/lit/ - Literature

>>11649354
You're biasing this by asking 'older robots', who afaik are defined by having a lonely life. I'm not a robot.

But for me, it's sort of partially true. I was a lonely adolescent who got less socially awkward and then (later) got reasonably good with girls. Now happily married.

The part that's somewhat true is
>You will always be an orphan to those adolescent loves you never knew
it does occasionally haunt me, the sense of wasted time, the way society idealises those teenage years, the knowledge that they are (relatively) formative. But on the other hand, remembering how lonely I was then also makes me very grateful and happy that life got better, so even that has its upside.

>tfw 20 yo and no gf
Can't wait to study five more years at uni in complette solitude. Fuck other people and FUCK NIGGERS I'm gonna be THE VIRTUOUS MAN and also PATHETIC but not really because I have my VIRTUE
It's gonna be based.

>>11649354
it’s not a void if it’s filled with unrelenting agony lol

>>11649488
i distinctly remember being in 8th grade and dreading the fact that I would eventually be breaking up with her. I remember wishing that I met her in college or work or something so we could just get married, as I knew for some reason kids never stay together, but I also knew the affection was more one sided (despite her being the one with the crush on me) Didn't even last a year, leaving me in the summer of 9th grade (excuse being I was on vacation the whole time with family, and she wasn't able to go with me)

At this point i've taken the daughterfu pill anyway. When I had my cousins hug me and want to play with me it it really meant alot because I assumed kids would find me boring or scary.

The truth is the sex aspect of adolescent love is depraved because for most it really is just experimentation and hedonistic pleasure. There is no genuine bond being created with the other person, and worst of all the know it. I remember being genuinely confused at all the normalfags breaking up at grade 12 graduation to go to college like it was a fucking tradition and expectation.

At least kids before they hit puberty and get sexual enjoy platonic love. Sex for teens is glorified masturbation.

>>11649354
Anon you will literally forget everything about your life now. Young experiences and young love or lackthereof fade into a vague nostalgic mist as you age and you do things and have new experiences. Don't worry about your youth, don't try to calculate the economics of missed experience, it's a fool's errand. Whatever happened or didn't happen doesn't actually matter and the faultiness of human memory will soon render it into some abstract expressionist canvas that vaguely resembles what your past actually looked like. like kierkegaard said, do it or don't do it you'll regret both.

>>11649707
Good advice

>>11649707
>Anon you will literally forget everything about your life now

it becomes internalized. your experiences synthesize into to, whether you remember them vividly or not. there is a reason teenage sex is seen as a major rite of passage into normalcy in modernity.

>>11649354
no matter where you come from or where you’re heading loneliness persists through it all

>>11649354
Imo the experiences of youth are almost entirely out of your hands. The quality of your life at that point depends primarily on your parents, environment, social position etc. I'm sure some nog in the hood doesn't care about fucking in high school and more on getting out alive with his GED. Though at the point of realizing this everything afterwards becomes your fault since you have the power to slowly alter your environment.

The only salve to a ruined childhood, is to ruin the childhood of another.

everything else is suffering, but the pilfering of innocence by force is the sweetest solitude.
as offered by maynard, "I have found some kind of temporary sanity in this shit blood and cum on my hands, I've come round full circle."
My suggestion is to steal away the lives of others, and then you will find true joy, true megalomania is the only chance you have to live your life to its fullest. Other people genuinely do not matter, they are simply tools to further your own pleasure.

>>11649597
>The truth is the sex aspect of adolescent love is depraved because for most it really is just experimentation and hedonistic pleasure
I wish I felt so, anon. But the fact that I wasn’t someone’s first subject of romantic love makes me honestly feel like I missed some fundamental experience and will always be lacking in any relationship I enter

>>11649354
>a young girl's erotic dream.
kind of absurd to want to be this. A miniscule minority of men get to be that, for most of us we are just 'sort of hot' and we get them aroused enough to fuck us because they dont see something better.

