/lit/ - Literature

>>11393712
Dude no one is I want to see someone man up and drop the first bomb

it's 11:30am and i'm drunk already

>>11393712
>Just opened 7 trillion tabs of porn
>Wanked
>Immediately regretted it and close the entire window

I'll probably do the same in about 3 hours

>>11393717
dont know how people operate completely sober tbqh
i drink in the morning too but not so much that i get drunk, what you drinking? im having kahlua with my coffee

>>11393727
so far i've had four bottles of beer, now i've moved onto white wine. then i have two bottles of red wine for later and vodka for the evening

>>11393736

You need help

>>11393739
no shit, why do you think i'm posting in this thread

>>11393736
ayyy i'm drinking jameson irish whiskey 11:45 here and i'm pissed

love being 120 pounds. get drunk off a fiver.

>>11393736
>>11393748
do you miss al/ck/ like i do?

>>11393750
never been there, sounds comfy though

>>11393751
it was for a really long time, but then the mods suddenly decided to ban the thread from the board

>>11393712
YES, I am fine.

No, I don't know how much longer I can take being a failure.

>>11393736
>white wine
Always my first choice. Its saved me from many shite days.

quit my job yesterday without a new one lined up... i was really well regarded and had done some amazing things- had people telling me as I left that my name will be in lights one day, etc.

in reality i feel like shit and am a product of child abuse desperately trying to achieve external validation to fill the void

i could coast on savings for years and i have been doing my own writing and programming for a long time on the side... not in a business venture, but quite successfully

just need to push through the fear really.. i feel like the worst that could happen is i lose a year or two of full time work and - if i totally fuck up - end up crawling back to a normal job afterward... the big problem with not working for years is that the effects of compound interest makes the actual loss massive (later on in life, anyway), and this is without the possible career impacts on things like professional networks, job prospects, etc

it's hard to fight the fear, because the downside of a risk like this is fairly certain - but the upside is very nebulous... i'm going to get some income quite quickly, but it's just not going to replace my previous income immediately

still, i am fairly set on spending a year doing my own stuff... some people go travelling, some people waste money gambling and feeding addictions... i am going to do work that i want to do

>>11393736
Pour all of it down the sink desu

WHY WONT PEOPLE BE VIRTUOUS

>>11393815
it isnt profitable

>>11393817
IT IS IF YOU COUNT SPIRITUAL RICHES

>>11393826
will that pay my bills

>>11393736
Your liver is crying.

>>11393865
>having bills

I don’t know.
I want to be a pilot in the military but it’s only for sons of congressman or other elites.
Makes me sad. I then thought about coast guard aircraft but there are only 200 of them.
I’m half way in applying to 3 service academies (West Point, USAFA, and USCGA) but I know I won’t make it in because I never played sports

I just don’t know. I love to read and write but I know majoring in English is the worst decision I could make in real life.

I am so filled with anxiety and low self-worth that when confronted by other people I now behave like a frightened little maggot.

Last night I was invited to attend a small awards ceremony for a writing competition I won last year. I went along out of gratitude, and was handed the envelopes to hand to the three winners. They called out my name and I instantly became overwhelmed by the fact I was being watched, and ended up walking there with a bowed gait, then stuttered "I-I'll just get on with it" into the microphone before reading out the three winners. I then had to stand for a photo with each person on stage, it was so uncomfortable. When I finally hurried back to my seat the guy next to me said "No offense but it's the first time I've seen someone handing over the award look more nervous than the winners" and I just laughed along and pretended it didn't hurt. I even wore a shirt and tie last night, which likely made me appear even more of a pathetic tryhard.

I am so disgusted with myself. Personality failures aside, there is no chance now that I will ever become a writer of any note, even if that was remote possibility before 20+ cringe-tier photographs and two videos were taken of me sperging out. I honestly wish I had been born before 1950 so I could have died before high-quality cameras and video cameras had the potential to expose me as a cringey freak. I'd happily die of typhus at 42 if it meant that no high resolution photograph was taken of me revealing I am a "Nice Guy" who undermines his originality in an attempt to impress others with his feigned normality. Every writer I respect and enjoy have something about them, a quiet confidence or assertiveness, which I just lack. Look at Pessoa and Larkin, my two favourite poets. There are perhaps 5 photographs of Pessoa, all of which portray him as a deep, profound, wise and intense individual (a rare photograph of him recently sold for something like $50k). And while there are many more photos of Larkin, he is aesthetically flawless in almost every single one, and made it clear in his letters that he consciously avoided most invitations to appear in public because he knew over-selling himself would make people lose interest in him. Why the fuck do I lack their calm foresight? Who would take the words of a cringing little maggot seriously?

