/lit/ - Literature

What value could you possibly see in these sentences you've written?

>>11640111
Nothing AT ALL.
It's not about what its says it's about the grammar. Don't search for any common sense there.

>>11640105
I’ll keep it real with you chief. This isn’t funny. If you want to write something funny unironically make a joke with a very long setup ~1000 words and have the punchline be “nigger”

>>11640105
If you want to make it funny, you could start by inserting some jokes

I wish I could write something longer with more content but sadly I can't

>>11640143
Can somebody see the actual fuck*ng grammar and just tell me if it's okay?

>>11640131
For 4chan's standards, yes. For your english teacher, just try and prove that you're clever with something vaguely amusing, and they'll give you a pass no matter how trite and David-Sedaris-like it is.

>>11640152
I've already wrote some "clever" stuff. This is not a serious class though, my teacher it's a really cool dude, he has 24 years and this, the alien thing, it's an internal joke about a lot of stuff we were talking about. He will know that I'm just playing around because we are friends and he will catch the point!

>>11640151
In the last paragraph, it should be "loves the earth"; the -s ending is a verb conjugation and should never have an apostrophe.

The final sentence all sounds odd; I'd probably write it as "Maybe one day you will see him".

And depending on what level you're at and how much your teacher gives a shit, he might pick out the first sentence of the third paragraph from the bottom. It should have a semicolon, not a comma.

But I still stand by what I said about jokes.

>>11640167
That's fine. I just wanted to shit on David Sedaris because in spite of him being literally gay, he writes like a huge faggot.

>>11640177
Thank you! I will take the advice.
The class is like.. Lvl 0. This homework was just for practice using verbs.
We were litteraly learning colors in the beggining
I'm taking it because is free, and I know a little bit so it shouldn't be that hard..
I'm in the fourth year of college, I'm really only taking this class for fun
Why I'm even giving explanations lol

>>11640105
I'm going to give you a serious reply: It has potential, but you should cut out a lot of the fluff. Lots of extra words and phrases that just get in the way of the storytelling, imo. It reads like your first draft

>>11640198
I don't know him! But I will try not to be like him :p

>>11640223
post your boobies ok? im thirsty for milk mommy

>>11640226
Alright I will try my best! thank you! :D

>>11640237
*sniff sniff*
post your but

>>11640239
just wait for it...

>>11640247
im not waitng . chopchop

>>11640239

>>11640261
there u go

>>11640261
>>11640268

girl ur but so fine. but i speak for everyone on this website when i request you post images of your feet

>>11640105

the second sentence "He is a teenager of 7000 years old". one does not use of when stating age.

"He is a 7000 years old teenager" sounds less odd.

>>11640306
Right! wow I really can't believe how I still missing those mistakes
I need to practice a lot more than I thought.
Ty!

>>11640306
7000-year-old teenager*

>>11640105
Keplar [1] is my bestimus bum-buddimus. We [2] babblandonadonnagathunk everyday in the swampywampy of Galthanar. [3] He is a teenager of seven thousand (7000) years of age, having experienced six thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine (6999) Galatharian summers and seven thousand and one (7001) Galtharian winters.

[Flashback written in dialogue without attribution]
"No!"
"What?"
"You shouldn't!"
"I shouldn't what?"
"He's right, you know."
"And who are you?"

[Metafictional address of the reader]
Ha, I bet you're wondering: what am I doing reading this 4chan post?

[Back to main narrative]
But then again is it really a 4chan post at all...? Or is this your mind playing tricks on you... (A mouse quietly whispers.)
"Keplar was never real," says world renowned psychologist Bumblethumb Flabberflop. "He was only an allegorical representation of the unconscious desire for self-destruction repressed within the Western literary tradition." At which point, Flabberflorp bursts into a million pieces of indistinguishable glasses reflecting and refracting in a vortex of uncontrollable and exponential fragmentation like the radiosubjective decay of a black hole... Maybe one day we'll see Flabberflorp again, passing by in the window of a spaceship, his naked buttcheeks pressed against the cold glass.

--Footnotes--
[1] Keplar... kevlar. Get it?
[2] By that, I mean, of course, he and I, but how far can we, as poorly defined Selves without proper knowledge of our relative identity to the Other, except through nonsensical language games, fully define what WE is?
[3] Don't worry about it.

Improved your homework for you.

>>11640438
I'm officially in love with you. Let's marry now please.

>>11640438
I'm going to laugh about this for days!
I had a horrible day and you improved it exponentially
I love you stranger

>My best friend routine
Routine shouldn't be used here because the story doesn't describe a routine.
>He is a teenager of 7000 years old.
This is a mistake I can't really blame you for making because it's an idiom. People usually say a person is 7000 years old. Rarely, you'll hear someone refer to person X as a person of 7000 years, but it's never correct to combine the expression.
>[...] and forgot the water tap open; then a little accident happened, but he doesn't like to talk about it.
Another idiom. People leave things open, or they forget they left things open, but they do not forget things open. Also, a comma should follow "then". In the English language, commas are used to separate unnecessary information from necessary information.
>[...] but he doesn't eat them (he is vegetarian), he just put them in some other safe places for fun.
You can not connect two independent clauses with a comma: that result in a comma splice. In this case you would use a colon.
>Kepler is an artist, he enjoys carving patterns on farm fields with his alien mower.
You can't connect two independent clauses with just a comma. In this case you would use a colon, because the second independent clause clarifies the first.
>He says that Egyptians actually made them, but the pharaohs were so arrogant that he hid all the construction plans so no one would ever know how they did them.
Remember to add a comma between "plans" and "so". Also, you ungrammatically use the pronoun "he" while referring to the "pharaohs".
>My best friend love's the earth.
That apostrophe is ungrammatical. It's not a contraction nor a possessive noun.
>Maybe one day you see him passing by on his spacecraft!
"Maybe one day" implies a future tense, e.g. you might see him, you will see him, but you conjugated see in the present tense, which is ungrammatical.

>>11640105
why would you make this post

>>11640306
That's not true. Especially when speaking of someone eldery.

>>11640105
>of 7000 years old
'old' is redundant here, get rid or rephrase
>forgot the water tap open
Was open? Left the water tap open?
>he just put them in some other safe places for fun
Messy, and should be 'puts'. I'd phrase this differently.
>love's
Stop this.

>>11640105
>Kepler is my best friend. He is a boomer of thirty years old.

i laughed subvocally at the atlantis joke

it's pretty shit writing though