Honestly sounds like narcissism to want to be the literal dream version of a sexual object

>>11649989
>ut the fact that I wasn’t someone’s first subject of romantic love

Did you lose your virginity to a non-virgin or something like a turbo beta? just have sex with a virgin if that's not the case.

>>11649945

>>11650001
>Did you lose your virginity

>>11649989
>someone’s first subject of romantic love
it is very special at the time, but looking back and comparing it with subsequent relationships it was just two kids who didn't know what they were doing having memey concepts of love.

I guess i think love in general is a bit of a meme, but the most intense romantic love i've felt has not been with the two girls in highschool who were virgins before me. There is something almost fetishistic about caring overly if the girl is a virgin, i get why it would exist from like an evolutionary standpoint, but from a romantic perspective it doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Maybe i am just damaged

i think the only real pure love is the love you have with the girl before you have sex actually. Sex makes it kind of idk animalistic. There is something very beautiful about the moments that lead up to that first encounter that are never quite repeated. You get a different sort of depth of feeling in long term relationships but it is always kind of diluted in my experience. Also being with a person really removes your delusions about what the opposite sex actually is and what love is, and makes things seem much more power-based. Not to be overly cyncial, relationships can be loving and intimate but the ideas that are passed around in the general culture about love are just not true at all, and the basic natures of men and women are much more animalistic than people will say in polite society.

Idk what the fucking point of this post is, but i think love is not that great, except that very first bit, and I think there is a lot of other stuff in life that I like a lot better. I still think having children is an important thing for a person though, that is kind of why we exist.

>>11649354
My buddy is an interminable member of this society, the turbochad, and we speak of it at length, as he brags about all the hundreds of women who beg at his knees for his astounding cock. He's 30, and pulls 18yos like they're lifesavers from the nice bank lady's bowl. Who he talks about fucking as well, incidentally. She seemed so nice.

You're fucked, just kill yourself, like i'm considering.
In all seriousness, there is no salve but to become a monster, to train the body, and soul, to become an unaccomodating prick, grow a larger penis, sell drugs, and walk around doing egoistic things and be depraved and crafty. Develop a body Hercules would envy while you're at it. Get a reputation, control vast lengths of social contacts, women, their mothers, their sisters, etc.
For example, my friend mentioned fucking a girl, her mother, and that girl's daughter hitting on him though being underage.
Women cannot help but crave him, and you'll never be that, I'll never be that, only a select few jergoffs get that, and one must give up all pretenses of living like an emperor without having to bribe everyone in sight.
You
Beta
Fuck.

>>11650038
>it is very special at the time, but looking back and comparing it with subsequent relationships it was just two kids who didn't know what they were doing having memey concepts of love.

evil boomer.

>I guess i think love in general is a bit of a meme

I wonder why. You can't into pairbonding.

Look, I've been where you are before. I was a virgin until 19. The stereotypical chad advice is genuinely good... pump iron, be confident, put yourself out there and get laid.

You need to stop dwelling on these fantasies of what you believe your virginity losing experience should be like, or what you missed out on... all of these illusions are anchors that sink your soul into a neurotic mire.

I'm 23 now with a normal healthy sex life and all these neurotic robot thoughts feel like distant dreams from a lost life. Its not too late, its never too late... but its up to you to re-orient your attention towards a new mindset whihc will eventually manifest in a new lifestyle. Exertion of your will in this regard will require constant motion in small increments until you've built enough momentum to normalise it.

>>11649945
Un-based pedophileposter

>>11650001
>>11650032
Seriously though, it's not merely the fact that I won't be someone's first sexual experience (I'm 19 and in college, frankly impossible to find a virgin who has less mental issues than me), but that in a potential relationship, the feeling of a first emotional romantic attachment won't be reciprocal.
I'll be the less experienced, the reacher, the one who doesn't understand anything about love. We won't be on equal footing and that scares me.

By the way, is this the official /lit9k/ thread right now? The book solicitation wasn't only an excuse to post, I want to feel some catharsis about this

>>11650068
oh my no, no pedophilia, you don't have to fuck a young girl to crush her entire life. lol you don't even have to touch her.

