/lit/ - Literature

>>11528808
I think about girl braps all day

>>11528808
I am going to help the minds of all people one day.

I want to make this text-based RPG I have been working on for years now, but I suck, at just about everything from writing, math,art, and programming , music, everything. it kills me to have all this ambition and to be a complete idiot

>>11528808
Why am I so tired without doing anything strenuous. Wtf is wrong with me?

>>11528835
Why not just use one of the multiple engines for text adventures? Making your own is going to be a needless slog.

>>11528850
that would mean risking my vision. I prefer to start from scratch and have what i want then to bend to limitations of someone else's work. it's not a text adventure btw it's gonna be a full fledged role-playing game in the purest form of the genre

>>11528808
Can someone provide a convincing argument for why I should leave this site forever?

>>11528837
You're not exercising enough and drinking enough water. Go outside and walk around your city as Emerson used to.
>>11528814
That's the spirit.
>>11528813
Literal shit posts belong on plebbit.
>>11528862
CYOA novels. Look up instructions for them and then learn to program. Your problem is that this takes time and you're too lazy to learn. Everybody is bad at everything they start out at unless they're a savant.

>>11528867
You're wasting your time here, but without a change in your attitude, even if you left you'd just be wasting time somewhere else.

Both free will and determinism exists at the same time, one for living beings inside the system (universe (?)) and the other for the ones outside.

Am i gay for imagining (while fapping) getting blown by a twink while a hot milf cheers him up, grabs his hair and stuff?

For sale: condoms, never used

I love reading and writing goofy teen/scifi/romance/superhero romance stories. I shared one of my stories with my writing group and they seemed to really enjoy it.
I'm working on a 15k Lord of the Rings knockoff romance story right now.

>>11528837
Probably related to lifestyle or nutrition. If you don't eat well or exercise or anything, try that. If you do one of those things, see a doctor, cause chronic fatigue can be a symptom of a bunch of stuff

>>11528902
are you the same anon who posted about some meme romance story he was writing in the last thread

Today I mastrubated 8 times. Those sessions were dedicated to:

1. Futa Hentai
2. Traps (3D)
3. Some fantasy about some girl, I don´t know if she is real
4. BBC captions (I don´t know how I should feel about these)
5. NTR Hentai
6. Femdom
7. Some camgirl (Didn´t spent any money.)
8. ERP

Don´t feel different from how I feeled in the morning, except now my crotch feels warm.
I really don´t know what of the stuff I consume is good or bad, it feels the same.


Excerpt from my diary/novel.

>>11528897

>>11528808
Love

I'm the smartest person on this board and no one gives me the respect I deserve, but, i do it for you, anon.

I do it for you all.

So sugar shall suicude
Diabetes does do demise
This time timely too
Bye boys begoing

It's been 18 months since I've had pussy. Last night I masturbated to a pic my ex sent me of her spreading her pussy with a confused look on her face about why I wanted to see such a thing. I am lonely.

I hate playing video games but I love making crappy rpgs in RPGmaker

>>11528808
Books for this feel?

>>11528876
I hope it's the spirit... I really do.

>>11528808
Suicide.

What if they all got it wrong? Every single of them. They had a purpose but they could not perceive it. They wandered aimlessly seeking pleasures, completely missing the heavenly gift. Going about their business and engaging in idle activities, they were completely misplaced in time and space. People such as these, they were meant for a different universe. At least they were building their character and defining their taste which would reach fruition in a soaring future. Turn it off.

>>11529181
If they were placed in this time and space it was where they were meant to be and they fulfilled their purpose

There is a profound sense of dread in the culture right now. Everybody is watching the world slip towards oblivion and most of us are egging it on.

How long can this spiritual rot continue? We've been in a suspended state of decadence for so long, we have been divorced from reality, humanity, and suffering for so long, that I fear we will be unable to handle the trials of our forefathers when last of the high fades and they are again demanded of us

We've long since ODed on pink slime and Netflix binges. We've ODed forty times over. But we're still here.

Still waiting to die.

Please make it stop. I'm ready for it to stop now, please.

I'm so tired

>>11529199


sure we're gonna destroy the world and all, but we haven't yet! you've been born at a great time to embrace what the world is right now. fall in love or something anon there's plenty of stuff to do!

>>11528867
don’t bother, it’s impossible

>>11529226
Better go with a bang, amirite
I also get the feelings of dread from time to time, but there's not much anyone can do about it, let's see what time brings us

Right now there are memories of kid's childhoods being thrown away by their parents with the progression of technology

>>11529242
The sooner I am forgotten the better

I want to go to therapy but the last times I've tried therapy (several years ago) the therapists were terrible. One didn't even pay attention to me and the other just pushed drugs and didn't seem to care about working through any problems through talking.

>>11529457
Therapy sucks. I've been doing CBT therapy for almost a year now. I spent my last session talking about which cartoons are still carried by the Washington Post and my therapist, a guy with a PhD from UNC Chapel Hill, spent almost twenty minutes describing the most recent developments in Sherman's Lagoon

Only thing that has ever helped is the pills, if I'm being honest

>>11529509

Have you tried either a different therapist or being more direct with what you want to talk about

>>11529516
Have you tried drinking paint thinner

>>11529530

Not yet but that's an interesting idea

>>11529509
Why do you go then?

>>11529199
You're completely right, most people (especially under-30s) will continually be looking for help once shit hits the fan.

then they pour the water off and save it in a jug. and put fresh water on this mess of two different mess. then they boil it again for hours. they take this water fraction, watery gallons, and they grind it down over a hot fire until they get a dark brown thick liquid that is truly horrifying to ingest. but this is now, a beverage, a liquid, and when you drink it, the compound from the woody vine, harmine, inhibits the mao and the dmt passes through and enters the bloodstream. you get an experience that is drawn out for 4-6 hours.

Why can't I have good dreams? It's always nightmares, no dreams at all, or dreams filled with anxiety and feeling tired. I've been like this for at least the past 4 years. Literally can't remember the last satisfying or good dream I had. Does it ever get better? Am I the only one whi experiences this?

>>11528808
I post a lot here about my PhD advisor. She started touching me on the hand and shoulder lately, just soft brushes when we talk. She's turned up the complements as well. I can barely stand it. I want her so badly but I can't take the initiative without putting my career (and by extension my own life b/c poorfag parents) in jeopardy. what do /lit?

>>11528835
I have not seen anything like that since the 80s. Thanks for posting.

I've been doing a bunch of DXM lately and while doing so I've come up with a bunch of fucking bizarre, vague pseudo-philosophical beliefs that I know probably don't actually make any sense but I can't shake them even sober. Worse still, I can't articulate them well enough to even write them down so as to be able to properly reflect on them, much less to try and discuss them with anyone else

>>11529199
I kinda think there's a chance everything might be OK for a while. Quantum computing is a total fusion tier meme that will never be practical, and we're just about maxxed out on traditional CPU miniaturization. Sure we have cloud computing but that will burn up the whole world's energy supply before it even gets close to doing anything scary. I think automation might stall out and we'll get a chance to re-adjust society. Should at least be a window of hope in the next decade or two.

help me I failed life

Psychosis has brought an immediacy to philosophy that I've grown dependent on. Every langue feels like a parole, an effect only Deleuze's libido could yearn. And of course on top of it, SHE likes it. The GF melts at the idea of the "insane philosopher" type. But I can't live like this. It only hurts her in the long run and my studies in both runs. I just wish I could be with her and stay insane, without fear of abandonment. In a little bed, in a little cabin, with books and enough paper to write for the rest of my life.

>>11530149
just read the bible

>>11530149
Your writing is proficient. Perhaps its the best medium to work out your troubles through?

i'm such a useless piece of shit

In a philosophical dispute, he gains most who is defeated, since he learns the most.

