/lit/ - Literature

>>11616136
Just play with false expectations

Masturbate in front of more people

>>11616187
Its really all comedy is if you think about it

>don't be autistic
>be funny
>it's 80% attitude/delivery and 20% structure

>>11616232
>>it's 80% attitude/delivery

Oh wow, its 80% being funny. Thanks for the insight

So...no actual joke writers are going to contribute?

>>11616250
Joke writing is for redditors. Everyone here prefers organic humor (which is always the superior kind)

>>11616254
How to write organic comedy?

>>11616246
No problem my dude. No one is going to teach you how to be funny though idk what you want

>>11616259
As the great Louis Armstrong said when asked what is Jazz; If you gotta ask, you'll never know

>>11616270
That's the most pretentious thing you can say.

>>11616298
>asks for advice while being an arrogant little shit
it's just the truth and you're a hopeless roody poo

>>11616298
Not wrong tho

Did you know Louis CK is a Mexican crypto jew?

>>11616354
I also hear he has some hidden (((Irish))) heritage

>>11616354
>>11616360
Ethnicity:
*25% Hungarian Jewish
*25% Mexican [including Spanish and Indigenous]
*50% mix of Irish, German, and English

http://ethnicelebs.com/louis-c-k

>>11616360
>>11616369
So he's a kike.

Makes the subversiveness his "Oh look at me I'm such a pathetic small dick loser white guy" act a little more transparent, eh?

>>11616389
Well yeah, it shows where his High IQ to be so funny came from. The fuck do you do buddy?

>>11616437
Louis CK isn't funny. He's a jew pretending to be white so he can make fun of white people.

>>11616389
I thought it was transparent anyway.

>>11616437
The previous poster criticized Louis for being subversive. He didn't say he was stupid. A smart man is not always a good man, bub.

>>11616456
>Louis CK isn't funny
Oh shit, you mean he just fooled all those people to fill stadiums for him for a decade?
Shut the fuck up loser. You never made anyone laugh in your life

Never believe that the anti-semites are completely unaware of the absurdity of their replies. They know their remarks are frivolous, open to challenge. But they are amusing themselves, for it is their adversary who is obliged to use words responsibly, since he believes in words. The anti-semites have the right to play. They even like to play with discourse for, by giving ridiculous reasons, they discredit the seriousness of their interlocutors. They delight in acting in bad faith, since they seek not to persuade by sound argument but to intimidate and disconcert. If you press them too closely, they will abruptly fall silent, loftily indicating by some phrase that the time for argument is past.

>>11616502
This is a very good description of how jews think and act. But it's not like anyone takes people who post jap girl cartoons seriously. The JQ is big brained shit and anyone who does keeps girl cartoons on their computer is obviously stuck in a sad state of intellectual and emotional underdevelopment.

>>11616502
This would be great if it wasn't the brainlet toad Sartre who said it

>>11616136
I find getting a notepad app on your phone to IMMEDIATELY jot funny shit down onto as it pops in your head throughout the day is really useful. Preferably an app that has a layout where you can see your stuff all written out on the main screen instead of having to dive through different files and shit. Google Keep is good for this. Then I usually forget I wrote that stuff down for a couple days. On the weekends I'll check the shit I wrote down that I forgot, and if its a genuinely funny insight I can keep it and give it structure and work it into a routine. I find 75% of those "dude I'm so fucking funny that shit is hilarious" thoughts I have during the day can be funny abstract ideas in the moment but fall to fucking pieces if you try to overanalyze them and force them into proper joke form later. Overall don't overwrite your shit. Keep the essence of the bit and trim the fat. Louis Ck said something very useful about the writing process in some special he did awhile back where he said writing jokes is kind of like fruit, where there's a slow ripening, but if you overproduce a joke it also starts to rot too. You gotta find the balance between trimming the fat to ensure the essence of the bit is clear and concise but also layering it in movement/delivery/props/voices etc etc

t. I do stand up at open mikes sometimes

>>11616437
Found the jew

>>11616456
>He's a jew pretending to be white so he can make fun of white people.
But that's hilarious.

>>11617022
Genuinely good advice here

>>11616360
ah yeah just like Colbert then

You can't.