>>11650062
Fuck off normal fag

>>11650078
literally just groom a little girl to be your wife. Not illegal if you don't do shit until she's of legal age.

>>11650062
See >>11650078
It's not (only) about virginity. It's the fact that I'll always be in a disadvantage regarding love

>>11650060
im 24 dude.

And i do pairbond, im honestly a very romantic person, except that i have a very cynical view of what humans are, which two things merge in weird ways in my relationships.

I've done enough reading online to know i am classified as having a beta mindset wrt women, but women do not treat me like a beta because i am overly volatile. I think women place me in the 'crazy boy' category in their weird systems of understanding guys.

Like i am very idealistic about love, it's just that none of the girls i have been with maintain that feeling in me for very long. Especially after sex it becomes something different.

but to give an example of my betaness i will write a dozen poems about a girl i am seeing in like a week. I dont show them to her usually but that is how i view my thing with them, as a transcendentally beautiful thing, it's just it never lasts, and i sort of think it can't last. You have to just have children and develop a different kind of relationship where romantic love is not really the point, but raising the children is.

>>11650062
yeah, this is all bullshit, he's running on empty, 23 is too young to listen to, seriously, he's going to be suicidal by the end of the month.
anyway, go find a large trove of drugs, invest in drugs and equipment, guns, if you can legally acquire them, or if you can hide them either way, then just slowly build an empire of drug minions around yourself and become a ganglord. because that's the only good life outside of trying to be the goodcuck wageearner for the 3 year old dancing to youtube videos of Nikki Minaj.

you have no life in the "good world". everyone on this fucking planet has already gone through the "good world" and they're waiting for you to cross the fuck over and stop being a little pussy bitch. go out there, and exploit people and use your mind to better your own prospects, fuck them! what reason in the world have you to respect any of them? you're smarter than they are, right? you have the innate ability to get one over on these fucks, YOU READ LITERATURE! that automatically makes you better!

I'm being honest, how many gangsters you think have read moby dick? it's just like any other job, but it's more freeform, you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself, your harshest tormentor.

This gunna get delete

I want a girlfriend so bad.

>>11650098
Didn't read lol

Go back. your prose exposes you.

>>11650038
>Sex makes it kind of idk animalistic.
I guess I agree. It seems base, and love shouldn't be so dependent on it. But alas, that's not the case.
>just two kids who didn't know what they were doing having memey concepts of love.
That's the whole point though. That's how , it seems to me, love becomes something real and stops being a child's delusion.
The lack of that experience isn't expected in an adult, and in any relationship I'll be absolutely clueless

I never had a girl kiss me until last year when my 9 year old cousin gave me a quick peck on the lips unprovoked. I didn't think anything of it at the time and only realized how pathetic it was later. Even when i had to kiss grandma or whatever I was the one who had to go in and do the kiss.

>>11650104
criminals are not the glorified thing you imagine them to be, theyre mostly pretty pathetic, they just have certain perks, like getting to exercise real power. If you spend any time around them you mostly just feel sorry for them

there is a tiny subset of ultramasculine and charismatic criminals who have genuinely interesting live,s but they would have those no matter what they did, they are just like that

>>11650122
"Experience" in a relationship is the most retarded meme in existence. You just have experience failing a relationship. Serial monogamy fails any way so why would you care if you aren't familiar with shitty traditions and social norms that just end up with the relationship ending anyway.

>>11650122
i really don't think so, you'll just maybe have a learning curve in the first relationship. I dont place any importance on that first relationship, or the second one. They honestly do not matter to me, except as vague pretty memories of childhood. I feel my life only really began when i was like 21 and i dont give a shit about what happened before then, i wasnt even a real human.
>>11650116
go back where, ive been here since 2013

I have had prime teen pussy so good that other men would congratulate me just for walking down the street with them.

I have also been celibate for almost a decade since and it’s the superior way to live.