>>11528808
I just came to the realization that if I'd discovered /lit in HS I would've actually been good at quizbowl instead of being the weird dude who never talked to anyone and could only answer occasional history questions

>>11530174
Why didnt I think of that....

Can great men create the circumstances? What would Alexander do if he weren't born an emperor? It seems to me that great men require three things to crystallise: circumstance, potential and will. I only have potential, and that diminishes with each passing year.

Today is the last day of this summer job and it might be the last day I'll see this girl. For some reason I'm terrified of asking her out, but I'm going to eventually. Wish me luck friends

Having a Goodreads account is making it harder for me to enjoy reading books. Having an implied social goal outside of reading the book I am reading is destructive to focus. Checking books off a backlog is like playing a video game about reading.
I can't seem to delete it though. The reading history, shelves and lists are hard to give up. I've been programmed. I never had a facebook or twitter, instead, my attention precious attention has been co-opted through a specific interest.

>>11530257
read carlyle on heroes for a pro argument

This is supposed to be the best time of my life but it's the worst.
21 years old, graduated, attractive, fit, funny. well not actually funny to lots of people i joke about everything and mock everyone, not all chicks dig that. Anyway why am i not living

>>11530951
>21 years old, graduated
stopped reading

>>11530114
engage the male reproductory organ in her proximity

Ive been tirelessly working and researching for my own survival guide. Everything from first aid to weapons and crafting. Been scouring papers, medical journals, clinician reports. Everything from diy splints to which medications will fetch the best price in a post apocalypse society. Everything from making bows and arrows to intricate snares. Polytunnels, crops, in depth studies on local plant life to discover properties of all the local greenery and flowers. Rough tools for building. I crafted a table and chair (badly) with blunt tools and dodgy dovetail joints.
I'll never publish it though. I think its just a physical manifestation of my desire to escape into the wild and my distaste for modern society....

>>11531048
post excerpts

>>11531048
Have you actually tried half of these things?
These "progressive" democracies can't last forever, it pays to be prepared

>>11529540
Top kek. Good pic anon.

>>11531003
sorry it took me 3 years to finish uni, I'm a bit slow

>>11531048
I'd pay money for that anon

>>11529006
>BBC captions (I don´t know how I should feel about these)

For a second I honestly thought you meant British Broadcasting Corporation headlines and went "now that's some patrician fapping if I've ever heard of one!" and then felt retarded. At least I'm not wanking it to interracial cuck porn.

>>11530257

That's a hot new take on smart but lazy.

My best friend stopped talking to me. She has a lot going on and I guess talking to me felt like an obligation or burden. I've made improvements in my life (starting a new, better job next week) but I've lost the person I was closest to. We used to be so close and she was obsessed with me and loved me. I felt wanted by someone for the first time in my life. Now I'm alone again, though I was always alone before. It hurts more than ever because I thought I escaped it for good. I miss what we had. I'm lonely.

>>11530114
Just wait till you finish your PhD then go for it. Unless there's some extra stuff like postdoc studies afterwards.

>>11530149
Discover transcendental empiricism and change your assemblages. No idea how since you're caught in a certain state it's very hard to develop a more desirable assemblage.

>>11531150
>my best friend
>she
A lesson learned the hard way.

>>11531150
Why didn't you give her the dick / clit while you had the chance? Platonic love can only get you so far.

I don't get it. I want to change. I know what to change, and I know how to change, yet I never do.

>>11531167
I know I'm retarded for this, but we were in a long-distance relationship for almost a year. We were supposed to meet irl and had talked about it a lot at first but it never materialized. We texted nonstop for over a year and used to talk on the phone nearly every day. I know it sounds dumb but I really felt closer to her than I have to anyone else. I was basically a social autist for the first 23 years of my life and she was the first person I really opened up to. There was so much I was insecure about and it felt like she accepted me in spite of all that.

She's got a boyfriend

>browsing the catalog
>threads about manga, visual novels and film/tv adaptations
who let tgis happen?

>>11531152
I just started it though, how am I supposed to wait that long? I get a boner every time we have a personal conversation.

>>11531508
its for the best. oneitis is a phase everybody goes through, the point is to pick yourself up aftewards and start dating other women. go to the gym and work out, smoke some weed, and then get on okcupid.

>>11530149
why not rent a cabin for a week or something and see if you like it. at the very least it might make you feel better

>>11529199
maybe i'm just a p-zombie or something, but that pic seems kind of cozy

>>11531152
>>11531538
plus it's also gotten to the point where she's obviously showing favoritism to me over her other students (she gives me little souvenirs from her travels, lets me go to conferences more than others, gives me way too many complements). So I'm experiencing many of the negatives without any positives. And I can't even try to flirt with the other students in my lab b/c if she does like me and gets jealous I'm fucked, + they hate me for being her pet.

I do not think I have the potential to do something great. This in and of itself isn't a pain, indeed, save for my fetishization of knowledge. The loneliness which I chose in order to study has proven itself to be my coffin; in it, I wait in intellectual mediocrity for the fall of some great idea or for the realization of some passion.
I am a louse, I will admit. A louse without teenage love, a louse without his normal society, a louse committed to life- and nothing else. I wonder if I'm kept to my ways solely out of my interest which has replaced everything with dull, lukewarm, logical stupor which proves so little and leaves everything else a matter of grey, unfeeling un-knowledge.
I guess I'm warm. Maybe less than human, but turning one's parts away from normal life into something futile can be reconsidered "passion".

>>11531223
I fantasized for so long about some beautiful, intelligent, wealthy girl picking me up off the scrap heap because she saw something in me. For once, I was valued by someone else. Me, the inexperienced, depressed, underachieving, 23-year-old, kissless virgin. Now, a year later, I'm back where I started. Maybe even worse off. The only person who ever saw something in me no longer sees anything in me.

>>11531546
Of course it's "cozy." It's mediocrity. it satisfies your basest needs, it demands nothing of you, it's "comfortable" transient sterile one-size-fits-all tract housing that anybody with the right amount of money in their pocket can and will purchase and briefly enjoy before their ephemeral existence fades away to nothingness

>>11531070
I have tried some building. Furniture, beds, shacks. They arent pretty but they do the job. But i mean if you were serious about it im sure you could give em a little finesse, finish em up nicer.
I made a bow and 8 arrows. Not exactly perfect but you could definitely hunt with it. Well, up to about 200 yards or so.
My biggest discovery was surprisingly about berries. These berries are growing abundantly in my area. I ate them as a kid. Tasted fine. Turns out they have no nutritious value and in big enough doses they actually cause violent diarrhea and in turn severe dehydration. Thank you, Peter at the Horticulture centre for that priceless info.

>>11531127
I had wondered if people could be parted from their cash for such a guide. Maybe in the future. As of now it is simply a bundle of mixed manuscripts, scribbles/bullet points and rough hand drawn illustrations/instructions.

>>11531066
Maybe once i tidy it up a bit. I would definitely like some feedback/advice on similar subjects. Some of you guys might be holding some golden nuggets of info.
Especially on water. That is the trickiest subject so far. Anything about water sources, means of purification and i'd like a section on diy fishing equipment/rough boats/rafts.

>>11531574
Maybe it's best to go for it. If you're discrete about it, you might even get to tell her to be more careful so that she doesn't give away her interest.

>>11530114
i'd fuck her brains out

>>11528837
are you fat, or even slightly fat?

>>11528835
what's your game about anon?

>>11528897
Updated, nice.

>>11531574
Have sex with someone else first. Your desperation may be causing you to confuse camaraderie for attraction.
Either way start documenting everything. The threat of well documented sexual harassment charges is nothing to screw around with.

>>11531150
she found a better brand of tampon.

I want to learn French. What books can I read to help me learn French? Either a French language book or a book about learning the French language.