>>11393712
>hangin'

Wish I was. Things aren't going how I wanted it. But that's life I guess. Thanks for asking.

>>11393946
>a deep, profound, wise and intense individual

I'm again overwhelmed by the anxiety coming from the desire to write because I can't come up with anything.

>>11393946

have you tried boxing or lifting? Get out of yourself, you sound like somebody who thinks too much, that is you analyze everything you do to avoid getting your fragile ego hurt. Who cares if you cringey, wear it on your sleeve and get your dick sucked. No one interesting was ever not embarrassing and hated at some point.

>>11393946
I see you, wizard :^)

>>11393946
I used to be like you as a teen, but then I just realized that even if I did everything right, I would still hate myself.

I've since learned to behave normally on a social level and my social anxiety subsided, but just as I predicted, I still hate myself.

Try and realize that no matter what anyone thinks about you, the reason you dislike yourself is much deeper than any external influence, and your self-loathing creates your social anxiety, not the other way around.

Good luck, we're all in this together.

>>11393809
no
>tfw finished my first bottle of red already and only have one left before my vodka and it's only 3:35pm and i have to decide whether to take a drunken voyage into town for another bottle of red for after my next one and deal with the paranoia of can people tell how deep i've gone already or can i nurse my next bottle for like 5 hours until it's dark and i can start on the vodka

Nah, hanging isn't a good method.
Even in suicide, DFW had no discernable talent.

>>11393946
This is what fapping/masturbation does to you

>“The reabsorption of semen by the blood is the strongest nourishment and, perhaps more than any other factor, it prompts the stimulus of power, the unrest of all forces toward the overcoming of resistances, the thirst for contradiction and resistance. The feeling of power has so far mounted highest in abstinent priests and hermits (for example, among the Brahmans).”
-Nietzsche’s NOTES (1880-1881):

>>11393946
dude
dude
stop giving a shit about all this stuff, it will all rot away in ~100 years
you are judging yourself through the lenses of a time gape, ofc all the shitty and silly photos and stories about these people are not easily available nowadays

>>11393712
yes I am okay, thank you for asking. Not enough people check in on one another. I recently became single again, and at 28 it is a frightening thing. I am profoundly neurotic, tend towards paranoia, and have nearly unbearable anxiety. This has all intensified as I’ve aged. For some inexplicable reason, the Capital Gazette shooting threw me into a pit. I have no reason as to why. So now I’m drinking whiskey in the afternoon and sitting in my living room with Melville by my side, hoping to find the light in a few hours or so.

>>11393712
Barely, my lad. Every day I grow lazier and more hopeless, the school work is piling up, and I have no energy nor a will to finish it. Haven't even started my prep for master's entrance exam, that's taking place later this year.

>>11393712
writing this in hopes of resolving something in me. sometimes I don't even know

>>11393736
youll be fine

>>11394428
thanks bud

>>11393712
I've been good, I decided to make a thread about Vladimir Nabokov's the Gift and his poetry, but the only response was that dog fucking would be hot though. I never make threads so I was hoping somebody would engage. Nobody seems to respond in depth to Bret Easton Ellis threads either. It's all the same repetitive drivel.

>>11393991
>>11394128

Im ok. I have self esteem issues but at least I’m self aware. What kills me if how isolated and alone I am. I cant relate to anyone I interact with and I constantly have to fake my way through conversations, which probably makes me seem like a sociopath, but it’s just because I don’t care about life anymore. It doesn’t hurt anymore which is good, and I’m not gonna kill myself, but I would feel nothing if I knew I was gonna die tomorrow. But really I’m ok, which is the most absurd part of all this. I accept my life is bad and will continue to be bad for the foreseeable future.

>>11394306
It's kinda crazy, but I wrote a thing very similar to this, where I posed questions to myself about stuff that troubles me, and then responded to it.

It's so eerie cause the questions and answers were similar to what you wrote

i have like ten days off where i don't have to do shit i should do something productive but i feel demotivated how do normies go through life working boring jobs with low to mediocre pay to raise a mediocre family, maybe if i wacked off less i'd be more motivated to get married and have kids just for the sake of getting laid, like imagine having to like deliver packages for amazon 50 hours a week to pay for a small house in a suburban town based around a strip mall all because u were too uptight and-or proud to fap?