>>11649354
Go back to /r9k/ you fag *dabs and farts on you*

>>11650133
>implying i'm not a literal criminal
i know the pitfalls of being one, but they vastly outweigh the pitfalls of trying to be a decent human being. you quickly stop having to justify anything once you go from bologna to steak. You must know a lot of pathetic drug dealers, or the lower crusty faggots, I suggest you go to a slightly higher crust area, and deal there, you'll find that the entire world changes, and it has nothing to do with your charisma and masculinity, it depends on your ability to network and your ability to get the product. nothing else matters whatsoever. then, when you have the money, you can use those networks you've already built to get pussy, other drugs you don't already have, get out of legal troubles, own cops, and enjoy a fulfilling life of travel and experiences worthy of note. I do not think that you have a prime understanding of the dealer mantra, because the dealers you hang with are on your own level.

Whenever you feel a lack of confidence because you never had teen sex just think back to your first kiss for renewed resolve. If you could do it then why not now?

>>11650000
quadposter of truth

>>11650000
>t. beta cuckslave

>>11650154
i havent hung out with dealers in years, and like you say they were the low class type of dealer. those guys are just attracted to me honestly, they are always befriending me. I have seen the type of guys you are talking about and we get along ok, i have mostly met them through hot waitresses who seem to have a constant stream of those dudes in their lives, but they have this weird semi-liking me, semi-being weird about me thing. They will alpha all over the situation and assert themselves, but compliment me constnatly in this weird way like 'i am complimenting you so as to be the dominant person here' and they get weirded out by the way i act.

All that other shit you mentioned, i think that is probably true, but networking within the legal structures(not actually within but you know what i mean) generally nets you more social status and standing than being an outright criminal. Like being in on a music scene or whatever.

Anyway man i cannot do that shit, i am not built for it, and that networking ability is almost as rare as the charisma and masculinity that actual gang leaders have, so it's a retarded thing to recommend to people, they would already be doing it if they could.

If you have that ability then more power to you, but we are mostly not like that.

Also i don't care at all about being a decent perosn in the normal sense, most people see me as a violent scumbag Im pretty sure, but the people who know me know im not like that at all, i really do care about some things, i just care about them in my own way, and i have demons to battle as well. I vary enormously in how i live and what my life is like because my mind is set up as a pendulum.

>>11650160
Kill me please

Why are virgins so obsessed with sex ?

>>11650188
sex is a pretty big deal desu

>>11650201
Not really, is the easiest thing to get, and if you are really that preoccupied no girl would want to have children with you you can just donate sperm or adopt.

>>11650104
It really isn't bullshit.
I'm giving him the same "dont be beta" speech you're giving him but without the unecessary resentful undercurrent of fetishising dark triad personality traits.

>>11650177
you just have to learn and write down names. if you can read moby dick, you can deal drugs incredibly well. it just requires a little bit of patient learning for two weeks.
but i love your description of the macho alpha chaps, the compliments from a superior source are a familiar experience. They tend to avoid me, as I am a prime beta monster, who if he had not had drugs to escape, would have killed his entire interstate family. One vengeful stab after another.
Seriously, imagine what this world would be if drugs didn't exist, if a few beers didn't keep Uncle Bumblefuck from raping everyone up and down the street, the world would be a far worse place. I just think there needs to be more corruption on this earth, I'm all for more, as the final moment when the break occurs, the fall, the rise to morality of the progeny will be all too beautiful. singing tales of our modern sodom and gomorrah. we live in this era, now, we are the old men who will dream dreams, friend.
bah, what is criminality but the erasure of the past? i deny i exist, and yet am an agent of change, without me, there would be fear of another taking my place. i am a fish in the stream, i am to be here, and never elsewhere, what breath that chills the dew and shit, my friend, you know how things go when you get out of touch, though? you find yourself getting dragged back in. i hope you find your way back in, and meet some upper leaguers once more, see how much different it is from an older perspective.