>>11528837
You're not doing enough of what excites you

>>11531167
>that vhs cover
that's the most nostalgia I've ever gotten from one pic

>>11531574
go for it lad, then report back to us

>>11532050
can't really help you, but i've also just started learning french lad. i've only bought a french workbook and a book on grammar. good luck mate, stick with it

>>11530149
Don't take LSD. I'd be curious what would happen though desu

Maybe get a good English prof. to make you write more directly/clearly? As long as gf knows you're smart I dont think she ought to care if you tried to make a spectacle of yourself to her, just try to make the subject verb agreements more contextual w English. If you learn deleuzian you're gonna speak and think deleuzian

I'm thinking maybe I should become a kindergarten teacher or a baby sitter. I enjoy playing with kids, and I'd love to get money for it. Is this a good idea?

>>11532223
I voluntered as a kindergarten teacher's assistant once (male) and it's interesting to see the microcosm of civilisation within the kids. You'll start to both love and hate them for different kids. I cannot stand loud kids now personally.
If you're a woman you're probably better suited to it, more empathetic towards the children's faults that is, you're also gonna fucking soak your panties non-stop with your maternal instinct at full pelt everytime you go out the house.

I've realised that the only things that will really fulfil me are philosophy and stories and understanding the world in a larger, more meaningful way, but I have also fucked myself with shitty life choices and habits for the last three-four years.

Now, all that activity my brain used to be full of is gone and now when I read a book there's just a dull murmur in my mind so I can't even do it anymore despite setting myself reading challenges and taking notes and sticking with it.

No idea what to do. I can't go back from knowing I find most normal things completely empty but I can't access all the other things that used to mean so much to me. It's like I'm stuck in limbo and have been for years.

>>11532246
I'm a dude, but there are several small children in the family and I get along with them. Random children at playgrounds also seem to like me. It might just be because I'm young though, so I don't seem like a "full-blown adult" to them.

The fact that I'm not a woman might be problematic for some people, as this is usually a female dominated job...

>>11532276
It's an asset in some ways, because a lot of places will recognize you're probably the closest to a male role model some of the kids will get. You'll get watched closer, but everyone does these days because of police vetting and shit becoming popular. Kids liking you is good and bad. Keep in mind they're little hummingbirds who will not bore of doing three hours of cardio and will get very upset if you do.

>>11532276
Mate, schools desparately want men. Schools are so lacking in any authorative father figure that the kids consistently do badly.
Take the single father pill. Men are better at raising kids than women, and they secretly know this (carrot and stick rather than just carrot). The only reason they might be suspect is that it's not exactly admirable for a man to stagnate himself in such a lower age group, better to train as a high school teacher where your impact is seen (plus more money I guess).

>>11532276
I'd imagine you probably get tons and tons of pussy as an elementary school teacher, since there are a lot of single women teachers in their 20's with no male coworkers to flirt with.

I'm incredibly insensitive to others despite being a sensitive person. My communication towards women is accommodating, and sometimes I like the idea of dating the sweet innocent type but I've done that twice and I didn't love the person at all. I don't "risk" any of myself, I grew up with abusive father submissive mother, I'm secretive, and I feel like a slave that needs a master, and by joining that to sexuality it's not hard to imagine why I'm into femdom. I see a girl that's pretty and something pent-up pushes my insides a little, even for girls that have bad personalities--superficiality, conceit, timidity--it's stupid, I hate how desperate a part of me seems and how picky the other is, the latter refuses to dare talking to women and because I haven't the practice it's an uphill battle.

On top of that, I can only really focus on one thing at a time. If I start gaming with my HS buds, league pokemon private servers etc. my school focus dips immensely. If I dedicate myself to reading and studying, my desire to game, go out, exercise, etc. plummets. If I go onto fetlife and start talking to hedonists you can imagine how the trend intensifies. Somehow I practice piano casually while studying, but not if I'm in the mood to fuck around. These last around a week or so until I forget the driving motivation for why I did any of it. Remembering is a forgotten concept in humanities and then I fall away until something rekindles my desire to fulfill my needs, i.e. studying->knowledge->freedom etc. etc. iirc

I'm underage, and everyone thinks I'm this cute innocent boy but I'm actually kinky as shit and need a good fucking so god damn bad.

>>11528808
Is love a real thing or just the creation of some fools centuries ago?

>>11532313
>friends in HS
>femdom
>gaming
ugh, I can tell I would fucking hate you irl

>>11532321
Oh, it's very real, what's different is you being an insensitive aspie, tho.

>>11532313
>femdom
literally the worst fetish outside of being a cuckold.
Your whole sexuality has become a buffer to being rejected by a woman via no action on your part.

>>11532348
What if you equally enjoy femdom and being dominant, just in different ways?

>>11532333
Well, digits confirm it for you and me.

>>11532332
I don't like the friends much either, they're still in the "beevis and butthead" style of socializing but they're all I've got

>>11532348
>femdom's the worst fetish outside of being a cuckold
i see you haven't hit 18th C lit yet

>>11530149
Mate, maybe for just a week, go fishing or camping without anyone else. Just you and nature. I think you would enjoy that.

>>11532359
Only if you're specifically commanding your partner to act as you want in that fashion but even then it's still practically bisexual thinking (even if it negates the whole passive aspect of the fetish.)

>>11532390
Yes and no, Rosseau almost gets their with validating it through Emile but it's still the polar opposite of a healthy masculine (gender specific) frame.
An example of femdom in it's most acceptably immasculine yet proper form would be simply the woman on top, or eating her out (still airy territory)

>>11532295
I like running around with kids, and I'd love to get paid for doing that.
>>11532298
I'm not sure what you mean by taking the single father pill. I don't think I'm that good at the "stick", though I just like playing with the children. I haven't really had the chance to ever punish or reprimand children, because all I've ever done was play with them. I figure I could learn to do it I guess. I don't really wanna be a HS teacher.
>>11532311
Elementary School teacher might be decent, but I think I'd like kindergarten the most. Whether I'd enjoy working with these really small children for my whole life is a different matter, but I feel like this is the most fun and satisfying job I could get right now.

>>11532422
I meant you hadn't sat through Sade, but getting through Rousseau is even more perverse than femdom in any century.

>>11532431
>I like running around with kids, and I'd love to get paid for doing that.
Just keep in mind when you tell them that you like jumping up and down or running up the hill, you've entered into a contract to do it for at least until their next snack, and every time you're free ever after. Kids don't believe in off days or leg cramps.

>>11532348
yeah...how do I get out?

>>11530746
Fucking do it Anon you have nothing to lose

>>11532629
I did it earlier and I'm >>11531508

The times after the rejection were not really akward, we laughed about it, she mocked my clumsiness and so on. When we parted tonight she hugged me passionately and cried. There are things I think I will never understand about women. Usually I'm not that much intimidated by just asking a girl out, and I don't feel so sad afterwards. I have some light benzos at home, I hope they will clear this out. I don't like this feeling, and I don't like being so weak about it. Thanks for reading my blogpost

>>11532828
try watching the old star trek. It's entirely Kirk seducing women every single episode. It's really helped me out actually, just in terms of body language. Women love strong eye contact and playful wording

>>11532840
You got me curious I might watch it, thanks. I did made these two though

>>11531882
I don't really have much of a plot. All I have so far is a post-apocalyptic cyberpunk-esque world, and something about factions fighting for dominance.Basically a bunch of the Super Corporations git into an all out war and ended up destroying everything. a lot of the game will take place inside the rusted metallic carcasses of the old skyscrapers , with the player using sky bridges and such to move in between buildings.

honestly I am looking for writers, so if anyone wants on, you can reply to this post. I'm looking for people to write the environment descriptions, and the character dialogue, and I am going to have two separate groups working on each of those.

I want to give up /lit/ and 4chan altogether but i'm addicted.

who?

>>11531574
>risking your entire career for some stupid bitch
are you fucking retarded

I've found my last two girlfriends via interaction with people out in the world. I'm hoping it will happen again, so I'm hesitant to try online dating.