A man walks into a bar. He tells the bartender, "I can't see straight anymore."
The bartender says, "Why's that?"
The man says, "because I turned my eyes siiiidewaaaaays"
The bartender says, "well, they look normal to me."
The man says, "maybe it's because you are so used to drunks."
The bartender laughs a little and shrugs. It isn't worth his time. He moves on with his life.

Get it?

>>11618106
that wasn't a joke

>>11618106
Keep writing more, what does the bar tender do next

>>11618118
Its clearly a sitcom

>>11618123
yes, i can hear the canned laughter

>>11617022
>>11618094
Agree, great post.

I don't write jokes but I want to echo your point on the notepad app. Not only will you keep track of good ideas better (because you WILL lose them if you don't write them down), but you'll also get better at coming up with good ideas. You'll not only start to get better at recognizing what's a good idea, but you'll get better at coming up with them solely out of forced practice.

I don't know how anyone who is trying to become a successful writer (i.e. this board) creates anything worthwile without an app like that.

>>11616136
Laughter is what humans do to signal to the tribe that something that seemed dangerous or suspicious is actually not scary and not a potential threat, so everyone can relax. Laughter is mentally linked to both fear and safety.

What you want to do is create tension, even if only for a fraction of a second, and release it.

For example you can use surprise. Surprise creates and releases tension very quickly. You create the expectation of pattern completion, but you break the pattern; something pattern-breaking and unpredictable (and possibly dangerous) is happening and so their brain quickly jumps into gear, but it turns out to fit some other, less common pattern, so they relax (and laugh). If it doesn't fit any pattern at all they'll just feel confused and say they don't get it.

There are other ways besides surprise to make your audience make unusual pattern-connections in places they expect to find common and usual patterns. And, there are other ways besides playing with pattern completion to create suspense/tension/fear and release it.

>>11617022
You're a solid dude

>>11618153
>Laughter is what humans do to signal to the tribe that something that seemed dangerous or suspicious is actually not scary and not a potential threat
pseudoscience

>>11617804
I know grouo of Jews who do stand up and they're all really nice and funny guys.
Why can't we just cool it with the antisemitic remarks?

>>11618181
I don't care

>>11616136
Stand up is all in the delivery. One of Eddie Murphy's punchlines was the word Gunigoogoo

>>11618106
you've got talent for sure

>>11618153
Unfunny retard

Amateur (mostly unsuccessful) stand up comic here. The jokes just come to my head during the day, all I have to remember is to write them down.

>>11616456
Why haven’t you killed yourself yet?

>>11617022
>>11618141
this is just general writing advice, won't help someone who isn't funny in the first place

>>11616136
You can learn a lot from this book.

>>11619456
>won't help someone who isn't funny in the first place
Nothing will

>>11618106
sounds like a flop of a serious work after the comedian does all the comedy, gets rich off the comedy, then wants to "evolve" by writing a play

>>11619493
is it a 200 page book where the only word used is DRUMPF

Okay, for this, you know, those chewy -rich- type of cakes we are going to use one and a half bars of chocolate. I’m going to use the other half to kill my mother in law’s dog. I hate that bitch. And her dog.

>>11619493
can anyone confirm?

this book worth it?

>>11621498
I can confirm, it's great.

(haven't read it though)

Comedy writer here.
Read two books. The hidden tools of comedy and Greg Dean's guide to stand up. Gene Perret's workbook is also a great one, but not essential.
There's a pinch of truth to what most of the postera here said,and I could explain further but I'm on my phone. Just read those andyou are gonna be fine.

>>11616477
Calm down Louis.

>>11616136
>>11616250

I start with an idea...these kind of appear organically, when you're not expecting it. Anything that is weird, ironic (read: unexpected considering the circumstances), or makes me chuckle. Write these down. Then you develop them into a stand-alone joke.

Ingredients for a joke:

>clear premise, understood without much explanation or suspension of disbelief
>event (something occurs for an apparent reason)
>then punchline (a secret is revealed or something unexpected but is oddly consistent with the premise occurs).

Or, you can take existing formats and premises and give them a new twist.

Here are some jokes I wrote for a talent show (they are not that good, but they ARE jokes):

>A new study concludes that, despite popular belief, wealth, fame, and musical success do NOT provide happiness. Well, more great work from Chris Cornell University.

>What do you call a white duck? A quacker.