>>11650204
You think only on the basest of plains. What an atrophied brain you have. You have no understanding of the metaphysical realities of sex,

>>11650213
>this entire post

Y I K E S

>>11650209
no, he's a bad person, i'm just cultivating that.
remember the asian kid, what was his name, really popular here, anyway, wrote that whole manifesto and did youtube vids,

yeah, that guy, if he had dealt drugs? he'd have been fine. i am literally the only human being who could have saved an entity like that. i could have drawn him into the darkness and saved those innocents from death, and only let him hurt those who wanted it, who needed it like he needed to hurt them. demons need their cages you fool! so too does OP, he is a monster inside, you're not, though, it seems, but i could pick away at you, if i were satan and you Job, i could have you cursing god in a heartbeat. I have seen that life, I am on the determinist side of things, you know, one must trust that the path one has chosen is the one that god hath proclaimed an eternity ago. All is as he speaketh, my words are his, an echo, a puppet of his own, and your response will likewise be an echo.
we have had this chat many a time, Gabriel.

>>11650230
yikes?
let's be adults here!

>>11650243
We can't be adults because we never fucked a little girl as a kid.

>>11650249
eh, well now, speak for yourself, when i was 7, my mom's best friend's 3 daughters all 69'd with me after they watched a porno. one was older than me, one was my age, one was younger than me.
i still remember every fucking detail.
every single one.

>>11650213
yeah maybe man, i am clearly not built for normal society either, but i think im just too crazy for that stuff. I am like really crazy, like religious visions type of crazy, you know. I keep it under wraps because i know not to speak of that shit for social purposes, but i am really quite far out there. It doesnt really impact how i act, but it's in there.

you are an intriguing anon though, i have not encountered your type here before. and i definitely get your thing about revelling in the fall, i see the same thing, i see beauty everywhere, even in the most depraved of situations. It kind of broke my God actually, when I realized that the devil is beauty too, and well i care more about beauty than the conflcit between the devil and god. It is maybe why criminals like me
>>11650213
>hat breath that chills the dew and shit, my friend, you know how things go when you get out of touch, though
this is very true on a visceral level. the swings in my life have been unreal, the depths of isolation and the heights of contact, all just kind of merged in this everflowing stream. I take it as it is, now is not so great, but i don't worry anymore, because I know the river takes you downstream and there you see the white buildings and white birds circling again, and you are red garlands in the wind

it's funny to me, nobody in my life almost, except a few girls and family, know what is in my head, they see me so differently, but you some random anon on 4chan probably has a better appraisal just from these few posts than any of them

>>11650256
then, actually, there was another time i stayed the night several years later, and one of their friends came over and taught me how to make out for like 4 hours. man, what a blast from the past, i guess i did get that experience, and look at me! still all fucked up.
holy shit that was hot, too, she came onto me because all the other girls were there, i imagine, and she was a lil slut.

Read Lacan

>>11650213
one more thing, i don't really get what you mean by prime beta monster, and the talk of people killing each other without alcohol, could you expand

>>11649354
this is a stupid thing to care about
the meaning of life isn't pussy

>>11650223
Sex is just leisure, is like making a religion out of knitting.

>>11650268
white buildings, white birds, garlands...
yes, i know exactly what you speak of, synchronicity abound, the static behind the fields only comes to breach the silence occasionally, but you have to look at it that you're not alone, there are some unhooked few who interact, among these fields, do not turn to true evil, non-temporal evil, just minor inconvenient evils are fine, dealing, casual sex, those are unfulfilling, but will keep you at bay.

i have little time to dwell on one thing, but i think you and i could chat at length.
i do certainly know that the stream of life is dictated by the word of god, and the Word is the rendering of reality, the language of god is one that is only heard during a familiar legendary time, the workings of the machine elves.
The Word is the language through which the angels guide the workings of physics.