>>11394215
i'm gonna go to coop to buy another bottle of red and some ice cream, wish me luck lads

>>11393887
How do I stop having bills?

>>11394597
go off the grid and live in a tent i suppose

>>11394597
by one of those super cheap houses out in the middle of no where for like 20k and then cover it in solar panels, then get enough bond funds that u can use the dividends to buy food and pay for your phone bill, thats what ima do if i get gentrified out of my current place, with the amazon there is no need to live near a store or have a car, i can get all my monster energy ultra needs delivered right to my door

>>11394006
You are empty. Go outside and take a walk or take a break and read something new. You need you fill your store of unconscious and be patient with your Muse.

Remember that what you write is the most important thing the universe, because no one else can do it quite like you.

>>11394614
Sounds reasonable. A supermarket would be nice though.

>>11394627
sometimes when im bored at work i go on google maps and just like zoom into tiny little towns in flyover country and walk around using street view exploring the place, imagining what it must be like to live there, i saw a couple rad ones, some of them are like stuck in time, like you feel like you're in a documentary about the 1960s with all these unchanged buildings but the streetview data was captured in 2016, some look like shit too tho, like i was cruising down this one backroad and passed a little commercial strip, and it was apparently based around a halfway house for troubled teens, there was a gas station and whatever white bodegas are called, and there was also a farm supply depot that like sold grain n shit, i was woah imagine living out there holy shit, but i also saw one that had like a little dinky museum of native american and cowboy shit that was cute with like faux adobe houses n shit, but those random towns that look like something out of a vietnam/kennedy assassination documentary always put me in the mood to cop a house

Graduated college with a meme degree. Only job I could get is in seasonal parks maintenance, so I'm literally toiling in the fields. Thought it would be okay and that I would make some new friends. Then I fell in love with one of the girl's I work with. After a few weeks we went out to town and it was the best night of my life. I asked if I could kiss her at the end (yeah, I know, but it sort of fit with how awkward we both were), and she said yes, and so I did; that was the first kiss of my life. Then the next day she texts me that she can't do this.

Now I'm depressed and miserable. Not really any different than before; but I was happy because of her---for her. But I can't bring myself to try and be friends with anyone anymore. I'm always going to be alone. There is nothing else. I have no escape from this life. So I just read, and hope it will distract me from thinking about suicide.

I have nothing and I'm going nowhere and god is a bastard who won't let me die.

>so bretty gud

>>11394568
>...i dropped the ice cream and had to pick it up and i'm pretty sure the pretty teenage checkout girl was like 'ugh this drunk'

my friends gf made fun of me for being a virgin at the pub in front of everyone

>>11394674
>ever admitting your are a virgin, ever
first fuckin' mistake, anon.

>>11394681
i told her and him when we were drunk at my house once. he asked if she was up for a threesome and she said yes, then he asked me, i said no because she was wasted and i didnt want to take advantage of her. and also for some reason that i was a virgin

>>11394690
>being this beta

yeah u deserve to be made fun of

>>11394697
yeah

>>11394655
Imagine being so defeatist that one failed hookup leads you to eschew all friendship forever. Or imagine being so drab that some random night on the town with your coworker is the best night of your life. Do more stuff anon

>>11393712
been feeling blessed the last two years, aesthetic philosophy, strong social bonds and very infrequent mdma usage seems to be the key to happiness at least for the time being

>>11394690
>being awarded this golden way out of virginhood on a silver platter
You seriously have no one to blame but yourself. This is awful. Also you shouldn't even admit to this on an anonymous imageboard. How old are you? Perhaps it's not that bad if you are at max 20 years old.

>>11394708
i gave up on ever getting a real job after i didn't hear back from that one place, i'm like an employment incel, like sometimes recruiters flirt with me by sending supposed job openings, but i always figure its a trick and when i go to the interview i'll get arrested by the fbi for some trolling that crossed the line that i forgot i even did

>>11394712
22

Another Great /lit/ Thread

>>11394730
Oh boy.

>>11394730
i could have ended up like u but i fucked a slut at 16 and got it overwith, man, my life started to so normie where did it all go wrong? was it all the lsd?

on a side note: yo mother fuck these click on the buses captchas, that shit was a fucking firetruck but it wouldnt let me verify without clicking it, piece of shit

Another 12 hour day at the call center. No sales. Barely can afford rent... Just barely. /r/ me some reading material... One day I'll leave, then I'll finally read some. ..

>>11394756
Have you read The Mezzanine by Baker?