>Why was six afraid of seven? Well, it turns out that seven had a long history of mental illness that led to a string of criminal offenses including assault, racketeering, and cannibalism. That's why.

>Any Hillary Clinton fans in? Hillary Clinton is like the Little Engine that Couldn't. Her campaign was the biggest waste of a billion dollars since Target tried to open stores in Canada. Stop trying to make Hillary Clinton happen! She's not going to happen!

>>11621849
God that's terrible

I had a stretch where I was reading a lot of Onion and Babylon Bee headlines, so I started spewing those out:

>Chaos in victimhood industry after gender pronouns unionize.
>Asking 'Am I being detained?" to be added to list of suspicious behaviours in Hampstead County.
>“We need to make an example out of him!" Prosecutor to seek leave of absence without pay in murder trial of police officer.
>New Survey: 65% of African Americans "so done" with white people.
>Poker night off to a rough start as tag-along asks if five hearts is good before placing bet.
>Couch and Internet announce merger as lazy man’s new health kick stretches into third hour.
>New App let's you forge an identity through completely arbitrary metrics.
>Shocking Pew Research: 86% of insane women consider keying ex-boyfriend’s truck ‘sometimes or often justified.’

Let me know what you think.

>>11621849
Jeez dude the only joke there is that you put effort into writing that down

>>11621886
>>11621906

The response at the talent show was tepid at best, with a friendly audience.

>>11616477
No but seriously, Louis CK isn't funny. Those people only laugh because they're hollowed out meatsicles who hear "something something Mexican something testicles something something boobies" and know that it's time for the smilies. He's a decent director, his show which also isn't funny is pretty good except for the parts where he does standup.

>>11621898
Last two are golden

>>11621849
First joke was ok, reminded me of a Norm Macdonald joke, but the rest were genuinely really bad.

>>11621849
The Chris Cornell joke is directly and unashamedly stolen from Norm's Show. The Bob Seger joke originally. At least they admit are shitty

>>11621924

Yeah, I stole his premise. His version was:

>A new study concludes that women find men with beard much more attractive than men without beards. More great work from Bob Seger University.

>>11621915
What stand-ups do you like?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_-1l_SlA7c

I have this joke on animal testing.
>Animal rights activists claim that using make-up on animals infringes on their rights, but I say: don't animals have the right to feel beautiful?

>>11621915
He has this bit he did on Conan about his dog eating chocolate which is great. Look that one up if you hate him.

>>11621935
But isn't the premise that the university would be biased in favor of the university's namesake? You kinda missed that essential part of it.

>>11621956

That's exactly what it does. It says what, presumably, Chris Cornell believes: that fame, wealth, and musical success do NOT provide happiness. Hence, he killed himself.

>>11621849
>>What do you call a white duck? A quacker.

FAWKIN NAILED EM

>>11621849
Agh! I'm cringing at your life, bro

>>11621977

So am I...so am I. But I regret nothing.

>>11621898
>New Survey: 65% of African Americans "so done" with white people.
I bet I could find this exact article on the onion if I had enough time

>>11622022

Possibly...another one I wrote but when I read it back, I feel like I had heard it before and might have accidentally stolen:

>Dying teenager disappointed after favourite rock star sings song off new album during surprise hospital visit.

Be Kevin Hart.

>>11621956
The gist of the joke it's obvious, that's why it works. I once used variation of the joke on a radio show. Replaced Bob Seger with Indians and university with comitee. That's a more subtle way to do it.

>Aspiring actress discovers her greatest talent: cleverly understating to friends and family how shitty it is to live in LA.
>Psychiatrist regrets asking about, is secretly disgusted by, patient’s vision of an ideal world.
>Soul-searching road trip completely undermined by uninterrupted internet access.
>New Supreme Court nominee admits to seeing US Constitution as ‘quilted, two-ply document’.

remember the bar joke from that Tarantino movie? the one about a bet and pissing..?
it was great. even in the script.

>>11622120
wut?

>>11622416

Amateur Onion-tier article headlines.

>>11622120
>>11622428
2 is great

>>11621898
>>11622120
don't give up your day job

>>11621849

Anon, come on.

>>11616270
>nigger
>great

>>11616521
Show me your reaction images then big guy

I actually wrote a joke today. It was inspired by hearing that someone had died in their sleep. The delivery is meant to be Norm MacDonald esque.

