.

>>11766968
Sometimes I wish I was religious, and I've tried following religious tradition, but I've been a long time from being convinced I can interact with "God" in any way, let alone assume what "God" wants, does not want, or is indifferent about.

>>11752468
people do not post images in their replies anymore and its kind of sad, this is nearly ubiquitous across all boards now.

I think Jesus Christ might actually be something more like a boddhisattva and that he was actually trying to teach us how to escape from the suffering and dissatisfaction that our mortal lives are inherently filled with. His message has been saving me from my own life for almost a year now, so I'm pretty sure I'm on the right track. We should thank Christ by following his example as best we can in our daily lives and living as charitably as we possibly can as individuals. I'm nervous about dying because I only have between forty or eighty more years yet with the one I love, but I have faith that our souls will be cleansed by the purifying fire of God's love and that we will be together forever in Heaven, just as we are on Earth. There is a cross on a hill that I can see from my car when I drive south on the highway and every time I see it it seems like the air around it is emanating light. It helps me remember why I can't just give up on living. Also, a lady in a long white dress with shining skin came to me in a dream, but when I woke up I couldn't remember anything she had said to me. I think it was important and sometimes I worry that it's my fault that I don't remember, and that I might be doing things all wrong.

>>11755997
I relate to this

I need to smuggle some weed under the nose of some K9 units. Suggestions?

>>11767050
You should stop smoking weed and instead focus your energy on developing spiritual awareness and reading romance stories (of actual literary value, not grocery store bodice-ripper pulp).

>>11766950
maybe

>>11756263
based

>>11755997
My parents are really similar, horrible marriage, mom is extremely kind but a doormat pushover, also secretly kind of a patronizing smart aleck but honestly pretty surface level, and my dad, who was really verbally abusive and also very low in comprehension and personality tried to get a divorce but mom got cancer so they decided not to (she's developing alzheimers now). 19 and 20 were my worst years, smoked a lot, drank a lot, plenty of drugs, had shitty friends, failed out of college. No girlfriends.
>It can only get better from here on right?
Narrative structure seem to have taken a mythological significance in my life, and I like tragic stories more than heroes journeys. It's more like a dream than something definite, I've gotten really eccentric in my speech patterns with other people, I don't mesh well at all and though my grades have tremendously improved it's fucking hard to keep on the straight and narrow. What spun myself around was probably a.) psychologist b.) psychedelic drugs and c.) suicidal road trip. Told my parents I was fucking off (fuck you I don't need your support etc.), I drained 2k from the bank and figured I'd violently crash somewhere off the interstate but it was just 3 weeks of driving and hanging around places. Lots of sketchy parking lots where I slept in the car, 18-wheelers and truck stops. Minnesota was really nice. Almost half the fucking state is lakes, I rented a canoe, the white throated sparrows were nice at first (I thought they were loons) but they're actually annoying as fuck. It was pretty lonely though. I mean yeah there's other people hanging around but the mentality they all adopt at amenities is always so superficial and boring, there's nothing going on in it and I felt as though I missed out on a lot given my own awkwardness and hesitancy. I got really good at taking breaks from driving at least (overconfidence can be deceiving).

I guess for the psychedelics I more or less had a "good" trip because of the setting and the friends (who were degenerate, but I didn't think that at the time). Basically I felt the full spectrum or scope of my emotions/personality for the first time as an "adult" and realized that I diminish my personality to fit into the world I was thrown in from day-to-day. And that world was really shitty because of my parental upbringing and the public school being really passive/snobby/unemotional or something.

>>11755997

You are still very young, so yes, this it can get better. Work on yourself for yourself, don't get possessed by objects of desire, getting them wont solve any issue you have, but solving the issues you have, may very well end up with you getting the objects of your desire. An oddly subtle distinction, but I have so far seen many people fuck this up. So, don't waste time, but don't panic. Cultivate your self, and read good books relevant to your situation, avoid self-help stuff. Try meditation and mindfulness, to unfuck your complexes. And pay attention, in general.

I'm tied of being a slave to my desires

I hate that I just whacked off

God help me

>>11766869
Probably just fans

>>11760305
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vhtpAIbIpQ

>>11765824
Try a little humility

>>11761874
>Both of my parents dropped out of uni and decided to see where the current took them
Huh...wow...

>>11766998
It sounds like you're easing away from academia out of fear that you'll become that teacher perpetually longing for their youth, and that the subject itself would serve as an excuse to have your real pleasure of reading and writing. Does that sound right? There's that inner sense that you may not be doing the world any service at all, and that your stay in academia is more of a lucky break where your legitimacy is never called into question due to the power of the institution itself. That's a relevant question for everyone in education, but just because the times we live in suggest that you should feel silly for that desire doesn't mean that it's correct. Hardly anyone catches flak for getting a degree in Computer Science on the basis that they aren't actually contributing anything to the world by doing it, yet not only is it a natural passion for many, but they also make significantly more money for it. Culturally in regards to the humanities we are practically stumbling around in the dark, with many people skeptical that they provide us much of a benefit at all. But as I mentioned, these societal assumptions make little sense once you begin to prod into them. It is a massive amount to think about, and, so long as it doesn't heavily restrict your future opportunities (I know little about the FFL), I would say give it a try.
>>11767013
I think it's fine, we're bombarded by images on every other website so it's refreshing to go through a full thread in plain text when pictures wouldn't quite fit.
>>11767152
Words, anon. Use them.

>>11765253
What the fuck does that even mean lmao

There are so many open conversations itt and I'm worried it's going to 404 before the burgers wake up and start posting. I wish people were more willing to continue conversation chains in the next thread desu

I want to be like a sunflower

I told myself when I was a teenager that I'd try to get a girlfriend when my acne cleared up. I still have ance.

>>11767769
Go to the dermatologist

>>11767782
My face is already permanently fucked up, I don't even care anymore

>>11752482
started with that and became a smoker. Less than 10 cig a day, probably around 8 but still.

>>11761630
sexuality itself is truy depressing. Imagine being Houellebecq, and then it is no wonder the guy looks and act like himself.

And in our current tipe, sexuality became a parody of itself. Men are either drowning in pussy or completely clockblocked. Womenc an have whoever they want, a 6 can get fucked by a 8, and the guy won't mind at all because for him it's worth a fap.
I can't be the only person seeing that in a lot of couples, the guy looks okay but the women is meh or worse. Everything is about sex and it's becoming less subtle and even more grotesque.
Silent prayers to the Goddess of Porn, with your actions and your beliefs, that's why I hate going back to porn and I hate how trivia it all became.

Kids nowadays base their vision of the feminine with porn. And their vision of the masculine with all the trash there is around them.

>>11766931
The conspiracy against the human race ? Basicay a book that explains with references why life, on a pure rational standpoint is not worth it.

All the warmth and compassion has been drained from my heart by my experiences with this world. I'm an extremely callous and unflinching man. Besides my mummy and the occasional romantic interest, I feel nothing for no one.

I believe I am this way as a mode of self-protection. I've discovered the world around me to be equally callous and it has brought me to its level, or perhaps I seek distance from this uncaring world.

But it bothers me that I don't feel for anyone. While I do care about some things, and value them, people in general just don't do it for me.

>>11767827
I try not to smoke unless I can sprinkle some weed in. The effects of smoking are too unpleasant to justify it not giving you a buzz. If a substance is going to kill me, it better at least get me high first.

>>11752468
The only books worth reading are books that inspire action in your own life. Not that the others are shit, but there are simply too many books that fit this category.

Read those.

Stealing Fire is a good one.