>>11394756
do u ever read self-help sales books? most self-help books are kinda gay, but they are legit for improving your sales performance, have u read fanatical prospetic and sale eq? brian tracy has this great like 90 minute audiobook like "24 techniques for closing the sale" that has no filler, he just bangs through a shitload of immediately actionable sales tactics, its like five bucks on audible, working in a call center sounds like pure hell but i mean might as well try to be good for fun if nothing else

>>11393712
Life sort of ruined because I trusted a druggie friend in a moment of high-octane stupidity. Two years worth of savings gone, and I might end up in prison one day, if things go really wrong - but the absolute worst part will be facing the judgment of my family and real friends.

Lesson learned, though. I've done some serious maturing during the last couple of months, started to value things I've never noticed before and started hard on regaining my financial security. I may end up going down the drain, but I won't let it affect my family and friends who deserve better.

Someday, maybe, boredom and being single will once again be my two biggest problems. It's been a comfy couple of years, if I'm honest.

>>11394690
This is perfectly reasonable, threesomes and sluts are fucking disgusting, wasn't worth it

>>11394756
bro let me say i can hella relate to this, in the summer i make like exactly enough money for rent and minimal food, if my headphones break or my shoes get ruined by dogshit or something, im assed out at least until fall, like a month ago my one pair of pants got hole in the crotch but by fortune mr porter had a sale the next week so i didnt have to walk around with my balls showing, i mean i have mad investments n shit but im very autistic and once money goes into my brokerage it does not come out

>>11394795
>perfectly reasonable

yeah ok

later this faggot will be mowing down people on the sidewalk with a rental van lmao

>>11394756
12 hours a day? shit i feel lucky if i get to work 12 hours a week, i mean it gives me tons of free time for masturbating etc. but it would be nice to have some more money

>>11393937
:(

>>11394801
Then he has way bigger problems than not getting pussy

>>11393937
>complains that all the best
(government) jobs go to ppl with family connections

and that is why by socialism is bad

>>11393937
>complains that all the best (government) jobs go to people with connections

and that is why socialism is bad ok

>>11394814
>>11394820
>the U.S. is socialist
>>11393937
I wish I could help you, but I can't.
Maybe /k/ can guide you some. I know it's kind of hard to "know" what you want to do. Being a pilot may not be so bad, though. There's always cargo, helis, etc.

>>11393946
>>11394039
>>11394039
The people that are addressing you here are somewhat correct in their attitude towards you, however, the language that is being used to supposedly help you will do no good practically unless you learn about "getting out of yourself," and "self-loathing."
>>11394203
What does "your self-loathing creates your social anxiety" mean objectively? The main issues here are twofold, an internal sense of value distinctions whereby you derive a self from the evaluation of others, (a habit that is necessary for evaluating social situations, but one which must be negated when the cognition or general self-awareness perceives the need for fight or flight.) While this issue can be sorted out by CBT, mindfulness techniques, and immersion therapy, the other issue is to do with what is outside your control and how you can accept the reality of your "self" and how the self necessitates a relation with the world and other minds.

While abiding by some view of working out, getting laid, being powerful, getting recognition and validation, will help position this "self" in better relation to the world and other minds, you'll still only ever top out at being a king or queen at the mercy of the value distinctions made by the environment and other minds and so never free from subjugation, free from the anxiety and fear. What point is there in being successful in these games? Do you so desperately desire what the world and other minds can give you that you'll change your self just to receive a minuscule amount of positive attention? No doubt some games you can't help but play and need to be accepted, such as Maslows hierarchy of needs. You should accept that these needs will arrive in your cognition, but you need to always subject them to evaluation. The more evaluation and retention of self-knowledge, the more you can employ your will or your infinite negation to branches of needs, to impulses. Evaluation here means mindfulness techniques and retention here refers to a narrative self, or an intuition of the legitimacy of the relations of the self to the world and other minds.

Sport psychology, mindfulness, and a combination of Stirner's Ego and it's own with an Ego that is necessitated by the world and other minds. Just listen to Dawkin's explanation of altruism in reference to the misreading of his book The Self Gene.

Hope this helps, some.

>>11394801
bit extreme dont you think

>>11394827
>he doesn't realize the armed forced are a government jobs program

>>11394832
i'm just saying all the "civilized gentlemen" with disdain for sluts are usually seething with rage

>>11394655
Stop being a pussy

>>11394848
Kay I'll get right on it.