On the other hand, some of the things I want in a girlfriend these days are harder to find just via random encounter. I'd like a girl who was a pretty serious Catholic, for example, and you don't always bump into girls like that at bars.

>>11533946
Attend to a church and become a member of the choir or something

My IQ is 120, but the average iq in my country is 80, so my IQ at Purchasing Power Parity is 140.

>>11533970
I've served at a church before. I've been a lector before. It never really helped me meet girls.

That's why I'm beginning to wonder if I shouldn't try, like, a Catholic singles dating site.

>>11533987
Giving lectures and serving is way different than being a member of a choir. People won't see you as an equal in the first two situations. You could also try working for a charity run by catholics.

>>11532256
I feel you anon.

>>11534016
I also can't sing.

Jane Austen novels are so pity. Neet bourgeois girls who spend all of their days dancing, partying, and socializing get absolutely devastated over lovers who promise to marry them but then don't (it's not like they even ghost on them after having sex). It's all so lame and pathetic.

I felt more alive when I was depressed. Now, I consciously suppress any emotion, for which reason I don't listen to any music, read any books, involve myself in any social interactions, etc. Without emotional inputs, there are no emotional outputs - and I'm functional. But just hollow inside. I start to care about the petty news, my petty job - like ordinary, boring people who are rid of existential troubles. Maybe I'm worse this way. Then again, it feels good to not hurt daily.

>>11534087
You can learn. You can play the guitar. You can even play the triangle. Stop making excuses.

>I don't listen to any music
I've noticed this about myself too. As I've been feeling increasingly dead inside, I've listened to music less and less frequently. I also avoid any and all TV shows that attempt to mirror real life and where friendships and romantic relationships are featured prominently.

>>11534237
oops meant to reply to >>11534198

>>11534237
What will become of us, anon?

>>11533980
>the average iq in my country is 80

C O N G O
O
N
G
O

>>11533980
I should do this with my dick size

listen to ambient, dark ambient, death industrial, noise, rythmic noise. focus on the textures and layers
ebm and techno if you want beats, maybe old school goa trance if you want more speed
one who has been completely open to their emotions, and then supressed them will inevitably end up knowing how to manipulate the conditions of their surroundings to get exactly the kind of emotions he wants to feel at any given moment. you know how being driven and influenced by your emotions is, you also know how not having any emotions at all is. you just don't realize it yet but you only need to act on it and you'll se what i mean

>>11534245
>>11534237

>my personality?
>I watch syndicated NBC mockumentary sitcoms and retweet black twitter spongebob memes
>you better BELIEVE I know what sufjan stevens is

>>11533655
YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW MOTHERFUCKER. SHES A CLASSY EUROPEAN LADY WITH A PHD, NOT SOME "BITCH" REEEEEEE

The Sodomites are just a smokescreen. The real men behind the curtains are the Onanites, and they've recruited almost evereybody in a very short amount of time. Masturbation relies on pornographic archetypes in the place of the flesh and soul of an actual woman; these same archetypes are now commonly given names and a special significance in the popular sexual canon. They serve as avatars of the more abstract panthenon, which expresses itself in drawn depictions rather than through human hosts. As with priesthoods of antiquity, only those spiritually qualified and of a tendency to remove themselves from society find themselves drawn to the purer forms of pantheistic worship. Unfortunately, as with all of the old gods, these are more accurately described as demons; the cumulative effects of billions powering their demonic engines has accelerated material deterioration to the point where it may be irreversible for most of the population. The only solution is to abandon their worship and save ourselves and those in our proximity

>>11529006
you should stop doing that, it's not so hard once you understand why

>>11532316
Believe me, you don't. Order yourself

>>11530135
just write down anything that you can about your beliefs, if only how it makes you feel, and then eventually you'll be able to rationally justify them once youre on paper
what kinda beliefs are they?

>>11530951
youre depressed. get therapy or medication.

typin in lowercase so people don't think i have emotions or take rules seriously. sometimes i make grammatical errors. sometimes i get pussy. its what it is...

Friend recommended a sci fi book, made it to pg9 before I walked out of the theatre.

>>11531863
not him but im in the same boat, im also 'fat built', im about 16%bf and feel abit husky

I think I'm obsessed with an ignorant, overdramatic, egocentric, evilly childish bitch. We used to fuck once in a while but now it's crossed that line where I realized that the person I sped most of my time, thought and intention with is a female who would never understand the beauty and complexity I find in simple living and observation for the sake of it, instead she sees the world as all you can eat buffet for carnal pleasures. The amount of muse she sets, and the way she makes pursue living without thinking about it is truly remarkable, but it feels like It won't end well anyhow.
Is it possible to love someone truly while knowing this person has a limitation when it comes to cherish the good when it comes to others. Don't stars this classic reflective shit saying we all idealise and use the world as reflective playground, I'm talking about another level of numbness.

>Wait until I'm back at uni to read Aristophanes, Xenophon and the Sophists on the top quality library that's there before jumping into Plato, read the Torah in the summer
>Stop being autistic and just read my copy of Plato's dialogues without caring about getting such an extensive since it doesn't make that much of a difference anyways
Wat do

>>11531934
I've thought about this alot. On one hand it could be the case since I am somewhat desperate, but on the other hand she's in her late 30's, unmarried, and akward enough that a relationship with a student wouldn't be out of the question for someone in her position. She's essentially confided in me before that she's very lonely sometimes and that her other grad students and I are her major sources of companionship.

>>11534771
wait why do you have to wait to be back at uni to go to the library wtf

>>11534939
Because it's inside the university and it's closed, answer my question.

>>11534320
Nofap esotericism. What a time to be alive.

>>11534954
what kind of university closes its library? what kind of university closes in the first place? my uni is always open even on holidays

I'm in graduate school right now, getting an MA in English Literature. I've finished all my coursework. This coming semester I'm going to be taking a "graduate reading" course which is basically just a placeholder course, so I'm not technically going to be taking any classes. Instead, I'm going to spend the whole semester teaching myself Latin so I can test out of it for my language requirement, and also taking my comparative literature exams. I'll also be starting to work on my thesis, ahead of formally writing it in the Spring.

It's got the makings of a really comfy semester. I also have a bit of money coming in to help pay off some debts, which will be nice. I think I'll try and travel a little bit, as well. I'm looking forward to this Autumn.

>>11534484
>agp fantasy
How much of literature is inspired by the authors' fetishes?

>>11534988
>MA in English Literature.

we need to purge /pol/ from this board

>>11535045
t. leftypol

Everyone is so stupid about the coming collapse. No one gives a shit about climate change and actively deny it. No one gives a shit about income inequality. No one gives a shit about the police state. Or the military worship. Or anything beyond what foolish Trump spewed out on Twitter. Fuck America. This country has been and is shit.

>>11535120
Trump is paving the way for us to get a Napoleon-type absolute leader. Buckle up, it's coming.

>>11535120
Climate change and technological domination are the only problems that really matter in the long run. Political problems are cyclical but these two issues are going to throw a spanner in the works. I can hardly imagine how fucked it's going to be in a hundred years.
>>11535142
I wish. If there isn't a cultured martial genius ubermensch emperor in the next fifty years I'll be very bored

>>11535051
it's been a while since it's no longer just /pol/, it's just the state of current culture/society. it'll blow over in anywhere from a couple of years to a decade.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jw7yk8hm_0
I love metal

>>11535347
I don't know man, I can't imagine just dropping all knowledge like that. It's beyond personal preference at this point, many /pol/ platforms are actually true, such as multiculturalism and democracy especially intertwined being particularly unstable

>>11535151
Well ideally the technology problem will solve the climate problem, that's the really dicey one. If that happens we can always smash the machines later, that or go live in the woods.

>>11528835
If you exit into the hallway through the steel door, and then return to the starting room and look around, do you still only "suppose" that the steel door leads to the hallway?
jk, I realize it's very early wip. I like the atmosphere so far

The Bedchel Test is meaningless shit.