>>11650291
prime beta monster in the sense that i am JUST below the alpha, and superior in many ways, I have played the direct beta in several scenarios, and have many memories on which to play my social interactions, there are so many attitudes that you must extract just the use from, and dispense with the rest,
anyway, think back to brave new world, there weren't just betas, but lesser entities as well, they were necessary. each piece of that structure is necessary, somehow.
in terms of drugs being a literal opiate of the masses at this point, i would say that's the only thing keeping the civil war at bay. god is no longer with the general populace, and the eschaton is at hand, i have had all too many dreams, i do believe we are the generation that will be the old men who dream dreams, while the youth will see their visions.
just be patient, we shall see the fall, and the triumphant return of christ. I for one hail his return, I beg for forgiveness at his feet, but know that I do not deserve it.

>>11650321
>The Word is the language through which the angels guide the workings of physics
you and i absolutely must speak further

>>11650368
Dsuranix@gmail.com

>>11650238
Your Christian allusions and grandeur reek of pathological self-mythologisation. I don't really care for this idea of being a monster or not... I've certainly conciously manipulated some women for my own sexual pleasure and I've also had genuine mutual connections with them.

But I'm no chad and I'm no beta. Obsession with these castes is neurotic bullshit that gets people down the dark fatalistic road you on. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, theres always gonna be someone more alpha than you and more beta than you.... so just play the hand you've been dealt without resentment

>>11650355
that is not exactly how i see it, I see God as being an entity in the metapysical dream world who is but one among others

This is not polytheism though because everything in the dreamscape is united, so it is also all God in a sense.

What I think illuminates life for humans especially are angels, the concept also of the holy spirit, that is what immensely struck me about your other post. Angels guiding physics

We do not see God, but when God is in us, we know he is there. But we are fallen, broken things, and we are replete with an evil. That evil is itself God, in the form of a fallen angel, lucifer, who does not know what he does.

There are so many associated concepts I have been living and dealing with for years, it is crazy to me how close you are to this idea.

Also wrt your beta thing, the male hierarchy is separate from the female understanding of men, it massively confuses the dynamics. The constant war between male and female perception is a little regarded element in how cultures progress.

Also idk how old you are but we are already the men dreaming dreams and not acting, and have been for some time now.
also
>>11650321
>the static behind the fields only comes to breach the silence occasionally
The film of the fundamental that is not broken, i see as a static line, a stillness, which is in some sense exactly all of reality, what the Eastern people saw, but there is so much more as well, that breaks out in currents and tides of meaning, an efflorescence of creation, each element being both the created and the isolated part for some other creation, in a vast landscape that resembles intergalatics sturctures or neuronal paths.

But that also goes far beyond in its erasure of dichotomy, not to oneness, but to a multiplicity, almost Deleuzian, of fluid merging, eternal, soemthing uniting also always in just one moment.

That is kind of how i see it, though i have ineffectually expressed myself.

>>11650387
forgive me, i spoke in anger, but i do think you are wrong that i believe that i am some entity beyond anyone else, i do think i follow many archetypes, and that archetypes are useful as tools to chart how people are going to react to what you do, in the absence of a concise understanding of an individual, one must operate on pretenses that would often border on offensive generalizations. "ah, old granny on the street, smile and nod", little do you realize that she's a wanted serial cat burglar. I do think you try to operate on an even keel, and I respect that, you resist labels, but I think we humans are clothed in our words, themes, our concepts, I do not believe any of the thoughts I have are original, and they are genuinely at source, from echoes chanted by a god or angels. I don't think that makes me some kind of yugioh styled egyptian god come to battle you with my wits, arguing for just a smidgen of healthy corruption to assuage the dearth of justice in one's heart.

If i were to address your position on women, I think that the end goal is what you end up hating, you want all the hot bitches? fine, you get em, but they hate you, or are all empty like you are, less empty than you.
you want true love? fine, bam, here you go, oh shit, you broke it? here, try ag- no? damn, well. so much for a reasonable relationship now!

It's a lose lose situation, but the endless drive to have a child, to really have a son who is divine in all the ways you never were as a wee lad, to watch as he makes his exquisite mistakes, and die knowing that he will triumph, isn't that what a man is supposed to want? isn't that why we all breathe to this day? or is it always going to come down to "ah shit, tyrone didn't pull out in time".