>>11393712

Been in a depressed slump for a few weeks, but this one is worse than the ones before. I can barely think over the sounds of my head screaming "Die, Die, Die" I'm just so tired. I haven't slept more than five hours a night for the last two weeks. And I haven't written in longer.

>>11394939
So you hear this all the time?
https://youtu.be/z0Z1RqV4Y1k

>>11393712
Barely. At least I'm not thinking about harakiri anymore. But I'm still a 27 year old NEET that just got a DUI. I'm pretty much pounded. Idk how I will get a job again. I just want to find a girl that loves me.
>>11393754
mods are faggots.

>>11394939
Walk until your cognition is completely centered on getting you back home. If it doesn't work the first day, plan on walking for multiple days or even weeks. The voice will eventually fall away from your awareness and your focus will become embodied. Pretty easy to do, though time and money will have to be accounted for - but you'd pay to have it stop wouldn't you?

I spent years feeling completely emotionally dead toward other people after being cheated on and betrayed multiple times. Along comes this girl who immediately ignites the first spark in my heart in so long, the very first second I saw her. I spent months getting closer to her, growing fonder every minute I spent with her through the fog of infatuation. Slowly I begun to realize that she's really not a good person. I excused so much of her selfishness and immaturity, and slowly the infatuation faded.

Now I'm left seeing her for who she really is and realize how desperate I was to believe she would be able to heal my cynicism and distrust. And the worst part is just how petty and stupid it sounds when I say it out loud. I think it's time for me to stop trying to connect with other people and just focus on God.

>>11393712
I slept 10 hours and now I feel like shit. That's a good 42% of my day. Fuck. plus this heat makes me feel like I'm a nigger living in the jungle.

>>11394989
What is anti-orthodox Christian theology?

I can relate man. I was cheated on and interacted with some twisted, sadistic women. I was betrayed by several close friends. It eventually led me to alcoholism and cynicism. I was scared to trust anyone and what little social ability I had diminished. I use alcohol and anime as an escape as pathetic as that may be. I'm not misogynistic, but I have all but given up on having a meaningful relationship with a girl again at this point. So many girls are degenerates now. Tinder and social media in general is fucking up our society.

>>11395020
This was meant for:
>>11394989

>have to be an autodidact because traditional stonemasonry apprenticeships don't exist in this industrial hellscape anymore

>>11394690
That's gross anon, you're better off avoiding that.

>>11393712
I'm gradually regretting my education and realizing I likely won't end up where I want to be, and even my desired position won't be a good idea.

>>11395020
the key here is to not 'fall for' women. That entire mental state is a mistake, you're indulging in something like drug abuse. When you view women either as just people to have fun with, or someone to raise your kids, then you tend to have a much less turbulent relationship with them.

With how women are now it is best to view them simply as people to have fun with and mostly forget about them raising your kids, but should you ever find a compatible one you still have to remember not to 'fall for her', that shit does not help you and it doesnt help her either.

>>11393712
Yes.

>>11393712
berry gude fren am berry habby an am hab an gude dye at die liberry an hab lotsoff funn wit mye frens (bookes)

>>11395056
truth

>>11395020
The state of women really is abysmal. Not that guys are much better now, but it's much more socially permissible to live a degenerate decadent lifestyle as a woman. I don't hate women, and I don't blame women as much as I blame society, but this girl was the first girl I felt like I could trust. She's a virgin, never had a boyfriend, an absolute fucking genius, dresses really conservatively, and seems to be completely cut off from the culture of hedonism. And yet she's still irreparably selfish and twisted into the same immediate self-serving ideology of the post-Spectacle society.
>>11395056
This is definitely true. Not worrying about finding a woman who could raise my kids is one of the hardest pills to swallow though. It feels like such a frivolous degenerate waste to be with a girl that you know is just there for immediate comfort and fun. Maybe I'm an idiot for doing so, but I still hold on to the ideals of finding a woman who you can build an unconditional mutual love with and reliance on. Dark shit these days man.

>>11395079
Habby for u boyo

>>11395125
>an unconditional mutual love with and reliance on
tbqh i believe this is arrested development and a holdover from the relationship children have with their parents. Self-reliance, at least for men, idk about women, is a kind of key part of maturing, and the most important element of self-reliance is not wealth or violence, it is emotional stability, being able to count on your own mind as a kind of rock.

The people you should look to for guidance are elders and your circle of men. Society has bascially ruined both these social dynamics though. Obviously you should also be able to talk to your woman and respect her opinions, but I take exception to the idea of this total intertwining of two people and dependence on each other.