>>11535374
Ecomodernism is such a foolish ideal. The only thing which will solve the climate problem is the solution to the human problem. We've only grown to such numbers and ubiquity because we are completely reliant on technology to sustain us as a species

>>11535390
Sadly, with technology, we're in for a penny, in for a pound. It's too late to back out because of all the greenhouse gases we've already emitted; even if civilization collapsed tomorrow, we'd still be faced with decades of warming from emissions in the 19th and 20th centuries. If we want to secure a livable climate we're going to have to use the very technology which resulted in climate change in the first place, because only that technology can reverse what has already been done. It's rather Faustian, really.

>>11535374
>Well ideally the technology problem will solve the climate problem

It won't.

>>11528814
Please do.

>>11528835
I have the opposite problem where I have natural talent but zero ambition or work ethic. We should team up so that I can be your muse and you can do all of the footwork. We can then develop a passionate homosexual relationship that is completely one-sided but you go along with it so I will keep musing for you. It devolves into a sinister co-dependency where the building psychological strain causes me to snap and cut your penis off and fuck your bloody gash as you die. Our text based game is released on a wave of fame due to your bizarre murder and remains a cult classic for decades too come.

Please sign here: ____________________

I want a Spanish girlfriend to serenade Gustavo Cerati too.
She would blush at the sight of me and grab my phone and record me on Snapchat and all of my Mexican acquaintances would entertain themselves with doing the same, but they won't. Because my Cerati is superior to their Sanchez. Come to me Spanish girl!!

>>11535352
It's the only genre that can express my rage.

>>11534309
my point stands. i'm trying to help you out
don't do it. also you have oneitis

>>11529189
how do I delete someone else's post?

>>11535120
i'm still shook from that kaczynski thread a month or so back where anons spoke in depth post after post how apparently fucked we are

Getting harder and harder to come up with bullshit excuses for why I have no career or plans at all once I finish my undergraduate degree. Especially for my increasingly concerned parents.
>anon, it seems like you won't even talk to me anymore about what you'll do when you graduate...
I'm going to fucking kill myself obviously.

>>11535772
make plans anon

>>11529509
How can your balls handle that for a whole year?

>>11535729
Got any screens?

>>11528814
how?

>>11529457
>>11529509
I've had a good experience with therapy, the guy actually listened and pretty much convinced me to do what I wanted instead of being an unhappy coward living with my family. I cut off contact with my family, dropped out, moved out, and started working in advertising/tech and it's pretty sick.
On the subject of pills, my GP prescribed me Zoloft before I went to therapy and it fucked me up. Fuck SSRIs. Right now I'm self medicating with phenylpiracetam and I'm cautious but it's making me feel great. It cuts down my anxiety and makes me feel like a normal person. Its such a monumental difference that I can't believe I didn't hear about the drug before.

>>11535988
how'd you get a job in tech with no degree?

>>11535946
i copied some of the text for keeping (none of this is mine)

Desertfication of large swathes of Asia (including west and north china) and Africa will lead to hundreds of millions of refugees. Starvation and war will destabilise whole continents. In the west the legacy of the green revolution still hasn't been erased and so we continue to exhaust the top soil and poison the water table with pesticides. By the way once you drain or poison a water table it never comes back, at least not in a time frame meaningful to humans. In Australia for instance farmers there by clearing land for agriculture have made the topsoil so dry and loose that it after a good storm washes off, eventually draining into the ocean. This has contributed to the destruction of the Great Barrier Reef because all the fertilisers and insecticides runoff with it into the sea. Your food is sprayed with pesticides so deadly that farmers have to spend 4 days inside otherwise they could get sick or die. t. Biochemistry postgrad who is buying seeds and guns. Under a liberal and capitalist system nobody is incentivised to even think about this shit right up until it shows up on Europe's and America's front door, emaciated wielding a machete demanding 3 steak meals a day, just like those white men from the old days...

we’re completely fucked. you didn’t even mention the carbon and ozone poisoning lol, not that it matters even just the loss of top soil, phytoplankton, soil microbiome, soil nutrients and tree cover (to protect from inland storm systems) is enough to fuck us, then there’s the permafrost melting, the sweltering summers, the giga hurricanes, the freak winter storms. should be fun. also all the insects, amphibians and birds will die, fish are inundated with psychotropics and plastics, water supply is full of heavy metals, and the only race on earth to care is disappearing. sad!

>>11535995
I started programming in middle school, also I'm not a social retard like most of the people in the field so I networked. I'm sorry I left this out of my post, this is pretty vital information.

The end-time Anti-Christ was a figure which was feared since time immemorial. The men, women and children of the last generation had received fair warnings. They knew of the coming danger. However, one would never have thought that merely standing up for what you believe in could be corrupted into the spirit of the Anti-Christ. People on a global scale, are proud and when pushed they push back. The enlightenment of the mystical avatar slowly crept upon them, like lamp casting a shadow, revealing their hideous wickedness, every inch of it. The inherent opposition to prophecy led to an admiration of the devil. At first, the love of Satan felt strange, but due to the solitary devotion to human nature, it reinforced itself growing sturdier and stauncher. Surely if all of humanity supported it, it couldn't be that bad, could it? With a sense of climactic finality they realized a waking nightmare as the desecration in the temple of God. They were standing at the gates of heaven blocking admittance to those who deserved safe passage. They had really done it this time. They had committed that one forbidden crime which God could just not bring himself to forgive. Blasphemy!

>>11535996
more

We’re completely fucked, they can’t talk about it academia or on the news because normalfag STEMnerds would declare a technofascist state overnight and nuke africa and india. its unbelievably horrendous, every single keystone species in the tropics is in decline, amazonia will never ever recover its biodiversity, we’re bleeding out into the void and we still think there is time to act rationally and with levity. things will become uncomfortable in the next 50-100 years and hellish after that. we’ll all be lucky to die before the carbon becomes unbearable. we fucked up

Literally the only solution is de-industrialisation and depopulation. But political power is wielded by air headed worms like the Clintons who will just rapidly evolve into lizards to cope with the new conditions. I also forget to mention rising ocean salinity. Everything everywhere is dying and there is no meaningful response. The near future is an extremely grim place. Good thing cyberpunk shit like Bladerunner has aestheticised living in a neon cubicle sucking on an oxygen tank for your daily rations of algae. Gay fucking nerds will love it and normies will just go with the flow.

Probably the best we can hope for is some unexpected nuclear catastrophe or some kind of Malthusian blender within the next 20 years tops. Because under democracy its totally impossible to tell bag of custard gut normies that they're going to have to simply "have less stupid shit" or else the world will die. That is the fundamental problem with democracy is that it just ratchets irreversibly (under that system) towards gratifying the mob - and at any expense.

there is probably ten thousand different processes in the biosphere that will be effected. its so bad that again it cannot be discussed by the media or STEMfags because there would be a stock market crash or global warfare or just a liquidation program overnight. we have to basically nuke africa and asia. and even then we can’t have this many whites. its really fucked beyond comprehension. the media stopped talking about it because Trump boosted stock market and is pro-oil and climate change denial. capital is headless and doesn’t care if we all die its not based in preservative evolutionary processes that protect against destruction of basic homeostasis. there is no way out, even if we slow warming to the UN target there are deteriorating systems in our most important ecosystems that will give out before we can reverse the damage. soil erosion, loss of insects and birds is probably the most noticable thing besides bizarre weather patterns and pollution. we will see the effect of the other diseased systems soon. its just we’re human so we think in terms of months and a few years, this takes decades but it also compounds on itself with time and is unfortunately based in an interdependent web of interactions which accelerate damage.

I scraped the tip of my urethra. It hurts like hell. I need to go a few days without whacking. I don't know if I'll regret that or the whacking what caused it more.