"Oh wow hey man that's rough. Died in his sleep you said? You know, sometimes after a rough night, a little drinking and partying ya know, I wake up feeling pretty bad. This ever happen to you? You wake up somewhere strange? Maybe you hooked up with someone and you regret it as soon as your eyes open? Well that's still better than this guy. He woke up and he was dead!"

>>11616136
>have a life that's a godawful mess
>tell everybody about it

>>11616360
/Lit/... tell me about the ((((IRISH))))

>>11616254
all humor is is nonsequitors (situations that seem absurd). But you have to structure it so it's also somewhat believable, and the overall feeling of the joke has to appeal to the moral/social biases of the audience.

As the funniest man alive I must say the first step is to be a genius; everything proceeds from that.

>>11616136
Hello I'm very good at jokes.
There are many ways but those are the most effective :
Like the first comment says, play with false expectations, the more absurd, the funnier.
Before that, let your audience create a visual depiction of what you are saying. Be descriptive enough or act it well enough, give them the time to think about it and create an image in their mind.
Then find your way. When I speak, I use over exaggeration a lot, increasing shit little by little until it gets so far fetched people laugh their asses off.
When I write on facebook, I imagine myself speaking in a low monotone voice like I'm bored so I don't expect people to act it in their head (because they won't)
And then I make a shit ton of images on paint, people just lose their shit when they see. I don't know how to explain that. You just have to be creative I guess.

>>11616136
Very carefuly

>>11616250
Are you funny in conversation? With your friends and acquaintances? If the answer is no, don't bother.

>>11616369
You can't put Spanish and Indigenous in the same category, that's ridiculous.

An anonymous poster on 4chan gave up on his comedy career today. The reason? He's an anonymous poster on 4chan.

>>11616136
Look at your life.

Stand up comedy is fucking terrible

>>11624539
all of it?

>>11621898
The poker night one got me to chuckle outloud. The others are funny, but not enough to cause such a subconscious action. I think one of the strong suits of onion articles is that they just hammer home the punchline 3 times in the article. Those kind of jokes that just get better with age. Like a fine wine. Fine wines are hard to come by these days too, with the economy and all. The other day I was at the store trying to get some fine wine, but I couldn’t find the sign for fine wine to find the fine wine. I ended up getting a six dollar cabernet, headed home, and beat my wife. She was disappointed in the wine selection too, but I wasn’t going to take that kind of shit from her.

I played around with doing the Norm Macdonald shtick where I act all retarded and drop hints that I'm smart to feed my own ego but it just made me realize all the people I talk to are retarded.

Anyway most of the jokes I've made in my life are deadpool-tier "lmao x looks like y z" but normies seem to find it funny. To be *actually* funny you just have to have it.

>>11616136
First start by actually writing

>>11616369
lmao is he bloom irl

>>11621849
The first wouldn't work for the reason alone that there's actually a Cornell University and no one knows Chris Cornell. It's also bad anyway.
Stop trying to be Norm Macdonald.

>>11616192
try all performance

>>11624624
Why do all unfunny pseuds try to be Norm Macdonald? Jesus

>>11624708
Because he makes being funny look effortless and standard humor that makes girls laugh is no longer funny to me.

>>11624708
Because its a lot more respectable and recoverable than acting a fool like some comedians.

>>11623458
This would get a chuckle or two at a party and weird looks from everyone else. Worst case they might think you had a little too much to drink. If you break into some full body Eddy Murphy style nonsense it'll flop like before but you'll seem mental.

Norm is also getting pushed hard RN in preparation for the Netflix show so everyone has him on the brain.

>>11624701

That there is a real "Cornell University" adds to the joke.

>>11616136
Like so (not my joke btw):

3 guys are hiking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.
It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes." The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50
The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 100 billion.
The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating.
The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish.
First guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm.
Second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him.
Third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.
The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.
First guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him any more.
Second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF, he looks younger already.
Third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around. The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.
Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going. First guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years." Second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed." Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says: "Guys, I think I fucked up."

>>11618153
You're right, don't listen to the others. What do you do for a living, anon?

>>11616136
first of all, hi, uh
i am not your personal
uh army or wev

>>11616136
Put things that don't belong together together in a way that is not sad or dramatic, but ridiculous. Exaggerate. Play with contexts and meanings.