I've been around my mother and her friend a lot lately, and all they do is commiserate about their lost youth and current issues, and make comments about how they are jealous of mine. To be honest, it's starting to get seriously irritating. After 50+ years of experience for them each, they have nothing to say but that it gets shittier over time and ends unceremoniously and horribly. Honestly, it makes me believe that they have never seriously considered any questions about their life, and rather that they have coasted through much of it in one of the most prosperous eras humanity has ever witnessed, to the point that living to them must be enjoyable, it must feel good, and when it does not feel good, we sigh and dwell over our past so that if we were placed back in the same situation, we would play it almost exactly the same and enjoy the highs until they stop and we are left middle-aged and confused, unprepared to handle a life that may, at times, be more strenuous than it's worth, that we would all gladly skip some moments of because they are simply too bad. I understand now why recovering addicts turn to religion. The pessimistic philosophies we maintain are the surest evidence that we live like gods. When something truly difficult happens to a person, they cannot dwell on whether or not to carry on; they simply must. There is no room for debate here, or even thought. You must survive. There is no choice.

Does that sound weird? Insectoid even? Yesterday morning I had the thought that primitive man resembles those insects that climb desperately up the trees to escape flood waters, or those roaches who endure endless beatings from every source yet push on regardless. We are made to propagate ourselves and live on no matter what. Convince yourself using whatever means necessary. It will end someday, but if you have fought to the end, and left some positive changes where you could, you have done the best you could do. I hope none of you guys give up.

>>11536021

saved as well on the off chance somebody rebutts these because i want to keep having nice things like aminaws, democracy and no dindus flooding at my doorstep

I have an idea of where I want to be in the future in terms of social circle, career, hobbies, health, etc., but where I am now is so overwhelmingly shitty that I'm overwhelmed even thinking about where to begin. I keep a journal and I write in detail the things I'd like and how to achieve them, but in the end I'm just navel-gazing. I feel like I'm stuck in sleep-paralysis, and all I need is to "wake up" and everything will make enough sense to start acting.

>>11535996
>>11536021

How much time do we have left

>>11535988
>phenylpiracetam
Where did you get it from?

>>11535772
>almost 25
>still working part time retail
>don't even have a degree

Could always be worse anon

I want to write story about one man snaps and goes insane. He is in debt so bank workers (accountants?) come to his house then he goes insane pulls up the gun one of the workers is old so he gets heart attack others is taken hostage.
I don't know its a good plot or bad but however i can't write this because im too insecure about myself

>>11536628
you're probably doing just as well if not better than a lot of people with degrees if that's any consolation anon.

I can't wait for real life where I am rich, famous, prestigious, and globally attractive. Just about another year or so...

>>11535988
why not just take amphetamine + propanalol like a normal person? Jokes aside this combo is the greatest thing I've ever discovered and has radically changed my life over the past year. All the benefits of stims with none of the physical anxiety symptoms. It's sober ^ 3

>>11536893
Same. Any day now.

>>11535884
I have plans to kill myself anon

>>11529006
4. BBC captions (I don´t know how I should feel about these)
>5. NTR Hentai
Please stop, friend. I love you.

>>11535772
Careers are terrible and overrated, don’t fret anon

>>11535996
>>11536021
I'm an atmospheric science grad student, and almost everything you wrote is fucking retarded. I can't speak for certain things like pesticide use which is outside my area of expertise, but I can tell you for a fact that global warming, while real, is nowhere near as understood at the top levels as you think it is, and will almost certainly not be catastrophic. It's one of those things where lower-tier scientists jump onto a common theme and beat it to death because that's the only way they will get grants. Top level people, of which there are maybe 10-20 who truly understand the upper level physics behind global warming and the effect it will have on the incredibly complex non-linear system that is our climate, still do not agree at all.

Here's something you don't hear on the news: greenland has been gaining ice mass for the past two years. This site provides a good estimate of mass gain excluding glacier calving. Even subtracting that, since 2016 greenland has been adding ice.

http://polarportal.dk/en/greenland/surface-conditions/

>>11528808
There is so much degeneracy in the world today.. I'm having anxiety.

>>11536021
>>11535996
for starters, desertification in the Sahel is something that happens under global cooling conditions as the hadley circulation intensifies and heat is concentrated in the tropics, allowing for greater emission of lw radiation into space per boltzmanns law, but preventing precipitation in the lower latitudes in the process, which is why it peaked in the 70's during a temporary cooling period.

I've been becoming more and more aggravated with my friend. He's pulling all kinds of weird stuff. He keeps "checking up on me" to make sure I'm okay, whilst I still don't understand why he thinks I wouldn't be. His communication is really off and weird, I met him and some of his friends where he kept interrupting them or corrected what they were saying. Then he says he was feeling hurt by me interacting with his friends so much, since he was the one I showed up with. He apparently also saw me a while ago leaving a club with a qt, and kept watching us to see where we were going and if we were hooking up. My gf, who is friends with him too, noticed that whenever he is talking about me he mixes up some very basic facts about me or makes assumptions that couldn't be further from the truth. What kinda creep shit is it anyway to go to hers straight away to tell her he saw me around with some grill. I have female friends, y'know.
More frequently these little off-putting gestures or statements are coming up, and I'm at the point where I'm seriously considering cutting down my time spent with him significantly.

>>11536021
>>11536107
>>11537097
so if global warming continues as it has since the 80's, it's not something you would expect at all. If anything Africa will become more green.

It kills me knowing I won't be able to see her until next semester.

>>11535996
>giga hurricanes
jesus fucking christ how do you people think hurricanes work. They're entirely dependent on a gradient in heat between tropics and extratropics, which is exactly what dissapears under strong global warming, hence the substantial decline in atlantic hurricanes over the past 10 years.

>>11535580
fuck it, I'm up for that

>>11535352
>>11535597

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuUphbx-Tu0

Peak Social Realism in Western Music.

When I was younger I wanted to get into academia with a history degree but the year after I graduated the recession hit and I went to college for a few months (for something else I didn't like) paid for with a loan and by my grandma. Dropped out after a lot of stuff happened and I am also just incapable of doing something I don't want to.

I wish I could go back for something I want but it's way too expensive here, and whilst I hate looking at it like a trade school I have to consider jobs afterwards. I don't know if I would even get one in the field (no interest in any others) and I don't want to go into debt. What a lovely country.

And no, I'm not signing up for the military. I refuse to be a cog in the imperialist machine.

>>11537893
Shit sucks, anon. Look into community college or maybe studying in another country?

>>11537914

My local community college is basically a STEM tech school and I can't afford to study in another country. It is what it is, I suppose. Even if I did get the opportunity to get the degree, what then? I come back to Hamerica where no one cares and everyone sucks STEM's dick and chastises anything not tech-related. Where I might get a low paying job in a museum if I can do anything beyond volunteer because the money just isn't there? Maybe I could be a teacher and just follow the syllabus with no deviation because school isn't about learning it's about slavery preparation for the working class?

>>11537893
Learn to code
>but I don't like it! and what about my dreams?
tough shit, anon. Your dreams? Are you fucking high? You think this is the 60s or something? You don't get to study what you "like" anymore. Like most people throughout human history, your position in life has already been determined for you--drone. If you're lucky you'll get to be a cognitive laborer, which has a few extra perks compared to manual laborers, but make no mistake, has exactly the same degree of happiness and autonomy (none).

Basically, the past couple generations of middle class comfort are OVER. Gone! Kaput! Bye bye! Get that humanities shit out of your brain, studying the humanities is luxury for the upper classes, not worthless proles. If you don't get with the fucking program we'll just import a Chinaman or Somali who is happy to flip hamburgers and live in a tenement with twenty of his countrymen. Now that's work ethic! Now that's value!

>>11538014
bs

>>11538014

Nah.

>>11538014
I say, what absolute twaddle!

>>11528808
Why the fuck are online dictionaries so fucking bad?
They just act as shitty translation services for singular words, none of them seem to let me grab a sorted list of words.
I need one as an example, so it is really fucking me.

I felt socially stunned and ignored my entire life. Elementary/Middle school was a blur of loneliness and independence. Once in high school I finally started to become outgoing and more social, but this was hard for a child who didn't make a real friend, and did real socially friend things until I was 13.

Now I'm in college, struggling to find happiness and to not be alone. Trying to make meaningful connections with others, but realizing it's not working. Both online and real life I've realized how asocial my behavior towards myself and others has caused.

It feels impossible to make a friend, much less find a partner. I just find connections with people so alien, and when I do form them I let my mental problems interfere and cause pain for everyone. I've lost so many friends because of this. I want to get better; but the problem is no one wants to help. And with good reason, we're all human with different problems; we shouldn't worry ourselves with people we find below us, like people do to me.

I'm graduating community college with an associates in IT and Computer Networking soon and I'm so terrified that it has all been for nothing. I'm terrified that I didn't make one single friend, connection, anything. Yet soon enough I'm going to be expected to not only be socially ready for something completely alien to me. I'm expected to preform greatly at it.

I like having all my stories take place in the same universe/continuity. They don't tie into each other much storywise, but I like having it in the back of my mind for some reason.

>>11538160
One would think that at this point, given your extensive experience on being alone and not making friends, you wouldn't have any problems with it. I mean, it's not like you can't live not having friends. Ever tried erasing all your socials and turning off your phone for more than two weeks? Bonus points if you manage to not even go to forums and online chats.
Now, personally, I would just go somewhere where no one knows me, so I can create a "new me". I've been trying to do this every time I get the chance, but there is always someone who knows my past, so I get this feeling like I can't keep out that ghost of my past errors. Can't wait to get out of the country and bulid a new life.

>>11538266
That's what high school did it me, it gave me a taste of real world connection. For the first time in my life I was having friends, making connections and felt socially important.

So when I was denied from that, when I went back to my asocial behavior that I keep in college, its just unsettling. I feel like the mentality of being in Elementary again, instead of having fun and being happy like I was for some of high school. It's like having a drug then being denied it.

I've gone weeks without talking to anyone, but it just burdens me way harder as a adult then it did as a child. As a child the world was new and exciting and being alone for me back then was normal. Now being alone terrifies me and I don't know why, Why have I trained my brain to become so social when I've lived at least 75% of my life anti-socially? I'd like to move on but and start fresh, but I'm afraid that even then the new people would hate me the same. I'm stuck in such a state.

>>11538301
I feel like you are associating being social with happiness and being asocial with sadness. That's not an entirely fair association, and you know it. Having a social life can bring a lot of sadness when you lose it, but don't mix up not having a social life with losing your (previous) social life. The sadness comes from the absence of what was there previously. If you don't have any in the first place, there is nothing to lose, so no sadness can come from it. This is of course one of the many defense mechanisms and stories we tell ourselves to sleep at night, but it doesn't make it any less real.
Just stop comparing your current situation with your previous situation. It's only by rememberance and looking back at it that you get the unsettling feeling. You can train yourself to forget about things very easily and very fast. Forward ever backwards never.
I mean, you are graduating already, why are you still thinking about high school let alone elementary?
If people start hating you, then you can always move to yet another place where no one knows you and start all over again. That's what keeps me together, it's the only hope I've got.

>>11538160
stop masturbating so much and work out sometimes

>>11538014

i would probably be happier in life if my father passed down his job like farming or blacksmithing or what have you desu

paradox of choice is depressing and so is the fact that everyone is an indentured slave

Every day is spend in monotony. One just flows into the other, the lines are blurred and the cut-off indistinguishable. Sleep doesn't reset my day anymore; I awake after an hour, or two, or three. I stay awake for a while, motionless in bed. I fall asleep back again. Repeat several times a night.
I wake up drenched in sweat, suffocating in the heat. Then I wonder why I engage in my hobbies. They can bring a fleeting feeling of joy for sure, but is this really all life has to offer? Wouldn't it be more exciting to go on a spontaneous vacation? - What would that ultimately do for me, anyway? A different sort of fleeting joy felt at a different place? I doubt it would give me the satisfaction I'm desperately looking for.
I took a drive a little out of town this week to spend time at a lake. It was great - finally I was able to feel the grass on my feet again, the water on my skin, the cobble stones and hot pavement when I walked around the outskirts. I've been aching to feel like I did when I was a kid, and those were the experiences I had every summer back then.
That is over now and already when I was cooling off in the tree's shade reading my book, I wondered again what I'm here for. I worried about having to go back home and losing the emotions I was having. At the same time I realised I had to do it sooner or later whilst calculating the day's schedule.
I don't know what it is but it feels the happiness of my youth is drifting further and further away from my reach. I'm desperately trying to catch it by doing the things I did back then. There is so much more on offer now that I'm older, still I can't let go.
The only times I feel genuine, everlasting happiness is when I am with the people I love. I spent two weeks with a group of friends this month where we met pretty much every day, and honestly it's been a while since I felt such excitement. When I meet a close friend I can feel all the energy in me rising up to the surface. Yet when I'm on the way home again I have no idea what to exert it on; I simply thrive until seeing them again.
There are people whom I can't contact properly and I want so badly to be with them. I want to meet so many more people and fill out my life with them.
I've been very adamant about living on my own, I moved out before I started Highschool, but lately I've been thinking it might not be that bad of an idea to take two of my friends up on that offer to look for a shared apartment. Even if at some point they end up witnessing me suffering from diarrhea.

>>11528814
Not if I do it first bitch

And forsooth, your mind changes because in truth you are obsessed with knowing competition

>>11529006
It's okay as long as you write about it

>>11529242
Good, perhaps their minds will finally be free from natalism

there is so much music, art and literature to enjoy its almost overwhelming where does one find the time

>>11536893
>not just wanting your work to be studied by scholars studying obscure ages and deep ideas in the future
pleb

>>11537086
Why havn't you embraced it?

>>11530142
what did you do?

The suicidal thoughts are bad right now. I can't see my therapist for another week and a half. I think I'm losing my mind.

Are people like this who downvote everything on Amazon the most Reddit thing ever?

https://www.amazon.com/gp/profile/amzn1.account.AG5GGATB3KYNM3I3ETUX2ASDIW2A/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_pdp?ie=UTF8

>>11538744
your mom

>>11538790
>"a HUGE HELPING of fatphobia"

>>11538790
why doesnt the dumb bitch just read better books

>>11537098
this guy is weird and gay and unless he’s really funny or something you should avoid hanging out with him

>>11537098
I guess normies are inconvenienced by the weak instead of guiding them to the light.

>>11538663
Nobody feels rainbows throughout their day, everybody suffers in everything they do. If you let it shape you, you are nature's bitch.

>>11539176

>>11536021
I think it's EXTREMELY rare it takes this much text to actually type a story. I think anon has spent too much time on reddit.

>>11537083
>Top level people, of which there are maybe 10-20 who truly understand the upper level physics behind global warming and the effect it will have on the incredibly complex non-linear system that is our climate, still do not agree at all
This. It's also why it's impossible to have a sensible global warming debate because the system is too complex and there are too many unknown variables/feedback loops. Anyone who is knowledgeable and perfectly intellectually honest will admit ignorance, which unintentionally allows the louder, more ignorant scientific ideologues to dominate the conversation.

>>11529006
Hahahahaha how is masturbation addiction real hahahha nigga just walk away from porn like nigga just close your eyes hahaha

The circumstances in my life make me feel I am chained. I want to be happy and free.

>>11539238
All I see here is an elaborate way to say, "It'll all be fine."

>>11539341
Or the simplest way of saying "they are full of shit" and "you're dumb for falling for their bullshit".

10,000. That's the number. 10,000 virginities I've taken since I entered this world on May 1st, 1979. I look at the numbers on the wall, on her shirt, and on the street and add them up continuously until I get to that number throughout the day. It sobers me up. It gives me guidance. It lets me how much I insert myself into the lives of others daily. It's a chilling aspect of the self that haunts me but gives me a certain, drive, no, powerful rush, of just energy. It makes me stop myself at times and look off into the corner of my eyes at the camera filming me in the distance and smugly nod in it's view. I do not care, for I cannot be stopped. I am the most powerful man alive.

Everything feels dissatisfying

This entire universe will eventually be eternally forgotten.
Why should I try?
I know this sounds like a layman's attempt at philosophical investigation, but tell me, an 18 year old young man, why he has purpose.

who am i? someone thats afraid to let go
you decide if you ever gonna let me know

>>11539994
Your life will be more bearable if you do. You're still young and can't have fucked up your life too much--go browse wizchan or r9k's 25+ thread to see the stories of those who have ruined their existences and now are trapped in abject misery. This is what waits for you if you're careful.

You should make up your mind about whether you're going to kill yourself, and if you decide not to, do your best--for your own sake, if nobody else.

>>11540088
*you're not careful

>>11540088
But it'd feel like a show the whole time. I don't want to act anymore, I just want an answer

>>11540117
classic 18 yo crisis
been there too
dont think too much about it
dont be edgy
avoid the extremes

I finally think I'm getting too old for /lit and 4chan in general at 23. I've gotten all the catharsis one could need. Piles and piles of catharsis, tons of it. I only come here now because I cannot stop myself.

https://loxizez.blogspot.com/
everything i write is on here

>>11528808
Not much.

>>11540213
>too old for 4chan
>23
*sips*

>>11540260
back in my day we used to play nintendo 64's son, that's a long time

>>11540213
>23
>trying to play oldfag
Get outta here, roody poo

I am absolutely terrified of mediocrity as a poet. I think I'd rather be legitimately awful than be mediocre. At least awful people occasionally become infamous. I strive after great beauty and great truth. I crave it. I'm willing to do almost anything to achieve it. I'm willing to go to great lengths, and to expend tremendous effort. I'm willing to suffer, if necessary. I want to create immensity.

What is reality and why is it so confusing

There's like a 50% chance the girl I had a weekend long affair with browses this board, so I can't post about how fucking beautiful it was and how hung up on her I am. Anyway, these threads are the best on /lit/, you guys are alright.

>>11539176
>Nobody feels rainbows throughout their day
I thought this was what being gay is all about.

I don't believe everyone suffers in everything they do. I know there are people out there who are happy and don't feel a lingering sense of dread or hollowness. And I want to make it my goal to get a sense of fulfillment from what I do.

>>11540933
Sorry sweaty but I don't feel the same about you and your tiny penis. Don't contact me ever again! I didn't tell you this to your face because I felt bad.

Pic UNRELATED!

His eyes were like suns, spheres of burning fire

>>11540417
I was like you, then I realised I had no talent, and decided to jump on the hamster wheel like everyone else. It's nice to not have any illusions anymore as to my own abilities, though it hurts a little when I think of all the time I wasted trying to convince myself of talent that never existed. I'm not saying that you lack talent anon, just that you be as honest to yourself as possible. Don't sick countless hours you'll never get back into a pipe dream if you can possibly avoid it. Writing poetry is fun, but so is having great job security, a house, and not having friends that in all likelihood, desperately want, but can't muster up the courage to tell you that you can't write, and to get a real job.

How do wageslaves have energy after work? i just want to go straight to bed. Feel like an old man.

I resent the /pol/ crossposters always bringing their "redpills" to every discussion.
I hate the fact that I can't look at pic related and just be amazed by it's antiquity, instead there are insistent ponderations about the race of the people who built it. I can't just read the Arthurian tales or see fantasy art without thinking about "european culture" on the back of my head...
The sad part is that I don't really buy their ideas, the "pill" didn't work for me, they just tainted something I love, for nothing.

>>11534066
Thanks, anon. We'll find a way out of it.

>>11541224

Depends on the job. If it's sedentary shitwork, then hit the gym my man, or go do some cardio.

>>11541590
Nah, manual labor

>>11541189
Moloch whose yyes are a thousand blind windows

>>11541524
The only winning move is not to play anon, just hide their posts and ignore them. No matter how fascinating a topic can be, their instant ad hominems block all discussion and all rational discourse.

>>11539325
Holy shit this. I feel trapped by so many things. Trpaped by my job, trapped by the lease in my apt, trapped by having a cat so I can't even take weekend trips because I have to feed the fucker twice a day. Trapped by my shitty relationship with a controlling girl that won't let me have a social life.

FUCK anons I just want to run. I want to abandon everything and run.

Also fuck 4chan for being down not letting me post this 5 hours ago.

>>11541882
do it. run. yolo.

>>11531133
what is this meme called, and how can i find the original pic?

Women are extremely confusing. I want to move on and know I need to but at the same time I just want answers. Now I just wonder how truly committed she was throughout it all. Being blinded by love let's a lot of transgressions fly past. One thing she taught me at least was to have more confidence in myself which will surely help as I move forward.

>>11542099

It's easy to generalize and make sweeping statements about the world. You can say that capitalism does this and that or that the modern world is abhorrent or whatever, but when you get into details you usually find that things are usually less glamorous than feel-good theories make them out to be. People who are attracted to such theories show a disdain for discussing the nitty-gritty of things. They just want to say that monarchy is great or that the middle class is dying out. These are fancy ideas that make them fuzzy in the inside, and that's all that matters.

>>11542140
It goes both ways.

>>11542099
No idea, but the original pic was posted on several boards. I think it's Sasha Grey? It's a really boring pic, you're only interested because it's censored.

>>11542116
nearly identical desu senpai

How do I stop thinking about a woman? I feel like if she were to stop being a part of my life I wouldn't be able to go on living anymore.

>>11542314
CRINGE

>>11542217
>I think it's Sasha Grey?
Definitely not, the pic is too high quality to be a decade old

>>11531167
The person who wrote the tag line for that case *must* have done that on purpose.

>>11542365
I am entirely aware of how pathetic I am.

>>11540117
It's really simple friend.
Make it your business to find your purpose, and perhaps since you may not be able to do it in your lifetime: do your best to sustain and empower humanity so that your children may one day find it.

Alternatively read the bible and try to find God.

>im sad

(...cont?)

[I'm shy]

>>11542536
spit it out, fag

>>11541224
Work on your hobbies before work, not after.

Is there a straightforward way to see more news from non-euro / burger counties? Seems fucking dumb that we live in the information age but I only really have a grasp on what's happening in the US, Canada, and western Europe. Even news from regions everyone is "focused" on like the middle east is invariably watered down to "country A says mean things to country B, country B vows retaliation". Very little comes out of central and east asia (other than china and sometimes japan), let alone africa or south america. I want a more international perspective. There has to be a better way than checking 190 national newspapers every morning, right?

>>11542984
euronews, france24, al jazerra, RT. they all have their own slant, but euronews is like europe's version of c-span

>>11542984
oh and there's fucktonnes of english language asian papers. england owned half those places and left loads of immigrants

>>11542984
Dude the Syria twitter alone is impossible to keep up with. You get instant updates about every clash happening in every little obscure hamlet. You just have to know where to look. If you're looking for a global perspective on things then follow sites like lobelog, al monitor, foreign policy, the american conservative, AEI, and the national interest.

the truth is that I don't know if I am really Bi. I told you because at the time I needed to talk about Adam and everything that was bothering me about it then. it seems there is this endless trial going on in my head except the jury never leaves to deliberate. It's just two or even three lawyers endless arguing and shouting at each other. maybe this is just a result of built up sexual frustration? if only I could just fuck and get all of this behind me. I am growing weary of worrying about this. I am weary of constantly questioning myself

all the problems in my life could be solved by reading the right books earlier

My eyes hurt. I'm afraid of opening the window.